#rape by coercion

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

If there are implicit or explicit consequences for saying no to sex, such as losing your job, or housing, then yes simply isn't a real yes.

This means that if a landlord "has sex with" his tenant, it's rape.

It means if an employer "has sex with" his employee, that's rape.

And it means that if a man "has sex with" his employee who is also his tenant, as Neil Gaiman has admitted to doing with two separate women, that is most certainly rape. Add onto that the emotional upset and extreme financial vulnerability both of them were dealing with, the youth of the one, and the fact the other had three children, and there's just no way that this was consensual at all.

This is literally if you don't believe a word they say and only take his side of the story at face value.

If you do listen to them, then you add on the fact that Gaiman undressed himself and got into a bathtub with the nanny he'd met only hours prior and assaulted her there. You add on the fact that he coerced a mother of three into blowing him or being evicted (and when she stopped responding to his sexually explicit messages, he did indeed evict her and her children). You add on the very young female fan who alleges he raped her. You add on the extreme age difference between him and that young woman, and between him and the nanny. You add on that he made them sign NDAs. You add on his enjoyment of violence against them. You add on the other young woman who alleges he forcibly kissed her. You add on that these women have no relation to one another and that these allegations span decades.

The only reasonable conclusion that can be drawn if you don't completely hate women is that at best, Neil Gaiman is an opportunistic and careless rapist. He is blind to power dynamics, refuses to take responsibility, and is therefore unsafe to be around any women or girls. Especially those who are particularly vulnerable or under his direct power. At worst, he is a calculating and manipulative rapist who directly engineers situations so that women will be uniquely vulnerable to him and then he takes full advantage.

Which kind of rapist he is depends on whose side you believe: theirs or his. But he's a rapist regardless and deserves jail at the very least, and I wouldn't be sad to learn he died (I'd rejoice). Personally, for every woman who comes forward, I'm suspecting there are several more, and while victims in general do often get some details confused or panic and add/remove certain parts of the story for fear of not being believed, I'm going to hold their word as far more credible than his.

[konigsblog]

jealous, stepbrother-simon riley...

warnings: stepcest, non-con/dub-con, rape, guilt tripping, coercion, manipulation, dark content. dead dove: do not eat. MDNI 18+

PHOTO CREDIT: @AVE661

your stepbrother finds a sickening form of enjoyment by manipulating and guilt tripping you into getting whatever he wants. it's no surprise—or at least it shouldn't be—that your stepbrother can't help himself when it comes to you. he claims it's just him being overprotective with his beloved stepsister, but deep down, simon's gut churns with rage and jealousy when he sees that man, claiming his spot as your boyfriend.

you deserve better—deserve someone that knows you so well, that being simon. he doesn't enjoy seeing your boyfriend, and will snarl at the hickeys on your neck. it makes him sick, and he'll force tears to run down his cheeks, ranting about how lonely he is, how desperate he is to feel something, how being in the military leaves him pathetically lonely, with no time for relationships...

his pitiful sobs leave you feeling guilty, ashamed of yourself—as if you belong to simon. he'll convince you to ride him, or to jerk him off, or even suck his lengthy cock for hours to make it up to him. if you don't comply, he'll take it for himself, telling you through forced weeps how desperate he is—how cruel and horrible you are to refuse and reject him, as if you truly have a choice.

his large and calloused hands forcefully pry your supple thighs open, insatiable and hungry off the scent of your drooling, sweet pussy. the sight of your warm heat leaves simon beyond desperate, as he rubs his bulbous cock back and forth, taunting your clit before easing inside, his breathing quick as he holds you down and thrusts gently, shaming you for being ungrateful. he ‘protects’ you all the time, and yet, you refuse to simply repay him by spreading your folds and allowing him to sink inside that cunny of yours?

he layers your skin in bruises and hickeys, his voice guttural as he shames you for being with that man, for denying him of the right to fuck your pretty pussy. each harsh and deep thrust leaves your body shaking and trembling, tight cunt weeping and slick, morphed to fit simon's cock as you sob out at the ache.

you take him so well—you're all he wants and desires, lovie. what don't you understand? you're made for each other, give in to simon. :(

[imagineredwood]

Would it be possible to get an HC or would include of Yandere Juice who's readers best friend and he (somehow) convinces reader to have sex with him and he pokes holes into the condom without her knowing? Thank you for giving us all the dark boys lately ☺️

**As you can tell from the request, this is not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea ***

This is obviously triggering content to some people so please please please don't read it if the subject is off-limits or triggering to you. It's yandere Juice who like anyone in that realm is crazy, obsessed, and unhinged and is not by any means a healthy depiction of a relationship. If anyone were to display these behaviors, RUN. That being said, the sex in the HC is consensual, it's the pregnancy that the reader hasn't agreed to obviously because the reader doesn't know. And one could say she was slightly coerced by being horny. (I did tag it for a TW for the R word since she didn't consent to unprotected sex but PLEASE tell me if there are any other tags for triggers I need to put in this post.) If you're on the dark fiction taglist and there are specific topics you don't want to be tagged for please also let me know. I also tagged it for categorization purposes on my page, but if anyone thinks I should remove them so they don't show up in the shows/characters tags please let me know. I'm still new to this type of content and want to make sure I don't do anything wrong.

He’s wanted you for so long

Wanted to marry you and spoil you and show you off as his

He loves you so much and has for so long

But you're just friends

Something you always made sure to remind him of whenever the joke flirting got to be a little too serious

You loved him, no doubt

But you were always hesitant, not knowing if he could be faithful when surrounded by so many other beautiful women so often

You didn't want to risk a broken heart

And he would rather have you only as a friend over not at all

So he never pushed

Only making half asses offers, hoping that one day you'd bite

It was one night when the conversation turned to sex again that he saw a golden opportunity

You admitted that you had never tried one of his favorite positions

Never saw the appeal

And he knows this is his chance

"You'd love it. I know you would. Once you try it, you'll understand. "

He'd go into detail more and more, slowly

Explaining exactly how he does it

How he'd touch you

How he'd position you

How good you would sound

How he would make you see stars

And he can see the way your eyes glaze over ever so slightly

It's the narrative as he explains and the way your mind plays it out that has your thighs squeezing

You think it's subtle enough that he'd never notice

But he notices everything

And he needs you to see how good he could be for you

"Come on. Just trust me. We'll go right back like nothing ever happened right after if you want. Think of it as a learning experience."

And before long, he's got you agreeing

"Just so I can try it out."

He nods and agrees, going into the nightstand and grabbing the one single loose condom that's out of the box

The one he kept for just this very moment

A baby is like an eternal link

Even if you decide eventually that you wanted to leave him, he'd always have access to a part of you

A bond that would be unbreakable

The mother of his child

He'd be a wonderful protector and provider

You'll see that soon enough

Dark fiction taglist 

@whitetxilwxlf @kikijackson-blog @ben-c-group-therapy @ravennaortiz @mama-mischief @pekusofixus @shellofashadow @flowercrowns-goodvibes

[luneemeritus]

So a lot of antis who claim that Stolas is a coercive rapist point to his appearance in S1 EP1: Murder Family because according to them Blitz accepted the arrangement while he’s being shot at, by comparison Stolas is chilling in his bathtub making him not properly consent to the deal. Do you have any rebuttals to these claims? Also let’s also mention the fact that Stolas was spying on him with a bubble. I just want good answers that point to Stolas not being a bad person because I want to root for him and Blitz being together.

The thing is, Blitz was already using Stolas's grimoire way before the deal was proposed. Stolas never demanded anything, he proposed the deal and asked for Blitz's consent. The way they are in different scenarios don't symbolize rape or coercion, the 'power imbalance' in their relationship is not there to make Stolas a coercive monster because he isn't. The Full Moon is literally sex work, not coercion, not rape, not prison, it's a sex deal where *both* benefit. Stolas needs the book, the book belongs to HIM, Blitz was the one who started their relationship with sex in order to get the book (this is shown in the pilot! Not only in S2-EP1!), Stolas only continued it.

The grimoire is *not* only Blitz's only way to access Earth. It's, supposedly, the easiest. Supposedly because we clearly see other low-class beings having access to Earth without stealing from some Goetia. Blitz is smart and capable enough to find a new way to go to Earth.

The fact that antis can only use this scene as a "prove" that Stolas is a rapist just prove how they didn't understand anything from the show (or they are ignoring it on purpose). Literally the next episode from the same season, Blitz denies having sex with Stolas. S1-EP2, "find some else's face to plant that feathered ass". Blitz has agency, Blitz consents, and he denies fucking Stolas. In "Harvest Moon Festival", Blitz says that the deal was not something he fussed about. He talks about his deal with Stolas with his friends as a transactional fucking (cause this is what it is), he denies sex with Stolas in "Ozzie's", and we can also see Stolas' messages in "Western Energy' saying that nothing was ever forced between them. Stolas never took the grimoire away from Blitz even after months being rejected. What lacked in their relationship was communication, not consent.

And I'm not even counting everything about "The Full Moon" episode. Blitz literally sings about how much he enjoys sex with Stolas, spends the whole day buying things to use on Stolas, begged for Stolas to *keep* the deal, said multiple times about how much the deal is something he enjoyed and wanted to keep, and told Loona and M&M about how Stolas never forced anything on him which lead to months without intimacy between them. Where is the coercion??? Simply, it's not there.

Once Stolas starts realizing that the world isn't a fantasy and the power imbalance between him and Blitz means that his class is deeply unpriviledged, he immediately finds an alternative way for Blitz to access Earth. He was feeling guilty for any possible 'abuse' he could've done (which didn't happen). The point is: antis can't see either Blitz's agency nor Stolas's intentions. They just care about their own paralel version of the show that never existed.

I'm sorry that antis affected the way you interact with the show. No one should feel guilty or ashamed for having fun and consuming media they enjoy, specially when the "critiques" are all based in lack of attention, lies and bad faith. But don't worry, Stolas is not a rapist, he is well meaning despite his flaws and you can cheer for Stolitz. We all know it's endgame.

Edit: also, Stolas spying on Blitz has nothing to do with antis's allegation. Yes he was spying on Blitz, he is a lonely fucked up man with nothing better to do lol Blitz also spies on M&M in a way worse level. Is that rape? Of course not.

[vinesinmyheart]

Coercion

Expectation.

The weight of being wanted,

Without wanting.

Knowing you’ll give,

Either way.

All day the weight builds,

It’s your body,

Or a fight.

Picking up kids,

Getting groceries,

Making dinner,

Knowing every minute,

It’s your body,

Or a fight.

Now the weight is crushing,

Your choices,

Have become his property.

The chores are done,

You’re masking,

A relaxed demeanor,

In your own home.

Deep inside,

There’s a storm,

Your back against the wall,

Will it be,

Your body

Or

A fight?

You quickly wipe away a few rogue tears,

They always spring up when it’s over.

He never asks why.

I’m sure you both know.

- E.M

[toxycodone]

mmmmmm jimmy’s worldview starts to affect curly so curly starts getting a little Weird. more touchy, less boundaries, he doesn’t listen to you anymore

I love them preying on their younger coworker bc like. They work so terribly to enable each other.

Like, Jimmy’s awfulness starts rubbing off on Curly. Curly’s always internally justifying Jimmy’s bullshit, so like, acting on it isn’t that bad, right? I mean…if he can rationalize Jimmy doing it…

And Jimmy enabling Curly because he gets to witness this man he’s looked up to and been jealous of for so long just sink down to his level? Maybe even get worse?

OH YEAH.

[hoonvrs]

ain’t lucas a sex offender🥸 why are his stans suddenly on my twt tl

[campgender]

“Ghost House” by Leah Horlick (as printed in In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado)

And because you are of a kind, the house knows

you. When you cry out,

the lights flicker, ghostly blue and ragged.

When she says you are shut off,

the light switches nod their white tiny

heads. Tiles creak yes beneath her

edicts—something bad must have happened

to make you this way, the way

where you don’t want her. But the windows

rattle, disagree. In their honeyed,

blindless light, they see it—something bad

is happening.

[carnage-cathedral]

okay real shit having a low sex drive and being sex repulsed due to trauma is literally the basis that our abuser used to like assault us I'm not even fucking joking bro that was his rationale

[konigsblog]

hihi, just wondering if you’ve ever done kinktober/plan on doing it? i love your writing and would love to see your take on it

I did do kinktober back in 2023 !!! 🎃🏚️

I'm not sure whether I'll do it again this year (since i have the tendency to forget and then panic after missing a day), but we'll see how I feel about it when the time comes :3 💗

[exhelluvafan]

Thoughts about the Helluva Boss Full Moon episode (cw: classism, sexual coercion and SA topics)

Rant under the cut.

The only thing that Stolas caught feelings for was Blitzø's cock, nothing else.

If he truly cared, then he would've apologized to Blitz and tried to comprehend his POV.

But guess what? He didn't, because he got denied imp dick and proceeded to throw a tantrum over it.

Nothing in this situation screams about "true love", this is exactly what Ozzie said and called out back in EP8, this is just a display of pure lust and no love.

It's just that Gary Stu Stolas just so happened to be attracted to Blitz because... idk, it never got elaborated further than "good sex".

How are we supposed to root for them both if they barely know each other outside of the bed?

Like, the only PROPER interaction they ever had was back when they were children, but outside of that, everything else has been some form of sexual interaction, either direct or indirect.

They don't even share hobbies nor likings, how tf are these going to be endgame when they're as incompatible as two puzzle pieces that just don't match at all?

And even that, Blitz has more chemistry with Fizz, Striker, Verosika (despite being exes, their interactions are still meaningful) and even fucking Chaz despite being in only one episode.

With this in mind, the Gary Stu owl is nothing but forcing himself onto Blitz's life, no wonder why Blitz decided to explode on him.

And even with all of this, we're supposed to side with the sexual predator a.k.a Stolas?

Haha, no, fuck you.

Stolas can go and fuck himself, despite Blitz being a douchebag, he's still a victim at the end of the day, and Stolas is a sexual predator at the end of the day, taking advantage of a lower class imp.

Of course, this show will bend over and start giving Blitz Stockholm Syndrome to force the Stolitz ship to happen, which of course because this is Viv who we are talking about, she doesn't know jackshit about relationships outside of dramatizations made by Broadway shows.

In the end, this whole thing boils down to this:

Blitz and Stolas were never meant to be together.

And this is clear from the very first episode of S1 and throughout all of S1 that Blitz and Stolas were never meant to be together at all, yes, the potential was there, but was squandered by the full moon deal.

Like, even a threesome consisting of Ozzie, Fizz and Blitz is far more probable to happen than fucking Stolitz.

Reminder that also Viv loves to rush and get to the "good part", scrapping any prior buildup it may need, it's now crystal clear that Blitz and Stolas were never meant to be a couple, maybe a crackship, but not canon.

And Viv's attempts to make it happen no matter what are severely harming the show, making Stolas slowly but surely start to:

Hogging more and more undeserving screen time.

Derailing the original premise of the show to the ground in favor of a stupid, nonsensical melodrama worthy of being in "La Rosa de Guadalupe".

And the worst of all, making people side with the predator (Stolas), while victim blaming the victim (Blitz)

This whole situation reeks of wasted potential in favor of making two blorbos make out, just for Viv's stupid self-absorbed pleasure, and it has been seen over and over again that Viv only makes the shows thinking about herself first, and later the wider audience.

(if the Hazbin EP4 fiasco wasn't enough to notice that.)

There's no feasible way that this melodramatic piece of garbage manages to finish S2, let alone have S3, because things are already starting to catch up against Viv and it shows, through the delays, the incessant need of Viv to keep herself locked in an echo chamber where they kiss her ass unconditionally and the fact that competence is already catching up to her, if not beating her to it (TADC, specifically).

But yeah, to start packing up this rant:

Fuck Stolas, he should've died all the way back in Harvest Moon if Viv wanted to get cheap angst, but Stolas became Viv's self-insert and creator's pet, so instead now the show will force the narrative to be in Stolas' favor and people will and ARE getting sick of it.

And it doesn't help the fact that Stolas is going to steal Verosika's spotlight in the next episode (Apology Tour), proving my argument about "Stolas hogging up more screentime than needed" is true and truer as time goes on.

tldr; go watch "La Rosa de Guadalupe" instead of whatever this piece of shit is, at least you can get a laugh or two out of it.

[campgender]

got excited bc a fic was tagged pillow princess & the blurb was about someone not liking giving fingering, but then the actual content was their partner shaming them for never fingering any of their prev partners / themself before & “teaching” them to be comfortable with it. so that wasn’t triggering at all 🙃💔

[c0rpseductor]

fucking hate fandom sometimes dude

i saw an emetwol fic with a loose premise i thought sounded interesting that was labeled as containing consensual sex. i said to myself great, i do not really want to read about assault right now, i think i'd get too upset!

it um. the actual situation (which was not really like, warned for, the summary was super vague) was that the main character became an ascian and like, did not like emet. but emet kept harassing her and antagonizing her over the years or however long she'd been evil now. finally she asks him "what is it gonna take for you to leave me the fuck alone" and he's like "ummmm sex duh" so the main character agrees to sleep with him if he'll stop antagonizing her for five years. my phone died after this which is likely for the best.

i just, like...i almost feel like i shouldn't have to explain how this is not actually consent? like if this happened in real life it would still be rape because she was coerced into saying yes. consent has to be given freely. rape isn't something that happens solely after a violent struggle. it's so frustrating to me because i've BEEN in the position of being coerced into agreeing to do sexual stuff i didn't want to and like, i blamed myself for ages even though it really isn't my fault that i just wanted to be left alone and chose to endure something bad to get that.

this kind of thing btw is what i mean when i say that fanfic does have an influence on like, how safe survivors are in a space. writing a story that is 100% rape and then labeling it as consensual is fucking cruel and on top of that makes me feel like this person would probably blame me for sexual abuse i "agreed to" under coercion or view it as consensual rather than abuse. and also now i get to sit with a bunch of awful memories because OP doesn't fucking understand how consent works and chose to make that everyone else's problem.

i don't even think the fic is inherently evil or something it was just very very improperly labeled and i think this is something that's easier to get away with in a space where rape is viewed and discussed largely through a sensationalist lens detached from any sense of reality bc it's been reduced to a trope. like yeah i get that erotica is not real life but i do think it has some implications when we've got a stupid fucking echo chamber on our hands where everyone is so fixated on a sexualized caricature of abuse that they're unable to identify or communicate when they write the real thing. makes me worry about whether they can identify it in reality too. like if the product of this subculture is someone writing a story about a character being coerced into performing sexual favors for a consistent harasser and labeling it consensual i just. i don't know about that!

[thekingofthenameless]

Day 2: Countdown

Length: 1K

Cws/Tws: Implied/Referenced kidnapping, manipulation & coercion, non-consensual drugging, and rape. It doesn't physically happen in this chapter; it happened in the past.

Ao3

Merlin:

After Ganieda and Vivian retire to the guest chambers, he and Charlie walk to their bedroom. His mind is clouded by worry, thoughts more disorganized than ever.  He should be happy. And he is. And he is, but- He can’t pretend he’s the same person, not anymore now that they’re here, and when they both realize they’ll rope Mama and Papa into it and they’ll all know- Charlie breathes on him, and the warm air wafting against him snaps him out of it, just a little. Charlie’s here. Charlie’s here. His companion can be his support if he does have to tell them what happened that day, what happened… after, how he’s still trying to heal from it 2,631 years later. Hazy memories flood his mind, of being manipulated, being forced to choose between himself or Charlie, the accusations they hurled at him before that, the hands all over him, the pain the fear the blood the baby- “-lin?” His son asks quietly, after bumping his head against his chest. He looks up into his familiar’s eyes, still feeling out of it, and they show nothing but concern and gentleness. I’m here. I love you.  He steps forward to hug his son’s muzzle, stroking it as he wills himself to calm down. (It doesn’t work. The panic is still rising, making his body hot; the hurt is still resurfacing, constricting his chest.) “They’re going to know,” Kennard whispers, and he fights the urge to shudder. “They’re going to hate you. I don’t know how Charlie doesn’t yet, but he will.” He won’t hate me, he replies internally, and it’s the only response he can think of.   “Yes, he will.” His words are firm, believing, even though the orc’s a figment of his imagination, still haunting him two millennia later, and it doesn’t make sense because he doesn’t believe that. He doesn’t.  He doesn’t.  “One day you’ll see what we’re saying,” Ella murmurs, all false gentleness like she was in life. (She was like that, wasn’t she?) “So wise, and yet so foolish,” she taunts a moment later. He lets go of Charlie’s muzzle and moves closer, stroking his chest before he closes his eyes, trying to banish the unforgiving voices from his mind in vain. His son bends his head to nuzzle his back, purring softly. It’s not loud enough to quiet them, but it’s sweet and comforting nonetheless. 

“Let’s go inside,” his familiar gently says, voice carrying an undertone of anger that suggests he’s leveling a glare at the guards behind them. He swallows at the thought of prying eyes, but he was the one who nearly broke down out in the open instead of their room. Their stares wouldn’t be unwarranted. Taking a breath to steady himself, he lets go of his companion and opens the door, slipping inside; Charlie simply nudges it until it’s wide enough for him to enter before closing it with his muzzle. Then they’re alone, and his son doesn’t demand answers, doesn’t prod in hopes of getting one like they would, simply breathing on his left shoulder before laying what he can of his chin on it, giving comfort without any hidden agenda attached. He reaches up to stroke the soft muzzle with his right hand; Charlie rumbles softly. I’ll listen if you want to talk about it, it says, and he inhales a shuddering breath. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispers, lowering his hand, and Charlie doesn’t reply, but he knows his son is listening, waiting for him to finish before he gives any input. “They’re going to know I’m not the same person, and they’re going to figure out... something happened. They’re already wondering about my scars. But how can I tell them?” His voice cracks, tears suddenly swimming in his eyes, and he hates it. “They’ll bring Mama and Papa into it, and then they’ll all know, and I don’t know if they’ll still love me or not since I was such an idiot that day-”  “Shh,” his familiar interrupts, bending his head even more to rest it against his stomach, looking into his eyes. “You weren’t an idiot; they betrayed both of us. Neither of us can be blamed for their actions, and you can’t blame yourself for being manipulated, especially after they drugged you.” He growls lowly, tail definitely flicking behind them. ‘If they have any sense, then they’ll see the truth. If they don’t, that’s not your fault.” He tries to accept the gentle words, but he can’t because they’re not true. Being drugged wasn’t an excuse for how easily he accepted their words when they didn’t show him that they did have his son, when all of it was caused by the orc who painted him as a villain because he couldn’t accept rejection, couldn’t accept that he doesn’t love anyone romantically, couldn’t accept that he and Charlie aren’t- He tries to halt that train of thought, because he doesn’t want to think of the vile things they imagined, the things he thought he had to do to protect his son when he wasn’t even there. Charlie rumbles again, catching his attention. “I love you,” his companion continues, and he realizes he didn’t respond. “And I’ll keep telling you the truth until you see it.”  He fights the urge to shake his head, because his familiar wouldn’t accept that answer and would keep gently refuting his version of events until he acquiesced. “I... I don’t know how to tell them,” he murmurs instead, hands reaching up to run through his son’s soft fur. “I- I should have thought about it more, because this was going to happen eventually, but..” He trails off. What could he say? That he didn’t want to think about it like a coward? “It’s always been a countdown. I was just too foolish to realize it.”  “You’re not foolish for not wanting to think about it,” Charlie whispers, like he was reading his mind, even if he possesses no telepathy besides through their bond. “We’ll... figure something out. We always do.”  Figure out how to tell them I was raped, intruding thoughts say, uncaring that his son didn’t mean it that way. He forces himself to nod, turning to press his head against his familiar’s as he tries to ignore the ache in his chest.   He can't think of the baby. Not now.

Taglist: @gaylightisminetocommand, @the-arson-author-gamer, @honeyxmonkey

[fireheartedpup]

I keep having to walk away from Bridgerton because Daphne isn't acknowledging just how badly she broke Simon's trust.

She knew he was against having kids, she knew what he was going to do, she knew what he wanted to do, and she did what she wanted anyway because she didn't think his reason was good enough.

I think his reasoning is bullshit and I don't blame her for the rest of it. I just wish she would mention the fact that she forced him into a position she knew he didn't want to be in.

[saints-helen]

:333

More crepic making out! With even MORE angst this time! :D

Implied human cross and epic, but feel free to ignore the like, three lines that reference that😭

All the cw and tw are in the past btw, because epic would NEVER, so dw about that, it's just cross thinking about the past

Heed the tags, enjoy!

Cross felt his breath knocked away, his eyes fluttering closed and open as epic gently kissed him, he reached out his arm by instinct, to grip, to pull, to- Anything, but epic stopped him, gently yet firmly grabbing his scrambling wrist, calming him for a moment, squeezing, before he interlaced their fingers together and cross Breathed.

Cross settled on having his eyes closed, his hand squeezing epic's here and there for reassurance, and it was always met with a steadying squeeze back as he slowly yet surely relaxed, as epic hasn't gone any deeper yet.

Yet.

He squeezed his hand yet again, Tighter this time, more insistent, and epic squeezed right back, thumb tracing over his hand's back in circles as he tilted his head, gentle, soft,

Patient.

Cross willed his eyebrows to relax, willed his shoulders to untense as they broke away a moment to breathe, only to get right back to it, the nerves alight in his head calming, smoothing beneath the slow, warming heat.

He exhaled through his nose finally, relaxing, and he felt epic smile against him, as if he couldn't help it, and it made his breath stutter all over again.

God he likes this but God he hadn't done this in so Long, not like this, at least, and never for this long.

It was a precursor before everyone else's favourite event, and it never seemed to matter whether cross wanted to indulge in it a bit more before moving on, so he'd simply stopped asking.

But he never had to Ask with epic. Well, he Did, actually, but it was moreso to get Rewarded for asking (usually with extra kisses) than it was for keeping himself.. safe, as epic had put it.

It still seemed Weird, that he has a choice in this, that he has a choice in any of this at all and wasn't just expected to do it to fulfill some unseen, unsaid quota of their relationship, that he wasn't "failing" by "depriving" epic of what he so surely "deserved".

(He's the one that scoffed, He's the one that insisted cross put quotation marks around those words, and as miffed and annoyed as cross was about it, he's never been one to disobey. So, he obeyed, and he did it)

Epic never went too fast with him, and the most shocking thing is, he didn't even seem to Want to.

He seems Delighted in it, actually, each time cross asked him to be patient, asked him if they could go slower. He seemed to Revel in it, that hesitant question, and he seemed to find it even More enticing to tell cross that yes, of course, that Is what they'll be doing, usually while adding some incredibly stupid nickname at the end to make him blush even More, as if how flustered he was already wasn't enough.

Cross was used to being rushed, being stringed along, having to pull himself out the daze kissing put him in and hastily take off his clothes for the next part, lest the other party get impatient or Worse, disinterested.

But it didn't even seem like epic was being Nice. He was patient, sure, kind, incredibly so, gentle, moreso than cross thought was possible, but he just- he didn't seem like he Wanted to go faster, rougher, get to the "good" part quicker,

(Again with the damn Quotation marks)

("Any time i spend with you is the best part of my day, bruh, whatever we do during that time doesn't really matter to me.")

He just.. he just seemed to like this, like it like this, like it the way cross did. And cross knew he'd done it in other ways, Many other ways, epic was not shy about telling him how much fun he had with random people, but its just- why? Why was he also like this? He said he'd like it any way cross liked it, and cross had said he's fine with anything, so epic should pick right? But he Didn't.

And that's the thing, he Never Picked, and it was Infuriating.

Cross. Hated. Things he couldn't understand. Moreso about himself, moreso about other People, more and more about Epic. He Hated it he hated it with a burning passion. And one think he could never understand, was why epic just- let him have his way with him. Any way he wanted. Always.

It felt unfair. It felt Disgusting, and more than anything it felt Wrong, like cross was committing some horrible, horrible sin by making him "wait".

And epic insisted that it was fine, Insisted that cross could take his time but how long until he got sick of him, too?

How long until his smile began straining around the words? How long until he looked at cross like he was- defective, Wrong, god forbid Needy, for not wanting this like everybody else did,

For not wanting this as Often as everyone else did.

Epic pulled away slightly, murmuring something to cross that he couldn't hear as he gently pushed him to lay down on the bed, and instantly cross felt that familiar panic, that rush of adrenaline and tv static in his head as epic adjusted his position to sit on top.

Hesitantly, before be could stop himself from thinking about it, he pushed his hand against epic's chest, weakly willing him away, an excuse on the tip of his tongue, maybe tomorrow, he was tired, really, Really maybe let's try again tomorrow night- before epic had it clamped back shut again by grabbing his hand and pressing it to his cheek, his eyes contently closed as he nuzzled it, voice soft.

"Nothing more, promise. Just kissing, nothing else. Yeah?"

And pressing soft kisses to his palm, cross swallowed, voice suddenly feeling so very stupid.

"I- yeah, yeah okay i- yeah, yeah."

"Alright."

He sighed, straddling cross's waist as he leaned down to press their chests together, and cross couldn't even think if the position was comfortable for him or not before epic was sighing again, speaking dreamily.

"You're so Pretty cross, so good with me"

And oh, oh did That get him to shut up.

Then came his common question, a lovestruck look in his eyes as he cupped his cheek, thumbing at the soft skin beneath his hand;

"May i?"

And, of course, he got a bashful nod.

And they were kissing again.

Stars above, okay-

And that's another thing, they hadn't had sex yet. It was... Fine, he supposes. But it was more weird than anything that Epic found it fine, too.

Granted cross would be happily content in never doing it, but he knew that wasn't how it worked, he knew that wasn't how Any of this worked, and he really, really liked epic, loved him, even, and he really, really wanted to keep this going.

(He'd never met anybody else so Nice, so kind, so patient with him and all his stupid stupid bullshit. And he really didn't want that to go away) so he knew he'd have to suck it up eventually and just get it over with.

And then.. keep getting it over with. For what would presumably be the rest of.. the rest of his life.

..

...

....

Yeah he just- he just really didn't want to keep thinking about that and- God why couldn't his brain just focus on the fact that they were Kissing-

And regarding that thing from earlier, his brain oh so Helpfully and Lovingly supplied, why did epic never rush him? Why did he never get sick of waiting? He told him he'd be content waiting, he told him he'd be content waiting for him Forever, but he just- cross knew he didn't know what he was talking about, he knew he didn't understand what he was getting into, how long forever actually was, because if he did, they wouldn't be here right now, with epic straddling his waist, yet somehow not putting too much weight on his body, and his hands roaming over cross's cheek and neck and carding through his hair.

Making out.

Like it was All epic wanted to do.

He wonders, then, if he didn't put his hand up what would've happened, if he didn't stop him (stop him, ha, like cross had ever actually stopped anyone in his entire life) would he have initiated? Would he have just started? Who's clothes would he have taken off first? He knew epic would go slow, hopefully gentle, but slow still always eventually got Somewhere, got There.

There's Always a destination, and it seems cross is the only person not wanting to go.

Maybe there really is something wrong with him, his inability to understand what people mean when they say "forever" has led to one of his first relationships just- going really, really badly.

He'd been relieved, content, even, Happy, when his partner had told him with a smile that they loved him so. That they would wait forever.

Honeyed words, and he was so Happy, so, so happy.

Until it all turned to impatience, because "taking it slow" always meant getting there eventually, cross just- hadn't realised that "eventually" and "forever" apparently had basically the same meaning.

He'd said no, multiple times, and yet the nagging never stopped.

Well, it wasn't exactly "nagging" he supposes, that's kind of unfair, it was more... The air.

Everywhere.

Flinching away from every touch he'd lean into before, because he knew if he leaned into lt, they'd Always try again.

The compliments slowly ever so slowly shifting to only how he looked, how body, how his voice was so very Lovely, and cross wasn't stupid, he knew what this meant, for all his stupid, Stupid inability to read between the lines everyone else saw, he knew what this meant, he just pretended not to, he Didn't Want to, he didn't Want to understand, he didn't Want to Do this, and be hated this song and dance so, so much, how it all came down to- how the Entire relationship came down to whether he could suck it up and do it or not.

And.. of course,

He did.

Didn't last long, disappointing really, over somehow after what felt like hours and yet also felt just like a few minutes, or seconds, who was sure, the people there maybe, He certainly wasn't, and if he was, he couldn't remember it all that well.

All that he Could remember, however, was the fact he was broken up with less than a week later.

"We're just not compatible", they'd said, voice clipped and arms crossed and looking away, all while cross tried to catch their eye for something to cling to.

"But i.. i did it, just like you wanted right? I set the mood and everything" he said, his voice slowly growing weaker then stronger "so why are.. and anyway you'd said you'd wait forever, so what was the problem?? You didn't have to even though you said you Would"

"Stars above cross do you just not understand!? "Forever" isn't real, it just means- ugh, whatever, you wouldn't understand anyway" they said, with a hint of hurt in their voice, as if this was all somehow Cross's fault, for believing what they'd told him.

And it just- it wasn't, right? He did everything right? He did, he Knows he did. Maybe he made them wait a bit too long or- or Something but he Did Do it!! And not Badly may he add, he did it, he did it and he did it Well so-

So why wasn't it enough?

He'd do it quicker next time, surely then, but no, dumped again.

Okay, um, maybe that was a fluke? No, dumped Again.

Okay.. maybe the first date next time? No, ghosted, and left in bed cold and alone even though he was promised company the next morning (and oh.. oh god had that hurt more than Anything).

Over and over and over again he'd been Perfect, he'd been good, and listened, and did as he was expected to and yet it was never, Ever, enough.

What was he doing wrong? Was it him? Was it Him that was the problem? He didn't really enjoy it yeah duh but maybe if he faked it better this time and No, no no no dumped Again.

He didn't understand. He didn't Understand, what kept going wrong? Was he truly that unlikable? That even when bending over backwards (sometimes Literally!) for other people he still wasn't Good enough? Did he Have to want this? Was that the only way?

And if he couldn't, was he just-.. doomed?

He didn't think he could take it. He didn't think he could take it if he woke up alone again, if cuddling turned to fondling again, if gentle turned to rough and he had to just Sit There and Grit His Teeth and Bear it.

Maybe, Maybe, if he tried hard enough but no, they could see it in him, smell it on him, how wrong he was how Defective.

God, stars, he should apologise.

Epic really did get the least fun version of him.