#realizing that ryuunosuke's the only one who comes from a show that doesn't do a little dance during the opening/ending and thats so funny

[yatsugareboyf]

0X1=LOVESONG (I know I love you) feat. Seori [AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE]

akutagawa x gn reader. part of my TCC: FIGHT OR ESCAPE 500 EVENT.

hurt/comfort requested by @os8mu. warning: mentions of death, nightmares, dazai's abusive past.

the back of the book: akutagawa thinks he's a loser after almost losing the love of his life.

note: this took me a while but I got it! i used grammarly this time, so pls tell me if there's any difference. there's a lot of references of the song in the fic which i enjoyed writing hehe. this was actually one of the first fics i started writing aft i got mai's request <3 enjoy!

playlist here. (to be uploaded soon)

"Yokohama didn't do anything good for me, anyway," he bargains to no one in particular.

Would Yokohama even be worth living in if it cost your life? Would Yokohama feel complete for him without you? Would Yokohama even be thankful for the sacrifice that cost him his drug? The answer is no, of course, he concludes. Because why would Yokohama, the city he vowed to protect despite his terrible upbringing and trauma, be grateful for a sacrifice from someone like him? After all, he is a mass murderer with whom no one wants to be associated. It was okay for him to die, rot in secret and not have anyone mourn him. He said it himself; there won't be much time until he passes away.

And even if all the odds were against him, he was the one who was fated to live in this world that lacks the only thing he deems necessary to live: you.

But why you?

You, who did nothing but great things to make Yokohama a warmer place even for people like him. You, who never put Yokohama in harm even if it harms yourself. You, who didn't need to vow to become someone who would protect Yokohama even in its darkest days. Why did you have to be sent to die? Did the people ask too much of you?

He never understood, and he never will dare to understand.

Indeed, he was a loser. He had lost his childhood to pursue a life of crime and danger without a choice. He had lost his long-time mentor, an abuser, to someone who he thought didn't even match his own capability, and now he's about to lose you.

The one who one day appeared to him like an angel, sweeping him off his feet and showing him a new hometown he can truly be free and happy. The one who accepted him even if heaven itself wouldn't let him in, the one who could mend the wound in his soul and thaw his stone-cold heart, his one and only.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke is a loser, and he despises the fact that he's about to live up to it again. He won't allow it.

Come what may to Yokohama and anyone who seeks refuge in it, he doesn't care. They will pay the price of endangering the one warm thing this cold, ruthless world could ever give; they will see the consequences of their actions that resulted in the harm of his beloved. The only thing that mattered to him was to make sure that you were safe, and Yokohama would suffer the result if that were to be bent.

And yet somehow, Yokohama never did. They never saw the wrath of a monster who lost the one thing they could have. He would've destroyed Yokohama, hell, even the whole world, only to have you by his side, smiling without a care, but you didn't let him. Yokohama didn't deserve someone like you, nor did Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.

Fallen to his knees, he cries for you. He sobs for the life that was once yours, the life that you were to have, and the life that you were to have with him. He mourns the sunny days where you make it impossibly brighter, wishing that when the sun comes up again, you’re there to melt him out of his cold nightmare. He longs for the moment that you’ll return with the sweetest grin with your hand out to him, once again rescuing him from his chains. With bloody hands and a sore throat, he screams.

Once again, he wakes up into a nightmare, the hellish world where you no longer exist. Except you do still very much exist, and he just doesn't realize it yet.

"Ryuu? Hey, I'm here. Look around. You're not there anymore. You're here with me, alright?"

There it was, the soft illumination of your gentle voice and the warmth that it brings.

He felt you scrambling around him, kind of unsure in your movements, until he heard your footsteps walk away from him, but not that far. He opens his eyes to a blurry vision, looking up into the dark ceiling. Tilting his head in your direction, he sees you filling up a tall glass with the pitcher of water on your dresser. You always left some water in your room if Akutagawa needed them (or when you think he needs them, he never asks for it himself).

How thoughtful, one of the more reasons to love you. You know what Akutagawa needs, even when he doesn’t tell you. You know him like the back of your hand, offering things that he never knew he needed, providing something that he never thought he was worthy of receiving and giving things that he never gave himself.

He saw you walk over to his side of the futon, cooing at him to sit up properly so he could drink from the glass you just filled. You help him hold the cup when you notice his hands still shaking, you slowly rub his back when he starts to cough, and you move the stray hairs from sticking on his sweaty face.

“I’ll be right back, okay? I’ll get you a towel-”

He reaches out to grab your wrist, almost desperately, as he sees you start to step away. He loosens his grip after a while but still keeps his hand around your wrist. Tugging on it, he struggles to say, “Stay with me, please.” swallowing the lump forming in his throat. Somehow, you understand, taking his hand in yours, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Okay. I’ll stay here.”

You spend a few moments holding his hand gently, staring at them. Akutagawa is scared to close his eyes again, so he focuses on your face. It brings him comfort, although it is not enough to describe whatever feeling comes from his gut. It’s… reassuring. Being able to lay your entire self out without having anyone step on it, being able to lower your guard without a stealthy jab from behind. It gives him fortitude in the times when he can’t seem to stand on his own.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything? Do.. do you wanna talk about it?”

He shakes his head, and you’re not sure if he’s referring to the former or the latter part of your sentence, but you don’t pry more. Akutagawa moves his hand up and pats your side of the futon where you previously laid on, looking up at you with his red-rimmed eyes. Following his gesture, you move to sit beside him, tucking your legs under the covers beside him. He grabs your hand after you have to let go momentarily, quietly moving his head to rest on your shoulder.

It’s not always that Akutagawa would initiate acts of affection. He’s still wary of physical touch after all this time, but whenever he would, you never say anything. He didn’t explicitly say to not make a big deal about it, but he really appreciates it. You just let him be, nuzzling his head against your neck while he plays with your fingers. You make a move to rub his scalp but freeze halfway, hesitating to touch him. Still, ever the professional mafia man, he already knows your hand is hanging a few inches from his head.

“What are you doing?”

“I just..” you continue your movement, placing your hand on top of his head, rubbing it softly to not startle him. You feel him stiffen but not flinch, staying in his position, “Is this okay?”

He doesn’t respond, but you continue rubbing your fingers lightly against his scalp. After a while, you stop, checking if he’s uncomfortable, but before you can ask, he grunts quietly and tugs on the hand he’s holding. You hold back a fond giggle, moving back to begin scratching his scalp again.

It's small moments like this where Akutagawa feels like you're the only one who understands him. With only a simple nod or with a wave of a hand, you seem to know better than others who've known him his whole life. It's you who he feels like himself with. Not the rabid dog that the mafia knows him to be or the menace that the agency perceives him to be. He's simply and utterly yours, nothing more and nothing less.

Later on, you would whisper to him, laying him back down on the futon and covering his shoulders with the covers. You would kiss his forehead and hold his hand close to your chest, a reminder that you're beside him. You would smile at his warm face, lightly poking the beauty mark under his eye before laughing at his scrunched-up face. You would whisper a soft "Goodnight, Ryuu. I'll be here to protect you.", despite your droopy eyes and continue to run your thumb over his knuckles.

Akutagawa is scared to close his eyes, worried that he'll wake up into his world of nightmares again, but he feels safe under your soft gaze. He can't help but quietly stare into your eyes, eyelids slowly drooping, settling into a half-closed look. You know that he's close to drifting off (sometimes with his eyes open), so you start to hum a quiet tune. It fills his ears and reaches the realm of his dreams, lulling him into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

[chqrryvelvet]

Hi could I request headcanons for chuuya and dazai(you can include any other character you'd like☺️) when their s/o doesn't really express love, cuz she feels filthy whenever someone touches them, but doesn't mind if chuuya/dazai give them affection, but sometimes when she's touch starved she won't show it but she will just put the back of her hand on their cheeks for a few mins and go on with what their doing (omg this is huge, it's okay if you don't write the headcanons, have a nice day <3)

ngh

chuuya nakahara

• he’s not huge on physical affection either if i’m awnest

• not to the extent that he feels gross if someone touches him

• he is just not used to it

• so he’s not too bothered by it when you first meet but as you two start getting closer he will maybe... try to initiate... omg 😣 scary of him

• he is almost shitting his pants (almost) at the thought of touching you because what if you don’t like him like that or what if you think he smells bad

• news flash you already think he smells bad... you think about telling him to take a shower

• anyways

• when YOU initiate the touching he doesn’t realize that you’ve touched him until you pull away and you’re blushing or whatever

• and he short circuits.

• anytime you place the back of your hand on his cheek he is like a dog

• woof 🐶

• would worship the ground you walk on if he wasn’t cool 🙄😻😁👨‍🦳❤️😏

• sometimes he will force you to cuddle with him if he’s had a bad day and you will hesitate slightly but he makes you anyways

• if someone tries to touch you he will probably bark at them (what did i say... he is a dog yup)

• not even because you don’t like to be touched he just doesn’t like anyone trying to do something that only he can do

• that is certified baddie priv 😁

• sometimes he does get insecure boooo

• because you don’t show him a ton of love all of the time and he maybe wishes sometimes you would be a little more clingy

• but who are you to change for a man

• he will survive

dazai osamu

• tease

• why does this 😈 emoji show up when that word is mentioned ... 🤔

• n e ways he will give you so much shit for not showing him affection at first

• eat his toes so he cannot walk that’s the only option

• no but he is so mean to you 😣 give y/n rights.

• “it’s ok y/n you don’t smell too bad today! i am ok with a hug :]”

• big mon pls ur embarrassing yourself! stop!

• but sometimes you get sad 😔 because all of the tv shows you watch to try to gain some normalcy in your life have cute couples and you realize you want what jake and amy have

• so you knock on his door one day and give him a hug 🫂 aw

• and then you stay the night because you will not let go of him

• he cannot even act cocky because he was not expecting it! y/n - 69 dazai - 0

• after that you are officially together. cute. and you progressively are more ok with him initiating contact with you but you prefer going to him more

• he especially loves when you lean over him when he tries to show you something

• or when you run your hands through his hair because you think it’s soft

• will make comments like “oh my, what is this? vying for my affection?!”

• you don’t talk to him after that

• all in all it’s healthy. he enjoys ur company :]

akutagawa ryuunosuke

• he doesn’t care

• but sometimes you wish he would 🤨 do better.

• he doesn’t notice

• until one day you are out doing mafia tingz in 4k action and someone tries to touch you just to be gross

• and their hand! sliced clean off! wow!

• aku is shocked because that was hot! double wow!

• he also gets worried because when you get back to base you’re scrubbing your hands furiously trying to get the yucky feeling off

• yeah so he liked you... a lot. but now he’s not sure if he’s even allowed to look at you pls

• but then you get hurt after the two of you have progressed in your relationship from acquaintances to friends (cute) and he’s helping tend to your wounds

• but then he stops half way when he comes at you with the bandage because he respects you and does not want you to look at him different_ or worse- lose an arm

• you eye him a little confused and then you realize! oh! and then you softly murmur “you can touch me, akutagawa. it’s ok if it’s you...”

• whew that sent him into a coughing fit

• get aku an inhaler

• anyways after he’s done you hug him! and tell him thank you.

• once you start dating i feel like he would actually show you a lot of affection if he really really really really really likes you

• which he does

• give him a hug and he will combust...

[fumiko-matsubara]

Expectations and Fantasies

“You know…” Kaho suddenly started, absentmindedly playing with the bending straw that she had used for her now finished iced-tea.

Sitting across the table before her, Ryuunosuke perked up at her voice, tearing his gaze off his phone screen. He slightly tilted his head in mild curiosity, with his usually sharp eyes opened wide, blinking owlishly after. “Yeah?” He gently prompted, his initially surprised face slowly contorting into a soft smile.

Kaho bit the insides of her left cheek as she silently stared back at him. It had been a few months since they had formally met, and yet, she couldn’t really see herself getting used to the stark contrast between DREAM’s wild lead guitarist Ryuunosuke and the Ryuunosuke who was softly smiling at her as he waited for her to continue.

They began hanging out outside the live house every other day after the rain had stopped pouring. It was surprisingly Ryuunosuke’s idea, saying something along the lines of “wanting to stray away from the stress of school and having to constantly put up with Eiji’s bullshit,” which was totally valid and she completely agreed that he really needed to take a break. But she couldn’t help but to wonder why he wanted to spend his break with her, as delighted as she felt when she first received the offer. She supposed that he had plenty of friends outside the band that he could’ve asked instead. Like Miki, for example, as they seemed to be close enough to casually hang out together all the time.

Speaking of Miki, the stylist had been particularly excited when she heard the news (which also made Kaho wonder why Ryuunosuke felt the need to inform her about it, but she decided that it's a concern she could ponder over at another time), that she took it upon herself to pick out outfits for both of them, even having them pose together for a picture once she was done. The memory of Miki going over to her home and practically raiding her closet was still fresh on Kaho's mind. She assumed that Miki was just enthusiastic since the hang out was just a rare opportunity for her to style two people who she (legit) made her personal models in the same setting.

But the way the stylist came about it made Kaho think it was for a different reason, and the thought itself made her feel extremely giddy the first time she realized it.

Who could blame her though? Spending the whole day together, with Ryuunosuke planning where they would go, while wearing seemingly matching outfits to boothー if the whole situation was taken out of context, it almost looked like they were on a date.

Kaho blinked, snapping out of her thoughts. Now is not the time to start fantasizing! Especially since she had yet to know the reason why she was the one who Ryuunosuke invited of all the people he knew.

Her eyes briefly darted between Ryuunosuke's eyes and the straw she had been playing with. Perhaps he wouldn't mind it if she asked him, right?

"For some reason," she finally continued after a minute of pausing. She leaned towards the table, resting her chin onto her free palm, as her other hand was still preoccupied with the bending straw she's playing with. "When the person I had a crush on also began to take interest in me and asked me out, that crush I had just vanishes completely as if I never had one in the first place."

Wait, what?

Kaho immediately lifted her head, her eyes widening in alarm. 'Idiot! You're supposed to ask him why he's interested in hanging out with you, not talk about people who're interested in you!'

She mentally sighed, her lips slowly contorting into a tight smile. 'Whatever, the topic's not too far off. I can just find an opening to ask him later.'

She returned her gaze back to Ryuunosuke, only to see him eyeing her in surprise. He probably wasn't expecting that crushes would be the first thing they would talk about to strike up another conversation, thirty minutes after their last one.

"It's weird, right?" Kaho nervously laughed.

At her voice, Ryuunosuke suddenly blinked, as if he was just snapping out of his reverie. "I don't think it is." He answered.

He then gave her yet another soft smile. "You probably just enjoy doing the chasing and that's not weird at all."

"Probably…" Kaho trailed off, staring down at her bending straw in thought. She didn't think of it that way and, in a way, it does make sense. After pondering over it for a few moments, she locked eyes with Ryuunosuke once again.

"There's also the fact that, once that person began noticing and showing more of their personality to me, I tend to get disappointed because they're usually far from what I've fantasized about them," she explained softly, proceeding to twirl a lock of her hair with her index finger. 

"And that really rubs me off the wrong way for some reason…" she sighed.

It took Ryuunosuke a few seconds of staring into space before he mouthed a big 'oh' when he understood what she was saying. "Ahh… it's that kind of disappointment."

"But romantic fantasies are usually just like that, especially if it's towards a person whose personality is what you've hardly known about them." He briefly quirked an eyebrow at her in mild confusion, likely wondering why she was making a big deal out of it. "And that's pretty normal, actually. Nothing weird about that at all."

"I see…" Kaho trailed off. Somehow, that made her feel slightly better, even when it wasn't her main concern in the first place. She discreetly smiled at that.

Ryuunosuke leaned back to his seat and faced the ceiling. "Though, it makes me wonder why you dated Maehara…" he softly muttered, but mostly to himself.

However, Kaho managed to pick that up and let out a gasp, her eyes wide opened in surprise. "Huh?"

"Ah w-what?" Ryuunosuke suddenly jolted when he realized that he said that outloud and was heard. He quickly tore off his gaze from the ceiling and looked at her in alarm, his eyes opened just as wide and in panic.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say that!" He hastily apologized.

Kaho quickly snapped out of her surprise and shook her head in response. "Ah no no, it's okay! You're not overstepping anything since it's not that personal." 

She then smiled at him reassuringly. "Also, we're both on good terms now, so you don't have to dodge the topic."

Ryuunosuke hesitantly eyed her, his eyebrows furrowed. "...are you sure?" He gently asked.

Kaho let out a hum with a smile in response, nodding her head almost eagerly.

That seemed to reassure him enough to relax his tense posture. He let out a long relieved smile. 

"I see… That's good then."

Kaho smiled at him in mild amusement. Sometimes he can be too caring that he tends to worry for the smallest reasons, but she supposed that it's one of his charms. "So what were you about to ask?"

"Ah, it's just that…" Ryuunosuke slightly shifted in his seat. "I don't want to make it seem like I was trying to get something out of you…" 

Kaho shook her head. "I'm telling you, it's fine."

"Well, if you insist." Ryuunosuke sighed, leaning towards the table. "Now where was I..?" He rested his chin onto the back of his hand, briefly looking up at the ceiling in thought. "You had a crush on him first, right? And he was the one who asked you out?"

"Uh huh!" Kaho answered, but mostly to confirm that he remembered it right, as she had already told him that herself a while back.

"Since that was the case, he must've felt the same way as you do then." He then returned his gaze towards her. "So why did you date him?"

For a brief moment, they stared at each other's eyes, unblinking.

"Well…" It was Kaho's turn to look up at the ceiling in thought, breaking off the eye contact. "In Maehara's case, when I used to have a huge crush on him, even with just watching him from afar, it didn't take me long to figure out the general idea of what kind of person he is," she answered truthfully, letting out a giggle. "It's mostly because he's very upfront."

Ryuunouske chuckled in amusement at that. "You're not wrong. That guy's personality just screams loudly even from a distance." He mused.

Kaho grinned. "Right? So when we began dating and that I'm seeing more of his personality, I wasn't even the least disappointed since he's exactly as how I imagined him to be." Her grin then softened. "Like even just when he suddenly asked me out, I was already seeing parts of his personality at that moment. So I said yes."

She returned her gaze back to Ryuunosuke, only to see him gazing softly back at her, the softness in his smile matching his eyes.

"That's really nice… you must've had a great time with him then, huh?"

Kaho nodded. "Yeah, he's a really good guy." 

"Even with what went down last month, which sadly didn't end well at that time, it doesn't change the fact that I genuinely enjoyed his company when we were still together." She admitted with a small smile.

"Good for you, then." Ryuunosuke's soft expression then brightened. "I'm glad you're taking it well."

After a few seconds of comforting silence, Kaho also leaned towards the table. She then also rested her chin onto the back of her hand, a rather mischievous glint evident in her eyes. "So, what about you then?"

Ryuunosuke stiffened. "Eh?" 

"It's kind of unfair if I'm only the one who talks about things like this, you know?" Kaho mused, smirking.

Ryuunosuke faltered at that. "W-well thats…"

"Oh, come on! Don't be shy~" Kaho grinned teasingly. "What's Ryuunosuke like when he has a crush on someone?" She prodded further, leaning towards him.

Ryuunosuke leaned away and turned to the side, avoiding her gaze at all cost. "The thing is… I don't really get crushes…" He hesitantly admitted.

"Really?" Kaho's teasing smile quickly turned into a confused frown. That was very surprising. "Seriously? Not even once?"

Ryuunosuke turned back to face her again, albeit a bit slowly. "Perhaps I did…" He finally said after a moment of hesitation. "But then again, I could just be confusing it with admiration or respect." He gazed downwards, stroking his chin with his fingers in deep thought.

"Wait." Kaho raised an eyebrow at him. "Who are we talking about here?"

He looked up at her. "It's Ayaka." He nonchalantly admitted.

"Ohh!" Kaho mused at that. It makes sense if she thought about it. They've known each other for three years and have been working together to keep the band going. Surely there are plenty of things that Ryuunosuke would notice about the older girl. "Well, I can't blame you on that. That senpai is hella pretty and smart."

"Hell yeah, she is." Ryuunosuke almost immediately agreed with her and Kaho had to briefly wonder why he sounded so passionate just then. "To be honest with you, it's kind of pissing me off actually." He then admitted.

Kaho chuckled in amusement. "And why is that?"

"Like, think about it. She's pretty, she's smart, fairly popular, and she can pull off any kind of clothing no matter how questionable her fashion sense is!" He exclaimed frustratingly.

"Anything about her personality, though?" Kaho asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ryuunosuke quickly dropped his frustrated expression, staring at her dryly instead in response. 

"That's not a good trait." He deadpanned.

"Oi, don't let her hear you say that!"

He waved her off, though. "Not to mention, she's good at biology. That one is really unfair."

"Well, I'm not that good at biology myself, but is that really something you should be mad about the most?" Kaho asked, resting her cheek onto both of her palms.

"Yes?" Ryuunosuke raised an eyebrow at her incredulously. "You know what? She's just probably on my mind because I'm jealous of her." He decided.

"Oh really?" Kaho mused.

Ryuunosuke stubbornly nodded. "Yeah! I mean, of course, I still have my respect for her. But every time I think about Ayaka, the first emotion I feel is always jealousy." He crossed his arms and let out a small huff. "I'm probably just jealous."

Kaho just chuckled at him in pure amusement.

The topic had swerved off enough that there's no point in trying to find an opening to ask him that question, anyways. But Ryuunosuke was becoming more talkative, so Kaho couldn't really bring herself to suddenly switch topics, which can clearly throw him off, as evident as what happened earlier. 

For now, she should just enjoy the passionate performance that's being presented right in front of her, seeing as there's not a hint of when Ryuunosuke will stop rambling at this point.

She can just ask him at another time.

My other ChiHo works: Masterlist