#psychalive

[roffitoucan]

Recently done Dead cells doodles as me n Ciro had dead cell brajnrot today :3

[revindicatedbyhistory]

amazing how anthropology started as hitlerite but still managed to be less hitlerite than some of the hitlerism of the time

[boytearscore]

reason. — johnnie guilbert.

summary: completely unable to show your own feelings to the world after growing up being mocked by your sensitiveness and tears, you face the coldness of your best friend’s roommate (johnnie) without letting it get to you, until one day watching a movie with both, he smiled at you for the first time.

warnings: mention of anxiety, depression, past traumas, psychal abuse, daddy issues, emotional blockage, angst, comedy, strong female lead, a bit of fluffly? we’ll see. (jake as your best friend.)

author's note: i got this idea last night while listening to ''nervous'' by the neighbourhood, strongly recommend you to vibe with it when reading. don't know if it will become a series, though. i'm just testing waters for now.

it was a saturday night, you and your best friend jake were hanging out all day together but he wasn’t feeling like saying goodbye yet. so to change things up a little, he invites you to watch a movie at his house.

“before you say no…” he immediately knew why you rolled your eyes and made his best puppy face. “i got your favorite chocolate at home, a whole box. you can even pick your weird thriller movies, plus it’s way cooler to watch it using our movie room. not tryna brag though.” he laughs and purse his lips. “pretty please…?”

you sigh, giving in. jake was the only person who you would do anything for. he’s been with you through tough times just as much as you’ve been with him and that created a bond between you two that no one could break.

as you both get in the car, you start driving and a few things go through your head while jake was picking a song.

the reason why you didn’t like to hangout at his house was his roommate, johnnie. you both never got along, everything began since the first day you’ve met. you couldn’t help but notice how caring, happy, sweet and all smiles he was around everyone, but you. there’s no explanation, the moment he laid eyes on you, he did nothing but be mean and cold.

but you weren’t some sensitive girl who cries when a boy says mean things, you grew up with that your whole life. no father to rely on, mean brothers and a non confrontational mother. people used to call you ''crybaby'' and that infuriated you, they spitted mean words at your face, saying you were weak and too soft, even using psychal abuse to make you cry on purpose, so much so that you’ve just hardened with time. 

you made a promise to yourself, to be a mirror. to give people what they give you and nothing else.

and that’s exactly what you did with him as well, it seemed to be working, so you didn't really care.

johnnie was in the kitchen next to the living room, grabbing a soda when you and jake arrived. he looks over at the door as you come in, rolling his eyes at the sight of you.

“so fucking nice to see you too.” you give him the same eye roll and proceeded to enter the house, throwing yourself on the couch and letting a sigh out.

johnnie scoffs as you sit down. “how long are you staying for?” he asks, sitting on the couch in front of you and grabbing his phone. 

“want me to leave soon?” you ask him, sarcastically smiling.

“i do want you to leave soon.” he finally looks up from his phone, giving you an annoyed look and you shrug. 

“then i’m staying for a looooong time.”

johnnie just ignores your teasing tone and sips his doctor pepper.  “what exactly are you doing here, anyway?”

you didn’t feel like engaging his little back and forth thing so you just ignored his question and then turned to jake that was just laughing, used to the bickering. he didn’t mind it. it was actually entertaining to him, although he was pretty sure you both would ended up fucking at some point.

“if you sleep while we’re watching the movie i’ll draw a penis on your face.” you threatened jake with your best scary face.

he laughs even harder when you threaten him and johnnie suddenly lets out a snort, but quickly composes himself when you notice.

that surprised you, he never really was a part of conversations when you were around, only to make sarcastic comments or be mean, but this was different, however you brushed it off, it’s not like you care anyways.

“you wouldn’t dare.” jake says, raising an eyebrow at you, a smug smile still on his face.

“watch me.” you whisper to him with squinty eyes, an evil smile creeping on your lips, he just sticks his tongue out at you, jokingly rolling his eyes. 

“fine, i won’t sleep. happy?”

“we shall see, my friend.” you get up and walk towards jake grabbing his hand, the perks of having a rich best friend is that he has an entire movie room in his own house, and of course a whole box of your favorite chocolates. 

as you two start heading to the room, you can’t help but turn your head back a little, looking at johnnie.

“you coming?”

johnnie looks up from his phone, watching you walk off with jake, and is surprised when you turn to ask him if he’s coming. he stands up and puts his phone in his pocket. 

“i guess so.” he mumbles, walking behind you both. he doesn’t say anything else as you three head to the movie room.

you were the first one to enter the room, immediately sitting at the huge comfortable couch, jake was right behind you picking snacks and a soda. he throws the box of chocolates in your lap, giving you a wink and sitting next to you with a diet coke and chips in hands while johnnie got himself comfortable next to jake. you grab your phone connecting to the projector and picking the movie. it was a psychological thriller mixed with comedy, very weird and gory to say at least.

johnnie rolls his eyes as you pick the movie. “course you would pick something like that.” he mutters under his breath. jake laughs and playfully shoves him.

“c’mon, johnnie! give it a chance. thriller movies are fun.”

“you can just leave, though.” you finally reply to johnnie still eyeing the projector screen reflecting on the wall. he roll his eyes and just stays quiet while jake is still laughing. “i’ve heard there’s gross scenes, i’m so excited!” you shake jake’s arm while the movie starts, laying your head on his shoulder and eating a piece of the chocolate bar. 

johnnie groans quietly, watching the screen while trying not to look the proximity between you and his roommate. he didn’t even know why it bothered him so much. 

20 minutes of movie has passed and things already gotten weird and gross, you stared at the screen mesmerised while jake frowned with a disgusted face.

“how can you even enjoy this?” johnnie asks quietly to you, watching as a character behaves weirdly in the scene.

“aw, is that too much for you?” you stare at johnnie, doing the voice adults usually use to talk to children. “do you want me to switch to a cartoon?”

johnnie’s face turns red from embarrassment, but he hides it by rolling his eyes and leaning back into the couch, looking back at the movie.

“i can handle it just fine. i’m just saying i don’t understand how you like that crap.” he mutters, a hint of a blush still on his cheeks.

“since you wanna know so bad…” you start sipping jake’s diet coke, he gives you a dirty stare and you just laugh, proceeding to talk. “it’s not about the gore stuff, it’s about the deep meaning of it, why is the character doing that? i love to contemplate and understand their reasoning, it makes me feel connected to my human side. that’s all.”

johnnie is a bit taken back by your explanation, he honestly expected some stupid answer, not a thoughtful one. he stays quiet for a moment, thinking about what you just said.

“so…  you like these kinds of movies for philosophical reasons?” he says, trying to understand.

“precisely.” you murmur, looking at the screen again.

“reasons...” he whispers to himself lost in thoughts but the scene unfolding in front of you three made his eyes pop, the character insists to engage an “action” with a girl who’s on her period.

“aaaand that's bad timing for all the things i just said, there’s no explanation for that.” you point at the screen, laughing. “this one is just a weirdo, i guess.”

“agreed.” johnnie lets out a quiet laugh. 

johnnie’s laughter was something you’ve never heard before, and that made you smile a little but as soon as you realized it, you turn to jake biting your smile away, he looked utterly disgusted and was dramatically holding back a gag as the scene continues.

“ew, that’s disgusting.” he says, looking a little sick.

“didn’t you accidentally drink your own pee before?” you ask jake, laughing out loud.

“hey!!” jake shoves you lightly, a look of embarrassment on his face. “we promised not to talk about that again.”

johnnie lets out another low laugh, enjoying the interaction between you and his roommate.

“my bad, man.” you say acting like you regretted it. “still a sensitive topic, huh?”

“you’re an ass.” the red head boy rolls his eyes but he’s still laughing as johnnie is watching the two of you, his eyes going back and forth between you and jake, his lips curved in a small smile and you noticed right away, it wasn’t a mean one like always, it was genuine. 

“hey…” you smile at him, not resisting his sudden cuteness. “for someone mean as hell you kind of know how to smile nicely.”

he looks a bit startled, not expecting you to notice his smile and actually say something about it. johnnie can feel his face heat up a bit.

“i’m not always mean, you know.” he tries to defend himself, his voice lacking the usual coldness.

this time, both of you and jake stare at him with a “really?” face. 

“not always around other people, maybe…” you say, shrugging. “to me, yes.”

johnnie’s face turns from a light shade of pink to completely red. he stutters, trying to think of a good comeback but fails, just sitting in an embarrassed silence.

the room turns quiet, just the voices of characters in the background. no one dares to speak. probably because johnnie never smiled around you before, or because you complimented him for the first time, or… because you almost told him how you feel. usually jake is the one who has to listen to you vent, not that johnnie’s behaviour actually wounded you, but because you just didn’t understand his reasons, so you finally ask him.

“why do you hate me so much?” your eyes are glued to his, not giving a fuck about the movie you were so excited to watch for ages.

johnnie suddenly feels the weight of your question hit him. he fidgets a little, feeling a mix of guilt and defensiveness rising within him. he glances at jake, hoping for him to get him out of the situation somehow, but jake just shrugs and motions for him to answer.

he takes a deep breath, his eyes locked with yours. “i… don’t really hate you.” he mutters, barely above a whisper.

you frowned confused. “then why do you act like you do?” this question wasn’t planned though, your heart spoke for you.

he looks away from you, avoiding eye contact, struggling to find the right words and feeling vulnerable under your gaze.

“i… i don’t know. it’s just... easier, i guess. i don’t know how else to act around you.” he finally manages to get out, his voice shaking a bit.

“maybe start by not being a dick.” your tone is sarcastic but you had a smile on your lips, hoping both jake and johnnie couldn’t tell you were trying to light up the mood with your usual ironic humour to not make them uncomfortable. 

jake lets out a laugh, feeling a bit more at ease with the sarcasm. johnnie, however, looks visibly frustrated. he clenches his fists, struggling to keep his cool.

“easier said than done.” he mutters under his breath, his tone cold again.

the smile on your face dropped, something inside you wanted to know his reasons badly, to dig more and more until the truth finally would show itself. 

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

johnnie notices the smile dropping from your face and feels a pang of guilt. he runs a hand through his hair nervously, avoiding eye contact with you again.

“you wouldn’t get it. it’s just… it’s easier for me to be mean to you than anything else, okay? i don’t know why, but it is.” he says in a low, frustrated voice. “does that satisfy your curiosity?”

“sure.” you whisper, giving up on understanding his heart. maybe that’s why you were so obsessed with trying to figure out misunderstood movie characters, they reminded you of people in real life. they reminded you of… johnnie. you wanted to be able to find out why he’s like that with you, but he built walls around him when it comes to your presence. no matter how hard you try, he never will let you in.

you sigh, letting your head fall on jake’s shoulder again and paying attention to the movie in silence, he watches you put your head on jake’s shoulder, feeling a mix of disappointment and frustration. he wanted to say more, to explain himself further, but he couldn't find the words.

jake wraps an arm around you, sensing the tension in the room, and squeezes your shoulders gently. he glances at johnnie, trying to give him a subtle ‘fix-this’ look, but johnnie just looks away.

the rest of the movie continues in tense silence. johnnie remains quiet, lost in his own thoughts, while jake tries to lighten the mood with occasional jokes or comments about the movie.

you, on the other hand, was fighting a war inside your head. it’s either caring about the conversation that just happened or move on completely, you were divided between those two things, but then the past rushes through your head, when you used to care and show everyone how much you were hurt. in order to change, a lot of tears were shred.

and that’s why you are the way you are now, if people don’t wanna talk, you do not force them to, why tell them how you feel if they don't care and probably will use it against you at some point? plus it’s not like you had hoped things would change between you two.

the credits start to roll, signalling the end of the movie. jake looks between you and johnnie, noticing the lingering tension in the room.

“well, that was definitely something.” he says, trying to lighten the mood again and johnnie just nods silently, his gaze fixed on the now-empty screen.

“he killed everyone in order to get the life he wanted.” you start talking. “he also drank his friend’s bath water and went down on his sister while she was on her period.” you bite your lip and smile at jake. “i’ll be thinking about that for a while…”

jake burst into laughter, remembering the scenes you mentioned. “yeah, that was pretty messed up. but the whole drinking the dirty bath water scene made me lose my shit!” he laughs again, wiping a tear from his eye.

johnnie tries to not show a reaction, but he visibly cringes and lets out a soft “ugh” at the memory.

“bro, the slurping sounds got to me.” your laugh was so loud and genuine that jake couldn’t help but laugh with you as he nods, clutching his stomach from laughing. 

“dude inhaled it like a chocolate milkshake."

johnnie can't help but crack a small smile, enjoying the friendly banter between you and jake, but he still keeps his comments to himself. 

suddenly the room is quiet again and before things possibly get uncomfortable, you get up.

“alright, that’s my queue.” you give jake a small hug and take the box of chocolate in hands. “i’m taking these with me thank you very much.” jake hugs you back, still chuckling at your laughs. johnnie watches silently as you get up and head for the hall, a mix of disappointment and relief showing on his face.

“leaving already? you can crash here, you know.” jake says, sensing your intention to leave.

“nah, i’m good.” usually you’d actually do that, but sleeping in the same house as johnnie wasn’t the best move right now. “text me later, yeah?” you smile at jake and leaves without looking at johnnie.

he stayed silent as you left, watching you go without another word. he felt a mix of emotions, frustration, guilt, and a hint of sadness that he couldn't quite explain. jake glanced at him, sensing his inner conflict.

as you drive home, a million thoughts go through your head. mostly about him. and the worst part is that you didn’t even know why, but that was sort of okay, no one was there to watch you being vulnerable, so the questions naturally got to you.

why do you care so much about it?

why does your heart kind of sink everytime he doesn’t just tell you how he feels?

you don’t care about people who don’t care about you, why is that different when it comes to johnnie?

when finally home, you find yourself rewatching the memories from earlier, the way his voice softened, or the brief smile he let you see. it’s as if you caught a glimpse of the real him, and you can't stop wondering what lies beneath the icy exterior.

just when you think things would finally settle down in your head, your phone lights up, jake was calling.

“are you home yet?”

“yeah, what’s up?” you pick up right away, trying to hide your anxiety, but jake could sense something off just by the way you spoke.

“everything okay? you sound a bit off."

“i’m okay.” you fake a laugh, jake was your best friend after all, he knows exactly everything about you, including when you try to hide your pain and feelings. in fact, he was the first person to notice them and not judge you for that. “don’t worry about it.”

jake is still not convinced by your fake laugh.

“bullshit. i know something’s wrong. don’t try to hide it from me."

“it’s just…” you sigh, what’s the point of hiding it, anyways? you don’t need to be strong in front of him, jake would never hurt you like everyone else did in the past. “i care more than i’d like to…” you finally confess, hoping he would get what you mean without making you explain any further. 

jake is quiet for a moment, understanding what you’re talking about instantly. he’s not surprised, jake could feel the tension between you and his roommate today. and how you seemed affected by it.

“it’s about johnnie, isn’t it?” he lets out a soft sigh on the other end of the phone. 

“don’t say his name…” you tell him in a whisper, cringing with the possibility of johnnie finding out you’ve been talking about him. “i feel like there’s something underneath it.” you explain, laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. “you know i don’t care about people being mean to me, got over it a long time ago. i just give it right back, not giving a shit. and i tried that to him for years, but the way he looks at me…” you close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “i can’t figure that look on his face, jake. and it’s driving me insane.”

“yeah, i get it, but here's the thing… i know for a fact that he doesn't hate you." jake pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the best words to say. "he’s just… confused when it comes to his own emotions, you know? he’s got this whole mean act going on because he doesn’t know how to deal with feelings.”

“i would get it…” you begin to say, collecting your thoughts not to show the quavering voice . “if he acted like that with everyone, sure, that’s understanble, but it’s only with me. what the fuck did i do to him?” you almost yell the last part in frustration.

jake listens to your words, feeling your frustration through the phone. "i don't know, man. he’s never really explained his reasons to me either.” he ponders for a moment, wondering if he should tell you. “hey, can i ask you something?"

you got confused for a second, thinking he was about to make a joke or change subjects.

“sure.”

"have you ever considered that maybe... just maybe... johnnie is a dick to you because he likes you?" jake waits for your reaction with a small grin on his face, knowing your tendency to never consider the obvious.

and react you did, frowning and squinting your eyes so hard that for a second your head started to hurt. 

“what kind of nonsense are you onto about, dude?” you blurt it out, finally laughing. jake laughs at your reaction, finding your disbelief amusing.

"i mean, think about it for a second. it fits all your theories, doesn’t it? why else would he be so mean only to you? maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold."

“too much weed inside your rotten brain, jake. that’s what it is.”  you said still laughing and continued to tease him a little “i’m gonna put you in rehab or something.”

jake chuckles, still enjoying your denial.

"hey, you’re the one who can’t stop talking about how johnnie looks at you. i’m just planting the seed of thought, man. you never know." he pauses for a moment before continuing. “and just for the record, i’m not smoking anything at the moment. thanks for the concern, though."

“well, your seeds are just rocks and they’ll never grow anything but disappointment.” you tell him catching your breath from laughing so much. “but i do feel better now.” jake probably could tell you were smiling because he went quiet for a second, and that made you smile even more. “thanks for being my best friend, yeah? you’re my anchor.”

jake grins, happy that he was able to make you feel better.

"that's what best friends are for and just so you know, you’re my anchor and my sister." he chuckles before continuing. “but i won't stop planting those 'rock seeds' of mine. maybe one day they'll turn into an exotic flower or something."

“yeah, a toxic one.” you hear his laugh and roll your eyes. “i’ll go to bed now, talk to you later, okay?”

"sure, get some rest. and think about what i said." jake teases you before continuing. “sleep tight, darling."

you roll your eyes after hearing the ridiculous pet name, remembering when it started. one time you told him he gives father vibes to you, so he just calls you that because in his words “messing with your daddy issues is fun”.

after you hang up the phone, the room falls silent once more, and your mind begins to wander to the conversation you just had with jake.

now the stupid rock seed of thought he planted in your mind refused to disappear. the sentence  “maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold” playing in an infinite loop inside your head.

as much as you tried, the thoughts kept nagging at you, refusing to be ignored. you sigh, realizing that sleep would elude you until you figured this out.

an hour ticked by and you tossed and turned in your bed, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop thinking about johnnie's behaviour and the possibility of him somehow “liking” you.

memories of the way he looked at you, the way he softened, only to revert back to his aloof self seconds later, it was so confusing.

eventually, the morning sun began to peek through your window, signalling the start of a new day. you felt exhausted and frustrated, with no answers and no sleep.

as you drag yourself out of bed, you feel the exhaustion weighing down on you. the lack of sleep and the endless loop of thoughts about johnnie had left you feeling drained.

you head to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water, trying to jolt yourself awake. but even as you look at your reflection in the mirror, the thought of johnnie's hidden feelings still lurks in the back of your mind.

“well, now i’m fucked.”

you whisper to yourself, feeling defeated.

[ribesballtarot]

JUDE BELLINGHAM BEHIND THE SCENE

Team: Real Madrid

Who is Jude Bellingham when the cameras aren't on?

The hermit, three of wands, the lovers reversed, king of pentacles, ten of wands reversed, justice reversed, judgement, ace of swords.

Not as willing to engage in social setting or meeting new people as one might think, but still he always shows up due to modesty and influence. He's confident, though not that good at communicating and being forward with what he really wants from others. He struggles forming connections, specially if it involved the opposite sex. He's not very committed, neither does he often take accountability for his actions. Behind cameras he doesn't present as someone who is burdened with responsabilities, but rather someone that has been rebirthed through his success. His accomplishments actually make up a lot of who he is and how he acts.

What is Jude Bellingham's -overall- personality?

Knight of pentacles, the devil, four of cups, queen of cups, nine of wands, ten of cups reversed, the moon reversed, king of wands reversed.

His personality is very driven and sexual, he actually gets off on the adrenaline that playing the sport and being on top gives him, more than the opposite sex. This is someone whose personality is based a lot on his ambitions and how much they make him feel psychally before it reaches mental stimulation. He is somewhat self-absorbed, and emotional, he always needs more and more and more, to be challenged. He can become manipulative and suffer from turmoil consequently after it. His imagination tends to run wild, he's got very surrealistic expectations and a lot of unatachable dreams right now. He always expects the next best thing.

What parts of himself does he try to hide from the public?

King of wands reversed, the magician, the moon, judgement, the world reversed, ace of cups

He tries to hide the fact that he's too demanding of himself and others equally, because he constantly looks for the next best thing he also needs to be surrounded by the best. That he's *deep* or so to say, introspective, somewhat creative and therefore sensitive. That he's for lack of better word, lazy —or at least he feels like he is. As if things come easy to him more times than it has been presented for him to actually work through perfecting his skills.—

XIX

[idontknowmyownmind]

Mammon AU

It's been a long time since I wrote another Mammon AU. This idea just came at me while I watched a video on Youtube.

Body switched AU

With demon!Mammon switched souls with human!Mammon from another timeline.

About the human world:

There is an age gap between the brothers.

Lucifer 22

Mammon 20

Leviathan 17

Satan 14

Asmodeus 13

Beelzebub 9

Belphegor 9

In this world, they are a close knit family. Sure they have their own problems and arguments with each other, but they are open with each other.

Like how Lucifer doesn't hide what he's thinking or feeling from Mammon, Mammon to Luci and Levi, Levi to Luci and Mammon, Satan to Mammon and Asmo.

Even though they don't open up to everyone, they still have someone they don't need to hide from.

So, yeah, they live a more harmonious life. They know each other better.

Lucifer is more kind and smiles more freely.

Mammon is both the dotting mom and strict dad in their family.

Levi is more confident and open with his problems to his older brothers.

Satan tries to act mature yet still childish when with his older brother.

Asmo is more attentive and the most sensitive to what others are feeling.

Beel is the most physically affectionate among the brothers.

Belphie is an energetic kid, only second to Beel.

Demon!Mammon immediately knows he is not in the same reality when he is woken up by mini Belphie who literally jumps on his stomach, followed by mini Beel who jumps up and down on his bed.

He freaks out but tries to hide it. How can he show it when he watches his youngest brothers become so energetic and full of smiles after waking up.

And then Mammon found himself in the most bizarre moment in his life. He is dumbfounded when he meets the others, especially Lucifer.

Human!Lucifer almost immediately knows that this Mammon is not their Mammon. But he doesn't confront him immediately, he observes.

He knows that his other younger brothers also found something strange with Mammon but doesn't know what.

He sees how Mammon, sometimes, flinches when they approach him or initiate psychal contacts. He is not stupid to think that if there is an alternative universe of them, that doesn't mean they will have the same relationship.

But it still hurts human!Lucifer's heart to think that there is a version of his brothers who hesitate to receive their, his love. A version of him who hurt his brothers to the point of them flinching from him.

But no matter how human!Lucifer also sees this Mammon as his other brother, he is still worried about his Mammon and what happened to him.

So he confronts Mammon at night when everyone is already asleep. Mammon then admits who he is. It worries human!Lucifer about his brother but demon!Mammon assures him that he is safe, he's been in contact with him.

The next day, Mammon chose to tell the truth to the rest of the brothers. Of course, some of them need time to accept it. Especially human!Satan who is really close to his second older brother.

But they come around to accept the demon!Mammon as another brother. They are also able to know about their brother from him.

The switch happened for 7 weeks.

What happens to human!Mammon? (Let me hurt you a little bit)

None of the brothers even aware of the switched. Sure they are sceptical with Mammon's changes but they don't think much about it. They like this Mammon better than the usual him anyway.

Human!Mammon sure comes to care about his alternate brothers, but can't bring himself to love them like how demon him come to love his brothers.

He just found that the demon brothers' attitudes are unpleasant. So that's why he tries to spend as little time with them as possible.

When the switch ends, the demon brothers go back to their life.

Mammon's heart hurt, but he got his salvations. His alternate brothers, and his alternate self, who are still willing and happy to have him as their brother. He is still in contact with them, he even often visits their dimension to spend time with them.

[patukkaas]

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I don't apologise for making this

Maybe a little lazy

Valentine x Fem! Reader

Smut headanons

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▪︎ She'd have her hair down.

▪︎ Also 100% a top no exceptions.

▪︎ Would use a strap and mostly wouldn't want any psychal pleasures for herself.

▪︎ Would wanna just get off on you lol.

▪︎ Would tie you up and edge you for hours on end.

▪︎ She'd literally be up to doing it anywhere anytime.

▪︎ Her favorite would still be on the bed though.

▪︎ BLOOD AND KNIFE KINK.

▪︎ I know for a fact that her hands are cold even while wearing gloves.

▪︎ And she'd love seeing you shiver when she touches you.

▪︎ She'd lay your head down on the sofa side and hold onto your lower back and hold your left leg to keep you from closing your legs while using her strap.

▪︎ If you're shorter than her (which you most likely are, she's literally 6' feet tall) she'd kneel down behind you and start pushing you slightly toward her chest so you get the message.

▪︎ She's a thigh girl.

▪︎ She'd love if you wore lingerie, she'd be generous with you that time.

▪︎ If you were alone together she'd let you be as loud as you wanna be, just because she loves it, but if you were in a slightly public place she'd put something into your mouth to quiet you down, which works for her too, she'd get off on your desperate hums.

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[transgenderjtk]

one of the things that I think almost every day is how I related (romantically) myself with other trans men, I remember the first time I fell in love with someone, someone rough and psychally bigger than me. I felt intimided by his masculinity, but there was something so cautivating on it even though I wasn’t able to process it entirely because I was a young teen but now I understand. Masculinity can be an attitude instead of completely an appareance, yk? Masculinity is have the balls to tell things at face to face, to not being afraid of change, to look for solutions instead of cry during month, to know what’s better instead of assume. Masculinity can be gentle as well, but never completely soft at all. That’s what I like for me and the trans men I’m attracted to, I like masculine men, be one, want one

[jasbell]

Stumbles into the room at 10kmph

The disassembly drone absolute solver might be a final product of the research discovered after creating Ponder!

(Also maybe IC-0n, too d:)

So, you may be wondering what the hell I'm talking about.

"Ponder? What's that? Another word for think, maybe? What'sthat got to do with murder drones?"

Well, my probably-most-of-murder drones fans! Allow me to guide your attention to a small youtube account called 'scary story time with Liam' sstwl, for short. This was where it all began. Liam writing his first few stories, and reading them out into his mic for the group of people who cared.

Among these majority of unfinished works lie two series we'll be focusing on: PuppetGAME, and Design.

Although, do note, I haven't listened to Design yet, so take all of these things with a grain of salt.

Let's begin, shall we?

We start over in design. There's these things called left hands who possess young girls and puppet around their corpses. There's a facility who is weponising these left hands for their military or whatever.

Among these girls is Mari. Who claims to be God. After doing research, they discovered that the body she possessed wasn't actually human, but built from the ground up around her. Researchers took note of this and discovered that she wasn't actually creating matter from nothing, but stealing it bit by bit from other dimensions to do so. Does that last sentence sound familiar?

Now things get wibbly-wobbly, for a different version of Design. In PuppetGAME, in part 4.4 I think it was, Sarah admitted this all to Jon Mathews (he doesn't really matter here) but in her dimension, she was head researcher I think, and decided to use an AI simulation of whatever it was Mari was using to destroy entire dimensions to "create" objects out of thin air.

This, my friend, is where we meet ponder. The main villain of PuppetGAME. A part biological, part AI virus of sorts who runs a gameshow where people fight for the safety of their home dimension. And with each dimension destroyed, the longer he lives, and the "better" his show can become. He uses this matter to run his show, and multiply himself into a hivemind for his "contestants" to wear for extra weaponry and armour.

It's unknown how ponder gained access to the psychal plain, but long story short. There's this rabbit hand puppet the researchers use on little kiddos to cheer them up, and Ponder thought it'd be fun to take that form as the first thing he saw after gaining a conscience.

Now, putting all my ramblings on paper. Here's what absolute solver, ponder and ic-0n have in common:

All are simultaneously AI and biological.

All are in a hivemind (IC-0N may be an acception, but there are clues she once was)

All need to assimilate large amounts of matter to recreate things.

All need blood, or something else like that, to live a long time. (Abso solve, with oil. Ponder with souls(maybe) and IC-0n with heart tissue??)

They're all parasites in a way.

They can shapeshift and regenerate body parts on the fly. (Absolute solver can't exactly SHAPESHIFT, but close enough)

And last but not least, Liam made ALL of these characters. And he likes to recycle old ideas sometimes :p

Thanks for reading my ramblings I guess! lol

(Also, I said the disassembly drone absolute solver at the start because another idea of mine, is that there's different variations of absolute solver. Also, I don't think that's actually what it is that Uzi and Doll possess.)

[g0om]

there was a new batch of free to take books in the library and i coudlnt stop myself but in my defense two of them r for mom and there was a huge book i rly rly wanted to take but i couldnr psychally carry it so i lefr it

[revindicatedbyhistory]

Turns out the place where i did psychal education for the entirety of highschool used to be a cementery decades ago. Dont know what to think about this

[o-hybridity]

trick or treat!

"Ah! My apologies for only seeing you just now; I was terribly lost in thought. Here, let me whip something up for you that'll be just the thing."

Your companion combines some spine fruit jam

some dried lah petals

and some psychal gland paste in a pot

and stirs. Inspiration guides your companion toward a mouthwatering treat. Your companion creates a new recipe for C. S. Caementarium's Dream-Candied Lah Thorngushers!

You begin to metabolize the meal. Whenever you become afraid, you expel quills per the Quills mutation at level 8-9. Reveals a secret.

"Moon and sun, wisdom and will, and happy halloween, water-sib!"

[boytearscore]

reason. — johnnie guilbert.

summary: completely unable to show your own feelings to the world after growing up being mocked by your sensitiveness and tears, you face the coldness of your best friend’s roommate (johnnie) without letting it get to you, until one day watching a movie with both, he smiled at you for the first time.

warnings: mention of anxiety, depression, past traumas, psychal abuse, daddy issues, emotional blockage, angst, comedy, strong female lead, a bit of fluffly? we’ll see. (jake as your best friend.), a bit of smut and flirting ahead.

author's note: this chapter was so fun to write, so many things happened, little spoiler: johnnie heard you. 🤭

chapter two.

that sunday afternoon jake called you and asked if you wanted to go to his place to hangout, maybe have a few drinks. you thought for a while, is seeing johnnie a good thing for you right now? honestly, running away from whatever is ahead doesn’t seem good either. besides, there’s a chance of finding out more about him, what he feels and knowing yourself that well, your mind wouldn’t let you live in peace before that.

“jesus, what the fuck happened to you?” you hear jake after he opened the door, of course he was laughing. you had smudge eye makeup, messy hair and were still wearing baggy pajamas.

“couldn’t sleep and it’s your fault.” you roll your eyes entering the living room, not being able to control your urge to look around for johnnie.

“he’s in his room.” says jake while making his way to the kitchen, grabbing some drinks and turning on the speaker, a calm and slow song playing.

“who?” you raise a brow and jake rolls his eyes throwing himself on the couch. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.” you grab the drink and sit next to him, letting your head rest on the soft material of the couch.

“i’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday.” he suddenly says, and you tilt your head to look at him confused. jake smiles sipping his drink. “the deep meaning of people’s actions and all. you always try to understand everyone even though sometimes they don’t deserve it, and i like that about you, you know? i also like that you never get hurt by literally anyone and fight back, i don’t even need to protect you. you’re a bad bitch.” he pauses and you both laugh. “i just think that some people are worth the effort to insist… know what i mean?”

the alcohol and the lack of sleep was getting to your senses way too fast, you had so much on your mind and being there, with the memories of johnnie smiling and then jake saying those things, he thought it was funny to see you giggling but his face went blank when he saw your sudden change of expression, he knew what that meant. so he immediately gets closer to you, wrapping your arms around your waist.

“hey…” he whispers, caressing your hair and kissing your forehead. “he really messed with you, huh?”

you stay quiet for a while, trying to think of the right things to say and not sound like a helpless emotional person, jake knew you weren’t one, but you still didn’t want him to see you that way. with eyes closed, you take a deep breath and turn to jake, ready to say what you feel without crying.

“every mean guy that treated me badly was an entertainment for me, because they never really could hurt my feelings and make me feel upset.” you take a sip of your drink, enjoying the burning sensation in your throat. “but i don’t know, jake… when it comes to johnnie, i wanna know more. get to know him and his reasons. because deep down, i just…”

“you like him.” he completed your sentence already knowing you wouldn’t be able to say it.

“yes.” you sigh avoiding jake’s gaze. “i don’t know why, or when it started, but i told you… it’s that fucking look on his eyes. no one ever looked at me that way, and i don’t care if it’s hate, lust or even…” another sigh leaves your lips and you shrug the rest of the drink.

“hey, slow down…” jake says taking away your drink and hugging you again.

you didn’t cry, or yelled or even tried to deny things. you just felt lost, and jake’s arms were the only thing keep you sane so for the rest of the day, you both stayed there, hugging and talking shit until it got dark.

“dude, go clean those eyes.” at this point you were both drunk, laughing and messing around already over the “johnnie” subject. “the neighbours are gonna think i made you cry and that does not help with the rumour that i act like a frat guy.”

“that’s cause you do.” you roll your eyes and get up, heading to the bathroom, almost half way there when someone abruptly grabs your arm, pulling you to a dark room. your first instinct was to scream and punch, but the person placed a hand over your mouth and locked both of your hands. you were drunk, but you could still feel their scent. it was johnnie.

“do not scream.” he says, slowly sliding the hand over your mouth to your cheek. you couldn’t see shit, but the feeling of being stared at was very much there. “so you like me, huh?”

he heard everything, the whole thing. your chest goes up and down almost in slow motion, the alcohol rushing through your body makes the shame of showing feelings vanish away, without even noticing, you let a hand grab his collar and bring him closer. you can feel and hear his gasp but he doesn’t hesitate, wrapping his other arm around your waist.

“i do.” you reply whispering not waiting jake to hear a thing, lips getting closer and closer to johnnie’s. “does that bother you?”

he laughs, tightening the grip around your waist and pressing his lips against yours, still not kissing it. “yes, it fucking annoys me i’m only hearing about this now.”

the sensation of his cold lip piercing moving and his hard grip was getting to your head, the need to do bad things lurking your mind.

“it’s not like you’d do anything about it, anyway.” you shrug, sucking his bottom lip, your hand creeping lower to his chest, you could feel his heart racing. “i’m assuming you also feel something for me, right? raced heartbeats don’t lie.”

johnnie doesn’t respond, he just closes the gap between both bodies and kisses you passionately, you taste his tongue and let out little moans every time he bites your lips while he’s being tortured by your nails on his back and neck. his kisses getting to your neck where he sucks hard.

you can’t take it anymore, using both hand to push johnnie to a bed you “assumed” it was there, he falls with a gasp and you get on top of him, it was so dark, the only light reflecting his figure was from the door open. the adrenaline of getting caught by jake only makes things interesting.

“i’ll ruin you.” you whisper to him, unbuttoning his shirt and bending over to kiss his neck. johnnie moans loudly and you put a hand over his mouth. “don’t make a fucking noise.” his hand grips your ass to add more pressure on his dick that was already getting hard at this point. your tongue and lips tasting every part of his neck until you get to his chest, you couldn’t help but also taste his nipple piercings and his body immediately curves, you can feel him biting his own lips against your hand.

you smirk, slowly taking the hand away from his mouth. “you can handle it, right?” you ask him while teasing his cock covered by the jeans.

“wouldn’t be here if i couldn’t.” he says, putting even more pressure on your ass so you could feel him. “this is one of my reasons to be attracted to you.”

you chuckle and he leans over using elbows to support his weight, staring at your darkened face. “reasons, huh?” you ask, his face close to yours and his hand goes to your cheek.

“yeah, i think i'm finally ready to tell you my reasons.”

[ribesballtarot]

JUDE BELLINGHAM & LAURA CELIA

Team: Real Madrid

What is the history between them?

Eight of pentacles, knight of wands, seven of pentacles reversed, knight of pentacles, three of cups reversed, king of swords reversed, nine of cups reversed, the hierophant, three of swords, ten of wands reversed

Their history is short-lived, but there's more than meets the eye. First and foremost it seems like there were certain and very specific skills that were used when they would get together. A sense of practicing and recreativity, having fun (feeling joyful and active) but nothing that goes anywhere substantially.

In terms of emotional intensity, or a shared deep connection there's close to none. It's true that the cards show that they'd share parts of each other, but nothing that was more that pure psychal. It's more of a collaboration where there's a misuse of power or even manipulative games, more than anything romantic. It's not the type of history that when you remenice latter it fulfills you, this partnership that they seem to have is within a purpose, but one that left one of the parties very unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

There's a lot of things in their connection that weren't being taken care of, a lot of careless meet-ups, information being transfered to thirds on the low. There's a sense of 'tradition' as if their history dates back to something that has always been done, some sort of foot chain. There's burdens that come with it that makes one spread themselves thin, more for one of the parties than the other.

What does JUDE think of LAURA?

The hermit reversed, four of pentacles reversed, the devil, two of cups, five of cups

He thinks of her as someone who is quiet literally starving for money. From his point of view she's somewhat isolated, acting on the downlow withdrawn from society in a way that her most influential moves are not seen and nobody knows it's her doing. And although he thinks of her as someone who is vicious, his own thoughts betray due to sexual desire and dare I say need to posses her that feel well-feed by her presence. Nevertheless, not even his own viciousness can settle for how regretful and disappointing he thinks of her.

What does LAURA think of JUDE?

Four of pentacles, two of pentacles, seven of swords, seven of pentacles reversed, the lovers.

She thinks of Jude as someone who is established in life, secure in his finances and career, and personality-wise on the more controlling side. His controlling qualities come from being careful and cunning (from her point of view.) He is someone she can make business with but not someone that she can or would directly trust, deceiving. He's more of a trickster in her eyes, and someone who has a lot of resources. She thinks of him as too impatient and too rushed into everything he does. Someone that she's not allowed to make anything come to fruition because he presents her a lot of unrealistic expectations build on lies. It's difficult to communicate with him or connect.

XIX

[garfieldslaw]

ok i wanna go by jamie for now im psychally forcing it. jamie has a job he likes. jamie lives in a nice place. etc etc

[dollvein]

i love not being able to breathe trough my nose and everytime i speak theres spit bc my teeth are fucked and my jaw skips and i can feel the bone like jumping the wrong way and my ears being stuffy non stop.I love being sick not only mentally also psychally i love itttt

i wanted to sing in a choir but now i cant.Maybe one day if i aquire the money to fix everything

[blogintalkinyap]

9/12

Working title: Ordinary - A look into the basics, the boring, the ups and downs of everyday life.

"Why accepting being average is the key to happiness," 1/7/2021, Martha Alexander, Metro UK

https://metro.co.uk/2021/01/07/why-accepting-being-average-is-the-key-to-happiness-13864270/

Striving to be perfect can cause burnout, anxiety, and sadness and it's easier to live life when you realize you aren't this important cog in a system that will fall apart without you.

"Ask an expert: How do I deal with being average?", 3/24/2022, Ravi Venkatesan, Harvard Business Review

https://hbr.org/2022/03/ask-an-expert-how-do-i-deal-with-being-average#:~:text=What%20are%20you%20good%20at,most%20things%20in%20your%20life.

Feeling mediocre is a feeling that everyone goes through

Everyone has something that they are really good at

The best way to fight this is to find something you are good at an enjoy and work hard in that field.

"Being alone: the pros and cons of time alone", written sometime in 2019, Lena Firestone, PsychAlive

https://www.psychalive.org/being-alone/

There are benefits to being alone

While it is good to be alone, being alone for to long can cause the feeling of loneliness to creep in, which can be a host of various issues

4. My topic is about the everyday life that a majority of people lead that doesn't get shown on social media. I want to show that you don't always have to be doing something noteworthy. 3 themes that I have is finances/capitalism, alone/lonely, and what it means to be "normal." For finances, I want to talk about how the world is a very expensive place to live and how I feel about that. Alone and loneliness are words that get used interchangeably but I want to show how it's ok to be alone but the mental health effects that could arise with being lonely are the issue. Normal is more of a vague theme about what it means to be "normal" or "average" in this world.

The medium that I want is Tumblr as I want it to seem like a blog. Maybe go for the early 2000s aesthetic. The technology I would need would simply be my phone and the camera. I may use editing apps like capcut. My personal relationship to this project is the simple fact that I find myself getting FOMO a lot. I also through just thinking about this project have realized that I do do more things than I thought I did, or at least this year I am doing more things than last semester. I generally don't post much about my life and I feel like other people don't either so I'm taking this chance to get out of my shell a bit.