#real talk I see why they might've added it

[alithographica]

y'all wanted pvp enabled on tumblr, I think that's exactly what this awful new note preview feature is because it's really making me want to fight people

[ahgasegotarmy116]

hello 👋🏽 I wanted to ask if you could make a Drabble from bang-able where the oc and jungkook are both watching a movie and she fan girls over one of the male leads. I feel like it would be so cute to see Jungkook jealous. I understand if you can’t but I would love to see this, thank you!! :))

Haha sure! Let me know what you think 🤭

P.s. I read through this to edit it once so please ignore any mistakes 😅 ~~~~~~~~

"Okay what's wrong?" I ask, pausing Island right as a perfect frame of Cha Eunwoo pops on screen that it's almost difficult for me to take my eyes off of when I turn to address a very pouty Jungkook.

"Nothing" he grumbles and I sigh, tossing the remote on the coffee table and turning my body to face him. "If it was nothing you wouldn't be grunting and groaning and the other various array of sounds that you've no doubt been making just to get my attention"

"It's nothing alright" he denies again and I roll my eyes and grab the remote, giving up on talking it out when he's clearly not going to tell me unless I order him to.

"Suit yourself" I mumble and press play again, watching as Cha Eunwoo's character Johan gets out his sword while it illuminates his feature with a blue glow, leaving me biting down on my lip to stop the smile that's threatening to show.

I hear another scoff at that and notice that all of these reactions have been perfectly timed with when he's on the screen and so I chuckle.

"What's so funny?" he asks, no doubt frowning at me. "Oh nothing" I say, giving him the same answer he's given me and slouch back against the couch, amused with finding out the real truth.

"No what is it?" he asks again, acting completely hypocritical but I'll give in this time. "Your programming is showing" I tease and he scoffs again. "Yeah? And what of it?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest leaving me smiling, the jealousy so apparent it’s laughable.

"It's just funny when that jealous side of you comes out to play" I say and he rolls his eyes, throwing the blanket off of him that we had been sharing, he doesn't need it for warmth or comfort but he knows that it makes me happy when we do it but it's always cute seeing these little signs of protest every once in a while.

"The amount of jealousy Ava added to your programing was perfect" I say while tossing the blanket to the side as well since I'm warm enough. "Well I'm glad you're having fun" he says under his breath leaving me turning to face him again and placing a hand on his cheek to bring his gaze back to me.

"He's just an actor in a drama Jungkook don't worry, it's not like I'm in love with him or anything" I reassure him but he's clearly not convinced. "Then why have you subjected me to watching it not once, not twice, but three times all the way through? Sounds like obsession to me" he argues, a slight pout on his lips very evident.

"I can watch this on my own you know. You don't have to watch it with me every time" I chuckle and he looks at me rather confused. "But you like it when we watch stuff together" he says, thinking he might've input that data incorrectly.

"I do but I don't want you to have to suffer through it" I say and he sighs and turns his face away from me. "It's just my programing. You can change it so you can watch in peace. You could even make it so I would tell you that you guys would be a perfect couple if you'd like" he says sarcastically.

I love the jealousy feature so much.

"No no that's okay, I don't mind watching it with you like this" I say and turn back to do so leaving him sighing and getting up to walk away. I pause the drama and I follow after the pouty baby, finding him way more enticing than the show right now.

"Where are you going?" I laugh when I see him flop down on the bed, watching the ceiling fan go round and round. "Figured I'd let you fangirl in peace" he says with a big sigh again. I chuckle and climb on top of him, straddling his lap with him immediately grabbing my hips to keep me steady.

"Come on don't be like that" I say, leaning down and kissing him to which he responds and I sigh into it, feeling even more attracted to him when he gets like this. It makes me feel wanted and that's something I won't ever take for granted.

"Like I said" he mumbles against my lips between kisses, "You can reprogram me" he finishes off and let's his hands wander up and down my torso but I sit back and look down at him again. "I like you just as you are" I say while running my fingers through his hair and he sighs.

"Good, because that's a feature that would take a long time to uninstall" he chuckles and I frown at him. "Some reprograming takes longer than others?" I ask, this being new information to me.

"Well it's a personality trait so those ones take a little bit longer to change compared to something like you begging me to fuck you harder" he teases and bucks his hips up into mine making me gasp a bit, the motion catching me off guard.

"Noted" I say after clearing my throat to break that tension he had tried to build. I try to get off his lap but he uses it as a change to put me on my back and hover over me.

"Speaking of fucking you harder you haven't touched me all day. Did you wanna play for a bit?" he asks, giving me a soft kiss and trailing his lips down my jaw and neck, sucking on that spot that gets me going.

"You still jealous?" I chuckle and he growls and bites down on me, "I don't want to talk about Father Johan when I'm trying to spend time with you" he growls and I giggle, leaving him scoffing and getting off of me, choosing to sit on the foot of the bed.

"Fine I won't talk about him anymore" I say, sitting up and taking up the space next to him. "You sure?" he asks and I nod but he rolls his eyes, clearly not believing me. "I won't talk about him anymore tonight. Promise" I say, holding up my pinky and he wraps his around mine and we press our thumbs together to seal it.

"Right after I finish up this episode" I say, slipping my hand out of his and trying to book it out of the room but he grabs me by my waist and throws me back down onto the bed, not letting me get away after that little stunt I pulled.

"No more" he growls again, hovering over me and giving me a glare that gives me a fluttering feeling in my stomach. "Okay fine no more" I say and run my finger along his jaw.

"You wanna take charge tonight?" I ask, the current mood he's been worked up into being a perfect transition for that and he smirks at me before giving me a reply that couldn't have been more perfect.

"It's cute that you think you had a choice tonight"

BANG-ABLE Masterlist

[sourbinnie]

☆ old faces, new smiles ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> 9th member + fluff ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> ot8!skz + 9th member!reader (gender neutral) ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> when familiar faces recognize you and your members are astonished that you didn't tell them some news. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> none ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!

a/n: doing another 9th member au! i'm guessing that's what you meant:] also your english is good and you don't bother me at all. sorry i didn't respond sooner. another le sserafim cameo for my collection. also i'm sorry if this is too short:( you can always request again!

doing variety shows or interviews wasn't a new thing to you. ever since you've been a stray kids member you've been put in so many situations, hard to count how much you went through with your members. so when you had to do a shared interview with another group, it didn't really come as a surprise. you knew it was gonna be from hybe and you expected to see some of your old friends so that got you kinda excited. 

you weren't sure if any of the boys knew that you had been on hybe before joining jyp. you spent most of your trainee days there before you moved to jyp and joined the competition where stray kids was formed. you weren't even sure if this group was gonna remember you. it turned out that the group invited was le sserafim and that brought even more excitement. you could remember when chaewon and sakura joined, meeting yunjin and kazuha way before they would debut and seeing eunchae grow up before your eyes. 

bowing before them backstage, they were all excited to see you and you ended up receiving a hug from yunjin. your own members weren't sure where you had met before since some of them just debuted but they didn't say anything.

as you all sat down and talked, being asked questions from left to right and got to know each other better, something was brought up.

"(y/n)! we've got a question for you. is it true you were originally a trainee for hybe?" the host asked and you nodded shyly, which caused all your members to stare at you.

"no way (y/n), you didn't tell them?" kazuha asked and this time you shook your head leaving every single one of them in disbelief.

"okay. so basically i was in hybe for a long time but then had to move and jyp was closer so i just switched companies. i remember meeting a lot of trainees that now are idols and that makes me very happy." you said smiling and that was a satisfying answer to the host. 

"i can't believe you've never told us!" changbin said and you just shrugged your shoulders like you weren't at fault. you were not secretive but if people didn't ask you about certain things, you just didn't tell them. 

"can't believe our (y/n) wouldn't have debuted with us." felix added and you blushed as all eyes were on you again especially when they started showing pictures. "oh my god, you look so tiny."

"they still are!" seungmin said and you hit him slightly on the arm. stray kids and height were never gonna be a a good combo to talk about no matter the member. "ouch, why did you do that?".

"you know well." you responded laughing and covering your face when they showed your audition tape. "god no, please end me, can we move on?"

"no way, i have to get this tape when it's done." minho said and you death glared him, a warning sign. "okay maybe not, don't ever look at me like that again. i've never felt chills like that before."

you all laughed at that as you tried to hide behind jeongin from all the "awful" videos and images that were shown. even after all the embarrassment you managed to get through the rest of the interview, talking about your experiences with the le sserafim members. taking a selca with them and then doing each other's challenges. it was crazy to think that you might've debuted with them or another group in the future but here you were in another company and a group that you loved very much.

"can't believe you've never told us for real." chan said when you were backstage and you just sighed. "now that i think about it, it was rare how you knew most of hybe's idols."

"also the fact that they appeared in jyp out of nowhere and being a complete ace." jisung said and if you didn't wanna kill them before from the embarrassment they were making you feel, it was evident now. "don't hit me like you did with seungmin."

"i wasn't going to. i think, i don't know. why is it such a big deal anyways?" you said as hyunjin sat next to you and you laid your head on his shoulder. "it was so long ago too."

"i know, it's just surprising, you know? that we have such a talented member in our group and that they chose to be with us." chan said as minho rolled his eyes because damn was that cheesy. "come on, i'm trying to be nice why are y'all looking at me like that?"

"you're just a cheeseball for real hyung." jeongin said which made you laugh as he got chased around in the dressing room by chan. 

"(y/n), darling these are for you!" changbin said as he entered and handed you some flowers with some gifts. "they told me to deliver this to you and that we shouldn't mess with them, yadda yadda it's yours!"

as you checked the label, you couldn't help but smile and feel the warmness entering your heart. it was the sweetest thing you've had the pleasure of reading today.

"we missed you and loved seeing you again from le ssera to (y/n)." you read out loud which made you all "aw" like love fools and close the day off with a beautiful gift like that, couldn't have been better. you held on tight to the flowers as so many memories as a trainee in hybe passed you by that now led to being with stray kids and being the happiest you had ever been. there was nothing better than this you thought to yourself as you looked around the dorm to see all your members. you could get used to this. 

[pines4thetwin]

RE; https://www.tumblr.com/pines4thetwin/766541554302222336/dipstan-dipford-implied-with-a-hint-of-stancest?source=share

Saw this post and for some reason it spiked the thought in me of both Dipper AND Mabel doing this (I think because I saw a post with a similar premise but with Mabel? You might've written it I dunno...)

And so it kinda spiked like. What if Mabel and Dipper try and hide that they're doing that from each other, until one (or both) of them get so bottled up with their thoughts they just randomly blurt it out, and both of them have a moment of "oh em gee, you too???"

Idk where else that could go but it was a silly thought and I wanted to share with someone, so. Idk hope you like this!! Even if you don't it was nice to get it out of my head :)

Ahhhh your brain!!!

Idk why i didnt think of this!?!?

I did in fact make a similar post about mabel with her writing fanfiction about stancest, getting a crush on them and peeping on em. (idk if thats the one youre refering to)

But i love this idea, dipper and mabel both sneaking tryna catch a glimpse of the grunks together, running into each other *spiderman pointing meme* but not realizing why the other is sneaking around.

Mabels writing poly fanfic of her and the grunks and Dips got his journal where he's writing all his filthy lil thoughts, not quite outright fanfic.

I dont know what would cause it but i can totally see mabel being like "omg i love them so much. Need those old men to sandwhich me. I need to be between them right now." Maybe she's writing her fanfic and just starts fujoing out loud and dips like "huh?" But it doesnt quite click yet. He assumes she's talking about some fictional men from whatever fandom is her current hyperfixation cause why whould he assume she's talking about the grunks.

I can see mabel as being slightly more laid back when shes not fangirling to herself while writing her fics. She's capable of being normal around the stans. But dippers is actually going insane, bro is zoning out staring at either of the grunks, definitely almost slips more then once and blurts out his feelings to them. He's just struggling for real.

He'd be the one to burst and end up revealing his feelings with mabel being "oh em gee, me too!!!" He's going on a full rant talking about its not fair and theyre old and gross or at least stan is. And mabel definitely protests at that because how dare he... stan is wonderful and amazing but dipper keeps ranting, not paying attention.

"He shouldnt be hot. I shouldnt think theyre hot. Whats wrong with me. Its not fair. Why'd i have to go and fall in love with both of them" And mabel would politely wait for him to finish his rant but he just keeps going and going and mabel slowly starts to get fed up so she grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him till he shuts up.

"Dip-dop." She'd say slowly, as if talking to an idiot. "Me too."

Dipper would tilt his head, eyes studying her in confusion as if trying to figure her out. "You... too?"

And shed give him a look because he's definitely smart enough to put it together instead of standing there staring at her like she has two heads. He'd get it after a moment.

"Ohhhhh! You toooooo!..... You too?!?" And then they'd talk about it. Mabel ranting about how great stan is and how hot both the grunks are and how she wants to be sandwiched between them. She'd definitely be more open about it. Dipper is hesitant at first. Its clear that he's more comfortable talking about his feelings for ford then he is with his feelings for stan.

Mabel would share her poly fics with him and offer to write some with dipper as their third and at first dipper just wants him x ford fics but eventually he caves and asks her to write him all types of poly stuff for him and the grunks. (And even some of him x stan)

He even shows her his filth journal so she can incorporate some of his fantasies (dont imagine them drawing ship fanart together sharing a hiding spot. Adding to the pile like they're penpals passing notes back and forth)

(And if you like pinecest too)

Mabel eventually starting to write pinesot4 fics and being hesitant to share them with dipper at first cause yeah she has always had a teeny crush on her nerdy twin but he's never indicated reciprocating those feelings and yeah they both have crushes on/are in love with the grunkles but this is different. This is them.

But then he goes all red and hesitantly kisses her. And now theyre sneaking around just as much as the stans are. She convinces him to dress up Mystery Mystery for her (like he did in that one ep) and they sometimes take turns roleplaying as the stans for each other. (Imagine one dressed up, role playing stan and the other as ford at the same time. Mabel would make all the jokes about double twincest. Twincest² if you will.)

Theyre still lil peepers but now they talk to each other about the things they catch glimpses of. Stan and ford kissing, cuddling on the couch, the secret little convos they have. They defintely do the silent eye contact twin telepatgy thing when they happen to catch the stans groping eachother on the sly.

Sometimes they just lay up at night, cuddled together (dipper is forsure little spooning lol) and talking about their feelings. Them talking about how they love seeing their grunkles together just as much as they love the idea of being between them or of all of them being together. Just talking about how amazing it would be if the four of them could share their love and falling asleep with their hands intertwined, wishing for something just outta reach.

Okay imma stop this here. Sryyyy for yapping i just love them soo much!!!

Ending with a customary: "Sorry if this isnt what you asked for, its all i got."

[velvet-games]

I finally finished the piece for @prince-liest's OC, Tzafael! this really reminded me of how fun character design is (and also that I've completely forgotten how to make digital art, but that's besides the point...) <3

credit to @hogbogglerspirits for the umbrella design! I kind of butchered it so please look at the original and throw lots of love at them

LOTS of notes, draft sketches, brainstorming, etc. below the cut. enjoy!

(note: a lot of what I'm talking about is based on posts prince made under their #tzafael tag, so take a look at those if you haven't yet!)

thanks for joining me below the cut! here's the sketch without the colors as a treat (in case you want to color it yourself or something, idk).

notes about making the digital drawing:

holy shit this took me forever -- I was not kidding about forgetting how to make digital art lmao. I forgot how much less forgiving digital lines are and genuinely lost the spoons to even attempt lineart, hence just a sketch below the colors.

some of you might've seen the original sketch I sent to prince, which the digital version diverges from just a little. it's mostly the halo which I'll explain later, and I finally caved and drew the sixth eye (you can tell I drew and erased it multiple times in the sketch lmao -- still don't know if I prefer it with or without)

here's the original color ref by the lovely @gendermeh! my color scheme ended up looking really different, so some notes about that:

I was looking at references for magpies like this

and I wanted to basically follow that color scheme while also being somewhat similar to the original -- dark head/shoulders --> dark top of the jacket, bright blue wings --> bright blue bottom of the jacket, greenish tailfeathers --> green pants, hints of purple --> purplish sleeve and pant ends

I also tried (and mostly failed, let's be real) to capture the iridescence of the feathers -- they look like oil spilled on the pavement or iridescent hematite to me! I think the key ended up being adding bright greens/purples and roughly blending them into the blues or vice versa but I didn't really figure that out until I got to the pants lol.

I'm gonna be honest; I don't remember why I went with this shape for the tailcoat. I just remember being unhappy with the sketch and then trying a bunch of different shapes that mostly looked worse lol -- I think I landed on this because a split tail kind of looks like wings?

KEPT the shoes -- absolutely magnifique. I wish I knew how to color gold better.

added lots of jewelry! they like shiny things :)

ALSO PLEASE LOOK AND APPLAUD ME. I FINALLY REMEMBERED TO LABEL MY LAYERS!! NO I DON'T REMEMBER WHY THE HALO HAS ITS OWN LAYER.

alright, time for some more design notes/explanations + draft sketches!

but first, a couple disclaimers:

I want to make it very clear that I LOVE everything about the original design. I made a lot of changes based on personal preference/the way I interpreted the character. I was actually planning on making a digital piece that was more faithful to the original design too, but I was just out of spoons for it cause of life stuff.

you probably shouldn't try to read the notes I made in the sketches I'm about to show you unless I say otherwise. most of it is incoherent brain vomit in illegible artist handwriting and I'll transcribe/explain the stuff I think is important :) (the stuff in quotes are direct transcriptions of my notes)

I know my sketches are very messy lol. I only draw for fun, so I usually don't force myself to make stuff any neater than necessary unless it's supposed to be a formal piece. try to bear with me.

1:

my first few sketches of them! (I think?) this was before I sent prince a laundry list of questions so I was still trying to get a vibe

"magpie -- beak lips?" -- you'll see this in a few sketches; I considered giving them the lipstick design that velvette has since it looks like a beak. I still kind of think it's cute, but 1) I'm pretty sure velvette is the only character that has them, so I didn't want to make it seem like they were related somehow and 2) I thought it might be distracting with how much other crazy stuff I ended up including in their head/face

also, sidenote since it's relevant to what I said about vel: something I realized was important is how one character's design relates to the designs of the rest of the cast. I wasn't sure how much I should've gone for what looked good in a vacuum, how much should be based on what other characters looked like canonically, or what other characters would look like if I also designed them. it ended up being mostly the second option, but it was honestly still a struggle. should I take away some of the tumblr-sexyman-ness (no shade to tumblr sexymen; I love them) because there are other characters that already have it? should I relate their design to sera's and emily's in the show or should I think about how I would've designed sera and emily? should I follow some of the design philosophy of the original show and just throw stuff on there because it looks cool (the answer is yes btw)? decisions, decisions ...

I don't think this showed up really well in most of the drawings, but they actually have a black line down their nose! let's take a look at sera:

since they're siblings, I wanted to include some similar facial markings. the nose line ended up being the only thing I kept though -- I was going to include freckles, but I have a compulsive need to give every character giant bottom lashes so there ended up being no room T.T I like that the magpie's hints of purple kind of match hers tho!

the wingification of the hair begins! I was still unsure of it at this point, but it was an idea I had since I was kind of struggling with how straight the feathers were in the original.

"maybe the ones on their head count as wings (so only one main pair)" -- I originally just had the 2 pairs of wings on their head, so I was thinking of just giving them 1 pair on their back so there would be still be 6 total. also this middle drawing of them is meant to be their exorcist outfit (I wanted it to be a cross between what the other exorcists wear and sera's outfit)

at this stage, I was thinking of giving them more magpie-like characteristics, so I looked at some references and tried to emulate them in a more human design. this ended up being really awkward so I scrapped it, but I still like the idea that their exorcist mask looks like a bird (kind of like a plague doctor's)

2:

peekaboo! I love the idea of them using the wing hair to cover their eyes lol. (ended up using that idea for my own seraph OC since that's their biblically accurate purpose: to cover their eyes/faces in reverence/humility -- doesn't really fit with tzafael tho lol, so they show their face most of the time)

an eyeball in the bowtie -- pretty self-explanatory. the eyeball motif is important.

the one in the middle is just me practicing drawing the original design, and the one on the right is another exorcist outfit I think. I wanted to include the diamond motif/points that sera has on her dress (the diamonds on the bottom turn into eyeballs, which is why the final design also has eyeballs on tzafael's sleeves/pants)

3:

lots of notes on the side based on what prince said in response to my ask

"localized omniscience (power of sight) -- cool + ironic that their sight was supposed to serve God but made them see Heaven for what it really is instead"

another exorcist outfit, this time including the feathers

I was also experimenting with the halo; I was trying to make it look sort of like sera's crown, but that didn't feel right ...

some practice with eyes -- my style is pretty flexible with eye shapes, so I try to make them suit the character. I drew lute's eye and also an actual magpie's as references -- lute's because of the exorcist background and also because they looked appropriately sharp, magpie's for obvious reasons. once again, my compulsive need for giant bottom lashes strikes

there was honestly a lot to balance with the eyes -- I wanted them to look condescending/bored (lowered top lid) but also amused (raised bottom lid) and like a magpie (round) but also harsh/mischievous (sharp, maybe slit pupils like a snake) and similar to sera's (but not too decorated -- also does it make sense for them to look like sera's if emily's don't even look like sera's?)

considered having wings on the shoulders -- the magpie pattern is super cool, so it would've been nice to have that somewhere more explicitly in the design. I still think that might fit in an outfit they would wear in heaven (maybe for formal occasions)

the introduction of the sweatervest! honestly I kind of love this for the way it captures more of the preppy, spoiled old-money upper-class vibe some heaven residents have, but it was scrapped since I couldn't imagine them wearing that while trying to scare the denizens of hell. maybe something they wear casually though.

"yes nictating membrane (on every eye!)" -- AHH I'm so sad I didn't end up putting this to use. I just feel like the whole effect is based on actually seeing them blink, and I don't animate lol.

4:

ugh, the nefarious laughter one ... don't worry I tried harder on a sketch later on lol.

"like the diamonds on Sera + Em" + "diamonds turn into eyes?" -- I draw the diamonds on the sweatervest turning into eyes later.

tried an actual bow instead of a bowtie -- very cute but didn't fit the vibe.

a skirt! I think they would wear a skirt sometimes.

5:

"FUCK ASS BOB" -- asghdk the wingification of the hair continues. unfortunately, I'm realizing at this point that the silhouette of the hair is starting to look a lot like alastor's. I gave a very half-hearted attempt at mitigating this, but it goes back to the thing of how much I am obligated to the original show's designs and what looks cool to me -- I think the wing hair fits them and I didn't want to change it because of alastor, plus my alastor design actually has completely different hair anyway. I did add a third pair to the back to look like a ponytail though.

introduction of the scarf! I was actually going to include this in the final design but uh,,, I forgor. are you starting to see a pattern.

the reason for the scarf is that the "tzafael going to places they know they'll draw attention/can incite chaos" reminded me of that scene in avengers where loki walks into a fancy building looking pretentious af and just casually stabs a guy's eye out. not really the same thing but I felt like the vibe matched. hence, loki's funny little scarf fit.

6:

uaoughdfjh it was SO FUN to draw the wing hair, and it was at this point that I realized they had to stay even though I wasn't sure if it was too different from the original.

gossiping with rosie cause that's the first person I thought of -- tzafael also summoned a pearl necklace to clutch because of the sheer drama of it all (your ex-husband did what??)

also started drawing the rings on their hands. magpie like shiny.

7:

lots of notes cause I was trying to compile the things I still needed to think about/incorporate into the final (I thought this was gonna be the last draft ... haha)

trying to include more bird/eye motifs

"fish ... purse?" -- ha! I forgot I was gonna give them a fish purse. I think I drew that in a later sketch, but not them wearing it.

"picked up Hellish traits bc of extended stay -- existential crisis?" -- I asked prince about the sharp teeth, and their answer implied that they became sharp as they stayed in hell longer, which got me thinking ... I feel like that's actually a great body horror concept. lucifer falling and looking like a normal angel at first, eventually waking up to more and more devilish features and feeling more and more like he's lost his home and his past self ... spooky.

another exorcist outfit -- I actually really like the eyes on the ribs! I never made a final draft for the exorcist uniform, but it would probably look close to what I drew here.

the one on the bottom was meant to be similar to the feathered shoulder pad idea, but this time with the whole magpie (with giant eyes). tried putting the "freckles" (really just dots in this case) over their brows, but that ended up looking kinda weird.

the eye is pretty close to the final design

the one on the right was supposed to be the full final design, but I was totally off lol -- the long trench coat really doesn't give off the right vibe at all

8:

playing around more with the loki vibes of the scarf, also added an eyeball to the chest

I never got happy with the design of the back of the coat -- I think it should probably just be blank at this point. but the sketch here is meant to look like wings/tailfeathers.

yet another exorcist outfit, this time with more magpie motifs. I actually like this one a lot, but I probably should've added the eyes on the ribs from the last sketch. I think I also considered giving them actual tailfeathers at this point.

9:

thanks for sticking with me! I promise we're almost done. have a trans dinosaur I saw while I was travelling as a treat <3

10:

this is after I finished the sketch for the final piece and realized I didn't like the halo design. I drew lute's, sera's, em's, and adam's as refs. (honestly I love the show's idea that each person/people of each rank have a different kind of halo -- I wonder if they can switch them out?)

my main inspiration ended up being the exorcist halo, but I made it look more like an eyeball -- since it always points toward heaven, we can say it's always "looking" at heaven.

(also sera's feather lashes! they're so cute)

11:

EVEN MORE EXORCIST DOODLES

12:

tzafael shooing away my fox demon OC

13:

these are actually sketches for my own seraph OC (raguel), but I wanted to include it since it has even more wing/feather hair variations. I also think the idea of the eyelashes being feather-like could've been cool for tzafael.

14:

some more OG design doodles

tzafael and raguel together because self-indulgence is the name of the game babey (also wanted to draw tzafael freaked out with their wings flared)

(raguel's blind btw, hence asking for eyes -- tzafael has so many!)

you can probably read the dialogue here so give it a shot. I believe in you.

15:

you know what? the fish purse deserves some doodles

16:

putting them in Situations! I was reading over prince's posts again and I realized there were some funny things I could draw them doing/saying

again you can probably read the words here

angel dust also loves fish (but is apparently bad at taking care of them, hence the suffocating blobfish), so tzafael shows him their aquarium (complete with live fish and flora ofc)

I thought alastor was 8 ft but apparently he's 7.3 ft? so tzafael is enjoying the .2 ft they have on him

trying and failing again to come up with a design for the back of the jacket lol

THE crowley quote

apparently the halo still sends signals from the exorcists -- thought their reaction to the battle at the hotel would be funny

the nefarious laughter (take 2) that I promised -- based on a doodle of alastor viv did that I found

them being sad and curling up in a pile of shiny things like a dragon

OKAY I'M DONE. huge, huge thank you to prince for sharing their OC! this was a lot of fun and clearly inspired me a lot haha. please check out their writing; it's literally so good that I can't read anything else these days. I am chewing on their thoughts constantly.

this was an absolute monster of a post, so if you're still reading, I am both impressed and bewildered at your patience. I hope you enjoyed! (I certainly did!)

[lunastarnight]

Curts teeth

Another writing project, once again inspired by @turkeyinnovember. They made a post about a headcanon of theirs ( this one: https://www.tumblr.com/turkeyinnovember/717345318493110272/i-wish-i-can-just-shtpost-about-recreyo-and-not?source=share), so i tjought I might as well put my own little spin on it.

They had all just finished another scenario, and were now all sitting in their living room, just kinda excausted.

Curt and Christian were both on their phones, Curt playing some shitty mobile game to kill time and Christian looking through social media, Den was fidgeting with a pocket knife she had brought along, Ivan was still just kinda subconciously feeling where he had (once again) gotten stabbed in that scenario, and Kristine was holding an ice pack to her head, having hit it earlier.

But she was also staring at Curt. She had been wondering something for some time, finally unable to hold back and breaking the silence:

"So what's up with your teeth?"

Curt looked up confused. "My teeth?" he asked, thinking he might've just misheard her.

Kristine nodded, "Yeah, your teeth, why are they so weird?"

Curt looked confused, flashing his teeth for a moment. "The fuck are you talking about?" He looked to the others, hoping they could clarify what the fuck Kristine was trying to say.

Kristine vaguely gestured to him. "You know", she tried to explain herself, "why do they get so sharp sometimes?"

Christian laughed, speaking up. "Out of everything that happened, this is weird to you?"

Den shrugged. "Never really took the time to question it, figured it wad just some Multiverse stuff."

Ivan looked over with a small grin. "Gotta agree, sharp teeth aren't that big compared to some of the other stuff."

"Oh, that's what you meant." Curt shrugged. "No, not some multiverse thing or anything like that, this has always been like that, ever since I was a kid." Curt went back to his phone, nonchalantly adding "Probably just what happens when you're quarter Werewolf."

"Huh!?"

"Hm?!"

"What?!?"

The atmosphere in the room immediatally shifted, the other four staring at Curt, all of them having a different version of a mix of confusion and shock on their face.

Kristine spoke up first. "What did you just say?"Curt looked up at them again, raising an eyebrow. "What? Did I never tell you?" Chtistian sputtered in disbelief. "No! You kinda didn't." Curt seemed slightly apologetic for that, and quickly went to explain. "Oh, sorry. Well, my Grandma on my dad's side was a Werewolf, so with my dad being half a Werewolf, I'm quarter Werewolf."

They all just kinda stared at him, still very much confused. "You've never been gone on Full moon nights though.", Kristine muttered. "So what, you're immortal?" Ivan asked. "What, are you gonna turn us now that we know?" Christian said jokingly.

Curt held his hands up in the air, trying to get all of them to shut up. "Hold up, hold up, hold up, one thing after the other.", he said, looking to see if they were all paying attention, "First of all, how do you know I was never gone, did you watch me sleep or some shit?" Curt chuckled, interrupting Kristines sputtered attempt at defending herself as he continued. "But, the reason I was never away was, because I don't really have that transformation thing. Under 50 percent you typically loose most of the major Werewolf stuff like transforming into a Wolf or howling at the moon. Second, I'm not immortal, don't think any Werewolf is, they just have a longer lifespan, but since I'm more human, I will probably not live longer then any of you guys. Lastly, no, I won't. Even if I wanted to, the whole "turning people into Werewolfes" thing is kinda for actual Werewolfes, the only real Werewolf things I have are the teeth, slightly enhanced senses, and nightvision. So, even if I were to try, and bite one of you, the most that would probably happen is that'd taste bad."

They sat in silence for a bit, taking in the information, before Ivan perked up again. "What's that supposed to mean, do you think we aren't clean?"

Curt grinned, leaning back in his seat. "Honestly? Especially you, even just with all the stupid situations you're in every scenario, you probably sweat more then the rest of us, that can't taste good."

And with Ivan trying to defend himself, the usual banter continued as if nothing happened. Curts heritage had been a suprise, but honestly? As previously said, really not a big deal compared to what they were usually getting into, they'd be fine.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Kinou Nani tabeta. aka My Heart is Full aka I suck at titles

Let me just say before anything else. This is not a recap or a review. This is me feeling the need to write down my feelings because they are pouring out of me. This is more a personal note than anything else so skip it if that's not your thing.

I always watch this show on saturday mornings, with my coffee and breakfast, because it gives me a boost for the weekend. And I wanted to postpone the final episode as much as possible but I just couldn't. I gave in.

Second FYI. This will probably be incoherent and a mess because that's how I feel. Also, this fucking menopause (surgical, don't give me too many extra years) is really making a mess of my emotional state this week, so I'm all over the place. Also I might've had some wine. Also this may be a bit long. I think that's it.

How I got here

So, I've loved cinema since I was like 7. (yeah I'm going really back in time) Because my mom like films, she dragged to the cinema even when I was way too young for whatever was on. [ Fun Side note- The first film that I saw in the cinema was Bram Stoker's Dracula, when I was like 6, and my mum got into an argument with the cinema employee because" I am her mother, and I'll decide what she can or can't watch"and so I did watch it.]

So I always loved watching films, talking about them and eventually went to uni to learn how to make them. During that time, I went through a phase (which happened to a couple other people in my school) where I kinda got emotionally detached from the stories. I could only see the camera angles, the lighting, the editing, etc.

When I was done with uni, and had decided that editing was my favourite thing I started doing a bit of work in editing, mostly online stuff and a couple of ads in London, and 3 years later I was done. Obviously there were life factors and health factors that contributed to this, but still I left it all behind.

Then, I quickly went back to being able to watch stories with all the emotions.

Let's skip forward to present day.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? feel in my lap by way of my very first BL. Seven Days. I watched those films and went through all the emotions and needed more. More of that serotonin please.

So I got in research mode and that's when I found this wonderful world of BL and eventually this show.

Now, a little bit more about me, just in case you aren't sick of me talking about myself. I'm not a jolly person. If you asked anyone that knows me irl, they would describe me as someone who always thinks the sky is falling. However, I also love a lot of things deeply, and when it comes to things that I can't find a word big enough for it I call it magic. So I'll use it here.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? is magic.

If this show was a meal then the absolutely right ingredients were found, they were put in the hands of the best cooks and everything was prepared with love and care. This show that I love, was put together by people who love it, and couldn't not make it. This is what I believe. It's my kind of faith.

I've seen so many shows, I've loved so many of them, a lot of them touched me deeply. But only a few touched me this way.

When there is love in something, real care and empathy in the making of something, you can feel it, I believe. And I feel it so much watching this show. I get emotional just writing this.

I wish I could thank every single person that made this show possible. And we could argue all day about the quality of a show, its actors, writers or directors. I could argue why my favourite show is better than your favourite show, and why your show is more important than my show, and why that show failed and another succeeded. I will not argue about the importance of this show and my faith is unshakable.

Maybe because I love food so much and in my life my love filled moments were always around food, I connected at first with Kenji, because his reactions to food resemble mine. But this season Shiro stole my heart and soul. His quiet but profound way of loving Kenji made cry more than any sad scene ever could. And onions and chicken thighs will forever have deeper meaning in my kitchen. These two characters are so well written and so well acted, the words are so layered and so meaningful, that it's a miracle to me that it exists and that I got to watch it.

I'm sure other people will write much better posts about this show, and will probably be better (at a hell of a lot more on point) at writing about all the amazing things that this show has done. But I'm an emotional wreck and I could only write from a personal place today.

I'll be rewatching this show in it's entirety soon, because the evolution of these characters, Shiro specially, was such a joy to witness.

If you read this far, thank you. 💜

[nicolettecallednikki]

Not sure why I wrote this since I LOVE Steven and Taylor this season, but here's a fic about what might've happened behind the scenes last year leading up to their hook up at Nicole's party.

Sorry about the weird formatting.

Last Summer

Taylor Jewel and Steven Conklin don't exactly run in the same circles. He's a sophomore, and she's a freshman, not to mention his little sister's best friend, but for sure some reason he can't stop running into her at parties.

At first, he doesn't do anything about it. It's not his business, and if anything, he should just be glad that Belly isn't with her, but then he sees some guy- maybe a senior?- pawing at her, and, God, Taylor is such a shrimp. She barely came up to the kid's elbow, and that was with him- Steven didn't recognize him, but he had to be, like, a basketball player- basically holding her up, she was so wasted. So, he intervened.

"God, Steven," she huffed when he succeeding in practically dragging her to his car, "I'm not like Belly, y'know, I don't need a babysitter."

"Noted," he nodded reached over her to attached her seatbelt, when she didn't do it herself.

She's right, and he knows it. She was there with a group of- equally scantily clad- younger girls, she was clearly having a good time, and he had no real reason for pulling her away from Dex- that was the giant's name, and up close he was only a really big sophomore himself. As it turned out, Steven did know him, he'd let him copy his English homework throughout the eighth grade and Dex was happy to give up Taylor when asked, which was lucky, because he hadn't had a plan for if the guy had put up a fight.

After an initial struggle, Taylor had gone semi-willingly, not wanting to cause a scene, and for the thousandth time that night he was thankful she wasn't Belly, who surely would've thrown a fit.

Stretched over her, seatbelt in hand, Steven, totally involuntarily, caught a whiff of her hair.

Her shampoo smelled like strawberries, he noted with surprise. Most girls- Tania, who he'd just been kissing included- preferred coconut, but Taylor's hair smelled like strawberries, and Steven smiled and inhaled again. He loved strawberry; if it was socially acceptable for him to be using strawberry scented shampoo, he would.

"Steven, you weirdo," Taylor laughed, "Did you just sniff me?"

"No," Steven coughed, "Why would I do that? Your belt's just stuck."

"I dunno- maybe 'cause you love strawberries," Taylor giggled and added in a voice so quiet, he almost didn't hear it, "Maybe that's why I use this shampoo."

He buckled her and quickly took his seat. He stared at her for a moment; her eyes were trained out the window and she bit her lip, refusing to look at him. He drove her home without comment, but from them on he swore he smelled extra strawberry scents coming from Belly's room every time she was around.

--------------------------------------------------------------

At first Steven thought it was odd that Taylor was at every party he made it to- he wasn't a big party guy, he saved that for the summer when he didn't have school to worry about- but apparently it was less of a coincidence and more due to the fact that Taylor was just... at every party.

He knew her home life was shaky and he seriously doubted her parents checked her location like his did, but still, he thought it was odd how he'd see her on the couch with Belly at his house one minute and an hour later she'd be at a party, already a few drinks in. He was glad she didn't have a car, at least, and her older cousin had a lot of the parties anyway, so he assumed Taylor spent the night there, but sometimes he wondered how she got home from these things. Running from the cops with her friends was one thing, but running all the way home was another entirely. And who were these friends she was partying with? These weren't the girls Belly talked about from school, the nice girls on their volleyball team.

He hadn't meant for it to happen like it did- he hadn't meant for it to happen at all. Now she was a sophomore, almost 16, which seemed to make it better, but she was still Belly's best friend, and more than that- worse than that- he had a sneaking suspicion this meant more to her than it did to him. Still, even with the best of intentions, he was just a stupid teenage boy.

"Are you ever going to kiss me?" Taylor asked with a pout, from her perch on his lap. They were sitting on a lawn chair, next to a fire pit, and his friends on either side of him laughed.

"Excuse me?" he raised an eyebrow and it practically disappeared into his hairline.

"You heard me, Conklin," she looked around at the group, "If I was in your lap, you'd kiss me, right, Spike?"

"I'd do more than that, Jewel," the boy replied suggestively, and Taylor felt Steven's grip on her hip tighten imperceptibly.

"Let me up," she smacked his bicep, making little effort to actually stand, "Just because you don't want to have any fun, doesn't mean I can't."

He hadn't come out that night intending to kiss Taylor Jewel, but once he started, he couldn't seem to stop.

His friends whooped and hollered around them, mostly shouts of "Finally", and he could've swore he saw an exchange of money as if there'd been a bet about all this, but Steven turned over his overacting brain for once and just enjoyed himself.

It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving break, he was ahead on all of his assignments, he had a little beer buzz going, and he had a cute girl wrapped around him- he wasn't about to stop just because they had a bit of an audience. If it didn't bother Taylor- and if he knew her, it didn't- it didn't bother him. In the recesses of his mind he wondered vaguely if Belly would hear about this, but it was a small party and by the time they got back to school on Monday, he was sure no one would care. Plus, seeing Taylor hooking up was not exactly breaking news at this point, and he doubted anyone would make the connection between him and her and Belly.

Likewise, Taylor's mind was racing, but the boy in front of her smelled of clean soap and the air around them smelled of stale beer and fire pit smoke, so she pushed any thoughts out of her mind and sank deeper into him- the only boy who didn't chase her, the only boy who'd never call her Jewel. The only boy she ever wanted to.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A rare occasion Belly actually came out for was Taylor's birthday. Whichever of the volleyball girls had the biggest house hosted, and half the school turned out for the event. Steven was there, too, but he made sure to keep his distance from his sister and her friend, in an effort to keep their hook ups secret. Somehow, word still hadn't gotten to Belly, and he wasn't sure what would happen if it ever did, but they were having fun, dammit, and if Belly wasn't mature enough to handle that, that was her problem, not theirs.

His gift for the birthday girl was burning a hole in his pocket- Sweet 16 deserved some sort of present, even if it was coming from him as Belly's older brother, but he got distracted talking to a girl in his AP trig class, and by the time he found the girls, Taylor was hooking up with some senior and Belly was making eyes at him, indicating she was over the party and wanted to go home. She always got that way when Taylor was holding court, not that he could blame her.

"Later, Tay," they exchanged a side hug when she broke away from the guy she was with to say goodbye to Belly, "Happy birthday."

If she was upset about not getting anything from him, she didn't show it.

The next morning, he told Belly and his mom he was going for a run, and ended up outside her house, armed with a pair of strawberry shaped stud earrings and the hope that the guy from last night wasn't around.

"Happy Sweet 16," he kissed her cheek and she blushed prettily, suddenly shy in the light of day.

"Thanks, Steven," she said, putting them on right away, in her second piecing. Every time he tucked her hair behind her ear from that point on, it made him smile to find they were still there- if there ever came a day they weren't, he'd know it was over.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Taylor knew if she ever pushed him for more, that would be the end of them hooking up. The way things were, he could pretend not to know how she feels about him and excuse his behavior, but if she ever were to outright say how she felt– he would let her down gently, then it'd be done. So, she played it cool, kept it casual, out of self preservation, more than anything.

It was the same every time. They'd run into each other at a party- sometimes they'd hook up, but never go too far; sometimes she'd grind all over some guy right in his eye line, just to see if she'd get a reaction; sometimes he'd pull her off said guy, if he judged her too drunk, and took her home. She'd never admit it, but the last one was her favorite. Even more than when they were kissing- hands over clothes, no matter how she tried to push the line- when she was in his car, she felt like he cared about her. She liked that he cared.

The last time they hooked up was at a grad party two nights before the Conklins left for the summer. Taylor knew it wasn't their fault, but she sort of hated the Fishers for taking her best friend every summer, let alone... whatever Steven was to her.

But that night, in Billy Russell's backyard, they were in rare form. For once, Steven was the drunker- more drunk?- of the two, and couldn't keep his hands off her, not that Taylor was complaining. By now, it wasn't uncommon to see them hooking up, but usually Steven tried to be a little subtle, whereas tonight he'd actually wolf whistled when she came back from getting them drinks at one point. She'd sat curled up in his lap at the fire pit and he'd given her a hickey, which he would normally never do, and which she'd have to tell Belly- sweet, innocent, gullible Belly- was the result of a curling wand incident.

Then, at the end of the night he was too drunk to drive and didn't want her walking home alone, so they spent the night in Billy's basement, with like 12 other people. Even though he was drunk and they were pressed so close together Taylor could feel his heart beating, he still wouldn't lay a hand on her. Taylor didn't sleep a wink that night, too distracted by the weight of his arm slung possessively around her, but in the morning she hopped up as soon as it was light and took off for her house with the first group of girls to wake up. She didn't want to see his face when he woke up, she was sure he'd be embarrassed, probably even horrified, and she didn't want to hear him launch into an explanation about why this shouldn't have happened, couldn't keep happening, and would never happen again. They both had the lies they had to tell to themselves, it seemed.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Drew Martinez, huh?" Steven said, when Taylor walked out of Belly's room. He was standing in his doorway, across from his sister's, and must've heard their whole conversation.

"Jealous much?" Taylor narrowed her eyes at him.

"Why, is he your summer wish?" he countered, teasing.

"Only Belly makes summer wishes," she retorted, the part she'd never say out loud was that she couldn't be bothered with a summer wish, 'cause summers he was never here.

"You going out?" he changed the subject.

"The McCallan twins' party is tonight," she said by way of an answer- if there was a party, she'd be at it.

"Have fun," he gave her a tap on her head, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And try not to miss me too much this summer, Taytay."

"Tears on my pillow, Conklin," she rolled her eyes. She and Belly had been rewatching Grease for the four thousandth time while they packed her things.

He shook his head and turned back into his own room, Taylor momentarily caught off guard by how her flippant comment would probably end up coming true at some point this summer.

--------------------------------------------------------------

She felt a pit in her stomach when she heard Belly talking about the Deb ball, and the pit only grew when she heard about Steven and Shayla.

She wasn't surprised the siblings were obsessing over the lifestyle of Cousins' elite, but she'd hoped they'd get over it sometimes. Laurel was, like, the best, and Mr. Conklin was nice, too, but Belly was always waxing poetic about Susannah and even Taylor knew that Steven's snobbiness was a cover for his insecurity about their finances. What she hadn't expected was for Belly and Steven to trade her in for an upgrade, and so soon into the summer.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Wanna go upstairs and see if there's other bathrooms?" she'd asked it innocently enough. She really didn't expect anything to happen with Belly around.

Steven checked his phone again, and she choked back a groan. Adopting a teasing tone, she poked him, "Looks like Belly's not the only one on board with the fancy girls."

"Trust me, Tay," his groan was loud, "It's not all it's cracked up to be. This Deb thing is killing me."

"According to Belly you're super into this Kayla girl though," Taylor prompted.

Steven didn't bother correcting her, he knew her game well, and continued on, "She's great, she's- I've never met anyone like her before, but I'm not this guy."

Taylor swallowed thickly. Nothing hit quite like having your crush talk about another girl in front of you, but Taylor knew she'd set the precedent by bringing up at least a dozen different guys to Steven over the past year. Of course, she had been trying- in vain- to make him jealous and he was over here breaking her heart, but such was the nature of their relationship.

"What guy, Steven?" Taylor spoke sharply, "You're like Ivy League smart, you're nice, you always try to keep the peace between Belly and Laurel. As much as it, like, physically pains me to say it, you're a good guy."

"Well, we both know that's not entirely true," he teased, toying with her flower crown, "That it pains you, I mean. I seem to remember quite a few times you were more than happy to-."

"Steven," Taylor's eyes went wide, "Belly is here. She would- I don't know what she'd do."

"She's downstairs," he said, "Hear the singing? That's Jeremiah, I'm sure he's serenading Belly and that Cam kid as we speak."

"You guys should lay off Cam," Taylor shoved his shoulder, but left her hand there, "She finally likes someone besides Conrad, if anything you should be encouraging it."

"You're not wrong," he touched the hem of her pink dress, his face momentarily crinkling, "Is this the one you lent my sister?"

"That was a different one," Taylor assured him, "Why, do you like it?"

Steven nodded, his hand still on her hem, "You can't give her your clothes though. They don't- suit her, like they do you. You and Belly are two entirely different people, thank God."

"It's reassuring to know you don't think of me as the little sister type," Taylor leaned into him, and the dress hem went over his fingers.

"Taylor," he sucked in a breath, "Are you sure-"

"It's nothing we haven't done before," she teased, hooking her other hand behind his neck, "It can stay our little secret, right?"

He barely hesitated before slinging an arm around her waist and pulling her into his lap. Their lips crashed into each other, and before she knew it, she was airborne.

If Steven had one unspoken rule for them, it was no beds; he'd kiss her in a chair, on her porch swing, a kitchen counter, and evidently up against this dresser, but God forbid she ever try to go horizontal with him.

It's not like she's a virgin, and he knows she isn't, but he can't- won't- go there with her. He knows, deep down, even for Taylor, who acts like it's no big deal, it would mean something to her. It would change things.

While he's not a big guy, she's light enough to be carried the few steps across the room, her legs locked around his narrow hips. She grinds into him, trying to provoke him, but he sets her down with a thud, creating some space between them. She's mostly just being a tease, she knows he won't sleep with her, but that doesn't mean she won't enjoy make him a bit uncomfortable in the meantime.

--------------------------------------------------------------

They were caught. They were caught and Taylor was screwed, 'cause now totally Belly hated her, Steven would probably never look at her again, and she somehow had to find her way back to their friends' house, where she still had to stay the night. Awesome.

Taylor was attempting to simultaneously blend into the furniture and locate Jeremiah- the nicer, not to mention more promiscuous, of the Fisher boys would maybe see her side of things- when she felt a hand on the her shoulder.

"Ah!" she shouted inadvertently, when faced with Conrad Fisher. Taylor knew he was, like, Belly's ideal man and Steven's idol, and all that, but she'd always found him to be scary, and she definitely didn't want to talk to him about this.

"Sorry," he said, but his lips twitched into a grin.

"Are you going to yell at me?" she asked, for some reason feeling like she'd deserve it if he did.

"No," he said, "I was going to give you a ride, if that's alright?"

"How drunk are you?" she asked incredulously. He must've known what happened- he wouldn't be coming up to her if he didn't, but he was about the last person she'd expect to be sympathetic.

"Come on," he nodded in the direction of the door and she allowed him to lead her to his car, but not before he let Nicole know he'd be back later.

"How long have you guys been hooking up?" he asked after a moment of silence in the car.

"Steven told you about that?" she looked shocked rather than upset, which was an improvement.

"No," Conrad smirked, "But you just did."

She slumped lower in the passenger seat, but he shook her shoulder, "It's not a big deal, Taylor, people hook up all the time. Belly will get over it."

"Not likely," she frowned, "You of all people should know how Belly operates."

"Me of all people?" Conrad asked quietly. Every time he spoke he sounded like he was in pain.

She eyed him for a moment. She got what all the girls saw in him, he was cute, in that tortured, broody way that did nothing for her.

"You got to stop messing with my girl, Conrad," she sighed, defensive of her friend even when she was fairly certain she'd never speak to her again.

"Are you talking about me and Belly, or you and Steven?" he countered, side eying her.

"Touché," she cracked a little smile in spite of herself.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Belly and Taylor hadn't talked since last night. When Conrad had come to the house the first time, Cam's car was still parked in the driveway, so he took her for a milkshake to kill some time before circling back. Taylor had gotten cookies and cream, instead of strawberry.

Then, when he dropped her off, she'd creaked up the stairs and into Belly's room, fully expecting a showdown, but Belly was either suddenly a really solid sleeper, or she was faking it to avoid the inevitable. A tiny, stupid part of Taylor was happy Belly knew, that she didn't have to hide it. If anyone should understand inconvenient feelings, it was her best friend.

Still, Taylor packed her things- she suspected she'd be catching an earlier bus the next morning- and crawled into bed next to her, without a word.

There was a knock on the door the next morning as she packed the last of her things- toiletries, pajamas- and she wasn't sure who she was dreading seeing more.

She opened the door to find Steven, and suddenly her mouth was too dry to speak.

"That was-" she started, when Steven cut her off.

"That was a mistake," he said, "I don't want Belly to know it wasn't the first time."

Taylor's eyebrow crinkled in confusion. Hiding it was one thing, flat out lying was another thing altogether.

"You want me to lie to my best friend?" she said quietly, wanting to say, 'You want me to pretend we never happened?', but holding it in.

"We made a mistake, Taylor," Steven said, "We've been making a mistake. It wasn't- we should've never gone there, anyway. We were playing with fire, and it can never happen again."

Taylor felt her heart crumble a little at his words. There were a lot of outcomes she'd anticipated, for when it all hit the fan, but this wasn't one of them. She'd misjudged Steven. Clearly, if he could stand in front of her and tell her this, he wasn't the guy she thought he was. Maybe he never had been- maybe that was only who she'd hoped he was.

But whoever this was, it wasn't the boy who'd wrapped himself around her three weeks ago as he slept in Billy Russell's basement. It wasn't the boy who'd kissed her and walk her home and bought her the damn strawberry earrings she was wearing right now. She didn't know who this boy was, because the Steven Conklin she thought she knew would do a lot of things, but she didn't think he'd ever hurt her.

--------------------------------------------------------------

After seeing Taylor off, Belly faced her brother for another awkward conversation she'd been dreading.

"Can we not," Steven said, sensing her presence, "I feel bad enough as it is."

"She really likes you, you know," Belly narrowed her eyes at her brother.

Steven sighed and finally said out loud what he'd pretended to be blind to all along, "Yeah, I know."

[greenerteacups]

What do you think of Tonks and Remus? Wrong answers only 😒. No really, I mean he was older than her and he didn’t seem to love her half as much as she loved him. What are your theories, canon-fitted and otherwise, on their relationship? Do you think he used her?

Oh, they're beards! Next question.

I appreciate the prompt, because you've handed me a shiny free pass to go on a rant I've been holding in since reading Half-Blood Prince. Taking my preferences aside, I don't think he used Tonks, although I think the age gap ads a really unnecessary layer of skeeze to their relationship. To be clear: I like Remus with Sirius, but I don't need them to end up together to be happy. I just don't see why it's Tonks. We don't see their natural chemistry; there's no scenes of banter, I don't know what she likes about him or vice versa. I do know that she's desperately in love with him after Order of the Phoenix, and he... isn't, honestly. Or at least, he doesn't act like he's in love with her. I'm not saying this just to shit on Remus and Tonks; I'm saying this because if I did ship Remus and Tonks, I would be mad as hell at how hard I got short shifted in Book 6! I would not have been fed! That is not a romance arc! Which makes me think, you know, okay, then why are we here? Why is it this woman, i Ask Thee, Remus Lupin, whom you have decided to marry, even though you frankly have more chemistry with Severus Snape? Or, to reframe from an authorial perspective: the HP world is wide open, someone from childhood could walk back into his life, or someone from another school, or you can introduce another Marauders-Era character, or you can just come up with someone from whole cloth — why is it Tonks?

But then I thought: Tonks is intriguingly similar to Sirius in several ways. She's a disgraced Black, she's charming and charismatic, she's a skilled fighter, she's a jokester, she's generally kind and doesn't take herself seriously, she's a shapeshifter. There's a line in OOTP that says she never made prefect because she didn't have "the temperament," which suggests she might've been a troublemaker (not hard to believe). As someone who ships him with Sirius, and believes that their relationship is at least a little bit coded romantic, that all reads like Something to me. But even for strictly canonical purposes, those similarities are still hard to ignore, especially since Tonks begins pursuing Remus in the same year as Sirius dies. So it's a handful of months after he watches his last childhood friend get murdered that Remus is deflecting her advances, meanwhile he's in the middle of fighting a war, meanwhile everyone in his life is pushing them to get together Because Love or whatever the fuck, @ Molly, @ McGonagall for some reason, and it's not hard to imagine that he just... gives in.

He's lonely, he's scared, and here's this person who reminds him of his friend and is willing to freely give him affection and care, and like... to be real? I don't think Remus believes he's going to live that long past Sirius's death, anyway. He's talking about giving Tonks children, but that's stuff he says to her when he's trying to deter her from pursuing him; when he talks about himself, he uses a lot of words like "damaged" and "broken" and "[not] whole." Added to the fact that the First and Second Wars are both very bloody and he's an active fighter in several notable battles; added to the fact that if he's caught, his lycanthropy means he's a target for killing, since taking a werewolf prisoner is the kind of smart move that begs to lose wars; added to the fact that he's been undercover with werewolves for part of this year, which, though we don't hear about it outright, is obviously a move to isolate himself from his friends and cannot do good things for his mental health; all these things point to him being in a Very Dark Place during HBP, and puts him in a headspace where he might marry Tonks essentially to make her happy, because he can always console himself that she'll end up a widow and be free to go live her life after the war.

Is that using her? Yeah, I guess, in that he's entering the relationship on slightly less sincere terms than she is, and I think what he's getting out of it is much more basic and unsentimental than what she's getting; but in his defense, Tonks has sort of marshaled the Order of the Phoenix behind her on this, and we also don't see that she altogether... cares if he's in it for her? He rejects her like, twice at minimum, and she keeps pushing, which is— like, girl, do you honestly want to be in a relationship with someone who's rejected you twice? Who you had to badger into giving you the time of day? Why? We don't know; she just wants him. Which, again, is a very 23-year-old thing to do: it's object-oriented, it's not based in compatibility or long-term happiness or even mutual affection. She's acting like someone who hasn't been in a relationship before. Which, by the way, she might not have been! She's 23!!

Whether or not the Age Gap implies mistreatment, I don't really think it does; I mean, it is a Not Great Situation, and if I were Tonks's friend I would be yelling at her very loudly about why she should wait to date someone that much older than her, but Tonks is an adult. The fact that Remus was already at Hogwarts when she was born carries a certain squick factor (YMMV) but ultimately it's not accompanied by evidence of mistreatment or manipulation on his part. This is helped by the fact that we never (ever! at all!) see Remus pursue or flirt with Tonks, or give her any encouragement, which means their relationship feels DOA for a lot of readers, but also means that the element of older-man-seduces-younger-woman is nowhere in their relationship.

(That being said, while I've been trying to humanize/rationalize Remus's decision, he's still responsible for it. He's a grown ass man, and whom he dates is his choice. It doesn't matter if Molly Weasley's being annoying about it. You're 35. Act like a grownup. Don't date 23-year-olds.)

Tonks is a much less thorny case, because she's younger, and the books are more sympathetic to her. Plus, I mean, seriously: if you're a freshly-minted college-age guerrilla soldier in a horribly traumatizing war, probably haven't been on a date in a while, you've Been Busy, and this hot 30-something war veteran comes around a lot and laughs at your jokes, then — yeah! Girl, I get it! I'm on board with Tonks having a crush on Remus because it could have been a springboard for all sorts of ruminating about age, and power, and "want you" vs. "want to be you," and the social allure of older men, with all the potential for manipulation that opens up. None of that was explored, but that's a problem of execution, not concept.

In conclusion, I like Tonks a lot, and I think she's a pretty realistic rendition of a young woman in her early twenties who, like all young twenty-somethings, is exercising her inalienable right to make stupid-ass decisions and fuck up her love life. I will defend her for that seven days a week. I will not, however, defend the authorial choice to make everyone in her life complicit in that bad decision.

[this-daydream-is-dangerous-13]

Taylor can still support her boyfriend and be focused on her career (the same way Travis is). For how much longer will this fandom put her career on top of her personal happiness and life? She shouldn't sacrifice her personal relationships for the sake of her career or hide them.

Taylor shouldn't go into hiding or sneak around and not be seen with people just so 100% of the focus land on her career accomplishments. She's done more than enough hiding with YB. Probably the reason why she was also this public with Calvin was because she was tired of hiding with Harry, and to her, that was a breath of fresh air. I can imagine how suffocated she might've felt in the confinement of her home, sneaking around like a thief at night. Blondie is a people pleaser at heart and even if she might not want to be private as she claims to be, at the end of the day she is going to be convincing that she wants that privacy, for the sake of the person that she is with. I'm sure there's a part of her that really wants to go on a red carpet event with the person that she is with and be openly affectionate, but there was never anyone ever willing to take that step with her, so she let it go.

It's the fans' fault if her personal life becomes a major talking point, not hers. She's just living her life.

She did all the promo for 1989 many years ago. It's a super successful, beloved album that even with the amount of promo it got now, I bet it will surpass a million album sales in the first week of its release. The album generates buzz by itself anyway with all the hits. And also it's foolish to think that her being seen out and about at the football games it's not doing promo and it doesn't help in any way.

A few things here, Anon:

- “the fandom” is far from monolithic. For every person disliking this scenario there are many more who are super into it. And every variation in between. It’s totally fine that you fall into the latter part of the scale just as it is that I fall into the former.

- I do not think Blondie should have to go into hiding. How boring is that?

- We’ll have to agree to disagree about who’s directing the media focus; I don’t think it’s coming from the grass roots. Blondie—queen of strategic moves, always laser-focused on her career—is choosing to draw media attention toward her relationship over her upcoming album re-release right now. And I, personally, wish she were making a different choice because I think her music and legacy do not require this kind of boost from her personal life.

- Of course 1989TV is going to smash 1 million. It has very, very real potential to surpass the 1.287 million US. Domestic sales the original did back in 2014 in pure preorder sales alone (without streaming numbers, or non-preorders). That’s what I hope for for her (and why I wish she were talking about it more). What a massive validation of the whole re-recording process it would be.

- “She did all the promo for 1989 many years ago”like whaaaat? That was promo in a wildly different situation. Back then, she was trying to convince consumers/the recording industry that she could be a successful crossover/convincing pop artist. What she is selling, nearly a decade later, is a different product in all its similarity. Adding to the beloved album while trying, at its heart, to dislodge and replace something that still routinely charts songs 9 years later. I would think that something that entrenched? Could benefit from targeted, personal boosts from its maker, non?

I have not always been a fan of Blondie’s romantic partners, or her business choices. I still throw my hard-earned money at her and maintain a fan blog largely about her. I contain multitudes, as do we all. Unexamined devotion is not an entry toll to partake in any fandom, hers included. I actually think blind, unexamined devotion in anything is potentially dangerous.

I can see/appreciate her happiness while struggling with the conditions under which it comes.

I do appreciate your willingness to share your diverging viewpoint and the fact you have done so articulately AND without saying terrible things about me as a person.

Thanks for reading and for the ask.

[bjfinn]

ONE LAST CHANCE

"Beetlejuice"/"School of Rock"/"Deadbeat" crossover!

"Have any of you seen Lydia?" Charles asked when he and Delia came into the attic. "She didn't come down for breakfast, and she's not in her room."

"No," Barbara replied, shaking her head, "we haven't seen her since yesterday."

"She didn't say anything about going out?" Adam asked.

"Not a word," Delia answered. "The last time we saw her was last night, when she went to bed."

"It's not like her to do this kind of thing," Charles added. "She's a smart girl -- she knows how dangerous it can be to go out without telling anyone." He took out his phone and called his daughter's cell.

"You got me," her recorded voice said. "You know what to do."*Beep*

"Lydia, where are you? Lydia? Lydia, answer the damn phone!"

He shook his head. "She's not answering. Damnit!"

"What can we do to help?" Adam asked.

"BJ!" Barbara exclaimed suddenly. "Maybe he knows --"

"Hi, guys!" the demon said, appearing. "You called?"

"BJ! Am I glad to see you!" Charles exclaimed.

"Really?" Beej said, instantly wary. "Why?"

"We need your help," Barbara told him. "Lydia's gone."

"Gone? Gone where?"

"We don't know," Delia said. "That's why we need your help."

"Did she say anything to you?" Charles asked. "If she was planning to go somewhere?"

The demon shook his head. "No," he replied. "She didn't say anything to me." He frowned. "Where do you think she went?"

"That's what we're asking you! " Barbara told him.

"Well, I know that, Barbara! " he shot back, red streaking through his hair. "I just wondered if anyone had any ideas, that's all! Jeez! Can't a guy ask a simple question?"

"Can we all just focus on the problem?" Adam cut in. "Lydia's missing, and no one knows where she is!"

"Right," Beej said. He frowned and gave Barbara a sidelong look. "Some people just can't stay on topic."

Barbara curled her lip angrily and raised her fist. The demon flinched. "Okay, okay! What were we talking about?"

"Lydia," Charles said.

"Right. What about her?"

"She's missing!"

"She is??? Anybody know where she went?"

"Beej, I swear I'll tear you apart!" Barbara growled.

"This is getting us nowhere," Charles said, exasperated. "BJ -- did she say anything to you last night? Anything at all?"

"Well, she was feeling pretty down -- missing her mom," he replied. "She said that she needed, uh ... clover."

"Clover?"

"No," Beej said, shaking his head. "That's not right -- not clover. Something that sounds like clover."

"Closure?" Barbara suggested.

"Closure! That's the word!" Beej said, snapping his fingers and pointing at her. "I knew it'd come to me!"

"Good job," Adam told him with a wry grin.

"Thanks!"

"We've got to find her," Charles said.

"But where do we start?" Delia asked.

"Do you think she might've gone to the Netherworld to try to find Emily again?"

Beej thought about that for a moment. "Well, she does know how to get there," he pointed out. "But why would she? She didn't find her last time."

"Lydia's stubborn," Charles told him. "Just because she didn't succeed last time, doesn't mean she wouldn't try again."

"I guess you guys want me to go back and look for her," Beej grumbled.

"None of us can go -- we won't be allowed to come back," Adam reminded him. "It has to be you."

Beej let out a loud sigh. "Fine -- I'll go."

"Thank you," Charles said, as Delia threw her arms around the demon.

*****

Lydia sat slumped against the window, feeling the vibrations of the Greyhound bus as it travelled south.

She wasn't sure what she was hoping to find when she got to New York, but she figured that if there was anywhere she could find help, it would be there.

Before her father had moved them to Winter River, she'd heard about this guy who was a medium -- the real deal, apparently. Kevin Pac-something-or-other. He had been starting to get pretty well-known, and she hoped that she'd be able to find him. Somehow.

All she wanted, really, was a chance to tell her mother "I love you" one last time. And to hear her mother tell her that. One last time.

A tear ran down her cheek. "I miss you, Mom," she whispered, staring out the window as the trees rushed past.

*****

"Hey, Tina!"

"¡Dios mío! BJ! What are you doing back here?"

"Lydia's gone missing," he explained. "We thought maybe she came back here to try and find her mom again -- have you seen her?"

The ghost of Miss Argentina shook her head. "No, no la he visto desde la última vez. Do you really think she would return to the Netherworld after the last time?"

Beej shook his head. "I hope not," he replied.

"I will ask around," she told him. "Maybe someone else has seen her. I'll tell everyone to be on the lookout for your friend -- if she is here, we will find out."

"Gracias, mi amor," Beej said. "I'll keep looking, too."

"Ten cuidado," Tina warned. "Your mother may still be in processing after you killed her, but she has eyes everywhere. It is not safe for you, either, BJ."

Beej nodded. "I know," he agreed. "But I have eyes everywhere, too."

"Then a kiss for luck," she said, smiling, and gave him a peck on the cheek, turning his hair pink. "¡Vaya bien, mi amor!"

"¡Hasta la vista, baby!" he said, and vanished.

"Espero que sí," the ghost said softly. "Buena suerte, mi amigo."

*****

"Next stop Port Authority Bus Terminal," the driver announced. "New York City."

Lydia grabbed her backpack and disembarked with the other passengers, stepping out into the city that had been her home for the first sixteen years of her life. She took a deep breath of the city air, so different from that of small town New England.

"All right, girl," she said to herself. "What now?"

*****

"I checked Lydia's room," Delia said. "Her backpack and some of her clothes are gone. And so is the money she got for her birthday -- she was saving that for something special!"

"Would she need money or a change of clothes in the Netherworld?" Adam asked.

Barbara shrugged. "Maybe she thought she would. It's not like she could have looked up any travel advice on Expedia."

"Of course!" Charles exclaimed suddenly. "She went to New York! Back home -- I'm sure of it. We need to call the police and have them put out an amber alert."

*****

"Hey!" Beej said. "You remember my friend Lydia, right?"

The other nodded his tiny head silently -- he was an explorer from the 1850s who'd been killed by natives in the Amazon. His head had been shrunk and the lips sewn shut, so of course his ghost was unable to speak.

"Have you seen her around here lately?"

The ghost shook his head.

"Okay," Beej said. "Well, keep an eye out, and if you do see her give me a holler -- oh, sorry. My bad."

He continued on his way, and soon he came across the skeleton crew. But none of them had seen Lydia, either. Beej started to doubt that she'd come back to the Netherworld at all.

*****

"The police have put out the amber alert," Charles told the others when he got back from the station. "I gave them her photo and a full description, and I let them know that she might've gone to New York, possibly by train, probably by bus."

"That's good," Delia said.

"What can we do to help?" Adam asked -- over the past several months, he and Barbara had come to love Lydia as much as if she were their own daughter.

"Could you search around town just in case we're wrong about New York?" Charles suggested. "You're ghosts -- you can probably do it faster than we could."

"Good idea," Barbara agreed, and she and Adam vanished.

"I'm really worried, Charles," Delia said, hugging him.

"Everyone is looking for her," he reassured her. "We'll find her. Everything's going to be all right, you'll see." He hoped he wouldn't be proven wrong.

*****

"Sorry, guys," Beej said when he returned to the Maitland-Deetz house. "There's no sign of her down below -- no one's seen her. Not yet, anyway. If anyone does, they'll let me know." He looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"Thanks for trying, BJ," Charles replied. "But we think she may have gone to New York -- she took her birthday money and some clothes."

"New York, huh? Maybe Dewey could help look for her."

"Do you think he would?" Delia asked.

"Of course -- he's my pal!" Beej told her. He held up two crossed fingers. "We're like this, me and him!"

"We think she probably took a Greyhound bus," Charles said. "That goes to Port Authority station in Manhattan. Right near Times Square. He should start there."

"Port Authority, Manhattan, Times Square -- got it." He vanished, but then reappeared almost immediately. "Be right back!" And he was gone again.

*****

"Beej?" Dewey Finn said when he saw Beetlejuice waving at him from the bathroom mirror. "What the ... what are you doing here?"

"Dewey! Buddy!" Beej exclaimed from the other side of the mirror. "Good to see you! Let me in -- I got a favour to ask you."

"Uh, yeah ... sure, come on over." Dewey stepped aside as the demon came through the glass -- seeing his friend do that always freaked him out a bit, but not as much as he would've thought. "I just got out of the shower," he explained.

"God, you're hot," Beej said.

"Beej," Dewey chuckled. "I told you I'm not interested."

"I know, I know -- but you can't blame me! I mean, you're the one wearing a towel!"

"Right," he said, and pulled on his underwear before removing the towel. He continued getting dressed as Beej told him the reason for his visit.

"It's Lydia -- she's missing. We think she's coming to New York, and we need you to see if you can find her."

Dewey's eyebrows shot up. "Uh ... you do know how big New York is, right?"

"Well, of course I do -- I'm not an idiot!" the demon replied. "But we have an idea where to start."

"Okaaay. Where?"

"Port Authority station," Beetlejuice told him. "It's in --"

"Manhattan, I know -- I live here, remember?" He ran his fingers through his still-wet hair. "Uh ... okay, yeah. Sure. I'll look for her. When did she leave?"

"Well, I don't know!" Beej said testily. "Some time before breakfast."

"Okay, uh ... well, all right. I better get going, then!" He grabbed his coat and the keys to his van. "You coming?"

Beej shook his head. "No, I better get back. I'll check in with you later to see if you found out anything."

"Yeah, okay. Later."

Beej vanished, and Dewey ran out the door of his apartment.

*****

Lydia sat on a bench in the station, trying to figure out her next move. How was she going to find one guy in a city of eight and a half million people, especially when she didn't even remember his last name? Kevin Pac-whatever might be a bit of a celebrity, but that didn't mean that he was a household name.

"Pagliaro? Pascarella? Pacini?" She growled in frustration. "What's his name? "

Just then, she heard her name coming from one of the televisions. She listened closely.

"... in the New York City area. To repeat, an amber alert has been issued by the Connecticut state police for Lydia Deetz ..."

Shit! she thought. I need to get out of here NOW!

She got to her feet and, trying not to draw attention to herself, left the station.

*****

"Dewey's in," Beej reported. "He's gonna look for Lydia in New York."

"Thank you, BJ," Charles said, relieved.

"What else can I do to help?"

"I don't think there's anything else that any of us can do at this point except wait for news."

"I hate waiting," Beej said. "That's all you do in the Netherworld is wait."

"Nobody likes waiting," Delia told him, "but sometimes it's all you can do."

*****

Dewey must've ran fifty red lights and set a new land speed record getting to the station. He brought the van to a screeching halt and jumped out, and collided with a teenage girl dressed all in black.

"Jeez, mister!" she said. "Watch where you're going!"

"Sorry," Dewey said. "I'm in a bit of a hurry. I need to find a girl."

"I'm sure you'll find someone," she replied snidely.

"No, I mean ... uh, I'm looking for a specific girl. She's a friend of a friend of mine. She's missing, and I, uh ... hey! Are you Lydia? Lydia Deetz?"

"No, I'm Claire."

"I'm Dewey -- Beej's friend! I know he told you guys about me."

"I don't know any Beej," she replied warily.

"Look, I'll prove it! Uh, okay ... Beej is a demon -- well, half-demon half-ghost, actually, and he forced you to marry him so he could become human but then you killed him and sent him back to the Netherworld but then his mom tried to take you back to hell 'cause you'd been there to try to find your dead mom but then --"

"Dewey??? Holy jeez, is it really you??? " And she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Uh, yeah ... it's, uh, nice to meet you, too! What the f-- uh, heck are you doing here?"

"I came looking for a medium," she said.

"A medium what?"

"You know -- a guy who can talk to dead people."

"Oh! Oh, right! 'Cause of your mom!"

Lydia nodded. "I just want to tell her I love her one more time."

"Well, there's lots of mediums in New York," Dewey said. "Most of 'em are fakes, though."

"I know. But I remember a TV show a while back about this one guy who's the real deal -- Kevin Pac-something."

"Kevin Pacalioglu?"

"That's it!" she exclaimed. "You've heard of him?"

"Uh, yeah," Dewey said. "We went to school together."

"No way! " she exclaimed, pushing him. "Are you guys still in touch?"

"Not really, but I know where to find him -- let's go!"

*****

"I hate waiting," Beej said again. He'd been pacing the attic for the last five minutes. "I gotta do something -- my best friend is missing! She could be dead in a ditch somewhere, or captured and sold into slavery!"

"I'm sure none of those things have happened," Adam replied.

"Really??? How do you know that, Adam???" Beetlejuice angrily closed the space between them. "How do you know that my best friend in the whole world isn't in some billionaire muskrat's harem right NOW??? "

"BJ! Calm down!" Barbara told him sternly. "Yelling at Adam doesn't help Lydia!"

"You're right, you're right," the demon acknowledged, chastened. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," Adam said, putting a comforting hand on Beej's shoulder. "We're all worried about her."

"I'm gonna go help Dewey find her," Beej said suddenly.

"That's a good --" Barbara began, and then he he was gone. "-- idea," she finished.

*****

"Hey, Dewey, I thought I'd come back and -- LYDIA!!! You found her!" Beej hugged her tightly, lifting her off her feet and twirling her around in a circle. "Thanks, buddy! I knew I could count on you!"

He set Lydia back down. She reeled slightly and regained her feet. "Come on, let's get you home -- everyone's worried sick about you!"

She shook her head. "I can't go back yet, Beej -- I have to talk to my mom one last time. And Dewey knows someone who can help me do that."

"Lydiaaaa!!! " Beej wailed. "Come on! You gotta come back with me!"

"No! Not until I see Kevin, uh ..."

"Pacalioglu," Dewey supplied.

Beej's hair turned purple for a moment, and streaks of red began appearing. In response, Lydia crossed her arms, glaring defiantly, and turned her back on him.

"WHY ARE YOU SO STUBBORN???" Beetlejuice roared. Then he sighed loudly and said, "Okay, fine! We'll go see this Pocahontas guy --"

"Pacalioglu," Dewey corrected him.

"Yeah, okay, whatever -- but then you're coming home with me, young lady!"

*****

"He works at a newsstand? " Lydia asked, incredulous.

Dewey nodded. "I know -- it's weird," he said. "But I know Pac. He's not in it for the money."

"Okaaay -- if you say so."

They arrived at the aforementioned newsstand, which had a sign on the front: Medium for Hire. The guy running it was about six feet tall -- a good five or six inches taller than either Dewey or BJ, but chubby like both of them -- and he was wearing a knit cap over his longish, unkempt brown hair and a zippered cardigan over a Def Leppard t-shirt. His beard was scruffy, and he basically looked like he was about six hours away from becoming homeless. But his blue eyes were kind, and Lydia trusted him immediately.

"Dewey? Is that you? " the guy said when he saw them.

"Hey, Pac," Dewey said, grinning. "How've you been?"

"Jeez, it's been, what -- two, three years? How you doin', man?"

"I'm good -- I'm the music coach at Horace Green now."

"I heard -- you almost won the Battle of the Bands! Impressive!"

"Yeah, the kids are amazing. We're gonna win next year for sure."

"No doubt." The guy looked at Lydia. "So who's your friend?" he asked.

"Oh, right! This is Lydia," Dewey said. "Lydia, this is the guy you've been looking for -- Kevin Pacalioglu."

"Call me Pac -- it saves time." He held out his hand, and Lydia shook it. "Uh ... why were you looking for me?"

"I was hoping you could help --" she began, but was interrupted by Beej's arrival.

"Sorry, guys," he said. "I thought I saw someone I knew and --" he stopped short when he saw Pac.

"This is the guy???" Beej snarled, his hair instantly going scarlet.

"What the fuck is he doing here???" Pac exclaimed.

"Wait -- what?" Dewey asked. "You two know each other?"

"Yeah," Beej grumbled. "Tried to turf me outta my home!"

"You were squatting!"

"I was homeless! "

"You're a demon! "

"SO? YOU SAYIN' I DON'T DESERVE A PLACE TO LIVE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE???" Beej roared.

"NOT IF YOU'RE GONNA SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF EVERYBODY ELSE!!!" Pac bellowed.

"I'M A DEMON! IT'S WHAT I DO, ASSHOLE!"

"YEAH?" Pac replied. "WELL, THIS IS WHAT I DO!" And he took a swing at Beetlejuice.

"HA!" Beej gloated. "YOU MISSED M--" Pac's next punch caught him by surprise, a solid blow to the nose that rocked the demon back on his heels.

"YOU WANNA GO??? " Beej thundered, balling his fists. "COME ON, LET'S GO! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS JUST LIKE I DID THE LAST TIME!"

"I'M THE ONE WHO KICKED YOUR ASS, REMEMBER?" Pac raged. "AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!"

Dewey stepped in between them and put a hand on each combatant's chest, holding them apart. "THAT'S ENOUGH!" he commanded. "KNOCK IT OFF, BOTH OF YOU! NO ONE'S KICKING ANYONE'S ASS!"

Once they'd calmed down somewhat, he let his hands down. "Now then," he began, but Pac and Beej lunged at each other again, and he got caught in the middle and was forced to defend himself. The three of them tumbled to the sidewalk, grunting and punching and grappling, each of them showing off their complete lack of combat skills, all three yelling at each other to let go.

Meanwhile, this being New York, the passersby just passed by, ignoring them. It was like something out of a Three Stooges or Marx Brothers movie.

God, they're idiots, Lydia thought, rolling her eyes.

"ENOUGH!!! " she shouted. The three men -- well, two men and a half-demon -- froze in mid-battle. They disentangled themselves and got to their feet, brushing themselves off and looking suitably embarrassed. And even more dishevelled than before the brawl. Pac retrieved his hat from the sidewalk and put it back on.

"Okay, then," she said. "Now, the three of you are going to behave -- there will be no more name-calling, or arguing, or fighting!"

"He started it," Beej muttered. His hair was purple now.

"Beej," Lydia warned.

"Okay, okay." But he continued to glare at Pac. Pac stuck out his tongue at him.

"Lydia's right," Dewey said. "We all want the same thing -- to help her talk to her mom."

"Wait -- what?" Pac interjected. "That's why you guys are here?"

"Lydia said she heard about you a while back, and I told her that we went to school together."

Lydia nodded. "You're for real, right?" she asked. "Not just another con artist?"

"Yeah," Pac replied. "I can see ghosts. I'm for real."

"A for-real asshole," Beej muttered, and Lydia glared at him. "Okay, okay!" he said , hands raised to ward off her wrath. "I'm sorry, all right? Jeez!"

"So you wanna talk to your mom?"

Lydia nodded. "She died last year," she told him. "I miss her so much -- I just wanna hear her say she loves me one last time."

Pac frowned. "Uh, I'm not sure I can help you," he said. "What I do is I help ghosts with their unfinished business so they can cross over." He narrowed his eyes at Beej. "And sometimes pest control."

Beej gave him the finger, and Pac gave it right back to him.

"If your mom's crossed over, then I don't know how I can contact her for you."

"You can try, though -- right?" Dewey asked.

"Yeah, sure -- I guess," Pac replied. "Maybe we could try holding a seance ... but I can't promise it'll work."

"Okay, well, we'll give it a try, right?" Dewey said. "So, uh ... how do we do this?"

"Well, we're gonna need something that belonged to Lydia's mom," Pac told them. "A personal object -- a piece of jewellery, maybe."

"I have my mom's wedding ring," Lydia said. She pulled the silver necklace out from the front of her dress and showed them the ring that was threaded on it. "She left it to me in her will."

"Perfect," Pac said. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to have a photo of her as well, would you?"

Lydia nodded. "In my wallet."

"All right, then! So I'll head back to my place and get things set up, and you can come later -- say around eight?" He wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to Dewey. "Here's my address."

"Sounds good," Dewey said, looking at what Pac had written. He folded the paper and tucked it into his wallet.

"Okay!" Pac said with a grin. "See you soon!"

*****

They arrived at Pac's Brooklyn apartment at around ten to eight. Pac opened the door and Dewey and Lydia entered, but when Beej tried to come in, he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried.

"What's wrong, Beej?" Lydia asked.

"There's something stopping me," the demon told her. "I can't come in -- he's got some kinda anti-demon spell on the doorway."

"Pac," Dewey said, "come on, man."

Pac looked confused. "What? No, I -- ohhh! Shit, I forgot!" He removed a small bundle of feathers and what looked like chicken bones from the door frame and tossed it into the trash. "Sorry -- I had some trouble with a voodoo spirit a couple of months ago. Needed some protection."

Beetlejuice glared at Pac as he came in. Pac stuck his tongue out at the demon. Beej returned the gesture.

"Play nice, you two," Lydia said.

"Yes, ma'am," they chorused.

"Okay," Pac said as his three guests sat at the kitchen table, Beej flanked by Lydia and Dewey -- no one wanted him and the medium sitting next to each other. There was a Ouija board in the centre of the table, and Pac placed a white pillar candle next to it and lit the wick, turned off the light and took his seat. Lydia placed the photo of her mother on the table in front of her and set her mother's wedding ring on top.

"Uh ... I think now we should all hold hands." Once they were all linked, he started the seance.

"All right, uh ... I'm not really sure how to do this, but here goes.

"We're gathered here tonight --"

Beej snickered.

Pac shot a glance at the demon. "Nah, that's not right." He cleared his throat and started again. "We call upon the spirit of Emily Deetz to come before us. Emily, your daughter is hurting, and she needs to see you again -- come to us if you can."

Nothing.

"Emily, please --"

Beej farted. "Sorry," he said.

"Emily?" Pac continued. "Are you there? Look, Lydia came all the way from Connecticut to find me so I could help her contact you -- I really don't wanna let her down."

Still nothing.

"Come on, Emily -- talk to us. I know you can if you want to."

The silence from the other side was deafening.

"I know you love your daughter," Pac said. "Come on -- can't you see she's in pain? Give us a sign -- anything to let her know that you're here with us."

"Mom?" Lydia said. "Please -- I really need to see you one last time. I need to know that you're ... that you're all ri--" Her voice cracked, and she broke down in tears.

Dewey and Beej put their arms around her.

"I'm sorry," Pac said.

"It -- it's okay," Lydia told him. "Thanks for trying."

"Isn't there something else we can do?" Dewey asked. "Some other way --"

"It's me," Beej broke in. "I'm the reason it's not working. It's because I'm a demon -- that's why your mom hasn't shown up." His eyes welled up with tears. "It's my fault."

"No!" Lydia protested. "Beej, it can't be your fault -- you're my friend!"

"Yeah," he said. "But I'm a demon. And that's why I can't be here -- I have to go."

"Beej, wait --" Dewey began.

"You make sure my friend talks to her mom," the demon told Pac, who nodded in reply.

"I'll see you soon, kid," Beej said, and disappeared.

Lydia sobbed even harder.

"Okay," Pac said when her tears had subsided. "Let's try it once more." He nodded at Lydia for her to try again.

"Mom?"

The candle flame flickered briefly. Dewey and Pac glanced at each other.

"Mom, can you hear me?"

The flame flickered again.

"I know it's hard," Pac continued. "But it's really important to Lydia. Are you able to come back, just for a bit?"

The flame went out.

"Shit," Pac said. "I'm sorry, Lydia -- I guess it was --"

He was cut short by a glowing orb of light that was taking shape in the darkness. The three of them watched, stunned, as the luminescence resolved itself into the form of a woman with blonde hair.

"Holy crap!" Dewey exclaimed.

Lydia jumped to her feet. "Mom? Is that you?"

"I've missed you, Pumpkin," the ghost of Emily Deetz said, smiling and putting her arms around Lydia.

"Oh, God, I've missed you too!" Lydia said, sobbing anew and hugging her mother. "I -- I love you so much, Mom! It's so hard without you!"

"I know, baby -- I wish I could have come back to comfort you, but I couldn't. Not on my own. Not after I went into the light. But I've been aware of everything you've been going through. I was so worried when Betelgeuse made contact with you! A demon, going after my daughter! But it seems I was wrong about him, wasn't I? He's been a good friend to you these past months."

Lydia nodded. "He's my best friend."

Emily smiled. "I know -- he even left so that I could come and see you. He put you before himself. That's a real friend." She stroked Lydia's hair. "And the Maitlands, too -- they love you like their own daughter." She kissed the top of the girl's head. "You're not alone, Lydia."

"I know that now, Mom."

"And I want you to know that I'm always close by, even if you can't see or hear me, or feel my touch. You're my daughter, and I love you with all my heart. And that's something that even death can't end."

Fresh tears streamed down Lydia's cheeks.

"I have to go now, baby," Emily said gently.

"No! Mom, please! I -- I still need you."

"I love you, Lydia."

"I love you, too, Mom," Lydia said, her voice breaking along with her heart as her mother's ghost once again became an orb of light and gradually faded away, leaving them in darkness.

Dewey hugged her tightly, and Pac placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Then the candle flame burst into life once more, startling the three of them.

Lydia smiled through her tears. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you both so much."

"Are you gonna be okay?" Dewey asked.

Lydia nodded. "I'll be fine -- I got to see my mom again, and I know she's all right." She looked at the two of them. "And she was right -- I'm not alone. I've still got my dad, and Beej, and Delia, Barbara and Adam. And now I have you two."

Dewey grinned. "Yeah, you're not getting rid of us that easily -- is she, Pac?"

"Any time you need me, just give me a call."

"How'd it go?" Beej asked, popping back in.

"I got to talk to my mom, Beej!" she told him gleefully. "I wish you could've been here to meet her, though."

"Yeah," the demon said. "Me, too."

He threw his arms around Dewey. "Thanks for helping, buddy," he said.

"Any time," Dewey replied.

Then Beej looked at Pac. "I don't like you," he growled.

"Well, I don't like you, either," Pac told him.

"But you helped my very best friend in the whole world, and that means a lot to me. Maybe you're not such a bad guy after all." And he put his hand out.

Pac hesitated, and then he shook the proffered hand. "You put Lydia ahead of yourself," he said. "Maybe you're not such a bad guy either."

Beej looked at his wrist, as if he was wearing a watch. "Look at the time! We better get you home, Lydia. Bye, guys!" And then they were gone.

Dewey looked at Pac. "You deal with this kinda thing all the time?"

Pac nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

Dewey shook his head in amazement.

"So, uh ... you wanna go catch up over some beers?" he suggested.

"Sounds good," Pac replied. "You can tell me all about how you ended up being friends with a demon."

[threeshotsofespressou]

Arien/Ballister headcanons

This is just a thread of headcanons with Ballister and Arien, an OC made by goldenheart-supremacy. Bro also made fics and arts so go check them, they are really nice to read. Helped me with my headache. First one is focused on Goldenheart, second one includes more stuff with Arien.

Also this post is bloody subjective so I'm not claiming that it would happen if Arien was real.

(also I'm writing it while being sick so It might lack logic)

So there's my impression of dynamics between Ballister and Arien

Throughout fanfic, Arien helps Ballister with flowers, even though at the time Bal had not so good reputation. He does it with "Ugh, fine" attitude since it means actually doing something. But the thigh is, he becomes one of those people who can see the real side of Ballister, even though he doesn't interact with him as much.

Therefore, I think his attitude towards Ballister will obviously change. And for me personally it would change from "Neutral" (you exist, but I don't really care) to "Positive neutral" (you exist, and I'm okay with this).

So at the moment when Ballister hugged him after all his help, I'm sure he didn't really mind it and was pretty much like "Mm, It's fine". I'm also convinced that he pushed Ballister off himself is bc Ambrosius was watching, so the more they stayed like that, more headache he will gain himself in the future. Maybe if Ambi wasn't there, he either will wait for him to let go or will ask "You're done?" if he wears out of patience.

I also think that he might've help him sometimes, not straight up but still. For example: - He might've seen Ballister sneak up to train more, but if guards asked him, he will say he saw nothing (although he might just think "snitches get stitches")

- Flower language. Because what if HE was the one to give the idea to gift Sunflowers? Like if he visited his sister (and she after a talk with Ballister thought about the best option of flowers might've asked Arien about his opinion with no particular context) and suggested sunflowers. Bc now I'm convinced that if this man has a nerdy side then he will be nerd for flowers. Probably will know every meaning and peculiarities.

- Arien might've been one of the reasons Ambrosius understood his feelings for Bal. Bc if someone hugs your "friend" you won't react like that person just kidnapped your puppy.

HOWEVER I also think that he will also not hesitate to help him straight up, just not so active. Like when he gave him his cloak, although he might've not and simply not care. Another thing that caught my sick brain is possibility that Arien helped Bal with training, adding little notes of why Bal wasn't able to do some things correctly (since Arien and other knights were a bit more experienced at the beginning)

Quick to adulthood. I want to think that they sometimes can chat nicely about casual stuff, just getting to know each other nicely without pushing too much, enjoying each other's company. So maybe they will trust each other enough with some personal stuff they don't normally tell people. I just thought about the scene where they both looking at the kingdom from the wall, accidentally meeting each other before, casually talking, which ended up with some deep personal things. And at this exact moment when both will suddenly realize that "Oh. We are friends" or something like that. Bc they won't say it out loud, especially Arien - he will think that it's unnecessary.

That's pretty much it. I can write much more but my brain is dying so no, not today. I'll just leave you with dirty Arien doodle which I tried to draw but ended up hating.

[gwaaaaar]

Why MazM Raoul SOLOS!!!

Raoul haters dni/j. You guys know how I feel abt him from when I was replaying MazM POTO but I'm putting it into an actual post + tagging. This is gonna be long so buckle up.

The plot/characters of MazM POTO is kinda weak, and it's a little debatable on if Raoul's character is purely reliant on the decline of Christine and Erik's characters. But I'll just talk about him individually.

My first point here will be analyzing him alone, who he is without Christine.

Raoul on his own:

Raoul is very very childish on his own. The art makes him look quite baby and from the get-go you can tell how naive he is. When he first comes into the opera house with Philippe, he makes so many jokes. For example when Jammes asks who he is, he jokes that he is Philippe's son, which pisses him off and causes him to scold Raoul. Then when Philippe tells him to stay in their box seat, he decides to go in the one besides theirs, Box 5, to play a little prank on him. 10 PM PRANK GONE WRONG GONE VIOLENT!!! Carlotta constantly reminds him of his drill sergeant and makes him whimper. Lawd she is real for that. You almost forget he was part of the navy with how much he pouts.

In Christine's dressing room, when he is snooping around, he's like oh Philippe's gonna ground me for months if he finds out. Dude youre 20. And when Christine tells him she can't go out a certain hour he's like oh you have curfew? I understand. Like I know curfew might've been a *thing* back then like there's context to it probably. But between that and the grounding it does feel like Raouls life had been placed under restrictions for his protection.

When Richard pisses him off, he splatters ink all over his music scores and goes "oopsies silly me" and Richard starts going OFF at him abt how that's his important music scores and Raoul goes "That's music??? I've done a favor to the world by rubbing it off." LIKE???? He's a fucking brattttt. He's absolutely childish sometimes and I love it. But he definitely has a good heart. He calls out Philippe for playing with Sorelli's heart later on and how scummy it is. He goes to the managers when Christine gets ill and asks them if they treat their employees well, and while later on it teeters into the Christine obsession, he still wanted benefits for all the singers in a sense. AND he tells them off for conspiring with the police to cover up Buquets death to the point he becomes enough of a problem that they get Remy to kick him out. In the torture chamber when the Daroga is relaying Erik's backstory to him, he's like wow that's horrible :(((. He is a sweet guy. And I'll admit MazM fucked up when they blamed Hatim for Erik's actions, and Raoul shouldn't have been a mouthpiece for that sentiment, I am purely taking what can be said about Raoul here. Raoul gets pissed when he sees injustice, not just in the name of Christine. When the Daroga goes off at him for being privileged (French and White) and scoffing at Middle Eastern governments, Raoul holds his tongue and apologizes. Like he knows his place.

He's smart too, he's reasonable enough to know La Epoque is just a gossip magazine and absolute BULLSHIT. He knows the management is just dogshit and calls their asses out for it. He graduated with honors!!! He gets along quite well with the other characters that aren't Christine and his interactions with them fill him out quite a bit.

But that isn't all that MazM added to him.

Translation Through Time

Now, a part of why people can't sympathize with Raoul in the original book is because he is seen as a privileged brat, and he certainly acts so. His appeal as a character is lost through time as what was seen as extraordinary back then (giving up everything for your lowerclass lover) is to be expected nowadays. MazM translates that struggle into something more relatable to modern day audiences which would be a sense of golden child syndrome. Raoul is held to a standard by his family. In the original book he doesn't throw up much of a fight besides when it got between him and Christine. But here, when he lashes out at Philippe, he straight up says he never wanted anything Phillippe forced onto him. He didn't consent to the army and yet was enlisted because it'd be good for his family. He's considered the black sheep of the family and people gossip about him and he knows it. Raoul was fully ready to die in the Artic, he had nothing to his name and wanted to please his family, until Christine came back in his life. He wanted to make his own choices for once and being with Christine was his choice. Which leads to another thing about him:

His Lack of Agency and Childishness

To touch back on the point about Raoul's childishness: he doesn't know better. He has led a sheltered life, doted and pampered on by Philippe yes, but still sheltered. He had been taught to stay in line and hadn't experienced the real world. As a result he is quite pent up and doesn't exactly know what to do with himself when he's upset. Combine that with his lack of agency where hes constantly forced to live a certain way, well, you have a pipe bomb. He is childish in the sense of, quite literally he thinks like one at times. Children aren't evil or malicious or anything, just naive. They can be selfish. Raoul had been selfish to Christine many times, and it is not out of a sense of wanting to hurt her, moreso he doesn't realize what he's doing. This is not to remove his agency, not at all. He is an adult. This is about his subconscious actions and what he doesn't realize about himself.

Raoul With Christine

Christine brings out the very best in Raoul, and his worst, not her fault however it's just collateral. Raoul never curses Christine out like he did in the original book. He loves her whole-heartedly. Although there is the scene where he taunts her for crushing his flowers. Again I feel that ties more into his childish selfish side, bc. It felt very childish of him to poke at her like that.

I don't know if I'm tweaking, but considering how MazM was pushing a narrative of making choices in this game, like Christine learning to make choices for herself or Erik choosing not to let go, I feel as if this isn't coincidental. Raoul's choice to run away with Christine is a very important one. Raoul had loved Christine since he was a child. As an adult he loved her even more, she was a breath of fresh air to him as she never expected anything of him, she was a choice. When Raoul is helpless to help her during Erik's terrorization, he was miserable! He was lashing out at everyone because he didn't know who to trust or what to do. He could give the world and still it couldn't fix the situation. And thus his pushiness and toxicity came from a place of overcompensation. He wanted to be so sure of himself that he could protect Christine. He wanted her to be fully his.

His lowest point is when he barks at Christine to hand over Erik's ring even after she expressed her discomfort and anxiety. Raoul rlly went I have a pistol and a dream. And yeah this is his worst, but that doesn't mean he was beyond redemption.

Redemption

Raoul begs and cries in the torture room for Christine. He really does seem apologetic and regretful. He asks Christine if she wanted to hear about Erik's backstory. Raoul hated Erik! And the fact he is treating him with such compassion that Christine doesn't show??? </3

Christine's compassion had been butchered near the end. While they are burying Erik's body, there is a choice to be made asking if you wanted to put the ring on Erik or not. If Christine asks to throw it away, Raoul says to wait a minute. He explains that he doesn't say what he's about to say out of sympathy but rather what he would want if he were in Erik's position. He treats Erik like a human when he says "If my body were to show up one day unknown, I would at least want something to be able to identify me." He treats Erik like a fellow man which is just... so sweet. He acts as a foil to MazM Erik. While Erik refused to change for the better and stayed a bitter hateful man, Raoul changed to make sure Christine would be happy and safe. That is hella growth. He tells Christine about while he was in the torture room, the enraged man he saw in the mirror wasn't him but a monster. He is terrified that he ever put Christine through that version of himself. At the ending, while he pushes Christine to marriage again, Christine calls him out, and he catches himself and goes "I'm so sorry." He doesn't fix himself immediately bc that is not how growth works, but he is definitely on the path to growth. Christine tells him she wants him to change for himself, not for her. The ending where he is with Christine is a happy ending however. What I don't see often is people talking about the other ending.

Raoul Alone

In the ending where Raoul and Christine part their seperate ways, people talk about Christine's side a lot. However, Raoul's side of the story is fascinating and marks his own growth. He's free from the Chagny family, no money no connections. He didn't even attend Philippes funeral. He had been disowned but he didn't even feel as if he deserved to go. He's traumatized from Philippe's death but he's keeping it in. Philippe was like a father to him, as cruel as he got sometimes. They still loved each other very much. He gave it all up for Christine, so the ending where they part ways???? It's so bittersweet. He is left alone and traumatized, but his new life was solely his. He will find happiness again, as hard as it will be. Even if he was a pampered spoiled child, he isn't that anymore. He had grown and matured while still keeping his kind heart. He will move on as Christine had moved on.

Can you guys tell I love him.

[raven-moon33]

Hi, I commented on the latest update of your fic but I just wanted to repeat myself that "A Kidnapping By Any Other Means" has been an amazing and very compelling read. I love how you wrote the family and incorporated previous incarnations. I love the mystery and the various twists and turns you throw in. But, more importantly, I LOVE how you wrote Enid and Wednesday. Their interaction at the end of chapter two is going to stick with me for a long time. But I'm mainly writing this to say that I really hope you're doing okay after all the unwarranted shit you received after chapter 13. For people to berate you like that just because a story decision, one that was meant to be upsetting, upset them? That's fucking awful. Writing is a long and lengthy process and no one should tell you how to do it after you've spent so much of your time on it. This is all to say to keep up the great work and fuck anyone who tries to keep you down

Omg, thank you so much for this amazingly kind and sweet comment! I don't think I can express how much it means to me after some of the tumultuous emotions I've been feeling recently.

I'ma be real, a big part of the reason I'm so invested in writing this story is because writing it is helping me get through a really rough patch in my life at the moment.

Enjoying the writing process, coming up with my own headcanon lore, and just building a hopefully fun and engaging story has been awesome enough, but having so many people enjoy it and give it so much more love then I ever expected any of my writing to receive has legitimately brought me to tears (happy ones!) on several occasions, and is helping me get through the stuff I'm struggling with.

Some of those less-than-kind comments have admittedly been getting me down and have even started dampening my enthusiasm for the story.

I might've even considered not continuing it altogether, since adding another stressful thing to my plate right now (especially when that stress is coming from something that's thus far been a humongous source of support for me during this difficult time) would be very bad for my mental health, but having so many wonderful people like you loving and supporting and engaging with my story is making me determined to stick with it.

And, just to make it clear, the comments I'm talking about are NOT any that are angry with some of the characters and their choices, upset because of things that are supposed to be upsetting in the story, or ones that are calling for my blood in a loving way that makes it clear how much they're engaged in my story.

Outside of the purely loving and supportive comments I get, those are the comments I love to read, since it means people are engaging with the story in the ways I hoped they would, getting involved in a discourse about whether certain characters were right or wrong, how certain events made them feel and why, and how people are excited to see what's coming.

The comments I'm talking about are the few people who are criticizing me directly in frankly rude and hurtful ways. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but if you don't like my story choices to the point where you no longer want to read my story, then just feel free to not read it. My feelings won't be bruised as long as you're not unnecessarily mean about it in an intentional comment that you never needed to make in the first place.

But anyways, I just want to thank you again, theenbynightingale; people like you are the ones helping me through a really hard time in my life, helping me grow more confident in my skills as a writer, and helping me keep my spirits up enough to continue writing this.

I appreciate you all so much and am sending all my love to you guys. I'm going to work hard to get chapters out as soon as I can so you have less time to wait before you get to see how this arc is resolved.

[casspurrjoybell-24]

Sugar Punch - Chapter 13

*Warning: Adult Content*  

- Theo -

"We're getting a divorce," my dad sat, sitting in front of me at the dining table, with my mom sitting next to him.

"We decided to sell the house and we agreed to give you enough to put a deposit on an apartment, we already have a buyer for the house, so you need to pack your up room and be out by Wednesday," my mom added.

I should be shocked at hearing the news but... I wasn't, in fact I knew this was coming, I just thought I would have enough time to ignore it until after I graduated.

It didn't hurt, I knew they were having problems but what bothered me the most is how emotionless they both were, sitting in front of me, ready to rip it all apart and sell it piece by piece.

I felt number than ever before because I was past caring, I couldn't even remember the last time my mom said hello to me or my dad and I eating dinner together in front of the TV, watching sports.

"Is that all?" I asked, wanting to just go to my room and be alone.

"Yeah, you can go," my dad said, as I got up from my seat and went up to my room, not looking back at their dead eyes and lack of expressions.

Ten days and I'll be graduating... just 10 more days and I will probably never see them again, I know it shouldn't hurt but they were still my parents and even though they didn't bother with me, I still wanted us to be close, like a real family.

I knew we haven't been a family for a long time though, not since I was old enough to know how unhappy my mom was and how my dad liked to stay out late, until eventually they were never at home at the same time.

Closing my door, I grabbed my phone and turned the screen on, to see if Maddox had messaged me, when I see he didn't, I knew I had no right to be surprised.

This morning wasn't exactly how I thought it would go, in the end I was too nervous to talk to him and we sat in silence for three hours, until I asked him to take me home or lend me enough money for the bus.

I was terrified he wouldn't want anything to do with me and he'd not talk to me anymore once he realized that I liked him and not just because he was my first but because I liked being around him, talking to him.

He was kind and he gave a shit about me or so it felt but in the end, I might've just ruined a chance for something because I was too much of a coward to say anything to him, in the end I just make it more awkward and uncomfortable for him.

It was only 6:30 PM and from the phone call he had earlier as we ate breakfast, I knew he wasn't home from mentioning on the phone that 'he'd be there' but even so, I wanted to hear his voice.

If only for a minute.

I felt like my world was spinning more out of control by each passing second, I could feel the tears build up in my ears as I found his number and hit 'call' pressing to the phone to my ear and waiting for him to pick up.

I waited for a few seconds before ending the call and trying again, nervously biting my fingernail for him to pick up as I felt a lone tear drop from my eye and fall down my cheek.

Eventually, I reached his voicemail and ended the call, as my eyes started swelling up even more with fresh tears as it became hard to hold it in and not let what I was feeling out.

Why did I always mess things up?

Why can't I be happy for once? All I did was sabotage and break things.

I heard the front door slam downstairs and then both cars start in the driveway, making me get up and go to my window to see both my parents driving away in their own cars, leaving me alone in the house.

I rubbed my eyes and walked over to my bathroom, closing the door behind me then I started the shower and started taking my clothes off whilst looking in the mirror.

My face was red and blotchy and disgusting from crying, and then I noticed my chest filled with love bits from last night and this morning with Maddox, which made me cry harder as I looked away from myself in the mirror and got into the shower.

Why did it hurt so much?

It wasn't like it was ever going to work out between us anyways, Maddox had a professional athletic career and I was heading to university in a month, why should he belittle himself for someone he hardly knew?

Pulling myself together and rubbing my eyes roughly to stop myself from crying, I wash my hair and my body and then turn the shower off and step out, wrapping a towel around me before I went back into my room.

I picked up my phone from the bed and sent Maddox a quick text, realising now that I rather just go back to how it was before I slept with him, if it meant I had one person in my life who didn't wish I never existed.

Once I send it, I turned my phone off and get into my bed and wrapped the blanket around me, still wet and shivering from the cold, as my eyes swelled up, tears threatening to fall, making me clench my eyes shut.

Stop crying Theo...

I just had to be strong one last time, just two more weeks and I was out of this town and I wouldn't have to see any of the faces of those who made my existence a living hell, ever again.

It was Monday and I felt exactly how I looked, like I had spent the whole weekend crying.

My parents didn't come back, Sunday my dad eventually sent me a simple text that he's staying at a hotel until the house gets sold so I figured my mom was going to do the same, none of them came back after all, even when I left for school.

I was used to this, the quiet, being left alone, that's where games had always come in to save the day, online I was liked, online I had friends but I was still the sad, skinny pathetic loser that got my ass beat up every other day.

My classes were dragging and all I wanted to do was go home and play on my PC.

Since sending Maddox that text, I haven't turned my phone back on, I logged onto my PC and cancelled my subscription to the gym and deleted my account with the gym, before paying for the self-defence class I took with Rick.

I found another gym that was closer to the university I was going to in town, it was twenty minutes from Maddox's apartment but I ignored that fact and signed up anyways and put my name on the list for a trainer.

This was all for the best, Maddox was out of my reach and someone I could never stand next to without not only humiliating him but making his life also a living nightmare.

Every time I thought about him and how he made me feel that night, all I wanted to do was cry, it was hard not to wonder what his face looked like once he read my text.

He probably didn't care, he had lots of clients and plenty of others dying for a one on one with him, I was just lucky enough to get him as my trainer because someone pulled out last minute, if it wasn't for that, I would just be another client.

I spent the rest of the school day trying to just stay out of everyone's way, eating my lunch at the back of the library and doing my work silently with nobody paying me any attention.

The last bell rung and I grabbed my bag and started putting my books inside before I left with the rest of my classmates, ignoring the way a popular girl laughed at me once she saw what I was wearing.

I had a world of Warcraft t-shirt on 'for the horde' I didn't know what she found so funny, it was just a t-shirt.

What was funnier was what she was wearing, a short crop top with little to no boobs on her chest, thinking she could get away with it but it just made her look stupid, I had to wonder if guys even liked that, she was clearly trying too hard and she laughed at me?

If she wasn't pretty, she'd be standing in my shoes right now, now that' I would find funny.

I felt someone grab my backpack and pull me back, making me almost fall over as I looked down and saw brand new white trainers between my legs, my whole body growing cold as I knew who they belonged to.

"Theodore, where have you been hiding?" Eric whispered harshly into my ear, before pulling me with him to the nearest boy's toilets.

He threw me to the ground as another guy I didn't know was washing his hands.

"Fuck off," Eric snapped out at the guy, making him step over me and scurry out the bathroom.

I looked up at Eric and saw he was alone and not with any of his football friends, which made me even more scared because now he was just doing this because he wanted to, instead of doing it for laughs with his friends.

"I heard something about you the other day," he started to say, as I tried to stand up but Eric put his foot on my chest roughly to stop me from moving.

"What's a freak like you going to No Limits for?"

He took his foot off my stomach and then kicked me in the side of my ribs.

"You think working out will make you less pathetic than you already are?" he laughed out, kicking me again, only this time hard enough to make me cry out and try and guard my stomach with my arms.

"Looking at you seriously pisses me off, you should just know your place and stay out of my fucking eyesight," he scoffed out, before he started undoing the buttons on his jeans.

I looked in horror at what he was doing, taking out his penis and walking over to stand above me, a sickening grin on his face as he started to pee on me, as he started laughing once I tried to move from under him.

It was disgusting and smelled even worse as Eric's foot caught my wrist and stood on it, stopping me from pushing him away as he finished peeing on me, pulling his pants back up, his eyes never leaving mine.

I just wanted to go home... but he had to do this to me today of all days.

I felt a burning feeling starting to get hotter inside of me as I used a technique Maddox had taught me, I used my leg to knock him down to the ground until his head hit the floor of the bathroom.

It was so slippery on the floor because of Eric but I had managed to stand up by grabbing hold on the bathroom sink, and from the corner of my eye I saw Eric's fist before I felt it as he grabbed hold of me by the collar of my jacket.

He hit me and kept hitting me in the face until I started to taste my own blood inside of my mouth, when he had finished hitting me, he had pushed me to the floor and swore out under his breath as he did the buttons on his jeans.

I gripped my face with my shaking hand as I moved away from him until my back hit the wall, he had picked up his school bag and turned around and went for the bathroom exit door, before turning to glare at me.

I don't know why or how long I sat there and cried for as I held my head in my bloodied hands, it wasn't until the school janitor came inside the bathroom and helped me up off the floor and out the bathroom, did I realise only an hour had passed since then and everyone had left already.

[bunymart]

💿How far we've come...💿

Hey, everyone! CEO fruitpop here, and I must say, what a wonderful first 2 months year it's been for BUNYMART! We've been online for only a little while, and we already have 6 Twitter followers, 1 non-staff Discord member, and even 1 Tumblr follower. Wow! About are progress, we managed to release a whole 13 designs on our Redbubble shop (half of which are just variants of our logo but its ok less of that this year). In this post, I just want to write a little about each of our designs, what our plans are for the coming year, and what 'buny' means to us. Also, this is the first time I've spoken through an official BUNYMART account. Hello! :) Usually it's our social media person, but if I let them write this, you'd have a headache by now.

Here's the first design we ever released. Err, first six designs we ever released. Our first six designs were just color variants of our logo, as I said before. But the colors are so pretty! I think that justifies it :) For this design, we wanted to go for a kind of supermarket logo look (duh), but we also wanted to make it uniquely buny. I'll talk more about what it means to be BUNY later, but the font we chose for the bottom is N SimSun, which is a very buny font. You also might've noticed the Wingdings on the top. Why are these here? Becuase they're extremely BUNY! And then, of course, there's the little buny in the middle, makin' a face at you. How sweet :) They look so excited!

The image I'm using here is actually the image we used for our logo sticker pack design, which we began selling a couple of weeks ago. We actually started selling these individually in May, but we BUNYMART didn't really become active until around November, which we released our second (seventh?) design.

What you are looking at now could be thought of as the herald of BUNYMART's real beginning. This design, our "Drink! 'It's good!'" sticker, was what we opened our Twitter with, and was what really kicked off BUNYMART. For this design, we wanted to make something that looked like it could be on a soda can, or on an ad for some kind of drink, or just something that said, "Relax! Have a drink! :)" The buny is also winking, because I think that makes them kind of resemble Pac-Man in some older artwork, and I like Pac-Man. Something else about this design, there was a goddamn stupid shitty stray pixel at like .0001% opacity in the bottom right corner that fucked the design up on Redbubble, but I didn't notice until it was uploaded. One thing I like about this design is that it's the first instance of the kind of digital-paint-mess pattern you can see in the background. This will return in a later design, but our next design was...

BUNY RADIO! Kind of like the last design, this one is also supposed to evoke a fun feeling. Y'know, just kinda hangin' out, havin' fun. Lots of bright/pastel colors in this one, although I guess that's been true for all of them. Something you might have noticed, although I'm sure it's very faint and subtle, is that while none of these design have strictly adhered to the aesthetic, the imagery used is somewhat reminiscent of vaporwave. Here's the thing, and again, we'll touch on this later, while 'vaporwave' and 'buny' aren't interchangeable by any means, the two terms share a lot of overlap. The logo is supposed to evoke a supermarket or mall feel, here we have a cassette radio player, etc. Something to look out for in later designs :)

We also see some Wingdings again, a staple of BUNYMART designs. While I don't have many details about it right now, I do know that Wingdings are very prevalent in BUNYLAND (the place where bunys live). Also, I'm really happy with the little music notes on the left :)

Our next set of designs were really something, and were actually part of our first sticker pack. These are the P3RS, a pretty funny play on words. It's funny because we came up with it, and we're funny :) The joke isn't entirely obvious so I'll explain: there's a pear, and a pair of cherries. Pear and pair, both pronounced the same way. And that 'air' sound is represented like this: ɛr. So, you could say that they are both pɛrs, and since ɛ kind of looks like a 3, together, they're the P3R duo!

I was VERY happy with these designs and all of their elements. The little labels/paint strokes, the shine of the leaves, the coordination of the colors, all of it. Very good design :) I actually have the cherries on my Nintendo Switch, the pear on my 3DS, the cherries again on my journal, and one of the labels somewhere else.

This is Big Head. Not much to say about them, they're just a little silly. Big olllll' thinker. Funny enough, this design was actually the first to not feature text of any kind. This is also the second design to feature a regular buny, rather than an object with a buny face.

This was actually our last design of the year. Now, you might be thinking, "What the goddamn shit? You said 13, bumble fuck!" That's right, I did say 13, and I meant it too. As I said earlier, half of our designs this year were just the individual logo color variants, and the P3RS actually served as three separate designs on the Redbubble (pear, cherry, and P3R pack). If you count them all up, there ARE 13 designs here. Take THAT.

What else happened this year?

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, we opened a Discord, a Twitter, and a Tumblr (obviously). The Discord came first, and we called it THE BUNY ZONE :) Besides our staff, there's only one person in there right now, but it would be really cool if you joined too :) I'll come back to it later, but one thing that this whole BUNYMART thing is about is building a community. After the Discord came the Twitter, where our social media person spits out a bunch of random bullshit about once a day. About a third of it is nonsense and a mess of symbols and fonts, but what's legible is pretty fun to read :) Here's a recent quote from our Twitter:

"alright……. WHOS THE 𝙁𝙐 ͶͶ¥ 𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆 𝕎ℍ𝕆 𝙀𝙓𝙋𝙄𝙍𝙀𝘿 ϻY 𝙇𝙀𝙁 𝙏𝙊𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙎？？！!!?!!?？!?？¡！?！¡!？！？？!？¿?！!!?？？?¿!？!?！？!?!?¿¿?!？！？？!!??(｀皿´＃)(｀皿´＃)(｀皿´＃)(｀皿´＃)"

Cool, right? I think so. And about 5 other people think so too. If you want more of that, see our about page here on Tumblr. You can find all of our links there (Twitter, Discord, etc.)

After Twitter, we opened this Tumblr account, which mainly just reblogs pictures that we find particularly buny. It's still pretty new, so there isn't much to say about it at the moment.

But that isn't all we've done this year, nonono! We also released BUNYJAMS (volume 1), our buny-themed Spotify playlist!

I'll keep this brief, since our social media person posted an announcement about this, but as a Christmas gift to you all, we released a playlist of very buny songs, which sits at roughly 3 hours and 40 minutes. That might not be very long for a Spotify playlist, but hey, we only started building it in November. A new BUNYJAMS playlist will be released every Christmas (hopefully) in the coming years, so just think about how long volume 2 will be! Here's a hint, it's already longer than volume 1!

Also, we wanted to release the cover art you see as a design before 2023, but that didn't happen. Whoops.

Now, I want to talk about the meaning of 'buny'.

What is buny?

To me, it's a little hard to describe, but I'll try my best. First, I'll talk about it strictly as an aesthetic.

As I said, buny has a lot of overlap with vaporwave, but more specifically, it shares a lot of aspects with Frutiger Aero, y2kcore (kinda), and whatever you'd call what the Wii and DS had going on (wiicore?). Even more specifically, the last one. When I think about BUNYMART, I feel like I'm clicking through Wii channels, or messing with the settings on my 3DS. It's a very specific feel that's very specific to older (but not too old) Nintendo things. It also shares some aspects with an webcore, and also dreamcore to an extent. Hopefully it will be less fuzzy as BUNYMART evolves, but for a better understanding, look at our reblogs and listen to BUNYJAMS.

Even though I've described it as an aesthetic, I like to think 'buny' can be described in a broader sense, almost just like a feeling that's evoked by specific things. One thing that comes to mind specifically for me for some reason is watering a little houseplant. Just caring for this little wonder of nature to watch it grow feels very buny to me. However, in a general sense, buny is (in a very specific way) fun, safety, and niceness.

I mentioned earlier that one of my goals with BUNYMART is to create a community. There's a reason for this. Although BUNYMART is this fun and silly thing, I'm well aware of the atrocities of life. Every day, there are things that we have to hide from, things that we have to bear, things that we have to protect ourselves from, and so on. There are these bad things, and there are bad people. Often, the 'things' that we're dealing with are people. Maybe one 'thing' today was being harassed for some reason or another. Maybe another 'thing' yesterday was something an ill-equipped parent did or said. Maybe another 'thing' was just observing people talk about so many horrible things as if they were perfectly normal and okay, when they are anything but that. I want BUNYMART to be a kind of haven to come to to be away from all of that. I want to make a safe space for people to come to and know that everyone in that space is good. To come to and know that they are safe with any person they meet. That's the kind of community I want to cultivate with BUNYMART. That's what buny is to me, and that's what I want to give to the people who happen across our little project.

So, what's next?

Well, our plans are very fluid as of right now. Obviously, a new BUNYJAMS is coming next Christmas, but at some point in the not-distant future, we want to open the BUNYMART Instagram and YouTube. We just... kinda have to come up with unique content for those platforms and ways to post consistently. We already have an idea of what we want to happen, but making it happen is pretty difficult with all of our other business things that we have to take care of. They are coming, though, don't worry.

Another thing we want to do starting this spring is release seasonal season-themed design collections. I won't give too much away right now, but for each of the four seasons, we want to do a bunch of themed works and have them as a collection. We want to try to do this for every year from now on, but we'll probably skip like a year every 2 years. Oh well.

I guess the only other thing that comes to mind is more community things once there actually is a community. I don't know what those things will be like, but I know that they will be fun :) Maybe we'll have parties? Sure.

I think that's everything I wanted to say. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading :) I spent probably two hours on this, so I hope it was worth your time. If you want to get in touch with me, you'll probably want to message the BUNYMART account and ask for fruitpop, or check out the Discord and contact me there. I'm not logged into my own account on any of my devices, so if you message my Tumblr, I likely won't see it for a while. Sorry :( All I have left to say is thanks for reading, thanks for checking out BUNYMART, and let's all look forward to a fanTASTIC 2023 :))

Thank you.

-fruitpop