#psg packs

[winqzr]

date someone who looks at you the way antonella looks at messi.

[koobrina]

girls icons + messi headers

✶ like or rebelog if u used !

[sjimis]

[painfc]

LMAO???

[samkerrworshipper]

how did it end? | arsenal x reader

warnings: suicidal themes, self harm, alcohol abuse, depression

um yeah lol feel grateful for this because i’m going to go ghost mode for the rest of the week! to the anons who have a problem with my writing, don’t fucking read this if it’s such a problem, in fact don’t read any of my stuff at all, my page is a better place without you.

Everything about the day had felt wrong.

Everything about your last month had felt wrong, really the whole year if you thought about it.

It had all started after a blindside move from your home club. Leaving Rsenal had been the worst thing that had ever happened, but you��d known it was coming after they’d signed Russo. There was only so much room for strikers on the team, and your contract happened to be out as the summer started, leaving you as a free agent.

Somehow, you’d ended up at PSG, which you still didn’t understand. There had been offers everwhere, Lyon, Real Madrid, Man City, Chelsea, Bayern, Wolfsburg, yet your manager had fucked you and gone for PSG.

It had been a clusterfuck from the day you’d arrived, the language barrier, your horrible mental state, the different playing structure, the weather, your lonely apartment, the lack of friendships, the lack of support.

It had taken a month before you’d crashed and burned, withdrawing yourself from both club and national team. You’d been lower then low, sadder then sad, completely withdrawn from your own life. You wish you’d stayed, you wish that none of it had of happened, because maybe life wouldn’t have turned out the way it had, maybe you’d be happier.

Your Arsenal teammates had visited as often as the schedule permitted, helped you move your whole life from one country to the other, but at the end of the day you were still hundreds of miles away from them.

You’d stopped answering their calls after a few weeks, too consumed with the completely inebriating struggle that you were going through in Paris, trying to stay true to yourself whilst being so far in the deep end of the pool that you were struggling to keep your head above the water.

After the call to Sarina and the call to your manager it had made more sense for you to return to London, even if it had pained you to do so.

Not a month after you’d packed your whole life away against your will, you were packing it all back up.

You didn’t like what happened in Paris, you weren’t proud of it, all you wanted was to get back to your house in St. Albans, but you were also terrified of what your ‘home’ looked like now. It wasn’t the same place it had been for the last 8 years, you didn’t have your bestfriends as teammates more, you didn’t have any teammates, you were unofficially, self-decidedly, retired. Sarina had begged for you to return, tried to reckon with you, but you were done, your love for the game had died in Paris and you had no desire to re-open the wounds that had been torn into your skin in France.

You didn’t tell anyone, you just hoped that you’d be able to avoid everyone for as long as possible, that you’d just be able to slowly become nonexistent and become forgotten by everyone from the past 20 years of your life, but you were aware that life didn’t work that way.

You were sick of all the pain you were going through, all the suffering that you were being forced to endure for no good reason. You didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, you didn’t feel like you had anybody to talk to about it, it was just you nowadays.

That was how you spent most of your nights, alone.

Alone with a bottle of your posion of choice sitting on your bathroom floor.

It was the only thing that made it all better nowadays, the feeling of alcohol slipping down your throat, typically with a razor blade in your other hand.

There was something satisfying about it all, something perfect about being perfectly intoxicated with a sliver of metal between your finger tips.

On this particular day, you knew you’d drunk to much, but it had all been wrong. You’d woken up with a headache, in your shower, the tiles of your floor stained with your own blood. It wasn’t a uncommon place for you to wake up anymore, but everything about it felt wrong. Your head was aching in a way it never had, your whole body was hurting and for some reason it all just felt off.

You went about your normal routine, pushing the temperature of your shower to as hot as it would go, finding peace in the blistering water falling down across your skin. Once your skin was bright red you’d climb out, falling into your bed to help to sleep off the rift that the hangover had left inside of you. Around midday you would climb out of your bed, slipping out from the covers to enjoy your few hours of life that your days now gave you. Sometimes it would be spent in your kitchen, trying your hardest to piece together some kind of sustenance, other days making and eating food was too hard. On this particular day, you forgoed your kitchen, instead opting to walk straight past it and out onto your patio, as per the usual london weather, it was pouring down, but you didn’t mind too much.

The rain was nice, it reminded you that not everything in life was pretty, your life certainly wasn’t pretty anymore. Rain was a reminder that everyday could be turned upside down just based off of something that was completely out of anybodys control.

After deciding it was a bit too wet to enjoy the outdoors you tracked your way back indoors, your bare feet creasing and digging into the hard, cold wood floors of your home. You eyed off your uncomfortable couch, the one that your manager had found on facebook marketplace which was the most uncomfortable piece of furniture you thought could be bought. It kind of felt like a metaphor for you, you’d been bought, and it had been the worst decision PSG had made, and you were destined, just like the couch, to be thrown away without anybody really knowing or caring.

You walked straight past the couch and back to your bed, there wasn’t any living for you to do today, it just felt that way, so you pulled the covers back over your body and enjoyed the moment of peace that your bed gave you.

It didn’t last long, your body relaxing into the mattress for a few seconds before the restlessness took over. It was like that nowadays, your body never able to stop. You figured it was probably a result of your body going from pushing its limits everyday, mentally and physically to you doing absolutely nothing. Previously, when you’d been in a depressive episode you would sleep all day, no matter what had been happening, but not anymore. Now, you had to drink yourself into oblivion before your body would force itself to relax, you could be as exhausted and tired as you wanted but your body just wouldn’t let you sleep.

Your brain convinced you that your mattress was the lumpiest mattress made, when you really knew you’d hand picked it for it’s comfort. You brain tricked you into feeling like all of your curtains were wide open on a summers day when really they were drawn closed. Your mind was playing tricks on you and you didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.

That’s how you’d ended up on your bathroom floor so early, the overwhelming need for you to fix the pain becoming too much for you. With a bottle of vodka in one hand and your scared silver blade in the other you finally found yourself at peace.

The stomachache and burn of the vodka going down your throat didn’t truly matter, not when you were staring down at the thin criss cross of lines all over your thighs.

Some were healed, some were thick, some were thin, some were sore. They all told a different story. Thighs were the easiest, less arteries, good to hide, disguisable. They didn’t bleed the same way wrists did, they bled slow and painfully, a couple of lines never hurt you.

With the mix of last nights alcohol though and the new vodka mixed with the sight of blood you found yourself feeling woozy.

You hadn’t always been a cutter, self-harm hadn’t always been your vice. It had always been football. From the minute the ball was at your feet it had been football, and you wouldn’t of had it any other way. It had been your everything, football had been your life and until it had been taken from you, you hadn’t understood the true magnitude of what that meant. Your life had no purpose, no substance, nothing, without your game. Football had been the only thing you were good at, and you were extremely good at it. You’d given up on school in pursuit of your footballing career and it had been worth it, up until now.

Now your life was nothing but a big mess.

You wished it had worked out in Paris, you wished that you’d been able to farewell London and make a new home in France, but it hadn’t meant to be. All of your talent, all of your love, all of your passion, it was all for nothing now. Everything you’d ever done amounted to nothing, you were nothing without a pair of boots on your feet and a football in front of you.

You were never going to be the same again, it was all different now, and you were man enough to admit that you missed what you’d had. There were things that you lost in life, in the heartbreak and the struggles, you just hadn’t expected that you would lose the meaning of your life in the process. You had a hard time understanding why it had to happen to you, why you’d been the unlucky one. You paid your dues, you’d woken up at 5am every single morning to run drills, you’d worked your ass of and yet here you were, drunk on your bathroom floor wishing that you were gone.

Once upon a time you’d believed that a person would do anything for the thing that they loved most in the world, but you didn’t believe ion that anymore, love was supposed to be the most powerful thing on earth, and yet it had failed you.

It was funny because you could drink all of the alcohol you wanted but it never made you forget about what you’d lost. The hundreds of memories of football over the years, Arsenal, it had all been Arsenal. You’d been the kind of player where you’d always been one club, from academy all the way through to the senior team, you bled arsenal. Nobody even asked you what your dream team was, because it had always been Arsenal, you hadn’t had eyes for anywhere else. Yet you’d been thrown away like nothing.

You’d loved playing for Arsenal, when you put your jersey on at the beginning of every game you felt ten times stronger, qall of your bestest friends had been at Arsenal, your bridesmaids, your for life friends, and yet now it all felt like you were drifting away.

For the longest time you’d chosen the good options, the healthy options, what was right.

Now though, you chose destruction.

You sleep when your blackout drunk.

You drink caffeine late at night.

You stay awake until your eyes burn.

You always say yes to whatever vice your brain can think of.

You drink water instead of food and vodka instead of water,

You’re isolated beyond the point of it being okay, nowadays you spend more time with yourself then anybody else.

Maybe it was the vodka that made you feel particularly adventurous, or the scent of your own blood seeping across your skin, but whatever it was it somehow inclined you to reach for your phone which was rested on the tiles besides you.

You’d turned your notifications off long ago, as soon as the trade had come through.

You’d ignored everyone’s messages for the sake of preserving your own mental state, you couldn’t deal with the constant back and forth of trying to keep friendships which felt like had already gone.

You were more intoxicated than normal, or that was how you rationalized your behaviour, because there really wasn’t any other explanation to it, unless all of the emotions from the last few months had suddenly hit you a lot harder then normal.

But you were sick of being alone, you knew that, you’d been alone for far too long.

Maybe the alcohol had pushed that to the forefront to your mind, or you’d just become inherently desperate.

Your phone rang, the sound vibrating against the tile floor of the bathroom, amplifying it to your ears, the noise ringing out in your ear canal.

It didn’t take long for the ringing to cease, the sound of silence absorbing around you.

“y/n? Is that you?”

You blinked a few times, swallowing down the final remnants of your last swig of vodka.

“Hey.”

Your voice was shaky, from the days of not saying any words at all, you didn;t have any reason to speak if you were all by yourself.

“Hi.”

The silence stayed thick, obviously neither of you unsure about what to say.

“Are you okay, no ones heard anything from you in a few weeks.”

You’d vanished, for the good of yourself.

“I wish I’d stayed, le.”

Their was a deep breath exhaled from the other side of the line.

“I wish you’d stayed too, y/n.”

You couldn’t think of a single positive that had come from you leaving, not a single one.

“I wish I’d stayed now, I wish I’d been given the chance.”

You could fele the tears building up in the corners of your eyes.

“Me too, y/n.”

The tears were falling, the water falling from your cheeks falling onto the blood on your legs, the two liquids mixing together, the blood turning into red as they two mixed, blood did run thicker than water.

“I wish i’d stayed le, I wish none of this had happened.”

You didn’t want to know what the blonde on the other side of the phone was thinking about at this moment, you weren;t thinking about her, just yourself.

“Hold in there kid, for me, it’s all going to work itself out.”

There was no working it out, this was the end for you.

“I can’t do it anymore, I can’t pretend that i wish I hadn’t of stayed, that I don’t spend everyday regretting it, I want it all back.”

You pushed the blade down against your skin again.

Drawing the metal against your skin until the blood had begun to pool at the base of the two or three inch line.

“Where are you kid, are you in Paris? Do you need me to send someone to come and check on you? You shouldn’t be drinking like this by yourself, especially not in season.”

There wasn’t a season for you anymore, you were free, you could do whatever you pleased.

“I’m at home, and I’m fine.”

You pulled the blade up, and onto a new patch of skin, it was all littered with past scars, raised white lines.

“You don’t sound fine kid, I have plenty of friends in France, don’t make me get them to come and hunt you down.”

Her voice was an attempt at threatening, but it sounded more worried then anything.

“I’m not in Paris, I left after my contract was annulled.”

Annulled aka we’re letting you go without any pay but you still technically belong to us until the length of your contract is up.

“Annulled?”

You would have thought Sarina would have told the team, but apparently not.

“Haven’t you heard? I’m retired.”

Retired was not a word that you thought should fall from a twenty four year olds mouth, but here you were.

“Retired? Where are you, y/n?”

You supposed the alcohol might have been making your tongue a little bit looser.

“In my house, in my bathroom.”

Another deep exhale, you could just picture the woman pinching the bridge of her nose, maybe even frowning.

“Your house, where?”

You picked up the bottle of alcohol, taking a break from the razor blade to allow the vodka to ease back down your oesophagus.

“St Albans.”

The line went silent for a few seconds.

“You’re back home, since when?”

Another sip of your vodka.

“Couple of weeks, France wasn’t for me.”

France was the end of you.

“How much have you been drinking? You sound awful.”

You didn’t think you sounded that bad, but you also supposed a sober person would have a different perspective.

“Vodka, feels good le.”

Another deep exhale.

“I’m going to come over.”

Rustling on the other side of the phone.

“I’m fine, I’m good, you don’t need to come over.”

You were lying to both yourself and Leah.

“You aren’t fine, you aren’t good, and even if you want to tell yourself you are, I need to see you in real life because for the last months I’ve thought you were as good as dead. Are you safe, y/n?”

You didn’t know how to answer that question, you hadn’t felt safe with yourself in what felt like forever.

“I’m not unsafe.”

More rustling on the other side of the line.

“Do I need to bring somebody with me? Do I need to call an ambulance?”

You thought about it for a few seconds.

“I’m okay Le.”

The alcohol made you feel more okay then you had been, so you supposed it wasn;t fully a lie.

“You’re drunk at 6pm, I don’t think you are fine. I’m going to go get Viv, she knows how to deal with you when you’re spiralling, I’m going to stay on the phone with you and ask you some questions, okay, I’m walking out to my car now.”

You nodded your head, the realized that Leah wasn’t in front of you.

“Answer me honestly, are you safe right now, do you feel safe?”

You didn’t feel unsafe, you kewn by the looks of things, you were in a unsafe position. Alcohol and self harm wasn’t exactly the safest thing, but you felt at peace, and you knew that you weren’t causing any serious bodily harm to yourself.

“Depends on your perspective.”

You heard the sound of car doors.

“Okay, I’ll break it down, hmm? Are you within arms reach of something that could cause harm to you or others?”

Fuck.

“Yes.”

The sound of the phone connecting to bluetooth and keys in a ignition.

“What?”

You bit down on the inside of your cheek.

“Bottle of vodka and a blade.”

It wasn’t hard for you to admit, not when this had been how you’d spent all of your nights the last while.

“What kind of blade?”

You wished you’d stayed, you wished you weren’t in this position.

“Razor.”

You could feel the bile rising in your throat, whether it was alcohol related or from the cosntant questions.

“Alright, I want you to push them both as far away from you as possible, don’t look at them, don’t think about them, think about me. Now, have you caused yourself any harm?”

God, if you’d been able to stay none of this would be happening, none of it.

“Some cuts, le I think I’m going to be sick.”

The tears were full throttle, the sound of somebody’s voice that you’d missed so much in your ears and the vomit bottling itself up in your throat.

“Go to the toilet bowl, let it out.”

The taste of bile in your throat was never going to be something you enjoyed, the feeling of the new cuts along your thighs creasing as you crouched over the bowl stinging in a way that reawakened you.

The vomiting didn’t really stop, the continuous gagging being the only sound in your bathroom, beside the sound of Leah’s car.

Eventually, you finished, all of the clearish liquid mixed with your stomach acid sitting at the bottom of the bowl like a disgusting soup.

You laid down against your tiles, enjoying the cold that covered your skin.

Viv must have been picked up, because you could hear her and Beth talking in the background, beth, happy beth, beth who had once been your bestest friend.

“Bubba, you still with us, we’re just around the corner.”

You let out a groan in aggreance.

They continued to talk to you, allowing you to reply with different huffs and noises as they neared closer and closer to your home.

You ignored the hit of endorphins that you felt melt across you at the sound of your front door unlocking, Leah had kept your key, clearly.

It was a few seconds before your bathroom was crowded by the presence of your past teammates, the three sets of eyes all falling on you.

“Beth, go get a wet handwasher, Leah go get her some water.”

Viv’s voice was soft, but commanding, her body immediately gravitating to your own.

She crouched down beside you, grabbing you by the shoulders and pushing you upwards, bringing you eye to eye with her.

“It’s good to have you back.”

You burst into tears, you’d hated being in St Albans out of fear that you’d be rejected, that you’d be told to go back to France, and yet here you were being welcomed back with open arms.

“I wish I’d stayed vivi, I wish I’d stayed, I wish none of this had happened, I want it all back, I want my life back. I can’t do this life anymore.”

Viv brought you into her arms.

“I know liefje, I know, it’s going to be okay, we’re going to figure it out, but we need to get you safe first, and this isn’t it. You need to be in a better place.”

If Viv had a problem with the way thart you clinged to her clothes, literally holding on for dear life, then she didn’t brign it up.

“You could have called one of us earlier you know, when you were struggling in France. You could have called me, you know I’ve been where you are, I’ve moved and hated every single part of it, we could have helped you before it had gotten this bad.”

You shook your head.

“Nobody could have helped me vivi, nothing could have helped me, I was done, I’m done.”

Viv nodded into you.

“We’ve got to get you cleaned up, and then you’ll go back to Leah’s house, and then we’ll work on fixing this, okay, Kyra’s going to be so happy to know you’re back, she’s missed you, the bloody kid hasn’t shut up about you and she only knew you for a week. Kim’s been contacting everybody, trying to figure out where you were, her little protege, she’s been hardly functioning, we all have been, you can’t just disappear on us like that, you had us all worried sick.”

You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Really?”

Viv let go of you a bit, to get a proper look at you.

“Just because you’re forced to leave doesn’t make you any less Arsenal. You can take the girl out of arsenal but not arsenal out of the girl. No matter where you go, or what you do, you’re always going to be one of us.”

You could feel more tears beginning to form.

“I don’t know how it could have ended how it did vivi.”

You felt the Dutch take a deep breath.

“I don’t know either, but we’ve got you alright, we’ve got you now, we won’t let you leave, your staying with us forever, you took a year off of my life for everyday that you ghosted us.”

You looked down and around you, at the mostly empty vodka bottle, the blood, the scars, it all, and you didn’t know how it had all ended up like this.

“How did it all end vivi?”

Viv looked at you, just as lost as you felt.

“We’re going to figure it out.”

——————————————————————

just thought i’d end this with a little etiquette lesson for any anons xo

if you feel like dropping hate over this in my inbox… don’t.

if you feel like having a go at me for this fic… don’t.

if you feel like making personally rude arguments about me… don’t.

if you feel like having a go at for me for expressing my struggles with writing and sometimes making mistakes… don’t.

just don’t. go touch some grass, go for a run, buy a new fucking vibrator. i can guarantee you will get more pleasure from a good orgasm then dropping aimless hate in my inbox.

[alotofpockets]

Compliments from the keeper | Mary Earps x Lionesses & Man United! Reader

Where Mary's compliments to the team bring up emotions you were trying to push aside

Woso masterlist | Words: 1.2k

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England camp had started a few days ago, and the familiar rhythm of training was in full motion. It was great to be back with all the girls. You always loved international break, and getting to represent your country, but what made it extra special was getting to play with the girls you had been playing with for years.

Some of the girls you had met when you were just a kid, playing in the junior leagues. Others you had met along the way. Either way, each and everyone of the players in the squad, you considered a part of your family.

You were lucky enough to have quite a few Lionesses in your club team. Together with your United teammates, you made the trip to St. George’s Park. The night before you left, you packed your bags with your girlfriend, Mary. You had been together for years, as well as playing together at United for quite some time, so the little routine you had created before leaving for national camp had become the standard long ago.

Meaning that while you went over the list to see if you had packed everything, Mary would sneak snacks into your luggage, while she thought you didn’t notice. She had been doing the same thing for three years, still thinking that you had no idea, but you never failed to notice the proud smirk on her face when she had plopped down another candy bar in your bag.

When you arrived with your United teammates, you all quickly mingled once you arrived. You hugged and caught up with all of your teammates, and instantly were brought back to the environment you loved being in so much. Playing the sport you love, with people you have been playing with since you were just a teenager.

The first few days were all about settling in. Physical, gym sessions, tactical meetings, and light training. Today, however, was the first full training the team would do, and you couldn’t feel more ready.

The session was intense, but it gave you a kind of rush. Knowing that you were preparing for big matches ahead. At the end of the session, the coaches were setting up for a 5v5, in your eyes one of the best parts about training. Everyone’s competitive side came out during the match, and you loved the intensity that brought to the game.

For the first round, you were placed on a team with Mary, Leah, Tooney, and Hempo. When Leah blocked a shot from the opponents, Mary was quick to compliment her. “Nice block!” The keeper was big on complimenting when something was done right, wanting to put people up for performing well.

5v5 was quick football, so as soon as Leah blocked the shot, it was your turn to attack. With some quick passes between your team, the ball made its way to Hempo on top. Her shot hit the back of the net, and behind you you heard Mary again. “Beautiful shot!”

Mary’s continued praise was making your brain go back to the thoughts you’d been trying to push to the back of your mind, now your mind was filled again with the thought of Mary leaving for PSG next season. You were able to push away the thoughts again, but only until you were at the end of her compliment. “Yes, just like that!” She complimented after you headed the ball away to block another shot.

You tried to blink away the tears that were forming in your eyes, but you weren’t able to. While these girls were your family, you hated crying in front of them, so you stepped to the side. The team probably thought you were taking a breather at first, but when you fully walked off the pitch they knew something was wrong.

Some players were calling after you, including the voice of your girlfriend, but you kept walking. Tears were now streaming down your face. When you made it back to the locker room, you sat down in Mary’s cubby, somehow being surrounded by her stuff helped you calm down a little.

You were still wiping away your tears when Mary walked in, “Ah there you are-” She stopped mid-sentence when she saw your tear stained face and glossy eyes. “What’s wrong, baby?” She sat down beside you and you let yourself fall into her body.

Just when you thought you had cried all your tears, they started again when Mary wrapped her arm around you. “I just stopped crying.” You chuckle lightly. “Well, clearly it’s still getting to you, so it’s okay to cry some more.” She pressed a soft kiss to your head. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s stupid.” Mary is quick to make you look up at her with her finger under your chin to lift up your head. “Hey, no. Nothing that upsets you can be stupid, okay?” You nod softly before taking a deep breath.

“It’s just that you were complimenting everyone, and that is something you always do whether it’s with England or with United. I’ve grown so used to that, and always hearing your voice behind me on the pitch. Hearing it here made me realise that while that will still be at England, I won’t hear that anymore at United next season.”

“Oh baby, see that’s not stupid at all.” You wipe away your tears once more. “It is, because I'm making your move about me when it really isn't.”

Mary lifts her hand to wipe away another tear off of your cheek. “Well, it might be my move, but it affects the both of us, my love. You gave every right to have emotions about it.”

She takes your hands in hers. “I know it's going to be a big change, and while I won't be playing behind you at United, I will always be with you and support you. You better believe that I'll have all the matches on and will be yelling my compliments through the tv or my phone.”

You smile at the idea of Mary in her new apartment or the PSG training grounds yelling her positive comments out loud without a care in the world who heard it.

“There's that smile I love.” She pulled you back into her side. “I know it's going to take some adjusting, but we'll call every day, and visit each other as much as we can.”

Talking about your feelings with Mary has made you feel a lot better. She was right, it was going to take some time to get used to it, but your relationship was strong and you were always great at communicating together.

You had sat in silence for a bit, Mary’s arms still around you, when your teammates started entering the locker room. “Hey, are you alright?” Leah squeezed your knee lightly. “Yeah, I'm good.” You answered with a smile. The team was relieved when they heard the positive answer and went about their routine.

💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗

[ellieputellas]

in another life | final part of "if you'd have stuck around"

i'll make you stay, there's just no way i'm leaving without your love if i had my way, i would be yours

— "yours" - now, now

part one | part two | part three

🏷️ @moonystoes @simp4panos

(a/n: the song for the previous chapter suits the first part (?) of this fic more actually but whatever lol)

part three You wondered how many times more you had to relive your break-up with Elisa, how many more times you had to deem the "last one," how many more times you would cry over losing her. You were sure you didn't have another "last" goodbye in you. When she left you in that meeting room, you didn't know what came over you but you cried just like you did five years ago. Sure, after you had split up with Elisa, there were several more instances that you cried but it aas nothing like this. You felt like you were back in that tiny dorm in Montpellier, hurriedly packing up your bag to storm out. You were gutwrenched, feeling like all of the hurt you've buried deep inside you was bursting out all at once.

What's worse was having to leave that meeting room, rushing to wash your face, grab your things, and dash out to avoid any questioning from your co-workers. The last thing you needed was word getting out about Elisa de Almeida making you cry. You spent the next few days avoiding all things football. You stashed the jersey and keychain Elisa gave you in the far corner of your shoe closet. You muted the phrases "Elisa de Almeida", "PSG" and the like on all your social media accounts. You were resolute that that last encounter would indeed be the last. But fate had a weird sense of humor. "Babe, I really don't feel up to it." You told Casey as you buried your head in a pillow. "Can't we just do it over the phone or email? What's technology for if we still have to physically go somewhere to interview people?" "Come on, babe, my dad asked us to do him a favor," Casey said, trying to lift your head up with her hands. "It's just a quick interview. It won't even be filmed."

You groaned. "Why can't they send Gina or Mark... or Daisy? That girl has turned into a full-blown PSG fan in the past week. She'd prefer to interview them." Casey huffed. "Well, I would ask them but they said the team requested you."

You peeked out from your pillow. "The team requested me?" You questioned. "I don't get why they'd like me so much. I pretty much exchanged like 12 total sentences with them all-in-all." "Yeah, to be honest, I just think that Jackie girl does have a crush on you." Casey said in jest. "Pretty sure she just wants an excuse to see you." You sighed, knowing fully well that it wasn't Jackie Groenen who had a crush on you. But then again, it also seemed very unlike Elisa to invite you over. When she left you in that meeting room, it felt like she also permanently decided on ever seeing you again. "Casey, please, I really don't want to." You took the pillow off of your head and gave your girlfriend a pleading look. "It's the last thing I want to do." Your girlfriend looked at you confused as she brushed your hair behind your ear. She cupped your cheek and used her thumb to caress it. "What's up with you, huh?" She asked, concerned. "Did something happen to make you dislike those girls? It's so not you to dislike working... I genuinely think my dad likes you more than he likes me cause you're always up for the job." You gave Casey a weak smile. You didn't know how to tell her that you didn't want to interview them because of Elisa. You knew deep inside that Casey would understand if you told her about what happened five years ago and also, what happened a few days ago between you and Elisa. But you felt like opening it up would just mean reopening your chapters with Elisa. "Babe, did they offend you?" Casey asked with a concerned look. "I did hear from some people that Elisa visited you to give you a gift from the team. Did something happen then?" There it was... your opportunity to tell Casey. You paused. "No."

Casey hummed. "Then what is it? Are you okay?" You felt a pang in your heart. Casey had trusted you immediately without even further questioning. The fact that she was so nice and trusting just made it all worse. You sighed. "Just feeling lazy," You excused. "But fine... I'll do it. But I need you to come with me, please." Casey pouted. "No can do," She sighed. "I'd drop everything to be with you normally but I kinda do have to be with dad for this meeting about a possible acquisition. No clue why I have to be there... I don't get the whole corporate mumbo jumbo but yeah, dad needs me there." "Fine, I'll go alone but drop me off, please?" You asked. Your girlfriend gave you a smile and a peck. "Of course, my darling."

Casey hummed. "Then what is it? Are you okay?" You felt a pang in your heart. Casey had trusted you immediately without even further questioning. The fact that she was so nice and trusting just made it all worse. You sighed. "Just feeling lazy," You excused. "But fine... I'll do it. But I need you to come with me, please." Casey pouted. "No can do," She sighed. "I'd drop everything to be with you normally but I kinda do have to be with dad for this meeting on a possible acquisition. No clue why I have to be there... I don't get the whole corporate mumbo jumbo but yeah, dad needs me there." "Fine, I'll go alone but drop me off, please?" You asked. Your girlfriend gave you a smile and a peck. "Of course, my darling."

You're filled with dread as you knocked on the hotel door. You read the message from your co-worker, instructing you to head up to this exact room. You found it odd that you weren't meeting at the hotel restaurant instead but you just figured the girls might be too tired. The door swung open. Jackie met you with a grin and threw her arms around you as if you truly were friends. Oddly enough, Jackie stepped out of the hotel room and shut the door behind her. "So nice to see you again." She smiled at you. You reciprocated the smile. "Yes, yes, are you the only one doing the interview?" You asked, hoping she'd say yes. "If you'd like, we can do it at the hotel restaurant. The company can foot the bill so we can go crazy on club sandwiches and coffee." She chuckled. "That's so sweet but actually," She replied. "I just asked your production manager to forward all the interview questions to my email and I'd reply through there too." You blinked in confusion. "Oh okay," You furrowed your eyebrows together. As if on cue, you got a text from Gina telling you that there was no need to conduct the interview in person. Too late, Gina. "I guess, I'd go now..." You said, still confused. Jackie held your arm. "Actually... please don't go yet." Her face looked a bit more serious. "Uh, I asked for the interview thing and really pleaded with my boss just so you could come." "A-what?" You asked silently, growing more and more confused. She blushed slightly. "I feel so unprofessional right now but..." She started. "I know.... about you and Elisa." You fell silent and stiffened. "Oh." It was all you could manage to say. The Dutch bit her lip. "I didn't want to pry since I know you're in a relationship but... Elisa hasn't been herself since she visited you so I interrogated her and she just exploded and told me everything." She sighed. "I just thought it would help... for you and her to talk. Even for just five minutes." You were caught in an awkward position. You had to be polite but also, you really didn't wanna do this anymore. "Sorry, Jackie. I don't think—" "Just five minutes, please." The Dutch girl pleaded. "It's affecting her game. She hasn't talked to any of us, not me or Grace or Saki. No one. Our manager is losing his mind having to deal with her and I'm just scared that if she doesn't get proper closure that she might not recover from it and... I don't know. I just figured this was a solution." "Jackie," Your voice trailed off. "Five minutes." She pleaded. "Just tell her that she should move on and that you'll always treasure your time together. I don't know. I've never been in this situation before..." She looked at you with desperation. "I care about Elisa. She's a good friend. If you have to lie to her, just to make sure she's okay... do it." She asked. "I know it's a lot to ask but please..." You took a deep sigh. "Fine." Jackie gave you a genuine hug. "Okay, I'll be back in five minutes. I'll leave you here and just... please try if you can." She asked. Cautiously, still holding on to your arm as if you'd run away if she didn't, she swiped her hotel key card on the hotel door. You two walked in. From the door, all you could see was Elisa's stuff thrown on top of her bed. Jackie started. "Elisa... I'm just gonna go buy some drinks. You want anything?" Elisa grunted in response. Jackie gave you a smile as if to say 'see?' Jackie responded. "Okay, stay here and I'll be back in five minutes." She said as you two walked further into the hotel room. You could now see Elisa under her duvets, scrolling through Instagram on her phone. "Don't leave this room." "Why would I —" Elisa spun around violently as she sat up. Her face went from incredulous to dumbfounded. You were instantly regretting your decision but Jackie had already swiftly exited the room.

"Hey," You said as you stood near the foot of her bed, nervously picking at the fabric of your cardigan. "Heard you weren't feeling well." Elisa gulped. She remained on the bed. She ran a hand through her hair and looked away for a moment, trying to regain composure. You took this opportunity to look at her. She looked tired and sleepless; her hair was a tad disheveled. Yet, to you, she still looked so good. She was wearing a black muscle shirt, revealing her strong arms. You couldn't deny it... she looked incredibly hot. Fuck, this is so weird. You thought to yourself. Why am I even here? "I'm supposed to tell you to get your shit together and move on and to do your job better, I think." You said with a hint of jest in your voice. "So, do that." She was still averting her gaze. You stood there awkwardly before biting your lip and sighing. "I guess, that's all I have to say." You said. "I'll go now." Elisa stood up and rushed to you. She put her hands on either side of you. "No, please, I need to talk to you." She said as she guided you towards the other bed. You awkwardly sat on the other bed which you assumed was Jackie's. Elisa sat on the edge of her bed. You were facing each other with knees knocking given the awkward proximity of the two beds. "So..." You started. Elisa looked up at you. You glanced at her too. You took it all in this time. You looked at her honey-brown eyes, the smile lines around her eyes, her nose, her pink lips, her slightly tanned skin. You figured you might as well take it all in now before you permanently closed the door on your relationship with Elisa. This is the actual last time I'd see her. After this, I'm closing the door and bolting it shut. You rationalized. You bit your lip awkwardly and looked away. "Did you win the friendlies?" She nodded. "Yeah, 2-1" You nodded. "You played the full 90?" She nodded again. "Even if I was fully shit, I did..." She responded. You sighed. "Was San Diego nice?" There was a moment of silence. Elisa didn't respond. Instead, she took your hands in hers. You nearly jolted as you felt her fingertips caress your palm so gently. She used her fingers to trace the lines on your palm as if trying to commit them to memory. The pads of her fingers barely grazed yours, as if you would break if she touched you any firmer.

She took a deep breath before she gently lifted your hands and rested her face in them. She kept her own hands at the back of yours, as if to keep you in place. Her face felt warm under your hands and her skin was so soft to the touch. It felt so intimate, touching her like this. You blinked and looked away for a moment. She shook her head slightly, feeling the movement echo in your hands. It was if to nonverbally tell you to keep looking at her.

When you hesitated, she whispered. "Please, just look at me right now. Just... pretend with me. Even if it's for a while."

You bit your lip. It was so honest and so... oddly painful to see her practically asking you to hold her like this. You were a tad clueless with what she meant. Did she want you to pretend you were still together? That you came here to be with her? Or... was she asking you to pretend that you still loved her?

"Just let me have this for a while," She whispered, as if reading your mind and answering your confusion.

Your gaze lingered on your own hands before finally giving in and meeting her eyes. They were as stunning as ever, the golden flecks in her irises more pronounced than usual. A familiar warmth pulsed through you mingled with a poignant sadness. A heavy glaze obscured her eyes, telling you just how she felt without having to use any words.

In that moment, you realized the cruel irony: the most beautiful things are often the most fleeting. A wave of emotion washed over you. This time, it felt different. It finally sunk into you that this really was the final goodbye. All the other times you deemed "the last" felt painful or incomplete. This felt almost... beautiful. It felt like you both knew this was the last and were finally accepting it. A bittersweet acceptance hung heavy in the air. “Please, move closer,” she whispered, her voice soft and gentle. Her fingers still intertwined with yours. You nodded. You stood up and stepped closer to her, looking down at her face. Her hands found solace under your cardigan and on your back, pulling you towards her with strong yet gentle hands. A pang of guilt shot through you.

You had a girlfriend, a sweet kind-hearted girlfriend. A girlfriend who had no clue what you were doing at this very moment... But suddenly her hands found their way under your shirt and her thumbs were rubbing circles into your skin, and all you could think about was how great it was to feel her touch like this again.

"You're so beautiful," She said in the softest voice. If she said it any quieter, it would have gone unheard. You smiled at her and you took her face in her hands again Without a conscious decision, you straddled her, your weight settling on her lap. She kept one hand under your shirt, at the small of your back to keep you steady and the other reached to your face. She took a stray hair and tucked it behind your ear, a silent gesture of intimacy. Time seemed to stand still. The world outside the hushed room faded into insignificance as you absorbed the moment, her warmth seeping into your soul. You took in the moment, being this close again, after years and years.

She inhaled deeply as her head nestled against your neck, a gentle weight that spoke volumes. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she clung to you; it felt like a silent plea.

As she breathed, her lips brushed against your skin, a feather-light touch that sent shivers down your spine. With each gentle exhale, you felt her warm breath caress the curve of your neck. Nuzzling closer, you inhaled the comforting scent that enveloped you; she still used that same familiar shampoo. You held her head against you, brushing her short, dark locks. The whole moment felt like a sensory experience devoid of thoughts or words. All you could focus on was the soft texture of her hair, the warmth of her body, the comforting rhythm of her breath. As you held her close, the world outside felt distant, muted, detached; it literally felt like you were in a dream or a small pocket outside of reality that only you and her occupied. She lifted her head, her gaze locking onto yours. A silent understanding passed between you. Then, with a swift movement, she flipped you onto the bed, hovering over you. Your eyes pleaded with hers, a silent plea for her to reconsider what she had in mind. But her gaze, unwavering, held a different message. Her eyes traced the contours of your face, lingering on your lips. You parted your lips as if to say something — maybe, a protest or even just asking her to pause and think it out — but nothing came out. She leaned forward cautiously and slowly, pausing intermittently just like she did when she first kissed you. And suddenly, you were kissing. Your lips stayed pressed together, unmoving for a moment. You felt tears sting your eyes. You were unsure why you were suddenly tearing up but the emotion was just too much to handle. Then, your muscle memory took over. You didn't have to think too hard before your arms wrapped around her as you locked lips. You let your hands move up and down to touch her back, her biceps, her body. It felt so familiar yet so new. And, her lips were incredibly soft and her taste... god, she tasted as addicting as ever. Elisa kissed you with a growing desperation. You breathed heavily as the kiss grew deeper, more intense. Her tongue licked your lower lip before you parted them to allow her entry. Elisa’s hand gripped your waist gently as she continued to kiss you.

You’ve kissed a handful of people after Elisa and you’ve kissed your girlfriend more than just a handful of times but… kissing Elisa was different.

You just moved naturally like you were made to be this close to each other. It felt like you two were speaking in a language only the two of you could understand. As your hands tangled in her hair, you couldn’t help but think that maybe — just, maybe — this was where you truly belonged.

She suddenly pulled away to give you two a moment to breathe. Elisa’s forehead pressed against yours as you shared a fragile silence, heavy and warm breaths mingling, each of you holding the other close as if afraid to let go. You wiped your face and realized that it wasn't just your own tears staining your face. Her tears had joined yours, tracing down your cheeks together, silent witnesses to all the emotions you felt. You felt her hands on you; her presence grounding you in that fleeting moment. Elisa was the first to break the silence, her voice low and tender.

“You’re still the girl I’ve always loved.” Those words cut through the air, and suddenly, it was as if reality had snapped back. The low hum of the AC filled your ears. You became acutely aware of her fingers under your shirt, the warmth of her body being this close to yours, the small ache forming in your chest. It was as if time had unpaused. You blinked a few times before gently pushing Elisa away. Elisa stood up, her face tinged with something close to pain and desperation, a pleading look barely concealed beneath her quiet gaze.

Yet, she didn’t say a word, letting you sit up and collect yourself in silence. You straightened your shirt and your cardigan. You brushed your hair and pat them flat with your hands quickly. Each crease on your clothes and each knot in your hair just felt like thinly veiled evidence of your moment of weakness. You cleared your throat as you stood up. You picked up your bag from the floor. You wiped your face with the flat of your fingers. You tried to regain composure even as all the emotions bombarded you. Elisa stood, facing you. She was silent and had a sad look in her eyes but you felt like there was a quiet understanding between the two of you. You took a step toward her, almost instinctively moving to hug her, but stopped, pulling back at the last moment. With a heavy heart, you cleared your throat. “I… I’ll go now.” She nodded, and you managed a shaky breath before turning toward the door, a finality to each step. But before you could take another, Elisa’s arms suddenly wrapped around you from behind, pulling you close, her chin nestled against your shoulder. Her breaths came in soft, shuddering waves, and you could feel her tears dampening your shoulder. You exhaled as you bit your lip, forbidding yourself from crying for the nth time. She held you like that for a while before finally, she said. "Goodbye, fifteen." She dropped her arms to her side. You looked up at the ceiling, preventing the tears in your eyes from sliding down your face. You took one last breath. Then you walked away.

and honest i can tell you now, i love you more than my future spouse — "i'd have to think about it" - leith ross

You brushed your hair as you gazed at yourself in the mirror. Suddenly, two hands wrapped around your waist from behind you, hugging you. “You look incredibly gorgeous, wifey.” You chuckled and rolled your eyes. “I don’t think you can call me that just yet.” You turned around and kissed your fiancé.

“Why not? I already have a ring on that finger.” She said before kissing you several times on the neck and cheek. You chuckled. “Casey!” You yelped in between giggles. “You’re gonna make me late for work.” Casey beamed. “You’re the boss now. You can go as late as you want to.” She said before repeatedly kissing you all over again as you playfully protested and writhed in her embrace. In the past year, Casey’s dad successfully completed an acquisition of a small women's sports media company, and the transition happened in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, you went from being just another content writer to the interim head of the newly formed media division, and then, astonishingly, to External Vice President of Communications. Initially, you struggled with feelings of guilt, questioning whether your rapid ascent was merely a result of nepotism. But as Casey reminded you, you worked harder than anyone else there and you fully deserved recognition. “Remind me again why you have to go to this press conference today.” Casey complained as she plopped down on the bed. You chuckled. “When in Paris…” You joked. “But seriously, I thought that since we will be here anyway, I might as well do the press-con instead of sending someone else to do it for me. Cost-cutting and all that…” She hummed in disappointment. “I hate it when you’re so responsible.” She complained. You re-applied your lipstick and straightened out the blazer you were wearing. You were finally seeing Jackie again after a long time. You two have gotten quite close since… the incident. You remembered dashing out of the hotel room and bumping into Jackie who was emerging from the elevator with drinks in hand. You two had an emotional exchange; quite frankly, you could not remember a single thing you two talked about. You just knew it ended with the Dutch girl hugging you tightly and telling you that it was all going to be okay. After that, Jackie and you had become quite close. You started off as casual Instagram mutuals. She would often respond to your stories, comment on posts, and chat with you. You hung out twice again after. You had drinks with her and her boyfriend when they visited California. Then, a spontaneous, double-date Universals Studio trip together at the end of her trip. Ever since then, you always kept up with each other's lives. You loved Jackie. Mostly because she was a great girl, partly because she never brought up the thing with Elisa without asking her not to, and… partly because you got to indirectly keep tabs on Elisa. You shot Jackie a quick text, letting her know you’d be at the press con today, as you settled into the media seats at the hotel conference room where today’s press-con was being held.

PSG had emerged as champions of the Première League in a historic win. Obviously, this meant there was a lot of attention on the team today. Luckily, your company was able to be granted a press pass to this conference despite not being a France-based company. As the other media people settled in, a staffer announced that the press conference would begin in a minute. You readied your recorder and notepad. Suddenly, cameras started snapping and the crowd started getting louder. You looked up from your seat to see the squad had arrived — Fabrice Abriel, Pauline Dudek, Jackie Groenen…

and Elisa de Almeida. You swallowed the lump that had quickly formed in your throat. You bit your lip as you took a deep breath. It had been over a year since you saw her. She looked the same but different. There was a glowy tan to her skin, her hair had grown out longer, and she had a happy look on her face, beaming with pride due to the win her team secured. You could see the pride sparkling in her eyes, and it made your heart ache in a way that felt both familiar and unsettling.

Elisa hadn’t noticed you yet, and part of you doubted she would. The press conference was buzzing with energy, reporters firing questions at her and the rest of the team. You found yourself mesmerized by how she spoke, her confidence shining through with every word. She seemed to have reached a new peak, a version of herself that was so sure of herself and confident.

As the questions flowed, you felt a small pang in her heart. She seemed like someone so distant from the person you knew. She seemed like a fully realized version of herself.

She was still Elisa but... different.

The moderator finally called for last questions, and before you could think twice, your hand shot up. The moment felt surreal, and you could feel the collective gaze of the room shifting towards you when the moderator pointed you out. As soon as she saw you, you noticed a change in Elisa’s demeanor; her face stiffened as your eyes locked. It was as if time had stopped, the air between you thick with unspoken words and unresolved feelings. You smiled weakly at her. You hesitated for a moment. “J'ai une question pour de Almeida.” You said. You were afraid your voice was too soft to hear but Elisa nodded at you, signaling you to continue. You chuckled and looked down for a moment, composing yourself. “Elisa,” You started. You looked up at her and made sure your eyes were locked. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” The question hung in the air, innocent yet charged with meaning. To anyone, it might have seemed like a generic question but it meant more to the two of you.

She paused. You could see her go through a spectrum of emotions within seconds. Her face dropped then she shook her head in amusement then she looked genuinely pensive. Looking down for a moment, as if gathering her thoughts, she eventually lifted her gaze to meet yours again. There was something vulnerable in her expression, something that made your breath hitch. “I see myself still playing football,” she began, responding to your question in English as well with her voice steady but tinged with an undercurrent of emotion. “By then, I’d be in my 30s… I’d be considered a, uh, senior citizen in Football.” There were a few chuckles in the crowd. “I know for sure that, I’ll still be playing for the club of my life – PSG, winning more leagues… and hopefully, I’d still be playing for the national team too. I still want to be fully immersed in Football…” Her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath before continuing. “And for my personal life, I can’t say much…” Your heart almost stopped in anticipation. You didn’t know why you were so nervous but… the nature of the question and the memories of the past just made it difficult for you to remain calm. ”Five years from now, I want to be happy.” She said, eyes fixed on you and you alone as if you were the only people in the room. “I’d like to believe that I will be... regardless of whatever may happen.”

The way she said it… it just felt heavy and loaded with something you just couldn't decipher. You looked down and smiled as you shook your head, deciding it was better for you to take it as it is.

You looked up again. “C’est tout ce que je voulais pour toi.” (That’s all I ever wanted for you.) As you said those words, you felt your heart skip a beat.

The moment lingered, and for a heartbeat, it felt like the world outside the press conference faded away. You were just two people sharing a quiet understanding amid the chaos of the room. She gave you a weak smile and kept your eyes stayed locked together for too long. Later on, the moderator announced the end of the conference and the spell broke, pulling you back into reality. You broke your gaze and hurriedly gathered your stuff, readying to leave. You just felt like this was a better way to actually close this chapter… again, for the nth time. But it felt better than the last time, like you'd gone full circle.

As the conference ended, Elisa rushed towards you. She excused herself through the crowd, brushing off the journalists trying to ask more questions. You didn’t notice her make her way to you as you just rushed to get out of there and back to your fiancé. ”Fifteen,” She exclaimed out, hoping it would catch your attention. With that, you turned around. You saw her, standing a few meters from you. You paused for a pensive second. Shyly, you walked closer to her. You two were pressed awkwardly between the chairs scattered about and the people making their way out of the room. “Hey, Elisa.” You responded. She gave you a smile. “I like your hair.” She said, commenting on your haircut. “I mean… I saw it in Jackie’s Instagram story before but looks better in person.” You awkwardly thanked her and consciously touched your hair. “Oh, thanks.” There was another moment of awkwardness before Elisa began speaking again. ”D-do you wanna talk for a moment?” She said as she gestured towards the private area where her team was settling down. You hesitated but you nodded. A few people greeted her with congratulations and niceties as you made your way to a quiet corner.

Her teammates were packing up to leave. You caught a glimpse of Jackie who just gave you a smile and a wave; she seemed to understand what was happening and did not want to bother this moment. You both slipped away to a quiet corner, seeking refuge from the chatter and excitement that filled the room. The atmosphere felt charged, and the intimacy of this moment took you by surprise. “So… I didn’t expect to see you.” She started again. “Jackie never mentioned that you were…” ”Yeah, yeah,” You interjected with your words tumbling out a bit too quickly. “I’m in the city for a couple of weeks. She nodded, the corners of her mouth lifting into a small smile. “It’s so nice… seeing you again.” She complimented, holding your gaze a bit too intimately. “You look great.” You felt a warmth spread through you at her compliment, but unconsciously, you crossed your arms, as if trying to shield yourself from trying to be too friendly.

“You too… and congratulations, by the way.” You responded. “There’s a number of Lyon and Paris FC fans in the office that were very disappointed whenever PSG won but… I was always secretly rooting for you guys.” A chuckle escaped her lips, but you noticed the way her eyes flickered, as if taking in your reserved body language. She took a deep breath, her expression shifting slightly. “Jackie did mention you’re the head of this new media company,” she said, her voice softer now. “You must be… happy?” You nodded and genuinely smiled. “Yes, I’m really happy.” You responded. “And you?” For a moment, her face grew serious, and she looked down, as if gathering her thoughts and courage. You watched her closely, sensing a vulnerability beneath her confident exterior. Then, she looked up, taking a step closer. “Look, I—” she began, but hesitation crept into her words. Another deep breath, and this time, her eyes fell to the ring on your finger, the light catching the stone. ”Oh,” She said, surprise coloring her tone. She couldn't hide her reaction and her staring. "I guess there are other congratulations to be said.”

An awkward silence settled between you, the air thick with unspoken words. You felt a twinge of pain at the sudden shift, a flash of “what could have happened if it was us instead” darting through your mind. But it quickly faded as you’ve made yourself aware of the present. Here you were, two complete people. Six years ago, you left with broken up hearts after you had damaged each other. One year ago, you picked on each other’s last remaining chip, threatening to return to what you two were. But now, here you were. If your lives seemed so different a year ago… now, it seemed like you were in completely diverging paths. A quiet sadness lingered in the space between you, intertwined with a flicker of something resolute. You exchanged genuine smiles, a silent understanding dawning that this was the real closure you both needed.

Elisa’s smile softened, taking on a warmth that felt both comforting and vulnerable. “You know, I never reciprocated,” she said, her words almost a whisper, catching you off guard.

“Hm?” you replied curiosly.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, her gaze drifting as if she were contemplating. When she looked back at your eyes, you could see so much vulnerability and warmth in her eyes that it made your heart race. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

You paused, the question hanging in the air. You paused with a racing mind. There was so much to be said about your new dreams, aspirations, goals. You couldn't find the right words.

Then, unexpectedly, a laugh bubbled up from within you — unexpected but genuine. It didn't take long for Elisa to chuckle along with you. The laughter felt freeing, as if it released the tension that had built up.

You didn’t respond, but you felt like you didn’t have to. Your eyes locked together and you gave her a warm smile, feeling a surge of affection. You said, “It was so nice knowing you, Elisa." Her smiled shifted slightly with an unreadable look in her eyes. She responded with a nod and a genuine tone. “And it was nice loving you.”

i love you too much to drift completely wait for me, i'll be back because you hold in my tide i would die a thousand times just to see you in another life — "love letter from the sea to the shore" - delaney bailey

a/n: thank you for reading this fic! please reblog if you liked it! this is my first time writing angst so please be nice 🙏 anyway, this was so enjoyable to write hehe. if any of you want to see me write about anything else, just send me a message or an ask!

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13 Laughing Emojis | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappe x Female Reader

Summary: Wanting to see Barbie during Kylian's transfer incites chaos on Twitter.

Word Count: 1.5k (blurb)

Warnings: cursing, kissing, perhaps typos, transfer??, mention of barbie but no spoilers, brief social media usage

Note: To get me back in the writing mood before I drop a 10k chapter of Comme Les Fleurs. Also my first time adding a Twittter section---never again!

Kylian’s phone would not stop ringing as the two of you laid in the cushions of the couch. He would grumble with each vibration, kissing your forehead and whispering his sorry’s before carefully slipping out of the couch to answer the call.

There were days where his phone would constantly ring, especially when he was away from his mother. Some mornings you would find the other side of the bed empty, him already awake and talking in the kitchen with Fayza. She’d greet you as if you had been there this entire time, shoving a cup of coffee in your hand and ushering you to sit down next to Kylian. He would give you a sympathetic smile, kissing your forehead while rubbing circles on your back.

You had always been in Paris, your life was here. Your friends and family, they all lived down the street of your childhood home.

Kylian told you late at night, after coming back home from a disappointing loss. He said he wasn’t renewing, that he’d leave PSG in a year and start a new adventure. You were excited, wanting him to make his dream come true of playing with Real Madrid but you thought you’d have a year to get it settled.

Now, practically hidden in the shadows of Madrid, you were growing restless, wanting to feel the breeze or even the sweltering sun outside.

“No, mi amor, we can’t go out—”

“You know I’m good with disguises,” you scowl.

He pulls you into his chest, his lips meeting yours in a chaste kiss, “What do you want to do?”

“Anything, Kylian,” you groan. Your hands clasp around the nape of his neck, staring down at the overgrown stubble he was refusing to shave, not that he had the time. Having to pack your bags with haste before catching a private jet to Madrid, none of you had time to double check vanities and necessities.

His hands slide down to your thighs straddling him, squeezing them lightly before tracing your bottom to settle on your back. His eyes narrow almost immediately, a smirk drawing on his lips, “Anything?”

“No,” you smack his chest although his eyes don’t leave your lips. “Can I just walk around the lobby?”

He shakes his head with a frown, “Come on, amor, you know you shouldn’t. One more week, yeah?”

“I didn’t have to come this early,” you grumble.

You were hesitant about leaving, of course you were. You only had two months to gravitate that you were uprooting your entire life with the same boy who would knock on your door everyday with a flower he picked from the neighbor’s yard. You knew what you were getting into, but for his transfer to be regarded as the most talked about, the most sought out one, nothing could’ve prepared you for the way the media would’ve twisted the entire saga. Every hour they mentioned Kylian news, whether it was true or not.

You have been here before, hell multiple times now. People would stop you at your job, recognizing you and asking what Kylian was going to do. But this time it was different, it was official. Kylian was in Madrid, ready to be presented within a week.

Kylian’s hand moved to your cheek, his smile straining to not diminish, “Do you want to go home?”

His eyes go tender, taking one of your hands and pressing a kiss against the bone of your wrist. He’s gentle, the lamp’s incandescent light glowing against his cheek as his dark eyes await your answer. Warmth encompasses you almost instantaneously the longer your stare at him.

You don’t feel the lull of wanting to retreat back to Paris. You don’t feel the guilt for leaving so suddenly, for resenting the year’s notice you suddenly no longer had. All the mornings, nights, and dates interrupted by phone calls and meetings. You were used to them, yet sometimes they still made you upset. Kylian was always attentive to your subtle change in emotions, making up for the lost time in the sweetest of ways, but it was only a reminder of what you were to experience for the rest of your life.

You shake your head, snapping out of your trance, “No, why would I go there? You aren’t there.”

A small smile forms, “If you ever want to visit, don’t hesitate to tell me, yeah?”

“Of course.”

He craned his neck to kiss you, chuckling within it, “If you want to leave, we need to go somewhere that’s private.”

“You’ll be surprised with what strings I can pull.”

“Yeah?” he raises his brows. His arms secure around your back and swiftly lays you against the couch. “What strings can you pull, belle?”

“Two tickets to Barbie!” you snicker.

He scrunches his nose, “There’s people there.”

“No, I called around and found a place that is very private, big names go there. They have a separate entrance and everything,” you reason. His hips dip down to meet yours, a huff escaping you as he plants his deadweight against you. You laugh, snaking your arms around his shoulders.

His eyes crinkle, “You were going to go with or without me, weren’t you?”

The mischievous grin grows before you can stop it, “Maybe.”

“Ow,” he feigns before collapsing on top of you to kiss you. His stubble scratches against your chin, and you nearly push him off hadn’t he been Madrid’s most prized possession at the moment. “I’ll buy the tickets after this.”

You pull away from his kiss, "We have to wear pink!"

"Pink?"

"Please."

"You don't have to beg, love," he snickers. "Of course we will wear pink. I have a shirt."

"Oo," your eyes widen, "the one that exposes your chest?"

He nods, finally quieting you down with a kiss.

---

---

Kylian knew to shut off his phone before the movie started, you followed as well. The both of you hated interruptions at movies and it wasn’t like the two of you went to a cinema often.

Once the credits begin the roll, Kylian presses his lips against your nose upon hearing your sniffles. You pushed him away, not wanting him to see you crying although it was nothing new. He chuckles, sliding his phone out of his pocket and turning it on.

Within seconds of his phone loading, it’s bombarded with notifications.

“Sheesh,” he whispers, briefly scrolling through them. Your eyebrows furrow when you see your name within his messages, something about your Twitter.

Your eyes bulge, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“What?” he mutters, turning towards you and then turning back to his phone. He brings his phone closer to his eyes, reading along the messages that his mother and other family members have sent him. “Amor?”

Turning on your phone seems to be the most difficult task in the world, nothing wanting to load and Twitter glitching as you tap your profile. “Fuck!”

“Bébé, why is Mom talking about your Twitter, that you—posted something?”

Once the tweet finally loads, you realize in horror that your account was no longer private. Your last tweet had reached 500 thousand likes and millions of views. Your cheeks burn as you turn towards Kylian, who’s still focused on his messages instead of his Twitter.

“I think…” you start. Kylian’s head snaps in your direction at the sound of your trembling voice. His phone slips out of his grip and bounces against his thigh, landing on the floor. He doesn’t glance at it, only scanning your face for answers. “When Lana was playing with my phone yesterday, she might have made my Twitter public. When I had her in my lap, she was looking through my photos, and then I got distracted with us talking to Melissa. I’m sorry.”

You hand him your phone as he reads the tweet, skimming down to the comments and reading the first few. You wait for his face to change. You wait for anything to happen but nothing changes. The crease near his brow is still etched, his breathing ragged. Perhaps you were expecting anger? Disappointment? But none of it came.

He blows a raspberry, suddenly chuckling while handing you your phone back, “Amor, that has a lot of views.”

You cover your face with your hands, “Your mother is going to kill me. Kylian I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think to check—”

“It’s okay,” he leans towards you, his hands pull yours away from your face and clasps them. “I’m not mad. She’s not mad either.”

You were still too shocked to cry, despite feeling the bubbling and choking feeling in your throat. However, he seemed relaxed about it, his eyes twinkling as the lights turned on in the private area the two of you were in. He could only smile as he pulled your head into his chest.

“No te preocupes, mi amor. It’s not your fault. You might’ve just broken Twitter like that tweet said, but you didn’t do anything wrong. It was going to be announced anyway. I can just subtweet it with a bunch of laughing emojis and boom, all the attention will be back on me. You’re okay,” he kisses your forehead. “We’re okay.”

You nod against his clothed chest, hearing and feeling the rumbles of his giggles. Even amidst his transfer bomb, he was still laughing and being the most unserious man you were used to.

---

Note: Now let's all gather around in a cirle, draw our hands together and manifest a transfer asap (and for this man to continue being unserious).

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

ooohhh glad you're back to write new fics! how about something angsty with kylian mbappé where he loses his fiancé due to him "needing space" over a petty issue and only for him to regret and try to win her heart back

Space • kylian mbappé

Warning: none

Pairing: kylian mbappé x f reader

I'll make a master list when I make more fics

Don't repost my work anywhere or I'll send an evil entity after you

Reblogs and feedback welcome

Request are open but I'm writing slowly

Kylian didn’t know what he was thinking when he told you he needed space. It was now one of the worse mistakes he’s ever made in his life. With you he was the bright bubbly kylian everyone knew and love but without you he was dull and lacked the stamina he used to have. It was like you were the antidote to his life and without you he was nothing.

It all started when kylian got home from a game. PSG lost and he was deeply pissed about it. he could have done so many things differently during the match. When he got home you were there to greet him like you always do when he comes home from a game.

“hi,” you say to him with a soft smile on your lips. Kylian ignored you, walked around you and up the stairs to the bedroom. You were shocked by his actions. You knew he lost the game but he’s never reacted like this before over a lost. Not even when he lost the world cup.

You made your way to the bedroom closet where kylian was. “you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

You looked at him waiting for him to answer. Kylian said nothing as he rummaged through the racks of clothes. You huffed, rolling your eyes at his silent treatment.

“I know you lost your game but it’s not my fault. Don’t give me the silent treatment over your own doing.”

Kylian said nothing, continuing to ignore you. You gave up trying to gain his attention and walked out of the room back downstairs.

A good 30 minutes went by before kylian came downstairs. He had changed into some sweats and a white tee. He said nothing to you as he sat down on the couch and pulled his phone out. You started to grow angry with him.

“Kylian please talk to me.” You walked out of the kitchen to him, desperate to get him to talk.

“I don’t want to talk.” He finally said to you. “why not say that instead of just ignoring me?” you asked with a frustrated tone.

“ you’re always in my face when I walk in I don’t need that ok!”

“well excuse me for wanting to comfort you after a game lost!” You scuffed getting up from the couch to return to the kitchen. You had enough of him. You were ready to ignore him yourself.

“We need a break.”

You stopped in your tracks at kylian words. “what?”

“I said we need a break.” Kylian continued. “I can’t keep doing this with you. You’re constantly nagging me and I don’t like it. We need a break. I don’t know what we are going to do after but we need space.”

Kylian looked up at you. You searched his face hoping to find a hint of sarcasm or something, but no. He was serious as can be.

You swallowed the walnut that formed in your throat. “Ok. Fine if that’s what you want then we’ll do that.”

You walked out of the living room to grab your things. While you were packing your clothes. You let a few tears slip from your eyes. You had a feeling you both were over and it made you sick to the stomach.

You returned back down stairs with your bag on your back. Kylian was sitting on the couch. His nose deep in his phone.

“Ok I’m leaving.”

Kylian looked up at you. He looked at your face seeing your red eyes and tear stained cheek. He knew you were crying, but his stubbornness made him not care.

You turned around ready to leave, but stopped.

“Here.”

You pulled the ring off your finger and threw it to him. The ring kylian gave you 3 months ago. It meant so much to you then, but now it meant nothing to you.

You walked out of the apartment leaving kylian alone. He picked up the ring you threw at him and looked at it. Was this really over? Kylian really fucked up and he knew it.

-

Since I'm mean I'll leave you hanging. Maybe I'll write a part two hehe

[httpsdana]

𝐔𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬~𝐀 𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐭 𝟏𝟕

summary: Barça players and talented footballers. Souls meet and sparks fly. But there's always a twist when it comes to love isn't there?

pairing: Ferran Torres x Gonzalez!Reader

warnings: cursing, slight age gap, angst

previous part -> next part

Pedri barely asked to hang out with y/n before. After he started dating Sira, he wants for some reason to hang out almost everyday, of course with Sira AND Ferran there.

Sira wasn't hiding the fact she wants Ferran back. She was constantly trying to talk to him, sometimes sitting next to him to try and touch him in any possible way.

Ferran was always trying to avoid her, but sometimes it was nearly impossible. And y/n didn't like that. The only times Ferran can't avoid Sira, y/n would be watching. So she would think that Ferran doesn't actually mind whatever Sira was doing.

And Pedri was enjoying it. He still can't accept the fact his best friend was dating his sister. And after what Fermin had told him about the two, he made it his mission to break them up.

A bad brother yeah? well yes but also a selfish one.

"Sira is coming over. call Ferran" Pedri walked into y/n's apartment as soon as she opened the door.

She rolled her eyes closing the door behind him.

"he's busy" she murmured, making Pedri look at her weirdly.

"why?" he asked, flopping down on the couch

"he has some video filming with the team" she said, sitting down next to him.

Pedri looked troubled, not knowing what to do.

"well I can't cancel on Sira she's already on her way. what should we do?" he asked. y/n raised her eyebrows wondering why he was so worried

"so what we can't hang out the 3 of us?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest

Pedri hesitated, avoiding her eyes before talking.

"well yes but..." he mumbled, before the door knocked

y/n got up, opening the door to see Sira standing there, a beautiful sundress on with her glasses and fancy bag.

"y/n... hello" she said, an obviously fake smile taking over face.

y/n gave her the same smile back, letting her in.

She walked behind Sira, watching how Pedri nodded his head motioning for Sira to come sit next to him. He whispered a few words in her ear, making her face drop.

y/n was confused by both of their actions, but also she knows that Pedri is mostly dating Sira so he can break up her and Ferran.

"uh...i remembered that I actually have to pack for the next match so...I have to go" Sira said, getting up immediately, leaving with no goodbye

y/n's heart dropped at her words. Sira was gonna be at the away match against PSG. Of course she will be, her father is literally their coach. Sira is gonna be there and y/n won't be. For some reason it caused an uneasy feeling to rise in her stomach.

"she's going with you?" y/n asked, leaning back on her couch

Pedri nodded. "yeah her and the other wags will be together on the same flight" he said, not looking up from his phone

So all the wags were going?

"are they all going?" y/n asked again.

Pedri also nodded. "yeah the guys decided they can all take their partners so they can have some fun together" he said

why didn't Ferran invite her? She has gotten a bit close with some of the wags and enjoyed their company.

"oh" she mumbled

"did Ferran not invite you?" he asked confused

y/n didn't want to embarrass herself by saying she wasn't invited, and didn't wanna show Pedri that she was a bit hurt by the situation.

"oh yeah he did. I just don't know if I'm going or not" she murmured, grabbing her phone as a distraction. Pedri hummed keeping his focus on his phone.

She saw a text from Ferran, telling her that he finished filming with the team and is on his way to her apartment.

y/n sighed, wondering if she should ask Ferran about the trip or not.

"well I have to go pack too. I'll see you later" Pedri said, slamming the door behind him after he left.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

"uh you don't have any matches this week right?" Ferran asked y/n as she was sitting on the kitchen counter while he washed the dishes

"no it's until next week we have the copa final" she said, scrolling through tiktok while talking to him

"well...Sara Gundo's wife has been telling him to tell me to try and convince you to go with us to Paris for the match. the wags have planned a small trip and some things you can do there" he said, not looking at her focusing on the dishes

y/n smiled at Sara's thoughtfulness. She was the one that tried to include y/n in every activity they did. But then y/n realized his words. Sara wanted her there, not him. He's only inviting her because Sara told him to do so.

"um yeah I guess I can go" she hesitated, wondering if that might bother him. He dried his hands quickly with a smile, pressing a kiss on both her cheeks.

"I'm glad you're going" he smiled, making y/n relax a bit at his words

But something felt off about this trip. Like something bad was gonna happen.

(short chapter sorry. I have exams :( anws all the other requests will be written after I finish this series)

[winqzr]

usernames messi + mbappe

- mwssimbape

- m10m

- leombappe

- kyliamwessi

- mssimppe

- mbappessi

- leokylian

- liomessimbape

- messi2bmappe

[koobrina]

mbappe headers

like or rebelog if u used.

twitter @ hvrtzmount

[sjimis]

just park jimin 🌟.

and random pics…..

[charlotte3eee]

pairing : kylian mbappe x female reader

Needy

summary : kylian wanting his girlfriend to stay in bed with him but she has work how does it end?

warning : not proof read (repost)

a/n : this is a repost because my other acc @charlotte3ee got deleted so gonna repost all my stuff. (inbox is open)

PHOTO INSPO @darlingmbappe all credit to them, my mom using the same app to edit her photos on instagram and i though it was cool to play around with.

It was an early Tuesday morning in Paris. the sky was filled with pretty colors of orange, pink, and yellow. Y/n had a perfect life. She was now living with the love of her life, Kylian Mbappe, and pursuing her career as a model.

The clock read 06:54 a few minutes before your alarm was gonna go off. You took the opportunity to try and sneak out to get ready, for the photoshoot you have this morning, without waking up Kylian.

You grab your phone shut off the alarm and slither your way out of bed… But that’s when you felt big strong arms grab around your waist and pull you up.

You slightly turn your head and see Kylian hugging you tight from behind, with his cute face now resting on your shoulder. Kylian always and when I mean always does this when your try and leave the bed or just have to leave in general if he’s not coming with you.

Mostly because you two don’t get to spend too much time together. You never know what will pop up with your job, sometimes it’s random or it’s not.

Kylian would have training in the morning most days and so it would flip-flop. But now since this season is over for PSG he no longer has training with them but now Equipdefrance, you love him so much you don’t blame him.

You try to turn to face him but those big strong biceps are keeping you in your place in front of him. “Please ky let me go!” You quietly yelled turning into a laugh.



“Say please eh?” he said into your ear. Kylian loved taking some sort of control of you. After no response from you, Kylian took the opportunity to get the answer out of you.

He moved his arms up, under your arms to tickle you. (Your weakness.)

“Ok! Ok! Please Kylian!” y/n trying to breathe. Kylian used those strong arms to flip around to face him, one arm traveling right back to your waist and another under your chin.

“Hahaha gotcha!” he said after pecking your rose-pink lips. “Where do you think you're going amour? “I have an early shoot this morning ky, remember?” Y/n said looking at his soft pink plump lips.

Kylian always looked so cute when he would stop and think. Randomly he would always have this one look on his face, like this emoji (🤔) when he thought hard to remember something.

“No, I don’t chérie.” Kyky said looking at your collarbone. You are the biggest sucker for the names he would call you. “Alright, well I’m now gonna be late because of you!” You said slapping his chest.

“Hey ow! Ok, mon bébé” he said with puppy dog eyes. I kissed him on the tip of his nose. That's when he let go of the release on your waist. you snuck into your bathroom. you put on a little makeup and made your way into your closet, you pick out a hoodie and leggings because you were changing there at the shoot.

Y/n picked up the duffel bag she packed the night before, in the duffle you had a different pair of shoes and a few other small items. you double-checked to make sure you had everything you needed.

You ran up to Kylian who was now on your side of the bed snuggling in your warm spot. you admired his chocolate skin. you pecked his lips said your goodbyes and made your way downstairs and out of your shared home to the driver in front, for the hour-long drive to the studio for the shoot.

it was now 08:37 am you saw on your phone, as you opened the door to the studio. As you walked in you saw your agent and a few others in the studio. You apologize for being a few minutes late, due to Kylian being needy af.

You got changed and took the floor…15 minutes went by and everything was going great, you didn’t want to admit it but you were a little nervous, even though you do this almost every day. Your crew called for a 5-minute break to look at and discuss the shots.

During that, you decided to look at your phone. When you opened your phone you went to your messages where you had a few you didn’t see. You answered most of them, you didn’t have a whole lot of time only being 5 minutes, but when you were about to shut off your phone…you started to get message after message from Kylian.

big boy bondy ⚽️: babe

big boy bondy ⚽️ : babe

big boy bondy ⚽️ : babyyyyyyy

big boy bondy ⚽️ : I love you so much just thought u should know that.

Y/n 🤍: love you too baby I’m at work hunny

big boy bondy ⚽️: ok good, not good you're at work but good you love me.

god how much you love this man.

Y/n 🤍: alright baby I’m gonna go I’ll see you soon

big boy bondy ⚽️: ok wait when though, so I know how much longer I have to suffer.

Y/n 🤍: probably 30 minutes?

big boy bondy ⚽️: are you joking cause I’m not laughing

Y/n 🤍: No I’m not my poor precious angel I’ll see you soon you needy boy

big boy bondy ⚽️ : Uhh ok pls hurry the bed is so cold without you in my arms.

After finishing texting your needy ass boyfriend, you shut your phone off and sat it next to you, and looked up to see your assistant calling your name.

“Y/n? Are you good you look stressed,” she said. “Nope, just Kylian acting like a baby without his binky,” you said. Both you and your assistant started laughing, she told you there were only a few things left to do.

You got up from your chair and went back to work. only a few minutes went by when you heard a phone blowing up. You had no intention of looking knowing that it was Kylian having no patience.

After those 30 minutes, you changed into the clothes that you came in with and grabbed everything, and threw it in your duffle bag.

You thanked everyone for today going so smoothly. You had a quick chat with your assistant and you were on your way. you walked out of the studio with the big front doors and t your driver that was in front of the studio.

finally, it was time to drive you back to the needy Kylian in bed.

“chérie is that you?” that's what you heard when you walked into your master bedroom. kylian was still on your side of the bed, face into your pillow taking up your scent.

“I'm here baby,” is what you said dropping your duffel bag by the door of your bedroom. you walked over to Kylian and kissed his temple.

“mhmm I've missed you so much bébé,” Kylian said grabbing your waist. the grin on your face became bigger and bigger and let out a little laugh. “I've only been gone for a few hours,” you said to your handsome boyfriend in front of you, the sun had fully risen and was shining bright on his bare back.

You couldn't even change before Kylian pulled you into bed by his strong arms. A small laugh left your lips as Kylian pulled you over him. him being the big spoon and you being the little spoon.

you soon flipped on your back so he could cuddle up to your chest. “I love you kyks,” you said ever so lovingly and pecked his lips. “I love you more mon amour,” Kylian said into your chest snuggled up right next to you, he was holding your waist ever so tight. For the rest of the morning, Kylian fell asleep and snuggled next to Y/n...

[homeofatlas]

Friends, Right?

Authors note: this is a longer fic it’s 2.7k. We need more elisa fics and i had the time so i hope you all like it. Also sorry this isnt as aesthetically pleasing as some of yours with the pictures and the headers. It’s 1:30 am, i just finished this no editing we die like men!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since joining the PSGs feminine team you had made good friends with most of the girls. But there was one in particular who you had become great friends with, Elisa. Before you knew that you two would come to be such great friends you’d found her cute. Now knowing how compatible you two were, it felt impossible to be around her and not fall deeper into love with her as you spent more time together.

This is what made it so hard to admit that while you were falling for her more every time you saw her, she didn’t reciprocate your feelings. Sure there were times when she was leaving where she’d linger longer than was perhaps strictly normal but that was how female friendships worked. It was perfectly normal to hug three times for at least 10 seconds before she actually left and for her to press a kiss to your forehead when you guys were watching a movie. You liked to see things that weren’t there. Your crush on Elisa was clouding your judgement. And if you stayed up late thinking about those lingering hugs…..well that was no one's business but your own.

One morning she came to pick you up because your car was in the shop. As a thanks to her you paid for your morning smoothies and shared the protein bars you packed so you could snack through the day. While in the car elisa rests her right arm on the middle console focusing on the long stretch of road ahead of her. Softly some song from her playlist wafts through the car gently lulling you into a half state of awareness. Vaguely you’re aware the car has stopped and you should start moving but right as you're about to wake yourself up, elisa speaks to you from the driver's seat.

“Y/n?” She whispers.

You blink your eyes open to see you’re already there.

Your eyes slide over to where elisa is softly gazing at you. She looks at you in the way you sometimes imagine you must look when you’re trying to memorise her every feature for when it’s no longer yours to gaze at. The look on her face leaves you breathless, it times like this where you feel like she might reciprocate your feelings. And then the spell breaks and she blinks her gaze away from you to look out the wind shield again, her face wiped as clean as it can be this early in the morning.

“Come on we’re gonna be late” She says and opens her car door.

Just friends, right?

A week later during a game she trips another player and gets yellow carded. Now while Elisa has a reputation for……revelling in the physical side of the game this time you have to agree this girl had it coming. Constantly backing up into Elisas space and generally crowding her was one way to get the brunette in an angry mood. As Elisa begins to get angrier while talking to the ref your teammates signal you to come and get her off the field. Running over to her you catch her forearm and cut off her swearing at the referee who could not look more phased if she tried.

“Elisa let it go, she had it coming but theres nothing we can do about it now right? You’re just going to piss the ref off even more and that doesn’t work in anyone's favour.”

Heaving, she finally turns her head towards you. With the bright stadium lights on her, you can see every droplet of sweat shining on her face. You’re so far gone for her instead of thinking its gross you think it’s a product of her hard work, it’s beautiful. Her nose is shining with the perspiration and she’s never looked better, except maybe in her pjs on the couch. You two lock eyes and have a silent conversation, pleading with her to come with you. Finally her gaze drops from your eyes to your lips to where your hand is still wrapped around her forearm. Her gaze flicks back up to your eyes shining with worry. Her shoulders drop and she begins to move towards the sidelines where you’ve just come from. You let go of her forearm and walk slightly behind her. You can feel the energy radiating off her. She slows to let you catch up and as you fall into step with her you feel her fingers brush yours a couple times before she interlocks your fingers and tightly. All the pent up energy is going into holding your hand and pulling you to the side. As you sit down on the bench she continues to clutch your hand while staring intensely onto the field.

“Elisa? You’re welcome to hold my hand to soothe yourself but if I could switch to the other hand that would be great.” You say once she calmed down slightly.

Still not speaking she slowly loosens her grip on your hand. True to your word you give her the other hand, this time using the hand closest to her you gently rub your hand in soothing circles on her back to help calm her down. Over time you feel her begin to relax against you and your touch until the end of the game when she gets up to change and get ready to go home. But you’re just Friends, Right?

Two weeks after that you and a couple of the girls are out at a bar celebrating a win and no training in the morning. You’re on your first drink that tastes slightly fruity which you’ve been sipping on for a while now. You’re feeling warm and fuzzy surrounded by the people who love you the most in the world. Elisa sits next to you occasionally glazing around but otherwise focused on the conversation at hand. Her arm is thrown around the backs of your chairs, her fingers occasionally brushing your shoulder.

“So if you had to pick someone on the team to date, who would you date?” Sakina giggles.

Having just taken a sip of your drink you gag slightly and sputter, meeting the mischievous twinkling eye of Sakina Karchaoui. She knows exactly what she’s just done. Although you haven't told anyone outside of one person who’s not even in the soccer world Sakina seems to have picked up on your little (massive, gigantic, personally might go as far as to say in love) crush on Elisa. By the way she’s making eyes at the other girls it's clear they’ve been let in on the message and are giggling at your demise too. Out of the corner of your eye you see Elisa spit some of her drink out back into her cup upon hearing the comment. Although you avoid looking at her in the slightest you feel the shift in weight beside you as she leans away from you and tucks her arm back into herself.

“Probably you Sakina, we’re pretty good friends and we’d be compatible enough I think” Elis answers in a semi dry tone.

Your stomach sinks. Even if she was forced into dating someone on the team it still wouldn’t be you. The jealousy leaves you slightly nauseous and your cheeks feel like they’re on fire.

Sakina is clearly waiting for an answer and burning holes into your head.

“Um,” you begin to answer “I’m not sure I think I see you all as more of sisters than anything else.”

You see Elisa who’d previously been intently and quietly eyeing you since you started speaking, begin to fidget and mutter something about drink before she gets up and takes her half full glass with her up to the bar. As soon as you feel she’s gone the rest of the table erupts into giggles.

“Really Sakina could you have been anyone more obvious about it? Why not tattoo Y/n has a crush on elisa on my forehead, i’m sure that would have been a less painful situation”

“Please Y/n relax I wouldn’t have said anything if i didn’t think there was a chance she liked you back-”

“Well you heard it straight from the source that she doesn’t so can we just drop it? Please? I'd like to forget that I'm in love with my best friend for one night.”

Sakinas face falls and she looks sorry. You feel bad for snapping at her but Elisa can’t know about your crush. It would ruin your relationship and you aren’t ready to let her go yet. You begin to scan the bar for Elisa. You see her standing at the bar facing a pretty blonde girl who’s got her hand on your- Elisas bicep. The blonde is leaning into her space and laughing at whatever joke Elisas just told based on the smile on her face. She’s cool looking, she's blonde, beautiful, got a sleeve of tattoos, and looks gorgeous next to elisa. The sight makes your stomach churn. Suddenly any chance of salvation of the good mood you had is gone and you’re as sober as you can be. Elisa is clearly interested based on her body language, why wouldn’t she be? It's not like you're together. So Elisa can take her home to the flat you’ve been in and have sex with her on the couch you’ve been on or the bed you’ve had sleepovers in or on the counter where you’ve cooked together and that's fine. You were going to have to get used to seeing Elisa with someone else eventually. It’s just that maybe deep down you had been hoping you weren’t just friends after all, But tonight has shattered that illusion and thank god because you needed to get over it, is what you’re telling yourself.

Following your line of sight Sakinas face falls into one of pity for you.

“Don't Sakina. It was going to happen eventually and I need to get over it.”

You glance over again to see Elisa looking over at you while she stands with the blonde woman, you try to give her an encouraging nod and something you hope looks like a smile. To be honest you don't really want to be out right now in these jeans and this itchy sweater, you want to go home.

“Honestly guys…..I think I'm just gonna go home and watch a movie but thanks for coming out tonight.”

The girls give you a sad look as you pick your coat up from the back of your chair and grab your bag. As you walk to the door you have to walk past the bar, brushing past elisa she doesn’t even turn her head to acknowledge you as you step out into the cold night.

The drive home felt the longest it ever had. Peeling off your layers of clothing and getting into your at home sweatpants had never felt so great. Although it isn’t a part of your diet you figured tonight called for some sweet treat therapy. Set up on the couch as you’re flipping through movies on netflix deciding which garbage film you can try not to cry to there's a familiar rap on your door.

You pause.

Another soft knock.

“Y/n? Cherie?Open the door please.”

No response.

“Unless you’ve gone to bed but i can see the lights so please come up the door.”

You slowly make your way up off the couch, placing your sweet treat on your coffee table.

As you stand before the door you can hear her breathing from the other side, you can feel her warmth and energy radiating through the door, it’s like nothing can keep her fro. You. You’ll never escape from her. A fresh set of tears springs to your eyes but you quickly swallow them before unlocking and opening the door.

Elisa looks like she’s been thoroughly made out with or at least something was running through her hair continuously. How dare she, you think, come to me after being with someone else, isn’t my love enough? You swallow it down and force the door open wider for her to slip inside and close the flat door behind her. Now in harsh overhead lighting you can see the panic, bewilderment, and sadness lurking in her brown eyes.

She opens her mouth and closes it a couple times before finally croaking out, “You left and you didn’t say goodbye.”

“You were a little busy at the moment and i wasn’t feeling well so i came home.”

“You aren't feeling well? Is there something i can do or something i can get for you?”

“No I just,” You sigh and rub your hands over your face before looking up at her “I’m tired so I came home.”

“Oh okay well did you want me to stay? We can watch *insert your comfort movie/tv show*!”

The sight of her dishevelled hair and clothing is making you more angry and sad by the minute. All you want to do is give her a set of your sweats and have her wear your clothing but this has to stop. O more blurry lines it hurts too much.

The tears feel like they’re hiding right beneath the surface as you say, “Elisa honestly I'm really tired I think I’ll go to bed.”

“Okay well I’ve had drinks so maybe i can stay over and tomorrow morning we can go for brunch and a walk-”

“Elisa, Enough!”

“What?”

Oh here comes the word vomit.

“You can’t just make out or sleep with someone else and then come over here and expect us to go to brunch and on scenic walks and watch movies snuggled up on the couch and can’t do it anymore, I can't do this anymore!” You finish.

Elisas brown eyes are wide with shock and she looks hurt by the time you’ve finished.

Her eye brows furrow and her lips purse in, she reaches out slightly to grab your arm which is hanging at your side but misses and brushes the side of your hip where your shirt has begun to ride up. Her warm palm against your cold skin feels like the best thing in the world right now, all you want to do is take it all back but the way she’s looking at you now like she doesn’t understand what you mean hurts you more than it will ever hurt her.

“Elisa, i think you should go”

“No” She shakes her head as she sways forward slowly inching into your space. You should not be letting her in but what's one last time right? Her hand comes up to rest on the cold path of skin near your hip and the other one wraps around your shoulders. She presses kisses to the top of your head while gently rocking. She takes a deep inhale before releasing you and looking at you face to face.

“Y/n, look at me” She looks more sober than she did before when she pulls back. “I did not sleep or make out with anyone nor do I want to unless it’s with you. My hair looks like this because I was worried about you leaving without saying goodbye. I was running my hands through it the whole way here. The girl you saw me with in the bar? I wouldn’t care if she was aphrodite because I love you. I want you. I know this isn’t a good time but I’m sick of not saying anything and having almost moments. This is our moment, if you want it to be. I love you.”

Her eyes peer deep into yours looking for the same sentiment but instead you cup her face with your hands and bring your noses up to brush. As your noses bump into each other and your lips brush you whisper “I love you too” and kiss her. The fuzzy warm feeling runs from your head to your toes heating you up all over. As you pull away both of you smile largely and you lay your head on her chest as you stand there and hug for as long as you want because as it turns out you aren’t just Friends, Right?

[redwineconversation]

Danielle van de Donk Olympique & Lyonnais Interview (November 2, 2024)

I really hate translating van de Donk stuff because of the fucking bunny boiler stans she has. Parasocial relationships are so fucking weird and creepy.

No funny disclaimers because I am equal part PISSED OFF and depressed at the results of the 2024 Presidential Elections. As I said before, I hope everyone who voted for Trump gets exactly what they deserve. If there was ever a definition of a morally reprehensible piece of shit ...

Interview done before the PSG game.

Van de Donk: "Show that Lyon is still better" than PSG

At the club for four seasons now, Danielle van de Donk has become one of the leaders in Lyon's locker room. Before playing PSG this Sunday (2pm), the Dutch woman had a long conversation with Olympique & Lyonnais about the start of the season, Joe Montemurro's arrival but also her role as a role model for the younger players.

Olympique & Lyonnais: Danielle, after the Lyon draw against Paris FC, was it good mentally to go be with the National Team?

Danielle van de Donk: Yeah, it was really nice being with the National Team. We had a really good international break. I think it came at the right time for everybody. My personal performances with the National Team were really good, so, yes, I was happy to be back with them.

Did that make it easier to move on to other things after Paris FC?

Yes, I think so. It's really disappointing for us because we created a lot of chances in this game and we didn't score. We want to win every game we play, so it wasn't very fun. It's good to have a break at that point. I think we had a pretty packed schedule with Wolfsburg and another game [I too want to forget about the Dijon game].

The coach said on Friday that the staff worked around the players' fitness to prepare for the PSG game. Where are you at?

For me, the international break is always a bit quieter. It's also because I am one of the older players on the national team as well. When I get there, they change the program so I can recover and perform well. And it's the same way here at Lyon, they look at how many minutes you've played with the national team and adapt the training session accordingly [might be news to Carpenter but whatever]. So everything is a bit easier.

To go back to the Paris FC game, you said it was a frustrating game. How do you explain that?

I think it's mainly because we weren't able to put away our chances. We had a lot of opportunities to score and there are games when the ball just won't go in. Playing for Lyon means you want to win every game. So it's frustrating to have drawn having taken so many shots. Those games are always a bit difficult because if you don't score, you're at risk of your opponent scoring. Thankfully that wasn't the case, at least we got a draw. But it's frustrating because we should have gotten three points, we were so much better, we had so many chances to score, but we didn't do it.

"PSG is still our rival, we want to beat them"

It also cost Lyon the top place in the table. Is it anecdotal because of the new format in the league or does that bother you?

It remains anecdotal, but we are competitors and we want to be at the top the whole season. It's not the case currently, but we are determined to fix that as soon as Sunday...

PSG is top of the table and is coming on Sunday (2pm). Is there more of an obligation to win than usual? Is there a bit more excitement?

Yes, obviously. But as I said, I think we need to be ... how to say this ... We should win every game. We are better than the other teams, so we need to win. We were held to a draw against Paris FC, sometimes it doesn't go the way we want, but I think it's been the case since the start of the season. Our standards are always there as well, so we just need to win. Lyon - PSG is always the biggest clash in the league.

Last year, Lyon played PSG six times between the league, the UWCL and the Trophée des Championnes. Is there still a little bit of excitement to play against them?

It's always a good game even if we've played them so many times. It's always really exciting. It's always a good way to respond to critics and to send a message to PSG or to others who think we are finished. But Sunday, we want to show we're still the strongest and still the best.

"Montemurro has this ability to adapt"

Joe Montemurro came to Lyon and Fabrice Abrien to PSG. Is that going to change the game compared to other years?

A game remains a game and we need to win it. But with the arrival of new coach, it's also different because he isn't French which for me makes a huge difference. Because the French are a bit more rigid and only see one way to do things. And with Joe, I think there are possibilities, more systems, for example. So yeah, it could be very different with him, but it's still the same object, the same feeling.

Since the start of the season, you've played in a 4-3-3 or 3-4-4. Lindsey Horan talked about Tiki-Taka, is it something you like?

The 4-3-3, as you said, I'm Dutch, so for me it's like being at home. I can think about that formation and imagine all the tactics which go with it. But in my career, I've had so many different coaches, I've played in England, in Sweden, so there I've been exposed to a lot of tactics and a lot of systems. I like it when a team can adapt to the opponent, so if one way of doing things isn't working, then you can easily switch to a 4-4-2 for example. Yes, I love the 4-3-3, I think it suits me as a player, but I like other formations as well and I think I learn more as a player when I have played in different formations.

Could that be one of the key elements against PSG on Sunday?

Yes, I think so. It's also something I really like with Joe. If we're playing in a formation and he sees it isn't working, he immediately changes it. And we work on a lot of formations in practice, so we know what we need to do when things change in a game. It's one of the biggest advantages he has as a coach.

"I am certainly not the coach's favorite!"

You're reunited with head Coach Montemurro after being at Arsenal. How is the reunion going?

Very well. He is always ... well, not always, but most of the time very, very happy. He is really involved when he coaches, which has a positive influence on the team. I think it's really funny how he is learning to speak French. He really tries to speak French sometimes, but it's only one or two words, and then he switches to English. It's very funny because he tells us "simply speak in English, we all understand it". But he tries, and that's good. [@Kang!!!]

Do you see a difference in his management style compared to the first time you had him?

I get the impression that during practice sessions, for example, he is much more involved. He is really right there behind us. You feel like you have to be at your best during training or there will be consequences. He wasn't like that before, so I like that.

Is there any truth to the rumor that you are his favorite?

His favorite? Absolutely not! (laughter) If something isn't working, it's my fault, I get the impression that since he knows me, he thinks he can do that with me. On the other hand I know he likes me, but I am definitely not his favorite! (smiles)

You are part of the older generation of players. How do you see yourself evolve as a player at Lyon?

I think I can still learn. To be honest, before coming to Lyon, and I am only speaking for myself, but I thought I was a really good player. I arrive at Lyon and I say to myself "oh, wow, these players are incredible." And they were so nice. I said to myself "okay, I can learn a lot from these players." I think I learn a lot from watching my teammates do things. For example, Maro (Dzsenifer Marozsan), she is incredible, but you get the feeling everything is happening in slow motion. And I ask myself why? Because when I play, I'm quick, everything goes fast. She is so calm, but you can never get the ball from her. So I watch and I tell myself "I need to learn from you." I watch everyone and I study everyone. I have experience, but I continue to discover new things.

Do you think that's what makes this team so strong? Being able to learn from each other despite what they've accomplished in their careers?

It's what I think. Also, one of the strengths of this team is that we play for Lyon, so everyone wants playing time, but that's not possible. So if someone doesn't play, there is no hatred within the team. We continue to help each other and learn from one another. I've never experienced at another club in my life, it's very special.

"Having individual programs in the team is a really good thing"

Lyon has a lot of leaders, are you one of them?

I don't know. I think that off the pitch, I like to joke around and just create a good atmosphere ... Make it so that everyone feels welcome. I don't want someone to feel uncomfortable so I am always there for everybody. But on the pitch I am a leader, but not vocally ... just in my playing style.

Is it different with the Netherlands?

Not necessarily ... A little bit in training, but not as much. I just show my energy on the pitch and show that I am there to win. For example, Wendie (Renard) is one of the greatest captains and she can speak before a game and it really touches me. But I can't do that myself. I'll go to see people individually during the week and say to them "Hey, you're really good at this or you need to do this or that". So to be honest, I don't know if I am really a leader.

Did the arrival of Joe Montemurro bring something extra to the team?

Yes. The staff that came with Joe, I really like them. They are all really nice. For example, I'm 33 years old, so I don't have a lot of one-on-ones meetings. But I had a meeting with the assistant coach, Pala (Joseph Palisades) and he showed me my game day videos. He didn't know me really well and I didn't know him, but he, having watched the clips, he understood me as a football player. So he said to me "I think I can help you on this point and on this point". And I said super, I want that. But for me, it's really special because usually it takes a bit of time for people to come to you and make you better. But they broke things down individually and I think that really brings to the team as well.

"I want children to look up to us and tell themselves it's possible"

This Sunday, there will be more than 15,000 people at Parc OL including young girls. Do you get the feeling to be a source of inspiration for these youngsters?

Yes. I think it's really important that as big players, we inspire people. It's all I want to do, really. I want young kids to look up to us and tell themselves they want to be like us on the pitch later. Because when I was younger, I went to watch PSV men games and all that I could think of was "wow, I want to play in a full stadium." But it wasn't possible at the time, or if it was, you had to go to the US. It's now possible in the Netherlands. It's also possible in France.

15,000 people, it's quite far from the record from last season...

I don't think people completely realize how important it is for the players that the stadium is full, that it is packed. Because they inspire us as much as we inspire them.

You've played in England, how would you compare the development on women's football in France with that in England?

They had the Euros at home and they won it, that's why everything fell into place. It was the same thing in the Netherlands. So I think that a tournament at home, it really helps to inspire people. And you just have to do it so that people watch you. That's where we are at at Lyon and in France. People just need to come watch us and I think they will be hooked.