#randomly feeling sad today for no reason

[butchreyes]

god i've had such bad writers block lately. which i guess in a way i anticipated would happen when i went back to school full-time, but alas. like today i spent an hour staring at a doc, knowing exactly what i wanted to convey but completely forgetting how to actually say anything.

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

Milk Aisle - Lando Norris

<word count - 7191> |part 1 - Nerd|part 2 - Rumours|part 3 - So Special|part 4 - Something Else|

Lando resented you. He absolutely hated your guts. You had completely ruined him. He was miserable, wholly miserable. He spent the coming days sulking in bed, even skipping school on the Friday by telling his mum that he was sick.

Despite never really enjoying school, Lando wasn't one to ask to have a day off randomly. So, she let him, just this once. She knew it was something to do with you, but Lando never specified. A small part of him didn't want his mum or family disliking you, but he couldn't fathom why. 

Maybe it was because he still longed for you with every fibre of his being, but that was just a hunch. 

He didn't bother doing any of the catch-up work that he had missed, it didn't feel worth it to him. His mum had to talk him into going into school on Monday after a weekend of moping and sitting with his mind that was shrouded with the fog of his hatred for you. 

His mum drove him to school, and he went to stand by the lockers until the bell had gone for first lesson. His friends had texted to ask why he hadn't turned up to the track on Saturday, or to the park for football on Sunday, but he had left them all on read. 

It was weird to see them concerned for him, since they were so prone to taking the piss out of him. He appreciated it, but he didn't want to talk. Meanwhile, you had also spent your weekend in a stupor of sadness. 

You definitely regretted it in some capacity, but you were glad not to hear a word from anyone when you walked into school on Monday morning. You were still avoiding Lilly like the plague she was, but no one made any move to piss you off. 

Later in the day, you took yourself over to DT, where you knew Lando would be. You hadn't seen him all day, and you weren't sure if you wanted to or not. The guilt would eat you alive if you saw him. Well, if he was sad. 

For all you knew, he could have been going about his day acting as if everything was fine and he wasn't so hurt by the way that things had ended between you. But then you caught yourself as your inner monologue ran rampant. 

Things had ended? That made it sound like you were in caring, loving relationship. Your friendship was very caring, since the both of you were very considerate of how the other felt. Loving? That was a whole other matter to consider.

Neither of you knew what love in a romantic capacity meant, but whatever you felt for Lando was the closest thing you had ever had to it. He wasn't there when you walked in, which was slightly relieving. 

You sat at your bench, opening the cupboard underneath the desk to see everyone's work who sat at that desk throughout the week. And there was the piece that Lando had made as part of the bet that had started all of this. 

He still owed you a week of woodwork, and you still owed him a few maths homeworks, but you had given up on it, just like you had given up on Lando. The bell went that signalled that everyone should be in lesson, and Lando still wasn't there.

Your teacher took the register, but just as he reached Lando's name, the door swung open as he skulked into the room. He didn't look at you, or anyone else for that matter as he took his seat at his bench. 

"You're late, Lando," your teacher said, and Lando just sat there and looked at him. "Why?" he asked, and Lando's eyes darted around the room for a second, as if coming up with a reason why he was late. 

"I was with Miss Kennedy," he said, and everyone knew it was a lie. Miss Kennedy was your maths teacher, and you knew he wasn't with her because you had seen her go into the maths room and Lando sure as hell hadn't gone in too.

It seemed your DT teacher also knew that it was bullshit, but he decided not to press the matter any further. Once the register was done, he explain what you'd be doing today. You hoped you'd be doing 3D modelling on the computers or 3D printing - or at least something that didn't require too much technicality. 

But no, it was your absolute favourite thing to be doing. Woodwork. You had to stifle an audible groan while he went through what you'd be doing. The task itself was relatively simple, but that didn't mean you wanted to do it.

Your assignment for the next two lessons was simple: you had to make a storage box. A simple box with some sort of opening and slots for any types of items that you wanted in it. You didn't have long to design it, you just had to come up with some measurements, grab the supplies from the store cupboard once it was authorised and go for it. 

In the end, you quickly made a rough sketch of your flashcard holder. It was something you'd actually use, and you would actually try since it would be going on your desk and you'd have to look at it every day. 

You planned out 11 compartments, one for each of your subjects and went to the storage cupboard to get your supplies. For this lesson, you had your sheets of wood and the hinges in case you actually got onto finishing the lid of the box. 

Despite your hatred of the subject, you had to admit that you were quite good at it. It was probably the perfectionist in you, wanting to make everything exactly to size and make your stuff look professional, even if you had never made anything quite as perfect as what Lando and his dad had made you. 

Lando just sat at his bench, unmoving. While everyone else had pretty much finished sketching and had gathered supplies, he hadn't even put pencil to paper. Your teacher knew something was up. Lando and your DT teacher were like you and your maths teacher - as close as it was appropriate for a teacher and student to be.

Lando was the best at DT, so he liked him. So, to see him not even bothering to try made him worry. He wasn't going to push Lando, but he also didn't want anyone else to see him just sitting around and think they could also slack off or that he was playing clear favourites.

"Lando can you please at least sketch something? And then we can make it another day," he gently encouraged, and Lando didn't want to take his bad mood out on his teacher, it wasn't his fault. It was yours. 

Lando mindlessly sketched shapes on his paper before deciding on what he wanted to do. Out of the corner of his eye, he couldn't help but spot you putting your hair up and pulling your apron on over your head. 

Goddamnit, why did you have to be so captivating to him? He was supposed to hate you for what you did, but why couldn't he? His eyes were superglued to you as you moved, marking out the measurements on your bits of wood. 

Trying to focus on the paper in front of him, Lando was finding it harder and harder to keep himself away from you. Plus, the way you were cutting your wood was far from safe. Your fingers were way too close to the saw blade, and he wasn't liking the way you were doing it. 

You were quick with the chopping so that you could make the cut as clean as possible, and you had neglected to notice the placement of your fingers. Every back and forth motion seemed to bring your fingers a centimetre closer to the blade, and he was internally cringing.  

He might not have liked you, but he couldn't watch you hurt yourself and just stand by and do nothing. Getting up from his seat, he approached your bench. "Hey, Y/N, don't chop it like that, you'll hurt yourself-" he started, but he was a few seconds too late. 

The hand that was sawing got caught, the teeth snagging in the wood. This caused your hand to slip, tilting the blade while still sawing. "Ow, fuck!" you yelped, dropping the saw with a clatter and clutching onto your fingers while droplets of crimson dripped down the side of your hand. 

Lando dragged you over to the sink in the corner of the room, turning on the tap and sticking your hand under the running water. "Stay there," he told you, darting to the other side of the room to get the first aid kit off of your teacher's desk. 

By the time he had gotten back, your teacher was inspecting your hand as red continued to gush out and you cried out in pain. It wasn't even that it hurt that much since the adrenaline was running, it was more the sight of the amount of blood. 

Everyone was looking at you, some people shielding their eyes from the sight of the blood trickling down onto the floor. Your teacher had his hands clamped over the injured fingers, hoping the pressure would stop the bleeding. 

"Lando, can you get the cotton wool out of the kit please?" he asked, and Lando was quick to pop it open and rummage through all of the different items. He found the big pack of cotton wool, pulling some out and passing it to your teacher.

He held it over the wounds across your digits, still trying to stop the bleeding. Lando felt like a bit of an idiot, just standing there and watching as more and more tears trickled down your face as the pain appeared to set in. 

He had seen you crying more than he had seen you smiling as of recent, and it broke him. He couldn't even put a hand on your back to soothe you, or hold your other hand in support. All he could do was watch. 

He didn't want to risk you pushing him away, not again. Lando at least let himself pull out a tissue from the first aid box and offered it to you. You took it with a small smile and a whispered thank you, the feeling of your fingers brushing together sending jolts of electricity through both of you.

Dabbing at the tears on your cheeks, your teacher asked Lando for the alcohol wipes from the box. "This is probably going to hurt, but I need you to just bear through the pain, OK?" your teacher said, and you held your breath in anticipation. 

Pressing the wipe to your sliced fingers, the pointed sting instantly seeped into the wound. You let out a sharp hiss of pain, your face scrunching up in agony. Without thinking, you grabbed Lando's hand and squeezed it for dear life, just to take your mind off the soreness.

There was no way in hell that he was pulling his hand away from you, instead he was glad that he could offer some semblance of support for you when you needed him. He could see that your hand was shaking as your teacher wiped the red off of your fingers, droplets still sliding down your hand. 

"Y/N, I think you need to go to the nurses office, OK? I'm going to have Lando take you," he told you, and you nodded. "Hold this on your fingers," he told you, pressing more cotton wool over the open wounds. 

Swapping to hold your hand with his free hand, Lando placed his other hand on your elbow in case he needed to quickly grab onto you. If you were going to pass out, you probably would have by now, but he didn't want to take that chance. 

No words were exchanged as you walked down the corridors, and you were focused on ignoring the pain and keeping the cotton wool clamped down on your fingers. Lando wanted to talk to you, to tell you that you were going to be okay, but he didn't want to overstep his bounds. 

And he was repeatedly reminding himself that he is supposed to hate you, not want to make you feel better. He was meant to enjoy your pain for some sadistic reason, but he felt that the mental justification of that didn't really align with any form of moral values. 

Eventually, the two of you arrived at the nurse's office, and Lando took his hand away from your elbow to knock on the door. You heard a muffled 'Come in!' from the other side of the heavy wooden door, and Lando opened it to usher you inside. 

He stepped in behind you, taking a firm grasp of your hand again. The nurse looked between the two of you, her eyes landing on the hand that you were covering with the cotton wool as she looked at the redness still partially dribbling from it. 

She was waiting for your explanation, but when you didn't offer one, Lando piped up. "She sliced her fingers on one of the tenon saws in the workshop, we haven't seen how deep they are but there's a lot of blood. She's still got all of her fingers, we don't need any sewing back on," he said, his attempt at making a joke falling flat. 

"OK, sit down, dear," the older lady told you, patting the bed in the corner of the room. Lando led you over, helping you shuffle on without the aid of your own hands. "You can go back to class now, love. Thank you for bringing her," she said to Lando as he kept hold of your hand for a few more moment. 

After offering you a final squeeze of reassurance, Lando released his grip and took a step back. Just as he reached the door, he heard your voice. "Lando?" you said, his name sounding heavenly coming from you. Your voice was rough from crying, and something about it worked for him. "Thank you," you said. 

"No problem," he nodded, taking himself out of the room and slowly walking back to the workshop. Once he got back, your teacher went up to him. 

"Is she OK?" he asked, and Lando just shrugged.

"I don't know, the nurse sent me away before she looked at her hand," he explained.

"Did you see what happened?"

"She was sawing through one of the pieces of wood for her container and her fingers were way too close to the blade. Her hand slipped and the blade caught her fingers," he told him, your teacher sighing.

"OK, thanks Lando," he said, walking off to observe the other students in the class. Glancing over at your desk, Lando saw the nearly chopped pieces of wood that you were doing, and something in him was compelling him to go over and finish it for you. 

He didn't want to, since he didn't want to be doing you anymore favours. But he also couldn't just leave it sat there, barely started. With a huff and hurling internal insults about himself for being weak, he took himself over to your desk. 

Your saw blade had blood on it, and he sure as hell wasn't using that. Your teacher spotted it and took it away for sanitation, leaving Lando to get another one from the tool cupboard. The bit of wood that you had been cutting was completely wrong after your hand slipped, a full slice through the surface.

He looked at your sketches and redrew out the dimensions on a different piece of wood, before taking it over to the bandsaw to cut it quicker. He didn't know why you didn't opt for that instead of the hand held method, but he was glad you hadn't. You definitely wouldn't have had fingers if you had slipped with that machine. 

Lando was quick with cutting the pieces up, getting ready to sand the edges and glue them together. He also saw the small tin of white paint on the desk, now seeing the full picture of your final creation. 

From a distance, your teacher saw Lando redoing your project for you and smiled to himself. He knew that Lando had made your previous work that you had turned in, it was obvious. There was no one with the precision or meticulousness like Lando, and it was clear who had done the work.

He found it admirable that the young man had put so much time and effort into the things for you, so much so that he couldn't even be mad. He watched as Lando picked up your pencil and made some amendments to the designs, as well as adding in some extra stuff that he knew would make it even better. 

In the meantime, you were still sat in the stuffy nurses office. The bleeding had slowed down, and the cuts on your fingers were deep, but not so bad. They may leave faint scars, though. "Is that young man your boyfriend?" she asked, and you knew she was just looking for something cool to tell the other teachers in the staff room later. 

"No, no. We're... friends." you said, the word tasting bitter on your tongue. It was all your doing, and maybe if you hadn't pushed him away, you could have been saying that he was your boyfriend. 

"Ah, 'friends'," she teased as she cleaned up the dried blood from around the wounds. You didn't respond, you just let her wrap each finger in some soft bandages. "Keep these on for a couple weeks, if they come off you can come back and I'll refresh them, OK?"

"OK, thank you," you nodded, taking yourself back to class with only a few minutes left of the lesson. As you walked in, you saw Lando at your bench, painting the pieces that he had recut for you. 

"I was... erm... sir did this... I was just painting them..." he stuttered, and your teacher smirked from behind him. 

"No, no I didn't. Lando did the whole thing," he chuckled, watching as his face turned red. 

"Thanks Lando," you smiled, admiring what he was doing. Every piece looked like absolute perfection, and he was even taking such precise care in the brush strokes he was using for it. 

"Anytime," he mumbled, putting the wet pieces on the window sill and going over to his own desk again. He didn't think you'd come back from the nurse's office before the end of the lesson, so to see you walk in before was nothing short of embarrassing. 

He didn't want you to think that everything was fine, and he was still pining after you. He didn't want you to know how much he still wanted you, and how much he always would. Yet here he was, doing your work for you when you had hurt yourself. Helping you when you had hurt yourself. 

Lando felt like an idiot. A big, lovesick idiot who didn't know what else to do but chase after the one girl he had ever had feelings for. He was desperate for the the bell to go so that he could leave, so that he could get away from you.   

It had dawned on him that he'd have to see you in maths, but he would be taking himself off to his reinstated desk in the back of the class, not the front row slot that he had once been so happy about having. 

Miss Kennedy had noticed his move, but she didn't say anything. She had noticed that the quality of his homework had slipped, and the next test that you had wasn't boding well. Whenever she walked around class when you were all working, she noticed that he barely got past the first few questions. 

She was hoping that his sudden brilliance wasn't just a short term thing, but she couldn't be too sure. Lando knew that you'd be there first, so he took it upon himself to be late yet again. He went to sit on the back row, not even paying attention to the new stuff you were being taught. 

Once you had been set off doing more practice questions, Miss Kennedy made her way to the back of the class. "Lando, can I have a really quick word with you after class?" she asked, and it wasn't like Lando could exactly say no. 

He thought he was going to get told off for the sudden deterioration in the quality of his work, but he wasn't in the head space to care. "Yeah," he nodded, going back to pretending to do the questions that were on the whiteboard. 

Everytime he looked up, he saw you firing through the maths as you always did. He didn't like seeing your bandaged hand, knowing that he could have stopped it if he had been quicker with telling you. 

Deep down, he knew it wasn't his fault, but he still didn't like knowing that he could have prevented it if he wasn't so caught up in his own head. You were just resting it on the table, since it was painful to do anything else with it at this moment in time. 

You were just working through the maths to try and take your mind off of your hand and Lando. It hurt, that was a given, but seeing Lando so miserable hurt a hell of a lot more. In many ways, you wished that he was just going about his day like normal, just so that you could confirm the theory that he never really cared. 

Yet, seeing him so miserable almost proved the opposite. He had to have cared to some degree, and it made you hate yourself even more for what you had done. He had even been doing your DT for you, again. He had made them perfect for you like ha always did. 

Although it felt cruel to go to him and say that you wanted to forget what you had said to him and just go back to being his friend again. It felt a little too far gone for that, and it was your fault. Completely your fault. 

Miss Kennedy went through the answers to the questions, before telling you all to make sure that you revised for your test. She let you go on the bell, but you took extra time to pack up since you pretty much only had one hand. 

It was a struggle, and Lando wanted so desperately to go over to you and help, but he stood his ground and waited at the back of the class. The tension in the air was thick, and it felt like the walls were closing in on you as you felt Lando's eyes on you from the back of class. 

Miss Kennedy was also watching, and you kept dropping things in your rush to leave the stuffy room. Slinging your backpack over your shoulder, you bolted out of the room and into the flurry of students in the corridor. 

As you left, Miss Kennedy closed the door behind her, closing herself and Lando off from the rest of the school. "What's going on with you, Lando?" she softly asked, leaning against the door.

"Nothing." he curtly answered, itching to leave the room so that she wouldn't ask more questions.

"Your work in class is slipping, your homework is going downhill, and I can nearly guarantee that you're not going to smash tomorrow's test like you have been doing recently. What's gone on?" she pressed, and Lando was trying to come up with a lie on the spot. 

"Just stuff at home..." he mumbled, suddenly panicking that they may call his parents to ask what was happening and that it was effecting their son. Miss Kennedy stayed quiet, as if still pushing him to say something. 

"It's just stuff with Y/N, nothing major." he said, leaving his confession there. 

"Trouble in paradise?"

"If that's what you want to call it," he scoffed, knowing that things between the two of you were never paradise. You were always nearly there. You teetered on the precipice of happily ever after and a sick sense of doomsday. Yet, doomsday had gone from being close at hand to his every day state of mind.

"She's good for you, Lando. You do miles better when she's sat with you, and she actually talks to the people around her when you're there." Miss Kennedy told him, and it was hardly like he didn't know it already.

But, hearing it from someone else and out loud instead of in his own head, it somehow hurt more. It was like he was being forced to accept that you were better together than you were apart, and it was like tearing open the already shakily sewn together wound. 

"Yeah well, apparently I'm not good for her," he sighed, keeping his head down and walking out of the door. There was no use in Miss Kennedy stopping him, since she knew that was the best she was going to pull from him.

If Lando didn't want help, then he wouldn't let himself be helped. It was as simple as that. 

But, as he walked to his lockers with his eyes focused on his feet, he heard voices. He felt a strange sense of deja vu creeping up on him. He knew Lilly was there, and he wasn't putting any money on who she was talking to.

"See? The second you gave him even a shred of hassle, he was out of there. Do I get an apology now?" she said, and he could see the sneer on her face in his mind.

"No, Lilly. You get no apology. You don't deserve an apology. You don't deserve anything." you said, your voice giving nothing away. If Lando wasn't so annoyed at you, he would have found your stubbornness impressive. 

"But I was right, wasn't I? You're left being all by yourself, and now the smartest girl has been labelled at the dumbest for ever thinking she had a shot with Lando Norris." she continued to tease, and Lando couldn't tell if you were on the verge of tears or slapping her. 

He had said the exact same thing to you, but it sounded so much worse when she said it. He didn't mean it, not anymore. He may have in the moment, but he didn't believe it for a second now. And he knew Lilly did.

"Lilly, what has to happen for you to realise that you're going to walk out of these doors and be nothing. Everyone will remember you as the bitch who had nothing better to do than put other down because she wanted to make herself feel better." you started, and Lilly's eyes flashed with something unrecognisable. Hurt? No. 

"Oh please, I'm the-"

"No, I'm not done. When it comes to our highschool reunion, one day in the future, you're going to be nothing. Maisie might be doing music, since I'm sure you're awfully jealous of the fact that her talent is beyond anything you could ever have. I'll have gotten the best damned grades I can get and I'll be working some badass job just like I'm meant to."

"And guess what, you're not going to like this one. Lando will be with someone who isn't you. Because he doesn't like you. He'll never like you. No one will ever like you. No one here does, and no one will if you keep on destroying other people just to make you loathe yourself a little less." you finished, closing your locker and walking away from her. 

For once, you had rendered Lilly completely speechless. Lando stood still out of sight in the silence, unable to ignore the slight sense of pride that he was feeling for you. He walked past her to his own locker, and he was waiting for her to say something. 

"Erm... Lando?" she started, and he had never seen her so timid. This felt like the most genuine version of Lilly that he had ever seen, but he wasn't going to trust it. "Would you... maybe want to grab a coffee with me or something on the weekend?" she asked, and he had to use a lot of willpower to not just laugh in her face.

"Take the hint and fuck off, Lilly." he said, retrieving everything out of his locker and walking away. He had rejected girls before, and he had always felt bad about it. This time, he felt nothing but some weird sense of joy.

He liked being the one in control of situations with Lilly, because it gave her a taste of her own medicine. But he'd rather have you back. As much as he hated to admit it, he'd rather have you back. The satisfaction of going that to Lilly was incomparable to the joy he got when he was with you.

All he could hope was that she was now going to just leave him alone so that he could carry on with his life. Without Lilly, without you, just how it was those few fateful weeks ago. 

It was weird how everything had gone down over the past few weeks. He had gone from not talking to you ever, to talking to you all the time, to not, to being back at it, then practically strangers. 

Two people whose paths crossed momentarily that were now leading away from each other again. He couldn't quite tell whether he preferred his life before or after, the more he thought about it.

He had been happy before, without a care in the world. He was floating off the ground as he let the breeze of his youth carry him through life. Yet, with you, he was flying . He was soaring in the clear blue skies without  a cloud in sight. But now, it seemed like there was a permanent blanket of clouds hiding away the sun.

----

The following Saturday, your mum had dragged you out of the house to go on the weekly shop with her. You hadn't been shopping with her since you were at least ten, but she wasn't taking no for an answer today. 

All you had to do was watch as she checked her shopping list and navigated the aisles to find what she needed for this week. It was one of the most dull things you had done in a long time, and you would've done anything to be at home. Or anywhere else. 

You were snapped out of your daydreaming about more exciting activities when you heard your mum scoff to herself. You watched as her eyebrows knitted in slight frustration. "Love?" she asked, looking over at you. 

"Yeah?"

"Could you run to the bread aisle? I've accidentally picked up brioche rolls." she asked, and you just took the rolls out of the trolley and tried to find your way back to the bread aisle. You look at the signs over your head, eventually finding it, of course, at the very end of the supermarket. 

Putting the rolls back on the shelf and looking for the ones you normally got, you could've sworn you saw a familiar flash out of the corner of your eye. Curly brown locks- no, no it can't have been. Lando's family were millionaires, they shopped at Waitrose. Not Tesco.

Anyway, shoving that thought to the back of your mind, you collected the right bread rolls and went to track down your mum, wherever she was. You heard her talking to someone as you approached the dairy section, and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. You were going to be stuck here for a long time. 

But, when you turned the corner, you nearly froze. Lando's mum. Your mum. Lando. All three of them were stood there, in conversation. Well, Lando wasn't talking, but your mothers sure as hell were.

Dropping the rolls into the trolley, Lando avoided your gaze. You hoped you wouldn't have to chip into the discussion, but your mum soon ruined those hopes. "Y/N, you didn't tell me you knew Lando," she chirped, and you saw the glint in both Lando's and his mum's eyes. 

You all knew what was going on, but you had to play along with the charade anyway. "You didn't tell me you knew Lando," you countered, sending daggers towards your mum.

"We met at parents evening, I just never knew the two of you knew each other," she responded, and you wanted the floor to swallow you up. Before you got another word in, your mum piped up again. "Why don't you two go and get yourselves a table in the cafe and a hot chocolate or something?" she suggested, and none of you could come up with a reason as to why it wouldn't be a good idea.

You just sighed and started making your way over to the in-store cafe. You didn't check to see if Lando was following, since you had to come up with something to talk to him about. Or you could just sit there in silence until your mums finished shopping. 

Spotting a table in the corner, you sat down and Lando sat opposite you. You couldn't think of anything to say, something to strike up a conversation with. Lando felt the same, except for his feelings were a bit more obvious to him. 

He was annoyed, to say the least. Fate had brought you together, yet again - even when it knew that you kept on throwing your endless vaults of spanners into the works to break it all down again and again and again. 

As you fidgeted with your hands on the slightly sticky wooden table, Lando noticed the fresh looking bandages around the fingers that you had nearly sliced off. "So... how are your fingers?" he asked, and you tried to maintain eye contact as best you could and failed miserably. 

"Oh, they're doing OK. I had to go to the doctors to get them glued so that they could heal better, but they'll be OK. Scarred, but OK." you explained, and Lando felt a pang of something in his chest. You were perfect, far too perfect, and now you were going to be scarred because he wasn't quick enough to help you. 

But there it was again, that self blaming for something that truly wasn't his fault. He couldn't help be concerned, even if he kept telling himself over and over again that he hated you. He hated you for what you did to him, how his brain reacted to you. 

He hated the butterflies that fluttered to life in his stomach every time he saw you. He hated the electricity that sparked through his veins whenever the two of you made physical contact. He hated the way your smile would light up his world like the sun. 

Most of all, he hated the way he still wanted you. If you were willing to push it all aside and even just be his friend again, he'd take it. It was better than nothing. Having you as a friend was a hell of a lot better than not having you at all. 

"Well that's good," he nodded, desperate to bring up if you could be friends again. He would be your friend in secret if that's what it took. He could still drive you home, spend time with you on the weekends instead of in school.

"I'm getting a drink, you want one?" he asked, standing up from his seat and trying to read the menu from the distance you were at. He knew his mum would scold him if neither of you had a drink, or if he hadn't at least offered to get you one. 

"Could I have a hot chocolate, please?" you requested, and Lando headed off to the counter to order two hot chocolates. In an alternate universe, this was a date and he'd get to ask you to be his girlfriend after your little, impromptu hot chocolate. 

Shortly after, Lando returned with the two steaming mugs of hot chocolate and placed yours in front of you. "Thank you," you smiled, and he could've sworn he felt his heart stop. That smile. That pretty goddamn smile. The smile he was meant to loathe but could never heartily do so. 

"How much do I owe you?" you asked, rifling around in your bag for your purse.

"Hey, no, we don't do that." he said, as if there was such thing as a 'we' in this situation. He saw the slight blush that coated your cheeks, and he couldn't help but revel in it. He just wanted to spoil you rotten and love you. 

Sitting down, he was suddenly absolutely itching to just tell you everything. How much he was willing to do to get you back. "Look, I really-" he started, before he was interrupted by your mums getting back with their trolleys of shopping. 

He was going to tell you how much he missed you and how much he wanted to be your friend again, but of course your mothers just had to return at the exact wrong time. Or maybe the right time so that he didn't have to make a complete fool of himself. 

Your mum went to get coffees for the two of them, and Lando's mum was quick to strike up conversation. "Y/N, Lando told me about your hand. Really nasty accident, huh?" 

"It was, yeah. If Lando hadn't helped, I probably would've panicked and passed out," you chuckled, seeing the small flicker of shock on Lando's face. He was just doing what he thought anyone would do in that situation, and he hadn't realised how much you had appreciated his presence. 

"He just told me he got the first aid kit," she said, now guessing that Lando hadn't told her the whole story. He had gotten the part right about your sawing method to be flawed at best, and that he had given your teacher cotton wool, but the rest was missed out.  

"Oh no, he took me right to the sink, held my fingers under the water, held my hand, took me to the nurses office. He even carried on my project for me." you told her, and the pride she felt for her son was unmistakable. 

She knew he was smitten for you already, but it was nice to hear that he was still completely head over heels, even if you two weren't on the best terms right now. She was glad that she had raised him to be so thoughtful in such a situation. 

"Well, I'm glad he acted fast," she smiled as your mum returned with the coffees for the both of them. They got lost in conversation, leaving the two of you to just sit there and listen to them gossip for a while. 

"C'mon, we're going for a walk," he said, slipping off of his chair and waiting for you by the table to join him. Neither of your mums paid much notice to your departure, so the both of you just started wandering around the supermarket. 

Once you were out of earshot of your parents, Lando spoke. "Look, I really miss you, OK? I keep telling myself that I should just forget about you and move on, I can't. You were one of my closest friends and I can't keep going on pretending like we never were close." he blurted out, and you just looked at him.

You couldn't decide if you were happy with what he was saying, or upset. You were happy because it just meant he felt the same way that you did, that he missed you like you missed him. 

On the other hand, you felt so guilty. So guilty for throwing what you had away for the sake of bullies. But in the moment, that felt like the best course of action for your mental health and your sanity. 

"Please, just... be my friend again? We don't even have to talk in school, just out of school. Just so that I can still at least talk to you." he said, his eyes pleading with you to just cave and let him back into your life. "I miss you..." he repeated, and you could tell that there was more to it than what he was saying.

You knew that there was not a single teenage boy on planet earth that would be this desperate to get a girl who was just a friend back, but you couldn't say you were complaining. "Lando..." you whispered. 

Just hearing his name on your lips was enough to send him into meltdown. Yet, he couldn't tell by your tone whether the next thing you were going to say was good or bad. "I'm sorry." you said, and he was still confused. 

Were you apologising because of what you did, or because you couldn't take him back as your friend?

"I really want to be your friend again," you confessed, and he was waiting for the 'but' to come after your sentence, but he was left waiting for it. You saw a smile slowly spread across his lips, his eyes lighting up. 

"Really?" he asked, ready for you to finish off with something about how much of a bad idea all of this was.

"I miss you too. A lot." you told him, and he could practically hear his heart singing in glee. 

"Can I hug you?" he asked all too quickly. You nodded, and before you could get any words in, he wrapped his arms around you. It was so nice to have you back in his embrace, and you weren't even crying this time. 

He could've cried of joy, but he thought that that was a bit too far. He may have been a very considerate teenage boy, but he was still a teenage boy nonetheless.  "So are we friends all the time or just out of school?" he said, not showing any signs of letting go of you.

"Just out of school for now, I don't know if I can handle much more of the crap we get put through," you told him, and he was slightly disappointed. Not disappointed enough to say something and put everything in jeopardy, but disappointed enough to pull back and give you a small pout. 

"Don't give me that face," you playfully scolded, trying to shuffle out of his arms.

"What face? I don't know what you're talking about," he feigned innocence, tightening his grip around you so that you couldn't run away from him.

"Don't play dumb with me, Norris. You know what face," you pressed, and it just made his pout more prominent. 

"Nope, no idea," he laughed, tugging you back close to him. Resting his head on the top of yours, he basked in the feeling of your heart against his, being able to have you right where he wanted you. The setting of the milk aisle wasn't the most glamorous or romantic, but he didn't care. As long as he was with you. 

A/N - Merry Christmas again! Another one for you, part 5 of this series that I didn't think would do as well as it has, but hey. I am not complaining. Love y'all 💖

tag list: @dying-inside-but-its-classy @formula1mount @sltwins @mariedeyes223 @sarah-thatstings-ann @solo2leo @arian-directioner @wisestarfishbouquet @qweerasdfg-blog

|masterlist|

[imbored1201]

Leah’s Problem

Word Count: 1.6k

Pairing: Leah Williamson x Reader

A/N: Happy Birthday @alotofpockets

Leah’s jealousy towards everyone was understandable; it was obvious to everyone that you tried your best to avoid her. It also didn’t help the fact that everyone on the team seemed to like you, which made Leah more desperate to get to know you. 

You were Katie’s best friend; no one knew how the two of you met in the first place, but they did know wherever Katie went, you followed. 

For this reason, it was pretty hard for Katie to have to drag you to meet everyone one by one, considering you got nervous in large groups. But for some reason, you never got to Leah; she had waited patiently, watched as you talked and laughed with everyone else, but refused to acknowledge her. 

———

Today was another day of you running away from Leah. Leah always made sure to wave at you when you stepped into the locker room; sometimes she did get a tiny one back. Today was one of those days where she got no wave back. 

“Tough one again,” Beth joked. She loved watching those interactions; it was entertaining to watch you treat Leah like she was a ghost. Of course, she also knew the true reason behind it, but she didn’t get herself involved like Katie had. 

“Maybe try pairing up with her,” Viv suggested, feeling bad for her friend. “I always try; she always runs to Katie." "Well, Katie has been choosing Caitlin lately, and everyone could tell Kyra is too much for her.” 

As everyone split into pairs, Leah watched as you stood there awkwardly, Katie had been pairing up with Caitlin lately, and you were forced to go with Kyra, who was way too energetic for you. Before Kyra could steal you away, Leah took this chance to finally talk to you.

“Hey-“ Before Leah could finish her sentence, you quickly rushed over to Katie, pretending you didn’t hear her. “Okay then,” she muttered, sadly making her way to Kim. 

“What’s up with her?” Kim asked, not sure what she just watched. “She doesn’t like me,” Leah mumbled sadly as she watched you rush over to Katie. “What did you do to the poor girl?” 

Leah looked offended at that question. “Nothing. She’s always been like that around me,” Leah sighed, watching as you joked around with Katie and Caitlin. 

She didn’t know what to do anymore. “Just talk to her." “I’ve tried; she runs off before I could even finish my sentence.” Kim sighed. As much as she didn't want to get involved, she knew she had to now. 

————

When Kim approached you about team bonding night, you felt like you were about to faint right on the spot. Usually team bonding nights meant games, and most of the time the teams were chosen randomly. The chances of you and Leah getting partnered up were pretty slim, but with your luck, you weren’t going to risk that. 

Kim could tell you were lying when you told her you already had plans. She saw how tense you got when she asked if you were going to be able to attend, and Katie always said you had no friends outside of the team. 

———

Leah was sad but relieved to hear you weren’t coming to bonding night. As much as she wanted to talk to you, she would not be able to handle the awkwardness. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Katie asked; she had just arrived and was already eating all the desert Viv had made. 

“She said she couldn’t make it,” Kim answered, letting Katie read the text. Katie scoffed, storming back to the door. 

“Where are you going?” Kyra asked as everyone watched Katie. “I’m going to get her. I'm sick of her running away from her problems.” 

“What problems?” Leah watched Katie think for a bit. “Ay Kim, did you order food?” Kim nodded, and Katie looked at Leah.

“Let’s go, Williamson." Leah thought about it for a bit. You practically hated her, it would be quite awkward, “I don’t think I should." "Go,” Kim said sternly, knowing what Katie was trying to do. 

———

“Why did I have to come? Everyone knows the girl doesn’t like me." Katie grinned, “That girl likes you, that’s the problem for her, though.” 

Leah went silent after that, occasionally yelling at Katie for her terrible driving. Her heart started pounding when Katie parked and got out of the car to get you. 

“Let me deal with this girl; I’ll shout if I need backup." Katie hurried inside the building, cursing as she realized she didn’t have the spare key you gave her. 

That's what you woke up to. Someone banging on your door. “L/N, I swear, if you don’t get up, I’m going to break this door open.” You let out a frustrated sigh hearing Katie’s voice. You tiredly made your way to the door, hoping you would be able to talk Katie into letting you stay home. 

“What do you want, McCabe?” Katie grinned seeing your tired state. “Tonight is team bonding you idiot; why aren’t you dressed?” 

“I told Kim I can’t make it." Katie scoffed, shoving past you and heading straight to your bedroom. “Bed undone, kitchen a mess, even this closet is a mess and not color coded anymore,” you watched as she went through your clothes. 

“Change, and hurry; Leah is waiting. We still need to pick up the food.” Your eyes widened hearing the name. “Leah? Williamson?” “Yes, hurry and get ready.” You threw yourself on the bed. First,  she almost broke your door, then she insulted how your place looked, and now she brought the person you couldn’t even look at without panicking. 

"Hey,” you whispered to them when you got in. Leah nodded at you, silently hoping Katie would speed past all the stop signs, but of course, this ride was the only time Katie decided to drive under the speed limit instead of over. 

————

“You're a terrible driver,” you told her, rushing to the front door and just letting yourself in with the food in your hands. The girls cheered when they saw you, Caitlin and Steph, tackling you into a hug, almost making you drop the food. 

“We already made our teams; Katie your with Vic; Leah and Y/N are together.” You gave Beth a pleading look, “Nope, no running from her anymore,” she whispered into your ear, pushing you towards your partner. Leah could see the fear in your eyes. 

“Hold on, Williamson,” Katie announced, dragging you to Kim’s bedroom. "Katie, switch with me,” you practically begged her. “No, remember what we talked about?” “I choose not to remember it” 

“You really like her, right?” You slowly nodded. Yes,  you liked Leah, but the fear of being humiliated overtook that. “Then actually tell her, if she doesn’t like you, there’s lots of girls out there for you.” 

“Katie. I don’t want to make anything awkward.” Katie put an arm around your shoulder and led you back to the team. “Nothing will be awkward; at least you had the guts to admit your feelings,” she shrugged. You took a seat beside Leah, trying to calm yourself. 

“Um, I can ask someone to switch if you want.” Leah silently hoped you rejected that offer; this was probably the only time she would be able to actually talk to you without you running off to Kate. 

“It’s okay, we can be partners.” You slowly started to gain confidence talking to her more. It was something about her presence that kept you calm now. You were starting to wonder why you were terrified of Leah in the first place. 

————

Everyone watched as you and Leah actually conversed for once. It got to the point where the game didn’t even matter anymore; you guys were purposely losing to keep talking without any interruption in Kim’s kitchen. 

By the end of the night, you were sad, knowing you couldn't hang out with Leah anymore. You would have to go back and deal with Katie’s endless teasing the whole car ride. 

“Can I take you home?” Katie shoved you into Leah. “Finally off my plate,” she mumbled, “Well, I kind of don’t have a choice; my driver doesn’t want me anymore." Leah smiled and put an arm around your shoulder. 

“Katie, I’m taking her home." Katie just hummed and let out a tiny bye. You rolled your eyes at your friend and followed Leah out the house. 

————

The whole car ride was filled with laughter and Leah asking a bunch of questions to get to know you better. You and Leah even went to get some late night food and ate it in her car. 

"Thanks, Leah.” Leah felt proud of herself, she had never seen you smile that much around Katie, so that was a big accomplishment to her. 

“Let me walk you,” she quickly got out of the car, following you inside the building. “I’m sorry,” you spoke as you got to your front door. 

“About what?” “Ignoring you, I was just nervous.” Leah panicked a bit. “Did I make you uncomfortable?” You quickly denied that. 

“I like you, Leah; a little bit too much though." Leah let out an ‘oh’. “It’s okay if you don’t-“ 

“I do,” she cut you off. “I do. I like you a lot.” You stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to say now. 

“Date?” She spoke again, "Date." Leah mentally cheered, “Okay, tomorrow, movie night? I know a friend that could get us reservations at a fancy restaurant.” 

“I think a movie night is perfect.'' Leah nodded. “Okay, I’ll pick you up. Wear something comfy.” 

She gave you a tight hug, blushing when you kissed her cheek. 

As she made her way back outside, she couldn’t believe it. Just one night changed everything between the two of you, and now the last thing to do was get Katie to tell her your favorite movies and snacks. 

[sinkingnotsoslowly]

Menace

Pairing: Lee Know x Reader (pronouns not mentioned)

Non-idol au, fluff, very little angst

technically is a part 2 of this fic but could be read as a standalone

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK. REBLOGS AND FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED

“Why aren’t you dating anyone Minho?”

Minho stops devouring his pudding to gawk at you. “I’m not questioning your decision to stay single but why are you really not dating?”, you ask.

“Because you haven’t said yes yet”, he goes back to eating his pudding as if he didn’t just say the most outlandish thing.

“Yes to what?”

Minho rolls his eyes in feigned annoyance, “Yes to me asking you to date me, duh”

“Ugh be serious Minho”, you huff.

“What makes you think I’m not serious (yn)?” he looks at you with something in his eyes that you can’t decipher. “I think I should head back now, my break ended ten minutes ago”, with that gets up and walks out of the café.

This was two weeks ago and it still hasn’t left your mind. It is not unlike Minho to randomly ask you out on a date but you never take him seriously. He always jokes about how you two should just marry each other if you were still single at thirty. But that day at the café he did not seem like he was joking about you dating him. Did you hit a nerve by asking him that? But if he was indeed upset, he would tell you about it, you guys always talked things out if either of you were upset. He has been behaving perfectly normally since then.

“I ate pudding today”, you waited for him to continue but only silence followed. “Minho you called me in the middle of the day to say that you ate pudding?”, you asked. “Yeah, and it was so delicious. Buy me more when you come over. Anyways I got to go, bye”, the call ended. Yep, very Minho-like.

You met Minho at a college party and then proceeded to make out with him only stopping when you accidentally moaned your best friend’s name instead. But he never held it against you. You eventually opened up to him enough to tell him that you were in love with your best friend. The said best friend was getting married in a month. And you would be there, as a guest of course. To your surprise you weren’t exactly heartbroken when Seungmin called you, gasping for breath like he had run a marathon. You could almost hear him grinning his puppy grin, “She said yes”.

Just because you were not heartbroken did not mean you were not sad. After all, there were years of pining, wishing that one day he would finally realise that the love of his life was always in front of him. That did not happen. You guys graduated, you got a job, he went for higher studies and found someone there. That night Minho came over with beer and let you ugly sob on his shoulder. Since college, he has always been there with you, your graduation, your first job, bad dates, going out for drinks on Friday nights and talking shit about your bosses. You thought he was good for you; a great friend.

“I’m going on a date tomorrow”, Minho said while setting up his laptop for the movie. It was your weekly movie night at his place, “Thought I should try getting out there”. He was still looking at the laptop avoiding your eyes. For some reason, you felt a pang in your chest. “Is this because of what I said? Minho I didn’t mean to upset you-”

“You didn’t upset me (yn). I’ve just been thinking of settling down”, he started the movie without further explanation. You wanted to press him on but you thought better of it.

You couldn’t concentrate on the movie. Throughout it, you kept thinking about what Minho said. You couldn’t blame him for wanting to settle down but you kept feeling uncomfortable with the image of Minho dating someone and then marrying her.

Minho has always been a menace but he became a little more annoying the next week. He always has this look on his face like he knows something you don’t and it has been eating at your brain. Midweek your composure breaks and you snap, “Ok what is it? Why do you look like you are up to no good?” At that Minho looks at you like you just sprouted two heads, “I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Oh you know what I’m talking about Minho”

Minho keeps looking at you like a cat who did not just knock off the flower vase, and then he blinked like a lightbulb went off in his head, “Ah right! Come over on Saturday I need help to pick out what I’ll wear for the date.”

The date. Right. He was just excited for the date. You felt your spirits dropping. Maybe in no time, you’ll be attending Minho’s wedding too, as a guest. Wait what? Why would you think that? How else would you want to attend a friend’s wedding if not as a guest?

Oh.

OH.

Oh no.

You stood up abruptly almost knocking over your half-drunk coffee on the table, “I-I have to go, I haven’t even started the new project yet”. Without sparing Minho another glance you grabbed your bag to just get away from him as fast as possible.

“Huh? That was sudden. Well don’t forget about Saturday.”

You faked a smile towards him, “Yes, yes, Saturday, I’ll be there.”

Saturday came faster than you could blink. And it seemed like the universe had a personal vendetta against you this week. Missed deadlines, unnecessary hourlong meetings, spilt coffee, missing the bus- you name it. At this point, only a year-long vacation could give some mental peace. And on top of that, you couldn’t stop thinking about Minho. You didn’t see each other again after that one day when you barely escaped humiliating yourself.

“Should I wear the blue button-down or the black one?”

“Black”

“Hmm, ok blue it is” menace.

“Why am I here Minho? Not like you are listening to me”, you were sitting on his bed munching on the last of honey butter chips Minho had stocked up. You spent the whole day buried in the blanket, wallowing in self-pity, and almost didn’t show up today. You even contemplated going back home while standing in front of Minho’s house. God knows what you were still doing there sitting in Minho’s bedroom while he dressed up for his date.

Minho looked at you through the mirror, scoffing, “For moral support of course”. He went back to styling his hair without another word.

“Well then if am done providing moral support to your honour, I’ll be taking my leave”, it was time for you to go back to the safety of your blankets and cry yourself to sleep since you did not seem fated to have requited love in this life. The only option left was arranged marriage.

Before you could leave Minho’s room you were stopped. “W-wait, don’t you have anything to tell me?” Minho asked. You turned around, brain going into overdrive. Why would he say that? Does he know about my feelings? Is he teasing me? Oh God please no. But what if-

“Like- are you okay with this? Me going on a date?” Ah, so he was just worried. How sweet. “Of course, I’m okay Minho. Why wouldn’t I be? This is completely your decision; you deserve to be happy-”

“Oh my god, you’re so dumb (yn). Why can’t you just say it? Why can’t you just ask me not to go? Why can’t you tell me that you like me?” Minho paused, taking a breath to calm down, “I like you (yn). And I know you like me. There is no other girl. But I do have a reservation for dinner if you’re up for it”.

It would be an understatement to say that you were dumfounded. You had thought of many scenarios while laying awake in bed but not this. “Why didn’t you just confront me if you knew that I liked you?”, you asked, fiddling with the hem of your shirt which looked very interesting suddenly. Minho sighed, “I wasn’t sure at first. So I wanted to see your reaction by saying that I have a date. And it seemed like you weren’t sure about your feelings either. So are you up for it?”

“Huh?”

“The date. Do want to go on this date? Look I understand if you are pissed, and it’s fine if you say no-”

“Just drive me to my place so I can dress up atleast. You’re such a menace Lee Minho”

Minho grinned like a cat, “Yeah but now it’s too late to get rid off me. So this menace is now your responsibility”.

So you were fated to have requited love it seems.

masterlist

Autumn's sighs- little soft thoughts about our favourite boys

[shwoyo]

7:30PM — timeskip!kuroo tetsurou x gn!reader

; comfort – warnings: none – wc: 473

note: just something short so i can post smthn today atleast. i'm making use of my sadness here okay 🫡 this is definitely not my best work 🙁🙏

you didn't know why you were like this or why you were feeling like this. as you recall your day, nothing bad seemed to have happened. so, why were you feeling like this?

–

tetsurou just came back from work, feeling fine but also kind of exhausted. "y/n, i'm home!" he announced, but got no response from you. it was strange, he thought; you always either responded or immediately went out of your room when he called for you.

he dropped his things on the couch and went up to your room. he knocked first before speaking, "y/n, are you there baby?" he questioned, again, no response from you. he immediately got worried and decided to just open the door

he saw you lying in bed, curled up in your comforter, crying as silently as you could. he instantly went to you. "oh baby, what happened? are you okay?" he asked softly, settling your head on his chest as he hugged you. "hck- kuroo-" you said, your cries getting louder. "i dunno why—i just..." you tried continuing, "shh, baby, it's okay, i'm here. let's calm down a bit, yeah? so you can talk properly." he said, caressing your hair gently and wiping your tears.

you tried to find your breathing pace to calm your cries. once you felt like you could talk properly, you lifted your head from his chest and began speaking, "i'm sorry for worrying you... i don't know why— i just felt so sad suddenly for no reason. i'm sorry, i know i must look so pathetic right now." "no baby, don't ever say that; don't ever be sorry for feeling sad, even if it was sudden." he said

"feelings are a part of you. sometimes, you really just can't control it, you know? it creeps up to you randomly, whether someone or something gave motive to it or not." he added.  you nodded, acknowledging his words. his words always healed you; he always heals you, whether it was his words or his actions, or just him as a being.

"its okay to not know why you're feeling down. it happens, okay? it happens because you're a person with emotions; don't forget that." he continued. at this point, you wanted to cry again because of how comforting his words were.

"how about this? i'll cook us some ramen, and when i'm done, let's talk about this some more, yeah?" kuroo stated, "okay," you replied, smiling a little. "i love you so much," he said as he kissed your crown. he patted your head as he stood up, leaving the room.

your feelings of sadness died down a little. you were so happy kuroo was there for you; he always knows the right words to say, and he never invalidates your feelings.

he loves you, and you love him just as much.

©shwoyo, all rights reserved.

[2knightt]

the gangs love languages<3

!warnings!

1.GN!reader-mentions of reader being ‘pretty’

2.minor swearing

3.i did NAWT proofread ts. we die like men.

Johnny Cade ;

I’m getting strong physical touch and words of affirmation vibes.

do not even try to lie to me he would TOTALLY be holding your hand 24/7.

with the gang? you guys have your pinkies intertwined! on a walk? holding hands! cuddling? holding both hands, scandalous!

he hugs you so much. he doesn’t get it, you don’t get it, nobody does.

he just, likes hugging for some reason???

but YOU have to hug him first, he will NOT hug first.

absolutely LOVES being the little spoon. may hurt his ego a little bit, but ykw, it’s worth it in the long run🙏.

he’s so touch starved. he doesn’t know what the loving touch of anyone feels like. so PLEASE, treat johnnycake nicely.

he will CONSTANTLY tell you look look gorgeous. constantly.

“you look stunning today. n-not sayin’ you don’t look good everyday! i mean you’re a real looker ya know and-“

he doesn’t know how to function because he thinks he messes up everytime he tries to speak to you :(

homies that whipped fr…

ANYWAYS, back onto track🙏

when you two are alone he’s actually so sweet with his words i can’t.

“dunno how i got this lucky. huh? i didn’t say anything.”

“you look real good in that shirt, babe.”

“love you so much. so, so, so much.”

Dallas Winston ;

it’s physical touch and acts of service. do not play with me right now, i know i’m right.

i don’t really think dally’s good at expressing how he feels in any shape or form.

so he shows you love by having his hand on your hip, kissing you, stealing cute accessories for you, holding the door open etc.

if you’re expecting him to go on rants on how he loves you, you’re in the wrong place. that’s all sodapop but we aren’t on his section, are we?

anywhere and everywhere you guys go he will have his hand on you. not just because he’s protective but i think it gives him a sense of security and calmness.

like, dallas knowing you’re safe, makes him happy.

SPEAKING OF HIM BEING PROTECTIVE— he will intimidate someone by having his arm around your shoulder and staring right into their eyes.

kisses are his favourite thing💆‍♂️ he told me himself.

he steals shit for you. i know he does, we both know.

dally ain’t well off so, he’s gonna do what he does best. steal.

want that necklace? SNATCHED! want cigarettes? ALREADY IN HIS HAND! pepsi? YOURS ALREADY!

“you want some chips, doll? i’ll get ya some. don’t you worry your pretty little head over it, eh?”

“but you’re broke, dall.”

“what did i just say?”

Ponyboy Curtis ;

QUALITY TIME QUALITY TIME QUALITY TIME!!!

words of affirmation too ig.

ponyboy definitely finds so much comfort in just sitting in silence with you.

he thinks it’s a nice break from the loud bumbling idiots in his house.

like you could be napping in his room and he’d come in if the gang got too loud and sit next to your sleeping body and just read.

he reads out loud to you. now, i don’t know which category that falls under but he does. like, a lot.

“ ‘To the soldiers and me it's all worth it. Risking life, dodging or taking bullets, and pulling triggers. It’s all worth it.’ “

“what?! that’s so sad pony!!”

“well, that’s what the book says y/n.”

he’s another one that finds comfort in knowing your safe. actually, most if not all of the gang feels like that.

you’re definitely his first relationship so i can see him being hesitant on physical touch, but he can and will write you a cute lil note with 0 shame.

“dear y/n, i just wanted to let you know that you looked really cute today—well, you look cute everyday. but you get what i mean, right? anyways, meet me at the dingo at 4PM. I’ll treat you this time.”

expect notes like that to just randomly fall out of your locker.

ponyboy quotes corny romance books in those notes. i just KNOW he does.

at the end of your note one day there will be a;

“ ‘so no, he didn’t give me flowers or candy. he gave me the moon and the stars. infinity.’ — reminded me of us.”

Sodapop Curtis ;

HE IS WHIPPED FOR YOU so it’s probably something like, lovesick-ish.

it’s definitely physical touch and words of affirmation to the maximum.

he is ALWAYS bragging about you to EVERYONE and ANYONE.

he talks about you to steve

“i think i’m gonna marry ‘em steve. i can see the wedding now!”

“you said that last tim-“

“SHUT UP!”

and even to customers!!

“they’re just so sweet! they’re the most beautiful person ever!”

“thats great kid. can you ring up my fucking chocolate bar now?”

he’s always smothering you in affection.

he just loves you so much he just needs to squeeze you with love!!

when he sees you just standing around or cooking he’ll come up from behind and hug you. he might pick you up n swing you around a little but ykw that’s what makes it special.

he ain’t afraid to sweet talk you bro.

“there you are! my pretty little lover, huh?”

“you’re so cute, you know that right?…right babe?”

you guys cuddle all the time it’s SICKENING.

you’re always in his arms and he has this grin on his face like he just won the goddamn lottery.

if you guys were to walk around town, he’d have his arm around your waist the whole time. like, the whole time.

he’s so in love it makes me sick just writing about it.

Darry Curtis ;

darry is a simple man dare i say.

he definitely shows love by spending as much time with you as he can.

he works two jobs so he doesn’t have all the time in the world to hang out with you, but when he does? he LIVES for it.

he’ll cook supper with you and teach you a new recipe his mom used to make, he’ll sit on his chair while reading the newspaper as you rant about your day, ANYTHING.

no matter what he’s doing, he will ALWAYS listen to you. it’s like a super power.

“that’s great baby.”

“you aren’t listening are you, darry?”

“yeah i am. you said you got tipped 10$ by one customer.”

you ain’t hear this from me but, sometimes when darrys in a real good mood he’ll give you gifts.

he has a jar separate just for you! it’s got money for dates, anniversary gifts, presents, all of it!

sometimes he’ll go take out some of that money and buy you something sweet<3

darry, also, isn’t one to tell the whole world on how he loves you. but, you do understand how he shows love.

even you cherish the minutes that pass by as you sit next to darry on the couch with your head on his shoulder and his arm around your shoulders, sitting in silence.

silence that speaks a thousand words when it comes to sir darry curtis.

Steve Randle ;

just like his best friend, he’s shouting to the world about you too. just, not as loud.

he respects his own privacy, so i can see his being physical touch and acts of service.

he’s a man of respect, obviously. he is one to throw his arm around you to show you off every once and awhile, but not much.

he’ll mostly hold your hand. when i say mostly, i mean all the time btw.

it’s all he does.

“steve, you can let go now. i’m home and you know you can’t come in!”

“..nah.”

he acts like he’s in debt to you for no fucking reason???

like you need something fixed around the house? DONE. grocery shopping needs to be done? ALREADY BOUGHT AND PUT AWAY.

he holds car doors open for you. he does, i can see it now. i’m just delulu

sometimes he acts annoyed with you when you ask him to do a simple task, while he’s doing it.

“steve, can you get me a water?”

*sighs and gets up*

“you have legs you can do it.”

he says that while he’s pouring the water into a glass cup with a lemon slice on the side with ice cubes already in the drink.

he loves you, he really does.

and he will say it, just not often.

he has too much pride for that….

no he doesnt.

he rants to sodapop about you while he fixes cars like a teenage girl talking about her crush.

Two-Bit Matthews ;

homie just wants to show you off to the world😭😭

he’s so proud of you he goes down the streets yelling that he’s officially dating you not literally…he isn’t that insane LMFAO

he gives off physical touch and..oddly enough quality time.

i feel like two-bit really likes the both of you at the curtis house sitting on the floor, your head on his lap while his hand sits on top of your head as you two watch whatever cartoon is on.

two-bit DEFINITELY wants to spend every waking moment with you.

“c’mon angel, let’s go get beer!”

“two, i don’t drink.”

“well, i do. so, lets go!!”

he will definitely walk everywhere with his arm draped around your shoulder.

instead of you being the trophy wife, HE’S the trophy wife fr.

he’s such a pretty princess and he expects to be treated like one!

he gives you all his time so it’s only faire you give him all of yours.

“what does math have that i don’t y/n?!”

“i need to pass this class, baby. you know i suck at math.”

“well, thats even more of a reason not to do it! why bust your ass over it?! come over here and let me LOVE YOU!! JEEZ.”

all two-bit does is brag about you..like, its all he does.

“yeah, sorry your hamster died. but did you know that i’m dating y/n?-“

author notes;

1.FIRST POST ON THIS ACCOUNT RAHHHH!!!

2.pulled this out of my ass LMFAO

3. hope it aint too bad tho💔💔

may 2nd, 2023. 11:57PM.

[judeswhore]

fluff alphabet; jude bellingham

summary: fluff alphabet

pairing: jude bellingham x fem!reader

notes: you can find my masterlist here. u ask, i deliver🤭u can find the smutty version of this here

A = Affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

so so so affectionate it’s sickening to other people but it’s ur favourite thing abt him. he loves hugs and kisses and holding hands and just touching u in general. will randomly come up to u in the house or while ur out w family/friends and wrap u up in the tightest bear hug for no reason other than he wants to love on u. you’ll be talking or just minding ur own business and suddenly he’s smothering ur face in kisses, gripping ur cheeks and just attacking u with his lips and his excuse will just be “cant help it, just so pretty baby”. and saying that he’s so affectionate w his words too. always telling u how gorgeous u are, how nice u look today in those clothes or just randomly compliments u when ur laying abt in the house bc he just needs u to know and never wants u to forget

B = Baby (do they want children?)

so so badly. he has baby fever more than u probably. he always sees his older teammates w their children and it sends him into a spiral bc even tho ur both pretty young he cant wait to start ur own family. he can never concentrate seeing u with children bc it’ll send his mind into overdrive and he’s always telling u how excited he is to finally have kids. probably has a lot planned out already such as how he’d wna decorate their rooms and his favourite names and the two of u probably talk abt it a lot. especially at night when it’s dark and it feels safe to whisper abt ur future together. just snuggling into him and whispering abt which names u like the most and whether they’ll be more like u or more like him and if u should paint their room blue or pink or yellow. i think his favourite thing to do wld be to plan a future that involves kids

C = Cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

he loves cuddles!!! more than anything bc he’s such a big softie and just likes holding u/likes to be held. loves a tight bear hug!! just wraps u up completely in his arms and squeezes, rocks u a little and it’s so comforting to both of u. loves to cuddle in bed too even when ur not sleeping. he’s watching tv and ur reading but he’s on top of u, head on ur stomach while he’s got his arms wrapped around u

D = Dates (do they prefer flashy or casual dates?)

bit of both and it depends on the mood. he adores showing u off and spoiling u rotten so he’ll book expensive restaurants and buy expensive wine and food bc u deserve the best of everything. but bc of his fame sometimes he wants u to himself where u can’t be interrupted or bombarded by fans. so he youse will have a casual cinema date tucked away in the back of the theatre and then eating fast food in ur car parked up in the car park. or just date night at home, just the two of u. cooking dinner or ordering take away, watching movies and smuggling, just super quiet and low key

E = Emotions (are they an emotional person? are they good at expressing themselves?)

we can all agree he’s pretty emotionally mature and he wld be in ur relationship. if something was upsetting him or he wasn’t happy w something he’d tell u bc he’s been taught that talking is always the best way to solve things. he is pretty emotional but he’s not one to hide it, he’ll tell u when he’s sad or when he’s happy and he worn try and hide any of his feelings from u bc he wants u both to be open abt that stuff and there for each other. sometimes he’ll turn to the silent treatment but it wldnt last very long mainly bc he cant cope not talking to u but also bc he realises that it’s stupid and he misses u. he can be very stubborn at times tho so even tho most of the times he’s great at communicating his emotions the odd time his age will really show and his stubborn side will come out. that’s usually what leads to the silent treatment but again it never lasts that long especially when he sees u looking all snug in his hoodie on the bed and he just need to cuddle u. he’d mutter a little apology w kisses and you’d talk it out

F = Feelings (who caught feelings first?)

HIM. he knew u was in deep the second he met u, stumbling over his words and getting all embarrassed, trying to be funny and failing bc he was so nervous. but after a few dates he’d know for certain how much he liked u. making him work for it a little bit and refusing to date him for a while and that just makes him fall for u more but from the get go he likes u so so bad. always flirting, always complimenting u, talking abt u none stop to his family and his friends. he’d talk abt u so much to his mam that she’d know u so well before the two of u even met. him being the one to catch feelings first he’d also be the one to initiate ur first kiss bc he just can’t wait any longer and then after he’d be a giddy little mess and wld have to kiss u again. and again. and again. until ur both giggling and u have to hold him at arms length

G = Gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he’s a baby and a gentle soul in person no matter how angry he gets on the pitch. he’s always so soft and careful with u (unless u ask him not to be) bc he’s aware of how much bigger and stronger he is and he doesn’t wna hurt u. always holds u carefully and kisses u softly until ur demanding more and then ofc he’s complying but if it’s not one of those situations he’s always so gentle with u. he’s always reminding u he loves u too at any given moment, even if ur in the middle of an argument and he can’t leave without making sure he says it

H = Honesty (do they share everything with you?)

yes. ur the first to know anything abt anything bc ur the first person he thinks to call or text or go home to. no matter what it is he tells u, whether it be gossip from the team or his friends or news abt his career he tells u it all. even bad stuff, he shares all of it with u bc he knows you’ll sit and listen and will offer advice if he needs it

I = I love you (who said “i love you” first?)

so even tho he caught real feelings first u were the one to say “i love u” first. saying it after one of this big matches and ur just so so proud of him and the second he’s in front of u u dive at him, wrapping urself completely around him and going on abt how proud u are and then slipping in that little phrase and jude wld think he’d misheard at first. he’d pull away and set u back on ur feet and ask u to say it again and ur smiling so bright at him, taking his cheeks and kissing him so softly while repeating it and he’s just so overwhelmed bc maybe he’s been wanting to say it for a while but he’s been a little scared but now he’s not holding back. smothering ur face in kisses and in between them he’s saying he loves u. just so sweet and cute and neither of u are focused on people around u

J = Jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they're jealous?)

i feel like he’s very confident in ur relationship and how much u love him so he usually doesn’t get jealous bc he knows if anyone’s coming on to u ur not interested and wld brush them off immediately. but sometimes he can’t help himself, usually if it’s his friends or teammates that have a thing for u bc to him that’s crossing a line. he doesn’t really do anything too drastic, usually just a “subtle” reminder that ur his. will usually wrap an arm around ur shoulder or waist or pull u in for a quick kiss, just something to say “yeah she’s mine u can stop looking now”. it sometimes makes him a little pouty but ur always quick to kiss that away and send him a smile and a reminder that u love him

K = Kisses (where do they like to kiss their partner? where do they like to be kissed?)

loves loves loves giving forehead kisses!!! will just cup the back of ur neck and then dip his head to press his lips to ur forehead. sometimes he’ll linger for a little while and you’ll feel him smile and it’s honestly the cutest thing. does it all the time. to say hello, to say goodbye, to say he loves u, just bc, while he’s laughing over something you’ve said, to placate ur jealousy, as a way of making u feel better if u sad, literally will kiss ur forehead all the time and for so many reasons :(

he likes when u kiss his jaw bc it makes him all fuzzy inside and u often do it before kissing him properly so it’s like a build up. just slowly kissing his jaw until he’s all impatient and then finally slotting ur lips over his and he’ll give this quiet little hum of happiness every single time. also likes when u kiss his thighs, not even in a sexual way (although he does love that). just laying w ur head on his thigh while watching tv or scrolling on ur phone and then you’ll just turn ur head and pepper his thighs in kisses just showing them so much love and he always gets a stupid grin on his face bc he thinks it’s adorable

L = Little ones (how are they around children?)

oh he’s an absolute angel we all know this. is so happy to be around children no matter what, will talk to them, play w them, teach them little football tricks if they ask like he’s just the sweetest and u adore it. if u have little neices/nephews or siblings he’d love being around them, like wld wna babysit all the time and wld have the best time and they’d love him. the way he is w children always makes u broody and he always teases u abt it and jokes that all the babysitting now is to prepare u for future little bellingham’s

M = Morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

some mornings he has to leave before u and if that’s the case he’ll be so so quiet while getting ready and then wld leave with a little kiss on ur head and wld text u immediately after leaving the house to say he’s left and good morning and he loves u :( but if ur able to spend a morning together it’s usually relatively slow. neither of u are morning people so it’s usually quiet, sharing soft kisses and muttered “good mornings” while still tangled in the sheets bc u always take forever to finally get up. when u do u brush ur teeth and everything in silence, jude occasionally squeezing ur hip or nudging u softly in a little loving way. making breakfast together and he’s behind u, arms around ur waist to cuddle into u while u talk quietly abt what ur gna do that day. it generally is just slow and loving and quiet but that’s how u like it

N = Nights (how are nights spent with them?)

SNUGGLES!!!!! nighttime routine together first tho, whether that be showering together or wtv and then doing ur skincare (forcing him to do the same as u bc u wna keep his skin beautiful) before getting ready for bed. he always always puts ur pjs in the dryer while ur doing ur skincare bc he knows u like them to be warm. either snuggling on the sofa w blankets or in bed to catch up on a show ur watching together and he’s got u tucked up against his side, head on his chest and he’s stroking ur arm and ur head and soothing u to sleep. it’s always so slow and soft bc usually u don’t get a lot of time together during the day so nighttime is for the two of u just to relax and bask in each other’s company

O = Open (when would they start revealing things about themselves?)

i feel like it’d take a bit of time at first, not like loads but he’d definitely be a little hesitant at first revealing certain things bc he’s still so unsure if he can trust girls given his fame :( but from the very start you’d make it clear u aren’t interested in any of that and it wldnt take him long to realise and he’d trust u a lot more than he does a lot of people even early on. he’d like u so much from the very first meeting so as soon as he’d figured out he could really trust u he’d have no problems spilling things abt himself, even the most embarrassing of his secrets

P = Parents (do their parents like you?)

oh god yes. like more than they like him and jobe. u and his mam are practically best friends and u always do things w her without jude. always shopping and going out for meals or going to spas and she’s always calling and texting to see if ur okay and jude’s always like??? “hello i’m here too” and she’d just brush him off bc ofc he is but she needs to know how ur feeling today. being just as close to his dad and u and him always bullying jude bc he’s always showing u old baby pics that u can use against ur boyfriend

Q = Quizzes (how much would they remember about their partner?)

every. single. thing. from the very first time u spoke to each other bc he’s been down bad ever since. like remembers things u told him on ur first date and ur like??? how is that even possible. always remembers if u say u like something, even in passing, and then wld get that thing for u and wld act so casual abt it but it means the absolute world to u. being at dinner w friends and they’re offering drinks/food and before u even know what’s going on he’s all “no she doesn’t like that, she’ll have ___ tho” and it’s the exact thing u wld’ve chosen and it makes u all giddy inside how well he knows u

R = Remember (what is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

the first time u went to one of his matches. he remembers being so nervous at first to have u there, tucked in w his family, bc he wanted to impress u and wanted u to see how good he was (as if u didn’t already know🙄). but the second he spotted u he was so giddy, grinning so bright and just wanting to kiss u silly bc u looked so pretty in his shirt. you’d told him that morning that u knew he was gna score bc u could feel it, joking u were a good luck charm and he did score dedicating the goal to u and feeling so happy abt how shy u looked when he pointed ur way. after the match he’d gone and pulled u into a hug and kissed u like he’d been wanting to all match and he’ll never forget ur smile and all the praise u threw his way. u did that after every match following, no matter the outcome, always telling him how proud u are but nothing wld beat that first time

S = Sad (how do they like to be comforted?)

loves back and head scratches :)) if he’s feeling down he doesn’t even really need to tell u bc u can just tell, letting him know he can talk when he’s ready while coaxing him into bed or onto the sofa. he likes when u let him lay on top of u, face tucked away in ur neck ur while u gently graze ur nails over his back and shoulders or over his head :( like i said early he’s good at talking abt his feelings so after a while he’ll eventually tell u what’s wrong bc he knows how good u are at giving him advice or just cheering him up a little bit he won’t move from that position even while ur talking so you’ll spend a good chunk of time just slowly rubbing over his skin until he’s ready to move

T = Try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he deserves a medal for how much effort he puts into the relationship. even tho he’s a busy boy he still makes sure he’s treating u right. dates are always planned to perfection no matter what they are. he always goes all out on anniversaries and bdays, books time away to ur favourite places as a surprise and buys u the sweetest gifts, often new pieces of jewellery bc he just likes spoiling u. even just day to day he’s so attentive and sweet. leaves little notes on the mirror or fridge if he leaves for training before ur awake, gets ur coffee and breakfast ready so u don’t have to rush when u do wake up. will sometimes bring home ur favourite snacks or something if he’s passed a shop bc he knows the thought alone will make u smile

U = Ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he’s a boy and is sooooo messy and doesn’t clean up after himself. definitely leads to arguments when he leaves dishes out or leaves his clothes all over the floor. but then he’ll just flash u that charming smile and give u a kiss and a sickly sweet apology

V = Value (how valuable is your relationship to them? is it a top priority?)

absolutely it’s a top priority. he knows he’s busy and his career means ur apart a lot and he knows that can be difficult but he never lets u think he’s putting that before u. he puts so much effort into making sure u know he loves and appreciates u even if u haven’t seen each other in a while and he’s always inviting u to events and matches so he can keep up w his career and while not neglecting u or ur relationship. if you’ve been apart for a while bc of matches he’ll make sure that as soon as he’s free again u have all his time even if that’s just spending the day at home together

W = Wedding (do they see themselves marrying you?)

yes 100%. he thinks abt it all the time. probably more than u (he’s a massive romantic okay idc). he’s definitely talked to urs and his parents abt it, urs more so in passing as tho looking for approval (which he was given immediately) but w his mam especially he’s talked abt it a lot. he’s looked at rings online a couple of times trying to find which ones he thinks u wld like the most and you’d already told him ur dream destination and he’s looked into it. he’s more than ready for when the time actually comes and ur both ready for the next step. BUT i feel like he’d wna have kids first bc he wants to see them as little flower girls/page boys like nothing wld make him happier than marrying u and having ur children there to see

X = Xylophone (what’s your song?)

mardy bum by arctic monkeys. jude’s always teasing u abt how moody u are sometimes (especially on ur period) and whenever u get in a real mood w him he’d gotten into the habit of playing that song or singing it to u and most of the time it’ll make u laugh, usually bc his singing is so awful. he likes singing it really loud with u in the kitchen even when ur not in a mood, spinning u and dipping u until ur both giggling and almost falling over. mardy bum is also one of his nicknames for u bc of ur love for the song

Y = Yearning (how do they act when they miss you?)

calls and texts u constantly. i’m talking bombards ur phone until u answer and it’ll be w the most pointless messages but u adore it bc u love knowing he’s thinking abt u. he’ll send u updates on what he’s doing, what he’s eaten, pics of things that remind him of u, memes, tiktoks, random “i love u. i miss u” texts. also always asks if u can fall asleep on facetime together sometimes bc he doesn’t wna stop talking to u :( like he really is a big softie. definitely sends u lots of flowers when ur apart w cute little notes attached like “these r pretty and they reminded me of u” he turns into the biggest mush when he misses u

Z = ZZZ (how do they like to sleep)

loves spooning!!!! either big or little he doesn’t care. prefers little spoon after a bad match/bad day bc he likes u to hold him and he always feels safe and loved like that :( but also loves to be big spoon so he can just wrap himself around u and hold u tight, always gives u little shoulder kisses like this while he tells u goodnight. moves abt a lot in his sleep tho so youse never wake up like that the next morning. but he also likes falling asleep w his head on ur chest!! locks his leg around urs and snuggles against ur boobs and asks u to stroke his back or scratch his head and he’ll fall asleep almost immediately bc ur so comforting and cosy to him

[obsessive-clown]

DO ANYTHING FOR YOU (TAP, TAP)!

a/n: this randomly came to me after I read a drabble someone said was yan!nanami coded. plus, i blasted in my room by icp for a solid hour today sooo.. also i’m just super bored and this randomly came to mind. i’m likely not going to do this again lol.

PAIRING: Yan!Kento Nanami x gn!reader

cw: mentions of death, mentions of manipulation, kidnapping, attempted brainwashing… that’s all i can think of. sorry if this is garbage, i haven’t written anything serious in god knows how long.

ఌ𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹ఌ

Kento had always loved you. Some would argue that he loved you perfectly. However, you would argue that he either loved you too much, or didn’t actually love you at all. Loved you too much in the sense that he’d taken you home with him, wouldn’t let you leave, made you — luckily only temporarily — lose your spark… And try to convince you only he was good for you.

What was the greatest achievement in your adult years was convincing him and getting him to trust you enough to go out. At first, with his company. He couldn’t have his darling running off. But over time, Kento thought you were well behaved enough to go out. On your own. You could go anywhere, just as long as it wasn’t out of town, someone else’s home and you were back either by the time he got home or before then.

As much as Kento said he loved you, you couldn’t help but combat his self-proclaimed ‘love’ with resentment. You behaved, but you swore you would never truly love him back. You tolerated him. He may have been good to you, never forced you into anything and treated you respectfully — but he had stripped you of your wings. Of your freedom, for far too long.

So, when you had gotten a call on the house phone — you couldn’t help but feel shocked.

Kento was dead and you were free.

He was dead. And you were no longer under his control.

You finally had free rein, without any form of restriction, without the man that called himself your boyfriend, breathing down your neck.

At least, that’s what you had thought. It was sad. Kento loved you, he truly loved you. In fact, he had loved you so very much, that he made you wear a promise ring. A sign of his love and your, “wonderful future together”, as he would say. And it was the fact that he loved you so much, that he wouldn’t even let death do you two part.

As you lay in the bed you and your now deceased kidnapper once shared, you stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. 2:45 in the morning and here you were, kept up for no reason.

Tap, tap.

“…Darling? Are you gonna’ let me in? Hello?”

Unmistakably, it was Kento’s voice. You were certain it was just your brain playing tricks. Since, after all, Kento Nanami was dead. Killed by the hands of the patchwork curse. Though, he didn’t sound how you remembered. His voice was faint, almost weak — and slightly garbled in a sense. It made you sick to your stomach.

Tap, tap.

“Hello?”

There it was again. You wanted to squeeze your eyes shut, hope and pray to whoever you could that you were simply hallucinating from exhaustion. Curiosity always killed the cat, so why did you have to look at the window the tapping came from?

It was Kento, though, something was off. Something was very off about him. Although the man you once resented was heavily resembled, he had turned into the one thing he’d fought constantly. A cursed spirit. And one attached to you, nonetheless. You had remembered hearing your fellow sorcerers speaking before Kento had taken you hostage — about a boy with a cursed spirit attached to him. His childhood best friend and young love, killed and cursed him.

Kento must have done the same, but in regards to you.

Tap, tap.

A cold weight settled on your chest and against your side, a hand settling on your hip and its nails carefully sinking into your delicate flesh. It stung harshly. But the pressure felt all too familiar, much like how Kento would hold you at night as you two tried to sleep.

“…Do anything for you, baby…”

As you were frozen in place, both by the unnaturally cold temperature — and the curse laying on you. Whether you or Kento died first, you would have been stuck with him. And if it involved cursing you so you would be stuck with him, or cursing himself in a sense to be stuck with you, then so be it. Taking advantage of your paralyzed state, he slowly buried his mangled and almost eerily familiar face into your neck, letting out what sounded like a content growl. Clearly, he didn’t want to talk much, just lay there and have you hold each other — or him hold you, as it always used to be.

“…You don’t need others. Just me.”

Some would say Kento Nanami loved you perfectly. But you knew that he loved you too much. Far too much for his and your own good.

ఌ𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹ఌ

[furiousgoldfish]

(tw mention of suicidal thoughts)

Alright so I am writing this because I can't find anyone to talk to, and my brain is letting me know that I need to talk about it somewhere.

I am falling depressed, and I'm unsure if it's genuine depression, or some sort of deep grief that is just feeling very similar. And I've already looked up what you're supposed to do if you're trying to break out of depression; I am sleeping full 8 hours on a regular sleep schedule, I shower regularly, I do my best to eat regular meals (sometimes it doesn't happen due to lack of energy), if I have any energy left in me, I take a little walk, I pay attention to my surroundings. I do my best to answer messages and to socialize, even superficially, with the people I see.

However, despite me doing all that, the deep feeling of sadness is persevering, in fact it gets worse after my walks, I end up going home in worse feeling of dread than before.

I was going to keep trying to break out of it, and then today something bad and triggering happened, and my mind just went very dark. Like what is even the point anymore? I started considering if anyone around me would be impacted by my suicide. And then just tried to dissociate from the bad thing that happened, tried to create reality in which it didn't. Like I could ignore it out of existence. Like maybe if I just curl up over there and never look at anything ever again, maybe then bad things would go away.

I tried to comfort myself thinking I could, at least, tell people around me and see if anyone would say anything kind or helpful, but people around me did not care at all, would go on about their troubles instead and looked at me like I was weirdo for complaining. Which again, made me feel like talking to people was the worst idea ever and like I was dumb for even engaging, I should have known I'm alone in this.

So now I'm back to sinking down in my grief, occasionally getting numb from it and sinking again. I had periods, years of grief in the past, and it just feels like you're slowly dying, right, and it doesn't stop and it feels suffocating and like you'd do anything for it to stop. But also in the past, I knew what I was grieving; it was the loss of my delusion of family, loss of hope that I will have family members who are in any way safe for me, loss of security and safety that comes with family, acknowledgment that I was abandoned and left with predators for the most of my life. I thought I was done grieving about all that, because for a while I just didn't think about it, and it didn't bother me. I don't think that's what I'm grieving now.

It's actually hard to pinpoint it, because my memories are mostly gone, but I think it's the loss of friendships in my life. I've tried hard to build connections with other people, even as scared and reluctant I was feeling about it, but it always fell trough, and left me feeling with less hope. The ends of friendships were so traumatic for me, that my memories of the entire friendships got deleted. And I can tell right now that hearing anything about people having friends, spending time together and helping each other, that usually sets my grief off, and causes me to start crying regardless of where I am. I tried to recall my past memories of friendships, but all I get back are things I never want to feel or live trough again. Every memory feels like enough reason never to interact with a person again, all of them cut so deep I have to dissociate from them right away.

And basically I don't know what to do. I am losing every bit of my willpower or energy to do anything. Even with my best efforts to stay upright, to interact with my environment and go to walks, I'm only out of bed while I'm working. And I'm randomly bursting into tears and collapsing while I'm doing my job. I am messing up basic tasks. There isn't any activity that isn't exhausting. And everything I cared about feels like nothing to me. I can't even imagine a future, which is usually what I did to pull myself out of bad moods, I would imagine a future where I had a home of my own, and security that I would be able to survive there without having to fight for my life. Now it feels like even if I had that, I would just still want to die.

I've been slowly falling into this place for months, but it is more real today than at any time before. I've put so much effort not to end up feeling like this but... it only makes me more sad to know I'm in this mess anyway. I don't know what to do. I've tried interacting with people, I've tried befriending people, every new interaction feels like it's going to drown me further.

[uceyliyahh]

UNDER YOUR TOUCH

Summary: After her difficult breakup, Tiana wanted to start anew with her life. That's when she realized her life would be better when she met him.

This fanfic is 18+! NO MINORS ALLOWED

word count: 3250

smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.

Jey Uso x Tiana

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

But I’ll be writing along the way since this story is in my drafts on Wattpad right now so yuh. 💁🏽‍♀️

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️

@pinkwithhearts @jstarr86 @420days @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign @bebesobrielo @hunnidmilly @zillasvilla @fearlesschimera @yana3sworld @skyesthebomb @xbriexx

13.

trinity_fatu, biancabelairwwe, zillafatu and others like your post.

uceyjucey: she knows imma spoil her ass rotten. 😩 tianasworld: 🤗🤗 uceyjucey: @ tianasworld wifey 🤍 trinity_fatu: JOSH WIFE HER UP NEOW! uceyjucey: @ trinity_fatu chill sis I'm not finna rush into that. biancabelairwwe: omggg Joshua stop playin dawg. zillafatu: you better wife her up cuzzo fasho 🫡 theyhatelani: this pick me ass girl uceyjucey: @ theyhatelani gtfo

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uceyjucey, theyhatekai, MontezFordWWE and others liked your post.

tianasworld: I love it when he spoils me😩🤭 uceyjucey: yk imma spoil you mamas with yo' cute ass. 😮‍💨 tianasworld: @ uceyjucey 🤭 theyhatekai: take me off the restraining order tink tianasworld: @ theyhatekai didn't I just block you? damn how many accounts you got? biancabelairwwe: bestie can yall get married now? Like I can drive yall to the courthouse to get it done I want a niece. 🥲🥲 MontezFordWWE: I see you uce spoiling ya woman.

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TIANA

Jey has been doing a lot for me these past couple of weeks, taking me out on dates, going to the beach, or taking me on late-night walks to talk about things. It just made my heart flutter, and I love him even more.

He was trying to make me feel stress free away from all the drama that's been circulating lately between his ex-girlfriend then to Kai and his parents keep bugging me about the restraining order which I'm not taking in off I don't need him near me.

Ever since I put hands on his momma he's been trying to get in touch with me to speak on the matter but I didn't have nothing else to say to him nor to her as well it was getting ridiculous at this point.

'Why his people so delusional just excusing the fact that he put his hands on me.'

I was out back smoking some weed. I took a few puffs before putting it down on the tray, admiring the view as the wind was blowing.

Jey had to go back to work which kind of made me sad and I missed him so much. I haven't really been at work or even check up on my nail shop since that incident between me and Kai including Emma.

But I told my clients that I'll be back soon due to personal reasons, and they all understood, which I loved, honestly.

I took a few more puffs from the pre-roll blunt as I blew the smoke in the air, and a satisfying sigh escaped my lips.

I pulled my phone out while scrolling through my social media, replying to some of my clients and others in the comments section. As I was doing that, I saw that Bianca had texted me.

Breezy sent 3+ messages Breezy: Hey bestiee I see that Joshua has been taking you out lately you deserve it tho period. Breezy: also ion wanna bring it up but his mama came over again today but this time we wasn't home I saw it on the ring camera. Breezy: when is yall going to get married and have babies already?

I chuckled at her last text message that I read she's so dramatic.

Tiana: girl fuck his mama atp because I'm over it I'm not taking Kai of the restraining order. Breezy: period as you should I'm getting tired of her too. Tiana: speaking of marriage and kids B ion wanna rush into all of that I don't want it to be a disaster you know? Breezy: I understand girl so how are you goin to feel when he does pop out with that question? Tiana: imma say YES duhh girl but then I'll be crying😭😭 Breezy: girl I am done with you chileee are you alone at his crib? Tiana: yeah, he's at work which I'm sad I miss my man girl Breezy: he'll be home girl but I was just checking in on you I miss you being at home. Tiana: Montez getting in your nerves? 😭😭 Breezy: YESSS Tiana: Girl bye you know you love him. Breezy: that's true but I'll text you later girly Tiana: byeee

I smoked the last bit of the blunt as I put it out before heading back inside the house and hearing the keys jiggling, knowing that Jey finally came home.

"Mamas? I'm home!" He shouted.

I ran over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he told me to jump, and I did while his hands were resting on top of my ass, carrying me to the couch.

He removed his book bag and threw it next to him while he kept me in place on his lap. I cupped his face with my small hands and kissed him on the lips.

"I missed you bubba," I said pulling away.

"I missed you too, ma; what did you do when I was gone?" Jey asked.

I explained to him about my day and the talking to Bianca about what she had told me before he came home. Him listening and watching me ramble about my day just made my heart flutter.

I felt him caressing my cheek in the process of me rambling which made me look away for a second causing him to chuckle.

Grabbing my chin pulling me in for another kiss but this time it was different. We made out as his tongue slipped into my mouth as I gripped onto his mullet.

As we continued to passionately tongue kiss each other, I felt him scooping me up from my thighs while taking us upstairs towards his bedroom, not removing our lips from each other.

He pinned me on the bed, never leaving my lips as I felt him removing my clothing along with his as his lips escaped mine putting them onto my neck, sucking it like a vampire.

As a moan escaped from my lips as I felt him rub my pussy as I continued to grip onto his mullet.

"I haven't even did anything to you yet and you're wet for me baby." He rasped.

SMUT WARNING He had my legs pinned behind my head as he was digging his dick deep inside of me. All I could do was moan his name loudly, gripping onto his biceps tightly.

"I love how you're just taking it mama." He whispered as he held onto my throat pounding me senselessly.

My walls were clenching around him as a groan escaped his lips gazing down at me. Watching my facial expression turn up every time he dug deeper inside of me, which satisfied him.

He leaned over to place a soft kiss on my lips as I let out a gasp when he pushed his dick deeper inside of my gushy insides.

He watched me tremble underneath him. "C'mon mamas you got it give it me." Jey started to circle his hips hitting my spot causing me to hold onto him tightly.

Our skins were slapping against each other as our moans and groans were heard all over the room. I didn't know how much I could take from this man.

My eyes were rolling in the back of my head. "J-Joshhhh F-fuck." I whined weakly, feeling that familiar pit going down my stomach.

I always felt very overwhelmed when it time for me to nut on this man. I tried to push him away by his stomach, but he slapped my hands away, drilling my wet cunt vigorously.

"Stop runnin' from me and take this dick Ma." He rasped into my ear feeling his balls slapping against my clit.

I scratched his back causing him to hiss as he rubbed his thumb on my clit which drove me insane.

He continued to grip my throat firmly, not trying to hurt me, as I felt my toes curling up while his strokes were getting sloppier and sloppier.

I was tapping onto his back, signaling that I was going to cum. "Use your words baby, let daddy know what's up." I loved when he sweet talked me  making me want to stop using birth control and have his kids now.

I felt my legs shaking violently underneath him as I let out a loud moan while cumming all over him. He kissed me on the cheek as he continued to sweet talk me.

Cursing underneath his breath as he continued to pound my now sensitive cunt deeper while I grip onto his mullet tightly.

Not too long after, he came inside of me, filling me up with his seed as a groan escaped his lips. Jey pulled out seeing me shaking violently while trying to catch my breath.

SMUT OVER. Jey went inside his bathroom getting everything prepared for us to take a bath together. As I lie there in his bed still shaking violently trying to calm myself down.

He for sure put that thang on me. I've seen him coming out his bathroom holding his hand out for me to get up knowing damn well I couldn't walk.

"Can you walk mama?" Jey asked.

"Yes of course Josh I can walk, hell no nigga I cannot walk sir." I said sarcastically while rolling my eyes.

"very funny tink c'mon I'll carry you." I held his hand as he carried towards his bathroom while shutting the door behind him.

Sitting me down on the edge of the tub as I attempted to get in by myself as Jey did the same thing. he wrapped his arms around my waist as me and him sigh in relief as the warm water hit our body.

I lay my head back on his chest as he gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

"How are you feeling baby?" He asked.

"I'm feeling fine love, more relaxed than ever." I said as I looked up at him.

"That's good; my mama keeps asking me when we are going to get married and have kids together." I nod my head while listening to him.

"I told her I didn't want to rush or pressure you into that yet until you're ready." I loved how he respected my wishes because I am confident that I want to marry and have his babies too.

I smiled at him as he placed a kiss on my thick lips  causing us to get caught up in another make out session but this time I was in control as my hand snaked down around his harden member.

Stroking it up and down as he threw his head back. "Why don't you come suck it I missed yo' pretty ass lips on my dick mama."

SMUT WARNING

We were still in the tub that was filled with warm water and bubbles as I was bobbing my head up and down on his dick sucking his sensitive tip.

Moans and Groans escaped his lips as he gazed down at me, going down on him while throwing his head back.

"Shit mama keep goin'" He grabbed a whole load of my hair, thrusting his hips up and down as he face fucked me.

As I was deep throating his dick I was circling my tongue on his tip while he pushed his dick deeper inside of my throat causing me to gag a bit.

He was sweet talking me through it giving me compliments and encouraging me to keep going down on him.

He pulled me back up, hearing that pop go out of my mouth as he kissed me on the lips. I continued to down on him deeper feeling the tip of his dick hit the back of my throat trying not to gag.

"I want you to gag on this dick mama, make me nut." He rasped.

I swirled my tongue around his tip as I gazed up at him, seeing him gripping onto the side of the tub while rolling his eyes in the back of his head.

It made me feel satisfied seeing like this since he always have me like that so a little payback won't hurt.

I had him shaking underneath me as he kept clenching his legs tightly. "Make me nut mama, make me fuck..." his moans we heard all over the bathroom.

I felt his dick twitching inside of my mouth as I kept sucking the tip because that's all I needed to do to get him there.

After a while he groaned loudly as he nut all over my face while I was tapping his dick onto my tongue in the process.

He was shaking violently just like how I was while gazing down at me.

"Fuck mama, that felt so good." He breathed out seeing his tatted chest going up and down trying to catch his breath.

SMUT OVER.

✧.* JEY Me and Tiana were cuddled up together in the bed as she was sleeping soundly meanwhile I was scrolling through my social media seeing everyone supporting our relationship.

That's when her phone went off not wanting her to wake up I leaned above her body grabbing her phone in the process. Seeing that Bianca was calling her so I picked it up.

OTP Breezy: Tiana? I need you and Josh home like now. Tiana: this is Josh what's going on B? Breezy: Malakai and his momma are banging on our door looking for Tiana and Montez is trying to tell them to leave. Tiana: I can come over there real quick Tiana is sleeping right now B. Breezy: Please Josh that would be great. Tiana: I'll be there in a few minutes B. Breezy: thank you Josh.

CALLED ENDED.

Don't this guy ever quit? Why is he harassing her people like this? I looked at Tiana who was sleeping on my chest peacefully as I placed her on her pillow quietly without trying to wake her up.

I put on the clothes I had on earlier, grab my keys, and head out the door, texting Jon.

Twin📌: I just got your message what's up uce? Jey: Tiana's ex and his momma are messing with Bianca and Montez so I need backup just in case some shit go down. Twin📌: where's Tiana? Jey: she is at my crib sleeping right now I'm otw over to her house. Twin📌: ight I'll tell Trin I'm heading out so she won't get worried. Jey: ight uce.

I was driving fast towards Tiana and em house going to handle this. I finally pulled up to the crib seeing his momma car there while they were banging on their door.

I got out of my car seeing Jon pulling in the driveway he came up to me as we dabbed it up before walking up to them.

"Aye, imma need yall to get the fuck on like deadass." I said while I stood there with my arms folded.

They both got startled while turning their heads looking at me and my brother Jon standing behind them.

"Oh, it's yo' bitch ass where the fuck is Tiana?" Malakai questioned.

"Her whereabouts are none of your business fuck boy, so why don't you and yo' momma leave, or it'll be some problems." He came up to me showing his strap something that Tiana was telling me about.

I chuckled at him then looked at Jon who was also chuckling with me too this fool think I'm scared of a gun. I stood my ground being all up in his face while looking into his eyes.

"You might wanna back up, boy, that damn gun. Don't scare me; I'll still beat yo' ass in the process." I spat, pushing him off, causing him to tumble a bit.

"Fuck you, you don't deserve Tiana I should've beat her ass some mor—" before he could finish his sentence I sucker punched him in his jaw causing him to fall on the ground seeing his momma coming to his aid.

I was on top of him beating his head in. I was not finna tolerate him talking down on Tiana like that when she's not here to defend for herself.

As I was beating his head in his momma tried to pull me off but Bianca came to my aid pushing his momma out the way as I continued to beat the fuck out of him.

Montez seen that ol' boy was trying to reach for his strap but instantly grabbed it throwing it somewhere meanwhile I grabbed a whole load of his hair dragging him as a threw him against the brick wall, hearing him winch in pain.

"Next time you wanna speak on Tiana you better respect her, and YOU don't deserve her like I do bitch ass boy." I kicked him in his stomach as Jon held me back from him as I calmed down.

"Calm down Uce, you know Tiana don't want nun happening to you." Jimmy said as I nodded my head agreeing with him.

His momma slapped me across the face as I held my face while smirking a little bit she was so lucky that Tiana was at my crib sleeping right now.

"HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY SON I CAN GET YOU ARRESTED!" she shouted.

"you and yo' bummy ass son will also get arrested for trespassing  and goin against the restraining order." I said as I felt my phone buzzing.

I saw that Tiana was calling me as I answered the phone.

OTP ZaddyJey🤍: mama? What's up? Mamas🩷: where are you right now bubba? ZaddyJey: I'm handling business right now mama what are you doin up? Mamas🩷: don't sugarcoat that shit with me Josh what's happening? ZaddyJey🤍: I'm over at your crib because ol' boy and his momma were messing with Bianca and em so Bianca called you but you were sleep. Mamas🩷: is everything okay? ZaddyJey🤍: yeah mama I'm handling it I'll be home in a little bit okay? now go back to sleep. Mamas🩷: okay baby I love you. ZaddyJey🤍: I love you too ma.

CALLED ENDED.

"Was that Tiana uce?" Jimmy asked.

"Yeah, she was wondering where I was at but I told her I'll be home in a bit after this shit is over with," I replied as he nodded his head.

We saw his momma getting him up as he was limping in pain. He tried running up on me, and I sucker punched him again, as he went limp on the ground.

"Damnnnn," everyone said it together as his momma was freaking out, tapping her hand on his face.

"Y'all can leave now, so I can get back to my woman at home." I said as Jon threw my keys towards my way.

I dabbed up with Montez and hugged Bianca before heading out back home.

✧.* I finally made it home as i unlocked the door with my key while shutting it behind me making sure I locked it too. I went upstairs take off my shirt and pants that I wore seeing Tiana sleeping peacefully.

I got underneath the covers with her, pulling her back onto my chest as I felt her shift in her sleep while rubbing her eyes seeing my facial features in the dark.

"Baby? Your back?" She mumbled softly.

"Yeah I'm back tink you can head back to sleep now ight." I said softly while giving her a kiss on her forehead.

I got comfortable as I put one of my hands in the back of my head while closing my eyes going to sleep.

Under Your Touch.

A/N: whewww chileeee they are doing way to much messing with Bianca and em' but Jey stood on big business also sorry for the smuts 😭😭 it was giving pretty much bridgerton with Daphne and Simon 😭😭

I hope yall enjoy this chapter lmk in the comments.

Stay Ucey.

[lotusmi]

I finally got into the void. I've been trying for sooooo long, like a year now and honestly I spent a lot of time not even really trying so its kinda my fault but I finally pulled myself together and I've been listening to all of your void subs and then last night I tried gorgeouslypinks fild method and I didn't even wake up 6 hours later because I woke up randomly in the middle of the night like 3 hours but I did it then and it was so weird, like I was finger tapping one second and then the next I was like walking somewhere and then I had done some research about lucid dreams before and there's this thing called reality checking and for some reason, I decided to reality check so I poked my index finger through my hand and it literally went through and I realized I was in a lucid dream. I knew some people got kicked out of lucid dreams for being too excited so I tried to calm down and walk around some more and then I created a portal for the void state. I felt hella stupid because I like pretended I was doctor strange making that portal but it acctually worked and then I just went into the portal and the void is acctually so scary. Like yk everyone describes it as calm and like it was but it was sooo silent and like idk how to explain it, it felt like I was stuck in the deep sea. I wouldn't know how that feels but like that's how I'd think it would feel. So I just quickly affirmed that I had my desired face and left and today I woke up and I look so pretty. Like im so obsessed with my face. I kind of look like a Olivia Hussey, Kate Hudson mix. Honestly, I look really similar to Romee strijid but like honey brown eyes and dimples. Honestly, I regret not affirming that I enter the void state every night or anything like that but now that I know I can do it, I'm more confident and I'll do it next time and I won't be scared of how silent the void is. And just thank you so much. Honestly your posts motivated me so much and made me get off my lazy butt and actually work towards getting into the void and I feel like your subliminals really worked too, like I really felt my mindset changing and I'm just so emotional rn, like a mix of happy, regretful, excited, sad, and grateful.

SUCCESS STORY!!!!

oh my loveee!!! What an experience, no? I am getting emotional toooo! 💕 And the way you opened the portal like doctor strange HAHHAHA, i love him! No but you are so prettyyyy?? Aaaa

I am so pround of you! Like, one year? And you did it! See? You are so powerful angel!💓 Why won't you just assume/revise you had affirmed that you always enter easily (because you do!)

I am so happy you felt better with my posts and subs 💓

@gorgeouslypink indeed has amazing posts and she is such an inspiration to me too 💗

@voidsuccess what a success!

[jacksonleavesthe0nly138472]

sleepyhead

Pov: Ford

Fidds and me shut down the portal, he explained to me that I had a terrible head injury that must be why I don't remember anything. We were walking to the bedroom I notice that here is a weird number of triangles in the house, so I ask why, he said that he really didn't know why he loved triangles so much.

Suddenly we stop at the bed room he explained "okay ford here is only one bedroom in the house, which means one of us has to sleep on the couch" I look at him confused "oh wouldn't I have an apartment or house somewhere?" He took a minute to respond "Um your head injury is really bad, not bad enough to go to the doctors but I advice you to stay" okay that made sense, I got a strange thought in my head, for some reason made my head feel heated "you know it could be a good idea if, you and I sleep in the same bed, you could watch over me if my head injury becomes a problem"

His face went a dark red "well Stanford I think that's an brilliant idea" I love it when he says my name.

We're in bed together, is it a normal thing for two friends to sleep in the same bed, now that I'm thinking it over, actually have a crush on Fiddleford, I mean it makes sense why I feel all hot when it's winter, and how want him as close as physically possible to me. That makes me think, have I told him of this before, and was he not interested in me. Tomorrow I will ask him this and many more questions.

Finally I went to sleep instead of over thinking about our relationship, it was quite a weird dream, I was in a place were there was books and papers floating everywhere, in the hole place was scattered with stars and math equations in the background. Randomly a triangle popped out of nowhere, he looked very dapper with his bow tie and top hat.

"Hey ya sixer how's the portal going" what the heck the weird triangle thing can speak? "Oh hi dapper trian" he rudely interrupted me "MY NAME IS BILL, you idiots" "jess I didn't know your name before and before you rudely interrupted me, I was going to" again HE INTERRUPTED ME "what the hell IQ, you KNOWN me for years, are you playing a stupid game on ME" jessus this triangle man is so rude "no I AM NOT PLAYING A GAME, if you'd just let me talk, maybe you won't be so confused" "okay then talk Fordy, because this is really frustrating you know" I pause for moment than starting talking "so to put it briefly, I suffered a head injury and now I have amnesia and can't remember anything"

Instead of been understanding this bill character, he literally turned red when he got angry and thrown an temper tantrum. "WHERE THE EVER LIVING HELL IS ALL YOUR MEMORIES" I round my eyes "it's not like I just told you" predictably got more frustrated "IF YOU GOT AMNESIA YOU WOULD STILL HAVE ALL YOUR MEMORIES" I was about to say something but than he just disappeared.

Woke up with me laying on Fidds chest, don't know how I got in this position but I don't care it's nice, especially after that annoying dream guy. Gosh I'm so lucky that I forgot about that guy, the fact that I knew that man before must be annoyance to my past self. I know Fidds like triangles but he can't like this guy, plus he's not even real, what is 'bill the triangle guy' going to do if I talk trash about him. Was kind of sad that Fiddleford woke up he looks so cute asleep, "hey ya Ford we got a busy day today, haven't we, got to dismantle the portal and than get your memories back"

Oh forgot that "alright, business is good, keeps the mind busy hahahah" Fidds looks at me in a compassionate manner "gosh somethings never change" if that was someone else saying that I would of thought it was a rude remark. "Hey um I have something to tell you before we get started" he looked a bit irritated now "yes ford what is it" "well I know this is going to sound weird, but I saw a triangle named Bill in my dreams" okay now I'm thinking it over it was a stupid idea to bring it. He just looks so annoyed now "REALLY STANFORD, I thought that you would know that dreams can be weird, and WHY WOULD I NEED TO KNOW THIS?"

I felt like a complete idiot now "sorry I shouldn't of said anything, let's just get back what we were doing"

Note: did a quick drawing, I want you guys opinion on me doing a drawing on most chapters, should I do it no or yes

[bi-bard]

I Dial Drunk, I'll Die a Drunk, I'd Die for You - Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto Imagine [The Bear]

Title: I Dial Drunk, I'll Die a Drunk, I'd Die for You

Pairing: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto X Reader

Based On: Dial Drunk

Word Count: 1,907 words

Warning(s): drunk character, a lot of cussing, argument, mention of unhealthy coping/bad mental health

Summary: A night of drunken grief lands Carmy in more trouble than he thought it would. He calls the one person that he remembers being able to rely on. His night of calls brings up old memories of the person that seems to be hellbent on ignoring him.

Author's Note: I knew that this song was going to be for Carmy since I first heard a clip of it on TIkTok.

**Flashbacks are indicated by "--" and italics**

NOAH KAHAN - STICK SEASON [WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER] WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

--------------------

The first missed call was understandable.

Carmy would've missed it too if someone decided to randomly call him at damn near three in the morning. He couldn't fault (Y/n) for that one.

But the second missed call made him close his eyes and shut his eyes.

He never wanted to be here.

He never planned to spend his night in a fucking cell. He never planned to be leaning his head on a payphone, trying to get in touch with the one person that probably never wanted to hear his voice again.

He had originally planned to spend the whole night alone. He was going to drink until he could pass out on his sad couch in his sad apartment and have a few hours where he didn't have to think about the world around him. A night without the pressure and guilt and anger seemed comforting.

He didn't truly remember why he left his apartment.

Truly, his only vivid memory was the cop pulling up next to him on the bridge as he drunkenly stumbled around. He didn't know what had led the cops to him, but he didn't truly feel like he had enough time to question it before he was getting placed in the back of the car.

Now, his head was starting to hurt, and he was getting more and more upset with the ringing on the line.

--

There weren't many people that Carmy tried to reconnect with.

That was usually because either they didn't have any desire to or because he didn't have any desire to find that out.

(Y/n) was an exception.

They had tried to keep in contact when he went to school. Carmy was the reason that such a plan didn't work. He didn't try like they did. It was some twisted consequence of his anger and self-worth issues and a million other problems that he didn't even acknowledge enough to try to solve.

When he came home, they were one of the first to find out.

Through all of the stress and chaos, they basically grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the restaurant for a while.

He ended up spending the morning with a cup of arguably shitty coffee and following (Y/n) around while they ran errands.

Somehow, he got dragged into a bookshop. He felt entirely out of place there. He spent most of his time looking at the covers and giving random feedback on how books looked.

"Thank you for coming out with me today," (Y/n) said after a while. "It really does mean a lot."

"Yeah, you're welcome," Carmy replied, admittedly zoned out before the fact. "Why did you want me to come with you?"

(Y/n) shrugged. "You just seemed so... overwhelmed. I thought that something like this would be a nice enough escape from whatever the fuck is going on in that restaurant."

"Oh," he nodded. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," they chuckled.

Something in Carmy's mind seemed to click at that point. It was as if his body was moving without his conscious thought catching up.

(Y/n) was about to round the corner of one of the aisles before he caught their hand. They went to question him but didn't get the chance to do so before he leaned in and pressed his lips to theirs.

There were a few moments where (Y/n) froze where they were, but that soon wore off. Their arms wrapped around Carmy's neck as they kissed him back.

They started to grin into the kiss after a few moments.

And Carmy couldn't help but mimic them.

--

"Alright, come on."

Carmy snapped out of his thoughts when the cop spoke up.

"You clearly aren't gonna get an answer," the cop explained. "I can't let you spend all night on the phone."

"Fuck that," Carmy said simply before holding out his hand for another coin. "They'll answer. I know it."

The cop glanced around at the room around him. He knew that he shouldn't even entertain this idea. But, against his better judgment, he held out some more change for Carmy to use.

Carmy nodded as a silent thank you before turning back to the phone, silently begging for this to be the time that (Y/n) answered.

--

He didn't mean to slam the door.

In all of his anger and stress and poor coping abilities, Carmy wasn't thinking straight enough to stop himself.

He should have thought about it more. He got home at almost one in the morning. He knew that (Y/n) had been waiting for him. He knew that they probably had fallen asleep after work. But some part of him refused to acknowledge any of that.

"What the fuck," (Y/n) grumbled as they sat up from where they had fallen asleep on Carmy's couch.

Guilt found a place in Carmy's chest as he looked at their tired face.

(Y/n) rubbed the sleep out of their eyes before looking back at him. Their face went from tired to concerned in a matter of seconds. They had always been better at understanding his emotions than anyone else... even himself.

They made it over to him in a matter of seconds. Their hand found the side of his face. The feeling of their skin on his made his eyes fall shut for a moment as he took a deep breath.

"What happened," (Y/n) asked.

"Nothing," he replied. "I'm just... I'm really fucking tired."

He had a love-hate relationship with the knowing look that crossed (Y/n)'s face. It was great that he didn't need to perfectly explain his every emotion for (Y/n) to understand him, but it was awful to know that he had little chance of ever hiding how he truly felt from them.

With almost no words spoken, (Y/n) dragged Carmy to bed, letting him slip his shoes off and lay on top of the covers. They laid down next to him. He laid on his stomach and they laid on their side. Their hand ran through his sweaty hair, leaning over to press a kiss to his temple.

His eyes slowly closed as another kiss was pressed to his cheek.

He fell asleep that night feeling comforted for the first time in years... and he never knew how much he truly craved that.

--

"I don't know who the fuck this is, but you need to stop fucking calling me."

Carmy jumped when he finally heard a voice on the other end.

"Leave me alone-"

"(Y/n), wait!" he said quickly. "Please, don't hang up the phone."

There was a short pause. "Carmy?"

"Yeah," he let out a quiet huff.

"What do you want," they asked.

"I... I got myself in a bit of trouble," he explained. "I just... I need your help."

There was another pause between them. It was longer this time. Carmy wondered if he had been just a little less focused on himself, would he have heard the building anger from (Y/n)'s end of the call?

"You have some fucking nerve, Berzatto," (Y/n) snapped. The words came out like venom, stinging as they hit Carmy's ear. "I tried to help you! I always fucking have! No fucking more! Go fuck yourself, you selfish fucking prick!"

Carmy flinched a bit when the call suddenly dropped.

His jaw clenched.

"Come on-"

"Let me try again," he cut off the cop before the sentence could be finished. "Just... Just one more call."

He watched a pitiful look cross the cop's face. That was when he realized that tears had filled his eyes. The cop didn't know him or (Y/n) or why they were so quick to hang up the phone.

Another coin was placed in Carmy's palm.

Maybe it was for the best that the cop didn't know the truth.

--

He started the yelling.

(Y/n) didn't deserve it.

They had just been pushing so much. Pushing to know his thoughts and feelings. They wanted to help him so much.

He knew that. He knew that every intention was good.

But that didn't change the boiling anger sitting in his chest. He wanted to ignore and avoid everything, and he couldn't do that with (Y/n) constantly there. With them constantly asking the right questions and perfectly explaining what he needed to hear.

His foundation may have been unsteady and broken, but it was his. He didn't want to be pushed to change it. No matter how good that may have been for him.

"Shut up!" he snapped, cutting off (Y/n)'s words completely. "Stop trying to fucking fix things for two minutes!"

"I... I wasn't trying to-"

"Don't act like you don't know what the fuck you're doing," he shouted. He didn't stop to notice how (Y/n)'s eyes changed into this mix of sadness and fear. "You always fucking do this! You try to fucking fix me and the situation and everything! Do you have any idea how irritating that shit is?"

They didn't respond to him. They just sat there with their mouth opening and closing a bit as they contemplated if they should speak or not... and what they would say if they did.

"Guess what? If you gave a shit about me, then you would be able to be with me without trying to fucking- I don't know- mold me into... whatever the fuck you want from me!"

The silence that followed felt a million times louder than Carmy's yelling. It was tense. It felt heavy and suffocating. If he hadn't been such a stubborn asshole, then maybe Carmy would have apologized to bring an end to the feeling.

And then, (Y/n) finally moved.

They shoved past him and stormed out of the room. They only stopped at the door because they had to grab their shoes and jacket.

"Running away instead of talking to me now, huh?"

"Go fuck yourself," (Y/n)'s response was quiet, spoken through gritted teeth and embarrassing tears. "I never wanted to mold you into anything. I just... I wanted you to stop hurting."

"Not your job-"

"Yeah, you're fucking right, it's not," they turned back to him. "But would you have ever fucking done anything about it on your own?"

His jaw clenched and he didn't respond.

"And I let you treat me like shit in the name of you getting better... but you never fucking worked to do anything about the shit you were dealing with!"

He almost jumped at the yelling.

Their voice went back to that quiet, angry tone, "Never fucking contact me. Forget that I fucking exist if that's what it takes for you to leave me the fuck alone. I don't care. I am done."

He didn't move to stop them as they pulled the door open.

"Go fuck yourself, Berzatto."

The last thing that Carmy heard that night was the sound of the door slamming shut.

--

Carmy's muttered a few curses to himself before slamming the phone back on the hook.

"Let's go," the cop instructed. "Before you get embarrassed anymore."

Carmy sighed and ran his hands over his face before following the cop. Neither one of them spoke until it was time for the cop to finally leave Carmy to sit in the cell in his own misery.

"For what it's worth," the cop said, "I think it was shitty that you were treated like that."

Carmy just nodded.

He didn't have the heart to respond... to tell the cop the truth...

that Carmy deserved to have his calls ignored.

--------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[bordysbae]

could you do a fic with mark estampa where it's like bestfriends to lovers in denial with a sprinkle of angst? like y/n has had a crush on mark forever but is in heavy denial (prompt #1) and and then after a big fight over something and y/n shouts at him (prompt #53)

“just one date”

mark estapa x f!reader

1. “he’s my bestfriend i don’t like him!”

53 “i like you, dipshit!”

warnings: not proof read, cursing

okay sooo i know you asked for the reader to be the one to confess feelings first, but i could only think of a plot where mark confesses sorry!! and this was kinda rushed but oh well

—

having mark as your best friend was easily one of the best and worst things to happen to you. you met him at the start of middle school and you guys have been attached at the hip ever since. this also means you’ve had to watch him go through multiple girlfriends, flings, and even one night stands. you get this weird feeling of sadness, or pain even, whenever he tells you about a new girl, but you refuse to believe what everyone’s been telling you.. ‘y/n you like him!’ but your reply always stays the same no matter who it is that’s trying to convince you, ‘he’s my bestfriend, i don’t like him!’

deep down, you know you’ve had feelings for him for the longest time, but you’d rather love him quietly rather than risk losing a long friendship. unfortunately, things with mark have been off recently and you don’t understand why. last weekend at a party you met a boy named lucas, and you two hit it off. you spent majority of the night talking to lucas, but when you went to speak with mark he shrugged you off and went to go make out with some other girl. he’s barely been calling or texting you, unless he needs help with his classes. he does this weird thing where whenever he’s with a girl he acts like he doesn’t know you, but when you’re with a guy it’s the end of the world. it makes your feelings for him even more confusing than they already are.

thankfully you’re planning to go out with lucas tonight, hoping this will take your mind off of everything. as you’re finishing your makeup, mark randomly facetimes you. “hey mark!” you exclaim, fixing your hair in the mirror resting behind your phone. “where are you going on a wednesday night that you’re fixing your hair and have a full face of makeup?” he asks, making you a little annoyed. why does he all of sudden care about you and your life after pretty much dodging you all week?

“i’m going to hang out with a boy i met last weekend, why do you care?”

“the hell does that mean? why do i care? you’re my best friend i was just asking,” he questions.

“i don’t know mark, maybe cause you’ve been so dodgy lately? you barely even talk to me,” you shrug, now applying lipgloss to your lips.

“whatever man, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to. who are you going to see?”

“you don’t know him, we’re just hanging out around town don’t worry. and please mark, don’t get all your stupid teammates to fucking spy on me again,” you groan. “i didn’t trust that guy! he was sketchy, can you blame me? i needed to make sure you were safe,” mark shrugs, defending himself.

“so you felt the need to get your friends to spy on my date? look whatever mark, i gotta go. and if i see any of your teammates i’m seriously gonna be pissed,” you say before hanging up, not wanting to deal with marks shit today. you text lucas that you’re on the way to the spot you guys chose to meet at.

as you’re on the way out of the dorms, you hear a voice shouting your name. you spin around, and see mark running up the block.“what the fuck are you doing?” you ask, very annoyed now.

“don’t go on that date y/n, please,” mark says, slightly out of breath.

“oh don’t do that mark. you cant just avoid me all week for no reason, and the second i tell you i have a date with someone, that’s when you care? and now you’re telling me not to go?”

“fucking let me explain! i’ve been dodging you because i saw you guys talking at the party, and it hurt! you think i get with all these random girls for fun? for shits and giggles? i like you, dipshit! i’ve liked you for years! and i’ve been dodging you this week to try and make the both of us happier. cant you see how selfish i am? here i am, asking you to not go on a date, just to make myself happier. y/n all i’m asking is just one date. please just go on one date with me, let me prove that i’m the one you need. not whoever you’re going to see tonight,” he pleads, making your head spin. you barely understood a thing he just said, but those last words were just what you’ve been dying to hear.

“mark, you don’t need to do any of that. i already know what i want, and that’s you,” you say, before pulling him in closer to you. your guys’ lips crash together, and it feels like the world is spinning so fast that it’s not even spinning at all. before you even realize it, you guys are pulling back from the passionate kiss, and resting your foreheads against one another. “i need to text lucas, i have way better plans than him,” you chuckle, pulling out your phone to inform your date that you won’t be able to make it.

“shhh, don’t ruin the moment,” mark says before taking your phone from your hands, making you giggle. suddenly your hands are wrapped around the back of his neck, and his hands are around your waist, pulling you as close as possible.

[im-no-jedi]

In Need of Cuddles

I'm feeling the effects of the monthly blood curse and needed some comfort, so I wrote a little something to deal with that. and because it's Wednesday, I chose the bestest sweet boy Wrecker for that 🥰

this is super short and fluffy, no warnings except for an allusion to suffering from depression 💙 also in case it wasn't obvious, this takes place in the MLWTBBverse✨

___________________________________________________________

"Knock knock!"

Hannah's attention was drawn to her front door. The familiar, boisterous voice from behind it immediately drew a smile to her face.

"Can I come in??"

"Sure," Hannah replied with a giggle.

The front door slid open to reveal the massive visage of Wrecker, who stepped into the room with all the graniose he normally had. A bag was draped over one of his shoulders, and he held a smaller bag in his other hand.

"Clank asked me to bring these up to you!" Wrecker stated as he plopped the bags onto the kitchen counter. A few fruits tumbled out and rolled across the counter, but Wrecker quickly caught them before they went too far. "Hope this is enough groceries for ya!"

Hannah let out another giggle. "I'm sure it's fine. Thanks, Big Guy."

Wrecker grinned at her, then placed the caught fruits back into their respective bags. He was about to start rummaging through one of them to search for a snack he'd brought for himself, but paused just before his hand touched the bag.

Something wasn't right.

He hadn't given much thought to it at first, but Hannah hadn't moved from her spot on the couch since he'd come in. Normally, she would either come over and start unloading groceries right away, or she would give him a little welcome hug. As far as he knew, Hannah wasn't sick or hurt, but maybe he was wrong.

"You doin' ok, Hannah?" Wrecker gently asked.

Hannah gave him a clearly forced smile and replied, "oh, I'm fine. Just... tired today, that's all."

Wrecker's brow turned down. It wasn't unusual for Hannah to hide her true feelings, especially when she wasn't feeling well. And although it was frustrating to deal with, Wrecker knew that was just how she processed certain things. Luckily, he had a knack for picking up on others' emotions, so it wasn't too hard to suss out that she was holding something back.

"Ya sure?" Wrecker began to step closer to the couch. "Cause you're not acting right. To me, anyway."

Hannah let out a small sigh and shook her head. "Sometimes I forget how empathetic you are, Big Guy."

"That's the word that means you can feel other people's feelings, right?"

Hannah nodded with a small chuckle.

"I thought I felt somethin' off about you!" Wrecker came right up to Hannah and bend down closer to her. "You're not sick, are ya?"

Hannah shook her head in response.

"Are ya hurt?"

Hannah shook her head again.

"Did ya get in a fight with Hunter?"

Hannah once again shook her head, this time with a snicker.

"So... what's up then? You can tell me."

A grateful smile spread on Hannah's face, and her eyes began to well with emotion. She let out a shaky sigh before she spoke. "I'm just... do you ever just randomly get sad? Like, for no reason?"

Wrecker thought for a moment, then shook his head. "I only get sad if I see or think about somethin' sad. Like, sometimes when I think about losin' Lula or... ya know, when Kamino went..." He made a noise replicating an explosion and spread his hands out for emphasis.

"Yeah, same. But... sometimes I just... I get sad, and I don't even know why. And it makes my body tired, and I can't make myself do anything. It's kinda like being sick, but not."

"Sick with sadness?"

Hannah managed a laugh. "Kinda, yeah."

Although he didn't understand how such a thing could happen, Wrecker couldn't help but feel complete compassion for his dear friend.

"Aww, Hannah..." Wrecker sat down beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry... is there anything I can do for ya?"

Immediately after touching her, Hannah's eyes began to well up more and a sniffle escaped her nose. "I don't know, I just... I'm just..."

As soon as the first cry came out of Hannah, Wrecker threw his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. "Aww, don't cry, Hannah! It's ok!"

Hannah's cries morphed into small sobs as she clung to Wrecker's massive figure. Her face buried into his chest, and her whole body shook as she cried. Wrecker could only hold her, firmly but gently, as he let her get her emotions out.

Eventually, Hannah's cries turned into just small sniffles, and Wrecker used that opportunity to offer her a tissue. He pet her head as she blew her nose, then moved his hand to gently rub her back.

"Ya feel better now?" he asked, still gentle as ever.

"A bit, yeah," Hannah answered with another sniffle. "Guess I just needed a good cry."

"And a good hug!"

Hannah let out one of her signature resounding laugh. "From you? Always."

At that, Wrecker pulled her in again, making more laughs come out of her. "Glad I could help! I hate seein' ya so sad!"

Hannah's arms tightly wrapped around Wrecker's waist, and she nuzzled into his chest once again. "You definitely helped. Thanks, Big Guy."

"Anything for you, Hannah!"

"You're too sweet," Hannah said with a giggle. She sighed and continued, "I think sometimes I just need some good ol' affection like this."

Wrecker let out a chuckle that rumbled through Hannah's whole body. "Well, whenever Hunter's not around to give ya some, I'll gladly give it to ya myself!"

Once again, Hannah let out a boisterous laugh, loud enough that even Wrecker could feel it. "And I'm perfectly fine with that!"

[thesnazzysharky]

Waffling about/reviewing the notes in SJSM because I think they're cool. 2/2

Make sure to check out part 1 before this one. Or don't. I'm not your mom.

Anyways, time to review some more notes (with a smidge of some theorizing this time)! These will be the randomly generated ones. Less lore, but more character in these.

Romantic Victim

At first this place just seemed cute, but I've been here for days now… I'm feeling quite parched now, and I keep getting this feeling like I am being watched by something. This is not romantic at all…

Starting with the hopeless romantic, we have our first set of notes that the player will encounter, so obviously the Romantic Victim is the most memorable and iconic of the note writers, for good reason too.

The first note has them growing to become skeptical of the place and feeling like they're being watched by something (perhaps Spooky or Taker) which most likely will make the player connect to them right of the bat as they'll probably experience a similar feeling as they walk through the first few rooms where nothing is happening.

The note could've ended there and it would've been a typical but not too bad left over horror note from someone who came here before you, but then you read the "this is not romantic at all..." line. A line that will confuse the player and perhaps get a chuckle out of them because, well, what the hell is "romantic" about this mansion?

Whatever the case, the player will get to collect more of these notes and follow the little journey of this strange individual that repeatedly uses the word "romantic" for some reason. Apparently when the romantic came here, they didn't seem to bring anything to drink, as their notes mention how they're constantly thirsty, to the point of drinking some of the ink they're using to write their notes.

Ink… Not quite quenching my thirst. Taste is terrible, stains are terrible. I don't think drinking it was a very romantic idea.

Later they are able to find a bottle of red wine though! Although its a bit strange how it's described as having no label on it and tasting metall- oh wait, that's fucking blood isn't it?

I don't think that was wine…

You don't say...

At this point it becomes clear that the romantic is not going to make it, especially when they later mention not coming across any of the notes they made, making them unsure if any progress is being made. And so, they leave their last note, accepting their romantic fate.

I think this is my last note. I'm going to die having never found my escape, but really that's not true. This place was like my escape. My escape from everything else. In the end my death is kind of romantic.

You can later find their corpse sitting in an elevator after this note and honestly it's kinda sad. In a game like this where you're completely alone and almost defenseless, to lose some form of company that you became attached to, even if it's just in the form of notes that were written by someone who passed long before you, is tragic. Especially with how they went out...

Then you realize the goofy ass pose that they died in lmao.

I mean, hey, they did go out in a pretty romantic way. They're straight up stylin with this snazzy ass pose! Now that's a way to go out!

We're not done with them just yet however, as they actually make a comeback in Endless Mode!

Aha! Yet again I have cheated the grave and shall proceed to escape these confines. While the thought of my death being quite romantic did cross my mind I believe my escape shall be profusely more so.

They claim they have cheated death somehow and plan to escape. Later notes mention how they suddenly feel healthy and no longer feel thirst or hunger; along with coming across the specimens, although they are no longer aggressive towards them. The eleventh note makes it clear as to what is going on.

A strange ghost girl appeared before me today in a rather upset and unromantic manner. She claims I am not doing my job and that I should report to my commanding officer immediately. I boldly stated that I have no commander as I drift wherever the wind takes me as I follow my own romantic journey. To this she acted confused and slowly sunk into the floor.

And so our pal catches a very minor case of being dead and becoming a ghost. Except they don't even realize they're dead.

I am beginning to wonder why I haven't required sustenance in what I guess has been more than two weeks. I at first theorized that tiny food particles are emitted into the air. I now know what a foolish thought that was since it is clear that I have been granted immortality as a romantic artist.

The next note mentions their skin changing, again, hinting that they're a ghost now. It also mentions that they have a romantic partner outside of the mansion and they believes that despite being a transparent ghost now, their partner will still care for them no matter what once they reunite. Not much to say on that other than I think it's quite cute, albeit a bit sad, since they don't realize they're trapped in the mansion and won't be seeing their partner anytime soon.

I noticed something strange today. My skin color has changed. I know this is probably ordinary since I haven't seen the sun in quite some time but it just came as a shock to me. But I know my romantic partner is out there and they will care for me no matter how transparent my skin becomes.

In the last note they wrote, Spooky comes to greet them once again... taking away their pen privileges once she had enough of their bullshit lol.

The ghost girl has returned and is glaring at me while I write this. She again claims I have a job here and that I'm not fulfilling it correctly. I tell her whatever job she thinks I have doesn't sound very romantic. She seems angrier now and states that if I don't stop she will take my pen privile___

Overall, I really like the Romantic Victim as a character and what they add to the game. Their simple, but still very charming character trait as a romantic makes them very memorable compared to if they were just some ordinary dude who wrote like an ordinary person; and it's because of their charm is probably why the player will end up getting attached to them despite never being able to interact with them. That said, there's some cool little details and depth with them. Such as how their first few notes are written in a dramatic and I guess fancy sort of way. Using double spacing and ellipsis to sell the affect.

But by the time they write their last note, this act and style of writing is dropped. Which actually makes this note more sad since it really shows that the romantic doesn't have the will to go on anymore.

There's also the neat detail of why they constantly use the word "romantic". They don't mean romantic as in love, but romantic as in an artistic sense; think of the Romantic Era of history for example. The notes found in Endless Mode make it more clear when they mention romanticism and how they're a romantic artist. A pretty subtle but neat joke.

I would say the notes they leave are great for beginner players as they basically tell them exactly what the tone of this game will be.

A mix between serious and unsettling horror (the romantic feeling like they're being followed, drinking ink out of desperation, and unknowingly drinking a bottle of blood) and goofy satire and comedy (the romantic using the word "romantic" in a situation that doesn't fit it and their corpse just being a cartoonish skeleton in a sexy pose).

Not to mention that the notes they leave in Endless Mode are probably the funniest notes in the whole entire game for me, especially when Spooky shows up and is baffled by their... nature.

Conclusion? They're a little confused, but they got the spirit. I hope they got to reunite with their partner at some point in the afterlife. 5/5

Tropes Victim

This place is finally starting to affect me. I've seen enough horror movies to know how to survive a simple ghost or two, but these monsters keep getting faster and stranger.

Looks like someone has caught main character syndrome. This person seems to have came here more prepared and got further than the romantic victim as they mention the specimens getting faster and stranger as they continue forward.

What makes them interesting though is that homie really thinks that just because they watched some horror movies and know typical horror cliches and tropes; they will survive due to being the "main protagonist".

Well I still haven't died so it appears I might be the protagonist, but I'm not entirely sure. I hope I'm not some side character that leaves notes for pointless exposition. Also I found a strange computer that gave descriptions of the monsters. And it seems like they are called 'effective' based on how many people they kill.

Who's gonna tell them? Anyways, the tropes victim seems to be taking a jab at the mfs who think they would survive if they were in a horror media due to knowing the tropes or thinking they would have better common sense than the victims who end up being killed. I really like it! Feels fitting to have this character in a game like this.

Something else to be said about them that I find quite funny is their second note.

In order to survive this house I need to keep writing notes. I must do everything a central protagonist would and hope this is one of those stories. 'Insert Obscure horror reference that no one gets and misinterprets as instructions somehow'

The "Insert Obscure horror reference that no one gets and misinterprets as instructions somehow" line is chuckle worthy when you first read it, but it becomes even better when you learn about what it originally said in older versions of the game.

The "tall man character" in question being a reference to Slenderman. However, some players didn't pick up on this and thought it was a genuine hint towards an enemy that could potentially be summoned by picking up too many notes. So, that lead to those players not picking up any notes and thus missing out on a big portion of the game. I feel bad for Kira. That must have been frustrating lol.

Anyways, I find tropes to be entertaining and fun. I love the self aware humor with them and they have some of the funnier notes in the game. Although I appreciate that's not all there is to them, as they do drop some hints towards what's going on with the mansion. Such as how the specimens are called effective based on how many people they kill and that the souls of the victims could be related to how effective they are as well. They also, similar to the Romantic Victim, went out pretty boldly. Completely accepting their fate as they realize they can be killed off due to not having traditional traits of a protagonist; confirming that they are indeed a side character.

It's sad to see yet another past victim lose all hope of surviving, but he does note that it was at the very least a nice experience for awhile. 5/5

Survivalist Victim

DAY 2. Food supply depleted. Water supply at 30%. Mental health deteriorating, leaving notes behind to help others and mark where I've been.

This victim's notes are on the more serious and dramatic side as they write down about each day they have been at the mansion and the steady decrease in resources and overall mental stability.

While the notes of the Romantic and Tropes Victim's have them start off doing pretty decently as they go through the mansion before their last notes shows them giving up entirely, the notes from this poor soul show how they were fucked from the start. Only 2 days and they had already ran out of food, become low on water, and their mental health is deteriorating.

Their journey doesn't become any better once they start having hallucinations and violent heart palpitations. Not to mention sleep deprivation and running low on phone battery.

They also start to question why they came to the mansion in the first place and that the hallucinations can apparently hurt them now (perhaps something to do with Specimen 5 or 7).

DAY 5. I can't remember. Why did I come here? Was there ever a purpose? I believe death is steadily approaching me now. The hallucinations can hurt me, I'm out of provisions, and I'm having sudden violent heart palpitations.

Judging by how quick they were to lose their mind, something tells me that the survivalist might have had some psychological problems similar to our protagonist and perhaps they came to the mansion for a not very happy reason...

Whatever the case, just like the previous victims, they end up writing one last note about accepting their fate. And boy does this one go hard in particular.

DAY 7. I can't tell the real from unreal anymore. My limbs refuse to move the way I want them to. I feel like I'm wading in a deep river that is always flowing against my direction. Now I will lay down and let the river flow over me. I will let it guide me to it's end. I know where I'm going anyway. This place, this entire place, is just a gyrating screaming rock in the vastness of an infinite kingdom. I'm going to rest now. I'll be watching over you.

God damn you dramatic ass mf. Going to burn the whole sheet of paper with the fire you're spitting.

On a serious note though, I like how this final note has this sense of bittersweetness with the "I'm going to rest now. I'll be watching over you." line. It's oddly comforting in a way. A nice change from the previous final notes which were just grim. A shame that most won't encounter this note on their first playthrough. It's great.

I like how these notes play it fully straight and serious, showcasing the effect the mansion itself can have on some individuals and how terrible it would be to be stuck in a mansion that seemingly never ends. As you get further into the game and encounter specimens that seem scarier and harder than the other, the change in tone with these notes feels fitting.

At first I found the Survivalist Victim to be pretty boring and not as interesting as the other previous victims, but the more I think about it, the more I start to like them and what they add to the game. 5/5

Lisa's Notes

You think you're clever don't you?

I've been watching you for a while now.

Why even bother filling your lungs?

Your blood smells so thick. I can hear the vessels oozing.

Do you feel safe?

Reading these won't help you. Only death can help you.

These are all the notes from Unknown Specimen 5's encounter. Aka Lisa.

Unlike the other unknown specimens, Lisa has a decent amount of buildup to her before she chases you. The chills that went down my spine when I first read "I've been watching you for a while now" and later kept getting more notes from faded Specimen 1's was a very memorable experience. SJSM at its best! Unfortunately these notes don't have much to them aside from being creepy and the effect they have is pretty much lost on a repeated playthrough of Endless Mode. They still leave a very good first impression though. 3/5

Child Victim

Mommy and Daddy love me very much! They told me they were throwing me a party!

And here we have the most depressing notes in the whole entire game.

This child's parents were apparently throwing a party at the mansion for some odd reason (I'll get into that later), but when the child actually goes there, their parents are nowhere to be found.

As they eat some of the cookies they were given for their "party", they wander around the mansion, confused and hearing strange noises, wondering if all of this is a game of sorts.

Later they end up falling down a hole. Hurting their leg and crying from the pain, eventually falling to sleep from exhaustion. They leave one final and ominous as hell note that states the following.

I fell asleep. My leg still hurts. I see Daddy he came for me.. It's not Daddy.

Okay. Despite these notes being very brief, there's a handful of things to say about them. First off, the child states that their parents were throwing them a party and said party took place at the mansion. Isn't that... kinda strange and suspicious? Why would these parents throw a child's party at a mansion where anyone who goes in never comes out? Even if they didn't knew about the mansion's past history for some reason, it's still pretty damn weird to throw a party at an old and seemingly long abandoned mansion. Why couldn't they just throw a party at their house? Or a relative's house? Or a friend's house? Or a picnic? Or basically any other common options to throw a party at that doesn't involve old and decrepit building's?

Considering the fact that the parents don't even show up anywhere at the "party" and the child was just given a basket of cookies and presumably not much else might imply this was done on purpose. The child states that "Mommy and Daddy love me very much!", but we don't know if that's actually true. The child could be an unreliable narrator in this case. They are a young and naive kid after all. A young and naive kid that could have had abusive or neglectful parents, but due to their young age and underdeveloped brain, they never recognized this. So what's going on here? Here's my thoughts. These supposed "parents" told their child they were going to throw a "party" for them. This wasn't an actual party. This was something to get rid of their child permanently. We don't know what events could have lead up to this, but it seems likely that these "parents" grew tired of raising their child and wanted to find a way to dispose of them. Perhaps through hearing about how those who enter into the mansion never come out or just hoping their kid gets lost, they send them to the haunted mansion on the hill. Giving the kid some cookies so they could eat and live for awhile. Hoping that they either die from starvation and thirst, get adopted by someone else, or meet some other grim fate. Whichever option worked.

So the child goes there, wandering the mansion for awhile, falls down a hole, and encounters a specimen that they at first think is their dad, but unfortunately it isn't. As for what specimen killed them, the likely answer is either Specimen 2 or 9. They're both human in appearance and I highly doubt the kid made it that far. You could say it's also possible they fell all the way down to Specimen 6's locale, but it's unlikely they would survive a fall like that.

Assuming that most of this theory is true... than holy shit! It was already depressing before, but this is 100 times worse!

Overall, I love how dark and tragic these notes are. Especially because it shows just how twisted and apathetic Spooky is by letting children just as old or younger than her die horribly in this place. Not to mention some of the ambiguity with what's going on with the parents or what specimen killed the child is great too.

Simple on the surface, but a decent amount of depth. 5/5

Spelling Errors Victim

DAy 1 I have enterd a spoopy ghost mansion. I do not know how long I will be here but I hope not too long.

Let's lighten up the mood by talking about this person who seems to have failed English class.

Similar to Survivalist Victim, this victim writes about the amount of the days they have been at the mansion.

Their first few days has them being almost completely indifferent to the mansion and its scares. Stating that a "spook" they came across wasn't as scary as they seen in some horror games; and that not having wifi was the scariest thing about the mansion. All while having some pretty bad grammar and spelling still not as atrocious and Godzilla stroke inducing as some people's grammar that I've seen on the internet, perhaps suggesting they're on the younger side, but clearly older than the Child Victim.

As they continue forward and start to run low on the cheesy curds they're eating, they state they will most likely die soon, but at least they were "hardcore" for making it pretty far on their (kinda) frightful journey.

Their last note has them die to a specimen coming closer to them in a hallway. Most likely Specimen 9.

Day 7 While I am at the end of my ropes I shall press on anyway. I have eating the last of the cheese curds and haven't found any new food. There is something down the hallway I believe. It's getting closer. OH whyyy. why has this has to happen to me?

Judging by the use of words like "spoopy" or "hardcore" and being the most concerned about not having internet instead of the literal monsters that could kill them; this person seems to have spent a lot of time on the internet. They definitely look like an irl nerd emoji behind those notes 100% lol.

At first I thought this writer's main gimmick was being indifferent to the mansion, but the spelling errors are the cherry on top and you get some pretty damn funny notes as a result. They're solely comic relief and don't have the same depth to them as the Tropes or Romantic Victim's, but I still enjoy them. 4/5

Jasper Midnight

NOTE I Dear Reader, I am known as Jasper Midnight. I appear to be trapped within a house of horrors so to speak. While at first glance I thought this was nothing more than a carnival fun house with scary pop outs and irritating ambience it has lasted quite longer than I expected. I am going to write these notes as I journey on in order to inform any unfortunate souls that follow me. Sincerely, JM

For the first time we have a victim that gives us their actual name. Or at least a nickname they're known by.

His first note has him write about how he thought the mansion was supposed to be a fun house of sorts while roaming in it, but then he realized he was trapped here. Deciding to write notes to inform any future victims. A typical start so far.

Things get more interesting however when he mentions encountering Specimen 3 in his second note. The way he describes the encounter is oddly casual and calm. Describing it to be a "glorious yet somewhat unfulfilling encounter". Sure is a weird way to describe an encounter with a spiderpede, but maybe he's just built different.

We learn in the third note and beyond that bro isn't just only unfazed by the horrors around him. He fucking loves them and this twisted mansion.

NOTE III Dear Reader, This mansion just continues to get better. I found a room today that was delightfully themed around rusted and abandoned asylums. I say 'themed' simply because it was too perfect to be real. I even found strange creatures holding onto the grated floor writhing in some sinister dance. Sincerely, JM

Damn. Guess he is built different. Especially because later notes show he actually makes it pretty far in the mansion. Encountering and surviving Specimen 8.

The rest of the notes basically show how much he genuinely loves being in the mansion. Morbidly describing it as a "nightmare without the haze of sleep or a daydream you would have while drowning" and that this journey has been "life changing" for him. Overall it seems like he enjoys all aspects of life, both the horrific and the bliss, and that is why he loves the mansion.

NOTE VI Dear Reader, The world is an ashtray, constantly burning out. It is full of hardship, turmoil, happiness, and love. And all of it is beautiful. Sincerely, JM

Unfortunately the last note has him die through unknown means. He takes like a champ as expected though.

NOTE VII Dear Reader, My life is spent, my fire snuffed. My body shakes and ejects blood. I cannot go any further though I wish I could. Continue after me and witness the beauty of the world. Witness the terrible and terrific. Sincerely, JM

The idea of someone being enthralled by the mansion was an interesting one and Jasper is a very lovable character because of it. Dude is just having the time of his life and honestly after these notes? I feel like he would be a fun and chill dude to hang with, even if he's a bit odd.

Easily one of my favorite note writers. 5/5

Spooky's Notes

Research Report #153 Through the spider portal I have come across a plethora of new horror designs for Specimen 1 as well as some new ways of recruiting soldiers. In today's dive I discovered a cluster of webs centered around short horror experiences as well as some sort of Italian cooking. I will continue to research this particular web cluster.

To my surprise, these notes are written by the silly big bad herself! Spooky!

Some very interesting notes we have here as they don't follow the traditional formula that the previous notes had. Focusing on giving us a bit of insight into Spooky's thought process and how she went about running GL Labs and constructing her plan to build her army.

The first few notes have Spooky come across a design she could use for Specimen 1. A creature called Jeff (obvious reference to Jeff the Killer) that she found through the "spider portal". Later on she tries to gain attention from the "LP people" and their viewers so she can gain more recruits, with mixed results. The last two notes mention how another house apparently already has the title "Spooky's House of Jumpscares" and so they want Spooky to change the name of her mansion. She has the funds to fight against this, but instead decides that she would rather spend the funds on noodles and scary things... of course... Quickly summarized all of that, but that's because I want to talk about the more specific details. There's some cool stuff here!

Right off the bat I love how these notes show how unknowledgeable Spooky is of the internet. Calling it a spider portal and calling websites web clusters (get it? The world wide web). Describing one of the web clusters as being "centered around short horror experiences as well as some sort of Italian cooking" (referencing creepypastas). Describing how she believes there are multiple Jeff's and some are crossbreeding with other monsters (possibly referring to AU's and OC's or maybe even ships). And describing YouTubers, specifically the gaming ones, as "LP people. She also doesn't understand the concept of spam, thinking people were genuinely referring to her advertising campaign as the canned meat product.

It's an interesting and cute addition to her character and it makes sense considering she died in the 60's. I also love how her childish side is shown in these notes in general. Girl literally stabbed one of her workers to death because they gave some minor criticism and later wanted to spend her funds on some noodles actually maybe that one is pretty fair. That part being particular because it implies that Spooky had the chance to kill the protagonist at basically any point in the base game and DLC's. She just chooses not to, which is interesting. Although I guess it has something to do with the "dying tragically enough to become a ghost" thing. Maybe outright killing her victims doesn't cut it.

The cherry on top of all this being the name change of Spooky's House of Jumpscares to Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion due to a copyright claim from some shitty mobile company having a canonical explanation in-universe.

I guess the only criticism I have is that for someone who's supposed to be 12 years old, Spooky sure does have some good grammar, descriptive language, and knows her big girl words. Although I guess it's not that hard to believe that she had plenty of time to expand on her writing and vocabulary in the few decades she has been at the mansion. So I'll let it slide. Absolute gold all around. 5/5

Vlogger

So um, I am writing notes down. I think that is the correct thing to do in this situation. I was filming the mansion for my urban exploration video channel but I think I'm trapped and I ran out of battery on my cameras hours ago.

Decided to save the most interesting for last. Here we have yet another victim. This one being an urban explorer with an interest in vlogging.

Usual deal as always with the first note. He realizes he is trapped in the mansion; the camera that he was using to film a video having long run out of batteries.

Later he comes across some elevators, but just like in the game, he has no choice but to go down. All he can do is hope that they'll stop at some point. More time passes and he encounters some Specimen 1's and is starting to run out of food and water. Pressing forward, he comes across Deer Lord's area where he grabs a particular weapon to defend himself.

Well readers, I found a greenhouse or garden area. It was pretty neat but it didn't help me much. I did find a cool Sickle thing in a 'tree'. I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this really uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself.

A sickle... intriguing...

Later on, he encounters more specimen locales.

Hey everyone, I wish my cameras had battery left. I found some really cool areas of this building. Some looked like a school of sorts and another might have been some kind of in house restaurant. I found some frozen (meat) there, but I'm not sure if I should attempt to eat it or not.

As he continues exploring in intrigue at first, he decides that he has had enough of the place as he thinks he's in life threatening danger now (Compared to before? More on this later...).

Okay guys, I am done with this place. As interesting as it may be I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here. I can't imagine it going on much longer and I've gone way too far down to get back up now.

Then we have this note that reveals the twist.

Well readers, I think I'm near an exit. I found another mansion like area. I feel really tired so I'm going to take a break here.

We're not done yet of course, but it looks like this vlogger fella really is the current host of Specimen 12. Making him the only human note writer that we see still alive in the game.

Moving onto the notes we find in Specimen 12, the vlogger assumes that he had finally found a resting place.

What is this? Wow, what a mansion! Inside another mansion. Maybe I've made it all the way to the end of the house. Maybe this is like a resting place or another entrance perhaps? Whatever the case, I think this is a good spot to rest.

He later becomes skeptical as he finds out the bricks and wood are just painted on and nothing inside the mansion feels real. He also claims to hear movement and voices below him, assuming them to be from other survivors.

Things go south real fast however as the third note jarringly shows our vlogger friend being paranoid and trying to hide from "him". As it turns out, this was not a resting place at all.

I can hear him coming down the hallway! I need to hide, but I don't know where. I now know this is not an exit or a resting place. It is just another specimen room! I think he's outside the door now.

At this point the vlogger has become full on paranoid now. Constantly hearing whoever his killer is despite knowing they're not there. Making him assume that the killer isn't even real but instead his own fears stalking him. They stumble around a bit before coming to this conclusion.

I have a theory. I think it's this pseudo mansion. I think it's playing with my head. I still hear him… I must find that man and kill him with the sickle I found in the forest…

Considering he's the current host now, he really did kill him... unknowingly dooming himself in the process. Now he has become Specimen 12's current host. Controlled like a puppet and forced to roam the mansion and murder anyone who enters it.

Now obviously I fucking love all of this and think it's very well done. When you're playing the base game for the first time, the twist of the killer being the one writing the notes in the locale is pretty good. However, the twist of this vlogger being the one to become Specimen 12's current host is even better! From one plot twist to another.

Now, I do want to theorize about one last thing with this victim. Something that I find interesting and odd is that the notes seem to imply that the vlogger never actually encountered any of the major specimens. What do I mean by this? Let's run things back.

Hey guys, so there are these weird pop outs that appear to be cardboard. I guess this was or is a theme ride of some kind. I just keep going down but I don't have much choice. All in all it's not that bad.

This is the third note written by the vlogger and yet it's the first time a specimen of any kind is mention or alluded to. Specimen 1 in this case. He also mentions that his experience so far is not that bad. This is strange to me for a simple reason.

The previous note has him mention going in elevators (plural) that only go down and yet judging by this note, he's only just now encountering Specimen 1. The "All in all it's not that bad." line seems to imply that he has only encountered Specimen 1 and nothing else so far. I heavily doubt he would write that if he got chased by one or more of the specimens.

Things become more odd when we get to notes 5 and 6. Where he encounters Specimen 8, 4, and 11's locales. Yet again, none of the specimens are mentioned or even alluded to.

When he gets to Deer Lord's locale, he finds the sickle, but there's no mention of Deer Lord himself or any violent deer. There's also the specific wording he uses here.

Well readers, I found a greenhouse or garden area. It was pretty neat but it didn't help me much. I did find a cool Sickle thing in a 'tree'. I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this really uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself.

"I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself." So apparently the vlogger is only now getting an uneasy vibe from the place, odd, and they want something to defend himself because of it. Again, implications of not encountering any of the specimens. If he was getting chased previously, than I find it odd how he even hesitates grabbing a weapon to defend himself for even a split second. That and I feel like he would be more descriptive than just describing the mansion as "uneasy".

It's a similar deal with the other locales he encounters.

Hey everyone, I wish my cameras had battery left. I found some really cool areas of this building. Some looked like a school of sorts and another might have been some kind of in house restaurant. I found some frozen (meat) there, but I'm not sure if I should attempt to eat it or not.

Once again, the locales are there and mentioned, but not the specimens. He also describes the areas as "cool" and talks about them very casually and calmly. He even wishes his camera still had battery so he could've filmed those areas. If he was being chased or encountered any of the specimens, I doubt that he would be concerned about that. Or at the very least it wouldn't be the first thing on his mind in place of wanting to leave and survive.

Okay guys, I am done with this place. As interesting as it may be I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here. I can't imagine it going on much longer and I've gone way too far down to get back up now.

This is the note where the vlogger reaches his breaking point. Of course, he did mention clearly wanting to leave the mansion in previous notes, but here he seems 100% desperate to leave. Which is curious to me considering he seemed to be slowly warming up to the place in his previous note.

He mentions that as interesting as the mansion is, he thinks he's in life threatening danger. Keyword think. Not "I'm actually in life threatening danger here" but "I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here". Again, nothing explicit is being stated. In this case, I'm not sure if the vlogger is saying this because he's realizing he's close to dying of starvation and thirst or because he encountered something that gave him a reason to think "Oh fuck. I might actually die here."

Either way, it's interesting how throughout all these notes he hasn't mentioned any of the specimens aside from Specimen 1 and overall seems very calm and casual until this note here.

And it's not like he's just built different like the Spelling Errors Victim who was almost completely indifferent to the horrors of the mansion or Jasper who was having the time of his life. When he gets to Specimen 12 and encounters a threat that can kill him, he shows genuine fear in his writing and is clearly becoming paranoid and delusional from being in the fake mansion. He does have a certain brave side to him in some of his notes, he is a urban explorer after all, but we have no reason to believe he's completely fearless and has massive balls of steel.

I'm not 100% sure what Kira was trying to imply with all of this, but I have two explanation that makes the most sense to me. The first explanation is that some of the specimens simply weren't there yet. Assuming that there was a decent gap of time between each of the specimens being found, retrieved, and placed into the mansion, the vlogger may have been at a more or less early point of the mansion's history of gathering specimens. Meaning the mansion didn't have all 13 of the specimens.

What made me consider this theory is that all the locales that the vlogger mentions belong to the Hellgate specimens (those being 4, 8, and 11). So my thought process is that while he's coming across the locales, those specimens haven't been summoned from the Hellgate yet. The locales being there at all does suggest that GL Labs was in the process of trying to retrieve them. As the game more or less implies that the areas that some of the specimens hang around in are supposed to be a recreation of sorts to fit the specimen. For example, the mansion doesn't actually have a real school in it, but rather a recreation of one that Ringu can chill in, since a school was the environment Ringu previously roamed in.

So under this theory, the vlogger has been in the mansion for a long while. Makes sense given the current age we see him in during the base game, assuming that he was more younger while he was vlogging.

The second explanation is that he's an unreliable narrator. To give credit to this post, it's possible that the vlogger is masking his fears by writing down notes about his experience in the mansion, but not about any of the specimens or other paranormal things going on. What better way to make yourself feel better in a nightmare scenario than by writing about that nightmare scenario as if it's just a minor inconvenience?

To add to this idea, maybe he's doing this not only because he wants to hide his fears, but also because he thinks that if he'll make it out and show others the notes he has written about all the crazy shit going on in the mansion, nobody will believe him and think he's a lunatic. By writing about an unnerving but still somewhat believable experience of being stuck in a huge mansion, people would give more credit to him instead of looking down upon him. That way he can cope better overall if he were to make it out.

This could explain why the notes in Specimen 12's area are written a bit differently. He doesn't address his viewers in those notes and it seems like they're written solely for himself. Giving us a clear picture that shows us that he is truly scared of this place and the situation he's in now that he's no longer trying to hide it by acting like there's nothing going on in the mansion.

Both theories area likely possibility to me and I really like the second one because it makes Vlogger's character more complex and interesting. Especially if you take into account that the vlogger/old man is supposed to be a parallel to the protagonist. With both of them seemingly having trouble with the social "mask" or persona they present to the outside world that isn't truly who they are.

Either way, the vlogger is definitely one of the more developed note writers and I love him for that. Some great twists with some nice room for speculation. Gonna give him a six out of five. Just very interesting to me. 6/5

Conclusion

I really love the notes in this game and think they're the most underappreciated aspect of the game. It's really cool and impressive to me how Kira was able to make these notes offer some genuine horror or comedy to the game while also making each writer a bit different from one another just based on how they write. The overall lore or room for speculation they provide is also well done too. Telling you just the right amount that you need to know. Maybe not everything, but at least most of the info that is necessary. Leaving you to speculate and fill in some gaps on your own.

When I first started this, I was worried that I wouldn't have much to say about these notes, but in the end there's actually a lot more to say than I thought!

A bit tiring but still fun project this was. Thank you for reading and have a snazzy day.