#really it depends on whether i get hired for the apprentice cheesemaker position i applied to. bc it's a pretty damn good looking job | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heartsburst · 4 months ago

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like do i want to go back to university? no. do i want to do science? yes i miss it so bad i still make up practice questions for myself when i get bored and don't even have anything to practice science for. do i want to go back full time? absolutely not. do i want to go back part-time? idk. maybe? do i think i can balance work and school? ummm not sure. do i really really really miss science and doind chemistry labs? yes so bad it's literally so silly. do i have to redo first year physics if i go back and switch into chem...? yeah..... fuck. do i still need my academic writing requirement class? yeah.... FUCK. do i only have my first year calc and elective credits done if i switch to chemistry? ..... yeah. do i hate academia with a passion? yes 💯. but do i miss science??? do i really miss science? yes. i miss doing science so bad it makes me look stupid. do i do temperature conversions for fun when im bored bc i miss doing science? yes. my coworkers think this is very funny. does being in university shut my brain off? yes. will starting adhd meditation help that? goddamn i sure fucking hope so. does going back mean i get free counselling w/ my favourite counsellor again? yes 🥰. does going back mean i get to continue to be a part of the indigenous community on campus? yes and i need that community so bad honestly. do i want to move back to where i was going to university anyway? ABSOLUTELY I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MOVE BACK ASAP. do i have a plan or know what i want to do with my life anymore tho? no 😭. do i feel silly abt hating university but wanting to go back for science especially when i've been so adamant about not going back? yeahhhhh...

anyway, somebody get me in a science class asap istg. please.

me for basically the last six months like: i will NOT go to university my first year was terrible and i hated it and the thought of staying fills me with dread

me last week: i will do anything to get a better job EXCEPT go back to university

me today: idk guys i miss doing science maybe i should go back to university... for chemistry

#frankie yells #such is my dilemma #uhhh girl help idk #like literally me since february like im dropping out im dropping out im dropping i want nothing to do with this byyyyyeeee #and me now like uh. hiii i miss doing science i need that scientific enrichment in my enclosure otherwise i feel sad #watching nilered isn't enough i need to be getting a degree in chemistry #for science #ngl like missing doing science is making me feel a lot less jaded abt post-secondary #it has been an incredibly jaded 6 months over here #ig i have something im passionate abt pushing me again? i kind of lost that when i started uni bc idk things weren't what i expected?#and my interest in biology was not as strong as i thought so i kinda lost direction #which. in hindsight. duh why would you go for microbiology when you were in love w/ physics and chem in high school not bio #but um. lesson learned ig lol.#physics is cool and i love her but she will never be my passion. physics just isn't quite my realm. extremely neat but not for me.#let me mix the chemicals together PLEEEEEASSSSE #chem labs have always been my favourite anyway #bio labs i like immediately noped out of like intro bio was fun but as soon as it got any deeper i was like what huh no thank you #if you're gonna throw that much chem at me just put me in chem actually #i like the 'macro' parts of biology more like all the taxonomy and ecology stuff. not my passion but i whole-heartedly enjoy it #cellular and chemical parts of bio just make me tune out honestly. idc really about organisms insides i want to see how they interact #like microbiology is so cool for the symbiotic relationships we can have w/ them and for the microbiomes in our mouths the soil etc etc #more interested loosely in the ecological aspect of it all #also tbh i barely can comprehend why i wanted to be a doctor atp #anywayyyyy we shall see what i will do.... move back for shore. the rest? who can say.#really it depends on whether i get hired for the apprentice cheesemaker position i applied to. bc it's a pretty damn good looking job #benefits n everything! plus actual full time hours and making cheese!!! and they'll sponsor me to do a course for it if they hire me #the location is the only downside tbh bc i don't really wanna stay in the greater area i live in rn for much longer #but. it is a good job and i want stable income and some semblance of financial stability #i told my mum ultimately i want financial stability and she said 'at 19?' 😭#like girl yes surprise after a lifetime of being poor i want to not have to worry abt money i am STRESSED abt it too much

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