#regular day pass is only $35 but i HAVE to get their autographs
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who's coming with me
#no cuz legit i might try and go#TONY IS GONNA BE THERE????????????#the 12 hour drive is worth it#nah i HAVE to go#i just looked and its on a weekend a VIP day pass is $160 im definitely going#regular day pass is only $35 but i HAVE to get their autographs#hopefully we dont all die before then
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Cavaleiro buries her head in a towel
He treated them well, beyond scrawling the autograph he had practiced as a bored schoolboy in Finland. Speaking to a group of reporters last week, he mentioned he'd been contacted by a boy who had been born prematurely and was treated in an incubator Selanne bought for a children's hospital. Selanne, a former kindergarten teacher and frequent visitor to children's hospitals, purchased it without publicity except a sign..
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A Special Friend
I had the privilege of meeting Prince many years ago in Hampton, Va when I worked security for a Time/Vanity 6 autograph session at a record store in the mall. My buddy Dion and I worked the line of fans and had the opportunity to hang out in the back room with Morris Day, Jerome and Vanity. All very nice people, very bright and energetic and excited to be on tour with Prince.
I had been told that one of his hobbies was playing electric football, and for those who remember, that was the game back in the 1970's way before Madden games. Anyway, I was listening to Morris Day talk about the Vikings as he was a huge fan and I was a Cowboys fan so we were jawing with one another about the 1975 championship game where Staubach throws the late TD pass to win it for the boys. He mentions that he and Prince were huge Vikings fans (maybe that's why Prince liked the color purple??) and somehow we got onto electric football. I told him my Cowboys team had never been beat since 1970 and had 316 wins in a row. He said that he and Prince used to play all the time as kids and even to that day, Prince still had his game.
This is before cell phones, and after the autograph session ended, I went home and later that evening around 7pm, just as we were getting ready to leave for the Prince/Time?V6 concert, I get a call from the manager of the record store. She gives me a number to call and said it would be Morris Day. I call the hotel number, and a guy answers the phone and a few seconds later Morris is on the phone INVITING me to the show. I told him I had tickets but he says he wants Dion and I plus two to come backstage and meet Prince.
After the concert, we went backstage and there are very few people other than band and stage people so it was not like a Motley Crue backstage party by no means. Morris walks us over to where Prince is standing with his body guard Chick. Prince is very small as we all know and he says to me "So, your Cowboys have never been beaten?" And I answered "Never, not one game!" So he says I want to play your team against my Vikings team. He was a trash talker but in a very quiet way. He had one of his managers talk to me and we swapped numbers.
Fast forward to April 1982, I get a call from a guy named Steve who says that Prince wanted me to fly out to Los Angeles (that is where he lived back then) and he wants you to bring your Cowboys team with you. A few days later I get tickets in the mail for LAX and the following week I am flying out to hang with Prince.
A limo picks me and my fiancee Amy up at LAX and we are driven out to where Prince lived. We go inside and are escorted to a room which was probably a dining room at one time and there is a small table with two chairs and an electric football game on the table. We are offered drinks and some sandwiches and after about 45 minutes Prince comes into the room. He was wearing a Vikings t-shirt and after some small talk we got down to the rules of the game because we both played it a bit different. So after we agreed in the rules, we started the game.
At halftime, my boys were up 14 to 0 and Prince was aggravated by how well my defense was playing. Back then, we had bases that could be adjusted to make the players turn and I was shutting down his sweeps. In the second half I pretty much stomped him scoring four more TDs and winning the game 42-0. He was impressed and said that we would play again very soon now that he saw how good my team was he knew his team needed some work. Prince was very flamboyant in those days before Purple Rain but it was all show business. He was as normal as anyone. He did talk softly and was shy to some point, but I got to see him being competitive complete with yelling and cussing at his players. It was awesome.
Over the next 35 years, Prince and I would meet for a game between his Vikings and my Cowboys in February after the real Super Bowl. In fact, I have been to only one Super Bowl game in my life and that was when he preformed at halftime in 2007 compliments of Prince. He was a very nice man, very giving and charitable and he looked out for his friends and that included me for many years. He knew my children as on several occasions we all were together over the years. Although, we only got together for one weekend out of the year to play that game I felt like we were friends. We are the same age and had many things in common, music, sports, and how we grew up in the 70;s with all the different influences.
We last played our game on February 20th 2016. Prince was in great health, no-indications whatsoever that he was ill in any way shape of form. My Cowboys won that game 35-17 and over the course of our games, using the same teams/players/bases and the same game field all those years, the record was Cowboys 22 Vikings 13 in games one. At one time, Prince had won four years straight. And for the first 8 years, I had won each game. It was a fun but very competitive match between us.
Some of you will question the story, and I would not blame you for doing so. Its an incredible story but true. Prince was a regular guy once off the stage and out of the limelight. He was very smart. One of the smartest people I have ever met.
RIP my friend. Michael McCarn (x)
Via Make the House Shake
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85 Statements Tag Game
Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.
I was tagged by @universe-on-her-shoulders
I’ve tagged a number of people repeatedly so rather than coming up with 20 specific names, in honour of my having just passed 600 followers, I’m going to tag anyone who has followed me in the last week.
Putting in a break here because, well, 85...
The last…
1. Drink: hot chocolate.
2. Phone call: my dad.
3. Text message: Haven’t texted anyone in a year so can’t remember.
4. Song you listened to: Razzle-Dazzle, Bill Haley And His Comets
5. Time you cried: A while ago
6. Dated someone twice: What’s dating?
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Does my brother’s amorous Pomeranian count?
8. Been cheated on: N/A
9. Lost someone special: My mother, July 2013
10. Been depressed: Sort of ongoing for me.
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I’ve never gotten drunk, mainly because if I get tipsy #10 kicks in, so I avoid. As for the second half, I got some pretty nasty food poisoning from McD’s in the spring of 2012. I remember this because it was the same day (but fortunately hours after) the Calgary Comic & Entertainment Expo where I got autographs from the likes of Summer Glau.
Favourite colors
12. Orange
13. Black
14. Red
In the last year have you…
15. Made new friends: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: Neither in nor out.
17. Laughed until you cried: Happened last Saturday
18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes (fortunately not in a bad way)
19. Met someone who changed you: I think so.
20. Found out who your friends are: Sort of, with regards to certain things.
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: N/A
General
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? 100% because the only people I have on Facebook are people I already knew or are family as I’m not involved in Facebook culture. In terms of Tumblr friends, I’ve yet to meet any of them in person but I am in communication with a few of them constantly.
23. Do you have any pets? No, but my dad has a cat and my brother has three high-maintenance dogs.
24. Do you want to change your name? Nah.
25. What did you do for your last birthday? Worked. But the day after got Peter Capaldi’s autograph and a photo op at the Calgary Expo.
26. What time did you wake up? 6:30 a.m. At least that’s when the alarm was set..
27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching Game of Thrones.
28. Name something you can’t wait for: Second season of Victoria. John Rhys-Davies at the Edmonton Comic and Entertainment Expo in September (I’ve been a fan of his since Shogun).
29. When was the last time you saw your mum? The day she passed away in July 2013.
31. What are you listening to right now? Construction noise in the alleyway outside.
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? I work with a guy by that name. He’s sitting about 10 feet behind me as I type this. And he literally spoke to me just as I was typing that last sentence. And he’s talking to me again. Guy won’t shut up! 😂
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: I’m going to hold my tongue on that. People who know me know.
34. Most visited website: Tumblr and Jenna Coleman’s Instagram and Twitter pages
35. Hair colour: Dark brown
36. Long or short hair? Short.
37. Do you have a crush on someone: A few people, plus Jenna Coleman
38. What do you like about yourself? I have a reputation for keeping my head while everyone else is losing theirs.
39. Piercings: No, and I won’t be getting any, either.
40. Blood type: I used to know. One of the regular ones.
41. Nickname: None I want to make public. On Archive of Our Own I’ve adopted The Saddleman.
42. Relationship status: Me, Myself and I. And we’re always arguing.
43. Zodiac: Taurus. Yes, I am indeed full of bull.
44. Pronouns: he/him/hey you
45. Favourite TV show: The Prisoner, Doctor Who
46. Tattoos: No, and I won’t be getting any.
47. Right or left handed: Right.
48. Surgery: Not yet, thankfully.
49. Piercing: Still don’t have one.
50. Sport: Not big into sports, though I used to do 5-pin bowling in the 1990s. That said I’ve always admired baseball. And Stompin’ Tom Connors’ “The Hockey Song” is one I often listen to, but that’s because I’m Canadian and they passed a law back in 1976 that requires every Canadian citizen to listen to that song at least twice a year. 😇
51. Holiday: Stayed at a cabin in the mountains just west of Revelstoke, BC, in May.
52. Pair of trainers: Don’t wear trainers.
More general
53. Eating: Yes, I have.
54. Drinking: Not when I’m driving.
55. I’m about to: end my coffee break at work.
56. Waiting for: A phone call.
57. Want: Money.
58. Get married: Doubtful it’ll happen at my age if it hasn’t already.
59. Career: Communications, though if I could ever get a full-time job writing Whouffaldi fan fic, I’ll be in there like a dirty shirt.
60. Hugs or kisses: Depends on the person.
61. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
62. Shorter or taller: Depends on the person. Jenna Coleman being only 5′2, I certainly have no problem with those of a lower altitude.
63. Older or younger: I often feel I have more in common with people younger than me than those of my age or older.
64. Nice arms or nice stomach: Doesn’t really matter.
65. Hook up or relationship: Relationship.
66. Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on the topic. In recent days I’ve gone from the former to the latter on my blog. In real life I’ve seem to have gone in the opposite direction.
67. Kissed a stranger: No.
68. Drank hard liquor: A few times. Not a fan, though I do find Johnnie Walker Blue to be tasty. Given the cost of Johnnie Walker Blue, it’s not something that will be a regular part of my diet...
69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I wear glasses and have (other than a brief misplacement at home) never lost them. The first time I wore contacts while driving, they fell out. That was the last time I wore contacts!
70. Turned someone down: Never had anyone ask.
71. Sex on the first date: What is ... nah, I’ve done that joke too many times already this post.
72. Broken someone’s heart: Doubful.
73. Had your heart broken: Oh yeah.
74. Been arrested: No. But the day is young.
75. Cried when someone died: Yes.
76. Fallen for a friend: Yes. See #73. And #68.
Do you believe in …
77. Yourself: I try.
78. Miracles: I’ve seen some odd things happen.
79. Love at first sight: Yes.
80. Santa Claus: The concept, yes.
81. Kiss on the first date: Depends how the date goes, I suppose.
82. Angels: The concept, yes.
Other
83. Current best friend’s name: I’m going to not answer that in part because I’m not really sold on the “Current” part of that question.
84. Eye colour: Blue
85. Favourite movie: Casablanca. (Yet another movie that I think Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman would rock doing a remake of.)
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DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower
Three Stars of Comedy
The third star: Radko Gudas – We've all been there.
The second star: Tyler Seguin vs. P.K. Subban – It's the ol' last-off-the-ice superstition stalemate. Stick around for the twist ending.
The first star: Peter Laviolette and the Predators' coaches – The players bet the coaches that they could take at least five of six points on a tough Western Canada road trip. They did, so Laviolette and his staff had to wear these:
And yes, they made them wear them during an actual game.
The Inaugural Class of the Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame
Last week was the 200th edition of the Friday Grab Bag. The column has been running for nearly five years now; it dates back the Grantland days, made a brief stop at ESPN, and has lived here at Vice Sports for the last two years. Based on extensive customer research, for many of you it remains your Very Favorite Hockey Column to Read in the Office Bathroom After Lunch on Friday.™
That milestone, mixed in with the slowest week of the NHL regular season, would seem to make this a good time to unveil the first ever Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame. The three stars actually predates the Grab Bag itself, having launched as a monthly feature way back in 2011. And despite my occasional attempts to kill it when nobody is looking, the section continues to hold down the leadoff spot in the lineup.
Some weeks, finding three picks is easier than others. But certain personalities have done their best to ease my burden. That's where the Hall of Fame comes in. We'll do this HHOF style, with room for four picks per year. Ladies and gentlemen, the inaugural Class of 2017.
Ilyz Bryzgalov – The first star of the very first edition, Bryzgalov dominated the early days so thoroughly that at one point we tried to retire his number and eliminate him from future consideration. It didn't take, and even though he hasn't play in the NHL since 2015, he still finds a way to make periodic appearances. He's one of two unanimous picks for the inaugural class.
Phil Kessel – The other slam dunk pick, Kessel has appeared in the Three Stars section more than anyone else. Granted, some of those are cases where he's the butt of the joke, as everyone from Ilya Kovalchuk to Ryan Reaves has taken their runs at him. Sometimes he'll accidentally own himself. But in recent years we've learned that Phil can give as good as he gets, and then some. Here's all you need to know about why he's in on the first ballot: He's the only person to ever sweep all three stars in a single week. And he's done it twice.
P.K. Subban – Unlike Kessel or Bryzgalov, when Subban makes the Three Stars he's almost always in on the joke. And that's fine, because lord knows the NHL could use a few more guys with a sense of humor who aren't afraid to show it. Whether he's stealing The Rock's catch phrases, playing dress-up, or kissing Pierre McGuire, Subban's almost always fun. Even when he's sucker punching guys, he finds a way to make it funny. How this guy isn't the face of the league's marketing efforts in the U.S. right now, I'll never understand.
Roberto Luongo – Luongo is the Howie Morenz of funny hockey players, blazing the trail for the generations to come. It's easy to forget it now, but when Luongo first started using Twitter to make jokes, the idea of an NHL star trying to be funny was controversial enough that he had to pretend it wasn't him. But he's made regular appearances in the Three Stars ever since, with his best tweets often being the ones that poke fun at his own controversies, including his tire-pumping feud with Tim Thomas and his never-ending trade saga. And also, um, poop.
And that concludes the Class of 2017. The big omission here is Jaromir Jagr, who falls victim to the four-pick maximum. It was a coin flip between him and Luongo for the last spot, but I figure Jagr will be a unanimous first-ballot pick in the real Hall of Fame, which will probably slightly dampen his disappointment at missing out on a bigger honor here. Also, Luongo once let me play in (and win) his fantasy football league, so I feel like owe him.
Others receiving votes: Brian Burke, Joe Thornton, Wes McCauley, Taylor Hall, Darryl Sutter's face, Brent Burns, and Evgeni Malkin. Better luck next year, everyone.
Obscure Former Player of the Week
It's World Juniors time, with this year's tournament being held in Buffalo. It's always fun to browse through the list of the tournament's all-time top scorers; the list features plenty of future NHL superstars, like Peter Forsberg, Pavel Bure, and Eric Lindros, as well as some European players who never made it over to North America. But if you keep going, you get into the sweet spot of vaguely memorable NHL quasi-stars, like Michal Pivonka and Ulf Dahlen and Reijo Ruotsalainen. And you also find this week's obscure player: Finnish forward Petri Skriko.
Skriko was a teenage star in Europe, winning rookie honors in the top Finnish league in 1981. This was back when many European stars never made it over to the NHL, but the Canucks used an eighth-round pick on him in that summer's draft. It turned out to be a good gamble, as Skriko would have the second biggest impact on the Canucks of any 1981 eighth-rounder, just behind a defenseman picked by the Blues a few spots later.
That impact would have to wait, though. Skriko stayed in Finland until 1984, starring in a pair of WJCs along the way. But when he arrived in Vancouver, he fit in instantly, scoring 21 goals as a rookie and then following that with four-straight 30+ goal seasons. That included one stretch in 1986 in which he recorded three hat tricks in a span of eight days.
His production faded during the 1989-90 season, and he'd be traded to the Bruins the following year for a second-round pick. That deal ended up helping the Canucks down the line, as they used the pick on Michael Peca. Skriko helped the Bruins get to the 1991 Cup final before being traded to Winnipeg for Brent Ashton, had short stints with the Jets and Sharks before heading home to Finland in 1993 and then finishing his pro career in Denmark. He ended his NHL career with 541 games played, scoring 183 goals and 405 points.
Also, he had fantastic hair.
Be it Resolved
Last week was a big one for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Not only did they celebrate their 100th anniversary by pounding the Carolina Hurricanes 8-1, but they did it while scoring the 20,000th goal in team history.
Or did they?
Here's how the 20,000 breaks down. See if you can spot the problem.
Yeah, "shootout winners" aren't goals. I mean, they are, according to the league. For reasons that have never been entirely clear, the NHL awards the team that wins a shootout one "goal" in the goals-for column of the standings. That makes sense when you're describing the results of a game – you'd rather say "The Rangers won 5-4 in a shootout" than "The Rangers won 4-4 in a shootout," even if the fifth goal wasn't scored during the actual hockey portion of the game. But there's no reason to pretend that it was a real goal for deeper record-keeping purposes.
The NHL's always been weird and inconsistent about this. For example, they consider the shootout winner to be a goal, but don't give the guy who scored it credit for one in his personal stats. (A cynic might suggest that teams don't want their star players padding their stats with an extra half dozen goals a year and then expecting more money.) So it's a goal, but nobody scored it. That makes no sense. And they go the other way too, counting a shootout loss as a goal against even though, statistically, nobody let it in.
And it's not like this is all some sort of semantic argument, since goals for and against can come into play as a tie-breaker in the standings. That hasn't happened yet, but we have seen the league's weird shootout goal math decide the Jennings Trophy, so it's been etched into the record books already.
Needless to say, people who pay attention to this stuff were quick to point out that the Maple Leafs' stat wasn't what it seemed.
As with just about everything that doesn't involve bicycles, Dellow is right. Shootout goals shouldn't count towards a team's historical totals. So be it resolved: The Maple Leafs are well on their way to 20,000 but they're not there yet. Maybe they heard the complaints because they took a big chunk out of it with seven goals last night, but they're still 35 goals away. Real goals.
Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown
This week's YouTube clip isn't really a video; it's more of an audio file. But it's a good one, and under the circumstances I hope you'll indulge me.
This week's clip is Johnny Bower singing "Honky The Christmas Goose."
The hockey world lost Bower this week, as the Hall of Fame goaltender passed away at the age of 93. The rest of the week became a chance to mourn the loss of a legend, while celebrating a life well-lived.
Bower was one of the greatest goalies of all time, and quite likely the best of the 1960s, period. But somehow, that fact ended up being way down the list of what most people remember him for. In all of the many stories and tributes that poured in this week, the point that kept coming home was what a wonderful guy he was. For pretty much his entire life, Johnny Bower was just a very, very nice man. He didn't have to be, because he was a famous athlete and people were going to like him no matter what he did. But it seems like everyone in the hockey world has a story about Bower staying late to sign one last autograph or shake one more hand, or donating his time to a good cause, or having an encouraging word for someone going through a tough time. That's just who he was.
It sounds strange to say it, but it's almost impossible for a hockey player to be a universally beloved figure in Canada. The game just means too much to us up here. It gets too personal. We don't like to see fans of other teams get to be happy, so we instinctively dislike anyone who plays well for someone else. And it takes a lot to get us past that.
Put it this way: If I'm talking to a Habs fan who's getting a little too smug and I decide I want to knock them down a peg or two, I can come up with bad things to say about just about all of their beloved legends. Rocket Richard? He started a riot. Patrick Roy? He quit on the team. Guy Lafleur? What, you mean the guy from the Nordiques? But there's one ironclad exception: Jean Beliveau. No matter how much you hate the Canadiens, you can't find a bad word to say about Beliveau. That's just how it is. And Bower was the Maple Leafs' version of that. That's about the highest compliment you can pay a player.
On the ice, he really was one of the best, as this piece does a good job of showing. He ranks high on just about all of the all-time lists, both traditional and analytics-based. And while many have since been broken, he retired holding several goaltending records.
And of course, he left behind one record that will never be topped: "Honky the Christmas Goose."
You're listening to the story of Honky, a Christmas goose who struggled with his weight until he learned how to blow his nose. No, that doesn't really make sense, not least of which because geese don't have noses. Just enjoy the song and don't think about it too hard.
Honky was the creation of a CBC producer, and in 1965 he approached the Maple Leafs about having a player record the vocals. As Bower recounts it in this Toronto Star article, "He came into the dressing room and wanted to know if anybody on the team would be interested in singing these songs. I’ve never seen so many guys undress and get into the shower so quickly in my life!"
Bower ended up agreeing to do the song because, as the producer said at the time, he was basically "the friendliest man in Canada." There was one minor problem: Bower couldn't sing. But as longtime readers of this column know, that's never stopped a hockey player before, and the rest was history. (The children on the track are apparently Bower's 11-year-old son and some of the neighborhood kids.)
The song tells the story of Honky saving Christmas after Santa gets spooked by all the air traffic that's suddenly clogging up the skies. Continuing his long history of selfishly exploiting animals for their nose-based magic powers, Santa hires Honky to clear out a path.
"Rockets, kites and satellites." Yeah, I'm no aerospace engineer but I don't think there should be too many kites at that elevation. I'm pretty sure nobody in history has ever successfully got a kite twenty feet off the ground for more than six seconds before it nosedived directly down onto Grandma's head, so chill out Santa.
Luckily, the plan works and Honky saves the day. Finally, he'll get some respect, right?
"Though he is fat he is still some use." Holy smokes guys, Honky just saved Christmas for the entire planet, maybe ease up on the body shaming for one minute.
The record came out in November 1965, with proceeds going to charity. It was reportedly a big hit, selling 40,000 copies. They tried to get Bower to record a follow-up a year later, pitching something about "a pelican with a broken wing," but he knew how to quit when he was ahead.
For years, the song was lost to history, with only a handful of copies circulating in the pre-Internet days of the early 90s. But it's resurfaced since, and a new generation has had a chance to enjoy to story of Honky the Christmas Goose. If you can't get enough of the song, here's a clip of Bower performing it on stage at a children's benefit concert years ago.
RIP Johnny Bower. An all-time great goaltender, an even better person, and a passable singer. Not necessarily in that order.
Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.
DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower
Three Stars of Comedy
The third star: Radko Gudas – We’ve all been there.
The second star: Tyler Seguin vs. P.K. Subban – It’s the ol’ last-off-the-ice superstition stalemate. Stick around for the twist ending.
The first star: Peter Laviolette and the Predators’ coaches – The players bet the coaches that they could take at least five of six points on a tough Western Canada road trip. They did, so Laviolette and his staff had to wear these:
And yes, they made them wear them during an actual game.
The Inaugural Class of the Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame
Last week was the 200th edition of the Friday Grab Bag. The column has been running for nearly five years now; it dates back the Grantland days, made a brief stop at ESPN, and has lived here at Vice Sports for the last two years. Based on extensive customer research, for many of you it remains your Very Favorite Hockey Column to Read in the Office Bathroom After Lunch on Friday.
That milestone, mixed in with the slowest week of the NHL regular season, would seem to make this a good time to unveil the first ever Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame. The three stars actually predates the Grab Bag itself, having launched as a monthly feature way back in 2011. And despite my occasional attempts to kill it when nobody is looking, the section continues to hold down the leadoff spot in the lineup.
Some weeks, finding three picks is easier than others. But certain personalities have done their best to ease my burden. That’s where the Hall of Fame comes in. We’ll do this HHOF style, with room for four picks per year. Ladies and gentlemen, the inaugural Class of 2017.
Ilyz Bryzgalov – The first star of the very first edition, Bryzgalov dominated the early days so thoroughly that at one point we tried to retire his number and eliminate him from future consideration. It didn’t take, and even though he hasn’t play in the NHL since 2015, he still finds a way to make periodic appearances. He’s one of two unanimous picks for the inaugural class.
Phil Kessel – The other slam dunk pick, Kessel has appeared in the Three Stars section more than anyone else. Granted, some of those are cases where he’s the butt of the joke, as everyone from Ilya Kovalchuk to Ryan Reaves has taken their runs at him. Sometimes he’ll accidentally own himself. But in recent years we’ve learned that Phil can give as good as he gets, and then some. Here’s all you need to know about why he’s in on the first ballot: He’s the only person to ever sweep all three stars in a single week. And he’s done it twice.
P.K. Subban – Unlike Kessel or Bryzgalov, when Subban makes the Three Stars he’s almost always in on the joke. And that’s fine, because lord knows the NHL could use a few more guys with a sense of humor who aren’t afraid to show it. Whether he’s stealing The Rock’s catch phrases, playing dress-up, or kissing Pierre McGuire, Subban’s almost always fun. Even when he’s sucker punching guys, he finds a way to make it funny. How this guy isn’t the face of the league’s marketing efforts in the U.S. right now, I’ll never understand.
Roberto Luongo – Luongo is the Howie Morenz of funny hockey players, blazing the trail for the generations to come. It’s easy to forget it now, but when Luongo first started using Twitter to make jokes, the idea of an NHL star trying to be funny was controversial enough that he had to pretend it wasn’t him. But he’s made regular appearances in the Three Stars ever since, with his best tweets often being the ones that poke fun at his own controversies, including his tire-pumping feud with Tim Thomas and his never-ending trade saga. And also, um, poop.
And that concludes the Class of 2017. The big omission here is Jaromir Jagr, who falls victim to the four-pick maximum. It was a coin flip between him and Luongo for the last spot, but I figure Jagr will be a unanimous first-ballot pick in the real Hall of Fame, which will probably slightly dampen his disappointment at missing out on a bigger honor here. Also, Luongo once let me play in (and win) his fantasy football league, so I feel like owe him.
Others receiving votes: Brian Burke, Joe Thornton, Wes McCauley, Taylor Hall, Darryl Sutter’s face, Brent Burns, and Evgeni Malkin. Better luck next year, everyone.
Obscure Former Player of the Week
It’s World Juniors time, with this year’s tournament being held in Buffalo. It’s always fun to browse through the list of the tournament’s all-time top scorers; the list features plenty of future NHL superstars, like Peter Forsberg, Pavel Bure, and Eric Lindros, as well as some European players who never made it over to North America. But if you keep going, you get into the sweet spot of vaguely memorable NHL quasi-stars, like Michal Pivonka and Ulf Dahlen and Reijo Ruotsalainen. And you also find this week’s obscure player: Finnish forward Petri Skriko.
Skriko was a teenage star in Europe, winning rookie honors in the top Finnish league in 1981. This was back when many European stars never made it over to the NHL, but the Canucks used an eighth-round pick on him in that summer’s draft. It turned out to be a good gamble, as Skriko would have the second biggest impact on the Canucks of any 1981 eighth-rounder, just behind a defenseman picked by the Blues a few spots later.
That impact would have to wait, though. Skriko stayed in Finland until 1984, starring in a pair of WJCs along the way. But when he arrived in Vancouver, he fit in instantly, scoring 21 goals as a rookie and then following that with four-straight 30+ goal seasons. That included one stretch in 1986 in which he recorded three hat tricks in a span of eight days.
His production faded during the 1989-90 season, and he’d be traded to the Bruins the following year for a second-round pick. That deal ended up helping the Canucks down the line, as they used the pick on Michael Peca. Skriko helped the Bruins get to the 1991 Cup final before being traded to Winnipeg for Brent Ashton, had short stints with the Jets and Sharks before heading home to Finland in 1993 and then finishing his pro career in Denmark. He ended his NHL career with 541 games played, scoring 183 goals and 405 points.
Also, he had fantastic hair.
Be it Resolved
Last week was a big one for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Not only did they celebrate their 100th anniversary by pounding the Carolina Hurricanes 8-1, but they did it while scoring the 20,000th goal in team history.
Or did they?
Here’s how the 20,000 breaks down. See if you can spot the problem.
Yeah, “shootout winners” aren’t goals. I mean, they are, according to the league. For reasons that have never been entirely clear, the NHL awards the team that wins a shootout one “goal” in the goals-for column of the standings. That makes sense when you’re describing the results of a game – you’d rather say “The Rangers won 5-4 in a shootout” than “The Rangers won 4-4 in a shootout,” even if the fifth goal wasn’t scored during the actual hockey portion of the game. But there’s no reason to pretend that it was a real goal for deeper record-keeping purposes.
The NHL’s always been weird and inconsistent about this. For example, they consider the shootout winner to be a goal, but don’t give the guy who scored it credit for one in his personal stats. (A cynic might suggest that teams don’t want their star players padding their stats with an extra half dozen goals a year and then expecting more money.) So it’s a goal, but nobody scored it. That makes no sense. And they go the other way too, counting a shootout loss as a goal against even though, statistically, nobody let it in.
And it’s not like this is all some sort of semantic argument, since goals for and against can come into play as a tie-breaker in the standings. That hasn’t happened yet, but we have seen the league’s weird shootout goal math decide the Jennings Trophy, so it’s been etched into the record books already.
Needless to say, people who pay attention to this stuff were quick to point out that the Maple Leafs’ stat wasn’t what it seemed.
As with just about everything that doesn’t involve bicycles, Dellow is right. Shootout goals shouldn’t count towards a team’s historical totals. So be it resolved: The Maple Leafs are well on their way to 20,000 but they’re not there yet. Maybe they heard the complaints because they took a big chunk out of it with seven goals last night, but they’re still 35 goals away. Real goals.
Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown
This week’s YouTube clip isn’t really a video; it’s more of an audio file. But it’s a good one, and under the circumstances I hope you’ll indulge me.
This week’s clip is Johnny Bower singing “Honky The Christmas Goose.”
The hockey world lost Bower this week, as the Hall of Fame goaltender passed away at the age of 93. The rest of the week became a chance to mourn the loss of a legend, while celebrating a life well-lived.
Bower was one of the greatest goalies of all time, and quite likely the best of the 1960s, period. But somehow, that fact ended up being way down the list of what most people remember him for. In all of the many stories and tributes that poured in this week, the point that kept coming home was what a wonderful guy he was. For pretty much his entire life, Johnny Bower was just a very, very nice man. He didn’t have to be, because he was a famous athlete and people were going to like him no matter what he did. But it seems like everyone in the hockey world has a story about Bower staying late to sign one last autograph or shake one more hand, or donating his time to a good cause, or having an encouraging word for someone going through a tough time. That’s just who he was.
It sounds strange to say it, but it’s almost impossible for a hockey player to be a universally beloved figure in Canada. The game just means too much to us up here. It gets too personal. We don’t like to see fans of other teams get to be happy, so we instinctively dislike anyone who plays well for someone else. And it takes a lot to get us past that.
Put it this way: If I’m talking to a Habs fan who’s getting a little too smug and I decide I want to knock them down a peg or two, I can come up with bad things to say about just about all of their beloved legends. Rocket Richard? He started a riot. Patrick Roy? He quit on the team. Guy Lafleur? What, you mean the guy from the Nordiques? But there’s one ironclad exception: Jean Beliveau. No matter how much you hate the Canadiens, you can’t find a bad word to say about Beliveau. That’s just how it is. And Bower was the Maple Leafs’ version of that. That’s about the highest compliment you can pay a player.
On the ice, he really was one of the best, as this piece does a good job of showing. He ranks high on just about all of the all-time lists, both traditional and analytics-based. And while many have since been broken, he retired holding several goaltending records.
And of course, he left behind one record that will never be topped: “Honky the Christmas Goose.”
You’re listening to the story of Honky, a Christmas goose who struggled with his weight until he learned how to blow his nose. No, that doesn’t really make sense, not least of which because geese don’t have noses. Just enjoy the song and don’t think about it too hard.
Honky was the creation of a CBC producer, and in 1965 he approached the Maple Leafs about having a player record the vocals. As Bower recounts it in this Toronto Star article, “He came into the dressing room and wanted to know if anybody on the team would be interested in singing these songs. I’ve never seen so many guys undress and get into the shower so quickly in my life!”
Bower ended up agreeing to do the song because, as the producer said at the time, he was basically “the friendliest man in Canada.” There was one minor problem: Bower couldn’t sing. But as longtime readers of this column know, that’s never stopped a hockey player before, and the rest was history. (The children on the track are apparently Bower’s 11-year-old son and some of the neighborhood kids.)
The song tells the story of Honky saving Christmas after Santa gets spooked by all the air traffic that’s suddenly clogging up the skies. Continuing his long history of selfishly exploiting animals for their nose-based magic powers, Santa hires Honky to clear out a path.
“Rockets, kites and satellites.” Yeah, I’m no aerospace engineer but I don’t think there should be too many kites at that elevation. I’m pretty sure nobody in history has ever successfully got a kite twenty feet off the ground for more than six seconds before it nosedived directly down onto Grandma’s head, so chill out Santa.
Luckily, the plan works and Honky saves the day. Finally, he’ll get some respect, right?
“Though he is fat he is still some use.” Holy smokes guys, Honky just saved Christmas for the entire planet, maybe ease up on the body shaming for one minute.
The record came out in November 1965, with proceeds going to charity. It was reportedly a big hit, selling 40,000 copies. They tried to get Bower to record a follow-up a year later, pitching something about “a pelican with a broken wing,” but he knew how to quit when he was ahead.
For years, the song was lost to history, with only a handful of copies circulating in the pre-Internet days of the early 90s. But it’s resurfaced since, and a new generation has had a chance to enjoy to story of Honky the Christmas Goose. If you can’t get enough of the song, here’s a clip of Bower performing it on stage at a children’s benefit concert years ago.
RIP Johnny Bower. An all-time great goaltender, an even better person, and a passable singer. Not necessarily in that order.
Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.
DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6
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If you’re the kind of person who reaches for Pocky before KitKats, you’re going to want to mark Anime Festival Orlando (AFO) on your 2018 calendar with a pair of sparkling bishojo eyes. The yin to Florida Anime Experience’s yang, AFO is a sugoi, Akihabara-esque, just-according-to-keikaku sort-of-Con. And, yes, senpai will notice you before the weekend is over—especially if you plan to march through the autograph lines.
I certainly did. I may have squeed inside (just a little) when Barbara Dunkelman traced her gorgeous signature over top of my Team RWBY poster, bringing it one step closer to completion (three down, one to go!)… but I’ll get to special guest meet-and-greets in a second.
With seventeen years of experience under its Hidden Leaf-emblazoned headband, AFO 2017 continues to summon Orlando’s otaku to the metaphorical dojo.
The Scoop:
What – A multi-day celebration of all things related to Japanese animation and pop culture held at the Wyndham Orlando Resort.
When
Friday, June 9th (1:00AM –2:00AM) Saturday, June 10th (9:00AM – 2:00AM) Sunday, June 11th (10:00AM – 6:00PM)
Where – Wyndham Orlando Resort International Drive
Who – Einlee, Barbara Dunkelman, Arryn Zech, Kazha, Josh Keaton, Katrina Devine, Robert Axelrod, Sana, Caitlin Glass, Melody Perkins, and Reuben Langdon
Price – $35-$45 (single-day), $70 (weekend), $100 (weekend Gold Pass)
Perks – Tales of Orlandia/Warriors of Orlandia Interactive Game, Cosplay and Costume Contest, Haunted Dance and After Party, fan events and panels, Gameshow Theater, tabletop gaming, Anime Viewing Room, and much more!
Each year, without fail, I’m convinced that AFO is under the spell of some serious time-freeze magic. The Dealer’s Room sets up in the same space, the artist ally curves into the same familiar “U” shape, and the autograph queue forms the same line across the same double-doored back entrance. Walking into AFO is like walking into an anime store once a year, where all is left arranged exactly as it was 365 ½ days ago, and you are left with the comforting feeling that there is order amidst the chaos of your life—that for all the shifting and churning of time, this one thing remains constant.
That’s a bit dramatic, but AFO’s solidarity of structure grants it an organizational consistency that many small Cons lack. AFO doesn’t always bring new things to the table, but its repetition is also its strength. First-timers who have a titan-sized blast at AFO are sure to become annual attendees. Perhaps the only real deterrent is AFO’s price tag, which rivals the cost of a single-day ticket at Floridian giant, Megacon. To get the most “yippee!” for your yen, it’s prudent to purchase the discounted weekend pass or stake down your (much cheaper) pre-purchased ticket months in advance—a commitment that AFO regulars will gladly make into a habit.
While AFO is a three-day weekend event, I was only able to attend Friday (because adulting is hard). Characteristically, day one made for a less populated, roomier experience, with the narrow halls never quite becoming clogged, despite long lines. One of the advantages of a press pass is getting to skip the ticket queue for the ticket counter. This year, AFO delivered my custom-printed, fully-prepared press badge with a promptness I’ve never before experienced from the venue.
Breaking from con-ventional (ha!) standards, Barbara Dunkelman (Yang) and Arryn Zech (Blake) of RWBY fame set up shop inside the Dealer’s Room, rather than the designated autograph area. Regardless of the reasoning, the accessible positioning seemed to state: “We want to hang out with you, guys!” Rooster Teeth prides itself in its down-to-earth transparency toward fans, and no doubt Dunkelman drew on her experience as its community manager for the occasion. The open-floor format encouraged walk-by waves and call-over chats with RWBY’s leading ladies, though photos and autographs cost a reasonable penny.
A few years back, it was considerably uncommon for anime actors and actresses to charge for autographs, though that’s changed to a default $20-$30 in recent times. This marks the first year in my experiences with AFO that I had to pay for every autograph I obtained. That’s not an unreasonable request, nor would I object to providing people I respect and appreciate their due. However, the in-addition-to-entry autograph fees are important to note, particularly for fans attending specifically for those once-in-a-lifetime meet-and-greets.
The most in-demand of those meet-and-greets on Friday was, by far, Caitlin Glass, whose autograph queue filled most of the special guest’s room, and I can see why. After I pointed out Matthew Mercer’s “Levi” autograph on my giant Attack on Titan wallscroll, Caitlin enthusiastically sketched an “x Petra” underneath and signed it with her trademark scrawling signature, complete with angel wings and a halo. Her resume of popular anime roles is rivaled only by her awareness of fanon.
AFO’s own awareness of fandom seems to be expanding, too, most prevalently in its special guest lineup. AFO’s previous anime VA-exclusive list of Vic Mignogna’s and Stephanie Sheh’s has branched into other otaku genres—live action Japanese-influenced franchises like Power Rangers and almost-anime series like RWBY. Kazuha Oda, lead singer of J-Rock band, Kazha, took a tip from Rooster Teeth’s approach and walked the Con floor in a pair of black wings, advertising her evening concert and posing for photos with fans. To my disappointment, character designer, Einlee, did not attend Friday’s event, so I was unable to meet her in person.
Many adjectives compete to describe AFO 2017 in my mind, but “relaxing” might be the most suiting. Friday was an utterly stress-free experience, and not just because of the lower attendance rate. It’s clear to me that AFO recognized and took advantage of what they had control over, while downplaying what they didn’t.
The bar area and outdoors were completely open to cosplayers without exception, though most preferred to stay inside and escape the Florida heat. Sparse checkpoints kept the event from venturing too close to the uncanny valley of “legal supervision.” In fact, the artist’s alley was completely accessible to non-pass-holders—perhaps an unprofitable move for AFO, but certainly a profitable one for the artists (and that’s clearly who the Con aimed to prioritize). Coolers dispensed cold water throughout the Dealer’s Room, which helped offset the occasionally stifling body heat therein, and a massage room offered to knead the stress out of any tired muscles.
It’s clear that AFO has rooted itself deep in the Wyndham Orlando Resort. Rather than expanding itself to bigger concourses, it focuses on expanding within—providing more for fans to photograph, enjoy, and squee about. True, AFO has always embraced a bit of the Western pop culture scene, what with artists selling prints of Superman alongside Goku, but as AFO itself moves toward the blurry line between anime and almost-anime in its marketing, it’s beginning to experience a Renaissance as a Con culture. In doing so, it’s sending a powerful message–one that many fans have given up hope of ever getting from larger Con venues: “We hear you.”
Though its umbrella of fandoms continues to expand, AFO’s kokoro still goes doki doki for anime. Any doubts I had about that were swept away as I headed for the exit, snatching up a complimentary Attack on Titan Season 2 poster and catching an assortment of shonen heroes playing a game of musical chairs to the tune of a rip-roaring OP.
AFO is a multi-day celebration of all things related to Japanese animation and pop culture held at the Wyndham Orlando Resort.
Visit the AFO Official Website
Join the AFO Facebook Community
Photography by Amy Covel
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Anime Festival Orlando (AFO) 2017 – Friday If you’re the kind of person who reaches for Pocky before KitKats, you’re going to want to mark Anime Festival Orlando (AFO) on your 2018 calendar with a pair of sparkling…
#afo#AFO 2017#anime#Anime Festival Orlando 2017#Arryn Zech#Barbara Dunkelman#Caitlin Glass#cosplay#Einlee#Josh Keaton#Katrina Devine#Kazha#Melody Perkins#orlando#Reuben Langdon#Robert Axelrod#RWBY#Sana#Wyndham Orlando Resort
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DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower
Three Stars of Comedy
The third star: Radko Gudas – We've all been there.
The second star: Tyler Seguin vs. P.K. Subban – It's the ol' last-off-the-ice superstition stalemate. Stick around for the twist ending.
The first star: Peter Laviolette and the Predators' coaches – The players bet the coaches that they could take at least five of six points on a tough Western Canada road trip. They did, so Laviolette and his staff had to wear these:
And yes, they made them wear them during an actual game.
The Inaugural Class of the Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame
Last week was the 200th edition of the Friday Grab Bag. The column has been running for nearly five years now; it dates back the Grantland days, made a brief stop at ESPN, and has lived here at Vice Sports for the last two years. Based on extensive customer research, for many of you it remains your Very Favorite Hockey Column to Read in the Office Bathroom After Lunch on Friday.™
That milestone, mixed in with the slowest week of the NHL regular season, would seem to make this a good time to unveil the first ever Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame. The three stars actually predates the Grab Bag itself, having launched as a monthly feature way back in 2011. And despite my occasional attempts to kill it when nobody is looking, the section continues to hold down the leadoff spot in the lineup.
Some weeks, finding three picks is easier than others. But certain personalities have done their best to ease my burden. That's where the Hall of Fame comes in. We'll do this HHOF style, with room for four picks per year. Ladies and gentlemen, the inaugural Class of 2017.
Ilyz Bryzgalov – The first star of the very first edition, Bryzgalov dominated the early days so thoroughly that at one point we tried to retire his number and eliminate him from future consideration. It didn't take, and even though he hasn't play in the NHL since 2015, he still finds a way to make periodic appearances. He's one of two unanimous picks for the inaugural class.
Phil Kessel – The other slam dunk pick, Kessel has appeared in the Three Stars section more than anyone else. Granted, some of those are cases where he's the butt of the joke, as everyone from Ilya Kovalchuk to Ryan Reaves has taken their runs at him. Sometimes he'll accidentally own himself. But in recent years we've learned that Phil can give as good as he gets, and then some. Here's all you need to know about why he's in on the first ballot: He's the only person to ever sweep all three stars in a single week. And he's done it twice.
P.K. Subban – Unlike Kessel or Bryzgalov, when Subban makes the Three Stars he's almost always in on the joke. And that's fine, because lord knows the NHL could use a few more guys with a sense of humor who aren't afraid to show it. Whether he's stealing The Rock's catch phrases, playing dress-up, or kissing Pierre McGuire, Subban's almost always fun. Even when he's sucker punching guys, he finds a way to make it funny. How this guy isn't the face of the league's marketing efforts in the U.S. right now, I'll never understand.
Roberto Luongo – Luongo is the Howie Morenz of funny hockey players, blazing the trail for the generations to come. It's easy to forget it now, but when Luongo first started using Twitter to make jokes, the idea of an NHL star trying to be funny was controversial enough that he had to pretend it wasn't him. But he's made regular appearances in the Three Stars ever since, with his best tweets often being the ones that poke fun at his own controversies, including his tire-pumping feud with Tim Thomas and his never-ending trade saga. And also, um, poop.
And that concludes the Class of 2017. The big omission here is Jaromir Jagr, who falls victim to the four-pick maximum. It was a coin flip between him and Luongo for the last spot, but I figure Jagr will be a unanimous first-ballot pick in the real Hall of Fame, which will probably slightly dampen his disappointment at missing out on a bigger honor here. Also, Luongo once let me play in (and win) his fantasy football league, so I feel like owe him.
Others receiving votes: Brian Burke, Joe Thornton, Wes McCauley, Taylor Hall, Darryl Sutter's face, Brent Burns, and Evgeni Malkin. Better luck next year, everyone.
Obscure Former Player of the Week
It's World Juniors time, with this year's tournament being held in Buffalo. It's always fun to browse through the list of the tournament's all-time top scorers; the list features plenty of future NHL superstars, like Peter Forsberg, Pavel Bure, and Eric Lindros, as well as some European players who never made it over to North America. But if you keep going, you get into the sweet spot of vaguely memorable NHL quasi-stars, like Michal Pivonka and Ulf Dahlen and Reijo Ruotsalainen. And you also find this week's obscure player: Finnish forward Petri Skriko.
Skriko was a teenage star in Europe, winning rookie honors in the top Finnish league in 1981. This was back when many European stars never made it over to the NHL, but the Canucks used an eighth-round pick on him in that summer's draft. It turned out to be a good gamble, as Skriko would have the second biggest impact on the Canucks of any 1981 eighth-rounder, just behind a defenseman picked by the Blues a few spots later.
That impact would have to wait, though. Skriko stayed in Finland until 1984, starring in a pair of WJCs along the way. But when he arrived in Vancouver, he fit in instantly, scoring 21 goals as a rookie and then following that with four-straight 30+ goal seasons. That included one stretch in 1986 in which he recorded three hat tricks in a span of eight days.
His production faded during the 1989-90 season, and he'd be traded to the Bruins the following year for a second-round pick. That deal ended up helping the Canucks down the line, as they used the pick on Michael Peca. Skriko helped the Bruins get to the 1991 Cup final before being traded to Winnipeg for Brent Ashton, had short stints with the Jets and Sharks before heading home to Finland in 1993 and then finishing his pro career in Denmark. He ended his NHL career with 541 games played, scoring 183 goals and 405 points.
Also, he had fantastic hair.
Be it Resolved
Last week was a big one for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Not only did they celebrate their 100th anniversary by pounding the Carolina Hurricanes 8-1, but they did it while scoring the 20,000th goal in team history.
Or did they?
Here's how the 20,000 breaks down. See if you can spot the problem.
Yeah, "shootout winners" aren't goals. I mean, they are, according to the league. For reasons that have never been entirely clear, the NHL awards the team that wins a shootout one "goal" in the goals-for column of the standings. That makes sense when you're describing the results of a game – you'd rather say "The Rangers won 5-4 in a shootout" than "The Rangers won 4-4 in a shootout," even if the fifth goal wasn't scored during the actual hockey portion of the game. But there's no reason to pretend that it was a real goal for deeper record-keeping purposes.
The NHL's always been weird and inconsistent about this. For example, they consider the shootout winner to be a goal, but don't give the guy who scored it credit for one in his personal stats. (A cynic might suggest that teams don't want their star players padding their stats with an extra half dozen goals a year and then expecting more money.) So it's a goal, but nobody scored it. That makes no sense. And they go the other way too, counting a shootout loss as a goal against even though, statistically, nobody let it in.
And it's not like this is all some sort of semantic argument, since goals for and against can come into play as a tie-breaker in the standings. That hasn't happened yet, but we have seen the league's weird shootout goal math decide the Jennings Trophy, so it's been etched into the record books already.
Needless to say, people who pay attention to this stuff were quick to point out that the Maple Leafs' stat wasn't what it seemed.
As with just about everything that doesn't involve bicycles, Dellow is right. Shootout goals shouldn't count towards a team's historical totals. So be it resolved: The Maple Leafs are well on their way to 20,000 but they're not there yet. Maybe they heard the complaints because they took a big chunk out of it with seven goals last night, but they're still 35 goals away. Real goals.
Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown
This week's YouTube clip isn't really a video; it's more of an audio file. But it's a good one, and under the circumstances I hope you'll indulge me.
This week's clip is Johnny Bower singing "Honky The Christmas Goose."
The hockey world lost Bower this week, as the Hall of Fame goaltender passed away at the age of 93. The rest of the week became a chance to mourn the loss of a legend, while celebrating a life well-lived.
Bower was one of the greatest goalies of all time, and quite likely the best of the 1960s, period. But somehow, that fact ended up being way down the list of what most people remember him for. In all of the many stories and tributes that poured in this week, the point that kept coming home was what a wonderful guy he was. For pretty much his entire life, Johnny Bower was just a very, very nice man. He didn't have to be, because he was a famous athlete and people were going to like him no matter what he did. But it seems like everyone in the hockey world has a story about Bower staying late to sign one last autograph or shake one more hand, or donating his time to a good cause, or having an encouraging word for someone going through a tough time. That's just who he was.
It sounds strange to say it, but it's almost impossible for a hockey player to be a universally beloved figure in Canada. The game just means too much to us up here. It gets too personal. We don't like to see fans of other teams get to be happy, so we instinctively dislike anyone who plays well for someone else. And it takes a lot to get us past that.
Put it this way: If I'm talking to a Habs fan who's getting a little too smug and I decide I want to knock them down a peg or two, I can come up with bad things to say about just about all of their beloved legends. Rocket Richard? He started a riot. Patrick Roy? He quit on the team. Guy Lafleur? What, you mean the guy from the Nordiques? But there's one ironclad exception: Jean Beliveau. No matter how much you hate the Canadiens, you can't find a bad word to say about Beliveau. That's just how it is. And Bower was the Maple Leafs' version of that. That's about the highest compliment you can pay a player.
On the ice, he really was one of the best, as this piece does a good job of showing. He ranks high on just about all of the all-time lists, both traditional and analytics-based. And while many have since been broken, he retired holding several goaltending records.
And of course, he left behind one record that will never be topped: "Honky the Christmas Goose."
You're listening to the story of Honky, a Christmas goose who struggled with his weight until he learned how to blow his nose. No, that doesn't really make sense, not least of which because geese don't have noses. Just enjoy the song and don't think about it too hard.
Honky was the creation of a CBC producer, and in 1965 he approached the Maple Leafs about having a player record the vocals. As Bower recounts it in this Toronto Star article, "He came into the dressing room and wanted to know if anybody on the team would be interested in singing these songs. I’ve never seen so many guys undress and get into the shower so quickly in my life!"
Bower ended up agreeing to do the song because, as the producer said at the time, he was basically "the friendliest man in Canada." There was one minor problem: Bower couldn't sing. But as longtime readers of this column know, that's never stopped a hockey player before, and the rest was history. (The children on the track are apparently Bower's 11-year-old son and some of the neighborhood kids.)
The song tells the story of Honky saving Christmas after Santa gets spooked by all the air traffic that's suddenly clogging up the skies. Continuing his long history of selfishly exploiting animals for their nose-based magic powers, Santa hires Honky to clear out a path.
"Rockets, kites and satellites." Yeah, I'm no aerospace engineer but I don't think there should be too many kites at that elevation. I'm pretty sure nobody in history has ever successfully got a kite twenty feet off the ground for more than six seconds before it nosedived directly down onto Grandma's head, so chill out Santa.
Luckily, the plan works and Honky saves the day. Finally, he'll get some respect, right?
"Though he is fat he is still some use." Holy smokes guys, Honky just saved Christmas for the entire planet, maybe ease up on the body shaming for one minute.
The record came out in November 1965, with proceeds going to charity. It was reportedly a big hit, selling 40,000 copies. They tried to get Bower to record a follow-up a year later, pitching something about "a pelican with a broken wing," but he knew how to quit when he was ahead.
For years, the song was lost to history, with only a handful of copies circulating in the pre-Internet days of the early 90s. But it's resurfaced since, and a new generation has had a chance to enjoy to story of Honky the Christmas Goose. If you can't get enough of the song, here's a clip of Bower performing it on stage at a children's benefit concert years ago.
RIP Johnny Bower. An all-time great goaltender, an even better person, and a passable singer. Not necessarily in that order.
Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.
DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower
Three Stars of Comedy
The third star: Radko Gudas – We've all been there.
The second star: Tyler Seguin vs. P.K. Subban – It's the ol' last-off-the-ice superstition stalemate. Stick around for the twist ending.
The first star: Peter Laviolette and the Predators' coaches – The players bet the coaches that they could take at least five of six points on a tough Western Canada road trip. They did, so Laviolette and his staff had to wear these:
And yes, they made them wear them during an actual game.
The Inaugural Class of the Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame
Last week was the 200th edition of the Friday Grab Bag. The column has been running for nearly five years now; it dates back the Grantland days, made a brief stop at ESPN, and has lived here at Vice Sports for the last two years. Based on extensive customer research, for many of you it remains your Very Favorite Hockey Column to Read in the Office Bathroom After Lunch on Friday.™
That milestone, mixed in with the slowest week of the NHL regular season, would seem to make this a good time to unveil the first ever Three Stars of Comedy Hall of Fame. The three stars actually predates the Grab Bag itself, having launched as a monthly feature way back in 2011. And despite my occasional attempts to kill it when nobody is looking, the section continues to hold down the leadoff spot in the lineup.
Some weeks, finding three picks is easier than others. But certain personalities have done their best to ease my burden. That's where the Hall of Fame comes in. We'll do this HHOF style, with room for four picks per year. Ladies and gentlemen, the inaugural Class of 2017.
Ilyz Bryzgalov – The first star of the very first edition, Bryzgalov dominated the early days so thoroughly that at one point we tried to retire his number and eliminate him from future consideration. It didn't take, and even though he hasn't play in the NHL since 2015, he still finds a way to make periodic appearances. He's one of two unanimous picks for the inaugural class.
Phil Kessel – The other slam dunk pick, Kessel has appeared in the Three Stars section more than anyone else. Granted, some of those are cases where he's the butt of the joke, as everyone from Ilya Kovalchuk to Ryan Reaves has taken their runs at him. Sometimes he'll accidentally own himself. But in recent years we've learned that Phil can give as good as he gets, and then some. Here's all you need to know about why he's in on the first ballot: He's the only person to ever sweep all three stars in a single week. And he's done it twice.
P.K. Subban – Unlike Kessel or Bryzgalov, when Subban makes the Three Stars he's almost always in on the joke. And that's fine, because lord knows the NHL could use a few more guys with a sense of humor who aren't afraid to show it. Whether he's stealing The Rock's catch phrases, playing dress-up, or kissing Pierre McGuire, Subban's almost always fun. Even when he's sucker punching guys, he finds a way to make it funny. How this guy isn't the face of the league's marketing efforts in the U.S. right now, I'll never understand.
Roberto Luongo – Luongo is the Howie Morenz of funny hockey players, blazing the trail for the generations to come. It's easy to forget it now, but when Luongo first started using Twitter to make jokes, the idea of an NHL star trying to be funny was controversial enough that he had to pretend it wasn't him. But he's made regular appearances in the Three Stars ever since, with his best tweets often being the ones that poke fun at his own controversies, including his tire-pumping feud with Tim Thomas and his never-ending trade saga. And also, um, poop.
And that concludes the Class of 2017. The big omission here is Jaromir Jagr, who falls victim to the four-pick maximum. It was a coin flip between him and Luongo for the last spot, but I figure Jagr will be a unanimous first-ballot pick in the real Hall of Fame, which will probably slightly dampen his disappointment at missing out on a bigger honor here. Also, Luongo once let me play in (and win) his fantasy football league, so I feel like owe him.
Others receiving votes: Brian Burke, Joe Thornton, Wes McCauley, Taylor Hall, Darryl Sutter's face, Brent Burns, and Evgeni Malkin. Better luck next year, everyone.
Obscure Former Player of the Week
It's World Juniors time, with this year's tournament being held in Buffalo. It's always fun to browse through the list of the tournament's all-time top scorers; the list features plenty of future NHL superstars, like Peter Forsberg, Pavel Bure, and Eric Lindros, as well as some European players who never made it over to North America. But if you keep going, you get into the sweet spot of vaguely memorable NHL quasi-stars, like Michal Pivonka and Ulf Dahlen and Reijo Ruotsalainen. And you also find this week's obscure player: Finnish forward Petri Skriko.
Skriko was a teenage star in Europe, winning rookie honors in the top Finnish league in 1981. This was back when many European stars never made it over to the NHL, but the Canucks used an eighth-round pick on him in that summer's draft. It turned out to be a good gamble, as Skriko would have the second biggest impact on the Canucks of any 1981 eighth-rounder, just behind a defenseman picked by the Blues a few spots later.
That impact would have to wait, though. Skriko stayed in Finland until 1984, starring in a pair of WJCs along the way. But when he arrived in Vancouver, he fit in instantly, scoring 21 goals as a rookie and then following that with four-straight 30+ goal seasons. That included one stretch in 1986 in which he recorded three hat tricks in a span of eight days.
His production faded during the 1989-90 season, and he'd be traded to the Bruins the following year for a second-round pick. That deal ended up helping the Canucks down the line, as they used the pick on Michael Peca. Skriko helped the Bruins get to the 1991 Cup final before being traded to Winnipeg for Brent Ashton, had short stints with the Jets and Sharks before heading home to Finland in 1993 and then finishing his pro career in Denmark. He ended his NHL career with 541 games played, scoring 183 goals and 405 points.
Also, he had fantastic hair.
Be it Resolved
Last week was a big one for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Not only did they celebrate their 100th anniversary by pounding the Carolina Hurricanes 8-1, but they did it while scoring the 20,000th goal in team history.
Or did they?
Here's how the 20,000 breaks down. See if you can spot the problem.
Yeah, "shootout winners" aren't goals. I mean, they are, according to the league. For reasons that have never been entirely clear, the NHL awards the team that wins a shootout one "goal" in the goals-for column of the standings. That makes sense when you're describing the results of a game – you'd rather say "The Rangers won 5-4 in a shootout" than "The Rangers won 4-4 in a shootout," even if the fifth goal wasn't scored during the actual hockey portion of the game. But there's no reason to pretend that it was a real goal for deeper record-keeping purposes.
The NHL's always been weird and inconsistent about this. For example, they consider the shootout winner to be a goal, but don't give the guy who scored it credit for one in his personal stats. (A cynic might suggest that teams don't want their star players padding their stats with an extra half dozen goals a year and then expecting more money.) So it's a goal, but nobody scored it. That makes no sense. And they go the other way too, counting a shootout loss as a goal against even though, statistically, nobody let it in.
And it's not like this is all some sort of semantic argument, since goals for and against can come into play as a tie-breaker in the standings. That hasn't happened yet, but we have seen the league's weird shootout goal math decide the Jennings Trophy, so it's been etched into the record books already.
Needless to say, people who pay attention to this stuff were quick to point out that the Maple Leafs' stat wasn't what it seemed.
As with just about everything that doesn't involve bicycles, Dellow is right. Shootout goals shouldn't count towards a team's historical totals. So be it resolved: The Maple Leafs are well on their way to 20,000 but they're not there yet. Maybe they heard the complaints because they took a big chunk out of it with seven goals last night, but they're still 35 goals away. Real goals.
Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown
This week's YouTube clip isn't really a video; it's more of an audio file. But it's a good one, and under the circumstances I hope you'll indulge me.
This week's clip is Johnny Bower singing "Honky The Christmas Goose."
The hockey world lost Bower this week, as the Hall of Fame goaltender passed away at the age of 93. The rest of the week became a chance to mourn the loss of a legend, while celebrating a life well-lived.
Bower was one of the greatest goalies of all time, and quite likely the best of the 1960s, period. But somehow, that fact ended up being way down the list of what most people remember him for. In all of the many stories and tributes that poured in this week, the point that kept coming home was what a wonderful guy he was. For pretty much his entire life, Johnny Bower was just a very, very nice man. He didn't have to be, because he was a famous athlete and people were going to like him no matter what he did. But it seems like everyone in the hockey world has a story about Bower staying late to sign one last autograph or shake one more hand, or donating his time to a good cause, or having an encouraging word for someone going through a tough time. That's just who he was.
It sounds strange to say it, but it's almost impossible for a hockey player to be a universally beloved figure in Canada. The game just means too much to us up here. It gets too personal. We don't like to see fans of other teams get to be happy, so we instinctively dislike anyone who plays well for someone else. And it takes a lot to get us past that.
Put it this way: If I'm talking to a Habs fan who's getting a little too smug and I decide I want to knock them down a peg or two, I can come up with bad things to say about just about all of their beloved legends. Rocket Richard? He started a riot. Patrick Roy? He quit on the team. Guy Lafleur? What, you mean the guy from the Nordiques? But there's one ironclad exception: Jean Beliveau. No matter how much you hate the Canadiens, you can't find a bad word to say about Beliveau. That's just how it is. And Bower was the Maple Leafs' version of that. That's about the highest compliment you can pay a player.
On the ice, he really was one of the best, as this piece does a good job of showing. He ranks high on just about all of the all-time lists, both traditional and analytics-based. And while many have since been broken, he retired holding several goaltending records.
And of course, he left behind one record that will never be topped: "Honky the Christmas Goose."
You're listening to the story of Honky, a Christmas goose who struggled with his weight until he learned how to blow his nose. No, that doesn't really make sense, not least of which because geese don't have noses. Just enjoy the song and don't think about it too hard.
Honky was the creation of a CBC producer, and in 1965 he approached the Maple Leafs about having a player record the vocals. As Bower recounts it in this Toronto Star article, "He came into the dressing room and wanted to know if anybody on the team would be interested in singing these songs. I’ve never seen so many guys undress and get into the shower so quickly in my life!"
Bower ended up agreeing to do the song because, as the producer said at the time, he was basically "the friendliest man in Canada." There was one minor problem: Bower couldn't sing. But as longtime readers of this column know, that's never stopped a hockey player before, and the rest was history. (The children on the track are apparently Bower's 11-year-old son and some of the neighborhood kids.)
The song tells the story of Honky saving Christmas after Santa gets spooked by all the air traffic that's suddenly clogging up the skies. Continuing his long history of selfishly exploiting animals for their nose-based magic powers, Santa hires Honky to clear out a path.
"Rockets, kites and satellites." Yeah, I'm no aerospace engineer but I don't think there should be too many kites at that elevation. I'm pretty sure nobody in history has ever successfully got a kite twenty feet off the ground for more than six seconds before it nosedived directly down onto Grandma's head, so chill out Santa.
Luckily, the plan works and Honky saves the day. Finally, he'll get some respect, right?
"Though he is fat he is still some use." Holy smokes guys, Honky just saved Christmas for the entire planet, maybe ease up on the body shaming for one minute.
The record came out in November 1965, with proceeds going to charity. It was reportedly a big hit, selling 40,000 copies. They tried to get Bower to record a follow-up a year later, pitching something about "a pelican with a broken wing," but he knew how to quit when he was ahead.
For years, the song was lost to history, with only a handful of copies circulating in the pre-Internet days of the early 90s. But it's resurfaced since, and a new generation has had a chance to enjoy to story of Honky the Christmas Goose. If you can't get enough of the song, here's a clip of Bower performing it on stage at a children's benefit concert years ago.
RIP Johnny Bower. An all-time great goaltender, an even better person, and a passable singer. Not necessarily in that order.
Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.
DGB Grab Bag: Three Stars of Comedy HOF, Ugly X-Mas Blazers, and RIP Johnny Bower published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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