#randy would be The only normal person there and his vibes would drive away all the weird shit like energized yellow's do

[ink-asunder]

Randy Feltface in the DHMIS show...

[bl6ckr0s3]

Transitions

I haven't written here in awhile so I will do my best to be up to date with things. 2 weekends ago, on Sunday of May 2, during the baby switch Lissandra needed to find a way to have some court papers served to Ricky. Since Ricky didn't have a permanent residence, having the papers served to him during the baby switch was the best time & place to get it done. Lissandra hired a server so he was waiting at the Highland Police Station. I informed Doug that when he does arrive, I will be dropping off the bags & the baby while he waits in the car. Once I return to my car, then he will be stepping out of the car to retrieve & that's when Doug can go to him to serve the papers. Right after Ricky got served, me & Doug met up with Lissandra at the parking lot by Baker's a few blocks down from the police station. After Doug completed some paperwork for Lissandra, me and her went to have lunch together at a Farmerboys in town, then we went to a Trader Joes in Redlands for her to get some shopping done. After she was done shopping, she took me home.

I attended the local psychobilly show on May 1 held at the Brick's Restaurant & Bar which was only 10 min. away from my work and Brenda's house. It was nice for her to be able to babysit while I was enjoy the show & photo shooting the bands. There were 7 bands total and I was extremely happy to be back doing what I love doing. Right after me & Lissandra hung out on that Sunday, I immediately started to work on the photos and uploaded videos from the show. I normally should be taking a nap on a Sunday evening, but I had energy to start editing my work. I think it's more meaningful that I was able to do this considering we're coming out of the pandemic slowly. I was surprised to have been told by Randy, one of the promotors of the show that he remembers me and thank me for my work at his show back on Mar. 2019. After all that time, I was really happy that he recognized my work. Everybody was basically happy and complimenting my work from the show. I had quite a few new followers on Instagram.

I also found out that by this time, Ricky is no longer with that new girl. So fast & so quick, I found out from my friend Anna that he was claiming that she was sexually texting another guy. G, that sounds awfully familiar. I wonder if he was already cheating on her or I wonder if that's just his excuse of leaving her or that she found out about how toxic Ricky truly is and decided to stop seeing him. Either way, it's good for her and it's good to me because now he's back to being single and not having a place to stay or live. Hahaha, to think that he was going to buy a house and have some kind of life with that girl and already he didn't last with her. It's great that Karma and the curse is working to my favor. He's suffering and now he's back to living with his sister Vanessa in San Bernardino. Since he is in town now, I was able to pick up my baby from him last Thursday at an earlier time before I had to drive to work which made it more convenient for me. I guess Ricky realizes right now I'm having the upperhand because he doesn't seem to have anybody, but his sister to help him. Anna has already chosen to block his phone number so that he wouldn't be able to text message her again. She was fed up with him still being in contact with her.

Before I get into meeting a new friend, I'm in the middle of a transition of finding a new attorney. I gave that male attorney a phone call to inquire about his services for my upcoming case against Ricky. Seems like he was really good and experienced dealing with Narcissists, the problem was that they wanted $6k down which I don't have. They don't have any payment plans either so I wasn't able to work with the guy since he's asking for too much at that moment. Wendy was researching for some other attorneys in my town and she found this lady Valdez so I gave her a call and had a consultation with her. So her firm does do payment plans and they are asking for $2k which is cheaper than the the first attorney I spoke to. I decided to wait to call them back to talk about payment plans once I get paid from my job. Marble was considerate enough to refund me my money because of the fact that I couldn't rely on Paul for much. He definitely isn't experience enough to deal with somebody like Ricky. Valdez seems to have a good vibe, she has experience dealing with narcissists also which is great. I'm truly hoping that the payment plan with her won't be higher than what I was paying for to Marble. I'm happy they refunded my money because that's already a little over $1k that I have paid them. Once we get this shit processed then we can get the ball rolling on my case and get her up to date on things.

So around May 4, I was getting ready to leave home from work and saw that one of my new followers of my work on Instagram was a guy I recognized from the show. Normally when somebody starts following me, I start following that person also. I saw that he had a lot of classic car photos so I liked a lot of them because I like cars, too. He ended up messaging me thanking me for the love. He said it's a long way drive from LA to San Bernardino, so I told him what?? You live in San Bernardino, too?? So I was happy that now I know somebody in my town lol! We ended up texting each other for the remainder of the evening all through the morning after I got home from work. It was extremely surprising to find out how much me and this guy had in common. His name is Trinidad, and he is 24 years old. He likes older women because he finds them more mature and easier to relate to compared to the other people around his age that he has to be around. I was honest with him from the beginning since he admitted to really liking me. I told him about my situation that I was going through with Ricky & how I have court coming up, and how I have to watch my baby when I have him towards the weekend. I only wanted to just be friends with him, but having him as company and being so physically affectionate, I took to the liking of reallly enjoying his company. He's been such a sweet heart to me. Although I still have my guard up, I haven't sense any type of negativity with Trinidad. He's pretty mature and smart for somebody as young as him. He works on classic cars and is probably the first rockabilly I ever messed around with. Although things moved fast, I totally enjoyed his company and wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment. I only wanted him as a friend, but his actions shows otherwise. I been allowing him to come over my place a few times & he was telling me how happy he's felt hanging out with me. I told him that I can't promise him anything at the moment because I'm still trying to get my shit together from the mess Ricky has created for me. He couldn't help but tell me that he really likes me a lot and the fact that we have a little too much in common, he realizes that he adores me and cares for me even though he claims not to be attached to me. It's so peaceful when he holds me in his arms and caresses my hair and kisses my head while I am sleeping. That is something I haven't experience with a man for too long. I wondered if this was the temporary fling that Cait spoke of in my reading? Although the temporary fling was suppose to come up during the Aug-Sept period. I wonder if that's still gonna apply for if this is what's going on right now, just happened a bit earlier than expected. I am enjoying the moment for the time being. What matters is that if things don't go the way he would want to, I wanted to make sure that we still can be good friends on good terms. He's been nothing but a sweetheart to me, it's felt so peaceful around him. We decided that we will be doing a private photo session together, we were gonna do it yesterday, but he was feeling a bad hangover from drinking that evening when he was at a car show. He was hanging out and speaking to car crew members at the show, he told me that 6 girls tried hitting on him. Trinidad is a very attractive young man and has a keen fashion sense. I told Trinidad to don't allow me to keep him from dating other girls, he said he didn't want to talk to them and that he just wants me. He wasn't feeling well enough to do the shoot yesterday, so we decided that we will do it following weekend. He's pretty photogenic, so he would make a great model for my work. I was truly looking forward to it so I can't wait until I can photo shoot him.

I also plan on wanting to attend the 2 day event in July. Brenda told me that some female, a family member has been causing drama and doesn't want certain people to be attending the family gathering which sounds so stupid & immature. Brenda will find out if they will still decide to hold the gathering in Arizona or if they may decide to change the family gathering location or the date. There's a chance that Brenda may not be attending the gathering in Arizona on May 16-17 because of that lady. If she decides to stay home, then at least I know that she can still watch my baby. Even if I decided to not attend the show, I would've still had to take a Friday off to watch over my baby, but Lissandra told me that her daughter would be free to babysit my baby if I need her to. I'm sure Sid & Guy really miss their little brother and they want to see him.

[cathrynstreich]

At-Home Fitness Experiences a Pandemic-Era Resurgence

(TNS)—Clad in black leggings and grip socks, Katy Winter strides into Vita, her Oakland, Calif.-based fitness studio. She’s all primed to teach a power Pilates class to a group of clients, only the place is completely empty.

No worries. Winter unfurls a yoga mat upon the gleaming wooden floor, props her MacBook laptop on a cushioned stool and gazes into the screen. Twelve faces in little Zoom squares smile back at her.

“How are you holding up?” she asks. “Go ahead and start your playlists, and let’s get going, everyone!”

Behold the virtual new fitness normal. Ordered to close their doors as part of the COVID-19 lockdown, resilient gyms, dance studios and other facilities have turned to online platforms to help participants stay active, get motivated and find their Zen without leaving their living rooms.

It’s a far cry from the days when Jane Fonda, all aglow in neon spandex, urged millions to get their sweat on via VHS videotapes. But with modern audio-visual technology making real-time interaction possible, the rise of—and return to—home fitness has proven a blessing on many levels.

“We’ve had some of our clients talk about how they’re dealing with depression and anxiety during these challenging times. How they’re crying all day and can’t get off the couch,” Winter says. “I tell them, just try giving us 45 minutes or so. Get the blood flowing. You’ll feel so much better.”

Of course, the instructors and facilities also benefit, as the coronavirus closures have many of them struggling to stay afloat.

Jordan Schreiber, who owns the ATA Martial Arts Leadership Academy in Martinez, is facing his biggest fiscal hurdle ever, and that’s saying a lot, considering he opened his business in 2007—just as the recession started to hit.

“That was nothing compared to this,” he says. “This has been incredibly brutal.” Stefan Trandafirescu, a dance instructor who owns The Rose Ballroom in San Jose, can relate. With his revenue in a free-fall and a strident landlord offering no breaks in rent, he claims the recent months have been “very, very painful.”

And so they’re forced to adapt or wither away. To survive, many of them are leaning into things that weren’t exactly in their wheelhouse: working with camera equipment, video monitors, headsets and unfamiliar software platforms—all while trying to hone their on-screen magnetism.

“That’s part of the fun and the challenge of it,” says Randy Myers, a Berkeley-based personal trainer and group exercise instructor, who is known to encourage his charges with virtual fist-bumps. “Fortunately, I like to learn new things.”

Shabnam S. Wright is on the same page. An award-winning belly dancer who runs the Shabnam Dance Studio in Oakland and teaches classes via Skype, she says the pandemic has been “good in a way”—pushing her to rethink her approach to instruction.

“A business can’t do things just one way,” she says. “This has forced us to be innovative.” And amazingly creative. With instructors unable to rely on studios packed with familiar equipment, they’ve had to improvise.

“We try to think of what people have at home,” says Winter, who has had clients use “weird props” like women’s tights for stretch bands, a roll of toilet paper for inner thigh work and wine bottles in place of light dumbbells.

“You just have to be careful not to smash them,” she says.

Schreiber has had to be even more imaginative. Recently, he and his staff administered skill tests to more than 100 martial arts students, who, under normal circumstances, would perform them in-studio and alongside sparring partners. Instead, the tests were carried out on Zoom with students challenged to respond to the teachers’ virtual “attacks.”

As for the subsequent rank ceremony, it became a drive-through affair with masked staff members adhering to social distancing edicts by using extender poles to pass the colored belts to students, who remained in their cars.

And then there’s Terez Orr, a dancer and instructor with Smuin Ballet in San Francisco. Unable to work with pupils at the company’s new facility on Potrero Hill, she had Marley flooring—professional dance flooring—installed in the kitchen of her snug San Francisco apartment. From there, she administers lessons via Zoom to ballet students who, of course, had to make their own in-home modifications.

“It’s a challenge to find the proper height for the bar, which normally would be mounted on a wall,” she says. “They can use a chair or a table, but that might not always be stable … And we try to do small jumps instead of big ones.”

Naturally, there are downsides to the online transition. The instructors refer to the loss of personal connection and the in-room group energy. Myers had to move some of his online sessions from his home into his backyard after his cat became a nuisance. Now, he occasionally frets over whether a lawn-mowing neighbor might ruin the vibe.

“There are so many things you don’t encounter in a gym,” he says.

And Orr admits that certain tutorials simply can’t be done remotely.

“I’m a very hands-on instructor,” she says. “It’s difficult sometimes not being able to physically correct something a student might be getting wrong. I also worry about the safety of the spaces they’re working in. I don’t want them falling over any furniture!”

Trandafirescu and his ballroom dancing partner, Carolyn Barreno, lament the loss of bonds they formed with young couples taking lessons in preparation for weddings that now have been canceled or indefinitely postponed. And they miss the group-dancing socials often held at The Rose Ballroom.

“Those are a chance for everyone to see friends, connect, mingle and talk,” Barreno says. “And it’s a time when you can ask different partners to dance. Obviously, all that has vanished.”

Still, there are significant benefits to the online movement. Several instructors acknowledge that the video tutorials have helped them reach a broader audience, attracting clients outside the Bay Area who appreciate the convenience and otherwise wouldn’t make the trek to the brick-and-mortar outlets.

Also, adds Orr, there’s a certain “safety net” to home exercise.

“Some people just feel more comfortable learning on their own, outside of a group situation,” she says.

Maura Smith, a Berkeley resident who has participated in online classes with Myers, counts herself among them.

“I’ve been willing to try certain things—like Pilates and dance—that I normally wouldn’t,” she admits. “I have a fear of failure. So I often avoid things that I’m not familiar with, especially in group situations.”

Monica Albe of Richmond harbors similar sentiments. When taking online Zoom classes provided by the UC Berkeley recreational sports fitness program, she can see the instructor but chooses an option that prevents others from seeing and hearing her.

“I love that I can be a bum and anonymous,” she says. “I can be sweaty and a complete dork but still feel like I’m part of something cool. It’s much better than a Netflix workout video because it’s live, and the (trainer) is someone I can actually talk to. And I know I can ask for help through the chat function if I need it.”

Orr is convinced that the pandemic-era streaming workouts have been just as valuable for her as they’ve been for her clients.

“It’s a reminder that we’ll be OK and can get through this together,” she says. “To feel that collectively, through a computer screen, is pretty amazing.” And also incredibly uplifting, according to Wright.

“A lot of people aren’t moving right now,” she says. “They’re stuck inside, on the couch or at a work desk. Their hips are locking up. We need to move. We need to dance. We need to be happy and tune in to our bodies.”

All of which brings up the question: Is the Zoom-ified at-home streaming fitness craze here to stay—even post-pandemic? Or will it go the way of Jane Fonda’s playful-peppy workout videos?

“I’ve heard from a lot of people that ‘this works for me,'” Myers says. “So I think that from here on out, the online classes will at least be part of the mix for many of us. It’s redefining what we can offer.”

©2020 The Mercury News Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC

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At-Home Fitness Experiences a Pandemic-Era Resurgence published first on https://thegardenresidences.tumblr.com/

[somedaypast-thesunset]

yesterday we did shrooms.

our friend was the ring leader and mixed 9 grams of it in chocolate and we all split it. im usually okay with shrooms and actually sadly took them enough last summer so i felt calm - usually i just have a very mellow empty headed high.

but this was not good and i guess it was ‘better’ that we all experienced not good. like i knew early on it was going the wrong way and suddenly we just wanted it to be over. it was a very intense trip with audio and visual hallucinations but not like full on break from reality - just warping faces and discoloration and hearing talking when there was none. 

he did not handle this well at all. i feel both me and our friend have a lot of mental issues and have struggled a lot so it was a bit easier for us to handle but i think i handled it the absolute best because i didnt feel traumatized by it when they did. i mean it was very terrible. but ive done worse sober with my own mind in terms of anxiety and shit and the hallucinations i knew were drug induced. no matter what i questioned i reminded myself it was the drugs. i had no grasp on reality, it was the drugs and it would eventually be over. i really just kind of sat it out.

he took it a lot dfferently and it sat on him in relation to the world around him. like he had become upset but unable to express why he was upset that essentilly what he was feeling was something i had felt sober. like his anxiety and neediness and wanting someone to help and feeling overwhelmed - that’s kind of me on the regular. but being able to feel it himself and see it from this perspective i feel like he could see how hard it actually is. it wasnt like anyone was physically ill. everyone was fine and operating and breathing but mentally it was a complete breakdown. like they were thankful -to come back-. as if we would have lost our minds forever. but i know it’s hard to lose your mind forever, it takes a lot of damage and if i was able to rationalize despite it all, i knew eventually they’d come back. 

he was also very very anxious about being upset in front of me because thats not really him. and at one point he was crying, upset about i dont even know and mumbling about james randi. i think he had like pre conceived notions that i might react differently to seeing him upset because he tries really hard to create the illusion of manly man, but on like a subconcious level. i think he thought it would be weakness or something but i just kissed him and everything settled a bit for awhile. 

but the mental breakdown was so bad that it took me a really long time to make food. like i was the first one to be able to moderately operate and i guess thats because im used to that sort of mental breakdown state. like it wasnt as if my drugs were weaker - i was definitely totally fucked up and not well. if i was anywhere but a couch with a blanket - dead in the water. but as soon as the worst of the hallucination subsided and i was able to grasp reality for longer than a couple of seconds, i really tried to take control of my mind and body. i wanted it to be over and i could really not operate well and if you would have put a camera on me in this kitchen it would have been frantic pacing and spinning in circles trying to make chicken nuggets and pizza. 

as i was making the food i went downstairs to check on them and he was laying on the floor with our friend but he suddenly started freaking out at me very seriously and telling me he needs mental help. to me, it’s semi-normal for him to do this. sometimes he changes moods very quickly and you cant question the shift or it escalates it. if you can get him to see hes exaggerating his own thoughts with something more light hearted, he lets it go. but to our friend, he had never seen this side of him. he kept whining about needing a movie on tv but he was doing nothing to help himself with a laptop in the room etc. it was a brief but intense 2 minutes of very serious freking out about needing “mental help” and i casually mentioned how hes “disturbing” our friend which helped switch him to the realization that he wasnt actually alone. 

i finished the food and he asked to tae a nap upstairs which was really just restless anxiety but i felt like .. a much different vibe or shift from him. it wasnt embarassment but like maybe a realization that im not “crazy” and being in mental chaos is hard. both of them were extremely thankful about the food and understood on a deep level how hard it was to mke it - but again, no one was physically sick. everyone could operate but mentally they were gone. so its just really hard to imagine how hard it could be to make food unless you experience if yourself and they did and they appreciated it. 

he was very affectionate towards me after, wanting to sit together and hug me and touching me. he asked me a few times if iwas okay and honestly, i was and i am. it was a really easy mental break for me because i knew it was drug induced. i explained it was little sober me curled in a ball inside and just terrified and waiting it out. cuz its not fun to experience that. im surprised i didnt cry but again i knew it was the drugs. maybe im the best person for a bad trip. i took care of myself and two other people. 

my friend made a comment about us being “boyfriend and girlfriend” i repeated what he usually says - he’s not my boyfriend. so he directly asked him - “youre not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore?” and he replied “look we already established i live in my own reality and thats all that matters” 

whch really he was referring to a comment i made the day before about how he kind of just lived in his own reality where he wont “define” us having a relationship but literally everyone else who knows him and i does because we do in fact by definition have a romantic relationship. so he can think we dont but we definitely do. 

hes very very anxious and passive aggressive about my eviction. which is funny to me because i think its a projection of like.. knowing he probably really wants me but this is a bad situation. like its not a healthy relationship standard to now live together because i was evicted. theres no want or desire there; just necessity. so i get it; but he cant say these things. that makes him committed and obligated to the idea of a full scale long term relationship. he cant be alone and be himself with a connection.

i told him i had an opportunity to live in a nearby bussable city. he commented that itd be a long way to walk but it wouldnt matter - hes going away in the summer (by going away he means the idea of living in his truck). it was a double shot - not only would i have less access to him; it wouldnt matter to him because he’s/he’d just leave anyways. 

its a bit upsetting that he would focus on our “non existant” relationship - he drives enough it doesnt seem that big of a deal to live a bit further and i dont have a lot of options at the moment. like this is upsetting for me too but im trying to stay the course. ike its a bump in the road of my recovery; it’s not a step backwards, its a consquence of my actions before and it doesnt define what im doing right now. right now i feel 50 - 70% equipped to handle this. its not going to be fun or easy but itll really be for the best all around. like being in this apartment is not healthy for me.

and i have to live my own life. like i feel at ease with the idea that were not creating a real life together so im kindof moving on and he might have to make effort to keep it going. if he doesnt, well -- sucks, but what more can i do? sorry for not living up to your expectations?

i want to live with him but at the same time, right now, i dont. maybe in a few more months when he figures things out a bit more. not that i have anything figured out but as my mind has cleared, ive begun to have time to think on what i know and believe and want. ive built some confidence in myself that i might know whats best for me. not that i know everything, but i should trust that i know when it best to listen to someone else too. and i should trust when i know that someone elses opinion might not matter. 

so i know i want a life partner. i know i want to create things - maybe grow or cook, something stress free. i know i want to help a community thrive and grow things within local areas. i’m tired of doing what everyone else wantsme to do; it’s exhausting and suffocating and leads to constant mental breaks. i just want to be me and being me involves a partner. 

i dont want to live with his mother. its very suffocating to be around his mother who places her own misguided expectations on you as well. she told me to get a job at mcdonalds - whch is fair, but what happens when i give up? because i know its what i dont want? why stay in terrible situations? why stay n something you dont want? what i want a majority of the time is to lay down and give up. i’d like the incentive not to and mcdonalds is not it. 

but she doesnt understand that. she doesnt get that like this shroom trip, a lot of my daily coping is within life or death. i have to choose life. i have to choose and grasp reality regularly when i’d rather give in to it all. so when you lay that blanket on ‘get a job at mcdonalds’, it’s just not the rght choice. it seems stupid, but its not the right choice. 

this week i will amazingly work four days. im nervous but looking forward to it and looking forward to it solving some of my problems.