#reenacting is my escape from reality 100%

[ceresprime]

Being a trans person in historical reenacting has been such an oddly gender euphoric experience.

So I'm genderfluid, and when I'm in a ftm vibe (which is most frequent honestly), in daily life I'm still perceived as "woman." But when I'm dressed as a male soldier in the 1770s British military, this happens very infrequently. In fact, I'm correctly gendered by folks (e.g. old cis white men) who normally wouldn't be so kind to trans men like me. My heart swells and I can't stop smiling every time a boomer calls me "he" or even corrects himself without my prompting. My shoulders are broad enough and 18th century fashion tailored enough that I truly match my comrades. I cut my hair short, which is less accurate to the period, but I've gotten more folks immediately see me as male. One soldier asked if I was my sergeant's son and neither of us corrected him. We're not related btw. I'll never forget my colonel at Fort Ti catching himself at "She--" or the way I now have learned my name, Samuel, and respond well to it and unlearned my deadname. I have an excuse for my transphobic parents to see me called by my male name. I have an excuse to buy trans tape (I can't even articulate how much binding tape has saved me--reenacting is intense exercise and therefore a binder isn't healthy) and deepen my voice to sing or yell HUZZA and use makeup to simulate facial hair (NOT for 1700s though).

Even so, some members of the audience demand to know "why I'm a girl." How can I, a person born with "F" on my birth certificate, dare dress as a male and carry a musket? What do I know about history, being a "woman?" And I tell them about Hannah Snell, Deborah Sampson, Mary Lacey, Mary Ann Talbot, Phoebe Hessel, Johanna Sophia Kettner, Anna Maria Lane, Ana María de Soto, Jeanette Colin, and many more. And while these people cannot be labelled "queer" or "trans," I wonder if they felt the way I feel. At least, in the context of my existence, I can speak about theirs. Yet still, even men I consider friends, doubt this reality. Yes, he's right to say Sybil Ludington and Molly Pitcher and Lucy Brewer are likely fiction, but even so, reality inspires fiction. Hannah Snell was very much real and very much did serve in the army and later the marines. Why is that history so hard to believe? Why does my existence demand an explanation?

And yet reenacting is my gender euphoria.

[uwusenpaiuwu]

Baji Being A Menace To Society (And Your Relationship) 2.0

Sequel to: Baji A.K.A. The Worst (Best) Matchmaker

Summary: Baji’s at it again, acting out-of-pocket and creating chaos for absolutely no reason, other than to see you suffer. In his own Baji-esque way, of course.

Pairing: Sano Manjiro | Mikey x Male Reader

Warning(s): Boku no Pico is mentioned, but there is absolutely nothing graphic; mentions of masturbation

Note(s): I am so sorry if it isn’t funny. Sadly, I am but an amateur writer, not a comedian. Still, I hope you all enjoy! ^^

"(Y/n), want some ice cream? My treat."

Usually, you'd be the first to jump at an offer for a sweet treat, especially when you don't have to pay. However, as of now, the word 'ice cream,' when said by Baji, instantly triggers your fight-or flight-response. Paired with the fact that he’s broke as hell, your suspicions only increase for the sudden indulgence.

Since you know you're no match for the long-haired menace, your body automatically prepares to flee, legs twitching to lurch into a sprint. Unfortunately for you, just before you can get the fuck out of there, your hand is being grabbed by Mikey, who leisurely begins to tug you along to claim your dessert.

“You like ice cream, right?” he turns to ask, eyes unbelievably soft when looking at you.

And because you’re weak for him, all you can do is nod stiffly, trading in your sanity for the pleased grin that spreads across his face, his confident strides thereafter likely a result of him successfully remembering another miscellaneous fact about you, as has been the case since you officially started dating him. From the most trivial of things, like which brand of pens and pencils you prefer, to the slightly more important stuff, like ice cream being one of your favorite desserts; he’s made the effort of remembering them all.

He really doesn’t need to do any of that, ‘cause you’ll love him either way, but the conscious decision to do so is what makes you love him even more.

Zoning back into reality, you shake your head to reorient yourself. It isn’t the time to be going over the reasons why you’re such a lovesick puppy.

No, there are other things to worry about, mainly Baji.

You squeeze Mikey’s hand as you’re led to the nearest ice cream parlor to try and calm yourself. It works for the most part, especially when you get a reassuring squeeze back.

‘Right,’ you tell yourself, ‘it’s going to be okay.’

After all, Baji wouldn’t do anything too drastic, right?

~~~

You were wrong. So, so wrong.

Despite nothing having transpired yet, every alarm in your head is going off, pounding at the door of reason to get you to wake up and realize that it’s Baji you’re talking about, the same person that sets cars on fire when hungry and punches the first unfortunate soul he passes by on the street when sleepy.

You really should’ve listened to your survival instincts and ran. Alas, it’s much too late to escape, leaving you to wallow in your anxiety, while you wait for misfortune to strike.

And strike it does.

“Please, don’t sit next to me. You make me nauseous.”

“That’s cruel. I bought you ice cream, and you treat me like this?”

Yeah, he may have bought it, but you refuse to eat it because of how intensely Baji is staring at you. Fucking weirdo.

"Oh, do you want some of mine instead, (Y/n)?" Baji accentuates his question with a sensual lick to his ice cream from the edge of the cone to the finessed peak, making you extremely uncomfortable as he stares you down with the full motion.

As slowly as he licks his frozen treat do you slowly raise your middle finger, eliciting chuckles from the other occupants of the table.

You think you won that mini battle, though?

Ha! Nope.

Baji mirrors the vulgar action, not once breaking eye contact as he dips the tip of his finger directly into his ice cream, pulls it out, and proceeds to lick that, too.

Disgusted, you promptly avert your attention elsewhere, praying that Baji won’t continue being, well, himself.

Your prayers fall on deaf ears.

"It's cold!" As soon as the exclamation leaves your mouth, your blood runs glacial, knowing that you've unintentionally played into Baji's trap. The appearance of a sly, almost feral, smirk when you whip your head around to glare confirms what you already know.

The curtain has risen, and you’re standing center stage in a performance you can’t break free from.

"Aw, can't let it go to waste,” Baji continues, reaching over to scoop the ice cream you’re 100% certain he purposely spilled on the front of your shirt, with his fingers.

Then, to your horror and everyone else’s shock, he asks, without an ounce of virtue to his name, "Want me to lick it off with my mouth?"

Chifuyu is seated on the other side of the table, hiding his face in his hands. “Baji-san...”

"It'll stain if it dries like that." Dear God, how you wish to un-see Baji batting his eyelashes at you.

“I don’t care!” At this point, you’ve resorted to clumsily scooting your chair as far away from him as possible, which isn’t actually as far as you’d like considering your surroundings. Hell, so long as you put some distance between yourself and the crazy bastard that wants to see you suffer, you don’t mind having to force yourself halfway onto Mikey’s lap. (The firm hand that keeps you steady by the waist proves that your presence isn’t unwanted either.)

"Geez, (Y/n), you're such a scatterbrain."

Seeing Baji sell the line with a slow tugging of his hair behind the ear has you torn between laughing and dying a little more. Truthfully, his acting is frighteningly impressive, and you would’ve applauded his performance, if not for the fact that the role he’s playing still haunts your dreams.

By this time, most of who accompanied you to the ice cream parlor have figured out what kind of drugs Baji is on this time, which also means that those fuckers have seen, or are at least aware of, the cursed trilogy of questionable porn that’s being reenacted before their eyes, with you as an unwilling co-star. Those that are puzzled as to why people are shoving their fists in their mouths to refrain from laughing are obviously God’s favorites.

“The fuck is going on? I wanna laugh at Baji’s dumbassery, too.”

“Pah-chin... I think it’s best you don’t know.”

Interestingly enough, the one you’re most concerned about hasn’t said anything yet, splitting his attention between observing the scene unfolding and eating his portion of a deluxe sundae.

Then, out of nowhere-

“I understand.”

You and Baji freeze where you are, each of you grasping the other’s collar, you to shove him away, and him to draw you closer.

“(Y/n),” Mikey says, your name rolling silkily off his tongue in a tone much too fond for his next words, “if you like roleplay, just tell me.”

...

“Huh?”

“I’m fine with pissing, remember? So, roleplay shouldn’t be a problem.”

Heat rises to your face at an alarming pace, and it continues to climb as Mikey takes your free hand in his, which serves not to comfort but to unintentionally remind you of the humiliating experience from a few months back. And just when you convinced him that you didn’t want anything to do with getting freaky with the body’s excreta, too.

“You’ve got it wrong! I don’t- arfghfgh?!”

Your prayer to help cool down your flushed cheeks must have been heard, but you’re pretty damn sure you didn’t ask for Baji to shove his ice cream in your mouth!

“Oh, yeah. (Y/n)’s a fuckin’ geek when it comes to roleplay,” the unhinged bastard speaks in your stead, indifferent to the nails clawing at his hand clamped over your mouth. “You should try it with him. We were doing a scene from his favorite anime.”

Mikey tilts his head, interest positively piqued. “Which one is that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, leader?”

Mikey raises an eyebrow.

Baji opens his mouth.

You lunge.

It’s a series of events that happens in the blink of an eye and ends with loud crashing as you tackle Baji to the ground.

“Listen up, Baji Keisuke. We took an oath that day, and if you dare utter a word of what went down, I’ll consider that a breach of the code of secrecy and take you down, making sure you drown in a pit of your own shame and despair.”

Surprised to have been pinned down so quickly, it takes a while for Baji’s brain to catch up, but when it does, he’s frustratingly unfazed at the threat.

“Oho~ How scary. Too bad for you, I have no shame.”

“Not even if I tell Mama Baji where your porn stash is?”

That has the great Baji tensing up.

“You wouldn’t dare use an underhanded tactic like that.”

Your lips turn into a wicked grin. “Are you sure? I have as much dirt on you as you have on me, and like you, I won’t hesitate to use it to my advantage.”

If your grin is wicked, Baji’s is downright evil, showing off his sharp, gritted canines and all.

“You got balls, (Y/n),” he snarls, “but mine are bigger.”

The boy beneath you opens his mouth, and faster than you can stop him, he just...does it.

“(Y/n) (L/n) watched Boku no Pico and liked it!”

Silence.

Silence is all that’s heard for a good, long minute following the booming roar of the revelation.

You dare not look up to gauge everyone’s reactions, instead keeping your icy glare fixated on Baji, who looks smug as shit for having caused the glorious eruption of heat to spread like wildfire across your entire body, from the tips of your ears down to where your skin disappears under the collar of your jacket.

This...

This is war.

Taking in a deep breath, you answer his uncalled for declaration with your own thunderous shout of, “Baji watched Boku no Pico and jacked off to it! Twice!”

Baji laughs. “Oh, pray tell, saintly (Y/n), how many times did you jack off to it?”

“None of your fucking business, asshole.”

“Pretty fucking sure it is, since we were in the same room.”

Someone chokes, while you choke Baji.

“We. Swore. To. Secrecy. You. Asshole,” you practically growl, with each of your words accompanied by a ruthless back-and-forth shaking of the other boy’s person.

“Let up on the choking, dude. I’m not into that. You, however-”

Unable to take the ceaseless slander to your name anymore, you reel your fist back, but, upon seeing Baji’s cheek turned to you, jaw jutted out, as if inviting you to take your best shot, you hesitate. You know you wouldn’t be able to pack enough of a punch to actually leave an impact on him, which is terribly upsetting.

On the bright side, there’s still one tactic you can use that’ll be just as effective, a technique courtesy of your health teacher, who happily taught it to the class to use in case of an emergency.

Technically, it’s meant to be used to assess a person’s level of consciousness, but you suppose it can be used to get back at inconsiderate idiots, too.

“Ow! Ow! What the fuc-! Ow!”

You keep a straight face as you continue to rub your knuckles against his sternum, fully intent on delivering the worst possible pain to the current bane of your existence. It brings a sort of sadistic satisfaction to hear the ever prideful Baji’s screams of pain, and while it doesn’t completely undo the damage done, it does help soothe your wounded self-esteem.

“You want me stop? Beg for it.”

“Pissing, roleplay, choking, and begging? Goddam- OW!”

Your reign of terror comes to its untimely end when you’re lifted up into the air by the armpits, and through the haze of your power trip, you realize that Baji’s saving grace is Draken, who proceeds to carry you out of the parlor with ease.

“People are staring,” he coolly explains when you protest to having unfinished business.

Pouting, you cross your arms over your chest. “It’s his fault.”

Once outside, Draken doesn’t immediately put you back on your feet, until Mikey strolls out of the parlor. Only when the gang leader has his arms outstretched to you are you promptly deposited on the ground and taken into his embrace.

“Are you done letting off some steam?” is the first thing he asks you. Even though you can’t see his expression, the way he holds you and the way he cradles the back of your head, handling you with the utmost care, is indication enough that there will be no reprimand for, essentially, assaulting your division commander. (You would argue that it was an act of self defense against verbal harassment, but whatever.)

There’s just an overwhelming amount of love. So, so, so much love for each other.

“Yeah, I am,” you eventually answer, followed by a content sigh.

“Good.”

Naturally, that’s the perfect time for the tinkling of the bells above the parlor door to pilfer your attention. Baji’s appearance causes your face to morph into a scowl.

You cling tighter to Mikey, peeking over his shoulder to flip the ravenet off and mouth, ‘Go to Hell.’

As always, Baji answers your attempt to appear opposing with an obnoxious smirk.

‘See you there.’

~~~

“Boku no Pico, huh?”

“Draken, don’t laugh! Baji forced me to watch it!”

“All 3 episodes?”

“Twice.”

“...”

“...”

“Favorite scene...?”

“As if I’d have one.”

"Actually-"

“Ahh! Shut up! Why are you here, stupid Baji?! You live in the other direction!”

~~~

“Hey, (Y/n). Want to try doing the same thing with me?”

You look up, perplexed. Mikey literally just walked into the room, and that was the first thing he said to you.

“Do wha-?”

Your breath catches in your throat when you turn your head, only for you to come centimeters from bumping noses with him. And because he can, he lovingly knocks your foreheads together, too.

“It’s okay. I promise it’ll definitely be fun.”

You should feel ashamed for recognizing the same sequence of lines from Boku no Pico so quickly, though any coherent words are overtaken by an incomprehensible, high-pitched screech, a feat achieved solely by a teenage boy going through puberty.

A combination of shock and amusement crosses over Mikey’s features then. He’s never heard you make that sound before.

It’s cute. Strains the ears quite a bit, but cute.

While Draken lurks beside him, questioning Mikey’s standards of what constitutes as ‘cute,’ you’re sprinting across the room, red-faced, to Baji, who’s already grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Stop tainting my boyfriend, you piece of shit! Give him back his innocence!”

(Unbeknownst to you, whilst immersed in your fit of hysterics, your use of the word ‘boyfriend’ has a certain blond beaming.

“Did you hear that, Ken-chin? He called me his boyfriend.”

“Wow, congrats.”

Mikey either doesn’t give a shit or is simply too smitten to acknowledge Draken’s apathetic response.)

Baji blinks, unable to believe what you’re trying to insinuate. “Innocent? That little gremlin motherfucker?”

Both of you look in Mikey’s direction. When he sees you staring, he breaks out in a smile and throws a wave.

Your heart involuntarily skips a beat at the sight, and, okay, you’re convinced. Mikey deserves better than knowing of that cursed series’ existence.

Clearly, you’re down bad for Toman’s leader, and as such, Baji figures he can use that to quench his boredom for the day.

“Ooh, if only you knew what he gets off to.”

The tone in his voice instantly rouses suspicion. You narrow your eyes at him. “I don’t care what kind of porn he gets off to.”

“Porn? Nah, ya silly goose-”

“Don’t call me that.”

Baji ignores your comment as he moves to sling one arm around your shoulders, the other raising up to mimic an obscene tugging motion that no teenage boy is a stranger to.

“He jerks it to yo-”

BAM!

One second, Baji is lazily hanging off of your person, the next, he’s sprawled out on the floor, face down, and groaning in pain. You expect nothing less after witnessing him receive a rather impressive flying kick to the chest from Mikey.

Before you can assess the full damage, your view gets obscured by a pair of keys.

“Wanna take my bike out for a spin?”

Yes, you know Mikey is trying to divert your attention from whatever Baji was going to say, and, yes, you probably should check on the figure that has yet to get up.

But do you really care?

You take one glance at Baji’s concerningly unmoving body and quickly come to a conclusion.

You do not.

That being said, you quite literally drag Mikey and, by extension, Draken out of there, chanting an excited, “Let’s go!” on your way, abandoning Baji to wither on the ground.

Baji?

Baji feels betrayed.

~~~

"Chifuyu?”

“Hm?”

“Y’know, I was joking.” Baji flips onto his back with a grunt. “Man, who knew Mikey was all grown up?”

The vice captain of the first division hums, seemingly uninterested in his commander’s musings.

It goes quiet for a few minutes, the sole instigator of noise being Chifuyu flipping the pages of his manga.

Unpredictable is Baji, and the same goes for his train of thought.

“I should punch Mikey for kicking me.”

“No, you’d get beat up.”

“...”

“I should punch (Y/n) for Mikey kicking me.”

Truly, unpredictable and senseless.

“You’d still get beat up.”

Baji opens his mouth to argue.

“By Mikey.”

He promptly closes it.

“Fuck it. I’ll keep spicing up their relationship as payback.”

Sighing, Chifuyu closes his book to crouch down next to him. “Baji-san, with all due respect, you’re an asshole.”

Baji Keisuke has experienced betrayal twice today.

And he deserved it both times.

[diavolosthots]

Hello! First of all thank you for your amazing writing!! 🖤 I wanted to request the brothers catching MC watching porn even tho they thought they were sneak 100% ฅ'ω'ฅ Thank you!

First of all thank YOU for reading my amazing writing 😌💅❤

warning: slight NSFW

THE BROTHERS reacting to MC watching porn

Lucifer:

Listen its kind of his fault for stumbling in but he will never admit that and ask what you're doing. Like dude what does it LOOK like I'm doing? Anyway chances are he'll tease you and you end up bend over your desk, taking all of his dick

Mammon:

Yeah so he'll freak out and demand what you were doing even though it's quite obvious. Calls you weird and sexually frustrated but in reality hes hurt that you didnt just come to him for sexy time

Leviathan:

PORN? who watches porn anymore?! No no hentai and R18 audios is where its at. Will tell you that too, completely ignoring the fact that he just stumbled in on you... Watching porn...

Satan:

A smirk would creep onto his lips as he closed the door behind him, carefully approaching you. He would tell you to continue watching and sit beside you, slowly running his hands over your skin in hopes you could reenact what you just saw

Asmodeus:

Why watch porn when you have the Avatar of Lust right here? He would approach you, pushing you onto your bed before kissing you, promising that whatever you saw, he could do it better.

Beelzebub:

He would honestly feel embarrassed that he caught you watching something so... Interesting and mumble a little apology. But not all is lost! You can convince him to stay with just a little kiss 😌

Belphegor:

A chuckle would escape his lips as he stood there, watching you. He could smell your arousal from watching the scene unfold and he was desperately fighting the urge to pull you flush against him. But dont worry, he will still do it.... After you finished.

[ao3gingerswag]

Witnessing violence has a huge impact of kids, often more so even than being physically abused themselves. I could see Dean and Cas starting to notice that with Sammy. He could draw scenes of Dean hurt or draw revenge against John. When he’s playing, he could act out things that are similar to real events, or play with themes of being able to save people, because he could never protect and save Dean.

When he’s playing with kids who come through the inn, he could try to talk them out of going to their parents if someone gets hurt, especially if their parents have had some ale.

He could also project his own feelings onto their animals. Luna doesn’t like sleeping alone. His cat hates it when people yell. When he’s talking with Pastor Murphy about the books he reads, it’s always through the lens of the world being unsafe, and people being violent just because they can be.

But he could also play out the positives too. He could be playing with another kid and the kid is pretending to be wounded in battle and Dean sees Sam kneeling down and saying “don’t worry, it’s going to be okay, it’s not too deep, you’ll be okay” (like how Dean remembered helping Sam in KYIS when he was getting glass out of Cas’s foot) and Dean can see that Sam only knows to play that way because that’s how Dean has talked to Sam.

-Ace

oh god why was i cursed with emotions. yes yes i so agree with u!! how much witnessing violence fucks kids up is a really big theme in my stories, bc i think it lowkey is a really big theme in canon dean and sam’s traumas. like the show makes it pretty clear that dean has always been the Protector and has bore the brunt of the abuse in their household, but. that fucked sam up so much. that survivor’s guilt baby!!! its fucking powerful!!!

so YES thats def gonna come up in Wander Home. oooomg i love all of these ideas!!! dean and cas watching sam play “pretend” of really really fucked up things, reenacting things that he’s witnessed, but like changing the endings so that he saves the person being fucked up or whatever (its always dean, really, even if in sam’s games it’s some random unknown figure). and both of them r like :/ bc they know whats going on but like have no idea what to do about it.

maybe sam starts doing that thing where the playing pretend starts to merge with compulsive lying- like, cas will see a horrible scar on dean’s body and be like oh my god! what the fuck happened! and sam jumps in before dean can say anything and ramble out some fantastical horrific story in which sam saved dean from some even worse fate than what happened in reality, and dean escaped with only that scar. (like a huge rabid dog broke into the inn! john threw dean towards it bc he didnt care about dean and wanted the dog to eat dean bc then it wouldnt be hungry for the rest of us! it almost got him but i stabbed it with my knife before it could eat him!! so now he only has that scar!!)

ugh maybe this happens with a scar on sam’s own body that he got in a really tragically mundane way, like john just hit him with something and it left a mark. but he again makes up some story about how he got it defending dean against the Bad Guys how he got hurt but managed to fend everyone off, and his scar is now a testament to his bravery. cause that’s what he WISHES happened. and he cant really process what actually did happen, and the guilt he feels about all of it. and like....he Knows he’s lying, ya know, but also he doesn’t, bc that’s what compulsive lying is, he’s not like “oh i’m gonna tell a lie now” but he’s also not like “hm yep that is 100% what actually happened.” he’s just like. not evaluating his own thought process at all.

and yes!! he def thinks all adults are scary and bad, so assumes that parents will hurt their own kids like his own hurt him. he def freaks the kids out sometimes- like generally he’s actually a nice kid who’s fun to be around, so kids play with him easily, but he’ll say horrifying offhand shit or take their pretend games in alarming directions or yeah like freak out when the kids want to go get their parents. so the can freak unabused kids out.

yess projecting emotions on to animals. ;~; goood luna doesnt like sleeping alone! my cat doesnt like it when you yell! hes so transparent but he doesnt realize it at all, and he gets really pissy on “the animal’s” defense. he’s like excuse me the chickens do NOT appreciate you being loud rn. meanwhile the chickens r not noticing at all.

and then ;~; he’s so fucked up and so transparent about it, dean and cas can see 100% thru him. and it worries both of them but it makes dean feel guilty, bc he thinks it means he didnt do a good job protecting sam. but then yes!! he sees sam playing pretend and showing kindness in exactly the same way dean always did, clearly mimicking him, and dean is like oh! oh. maybe i did have a positive impact ;~; <3