#recent school semester was really hard and I didn't get to practice much drawing so now I feel like teaching myself from the start

[sheerakk]

Started playing botw

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Tw: bullying underneath the cut

Long story short: if you have any advice on how to deal with bullying by social exclusion, let me know (but I don't have a teacher or boss or some authority figure I could ask to help, in case you were about to suggest that)

Long story long:

I didn't think I'd ever be in such a position again in which I feel so utterly alone. I thought after high school it would be over. Yet here we are, yet once again. I'm in Japan right now, have been since September last year. I'm in a small city, the only student from my homecountry and one of the few Europeans.

I was close to the Europeans and Australians until about December. One French girl stopped talking to me, and I noticed that the group stopped inviting me to stuff (lunches, dinners, trips, pub (well Izakaya) nights, drinking, just hanging out). It really killed my mood then already. But it got worse and worse until I asked her in February if I had done something that had upset or hurt her because she wasn't talking to me anymore. Her response was basically a long version of "I hate you". What really irritated me was the degrading language she used in the messages we exchanged. It was very obvious that she was looking down on me and felt the need to raise herself above me verbally. I know that not everyone likes me, and that's okay with me, but since I treat even people I don't like with respect, it irritated me how degrading she was.

It needed my mum to point it out to me to realise what she had done was effectively bullying by social exclusion. She manipulated the others into stopping to invite me, because she doesn't like me, most likely because she feels threatened by me in some form.

In these months the people I had been closest to (both foreigners and locals) stopped hanging out with me, which was a hard mental blow. In March I was traveling a lot, and since April I have regularly been playing volleyball with a group but I'm not close with either of them (we just don't seem to have chemistry for more than volleyball and dinners after). And I have my dance club, but being the only foreigner there does make things difficult sometimes, even though everyone is incredibly nice. But it's very hard building some kind of relationship with them beyond the training.

Then the new semester started, and I thought I'd have two French classmates to go to lunch with and my club and occasionally the volleyball people.

Except that the girl who started everything seems to try to push into the Volleyball group and the one French guy who I was closest with, also has begun distancing himself recently. And I'm about 99% certain it's by some kind of influence of this girl. The other person who goes to lunch with me is sweet and we get along but it's more like a "she's with us because we are nice to her and she doesn't have anyone else"-relationship. Plus she doesn't really like hanging out so much, especially in groups (which is fine! I still invite her every time I plan something, in case she wants to join, but most often she prefers to have the spare time to herself, which I also understand).

And since last week it has become really obvious that this guy who I almost considered my best (guy) friend (nobody reaches the person who, while reading this will know I'm talking about her) has been drawing back from me too. The thing is, I already told him about the problem a few weeks ago, but maybe that's what started it? I don't know. I know that if he had to "choose" between me and this other girl, he'd choose her, because they're from the same university.

Have I hidden in the bike parking lot during practice because I randomly started crying? Yes. Did I almost start crying on Saturday while we were rehearsing the formation? Yes. Have I cried to my mum about it yesterday so much that my eyes still hurt today? Yes. I've been here before and it hurt all the worse because of that. I have seen this picture before, people who knew I was gonna join them for lunch, sitting down at a table with too few chairs and too little space for me to join as well.

I don't really know what to do. I want to talk to some club people about it, but I don't know if it is wise, since in Japan the culture surrounding sharing problems is different. I run danger of making myself a burden to them (that's what it might be perceived like if you share problems).

I could ask some friends who have lived in Japan, if they think it's okay to share this with some club friends. And I was thinking I could write an Email to my supervisor, even though technically he's only there to answer if I have questions concerning research.

And I was thinking about talking to the one volleyball guy because he's training to become a middle school teacher and he might have learnt about how to handle bullying.

But if anyone else has any ideas on what I could/should do, please let me know. I feel so lonely at the moment, because I don't have anyone I can talk to in person and I don't even have anyone who speaks my native language. I usually try not to think about it and distract myself with rehearsing for the club, but because I've done that for over a week straight now, my body demands a break. I just really don't know what to do. Please send me a message, an ask, anything. I'd appreciate it immensely.