#realmomrevolution

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Nap-time Ninja

Picture it:

You finally get your kid dressed in clothing semi-acceptable to be out in public, pack a diaper bag full of a bunch of shit you don’t need but also the essentials you need. Diapers? Check. Sippy cup? Check. What the hell else could I possible need? You throw on yesterday’s yoga pants that have never actually seen a yoga studio and the cleanest shirt you can find and head out the door. Ahhh…the fresh air, the retail therapy, you throw a bunch of crap you again don’t need into your cart, load the car up, strap the kid in and head for home. You jam out to a few tunes and 10 minutes into the ride with less than 5 minutes until you are home you check the rear-view mirror and see what every mom dreads (unless you are on a 5 hour car ride to the beach)……

YOUR KID FELL ASLEEP. No!!!!!!!

You NEED that nap to happen in the crib! You need that hopefully hour plus nap to happen inside of his crib so you can lay your ass down, grab some chocolate and binge watch as many episodes of Grace and Frankie as you can. But now you’re screwed. You see that little head bobbing up and down as you turn each corner… inching closer to the house and weigh the options you have in your head. I could just keep driving….grab a Starbucks… maybe if I park in the driveway he won’t wake up? But then your mind goes back to the original thought…you NEED that break! You think, “it’s only been 5 minutes”…could you possibly do the impossible? Now you do what every sane mom on the planet does…you call your equally tired, mom-bestie and ask her to remind you how that Ninja shit works. She gives you the rundown on exactly what you have to do and how you have to do it in order to make the transfer from the car to your arms and in the crib flawless. She details step by step exactly how to unbuckle the seat, hand placement, how to have that paci easily accessible to shove in that babes mouth if the ungodly happens and they wake. She sends you off with prayers and offering of the force to be with you and in that moment you pray you can do it and thank Jesus you have a best friend going through the same shit you are. Now, it’s go-time. You go over every step in your head….ok…unclick chest strap…loosen straps super loose…here comes the hard one…push that red button and release the rest of the baby…push your body close his face…swoop in with that hand right under the head while the paci balances ever so perfectly on your pinky and is ready to be jammed in his mouth if he wakes!…you’ve got it…now get your ass into the house!!!! Yes!!!!…I am in! Woot!

Throw on the white noise, prepare to rock baby if necessary and decide if a crib drop is possible. You go for it. Baby is In!!! VICTORY IS YOURS!!!!! You think to yourself as you stare at that sweet cherub if this was beginners luck or you just rocked the shit out of the Ninja Naptime. Who cares, he’s asleep, hopefully for a while. You snap a picture to send to your besties because shit, you need validation from the Jedi Master. You exit the room, turn on the monitor, kick of your shoes and let out the biggest breathe ever. NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!

-#RealMom NY

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An honest story from a #RealMom

As most moms do, I belong to a few 'mommy groups' on social media. One in particular is a local moms Facebook group in the town where I live that post everything from “WTF is this rash” questions to “Please buy my used kids crap stuff so I don’t have to store it” kind of posts. Recently, a mom posted a story (below) referencing it from another blog (The Cuddle Giver; which I have not been able to actually find any record of anywhere online!So points to the person who can tell me it’s original source so I can buy this mom a drink!)

 I decided to re-post this story because wherever it came from I felt other Mamas needed to read this. It seemed to have a very big impact on me and a lot of the mams from the FB group. 

To the mom who wrote it,

Thank you. Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, humanness, perspective and bravery. We are all you and you are all of us. Together in sharing more stories like this we can change the message of perfection and unrealistic pressure we put on motherhood these days. Enjoy!

-#RealMom, CA

Today, my kids ate frozen waffles, actual frozen waffles, for breakfast. I told them to give it time and "they'll warm up." Today, I winced after getting out of the shower with Eliza, as I saw her walk over and step on my scale, as if that's supposed to be part of my routine. I put the scale away in the linen closet. I hate that I don't have the courage to throw it out. Today, after yelling at Beckett, I apologized and then broke into tears as I was driving home from swim lessons. Brooks, my heart, said "Mamma, you always cry when you think you're a bad mamma, but your not. I always think you're a good mamma." To which Beckett followed with "We always know you love us, and we always love you. Don't cry mamma." Today, we had fast food for lunch and I played on my phone the entire time they were in the playroom. Today, as we walked across the parking lot, Beckett paused to hold his sister's hand and explain to her the rules of crossing busy roads. Today, I kept telling myself to slow down, breath, and take it easy; that everything would be fine if we were late and the house wasn't clean, but I couldn't. Today, as I put Lizie down for her nap, she softly whispered "sweep wis me mamma," so... Today, I let my boys watch a Netflix show I'd normally say no to, so that I could get some rest and cuddle with Lizie. Today, I lost my temper not once, not twice, but a hundred times. Today, my littlest baby stood screaming "MAMMA take me!" at the door as I took off for a run. And although I normally try to take her, I couldn't bring myself to turn around, even though I knew what the next 40 minutes would be like for Michael. Today, I didn't pause to listen to Michael or ask about his day because I was too consumed with mine. Today, after my run, Brooks told me I looked strong. Today, I wasn't at my best. Today, I was exhausted and it showed. But together, we made it through today. No one was irreparably damaged. No one was left behind or forgotten. No one went without a million kisses and cuddles. No one went through the day without love and being heard. Tomorrow, I'll rise early and try to start the day on top of things. Tomorrow I'll take deep breaths before losing my temper. Tomorrow I'll make my babies breakfast and sit with them to talk. Tomorrow we will practice site words and numbers and the alphabet. Or, maybe tomorrow will be just like today. Either way, I'll keep working on myself. I won't always (if every) be the best mom or wife, but that isn't the goal. The goal is to wake up each day, not only for my family, but myself. The goal is to love, be honest, and work with them so we can all learn to be our best selves...and hopefully it gets a little easier.

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NOT another “Mommy Blog!”

I know what you are thinking; “Not ANOTHER ‘Mommy Blog’ uuugggh!” When a friend suggested writing one I could feel my eyes starting to roll thinking about how flooded the internet already is with all these bossy ass women. After a few weeks, I was constantly irritated by all the crap that was popping up on every social media news feed faster then an annoying jack-in-the box! This $hit has gotten OUT of control!

 I have come to have a love/hate relationship with technology. It’s great in a lot of ways and convenient AF!  Don’t know if you can feed your baby that burrito you’re eating? (cause baby lead weaning right?!) Wondering if rubbing dirt on their feet builds a better immune system? (cause that article said so right?!- don’t believe me- here). How about, will you mess you kid up more by attachment parenting or letting them cry-it-out? If you have wondered it, there is a mom somewhere who has written a blog about it, tagged numerous ‘experts’ to defend it, and is ready to verbally bitch slap anyone who argues with her p.o.v!

All this limitless streaming we have access to has what we call a “Thanksgiving Dinner” effect. (I know, Thanksgiving is awesome!)  Allow me to explain. Thanksgiving dinner is great! LOTS of food, all different kinds, eating all day long, (that damn 24hr. marathon of ‘A Christmas Story) YUM! RIGHT?!?Look people; this bing-fest is one day a year and that is what makes it great. But, imagine eating like that EVERYDAY…….all of a sudden YUM becomes you and a bottle of Pepto curled up in the fetal potion!

This is exactly what access to all this 'great’ information has become. One giant force-fed 'Thanksgiving Dinner’ of 'DO THIS’ or 'DON’T DO THAT’ life advice.  For a mom, (or anyone with a pulse) this flood of information, advice, or opinion can make an already tough job of raising a tiny human feel like a game where the rules are always changing.

Not wanting to become another voice in the chorus of ‘I am Woman’ we said NO MORE! We don’t have to pretend since our grandmas fought so hard so we ‘could do it’  that it means you should HAVE to ‘do it all’ , we say:

                                        ‘Nah-ma-stay (in bed)’

It’s exhausting to expect moms to do everything with Martha Stewart perfection while looking like an airbrushed sex kitten, killing it at work, baking gluten/nut/sugar/calorie free cupcakes and choreographing a Beyonce dance for  her daughters school talent show all with the life of the energizer bunny!  (breathe)

We ARE strong, we ARE invincible, and we are also tired AF! And that’s the REAL truth. Yet the message us moms get from the world is you are never quite doing it right and we are here to delete that tired-ass tune from your play list!

Welcome to the Real Mom Revolution! We are not trying to be what is already out there. We offer unapologetic honest, real life space to all the other #RealMom(s) out there. We’re not here to make you feel like the worse mom ever because you don’t/do:                  

                              (fill in the blank of judgy ass shit here).

This is just a group of moms who are tired of all the crap out there making moms feel like no matter what they do they are going screw up their kid(s), have to give daddy a gold star for changing a diaper, be polite to someone who tells them feeding their child is gross, mom-shamed for choosing your career or choosing to stay home, pressured to look ‘runway ready’ mere minutes after having a human begin pulled out of you, get judged by other moms for anything....this list could go on for dayssssss. No hidden agenda, no parenting method to push on you, no “my kid just walked up to me and slapped me after take a shit on the floor” #blessed (true story btw). Seems like the one thing not happening in all that ‘can do’ attitude is some friggen HONESTY! So that is exactly what you will get here.

You will notice all our blogs are written by ‘Real Mom’- So who the hell is this Real Mom chick anyway? She’s me, she’s YOU, she is your sister, lady you always see at target waiting for the doors to open promptly at 8am, your neighbor, some mom in Tallahassee, NY, Portland, LA,etc. Our writers are not writers, not 'mommy bloggers’, just MOMS.

We’re not here to be mean girls moms, but we’re also not here to keep feeding the bullshit meter either! Like us, hate us, wheves! If you are even slightly entertained or relieved by anything written here then give us the gold star cause that’s winning!

I hope you enjoy what ’s to come, and if you don’t:

We welcome your honest stories, feedback, and perspective because we are all the experts we need when it comes to being the moms we want to be……..sometimes we just need to turn down all the noise (and the mother fucking Sesame Street!) to hear our own voice.

Wanna Join the Real Mom Revolution and become a #RealMom contributor? Contact us at RealmomRevoltion@gmail.com to be featured on MommyTalk! 

Follow Us on Instagram @realmomrevolution cause you’re not a regular mom, you’re a Cool Mom!