#re the question under the cut. he is. an incredibly good guy. i don't think he'd get mad at me for asking

[edenwolfie]

For the writer ask - 13, 17, 27, 28, 36!

Hallo and thank you for the ask! I'll stick to my fanfics for answering these :)

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? I always always struggle with sex scenes, they tend to not take too long, but are then followed by the most god awful amount of editing to try and make it at least vaguely sexy. Local aroace tries their best lol. Otherwise I don't think I struggle quite as much as that with much else?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why? I think it was probably Madam Yu from my MDZS fic series Just Say Yes. Every scene she was in was a trial for me to get my head around because the series was very much a 'fix-it everything you can' kinda deal, but I also didn't want to drastically change anyone's character, so she was a difficult line to walk. Mostly I avoided this by keeping her out of scenes when I could lol. I remember one or two people wanting a chapter from her POV and just, I would have died of frustration and the fic would have never been finished lol.

27. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why? I have to be honest, writing Xie Lian for Compass has probably been my fave. I feel like I just get him (whether this is true or non lol) and can just go when writing him.

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know? So much random shit; working in a medical setting, working in a school setting, working in a retail/food service setting, illustration (traditional & digital), animation (2D & 3D), sports (springboard diving, soccer, skiing), music (esp. cello, bass guitar, singing, with group orchestra, choir, bands etc), D&D and board games, and cooking/baking. Probably some other stuff I'm forgetting, but oh well! I think only the music, art, and retail/food service topics have wormed their way into my writing thus far, I'm not much for a modern setting, so a lot of that doesn't tend to apply lol.

[from weird questions for writers ask meme]

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. Well, let's go with Compass cause it's still in my brain, and the extras are still WIPs. So here's some random brain faff (under the cut):

- Hua Cheng scared the shit out of Xu Hao when he came back to town and cornered him like 'who the fuck is the new guy? name? age? occupation? appearance? birthday? tax file number? etc' and Xu Hao is just like, that's just Wujin he's just our lil guy now. i don't know shit. please blink. - Hua Cheng basically spent the month he was gone out of Ghost City after Zhongyuan having the worlds longest panic attack and sculpting the most frantic bunch of statues he could to prove to himself he still remembered how Xie Lian looked. This also stopped him destroying anything because he was Not Allowed to break them. Is why he got himself out of the city, because otherwise a few blocks were gonna go bye bye. - Dianshui remembers in very awful detail how she died but she will not ever fucking share that with anyone. - I already shared this with a commenter but re: the wine Xie Lian gives to Hua Cheng in Ch 4 (the one where he had worked for the winemaker for a while), there's so many bottles in the cellar because the winemaker is now a ghost now and still making the wine so Hua Cheng likes to buy them as the winemaker spoke kindly of Xie Lian. - The section where Xie Lian makes the drinks for Chunchun's ex was called "Evil Ratatouille" in my WIP doc for absolutely no good reason.

[ariapmdeol]

8:11 anon here again. Wow. W o w. Brain empty but just. Wow.

Went through all the endings and then had to go back to Arrival Point S to cope with all the other ones. And, as expected, the first ending and S destroyed me. Cried at least two times. My god. It's been a while since media made me cry, and I certainly didn't expect to get so emotionally invested in CoE.

However! I have questions!! Spoiler-y ones? If you don't mind, of course. Sorry if it's a lot?? I'm definitely going to re-watch everything again to connect whatever is left.

First off: is there a "canon" ending? Surely S is what everyone wishes to be canon (although E is pretty good too, in its own way, definitely wouldn't want it to be canon, though) but is there a defined one by the developers? Actually, what even is the first ending gotten before S?

Second: what triggers change the endings? I figure that for deaths it's mostly a matter of wasting time, which is really neat and genuinely puts urgency into the situation.

Connected to that, what's the blue-colored person speaking at the end of most endings? The one who "guides" the player on what they missed to try again?

Third: honestly what (and who) the hell is Kanou. Man shows up as quickly as he dies, reappears in like two endings, commits suicide in both. Is he just the local cryptid? A doll? There's something going on with him, between the Told You So death, the text about murdering coworkers at a previous lab, and his corpse disappearing (and, in specific endings, showing up as...human? Dialogue specifies that)

Fourth: you mention the DLC, but also Hermits Room and Interlude, however I don't see them in the playlist? Do they have to be played specifically as there's no uploads?

Fifth: wow Utsugi is so incredibly fruity. My god that guy is gay, good for him, good for him. That's not a question just need to state it. Also Sanemitsu being emotionally not there ever and Atou threatening him every five seconds. Peak dynamic, love them all so much. Shinano being happy. S ending my beloved

Sixth: I heard something about a...cipher? An art book cipher? Or an ARG? Idk but if you're willing to explain.

That's...it? Surely I have more questions but these are the main ones I can think of now. Again, sorry if this is a lot???

And!! Enjoy 8:11 whenever you get the time for it!! It was so fun to play and mind-boggling.

CONGRATS ON FINISHING AAAA!! i'll answer all these in order!! let me know if you need clarification on anything <3

Yes, there is a 'Canon' Ending'. S+ is considered the canonical ending! This actually answers the other part of this question: the Ch 8 Arrival point S goes through S (Future), which directly leads into S+ (Empyrean Point). The two endings are connected, and S needs to happen in order to achieve S+! OH ALSO. THERE ARE POST-S CHANGES, which i will put under the cut bc I have collected them <3 These technically happen in S+, but we don't see them bc we only check back in when Atou is in ch 8 already. The DLC (Records of Sanemitsu Isoi) takes place almost exactly 3 years after S+. (These are shown in the playlist after the Ch 4, 6, and 7 extras <3).

ENDING FLAGS: Fun bonus fact: the purple text will tell you what you missed, and this changes based on what you did wrong! S Root: get all the info, don't let anyone die. A Root: keep everyone alive but don't get all the info. Ensure that you have charged Shinano's Phone B Root: everyone alive but Shinano's phone was not charged or unlocked. C Root: Succeed in saving Yanagi. Fail in Saving Karen D Root: Succeed in Saving Karen. Fail in saving Yanagi E Root: EVERYONE DIES!! YIPPEEE Mx. Purple Text is something that you'll learn about in the DLC, so I'll RAFO you for now (Read and find out). It is purple specifically! (though i also made that interpeted it as blue at first sdajkldsjkal)

Kanou Flag: in Chapter Four, you can read Yuusuke Aiba's Journal without Kanou (this is shown in the extras for chapter 4). This starts the kanou flag. This is what triggers a couple of small changes surrounding Kanou (the quick flash of him in ch 6 comes to mind) and grants access to the kanou elevator scene. TLDR Kanou was infected with cells, which let him live a little longer, but not enough to grant abilities. They talk about dying as a 'human' because if he lives longer, his cells will morb and he'll become a doll or a creature. He also gives us a Note that says something like 'live for me'. This note gives us a buff during the origin beta boss fight (his "curse" protects atou <3)

The first Five records of the DLC (+ the intro) are in the playlist! for anything beyond that point, contact me here, on discord (@ ariapmdeol), or on twitter (@ AriaPMDEoL ) and I'll help you!

UTSUGI FOREVERRR HE'S SO. he makes me so emotional i love you noriyuki utsugi. Sanemitsu my darling my beloved he is trying but he also sucks so much <333 i love him. The Reiji-Sanemitsu-Haruki family means so much to me. they make me emotional UEEEE. S and S+ make me explode,,

YES there are ciphers!! there's an official artbook for COE (which unfortunately isn't being sold right now orz orz) Which has a few ciphers in it! The one that i was looking at is HORRIFICALLY warped (i genuinely don't think we were actually meant to solve it LMAO) but I solved it and a friend was kind enough to translate it for us! There is also a Cipher in DLC, and a few others in the DLC 2020 credits! I have solutions to all of those as well. It's less 'ARG' and more "here's some information hidden behind a cipher." They're not REQUIRED reading but they help a lot with theorizing, and I've been finding it to be a lot of fun :D

I CANNOT WAIT TO PLAY 8:11 I AM VERY EXCITED HEHEHE

OK POST S CHANGES ( you'll have seen one of these before). These are sorted by chapter. DON'T WORRY IF THESE DON'T MAKE SENSE TO YOU YET.

CHAPTER 1.

"You want to forget the rat without a head" has been changed from Red to Purple.

CHAPTER 4.

There is an Item on the floor in chapter 4 (the room that you have to walk through in order to get to Aiba's journal) which reads "Zero Does not Exist".

Chapter 6:

This document has been replaced, the first time you look at it, by a document by CODE:DANTE. This one is a little long so you can DM me and I'll grab it for you!

Chapter 7:

ok so. this is shown in A root but it's not an A root thing, it's a Post S root thing (it's because of how the YT translator got their endings, dw abt it). All mentions of Seodore Riddle have been removed

This text has changed (both in normal vision and in Vision shift. it reads:[normal vision text] 'This is not the start of a nightmare but the end of a peaceful dream' and 'but what will you see when you wake' is added post S. [purple text] 'Aare you enjoying this divine comedy?' with 'i'm glad, you've enjoyed the love of god' added post S.

^this section was translated by tumblr user hermitroom!

[blistering-typhoons]

re: fanfic writer emoji ask

🥺 🤡 🎢 ✨ 🎉 🥰 ✅

thank you so much anon :D! answers under the cut hehehe~

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

i've got adhd (can you guys tell), and one thing that always gets to me is when i write one character having a Bad Brain Day and the other being, just, so understanding and in tune with them- specific example, i write holmes' black moods and watson's wounds acting up quite often and it just warms my heart each time. i love it when characters take care of eachother in incredibly specific ways <3

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

this one from spun out, which has the added bonus of being one of my favourite sentences i've ever crafted: He bundles Humphrey into the couch, the man suffering no injury more serious than some unfortunately placed splinters. Pat had removed the majority of them with some unsteady tweezer work, before Humphrey had kissed his hand and told him to fuck off and let him sleep.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

hmm, it's difficult to say, most of my fics have a very slice of life quality most of the time, but i'd have to say on basis of pure subject matter and what a chance it was is pretty out there xD

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

i guess i'm pretty good at emulating character voices/dynamics, i think most of the time i can pick up the specific vibes and intonations pretty well :o

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

analysis! don't get me wrong, i love all my comments and kudos a great deal, they keep me going <3 but there is something about getting a comment breaking down the piece that feels like success, even if it's just one paragraph :D oh! and getting ART FOR MY FIC IS SO COOL, i made it ma :D

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

YES I AM! not too hot on suggestions (i'M a LoNe WoLf) but questions and such anytime :D

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

the goddamn weather. and smoking and alcoholism, i was real formulated by angst for somebody who once claimed to dislike the medium xD

[thedreadvampy]

So I had a really positive Hey We Are Healing therap today. talked about what a difference the gym's making bc it's such a new experience to have the response from a trainer/teacher/tutor when I say "I can't do this because of XYZ" to not be "well guess you can't do it" or "well try harder" but "ok that's good to know, let's work out a way we can get you to bring able to do it"

that was nice. that's not the point. The point is I left feeling really positive and then somehow 10 minutes into my half hour walk home I started really fixating on a couple of Bad Experiences from my teens that have LITERALLY nothing to do with ANYTHING we were talking about today. or anything or anyone I've been thinking about/dealing with lately.

[advice gratefully accepted. some moderately detailed Trauma Stuff under the cut before I get to the thing I'd like advice on. tw for rape/sexual assault.]

I really want to tell two of the friends I still have from school about something that happened with my ex when I was 18. I really do want to tell them. I don't think I ever will. whatever 🙃

but I was like rehearsing in my head what I wanted to tell them and then I jumped from there to like. my general experience of high school boyfriends (It Was Not Good) and I got like. stuck. on this specific thing that happened when I was I think probably 18 or 19?

I think we'd left school and moved away and we were getting back together at New Year to catch up after not having seen each other for months. It was at a party at my friend's house and I was quite drunk and I really only remember flashes. anyway the upshot is his mum came in to find me mostly naked and almost unresponsive in my friend's bedroom with two of my exes (different exes. not the ex from the other thing) Doing Things. and she threw them out of the house and I was in floods of tears because I thought it was my fault and I very very vaguely remember my friend coming up to comfort me and he sat with me for the rest of the night.(I only remember anything about what happened after the blowup because I remember him being really firm that nobody blamed me or was mad at me, and I remember how I felt about that)

anyway I haven't talked to him much in the last decade, we've messaged and said hey hi I miss you we should hang out periodically but we live quite far apart and neither of us have had much call to be in the other's city for many years. but like. I really really really want to message him and be like hey I don't know if you remember this night, but if you do can you tell me what you think happened? like what it seemed like from your perspective? because my experience was really really interior and I also have literally no memories before or after.

I remember sitting on the stairs because I felt sick and overwhelmed and needed to get away from the party because I could hardly hold my head up. I remember my ex coming and sitting next to me and talking about how he hadn't had sex since we were dating and it was Literally Killing Him and he was going to die of it. then I think I have like a brief flash of both him and my other ex who was his best friend maneuvering me into the bedroom. then my friend's mum shouting and then getting kicked out and me being really confused and distressed that she wasn't angry with me, I thought it was because I was crying and she felt bad. then after that nothing again except the vague memory that I was comforted and sat with.

ANYWAY sorry I didn't mean to get into that either. because the thing is like. I really want to message and ask my friend what if anything he remembers. like what other people think happened. but. aside from the fact he may well say 'no I don't remember' I'm thinking like. It's kind of a dick move to message someone you've barely spoken to in years on a Thursday night and be like hey man can we have a potentially really unpleasant conversation? like I don't know what's up in his life I don't know if he's busy I don't know if he's ok (and also. he's very much the guy who only communicates through jokes memes and nonsense phrases. so it's a pretty big tone jump.)

like I think he would want to help. but I also don't think it's fair to just jump something on him. but I also won't. get to the point if I try to do a soft lead in. and all this is assuming he actually remembers.

so my question, if you've made it this far, is like. if you were this guy and your bestie from school who you've not talked to in a million years was like 'hey dude how's it going? weird question this Thursday night. do you remember a specific new year party when we were like 18 and your mum kicked [name] and [name] out of the house?' how would you. feel about that? what if you didn't remember? what if your memory of it was that it was mostly fine? what if your memory of it was that it was really awful and concerning?

like. should I message him? or should I just process it on my own?

[fiction-giga]

Dungeon Master

30 Day Blurb Challenge - list link here

Day 23 - Participating in their hobby even if it doesn’t personally interest you.

Eddie Munson x AFAB!Reader

Warnings - none :)

Word Count - 0.8k

Just wanted to let you guys know I'll be double posting tomorrow since I missed yesterday's post, so keep and eye out for that. - giga <3

You wouldn't really consider yourself a D&D player. Hell, let's be honest, you hadn't even heard of the game until you met Eddie.

He loved it. Loved everything about it. The roleplaying, the costumes and personas, the funny voices that came with the story telling.

But his favorite part of the game was the freedom that came with it. The way you could create and tell your own stories, with thousands of different possible outcomes. It didn't confine him to a box, to a standard of playing. And Eddie loved it.

You were pretty much forced into the process, not that you minded in the slightest. You always thought Eddie was cute when he got all nerdy, but you found it so incredibly sweet when he tried his best to include you in the process. He didn't want it to feel like a solo thing. He wanted to be able to share it with you and discuss ideas amongst one another.

His campaigns made a great improvement when you stepped into the picture. Granted, you didn't know a whole lot about the game, Eddie always felt as if you the missing piece he always needed. You completed the experience for him, made it new and exciting all over again.

Tonight was another one of those nights. He was about to start up a new campaign with the boys, and he was stressed. He always stressed himself out, practically drove himself up the wall one night.

He had been sat at the dining room table for hours now. Just him and his ridiculously large binder, papers and pens strewn all around.

"You don't see anything missing? Nothing I can add or take away?" He anxiously asked you, pointing to a small stack of papers. You glanced down at them.

You had already read those papers four times in the last twenty minutes you had been sitting there. But for Eddie? For Eddie, you can stand reading them for a fifth time.

"Ed's, I don't really see anything else that needs to be added or taken out." You muttered, not fully understanding his quick scribbles. You knew enough to tell that he was prepared and maybe even a bit...over prepared? I mean, could you be over prepared for a D&D campaign? Was that a thing?

He chewed on his nails as he reviewed the papers again.

"Do you think something could be added or taken out?" You rebutted his own question against him.

He was quiet for a moment, the gears in his brain clicking as they turned. His messy bun bounced as he cut his neck to look at his open manual. He read over a few lines, guiding his reading with his forefinger.

"I think...I think I can maybe take out the trolls..." His eyes cut over the papers, seeking your opinion.

"I think you can too. I mean, the boys did just get out of a tight fight with a rock giant, if they made it out at all. Think you should go easy on 'em until you pull out the big guns." You smiled at him.

He smiled back. "I think you're right. Too much rolling." He huffed, picking up a blue pen and scratching out the troll section of the campaign.

Once he re-wrote the section, he stepped back, eyes roaming over the lines over and over again, tweaking it here and there until he was sure it was good enough.

"Here," He shoved the re-write in front of you. You read the chicken scratch as best you could, trying to decipher what words meant what. From what you could tell, the rewrite was good, a vast improvement by a simple cut of rolling for chance.

"Is it good?" Eddie was staring at you, under eyes darker than before. His head rested on hand, his ringed fingers curled under his chin. His doe eyes were staring up at you in expectancy for your honest opinion.

"I think it's way better, Ed's. Think it got its flow back." You smiled up at him.

"Really?" His eyes were practically sparkling at the small compliment.

"Really." You giggled.

"Oh thank god." He groaned. He leaned fully back in his chair,head lolling back to face the ceiling. His fingers rubbed at his stinging eyes. He was exhausted and it was clear to see.

"C'mon, let's get you to bed." You held your hand out, his warm hand slapping into yours.

He slinked out of the chair, shoulders drooping uncharacteristically low for the normally energetic man. He followed you down the hall and into your bedroom where he plopped face down onto your side of the mattress.

He groaned as you nudged his side.

"Scoot." You nudged him a bit harder when he didn't budge.

He huffed before dramatically rolling over, situating himself, further snuggling into his side of the bed. You joined him shortly after, cuddling yourself into his warm chest. He gave your forehead a chaste kiss before settling in for the night.

"Goodnight, Dungeon Master." You whispered to him. His arm around your waist tightened as he pulled you closer into his chest.

"Goodnight, Princess."

[little-smartass]

THE VAMPIRE LESTAT COVER ALBUM - the legendary Vampire Lestat is back and bigger and badder than ever, this time bringing a whole album of song covers ranging from classic bangers to newer fresh takes on chart hits! get your copy now, complete with a transcript of the artist's commentary on each song!

(songs I think Lestat would cover and release as an album in an attempt to re-kickstart his career and/or make some sort of dramatic statement to Louis. tracklist and "artist commentary" under the cut)

Survival - Muse

“And I’ll reveal my strength, to the whole human race, yes I am prepared, to stay alive, and I won’t forgive, and vengeance is mine, and I won’t give in, because I choose to thrive! Yeah I’m gonna win!”

Oh, I wish this song had been around back on that opening night at the Cow Palace - how apt that would have been! What a fucking anthem! They would have been rioting all night. I mean, they already were, but, like, because of the music. Not because vampires were being immolated in the middle of the crowd. Different kind of riot.

The Bitch Is Back - Elton John

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact, I can bitch, I can bitch, ‘cause I’m better than you, it’s the way that I move, the things that I do!”

One day I want to have this play as I walk into Night Island. I’ll time it perfectly so that I throw off my coat - my denim jacket, or- oh, no, a fur! Maximum drama! - just as the chorus starts. Armand will know that I’m coming of course, but I think that’ll just make it even better. And I have good memories to this song... [muffled question] Sorry, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, bébé. [laughter]

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

"Oh my, feels just like I don’t try, look so good I might die, all I know is everybody loves me, head down, swaying to my own sound, flashes in my face now, all I know is everybody loves me”

Look, do I even need to explain this one? Didn’t think so.

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

"I don't give a damn ‘bout my reputation, I've never been afraid of any deviation, and I don't really care if you think I'm strange, I ain't gonna change - and I'm never gonna care bout my bad reputation"

This one's fairly self-explanatory again. It could have been my personal anthem when I was mortal quite honestly. And it's an awful lot of fun to jump about and headbang to, don't you think? That's a new thing I've found out about, headbanging. People have been hopping about to music looking like fools for centuries but now there's a name for it. Fantastic.

bad guy - Billie Eilish

"I’m that bad type, make your mama sad time, make your girlfriend mad type, might seduce your dad time… I’m the bad guy. Duh.”

Creepy? Check. Sexy? Check. Tongue-in-cheek? Check check. This song was great and a lot of fun to cover.

Lover to Lover - Florence + the Machine

“I believe there’s no salvation for me now, no space among the clouds, and I feel I’m heading down, but that’s alright, that’s alright, that’s alright”

I don’t know, this one just felt very relevant. Also the piano was great to do. You might have noticed that I’ve picked a lot of songs with piano, and that’s because I bullied the studio into getting me a goooooorgeous grand piano for the recording space and I wanted to use it as much as possible!

Feeling Good - Muse

“Stars when you shine, you know how I feel, scent of the pine, you know how I feel, oh freedom is mine, and I know how I feel”

I just really like this song - I’ve done a cover of an excellent cover! Can- can you put emojis in this? Do people still use emojis? Well imagine I’ve put the shrug one. Wait, isn’t there- Daniel, Daniel, come here, isn’t there a shrug emoji made up of keyboard- [muffled words] yes! The shrug one! Yes, put that in the transcription. [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] I just like this song.

The Man - The Killers

“I got gas in the tank, I got money in the bank, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man, I got skin in the game, I got a household name, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man”

I feel like this one speaks for itself too. Can you put that shrug emoji thing in here again? [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] Yes!

J'ai Pas Envie - MIKA

J'ai pas envie, de faire comme si, comme les maris, qui disent oui, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie d'te faire plaisir, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, si tu m'aimes viens me le dire"

Look, I'm not going to translate the whole song for you, because it has all this clever wordplay you just totally lose in english… but the gist of it is that these two lovers are… at odds a lot. It's… it's maybe a little spiteful [laughter] but in a fun way! It's a fun song! Louis won't even be mad about it, it's MIKA.

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

"When I'm not with you, think of you always (I miss those long hot summer nights), when I'm not with you, think of me always, always"

[Long pause] God, I miss Freddie.

Let 'Em Talk - Kesha

Ah, full disclosure - I put this song in purely because of the expression Louis made when I played it in the car and it got to the line “can suck my dick” and she did that popping noise… it was incredible, and I just knew I had to cover it so I could see his expression when I said that. I can’t wait to play it to him. [laughter]

So What - P!nk

"So so what, I'm still a rockstar, I got my rock moves, and I don't need you, and guess what? I'm having more fun, and now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, (and you're a tool, so)"

I'm actually a big fan of nineties and noughties female stars - all that grrrrrrrl power, it's great fun, you know? I'd say this one is fairly self-explanatory, because I am still a rockstar! This is my new album! Fuck you EMP and your sniffy little article calling me "washed up"!

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

"But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?"

This one could be self-deprecating, but it's also very vindictively angry at the same time, and that's a combination I definitely get. Like, oh, it's my fault, isn't it? It's my fucking fault again, what a surprise. Perhaps "learn from your mother or you'll spend your days biting your own neck" is a little on the nose… [muffled words] you've read my books, right? [muffled words] Good, good.

Missy - The Airbourne Toxic Event

"But I swear there's still some good in me, I think if you'd stuck around you'd see, all the botched attempts at integrity I once had"

Oh, I was feeling philosophical when I picked this one. No, philosophical isn't the right word… melancholy? Do people still use that word? "I swear I swear I swear I'll never get sad" is both furiously defiant and yet so self-defeatingly ironic. [Exasperated noise] Enough of that. Next!

Please Don't Leave Me - P!nk

"I don't know if I can yell any louder, how many times have I kicked you out of here, or said something insulting? I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of nearly anything, when my heart is broken… (please, please don't leave me)"

Oh, we’re… we’re getting to this section now. [clearing throat] Well, I have to make up for that sucking dick line, don’t I? Get a bit vulnerable. Oh God, why did I decide to do this bit? [muffled words] [bad chicago accent] But why buy the cow? Because you love him, you really do. [sigh, laughter]

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

"Oh, I always let you down, shattered on the ground, still I find you there, next to me, and oh, the stupid things I do, I'm far from good it's true, still I find you, next to me"

Why did I- I don’t remember putting so many of these ones in.

Run To You - Pentatonix

"I've been settling scores, I've been fighting so long, but I've lost your war, and our kingdom is gone... how shall I win back your heart which was mine? I have broken bones and tattered clothes, I've run out of time"

[Sigh] [clears throat] Yeah. I think we can move onto the next one.

Love of My Life - Queen

“Love of my life, don't leave me, you've stolen my love, you now desert me, love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me, because you don't know, what it means to me”

I play this one sometimes on my baby grand when we've had a fight, and it's impossible for him to stay angry. He's a sucker for this sort of… formality in romance. God, I wish I'd realised that earlier. If I'd written him a letter in fancy copperplate script with scented paper and enclosed rose petals politely requesting him to bend me over his desk back in the day, it might not have taken two centuries of mutual blue balls for us to figure our shit out. Ah well, live and learn… as it were. [muffled words] Look, I did a whole bunch of vulnerable songs! Now I get to make sex jokes! [laughter] oh fuck off.

[utterlyinevitable]

For the Directors Cut - something, everything, or anything about For All the Lies.

And if you don't mind saying, why didn't he keep in touch?

That fic still breaks my heart whenever I think about it ❤️

Ruby, you have no idea how excited I was to get this about FATL 😄 I am gonna re-read and will tell you anything and everything you’d ever wanna know 💗

Starting with the idea... 

It was a dream scene I had with someone I used to know my muse - the two of us meeting after all this time, harboring old unresolved feelings but coming to terms with how life panned out. Some time’s you’re just not meant to be with someone and there’s a greater happiness out there to grasp. 

So I just realized that the first line makes no sense and I should probably change it 😂

I did initially want Becca to be engaged to Bryce but thought better of it. She left her life at Edenbrook behind for a job far away, being with Bryce meant that there was always a possibility for her to come back - an teeny tiny opening where she could potentially fall back into Ethan. The finality of her fiancé being some unknown guy just felt right. Someone whom no one knew existed could finally, actually give her everything she’s always wanted and never knew she needed. 

In my mind Becca accepted the fellowship somewhere between the Gwyneth case and the Senator incident (which ultimately never happened in this timeline). Her and Ethan were getting closer, though for every time he kissed her he’d then be super strict and assert his position as her boss. Very waffley and she was not here for that after 1.5 years. With Edenbrook going under, Ethan being mad at her for turning the team for-profit, and the hospital cutting jobs, Becca did the one thing she knew she could do: used her clout as Dr. Banerji’s savior to secure a fellowship abroad and keep some other Edenbrook doctor off the budgetary chopping block. What really was left in Boston for her anyway? 

She and Ethan had one last night together before she made her decision. He was completely unaware she had even applied, treating the night like any other with them having takeout in his office looking over their respective files. He pushed her away. They had a little fight. The next morning she accepted the position. Ethan found out she was leaving in an email she sent to Dr. Banerji and CC’d him on. He responded with a simple: “Congratulations. I have every faith you will make an invaluable addition to their team.” 

Becca left and got a new local phone number. He could have emailed her personal account, but a part of him was definitely hurt. If she wanted to hear from him she would reach out, he told himself whenever she crept into his thoughts. For Becca it was easier to let go, he’d broken her heart one too many times. And just like him she thought if he wanted her in his life he would have reached out - he did know what new hospital she’d be working at. 

It was Ethan’s turn to feel abandoned, just like he did to her. Except this time she wasn’t coming back. There wouldn’t be a reset button or a chance to do things over in two months when she returned from her sabbatical. His pride took a serious hit. But he still kept tabs on his protégé - he had a google alert with her name. Any time it pinged with a new published work of hers, he was always the first one to order a copy. He missed her but he was so proud of the brilliant doctor he knew she would become.   

Having them meet at Harper’s engagement party was a happy accident, though now I really like how she’s shown how a workaholic can change their habits and find love and happiness. I wanted a place where Bryce and Ethan would definitely be dressed up in suits but nothing involving medicine. It’s also morbidly funny to have Ethan be witness to both the incredible women he lost move on and find happiness in their lives without him. He’s kinda stuck in his small box of ethics and morals. Which as we all know got in the way of his relationships. 

Aurora’s purpose here was to subtly reassert that Bryce is a friend and not fiancé. 

I’d like to think that Ethan felt Becca’s presence the moment she entered the gates on Bryce’s arm. Like even though he was at the back of the garden yards and yards away, somehow he could smell her perfume swirling in the air around him. Unsettling and alert. Then his eyes fell on her and he couldn’t believe it. He inched closer and closer until luckily she was alone and he could muster the courage to face his biggest regret. 

God I wish I could paint the picture that’s in my head of the two of them when she turns around and acknowledges him. It breaks my heart. All that yearning and pent up anxiety and months and months of tears packaged in the faint acknowledgement of “Dr. Ramsey”. Everything just fades away when their eyes lock onto one another and it’s like no time had passed - one week, two years, three decades - none of that mattered in the other’s presence. There’s this underlying feeling that if he was just brave enough to pick up where they left off and saw sorry that she’d forgive him and run away with him. That is, if he had the courage to do that before she committed to another man four months ago. A part of Becca always held onto the idea that he’d find her again. But the moment - no, a about four weeks after her fiancé proposed she finally put her childish crush in the past for good. Where it belonged. 

I like to think that Ethan and Becca were friends. So old times for them would be dancing at a highbrow event he was forced to attend and invited her just because he liked the company, he’d drive her to a shopping center after work sometimes when she needed to get a lot of items she couldn’t carry on the subway, or window shopping during their coffee breaks. 

They were always respectful of the other’s boundaries for the most part. Except when eyes and hands would linger a little longer than they should have. Except for when innocent lip biting became too enticing. Except when they drank a little more than usual and just enough to act on their emotions. Except for when they were at his apartment, and when they recalled the few times they gave in intern year. 

Becca’s hand at his chest is always over his heart. Ever since Miami she’s held his heart in the palm of her hand. Then there’s also the practicality of it being there to push him away if she needed to. 

Ethan knew she was engaged. He heard it through the Edenbrook grapevine and then saw it on Pictagram to confirm the rumor - he hadn’t logged into the damn app since he used it to make sure she landed in her new homeland safely. But having her in his arms now and knowing this fact... it was all so confusing. He couldn’t believe it. One of these had to be fake. He hoped it was the ring on her finger. 

As he twirled it back and forth, both of them were taken aback and just a little guilty. 

She mindfully thanked her fiance for once again knowing her and her needs better than she herself did.  

This is the other bit I put in just to hone that Bryce is not Mr. Becca. 

I went through so many things of what Ethan could say to move the conversation along and literally nothing felt right. As much as I wanted them to jump in and talk about what happened in their absence, the awkward tension between them had to reign supreme. There is no reason these two near-lovers should have been comfortable enough to bare all their insecurities, especially when they still harbor feelings for one another. Though they try to push past it with banter. 

The ghostly smile I imagine on Ethan’s lips when he tells her he read her book. It breaks and warms my heart. And Becca completely not knowing that he would read it? It’s like she never really knew him at all. Of course he was going to keep track of her career no matter what happened in their personal life. This stemmed from the idea that there are people in my life that I’m not close with and haven’t spoken to in years, but I still keep track of them and support their businesses and endeavors. I’m proud to have them as someone I used to know. 

Becca was going to ask him How he was which is why she let him continue his question.  

In this moment Becca recalled every single thing that kept her from reaching out. If she reached out she’d be letting him back in. She’d be letting him break her once more. If Ethan didn’t date her while they were in the same city, there was no way they could have a future if they’re an ocean apart indefinitely. I think this “Ethan...” is more exasperation compared to the later one. 

These two idiots should have confessed how much they love one another ages ago. That way they probably wouldn’t be in this position and she wouldn’t have left to ‘reset’.  

The hand motions between them is everything. Ethan squeezing hers to keep her close, her squeezing back to pull an answer from him. Him going slack in her arms and having to take a step back like the admission knocked the wind out of him. Her moving back into place like a magnet, her hand going back to his heart. His hand going over hers, letting his fingers fall through the cracks. Her immediately balling her hand up so he couldn’t linger in the space she left for him anymore - effectively finally shutting him out and not holding him in her palm anymore. Not holding onto him anymore. 

And then there’s the last three bittersweet lines that kill me every single time. 

That’s all we ever want for someone we care about - for them to be happy, right? If it couldn’t be him because he threw away every single chance she served up to him on a silver platter then Ethan guesses he’s glad it’s a man who know what kind of ring she needed and put a smile on her face. 

[I think I lost the plot of this commentary thing oops] 

[tb5-heavenward]

You've said a few times you don't like the direction Virgil has been taken in in the later seasons, would you mind elaborating? I've not seen a TAG in a while and need refreshers lol

Oh, boy. Okay! As a caveat, I have only ever ranted about this in private conversations with friends, and of course this is only my personal opinion and anyone who doesn’t agree is free to ignore it. Actually, I endorse that. If you disagree, I don’t really wanna hear it. I’m not really interested in an argument and will probably ignore any Discourse I get on the subject. This is just my opinion, because I’ve been asked.

(Coincidentally, I’m also in the process of rewatching TAG as a series with my daughter, who is finally old enough to take an active interest in the show itself. Unrelatedly, Virgil is her favourite.)

here is a cut because long post + opinions

I think as an initial premise I’d tend to suggest that S1 Virgil is something of a different animal from S3 Virgil. I’ll also freely admit to vastly preferring S1/S2 to the way S3 has gone so far. S1 as a whole feels like it has much more heart to it and feels sort of more sincere to me. S2 is where the animation first begins to smooth out, the show’s visuals really hit their stride and they start to really get a handle on their pacing. There are episodes in S2 that are just shockingly, perfectly balanced as far as the stories that get told. S3 so far has been…ehh. I got opinions.

That’s another kettle of fish, though.

So, Virgil. Virgil as a character is notable because (in my opinion) he’s at his best when he’s acting as a foil for his brothers. In S1 he was most frequently seen in support of Scott or Gordon, providing backup in both a literal and a narrative sense. He’s a moderating influence on both of them, a voice of reason. He’s also just so incredibly, intensely supportive. Like, to point to a couple specific instances, I tend to reference Slingshot and Tunnels of Time, which are both occasions where he explicitly tells Scott and John “Trust Alan and Gordon, they can handle themselves.” And! just so many more instances of “nice job” and “good shot” and just general support and compassion and concern for his brothers. He’s also always the one to voice concerns about his brothers’ safety, he gets visibly distressed when they’re in danger. He’s super concerned for Gordon in Under Pressure and for Scott in Touch and Go. If I had to sum S1 Virgil up in one word, it would be supportive. It should go without saying, I fucking love S1 Virgil. That’s the version of his character I cleave to and aspire to write. He’s a very good guy and I’m extremely fond of him.

Contrast that with S3: there’ve been multiple occasions where he’s just…been kind of a dick? It seems like they ramped up the snarkiness of his character, except I don’t think he’s actually that much more snarky than he was previously—but there’s just none of the earlier kindness to balance him back out. They left that out, or dialed it way the hell back. That emotional core of him is gone. Like, I think it might be that the writers are leaning into the trope of brotherly teasing, but that existed in S1/S2 as well, and it just felt different. Lately the tone of it feels like it’s crossed a line. It’s all small stuff, it’s all pretty minor, but there are just things he says and does that come across as kind of bossy and self-important and mean. There’s a moment in a Season 3 ep (spoilers, btw and an @ for @drdone, she knows why) where he pretends to be suffocating to scare Alan and that’s just—really mean? Like really kind of a cruel thing to do to your baby brother, especially when in the same episode they had a conversation about fear of dying the way their father had. didn’t like that! kinda thought it was pretty shitty, tbh!

Once again, this is all my personal opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt. It’s kind of a hard change to articulate completely, and I’ve only felt like S3’s episodes were worth watching once so far (with a couple exceptions), so I might be misremembering. Maybe things will change later in the season, whenever that drops. I guess we’ll see.

There’s one more thing that I guess I’ll touch on, and it’s even more personal an opinion: S2:E18 (Granmda Turismo) marked the point at which I stopped liking Virgil. There’s a hard line there for me, because I am fundamentally a petty creature.

And it’s not necessarily because of anything that he did or any particular change in his character, (though I do think that S2 had the beginnings of the changes that I’ve mentioned above). But I’ve made no secret of my utter rejection of Virgil as the second eldest, I won’t ever consider it part of my canon. To be blunt, I think it’s godawful and I hate it, but again, that’s a personal opinion and I’m aware that there are people who disagree. I think it’s really a shame that they decided to settle the question, I think it would’ve been far better left ambiguous as a kind of running/inside joke about the fact that their age order was never confirmed. That’s the sort of cheeky meta I adore, and it would be a sign of a smarter and cleverer and more self-aware show than the show I think we’re watching.

Which is fine, that’s just whatever. I write him as the middle child and always, always will. For me that was the sort of core of his character, exactly in the middle of the rest of his brothers, and equally able to support all of them. Able to relate to John as well as he could relate to Gordon, still old enough to act as a moderating influence on Scott.

To get specific re: the age order, specifically with regard to Virgil and Gordon as a partnership, it really changes the tenor of that dynamic. It’s no longer two siblings who have been naturally close since childhood because they’re next to each other in age and who form a natural partnership because of that. It’s also no longer two siblings who are close in age mutually razzing each other, and instead it’s an older sibling picking on a younger sibling. That’s a different thing.

Anyway, I have rambled a lot about this! 

tl;dr: I stan S1 Virgil, don’t @ me.