#puns are hard when you're bad at being funny on purpose

[undertakcn]

@muse-hodgepodge asked

Here comes Grillby to give Sans a little peck on each cheek, leaving behind some of the stardust he's made of behind. "Now you sparkle like your personality."

A flush of magic quickly bloomed over the skeleton's face, highlighting the stardust-kissed spots. Their shoulder jump up to where their ears would be if they had any, and a nervous laugh tumbles out of their wobbly smile.

They hoped to whatever star was listening that their soulbeat was not as loud as it felt like it was.

"a-ah- heheheh- thanks, pretty twinkled by your feedback. but my brother's the real star 'round here."

[sharksandothernonsense]

2, 7, 10, 21, 25 for ... daryan obvs :3

:D

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

It's kind of a cop out (pun intended) but my favorite interaction with Daryan in canon is that one conversation outside the Sunshine Coliseum in 4-3 where he spends the whole time complaining about Klavier...and then the instant Apollo agrees with him he switches over to defending Klavier instead. It's so funny. Nobody gets to call his BFF an idiot, except when he does it and then it's fine. Or he just doesn't want to agree with Apollo on anything ever, which is also hilarious to me.

Close second favorite: all the nicknames for Apollo that you can use as a barometer for how annoyed he is at any given time. He put effort into those and I appreciate it.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Okay so this is a hard one, because the thing about Daryan is that the fandom at large, uh, doesn't do much with him. But I do really like it when I see people digging into what's under that terrible attitude (and the crimes) and exploring his hangups and insecurities, because I think even canonically he's a little more complicated than he looks on the surface. There's a lot of ways you can go with that and I really enjoy it when people get into what he's like as a person when he's not having the worst three days of his life.

Also the many alternate hairstyles. I will die on the hill that the pompadour is an important characterization feature (he is a person who would do That on purpose and honestly it kind of grew on me after long enough), but there are some VERY pretty alternate designs.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

Absolutely not. For one thing he has a best friend already and I don't think he's in the market for another, and for another Daryan is the kind of obnoxious-on-purpose twenty-four-year-old that I would instantly hate. Fictionally I love him but IRL...no. no I think there would be another murder and I do not think a jury of my peers would convict me.

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

Daryan is so much fun to put in Bad Situations. My absolute favorite thing about writing him is that no matter what situation I put him in, he is 99% guaranteed to start by making choices that make everything worse. He's never going to do the sensible thing first. He will make terrible choices and double down on them for a while before sometimes finally making better decisions, and I love writing it. It's both very funny and also super convenient for the plot.

On the other hand I am never going to be able to write an outright sad ending for him. Canon is sad enough, thank you...I can do angst but I need an ending to be at least bittersweet. I understand what canon implies but No I Will Not Be Doing That, Thanks.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

My initial impression of him actually came from this fanart. "Look at my brother's awful boyfriend. I hate him so much and I need someone else to hate him with me" made me laugh and also reflexively side with Daryan on the basis that if Kristoph hates you you're probably doing something right...

Now of course he is my favorite and I love him, and my impression is that he is more sympathetic than canon wanted me to think, and also exactly that much of a dick despite not actually being that bad of a person, and that's a very fun combination but is admittedly kind of hard to get other people into. Look at my favorite Ace Attorney character! well no he's only in one case. yeah he did a murder and a lot of other crimes. no he never comes back. yeah he's going to be an asshole the whole case with only rare flashes of not being that bad. Look at him, he's shark-themed and makes bad decisions for reasons ranging from good to terrible. I've written 180k of fic about him.

[sorcerous-caress]

I find the fireball very lovable! Please do Minthara and Halsin!

Aaa thank you <33

Most of these are actually positive! Well, except for one. Sol is a hypocrite in some too.

Sol with companions 2

Minthara

Sol isn't sure why you're going through all of this effort to save a single person. What are you gaining out of it?

When Minthara is finally recruited and they get to know her a bit and evaluate her power, they still don't get it. Everything Minthara has is something the rest of the companions already offer, what can she give you that they can't?

What do you mean you're not doing this for gain but just because you...like her? You do know she doesn't like you back or any of us really right?

But you still like her? You still see worth in her beyond gain?

You're weird, Sol concludes, it's not Minthara that's weird, it's you.

Still... they are actually kinda glad you did save her, Ketheric reminded them back of when the red dragon discarded one of their siblings so easily. Minthara isn't half bad. She doesn't sugarcoat things, and she speaks directly, which is always a plus in Sol's book.

But unlike Lae'zel, Minthara is more closed off. It's clear that she has room for only one person in her heart or as a friend and that's clearly you. Sol begrudgingly admits they did attempt to bond with her but were met with rejection, doesn't matter really, it's her loss.

Since when did they even try to bond with people? This is just confusing. By act 2, you've been influencing them with your weird "make friends with everyone I see" attitude. So really this is your fault.

They like her more than they care to admit. They wonder what she thinks of them, but she is very hard to read. They laugh at her puns a lot. They think she is very funny unironicly. Especially her murder jokes, oh, those never get old.

Minthara would be able to see through them very easily. She'd be able to tell early that they want her approval but are playing hard to get on purpose. She might find it amusing and pathetic.

But she'll tell you that the one thing about Sol she sees worth in, is the fact despite all their claiming and facade, they aren't actually over their head when it comes to magic like most Sorcerers. It's the fact they learned fighting and considered the possibility of losing their magic and needing a plan B.

Despite them lacking emotional stability, they are taking precautions and handling it better than most spoiled brats Minthara has seen in her lifetime. They aren't blinded by love for magic and actually treat it as the unstable unpredictable force it is.

But don't tell them that. It won't boast their ego like you think but will put them on edge around you for seeing through them. Minthara tells you to keep it to yourself.

Sol doesn't know much about elves or drows, really, and the only other two options in the party are...kinda off limits for Sol, so they resort to Minthara to hearing about elf culture. Which results in Sol getting misinformed. They learn drow propaganda as actual facts for elves thanks to Minthara.

Wait, you're dating Minthara now? Damn that's cool. They're actually impressed by you managing to do that. You know if the two of you are down to one night of sharing...then Sol might actually consider it.

Halsin

Doesn't trust him, doesn't like him, doesn't talk to him, or even looks his way. Doesn't even try being mean to him they just fully avoid him. That's how much he unnerves them.

At first they were excited when you told them about rescuing an arch-druid. Even if you're a druid, you're cool and all but you're not really an arch-druid are you? They can't wait to meet him and ask so many questions.

Then they do eventually meet him, and they're silent. Not speechless just quietly observing him. The more he talks, the more he fusses over you, the more he tells you about his plans to save the grove and how he needs your help, how he promises to be by your side.

Oh, they definitely don't like him.

His whole gentle demeanour, his soft mannerism. They keep looking for any hint of suppressed rage under his skin, any trace of malicious intent.

Why was he so quick to touch you? Why was he so quick to trust you?

The various scars littering his body, not from battle no, but from surrender. From purposely letting an animal win against him just so he wouldn't cause them harm.

The way he looks at Sol with clear pity, still extending a hand of guidance as if they're too a stray dog waiting to be cured by him.

Sol feels sick to their stomach whenever he's nearby.

There's a line between kindness and condescension. Sol thinks Halsin doesn't see them as a person but a by product of their environment.

Much like the shadowcurse, something to be cured and cleansed. Never realising how the shadow curse gave life to different flora and fauna that had as much of a right to exist as other plants. That every plant is technically a weed and not just what you deem to be unfit for your garden.

They expected an arch-druid to see life in everything, to realise that nature extends beyond what mortals deem as the natural order. That rot and decay is also a stage of healing. They are beyond disappointed by Halsin and his boxed views, how he thinks he has the right to speak for mother nature.

They warn you about him countless times, how he is biting more than he can chew. During the choice between him and Minthara in the good grove run, they side with Minthara and tell you it's the best to pick her.

The whole struggle of Sol with love is their overwhelming possessiveness and jealousy, something that's probably a joke to Halsin which is why irks them more.

They don't even envy him for it. He just seems so out of touch with reality and emotions for them that he might as well be an alien. Lae'zel what possibly could be an actual alien is so much more closer to their heart and relatable than Halsin ever could be.

Any dialogue or banter they have with him is mostly Halsin speaking and Sol avoiding his questions, not rocking the boat, never revealing anything to him.

They disapprove of his good ending where he adopts so many children, as a person who grew up in a family of many kids, they tell you how it never goes well. How not one of them will get enough attention, how Halsin will stretch himself thin to attempt to parent these children and it still will never be enough.

A single child requires beyond what most people think, the amount of effort it takes to raise a single soul, to nurture it, and care for it. Halsin is wa over his head for thinking raising children would be as easy as caring for packs of animals in a grove of regrowing a forest.

Most of all, they hate Halsin's willful ignorance and refusal to live in reality. Endless optimism is a slow deadly poison.

Minsc

They tried being mean to him, Boo bit them, Sol learned about true consequences that day.

They still are mean, but they keep a safe distance between them and Minsc from now on, just so no flesh eating rodent munches on their scales.

But it is hard to be mean to him, you know? He just misunderstands their words and thinks they're compliments. They feel like a failure, they're supposed to be good at this.

Although...he is strong, and a ranger is basically a discount druid, right? He keeps giving them these suggestions and solutions for how to deal with their magic, none of them make sense or even remotely work, but Sol finds them entertaining. And it kinda shows that he does think about them and other people during his free time...that's kinda sweet.

Act 3 Sol is a much softer person than Act 1 and Act 2, which is why they warm up to Minsc faster. Why they don't hide their fondness for him, plus he is the only person they agree to play chess with because he is the only person they can beat.

They never want to ever re-experience the humiliation of losing to Karlach while the whole camp was watching. At least Minsc cheered for them that time, and every time they win against him, he seems like he had fun instead of being a bitter loser like Sol.

Also, they kinda see themselves in him? How he ignores the fact he lost an arm wrestling match to Halsin. Sol definitely relates. He is just so human and filled with flaws yet so accepting of them and all people, not fake or selfless kindness.

He told Sol that he would knock them out on their bum and let Boo bite them if they turned out like the other evil sorcerers. That promise made Sol admire him more. Sure, they never believed in concrete, evil, or good, but his sole dedication to the cause is admirable.

Plus, if he is willing to tell them this, it shows how he isn't afraid to lose their friendship, how he isn't trying to keep them around for gain.

He...reminds them of an older brother they used to have. Sol was so young when he met his end, when one day he went inside the locked fireproof room only for him not to be there by the morning. Only a pile of ash behind the door, even his bones didn't survive.

He always picked Sol up, spun them around, called them adorable and didn't believe in the whole being mean notion that their family insisted on and how it builds thicker skin.

After his death, Sol became just like their other siblings, just as mean and bitter. They wonder if he'd be disappointed in them if he saw them now, if he'd still think of them as adorable.

They ask Minsc to spin them around one day when none is nearby, Minsc doesn't ask questions and just does it. Sol is eternally grateful.

Jaheira

Now that's a druid they can respect. They make fun of her for being so old, and she returns it and calls them a clueless fetus. A friendship is blossoming.

At the start tho, they did give her shit for being a lacking mother. Sol always took her kids side and commented on how she should be there for them, how it is selfish of her to choose the safety of the world over her own children.

To Sol's surprise, Jaheira didn't deny it and accepted it. Yes she is a very flawed person and a selfish bad mother at times, yes she can never balance her work and family. But fuck Jaheira went through a lot all the shit the world through at her, the fact she is still surviving is a miracle.

So someone as green as Sol doesn't get the right to judge her unless they can do better than her, if Sol demands perfection then they better meet their own standards first.

That she did her best with what the world had to offer, and she will still choose to adopt her kids each time no matter how harder it made her life. Because at least she was there for them when the whole world turned their back on them.

Sol stares at her for a while, before saying how much they hate how right she is about it. Fine, they were wrong and hasty.

And since that day they held sort of a mutual respect to each other? But not in a teacher student kind, never that.

Jaheira still listens to Sol's comments and takes their criticism in stride, and tells Sol when their opinion is wrong or their advice is lacking. In a way, both learn from each other.

Sol doesn't see her as a mentor or an authority figure at all, more like a colleague, if anything. Although the same can't be said about Jaheira, who gets the same headache around Sol that she gets around her daughter Rion,

Jaheira thinks the two of them would be friend if they met but knows it will give their menaces a multipler of x4, so she just hopes these two never meet.

Alternative universe if they ever met.

Sol: Your mom's a bitch

Rion: I know, and yours a whore.

Sol: I know, I heard you got fired from the flamingfist.

Rion: So?

Sol: Wanna set their building on fire?

Rion: ...is this for a pun?

Sol: Yes.

Rion: Nice, let's go.

Tara

Of course, Tara absolutely hates Sol for bullying Gale, even if she agrees with some of their criticism. Gale is still her baby, and only she gets to make fun of him. That puny sorcerer better know their place before Tara throws up a hairball on their pillow.

So Tara pretends she is just a normal cat around them out of spite, just replies with meows and rolls her eyes.

Sol is none the wiser, they think she is just a normal cat that happened to have wings. I mean some sorcerers are humans who happened to sprout dragon wings too so in Sol's world view it makes perfect sense for a cat like Tara to exist.

Worst of all, they think Tara likes them which is why she ruins their stuff a lot. They have no concept or frame of reference for how most animals should behave.

Attempted to pet her and got their whole arm scratched up? Awww this kitty must want to play, cats are so adorable.

Tara pissed on their bed just before it's time to sleep? Sol read in a book that cats only go to the bathroom in the spots they consider the most private and safe, Sol is beyond touched that Tara trusts their scent and bed this much.

They gave her a fish or food, and she threw it at them? Kitty wants to share and feed them! How considerate of her. She even chewed some of the food before she spat it in Sol's direction, just like how mama cats feed their babies!

What do you mean "no, that's birds"? Uh, no, Sol is pretty sure it's cats. You clearly don't know much about animals, do you.

Honestly Sol can never understand how someone as useless and pathetic as Gale managed to find such a thoughtful and nice cat. Really how could he not appreciate this animal?

Clearly, he doesn't give Tara enough attention. Otherwise, why would she follow Sol around this much? What do you mean there is an ominous evil look in her eyes? Nah, she is just a kitty cat. They're not evil. That's just their norm.

Tara could be hissing and screaching at them for no reason, and Sol, who is used to songs in the draconic language, would think she is singing for them or expressing her love.

Scratch

They call him Tav 2.0 sometimes, if you complain then they'll say fine they'll just call you Scratch junior instead, happy? No? Too bad Scratch junior.

Honestly, the resemblance is uncanny. They stare at the two of you whenever you pet him and check in with him, but if you look at Sol they'll immediately look away.

Made a list of companions, least and most likely to be sacrificed if the worst came to worst, and Scratch had no food left.

They added themselves to the list, so that makes it fine. Don't worry about it. And yes, you too are on the list.

When the group makes it to Act 3 and meets Scratch's previous owners. If Sol in the party they will insult them at how pathetic they are for only raising their hand on animals weaker than them, on how if that means Sol has the right to beat them up since they are clearly stronger.

Honestly, Sol is fully on board with killing them, saying how they don't even deserve to breed and continue their lineage. So what use do they have to the world? They're clearly annoying cowardly so just burn the whole bridge instead.

Talking about the city, if you end up going along with Sol's every whim or suggestion, your group will end up arreseted at some point. Luckily, Sol believes in bribes, which is what kept them out of prison for so long.

Owl bear cub

This is a fire hazard following them around with the cutest squeaks ever, and oh Sol is so weak to temptations. But Lae'zel and Tav are having a chat nearby and Sol can't afford to let them see this, they can't just hug something so fluffy and show others they can be soft.

At least nor during Act 1.

....maybe just a little bit, maybe they can sneak a feel or two?

Yeah they won't notice, they have shit perception right? Sol will just be sneaky which they're very bad at with all of their jingling jewellery. Or maybe they'll cast invisibility on themselves so they can hug the cute owlbear cub and bury their face in his feathers.

This is...so soft, is this heaven? How can one animal be this soft? Fuck druids are so lucky imagine having a friend who can turn into a walking cloud so easily, Sol would never stop cuddling them if they could.

Ah....was that a spark? Here goes another one and yep they've set fire to the oblivious owlbear who's clueless to the flames spreading on their feathers, Sol is panicking and picks up the owlbear cub who just thinks they're cuddling.

They're considering chucking him into the nearby river to get him into water as soon as possible. They're aren't thinking clearly. They just need to act fast.

Before they could do it and potentially ruin the owlbear cub's trust in them forever. A massive circle of water rains on them suddenly, sniffing out the flames and drenching both of them in water.

They look around to an annoyed Gale who's hand is glowing as he reattempts to focus on the book he's reading.

Did he help them?

But oh their invisibility is gone and they hear a snicker nearby from Tav who's standing next to a very confused Lae'zel, both looking at Sol, the supposed brutal mean Sorcerer who doesn't need anyone, with an owlbear cub in their arms who's licking the water off of their hair.

[rightheermi3]

I didn't want to lose my mind and it get this way and you know I don't have a lot more than a few tricks and things.i hate, I hate you see me this way whatsoever no buts or whatever. The odds indubitably never move or vary. Fat chance, puns and anything else I could possibly. No, I will morelikely pry and nitpick until I run the limits for annoying as it may very well, meaning yes, it possibly may take nearnothing.

I won't sayit was hard making it this far. And well shit, you sure make it easy. How could you stand there and wo Der.

Yourea fool, no offense. Not in a too much kind of shape of the way.

One ticket, call it trinket, you despicable ornament on myever just never imaginary dust acquired shelf. I don't care little boy, yoube that way. Matterfactly, mister dafty wuss and a few other things. Perhaps one of these theses , I mean, what I'm saying, I'm not trying however hard for the one of these days. Why huh why I figured you would. Maybe you're truly sure you can be good , forever . No negotiating you know, so don't even try and make it work taking the one shallower way. Say I'm not making sense, and ask what I'm saying.

I could guess in truth you can't seem to care.

I could hit you right now. You know that , too. Admit it , I'm not puffing up with that, in my shoulders. I don't know if it is been ending you relating and misperceiving my make of a way.

I figured you knew I do care. Non stopping , you should believe me I'd like to hope, too. You're not just a guy, you know, li,e I sort of am. Ina big big way. It really sucks, and you hurt me. And you deserved to know. You did back when, the morning we first parted our ways.

I meanthat I figured it wouldn't hurt to get stuck miserably alone with you in my brain, all day,

Until I managed to make it happen again, I knew it was obvious. I knew something bad , and mean a d evil was going to soon, atleast like no time. True torture and moreover especially unfairly no fair in fairness and to us to one another.

I thought I tried to show you the way. But I didn't see that you had any idea so basically none

And I will be the bitch stick in the mud and lady that didn't knowhow to be the one first to hold on to her lover as tight as she wished. I was deluded by the love I found in you, and fuc,Ed it all up neglecting the basic idea to not ever after then never let you be all alone, and on your lonesome with him.

If it's cool, I'd like to love dropping it. If not that, for maybe if my purpose comes close so I can figure out how to, maybe you're truly sure you were not being mean, but when it comes to this one of all your surely plentiful and Abundant of these. I stopping changed all the things of the rest. I bet , you probably never tell me, that wasn't even the first thing that came to your mind about me and my way I loved you and fee.ing it going g away.

Boy I know you hated everleavong, e . You can try and play. "I fell in love" sure you did slic,thinking God just makes it thatway.i guess I don't know how to blame you.

Any guess about what you saw, I'm confidently going to simply decline and make it one of two ways, its which, you know, if determining ever mattered to begin with

IIf it's not a problem but still a hopeless waste of time.

I'll just ask then again then. Perdon me, I mean actually no. That's funny still little though.

My former acquaintance, fuck is better to hear dearly, than my love. Maybe former. Is that way too formal. That's what I do though. Only to youthough. Remember crossingheartsa d hoping to die, in essence it blurs. I did , cometothink. That wasmy proposition to ease the disposition and fits and doubt that you or my loud mouth. You know, autocorrect blamedyou just then, and I fixed it, why? I really don't know anymore. But duhhhh. Ew .anyways if it's not not okay. If it does come in a few delightfully curious or my more favorite, the particular ones. That take the universe for its time for a mere better admiration but like it is, just better and nice in the particular way.

Man, I would, I will write you poems and good ones I hope one day. I will be a really good friend and have ideas when you need so me, I'd make you snacks and possibly, if we figure it out, I'd likethat , a lot though. A painting. And another that I sell for bank and give you the life, just , it's all I ask I just t want you. No more games. I promise, I mean I can't be whatever it takes and let you hurt me,like last time, especially, but not, it's all the same, like memory waves. I die little inside to the recollection as in , mostly how it all changed at the start. When I moved myself in and , I had no idea how or what was impending and boiling up pm til now. I literally didn't want to screw up being cute and cool enough to keep you, but you though. I don't know what I'm not trying the right way to hear from the way you feel about dealing with it, to the most I get to be able to make you talk about, and how I can be good, better. Not for you. I'm not your pedestal Deborah or queen of the world obviously, I don't know what you think or see. I don't care to know about it anymore than I'd rather talk about the things you know you can need me to be talkable , not even rashly or as a crush flavor. I don't know if I should go on with that thought, I hope I don't offend you at all.i hope more that Noone else had beat me to well enough alone. And it's, to everyone else but apparently me in the world, I should have assumed and chose the right one, and leave. I just don't like that though. I think I'm desperate, okay,yes. But I lost everything. Found you. Then lost it just like that, like a tablecloth one or In a big way, a t on of them played a ring and dress up for this worthy andwell deserved magic show on my table. That's my table , I mean, what am I fu d king up and doing off the same page, they make me feel so irrelevant to you, like they won, like gross, mean bully attention where girls. Who I was basically at 16. 16 and sexy was baselevel my game then, with myself more than anything.

Okay, they tellme to diethough.replay him et. Me in any mm or3

Hacking is for honest hard working lumberjack men slash ppl

Fuck you. Fuck you but yelled, at, you. You suck cookie stained egg salad smelling short bc you like to. I. Er I think I can figure anything out by my self for the rest of my purpose driven tuck n roll kind of life, but my life is a roller coaster by its self as is the idea of going to a fun amusing things park and indulge. I sincerely, and I will say it, I am a sad pathetic hypothetical of disasters meet maxed spectrum , I live there.