#real taurus antics is making goals that can't possibly be accomplished in one year but instead is part of an esoteric long-term plan

[alighterwithlove]

I hung up a list of my 10 goals for 2k18 next to my bed for the whole year and looking over it now - I definitely did not accomplish all that I set out to do. but I think 2k18 was still very important for me as a 20-smth who is still growing and learning and I think I at least wanna do a review of it so -

1. Find a full-time career job in 2k18

I have a 40 hour a week entry-level job in the public sector!! since it’s entry-level, the salary isn’t enough for my mountain of student debt. it’s been a learning experience - there are things like office politics and bureaucracy and differing expectations. I’m lucky rn that I have a lot of opportunity to grow and buff up that resume because I will find a higher-paying full-time career job in 2k19.

2. Leave my abusive family in 2k18

I have been unable to accomplish this as my salary isn’t enough for me to move out comfortably. I’m still being abused by them both emotionally and financially and I still get triggered by them - but my therapy is working!! I am learning to recognize that what they say isn’t real, and I am fighting for my boundaries (they don’t go through my mail anymore!! amazing!!) unfortunately, staying with them is the only way I can save money atm so I feel a lil stuck, which is why now I will make a tangible plan - financial and realistic - to leave my abusive family in 2k19.

3. Make real life friends, reconnect with old ones in 2k18

This is hard. I know for sure I’ve reconnected with one friend, and I’ve met up with a couple others. I know for sure my internet friends have expanded by a few people this year which is very exciting and I am making plans to visit at least one of them!! but as for real life people, I’m still slowly getting to know a couple new people my age through these friends so I will continue making real life friends in 2k19.

4. Start exercising at least once a week in 2k18

Yeesh. I managed to keep that up for about a month and a half and then couldn’t keep it up for a number of factors (ie. abusive family lmao.........). I’ve already made tentative plans to try smth different to mitigate some of those factors for the new year so I will start exercising at least once a week in 2k19.

5. Learn to read and write fluently in Punjabi in 2k18

FUCK...... I was doing so well for the first half but then I couldn’t keep going to classes after the summer due to a number of factors (ONCE AGAIN, familial abuse!!!!!!!) and a lot of what I learned has slipped away - but I am at least comfortable with the fact that I am capable of learning my mother tongue!!! time to continue learning to read and write in Punjabi in 2k19.

6. Write original fiction in 2k18

how many of these can I blame on familial abuse oh my god sjdhjskfhkd OKAY WELL, I want to celebrate this one thing: I was able to write my first original short story this year!!! and it was accepted and published this year!!!! I did that!!!! I got money for an original piece of writing and I’m very excited!!! to ride that momentum, I want to write and submit three pieces of original fiction in 2k19.

7. Learn to take care of my body and hygiene in 2k18

I improved on this a lot!!! my skin has smoothed out a lot and my hair is healthy and shiny. I’ve kept up a regular eating schedule and a fairly regular sleeping schedule!! I have a bedtime!! I’ve gained a lot of weight as well which means I have more energy!! I want to improve my schedule of self-care in 2k19.

8. Date someone in 2k18

in hindsight, I went on like... three dates in 2k18 which were very nice and lovely but I haven’t re-connected with them. and after that, I haven’t actively looked for anyone to date. I... don’t really know what to do with this goal. I know that I get jealous sometimes that so many of my friends are in happy, healthy long-term relationships which I think is an indication that “long-term romantic relationship” is a thing that I do want, but. I am... at a loss how to get there tbh.

9. Pursue my interests further by myself and with others in 2k18

jesus these are getting esoteric. I don’t remember what interests I had in mind when I wrote this but I’m sure I did do them!!! I am realizing I have a number of interests - a lot of them involving media analysis, mythology, religion, spirituality, things like astrology and tarot cards, and ofc writing. always always always writing. I don’t think I was able to pursue them to my full potential however because living with my family limits me significantly. it’s a nice sentiment tho and I’m sure I did improve in some small way. baby steps!!

10. Learn to be more honest and vulnerable with others and myself 2k18

I am...... not very good at this. I am definitely trying - but I don’t think I do it very well and instead cause... mood whiplash when I do, because my first instinct after saying I’m having some sort of difficulty is to alleviate it with ‘OH BUT IT’S FINE!! I am a problem-solver :) and here’s a cute cat picture as a distraction’. [rubs face] I am so focused on trying to self-improve and problem-solve that I am realizing I don’t give myself space to just... Feel Sad. Feel Jealous. Feel Lost. and while I don’t want to wallow, I do think there’s a healthy middle-ground somewhere where I am just... allowed to have a feeling without immediately jumping into OKAY FIX NOW GO GO GO. this one is.... also... I am honestly at a loss how to get better at this? after such a fat paragraph, the real goal is find a therapist in 2k19.

so yeah!! that’s the summary!! and here’s my new list:

Find a higher-paying full-time career job in 2k19

Make a realistic plan on how to exit my abusive household as safely as possible

Continue making real life friends in 2k19

Start exercising once a week in 2k19

Continue to learn how to read and write in Punjabi in 2k19

Write and submit three pieces of original fiction in 2k19

Improve my schedule of self-care in 2k19

Find a good therapist in 2k19