#read this multiple and i still enjoy it fr

[palarien]

sketched this out at jury duty actually

[ayyy-pee]

𝕄𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕀𝕥 𝕊𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕜

Discord 18+ - Twitter

Pairing: Tomioka Giyuu x Female Reader

Summary: Will he survive this war? 

Will you be alright without him? 

Will you be lonely if he never returns?

And arguably, the most important question – will his line end with him?

The clock is ticking and who knows if he will ever make it back to you.

He’d never given much thought to children, but Giyuu had also never given much thought to marriage before he’d met you.

or

Giyuu and reader get to work on making a baby.

Story Warning: BREEDING KINK GIYUU, LACTATION KINK GIYUU, Smut, Giyu and reader are secretly married, P in V sex, Profanity like yall should know, Vaginal Sex, Cunnilingus, Giyuu is a munch, Unprotected Sex, Multiple Creampies, Mating Press, Freaky ass Giyuu fr

Art by: michi_ia (Twitter)

A/N: This was a request from one of my amazing readers! This one shot takes place in the same universe as Hidden Affairs (Sanemi x Reader fic!) They can both be read as standalones as they involve different readers! Hope you enjoy!

It’s eerily quiet tonight. Just as it’s been for the past several weeks. A storm is brewing, slowly but surely. Giyuu feels it, they all feel it. It’s like a simmer just under the surface, waiting to boil over at any moment. That’s why all of them were called to Ubuyashiki mansion. The plan has been set in motion and Giyuu knows what his role now is.

But will he make it back alive?

That’s the question that plagues his mind at this very second as he approaches his home. He can see the dim candle lighting illuminating the space through the windows and he knows he won’t be alone once he’s inside. No, he’ll be able to see you. And it’s all he’s been looking forward to since he stepped foot on the mansion grounds.

“I’m home,” Giyuu murmurs as he slips out of his haori. He lays it carefully on the table beside the front door.

“Welcome back, my love,” your voice floats through the air like a song, calling him to you. You’re in the bedroom and when Giyuu enters, he sees you’re already snuggled into the futon on the tatami, clearly ready for bed. “How was the meeting?”

Giyuu sighs, crossing the space and falling to his knees at your bedside. He leans forward and kisses you softly, reveling in the way that you, as always, can melt away his worries with just your skin on his. “It’s…” He debates on telling you the truth. That it’s not looking good. That he and the other Hashira, the Master, are all in imminent danger and that it’s likely to come soon. But as he watches you, so sweet and caring, he knows he can’t lie to you. “I’ll have to leave…to be close. He will come soon.”

He, being Muzan. Though Giyuu doesn’t dare speak his name in his home.

“I see…”

You recover quickly, but Giyuu has already seen it. The sadness and concern that flashes across your features. He feels guilty that he’s the cause.

“And the others?” You question, trying to change the subject. You know Giyuu hates talking about matters like this with you. You dislike it as well. Because he can’t be as honest as he wants to be with you. It’s for your safety and honestly to protect your sanity. It’s enough that you’re fully aware of the position he holds as a Hashira, and yet you insist on staying with him. Not that he could ever let you go. Even though he knows it’s selfish for him to have you, he would rather be a selfish man than be without you.

“Same old, same old. Still a little strange without Uzui, but we are managing.” Giyuu kisses you again before standing. Just as you do every night, you’ve got a bath waiting for him, and he’d like to get in and soak so that he can get back to you before sleep takes you for the night.

“That’s good. Everyone is well?”

“Yes.” He purses his lips as he fiddles with the rest of his garments, debating on whether or not to tell you this. But he thinks you may find this amusing. “Shinazugawa looked as though he was seconds away from ripping my head from my shoulders before the Master appeared.”

He hears your soft giggles behind him. “Were you sitting too close to his lady again?” You tease.

Giyuu shrugs, though you can hardly see the movement. “For Hashira, they are very bad at concealing their secrets. They smell of sex every time they arrive.”

“Yes, but it’s very cute to see. I’m happy she continues to keep our secret even though she has no idea we know hers.”

Ah, yes. Shinazugawa believes Giyuu is interested in his beloved, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. See, what the other Hashira (aside from Shinazugawa���s love) doesn’t know is that Giyuu is married - happily, at that. His colleague only found this out after running into you in town, carelessly dressed in Giyuu’s haori as yours were in the wash. And when she confronted you about the very familiar garb you were wearing, you just “felt that you could trust her with their secret”. It’s worked out for you both so far. It’s made you and Giyuu’s fellow Hashira closer, and Giyuu is simply glad you have a friend who you can confide in. He doesn’t even mind playing the messenger between you two, typically passing along stories and jokes from you to his associate when you’re all called together for a Hashira meeting. 

But it’s also placed a large target on his back, a certain white haired psychopath surely waiting for the right moment to shove his blade down Giyuu’s throat.

“He believes I have feelings for her, you know? Almost blurted out their secret in a jealous rage in front of us all.”

“What?!” You gasp, scandalized. “You’re kidding.”

“No. He hates me because of it. It’s quite obvious.”

You hum, mind going a million miles a minute as you mull over this information. “Maybe it’s due to you being so unapproachable and distant. You don’t spend much time with the other Hashira. Perhaps it makes you unlikable.”

Giyuu winces, your words touching a sore spot because this isn’t the first time he’s been told he’s not liked among the Hashira. Kocho once said something similar.

“I’m not unlikable…” he grumbles, lips curling at the corners when he hears your laughter again. You tease him too much. “I’m going to take a bath. Don’t fall asleep on me.”

++++++++++

“Shall we try for a child?”

The question leaves Giyuu’s lips before he can talk himself out of it. He debated on saving this question for the morning as he joined you beneath the blankets, but his bath left him to sit in silence with nothing but his thoughts.

Will he survive this war? 

Will you be alright without him? 

Will you be lonely if he never returns?

And arguably, the most important question – will his line end with him?

The clock is ticking and who knows if he will ever make it back to you.

He’d never given much thought to children, but Giyuu had also never given much thought to marriage before he’d met you.

The prospect of a child never appealed to Giyuu before, but the closer he gets to this inevitable battle, the more it’s on his mind. If anything were to happen to him, he would not want you to be alone. He would want to leave you with something of his, something that you’ll be able to look at and be reminded of him if worse comes to worse.

“What brings this on?” You ask, more quiet than normal. “I mean you…you’ve never discussed children before.” You roll onto your side, propping your head up on your elbow. The moon casts almost an ethereal glow over you, your beauty clear even in the dim lighting of your bedroom.

He shrugs. “I suppose I’ve never thought about it.” His blue eyes gaze into yours. There’s something there, something behind your eyes that you’re not saying. If it were a no, you would say so. You’ve never been one to mince words. If it were a yes…well, you’d say that as well.

“Is this truly what you want?”

“Yes.” He sits up, pulling you into his lap. His fingers play with the strings that hold your top together, gently tugging. It loosens, exposing your collarbone to him and he can’t resist placing a gentle kiss there. “Wouldn’t you enjoy it?” His lips ghost your skin lightly, and the sigh that rushes past your lips is music to his ears. “Caring for this small person, a perfect mixture of you and I?”

You place your hands on his shoulders, head tilting to the side to make room for Giyuu as his lips explore your neck, your throat, the swell of your breasts. “Yes,” you whisper. The sleeves of your top slip from your shoulders, a new part of you exposed for Giyuu to now claim, and you let him. You let Giyuu do whatever he wants with you when it comes to this. You’re always so pliable as soon as his arms wrap around you.

“I want it,” you breathe, hands pulling Giyuu from your shoulder and cupping his face. You press a soft kiss to his mouth. “Let's have a child.”

Wide eyes beam at you in the moonlight, a look of appreciation swimming in them. How did Giyuu get so lucky to have a wife like you? His hands guide your top down, revealing your smooth skin to the night air. His lips caress your breasts, breaths ghosting over your slowly hardening nipples. He takes one into his mouth, groaning at how the soft flesh fills his mouth. Your body is beautiful — a face that would bring a god to their knees, curves in all the places Giyuu appreciates, a form that molds perfectly to his, made for him and only him.  

Giyuu lets his mind wander while his mouth presses sweet kisses to your chest. What will you be like when you’re pregnant? Will you crave for certain foods? He’s heard that that is common. What will you look like when you’re months into your pregnancy? Will Giyuu be there to witness your belly grow round with his child?

Something clicks in Giyuu’s mind at that moment. And while he’s not usually rough with you, he can’t seem to control himself when a guttural moan bubbles from deep within his chest and he wraps an arm around you, flipping you both over. He settles his hips between your legs, rolling his hips against your core, reveling when your back arches off the futon as you moan. And Giyuu dips down, capturing your mouth with his and swallowing each and every sound you make.

It’s all dry humping and moans, whispered “I love you’s” and peeling each other’s clothes off until you both lay bare. Giyuu listens to the way your breath hitches as he kisses his way down your body. His lips brush over all of your sensitive spots on the way down, only stopping when they reach the most sensitive. Your chest heaves with heavy breaths as Giyuu peers up from between your legs. This is one of his favorite views, particularly at night when the soft glow of the moon illuminates your body in such a way that he can’t help but be painfully erect.

Giyuu is a man of very few words. Everyone knows this. Even with you, he is not particularly talkative, but as Giyuu takes in the sight of you, legs spread wide and the puffy lips of your pussy coated with your arousal shimmering in the moonlight, he must let it be known. “You are so beautiful”. He licks his lips, groaning because he is eager to have you, eager to taste you, feel you, breed you.

“Wider, my love,” Giyuu commands, and you do as you're told, spreading your legs to further expose your aching cunt to him. “Perfect,” he whispers, hands coming up to caress the inside of your thighs where he plants tender kisses along the plush flesh. He leans forward, burying his nose into your core and inhaling deeply.

And this may seem odd to those whose jobs don’t revolve around breathing, but there’s something about your scent that has changed. Giyuu can’t place his finger on it. Maybe your scent smells sweeter? Or perhaps your scent is simply more intoxicating because Giyuu has reached a level of arousal that is new to him. But there is without a doubt something different.

He decides not to dwell on it any longer when a desperate and hushed “please” reaches his ears. He realizes then that your thighs are shaking, eager for him to proceed. So he presses a soft kiss to your glossy lips. You gasp quietly, back arching immediately and Giyuu takes that moment to lick a fat strip through your folds.

The groan he lets out is deep, animalistic almost. It vibrates through your core and the sensation makes you reach down, weaving your fingers through Giyuu’s dark tresses to grab hold.

“O-oh, Giyuu…” You gasp as he presses his tongue to your clit, his eyes roll back when he feels the slick pour from your core and straight into his mouth. He laps it up eagerly.

“You taste divine,” he groans into you and you moan in response, hips rolling up to grind your cunt against Giyuu’s mouth, begging for more. And Giyuu obliges, lips sealing around your clit and sucking, licking, nipping at your swollen bud until you’re practically fucking yourself on his tongue.

“Giyuuuuu,” you keen, back lifting off the futon again. You moan loudly, fingers clutching Giyuu’s hair and pulling him further into your pussy. “Right there–” you pant. “Right there! Please don’t stop–”

Giyuu grunts, wincing because his cock is throbbing painfully against his abdomen. He can feel the moisture beneath him, his tip leaking with his arousal. Surely this will stain the fabrics, but that doesn’t matter at the moment. He brings a hand to your pussy, pressing his thumb to your clit and rubbing tight circles. You’re thrashing, moaning his name over and over, damn near about to pull his hair out when Giyuu plunges his tongue into your clenching hole, and he has to will himself not to cum when you cry out and your soft walls clamp down on his tongue immediately. Your hips come up to meet his mouth, grinding your soaking cunt against Giyuu’s face. And he loves it.

Giyuu loves the taste of you. He’s not much of a drinker, he’ll admit. Never much cared for the taste of liquor and has never experienced being drunk in his life, but he imagines it feels similar to the way his head is swimming just off the taste of you.

By now, the futon is sticky with his precum, and it doesn’t help that Giyuu has now been mindlessly rutting against the fabric to find some sort of friction. He longs to make you cum on his tongue, but he also longs to bury himself inside you. But you make the decision for him, tugging his hair until Giyuu finally pulls his mouth away from your center. He crawls along your body, the echoing sound of his length separating from the stickiness of the bed filling the room.

He’s face to face with you, his lips and chin glistening with your wetness and it takes him by surprise when you run your tongue from the tip of his chin, all the way to his mouth where you press your lips to his in a passionate kiss. He groans, eyes rolling to the back of his head when you murmur against his lips, “how do you plan on putting a baby in me if you don’t fuck me?”

Giyuu thinks that if Muzan doesn’t end up being the death of him, you will be. He puts a hand to the back of your neck, pulling you closer and whispering, “Forgive me, my love. I got carried away.” He slips his free hand between your bodies, a fiery heat blooming in his cheeks when he feels the way his cock is dripping onto your cunt. This is it. There will be no going back once he goes forward with this.

“When I’m done, you’ll be with child,” he says, seriously, as though it’s a fact. Because in his mind, it is. Giyuu grips his length, stroking himself slowly, rubbing his tip against your clit as he lets his mind wander briefly, and lets your moans fuel his runaway thoughts. 

His head is consumed with the image of your breasts, swollen and dripping with milk and he has to halt his strokes to stave off the sudden urge to blow his load. He’s a little surprised, actually. Giyuu has seen and rescued his fair share of pregnant women, and didn’t think twice about it. Forgot about them the moment they weren’t in his direct line of sight. But you…you who consumes his every waking thought…the idea of you with leaking nipples, allowing Giyuu to taste the delicious nectar that your body has produced? It’s a thought so arousing, he has to tuck it away mentally, save it for when he’s alone on his missions so that in the late hours of the night, when he’s wrapping his hand around his cock, the image is still fresh.

He’s not sure when he slipped inside of you, let alone flipped you both over again so that he’s now on his back while you ride him. You take him all the way to the tip, moaning loudly every time you sink onto him. The intense waves of pleasure bring time to a standstill. Your nails are sunken deep into Giyuu’s abdomen, steadying yourself as Giyuu’s hips thrust into you at a bruising pace. On a typical night, Giyuu wouldn’t be so rough with you, so greedy with you. But tonight, while his mind is focused on a single goal – ensuring he leaves you with his offspring growing inside your womb – he feels like a crazed man.

Your cries grow louder, more high pitched and your movements stutter momentarily. When you cry out that you’re going to cum, riding him faster and faster, walls fluttering around him, breasts bouncing beautifully, Giyuu’s mind is back on his prior thoughts – dripping, swollen and full…

And then Giyuu is crying out with you, gritting his teeth as he fucks up into you, emptying his balls to the point that he’s lightheaded. His vision blurs as he keeps pumping into you. He hears the squelching, feels the splashing of his seed dripping from you and onto his abdomen, and Giyuu pulls you down to take his entire length again and again until he finally comes to a halt. His hands grip your hips tight, eyes honed in on where you sit flat against him as your sweet pussy cradles his cock.

“Don’t move,” he growls, surprising himself with the gravelly sound that just left his lips. And you nod, whimpering above him. Within your walls, Giyuu can feel his length still pulsing, spurting pathetic, weak strings of his seed. This orgasm has his chest heaving, hands shaking. He grits his teeth, using his hands to rock your hips back and forth.

“You’re going to be an incredible mother,” he coos, finally releasing his hold on you. His fingers ghost along your skin, from your chest, over your nipples, down to your abdomen where he places his hands flat against your stomach. He focuses on fucking you deeply, burying his cock as far as he can, pushing his seed as deep as possible. “Our child will be so lucky.”

“Yes, my love,” you breathe, eyes closed while you continue to take all of him so well. “And you’ll be an amazing father.”

Your words turn him on, more than he’s ever been. He rolls you both over once more and when you’re on your back, Giyuu takes a moment to pull out and admire his work. His eyes are locked on your core, dripping with evidence of him, pulsing and hungry for more. And he’s still so hard. He wants to give you more, needs to give you more. So Giyuu slips back into your pussy easily, the lubrication from the mixture of both your releases making you both shudder.

He’s so fucking sensitive, but he can’t bring himself to care. Not when your greedy cunt is still squeezing down on him, trying to milk him for all he’s worth. He hooks your legs over his shoulders, pushing forward until a knee rests on either side of your head. And Giyuu thinks he may black out, because he doesn’t know that he’s ever been this deep inside of you before. He can feel his seed spilling from you, slipping down to your ass where his balls are pressed so hard, it keeps the thick liquid from flowing any further. 

“One more…” he grits out, brows knitted together in determination. “Need to make sure it sticks.” Then he’s fucking you again, one palm resting on the back of each thigh, balls smacking loudly against your ass with every rough thrust.

“Oh my god, oh my god!” You gasp, fingers gripping the bed sheets tightly, and Giyuu whimpers in response. Your pussy is tightening around him, a vice grip already greedily trying to pull whatever he has left to offer from him.

“I want your baby,” you murmur into Giyuu’s ear and he groans, voice rough with desire. His thrusts pick up speed, searching for more pleasure.

“Do you?” He moans against your shoulder when he feels himself hit a particularly soft spot within your walls. “I’ll give you one. I swear I will –”

“Yes!” You practically scream. “Right there, Giyuu–”

“Fuck –” His eyes are closed, mouth slack as he pumps wildly into you. You’re so wet, so tight, so soft and as much as he wants to keep fucking you like this, he’s about to cum embarrassingly fast for the second time tonight. He can feel his balls get a little tighter with each sticky thrust. “Shall I b– ah…shall I breed you once more? Fill you up…ngh…until you’re dripping with my seed again?”

“Please–”

You hardly have to finish your words, because Giyuu is grunting loudly, bottoming out just as he spills himself into you, giving you every drop he has to offer. “Stay still,” he tells you, still thrusting into you, even though he can go no further. He pulls back once more, then sinks balls deep inside of you, breathing heavily as he empties himself. “Need you to take it all, my love.”

“I will,” you pant, his perfect little wife.

You stay like this for some time, Giyuu plugging your pussy until his cock softens inside you. Then he pulls out slowly when he has no other choice. You sigh in relief when you’re able to finally put your legs down as Giyuu lies beside you. He scoops you into his arms, kissing you all over your face, silent apologies for being so aggressive with you. You’re both catching your breath while Giyuu softly runs his hand up and down your spine.

“I wonder if we’ll be successful.” Giyuu mutters when the silence is too much and his thoughts become so unbearable he has to share them with you.

You wiggle out of his hold, sitting up to look down at him. You’re smiling, a cute and goofy smile that Giyuu only sees when you’re up to something. Or when you have a secret that you’re finding impossible to keep from him. So Giyuu sits up as well, brow raised in curiosity.

“What is it?” He asks suspiciously. His eyes narrow when your smile widens.

“It was successful…” You take Giyuu’s hand and press it to your stomach. “about two months ago.”

Giyuu is confused. His eyes are stuck to where you have his hand. Two months ago? Successful?

You can see the confusion clear as day, even in the darkness. “My love,” Your hand cups his cheek and like instinct, Giyuu leans into the touch. He still hasn’t torn his gaze from your joined hands. “Giyuu…look at me.”

And he does, back rigid as he stares at you with wide eyes. The cogs are turning, finally. He thinks he may have figured it out. But there’s a teasing smirk sitting on your lips, and Giyuu doesn’t know if he should believe you or not.

“A-” He swallows, mouth suddenly dry. “Are you…?”

You pull Giyuu towards you to place a sweet kiss to his lips.

“I’ve been with child for some time. I just wanted to wait to be certain. I planned on surprising you today, but your meeting ran so late and…” Your hand covers your mouth, hiding the small giggles threatening to bubble up from your chest. “Well, it’s just so cute when you get all serious and focused like that.”

You fall back onto the bed, your pretty laughter filling the room, and Giyuu can’t help it. He laughs, too. Your laughter is so infectious he can’t resist.

It’s a strange mixture of elation, fear, maybe relief. He’d accomplished his goal before he even knew it. But with him leaving to go to the mansion tomorrow, knowing what is planned, he’s now got a new sense of dread seeping into his bones.

But it also gives him a new sense of purpose, outside of returning to you. 

Giyuu must defeat Muzan. 

Giyuu must survive. 

Giyuu must get back to his wife, to his child, to his family.

No matter what.

[mingi-s-dimples]

Save the best for last - OT8 ATEEZ

KINKTOBER DAY 30, REQ. BY anon (last day!!!)

~"domot8 x freader where atz is mafia/ceo! reader is in a relationship with san but they are both okay in letting the other members join in the fun..;) however san likes to talk dirty in a way with hints of possessiveness to remind reader even though the other 7 fucks her, she’s still his hehe he also loves watching the members wreck the reader btw…. pls make it as filthy and kinky as possible! really go crazy with it! some ideas(if it helps-i hope it’s no burden): dirty talk, hair pulling, spit, multiple creampies, dp, squirting, exhibitionism, voyeur, choking, big dick!, bulge kink, mirror sex(?) and so on….. 😅" - I hope it's crazy enough for you anon.. for me it sure was 😂🤍

pairing: bf mafia ceo!san x gf fem!reader x ot7 (the other members) subordinates of San

genre: 18+, pure filth, gang bang

summary: San's men want to have your way with you and ask for permission and.. when San also sees you'd be eager to do it, he saves himself for last only to remind you who you had always belonged to.

wc: 8.4k (I am so sorry I went fucking overboard 🧍‍♀️)

warnings: okay prepare, mafia!au, gang bang, foursome, 5some, double penetration, multiple creampies, dirty talk/degradation (only from San), she sucks two at the same time, she takes two&two at the same time (hence the 5some), spitting, hair pulling, mirror sex, exhibitionism, dacryphilia. voyeurism, possesiveness at its finest, choking, big dick!san, bulge kink, squirting, lots of cummm, unprotected, for sure forgot something (it's 4:40 am at the time I post this), completely consensual, will definitely edit later.

Author's Note: Oh my fucking god holy fuck this was a damn ride. It was INTENSE. I went damn overboard with some of the details upsi, I had to. Gave everyone at least some attention 🤗 no one was left out (poor reader fr). This is my first ot8 fic. I hope you enjoy this, love u anon and I'm so sorry I am 2 months late 💀💀💀 life was erratic. Oh and.. Merry Christmas, everyone! Fluff fic coming right after this menace. From one extreme to another I guess 💀

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and doesn't represent the reality of the members in any way.

The soft hum of the city buzzed faintly outside the floor-to-ceiling windows of San’s office. Late evening sunlight poured into the room, bathing everything in golden hues as you perched on the edge of his sleek, black desk. Your legs swung idly, the sound of your heels lightly tapping against the wooden surface filling the otherwise quiet room.

San sat behind his desk, engrossed in the papers spread before him. His sharp black suit hugged his frame perfectly, exuding authority as he worked in focused silence. You let your gaze drift over him, taking in the way his jaw tightened every so often when he read something he didn’t like. Even when he was deep in work, San had a presence that could dominate a room without him uttering a single word.

But today, you weren’t in the mood to let him bury himself in paperwork.

“San,” you called, dragging out his name in a playful lilt.

His dark eyes flicked up to meet yours, a flicker of amusement flashing in them before he resumed scanning the document in his hands. “Yes, darling?” he asked, his voice low and velvety, though there was a clear undertone of distraction.

You leaned forward, resting your palms on the cool surface of his desk, your tone turning teasing. “You’ve been working all day. Don’t you think you deserve a break?”

San’s lips curved into a small smirk as he set the papers down and leaned back in his chair, his arms folding across his chest. “Is that so? And what exactly do you suggest I do on this ‘break,’ hmm?”

You feigned a thoughtful expression, tapping your chin dramatically. “Well… I could think of a few things.”

Before he could respond, the door to his office suddenly swung open, breaking the charged atmosphere between you. The sound made you jump slightly, and you instinctively straightened up, your gaze snapping to the intruders.

The other seven members of the group filed in one by one, their casual but confident demeanor filling the room with a new kind of energy.

“Interrupting something?” Jongho’s voice was the first to break the silence, his eyebrow raised as his eyes darted between you and San.

San’s expression didn’t falter, though the slight twitch of his jaw gave away his irritation. “Nothing you need to worry about,” he replied coolly, leaning back further in his chair.

Wooyoung, ever the bold one, grinned as he sauntered over to the desk, his sharp gaze flicking over you with clear amusement. “Doesn’t look like ‘nothing,’ though,” he teased, leaning casually against the edge of the desk beside you.

“Wooyoung,” San said, his tone holding a warning, though his posture remained relaxed.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at Wooyoung’s antics. “Do you ever know when to stop?” you asked, though your tone was more amused than annoyed.

“Not really,” Wooyoung admitted with a wink, his grin widening.

The rest of the members settled into the room, each finding a spot to sit or lean as the tension in the air shifted. You could feel their eyes on you, curiosity and mischief glinting in their gazes. It was impossible to ignore the magnetic energy they all carried; it was part of what made them so formidable as a group.

“Do we have business to discuss, or did you all just come to disrupt my evening?” San asked, his tone laced with dry humor as he gestured for them to get on with whatever they came for.

Hongjoong stepped forward, ever the leader, his expression calm but knowing. “We wrapped up the last deal earlier than expected, so we thought we’d drop by,” he said smoothly, though the subtle smirk tugging at his lips betrayed his intentions.

“And by ‘drop by,’ you mean make yourselves comfortable in my office?” San quipped, his gaze flicking between them.

Yeosang, who had been silent until now, let out a soft chuckle. “You can’t blame us, though. You’re the one who keeps all the interesting things hidden in here.”

His words carried a double meaning that wasn’t lost on anyone in the room. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks as you glanced at San, who still looked completely unbothered, though his hand had started to drum lightly against the desk.

Seonghwa, ever the smooth talker, decided to chime in. “You know, San,” he began, his tone light but calculated, “for someone who’s so protective, you seem awfully relaxed about leaving her alone with us.”

San’s smirk returned, his dark eyes locking onto Seonghwa’s. “Relaxed? Who said I was relaxed?” he asked, his voice dropping an octave as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

“Then again,” Wooyoung piped up, his grin downright mischievous now, “maybe you’re not as possessive as we thought.”

The words hung in the air, the challenge in them clear. You glanced at San, curious to see how he would respond. To your surprise, he leaned back in his chair again, his expression calm but dangerous.

“Possessive?” he echoed, his tone laced with amusement. “Oh, I am. Make no mistake about that.”

His gaze shifted to you, his eyes softening slightly. “But I also trust her. And I trust all of you… to a degree.”

The unspoken invitation in his words made your breath catch. The room was silent for a moment, the weight of his statement sinking in before the playful tension returned.

“Well,” Hongjoong said, breaking the silence, “that’s quite the declaration.”

San’s smirk widened, his confidence unshakable. “It’s not a declaration. It’s a fact.”

The others exchanged glances, their expressions ranging from amusement to intrigue.

“Does that mean we can—” Wooyoung began, but San cut him off with a raised hand.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he said, though his tone was more teasing than serious. His eyes met yours again, and you could see the glint of amusement in them. “After all, it’s not entirely up to me, is it?”

The attention in the room shifted to you, and you suddenly felt the weight of their gazes. San’s question was clear—this was your choice as much as it was his.

Your mind raced, the charged atmosphere making it difficult to think clearly. But as you looked at San, his calm confidence grounding you, you realized that you trusted him completely.

“Well,” you began, your voice steady despite the nervous energy coursing through you, “I think… it could be interesting.”

Your words hung in the air for a moment before the room erupted in a mixture of laughter and teasing remarks. San’s smirk turned into a full grin as he reached out to take your hand, pulling you closer to him.

“Interesting, huh?” he said, his voice low and teasing.

You nodded, your heart racing as you met his gaze. “As long as you’re okay with it,” you added, your voice soft but sincere.

San’s grip on your hand tightened slightly, his eyes searching yours for a moment before he nodded. “I’m more than okay with it,” he said, his tone leaving no room for doubt.

The room buzzed with excitement as the others began to discuss the details, their playful banter filling the space. But your focus remained on San, his steady presence anchoring you as you stepped into uncharted territory together.

The tension in the room grew thicker as San gave the subtlest nod, his eyes never leaving yours. His hand cupped your cheek tenderly, grounding you amidst the teasing grins and playful energy that radiated from the others. The question in his gaze was quiet but clear: *Do you trust me?*

“Yes,” you whispered, your voice barely audible but laced with certainty.

San’s lips curled into a soft, almost mischievous smile. “Good,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Then let us take care of you.”

Yunho was the first to move, his large hands brushing over your shoulders as he leaned down to meet your gaze, his warmth both reassuring and electrifying. “You really are something special, you know that?” he said, his voice honeyed with praise. “We’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, but only if you’re ready.” His thumbs rubbed gentle circles into your skin, his touch comforting yet deliberate.

Mingi crouched next to you, his height even now making him an imposing figure. His grin was boyish, yet his tone carried a teasing edge. “San really is lucky, isn’t he? But I think tonight, you’re luckier.” His fingers brushed against your hand, holding it loosely as if offering silent reassurance. “We’re going to treat you like the queen you are.”

Their words made heat rise to your cheeks, and you felt San’s hand slide from your cheek to your waist, steadying you. His presence was a calming anchor even as the others moved around you with measured anticipation. “Remember,” San murmured into your ear, his tone a mix of possessiveness and care, “you can stop this anytime. But if you trust me, just let go.”

Your heartbeat quickened, but you nodded, the warmth in his voice giving you courage.

Hongjoong’s voice cut through the moment, calm and composed but carrying an edge of excitement. “We’ll take it slow,” he said, his sharp gaze locking with yours. “Just follow our lead.”

Together, they began to guide you, their movements deliberate yet unhurried. San was the one to lift your chin, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. He murmured, his voice steady, “Let them see the side of you only I’ve had the pleasure of knowing.”

Your shirt was the first to go, the fabric slipping from your shoulders under Mingi’s deft touch. He let out a low whistle, his eyes twinkling with admiration but never crossing into disrespect. “You’re stunning,” he said, his voice reverent. Yunho, standing behind you now, pressed a hand to your lower back, his touch firm yet gentle.

Yeosang’s quiet presence was next to catch your attention. He knelt beside you, his fingers brushing over your wrist as if asking permission before helping with the next piece of clothing.

The air buzzed with anticipation, but no one rushed you. Each movement, each touch, was careful and deliberate, designed to put you at ease. San stayed close, his hand a constant presence on your waist or shoulder, his protective nature evident even now. “You’re doing so well,” he praised, his voice rich with affection.

Mingi’s teasing came back as he tilted his head, his eyes raking over you with playful admiration. “You’ve been hiding all this from us?” he joked, though his tone carried genuine awe. “Not fair.”

“She’s breathtaking,” Yunho agreed, his voice warm as his hand brushed against your arm. “San’s been keeping the best things to himself.”

San smirked, his possessiveness flickering through despite the shared moment. “Don’t forget,” he said, his tone low and dangerous, though his eyes softened as they met yours. “She’s still mine.”

Wooyoung laughed, breaking the tension with his lighthearted energy. “We know, we know,” he said, throwing his hands up dramatically. “We’re just borrowing her for tonight.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his antics, the sound breaking through your initial nervousness.

As they continued to undress you piece by piece, the warmth of their attention made your skin tingle. Every movement was accompanied by a murmur of praise, a gentle touch, or a soft reassurance. They were in no rush, savoring every moment and ensuring you felt cherished and adored.

San knelt beside you as the last piece of fabric was removed, his hand cupping your face as he pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re perfect,” he whispered, his voice filled with so much love it made your heart ache. “And you’re safe.”

The others watched the intimate moment, their respect for San’s bond with you evident in their quiet stillness. When he finally pulled back, his smirk returned, his possessive streak shining through. “But don’t forget who you belong to,” he added, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip once more.

As you settled back against the desk, the warmth of their gazes enveloped you, and you couldn’t help but feel a rush of heat flow through you.

San’s voice was the last thing you heard before they began. “Let us show you just how much you mean to us.”

The living room was bathed in warm golden light, the soft hum of conversation filling the air. As the group carried you from the office to the shared space, their laughter and teasing remarks created a sense of playful camaraderie. The room, spacious yet intimate, had an air of familiarity that contrasted with the charged tension lingering among them.

They gently set you down on the large sectional couch, its plush cushions yielding to your weight. Wooyoung leaned over from one side, his mischievous grin ever-present as he brushed a strand of hair from your face. "Look at her," he mused, his voice a touch lower than usual, "so perfect and so pretty like this."

Mingi, who stood behind you, chuckled softly. "She’s even more stunning up close," he said, his large hands resting lightly on the back of the couch. His eyes glimmered with mischief, though there was a noticeable gentleness to his movements. From the corner of your eye, you could see Hongjoong to your right, already rolling up his sleeves, his sharp gaze focused entirely on you.

San remained standing near the edge of the room, his arms crossed but his expression unreadable. The corners of his lips twitched upward slightly as the three members began to close in. "Remember who’s in charge," he said smoothly, his deep voice cutting through the quiet murmurs. "You can admire her, but don’t forget that she’s mine."

Wooyoung smirked, exchanging a glance with Mingi and Hongjoong. "Of course, hyung. But you wouldn’t mind if we… made her feel special, right?" he teased, his voice playful yet testing boundaries.

San’s dark eyes flicked toward you, searching your expression. "Do you trust me?" he asked softly, his tone steady and grounding amidst the lighthearted chaos. His gaze held yours firmly, waiting for your answer.

You nodded without hesitation, your voice barely a whisper. "I trust you, San."

A satisfied hum left his lips. "Good." He gestured with a slight nod, granting the others permission to proceed. "Don’t forget—she’s precious. Treat her that way."

Wooyoung, ever the bold one, began by brushing his lips lightly along your temple, his fingers trailing down your arm in feather-light strokes. "Precious is an understatement," he murmured, his voice sending a shiver through you.

Mingi leaned in from behind, his hands settling on your shoulders. His touch was firm but reassuring, a contrast to Wooyoung’s teasing.

Hongjoong’s approach was quieter but no less impactful. He crouched beside you, his sharp eyes scanning your face for any signs of discomfort. His hand found yours, his fingers curling around yours in a silent gesture of reassurance.

As the three surrounded you, their touches and presence seemed to envelop you entirely. Wooyoung tilted your chin upward, his lips ghosting along your jawline before trailing to your collarbone. Mingi’s hands, broad and warm, began to massage your shoulders, easing any lingering tension. Meanwhile, Hongjoong traced idle patterns on the back of your hand, his quiet attention grounding you amidst the overwhelming sensations.

The other four—Seonghwa, Yunho, Yeosang, and Jongho—watched from the nearby armchairs, their expressions varying from amusement to curiosity. Yunho leaned back casually, his long legs stretched out as he exchanged knowing smirks with Seonghwa. "They’re starting strong," Yunho remarked, his deep voice laced with humor.

"Can you blame them?" Seonghwa replied, his tone lighter than usual. His sharp features softened as his gaze flitted toward you, a hint of fondness in his otherwise composed demeanor. "She has that effect."

Yeosang tilted his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "San’s holding back more than I expected," he mused, his words eliciting a chuckle from Jongho, who simply nodded in agreement.

San, still standing apart from the group, exuded a quiet authority. Despite the teasing commentary from the others, his eyes never left you. "Remember your place," he reminded the group lightly, though there was no malice in his tone. "She’s mine to love and protect."

"And tease," Wooyoung quipped, pulling back briefly to glance at San. "You said it yourself, hyung. She’s precious. We’re just appreciating her beauty."

San raised an eyebrow but didn’t respond immediately, his gaze drifting back to you. "Just don’t forget who she belongs to," he said finally, his voice calm but firm.

As if to emphasize his words, Wooyoung leaned in closer, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear. "Even with all of us here, you’re still his, aren’t you?" he murmured, his voice dripping with playful reverence.

The room was growing warmer, the air thick with an electric charge that seemed to pulse between everyone present. The soft rustling of fabric caught your attention, and your eyes flicked over to the four members who had been watching from the sidelines. Slowly, one by one, they began to shed their shirts, their toned torsos coming into view. Each movement was deliberate, as though they wanted to savor every second of this shared moment.

Yunho, the tallest of the group, was the first to approach, his steps unhurried and confident. His broad shoulders and defined chest were illuminated by the soft light of the living room. His gaze flicked down to you, his lips curling into a small, knowing smile. "I think it’s our turn now," he said, his deep voice sending a shiver through you.

Seonghwa followed closely behind, his elegant movements almost hypnotic. His sharp features softened slightly as he looked down at you, a gentle fondness in his expression. "Don’t worry," he murmured, his voice smooth and calming. "We’ll take good care of you."

Behind them, Yeosang and Jongho exchanged a glance, a silent agreement passing between them. Yeosang, with his quiet intensity, began to unbuckle his belt, his fingers moving with a casual ease. Jongho, ever the composed one, ran a hand through his dark hair before stepping closer, his eyes never leaving yours.

The three members who had been close to you—Wooyoung, Mingi, and Hongjoong—reluctantly backed off, their hands lingering on your skin for a moment longer before they stepped away. They moved to the side, their breathing still heavy as they watched the scene unfold. Each of them began to undress, their movements slower than necessary as if they wanted you to notice every detail.

Wooyoung leaned casually against the armrest of the couch, his bare torso gleaming under the soft light. "We’ll let them have their fun," he said, his voice teasing. "But don’t forget—we’re next."

Mingi crossed his arms over his chest, his sharp jawline set as he watched intently. "Take your time," he added, though the hunger in his gaze betrayed his impatience.

San remained standing apart from the group, his suit still perfectly in place. The contrast between his composed exterior and the evident strain in his pants was almost too much to bear. His dark eyes drank in every detail of the scene, from the way you sat on the couch, your hands trembling slightly, to the way the members circled you like predators waiting for their moment to strike.

You glanced up at San. His lips curved into a small, approving smile. "Enjoy yourself," he said softly, his voice steady despite the clear tension in his posture. "But remember who you belong to."

The four of them seemed to come to a silent agreement, their eyes flicking between each other as they decided how to proceed. Finally, Yunho spoke up, his deep voice cutting through the quiet tension. "Let’s start simple," he suggested, his gaze dropping to your hands.

"Two and two," Jongho added, his voice steady. His dark eyes softened slightly as he looked at you. "If that’s okay with you."

You nodded, your heart racing as they took their places. Yunho and Yeosang each took each of your hands, their fingers brushing against yours as they guided your movements. Their touches were firm but gentle, their eyes never leaving yours as they made sure you were comfortable. They took off their pants completely, followed by their briefs. Their cocks sprung out and your hands instinctively went for their lengths. You looked up at them, then down at the position you were in. Legs slightly spread out, your cunt dripping with arousal on the blanket that was on the couch, the two men in front of you and their cocks in your hands. You took a deep breath and started to move your hands, stroking their lengths slowly, at first. Yunho's cock was already dripping with pre cum, making the perfect lube for his hand. For Yeosang, you spit in your hand and started lubing it up. He quietly groaned at the sensation, satisfied with your way of lubing him.

“Yes… that's it, sweetheart..” Yunho whispered, his head slowly falling back as your hand started to move more rapidly, your thumb rubbing over the tip, putting pressure on it.

Yeosang was already out of it, his breath heavy as he was hardly holding back from pushing your hand further on his cock. He waited and waited until he couldn't anymore.

“Fuck it..” his hand hand hovered over your head, hesitating for a moment. He looked at you and tried to back up, but Yunho interrupted his move.

“That's such.. a great idea, Yeosang..” he said, his eyes gazing over you. “But only if y/n and San are good with it, of course…” he said and all 3 of you looked at San. He suddenly had his pants unbuckled, his hard cock straining against his briefs. He nodded, his hand now lazily rubbing it through the cloth. He was turned the fuck on with this situation, the fact that he was observing you so patiently, waiting for his men to have their fun with you and use you as they pleased, as their fuck toy.

“Boss is okay with it.. but are you, y/n?” Yeosang said, his hand hovering softly over your cheek, making you look up at him.

“Y-yes..” you whispered and he didn't hesitate any further, his hand guiding your mouth to his cock. You instinctively started sucking on the dripping tip, kissing and licking circles all around, from the tip to the base of his cock then all along his shaft. As you sucked him off up and down slurping and putting pressure with your tongue and lips on the tip, his hand slowly started pushing your head on his cock. He let you get used to his size, your lips stretching slightly as he pushed further.

“Ah fuck, Yunho.. her mouth feels so good.. you gotta-you gotta try this” Yeosang said breathless, catching the other men's attention. Yunho smirked and waited for his turn.

Aa you bobbed your head up and down on Yeosang’s cock and stroked your hand on Yunho's on your left, you started to focus on making Yeosang cum first so you could suck Yunho off, too. Within a few more licks of your tongue and hard sucking on the tip he came down your throat, making you slightly choke on his huge load. Yunho chuckled, satisfied at the view of you choking and couldn't content his excitement at being sucked off by you, that he slowly moved Yeosang from your face - who was panting still - and harshly tilted your chin up so that you could take his cock in your mouth.

“Can I join in, too?” Jongho said, his cock already heavy and dripping in his hand.

You nodded briefly while sucking on Yunho's cock and he joined in… but he didn't joke when he said he'd *join in*. He made his way right in front of you and switched places with Yunho for a moment until he was satisfied, then after you sucked him off for a moment he exchanged glances with Yunho and they came to a silent agreement. Yunho, *slowly* made the tip of his cock fit at the same time with Jongho's and you started to suck both simultaneously.

Yunho’s hand tangled in your hair, barely resisting from mouth fucking you. He softly pulled you towards his pelvis, both cocks filling up your mouth good. Jongho whined at the sensation, his head lolling back in pleasure.

“Yeah.. that’s it, darling..” Jongho said, his ragged breath giving away the fact that he was damn close. Yunho was too, his hand pulling your hair softly backwards only to thrust powerfully in your mouth. Each of them fucked your mouth prettily until they came down your throat, filling your mouth with their cum. Tears pricked in the corner of your eyes, the feeling of being stretched by their cocks only amplifying the pleasure and arousal growing in your belly.. and between your legs.

You had just finished with Jongho and Yunho, your hands still trembling slightly as they stepped back, their satisfied expressions lingering as they caught their breath. The room was filled with a heavy scent. As they backed away, the other four men—Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, and Wooyoung—moved forward, their eyes locked on you, filled with a mix of hunger and anticipation. The air grew heavier, the tension palpable as they closed in on you, ready to claim their turn.

But before they could make their move, a voice that brooked no argument cut through the silence.

San stepped in front of you, his presence commanding, and with one smooth motion, he cupped your face in his hands, his touch tender yet possessive. His gaze softened as he looked down at you, but his words were sharp, like a warning.

"The next man to make a move without her permission will regret it," San's voice was calm but held an undeniable authority. He leaned in slightly, his eyes never leaving yours as he asked, "Tell me, who do you want?"

You felt your heart race, the pressure mounting as the room fell deathly quiet. The other men—Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, and Wooyoung—shifted uncomfortably behind San, their whispers of complaint barely audible. "This is taking too long," Hongjoong muttered softly. He's gonna make us wait?" Seonghwa sighed in frustration, his voice barely above a whisper. "This isn't fair." Even Mingi and Wooyoung exchanged glances, their impatience palpable, but they dared not protest further. They knew better than to challenge San’s authority.

A bead of sweat trickled down your temple as you stared at San, unsure of what to say. The choice was overwhelming, and the silence seemed to stretch on forever. You opened your mouth, but the words caught in your throat. "I... I..." Your voice wavered, and your hands shook as you glanced at each man in turn.

Finally, with a stutter, you managed to say, "M-Mingi."

San’s lips curled into a small, approving smile. "Good choice," he murmured, backing away just enough to allow Mingi to step forward. His praise made your chest tighten in both relief and anticipation.

Then San turned to the others, his gaze cold and decisive. "Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Wooyoung," he commanded, his tone leaving no room for argument. "Back off. Stay with Yunho, Jongho, and Yeosang until she's done. She'll decide what to do next."

Reluctantly, the remaining three men complied, their disappointment clear, but they knew better than to defy San’s orders.

The room quieted once more as Mingi stepped closer, and the weight of your decision settled in. He positioned himself to your mouth and let you take the lead for a moment.

Mingi stepped forward, his eyes dark with desire as he knelt before you, his towering frame somehow softening with a nervous yet eager energy. His hand trembled slightly as he guided his cock to your mouth, the warmth of your breath against him drawing a shuddering moan from his lips. He wasn’t shy about making sounds; each gasp and whimper escaping him felt raw, his pleasure uninhibited. “God… you’re so good,” he murmured breathlessly, his voice catching as you dragged your tongue along his length in a slow, deliberate motion. The way you swirled your tongue and teased him at the tip had him bucking his hips slightly, his hands gripping your shoulders for balance as his knees threatened to give out. Every lick, every motion from your mouth sent Mingi spiraling closer to the edge, his moans turning into desperate whines that filled the room. Every sound that escaped his throat gave you energy to suck him more, deeper, faster, sloppier, even if his huge, girthy cock was making you choke on it with every deeper thrust. “Y-you’re… gonna make me—” he stammered, and before he could finish his sentence, his climax overtook him. His body tensed as he came, the sound of his loud, unrestrained moan echoing through the room.

Panting heavily, Mingi stepped back, his legs shaky as he tried to steady himself. You wiped your lips, your own breath coming in short, heavy pants as the intensity of the moment settled between you. For a brief moment, neither of you spoke, the weight of the shared experience thick in the air.

Mingi finally broke the silence, offering you a sheepish smile. “That was… incredible,” he admitted, his voice still husky. “But what do we do now?”

Before you could answer, San’s familiar voice cut in, smooth and commanding as ever. “I’ve got an idea,” he said, stepping forward with his trademark confidence. His gaze flicked between you and Mingi before landing on you, a small smirk playing at his lips.

“How about this,” San began, his tone low and almost teasing. “You take Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Wooyoung, and Yeosang next. All at once. Then, when they’re done…” He glanced over at Yunho, Mingi, and Jongho, his smirk widening. “You’ll handle them. Together.”

His words sent a ripple through the room, the other men exchanging glances, their expressions a mixture of excitement and anticipation. San’s smirk deepened as his gaze returned to you, his voice dropping even lower.

“And when that’s over,” he said, stepping closer, his eyes locking onto yours, “it’ll finally be my turn.”

San’s tone held a sense of finality, his dominance undeniable as he stood tall before you. “The best things,” he murmured, brushing a strand of hair from your face, “are always saved for last.”

The tension in the room was palpable, every man’s gaze now fixed on you, waiting to see how you’d respond. San’s command lingered in the air, his natural authority unmistakable as you tried to steady your racing heart and prepare for what lay ahead.

Your lips trembled, the weight of anticipation heavy as you stood surrounded by three of them—Seonghwa, Yeosang, and Hongjoong—each waiting, their eyes fixed on you. Finally, you stammered, “Y-yes,” the word escaping in a breathy whisper.

San’s gaze softened, pride shining in his dark eyes as he stepped closer to you. Gently, he cupped your face, his thumb tracing slow circles against your cheek. “That’s my good girl…” he murmured, “or should I say… good slut?” his voice low and rich.. His lips quirked into a smirk as his gaze flicked briefly to the men nearby. The sudden word he said made your eyes widen, surprised he hasn’t used those type of words yet.. as he always uses them when there is just the two of you.

“If you want the chance to be with me tonight,” he continued, his voice smooth and commanding, “you’ll be a good girl for them first. Take care of them. Do you understand?”

You nodded, your breath catching under the weight of his intense stare. “Good,” he said, stepping back and motioning toward Seonghwa, Yeosang, and Hongjoong. “Go on, show them what my good, little slut is capable of.”

San moved aside and as soon as Seonghwa approached you first, his movements slow and confident, San stopped and turned around. “Ah… I almost forgot. Listen carefully," he growled, his voice low and laced with a deadly calm that sent a chill through the air. "She’s mine. The only one who has the right to speak to her like that is me—and even then, it’s only because she allows it. If I catch so much as a whisper of disrespect from any of you, there won’t be warnings, there won’t be second chances. I will make you disappear, and you all know pretty damn well how I take care of people that cross my words.”

“Got it, boss!” all of them said in unison, clearly spooked by his words, but with a good reason.

Seonghwa stepped in front of you. His strong arms slid around you, pulling you firmly against him with your back pressing to his chest. “You’re stunning,” he murmured, his breath warm against your ear. Yeosang stepped in next, his hand grazing along your thigh before resting on your hip. His fingers trailed up, featherlight, before settling in place. He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your temple.

Hongjoong followed, stepping to your side with a teasing smirk. His fingers traced the line of your jaw, tilting your head gently toward him. “You’re safe with us,” he murmured, his voice low and steady before capturing your lips in a kiss that was as consuming as it was gentle.

Their touches surrounded you, each of them focused on you as the last layers of fabric were shed from their bodies, leaving only warmth and closeness between you. The atmosphere was charged, the air electric as anticipation built around you.

Seonghwa adjusted his hold, his arms sliding beneath your knees to lift your legs effortlessly, pressing them against your chest in a mating press. His chest was firm against your back, his grip steady and sure as he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on the side of your neck. The new closeness made your breath hitch, heat flooding your senses as you leaned back into him.

Yeosang and Hongjoong steadied you on either side, their hands gliding along your thighs and hips, their touches reverent yet deliberate. Yeosang’s lips brushed against your collarbone, his breath hot against your skin, while Hongjoong whispered your name softly, his voice sending sparks through you.

As Seonghwa positioned himself right under you and began to move, his breath caught, a low groan escaping him as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. His cock thrusted deep in your ass, his movements deliberate and controlled, each shift of his body sending a wave of warmth coursing through you. Hongjoong soon joined, his body aligning with yours as he ligned his cock to your folds, rubbing it up and down for a couple of times before sliding right in, his quiet gasps mixing with Seonghwa’s.

Yeosang’s steadying hands roamed your sides, offering a grounding presence amid the growing intensity. His kisses traced a path along your shoulder, and his voice was a soothing counterpoint to the fervent rhythm the others set.

The synchronized motion between Seonghwa and Hongjoong was overwhelming, each of their movements filled with purpose, their breaths shallow and mingling with your own. Seonghwa’s grip on you never faltered, his strength keeping you secure as he murmured against your ear, “You’re perfect..”

Their closeness was intoxicating, and the connection shared between the four of you was more than physical—it was a deeply intimate expression of trust, affection, and unspoken understanding. Each kiss, each whisper of praise, and every deliberate movement spoke volumes, leaving you surrounded by warmth and devotion.

Yeosang shifted with purpose, his hands smoothing over your sides with deliberate care before he moved to position himself beneath you. His movements were careful yet assertive, his hands guiding your hips as he thrusted himself in your cunt, his body perfectly aligned to support you. His chest rising briefly as he murmured, “Let me take care of you, too,” his voice low but filled with steady confidence. The feeling of being filled by both Yeosang’s and Hongjoong’s cocks was damn overwhelming and pleasurable, tears falling down your cheeks as you were held up by the 3 boys. But.. one was missing.

The room pulsed with heat, your body trembling from the overwhelming sensations of Yeosang’s deliberate rhythm beneath you and Hongjoong’s teasing precision. Every sound, every touch, had you teetering on the edge, your breaths hitching as you tried to keep up with the intensity.

“Forgot about me for a second, huh?” Wooyoung’s voice cut through the haze, sharp and playful, though the hunger in his eyes betrayed just how impatient he had been. He stood near you and the boys, watching you.

Your eyes flicked to him, and the moment they met his, he was already moving. Whatever remained of his clothes was gone in an instant, hitting the floor without hesitation. “You look so good like this,” he murmured, his voice low and rough as, his hands ghosting over your trembling thighs.

Yeosang let out a low chuckle, his grip on your waist tightening as he adjusted his angle. “You’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?”

“You have no idea,” Wooyoung replied, his hands sliding up to your hips, brushing against Yeosang’s as he steadied you. He leaned in, his lips brushing against the curve of your neck.

Hongjoong smirked, his fingers caressing your thigh as he watched Wooyoung with quiet amusement. “Don’t overwhelm her right away. She still needs to be in shape for whatever boss wants to do with her later.”

But Wooyoung was unrelenting, his lips trailing down your neck to your shoulder, his kisses growing more insistent. He looked at Seonghwa as he guided his cock into you. The stretch was overwhelming, the new sensation pulling a sharp gasp from your lips as your body adjusted to the addition… in your ass, right where Seonghwa had been fucking you for a while. Wooyoung let out a low groan, his forehead pressing briefly against your shoulder as he steadied himself. “You feel… unreal,” he whispered, his voice strained with the effort of holding back.

Seonghwa, who had been quietly observing, started to thrust in sync with Wooyoung, filling you up. “Relax,” he murmured, his voice soft and commanding as his lips brushed your ear.

Wooyoung’s movements were slow at first, his hands steadying you as he found his rhythm.

The room was thick with heat, your body trembling as Yeosang and Hongjoong moved in sync, their rhythm pushing you closer to the edge. Their hands gripped you firmly, Yeosang’s nails digging into your waist while Hongjoong’s fingers tightened on your thighs. The pressure inside you was almost unbearable, but it only heightened the pleasure coursing through your body.

“Just like that,” Hongjoong groaned, his hips stuttering as he buried himself deep, his release spilling into you in hot waves. A cry ripped from your lips as Yeosang followed, his grip steadying you as he filled you to the brim, the sensation overwhelming.

Behind you, Wooyoung let out a low growl, his chest pressed against your back as Seonghwa whispered praises into your ear. Their movements were relentless, each thrust drawing out another moan from your trembling body.

“You’re perfect,” Seonghwa murmured, his voice strained as he sank deep inside you, his warmth joining Wooyoung’s as their releases filled you in unison. The sensation of both of them spilling into you left you breathless, your body tightening as your climax crashed over you in a wave of blinding pleasure.

A broken sob escaped your lips as you felt everything—every stretch, every pulse of warmth as they stayed inside you, their hands soothing you as you shuddered in their arms.

“S-so full,” you whimpered, your voice shaky as tears slipped down your cheeks, your body utterly spent yet tingling from the overwhelming sensation of being completely filled.

Their warmth surrounded you, grounding you as you came down from the high, your body still trembling but utterly sated.

The weight of San’s gaze lingered on you, dark and full of unspoken hunger. He stepped closer, his lips curling into a teasing smirk. “So needy,” he murmured, his voice low and full of heat. His fingers tilted your chin up, forcing you to meet his piercing stare. “One more round, sweetie. That’s it. Then you’re all mine.” His thumb brushed over your trembling lips as his tone dropped further. “But don’t think I’ll go easy on you after watching this, you little slut.”

Before you could respond, San stepped back, and Mingi’s hands slid to your waist. He pulled you closer, his large palms steady and grounding as his lips found your neck. The soft press of his mouth left a warm trail, and the quiet groan he let out sent a shiver through you.

Behind you, Jongho’s touch was firmer, his hands gripping your hips as his breath fanned against your shoulder. He didn’t speak, but the heat of his presence and the deliberate press of his lips to your skin left you breathless.

“Just like that,” Yunho murmured, his deep voice a soothing contrast to the desperate need in his eyes. His fingers grazed along your jawline, tilting your face toward him.

You gasped softly, overwhelmed by the intensity of their touches and the way they surrounded you. San’s voice cut through the haze, sharp and commanding yet dripping with a dark fondness. “Good girl,” he said, his tone rough as he leaned in to press a fleeting kiss to your temple. “Now let them have their moment, because after this…” His words trailed off, his smirk growing wider. “You’re mine.”

As the 3 boys started fucking you relentlessly, breaths mingling together and whines escaping your chest, they stopped suddenly. You didn't realise why until your sweet boyfriend stood right in front of you. San’s voice cut through the haze, sharp and commanding. “Stop.” The single word carried enough weight to make Mingi and Jongho halt mid-thrust, their movements freezing as their eyes turned to him. Yunho’s grip on your waist loosened slightly, though he stayed close, his breath still hot against your neck.

“You don’t get to finish yet,” San growled, stepping closer, his intense gaze boring into yours. His tone softened just slightly, but it was no less firm as he tilted your chin upward to meet his piercing eyes. “Not before them, and certainly not before me.”

You gasped softly, your breath hitching as his fingers traced your jawline, his possessive smirk returning. “You think I’m letting you come so easily?” He leaned in closer, his voice dropping into a husky murmur. “No, darling. You’re gonna wait until I’m the one who pushes you over. I want you crying out my name, trembling and completely undone because of me. I want you so damn overstimulated you can’t even think of anyone else.”

San turned his sharp gaze to the others, his tone cool and deliberate. “You heard me. Keep her waiting.”

Mingi’s hands tightened on your hips, his grip grounding as his pace resumed, slow but deliberate. The low groans rumbling from his chest mingled with Yunho’s deep, steady breaths behind you. Jongho pressed closer, his lips brushing along your shoulder, his quiet growls sending shivers down your spine.

Their rhythm built together, their bodies perfectly in sync as your moans and cries filled the room. Mingi leaned down, his breath hot against your ear.

Yunho’s hands slid up your sides, steady and warm as his lips found the nape of your neck. The way his whines wrapped around you, combined with the desperate, broken groans from Jongho, sent waves of heat coursing through you.

Your cries grew louder as their movements became more erratic, each of them chasing their orgams with a fevered intensity. Mingi’s deep groan echoed through the room as he held you tighter, his body trembling against yours as he finally came. Jongho followed moments later, his grip on your hips firm as his own breathing hitched. Yunho’s orgasm was quieter but no less intense, his face buried in your neck as his chest heaved against your back.

You trembled in their arms, overwhelmed and breathless, when a familiar voice pierced through the haze.

San stepped forward, his movements purposeful, his shirt now entirely gone. “That’s enough,” he said, his voice low and commanding, drawing all attention to him. His eyes darkened as he took in the sight of you, thoroughly undone and trembling from the intensity. “I told you she wasn’t finished yet.”

He scooped you into his arms effortlessly, his strength both steadying and overwhelming.

He stopped in front of the tall, ornate mirror that stood near the dining table, his reflection capturing his sharp gaze as he set you down gently on the edge of the table. “Look at yourself,” he commanded, his tone rough but laced with a dark sort of tenderness.

You blinked up at him, dazed, your reflection showing your flushed cheeks and trembling frame. San smirked, his hand tilting your chin so you wouldn’t look away. “You see that? That’s what I do to you,” he murmured, his voice dripping with possessive pride.

Before you could respond, he gently pushed you forward, your palms meeting the cool surface of the table as he pressed your body into it. His hand slid down your back, firm but reverent, as his other hand came to rest on your shoulder. “Keep watching,” he whispered, his breath warm against your ear. “I want you to see exactly how I make you mine.”

The intensity of his words, the way he held you so effortlessly yet with complete control, sent a fresh wave of heat coursing through you. San’s reflection in the mirror was just as commanding as his presence behind you, his gaze locked onto yours as he slowly began to thrust into your dripping cunt.

Mingi, still catching his breath from nearby, let out a low chuckle. “San, you really don’t hold back, do you?”

San glanced over his shoulder briefly, his smirk growing darker. “Of course not. She doesn’t deserve anything less.” His attention returned to you, his voice dropping as he added, “And she wouldn’t want it any other way, would you, sweetheart?”

The only response you could manage was a breathless whimper, your reflection showing every ounce of the anticipation coursing through your body as San’s grip tightened, grounding you once more in his complete control.

San’s gaze darkened as his hand choked your face and neck down on the table, his strength grounding you even as your legs trembled under the weight of his presence. “Watch me,” he commanded, his voice low and rough, a blend of control and desire. His eyes flicked toward the others as he smirked. “Watch how my little slut lets me take everything from her, how much she trusts me to push her to her limits.”

His fingers trailed deliberately down your back, firm but reverent, sending a shiver coursing through you. The cool surface of the table pressed against your skin, contrasting with the heat radiating from his body as he leaned over you. “You’re mine,” he whispered into your ear, his tone soft yet charged with unrelenting intensity. “And you’ll show them exactly how good you are for me.”

The table creaked under the pressure as San started pounding into you, a silent promise of what was to come. His hand slid to your shoulder, steadying you, his thumb brushing soothing circles into your skin as his other hand started to slowly tangle in your messed up hair.

Your breath caught as he bent down, his lips brushing just below your ear. “Don’t you dare look away,” he murmured, his voice sending a rush of anticipation through you. “I want you to see everything. Every moment. Every second of what I do to you.”

Your reflection in the mirror revealed the truth—the flushed heat of your cheeks, the dazed look in your eyes as you nodded, overwhelmed by his intensity. San’s smirk deepened, his possessiveness evident in every movement as he fucked you, ensuring you felt every ounce of his unwavering focus.

The tension in the room was palpable, each sound amplified as the others watched, their breaths mingling with yours. San’s hold on you remained steady, his thrusts getting sloppier, deeper, more purposeful.

“S-San..!” you cried out, tears pricking at your eyes as he hit your cervix, the roughness of it all sending you over the edge. His hand hovered underneath you, feeling up your belly. As he bottomed down as deep as he was able, stretching you the fuck out, he could feel his cock softly bulging in your lower belly. He let out a satisfied sigh, smiling in the mirror as he saw your eyes teary.

“Yes.. that's it, slut. Scream my damn name.” San said as his pace grew faster and deeper, table creaking under his force. “I thought you'd be all loosened up from the boys fucking you at the same time but damn… their cocks ain't competing with mine. Is that right, darling?” he smirked, looking in your eyes in the mirror as he heard the boys complain in the background.

“Y'all better shut your mouths if you don't want me to give you a reason to complain.” he said between thrusts and they nodded, defeat visible in their eyes.

“Tell me, slut. You're close, is that right?” The way your breath hitches… and the way you desperately arch your back against the hardwood.. “

“San..S-San.. please. P-please.. -ah!” you moaned out as he jerked your head upwards by your hair. His thrusts grew erratic, your head dizzy from his power. He pounded in you a few times before filling you up with his huge load of cum, your walls clenching around his huge cock. Right after him you cry out in pleasure as your orgasm washes over you, tears streaming down your cheeks and on the table. You squirted all over the table under you as he slowed down and then pulled out, lifting you up in his embrace and watched you come undone.

“Damn.. I didn't know Boss is this fucking rough with her.” Yunho said, surprised at the power he fucked you with.

“Yeah but.. the princess seems to enjoy it, too.” Yeosang added, the other boys nodding in agreement.

“Everyone had their way, right? Now, all, get out and get washed. Y'all know we have a busy schedule tomorrow. I'll take care of my girl.” San ordered and watched the boys leave his home before bringing you to the shower, talking you through it.

He asked you all sorts of questions. How was it, if you liked it… how did it feel. If you were scared for even a moment or if you doubted him. All these questions made you grow fonder of him, but you were too spent to answer everything in detail. He washed you and himself up and went to bed with you, cuddling and stroking your hair until you fell asleep.

NETWORKS:

@blossomnet

@illusionnet

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@mingleshine @musiclovingfairy @crazylittlebisexual @sanhwalvr @artistic-rendition @hongjoongtime117 @cypher-03 @peachy-bell26 @atiny1 @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @atzlordz

[lorelune]

dreamer's envy

|| dan heng x reader || E/18+ || first time, comfort, lore || wc: 13.4k  || ao3 ||

Dan Heng is haunted by the memories of a man he no longer is. You are all to willing to help him.

minors, antis and ageless blogs dni

notes: ahhh!!! beloved dh... df... yx... this fic is a bit of a love letter to reader insert character studies and ship fic. making my two faves kiss on the mouth fr. thank you so much to @yinyuedijun for beta reading along the way!! hope you enjoy 💗

CW: reader is referred to with they/them pronouns and afab anatomy, previous dan feng/yingxing, descriptions of gore, descriptions of intimacy issues, author-created lore (plot crafted prior to penacony release), interpretations of HCQ lore, multiple characters experiencing post-trauma

NOTE: this piece is written in two points of view. one is from dan heng’s perspective, where the “you” he is referring to, is you, as in the reader. the other perspective is second-person pov where the narrator ('you') is dan feng. in these portions, 'you' have a cock and the assorted anatomy. these portions are written in italicized text.

Your hands shake. Your thighs tremble. Yingxing lays between them, your cock nestled in his mouth. It’s not sizable enough to hit the back of his throat, but Yingxing, ever the sensitive man, still has tears pricking the corners of his eyes. You stifle a moan into your hand, hastily slapped over your mouth.

Yingxing will not have it.

A strong, calloused hand grabs your wrist and yanks it. He pins your hand by your side, intertwining your fingers. He pulls off your cock with spit-slick lips and smiles. 

“Beloved,” Yingxing speaks in a purr, soft and gentle and comforting against your ears. “You know I love to hear all of those sounds of yours. You’re not getting shy on me, are you?”

There’s a hint of mischief to his voice. You huff and kick at his back.

“Hurry up,” you snap at him. There's a bite to it; you mean there to be. Yingxing only looks amused by your tone— the only one on the entire Luofu who could possibly look joyful, when met with your distinct ire.

“Can’t I take my time?” Yingxing asks, licking from your balls, to base, to the head of your cock. You’re— wet. Leaking pre down your shaft. “May I undo you, my flower?”

“You’re an awful man. I will have you imprisoned.”

“You’d never.”

“You’re right, I’d do worse.” You have so many ideas brewing behind your eyes— ways to punish this wretched man for toying with you. Treating you so kindly and with such humor and wit. There is no one else like him— no one else in your many, lonely years who has lanced you in the way that Yingxing has. How treacherous of him, to steal your heart. 

“You’ll have to tell me all about the ways you’ll punish me,” Yingxing hums, pushing the tip of your cock against his lips. It’s obscene. The skin at the corners of his eyes crinkle. “After you cum down my throat, though.”

Yingxing, that bastard of a man, takes you into his mouth against, bobbing his head, sucking and running the flat of his tongue over the bottom of your cock. It’s too much, all at once—

And how prettily you moan when you become undone (again) under this wonderful, awful man—

✶    ✶    ✶    ✶    ✶   ✶

Dan Heng wakes up with such a start, he nearly vomits. He does dry heave, snatching the conveniently placed trash can nearby and dropping his head inside to sputter. Spit dribbles off his lips and falls in globs to the bottom of the basket.

He sets it aside and rubs the heels of his hands over his eyes.

Again.

Again, again, again— he has these dreams all too often. Of a life that is not his, of a lover that couldn’t possibly, ever be his. They’re visceral, vivid— as though Dan Heng is experiencing them in real time, and they’re not some awful figment that clings from a past life.

They plague him, simply. He hates every moment of them.

The pleasure of them feels poisonous. That man is not him. Yingxing— is not his. The body that writhes and gasps is not his own. He’s an onlooker, a distant stranger looking in on something intimate and dead. It’s torture, really, but Dan Heng is an expert is quiet endurance, so he copes. 

He stands, still wearing day clothes, and drags himself from his sleeping bag on the floor. His companions on the Astral Express all stated their initial concern with his choice of lodging and lack of a bed, but they’ve since calmed. Everyone on the Express has their quirks. It’s like how March sleep walks, Stelle occasionally glows from her chest, and you only sleep once every few weeks and never in your own room. Dan Heng enjoys his spot in the Archives due to the various motors and machinery that lay under the floor. It’s warm, far toastier than any other room, or bed for that matter. 

(He is not Dan Feng. However, Dan Heng cannot deny that his more draconic instincts are somewhat intact.)

Dan Heng throws on his slouchiest sweater, threadbare and worn, and wanders to the parlor car. An hour or so of pacing usually cures him of any antsiness, and he can nurse a cup of tea while he walks too.

This night, however, you sit in the parlor car as well. Dan Heng slows as he sees you.

You’re— an enigma to him really. Everyone on the express is a bit of a misfit, but you are a newer addition to the bunch, and he and the rest of the crew are still grappling with your oddities. 

Dan Heng has, since the moment he first met you, accepted he would never fully understand you. He made peace with it, moved on and has kept his distance except when necessary. It is better this way.

You’re staring, side-long, out of one of the wide windows of the car. Your chin is perched on your palm and your perpetually blood-shot eyes are half-lidded. Dark circles are punched beneath them. You look like shit. You always look like shit, and you have assured the crew that this is normal, despite March’s initial fretting. 

When you notice him staring, a kind smile curls on your lips and you wave, good-natured.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty. Are you doing alright?”

“I’m fine.” It’s not the first time you two have met like this. The Parlor Car is empty, except the two of you and the dimly glowing whale fixture that hangs from the ceiling. It feels familiar, much more comfortable than the... unwelcome familiarity of his own dreams. “I’m just fetching a cup of tea.”

“Ah, a night cap?” You hum, and crack your neck. “Sounds needed. That last dream of yours was wild.” 

Dan Heng frowns, “I’ve asked you before to quit that, please. It’s invasive.”

“I would if I could,” You shrug. “But, I can’t. Besides, your dreams are loud, Dan Heng. I’d be unable to ignore them even if I was at the back of the train.” 

“Can you at least not mention them?”

“I mean, I can not. But... they clearly upset you, don’t they?” You tilt your head, eyes soft. “Would you like to talk about them at all? I don’t mind listening.”

“They aren’t your concern.”

“I’m aware of that, but that doesn’t stop me from caring. I know they’re distressing.”

“You’re prying.”

“I’m asking, Dan Heng.” You sound a little desperate. Standing, you pass by him, in the direction of the passenger car. “You can say ‘no, my fellow Nameless, I would like you to never speak of me and my upsetting sex dreams,’ and I won’t ever mention them again. I don’t mean to be a thorn in your side, but the past is easier to bear in the present if you can lean on folks.”

Dan Heng is silent, stewing and stirring under his skin. 

By the time he has a reply formulated, you have left the parlor car. The only sign that you’d ever been there to begin with is a patterned knit blanket left where you were sitting. 

Dan Heng snatches it up before he can convince himself not to and returns to his room to add it to his ground-bound nest.

...

Welt had found you outside of a space station, idling around a refueling station. You’d been wearing a dirty utility jumpsuit with the emblem of some IPC-owned subsidiary screen-printed on the pocket. Your eyes had been glassy and far away. When Welt asked if you were alright, you had smiled and told him, “Actually, I’ve never been worse.”

The Express loves strays. It’s ultimately what he, Stelle, and March are. Welt to some extent as well, especially considering his several layers of mystery. Himeko has the disposition of a kind leader and the heart of a mother, and for all of Pom Pom’s fretting, they are always interested in a new face aboard the Astral Express, for however long they choose to be there.

It’s sensical that you were given a shower, a hot meal, and a room before you even fully understood what you were signing up for with the Express.

Dan Heng was, notably, wary of you. It was the way you looked at him after the first night you slept on the Express (one where he had predictably been plagued with images of a body that wasn’t really his being fucked and loved in a way Dan Heng couldn’t conceptualize his actual self receiving). There was clear concern etched in your expression, however you never voiced it. Not at first.

It was only after a few weeks that March pointed out you hadn’t slept since your arrival that you revealed your hand.

A bloodline blessed by the Aeon of Dreams, Sacha. 

Dan Heng had heard of the Aeon, distantly. A seldom-traveled path, one for those with imagination run wild and a penchant for long naps. There were whispers that the Aeon was asleep, constantly. Otherwise, dead. Regardless, you bore the Godbeing’s blessing in some way.

You revealed this during a routine coffee break, just before Welt, March and Stelle descending to a little sandy moon. Perched on a chair, legs curled over your chest, you’d laughed when March pointed out your lack of good sleeping practices.

“I don’t need to, so I tend not to. It’s a difficult habit to break.” 

You had explained to Dan Heng and Himeko that you and your kin, a race descended from a small planet from a dead solar system, all bear this blessing. No need for sleep and—

“I perceive the dreams of others.”

Dan Heng had questioned, immediately— “Perceive?”

“That’s the best way to put it.” You meet his eye and you look slack in your shoulders. Unbearably calm and tired. “What you dream, I experience along with you. The more I focus in, the more vivid it is.”

(Dan Heng is horrified and doesn’t speak to you for a week.)

After some significant, quiet panic, Dan Heng had politely asked you to not perceive his dreams if you could help it. 

You’d told him you’d do your best.

And Dan Heng— appreciates the effort. Even if it's clear it's not working. You are so often up when he rises for his customary tea and jaunt, and tend to prod him a little. At least stop him to chat for a moment or tea. You’ll sneak in a cheeky comment or two, usually, but they’re so quick Dan Heng can’t do much more than blush and stumble over his next sentence.

You look highly amused and soft, those nights.

You never ridicule him, which he appreciates. More often you look pleasantly neutral, as if trying to emulate the aura of a familiar house plant near a skittish black cat.

(Dan Heng knows he is the skittish black cat.)

It’s— too much really. Dan Heng would rather bear it alone, take his cup of tea and do his laps, but he also can’t find it in him to tell you off too harshly. You tend to favor the parlor car, anyway. You get lost in the stars and galaxies they traverse easily. It would feel cruel to ask you to sequester yourself to your room simply so Dan Heng can brood more effectively.

Dan Heng does not know what to do about his own haunting (arousing) dreams, nor does he know what to do with you and your unfazed smiles.

...

You straddle Yingxing’s lap, thighs tense as you roll your hips. Your lover’s length grinds inside of you, stroking something small and hot and so good you could get drunk on it. You chase the sensation, selfish. Your hands are braced behind you, on Yingxing’s thighs as he is sprawled below. 

His cheeks are flushed and his hair is a knotted mess. A hastily ripped piece of fabric binds Yingxing’s wrist together and secure to the stained wood of the bed frame.  You were kind enough to carefully pull out his favored hairpin (a gift, one you commissioned him to make... for himself. Without his knowledge. Yingxing was moderately huffy about it until you tucked it into his hair yourself.) and set it aside. 

Yingxing is not a weak man, but you are a Dragon, and therefore keeping him restrained and tethered is not difficult. Usually, you allow Yingxing the privilege of carving out your insides at his leisure and pace. There’s a sweet torture to it you have found yourself having grown fond of. 

There is no other soul, mortal or otherwise, short-lived or long-lived, that you would allow to exert such control over you. Yingxing is an exception for you in so many ways. How dear this (foolish) craftsman has become to you.

“B-Beloved,” Yingxing’s voice is tight, strained. There’s sweat beading on his temples. “Might I persuade you into moving?”

You hum. Your tail wraps around his leg, from ankle to thigh and squeezes. The feathered tail flicks at Yingxing’s tense muscle and he jolts under you. A glittering laugh leaks from the corner of your mouth.

“Persuade me then.”

“Y-You’re not making this easy, are you?”

“I told you I wouldn’t. And you still agreed.”

“I thought the great Yinyue Jun would grant me some mercy at least. Excuse my wishful thinking. I thought that my dearest husband would forgo being a brat for at least a single night—”

You scoff.

You roll your hips, slow and deliberate. Yingxing’s words are cut off, killed in his throat as his eyes roll back into his skull. Keeping your core tight, you bury his cock in your hole to the hilt. You’re flush together, panting. It’s a tight squeeze, it always is. But the slight burn is familiar and welcome as you throw your head back and moan.

The sound is sin. If any of the Preceptors knew what this man did to you, he’d be drowned in Scalegorge within the day. 

Yingxing curses in a tongue you don’t know— it’s his mother’s language, he once told you. He tries to buck up into your heat, but you hold him down and steady. Clicking your tongue and racking your nails down his chest. Thin welts rise in your wake. Yingxing lets loose a choked gasp as you slide down on his cock. The stretch is so, so good. You crave this ache. You fantasize about it when you surely shouldn’t. It haunts your—

Dreams?

✶    ✶    ✶    ✶    ✶   ✶

Dan Heng wakes up so hard it physically hurts. He gasps, muffling a half-there sound into his pillow. It’s shameful. He feels out of his mind as he flips onto his stomach and ruts into his nest of blankets. The friction is dry, scratchy, and barely enough. However— the phantom sensations of a dead lover crawl over him. Nostalgic and tragic and nauseating.

He comes with a sob that he prays no one hears. He stains the front of his boxers as he grinds his oversensitive cock against the wet fabric. It’s too much. He’s too sensitive. It hurts, but Dan Heng doesn’t know what else to do.

He feels ashamed as he sits up and runs a hand over his face. 

It’s usually not this bad. Usually he can will away any arousal with logic. Reminding himself that the pleasant touch and face he remembers is long gone and was never his to have to begin with. Only on a few occasions has he woken up disoriented enough to forget himself to actually get off.

He needs to shower.

Dan Heng blearily leaves his room with his towel slung over his arm. The showers are on the other side of the passenger car. Dan Heng turns the spray on the highest heat, cooking himself as much as he can bear. There’s a latent energy in him that always swirls, begging him to push and pull the water around him, harness it for even a moment—

Before Dan Heng can entertain such things, he exits the spray, flushed bright red with his towel around his waist. 

As he exits the shower, he finds you. 

You’re perched one of the plush couches, tucked into a nook in the passenger car. Your signature blanket is not with you. You look— like shit. Dark circles stamped but your eyes look alight.

Dan Heng freezes as you notice him.

“... You alright?” You ask him.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure, bud?”

“Yes.”

“Uh-huh.”

”You’re patronizing me.”

You stumble, “I don’t— I don’t mean to. That was just—”

“Please do not—”

“A lot.”

Your cheeks are flushed as you rub at them. Your gaze flits up to his then averts to the floor. You look... shy. It’s an expression he’s never seen you wear before, even when you were pulled onto the express filthy and in a heavily patched jumpsuit. 

Something in Dan Heng’s chest squeezes. He doesn’t know what to say. He feels entirely too exposed. He’s not fully dry, and he can feel droplets of water dripping from his hair down to his shoulders. His throat bobs as he gulps you watch the movement with rapt attention. 

He coughs.

“I asked you to refrain from viewing my dreams.”

“That one was loud.” You frown. “Incredibly loud. Like banging pots and pans, fireworks and explosives kind of loud. I couldn’t have ignored it, even though I very much want to. I’d love to give you your privacy, Dan Heng, but sadly the intricacies of your mind happen to make your dreams essentially unignorable.”

“Must you comment on them?”

“... I heard you crying after.” Your expression looks uncharacteristically torn up. Your lackadaisical smile and humor are nowhere to be found. “I was worried.”

“I can assure you, I am fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I do, regardless. The whole Express does.”

“I appreciate it. Though, it’s unnecessary.”

“Of course. Sure. Because you’re the paramount example of ‘not needing care’.”

“I’m self-sufficient.” This time, he frowns.

“You are.” You stand up and walk toward him. “‘Sufficient’ implies adequacy, not prosperity.”

“What are you implying?”

Your hands ball into fists at your sides, “That you, Dan Heng, seem like you could use some help. I won’t pry at your past, I’m aware it’s not my place to do so— however routinely having uncomfortably vivid sex dreams about a man who you clearly have complex feelings about, probably isn’t good for you. There’s an inevitable amount of strain. One that I think that you’re ignoring.”

“What help do you think I need?” His voice remains level, but your proximity has him wriggling under his skin.

“... I— could be a decent listener. I have all the time in the world. I’m always around at night.” You struggle to meet his gaze, but after a moment, your usual, easy smile erupts on your face. “Or, would you prefer more... direct assistance? I could help with that too.”

“Speak plainly.”

“Was the last time you had sex with the man in your dreams?”

Dan Heng’s throat closes up. The cloudhymn that are under his skin thrum and encircle him, for just a moment. Your eyes widen at the colors and hum of it and jump back. You almost stumble. The surge of power and energy shakes the passenger car. The whale-shaped light fixtures dance above you. 

Dan Heng swallows.

“And if it was?”

You look at him, really look at him, and your eyes soften. Your center looks wide and vulnerable despite the churn in the air, “Then, do you think it could, perhaps, be helpful to add some more recent, pleasurable memories for your dreams to play with?”

Dan Heng flushes so quickly, he feels faint.

The instinctual cloudhymns around him die in an instant. He retreats, a firm grip remaining on the towel around his waist to keep it in place. He mumbles out a hasty ‘goodnight’. 

He is unsure if you hear him.

... 

In the days that follow, neither Dan Heng nor yourself, bring up your proposition. 

The next morning, you look expectedly exhausted, but do not prod or pry at him any further. You sit at the long table for breakfast and munch on a piece of bread and some jam while Himeko goes over your next destination. 

The few times you look at him, your smile is lazy and easy, however you turn away quickly. 

You continue to skillfully avoid him. 

Dan Heng— feels a bit bad about it. Maybe a lot. If he enters common spaces like the parlor car or dining car, you quickly leave after a peripheral greeting. You must be doing so as to not tip off the rest of the crew that there’s some amount of… tension between the two of you. Under different circumstances, Dan Heng would have appreciated the purposeful discretion, however something about it irks him. 

The Express’s next destination is a repurposed space station at the edge of a solar system. A false sun, powered by a Stellaron— something to that effect. Stelle’s bodily composition is of some intrigue to the scientists looking to craft a replacement, while other factions wish to harness the Stellaron more directly than a not-so-distant source of light and heat. 

Himeko’s engineering expertise is being requested, along with Welt’s understanding of Imaginary energy. March wants to go due to the complex system of bioluminescent algae that teems in the space station’s plentiful aquaponics infrastructure. (“It looks so pretty! I need photos!”)

There are very few reasons for Dan Heng to accompany them; the party’s already full. There are even fewer reasons for you to join, who, despite all of your assurances, looks particularly haggard and worse for wear. Both March and Himeko mother hen you into staying aboard the Express to keep Pom Pom company.

Dan Heng should make an excuse to leave as well. Something in his gut tells him it would be best to keep his distance from you.

(It would be easier that way.)

However, Dan Heng finds himself waving goodbye to his companions as they dock at the small port. Pom Pom has requested at least a single treat from their excursion while they wave exuberantly from his side. 

You stand on Pom Pom’s right, lazily waving as well. Your shoulders are slumped.

As Pom Pom aways to dust the fixtures in the parlor car, Dan Heng faces you and speaks without thinking.

”You should rest.”

You blink owlishly at him. “… That’s not necessary.” 

”You don’t look well.”

”You’re quite the charmer, aren’t you?”

”I am being serious.”

”So am I.” You roll your eyes and shrug. 

You attempt to walk away from him, but Dan Heng finds himself reaching out to grab your arm. His hand wraps around your forearm securely, firmly. 

You still, wide-eyed.

”You can sleep, can’t you?”

”… I mean, yes?” You frown, glancing at his hand then back to his face. 

“Would it help?”

”Help what?” 

Dan Heng deadpans. “You’re exhausted.”

”… Dearest Dan Heng, I am always in this state. I apologize if my withered countenance has caused you grief. I am fine.”

You attempt to wrench your arm from his grip, but he doesn’t let you go. Your frown deepens. 

“Being intentionally daft isn’t wise.”

You stare at him, “I’m not being ‘intentionally daft.’”

”I beg to differ.”

You mutter something in a tongue that Dan Heng doesn’t recognize. “What’s your deal? I apologize for getting into your business previously. I have been trying to give you ample space and shut out your dreams to the best of my ability. Is that not enough?”

”No.” No, no, no— that’s not really. It. Dan Heng isn’t sure what it is, but at this moment, his mood has little to do with your knowledge of his horrible, awful, persistent wet dreams, but something else. “I’m not upset at you for that.”

You stare and your hands ball into fists, “So, you’re really pestering me over my well-being?”

”Yes?”

”Aeons, Dan Heng.” You say his name in a croon and it makes him shudder. He wants to scream. “It really isn’t a big deal.”

”Is it straining you to not… perceive my dreams?”

Your expression goes blank. “I mean. Yes. But, it’s not a big deal—“

“You look awful.”

”You can’t have both.” You are clearly frustrated. Dan Heng’s grip is unrelenting. “I can’t— I can’t attempt to block out your silly sex dreams without a not-insignificant amount of effort. I’m either going to be very keyed into that pretty silver-haired man who you clearly wish was in your bed, or I’m going to look a bit more worse for wear. The latter, Dan Heng, does not bother me. Fretting over me isn’t going to make me less worn down.”

”And you just… don’t care that you’re tired?”

“I’m always tired.” You smile then, the same lazy, curling quirk of your lips that you so often wear, ever since the Express dragged you aboard from that rest stop. Dull-eyed and wearing a filthy utility jumpsuit. “I don’t want to cause you all any additional grief. I wish you wouldn’t worry about me.”

Dan Heng doesn’t know what to say.

“... That isn’t your choice.” The words feel paltry, half-there.

You pull your arm from his grip, thumbing at the spot where he held you. Your soft day clothes have rumbled under his grip, “That’s hilarious, coming from you, Dan Heng.”

“This is different.”

“How so?” 

“Because—” Dan Heng clicks his tongue. Something— something simmers just under his chest. Something bigger than himself, salty like the sea and heavy like green stone that writhes as you stare him down. “Because my dreams are my business. The man— men— in my dreams are my ills to carry. They should not affect my present. You shouldn’t be affected by them.”

“Well, crazy, but I am—” You go nose-to-nose with him and huff. Dan Heng backs into a railing behind him, back curving. “Because I don’t like seeing you in pain—”

Something kicks Dan Heng’s shin and he hisses. You jump away from him with a stumble, looking down at a glowering Pom Pom. Their tail twitches.

“No fighting in my parlor car!” Pom Pom huffs. “Does Pom Pom need to get Miss Himeko’s ‘get along’ shirt?”

“That’s not necessary,” Dan Heng rushes to say.

You’re already walking away, out of the parlor car with a shake of your head and one last wistful look.

...

You tear your heart from your chest.

It is expectedly painful, even if you braced for it. Even if in your deepest meditations, you simulated the pain of such a loss with cloudhymn to prepare for this moment, on the off chance you would need to lose your heart from between your ribs and give it to your beloved. So few of Long’s scions retain the ability to rebirth with multiple hearts— only a handful of high elders, really. You can imagine what they will say about you, think about this act you’re committing.

Sin. And a painful one.

The blade in your hand clatters to the ground as you hold your heart in your own palm. It’s large— a dragon’s heart. It will not fit in the chest of a mortal. 

(But, you will make it fit.)

Yingxing is— is— he’s dead. He’s a corpse on the ground below you. One of his arms is missing, while the other is twisted at a most unnatural angle. His star silver hair is a tangled knot in the dirt, Yingxing’s favored hairpin shattered somewhere in the foreground. The color is no longer pure. It’s a dirty scarlet. A mix of your beloved’s blood and Shuhu’s. 

Yingxing’s eyes are half open and dull. Purple turned bruised-petal lilac. His lip is split and blood trickles from the corner of his lips,

This is not to say anything about his middle which is—

Not really there.

It makes inserting the heart easier. You think so anyway. Your hands shake (they never have before, not like this) and you cry (you have not cried like this before) as you shove the heart into Yingxing’s necrotic chest. You have to further break his ribs to shove your heart into him. Cloudhymn spins around you— a storm, a gale for you. It dulls the screams from your younger companion begging you to stop. A beast roars in the distance, above it all. The sound makes the air tremble and split. Your ears would bleed, were you a weaker species. 

(A necessary sacrifice— she— she was already dead. Past saving. You only have two hearts. One which is yours and one which is now—)

Yingxing’s.

Your beloved flinches. Lurches as unnatural growth burgeons from him. He wails on the ground as magics spin within him. You are doing the most unholy thing to him. But, you must, right? You cannot lose him. You cannot lose Yingxing. You have given everything, always, as every self, to your role and its meaning— can you not have this one thing? May your beloved not stay by your side, however unfair and painful the circumstances?

Unblemished, ghostly pale tissue regrows from Yingxing’s body at an alarming pace. It rejoins his upper and lower halves together as he screams. 

Yingxing’s hands wrap around your neck and you’re shoved into the dirt. You are not expecting the force and the impact, even less so. The air knock out of you and the cloudhymns shudder. The magics are thinner for a moment, you could see your other companions if you chose to. You could see how many Xianzhou cloud knights have fallen to the beast you created.

You ignore them.

You ignore them all to look up at your beloved. Eyes now a wild red, teeth glimmering white and stained with blood. His hair has darkened, silver turned dark, like it had been dipped in thick, viscous oil. Yingxing bares his teeth and screams at you. 

“WHAT DID YOU DO!”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, DAN FENG!”

—!

✶    ✶    ✶    ✶    ✶   ✶

Dan Heng awakens to a silent Astral Express. The trainship is still docked and it’s running on ancillary power in the meantime. 

It’s entirely too quiet. All he can hear is the pounding of his own heart.

He scrambles to grab at his own chest— there’s no gaping hole. There’s no— there’s no blood on his hands (not real, material blood anyway . Various parties would beg to differ as to if he has any actual blood on his hands. But, the past is the past, isn’t it? These dreams are the afterimages of the life of a deadman. That’s all they can be. The man that chases him across the universe bears a different name and a younger face. The man who will always make time for him on a Godship, so very far away, may use his name ‘Dan Heng’, but is that who he truly sees when he looks at Dan Heng?)

Dan Heng dry heaves into his hands.

He barely manages to crawl to the little bathroom attached to his room to puke his brains out. He hasn’t had much of an appetite over the past few days, and most of what comes up is water, pile, and half-digested rice porridge.

By the time he withdraws and flushes, wiping his hand over his mouth, he feels winded. Disgusting. Sweaty and entirely too wet. 

Shower.

Dan Heng methodically grabs his few supplies and walks across the silent Astral Express to the showers. He could take a bath— maybe it would help. March keeps minty bath products out and available that are so strong that they tend to pull any of the Express’s passengers out of a funk if used. There’s a little basket of them in the tiled common area of the baths. There’s a hand-written note in March’s perfect scrawl that says “Please take one❤️!) 

Dan Heng snatches a few before picking his favored, individual shower. There’s a little atrium before entering the shower itself, where he sheds his drenched bedclothes and hangs them, along with his towel. He turns on the shower and idles for a moment, listening to the dull roar of it.

Water splashes onto him in droplets. There’s a (dormant. Dormant. He swears it’s dormant) instinct to ball the errant water up and toy with it with cloudhymn. The pearl that idles in the center of Cloud Piercer has many different ways to harness its power beyond a weapon of steel that—

(Isn’t his, is it?)

Dan Heng wants to vomit again. He steps into the spray before the nausea overtakes him.

The spray is cold— he usually takes cold showers, regardless of if it’s after a particularly intimate dream. He prefers cold water. He enjoys cold baths, but they’re a luxury he enjoys only once in a while, and usually for the better part of a day. He’ll stay submerged for what would be a worrisome amount of time (if he didn’t bear the spare parts of imbibitor lunae) and, despite his assurances, worries the rest of the crew. As sedentary and reclusive as Dan Heng can be, camping out in the baths for the better part of a day causes a stir amongst the express.

They’re a treat, a bothersome one.

Now, he washes himself thoroughly. It’s a mechanical and rhythmic thing. It soothes him. His breath comes steadier.

Dan Heng hasn’t had a dream that unpleasant in quite some time. He has always had the more gruesome— of tragedies beyond this knowledge. But, they’re rarer. He is haunted more frequently by memories of pleasure and that almost makes the shadow of Dan Feng more cloying. The gruesome are just that— gruesome. He has put together pieces of Dan Feng’s sin, though he refuses to touch the Archive’s documents ported from the Luofu on the subject. 

Ignorance is bliss and Dan Heng feels knowledgeable enough. The breach between his own memories and Dan Feng’s is less solid than it once was. Dan Heng will more than likely find out with time.

It despairs him for a moment as he turns off the water and towels off. He feels— more lucid. Better. 

He’s surprised that you haven’t sought him out.

There’s— no way you didn’t perceive that dream. Dan Heng can’t be entirely sure what you mean when you call a dream ‘loud’, but he knows the very real pain he felt during it could constitute as such. He listens closely as he dresses in new bedclothes. The Express is still quiet aside from machine hum.

Dan Heng could check on you. He thinks about it. Your room is just past Stelle’s and considering you weren’t in the parlor car, you’re probably there.

You shouldn’t have seen that. But, it’s not like Dan Heng can help it, right? 

The tangle of feelings within Dan Heng writhes as he exits the showers. It grows even more unruly as he notes a change in the parlor car.

Resting on one of the plush seats is a hastily folded blanket, a still-steaming cup of tea, and a small, folded note.

Dan Heng approaches and reads.

DH

i’ve noticed you like my blankets. take this one. it’s one of my favorites.

have some tea and rest if you can.

— [name] ╰(*°▽°*)

The penmanship is shaky, and clearly quickly written. None of the paper’s folds match up with each other. There’s a spill of tea on the coffee table that looks half-wiped away. 

Something heavy settles in Dan Heng’s gut. He gathers the blanket, the tea, and your note and heads back to the archives with a pit in his chest.

Like he’s still missing a heart.

...

Things come to a head a few days later. The rest of the Astral Express crew is still sorting things on the space station, and you and Dan Heng only have so much space to dodge each other.

And, truthfully? Dan Heng stopped avoiding you the day before yesterday. Now, he is actively (read: passively but passionately) trying to seek you out. This involves listening keenly for when you leave your room, but lately, those trips are few and far between. And always occurring while Dan Heng is asleep. Pom Pom confirms this, looking increasingly uneasy at the clear tension between the two of you.

Dan Heng— doesn’t know what to do. He is good at running from his problems. He put Cloud Piercer through— Blade’s chest any number of times and hopped to the next planet more times than he cared to think about. He ran from the shackling prison, the Luofu, and its General without looking back even in a cursory way. Dan Heng finds sentimentality to be a new feeling, a new fixture within his person and does not know how to handle it. He does not want to run away from you— he wants to run toward you.

The blankets of yours (three in total) are in his nest. He paces the passenger car each night hoping you’ll reveal yourself. He hovers outside of your door, hand poised to knock, but he never does.

He does not know what he’d say. 

Dan Heng does not have confidence in his words in that way. He can speak well— it’s an overhang from Dan Feng, and he is grateful for it, but on more than one occasion, March has (rather explosively) shouted at him for being so... blank-faced in the heat of an emotional conflict. The two of them occasionally do butt heads, usually when March is attempting to run headfirst into a situation without proper forethought, and those encounters have ended with March tearfully screaming at Dan Heng to just be “honest with his face!” 

His lack of expression is also an overhang for Dan Feng. 

No matter how well-crafted his sentences and well-spoken his words, Dan Heng cannot connect them to how he feels... effectively. It’s disjointed. Like armor made with incorrectly sized plates that cannot possibly be pieced together. Clothing created with a misdrawn pattern, never able to be sewn in a wearable way. 

If he were to face you, he is certain he will not be able to voice how he feels.

He can at least— do something. Give you something, since you seem so hellbent on leaving him special tea blends you’ve stashed away and BLANKETS. 

(Do you have any idea what you’re doing to him?)

Dan Heng stops trying to run from you. He resolves to do something or say something because it's better than the widening rift that’s currently being run through the Astral Express, between the two of you. 

Dan Heng gets his opportunity in the late evening. He’d— feigned sleep. Intentionally. A deep state of meditation for long enough that you might think he was enjoying a dreamless night of sleep, however, he’d only be idle, waiting for sounds of any of your activity in the direction of the parlor and meal car. 

Dan Heng hears your door slide open down the hall as he sits upright, cross-legged in his nest of many blankets and pillows. Your steps are quiet, the lightest pad against the flooring outside. He strains to hear you.

He does notice, however, how you move even slower as you walk past his door. So clearly intentionally trying to keep quiet for his sake.

Dan Heng waits a few minutes until he’s certain you’re either in the Parlor Car or Meal Car before uncrossing his legs and bounding from his room. He means— to be more put together about this. But, he’s nervous he’ll miss his chance, and you’ll retreat, and be gone for longer—

Dan Heng finds you in the meal car, poking over cold dinner leftovers with a sullen expression. Your brows are heavy, eyes dull. You look— awful. You always look awful, he’s sure you’ll assure him, but now you look bad. You look ill. Unwell. The oversized shirt hanging from your shoulders billows in an uncomfortable way. It has too many undone buttons, leaving a deep v, exposing too much of your chest.

You look up at him, eyes widening.

“I thought you were asleep.” You say softly, putting down the tongs you had been using. You didn’t bother picking up any food, your little bowl is entirely empty. 

Dan Heng opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He snaps it shut a moment later.

Your eyes soften and you sag. You look like you could melt into the Express’s floor at any moment. Your eyes radiate... pity. 

“Did I wake you? I try to be quiet.” You laugh, looking sidelong, out one of the many windows. “Sorry about the fuss. I’ll get out of your hair.”

Dan Heng is frozen.

You idle, only for a moment, holding your breath, before shaking your head minutely. It— it makes his palms sweat. You try to shuffle past him. Dan Heng is blocking your only exit, and you attempt to side-step him as he gapes at you, unmoving. Unsure.

Dan Heng grabs you by the forearm as you pass.

He holds you there. Steady. His grip is firm and unyielding. Maybe too tight, based on your sharp intake of breath as you wobble in place. Dan Heng steadies you with his other hand. Without— thinking, his palm lands on your ribcage and you jump with the contact.

You stare at him, wide-eyed. 

And you face each other.

“You’re avoiding me.” Dan Heng speaks first. His words feel sure, but there’s a sticky feeling in his chest.

“... Perhaps.” You smile easily, despite how worn you look. “It seems like you have a lot on your mind. I didn’t want my presence and what it entails to burden you, dearest Dan Heng. I apologize if that wasn’t clear.”

“What do you mean by your ‘presence and what entails’?” 

You look like you’ve been punched. Dan Heng feels ill. 

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

“Please be straightforward. 

“Kind Dan Heng, I am—” 

“Please, explain yourself.” Dan Heng feels— frustration bubble up into the back of his throat. It’s acidic. He looks from the grip he has on your arm to your face, lingering on the chapped lines of your lips before meeting your eyes. “Why do you think you would burden me?”

You look at him sadly, “I thought we’ve been over this.”

“We haven’t, to my knowledge.”  Dan Heng frowns. You look like you’ve been slapped.

“I apologize.” You shouldn’t be. “Dan Heng, don’t I know too much?”

He locks his jaw. 

You continue. “You’re an incredibly private person. I don’t want to know about a past you’re clearly not comfortable sharing. I cannot help what I am able to perceive, however I can create some distance between the two of us, so as not to suffocate you with the fact that I know about your dirty laundry without your expressed consent.”

Dan Heng’s mouth is dry. 

You’re an unbearably earnest individual. As mysterious as you make yourself, you don’t tend to lie. You’re blunt in a way that’s disarming, heart flayed open as if rended with a short, sharp blade, on display for anyone who would like to view and poke at it. 

“I apologize for communicating that more effectively,” You add more softly. You place your hand over his, the one bracing your arm. You squeeze. “It must be hard to bear those things, and you’ve made it clear you wish to do so alone. I want to respect that and you, Dan Heng. My door is always open, but I thought it might be easier for you to not... be reminded so easily, by my presence.”

Your eyes are wet as you look away from him, to the floor. You take the smallest, most guarded intake of breath. It looks like you’re trying not to cry.  

Dan Heng feels something cold and large in his chest. Big enough to swallow him whole. 

He says your name, even and unwavering, with the weight of the sea behind it. You glance up at him, straining to give him your same lazy, forced smile—

And he kisses it off your lips.

It’s not an action Dan Heng thinks about. You’re almost close enough to feel each other’s breath regardless. One moment, he is staring at you with his own frown, and the next his lips are on yours, tilting his head to search for the best angle. The force of the action has you stumbling back into the wall behind you. The hand he kept on your ribs moves to your waist, bracing you.

It takes a moment for you to react. A startled little (whimper, a whimper) sound gets muffled by his lips as he cradles your jaw. Deepening the gesture. You react and— return it. Moving your lips against his, leaning into his grip. 

Only to freeze, and shove at his shoulders a moment later, “W-Wait.”

Dan Heng pulls back, panting.

“You don’t have to do this,” you tell him. There’s an urgency in your voice like you’re scared. You nervously run your hands up and down his arms. Dan Heng doesn’t even think you’re aware you’re doing so. “I— I offered sex to you seriously, but— don’t just take my affection because you want to close the distance. There’s other ways to be intimate, you know?”

“I’m aware,” says Dan Heng. Your lips are just barely kiss bruised. He wants to make it worse. It’s an easier expression of the gulf in his chest that writhes with your closeness. “However, I want to fuck you.”

The dullness of your eyes is stolen as they widen. Heat rises in your cheeks. You’re stunned speechless.

...

Dan Heng wants to eat you.

As in, he wants to have you in his mouth, under his teeth and tongue, and get you in his gut so you never go away again. It’s— a draconic instinct. Something carnal and old that could swallow him alive. It is another overhang from Dan Feng. Such bloody impulses aren’t... uncommon for Dan Heng. However, he has learned to temper them with training, combat, and more recently, some expression of cloudhymn.

Never sex, however. Because your initial guess was correct. Dan Heng has not ever had sex, and the last time Dan Feng had had sex, he is fairly certain was a teary, bloody affair with a half-dead, bloodied Yingxing. 

This encounter, however, is very different.

There is no swirling Scalegorge and broken, coral-lined streets. There is no sand grating against his knees over Yingxing's almost-corpse. There is no tempest of his own making, cracking the sky in two, and tearing the world asunder.

Rather, there is his nest of blankets and pillows, and your soft body below him. He straddles your waist, protecting the curve of your thighs with his own. The lights of the Archive’s room are dim, the machine hum below is lulling background noise and comforting. And you— you’re warm— not cold or bloodied. Your eyes are soft, but keen in a different way from the man in the echoes of memory. There’s no sharpness to you, not in your words or your presence.

You’re gentle as you cup Dan Heng’s jaw and drag him closer to kiss him.

“You’re thinking pretty hard.” You murmur against his lips. “Are you sure you want this?”

The question makes him— angry. He still doesn’t know how to voice it, so instead he pressed you down into the floor. A bodily expression.

Your hands tangle in his hair and stroke at the lower curve of his skull. It’s gentle, rhythmic and lulling. It’s nothing like—

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

Yingxing tears at your scalp, hands wound into your long hair. His cock is buried in your throat, bullied there at your request. He’s seated so deep that your nose is buried in the bristly, silver hairs at the base of him. His scent is intoxicant, musky and unclean. Instinct tells you it’s impure, but you have learned that’s conditioning.

You want to swallow him whole.

You swallow around his cock as Yingxing grinds into your throat. You gag, you always do, but Yingxing ignores you in favor of fucking your face with more vigor. The sounds that drag from you are obscene. Ugly things, guttural sounds. Tears drip down your cheeks, spit down your chin—

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

You kiss him softly, pliant beneath him and snake a hand lower, easily. It’s practiced. Like you’ve done this a hundred times. The rhythm of intimacy seems easy. You palm over his increasingly hard cock and smile against his lips.

“Does it feel good?” you ask, voice soft and curling. 

Before Dan Heng can reply, you’re licking up his jaw, to his ear. You nip and suck and Dan Heng can’t help the way his eyes roll back in his head. He groans, rolling his hips against your hand. The friction is dry, but it’s something. Something new and different and not an arousing nightmare. But an arousing reality.

He moans at the contact. The sound startles him.

You seem pleased as you hum against his ear and kiss down from his most sensitive spot, lower, licking over skin with practiced motions. You nip at his collarbones, laughing under your breath when Dan Heng twitches with the pressure of it.

Dan Heng feels— thoroughly disarmed. The feeling grows more intense as you coax him to flip your positions in the next moment.

His back hits the mound of pillows softly. You cradle the back of his head as he moves and massage his scalp.

It’s— the care of it that feels different. There was clearly care between Dan Feng and Yingxing. Too much, in Dan Heng’s opinion— (they shared the kind of care that tore history asunder, love so brilliant and cloying that it could only bring sticky destruction). The kind you give him is different. There’s a warmth in your gaze which is foreign. Yingxing held passion and a brightly burning heat that would surely burn itself out too young. Branding heat.

Yours is tender, the warmth of a hearth you stacked and lit yourself. You beckon him closer with a smile on your lips and hands tangled in his hair. You tug on it, with the barest edge of pain. Dan Heng likes it. 

Your knee slots between his thighs, something to grind onto. He can’t help the way he yearns for more contact, and seeks the friction. His pants are too tight, but he doesn’t want to remove them yet.

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

Yingxing tears off your clothes. Your finest robes— the ceremonial ones, silks with intricate embroidery and beaded with perfectly cut crystals— are in tatters by your bedside within moments. Yingxing’s want is unyielding. The lips that move against your own are so much, and so good. You crave it. Yingxing licks into your mouth and you moan loud enough for your entire home to hear. Never mind your attendants and preceptors. 

Let them talk. Let them gossip. You have never cared for legacy regardless.

Yingxing rips away your undergarments. Gossamer things, thin and mostly see-through. You’re already hard, leaking, aching for touch. Yingxing spits on his palm and strokes you. He doesn’t stop as you squirm. You’re not used to touch, especially not like this. No matter how often Yingxing takes you like this, your body cannot fully acclimate quickly. 

It takes a moment.

Yingxing uses this to his advantage. He holds you like he has something to prove as he swipes away pre from the head of your cock and licks it off his thumb. He looks smug, smitten, vibrant, and enthralled.

“How many times can I make you come tonight?” Yingxing purrs, voice rough and silken all at once. You feel your cock twitch in his hand. He smirks. “What if I break you?”

“I’d throw you through a window.” You snap at him.

“You wouldn’t.” Yingxing rubs down to the base of your cock and plays with your most tender parts. You try to kick him and he catches your ankle. Yingxing, the bastard he is, presses a kiss to your ankle. Reverent. “You like it when I break you.”

“You’re terrible.”

“And I’m yours. And I’d like to make Yinyue-Jun cry tonight.” 

It’s— humiliating the way he speaks to you sometimes. He adores you. He loves you. And for that reason, he knows he can get away with goading you on and shoving you around as he does. He knows intimately what it all does to you. The way your cheeks flush and your cock leaks down its shaft are enough of an indicator. No one sees you bare. Just— him.

Just him.

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

Dan Heng starts to remove your clothes. 

You seem surprised when he does. You try to take over the task yourself, but Dan Heng bats your hands away.

He wants to do this.

Dan Heng is methodical with each button and overly careful. He watches the rise and fall of your chest, noting how it hastens as he works on the last few buttons. The garment is pushed off your shoulders and discarded into his nest.

Seeing you bare is— vulnerable. Surely. You attempt to smile but— Dan Heng sees the cracks in it. As lax as you try to be, this is something different for you as well. Another mystery woven into you that Dan Heng wants to pick apart.

He rubs at your hips, up your ribs and to your chest. You gasp with his touch, leaning back to brace yourself on his thighs. It exposes you more, and— gives him more room to indulge. He cups your breast and steels his resolve when you whine.

Dan Heng has never done this. He wasn’t sure he ever would. It feels foreign and odd to touch you this way, but Dan Heng likes it. The heat that rises in your cheeks when he pinches your nipples. The soft puffs of breath and the sweat of arousal that’s growing on your temple. You roll your hips down onto his clothed cock, seeking the same contact he does. 

There’s a tumble to it then. The task of disrobing continues, and you end up entirely nude on top of him, while Dan Heng is still fully clothed.

“... Is this more comfortable for you?” You ask. You aren’t... shy about your body. But there’s an unfamiliar squirm in your upper half that Dan Heng reads as discomfort.

You’re exposed. He is not.

“Somewhat.” Dan Heng lays his hand flat over his navel. He imagines what his cock would feel like inside you and he nearly blacks out.

“Why?”

Dan Heng thinks for a moment—

(It’s because Dan Feng liked power. He loved the games where he could have all of the power and control in his hands, and those where it was torn from him as well. He reveled in both. This— want is an afterburn. One that is not Dan Heng’s. Just like every other thought of intimacy and sex that Dan Heng has ever felt—)

“Dan Heng,” You breathe his name and pet his cheeks. You’re closer now, chest to chest. “Can you tell me why? It’s okay if you can’t.”

“It’s too complicated.”

“... Could you try to tell me, still? We have time.”

“I want to fuck you.”

“You can. After.”

Dan Heng frowns at you. He wants to tell you that— he wants it now. And that patience is something he has in spades but you are testing the limits of. Your poking and prodding, he wants to toss it aside in favor of the literal you in his lap.

He wets his lips as you look at him expectantly. You stroke over his cheek, soothing him as if he were an angry kitten.

“I like that—” Dan Heng starts, and his words die in his throat. What he wants to say—

(“I like that I can see all of you, while not revealing any of myself.”)

You seem like less of a mystery like this, bare and sweaty over top of him. There’s less of you that you can obscure. You’re not hiding from him, dodging him, or flaying him open with honesty while so much of you remains tucked away. You cannot hide your own arousal. Your cheeks are hot with it, your pupils dark and dilated, and your lips are licked and wet. 

“Hm?” You hum, a devious smirk stretching over your lips. You grind down onto his cock, with enough pressure that it almost hurts. His eyes roll back into his head. “Can’t you tell me, Dan Heng? Why do you like hiding the way you do?”

Dan Heng stills, opening his eyes to blink at your incredulously.

“... Why do ‘I’ hide?” Dan Heng asks. His tone is rude. He internally slaps his own wrists then forgives himself, because in the next moment, you have your palm over his cock, gripping the length of him through the fabric of his pants. You flick your thumb over where the head is concealed and look smitten with the way his hips jolt.

“I am not a fool.” You toy with the button on his trousers. “Dan Heng, the Nameless, who hides and hides and hides. And feels so infinitely bad when a single card in his hand is revealed. The shame you carry, doesn’t it burden you?”

Dan Heng’s mouth is dry, “I—”

“You can hide like this. I won’t stop you,” You hum, still smiling, still lax in the shoulders. You run a hand up his navel, over his shirt, careful to retain his frail modesty. “Perhaps a bit bashful, yes. But, you’re hiding. How can you crave intimacy when you’re seeking it from behind a veil? Dearest Dan Heng, I will indulge you, because you are dear to me, but will it be fulfilling—?”

You prattle on.

Dan Heng is... seething. Quietly and carefully. Because, you are not wrong. There’s truth to your accusations. You speak no lies, yet the way you’re... delivering the truth is frail and in fragments. Your own eyes look hazy. Your touch grows shaky. Your voice is too soft around the edges for the sharpness of your words. 

Dan Heng—

He knows that look.

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

You have never had sex before. 

You’ve read about it, because your Preceptors made sure you did when you were young. This was in the case that you were raped, that you would know what the experience was, so it could be reported in an appropriate and timely manner. 

Your exposure to sex beyond that was minimal. Though Vidyadhara copulated, it was not for the sake of procreation. It was based in pleasure, supposedly. You had learned that the humans and foxians of the Xianzhou had sex for the sake of pleasure and power which... you cannot understand. You don’t endeavor to understand it, as you have all of the power that you need. 

(You are naive for this, you will learn in time.)

The first time Yingxing implores you to have sex, you know the rote motions. You assume— that since he is a human, this is what he wants from you. You let Yingxing push you down on your own mattress, and you lay there. Yingxing speaks as he disrobes himself, then tends to you.

Each layer of clothing he removes from your body feels like you’re being cut with a knife.

You haven’t let any attendants dress you since you learned to adeptly use Cloudhymn to assist yourself instead. You frequently wear three, sometimes four, layers of silken clothing, even when you are around your own home. 

No one sees Yinyue-Jun bare.

And yet, Yingxing peels back each garment without much reverie. He undoes metal and mother-of-pearl clasps with a dexterous flick of his fingers and a dashing, sharp-toothed smile over his lips. 

You look down at his own chest when he pushes away the final layer. Your skin is milky, untouched cream. You’re too skinny, the muscle you have is wiry without enough fat. You watch your own chest rise and fall— so quickly. Too quickly. 

When you look up at Yingxing, whatever smile he had worn is gone. He wears concern so transparently over his brow as he cups your cheek. His lips move, and you do not hear him. Your own lips still move, an instinctual reply even if you do not register your own words. You can predict what you’re saying.

(“I am fine.)

(“There is no need to worry about me.”)

(“You are foolish for worrying about me.”)

Yingxing softens after you speak, and thumbs over your lips. The pads of his fingers are rough. You can feel the heat callouses, born of friction and incidental burns. It’s so much different from your own flesh, constantly-healing, pure and so rarely bruised.

Yingxing deftly falls to your side, and scoops you in his arms. He smells like iron and smoke. You’re stiff at his side. 

He speaks directly in your ear, nosing the shell of it, “As much as I would love to bed Yinyue-Jun, I can recognize when I need to be a gentleman about it.”

“... Pardon?” You swallow. Your voice is foggy in your own ears.

Yingxing’s hand settles on his hip. He pulls back just enough to look at you, nose to nose, violet eyes soft in the amber sway of candles in the room. 

“Yinyue-Jun is very brave, for a virgin.” This time, Yingxing smiles like a menace. You punch his back and he seems unperturbed. “Let’s take our time. You have plenty of it, and I have enough to show you how to enjoy this well.”

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

Dan Heng understands, then. 

In a smooth motion, he raises his palm to fit over your mouth. You stop speaking beneath it, and you snatch his wrist up in your own grip.

“If I am hiding, then so are you,” Dan Heng says. There is no waver to his voice anymore. “And you are terrified.”

You freeze above him.

It’s enough of an opening for Dan Heng to knit his legs with your own, and drag you down into his nest. He wraps his arms around you, chest-to-chest (covering you, hiding you himself, keeping you safe and sating that fanged, draconic howl in his chest that will never fully quiet). You remain stiff in his arms, eyes wide and you’re not smiling. 

Your gaze flickers up to his and holds it, unrelentingly.

“I don’t mind doing things scared.” You tell him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

“Will you enjoy it if you’re scared?”

“... Maybe less, but it’ll feel nice.” You shrug, nosing at his jaw. “I like you, Dan Heng. I wouldn’t have offered sex if I didn’t want to have it.”

Dan Heng locks his jaw. He noses down your jaw, down your neck, to the juncture where your shoulder meets it. The flesh is tender. You have your free arm draped carefully over your chest, covering your most exposed, vulnerable portions as he tries to do the same to you. Your breath is soft, bated as he hovers.

“I don’t want to have sex with you if it will only feel ‘nice’,” Dan Heng says into the hollow of your throat. 

“How demanding.”

The bar is on the fucking ground. “I do not think so.”

Dan Heng slides a hand lower, between your thighs. You’re only wearing shorts, soft amiri-cotton that sparkles in the lowlight of the archive’s room. It’s a thin garment. It takes nothing for Dan Heng to cup a hand over your sex. With dexterity and focus, he presses his middle finger closer. The seam of your cunt is wet, even through the fabric.

“Are you scared or nervous?” He asks.

“Hm, what about you?”

“Do not dodge my question.” He squeezes over your cunt and you clutch at his shoulders with a gasp. “Just answer it.” 

You consider his question, and open your mouth like you’re going to attempt to parry him, then close it again. Your lips are smooth, petal-soft as he thumbs over them, urging them to stay closed until you have an answer. 

Dan Heng struggles with eye contact, but forces himself to stare you down. 

“Both?” You ask behind his finger. There’s a hint of mirth behind your words.

Dan Heng frowns, “How can it... be enjoyable for you?”

“... That’s a good question.” You look far-off for a moment, not there in his nest. “Not quite sure, but I’m sure I can.”

There’s an implicit ‘I have before’ that you do not say. However, with the way your head falls limply to the side in his grip, Dan Heng immediately knows he hit one of your rare soft spots. He— he immediately regrets it. He’s in uncharted territory that he strong-armed his way into. And he— he doesn’t know the way out. He’s a sexless virgin who masturbates once every three months and his most emotionally (and sexually) charged relationship is with the living ghost of a man insistent on killing him.

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

Yingxing does not remember much of his youth.

Dan Feng knows this intimately. 

The short-lived have expiring memories that seem to muddle the old over time. Dan Feng cannot understand, as his memory is pristine and clear from the time he emerged from the ancient sea in a jade-colored egg.

Yingxing remembers the Zhuming, vaguely, and then remembers arriving on the Luofu. He vaguely remembers his first meeting with Baiheng, and sleeping on a little cot in her tiny apartment while he worked his way up in the Artisanship Commission. Lucidly, these are his earliest memories.

Outside of lucidity, Dan Feng knows Yingxing remembers more.

Occasionally, something will make Yingxing remember his unpleasant, smallest youth. The loud boom of the Luofu’s biggest fireworks. A snarling dog. Splintering wood. The scent of burnt hair.

It makes Yingxing stiffen, tense, and draw up in himself.

Dan Feng has done his own research early on. In his adolescence, Yingxing was nothing more than a scrappy refugee with nothing to his name.

Yingxing’s home planet, a lush-planet... abundant in jungle lands and river systems, was plundered by abundance. Borisins. Most of its population was wiped out. Yingxing escaped due to good fortune, luck, and no doubt sacrifices he couldn’t remember.

He understands Yingxing’s passion and revulsion much better after he learns these things. 

It all enrages Dan Feng.

Yingxing’s fragmented memory, which continues to weather with time, can only give him the basest impulses when faced with something that makes him remember that frightening time. Even if he cannot remember in the mind, then he does in the body.

Dan Feng does not tell Yingxing that he knows. Yingxing is too proud a man— he’ll take offense and cause trouble. Dan Feng thinks it is better that he himself hold the knowledge, and soothe him how he can. Dan Feng can stew within himself, hone Cloud Piercer, and cut those who slighted his beloved. 

It is something beyond duty. 

An expression of care, one that tastes briny and bloody on Dan Feng’s fangs.

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

“Can I help?” Dan Heng asks.

You blink at him. He strokes down your cheek. You hum and press your lips into his palm.

“Can you?”

“I— I will,” Dan Heng stammers. “How can I make this less... scary, for you?”

Can he?

Your gaze penetrates him. It’s something sharp, seeking. Looking for his weak spots for a moment. You’re searching for danger in him.

You soften and cozy up closer, a moment later.

“Just... take your time, and I’ll take mine.” You kiss him, and speak against his lips. “It’s easier if we both can ease into it.” 

Dan Heng nods. He... he wants to fuck you. He will.

...

You pick each other apart. Bit by bit, piece by piece. 

It is a slow affair, one neither of you truly lead. You spur Dan Heng on, and he follows. 

He guides you when he can, when it feels natural and normal. You seem content in those moments, more relaxed and soft-eyed.

You do not wear a full facade all of the time, but Dan Heng now knows that you are careful to keep yourself skillfully hidden. 

Dan Heng finds this out, intimately, while he is between your thighs, tongue against your slit. He laps at you, in the motions you describe. Your hands are buried in his hair, directing him with your grip and the gentle grind of your hips against his face. It is— heavenly. Your thighs around his ears, the scent of you. He left a few pointed bite marks on your thighs, which you had yelped at.

He enjoyed giving them.

You fall apart against his mouth in a way he hasn’t seen before.

It’s— so good to watch. When he looks up at you, you gasp, you whine, and throw your wrist over your mouth to muffle the sounds you’re letting out. Each gasp has Dan Heng earnestly trying to wring more out of you. He watches your eyes roll back as you crest. Your thighs clamp around his skull and a broken sound rips from your throat. He guides you through it, then moves to your hole, lapping at your essence until he’s sure he’s drenched in it.

You pull him up for a kiss, and lick into his mouth. Your hands shake as they pet over his cheeks and jaw. Against his lips, you tell him— “you did so well”, “that was so good”, “thank you” —

The praise is almost unbearable Dan Heng has to hide his burning face in your neck to escape the vulnerability of it. 

You pay it no mind, and just laugh at him, smothering your lips into his mused-up hair.

It’s— it’s good. It’s good and soft and nothing like the dreams he’s carried with him for fair too long.

“Did you enjoy that?” You ask him, forcing him to look at you.

“I did.”

“Good.” You’re smitten with the answer and rub at his waist. You’d— clawed off his shirt at one point. Bare to each other. Dan Heng only has on his final layer of underwear that is increasingly tight and wet, with a growing patch of pre on the front.

“Do you want me to suck you off?” You ask. Your hand, gentle, slides down his front, between your bodies to rub over his cock. 

Dan Heng— struggles to find words as you tease the head of it with the tip of a finger. The smile you wear is devilish. 

“Maybe later—” He manages. “I want to— be inside you.”

He wants to be closer.

You look content with that, and pet him some more.

“In due time,” You kiss his cheek. “Will you allow me to be cruel, and make you wait a little longer?”

“It’s not cruel.”

“Okay, mean then.”

“You’re the furthest thing from mean.” Dan Heng frowns. He bites your cheek in retaliation without thinking and you squirm, pinned beneath him. A laugh bubbles from your throat, and Dan Heng can’t help but twin the sound. 

“So kind.”

...

Time stretches out, between languid kissing and the feel of your bare bodies so close, the night and day cycles the Express regulates do not seem of consequence. It’s the most relaxed Dan Heng has been in recent memory. You make it easy to be so.

You have no expectations when you touch him, other than the easy exchange of heat and spit. 

By the time Dan Heng has your legs wrapped around your waist, cock against your hole, he’s light-headed. He wants, so much. The image of you laid out before him, bare and covered in various marks of his, will be with him for years. There’s nothing lazy or unfocused about your gaze now, there’s only desire, so hot and needy that it makes Dan Heng’s throat feel tight.

You flex your hips, pushing the tip of his cock against your clit. You both gasp.

“Please, Dan Heng?” You say smugly as you play with the sweaty hair at the nape of his neck. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“I—” The words die in his throat.

He strokes up and down the flesh of your stomach. Your muscles are relaxed, soft. You’re no longer playing a role, he thinks. You’re here, wanting, edging toward begging him. The head of his cock is purple from strain and prolonged arousal. 

He presses into you slowly.

You are stretched, and Dan Heng isn’t particularly large, so he does not see any strain cross your features. If anything, there’s relief. If you were relaxed before, you’re boneless now, taking as much of him as he will give you.

Dan Heng fucks you in earnest then, under the glow of the Archive’s many machines and fixtures. You grab at his shoulders and bury your face in his neck. Dan Heng didn’t think he shared Dan Feng’s proclivity for pain, however the way your nails wrack down his back has him throbbing from inside you.

By the time he spills inside you, he’s gasping, sobbing with each thrust because it is so much. Closeness— like this— that’s real and tangible and in his grasp and within his body (only his, no one else’s) feels so vibrant and violent, it cleaves him open. He comes with a broken sound muffled into your throat, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh there. You let him, spasming with the pressure and letting out your own half-cry with the pain. Dan Heng fucks you through his orgasm, until he can’t support his weight on his knees, and he falls on top of you.

You let out a little ‘oof’, and then laugh, wrung out and happy. 

Dan Heng cherishes the memory.

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

You are most tired, but you must continue to move forward.

Despite your aching rear and scratchy eyes, there are duties to attend to. Never mind that your husband is in your bed, knocked out, regardless of whatever regenerative cloudhymns you could give him. Yingxing is mortal, and no matter how much of you he consumes (figuratively), it only slows his aging, never stopping it completely.

Yingxing will die, long before you do. And that is if he dies of old age and not the diseases and maladies of the short-lived. Or some violence that you and the rest of the Quintet will be unable to protect him from.

This will not do.

You enter your study with sweeping, loose robes. You tell your attendants to leave you be. Your ritual obligations are not until the evening. Until then, you will be confine yourself in your study and continue to pour over the scrolls, documents, and books you have been able to find. It has been hard to procure some of them— having Sanctus Medicus texts brought to the home of the High Elder would be treasonous. It has required careful planning to amass the library you have, and you are diligent in keeping it hidden. Even from your lover.

He would not forgive you, were he to know.

You have never been selfish, not once in your life. In any of your lives. You have lived for your people, the Luofu, and a dead Aeon that you remain the after-image of. You have played the part well, smiled when necessary and remained cold enough to rarely stir dangerous interests. You have healed many without complaint.

As you settle into your nest of pillows and blankets, and pick up your newest scroll, you don’t feel that guilty. You will let yourself have this one thing. If nothing else in any of your lifetimes, this one fucking thing will be yours. 

You unfurl the scroll with a yawn. It’s a text, an old one, from the High Elder that followed Yubie. They lived a short life for a high elder, two hundred years. However, they were a prolific scholar. Most of their works have been hidden away with time, as some are downright blasphemous and utilize the Abundance in a way that both the Vidyadhara’s high council and the Luofu’s Charioteers could not tolerate. 

This particular one has not seen the light of day since that High Elder’s time. It is titled:

[The Twin-Hearted Dragon Theory: The Permanence and Abundance’s Coalescing] 

✶ — ✶ — ✶ — ✶

“What a weird one.” You say with a yawn. Dan Heng can hear your voice through your chest, where his cheek is pillowed on your bare chest. He— there’s a spot of drool that’s cooling unpleasantly. He blinks awake and rises off you, to rub the stickiness away, blushing furiously.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It was cute. You were sleeping good, for once.” You tell him and muse up his hair. “Besides, you’ve gotten me far messier than that.” 

You both are messy. Dan Heng can feel the stickiness on his softened cock, and he imagines you’re leaking between your legs. He sneaks a hand between your body and gently feels along your thighs to confirm his suspicion.

You gasp when he grazes your core. You— you are dripping. Cold, too. It must be uncomfortable. Dan Heng frowns.

“Don’t worry about that.” You assure him, voice shaking. “We can clean up in a little bit.”

“Isn’t it uncomfortable?”

“Maybe,” you hum, unsure. “I don’t mind it, regardless.”

Dan Heng raises himself up off of you, and braces his hands on your inner thighs. He’s warmed with the combined heat of the Archives, his nest, and you. You’re chilled under him and— Dan Heng. Can’t have that. He can’t totally trace why, he pulls a blanket up and over your bodies. 

You let him arrange you as he sees fit. He brings you to his chest, and fits your head under his chin. He tangles your legs, indulges in the contact and tries to transfer some of his volcanic heat into you. You look content as he does, nuzzling into his throat. 

Your own eyelids droop.

“Are you going to sleep?” He asks. 

“... Probably not.” You say with a yawn.

“You look tired.”

“I am,” You nod and push closer. “But, I don’t need to, and it’s hard to get myself to sleep. It’s more trouble than it's worth, trying to sleep.”

Dan Heng doesn’t think before speaking. “Has it always been hard?” 

You pause, breathing even and slowly, “Not always.”

“Why did it get harder?”

You choose your words carefully then, despite your evident exhaustion. Your brow droops, and you rub at Dan Heng’s sides. Your thumbs skitter over his ribs.

“How much do you know about the Kin of Sacha, Dan Heng?” You ask. “It provides context. I’d hate to bore you.”

“... Very little. The databanks only has limited information.”

“Oh, you looked for me?” You nip at his jaw, playful, even as Dan Heng prepares a nervous rebuttal. You soothe his distress before it can get anywhere. “I’m kidding— and it makes sense there’s not much about us out there. There aren’t that many of us to begin with.”

“... How many?”

“I’m not sure, truthfully. Probably less than a thousand. Maybe half of that. Unless Sacha has... awoken to bless more. But I doubt that.”

You rarely mention the Aeon who provided you your sleeplessness and dream-seeing. You even more seldom mention anyone you knew prior to your time on the express.

You sign, “Typically, the Kin of Sacha work as mystics or laborers. Some societies we encountered saw the Aeon’s gifts as a psychic boon to be cultivated. Others, like the one I was raised in, saw the Kin as a well of infinite, tireless labor. You learn quickly under those expectations that even if you could sleep, it’s more ideal not to.”

Conditioning, then.

Dan Heng thinks back to when he first saw you at that rest stop. How you’d swayed on your two feet, eyes glassy and far away. How long they took to focus. How the embroidered logo on your breast must’ve belonged to whatever company you’d been under the employ of. Pieces fit together, and Dan Heng feels slightly sick.

“You don’t— need to be like that, now. You should sleep.”

With your hands braced on his chest, you lean back to look at him. Your gaze is soft, unguarded. You look almost plush with it. 

“... I guess I should.”

(I guess I could.)

That’s all it takes, really. You nearly collapse back into the nest, and Dan Heng settled himself to be curled around you. If— If he still deigned to manifest his Vidyadharan tail, perhaps it would be curled around you both. 

But, Dan Heng does not manifest any tail. You do not need to stay awake. You both rest under the filtered, soft light of the Archives, and that is all you must do. 

[bakugoushotwife]

kinktober day four: voyeurism kink

>>> guys can you tell i have a choso fantasy or do i need to write another five thousand word fic to prove it i'm sobbing and actually in love with him fr. it took me days to write this bc i was just too feral.

>>> starring: choso kamo x curvy!fem!reader >>> cw: roommate choso, hung like a horse choso, virgin choso, voyeurism clearly, petnames, masturbation, cowgirl, implied multiple rounds, choso whimpers you're so welcome, choso smokes a blunt grow up >>> wc: 4.8k >>> event masterlist

this whole roommate ordeal seemed easy enough. you had a spare room in your condo, yuji had a spare brother that needed a place to stay after graduation. it worked out perfectly, as you weren’t too keen on having a rando move in. though the half-curse was little more than that, really. you had only come in contact with choso briefly, seeing him move through the halls of jujutsu tech in search of the very brother that recommended him to you. he was intimidating, tall and broad with a look of disinterest across his face every time you ran into him. yuji had told you that he wasn’t necessarily unfriendly, just unsure, so you were weary to approach him once he moved into the spare room. you didn’t want to overdo it, you would hate to make him uncomfortable with all these changes he was getting accustomed to. so for the first three months or so, you two would only exchange pleasantries and nod respectfully, two strangers sharing an address and lingering curious stares. then, one morning you offered to make him breakfast, and you two settled into a comfortable friendship after that. 

Nowadays, nearly a year later, the living area was actually used and shared. you watched recommended shows together, introduced each other to your favorite movies, and oftentimes just sat in each other’s presence on the couch; on your phones, playing nintendo switch games, or passing choso’s best attempt at a blunt between you while shit talking your neighbors with your legs in his lap. you even encouraged him to invest in a real gaming setup, where he plays a host of different games for hours while you sit contently in the bean bag chair stationed nearby in his room, reading or crafting or just watching from time to time. the more comfortable he became, the more fun he was to be around. he was no longer shy to ask you to sit with him while he plays or to inquire about your latest book and his smiles and conversations flowed more freely. 

he enjoys your presence. it’s easy to be around you. he wonders why. even with all the progress he had made with you, he was still terribly awkward around new people and his social battery was limited. he never got tired of hanging out with you though, in fact, he craves it always. yuji says that it’s because you’re pretty, which choso can’t disagree with, though his brother’s statement irritates him for no good reason. 

he finds himself wondering if his brother knows you the way he does, silly things about you like which animal crossing character you would reincarnate as or the fact you hate grape flavored anything—it all tastes like cough syrup!--he can hear you say. no, he gets to see the real you, the one you reserve just for him. so yuji can think you’re pretty all he wants, but he’s the one who gets to see your breathtaking smiles in reaction to something he said.

“bro?! still there–or are you too busy being jealous?” yuji snickers, relishing in the match he made. he knew choso would wake up with a babe like you walking around. 

“you’re a child. and a dick.” he huffs, aggravated by his spacey sibling’s acute sense of his feelings. “goodbye.” he taps to end their weekly gaming marathon facetime two hours short out of annoyance, confronted with the silence of his bedroom and his questioning thoughts about you. jealous? as much as he hated to admit it, maybe he was. he couldn't even picture the thought of you being with someone else, try as he might. did that mean he wanted to be that person? your person? he’s so confused, but he knows even if he’s embarrassed he can talk to you about it. you could help him work through his feelings and come to a solution. even if the feelings were about you, he knows you would always be honest with him. he sighs, deciding to make his way to your room down the hall. 

you two didn’t spend a lot of time apart now that the bond had been created, and you were more than alright with that routine, because on fridays, choso holed up in his room for five straight hours to facetime yuji and play video games giving you some much needed time to yourself. you always started with a long and intricate shower, doing all your different exfoliants and masks. then you’d touch up your nails and give yourself a total spa treatment, finishing up by putting on your cutest little panties and releasing some of the pent up sexual frustration for your roommate that you keep under lock and key for the same reasons you were hesitant to cross into friendship territory all those months ago: you don’t want to scare him away. 

so you settle for your own small hands cupping your chest and pinching at your nipples, trying to picture him. It’s choso’s large and veiny hands that run down your sides and spread your legs instead of your own toying with your underwear. you can smell the versace eros cologne he wears wafting through your nose, almost able to hear his gravelly voice in your ear praising you for doing so good. it’s almost embarrassing how easy it is to conjure the image of him sinking between your thighs, lust pooling in his violet eyes. you’re soaked already, feeling the fabric of your panties sticking to your cunt just at your active imagination. you peel them off, hissing as cold air blows across your middle, but your fingers quickly find the heat of your hole, gathering that natural lube to flick your clit with. your eyes are closed—whining helplessly already at the sensation you bring yourself with him in mind. it’s nowhere near the real deal, but the bliss is good enough to lull pants of his name from your mouth, body light as air.

choso doesn’t think anything of your closed door. you told him you keep it closed to let him have his space, not wanting him to feel like you’re watching or eavesdropping on him while he’s on the phone. especially as he got close enough to reach for your door handle, hearing you call his name. you sounded…strained? in all honesty he was worried. so he doesn’t hesitate to push the door open a bit, peeking to check. his heart drops into his stomach at the sight of you naked on your bed. you’re stunning. he’s seen pictures of other women—and yuji showed him a few websites—but your body was second to none. his hand flew to cover his immediate hard on, shocked you hadn’t noticed him yet. fuck, you are gorgeous, one hand squeezing at your breast, the other playing around in that squelching noise he hears between your legs. he fights the urge to moan aloud or announce his presence, and he’s ashamed of himself. he feels like he’s betraying your trust, but his dick keeps growing in his pants at the chants of his name spilling out of your lips. he watches as your legs jerk and your head falls back against your pillow, making him think you were almost done. he had to get out before you saw him or felt his unique energy so close to you. he’s panting as he shuts the door quietly, turning the knob just so it wouldn’t alert you. 

his dick hurts as he makes it just one room down—the bathroom. perfect. he turns the shower on immediately, stripping his clothes off like they were on fire. he had set out to talk to you, to be completely honest about the thoughts he had been having, but seeing you like that did things to him words could not. he’s been horny before, of course, and dealt with that the way single human men do. but this—the desire coursing through his veins—this was different. so different. everything was clear now, he needed you. he stands with his back under the water, whimpering as his dick throbs to the mental image of your glistening pussy and blissed out face. he can’t help but close his fist around the his wide shaft, stuttering out a sigh in relief. he strokes himself to the same rhythm you moved your fingers, imagining how that pace would feel with your wet and warm cunt hugging him in instead of the rough surface of his hand. his other hand keeps him braced on the shower wall, steadying him through the searing heat the promises of your touch seem to be; to think that you were calling for him, thinking of him in the way he thinks of you now felt like a dream. he had to be hearing things, that’s the only excuse the man can summon. water beads down his biceps and chest, and it just makes his dirty deed all that much more so, fucking into his fist until his load is running down the side of the tub, the pearly beads getting swept away in the water and carried down the drain. he tosses his head back in the shower stream, his long black strands sticking to his face and neck as he tries to rinse away his shame. 

that night, choso doesn’t come out of his room to watch a movie with you before bed. you pout, but try not to linger on it too long. maybe yuji took a lot out of him today, or they didn’t have a successful time on and he was moody. either way, you weren’t going to bother him. you hang out on the couch like usual with the hopes that he would emerge soon, but as your bedtime nears and everything remains still, you slink off to your room with a sour mood to end an otherwise normal day.

as the days pass, choso’s behavior gets weirder and weirder. it’s almost as if he’s completely reverted inside his shell he made when he moved in, only emerging to get food when he had hoped you weren’t around. the times in which he did inevitably run into you were dealt in nervous laughter and denials that anything was wrong with him. it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was lying, hiding something from you even. you were slightly hurt that he didn’t trust you enough to talk to you, instead of going backwards and shutting you out. you wanted to wait it out, but as the days turned into a full week, you feared losing him altogether. 

you stewed over the situation the entire time you were at work. you couldn’t even get anything accomplished because you were too preoccupied wondering what you had done to wound your connection. spending your days alone was maddening. a little over a year ago, you would have relished in the peace and quiet, but now it was unwelcome. you only wanted quiet if it was filled with the subtle sounds of pages turning or the buttons of a controller smashing or shared breathing during the climax of a show. this was haunting, and you knew you had to do something. you left work early, faking a stomach ache in order to get home and corner choso into relenting. no more miss nice roommate. you were tired of letting him be all weird and distant. so you walked in unceremoniously, not necessarily out to scare him. you shake your sandals off by the door and walk towards his room, noting that his door was actually open for once. 

that was only because you weren’t supposed to be home for three and a half more hours, giving choso plenty of time to relive his dirty fantasies of you with the least amount of guilt possible, though he could barely look you in the eye these days. if you weren’t home, he could at least not worry about you catching him in his perverted acts, only dealing with the shame that flows in after he’s came for the millionth time to the image of your legs quivering and mouth parting in pleasure. he didn’t hear you sneak in–didn’t hear you shuffle down the hall to poke your head around the doorframe. he was dead to the outside world, his hips stuttering into his hand, thumb swiping the pre-cum that beaded there around his slit, stroking himself with whimpers of your name tumbling out, his eyes scrunched tight in concentration. 

your jaw was on the floor, never in a million years imagining that he even knew how to touch himself like that, not to mention the prayers of your name on his tongue, mirroring the ones you make for him on fridays. he was massive, it had you covering your mouth in shock. even with his huge hand, it seemed like pumping himself was a tall task. you couldn’t imagine trying to do it yourself, you’re not even sure two hands would do the trick— you must have gasped aloud or something, because suddenly his head snaps toward where you stand in the doorway. 

“y/n–you’re–” his dark eyes are wide, his lips parted in realization that you had really caught him jerking off and mewling your name like a helpless perv. as the guilt starts to creep in, the haze of need and desire clouds his mind. he never lets go of himself, all too aware of your lip between your teeth and your hardened nipples poking through your top—no, you shouldn’t be seeing this, you shouldn’t even be home yet! not to mention how ashamed you should be of your own roommate rutting into his hand.

“...i’m home.” you whisper back, a slight smirk creeping onto your face. despite the red blush spreading across his cheeks, he keeps fucking up into his hand. it’s salacious, and you can feel your body responding to the sight, unsurprisingly. you’ve been picturing him naked for months, and not even your lewd imagination gave him justice. every plane on his body was sculpted and defined, thick veins running down his arms and thighs and cock. he left his hair down, some of the strands tucked behind his ear, some of them hung over his brows and cheekbones. he gulped when he noticed your stare, your eyes locked on the thick cock in his hand, curved with an angry and needy tip. 

“y/n, i’m so so sorr–” he scrambles to sit up, the heavy reality finally sinking in. he was awful, sick in the head, you were going to have him pack his shit immediately, and he’d have to tell all his friends why you had gotten rid of him. 

“need some help?” you spit out, unable to tolerate the pounding in your chest and pussy. his eyes grow impossibly wider, blood rushing in his ears. did he understand you right? he couldn’t possibly. 

“wh-what?” he sputtered, sitting up slightly to try and hide himself from view a bit, as if you hadn’t seen every bit of him already. 

“i asked if you wanted my help. you were saying my name, weren’t you?” you tease gently, stepping further into his room, your hands innocently folded behind your back. now that you know your desire is shared, you felt confident enough to push your relationship further yet again. he nods hesitantly, watching you stalk over to the bed like a lioness about to pounce.

“i–yes, it’s not what you think. i know it looks–” 

“like you were jacking off and thinking about me? is that not…what you were doing?” you hum, pausing by the foot of his bed. you look so cute, he has to believe you know what you’re doing, folding your arms under your voluptuous chest just to taunt him a bit more. you have him backed into a corner, and he either had to admit the truth or come up with a very clever lie. and he is not a gifted liar. 

“i–yeah…” he looks away, feeling the shame weighing down on him now that you had confronted him with the undeniable truth. 

you chuckle warmly. “i do the same thing, ‘cept I’m thinking of you.” you shrug, the smirk growing on your face as realization seeps into his. he didn’t misunderstand you that day or even earlier in this conversation. you want him too. he swallows thickly again, remembering the day that started all of this. 

“i–i know, i saw you, last week.” he chokes out as you take your top off, revealing yourself to him. He’d noticed your lack of bra earlier, but didn’t expect to be blessed with the sight of your body again, especially as you bend at the hips to wiggle out of your pants. Your laughter surprises him again, like he had intentionally made a joke. but it was only because he had solved the mystery that led you to his room in the first place, and that would potentially resolve any secrets you had been keeping from one another. 

“so that’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” you scrunch your nose at him adorably as you crawl onto the bed, his eyes glued to the body that had him locked in his bedroom day and night. “oh choso, i wish you would have interrupted me…i surely woulda let you help me.” you purr, so close to him that he could reach out and touch you now, and he definitely thinks about just grabbing your hips and pulling you down on him, finally feeling that glistening pussy for himself—to hell with his imagination, but your voice interrupts his thoughts again. 

“so, do you want me to help you, baby?” you glance from the hard length in his hands to his deep purple eyes, swirling with something you recognize very well to be deep desire. 

“please–” he whimpered and let his hand fall away from his pelvis, looking to you like a pathetic boy getting his teenage dreams fulfilled. Your grin grows wide, and you lean closer to brush your hand across his toned abdomen. he lets out a pleased little grunt and his cock jumps at the simple touch

“you’ve never been with anyone, have you?” you asked, faces so close he can see every freckle and dimple and scar on your skin. he shakes his head. you peck the tip of his nose. he’s already shivering, the feeling of your body leaning over his was exhilarating. your kiss was so simple and sweet, but it stopped all the thoughts in his brain. he was just malleable now, ready to let you make him feel good, finally shifting from imagination to reality. “need you to talk to me, so i can know where you’re at, cho.” 

“no, no..never.” he shakes his head again, eying you with excitement and nerves all at once. he wants to touch you, and you’ve already stripped naked and kissed him, so surely there was no going back now, so he reaches up and places his hands on your hips—so light like he was afraid to hurt you. 

you grin at both his answer and his courageous touch, nodding your encouragement, “that’s fine, i’ll help you…just do what feels natural–you can go as hard as you want., and tell me if you want to stop.” your eyes blink at him sweet he realizes he would trust you with his life if you asked. 

“okay.” he lets your words wash over him, nodding as he grips your hips a little tighter. he’s more than embraced his fate, his mouth watering a bit at the idea that you were in his bed and offering to make all his fantasies come true. you were expecting him to keep that deer in a headlights look, but when you rake your fingernails across his chest, you watch his eyes darken a bit more. “kiss me?” 

choso looks so cute, you couldn’t deny him if you wanted to. his eyebrow raised with innocence, but his eyes shrouded in arousal. you giggle softly and lean up, sliding your hands over his pecs and shoulders and into those dark locks calling your name. you tug, and he gasps softly. you take that opportunity to cover his parted lips with your own, his head falling back to accommodate you as you fully crawl into his lap. he melts, you feel and taste so impossibly good he’s concerned he may bust over the kiss. your tongue moves so expertly against his, twirling around and sucking on the muscle in a way he didn’t know people employed. then you’re sitting on his abs, and he can feel so much at once. his eyes blow wide in the kiss, and he has to pull away to gasp again and see what you’re doing to him. 

you’re simply sitting, your pretty shining pussy rubbing against his core and his dick teasing the crack of your ass. that must be what’s driving him insane, the warmth and softness providing some but not enough friction. you wiggle your ass a bit to tease him, and he whimpers. the sound is so sweet and low you know you can’t handle playing with the shy little virgin much longer.

“i–is th–that sup’posed to f-feel that go–ngh, good?” he stammers, the hold on your hips bordering bruising. he doesn’t even realize, and you certainly don’t mind, so you only smile and nod down at him, reaching for his chin with your fingers. he makes you look so small without even trying, the broad expanse of his body, wide jaw and thick legs—not to mention the monstrous cock rocking against your behind, your own need soaking his happy trail to the skin beneath. you move his gaze from your sensual movements back to your sultry gaze. yuji was wrong. pretty was such a mild way to describe the woman on his lap. you were more a kin to a goddess, something not fully human like him. 

“i was hoping to give you the full treatment, but i don’t think you’ll mind if i skip to the main event?” you bite your lip, your other hand scraping at his scalp a little bit. no, of course he didn’t mind. sometimes you were so silly. he nods fervently, remembering that he needed to find his voice, to not seem like such a coward when he wanted this so badly. 

“no—please,” he whimpers again, feeling the drip of your liquid on him. it dawns on him then that you’re just as needy, and you still wanted him even though you’d have to teach him what to do. you didn’t seem worried, maybe it was easier than he thought. but all he knows is that his balls are starting to hurt and he had never felt more buzzed in his entire life, sensitive to every move you make. “i need you so bad, oh sh–” 

you scoot back, lifting yourself up a little to align him with your entrance. his whimpers and begs were so fucking amazing, you wish you had it in you to milk it. you make the mental note to keep him begging when you show him what it feels like to have his dick sucked or whimpering when he eats your cunt for the first time. he’s so heavy in your hand, and you can’t even close your fist around him. it makes you shudder, knowing that you’re going to make him fit inside you no matter the stretch. his tip was so red and irritated, oozing pre. you swiped it over his head, humming in amusement as he jerks and whines at the feeling. 

“you’re massive, d’you know that?” you pout, sinking down a few inches. he moans at first, feeling like his cock was fit into a perfect sleeve. it’s unreal, the heat he feels in his gut as you rock further down on him, whining at how huge he was. he watches the pained faces you make halfway down, the concern clear on his face. he didn’t know he was that big—he hadn’t really been comparing, but if it was hurting you, he wondered what he could do. he remembers watching you play with that sensitive spot at the apex of your thighs, using your own slick to glide around. he thinks he could replicate that, so he sticks his fingers in his mouth, spitting a bit to make sure they were just as wet as you were. you take more of him, almost to his base all while panting and bracing yourself on his chest with your eyes screwed shut. he reaches toward you, swiping his fingers around the place he watched you toy with. you gasp out and sit all the way down, the noises you make as he touches you make his eyes widen again. 

“god—i’m so full, baby.” you nod, your hips moving forward automatically, searching for more of that searing feeling he brings to your clit. he surprises you, moving his digits in slow circles as you get accustomed to his size. he chokes slightly when you squeeze him, his eyes zeroed in on your face. 

“are you alright?” he asks softly, feeling your nails dig into his chest as your hips move faster now, any other words he had wanted to say sucked from his brain like he had no thoughts at all, nothing other than that vice-grip of a pussy you have locked around him, bouncing softly and leaving little half-moons in his skin. 

“mhm, just had to stretch a bit t’fit you, are you alright?” you grin as you ask, knowing he would struggle to respond—in the best way possible. he nods eagerly, eyes flickering from where you swallow him up to your soft face of bliss. 

“are you kidding? i’m—” you rock on him a bit faster, the feeling of wet and choking walls rubbing every possible spot had him sputtering, unable to speak. he’s only able to watch you run a hand through your mane, keeping it out of your face and away from your bouncing tits. he’s in heaven. being with a woman, no, being with you, was as all the eternal bliss he cared to know. 

his hips start to move, the hold he has on your hips trailing up to the curves of your waist to better hold you down. he didn’t realize how much more intense he would make this feel for the both of you, grunts and whines spilling from his lips as you begin to cry out and yell. it’s heavenly, the way you let him drive into you, leaning forward with one hand on the headboard and the other tugging his head towards your chest. he contains his pathetic pants by sucking your nipple in his mouth, laving his tongue over it, mind so drunk and hazy he can only be driven by his primal instincts, flat footed on the bed to plow into you from below. 

it’s so perfect. you scream his name way better than he ever imagined, and he doesn’t mind to bear the scratch marks of your passion. you keep squeezing around him, and it drives him crazy. 

“i–i love when you do that—clenching down on me like that, fuck.” He grunts, slowly getting his knees under him while you sloppily keep the pace. he uses the leverage to ease you to your back, though you don’t have the luxury of pillows or a headboard, only the mattress beneath you as choso realizes this positioning lets him piston his hips without you having to do any work at all. you’re wailing, nodding to keep him from worrying about you as you continuously claw at his back and shoulders. 

“choso baby—” you whine in such a way, he knows he’s going to bust in seconds. “you’re gonna make me cum, please–doin’ so good, ngh—ack!” you cry, legs tightening around his waist as he feels a significant increase of your fluids. feeling and watching you cum by his doing was the nail in the coffin—the way your face screwed up in pure pleasure brought him his own, his pelvis stilling against the mounds of your backside, cock twitching against your womb before your vision is blurry, and all you feel is warmth seeping out of you. his load leaked out around him inside you, his cock still pulsating with no signs of dying down. 

he smiles at you a little shyly, his cheeks rosy and eyes hazy with the aftershocks of such a gripping orgasm. he watches your chest heave as you calm down, your eyes fluttering open and a smile spreading across your face as you look up at him. 

“what do i do now? to take care of you?” he asks, absentmindedly stroking the creases where your thighs meet your hips. you giggle and shake your head, knowing it would take multiple rounds for his erection to die down. 

“i show you the full treatment now, baby.” you grin, wiggling your eyebrows. 

choso found himself immersed in exploring himself and your body, discovering several new kinks to enjoy with his sweet little roommate turned lover.

[bakedpecans]

Love The Sims 3 Lepacy Challenge but you play The Sims 4? Look no further for I have created a lepacy challenge for The Sims 4 right here!

Here is the Google Document for the rules or read below!

As someone who loves the Sims 3 lepacy challenge, I thought I would create one for The Sims 4. I’m aware there is one already made by annaliesembsims on Tumblr but it didn’t fit the criteria I was looking for in the challenge. Their challenge looks wonderful, I just play a little differently. Thanks to both the sims 3 lepacy creator and annaliesembsims! If you see any similarities below, all credit goes to them. Let’s get into the basics!

This is an expansion pack only lepacy challenge. You don’t need to add any game packs, stuff packs, or kits unless you want to. ***Personally, whenever I start a new gen I will also be downloading the game packs and stuff packs that came out that same year.

Unless specified, your sim may have any traits or aspirations you wish.

Feel free to tag me so I can see your wonderful posts!

Generation 1 (Base Game)

You need a fresh start. What’s better than packing everything you own and moving to a completely new town? You move to this new town lost and confused about your future. Somehow, you get a job even though you have no degree or credentials! While your job is tolerable, you’re mainly missing having friends and hobbies and a lover. Now’s the time to do all of those things with your new way of life!

Must live in one of the three base game worlds (Willow Creek, Oasis Springs, or Newcrest)

Must have a base game job

Must have at least 3 friends

Max two skills

Must complete a base game aspiration

Must get married to a townie

Have at least 2 kids

***Packs that came out the same year as base game: None

Generation 2 (Get to Work)

You always admired your parents but saw how they both dreaded going to work every day. You want to work in a field you’re passionate about. As a kid you always dreamed of being the big boss, whether that be as a doctor, scientist, detective, or business owner. Time to get to workin’!

Move to one of the other worlds from Base Game (or Get to Work)

Must become a doctor, scientist, detective, or own your own business

If you chose a career, you must reach level 10

If you chose owning a business, you must earn at least 25,000 simoleons before the end of the generation

Max skills needed for job

Marry a coworker (or customer) and eventually get divorced

Have only 1 child

Make sure your child maxes all skills from infant-child and reaches all of their aspiration goals before becoming a young adult

***Packs that came out the same year as get to work: Outdoor Retreat, Luxury Party Stuff, Perfect Patio Stuff, Day Spa, Cool Kitchen Stuff, Spooky Stuff

Generation 3 (Get Together)

Your parents always pushed you to do your best in school to the point of having the Perfectionist or the Erratic trait. Once you became a young adult you decided you wanted to relax and have fun! The rumors of Windenburg’s parties have lured you to the scenic town. You still talk to your parents but are trying to distance yourself as they pressure you to settle down and get a consistent job.

Must have the perfectionist or erratic trait

Live in Windenburg

Must have one of the traits from Get Together (dance machine or insider)

Must have the Leader of the Pack aspiration and complete it

Must max out dancing and DJing skills

Must have at least one kid (if you want multiple then they can not share the same father/mother)

Never get married

***Packs that came out the same year as get together: Get Together came out the same year as Get to Work and the other packs

Generation 4 (City Living)

Your parent showed you how to live life in an exhilarating way! While you enjoyed staying up late and eating junk food and basically having no rules your entire life, you also craved the stability that never came. Moving to San Myshuno always intrigued you but you knew you would never be able to afford it on your own. But, wait! Your best friend wants to leave Windenburg too! Isn’t that just dandy?

Live in San Myshuno with at least one roommate

Must have the Unflirty or Vegetarian trait

Must have the City Native aspiration and completed

Must get married to roommate 

Go to every festival

Become a critic, politician, or social media influencer, or singing “career” and max the job

If you chose the “singing” career just make sure you can make livable wages

Try every single food from the stalls

Have as many kids as you would like

Max singing skill

***Packs that came out the same year as city living: Movie Hangout, Romantic Garden, Dineout, Kids Room, Backyard, Vintage Glamour

Generation 5 (Cats & Dogs)

Growing up you had to deal with the hustle and bustle of city life. Everything was cramped, busy, and packed. There wasn’t even enough room for a pet. You saw an ad on Simtube about Brindleton Bay one day and ever since then, you have dreamed of living there. The fresh air, the pets, all of it sounds so enticing!

Live in Brindleton Bay

Own a cat and dog

Have a litter of kittens or puppies

Become a vet and max the skill

Max the pet training skill

Have the cat lover or dog lover trait

Have the Friend of the Animals aspiration and complete it

Get married and have three kids

Optional: Have a simstagram for your pet

***Packs that came out the same year as cats and dogs: Vampire, bowling, parenthood, fitness, toddlers

Generation 6 (Seasons)

Living in Brindleton Bay all of your life was great, except for the rain (listen…i know this isn’t technically right because you aren’t supposed to have seasons until your sims are young adults but work with me lol). While Brindleton Bay had all four seasons, you still felt it lacked something because of all of the rain. Time to move!

Live in any world except Brindleton Bay

Experience a holiday (whatever holiday you want) in each season

Rely only on beekeeping and flower arrangement for an income (feel free to have a florist shop)

Max flower arranging and skating skills

Have at least one aspiration reward trait from seasons

Declare favorite season/weather

Get married to someone who has the opposition declaration 

Have as many kids as you want but each child must max the scouting activity

***Packs that came out the same year as seasons: Laundry, jungle adventure, my first pet

Generation 7 (Get Famous)

Small town life never intrigued you. You thought everyone was boring, the town you grew up in was boring, and nothing interested you. Except being famous. You would stay up late watching Simtube and meticulously rating movies on Letter Box and obsessing over your favorite celebrities. Now that you’re a young adult you’re free to do whatever you want! Time to move to Del Sol Valley!

Live in Del Sol Valley

Have the self-absorbed trait

Have either the World Famous Celebrity aspiration or the Master Actor and complete it

Become an actor or influencer 

Max either the acting skill or media production skill

Have a pristine or atrocious reputation

Reach max celebrity level

Marry another celebrity

Have as many kids as you want but each kid has to be into the drama club

***Packs that came out the same year as get famous: get famous came out the same year as seasons

Generation 8 (Island Living)

Growing up with famous parents and being forced to go to red carpets, join the drama club, and having to deal with paparazzi has run you down and you just want to live life alone in peace. Sulani seems like the perfect place for rest and relaxation.

Live in Sulani

Attend all Sulani festivals (Don’t know when they happen? Try this mod!)

Have at least 5 friends

Marry a townie

Have 4 kids (make sure at least one child maxs all skills from infant-child and completes all of their aspirations from child-teen and gets A’s throughout entire schooling career)

Have the child of the island or the child of the ocean trait

Have the beach life aspiration and complete it

Become a conservationist, diver, fisherman, or lifeguard and make the career

Max athletic skill

***Packs that came out the same year as island living: strangerville, moschino, realm of magic

Generation 9 (Discover University)

Basking in the sun throughout your childhood has been wonderful but you have always craved knowledge. You always had A’s and maxed your skills to fulfill your need for knowledge but it was never enough. Your restlessness has made you antsy. Now that you’re a young adult, you can meet that need in University!

Get accepted into Britechester or Foxbury institute and live in the world

Have the academic aspiration and complete it

Max the research and debate skill or the robotics skill

Join an afterschool activity or an organization (secret society counts for an organization)

Achieve all A’s

Throw one party per semester

Once graduated, live anywhere you wish

End up having a job as an educator, law, or engineer

Have a college sweetheart and get married

Have as many kids as you want

Once you have graduated and joined a career, cheat on your spouse and get divorced

Marry sim you cheated with

Optional: Have a servo

***Packs that came out the same year as discover university: discover university came out the same year as island living

Generation 10 (Eco Lifestyle)

Your parents' love of knowledge has worn off on you, but for the worse. You are riddled with the knowledge of capitalism and its destruction of the planet. Evergreen Harbor has been on the news, specifically because of the pollution. Finally, you have had enough of just sitting around. You want to make a change! 

Live in Evergreen Harbor

Make sure every neighborhood in Evergreen Harbor has a green eco footprint

Have the freegan, green fiend, maker, or recycle disciple trait

Have the eco innovator or master maker aspiration and complete it

Max the civil designer job

Max the gardening, fabrication, or juice making skill

Marry a townie 

Have as many kids as you want

***Packs that came out the same year as eco lifestyle: tiny living, nifty knitting, journey to batuu

Generation 11 (Snowy Escape)

Since your parent was obsessed with nature and eco footprints, you spent a lot of time outside. This aided in your need for excitement and thrill. You were always at the playground and hanging out at the quarry. Now, you want to take your need for thrill to the next level in Mt. Komorebi!

Live in Mt. Komorebi

Visit all festivals

Have the adventurous or proper trait

Max the rock climbing, skiing, or snowboarding skill

Complete the extreme sports enthusiast or mt. komorebi sightseer aspiration

Have the salaryperson job (you don’t have to max this as it’s not your goal)

Visit all neighborhoods and complete some activities (meeting Yamachan in Wakaba, nature walk in Senbamachi, snowy activities in Yukimatsu, etc)

Marry a sim that has the same thrill for excitement and is mastering another skill you did not choose

Have 2 kids

***Packs that came out the same year as snowy escape: snowy escape came out the same year as eco lifestyle

Generation 12 (Cottage Living)

Mt. Komorebi is where your heart lies but you wish you lived more in the country. You have always loved animals but you can’t really own a cow when you live in the middle of town! You made a penpal in Henford-on-Bagley and they have convinced you to move there.

Live in Henford-on-Bagley

Have the animal enthusiast or lactose intolerant trait

Have the country caretaker aspiration and complete it

Max the cross stitch skill or the cooking skills (if you choose to go into canning things)

Have a barn, coop, and farm on your lot

Have the simple living or wild foxes lot challenge

Win a town fair

Complete at least 3 errands

Marry your “pen pal” (a townie)

Have five kids

***Packs that came out the same year as cottage living: paranormal, throwback fit, country kitchen, bust the dust, courtyard oasis, dram home decorator, industrial loft, fashion st, incheon arrivals, blooming rooms, modern menswear

Generation 13 (High School Years)

Your parents decided that the education you were receiving out in the country wasn’t good enough! They moved you all to Copperdale so you could have the true high school experience. Yay, I guess?

Live in Copperdale

Get all A’s

Join an afterschool activity or have a part-time job and max it

If you choose a part-time job you must create a club from get together so you can have friends!

Sneak out successfully

Throw a party while parents are out or on another lot

Have the overachiever, party animal, or socially awkward trait

Complete the drama llama, goal orientated, live fast, or admired icon aspiration

Get prom royalty or jester

Use social bunny often to update your status

Marry your highschool sweetheart (once you’re a young adult)

***Packs that came out the same year as high school years: carnaval streetwear, my wedding stories, decor to the max, moonlight chic, little campers, werewolves, first fits, desert luxe, everyday clutter, pastel pop

Generation 14 (Growing Together)

You watched your parents as you grew up and always idolized their love. While everyone else was getting divorced, your parents stayed through thick and thin. You hope one day you can find that kind of love too.

Have a freelancer job

Get married

Have 3 kids

Have a dog or cat

Each kid must reach all of the milestones and have their own aspirations (and complete them) and traits (no repetition)

Must have a baby shower, family reunion, and sleepover at some point

Must visit recreation center often

Must have midlife crisis and do it (except the divorce one)

Optional: Max parenting skill (parenthood required)

***Packs that came out the same year as growing together: simtimates, bathroom clutter, greenhouse haven, basement treasures, grunge revival, book nook

Generation 15 (Horse Ranch)

Your parents let you have your own personalities and lives as you grew and you turned out to be a horse girl/boy! Congrats! San Sequoia lacked horses and equestrian activities. But, just a little bit east, is the town of Chestnut Ridge! Known for their horses, square dancing, and wine making, this town sounds just down right perfect for you.

Live in Chestnut Ridge

Have the horse lover or rancher trait

Have the championship rider or expert nectar maker aspiration and complete it

Master the riding and nectar making traits

Have at least 2 horses who makes their skills

Own sheep or goats

Get married

Have as many kids as you want

Have your spouse die (riperoni)

***Packs that came out the same year as horse ranch: modern luxe, poolside splash, home chef hustle

Generation 16 (For Rent)

Living in a small town where one of your parents was more concerned with their horses than you and the other one being dead has left you feeling a little lost. You crave the sense of a close knit family and friendship. You went on a trip in high school to Tomarang and loved every moment of it. Ever since you got back from that trip, you have thought about Tomarang. Now that you’re a young adult and can make your own choices you have decided to leave your parent to Chestnut Ridge in search of your own belonging in Tomarang.

Live in Tomarang

Have the nosy, generous, or child of the village trait (once you are an elder you need the wise trait)

Either become a property owner or have the part time handyperson job

If you are a property owner you need to decide if you want pristine living conditions where you have the highest ratings or the worst landlord known to man and achieve that goal

If you go into the part-time job you need to make sure you have at least 5 friends

Marry a townie and max your friendship with all of their family members

Have a pool party and potluck at some point

You must live with your spouse’s family

Have at least two kids

You need to have the seeker of secrets, five-star property owner, fount of Tomarani knowledge, or discerning dweller aspiration and complete it

***Packs that were released the same year as for rent: just the ones listed in horse ranch

Generation 17 (Lovestruck)

While your parents and grandparents were in love and devoted to each other, you aren’t sure of what you want. You aren’t sure of your sexuality or who you are, really, and your family is pressuring you to settle down and start a family. Because of the pressure you feel you choose to move to Ciudad Enamorada. You’ve heard all about its passion and culture and you can’t wait to explore.

Live in Ciudad Enamorada

Have the love bug or romantically reserved trait

Choose one of the romantic aspirations (lovestruck related or not) and complete it

Decide on your sexuality and attraction and jealousy

Go on at least five dates from Cupid’s Corner (one of them must be a blind date and one must be a get to know you date)

Have sexy dance time with a romantic partner

Complete one of the challenges (the dating show, have a real sugar relationship when asked if you want one, or the third option which i swear exists but for the life of me i cannot remember what it is)

Have the romance consultant job (you don’t have to max it but it must be your career)

Max the romance skill

Woohoo in the closet, rug, love hotel, and the heart shaped bed

***Packs that were released the same time as lovestruck: castle estate, goth galore, crystal creations, urban homage, party essentials, riviera retreat, and cozy bistro

[myillusions]

Home (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Summary: You and Joel have been in a relationship, but only in private, for multiple months. After you spot him with another woman whilst roaming Jackson, scepticism ensues. The trials and errors of Joel Millers emotions.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: age gap (joel is mid-50’s, reader is 24), pretty heavy angst, fluff, swearing, joel being mean, happy ending, fighting (verbal), uhh misconception on a situation

A/N: hi!! first one shot fr so nervous to post this one. i apologise for it being quite rushed it was typed on my phone and somewhat unedited!! still hope u enjoy thanks so much to anyone who reads <33

“Joel!” You caterwauled through a boisterous laugh as his sturdy arms came to wrap around your waist, hauling you back down onto the sunken mattresses, wrapping himself around you to keep you there, limbs intertwining. You struggled for a few pitiful moments, before you inevitably relaxed against his hold with a passive sigh. Joel lowered his head down to press against the dip of your neck, littering multiple content kisses there, before he grumbled against your skin,

“Stay.”

You gave a roll of your optics, pushing him away with a palm to his chest to meet his conceited grin with your own teasing one. “We have to go to patrols, Joel. We’ve slept in for too long.”

Joel grunted, his hands finding their way to your sides once again to hoist you up to lay on top of him, neck craning upwards to press his lips passionately against your own, hand securely suited on your cheek. You instantaneously reciprocated, humming against his mouth, pressing up against him tenaciously.

You both stayed like that until your throat screamed for reprieve, disconnecting from him; though he still chased after your lips. You gave a faint chuckle, tapping him against his abdomen as you lifted your thigh upwards, rolling off his brawny physique to heave yourself from the bed, however begrudgingly. “Come on, old man. Get up.”

Joel remained where he was set, arms crossing behind his head comfortably, merely staring over towards you as you rummaged around to pick out blemished clothes for the day. After dressing, you peered back over towards Joel, who enduringly continued to examine you from where you stood fumblingly, stealing all remaining breath from your lungs with a single glare.

You swallowed harshly, before sheepishly saying, “What?”

Joel allowed a small yet winsome smile to crack against his features, shaking his head slowly. “Nothin’. Just wanted to look at you.”

The patrols of the day dragged out for an unnecessarily prolonged time, limbs aching with fatigue by the time you returned to the confines of the Jackson walls. During the entire patrol, your mind had been preoccupied; the days earlier moments shared with Joel finding a special place in your heart, carving its name against it, deeply and thoroughly. You bit your lip in thought, pondering on your relationship with the peppered grey and brunette-haired man. Sure, you weren’t exactly together, and your entire situation consisted only behind closed doors; besides the hushed whispers, discreet glances and tender touches in passing, that is. You two both agreed early on that you wouldn’t be public about your close association, preferring to keep it private. If this would be from embarrassment of being seen with you or to protect himself, you weren’t sure; but in all sincerity, you didn’t much care. He had you, you had him, and his arms around you felt like home.

You were dragged from your thoughts when a spirited giggle sounded from a nearby alleyway. Allowing your curiosity to take the best of you, you creeped forth to seek out the source of it. Intrigued, you peeked your head around the corner, heart instantaneously spiralling downwards into the pits of your stomach, finding home there. It didn’t take long to register the scene unveiling before you, becoming so accustomed to the way the familiar man’s broad back strained against his stocky shoulders, with his hair unruled, sticking out in multiple different directions. Only thing was; he wasn’t alone. Joel was placed halfway down the alley, close towards a woman, who you assumed was the origin of the titter. She shifted in her placing, alluring eyes flickering up towards Joel, who was whispering incoherent words into her ear.

You didn’t need to see anything else, tears already pitifully welling up against your sockets to blur the sight as you shoved yourself away from the scratchy brick which burned along your flushed skin, setting a quick pace down the streets of Jackson, breath strained and struggling to find its escape. The overwhelming, jagged emotions surrounding you like a hurricane caused your insides to wound up tightly, threatening you with the efforts of a choked sob. You let your feet take you in any opposing direction to where Joel and the woman weren’t, eventually winding atop a hill, spine raking down the back of bark as you settled into a compacted ball.

You bit down on your bottom lip as it wavered. The pain in your heart accelerated from a dull throb to a searing, glaring pain; kicking your heartbeat to something much adjacent to a sharp hammer against a blistering anvil. And just as swiftly as it came, all afflictions broke from your wind pipe, like a brisk, frigid zephyr rushing past; causing an agonising weep to be sought from your throat. The conflict caused your head to be thrown forwards in the space between your arms, seeking any source of solace possible. Not much came.

That was how you ended up here, fixed atop a hillock, with Maria giving her best to console you, wiping away reminiscing tears from your cheeks messily with the back of your palm.

“I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

The question makes Maria pause, her brows pinching together in a questioning manner as her attention downturned to where you were perched, set with your back against an oak tree and knees firmly planted against your chest. “Whys that?”

“He’ll never love me.” You murmur in response, throat closing in as you meet your dejected gaze with Maria’s own benign one, swirling with hints of sympathy. It was blatantly clear who the topic was revolved around, and you were aware that Maria understood this, too. The only people who knew much about you and Joel were Tommy and Maria, which you were thankful for.

She took a sharp inhale as she considered her next words, her head tilting to the side thoughtfully. “I think, sometimes, we fall for people we know we shouldn’t.”

You gave a defeated, laborious sigh; stomach churning sickeningly at her words, before you gravely inquired, fretting Maria’s answer. “But why?”

“It’s easier to fool ourselves and say that we’re okay, I guess. If we fall in love with someone we can’t or don’t have, it keeps the fantasy of ‘what if’ alive, y’know?” Maria answered softly, as though worried she would puncture an old wound of yours, whilst you apprehensively pick at strands of grass, the texture stinging against your tender flesh, “When someone is unobtainable, we live in the world we create of them in our mind. It makes seeing reality much more difficult.”

You frown towards this, tears watering with the threat of spilling over in a moment, though you force it back. Maria found a way to discreetly pinpoint your exact situation with shrewd words, however pessimistic. You were unable to form a coherent sentence in reply, so instead you offer the woman a tight-lipped, doleful smile, truly grateful for her opinion. You drag your glare over the setting sun, which began to give way to the moon, drowning the sky out in a whirlpool of azure and bronze and littering the canvas with white specks.

You gave a pensive hum, keeping your attention set against a peculiar dot shining obnoxiously brighter than the rest. “When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter very much, do they?”

Maria gave a light chuckle of her concurrence, arms raising to wrap along her chest. Your head dipped downwards to now focus on the soiled terrain, the brief moment of peacefulness rapidly fleeting. It really is the hardest thing- when the person you want to comfort you the most, is the one that left you feeling that way. There’s no escaping that painful homesick feeling that settles in your chest.

Once the sun had completely dipped behind the silhouettes of the mountains, you had bid Maria a tepid farewell, heading back in the direction in which you came, only this time veering off to walk towards your assigned house. After hauling the door open and closing it brutally behind you, your footsteps barely made it past the kitchen before three resounding knocks banged against the flimsy wood of your door, the echo reverberating against your eardrums frantically. You released a shaky exhale, shifting back around to twist the handle, slinging the door open, only to be met with Joel standing on your porch, an amiable grin stretched along his expression. Though, it immediately fell as he took in your appearance; puffy eyes, reddened cheeks and a perpetual frown.

“What happened?” Joel questioned, taking a step forwards to embrace you within his hold; but you precariously moved a pace backwards, causing his arms to fall loosely by his side. You cast your gaze downwards, not yet to be able to meet the man’s interrogating eyes.

“I saw you… out there…” You murmured; words barely distinguishable. Joel took another step, closing the door behind him with his foot, but he didn’t dare make any additional actions.

“What? What do you mean, you saw me?” Joel inquired; tone wary. You didn’t respond for a multitude of passing moments in tense silence, until Joel called your name, breaking you from your sorrow and giving way to vexation; like a glass bottle, which withheld a secret note within it, shattering. You snapped your attention up towards him, profile hardening.

“That woman, Joel. I saw you. In that alleyway.” You informed, taking the chance to reverse more from his towering figure. You watched as his face morphed into that of uncertainty, before it fell into cognisant and penitence. You stood, waiting bitterly for his coming response. He opened his mouth for a few moments, though no words came; he fixed himself with a cough, shifting against his weight subtly.

“It wasn’t anything. We were only talking.” Joel tried, and you couldn’t stop the way an astonished scoff escaped you, eyes rolling sardonically, as you shot back, voice somewhat lifting to a dim yell,

“Talking? Please, Joel, that’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard!” Joel gave a groan, hand lifting to rub at the spot between his eyes momentarily, his head shaking vigorously.

“No, you don’t understand. She’s been causing problems with Tommy, I was only warning ‘er-“ You interrupted him with a humourless laugh, throwing your arms up against the air. How idiotic did he believe you were?

“Don’t even try lying to me. It was obvious, she was practically undressing you with her eyes!” You retorted, blatant indignation raging against your eyes.

“I ain’t bloody lyin’, girl!” Joel countered, his own tone thickening. You gave a harsh glare towards him, pivoting on your heel to force your way into the lounge room, clammy hands running along the material of your pants in efforts to compose yourself, though it proved to only rile you up more as Joel followed suit.

You whirled around here, scowling. “How can I even trust you, Joel? You don’t tell me anything! I don’t even know how you feel half of the time.” You pointed out with an exasperated huff. Joel stopped in his steps towards this, jaw grinding downwards irritably.

“You knew what you were getting into when this started.” Joel reminded you, only causing your stomach to lurch drastically more. He was right, you had known what getting into something with Joel Miller meant. It meant nothing was public, so he had no true obligation towards you. That didn’t break your stance, though, remaining resolutely stubborn as you crossed your arms over your chest protectively.

Joel gave an overwhelmed sigh, his posture slightly falling as he spoke, gaze directing to the side of you. “This is wrong. You’re so young, you don’t know what you’re doing to yourself, being with me.”

This caused you to shoot daggers against his skin, teeth clenching. “I’m not a child, Joel. I have every idea.” You turned away from him, unable to continue to watch him stand there like he was being forced to remain in place, like it was a duty. You clicked your tongue resentfully. “Though maybe I should’ve listened when Maria said this would be a mistake.”

Joel grumbled from behind you, his movements stiff. “Why does everything always have to be a fuckin’ struggle with you?”

You spun around to face him, viciously, storming forwards to accusingly jab a finger against his sternum. “Me? I can’t believe you sometimes! You can barely even look at me in public! But when we’re alone, you say all this comforting shit to me. Then you act like absolutely nothing happened? God, and I’m the idiotic one? I don’t know why you’re dragging me along, why you’re getting me to play this game. I don’t understand you.”

Joel immediately shoved your hand away from him, holding it against his own palm securely, countering you with an immensely threatening sneer. “Like I told you already; she’s been causing trouble around Jackson, and it’s a problem for Tommy. I was telling her to back off. Nothing was happening.”

At this point, it was too late to even comprehend the thought of him standing before you, so ardently obstinate in safeguarding his feelings with his reticent answers. Besides, even if you did believe him about the woman, the dispute dug so much deeper than that, this was only the pristine cherry on top of the double scooped ice cream. You had convinced yourself into accepting his requirements for the relationship, though you always covertly knew you wished he wanted more. You raked your hand back from his as you felt a tug against your throat, an alarming sob beginning to rise up to fall past your lips. You refused to let Joel see you cry, though, instead turning your head away from him, with a suppressed sniffle under your hand as you wiped against your cheek.

“Maybe you should just leave now.” You decided with a whisper, keeping your gaze set against your window, where outside the people of Jackson frolicked absentmindedly over the winding streets. Joel persisted to remain in his spot, standing rigid.

“Just leave, Joel.” You spat out, your voice cracking unadvisedly. Joel gave a defeated sigh, twisting on his heel to vacate the residence. And just like that, he left you standing in your living room, stout tears rolling down your sensitive skin the second the door slammed behind his dispersing frame. You pressed your limbs closer against yourself, head lolling down sullenly. You were unsure which pain was worse- the shock of what happened or the ache of what never did. Homesick.

Two days had passed since your quarrel with Joel. To say it had been arduous would be an

understatement. You were sat in your lounge room, pressed closely against the cushions besmirched with soot, restlessly picking at your nails after returning home from a tiresome afternoon of patrols. You had been weighing the entire argument in your head since it occurred, unable to sleep the night of, thrashing and twisting against your worn-out mattress, only to eventually grow irritable and sit out on the front of your porch until the sun awoke from its slumber.

After a multitude of hours spent staring towards your bergamot-stained wall, you hoisted yourself from the uncomfortable material, throwing on a black wool jacket on your way out the door, decisively trudging in the direction of Joel’s house. The flow of your relationship with the man had been a choreographed dance for multiple months, ripping you apart when you needed to cling. You supposed the time had come to implement some new moves. This was the only thought rushing through your mind as you slammed your fist against his stocky door multiple times, regret instantly seeking into your veins; but before you had the time to turn and rush back in the way you came, the door was thrown open to reveal a stern Joel, who had also just come back from his own patrols, no doubt. With the way fatigue hopped against his eyes and his rugged appearance mixed with worn-out clothes, it was clear he was tired.

“Hi.” You breathed, eyes wide as you gawked at him, poignantly. He stared for a second, his expression unreadable. Much to your relief, he then moved off to the side to allow you in, wordlessly. You edged past him, shoulder lightly raking against him which caused him to exhale woodenly as he shut the door, the scent of whiskey wafting over your senses like a lustrous wave. You turned to face him, all prepared speeches dashing off before you could catch up with them. You rather just- pathetically gawped over at him.

Joel then cleared his throat, brows furrowing as he pushed. “Well?”

You shook your head, regathering yourself. You blinked back towards him, breath quickening expeditiously as his expectant gaze met yours. Fuck, why was this so difficult? You decided to pace in front of him, in attempts to gain some ounce of confidence.

“Ok, well, you see- I kinda, no, I sorta- I figured that I didn’t really hear you out all that much yesterday.” You began to ramble, hands flailing beside your body as you walked back and forth, “It’s just I saw you with that woman, y’know? And it hurt. It hurt a lot. Even if it wasn’t anything. And you’re embarrassed to be seen with me around other people, and that hurt more. So even when you tried to explain the situation, I didn’t want to believe you-“

“Embarrassed?” Joel interrupted gruffly, squinting. You stopped dead in your tracks to peer around at him, curiously. Joel gave a sigh of realisation, a small grin replacing his frown, though it was quick to be wiped. He took a prompt step forwards, to which you tensed at, though didn’t dare move.

“Sweetheart, I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you. I just-“ Joel paused here, his tongue swiping along his bottom lip, “It’s not safe for you to be seen around with me. I’m not a good man.”

You completely turned to face him, awareness barrelling into you at blistering speed, demeanour abruptly flipping over and around. Fuck. You had thoroughly believed that you were the problem. Had you truly misinterpreted the entire situation?

You shook your head in an insistent manner. “You’re not a bad man, either, Joel; I don’t really believe that.” Joel grimaced towards your words, palms curling into fists by his side.

“You say that, but you don’t understand the consequences of being- truly being with someone like me.” You stare towards him, weighing your options against the palm of your hand, before you come to a rash conclusion.

You hastily drew yourself closer to him, “I don’t care. I want to be seen with you. I want people to know.”

“People will talk.” Joel persuaded tirelessly, moving back from you until his spine almost pressed up against the discoloured wall. You almost sneered your reply, determined for him to recognise your lack of acknowledgement for the opinions of others.

“Let them. Joel; even if you are doing this to try and protect me, I don’t want it. I can protect myself. And I- we’ve all done some fucked up shit. It’s a necessity in a world like this. I want you. All of you. Please.”

“Why?” Joel insisted, and you couldn’t muster up a reason to not allow the words to spill easily from your mouth, like translucent liquid,

“Because I’m in love with you, Joel. I struggle to even form a logical thought when I’m around you. You make me feel safe, like I belong. I wouldn’t have survived this long here without you.”

An inflexible silence rested against the abundantly thick air, gripping you in a chokehold. Lament wavered along your physique, and you opened your mouth to speak again, prepared to spill out a thousand apologies.

“Joel-“ You were cut off by Joel taking two perilous steps forwards to crash his lips against yours. It took a moment for the action to configure in your brain, gears short circuiting, causing Joel to tense and begin to pull back. You quickly raised your palm to his cheek, salt peppered beard scratching deliciously at your skin, bringing his jaw down to your own to meld your mouths back together; creating the perfect sculpture. You crooned against him as he turned the both of you around, pressing your back against the wallpaper, your arms dropping carelessly around his neck as his hands came to circle your waist and pin you as near to him as physically possible, and you blissfully allowed it.

Joel gave a groan when you disconnected your lips from his own, having to glide back up to the surface and draw in an immense inhale. You smiled, content, as your head dipped forth to press your foreheads together, breath being deftly shared between the small space separating you both.

“Okay.” Joel spoke gently after a while, your gaze flitting up to meet his, falling into a trance at the way his brown eyes deeply bore against you.

“Okay?” You repeated, breathless. He gave a small grin, his attention flitting downwards to your lips, and he couldn’t resist the urge to reach a hand up and trace his thumb over your swollen bottom lip.

“We’ll give it a try.” Joel replied, his optics flittering back up your face. Your breath hitched as his digit dragged along your cheek bone. We’ll give us a try. You released a pleased exhale, eyelashes momentarily fluttering down against your skin as you nodded. You blinked back up towards Joel, whose gaze was already intently set on you.

“Okay.” You affirmed, and Joel dipped his head down towards you again, capturing you in an embrace that sent a sharp shiver along your spine. Wrapped against his build, his scent of sandalwood and musk drifting about, plump lips comfortingly pressed against yours and brown eyes which you could find yourself lost in for decades. And in that peace, you found home again.

“You and I, always almost. Again, and again. We were always on the verge of almost. Never nothing, never something.”

Home - Paravi

Comments and feedback are appreciated!

[selfishdoll]

❛ a lesson...❜ ━━ ft. vamp! sukuna

SUMMARY ೀ ׅ ۫ . ㅇ

humans & vampires weren’t all that different huh? sukuna taking it upon himself to ghost you after the intense and quite addictive night he gave you. with a month of radio silence you decided to move on, you had no loyalty to him after all. except, the moment sukuna saw you in the lap of a vampire that wasn’t him.. he was beyond pissed off.

CONTENT WARNING ೀ ׅ ۫ . ㅇ

sukuna ghosting (rockstar life fr) | jealous! sukuna | possessiveness | biting as a way of marking | rough sex | oral sex (f. receiving) | degradation (use of the word slut) | praise | ooc sukuna ofc i’m not gege | multiple orgasms | dumbification | sukuna having conflicted feelings | ‘fwb’ to lovers | blood drinking ofc | mean dom! sukuna | he mocks your moans | etc. if i forgot something please inform me.

NOTE ೀ ׅ ۫ . ㅇ

i guess vampire sukuna is plaguing my mind much more then i thought. this is a continuation of the “favorite groupie” fic. enjoy & as always, please excuse any typos or grammar mistakes.

Were you obsessed? Maybe delusional? How exactly could sex have such an impact on you? When left unintended your mind would drift, flashbacks of Sukuna absolutely ruining you plaguing your mind. How he effortlessly pulled orgasms out of your tiring body, the dirty words that bordered on mean, and yet giving you the sweetest kisses as if he wasn’t plowing you into the cushions. That night changed the trajectory of your life— as dramatic as it sounded.

You struggled letting him go, wanting nothing more than to lock your hand around his wrist and tug him back to you. But, that would be far too greedy. Besides the vampire promised to visit your city, visit you after the last few days of the tour. You had no reason to disbelieve him, waiting so patiently for his return.

However, one week turned into two, and then so on until an entire month passed with no sign of him. He had your number, your social media— yet any message you sent was never read.

Sukuna’s attempt to prove that him and any human man were different was disproved rather quickly given his ghosting. You were upset, embarrassed and frankly pissed off. You felt as if some special thing to you was snatched away without care or your say. Granted you aren’t obligated to sex, but still. You were allowed to be mad, right?

Mad enough that you decided to seek someone else out— another vampire. Sukuna wasn’t totally special, it just had to be his species, you tried to convince yourself while aggressively gliding the tube of gloss across your lips. You smacked them together, assuring the delicate colors look perfect upon your two-toned lips. For attire you wore something simple; a black pleated mini skirt, a white top, black fishnets, and nice boots.

You hummed along to the music surrounding the bedroom as you delicately pulled the gold plated necklace of your name around your neck. Assuring it was in perfect place, you took one last look at yourself in the vanity before nodding.

Perfection.

Your attention was directed elsewhere the moment a honk came from outside, your hands moving quickly to grab your phone and purse. You rushed out of your bedroom, down the stairs, and out your house— locking the door on the way out. You grinned at your best friend rolling down her window, cat calling you like some pervert.

“Stop..” You hissed softly, opening the passenger seat door and entering the vehicle. Closing the door, you reached for your seatbelt. The other woman pulled the car out of park the moment the seatbelt clicked, pulling out of your driveway and down the road.

“Can’t believe you had one taste and now you’re a verified fang-banger.” Your friend spoke, grinning the moment she heard you suck your teeth. “Yet you were the one to always make fun of me.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning against the door with your palm holding your cheek. “Whatever.. just be happy I tried it.” You spoke, smiling at the chuckle that escaped your friend.

The rest of the car ride was filled with music flowing from the radio and conversation from your lips; anticipating how the night would end. You needed this, deserved this you continually told yourself. Sukuna had his chance, and he fucked up. You weren’t gonna wait for some drummer that probably had multiple women a day.

No matter how much the thought stung.

The two of you reached the bar rather quickly, a new one— different from where Malevolence played that faithful night. You breathed, pulling the mirror down and staring at your reflection; flurrying the chest length boho braids. A hum escaped you the moment you were satisfied, closing up the mirror and turning to exit the car.

Your friend was right behind you, shutting your doors at the same time and waltzing over to the bar interest; arms locked. Reaching the door, you flashed your cards to the vampire occupying the threshold— him giving the information a quick once over before nodding with a toothy smile.

“Welcome, ladies.” With a wink he sent you to off, stepping to allow you inside. You entered the bar, smiling and looking around. It was simple, similar to the first one you went to. But different— given Sukuna wasn’t here.

The two of you made a beeline for the barstools, sliding on top of them and ordering two shots each. You turned in your seat, looking around the area. “Hm..” You hummed softly, leaning to rest your cheek into your hand. “How do you tell which vampires want to fuck you and which ones want to eat you?”

You friend snorted, sliding the shots closer to your forms the moment they were placed down. “That’s what makes it so fun, (Y/N).” She replied, lifting a shot.

You rolled your eyes at her claim, reaching for your own and clinking the glasses together. You threw back the shot easily, smoothing a finger across your lip to catch any droplet of alcohol. You resumed your scanning, searching for someone that popped out within the sea of vampires and humans. Your eyes finally landed on someone. He was handsome, decently so; adoring a shaved haircut and dressed in black.

Your gazes locked, you giving a small smile before turning back to the bar, grasping your second shot. You downed it, pulling back and hissing as the alcohol burned your throat. A good burn, one you felt was melting your restraints away slowly. You gently pressed your lips together, savoring the taste of the alcohol.

Which was interrupted the moment another glass was placed infront of you, your eyes switching over to the bartender; question clear on your features. He flashed you a simple smile in return, hands focused on cleaning a glass. “The gentleman over there.”

You turned to where the worker had motioned, eyes landing on the man you were just staring down. He lifted his glass to you, lips curled to showcase pearly white fangs. You smiled back, turning to your best friend. “Free drinks?” You spoke in a low tone, fingers curling around the shot glass.

Your friend snickered, coming close. “Better get your ass over there before he finds someone else to spoil.” She drawled, gently shouldering you.

Ignoring the nagging feeling, the anxiety; you stood, pressing the bottom of your skirt down and grabbing your shot. You moved towards the man, careful not to step on toes or bump into someone. Finally you approached him, stepping so you were just two feet away.

An acrylic tapped against the glass, smiling down at him. “Thanks for the drink.” You mused sweetly, lifting it to your lips and taking a sip. The man sat up a bit, legs spreading and rocking slightly.

“Anything for you.” He spoke, head tilting as his eyes not so secretly danced down your form. Satisfaction was clear in his face, placing his cup down on the table beside him. “Need a seat?” He questioned, smoothing his hand down his thigh, eyebrows rose.

Your lidded eyes followed his large hand, a coy smile plastered on your features. With a lean you were placing your empty glass to the side, stepping between his legs and sitting down on his thigh. His arm snaked around your waist, securing his hand there so you didn’t slide off. “So sweet.. are vampires always so polite?”

He chuckled at your words, “I can’t speak for all of us, but I— am a gentleman.”

“Clearly.” You spoke, leaning closer. Conversation between you and this stranger, filling the air endlessly. Your eyes would follow the way his tongue glided across those pointed fangs, clearly desperate to bite you.. maybe more. The thought caused excitement to brew, though wondering why he was hesitating. Was there a clear reason?

There was. Or rather, his hesitation came from a person currently staring the two of you down.

Red eyes were fixated on the scene, various emotions swirling in its gaze. Sukuna couldn’t believe the disgusting sight before him, rather he didn’t want to. The moment you entered the bar he was staring, watching the way your plump ass would peek out under that poor excuse of a skirt, your lips against the glass, and so much more. The glass of alcohol infront of him was long forgotten, completely focused on you and nothing else.

The vampire wondered whether to approach you, or rather how to. You were bound to be upset given his month’s absence, probably even ignore his presence. So for now he sat glued to his seat, running through his mind for the perfect words. During his little dilemma you had risen from your seat, switching over to someone.

Some vampire. Some vampire that wasn’t him.

If he knew any better Sukuna would think you were doing this to get back at him. But you hadn’t even noticed him, despite the way his eyes were basically burning holes into the back of your head. You were so focused on him, on that poor excuse of a replacement. The man could feel his annoyance grow, eyebrows pushed close with his hand closed tight.

Why was Sukuna so pissed? It wasn’t hard for him to get his dick wet; just previously being interrupted by some random groupie — which he declined rather harshly. So why, why exactly did seeing you cozied up to some random piss him off so bad?

Sukuna didn’t know the answer to that question, which annoyed him even further.

Your hands trailed down the man’s chest, humming a little to his words. You had long tuned him out, trying to figure out how to get him in a secluded place. Whilst thinking over your little plan the man suddenly stopped talking, stiffening. You blinked, pulling back to glance at his eyes; spotting them glued on something behind him. “You ok—“ You yelped the moment a tight grip wrapped around your wrist, easily being lifted from the man’s lap.

A cool arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a familiar body. Your heart pounded against your chest, gaze trailing from a black shirt up to Sukuna’s hardened features, knees going weak the moment you noticed the harsh glare he was giving you. You looked for snarky words, maybe even an annoyed comment; but nothing came out. With just one look the anger you felt had washed away, replaced with anticipation and want.

Sukuna took one look to the man sitting down, releasing an amused scoff. “Didn’t take you for a desperate slut, (Y/N).” He spoke freely, ignoring the way you lightly hit his chest. The vampire turned, leading you away. You tripped up a bit, quickly following, trying to keep up with his speed.

“I’m not a sl—“

“Shut up.” He murmured harshly, watching your pretty glossed lips clamp up quickly. The man lead you to the back of the bar, approaching a door. With ease he opened it, entering and releasing you to turn to lock.

You realized he lead you into some random private room, similar to the one before. Except a bed laid in the middle of it, a lamp, and a dresser. You decided not to question it, especially when his form brushed your back, hands reaching over to grip your front. Before he could speak you were turning quickly, pressing your hands against his chest.

“No, you don’t get to ghost for a month and then snatch me away from some guy you’re jealous of.”

Sukuna snarled, hands falling to the back of your thighs and tugging you flush against him. “If you think I’m jealous of him, I must not have done a good enough job at teaching you the difference between me and some other man you lay with.” He pressed forward, leading you backwards.

You scoffed a bit, ignoring the soft blankets hitting the back of your knees. “You said that for humans, he was a vampire.” You countered, flashing a small smirk. You regretted your words the moment you felt a hand leave your thigh, a small gasp escaping you as strong fingers gripped your cheeks.

“Oh, you’re right..” Sukuna mused, hand trailing to cup your chin, thumb pushing against your lips and intruding your mouth. “Guess I’ll have to drill the fucking lesson into your head then; you’ll never meet someone that can fuck you as good as I do.” His last words came out harsher, pushing to lay you out on the bed.

You attempted to press your legs closed but he was quicker, large form stepping between them all while pushing his thumb farther down your mouth; listening to the music of your gags.

“Keep your legs open, don’t even think about closing them.” Sukuna spoke, pushing at a thigh to spread you even wider. Thumb and hand still occupying your face, his other hand moved to flip your skirt up, eyes zoned in on your cunt covered by the thin fabric of your panties and fishnets. The man shook his head a little, a subtle grin taking over his face. “Such a needy thing, walking around a vamp bar with barely anything on.”

The small whine of embarrassment you released went unnoticed, Sukuna instead focusing on tugging the fishnets you wore and in one swift motion; tearing them right at the crotch. You grabbed his wrist, pulling his thumb from your mouth to let out an annoyed; “Sukuna! Don’t ruin my clothes!”

“What, you gonna do something about it?” The man dared, tugging on the thong you wore for a moment before ripping that too. He grinned at the whine that escaped you, pulling the ruined garments off your body. “Thought so. Just lay there like a good slut and take what I’m giving you.”

Two fingers glided up and down your slit, your essence slowly escaping from the gentle touches. So delicately, barely even grazing you. The vampire was fucking teasing you, spreading you open slowly before slipping his fingers away before you could even think of moving your hips. You hissed as his thumb brushed your clit, attempting to chase the feeling but him moving away far too quickly.

Your hands clung to the small shirt you wore, glossy eyes staring at the man. “Sukuna— come on..” You drawled out, a gasp of frustration escaping you the moment he pushed a finger in before removing it. Your eyes widened however the moment his palm slammed against your pussy, your back arching off the bed as the pain and pleasure mingled into a single feeling. “Fuck.. please, please—“

“Wasting all that breath begging.” Sukuna spoke lowly, hand rising to slap your pussy again. Your legs shook as his fingers caught your clit, walls fluttering around nothing as your arousal continued to trickle down. Your whines were music to his ears, pushing your thigh once again before you could close your legs. “Needy fucking pussy..” The man murmured, fingers creeping down— plunging inside without warning.

Your walls clung to his thick digits, groaning the moment he began to scissor them inside. They rubbed against your gummy walls, pressing against a spongy spot inside you. Your eyes were pinched close at this point, hips moving to chase your orgasm. Some nagging feeling told you he would deny it, so you did the best you could; riding and maneuvering to feel his fingers deeper.

The man just let you, watching you completely ruin yourself on his digits; lips curled into the sickest smile. Your walls were clenching tight now, the intensity of your hips increasing to meet each thrust of his fingers. A mantra of swears escaped you, the band inside ready to burst at any moment.

“Already gonna cum aren’t you?” Sukuna questioned despite already knowing the answer, the wet squelches of your pussy following his words. You whined out pleas to come, hand falling to his wrist to keep it there. His lips spread even wider, fangs on display as not so surprisingly; removed his fingers.

You released a dramatic whine, tears pricking at your eyes as you gripped his wrist. “Fuc—fuck.. why’d y— mm!” You raised body met the bed the moment he slapped your messy pussy, knees knocking as the tears trickled down your cheeks. Sukuna cooed softly, grabbing the inside of your thighs and pushing them wide once again.

“Such a fucking crybaby..” The man teased, pushing your legs up, allowing your thighs to brush your chest. Wordlessly he leaned down, tongue poking out to glide across your slit. His grip tightened the moment you flinched, nails digging into your skin and simply keeping you there. The thick muscle glided up and down, tasting your arousal as if the finest wine. Sukuna adjusted you so your heat as flush against his face, nose bumping into your clit while his tongue spread and toyed with you.

Your hands gripped the blankets underneath, legs trembling in his hands as bellows of pleasure escaped you. It began to hurt so good the moment his tongue furiously flicked against your sensitive body, the pleasure racking through you. Your hand traveled down gripping fluffy pink tresses for leverage. Your hips rose into his face, grinding so languidly the man chuckled; the vibrations hitting your pussy in all the right places.

Sukuna released a thigh allowing his arm to press both legs up before his hand traveled, knuckle circling your fluttering hole. With zero effort he was pushing two inside, curling the digits whilst taking your swollen bud between his lips.

The thought of his fangs sinking into your most sensitive area entered your mind, completely washed away the moment he began to suck. Your back arched, gripping his hair hard as all fear left you completely. His name came out in strangled gasps and moans, legs withering above you.

His pace quickened the moment he felt your walls tighten even more, pressing his fingers deeper inside you. You begged to come, shameless pleas that you would surely be embarrassed of later. But for now, you didn’t care; desperate to paint his face with your arousal.

Luckily, Sukuna was just as desperate— smirking as he continued his movements. All too quickly you came, messily grinding on the man’s face as you rode the high. Your pussy spasmed, come tainting his palm as his fingers slowed down before pulling out completely.

Sukuna lapped up your arousal, ignoring your sensitive whines before releasing you over the torture. He moved his arm to allow your legs to land on the bed, rising and crawling over your body. The vampire grinned down at you, watching your eyes struggle to stay on him. “Look at that,” He mocked slowly, hand gliding to grip your cheeks. “— all that talk and you’re already tired. What a joke..” His face moved to neck, tongue dragging across your heated skin. The way you shivered had the man reeling, mouth opening even wider as his fangs easily broke the skin.

You gasped out, clinging to his shirt as the pain flooded your body. “Su—sukuna..” You whined, feeling his lips press against your skin; slowly delving on your blood. The pain slowly withdrew, pleasure replacing the moment his hand trailed back between your legs, thumb pressing against your clit. The sensations fought for dominance, your lip trembling and caught between your teeth. Your hips rose into his hand, stopping the moment he punched your swollen bud, however.

After minutes of his drinking Sukuna was satisfied, dragging his tongue along the indents of his fangs to seal the wound. He licked your blood from his lips, eyes closing for just a moment. The man refused to admit how much he missed not only you, but your blood— and how fucking good it tasted.

Finally his eyes opened, red gaze focusing on your face. Your eyes were closed, soft breaths escaping your glossy lips whilst gripping him so harshly. Sukuna was well aware he fucked up waiting a complete month before seeing you, but was beyond happy you were so pliable for him.

You craved him just as much as he craved you. A fact neither of you could ignore.

Sukuna carried his hand away from you, traveling to grab your neck gently. He rose your head from the bed, snatching your lips in a deep kiss. The faint taste of your blood had you returning the liplock with equal intensity— hand moving away from his back to instead wrap around his wrist. “Missed me so bad, didn’t you (Y/N)?”

You moaned softly against his lips in response, groaning the moment his fangs dragged across your bottom lip, threatening to pierce the skin. Except he didn’t, continuing the intense kiss; tongue curling around your own and sucking.

With one hand occupied his other lowered to his pants, flicking the button open and slowly pushing them down. His boxers followed, garments hanging on his nicely shaped thighs as he crowded in close, dick resting against your lower stomach.

A soft whine entered his mouth the moment he pulled back, gliding his shaft between your folds. The man gave another thrust, brushing your aching bud so nicely. But not perfectly. Your hips rose to somehow alert him you needed more. Sukuna grinned against your lips, pulling back whilst releasing your neck. His hands carried down, pressing your hips against the bed all while fucking himself between your folds.

With each grind your stomach was caving, desperately searching for friction he was withholding. His name exited your lips in a pathetic gasp, hands moving to his arm. You pleaded silently, glossy gaze staring at his own amused one.

“Mm.. use your words.”

You breathed deeply, skin hot and completely needy— slightly fed up with his teasing. But you knew better then to test him, knowing the man would have no problem pulling his pants back on and leave you stranded there. Your teeth bit the inside of your cheek, attempting to ignoring the buzz of pleasure you felt from his shallow thrusts.

“Su—sukuna, please..”

“Hm?” The vampire questioned, heading tilting as he leaned to hover over your body. His hand gripped your chin, turning to force eye contact. “Speak up, (Y/N).”

You struggled to keep your eyes focused on him, a pathetic whimper of; please Sukuna, fuck me! escaping you. A toothy grin was sent your way in response, Sukuna resting on his hunches.

“That’s it.. such a good little slut for me.” He spoke on bated breath, grasping your thighs. Placing your legs onto his shoulders the man nudged forward, cockhead pressing against your entrance before entering with minimal effort— given what a complete you already were.

The stretch hit you just like before, the pressure building in your stomach as your walls clung to his fat length. Your toes curled, head leaning back as strangled gasps escaped you. You were slightly grateful, given the man was pushing in slowly— but you were sure this was done to tease you, and nothing more.

“Taking me like you were made for me, sweetheart. Fu..fuck, did you seriously clench from that?” Sukuna groaned, lips still curled into that shit-eating grin. Soon enough he was all the way in, eyes focused on you split around him.

You were only given a moment to relax, a single one— before the vampire was pulling his hips back, plunging them forward far too quickly. The pace started out relentless, unforgiving; hands gripping your legs as he shoved you deeper into the soiled sheets. Your hands gripped them tightly, continuous strings of moans escaping your bruised lips. Something that Sukuna ate up completely.

“Such a mess, so fucking ru— ruined for…—” Sukuna hissed between groans, gritting his teeth at the way your walls fluttered around him; squeezing his length perfectly. “— anyone but me. No one else could fuck you like this, could they?”

You shook your head quickly, voice far too focused on moaning to even respond. But that wasn’t enough for Sukuna— no, he needed to hear the words spill from your mouth no matter how shaky they were. So he leaned down, forcing your legs up; ankles tainted in your strawberry cheesecake perfume brushing against your ears.

“Use your fucking words, (Y/N). You’re mine aren’t you?” His thrusts became even rougher, drilling you into the mattress and watching you completely lose yourself.

The babbles of confirmation began, stumbling over your words and repeating them. The most distinct being a high-pitched; “Ye—yes, fuck-! Only yo..yours!”

Sukuna’s grin only deepened, face falling to your collarbone. “Mm.. all fucking mine.” He rasped against your sweltering skin, sinking his teeth in without a single warning.

That was enough to push you over the edge, coming all over his length, essence trickling down his balls. Despite how much you panted, how your tired body ached— you knew you were far from done.

Pulling back, Sukuna licked up the drop of crimson that escaped the bite mark. His eyes trailed down your form, enjoying the way your chest rose and fell from the heavy breaths that escaped you, your glossy eyes focused on him, and so much more. Perfect. You embodied every single aspect of the word.

And Sukuna just adored ruining such perfection.

“Not done..” He muttered more to himself than anything, slowly pulling out of you— ignoring the whine you released. With a single hand he was turning you onto your stomach, walking off the bed to stand at the edge of it. There, he gripped your ankle to drag you down. “On your knees sweetheart.. that’s a good girl, so obedient.” A cool hand grasped your warm cheek the moment your knees were pressed against the sheets.

To your surprise Sukuna grasped your wrists, pulling your arms back to fold behind you. Your body rested above the bed, looking back at the man who was still grinning.

“Sukun—!” Your words were interrupted the moment he sunk into you, resuming the previous pace as if never leaving in the first place. His hands kept a tight hold on your wrists, leaving you with no place to move or run from his thrusts. Each one shook your entire body, the impact causing your ass to shake. Your head went slack between your shoulders, crying out as he angled his hips just right; plunging against the sensitive spot within you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Hah…—“ You gasped for air, trembling as his hips never faltered. You felt another orgasm brewing, eyes squeezing shut as your hands moved uselessly in his hold. “Gonna come, gonna come!” You managed to squeal out, eyes widening the moment he released a wrist to reach around and rub quick circles on your clit.

“Go on, don’t hold back; make a fucking mess.”

With his permission you were creaming all on his dick, entire body going limp and hitting the bed the moment he released your arm. Your legs shook from the aftershocks, reaching back blindly as tired moans escaped you. Sukuna snickered, swatting your hand away as he leaned over your body; front flush against your back.

Right in your ear the man mocked your moans, fangs tracing the shell of it. “Can barely keep your eyes open, huh? You got such a big mouth for someone that can barely last a single round— ha..” Sukuna groaned cruelly, pinching you with his teeth just to hear you whine.

His arms slid around your middle, bullying your insides as he chased his release. Sukuna bit down on your shoulder hard, relishing in the hoarse cry that escaped your raw throat.

The vampire was so close now, thrust uncoordinated with his gaze getting hazy. His lips were still attached to your shoulder, sucking you while continuing to ruin you. As if you weren’t ruining him, too.

A drawn out moan escaped you, coming around his cock for the final time that night— gasping the moment warmth flooded into your pussy; his thick seed painting your walls white.

Heavy pants escaped you, completely fucked out and simply resting against the bed. It took a moment to gently swat the man that was still sucking your blood, whining about you getting dizzy. Sukuna finally let up, pulling back and licking the wound.

He removed his arms from around you, watching your tired body slump against the bed. Rolling off you, he laid on his back, reaching over to pull you to lay on his chest.

A comfortable silence entered the room, your face placed in his neck whilst his hand was on your waist; groping every once in a while.

“How am I gonna walk out without panties, Sukuna?” You questioned after a while, lifting from his neck to glance down at him. Sukuna turned to face you, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t know what to tell you..”

“Sukuna!”

reblogs & comments are appreciated <3

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 12 (Pt 2 of 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary: Life was good. No, life was great. Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake came with so much you really didn’t want.

...At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; tension; anger; crying + feelings of sadness; self deprecation; body changes as a result of pregnancy; talks of baby + pregnancy; jealous!reader; jealous!jake (my fav); wet jake in the shower (!!); lotssss of nakedness (!!!); oral sex f!receiving; fingering; almost p in v (like..so close...i am v sorry); pregnancy hormones of multiple variety; reader is always emotional and stubborn (love u, sweet girl); INFIDELITY; talks of cheating/wanting to cheat on (obnoxious) partner; important issues addressed over texting; joshy + elsie continue to come in clutch fr (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter 12 (Part 2) Word Count: 32.8k+ (i will just continue saying to plz blame the characters. they have a mind of their own + I simply can't control them... however, my evil mind does like to give in to their evil ways...)

a/n: i would have been doing this chapter a total disservice if i hadn't included everything i've had outlined for it... and if i didn't give in to the evil voices when they told me to keep going with my evil thoughts... hence why this chapter is now t h r e e (punch me) parts instead of two. (i need to be taken away lmao)

god, i love this chapter...... and it just gets even ~~~better~~~ in pt 3... ;) hehe

aka: methinks the teasing should come to an end for now, hm? ;) (my outline that began two years ago is helping me to stick to this rather than being mean and dragging it out any longer lol -- slowburn is my krypto)

as always, big thank you to @joshym for being the best sister there ever was and supporting me in my writings + pursuits + listening to every time i have anxiety over my writings <3 i love you to the ends of the earth, lis. you're my person. <3

an additional thank u to @builtbybrokenbells and @alwaysonthemend. <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU, my loves, for always having the right words to encourage me amidst ~~A L L~~ of life’s stresses. I love you guys so much - you know I'd be lost w/out you :')

Also, to my friend @gretavangroupie, consider this my belated birthday gift to you, lovely <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read (there's officially a new cover for the latter part of the story!) 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

"[The] desire of having is the sin of covetousness."

William Shakespeare

Without any hesitation, he was stepping over the ledge of the bathtub, still fully clothed, until his boots were sloshing in the shallow puddle of water that swooshed to the drain. 

His hands found your body soon, igniting a fire under your already-heated skin. He guided you back a bit – until you were pressed against the wall furthest from the shower stream. He was getting drenched, but he’d made sure to get you out of it. He held your waist the best he could with the new addition of the baby bump, but still managed to hold you in such a way that showed you he was in charge. 

The way he held you reminded you that you were nothing more than putty in his strong hands.

Then, he was going to grant your request.

The words "Kiss me, Jake" were ringing on a loop in your head.

Leaning in to you, his grip on you, so firm, steady, sure. . . . You could see every intricate detail of his plush, pink lips as he came closer. Your heart fluttered in your chest. You were ready to feel his lips on yours. 

He was near enough for you to see the stubble coming in above his lip. By the day, he seemed to become less and less concerned about staying completely clean shaven. . . . and you were rejoicing for it.

Though, before you could study any other detail, his hands dropped from around your waist. You studied him in a panic. What was he-? His eyebrows were dipping in with doubt as he pulled away. Fuck. No no no no no please –.

“I–I can’t–,” he shook his head, now drenched from the spray of the shower. You followed his lead, pulling into yourself and away from him - the best you could - to protect yourself. And, even though you wanted to cover yourself, you couldn’t for fear of slipping. You looked away from his face, instead scanning his body as he stood before you, tense and unmoving. 

You noticed, though, that he wasn’t getting out of the shower. He’d only distanced himself. But if he was already regretting this, why wasn’t he moving? Goddammit. Your heart started to split in your chest. . . You were so confused and so vulnerable. He’d just encouraged you to open up completely for him. . . only for him to decide against this – against you.

“Do you not want me?” You asked, voice messy with unshed tears. Your line of sight landed on your own feet, refusing to look at him as your temperature spiked with aggravation. “Because, shit, Jake – I told you! I fucking told you we shouldn’t – but now you have me fucking shaking. And — goddammit! It’s not fair for you to get me to admit those things and then bail as soon as you–!”

“Y/n,” he growled your name, commanding your eyes to land on his. His stare was intense, just as it had been before he’d moved away. There was irritation flaring in his irises, though. Towards you or himself, you couldn’t tell. All that mattered to you was that he stepped closer once more, boot heel clicking. Your heart hammered in your chest. “I’m not going to fucking bail. I told you I wanted to please you and I plan on keeping my damn promise. I want to taste you, feel you so fucking badly. . . I just–,” he shook his head with a growl, messing with his wet hair a bit, pushing it from his forehead.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, your chest hot and your core clenching at nothing watching him pushing his wet hair away from his forehead. . . Drops of water, dripping down his chin. You didn’t know how to respond. In your life, you weren’t sure you’d ever felt this sexually stimulated. It had to be the baby hormones. The way you were feeling at the present moment had you wanting to crawl out of your skin and into his. Your body was on fire, a collection of electric sparks under your skin, begging to light up. You knew pregnancy hormones could make a woman feel crazy, but you hadn’t truly understood. Not until now, completely naked and ready in front of the only man you wanted. 

You were starting to feel as though you would stop at nothing to have him inside of you. Like, murder might even happen to have him, quite frankly. Anyone who might stand in your way was not safe as you continued to buzz with anticipation that wouldn’t dissipate in the dense, humid air of the shower. Doing the only thing you could do, you chose to admire what was in front of you.  His shirt was opened to the middle of his abdomen on what you knew to be a chilly December evening, daring him to catch a damn cold. 

But. . . the sight made you anything but cold–no, seeing his perfectly toned chest heaving and soaking wet. . . it made your entire body flame. You felt red-fucking-hot as you watched each and every breath – inhale, exhale. . . . in and out. . . in and out. . . His shirt was light blue, the water soaking through the material to make it nearly transparent. It gave you a glimpse at everything beneath his shirt. . . You honed in on his pecs, firm muscle underneath waiting to be gripped. You needed to put your hands on him again. You needed to feel the smooth skin of his chest–with your hands, tongue. . . anything. Needed to feel him. So, you did what your body told you to do at that moment. 

Taking one wary (and brave) step forward, you reached your hand out timidly, giving him space to stop you if he needed to. But, he didn’t stop you. When you glanced up at his face to read his reaction, he was watching your hand move, mouth agape at the action. You could finally feel his warm breath on your cheek again as you took one more step towards him. Without any more thought, you placed your delicate hand on the exposed part of his tanned chest. And, daring to feel more, you slipped your palm underneath his button-down shirt to feel the taut muscle on one side of his chest.

His breath caught at the motion. It felt like sweet relief to be touching him like this again. His chest flexed under your hand with the sharp intake of breath. Your breaths were uneven, too, not daring to breathe too harshly to scare him away. This moment felt so eerily similar to a moment so long ago – that first game night. The moment you’d been dared by the stupid ass card game to touch him. But this time–this time felt worlds different than that night at the beginning of summer. There was history now. A baby you’d made together, for God’s sake. So much more between these two people in this moment of time. And this meant you knew how to read his body. . . He wanted this. You knew he did. You knew him.

So, it was no surprise to you when he took a steady step forward, very nearly meeting the front of your body with his. You knew it was going to happen before it did; you knew that his hand would reach up to touch your chest as well. You watched his hand as he followed through on your prediction. Though, he didn’t touch your breast like you expected. No, he balanced his hand above your heart, where it beat furiously for him. Your nipples were impossibly hard, straining at how close he was. They were so tight it almost hurt. The kind of pain that could only be soothed by him.

“Jake,” you begged, his name saying everything you couldn’t say. Your thighs rubbed together of their own accord, desperate. “Please.”

And there it was. His hand immediately went to hold your swollen, sore breast. It seemed the only relief your chest could find was from his touch. You gripped his chest tighter, having to hold on to something. Your other hand, reaching forward to pull at the soaked linen of his shirt at his waist. Every movement he made on you, you traced with your eyes. Memorized every touch. Your legs continued to work at creating friction with every movement of his gentle massage on your breast. His other hand came up to hold your hip, gripping you with a sure hold. Chest heaving, your nipple, so sensitive and taut beneath his palm, your body – pleading for more. Still. You needed more. As his hand moved away from the front of your breast, he went to hold the underside of it. He held it so securely in his grip. 

You noticed how much bigger your tits looked in his hands than before the baby.  They filled his hand completely now, some of your chest even spilled out from the side of his splayed palm. Your chest was officially too big to fully fit in his strong hand. But that didn’t deter him for a second. As his fingers on your hip flexed around your smooth skin, he brought you closer to him by the sensitive flesh of your breast. A whine sprung from your chest at the added pressure to the left side and the severely tight nipple of your other tit connecting with his wet chest. He brought you closer to him, skillfully kneading your flesh in his hand like you’d needed so desperately. Relief. Sweet fucking relief. And suddenly, you were so close to him. Just close enough to feel his dick straining against your hip, in his pants. . . Fucking shit. You almost lost your balance. 

“Jake,” you were whining, outright. It was pitiful as hell. But – you couldn’t give two flying fucks. 

“I–I can’t kiss your lips,” he breathed, voice gravelly and low above you, floating directly to your ear. You finally looked up from watching his hand, waiting for him to continue. There was more he wanted to say, it was obvious. “That’s–I have to keep something that is unique and sacred to my relationship. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.” It did. It made complete sense and you admired his feeble attempt at saving one thing for her. . . but, you couldn’t help that it cracked your heart the slightest bit that you weren’t able to feel his lips against yours. Fuck Maya for that one specifically, honestly. 

The tears were welling in your eyes all on their own–couldn’t stop them if you tried. Although, you couldn’t tell if they were from baby hormones or an honest result of the new crease left in your heart at him so obviously not being yours. He belonged to her – not to you. And the lack of kissing was a painful, blatant reminder of that. Kissing him had been something so normal and familiar only a few months ago, you could have kissed him any time you wanted (well, almost any time. . . but still). And . . . you’d given that up. Given him up. Desperate to feel anything from him, anything he could give you, there was only one question that lingered in your mind, weighing heavily like bricks on your tense shoulders.

“What can you do?” Your voice broke with the wetness in your throat, a tear stupidly trickled down your face. 

His grip on your breast stayed firm, his hand going to cover the expanse of it. You moaned, your eyes fluttering closed a bit at the feeling. The hand from your hip reached to wipe your cheek of a few more stray tears. “Shhh,” he hushed gently. 

Playing it off the best you could, you offered him a half-assed response. “Don’t ask me why the tears are happening –it’s–it’s the baby hormones,” you sniffed again, willing the tears to go away. 

And, thankfully, they did. Once they’d subsided, his fingers carefully trailed to the other breast, your hand still on his chest, nearly clawing at his skin with each measured press of his hands at your aching breasts. Your hand trailed up to hold his neck, around his arms on you. Your thumb smoothed at the flesh behind his ear. God, you’d missed holding him and you really loved that spot behind his ear. . . couldn’t explain it. You sniffled. Despite your sadness, your body sparking, growing goosebumps rapidly at the way he was stimulating you so deliciously. Your thighs worked hard to ease the throb between your legs. 

“How does it feel?”

“So fucking good,” you grit out, your hand gripping gently at the roots of his long hair, darkened and soaking wet from the water flowing from the showerhead. “How do you know how to–? They hurt when anyone else holds them. . . but not with you– how?”

“I was determined to find out how to make you feel good,” he replied with a hoarse chuckle before he cleared his throat. “I have been doing research,” he smirked, his eyes connecting with yours. You felt your cheeks warm. His hands began a new pattern lazily and intentionally adding pressure to the areas that needed it most. He was trying his best to give equal treatment to both of them, you could tell. 

And dammit if he wasn’t doing the most impeccable fucking job at it. You gasped at the additional pressure on both sides as he pressed up, around, and over. . . covered every inch of your chest with his skilled hands. His dark eyes found yours as soon as you’d gasped, a small, secret smile on his face. The grin you gave him in response was bashful, cheeks flaring a deep pink in the soft moment.

He continued his words as he worked his hands so intentionally against your swollen, aching chest. “I’ve been reading on how to pleasure pregnant women– what to do to make them feel better. . . since your body’s changing and shit, I know it’s gonna be a little different than before,” he explained. You observed how he seemed to study your chest intently. He was invested in the task, manipulating the supple flesh in his practiced hands. “And you told me that your tits have been sore, so I’ve been reading how to help that specifically. I didn’t think I’d actually get to try it out on you – but, here we are,” he smirked, his eyes connecting with yours once more as he raised a brow. 

Didn’t think he’d ‘get to try it out on you’. 

You blushed, continuing to watch him in awe, the way his brows furrowed, his eyes going back to his hands. You decided to follow his eyes with your own. God bless America. Truly, watching his hands at work was just as bad as surveying his features. Your nerves were on fire and you felt your muscles tighten at your center, needing his touch in a million places at once.

“And, when pregnant women have sore tits, it apparently helps to massage them and apply pressure,” he continued, informing you of his research while doing just as he said. “So, I thought I’d try that.”

He kneaded and pressed against your heavy chest. As he continued with those motions, his thumbs reached to stroke the nipples. All of it, all at once. Every single nerve ending on your body was warm and tingling. Your eyes closed in sweet ecstasy, your head unwittingly going to lay against the shower wall with one particular motion, your back arching into his hands. Your hand dropped from behind his head instead gripping the shower wall. Now you were holding on on both sides. Literally bracing yourself. Shit. It was embarrassing as fuck how pliant your body was to him and his skill. You were completely gone for this man. With another mewl, you bucked your hips in his direction. 

Goddammit. Words, y/n. Words. He’s conversing. “W-what else did you find in your research?” You gasped, opening your eyes to observe his hands move just so, his thumbs tracing the buds of your nipples as he cradled the underside of your tits. He was doing the most incredible job at keeping the heavy feeling off of you. He was literally taking the weight off of you and handling it himself. It was heaven.

You looked up to catch his eyes and saw he was still concentrating on his actions. “For sore tits or overall pleasure?” He pondered, eyebrow raising again as he glanced at you and caught your line of sight. 

“Pleasure,” you breathed, feeling his hands come to a devastating halt on your chest, smoothing over your sides before he dropped them completely. Goddammit, Jake. Don’t stop. “All of it.”

“I know that some pregnant women really like being touched and have a pretty high libido,” he paused, bringing his hands up to push his soaking wet hair back. “But I also found that other pregnant women experience the exact opposite – have an aversion to sex.” He eyed you, squinting with a knowing smirk. “I could probably guess which type you are by how much you loved that just now, but . . . I want you to tell me. High libido or low?”

“Well,” you paused, your legs suddenly feeling like Jell-o. So, not wanting to fall or some shit, when he’d successfully pushed his hair back, you reached both hands up to wrap around the base of his head, your fingers working at their own massage against his scalp. The hum that sounded from his chest, along with the searing hot look he gave you as he gazed down at you, inspired you to work more intentionally. His eyebrows raised at one point, eyes closing briefly at one particular run of your fingernails against his scalp. 

You kept on, his eyes lazily finding yours when you began speaking; he sleepily blinked his heavy lids open. “I–I haven’t really felt a high libido for anyone but you. . . I don’t think I’d want it from anyone else right now. . . So, I don’t know what that makes me. High, maybe?” You pondered aloud, wanting his opinion of your predicament. “. . .Does it count if I only truly want you?”

“Fuck. Are you serious?” You watched one hand reach between you to rub against the strain at his zipper. The other hand came to your hip, pulling you into him further, then moving down to your ass to pay attention to the muscle you’d told him was sore earlier. Your sighs filled the air, your senses overwhelmed by him. He rasped his next question, voice so low between the two of you. “You only want me?”

“Only you,” you confirmed, the honest words brushing against his face as you leaned just a bit closer with your quiet, sighed response. 

Then his face was stern, one brow raised skeptically at you as his jaw set. The muscle in his cheek flexed as his eyes burned holes through you. “What about the noises you were making with Theo?” He implored, not angry, per se. Just serious. He was genuinely wondering. “Seemed pretty into it with him, too.”

“It was fake,” you confessed, looking away from him briefly, your hands halting their movements. Suddenly embarrassed and nervous at the memory. You didn’t want to be thinking of that nimrod. Your hands fell from around his neck as you curled in on yourself in slight shame, instead interlacing to cradle the bottom of your belly. “I took too long for him. He didn’t try at all to get me there. He was shit at everything he tried.” Then, you gained just enough confidence to look back to Jake with your next words. Needed him to understand and believe you. “And he’s not you. I don’t think any other man will ever make me fall apart the way you do.”

Jake seemed to relax at that, another, tiny step towards you, sure of himself all over again. He’d just needed the reassurance, because now he was eyeing you like he fucking owned you. And you weren’t sure if he did or didn’t at this point. You were ashamed to admit that he most likely did in fact own your body. It was his. All his. Honestly, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to you and you would say thank you every damn time. His boots, still on and clicked against the tub. His confidence made your legs shake. Your fingers, wrapped at the bottom of your belly, loosening with your body. Opened up for him with ease as he got closer to you. Your eyes flicked to where you saw movement at his waist and you saw his hand find his dick again, gripping it to relieve himself however he could. Fuckfuckfuck.

“So, if I were to get on my knees right now and fuck you with my tongue. . . you’d say you have a high libido?” 

“So fucking high,” you sighed, desperate. Ready. Aching for it.

“Thank fucking God,” he growled. And with one more push of his hand against himself, he moaned under his breath, and snaked a hand around your waist to reach for your ass. Your body leaned towards him, welcoming the touch. And with one sure grip to your ass, he grasped both of your hips, holding you to him tightly, his dick pressed snugly to the juncture between your hip and belly. Your arms found his neck, wrapping around it to bring him closer. “Well, I’ve found there are countless positions to try, but I think the one I’m going to try is going to feel–.”

“The one? Don’t tell me you’re going to cut it off at all of the other shit, too,” you said, backing away from him, pushing him away a bit. Yes, you were pouting. His hands dropped from you as you let go of his neck. Your arms went to cross under your breasts. “No kissing, so what’s next? What can’t you do? You never answered that.”

He started unbuttoning his sopping wet shirt. And when it was finally completely off, he reached up to drape it across the bar of the shower head before turning a bit to angle the shower head more towards the wall than him. Your eyes tracked every. single. movement. The way his bicep rippled slightly with the stretch, the way his abdomen flexed. . . every muscle, so beautiful in its prominence beneath his soft skin. When he was back from his task and looking at you again, shirtless, you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander the tan skin (how was it fair for him to be so damn tan in the winter time?). He cleared his throat, bringing your attention to his face once more. The smirk on his lips and the way his eyebrow was arched pissed you the fuck off. Was this amusing to him?

“You think it’s funny? How turned on I am and you can barely do a damned thing about it? Even though you led me to believe you could?”

“Who the fuck said I couldn’t?”

“You just said you can’t–.”

“You didn’t let me finish, y/n,” he reasoned. “I was going to say I can’t do that right now. I literally just told you I was going to tongue fuck you, babe. I want to focus on you before we get to sex.”

Before we get to sex. . . so he was planning on . . . more? Deciding to ignore that dangerous train of thought for the time being, you huffed, your arms still crossed at the top of your rounded abdomen. “Well, I’m just confused.”

“The only thing I told you I can’t do is kiss your lips,” he reminded you, his thumb coming up to briefly touch your full lips. His eyes followed his action, your lips still pursed in annoyance as you challenged him with your expression and stance. But you were wavering – quickly. Especially any time your eyes followed a drop of water from his shoulder, all the way to the waistband of his dark jeans. And every time you caught sight of the raging imprint in his jeans. . . “Y/n.”

Embarrassed and flushed, you flicked your eyes back to his face. You covered it up with indignance and frustration, your arms tightening in their position. “What, Jake?”

“I will do anything else you need,” he affirmed, taking a tentative step towards you, boots clicking against the floor of the tub. He got close once more, coming near enough that you pressed yourself against the back wall of the shower again. Your body betrayed you, your nipples once again peaking at his proximity. “And right now, I intend on doing what I’ve told you I’m going to do,” his eyes trailed to where your thighs were still pressed to relieve the persistent pulse below your belly. 

“Goddammit, Jacob,” you breathed with a roll of your eyes, arching yourself off of the wall towards him, just in time for him to meet you halfway. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly to him, your belly between you not letting you get quite as close as you used to. “Then fucking do it–please.”

He leaned forward and for a moment you thought he was going to betray his ‘one rule’. But instead, he kissed behind your ear, right where you liked to kiss him. Then, he trailed his mouth down the column of your throat. He alternated pecks and open mouthed kisses, all the way to your shoulders, collarbones. . . You sighed, completely at his mercy. When he found your left breast, he gave it the most attention. 

He licked around the sensitive nipple of your left breast, mirroring it with the right. At which, he elicited a moan that quickly progressed into a very whiny wail from you. “Fuck! Fuck, yes!” You cried, grasping his wet hair, not sure how to stop yourself if you fell – your shaking knees were bound to betray you, you could feel it. “This is so fucking wrong.”

“I. Don’t. Care,” he growled against the wet, supple skin of your breast. Every word, emphasized with a lick around your tender, hardened flesh.

Your train of thought was halted – lost all thought in your brain at him full-on kissing your nipples. He’d begun giving them kisses just like he would your mouth. Soft lips and wet tongue enveloping the entirety of the bud, tilting his head to the side to get the best angle possible. His nose nudged against your swollen breast as he continued lapping at you. He went back and forth, offering the same to both of your tits, several times over. A shaky hand reached out to tangle in his drenched hair as you tried to properly breathe. You were going to finish from this alone if it kept on much longer. You watched him in pure astonishment, his eyebrows knit in concentration. Then, as if things could get any worse (better?) he moaned – the action vibrating against your skin.

Your hips jolted up enough that they collided with his, just barely. But enough that both of you groaned in unison at the contact, his hard dick enticing you as you felt it, only a thin barrier of clothing between you. . . You felt your pussy flex at nothing, your thighs feeling the wet result of your arousal. But–you hadn’t finished yet. . . Not yet. Though, you knew you were so damn close. . .

“Don’t cum yet,” he commanded, mumbling around your nipple. Your nipples, usually so fucking sore, but feeling like they were made of sparklers, electric under his soft mouth. “‘M not done yet.”

“But– I can’t– a-ah-ah!,” you moaned, your body beginning to lose its fight to stand up straight, near to giving out. “I can’t hold on for much longer, Jake. Please. I promise I’ll cum again for you,” you swore, your fingers lacing even tighter into his long, chestnut locks. “Please, baby.”

“Not fucking yet,” he bit out, his dark eyes meeting yours from their place at your full breasts. Then, he winked, making you throb from that gesture alone. Fuck. You weren’t sure you could do as he said. 

He went back to giving your body kisses, this time trailing back up to your face, little pecks covering every expanse of skin on your flushed face. Then, with one gentle kiss to the tip of your nose, he reached a hand up to hold your cheek. His eyes held yours, open and vulnerable under his stare. So soft, he spoke to you with fervor in his tone. “I promise it’ll be better if you just wait, baby.”

Pinching your eyes shut, you laid your head against the wall in frustration. “Fine,” you griped, hands tightening in his hair. 

His mouth worked its way back down your body. He started by giving sloppy kisses to your collarbones, but ended up lowering to his knees as he continued, all the way to your hips – covering each one. Once there, his hands replaced his mouth and started kneading at the flesh at your hips. “Y/n, honey.” 

You heard the smooth velvet of his tone and couldn’t deny him your attention. Blinking your eyes open took a little more effort than you would have liked, but you couldn’t help it with how delirious you felt.

“Mm?” You hummed, your eyes fluttering a little, vision blurry until you looked down and saw his handsome face, loosely grinning, right next to the spot you wanted him most. It made butterflies fly erratically in your tummy. For all intents and purposes, it was a very tranquil, tender moment. Seeing him next to you like that again. 

His eyes said a thousand words, but you got an inside look at his mind when he spoke next. “I have been dreaming of this happening again for a long time,” he softly spoke, almost inaudible with the water behind him if your ears weren’t completely alert and opened for him. 

“Your body has always been the most exquisitely breathtaking sight. . . But it’s infinitely more beautiful now. You rival any other woman that has ever walked this planet, carrying my baby or not – but goddamn,” he sucked in a breath before leaning forward and kissing the bottom of your belly so gently, lovingly. His eyes were still tied up in yours, never leaving as he bared his heart. “If you being this goddess – this picturesque image of pregnancy isn’t haunting my every waking thought. And it’s just going to be even worse now that I’ve seen you naked like this.” One hand slid from your left hip to your ass, gripping the flesh surely in his palm, leaning forward to place one more kiss to your belly, a little wetter than the last. “Deliciously fuller – in every way that might make your body even more perfect to me.”

Before you could say anything in response to that, his mouth kept moving downward. Your eyes were watering at his words and you had to reach a hand to wipe at your eyes with a sniffle. You didn’t think you’d ever heard something so ideally timed in your life. He was fucking perfect – remedying every insecurity a pregnant woman might have. His hands did a stellar job at holding you against the wall to prevent a fall, both of his hands firmly placed, once more, on your hips where his thumbs kneaded circles into the muscle. His hold on you was strong and intent. It was fucking heaven. His thumbs moved and pressed with purpose, working the tired joints. 

“My hips– Jake, god. . . thank you,” you sighed, your eyes closing at the way your body felt weightless under his hands and mouth. 

Suddenly, his mouth was on your thighs, going back and forth between each leg until he reached your knees, stopping there. He was obviously intent on holding you upright as he knelt before you. You opened your eyes, suddenly desiring to see him again, and you watched as he gave your thighs unrelenting attention. You watched in wonder as he very slowly started to work his way to where you needed him most. And once he got there, he gave you a dark look that made your knees nearly buckle. Then, he began on you, wasting absolutely zero time. There was no warning for his mouth meeting your searing hot, wet heat. 

“Oh-oh-oh, J-Jake, f-fuck, yes!” You were nearly incoherent, but who would expect any different when you had Jake Kiszka making out with your wet and waiting pussy. You’d been aching and waiting to have this again for so fucking long. . . The slew of curse words and moans that escaped your lips were useless, as they all came out as jumbled non-words. Utterly unintelligible.

His tongue was inching closer and closer to your opening, not even daring to edge towards your clit yet. You clenched your jaw, a low mewl coming from your lips, unable to do anything but watch him. Your eyes couldn’t dare to leave the sight in front of you. He was taking his time to lap at your folds, soaked and fluttering for him. Your hips jerked forward, not able to stop the way his lips and tongue were setting you on fire near the point of retaliation. You were trembling, your body not working on its own at all to hold you up. You were dependent on his death grip, now back on your hips, steadying you. He was pressing you so hard to the wall – you just fucking hoped that he left bruises in the wake of his fingertips. Wanted—no, needed— to remember this.

He kept on with his work for a bit longer before you felt a few chillier drops of water spring from the shower head, onto your skin. Fuck no. And, of course, as if on cue, Jake backed away, wiping the corners of his mouth with the pad of his right thumb, his left hand still holding you to the wall. 

“I swear to god, Jacob Thomas, if you fucking stop because of some cold wa– oh!” 

And he was back, licking up every bit of early release at your heat. You couldn’t catch a breath to finish what you were saying as he added his fingers to the mix, twirling his pointer and middle fingers through your soaking folds, as his tongue tapped at your over sensitive bundle of nerves. And as his tongue flattened on you, his fingers simultaneously met your entrance. 

But, he stopped there. And you knew why. 

His attention was set and stuck on your comfort first and foremost. And you knew he could tell you were getting cold with the addition of the less-than tepid water. You were shivering, only in the slightest, in spite of your determination to continue — more from the cool temperature of the water (and the apartment), than his mouth and hands. But it could’ve been because of his touch. . . You willed him to not catch on and to just keep going. 

But you knew it wouldn’t work out like that. You already accepted the fact that he knew it wasn’t wholly because of his mouth that you were trembling. Your skin hadn't even grown goosebumps yet from the chill, and still his eyes caught yours in a steady trance. He raised a brow at the openly petulant look painted on your features at his pause. He cracked a smile; he could read you so damn well. You wanted to simply blame it on the connection you had to him by carrying his baby. But, his instincts of your impending reactions had always come incredibly quickly. Before the baby he’d always seen right through you, just the same. 

“Jake, please. Don’t stop,” you ridiculously whined, in spite of your chitter-chattering teeth. 

“You’re cold, y/n,” he clarified, as if you didn’t know. “Literally shaking.”

His observant tone, in true fashion, worked to piss you off. But, you were still hazy from his ongoing touch, so you closed your eyes to center yourself. 

Because, he might’ve moved his mouth, but he’d kept his fingers at your core. His fiery touch worked to warm your body the best it could. His fingers were lodged deep enough that when he went to bend them, the knuckles in the palm of his hand grazed your clit. And, the pads at the base of his two fingers nudged inside of you, just under the skin that housed the nerves. He was nestled so deep, continuing to elicit electric stimulation at your core. And the calluses of his fingertips were the perfect addition of friction to your swollen heat. He wrapped his hand against you, staying situated where he was. His other hand stayed firm on your hip, not letting go for anything. Wanted to keep you balanced.

You bit your lip, your head laying against the shower wall. You could barely concentrate on the fact that he’d spoken at all.  When you leaned off of the wall the best you could, you opened your eyes. Instantly, it felt like you were going to slip with the movement. But, just when your foot dared to lose balance, his hold on your hip tightened further. His fingers began to twirl within you, his palm ghosted over your clit with every purposeful jerk of his fingers. Your walls fluttered at the way he kept you going with one hand, while steadying your body in unison with the other.

He wasn’t saying anything further. Just kept going. Your hope grew that he hadn’t stopped. And the ball in the pit of your belly threatened to unravel with a figure eight movement he’d begun where his palm kept fitting to your tight, tingling nub as his fingers swirled. 

You quickly came to find out how focused he’d still been on your chilliness though. Turning around without you realizing it, fingers still distracting you, tucked between your folds, he switched the shower off. 

“Jake!” You complained for no reason whatsoever. Well. . . you knew why you were complaining. You were worried — didn’t want to lose this. You’d been so close. “Do not let this be the fucking en–.”

“Y/n. You’ve gotta trust me. I’ve kept my fingers where they are to show you — I’m not done,” he responded, tone lacking tolerance for your quip. “Can you just be fucking patient?” “You’re not being patient!” 

“How in the hell am I not being patient?!” 

“Your voice tells me so,” you argued, hearing the way it sounded ridiculous as soon as you said it. You shook your head, body shaking from the cool nip of the bathroom air and your soaking wet body. He was also trembling, his body just as wet as yours. The sight made your heart falter in your chest at the idea of him being cold, too. You’d been too busy worrying about yourself to think of him.

So, when he removed his fingers, yes, it aggravated you. . . but you’d started considering his chilliness enough that you weren’t going to chew him out. And, you couldn’t stay mad for long anyways. Seconds later, he was once again eliciting a dazed moan from you. As soon as he’d removed his fingers from you, he was bringing them up to his mouth, placing them on his waiting tongue before locking his lips around them to suck your arousal off. He closed his eyes, furrowing his brow and groaning in the process, his opinion of the way you tasted apparent. Holy fucking hell. 

“Taste good?” You asked, trying to sound snarky, but failing from the way your breath had escaped your lungs. 

When his fingers left his mouth, he slowly started to stand, eyes connecting to and never leaving yours. His grip on your hip not giving up a single bit in the process. Once he was standing at full height again, he slid the shower curtain open, eyes staying hooked on yours. He grabbed the towel hanging on the wall rack, momentarily leaving your gaze. But, as soon as he had the towel in his hands, his eyes snapped back to your waiting stare. 

“Fucking delicious. You taste better than anything – always have. . . No other woman compares. But. . . it’s–it’s even more-so now,” he paused, releasing your hip and motioning for you to come towards his arms with the fluffy, waiting towel. You turned your back to him, holding your arms out a little so he could wrap the towel at your back and handed you the rest to finish wrapping yourself. 

He kept talking as you cinched the white towel around yourself, your breasts not appreciating the way you tucked the material tight around your chest. You groaned at the feeling, pissed with the fact that your body was so sore.

Jake’s eyebrows knitted together in worry. “You okay?”

You nodded grumpily, carefully turning to face him. “Yes,” you grumbled. “It’s my boobs. They just ache all of the time. . . milk has officially started coming in, according to my readings. And I believe it with the way they're hurting right now. My tits have been a lovely focal point of change this entire time, but right now. . ."

"Yeah, I can't imagine how much they must hurt with how they've grown." There was no missing the way he bit his lip, eyes darkening. He licked his lips, smoothing his pointer finger over the bottom one before he responded. “But. . .I’ll help them feel better, baby. Don’t worry.”

The buzzing in your veins was impossible to ignore, and you didn’t trust yourself to give a valid response with how lightheaded he was making you. All you could do was nod, eyes hopefully communicating your excitement. 

“I read about the taste of a woman’s release, too. . . when women are pregnant, they have a tendency to taste sweeter than usual. And I can safely assure you, it’s the motherfucking truth,” his voice was hoarse with the last sentence. He kept on, locking his Amber-brown irises with yours. “And it’s fuckin’ erotic that you taste like the sweetest thing while you’re growing my baby. . . I can’t even explain it, y/n.”

You were positively vibrating with need for him, your body threatening to unravel at any given moment. Now warm from the towel, you knew most of your shivering was still from him. 

“You don’t have to,” you assured, your mouth dry from it hanging open at his words. Swallowing purposefully, you shook your head before stepping out of the shower. And, once you’d towel-dried your body enough, you bent to tie the towel around your hair, turning away from him. As you made your way to the mirror, leaving him. Once you checked yourself, you were in horror as you realized just how red your face was. “Ah! God, Jake, I look like fuckin’ Elmo.”

He belly laughed at that, the sound making your tummy ignite in a swarm of happy butterflies. “No you don’t. Trust me,” he said, still giggling at what you’d said. “. . . ‘look like Elmo’. You’re fucking hilarious,” he paused as you heard his belt clink away from him, along with the pull of his zipper. You tried damn hard not to think about it, just focused on fanning your face. “And what’s with all of the Elmo lately? Josh creeped me the fuck out with that shit.”

Not able to help the laughter bubbling in your chest at the thought of Josh’s horrifying Tickle-Me Elmo, you turned to face him to enjoy the moment together. You first saw all of his soaked clothes, in a neat pile ready for the laundry, next to him. His boots, sitting as a pair beside the clothes. His belt, rolled tight on the toilet seat. 

And, Jake, completely naked. 

Your body reacted immediately, suddenly ready for the most. Your tone was way too eager when an inward ponder was spoken aloud. “Are we going to have sex?” Dear God, y/n.

He smirked, shaking his head as he took a step and leaned past your naked body to get in the cabinet under the sink for the spare towel you kept underneath. His fingers brushed the side of your ass in the process and you didn’t want to discuss how quickly his touch heated your skin. You turned away from him once more, leaning towards the mirror to check out the two pesky spots on your chin that threatened a pimple under the skin. Thankfully not big enough to notice to someone else, but still. 

For some reason, the size of your ass was now all you could think about. How your body had gotten bigger in a few unfortunate areas. . . You couldn’t help feeling insecure. “Was that on purpose?” You shot the other question his way, followed by a statement of your own. “It has increased in size, just like the rest of me, so . . . wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t on purpose and just because it’s huge.”

“It was on purpose. Too nice not to touch — want to grab it or slap it any time I see it. Nice fuckin’ thing,” he replied, causing you to drop your hands and lean back so you could give him your full attention. The response made your cheeks blush crimson red, slightly visible through your slowly lightening skin. When you swiveled his way, you found him towel drying his hair, his dick still fully erect and tempting the fucking hell out of you. You bit your lip, and he continued on, eyes closed as he focused on drying his hair. God, he was so handsome. And the constant scruff above his top lip was just not good for your sanity.  “And I don’t know what you mean by the rest of you increasing in size or being huge. One, you aren’t huge by any standard. And two, all I’ve noticed increase in size are the three things I enjoy watching as they get bigger.”

You flushed, turning away once more to work on towel drying your own hair before you left the steamy room. You’d want the towel to wrap up in the hallway. Suddenly intrigued by the fact that you were talking so openly with him, you kept going. “Do those things happen to be the Three B’s? Boobs, belly, butt?”

Jake was laughing again at that, his little snort unmistakable, even as you were bent the best you could at the waist to towel dry your own hair. “Yes,” he chuckled, lighthearted. “That is correct. Did you make that up?”

Damn, I missed this, your mind absently trailed. “I don’t know,” you smiled, raising from the towel dry to do it standing. Your body was buzzing with all things him. “You didn’t answer my sex question.”

“No sex,” he promptly replied. Your heart fell, but obviously being oblivious to it, he kept on. “I’ve got a job to finish tonight that doesn’t include my dick.”

“What if I want it to include your dick? Aren’t you doing this to please me?”

How had the conversation just picked up like you’d never stopped being the two of you? The awkward air that had persisted, on and off since the wretched day in the kitchen in August, was seeming to float away day by day with his knowledge of the baby in your belly. But, before that line of thought could derail, he was responding to you. 

“Are you saying you weren’t pleased with what I started in there just now?”

“Of course I fucking was, Jake,” you rolled your eyes. “But, still–.”

“You just answered the question yourself.”

“How?”

“Would you just finish drying your fucking hair so I can continue eating you out?”

The way your body temperature rose inexplicably at his words was not something you wanted to admit to, so you went with a simple response to keep you on level ground with him, rather than a quivering mess. 

“Aye aye, captain.”

Another snort, followed by a chuckle. “Shut the fuck up.”

Once you’d gotten yourself completely dry, he was following you to your bedroom, closely. So close that you felt his warmth radiating from behind you, only working to increase your already heated need for everything that was him.  

“Get on the bed and get on your knees for me,” he insisted, lips grazing your ear with the words, once you crossed the threshold of your room. Those words, for me, had you feeling reminiscent of walking on a cloud. This was actually happening. “And spread your legs apart, baby. Need that pretty pussy open for me.”

God. You did not want to give him any argument. Your body was shaking with need from the entire evening. Your heart was beating harshly, rapidly — felt it knocking against your heaving chest. . . 

He undoubtedly knew the effects he was having on you. And planned to lean into them as long as you could. 

“You should know better than to tell me what to do, Jacob,” you jested, walking towards the bed. Clearly your words didn’t mean much since you said them while doing exactly as he told you. In your best attempt at being sexy, you got on the bed. And once you were on the soft comforter, you crawled on your hands and knees to the front of your bed, slowly. You made a show of sticking your ass in the air.  

You then heard that familiar chuckle as you did so, and decided you were slightly offended over the fact. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Relax, baby. I just think you’re cute. That’s all,” he replied as you heard him close your bedroom door. You paused briefly and looked over your shoulder, to see where he stood by the door. “How can one be so equally cute and sexy? I’ve never known someone who does it as flawlessly as you.”

You blushed at his words, giving him a flirty grin with a wrinkle of your nose. But you quickly realized now was not the time for joking. Not for much longer, at least. Not with the way his eyes were set on your body, drinking in the sight before him. You knew he enjoyed his view, his eyes trained solely on your body rather than your face. So much so, he didn’t catch you watching him. He licked his lips before running one finger over them in silent admiration.

The vision of you, naked and wanting for him, pregnant with his baby. . .you knew, most likely, it was unrivaled to anything else he’d ever seen. Even in the dim light of your singular lamp, you could see that look in his dark eyes, one hand going to brush through his hair while the other tightened the towel at waist. His bottom lip, gripped by his teeth. His thick cock, still very erect, tenting the towel hung at his hips. 

“You are beautiful in every way,” he remarked, tone low and throaty as his eyes finally locked on yours. You felt your thighs tremble with need as your body continued to prepare itself for him.

Still on your hands and knees, you looked towards the head of the bed again to get to your pillows. Once there, you turned your body around to fully face him. You tilted your head to the side with a grin that you hoped conveyed at least half of what you felt. Over one shoulder, hair cascaded down your back, and over the other shoulder, your hair laid against a supple breast. 

You then began to shift your weight back slowly, lowering your hips toward your heels, resting the backs of your thighs against them with your knees spread just enough. Your belly and breasts, the main focal point. The palms of your hands found the mattress behind you as you were beginning to lean back against the pillows. Needed the pressure on your  back. But, he stopped you before you leaned too far. 

“Wait,” he said, your eyes silently questioning him as you watched him make his way towards your side of the bed. “Let me help you, baby.”

You watched in adoration as he grabbed the two pillows on the other side of the bed with one hand, situating them behind you, along with the two that always rested there. “I know how your hips and back have been hurting. . . I should’ve done this before you ever got on the bed.”

“It’s okay, Jake,” you smiled, watching as he worked to place them just right to support your sore muscles. “Really.”

“Just wanna take care of you,” he replied, tapping your hip with two fingers. “Now you should have that support behind you, baby. Lean back. Just a bit.”

You did as he said and. . .oh. It felt so nice. When your back formed to the pillow, you could have sung a thousand praises. It was instant appeasement for your aching body. Continuing to make yourself comfortable, you watched him push his hair back as he stood beside you, watching you with intense care.

“Are those pillows enough? I can go get a couple more from my–.”

“It’s perfect,” you truthfully claimed. Yet, even if it wasn’t perfect, you were not about to let him leave your side.

Your mouth watered as his eyes darkened, taking in every inch of your body he could see. You saw his zone in on every movement of your hips, eyes, and heavily swaying tits as you finally, fully situated. Then, with nimble, impatient fingers, your hand reached out to the towel at his hips, and with a singular flick of your wrist, his towel was falling. And your eyes instantly flew to his thick cock that seemed strained to the point of uncomfortability. His tongue met his lips, his dark irises, trained on your face as he lifted one hand to your lips. You knew exactly what he wanted. So, you did just as he silently requested and spit in his palm. 

Hand now wet with your help, he went to languidly stroke his length. His eyes never once leaving yours as you felt your mouth fill with more saliva, might he need it. All you wanted was to help him. 

That wasn’t deemed necessary, though, because he was soon letting his cock go to sit on the edge of the bed, beside your bent knees. His fingers grazed up your thigh, the skin automatically igniting at his touch. Your center fluttered, needy for more attention from his hands. 

It was like he sensed the call of your body, finally scooting back to lay down on the bed. He was moving with intentionality, going to the exact space he’d instructed you to create between your legs. . . for him. 

Finally, he was on his back, head nestling snugly between your thighs. His face was in the direct line of your pussy and ass. And his entire tanned, solid, stunning body was extended in front of you. You watched his stomach flex with each inhale and exhale — as he took in deep, deliberate breaths. And his beautiful dick, in perfect view for you to admire if you wanted. Was he doing this shit on purpose? Was he taunting you with it? Even though he refused to let you have it? 

You were about to get snarky with him about it, but you didn’t have time before your body was sent into euphoria as his hands located your ever-aching breasts, giving them each a firm knead. Each got attention of their own for a bit, his hands placed fairly over their own full breast. 

Before you could get too used to that, he pushed them together. It should’ve hurt, but it felt so impeccable. Your chest was tender, but the soreness of one offset the achiness of the other. You let out a relieved sigh with the work he was doing, pushing them to move against each other in the middle as he paid attention to the swollen sides with a firm massage. You bit your lip to conceal a moan at the sensation. But when you felt a gentle slap against the side of your left breast you couldn’t contain the noise as it slipped easily past your lips. 

“I want to hear you, y/n,” he sternly commanded, your core close enough to his face at this point that you felt every breath with the words. Your thighs shook with each breath he took. “Let me hear you.”

Then, without leaving time for you to bicker, he was back to his previous motions. You respected his work always, but you were learning to really appreciate his new, adjusted focus to parts of your body. Specifically your boobs. Even though they couldn’t fit in the palm of his hand like they once (perfectly) could, he still made sure to cover the expanse of them with intentionality from his long, skilled fingers. 

You threw your head back as the calloused tips of his fingers skimmed over your sensitive nipples. And when he came back, he purposefully rolled them with practiced circles from his thumbs. You were shaking when he finished his work with a final, intentional pinch to both nipples. You shivered as your back arched, body searching for more. 

His arms then went to wrap around your front, palms immediately situating on your belly. He placed one hand at the bottom of your belly to affectionately hold the curve of it. As you leaned into the touch of his hand there, he gave a gentle caress to the front of the bump when you heard a few words slip from his mouth. 

“Thank you, y/n. You will never understand how it feels to watch you grow my baby—our baby,” he breathed, each word’s breath brushing against your vulnerable center. 

You hummed an acknowledgement, not able to fully process his words with the way his breath continued to make your entire body tingle with needy electricity. 

Then the tender moment was abruptly cut off when his focus zeroed in on holding your ass instead. He squeezed a round cheek in each palm. You moaned, your legs spreading even more to grant him additional access to the place you needed him most. Your hands wrapped around the front of your thighs, irritatingly squeezing the supple flesh as you buzzed with need. You wanted to hang onto him, but you didn’t want to spook him. 

Before you could get too used to the new angle and the feeling of his grip on your behind, he was smoothly landing a harsh slap to your right cheek. The action had your head falling back with a sigh, your pussy fluttering. His hands then traveled to your hips and held safely to them, splayed perfectly to grip the muscle there entirely. The pressure was euphoric.

“Jake, please. I need more—.”

Without any warning whatsoever, he brought you down just the slightest bit further to meet his mouth in a tender kiss. Then, his tongue began where he’d left off in the shower. 

Your toes curled deliciously with a loud groan at the feeling of him making home between your thighs with his skilled mouth. You couldn’t help it — you had to touch him. His abdomen was in perfect distance for you to grip, so you did just that. Your legs widened further with your new hand placement, allowing your core to meet his mouth’s ministrations even better than before. 

Your fingers flexed against his belly as you let your tummy rest comfortably on his chest. You smiled softly to yourself at the connection, not planning to move anytime soon. You watched his cock tremble briefly with another brush of your tummy to his chest as your body jolted with a particular flick from his tongue against your aching, throbbing clit. Your eyes rolled back in your head as your body tingled, almost all of your senses being wonderfully assaulted.

For a few moments, he paid special attention to your center with long, purposeful licks of his tongue. Then, you felt one hand drift over your ass to your most intimate spot, two fingers spreading you even further. And, keeping them there to spread you, with practiced precision, he began giving several long, open mouthed kisses to the sensitive flesh. You pulsed with each deliberate slide of his tongue and lips.

The sounds you made were humiliating, at best. Though, it seemed Jake really did like it. He’d even started rewarding you for them. At every noise, he’d intensify his actions – making out with your pussy fervently, his tongue dipping deeper and deeper with every squeak, moan, or sigh. He continued teasing you until he replaced his tongue with two strong fingers. He slipped in, spreading the long, skilled digits inside of you — deliciously stretching you. 

“You are so fucking tight, baby,” he raspily groaned as he intermittently spun and stretched the two fingers inside of you to prepare you. He licked one stripe through your opened folds before you felt a smile against you. “Has it been difficult being a celibate pregnant woman?”

“Only when it comes to you,” you moaned as he pushed the two fingers just deep enough to brush your sensitive cervix. “I’ve needed you so fucking badl— ah!”

You couldn’t finish your thought as his entire tongue, rolled just right to fit snugly in you, thrusted up, finally making home inside of you. Stars erupted behind your eyes — his name, a pathetic whimper on your lips. 

He used his grip on your ass to pull you back just enough that his bottom lip was able to nudge against your clit with each thrust of his tongue inside of you. Your body shook at the new sensation, your hips rocking of their own accord to meet every movement of his mouth. After a few more intentional laps of his tongue within you and his plush lip grazing just right against your extremely sensitive bundle of nerves, you felt yourself nearing the end. Your entire body was alight and trembling. And the intoxicating, mind-numbing realization that you were about to finish on his tongue for the first time in who even knew how long was what tempted to finally push you over the edge. 

But before you could reach that peak, he was pulling his mouth away and using his firm grip on your ass to lift your tension-filled body off of his face. Fuck. No. You did not attempt to contain the angry grumble of his name, the frustration was ridiculously palpable in your tone. He needed to know your aggravation at his rude teasing behavior. You were actually on the verge of frustrated tears at not being able to finish like you so badly needed. 

“Jacob, if I can’t fucking cum–.”

“Stop it, y/n – I just needed you to know that I want you to let completely fucking loose,” he interrupted you, not letting you get started on a tangent before he was correcting your assumption. He wasn’t stopping – just wanted to talk. Wanted to give you permission. “I need you to show me with your body how badly you’ve needed this. Don’t you dare control it. Let fucking loose. If you move your hands, though, I’ll fucking stop. Make you wait. So you better keep those hands on me. Don’t move and let me work. Do you understand me?”

You felt the stress ease from your body, your body relaxing once more, going once more to rest against his strong hands and the pillows. You could do all of that. Just needed him to keep going. “Yes, Jake,” you sighed, your pussy clenching needily at his warm breaths, the only barrier between you and his mouth. “I promise.”

“Let me take care of you, baby.”

You sighed with an agreement as you let your hands relax on him enough to smooth over to his sides, holding onto his sturdy obliques for better support. 

Then he was back at it. No warning as he went back to exactly what he was doing before. Except this time, he alternated between patterns. He started with the one angle of his lip against you and his tongue inside of you. But after a few skilled uses of that one, he was back to making out with your folds, tongue first every time, then lips meeting to seal the deal with an intimate kiss. God, it made you wish even more that he could kiss your mouth. . . but you’d just have to suck it up.

Your body was shaking against him, still holding on to enjoy the feeling for as long as you could. But you could only hold on for so long – you needed the tight ball of tension in your belly to be unfurled. So, with the rotation of his tongue in you, lip intentionally prodding your clit, to the long lap of his tongue before he’d give a lasting, lazy open mouthed kiss to your cunt. . . You barely registered it approaching, the ball tightening to near obliteration, one precise suck from his mouth making your body tense, desperate for moremoremore. Your hips faltered, almost stilling completely, as your eyes hazily rolled into the back of your head. And with one final, purposeful stroke of his tongue from top to bottom of your oversensitive flesh, you were gone. His name tore from your chest, no mind at all for anyone else besides JakeJakeJake as your fingers sealed to his sides, never daring to leave his skin. Needed all of him around you, in you, on your, with you — forever.

Fuck. You loved him so goddamn much. And as your body hung loosely in the clouds from the work of his tongue, you felt wholly validated that there was nothing on the planet that compared to the way he made you feel. Whether it be in your bed or in your heart, Jake Kiszka was it. Always would be, you were afraid. 

As you tried to come down and recover from the high, you soon realized he wasn’t going to give you time to gain strength. No, he just kept going. His mouth worked like he was devouring his favorite dish. Too desperate for every last bit of you to bother stopping, it seemed. And the next time he went to put his tongue inside of you, his lip had barely brushed against your clit before you were going entirely motionless. Your mind blanked entirely. 

You sobbed his name on a drawn out, strangled whine that turned hastily to a growling moan. Every filthy sound that escaped your lips was loud as fuck. And, really, you would’ve felt incredibly bad for your neighbors – had you given a single fuck about anything. Your hips stuttered in their rhythm, keeping in time with the melody your mind kept producing. akeJakeJakeJakeJake. . . .  Everything worked in time with the long-since-practiced song of his name.

“Fuck, baby,” you whined, eyebrows furrowed as you felt consciousness come back little by little, only faintly, but still. Your fingers let up just a little on his sides, letting his flesh breathe from your vice-like hold. 

The way you let your body settle to accommodate the motions of his tongue was nice. He did all of the work as you relaxed against him, your quivering pussy gave him everything he — and you — needed. Your eyes slid closed in ecstasy before a hum from his lips jolted you, your fingers slipping past his waist line just a bit as you stretched further down his body to give him better access.

Slowly, before you could process anything else, your hips started moving again with some assistance from his persistent hold on your hips. He went to fully grip your ass, assisting you in grinding down, hard against his strong, flattened, and fucking wet tongue. He hadn’t stopped once the entire time. His fucking stamina was otherworldly. And, even though you’d just (kind of) come back to, you were already falling apart again. It hit you suddenly, when you felt his hums switch to a low growl against your labia, right before going back in for a sloppy kiss. You were instantly back in the throes of all things Jake; your body went utterly numb as you sunk as far as you could onto his face. The growls and groans continued from his mouth – you felt every single one against your center as he worked to tilt your body just so, his nose nudging against your aching core briefly. Your toes curled tighter at the contact, amidst the harsh ride of your orgasm on his lips. He wanted you to feel every bit of work he was putting in. Every movement of his mouth was crucial to your enjoyment of the moment and he was making damn sure you knew that.

You made the mistake of looking down as you groggily returned from your second orgasm, to the present time. Because, when you looked down, you were offered the opposite of reprieve. With a slow glance just past your round tummy, you caught sight of the very bottom of his chin and the strong column of his neck below you. And what you beheld was intoxicatingly beautiful.

He was—his tanned skin. . . He was fucking soaked. Had you squir–? The flood of heat that enveloped your belly, washing over your entire body in a rush of glorious overstimulation, was the only sign you’d had of a fourth orgasm. 

“Oh my god,” you whimpered, your body incapable of handling itself as you let out a choked sob, tears flooding down your cheeks at the care you were being shown. Your hands finally slipped further, nestling on the insides of his thighs. You leaned forward just a bit to grasp him better, the want for his dick back with a burning desire as you got closer to it. You could obviously tell that he was beyond ready for you — stretched readily, angrily, and so thick. . . All. For. You.

How did he expect sex to not happen tonight? You needed it. Needed him — all of him. So, so, so desperately.

You felt even more tears touch your cheeks at the heavenly thought. Yes, you were definitely being pushed past your limits. But, with Jake, did you truly have any limits? Your poor pussy was straining, begging for a break. But, all you wanted to think about was Jake. Jake, inside of you. Needed to keep going until you got what you needed most of all. 

You could hardly begin to wrap your mind around how he just kept going through all of it. Though before you could topple into another one at the mere thought of his dick in you, your weak, spent body was being repositioned by strong arms.

Through barely opened eyes, you sort of registered that he’d moved both of you completely from your previous positions. You were definitely still out of it as he balanced your ass on his thighs, one arm around your waist to hold you. And he was the one on his knees now, facing the headboard, your back still facing the pillows he’d set up. 

You wrapped your legs around him, which made your leaking center draw even closer to his tip, throbbing and angrily blushed — all for you. 

Even through blurred vision, you noticed how he seemed to have gotten impossibly harder – at the sole act of devouring you. The precum that glistened at his head distracted you, your mouth watering at the sight with a tiny whine at the intimacy of it all. From your front row seat, you admired how his cock jerked with need as he worked to pull one pillow down to situate behind you. Before you could get used to the sight of his dick for any longer, he was once again repositioning your body. Gently, he used the arm at your back to guide you directly onto a pillow, placed perfectly to cradle your hips. Your head, blissfully meeting the other fluffy pillows at your headboard. 

You could’ve fallen asleep right then and there, exhaustion threatening to take over. But you knew better. Fuck that. You did not want to go to sleep yet. The night was young and you still hadn’t gotten what you truly, initially wanted. And you were determined to convince him. Simply put, you were far from ready to be done with this night. 

His voice was hoarse with want as he leaned over you, giving a wet kiss to your dampened neck before his warm breath brushed against it. “When the pillow supports your back there, it works to elevate your hips,” his fingers gripped your hips, his thumbs melting into the muscle there to release tension. Your head rolled back into your pillows, your eyes slipping closed with an intense, relieved sigh. “And. . . ,” he continued, lips grazing your neck before he delicately kissed the crook underneath your ear. He moved to speak into it, so low. “I get the best angle to make sure you feel satisfied. All I fucking want is for you to feel so good, baby.” 

You used him being closer to your face to your advantage and laced your hands through his hair before bringing him down a bit further, just enough to touch his naked chest to yours. His face tucked even further into your neck to give you a plethora of messy kisses, licking the skin he could reach. 

Your nipples were so tight, still aching for attention. And, you found at that moment, simply pressing your breasts to his chest, skin to skin, gave you some much needed reprieve. Gave you a sensation that felt like sparkles, all the way down to your toes.

Pushing your chest against his once more, he let you use his body as he balanced on his elbows around your head, keeping his chest close enough to graze your tender breasts. With the action, he brought his face up to examine your blushing, pleased features with a smirk. “Your nipples sore, baby?”

“Always,” you sighed with an absentminded giggle. “It’s all your fault.”

“Mine or hers?” He asked with a grin, his hand going down to cup the side of your belly. 

You felt butterflies flutter at the gesture – loved when he touched your tummy. “I feel like blaming you right now,” you grinned, cupping his cheek, running your thumb over his beauty mark. 

“Guilty as charged. I’ll work on those later, hm?”

“Okay,” you sighed, pushing yourself up against him one more time before he was moving, yet again.

As he went to lay on his belly, you laced your fingers through his hair, mostly dry, just a little damp. And, his tongue, once again, met your heated core, only brushing the sensitive place with one measured, precise lick through your overindulged folds. 

A guttural moan formed at the back of your throat, your hands leaving his locks to grip the comforter. Your back, arching from the bed and pillow, body yearning for moremoremore. 

He began languidly kissing your center again, this time focusing his tongue on your clit before each tender press of his lips to the bundle of nerves. When another jolt of electricity shot through every inch of you, you went back to knotting your hands in his hair. And with one gentle kiss to your clit, he worked his way back up your body. 

He tucked his face into your neck, giving listless, hungry kisses to the skin there. With every brush of his tongue, you felt yourself melt into the sheets around you. Heat pooled under your skin at his lips on your supple flesh. You felt it go from your lower back, all the way to the pit of your tummy, simmering at your core. A pleased hum slipped from you at the sensation, your eyes closing at the familiar, precious feeling of pure and unadulterated safety and comfort under his touch. 

You’d missed this.

Fatigued as your body was from the repeated climaxes, you instantly perked with a surprised, needy whine when you felt two fingers deftly swipe — up and down — through your folds to collect any remaining release. You shivered while he collected enough for his liking. As you continued to tremble beneath him, he took the time to swiftly push the same two digits inside of you. He stretched you so exquisitely — all the way to the last knuckle. Your hips bucked into his open palm, needing every bit of support his hand could offer your aching center at the familiar, yet (now) slightly foreign feeling inside of you. 

You’d needed this. Him, inside of you. Somehow, some way. Right there, you decided, if he wouldn’t let you have his cock tonight, you would gratefully accept his fingers as a runner up.

These fingers. They knew your body just like they knew the strings on a guitar. The callouses, from his craft, deliciously traced circles, slow and sure, against your most secret spot, inside. And not too long after, his thumb claimed its rightful spot on your clit, drawing the same circles there as the fingers did on the inside. The two tender places on your body, receiving equal, gentle, deliberate care. 

With a final lazy kiss behind your ear, he let his lips trail from your neck, down your chest. He took special care to wrap his mouth around each of your nipples. You savored the feeling of his tongue flicking expertly at your puckered skin as his fingers worked at your pussy. You writhed under him at the sensual relief for your aching body — your sensitive nipples — fuck. Your chest arched into his mouth as he paid each breast special attention. 

His dark eyes instantly shot to yours as he leisurely released his plush lips from your breast, measuring your reaction at the loss of contact. You only whined a little as you watched him with rapt attention, awaiting his next move. 

He rose to his knees, fingers leaving you at the movement. You whimpered pitifully as he shifted back down towards the foot of the bed. He went slowly — the raging, rock hard problem at his groin, offering an incredible sight. Once he’d made it as far back as he believed reasonable, he was carefully lowering himself onto his belly once again. As he did this, he held his cock in one hand, positioning it so he’d be as comfortable as possible. 

God, you wished to be the one holding it. Whether it be with your hand, your mouth, or your pussy. . . You’d accept anything he granted you at this point.

Once on his stomach and with his dick tucked away and out of your sight, you felt more desperation gather in your chest. You had to tell him. Ask him one more time. 

“Jake,” you started, waiting for his eyes to find you. With the obtrusion of your round tummy, you had to lean up on your forearms to see him better. After a couple beats, he gave you what he wanted. His pretty brown eyes located yours in one fell swoop. Your breath caught shakily in your chest at how he was gazing at you. “Please, let me have you tonight. All of you. Please.” You begged, not giving two flying fucks for how stupidly pathetic you sounded. 

Your eyes gauged his response. Would he say something? For a few moments, he continued to hold you in an intense stare, eyes scanning your face, something akin to awe evident on his face as he observed you. 

Then, the slowest, most heartfelt smile blossomed on his lips, eyes earnest for you to understand. “Tonight is your night, baby.”

“Okay, so – it’s what I want,” you insisted. “Please.” 

Yet, all you got in return was a smirk, followed by a wink before he was settling his face between your thighs. You sighed in resignation, but lifted your hips up to his mouth, greedily as you rested on your back once more. Your head rested against the stack of pillows behind you, giving you little glimpses of him as he worked. After a few careful licks, he let his eyes hone in on yours as he made out with your pussy – just like he would your mouth. His eyes never left yours as he continued. And, the feeling that began to unfurl in your tummy was an old friend at this point in the night. 

You watched as he went down so far — catching every bit of your release. So, momentarily, his face was hidden, blocked by your growing belly. But before you could be too sad, his head came up, and those Amber-brown eyes met your own. They were filled with lust, hooded in your direction with an intense yearning. 

“Jake,” you sighed, smoothing your hands down your belly before you situated a little better on the pillow under your hips and lower back, leaning up on your own elbows to get a better view of him. 

His long hair was fanned across your legs, sweeping against the flesh of your thighs as he leaned forward to kiss your round, taut stomach, so delicately. 

“In every way, you are perfect, y/n,” he affirmed, saying it in a way that left no room for disagreement. 

You flushed a little smile his way, but your core throbbed for more. You needed it. Needed all of him. 

“Jake, please,” you moaned, communicating all you could with the two words. This moment felt more familiar than you could put words to. . . It made your heart thump so hard in your chest, all the way up to your ears. 

And then, he was rising more and more, his tongue peeking out from between his lips, licking them with a sort of cruel intention – never taking his eyes off of you. 

Your eyes tracked every single movement of his mouth and then his body. Because of that, you hastily became aware of him situating himself to balance above you, right where you wanted him. His handsome face, once more hovering above yours as his elbows were, again, placed on either side of your head. There was a sparkle in his eye as your breath caught in your chest at the possibility of what was about to happen. 

As he fully settled, you became very aware of his dick – hot and heavy against your throbbing center. 

“You feel that?” He said with a smirk, eyes soft with his words. “That’s what you do to me. What you’ve always done to me. But. . . damn it, y/n. It’s so much worse now. . . because now when I look at your beautiful body, I see it changing to properly house my baby. . . and that sight of you – god. You instantaneously become so much more alluring and enchanting than one could fucking imagine.”

God. He was everything. You would carry his baby forever if you could. The feminist in you screamed at you to take a second, but you couldn’t hear her through the steady pounding in your chest. Your heart yearned for him. And you found it an honor to do this for the heaven-sent man who continued to cast a sweet, secret grin your way. One you’d seen many times before, but this time it held more than before. . . 

You were sure no one would ever understand the immense, wondrous impact the man had had on your life. He’d helped you in ways that were incomprehensible at the moment. 

And, he was so . . . consistent. For example: those first words he’d just spoken to you. . . they were the same as they’d been all of those months ago; on your bed, heatedly touching each other and matching kisses like your life damn well depended on it. He was safe. So, so safe. Never changing. Steadfast. And you knew that — you weren’t stupid. But you could only sink into that knowledge when the nagging little voice that haunted you stayed fucking silent. 

He continued to measure you with a long gaze, all of his attention on you as he bent to nudge your cheek with his nose. When he planted a little kiss to the apple of your cheek, you felt the tear fall from your eye to meet his lips. At this, he kissed it away. He was quite actually taking your pain away. 

In response, all you could say was, “Jake,” on a breath, your eyes continuing to water at the rush of memories as well as the present moment. Your arms went to lock loosely around his neck, holding him and wishing he never had to go. 

“I can’t look at you without wanting to worship the ground you walk on forever. There is no one that—. I’ve never felt—. You are— you— I – fuck,” his eyes quickly averted to your chest, head bowing the slightest bit to face the supple skin. His words turned to heavy breaths against your soft skin. 

You combed your hands through his hair to ease his mind. He gently closed his eyes at the feeling, sighing with relief at your touch. But after a few seconds, he went back to that pensive look as he eyed your chest. His gaze never faltered from it, scanning every inch of your body that he could from his position before he went to nestle his forehead at the top of your breasts. You felt his nose, tucked in between them. 

Then you felt them. Just a couple, but definitely there as his shoulders shook the slightest bit to accompany them. Tears. You paused your ministrations through his hair, suddenly alarmed at the emotion. It mirrored yours, yes, but you worried, nonetheless. . . Fuck.

Your thoughts trailed off, beginning to wind down a dangerous path. Was he regretting this? It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t. Because, if he was regretting it, you couldn’t be surprised or hurt. This was something you’d willingly decided on with him. And it was so wrong – you knew it. If he regretted it and wanted to stop in an instant, it would be understandable, acceptable. Hell, by most standards, it would be opportune. And you hated that. 

You hated it, but — he had a girlfriend. You weren’t anything to him. Not like her. Your heart cracked at the feeling of wetness on your chest, a couple more hot tears falling to meet your sensitive flesh. Your tender breasts were tingling at the sensation of him between them, your nipples so tight at his nearness. Even as you convinced yourself that he was regretting this, your ready and willing body — it pulled you to him. 

Fuck—had to move. You had to move. Be the first one to escape so he couldn’t hurt you. Removing your hands from his locks, you sniffled once as you felt your own tears gather at the corners of your eyes. Dammit. 

Yet, right as you went to take one scooch up, you felt his strong hands present at your waist. He held the sides of your belly snugly in his steady hands. Four fingers gripping your back, and his thumbs, positioned perfectly on either side of your tummy to hold you in place. Why was he stopping you?

When his eyes finally floated up to yours, your breath hitched at the sight. 

God, his eyes. They revealed his soul so exquisitely. 

And, what you saw in them right now was not regret. Not at all. At least. . . not regret for being with you. No, instead, you saw. . . Longing. Desperation. Fondness. Devotion. . . . . For you. And . . . you felt it wrong to name the final emotion you were witnessing. Besides, you were sure that your eyes were deceiving you. 

“I don’t want to stop, y/n. Stop thinking that,” he rasped, clearing his throat as his eyes searched yours. His eyebrows dipped in, nerves seeming to kick in for him as well. “D-do you?”

“Of course I don’t want to stop, Jake,” you insisted, your eyes boring into his, needing him to feel what you were thinking. “That is the last damn thing I want to do. But you were fucking crying, so I felt it was best to–.”

“Y/n—you were just crying, too,” he responded, a whisper of a laugh on his lips before he shook his head, eyes averting briefly before finding you again. “I—. Y/n—. God. There is so much that I want to tell you and I just can’t and it—. . .” 

He cut himself off with one swoop, pulling you back to where you’d moved from. And when his face was above yours again, you felt the head of his dick nudging at you. It made your vision momentarily blurry as his fingers tucked a bit of hair behind your ear. His pointer and middle finger lingered on your cheek as his eyes searched yours for kinship. And you could only hope he found it because you definitely understood him — especially not being able to say what you wanted. 

On a shaky breath, he leveled you with a dark stare. “I just got caught up in my thoughts while I was looking at you and the emotions took over. It normally happens in my head when I see you, but I was saying it out loud and you were right here and—,” he huffed slightly, shaking his head at himself. “I guess you could say the words came out as tears. I don’t know — kind of stupid, but—.”

“Not stupid,” you reassured, getting on your elbows once more to press your body closer to his and leaned up to kiss his cheek delicately. His lids fluttered closed at the contact. You kept your hand on his cheek and held his gaze once he opened his eyes. Feeling like the moment warranted complete honesty (or as much as you could offer), you explained. “I get the whole ‘not being able to say everything you want to’ thing. I’m right there with you. Our situation is just. . . The way it is. And, as much as I wish it were different, it isn’t and it can’t be,” your voice cracked on the last few words. 

He let his face rest against the palm of your hand, his hair brushing your arm. “I know. And it’s just so fucking difficult.”

You furrowed your brows, letting your hand fall from his face to rest on the part of your belly that wasn’t pressed to his. As much as you didn’t want to say it again, you wanted to give him one more chance. Based on the word difficult and the apprehension to express his emotions. . . The situation itself helped you feel morally sound in speaking the pondering thought into the hot air one more time. (Which, in retrospect, was hilarious since none of what you’d engaged in tonight was morally sound by any means). 

“We really don’t have to do this if it is too difficult for you to do this to he— while you’re in a rela— since you’re with someone el—,” you huffed, closing your eyes to recenter, your throat suddenly tight with tears. You really didn’t want to talk about her.

“That’s not what I meant when I said that.”

Your eyes slowly opened to process his expression with the words. His face was open and vulnerable, but hardened all the same. He was letting you in and you loved it. The situation just made it all more tense than it had to be. And you hated that part.

“I meant that it’s difficult since we are limited — due to outside factors,” he expressed, pressing his lips together before continuing. “You aren’t the one making it difficult, baby. I feel completely resolved and peaceful at the idea of this,” he looked down between your bodies. Your eyes followed, witnessing as he lazily rocked his hips against yours once before you felt the pressure of him resting at your entrance. Your heart was thumping furiously in your chest, cheeks hot as his gaze locked on yours again. “And what makes it difficult is I know I shouldn’t feel like that with everything and with the other people involved. . . But— fuck if I can’t help it. It’s always felt natural and right with you, y/n. Even if we can’t be together, I know that it will always feel like this with us and that is what makes it so damn difficult.”

Your eyes watered. Everything he said rang true to your heart as well. So, you said all you found necessary to let him know you were on the same page where that thought was concerned. 

“I know, baby,” you sighed, at a loss for anything else to say that could fix it. 

“The problem is. . .I don’t care about any outside factor right now,” he rasped, breath fanning over your face as he leaned down to press his lips to your cheek. Then your neck. Then your collarbone. And finally, your forehead before his fiery gaze was back on yours, burning down to the pit of your tummy. “I only care about what I’ve wanted to fucking do with you again for so damn long. Watching you and not being able to have you — my baby in you or not. . . It is torture not being able to be inside of you. And I want to stop feeling so fucking tortured all of the time. I need to feel you around me again, y/n.”

Goddammit, Jake. What did one do with all of that? You didn’t know. All you knew was the way he was looking at you had you questioning why in the fuck you were still talking when his dick was quite literally waiting at your entrance. You ‘needed’ this shit, too. Bad.

“Then let me help you with that,” you encouraged, unwavering in your stare. “Please. I need it, too, baby.” You rolled your hips forward once. Just the slightest bit, teasing him and yourself as you felt him begin to slip in. 

His breath caught at the same time as yours, your hips naturally falling back to where you laid, losing the new contact with him. “You’re sure this is what you want, y/n?”

Well. That felt like a loaded question. At the moment, your mind was too fuzzy to articulate what all that question could imply. But you did know for a fact that whatever you wanted. . . It always included him, one way or another. Whether it hurt you or hurt him, you wanted him. It was selfish, but it was true. 

So, you answered without another thought. 

“Yes. So, so badly,” you replied, not able to help the whine as you watched his hand move to hold the length of his cock. He gave it a few leisurely pumps of his fist, before running the tip through the wetness gathered at your center. 

The way your body threatened to unfurl at that action alone told you all you needed to know.  You wrapped your arms at his shoulders, fingers grazing his warm neck before going to spin through his long hair. It was past time to have him—.

Tinklytinklytinklytinklyting! Tinklytinklytinklytinklyting!

Of course. It was zero surprise to you when the ridiculously harsh shrill of the Blues ringtone cut you off mid thought. Your eyes turned stony at the very unwelcome interruption of your iPhone. Jake’s expression looked the same as yours, his jaw clenching for a millisecond. He stayed above you, pausing his motions. But he didn’t budge; only moved his head to get a better look at the interfering device.

Even as he peered over to the phone, plugged in on the bedside table, you kept your arms laced around his neck. You watched his expression change from one of irritation to care and concern for the caller. 

“It’s Elsie,” he said, looking back at you with a brow raised. 

You rolled your eyes. Shocker. You truly weren’t surprised that she was the one calling you at the exact moment you were about to get laid. Annoying ass sister shit, one might say (because, yes, even if she was your favorite person ever, she would always be your aggravating older sister). 

“She’s fine,” you reassured him, gently running your manicured nails over his back. Goosebumps rose in their wake, a loose grin forming on his features at the feeling before he was settling above you again. “I’ll call her later.”

“You sure?”

“More than sure,” you emphasized before getting an idea. “Can you just go ahead and switch it to vibrate?”

He immediately granted your request, shifting just enough that his chest glided smoothly over the tender skin of your nipples. You gave the slightest moan at the feeling and you felt his dick twitch against your thigh. 

You watched his handsome face as he momentarily concentrated to turn the ringer off from the angle at which he laid. His lips were so pretty and pink, begging to be kissed. But before you could get too sad over it, he was done and adjusting above you once more.

And with that, the moment was back. Determination washed over you both. No more phone. Only Jake. And his beautiful face — freckles that usually stayed hidden on his cheeks, suddenly so noticeable as he leaned down even further. His soft, tempting lips, ghosting over your cheek before they traveled to your ear, teeth grazing your lobe before gently biting down on the flesh. 

You sighed, body melting into his as your back arched off of the bed. Forming together perfectly, you felt him line up with your entrance. 

“I’ve waited so long for this,” he hushed above you, breath dusting your heated cheek. 

“Me too,” you sighed, your hips lifting impatiently to meet his. “Please, Jake. I—.”

Bzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzz.

And again. The blessed phone. You swore if it was Elsie again. . . 

You groaned, put out at the calls and horny as hell. Why was it always like this for you two? God forbid you get what you fucking want. As you groaned, his face fell into your neck with the same sound from his lips before raising up to check your screen again.  

“Oh,” he said, tone steady and serious; his body went rigid at the name on the screen. It caused enough alarm that you sat up on your forearms, elbows balancing your trembling body. 

“What?” You asked, eyebrows bent to show your worry. 

“It’s your Grandma,” he said, eyes glancing to find yours to gauge your reaction. 

“What?” You faltered, dropping your hands from his shoulders. With a shake of your head, you maneuvered your body the best you could to grab your phone. 

“I’ll unplug it,” Jake insisted, nodding his head at you once to lay back. “You just try to take deep breaths, babe.”

Admittedly, you were glad he volunteered because your back was not having it and your breathing had become short at the possibility of something wrong. You’d been laying on your back for a touch too long, it seemed. And, as the Jake-induced haze cleared, you realized your belly was really not getting along with your spine. It was going to take a bit to situate. You could already tell.

When he stretched to grab it, he continued talking, voice low to calm you down. “Relax, baby. I’m sure she’s fine.”

“But she never calls this late,” you explained, body in pain, your mind running in frantic circles. You placed both hands over your face to shut out the mental and physical discomfort. “Jake, if she’s not okay— if Grandpa isn’t okay—.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions. That’s dangerous and you know it,” he encouraged with a grunt, the position making it tricky to grab the phone. But then he was sighing with relief as you heard the charger being pulled from the socket. “Got it.”

When he was back, he gave you the phone. But he seemed to notice the stiffness in your body. You knew your expression was not hiding how you felt, your lower back twinging. “Come on, baby. Let’s sit up,” he encouraged as he maneuvered his body to be in a sitting position. Sitting right next to you, now, he held a hand out as an offering to you. He gave a gentle nod in his own direction as a silent direction to you to lean up.

Your heart fell in your chest, gripping your phone tight in your hand as it plummeted, elbows digging into the fabric of your bed covers with a blazing hot, furious intent to not let him go. You’d just gotten him again. . . If you stopped now, when would you get this again? 

“But I—I also don’t want to stop—.”

“It’s okay. We’ll keep going. You just need to talk to your Grandma first,” he reminded with an air of reason that you desperately needed at the moment.  “And this position isn’t working anyhow; you’re in pain. I can tell.”

You eyed him skeptically, hoping he was right and that you would be able to keep going. “Fine,” you conceded, taking his hand as he did the hard work with one steady hand in yours as the other pressed against your back, firmly pushing you up and forward. 

With the aiding gesture, you felt it easier to think for a moment. So, you took the opportunity to answer the phone call as he arranged your pillows behind your back. 

“Hello? Grandma? Are you okay?” You rushed the words out in one breath, fingers edging towards your mouth to chew at your nails. (A very bad habit from your childhood that hardly surfaced anymore.)

After he’d fluffed them to an extent that he seemed pleased with, you settled cozily against the pillows as your brain went haywire. 

“So you can answer for our damn Grandma, but not for me?” Elsie quipped from the other end, a giggle hanging off the end of her words. 

But you were not in the mood for giggling. With a contented sigh at it being Elsie and not your Grandmother in trouble, you breathed a little easier. The upright position helped — no longer feeling gravity working against your body and belly. The sitting position was nice. . . And as long as he didn’t leave your side, things would be okay. You just had to get rid of your sister and things would be fine. 

You looked up at Jake with a roll of your eyes, placing your hand over the bottom speaker. “Elsie,” you mouthed towards him, rolling your eyes once more to emphasize your annoyance. 

All he responded with was a breathy laugh, shaking his head at her antics before he began to carefully study your body with blatant admiration. His eyes feasted on your exposed skin. It made you realize how much you hadn’t cared once that you were casually sitting buck-ass naked, as you talked on the phone. And, well. . . It was still not a concern to you. It felt natural to do so with him.

You rather appreciated the domesticity of the moment, even if your sister was totally cramping your groove. 

“Elsie. What the fuck, dude? You almost put me in full panic attack mode,” you griped, looking down at your nails to avoid the rather inappropriate thoughts that swirled at Jake’s dark gaze covering your skin. “What could have been so important that you use our Grandma’s phone to get me to answer at a moment’s notice?”

“I got to town early!” She excitedly chirped. 

The possibility that she’d been calling previously to tell you the same thing hadn’t even dawned on you before. You felt momentarily guilty for not realizing that sooner before snapping at her. It was great news—one of your favorite things was when she would come to town. But. . . it had just come at the wrong time, this time. 

“Well, for one, obviously, Els. You are using Grandma’s phone,” you snorted at her, crossing your legs the best you could with achy hips and a bigger belly. “And secondly, while I am so overjoyed that you’re finally in town —and moving back, no less — I am very busy right now.”

“What could be more important than me?” She snarked before tacking on one more thing. “Oh. . . I know what it is. I bet it’s Jake related, huh?” 

“Fuck, Elsie!” You gasped. For some reason, you were embarrassed by her saying that. . . Even though you’d literally just had the man’s face buried in your pussy. Whatever. 

When you heard another little laugh from Jake’s direction, you warily glanced up. With a fake glare, your cheeks heated as you quickly turned the sound down. 

“Why do you insist on keeping it so loud?” He whispered, his cheeks still pink with a little laugh. 

You stuck your tongue out at him, flashing a middle finger his way. The action only caused him to chuckle more, and you couldn’t help but smile along. 

“Was that it?” You tried at Elsie, looking down at your toes as they wiggled anxiously. Seriously — you were just hoping she’d say yes and let you hang up. 

“So it is Jake!” She giggled evilly from the other end, something shuffling behind her. “Told you so.”

“Who are you with?” You skeptically asked, knowing already. 

“Joshua Michael, of course,” she chirped, at which you heard him scream ‘helloooo, mama!’ in the background of the call. “We just wanted to tell you that we have three movie tickets for the Whitney Houston movie that just came out and you, my lovely sister, are the lucky recipient of one of them!” 

In spite of yourself, you grinned at their antics. “I would totally say yes, but—.”

Though, just as you began to turn your sister down, there was a tell-tale knock at the front door. Oh, hell no. 

You knew there was only one woman who used that particular knock. You’d heard it enough times that it was permanently seared in your brain. 

Maya. Of-fucking-course.

When she knocked again, your eyes snapped up to his. Your fury wasn’t easy to hide, try as you  might. His eyes took you in as they darkened, jaw tightening. Both of you sat there for a couple of moments, Elsie talking on the other end as another knock sounded at the door. 

But you couldn’t be bothered. You were lost in his irises, and it seemed he was lost in yours, too — gazing at you in a way that caused your brain waves to stutter. 

While he wasn’t rushing to get up and get the door, you knew — he felt the moment ending, too. It was evident in his downcast expression — the way his smile had instantly drooped to a frown at her arrival. This was not what you two had wanted. The night wasn’t supposed to end this way. 

Would you get this back? Now that you’d been dealt the glorious cellular and visitor disturbance? Or was all of this going to jinx the possibility of it arising again? Was seeing her again going to make him second guess it all? 

With a sure hand, he reached forward to drift his fingertips down your cheek. Your lids threatened to close at the caress, but his Amber-brown eyes weren’t letting you. He grasped your chin between his pointer and thumb, keeping you right where he wanted you. You were trapped in the way he studied you. No, not trapped. . .  Captivated. He left you utterly captivated. And, you could tell by looking at him, by this stare you were exchanging, that he was just as aware as you that this night was over. 

Elsie and Josh carried on with their own conversation in your ear, they were easy to ignore when you brought the phone away from your ear and into your lap, a defeated look etched on your features.

“I’ll, um— I’m gonna get the door,” he offered in a whisper, dropping your chin. His eyes offered zero reprieve or reassurance as he looked just as downtrodden as you felt. “I’ll have to get dressed, so.”

“Obviously, Jake,” you whispered, palm covering the speaker once more. You sounded snippier than you intended. But you couldn’t help how upset you were in the moment. This night — it had begun to make all of your dreams come true. . . only to sputter out in a blaze of glory. “Just fucking go to her.”

“Don’t do that,” he hushed back, eyebrows turned in to show his own irritability. “It’s not like I called her and asked her to fucking show up. I don’t even know why she’s—.” As if on cue, he was interrupted by yet another knock. His features stern and stony, he waited for her to be done to continue. “Elsie and Josh want to hang out anyway. Why are you pissed at me when we both—?”

“Because it’s always her, Jake!” You whispered, just a touch too loud for the callers. So, at that, you decided it was time to end the call. Bringing it up to your ear and keeping your eyes firmly on Jake’s, you spoke. “Elsie, Josh. I’ll be ready in thirty.”

“Make it twenty, Mama!” Josh yelled from the other end. 

“In other words: the movie starts soon and Josh was already running late, so he’s now rushing everyone else,” Elsie added, sounding equal parts exasperated and in love with Josh. Must be fucking nice. 

As Josh started on a rant about Julie Andrews’ line about being late in The Princess Diaries, Elsie kept talking. “Okay, Josh. Yes. But you aren’t the Queen of Genovia, sweetie,” she snorted a laugh on the other end. You couldn’t even crack a smile as you stayed lost in Jake’s deep brown eyes. “We’ll be there in like twenty minutes, sis. Plugging in Grandma’s phone as we speak. . . And I want coffee, so try to make it even snappier.”

Before you could respond, she was saying a quick ‘I love you’ and hanging up.

You didn’t bother to delay getting ready, knowing full well what your evening had become. As you slipped off the bed, Jake reached out a hand to help you. You didn’t take it. 

“Y/n.”

Being the emotionally charged pregnant woman in the situation, you had zero problem turning your nose up at it. You were allowed to be pissed and pouty. And you wanted him to know how upset you were. (Like he wasn’t feeling his own frustration. . . You knew he was. But still.)

“Baby,” he tried again. You heard his own feet hit the floor and saw him pick up his towel in your peripheral before wrapping it around his waist. Just lovely.

Still refusing to acknowledge him, you went about the stages of getting dressed. Your sports bra came first and you pulled it on in a way that was a little too rough for your sore chest. Not allowing the pain to show, though, you opened your closet door with a powerful yank. Quickly, you located an oversized black sweater and tugged it on in one go. 

And, just as you heard him shuffling towards the door, you were finally hitching your thong up your legs. 

“Please talk to me,” he tried once more to gain your attention. 

You knew he wasn’t going to leave without you giving him something and if he did leave without you acknowledging him, there was a chance you could lose all of the progress you’d made tonight. He’d think that you’d given up. And even if you felt remorseful over how the evening had played out, you weren’t ready to give up. Not even close. 

At that, you decided to turn to face him. You blatantly checked him out once you did, that being easier than his eyes at the moment. The towel was back to being hung around his hips. 

Gotta love it, you continued to inwardly snark.

“What?” You challenged, flicking your eyes to meet his stare. 

Your breath caught in your throat at how he persisted in appearing just as you felt. Though, you’d be willing to bet at this point, your features weren’t hiding your distaste at all. 

“Don’t pull this shit. Not after tonight,” he begged and ordered you all at once. “Please.”

“I’m just upset,” was all you could mutter, crossing your arms at your chest like a child. You felt slightly silly with your outward display of emotion, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care too much. “I wish the night would’ve ended differently.”

“Me too, y/n. I need you to know that,” he pleaded, eyes searching yours. 

For all of the ‘upset’ you were feeling encompass you, you did believe him. After everything he’d said tonight. The way he’d treated you all night long. . . You knew he wanted you back. That much was clear. 

“I do know,” you relented, shoulders easing as your shoulders sagged the slightest bit at the admittance. Because saying it out loud made you realize how straight up depressing this ‘love story’ had become. If you could even call it that. “I’m just tired.”

“Me too,” he loosely grinned, but the way it hung on his lips showed he wasn’t happy. He was empathetic — right there with you, sitting in the sadness that was y/n and Jake. 

The final knock was quicker—sharper. The way she’d rapped made it seem that she was either nervous for Jake’s safety or angry at him for possibly ignoring her (which he was most definitely doing). 

With a nod towards the door, you began to encourage him to leave you. “You better go—.”

At the same time, he’d thrown a thumb towards the front of the house. “I’ve gotta—.”

The interaction had you two sharing one last smile before he was twisting the doorknob and slipping out the door. 

You could not be judged for the tears that accompanied you as you finished getting ready for the movie.

And you definitely weren’t going to own up to the way you hid your face under your massive hoodie on your way out. There was no way in hell you were going to look at the beauty who you heard, still, in Jake’s room. 

It wasn’t because you felt guilty — no. Not at all. It was for the simple fact that she had him and you didn’t. 

There was absolutely no fucking use in denying you were jealous. Fire was in your chest, steam still coming from your ears, and your teeth continued to clench uncomfortably as you hopped in the backseat of your Grandparents’ car. 

Thank god it wasn’t Josh’s clunker. You couldn’t handle throwing up from exhaust fumes on top of everything else tonight. 

December 23, 2022

The next day, you woke up feeling frustrated. . . various types of frustration. 

You started the day by just laying in bed, staring at the spinning fan on your ceiling. You tried to allow the fan to ease you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about your night with Jake — from start to finish. Many circles were drawn across your chest in contemplation until you realized you needed to get up and start the day and get some shit done. You had a late afternoon shift at the Black and Gold. So, when you glimpsed your phone and saw it was already later than 8:30, you figured it was past time to get the day started.

You checked your reflection in the mirror, brushing through your hair once before throwing it up in a ponytail. Your reflection was not your friend, but. . . It was what it was. 

After the way you’d left things last night, you figured you’d make talking to Jake your first stop after you brushed your teeth. He was leaving for his trip today and you didn’t want to leave things on an awkward note before he left. And. . . you just wanted to see him before he was gone for the next couple of days. You missed him already and he wasn’t even gone yet. 

You hadn’t heard him making breakfast yet, so you assumed he was still sleeping. When you opened the door to your room and peeked down the hallway to see his room closed, your theory was essentially confirmed. His door had been shut when you’d made it home from the movie, too. 

So, you went about your morning routine – hastily as you could. Went pee. Washed your face. Brushed your teeth. Checked your hemoglobin. Fed Stevie. 

After fifteen long minutes of daily tasks, you finally went to knock on his door. But, when you knocked once, it made his door swing open at the touch. . . It hadn’t been closed all of the way? 

And. . . When you opened his door, your heart sank. No.

All you found was his bed. . . empty and made. The only whisper of Jake was an empty, unused duffel bag on the bed. Was he. . . already gone? Had he left? Why hadn’t he told you? 

That last thought hurt most of all. You checked your phone in your hand to double check your texts – maybe he’d texted you and you’d missed it. But, on sight, no unread texts appeared in front of you in your thread with him.

You did your best to push past it before lamenting in it. You had work and shit to get done today on top of focusing on being a joyful home for your baby. What you felt, she sensed and felt in her own little way. And, you’d had enough stress at the end of the night last night for you to cause her any more this morning. 

So, going against all of your normal instincts, you decided to not think much of it. It felt like old times when you’d shove things down, but it was also drastically different. Because this time, you weren’t doing it to be avoidant. You were doing it out of a pure and unadulterated love – aimed solely at your baby. 

The kitchen was your first stop – where you placed your phone on the counter, face down to avoid checking. You then went to make yourself a pomegranate smoothie. After downing that drink like nothing (out of stress, unfortunately), you’d washed your smoothie glass and the BlendJet. But your mind still raced with thoughts of Jake and his whereabouts (again, unfortunately). You thought of how he hadn’t thought to tell you anything before leaving. Well. . . That was if he had left-left,. . . You still weren’t sure.

If that were the case and Jake had left town with Maya, had everything last night meant so little to him that he hadn’t even thought to tell you he was leaving early? It appeared as such since he’d just let you wake up to an empty apartment. He hadn’t worried if you felt alone. All that had mattered to him, as soon as she’d walked through the front door, was Maya. 

You knew you were overthinking the entire scenario. But you couldn’t stop. You’d always been like this — always overthought things. It was a habit. Mentally squeezing the toxins from your worries into nearly every brain cell while forcing yourself to digest the negative. And, eventually, you’d never fail to convince yourself of the worst. 

Most definitely a trauma response, you knew that. But that truth couldn’t magically stop you from doing it. 

Gia’s advice echoed in your brain. . . Out with the negative, reach for the positive.

For Lavender at the very least. It was what you needed to do. 

Find ways to be less stressed, y/n, you encouraged yourself, physically shaking your head to rid yourself of the onslaught of emotions. 

So, that was just what you did. The idea that came to mind was honestly ideal for Christmas Eve-Eve, too. 

The first thing you did was indulge yourself — preheated the oven to make some cookies. They were the cheap, circular, break-apart ones with the little Christmas trees from Walmart. (You’d definitely been lacking impulse control when you’d decided on buying them, as they were more than unhealthy — but you were glad you had now.) 

As the oven did its thing, you decided it was time to execute the next part of the plan. This morning, you’d actually felt cold rather than overheated (for the first time in a hot damn minute), thanks to a sudden temperature drop outside. So, after turning on the heat (by a notch), you went to your room and bundled up in your coziest sweats and a sweatshirt, fuzzy socks completing the attire. 

Your favorite, fluffiest blanket came next, right off the foot of your bed. You threw it over your shoulder with glee, actually looking forward to this impromptu self-care time you’d decided on. When your blanket was officially tossed to wait on the couch – along with your phone (which you still hadn’t checked) – you went to put the cookies on a sheet and in the oven on a timer. 

And, you even got a wild hair while in the kitchen — deciding to make a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Might as well go all out.

Once you had the beverage started, you went to the living room and flipped through streaming services until you found the exact Christmas movie you wanted. As if the Christmas gods were smiling down on you, Love Actually was actually streaming on Netflix. 

Right as you clicked play, the cookie timer went off. You got those out and put a few warm cookies on a Santa plate (that you’d rediscovered a few days ago at the back of your cabinet), then grabbed the hot cocoa and finally snuggled down on the couch. It didn’t take long for Stevie to happily join in on the cozy morning, tucking herself into the crook of your bent knee.  

With your phone close by once again, you decided there was no time like the present to text Elsie and let her know that you wanted to do something with her tonight. Having her in town again was going to be the best damn thing in the world. 

(You were also sort of looking for an excuse to check your phone.) 

At the same time Billy Mack finally got the lyrics right, you pulled out your phone to text her with a smile on your lips at Bill Nighy’s problematic character.

But the smile turned to a face of shock at what greeted you on your screen. The name made your tummy flip. 

Jake. Two texts awaiting you, both delivered about twenty minutes ago. 

Jake, 9:32 a.m.: hey. You were gone when we left and my phone died on the flight, so I didn’t tell you

Jake, 9:32 a.m.: but we had to leave town early for Maya’s dad’s Christmas. Flight got rearranged and shit. Should be home late tomorrow night. I’ll keep you updated :)

You stared at the gray bubble. Your mind was racing and your throat was tight with emotion. Yes, last night had happened — you’d done that shit to yourself. . . You just couldn’t help yourself.  It had been something you’d waited for. . . . Longer for it more than anything. But it’d still been a poor decision – you had to remember this. It was a poor decision that made your head spin. 

No, the head spinning was not on behalf of Maya. Fuck that bitch. This was about you; all it had done was hurt you. But, last night, as soon as he wasn’t with you anymore, all you’d had were your thoughts to sit with. Including this morning, you’d had plenty of time to face the hard truth of the matter. 

You weren’t important like Maya. Yes, he’d been fine forgetting about her for a moment last night. But he’d simply been a victim to temptation and lust. She was the one he chose to be in love with – stay with. Whatever emotions you thought you’d interpreted from him last night were invalid when you broke it all down. A lot of shit could be said in a moment of weakness and passion. . . And who the fuck knew if you could trust it. 

Your trauma advised you not to trust his words from the night prior. People couldn’t be trusted with everything they said. Not even Jake, you were afraid. The ones you were fondest of were the ones who could hurt you the worst. Your past never failed to confirm this for you.

The texts just reinforced all of your overthought. He was out of town already. With his girlfriend. He was not your boyfriend. He wasn’t leaving town to see your family. And he didn’t even care to text until this morning to tell you. Left you to worry about him. And surely his phone hadn’t died right off the bat – he could have said something. Also. . . There was no way they hadn’t landed hours ago. Phone chargers were also a thing one couldn’t forget, and he’d definitely had access to one before 9:30 a.m.. 

Easy, made up excuses stared at you from your phone screen. 

You didn’t matter to him. 

So you’d respond as such. (Even when you loved him so much. . . You had to put up a front to protect yourself.)

You, 9:58 a.m.: No worries. I didn’t even think twice about it. Figured you were with her. You two have fun!

In astonishment, you got chills as you realized what you’d just sent. You were proud of yourself. Even though you were internally keeling over with love and hurt for the man, you were playing it very cool. Things would be okay if you forced them to be. Fake it till you make it. Right? 

Besides, at the end of the day, you only had to ‘force’ the ‘cool’ in a few areas. Your past, your future, Jake. . . You only had to pretend so much. 

There were plenty of other areas of your life that were naturally ‘okay’ and happy and joyful. The sonogram picture filling your screen as you locked your phone was enough to remind you of this. The photo worked magic and calmed your nerves on sight. 

Your baby girl. Your little Lavender — your tiny saving grace. She was a gift — already. 

Another cookie had just popped into our mouth as you snuggled down to distract yourself with more of Kiera Knightley’s storyline. . . . when you felt your phone buzz – not once but twice. You tried to play it off and ignore the way your tummy flipped. Tried not to think about how your text hadn’t warranted a response (on purpose). And still. . . you’d received two.

Then there was a third buzz. The vibrating sensation against your thigh pulled your thoughts to Jake. You thought of how he’d been the one to put your phone on vibrate in the first place. You dreamily recalled just how naked he’d been when he’d done it. . . Fuck. The way you bit your lip was a secret told between you, the TV, and Stevie only.

Your eyes stayed glued to the screen as you tried to downplay images from your escapade the night before; the distraction of Rick Grimes in a romantic comedy only worked so well.

The waiting period lasted roughly ten minutes. By the end of it, you were left with zero self control. You unlocked the phone faster than you would ever like to admit. 

Why were you waiting to read and respond like it was a game? Was that the right way to ‘play it cool’? You didn’t know. You were new to this.

Jake, 10:10 a.m.: how are you this morning?

Jake, 10:11 a.m.: I should have texted you last night. 

Jake, 10:12 a.m.: I had to pack my shit at the last minute and our plane was literally about to depart when we got to the airport. A clusterfuck of sorts, one might say 

The little gray bubble with ellipses kept popping up, just as soon going away. He was trying to think of what to say or something. . . Though, you didn’t have to wonder what he was typing for long. The message showed up as soon as the ellipses disappeared for the fourth time. 

Jake, 10:13 a.m.: oh and we’re in Charleston. South Carolina. 

Jake, 10:13 a.m.: A bit of a ways away… her dad lives here. But if you need me, I’m just a text away. For anything you need

Another glimpsing ellipses. . . .

Jake, 10:16 a.m.: I also wanted to apologize for last night

Jake, 10:16 a.m.: I wish it wouldn’t have turned out that way

At his words, your heart broke into a thousand pieces in your chest. What did he mean by that? Was he apologizing for it happening at all? Did he mean to imply that he was wishing it wouldn’t have ended with the interruptions? Or was it that he wished he hadn’t ended up in your bed?

You sat in contemplation, skeptically eyeing the phone screen. To be safe, you chose to respond vaguely. For one, you didn’t know what he meant, so how could you respond to something that could mean two things? And for two, you didn’t want to reveal too much of your heart. . . might it break more at a less-than desired response from his end.

You, 10:20 a.m.: It ended the way it did for a reason. I ended up having a great time with Josh and Elsie. And, I’m sure you’ve had a wonderful time with your girlfriend. :)

You wrinkled your nose in pure disgust at the smiley face. Texting that shit did not make you feel smiley. The flashing ellipses appeared momentarily from him, but nothing came for a bit. There was a slight lull that made your heart sink. Even if you were trying to be guarded, you did not want to stop talking to him. What you’d pondered earlier was true. You already missed him. 

You were a few scenes ahead in the movie twenty-some minutes later. . . Still waiting. Until you weren’t. His name popping up on the screen barely registered before you were unlocking to see what he’d said.

Jake, 10:45 a.m.: Elsie and Josh always bring a good time with them

Jake, 10:45 a.m.: As do you

Fuck. And what did that mean? Your pulse thrummed under your thumbs as they hovered over the keyboard. What would you say to that? Was there anything more laced in those three words?

Once you’d given that a good two minute stare, you went for a simple, kind response. 

You, 10:48 a.m.: Thanks, Jake. :)

For the first time that morning, you felt completely satisfied with what you’d texted. Two words and a smiley face. A win was a win. 

He didn’t waste time. Even though his read receipts weren’t on, the ellipses gave him away every time. Though, you weren’t sure if he cared too much that you noticed. . .

Jake, 10:50 a.m.: I really mean it, y/n. Last night was fucking incredible

While his words should have made you leap for joy, you weren’t sure how to feel about them. They made you feel sort of. . . Cheap. The way you immediately interpreted it was that he only thought you brought a good time when it came to your body. 

And while, yes, that was a turn on. . . It only made your heart feel halfway full. You loved how he’d viewed your body and treated it, but. . . Last night, for you, had been more about the long stares. The secret smiles. The heartfelt words exchanged (that he might have meant and might not have meant). Yes, his naked body was right at the front of your brain (how could it not be? Look at him). But, he was what mattered most to you. 

Not his appearance. Or his dick. Or his mouth. Or his fingers. (But, god, yes. Of course those really mattered, too).

In fact, in spite of yourself, you were squirming on your couch thinking of those things as you saw another gray ellipses pop up on the screen.

Jake, 10:52 a.m.: I thought about you the entire flight, baby

Jake, 10:52 a.m.: you are so fucking special to me. Your heart is the most beautiful thing about you

Jake, 10:53 a.m.: I have to tell you though. All night, I kept beating myself up over how close I was to finally fucking you again. Haven’t stopped thinking about it, actually 

Okay, then. 

The warm flush in your face traveled all the way down to the pit of your tummy. Your mouth fell open before you were closing it to bite your lip. Your heart thumped in your chest at the words taunting you from your screen. 

What does one say to that? If you were squirming before, you were fucking trembling now. Your movie was a faint noise in the background and what was left of your hot chocolate was bound to turn cold. You stared at that message long enough that the words started morphing together. 

Last night had been both a blessing and a curse. A tease of what you’d been wanting. And you could have gotten it. Had it not been for his stupid ass girlfriend. Elsie had been an issue, too, yes. But, you could’ve easily gotten rid of her. But Maya? Damn that woman. And damn her family for taking him away from you — so. far. away.

When you finally thought of something to say, you weren’t sure if it was truly the best thing to say. For the sake of exposing too much of your heart for eventual brokenness, you chewed on it. But eventually, you decided that you didn’t care. 

You, 11:06 a.m.: It was the worst way the evening could’ve ended. I was pretty fucking angry when she showed up because I knew you’d end up going to her. As always.

So much for not exposing your heart and playing it cool. That text screamed at you that it had all been for nothing. . . because at the end of the day, Jake Kiszka was your biggest weakness. And that was even without being pregnant. So, the hormones did nothing to assist you in the issue. 

Even though your response had taken a while, he didn’t let that get the best of him. His responses were speedy as hell. Maybe he really had been thinking about it. . .

Jake, 11:09 a.m.: I had no choice. I’d made that commitment to her

The words caused crimson red to flash in front of your eyes and your brain didn’t process time as you responded. 

You wanted to pop the fuck off on him. So, you did. 

You, 11:10 a.m.: What about the commitment I’ve made to carry your child? Am I nothing for that? Can’t even tell her to wait? Maybe make some time for me? Just for a quick fuck? I’d hope I’m worth at least that, Jake. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have said it. . . But you also didn’t fully regret saying it. You made a solid point (kind of). (. . .Except for the glaring fact that it hadn’t been his choice for you to make that bodily commitment. . . When it had been his choice to be and stay with her.) Honestly, the part you loved most about the fact was the spitefulness inflicted behind your words. It might have made you a bitch, but you were tired of acting like your feelings were one way when you knew for a damned well fact that they weren’t. 

You knew how much you cared. Hell, you’d made the move to admit to yourself (and him, apparently — way back when) that you loved the man, for crying out loud. The least you could do was show yourself some grace in being fucking honest in your anger. You really were hurt from last night. To hell with sounding petulant and unreasonable and ridiculous. . . You could always blame it on the hormones (which could very well be seriously to blame).

Your palms felt damp as you held your phone in slightly shaky hands. Your vision was still fuzzy and too clear all at once as you awaited his response. This one took a little longer than the others. 

Over your time waiting for him to say something, you tried to decide between two things. First, you weren’t sure if you were totally okay with what you’d said. (You were very angry, but that didn’t necessarily validate a person for snapping like you had.) And secondly, you contemplated if what you said was completely within reason and you were more angry with him for taking so damn long to answer.

Trying to get out of your head, you chose to engage in the movie the best you could. You only made it about twenty minutes before his name was on your screen again. 

Jake, 11:22 a.m.: what happened to you being the one who wanted me to go be with her all the damn time? You’ve been pretty insistent that I keep my sights set on her. What changed?

Your eyes narrowed at that. Yes, he had a point. . . But you didn’t give a fuck. So did you.

You, 11:23 a.m.: What changed???

You, 11:23 a.m.: Well, for one. YOU were pretty damn insistent on me being the center of your attention last night. YOU were fine with forgetting about her until all of that went out the window with one knock.

And, for a bit, it continued like that. Just the two of you, bickering. You, blowing smoke out of your ass and him, testing you right back.

Jake, 11:24 a.m.: I can’t forget about her if she’s literally at the front fucking door

You, 11:24 a.m.: And whose fault was that?

Jake, 11:25 a.m.: um. Not mine?? Why are you acting like I was in charge of the flight getting rescheduled last minute? 

You, 11:25 a.m.: Maybe if you would have kept your phone on you, you would have known that she was on her way. We wouldn’t have had to talk so damn much before. We could’ve gotten right fucking to it. 

Jake, 11:25 a.m.: my phone was the last thing I was thinking about when we left that bathroom

Jake, 11:26 a.m.: also, I have to ask. Is that all you wanted it to be? Just a quick fuck?

You, 11:28 a.m.: No. But I wouldn’t be surprised if YOU were fine with it just being a ‘quick fuck.’ 

Jake, 11: 29 a.m.: why me? Why is it always me who wouldn't want that?

You, 11:29 a.m.: It’s always been like that. Right?

Jake, 11:30 a.m.: you have got to be fucking joking. You know for a fact that’s not true.

You, 11:31 a.m.: Do I?

Jake, 11:32 a.m.: you damn well should know it. I don’t eat pussy like that for girls who are just a quick fuck

Oh. Well, then. You were left with no time to consider those words — or the way they were affecting you — before he was texting right after with his own rebuttal. 

Jake, 11:33 a.m.: is that you telling me that it’s always been like that for you though? I’ve only ever been a quick fuck?

You, 11:35 a.m.: Of course not.

Jake, 11:35 a.m.: okay then. So quit accusing me of it.

You, 11:36 a.m.: When have I ever been the one to sleep with multiple people at once? Wouldn’t you worry about being a quick fuck if roles were reversed?

That one must’ve left him stumped because you waited a few minutes for him to come back. Or, much to your dislike, you knew he could also be busy with Maya. Too busy to text you back. At that thought, a gentle hand drew to your tummy for comfort as your eyes welled with tears that you couldn’t avoid.

Jake, 11:39 a.m.: I don’t know why you are so convinced that I’m some sexual lunatic who has slept with all of these women. There were a few when I moved here, yes

Jake, 11:40 a.m.: but that only lasted for a bit and then it was just you and Maya. I’m not some man whore, y/n. My head was just fucked for a while and I didn’t know what else to fucking do with my emotions. Sex was easy so I used it to cope

You, 11:41 a.m.: It’s always me AND Maya. Isn’t it, Jake? Has it always been both of us? The whole summer, was it both of us? And you picked her, so.

Jake, 11:43 a.m.: we’ve talked about this, y/n

Vaguely, you remembered it. But it was hazy and wrapped around a lot of weed and a night that resulted in a baby. You could only remember things in bits from that night and they came back when they wanted. The details of his Maya explanation (because you knew there had been one — you remembered that much) were fuzzy and jumbled at best.

You, 11:44 a.m.: You know I don’t remember everything from that night, Jake. Definitely don’t remember enough to feel solid in claiming I remember EXACTLY what you told me.

Jake, 11:48 a.m.: well. I told you that I saw her for like a month from the middle of June to the middle of July. You asked if I kept seeing her after the night at baby’s all right and I told you that I had because I didn’t think you wanted me. At the time she was a woman who wanted to have regular sex with me and she was just there for me during a really hard time

Jake, 11:49 a.m.: but when you and I started fucking, I cut her off right away. Barely said a word to her to explain why I was done. Kind of ghosted her, actually. All that mattered to me at that point was that you wanted me. Because all I had wanted since the day I first saw you was you. But you only wanted me to a certain extent and then that day in the kitchen, I found out you didn’t want me at all. At least that was what you told me. 

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: you didn’t give me much of a choice that day, if you remember. I had served my purpose and you didn’t want me anymore

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: so I ran back to someone who was familiar and there she was. Point of the matter is you didn’t want me and it broke me, y/n. She wanted me, so we became more. It just happened like that

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: right now is the first time it’s honestly been both of you at the same time. And I’m not sure what the fuck I’m doing to be honest with you. I just know I want you so fucking badly it hurts me every single day. And she is someone I care about enough that I don’t want to break her heart. It’s just really fucking complicated

You sat in shock as you read the four messages. In all of your time knowing him, you had never seen the man type such long texts. . . and all back to back. He’d been waiting a while to say a lot of this. You were grateful he was being honest with you, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t fucking suck to read all of it. It made you want to shrink into yourself and succumb to all of the tears you could muster. Which, at this moment, were sure to be a hell of a lot if you gave in to the pressure pushing at your tear ducts. The pressure in your chest made the tears seem like nothing, though. You felt a weight fall so fucking heavy at your breastbone, you were positive your heart had become a fifty pound weight.

He had definitely put you on the spot with all of that just now. You were at a loss for words. But you had to say something. But your fight or flight was combatting with your raging hormones and your rambling emotions. So, even if you weren’t totally sure of it, you went ahead and typed out what you felt best in your fucked up head.

You, 11:53 a.m.: It’s really unfair of you to put all of the back and forth over the summer on me. You could have had me sooner had you not been such an asshole to me. I wanted you, too. Even if I shouldn’t have wanted you, I did. I had no fucking clue what to think half of the time, Jake. 

Your thumbs flew across the keyboard on your screen before he had time to respond. You had your own shit to say, and the more you typed, the more you didn’t have to think about it. There was some long overdue shit that you needed to express, too.

You, 11:54 a.m.: I was dealing with my own conflicted emotions when it came to how to approach shit with you because I didn’t want to betray Josh’s trust in our friendship by going against his wishes and seeing you. He didn’t want you seeing people. I knew that and I still saw you. So, I felt like shit over that. 

You, 11:55 a.m.: But since finding out about the baby, he and I have talked about all of that and I wish I would have just fessed up to him because I think it would have helped me be more open to everything. At the same time though, I’ve never wanted another woman to get in the way of you pursuing your dream. I didn’t want to be the reason you put yourself on the backburner again. 

You, 11:57 a.m.: I have cared about you for so long, Jake. Even when you were a prick, I cared about you. Josh once said we are more alike than we think and he is right. In a lot of ways, we are alike. One way we are not alike, though, is I have a really fucked up past that I don’t want you to have to deal with. Period. And I’m not fucking budging on that.

You, 11:58 a.m.: But I do want you, too. I hate it because I don’t want anything between us to ever get in the way of what could make you happiest. I’ve always felt this pull to you that I wish I didn’t because it’s unfair to you. And now that I have this baby inside of me… it is near impossible for me to deny the pull. I don’t WANT to deny it. But, at the same time, you are with someone else and that makes me feel even shittier about myself for possibly destroying it for you. And I’m just not sure what the fuck to do. 

He must have been reading them as they came in because his responses were coming back quickly.

Jake, 12:01 p.m.: don’t let any of what we engaged in last night or before make you feel like shit. That is the last fucking thing I want. Our past is complicated and maybe we will never figure it out. We definitely don’t need to be sorting it all out over text 

Jake, 12:02 p.m.: but I do know that if I don’t give in to this pull that we are both feeling right now, I’m going to regret it forever. No matter who else is involved, I need to have you again. And because of our situation, sex seems to be the only thing we are going to be able to have. It sucks, but it’s what we’ve done to ourselves

There was no way you could disagree with him when it came to regretting it. You would regret it forever, too. You had to have him. But. . . the worst part about all of it was that you knew it couldn’t last. Both of you were destined to be in a constant battle of never being able to fully have each other and that was fucking gut wrenching at best. 

And even if he didn’t want you to feel shitty, you did. Because the fact that it ever ended was your fault. Your fucked up brain from your fucked up childhood that you couldn’t even fully remember. It was the most repulsive and hilarious shit. Hilarious in the sense that it wasn’t funny. At all.

At that moment, you didn’t know what to do. So, you did what you did best and denied what you could to push past the hard emotions. You didn’t want to spend Christmas Eve Eve being down on yourself. As a gift to yourself, you wanted to grant yourself that reprieve. In the way you knew best. Avoidance. 

You, 12:03 p.m.: I know that at the end of the day, Maya is who you’d want anyway. I’m too much, Jake. You haven’t put up with me long enough to understand it. 

You, 12:03 p.m.: I am very thankful that you found Gia for me. So, really. Thank you again, because therapy is how I’m going to get better for Lavender. But SHE is my only goal right now. The baby. 

You, 12:04 p.m.: So I think it’s for the best that we’ve done this to ourselves. Truly. Sex is what we are best at anyway. It’s all we should be doing. When emotions get involved, we fuck it up. And when it’s just sex, it’s easier to cut off.

Jake, 12:05 p.m.: it’s funny. You said the same exact shit last time, but it didn’t make anything any easier for me in the end

You, 12:06 p.m.: So now it’s all about you?

Jake, 12:06 p.m.: jesus, y/n. Cut the shit. It wasn’t easy for you either

You, 12:07 p.m.: Well, I wish it would have been. 

Jake, 12:08 p.m.: I wish it would have been too. But we can’t always get what we fucking want, can we?

In order to avoid an argument, you took that as an opportunity to drop a joke. Again, you were trying to give yourself a gift. And an argument over half-lies with the man you loved was not a gift.

You, 12:09 p.m.: We sure can’t, Mick Jagger. 

After about ten minutes of staring at your screen with no response, you started losing faith in any sort of arrangement working out with Jake. And again, you’d only have yourself to blame for screwing up any progress that you two were making with the emotional explosion, from both of you, over fucking text messages. 

Your screen was becoming your worst enemy. You didn’t want to look at your rejected bright blue text any longer. But you were stuck in a staring contest with it, no matter how hard you didn’t want to be.

The laser focus concentration had you fucking jumping when the phone in your hand started buzzing with a call. But as soon as you calmed down and focused on Elsie’s name, your breath rushed back into your lungs at the fact that it was her. You needed her. 

Sweet relief. Thank you, Els, you thought gratefully as you clicked the green button, carefully sliding out of your texts before putting Elsie on speaker. 

You did not want to accidentally send a voice memo or a weird ass text by staying in your texts with Jake, as a phone got pressed to your heated cheek. 

“Hey El—.”

“Hey bitch, I’m pulling into the parking lot,” Elsie’s energetic voice cut you off. She’d most definitely been up for several hours already, being much more of a morning person than you’d ever been. “If you aren’t ready when I come knock on the door, I’m disowning you.”

“Give me a damn minute!” You grumbled, albeit happily, at her intrusion. You turned off the TV as soon as you could, though. Had to escape the confines of your living room. “You just called me.” After throwing the blanket off of you, you rushed around to throw away your cookies and dumped your cocoa down the sink. After washing all of the dishes you’d used, you went to find some decent clothing for an outing. Comfort was still key today, so some leggings and a sweatshirt were your goal. 

The conversation with her carried on into your bedroom, while you found clothes to wear. She was doing most of the talking as you figured out what to wear. A bigger black sweatshirt, black leggings, and black fuzzy socks. And a maternity bra today. The sports bras were decent, but the maternity bras felt much better, if you were given the choice. 

You took a minute to relieve your ear from Elsie’s rambling. When you pulled the phone away, she was still going on and on about something slightly crotchety your grandmother had said offhandedly that morning.

And when you took a break from her talking, your head cleared enough that you decided to put on a little bit of makeup. 

So, rather than continuing to be rude and ignore her spiel, you ended up telling her to just ‘be patient and wait for a few minutes’  in the car. You made sure to tack on a promise that you’d be down soon.

After she hung up with one last ‘hurry up!,’ you finished your mascara with a final comb over your left lashes. You brushed through your hair a couple of times in front of your full body mirror. And when you were observing your chosen outfit, your eyebrows drew in when you looked better at the dark material of the sweatshirt in the mirror. Bavarian Inn? This didn’t belong to you. . . You didn’t recognize it and it fit slightly bigger than your other sweaters. 

The closer you looked, the more you noticed it gave a specific location for the Inn. . . Frankenmuth, Michigan — the guys’ hometown. Right below the name of the hotel. Did this belong to Jake. . .? It could’ve been Josh’s, Sam’s, or Danny’s. . . . You knew it belonged to one of them, thanks to the Michigan reference. You were almost sure of it. 

But, still, an idea struck in your head.

You snapped a few quick selfies in the bigger sweatshirt. You made sure to angle the camera in a way that helped you feel confident and cute, while also showing the sweater. Your toes wiggled nervously in your white, fuzzy socks. 

You noticed your hair flowed over your shoulder beautifully. It helped you feel a little more confident in your idea.

After taking a few seconds to critique the photos, you chose the best one and sent it to Jake. 

Deep breath in. Why were you even anxious? His face had literally been between your thighs twelve hours ago.  

You, 12:23 p.m.: Yours? 

You, 12:23 p.m.: Or Theo’s? 🤔

For a second, you questioned if it was a good idea to send it. . . You were clearly just starting shit. But, glancing back at your bed, you remembered what had happened on it just a little more than twelve hours ago and how it was cut short by Jake and his girlfriend’s commitment. And, any sort of anxiety over sending it dissipated. 

And the idea that his girlfriend might see your text was fucking thrilling.

You clicked the phone closed, not wanting to watch and wait for a response. As you walked to the living room, you rubbed a hand over your belly before you stopped to give Stevie a few rubbies. She had hopped up on the back of the couch to bid you farewell. With one more twirl to her tail, you gave her back a gentle scratch before telling her you’d see her later.

Then, in no time, your belt bag was slung over your shoulder—almost good to go. As you laced up your trusty white, high-top Chucks, you felt your phone buzz in your belt bag. And simultaneously, you heard Elsie in the back of your head telling you to get your ass to the car. 

So, after slipping on your thicker coat to combat the cooler temperatures, you quickly made your way out of the apartment. 

It felt like old times to, once again, sit in the passenger seat of your Grandma’s old BMW. It was on its way to becoming a family heirloom, at this point. The car, having been new when you and Elsie had been kids. 

“Broke out this old clunker, hm?” You asked with a lilt in your tone. Even though you’d been in the car for a few minutes already, the shivering was nonstop with the shocking drop in temperature outside. Leaning forward a bit, belly tucked in the crook of your thighs, you placed your hands in front of the heat. After a couple beats, you were already feeling slightly better. 

And warm, warm, warm.

Man. While it was undoubtedly the coldest day so far for December of ‘22, the older car’s intense heat worked wonders. And it was quickly making you regret the coat. 

Without another thought, you were throwing off the offensive, heavy coat and throwing it in the pristinely kept backseat. Though, you knew, if Elsie took ownership of this car when she moved back, it wouldn’t stay like that for much longer. She was terrible at keeping a car clean. Unfortunately. Because, in all honesty, the car had been kept in great condition for its age. You’d expect no less from your Grandma, who kept everything sparkly clean. It was hardly a ‘clunker’. But it was still much older than your Jetta. 

“Did you hear nothing I said on the phone?” Elsie accused, but her voice indicated she wasn’t angry. She snorted a laugh before she spoke again. “I swear if Jake was up there with his whore of a girlf—.”

“Elsie!”

“Shut the fuck up,” she responded, rolling out of the lot in the vintage silver car. “You know you don’t like her.”

Rather than agreeing, you gave a bullshit response to save face. “Els, I’m trying to be better about respecting–.”

“Stop. She’s heinous and we don’t like her. It’s okay to say that, babe,” Elsie insisted, driving smoothly through a red light when she definitely shouldn’t have. “You, of all people, hold the right to bitch about the bitch.”

“Okay, Red Light Fuckin’ Special,” you poked at her, pulling down the mirror to swipe your lips with chapstick. “Jesus.”

“Red Light Special. . .,” She hummed, clicking her nails against the stereo as she turned up the Ariana Grande song. “That’s what Josh calls me when I go down at a red li—.”

“Okay, no,” you gagged, pretending to vomit at the thought. “Not this early in the day.”

“It is not early. It’s past noon. Damn, sleepy pants. ‘S like you’re carrying another life or something,” Elsie jested, looking over at you just as you did her, offering you a wink. “And that was no red light special, sis. No, no. California Roll is what I like to call that little move,” she jokingly boasted, tossing her perfectly curled hair over her shoulder. 

After the move, she did a little jig with her shoulders to a key change in the song, belting the lyrics from the top of her lungs. 

You couldn’t help but momentarily join in, letting “Santa Baby” by Ariana and Liz flow past your lips, fresh with Baby Lips chapstick. 

After sharing a giggle, you glanced at her from the corner of your eye after checking your very janky nails. “Can we get a manicure today?”

“Oh yes please,” she begged, sniffing a bit as she turned into the nearest Waffle House. Your favorite, trusted location. Just a few blocks from your apartment. “Christmas nails?”

“Ohhhh yes,” you agreed, placing your Baby Lips back in your belt bag. “But let’s do something subtle since it’s almost Christmas,” you laughed, zipping up your bag. The pocket with your phone buzzed again, reminding you of its earlier notification as you’d tied your Chucks.

Oh, yeah. . .Jake. You’d actually kind of forgotten about him.

You took Elsie’s momentary distraction with her lipstick in her mirror to check your phone. 

When you saw you had five texts from him, your tummy flipped and a sly grin pulled at your lips. You loved the way his name looked on your screen. You really did. And you were really hoping you’d gotten to him with your text. . . if even just a little bit.

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: what the fuck?? 

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: yes, y/n. It’s mine. I’m from Frankenmuth. Why the fuck would he have been to a tiny ass town like my hometown?

Jake, 12:30 p.m.: did you invite that fucker over last night or something? After hanging out with Elsie and Josh? Is that why you’re wondering if it’s his?

Jake, 12:31 p.m.: actually. Never mind that question. It’s not my place to care

Jake, 12:33 p.m.: I just hope the sweatshirt is keeping you warm enough

You couldn’t wipe the silly grin off your face or shoo away the butterflies going erratic in your tummy at his several texts in a row. Unbeknownst to you, though, Elsie had caught you, apparently. 

“What did Jake say?” 

What? How did she–? Your phone wasn’t even in her line of sight.

Y/n, the voice in your head said, sounding like Elsie as well. Be so for real. . . She knows you better than anyone.

But still, after opening and closing your mouth like a fish for a solid thirty seconds or more, you asked her. 

“How do you know it’s Jake?”

Fuck! Why didn’t you deny it?

Because there’s no point and you know it, the voice seemed to laugh at you. No point in lying to someone who will catch you in it.

 She didn’t answer you right off the bat, just curled her lips in a knowing grin as she raised a brow at you. You continued looking over at her, feeling stupid and not knowing what else to do. You shrugged, bugging your eyes with a shake of your head as if to say ‘what?!’. She looked like she was about to explode with laughter, with the way her lips shook and her eyes brightened mischievously. 

“How do I know it’s–?” She squeaked, a giggle finally escaping her lips. “Y/n– babe. Sis. Please. Don’t even act like I don’t know you’ve been imagining him in your bed every night since you found out in October. Probably even before you found out, too!” She exclaimed, sneaking a glance over at you as she turned the volume down. “You know I fucking know. It’s me!”

Obviously, you knew she was right. But you weren’t going to just let her get off that easily.

“Did Josh tell you anything?” You asked, suspicious that the activities from your game night had been exposed to your older sister.

“Maybe he spilled some information after your sad ass got out of the car last night. . .,” she smirked, eyebrows scrunched together in faked thought. 

“My ‘sad ass’? I was totally fine last nigh–.”

“Stop lying to me!” She rolled her eyes with a laugh in disbelief, the pitch in her voice raising with exasperation. “I heard Jake during our phone call and Josh put two and two together when we picked you up.”

“What did he–? How did he know anyth–?”

“He saw Maya’s car when we got there, I guess. Didn’t say anything about his little clue until the night was over though. After I brought up how depressed you’d acted all night long.”

“I didn’t act depressed, Elsie. God,” you corrected her, knowing she was most definitely the correct one. 

You knew you’d acted beaten down. Stupid – should’ve used last night to have fun rather than playing your turn of events over and over again in your head. Last night should have been a night of celebration that your sister was finally home (for good). 

You should have enjoyed the movie about Whitney fucking Houston while indulging in delicious food at Nitehawk during the movie. 

The stress eating had been unavoidable – especially when the menu had come out and your favorite dish had practically screamed your name. The root beer float and Charlie Bucket after your meal had been a pure act of self care for your broken heart. But. . . you’d still wound up sobbing during the final scene of the movie over much more than the obviously heartbreaking death of Whitney. Because, as she’d sung those songs, all that had appeared in your head was a reel of you and Jake. 

So, as Elsie and Josh had sung the movie soundtrack from the top of their lungs on the way home, you’d continued to silently sulk in the backseat as you finished the gummies in your Charlie Bucket. Your hood had been up and over your head to conceal your emotions. Said head, having laid dramatically against the car window as they’d had the time of their lives in the front seat. 

Okay. . . . Maybe you had been transparent in your emotions. 

“Yeah. . . You’re remembering, huh? Little Miss Depressed McMopey,” she smirked, although the smile didn’t reach her eyes as she seemed to be feeling your reminiscent melancholy with you. Not ever one to let you sit in your sadness for too long, she was squeezing your arm to bring you back to the moment. Your eyes snapped up to hers, the light in her blue irises brightened your spirits once more. “There she is. . .,” she paused, rubbing your arm until you were giving her the best smile you could manage. It wasn’t hard to put one on — not with Els; she made you feel at peace just by existing. “Now. . . back to Jake’s hands being all up in your no-no square during game night.”

At your open mouthed squeak, reminiscent to Lizzie-fucking-McGuire, she bursted out with a laugh. 

“Ohhh yeah, y/n,” she chuckled knowingly, blinking a few times for emphasis. “Oh. Yeah.”

Your mouth continued to gape, questions spilling past your lips in choppy sentences and barely intelligible words. To be fair, you were in shock at the sudden change in topic — the fact that she knew. 

“Josh told me everything. Well. . . everything he knows at least,” she cut into your sounds, your mouth momentarily clamping shut. “The rest I can piece together because you, sis, are my favorite puzzle to try and solve – always have been, always will be. It’s because you’re a fun puzzle for me. . . I put every piece together every damn time.”

You stared her down. Brows furrowed in contemplation and simmering annoyance. The fire that licked your veins was at Joshua for exposing you to her before you’d gotten the guts to say anything. “What is ‘everything’? What all did he divulge?” You were finally able to spit something out, your tone begging her to give more information. There was no hiding anything from her. No point in hiding anything in the first place – she was always going to figure you out — one way or another. 

She was right. She did solve your puzzle ‘every damn time’. 

She stayed quiet, smirking like a little rat. And curiosity getting the best of you as you squirmed under her knowing look. Like a petulant child, you crossed your arms over your chest, twitching your nose. “And what in the hell happened to my sweet best friend, Josh, who’s never liked exposing other peoples’ shit? He’s just decided that he’s done keeping my business, my business? Now he’s making it his to share–?”

“Oh, babe,” she interrupted you. “You two made it everyone’s business the other night, from what I heard. . . So, no. Josh still keeps shit to himself that isn’t his to share, but. . . he recalled his memory to me. My ears had to hear all of the details that you two exposed everyone to. It is not his fault that he had to witness pornography–.”

“He has got to stop with the porn shit,” you argued back, grasping for something to keep up your end of the conflict. “And it wasn’t ‘us two’. It was Jacob who started shit like that in front of everyone. I was an innocent party – a casualty at the hands of his attack.”

“Oh, yes. Little Miss Innocent. Mhm,” she snorted, turning the volume completely off before pinning you with a stare. “You definitely weren’t spreading your legs for your baby daddy. Right next to his damn girlfriend and everything.”

“Fuck,” you sighed, wimpily facepalming with one hand at her recollection. You didn’t know why you were fighting her on this. She was completely right and you knew it. Josh wouldn’t lie and Elsie wouldn’t bullshit you. The story she was telling sounded like the absolute truth and there was no getting around what she knew.

Besides, you could really use Elsie’s expertise on the situation. 

“He started it,” you moaned, placing both hands on your face to cover yourself a bit more. Even if it was Elsie, your sister who knew you best of all, you’d been caught red handed. And you were embarrassed.  You still couldn’t believe it had happened — in front of everyone. 

But, it had. And you had to own up to it once more. So, you released your face to look her in the eyes. Get it over with. “I couldn’t fucking resist. Because, yes, Elsie. Big ‘ol fucking shocker. You are right and I haven’t stopped wanting Jake in my bed. Not once,” you rambled, eyes widening to emphasize your point as you explained. “Practically since the moment I met him – even when he was acting like a prick. Since the beginning, I’ve wanted him. Yes. And the whole ‘being pregnant with his baby’ thing just makes matters worse, so give me. a fucking. break.”

There you go. You said it and there was no taking it back now. 

Would you look at that? Admitting things to yourself at the same time you were admitting them to your sister. Was it considered growth? Gia would probably say so. 

“Caught ya. But I knew all of that already,” she snickered, turning up the seat warmer on her side, showing her intrigue. “So, what did he say that no one heard? I need the tiny details. I know everything else. Did you two end up fuckin’ or what?”

Well. Not quite. So, you’d deny. As long as you could.

“No! He has a girlfriend, Elsie.” 

Didn’t stop you last night. Come on, y/n. . . 

You shook your head at the inner voice taunting you. “Even if I do want him, I shouldn’t want him,” you mumbled, knowing that was the truth. No matter what had happened, you were wrong for wanting him. “Whether his baby is inside of me or not, I shouldn’t. Morality is a thing, you know.”

Yeah. Morality means so much after last night. You are so right, y/n. Morality Queen. In the flesh. 

Memories and moments from the night prior were bouncing around in your head, playing a game of torture and mockery as you said one thing while re-living another. Your moans as he’d devoured you, everywhere. His naked body, under your hands. Your tits, held so well in his hands. The emotional exchanging of words. His dick, just about to enter you. . . Had it not been for–.

“Mhm,” she replied, lips pursed as she narrowed her eyes at you. “But you do want him. So. . . Fucking take him. I am sure you two have already fucked again anyway. So, the morality bullshit means virtually nothing at this point.”

“We haven’t had sex again, Elsie,” you grumbled, brushing a hand through your hair as your phone buzzed again in your hands. At the feeling against your thigh, you suddenly got terrified that you’d accidentally recorded and sent this entire conversation. Fuck. You hurriedly picked up your phone in shaky hands to check for any accidental recordings. 

When you glanced at your screen, you saw a new text from Jake. But you barely cared until you opened your text thread with him to find out if you’d accidentally sent anything. . .

But, you found no accidental messages when you checked your thread. Thank god. You hadn’t sent anything. All that greeted you were his (now six) texts sitting and awaiting a response. The five from earlier, still glaring at you. 

His most recent one yanked your heart from your chest and shoved it into your throat, though. Your eyes slid down the screen, taking in every word.

Jake, 12:47 p.m.: I’m really sorry for being an ass. I know I shouldn’t ask you about him. But just like you hate thinking about Maya and me, I hate thinking about you and him. But I know I shouldn’t ask you shit. Just know I miss you and I really do hope the sweatshirt has kept you and our baby girl warm in the fuckin frigid weather. I checked Brooklyn’s forecast today and it’s cold for you guys. So please stay warm. You don’t need to be getting sick

You couldn’t read that and not respond to him – especially when you’d been the one to stir shit during a morning already wrought with tense text messages. . . after a night like last night. 

So, even as Elsie cleared her throat in anticipation, you gave her a sideways glance. “Just give me a sec, Els,” you insisted, already typing out your response to him.

“Is it Jake?”

“Fuck, Elsie!” You whined, blinking once at your screen before your eyes flew to glare at her. “Yes, Elsie Mabel. It is Jake,” you sneered, irritable and hungry. And, due to being very much pregnant, those two things were enhanced tenfold, making your blood heat. And, quite frankly, your head was swimming with lovesickness for the man on the other side of the phone – who was way too far away for your fucking liking, thanks to his bitch of a girlfriend. 

“And, if you must know, while we haven’t had sex, it is not for lack of fucking trying. Last night, my dear, dear sister, his face was most definitely between my thighs,” you stated, watching her jaw drop. Both of her dainty hands went to her mouth to cover a giant, shit-eating grin. “Yes, Elsie. You are right. It is exciting. I’d love to smile and celebrate with you,” you feigned glee, sarcasm dripping from your tone when a sneer met your lips with your next words. “However, it can’t be completely exciting. Because, that blissful act had almost turned into sex. His dick was right there—waiting for fucking entry and everything.” You took a moment to consider if you’d said too much. But you didn’t care enough to contemplate it much more than that. “But, Elsie, your interrupting phone calls and Maya’s quite unexpected arrival made that shit impossible for us. His dick, taken away from me and wrapped, yet again, behind a fucking towel.” pausing, you reeled in your dramatics (again, you were pregnant. Emotions were high. . . And, admittedly, you were still very wound up from last night). 

You gave her a moment to let the shock fade however it could before you were looking back at your phone screen. “Now, please, let me finish this fucking text.”

You, 12:54 p.m.: Jake. Stop. I am the one who started it with my texts. So, please, don’t apologize for getting upset. I wanted to make you upset and THAT was wrong of ME. I was the one being an ass. For no reason whatsoever. And I am the one sorry for THAT. It was stupid. Seriously. 

You, 12:55 p.m.: Also, I am staying warm. Your sweatshirt is very comfy and I am wearing my big coat and thick socks. 

And while you really didn’t want to send the next text, you still did. It was what was right. 

You, 12:56 p.m.: Now, please. Spend time with Maya and don’t worry about me. I don’t want to take any more of your time away from her. Put your phone down and focus on her. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine and I will see you when you get back. 

Not wanting to do it at all, you couldn’t deny the validity in the idea that instantly sprung to your mind to keep him away. It was a good idea.

You, 12:56 p.m.: In fact, I’ll put my phone on Do Not Disturb to remind you to not reach out. I would like for you to enjoy your time with her without being bothered by me and my antics.

Doing just what you said you would, you took a moment to switch your phone onto Do Not Disturb and locked your phone before angrily shoving it in your belt bag. You really fucking hated saying all of that shit about Maya. You hated the entire situation. All of it. Every side of your predicament sucked ass. The only thing that didn’t make you want to punch a wall was Lavender. 

You felt tears well in your eyes at the thought of her and let yourself wallow for a minute as you tried to take steady breaths. Your eyes focused on the offensive bright yellow color of the Waffle House in front of you as your mind swirled with thoughts of your future. Your baby.

She was a prize that you continuously didn’t deserve. And, selfishly, you were so ready to just hold her and feel like your pain through all of this was worth something. Because, no matter what, even if your heart broke for Jake every day, this baby was the best thing that could’ve come from what the two of you had always seemed to have. The thing between you and Jake that had never been for his best interest. A ridiculous mess you’d created. . . The night you made her, the one validating part of your selfish ideas that had come to fruition. 

Nothing else had ever worked in favor of you two, most likely due to the fact that you two weren’t supposed to work. And, you were absolutely the sole cause for that. Fuck you and fuck everything that made you so damn screwed up and unworthy of a pure love.

No, y/n. Stop it. Don’t do this, the voice in your head that mimicked Gia insisted. Out with the negative, reach for the positive. 

You put a hand to your tummy, taking a deep breath in and out as you wiped your cheeks. A few stray tears littered the skin. As you came back to, you realized Elsie’s delicate hand on your thigh, giving intermittent squeezes in time with your breathing. You imagined she’d been doing it the entire time you’d sulked. You looked up and to your left, leveling your sister with a look.

She was, surprisingly, patiently waiting. Wasn’t pushing you to say anything. Her own eyes were shining with emotion at your internal battle that you knew she knew all too well.  

Rather than saying anything to continue your conversation, though, you eyed the time on the stereo. And, upon checking it, you realized how you’d wasted your morning. It was gone and afternoon was here and you had to work soon. Fuck it all.

With a defeated sigh and slouch against your seat, you grumbled at your sister with a sideways glance. “I have to be at work in an hour and a half. And I still want to get nails done. Can we just get breakfast at Starbucks or something?”

Without a word, Elsie gave your leg one final grip before she flipped back to the front and put the car in drive. “Absolutely, babe.”

“I’m sorry,” you moaned. “I’m ruining our day together.”

“Get out of your damn head and don’t say sorry. You haven’t ruined anything,” she quipped, coming to her first stoplight before reaching over to hold your hand. With a lone tear in your eye, you looked over to listen as she continued. “We will get Starbs, get our nails done, I’ll take you to work. . . and then, tonight, we can go get something to eat and rot on the couch while we watch a Christmas movie.”

The plan sounded wonderful, actually, so you said as much and thanked her for loving you. She’d waved you off, but you did have a thought that made your heart feel a little fuller as she turned into Starbucks. So, you voiced the thought with a request. “Can Josh join tonight?”

“Do you want him to?”

“Yes please,” you answered with a barely there smile, pulling yourself up from your slumped position the best you could with the added weight at your waist. The task proved a little more difficult than you would have liked, but Elsie was distracted as she was already calling  Josh to ask him. 

You glumly realized as they spoke that if Jake were here, he would have helped you into a sitting position. He would have made sure you were comfortable before doing anything else. He would have then placed his hand over your own, which still laid contentedly on your bump. 

And. . . the tears were tempting your tear ducts once more as Elsie hung up with Josh and moved forward the slightest bit in the long ass line.

You tried your best to conceal your sniffles, but she’d caught onto one and reached to hold your hand once more. At her touch, your skin felt a little warmer and you held tight to her sure hand. Your other palm never left your baby, not letting up on that feeling for a second, either. 

“Josh said you pick where we eat and you pick the movie and that none of us are a fan of Jake being gone so close to the holidays.”

“I never said–.”

“Babe, you don’t have to say it,” Elsie snickered, pulling up behind the car that was ordering at the speaker. “What do you want?”

You were about to answer by telling her to get your usual, but you knew you probably shouldn’t be drinking that much caffeine, so you settled on yet another hot chocolate. You’d never been the biggest fan of hot cocoa. At least, not so much to drink it multiple times in a week like you had this week. But, apparently the baby liked it, as you were suddenly craving it like no other as you eyeballed it on the menu. 

When you told her what you wanted, she raised a brow. She was thinking the same exact thing as you – knew that you only drank the beverage on special occasions, never one to seek it out.

“The baby must like it,” you responded, a shaky smile coming to rest on your lips. 

Even if your eyes were still watering, the thought of Lavender someday asking for hot chocolate at a Starbucks drive thru made your heart happy. 

You cleared your throat and shook your head, starting to feel a lot better already. “I think it’s like the third time I’ve had it this week or something.”

Elsie raised a brow at you as she pulled up to the speaker and gave her order. You gazed out the windshield, watching in awe as the hoards of cars pulled out onto the busy streets. A lot of people were late to Christmas shopping, it seemed. . . 

“So, are you thinking you’re going to end up fucking him again?”

Even though the words were a stark contrast to your thoughts, they didn’t make you jolt a bit. Now that it was out in the open, you were glad to discuss it with her. You’d kind of been waiting to talk to her about it. The thought hadn’t stopped lurking in the back of your mind since last night. It persisted in a way that it felt natural for her to ask, coinciding with your revolving door of Jake-centered thoughts. 

“I don’t know,” you breathed in deeply through your nose, letting it out slowly through your mouth. Your eyes caught sight of a little girl across the way. She couldn’t have been more than three, with long brown hair and a sweet face. Her round little baby face, bright with a grin. In spite of yourself, you grinned at the sight as she walked with her mother. “I hope I get to have that with him again. Just one more time, at the very least. But. . . I know I shouldn’t hope so.”

“Why?” 

“He–.”

“And don’t say it’s because he’s taken,” she cut you off, pointing a finger towards you, inching up in line bit by bit. 

“But that’s the harsh truth, Els.”

“Well, it’s not the only ‘harsh truth’,” she clarified, making you raise a brow. “The other truth is that you are entitled to want the man. I mean, considering you are providing a bodily home for his baby everyday. . . Come on,” she shook her head as if to imply that her point was obvious. 

“Also, his cunt of a girlfriend needs to grow the fuck up. Needs to get it through her damn head that she needs to take a step back. And the next time she says any shit about my niece. . .,” She moved forward in line, huffing a quick breath from her mouth, as if working to relax any oncoming anger. “She doesn’t want to try. Not in front of me, at least. Because, not only is she insulting Lav, she’s insulting you and you are doing something she should fucking respect.”

At her words, you shook your head. . . you agreed — to an extent. But. . . she definitely had the right to not want you to fu—.

“And, what Josh told me. . . He said you and Jake, during that game – when you did each other in front of our friends, that bitch, and the entirety of Brooklyn, New York,” she began. You snorted at her with a roll of your eyes as she kept on. “He said she looked about ready to snap. So, surely that’s why she bit your head off, right? Said that ugly shit the baby?” 

“I’m sure.”

“Did Jake hear her? Josh didn’t tell me.”

“No.”

“Are you going to tell Jake? That she said that?”

“No.”

“And why not?” She asked, sort of accusing and critically. “It’s his prerogative to know that she’s talking like that about his baby.”

“I just don’t think it’s the time to bring it up. . . It wasn’t something so alarming that I feel the need to tell him, either,” you explained, feeling as though you were making excuses for Maya’s actions. Why did you care to defend Maya, of all people? Because you felt guilty? Probably. Goddamn. Your emotions were so back and forth. “She’ll slip up again, surely.”

“So now we just wait?”

“Yep,” you shrugged, not knowing what else to tell her. “I guess.”

“And, even if it meant you’d get to fuck him tomorrow if you told him today, you still wouldn’t?”

“I just don’t think it’s my place, Els,” you reluctantly answered, knowing she had a point. But, still. You had to err on the side of what was right. And it felt right to keep your mouth shut. Didn’t want to tell him she’d been hateful just so you could get him in bed (even though you knew it would be for more than that). “If he’s meant to hear something, he will.”

“You are a better woman than me, sis,” she replied, pulling up to the window with a cheerful greeting before paying and intercepting the drinks with a ‘thank you!’. 

As she pulled out a touch too quickly, you lurched forward in your seat, almost spilling your drink. “Okay, could we maybe take things a little slower, Elsie?”

“Don’t wanna spill on Jake’s sweatshirt?”

“Fuck off. How do you know it’s—?”

“It says Frankenmuth on the front, dumbass. Josh doesn’t own shit like that and I don’t know why Sammy or Danny’s clothes would be at your place.” 

You glared at her, at which she flicked her eyes over to you. When she looked, you said your piece. “Thank you so much for calling me a dumbass.”

“That’s all you heard from that?” 

“Yes. Your stupid ass correcting tone pissed me off, so I stopped listening after that.”

She blew out a breath as she made all of the correct turns to get to your favorite nail salon. “You really need to get some because you’re in desperate need of an attitude adjustment.”

“All because I told you to drive carefully and don’t like being called a dumbass?”

“Well, I just think you should let yourself have him.”

You groaned, exasperated that she was using anything to bring it up. 

Your warm drink was held in between your cupped hands, making you delightfully shiver for more reasons than one. You nestled the cup in your lap, letting the heat radiate all the way up your arms. “It’s not that simple.”

“Well, I happen to think it is,” she encouraged, pulling into the parking lot of the salon. “And you’ve always respected my advice, so. . . consider just giving in to what you want.”

Not able to believe you were yet again giving the idea any sort of weight, you unbuckled your seatbelt as Elsie did hers as well. “Even if people could get hurt?”

“Who the hell is going to get hurt besides Maya, the Massive Cunt?”

“Um,” you wrinkled your brow with a tilt of your head before bringing your drink up to your lips for a tiny sip. “Maybe Jake? Who didn’t ask for any of this and just got it thrown on him? After he went to her? After he chose her over me because I was the bitch who broke his heart? He could ultimately miss out on true happiness because of me giving in to a selfish need — yet again.”

“I’m going to ignore most of that because you know it’s bullshit and that he wants you, too,” Elsie argued, finally taking a drink of her White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha. She hummed in satisfaction at the taste, her eyes closing momentarily. “If you give Jake your coochie-pop, do you really think he’s going to be hurt?”

“Coochie-pop?”

“Your wishing well, honey pot, poontang, dripping delta, whisker box–.”

You couldn’t help but squawk, the hilarious names for a vagina killing you. “Whisker box?!” 

“. . .Because it’s your pussy?. . .” She asked, as if you were completely unaware of what she was implying. “Get it?”

“No, I know exactly what you meant,” you corrected her train of thought, shaking your head before combing a hand through your hair. Blowing out another breath, you couldn’t help the giggle that followed it. 

“Well. Whatever you want to call it, you know I’m right,” she concluded, giving you a satisfied grin before opening her door. “Now, let’s go get our nails done and we can compare how each twin refers to our pus–.”

“Nope!” You answered enthusiastically, awkwardly angling yourself to grab your coat from the backseat. Out of breath at the simple task, you knew you’d still obtained it the best you could with the obtrusion of a belly. And while you loved the baby, — so much — it was still frustrating getting used to the extra addition at your front. In a rush, you put it on before getting out. 

She was already at the shop door when you closed the passenger side, waiting for you. When you met her there, you finished your thought. “That conversation, my dearest sister, is not one I’d like to partake in.”

“Seriously?” 

Your eyes bulged out of your sockets at her, your hands tucking deep into your pockets to warm up from the crisp chill of the wind as it bitterly whipped against your face. Reaching a bit further in your pockets, you tried to grasp for Elsie’s missing sanity. “Yes, Elsie! Seriously!”

“I just want you to know,” she began, walking into the warm shop after you. Both of you shook off the chill from the winter day once you were safe inside. “That whenever you finally give in and do the dirty with him again, I will be selfless and listen to you if you wish to discuss it with anyone.”

You shushed her, looking around at the other occupants of the salon. They were oblivious to her, thankfully, as the shop played Christmas classics to drown out obnoxious people like your sister. 

“Whatever, Elsie. You’re just nosy as hell,” you rolled your eyes with a grin before turning your attention to the cute little lady at the front counter, who you knew to own the studio. 

The tiny woman with inky black locks, tied in a clip at the back of her head, nodded with a smile as she wrote you into the schedule for your nail requests. She told you it would be about ten minutes to get you with a tech, so you decided to take one of the chairs that sat in a row against the windows at the front of the store. Your feet were not in the mood for you to be standing any longer than necessary – especially since you still had to work today.

Elsie grabbed some colors for the two of you to look at on her way to sit beside you. She handed you a Christmas color swatch that you instantly began perusing as she looked through the other palette of winter colors. “Sparkly?” She questioned from your left. 

You pursed your lips in contemplation as you studied the non-sparkly DND colors in your hands. The plainness of the dark Aurora Green and Cherry Mocha appealed to you more than the colors she held, as you glanced over to give the sparkly polishes a chance.

“I think I wanna go with no sparkles,” you decided, bringing your swatch up to show her before pointing to the Aurora Green. “I’m really leaning towards this dark green.”

“Ooh, I love,” she encouraged, leaning over you to toss her colors in the basket next to you. “What’s the number?”

“747,” you recited as she typed it into her phone, before crossing her legs and tucking the device back into the crease she’d made between her thighs. Copying her previous action, you deposited your nail colors into the wicker basket. 

You tucked your hands under your belly and leaned back against the window. All of the women around you, either chatting it up or engrossed in their phones. The sight made a thought come to you. Looking over at your sister, the back of your head still balanced against the cool window, you voiced your realization to gauge her opinion. “Els—I just thought. . . I haven’t posted a picture on any of my socials of my belly or said a damn thing anywhere about being pregnant.”

“Well, do you want to?” She wondered aloud, chewing the inside of her lip (something you both did). 

“You know, now that I’ve thought about it, I feel like I’m not going to stop thinking about it until I do it,” you responded, leaning up from your position to get your phone out of your belt bag that was still slung across your chest. When you saw zero notifications, you remembered your Do Not Disturb idea and quickly checked your call log to see if you’d missed anyone important. 

No one. Wow. You were so damn popular. You left that app to go to Pinterest to look at some pose ideas. And, hard as it was, you avoided going to your texts. Because, you figured if it was important enough, you’d have gotten a call from anyone who might’ve texted you. 

You simply did not want to face the reality of Jake adhering to your ridiculous request. 

When you looked over at Elsie from the corner of your eye, she was already looking at her own Pinterest app. And while you had simply typed ‘maternity announcement poses’, your scheming sister had typed ‘sexy boudoir maternity poses.’

“Elsie Mabel!” You reprimanded her with a laugh, bumping her shoulder with your own. “Why the sexy? And definitely no boudoir. Are you kidding?”

“What?!” She said, giving you a wink. At which, you just shook your head and mouthed a final ‘no’. Growling, you watched as she deleted the ‘boudoir’, but noticed how she kept the ‘sexy’. “And — before you get onto me for keeping the sexy, I will let you know: you get better results if you throw in a word like that.”

You really weren’t so offended by that idea. The boudoir was just too much. Honestly, playing around with some sexy pictures, with the bonus of Elsie’s time and help. . . It might even aid in boosting your mood. And, you had to say. . . your body confidence was definitely better since last night, you could say that much. 

Jake had done a wondrous job at making you feel very appealing and truly attractive. Fuck, you wished you could go back in time and change the night’s turn of events. Ridiculous ass luck.

Squeezing your legs tighter together, you did as she said and typed the same into your search bar. You even tacked on ‘black and white’ because you liked the idea of that, too. . . 

And damn were you happy with the results. 

“Oookay, Els. . . You might be onto something,” you said appreciatively, nudging her shoulder once more as you found one to show her. 

Right off the bat, there was one pose in particular you knew you had to use. When you pointed to it to show her, she stuck her bottom lip out to show respect for the idea. “His shirt, too?” She asked with a sly brow. 

All you did was wink at her before pinning the scandalous picture to your brand new board.  

a/n: i love you all an inexplicable amount. you have no idea. covet is my baby + i think it's time i thank you all, once again, for loving her w me :') i wouldn't be where i am today without your support, my loves :''')

also..... after being asked several times, i gave in to the temptation... i finally took some time today to update the Covet Visualizer i made when covet was just an infant :') lol. you may view it if you'd like. however, you don't NEED TO. i simply am a very visual person, sooo i made it for my fellow visual learners/lovers. (IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO USE IT, PLEASE VIEW IT IN PRINT LAYOUT!! — esp if you’re using the docs app/are on your phone!!)

Taglist (continued in reblog):

@joshym, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlover, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend

@aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @sacredtheslay, @alienobsever, @hollyco, @age0fwagner, @raceb14, @stardustcatcher, @styles-canvas, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf

@torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98, @mackalah, @lek-gvf, @carlyfleet, @profitofthedune, @mefiorini, @welllauragvf, @highway-tuna, @dont-go-home-without-me, @sarah-gvf01, @polemicandcontent, @ageofbajabule, @texas-bbq-pringles, @jennyraye20

I always try to tag everyone, but you all know how it goes! ughhh (taglist will be cont. in reblog !!) Please make sure you’re filling out my Google Form if you would like to be tagged and aren’t already on the taglist! <3

[aryxchse]

can i request hcs of having jason as ur praetor bf pls? 🤍🤍

you can be the boss. / praetor! jason grace x female! reader.

a / n : let's just say i have an idea okay... i read all of the series and i still don't have any single idea about what a praetor is 😭 that's why i ignored this request so much 😭😭 im literally rambling under this sorry!!

warnings : nothing??? omgs

he's very busy

like busy busy

but he always tries to make time for you

and if you're working with him in some type of way (this is me not knowing romans) he enjoys taking care of the camp jupiter with you

having jason is like dating a ceo, which he kinda is. everyone knows and respects him and he's kinda cold and stoic on the outside

he takes this boyfriend thing very seriously and he tries to be perfect about it

not that he has to try-

and one night, in his barrack (??? i have no idea guys) you start to talk about this

like how he doesn't have to be perfect, that every relationship had it's ups and downs, and how he was already a perfect boyfriend

he cried

anyways-

again, i don't know if they can do that, but life is easier when you have a ceo-like boyfriend because he can give you anything you ask for

anyways im not gonna stay too much on that topic-

new rome dates!!!!!

just holding hands like normal teenagers, eating ice cream, walking around in the great buildings

you guys already plan on going to collage here

because it's safe, and jason will do whatever it takes to keep you safe

he's a very smart guy, so if you have any type of paperwork, he's already down

you comfort him a multiple times when he's overworking himself as a praetor

and you constantly need to remind him that he's doing great and he's an awesome leader

because he literally is but my boy doesn't see it

he makes you sit on his lap and just hug him while he finishes the papers

because he wants to give you his attention 24/7, but the works just doesn't allow him

on the free days, you guys either stay in, or practice together

but mostly stay in

he's so husband material!! he cooks for you, he cleans your room for you if you're busy, anything

if you're new to camp, he's happy to show you around and tell you everything about it

fixing your armors for you, or cleaning your sword

the only times he can relax is when he's with you

he can pretend to be a normal kid when he's right next to you, just hugging you close and resting on you

he just wants to retire fr

and live a domestic life with you, get old with you, have grandkids

every time he's away, he thinks this

it's just so hot watching him working

like giving orders, just basically his stuff

and whenever he commands something to your group, all serious, he secretly smiles at you when everyone turns away

the camp knows he has a soft spot for you but they know better than speaking about it

people might think jason is boring and everything, but he's a fun guy when he's with you

and only you

took this from my drafts only for YOU guys 🫵🏻💋

[vxlkirayaxo]

Thantophobia

Character: wanderer (referred to as Kuni)

Tags ig? : angst with comfort, mention of suicidal thoughts, slight cursing, reader needs therapy fr

First fic on here ^^

Enjoy ~

To say that you had a phobia of losing someone you love was almost an understatement...

So when your boyfriend Kuni started drifting away due to the stress of school [which you didn't know]you began to overthink things a bit, like you are now as you sit on your bed staring at the ceiling and desperately grabbing your chest at an attempt to fill the empty feeling in your heart.

You glanced at your phone anxiously as it alerted a new message. It was from your boyfriend, your hands slightly trembled with a feeling of anxiety and excitement.

"we need to speak. Do u have a moment?" You read quickly. You were about to reply when your thumbs wouldn't move, you were frozen. Last time that one of your partners tried to talk to you they broke it off with you.

After multiple heart breaks you started developing a never ending feeling of Thantophobia.

Oh how exhausting it was overthinking over the slightest sentence or action, your mind always went back to what your parents taught you.

And just like now, you were overthinking. Your teeth chewed on your bottom lip as your eyes scanned the message for a hidden meaning, you tried to imagine his voice saying it to see if it was in a good or bad tone.

Actions speak louder than words.

Your mind was overtaken by the thought of him breaking up with you, being lost in thought you didn't notice that he double texted you after a minute of him being left on read.

"babe? Everything alright?" He sent. You glanced at the phone slightly taken out of overthinking when he called you 'babe', your hands tightened their grip on your phone as you typed out a message.

"Yup :3"

"what do ya need?" You stared at the typing icon, it was like it was the only thing in the universe, you needed to know what he was going to say, if he was going to break up with you...you wouldn't survive. Maybe it was your fault for being so attached and clingy, no one would love you as deep as you love them right? Maybe you should just end it all so that no one would have to deal with you? You slightly grimaced at the thought

The typing icon disappeared for a second before popping up again. Did he just delete the message? Is he trying to make the break up text nicer? Your mind spiraled as you found yourself slowly sinking in your bed, oh how you wished it was water so you could finally drown out these thoughts of abandonment.

Thantophobia sucked, you wished you never had it. Fuck, you had problems no wonder he was trying to break up with you.

"Psychotic bitch.." you mumbled to yourself as you curled up slightly in a ball, your hand went to your hair and slightly tugged on it as if it would take away these thoughts. When you heard the 'ding!' you immediately sat up over your phone. You tugged at your hair as you started to read.

"We need to talk about our anniversary plans, do you want to meet up at the park or should I ride my bike over to your home? Either is fine my luv." You glanced at your attire. Would he care if you weren't exactly glammed up right now?

"Can you please come and get me?" You typed before tossing your phone across your bed and hugging your pillow, scared that he'll change his mind about it being fine, after all he lived a few miles away, would he really be fine with biking all the way here?

'Ding!'

"Alright, be there in ten :)" you slightly smiled, the thoughts weren't as bad when you knew he'd be around you soon, you still couldn't find the strength to get out of bed though. You felt too disgusting to move, you hadn't taken care of yourself in days since Kuni has been growing distant.

....

About ten minutes later there was a knock on your door and you heard one of your parents open it. Light laughter and chatter was heard from downstairs before your door opened.

"Babe, I'm here. Your parent is worried for you they said-" he stopped speaking when you turned in bed and looked at him. A small sigh left his lips as he walked over and hugged you.

"What are you overthinking now?" He asked in a gentle voice. You immediately snuggled your face into his shoulder.

"I thought you were going to break up with me because you were being distant and I'm sorry...it's just a fear of mine.." you mumbled as he gently patted your hair.

"I promise I didn't mean to be distant, school has been stressful lately since it's the end I've just kind of been tunnel visioned on it. I'm sorry, I love you and I'm not breaking up with you ever. You're stuck with me." He slightly smirked at the last part as he spoke. His hand brushing your tangled hair.

"I'm sorry too, I jump to conclusions too quickly." You sat up and looked him in the eyes. He then peppered kisses all over your face.

"I know, Thantophobia is very valid. I wouldn't judge you over something you can't control. I have it too." He smiled at you before giving you a kiss.

.....

Let me know if you want to be tagged in the next one! Requests open!

[chrliekclly]

if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out

i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)

i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it

iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly

evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.

having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:

baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game

middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.

high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]

college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now

joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.

as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.

i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.

so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.

[ghost-buddies]

ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ ɢʜᴏꜱᴛ.

ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ. in commemoration of jjk ending: what would've happened if suguru never defected, and... Shoko did? [pt 1 of 'gone like a wisp of smoke']

ɢʜᴏꜱᴛ ɪɴɢʀᴇᴅɪᴇɴᴛꜱ. lowkey au :: angst :: hurt :: self indulgent :: sfw :: cursing :: multiple parts :: highkey really bad so m sorry

ʟᴏꜱᴛ ꜱᴘɪʀɪᴛꜱ. Gojo Satoru :: Ieiri Shoko :: Geto Suguru :: Iori Utahime :: Mei Mei :: Masamichi Yaga :: a whole lot of other characters that my 3am brain can't comprehend

ɢʜᴏꜱᴛ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ. I love shoko and she's being slept on fr </3 this is really self-indulgent and i really dont expect this to go anywhere... enjoy. ANOTHER NOTE. if youre reading this ur a real one, but the next installment is gonna be more abount the 2006/star plasma thing. i havent seen anything on her perspective.

ᴡᴄ. 1.8k (oof)

Ieiri Shoko is a living ghost. Not quite human anymore: just an asset for the Jujutsu world, and a slave to the people that take her for granted, right?

No, Ieiri Shoko is not a ghost. She is a useful tool that will kill herself with cigarettes and sadness, because most of all she cannot feel anymore and simply does as she is bidden.

For all the moping that Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru do about ‘being the strongest’ and ‘no one quite like us,’ there is no one quite like Shoko; and so she suffers in silence as the world keeps moving.

2006 is the year that everything seems to turn for the worse. But of course Shoko doesn’t know that; she’s barely seventeen, after all, and her biggest worries are keeping her smoking secret(-ish) from Yaga, stopping Gojo and Geto from starting a full-on battle because someone ate the last limited-edition Kit-Kat (Shoko did), and healing them when missions go south. So when the three of them are sent to the gym after Gojo forgets to put a veil where Mei Mei and Utahime did their mission, she doesn’t expect anything to happen.

If anything, she expects Mei Mei to blow a vessel because Utahime’s ‘crush’ on Shoko is getting ‘too obvious.’ Mei’s undying bets about relationships seem to never end, and in order to stop them, Shoko fears that the only way out is to pay the white haired menace.

But that doesn’t matter. Satoru and Suguru seem to be getting ready for another argument, and it’s a perfect moment to have the two boys get their emotions out of the way. Shoko leaves for a smoke break.

Apparently, they’re being sent by Tengen (why he would choose her two insufferable classmates out of anyone, Shoko will never know) to escort the Star Plasma Vessel to assimilate with him.

Satoru makes sure to send her lots of photos of the fight, and Shoko fights a smile as the sees them.

She doesn’t feel too sad that she wasn’t invited to partake in the mission, but Yaga wants to talk to her anyways about it.

“Shoko!” he says, catching up to her as she’s walking back to the dorms from the infirmary. “I just wanted to apologize.”

She looks at him, confused, and so Yaga continues:

“I didn’t invite you to the Star Plasma vessel mission. Tengen just requested the two of them.”

Shoko laughs, a bright little thing that Yaga seems to like since he offers her a small smile. “Oh, sensei, don’t even think about it. I would’ve been dead weight. I’m not worried about them.”

(She should’ve been.)

Time seems to move too fast when they come back to Jujutsu Tech.

--

It’s 2006 – right after the Star Plasma vessel died – and even though the death is still a shock to Gojo and Geto, they’ve bonded over their loss and become stronger from it.

(The one time Shoko thought she might serve as more than a tool to heal, she’s been left in the dust.)

It’s the end of August when Shoko finds Suguru alone. She’s puffing a new cigarette, and he waves to her.

“Oi, Sho. I haven’t seen you in a while, what’s up?”

“Same old, same old. How… how are you? After the vess- After Amanai?”

“It’s tough, but that’s expected of the job. I have Gojo to look after me.” He takes a cigarette from her, making heart eyes at the mention of Satoru.

Shoko internally blazes. She was there every night, when Suguru felt the pangs of guilt, when Satoru felt inadequate for the title of ‘the strongest.’ She was there for them, the both of them, so how dare he say he has Gojo?

“You also have me, dumbass,” she deadpans.

Suguru doesn’t seem to respond to that, because he laughs a little bit and Shoko’s felt no stronger urge than now to slap some sense into him. “You look tired, Sho. Have you been getting rest?”

She ignores him back. “Geto, I have a question for you.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Do you… do you ever get tired of doing sorcery?” Do you get tired of being used? “You’re forced to risk your life every day to save the people that cause your suffering.”

Suguru thinks for a moment. He’s always been the thoughtful one. “What brought this on? But I guess not. Sure, it gets exhausting, but it’s rewarding knowing that you’re helping innocent lives.”

“Well,” Shoko deadpans, “surely you get annoyed that you need to eat curses and feel like throwing up almost every night.”

He laughs again. Shoko leaves.

--

When Shoko sees Gojo, she’s not doing well. She’s lost weight, and her once-shining eyes are surrounded with puffy purple. She doesn’t sleep very much anymore, using her reversed cursed technique to sustain herself. Satoru’s landed himself in the infirmary, and Shoko almost feels like laughing when she realizes it’s been months since she last saw the white-haired man.

She decides to cut around his shirt to get closer to his broken rib: it’s fractured and bound to hurt like hell, and she doesn’t want to heal through the fabric and waste precious energy.

Instead of using scissors, she chooses a scalpel. At first, she’s scared of the tiny, wicked blade, but her hands are always steady, and soon enough, she was using it every chance she got. She still has it today: a glinting, thin silver blade that she had personalized – there’s diamond edging along each of the assortment of blades, which she uses on a rotation. It exuded her RCT, and sliced skin (and fabric) easily and reliably.

Satoru’s been scraped badly after a mission, and even though he has Six-Eyes and probably knows Shoko’s unwell, doesn’t seem to comment on it. Shoko heals his broken rib and the scratches on his knuckles and moves to leave him when he grasps her wrist. She stills.

“Sho? I’ve been thinking. We should go out for yakisoba sometime soon.”

“I… can’t.”

“Heh? You’ve never said no to an outing!!”

“It’s been months since you’ve even thought of inviting me to you and Geto’s shenanigans.”

She turns to face him, and he seems to register her state. He softens, only marginally. “You look like shit, Shoko. Let us take you out. We’ll protect you from perverts on the train, and you’ll keep me and Suguru from killing each other. It’ll be like old times.”

Shoko doesn’t smile. “I wish I had the free time. There’s more work for me here in the infirmary.”

“Shoko…” Satoru pouts. “I don’t want to exclude you, or anything like that—”

Shoko tamps down her frustration. She smooths a mask of indifference over her face. Bastard, she thinks. You already have. She looks at his shining eyes.

“It should be a date for the two of you. I’d hate to impede.”

She wriggles her wrist from his grip and leaves.

--

The one thing that perhaps Shoko appreciates about school is that even though her talents lie solely in healing, Masamichi Yaga is not stupid and teaches her how to fight.

She’s a Grade One sorceress, after all. And she did accompany Geto and Gojo on missions early on – it’s a shame her technique is as prized as it is because she could be quite formidable.

So when Shoko reveals that giving energy and healing others using RCT isn’t her only talent, it’s not met with the kind of ‘wow, you’re not actually a one-trick pony!’ response, and more of a ‘well, good to know’ half-assed reply.

Late 2005 and early 2006 were the last times she went on missions.

It was a rainy night, and Shoko, Geto, and Gojo hopped onto a train from Shibuya. It was an easy Grade Two curse and a couple of Grade Threes, and they had no trouble taking care of them.

Unfortunately, Shoko was cold and tired of hearing Satoru yapping, so they quickly boarded the train.

It was of course their luck that it was cramped, and they all had to stand up.

“Why the long face, Ieiri?” Satoru probed. “No way those curses wiped you out. All you did was punch them and swing around banging your stethoscope into their brains.”

Suguru punched his arm. “Yeah, just like how all you did was run around in circles after one of the Grade Threes tried eating your finger—”

“It was a rat! You know how I hate those! Thank goodness for Shoko taking care of that thing—”

Shoko groaned when Satoru blocked Suguru’s next attack with a blow to his shin. They started to attract odd glances, but thankfully Shoko didn’t have to deal with troublesome girls gawking at the two imbeciles next to her because the train was filled with…

Just her luck. Old, pervy men.

They shamelessly gawked at her (she’s a teenager. She’s growing, she shouldn’t be surprised they’d stare), and of course Satoru and Suguru noticed immediately because they formed a meat shield around her.

Satoru snapped at an old man who was taking photos of her: “Oi, what’re you looking at?”  while Suguru tag-teamed with him, snatching the phone from the geezer and quickly deleting the photos he’d taken.

Shoko smiled inwardly. They stopped fighting, to protect her.

One by one, Gojo and Geto intimidated any and all creeps trying to perv on her. Once the train car finally fell silent, they were fighting again as if nothing had happened. Thankfully, they kept up the meat shield.

Shoko had to stop them from having a full-on battle to the death (what Satoru jokingly calls the ‘Battle of the Balls’) before they arrived back at Jujutsu Tech.

Shoko secretly hid the tiny Grade Three curse – the rat that attempted to eat Gojo’s finger – and cupped it in her hands.

Thank God for those creepy men, and them distracting Gojo and Geto from the cursed energy swelling around the tiny thing, Shoko thought. I want to experiment with you, little guy.

If Shoko can output RCT, surely she can take it away… right?

They arrived back at school, right as she finished the thought, and they bid each other goodnight. Shoko made a quick beeline for her room, all while blaming it on ‘the two of you punks taking up all my energy,’ which wasn’t quite a lie. They know she’s thankful for the two of them taking care of her.

In the silence of her room, Shoko marveled as she forced the rat close to death, and then brought it back to life.

She withered an arm and then regenerated it.

 She wrinkled its eyes and let it see again.

 Ieiri Shoko found her full potential that night.

© property of @ghost-buddies. do not repost, translate or edit.

[cyberrose2001]

could i have a couple hcs about tfp ratchet and optimus (seperate) having a s/o that has pains/aches all over their body that pop up without warning? just some comfort hcs, if that’s okay

TFP Optimus and Ratchet w/ reader who has sudden aches/pains (hcs)

I'm assuming you mean those ass hole stabbing pains that hurt like a biatch... those are a menance fr. I especially get those in my stomach often, so that's what I went with. I hope you enjoy these headcanons!

Warnings: SFW/fluff, reader has sudden pain, very slight mention of death.

Word count: 693

Optimus

- You both would be resting together in your shared berthroom. Optimus would read a data pad while you scroll aimlessly on your phone. It'd be relatively peaceful until you feel a cramp in your abdomen. It makes you wince a little, but you'd ignore it and continue your internet surfing.

- Then, the pain hits you, your face twists in agony, and you let out a silent scream, clutching your abdomen.

- Optimus notices from the corner of his optics and instantly jumps into action, not hesitating even once as his spark sinks to his tanks.

- He won't know what to do, servos hovering over you in hesitancy as he watches you writhe around on the berth like a tortured snake.

- "What's wrong?" "Did something happen to you without my knowledge?" "Should I take you to Ratchet?"

- He would eventually scoop you up into his servos and cradle you until whatever was going on inside your tiny body stopped, optics never leaving your face, worry etched into every crevice of his frame.

- After a few moments, the pain stops, leaving a dull ache where the piercing pain once was, and he watches as you sigh in relief.

- This poor mech would be so confused. He'd ask you what happened and why you're suddenly not in pain anymore.

- You then had to explain to him that humans sometimes have 'hiccups' in their nervous system, thinking you're injured when you're really not.

- The amusement you gain from his confused facial expression is somewhat entertaining, but you'd ultimately need to reassure him that you're not hurt in any way. You're safe, and he breathes out a shaky ex-vent. 

- "It seems I still have much to learn about your kind, but I am glad you are okay."

- Proceeds to snuggle you for the rest of the night until he is sure you are unharmed, and you decide that reassurance cuddles from Optimus are the only cure for anything your fragile body throws at you.

- But if you ask, he'd massage the area to soothe the remaining aches for you. He'd be delighted to assist.

Ratchet

- It would be a typical day for you, lounging around on the couch watching Ratchet work on, well, whatever experiment or research he was conducting on the computer. It didn't matter what he was doing; you'd always admire him from a distance, and he would do the same, glancing his optics over to you occasionally to ensure you were still there.

- During your 'medic daydreaming', as you like to put it, a sharp sting hits the side of your abdomen, and you yelp in agonising pain. Tears pool in your eyes as your face scrunches up, trying to bear the sudden wave of pain.

- Ratchet abandons his station and is immediately beside you, reaching over the guard rail and scooping you up. His optics flutter over your frame and potential multiple diagnostics courses through his processor.

- "What the frag??" "Why are you holding your- for Primus' sake, move your hand! I need to see!" "Why didn't you tell me you were in pain?!"

- He'd be frantic, racing you to the med bay with you cupped in his palm.

- Ratchet has June on speed dial, and as soon as she is about to pick up, he no longer hears your whimpers.

- He'd be confused, gobsmacked even, when he sees you laying on the gurney, not a sign of pain on your face. It's like it never even happened.

- "What-" "Were you not just in distress?" "Why are you acting like you're fine?!"

- You'd hold back a chuckle as you explain to him that humans can get a little 'quirky' at times and cause you unexplainable pain for absolutely no reason. All Ratchet can do is stare at you wide-eyed as you tell him exactly why he dislikes the primitive design of the human nervous system.

- He'd be relieved, though. Thanking Primus that you weren't in danger or worse. He'd pick you up again, mumbling profanities and words like "Don't fraggin' scare me like that again." and "You humans and your body's strange aversion for death and dying scare me."

- You won't be let out of his sight for the rest of the day, keeping you cradled to his chassis. His thumb would rest against your chest in a self-soothing tactic, reassuring himself that you were okay.

- Much reassurance and thumb kisses are prescribed to him until he's calm again.

[levisforgottentea]

Ushijima hcs because I am still in absolute love with him.

Friends or lovers, he always ALWAYS help you with pretty much anything. He offers to do things for you all the time. Your shoe is untied? He ties it. Your water bottle is empty? He fills it.

“Jima…” you sigh as he comes back from filling your water bottle for the third time. It was late and you two were the only ones left in the dance studio.

Now Ushijima isn’t a dancer but he enjoys watching you gracefully learn new moves and he’s probably your biggest a supporter. He loves watching you from afar, for some reason it helps him clear his mind. Like a fresh breath of air.

He draws. HE DRAWS GOD DAMN IT. He loves drawing. (Or maybe it’s just me) but he definitely will draw you. No matter what your doing. Cooking, sleeping, studying. He has a dedicated folder/book filled with sketches, notes and doodles the two of you have made. Please he probably has those folders with the years- like 2010-2011 or something like that. I love him

Hes pretty clueless but knows ALOT. This BBY just knows random stuff wether he overheard it on the train, searched it up, read about it or saw some video. He knows everything but nothing.

“Humans are made of star dust…” he casually slipped while the team were taking a break and discussing next training camp. You turn to look at him “What? Explain please?” The others hum in agreement.

“Well humans are made of star dust. There’s not much to say…Most of the elements of our bodies were formed in stars over the course of billions of years and multiple star lifetimes” he sips his water and gets up to start practice once more, leaving the rest of you questioning your life (BAHAHAH)

He never questions weird habits you have and he always goes along with it. So he’s done his part of weird shit. Eating raw pasta? Sleeping on the carpet? Laying upside down in the couch? Eating on the bathroom floor? Sitting in the bathtub with his clothes on? Yep he’s done it all (based around my own habits^)

THE SAME WITH LIKE FOOD COMBINATIONS OMG.

“What are you drinking?”

You look up from your laptop, the glasses falling off your nose tip. “Uhm.. Monster ultra white mixed with Cola..?” You question like he’s the one being weird in this situation.

He shrugs and casually asks for a sip. (He didn’t like it)

ALSO BASED ON MY OWN EXPERIENCE. No but fr everyone should try that combo ATLEAST once🫶

[htchnr]

heya you guys, just to make something clear that apparently needs to be said;

TLDR ; sending the same requests to multiple authors at once isn't cool. therefore i'll be posting the ones that i've noticed that have been double sent to other authors behind a paywall on my Patreon. it'll be $6,50 to read all of them once they're all out. read the post for more details and which fics i'm talking about.

i'm sorry i'm taking a little while with some of these requests that y'all have sent me — but to see the exact request in someone else's inbox (on waaay more than just one occasion) is not cool.

i'm not a writing machine, i've got college and work besides also having free time to do things with my hobbies.

it feels pretty dang sucky when i see requests i've gotten a week and a half-ish ago in other people's inboxes or already having been written by other people that you've sent the requests to. it's not nice nor cute to double send requests to multiple authors.

therefor i'll add each request i've found either directly coppied into other people's inboxes or already fulfilled by other authors on this site or others in a list below that will only become available on my Patreon. i do still really want to post the fics i've been working on, since the requests are super neat and really cool, but i will be putting them behind a paywall for the reason listed above.

I CAN DREAM, CAN'T I?

THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US.

OLD WORLD BLUES.

now my Patreon is not pricey, it's $6,50 to able to read all the posts once they're all posted. and i will post here and let y'all know once they're all out so you don't have to pay and then wait (that would be really dang lame i know).

i really do not like to have to get negative here, but writing is one of my biggest hobbies and i really deeply enjoy it and it's truly an outlet for my feelings and my love for characters. but please keep in mind that your favorite authors are humans too, and have lives outside of the platforms they post on!

also, another note while i have y'all here,

please stop double or even tripple requesting things from me! yes lovelies, i see every message in my inbox and i write them all down. just cause i haven't responded to a message or posted it does not mean i'm not working on it nor that i haven't seen it. i check my inbox waaay too many times per day (fr, someone take the internet away from me LOL) so i see every message/request. don't worry your pretty little heads about it.

lots of love,

Aurora xx