#psa) talking shit abt this where mutual friends can see and calling it 'insidious behavior' is not less toxic than venting w/o names

[softerseasons]

I get where "vagueblogging/posting/tweeting" came from and I understand the necessity of classifying passive-aggressive behavior in a way where it can be referenced and discussed, especially when it's done explicitly where the person being spoken of can see it.

That said. There needs to be some nuance in the use of the term. If someone is talking in generalities and it applies to you, but isn't explicitly and solely about you, that's not vagueing. That's just... talking. You can't tell someone not to talk about their experiences just because you identify yourself in the type of people being talked about. And what's the alternative? Do you want people listing the names of everyone they know who acts in a specific way or has historically or even recently done a specific thing that OP happens to want to talk about? You really want to be on blast like that?

"But I know that this is specifically and only about me!" You sure? Have you asked them? Have you come to them and been open and said something to the effect of 'Hey, I'm worried this is about me in some way, and if it is I would like to talk it out and find out how I erred in your perception and how I can prevent this from happening again'? Have you made it clear (with your actions, not just your words) that you won't lash out at them or punish them for being honest about their feelings about a situation?

And let's be real. If you haven't, but you're still convinced it's about you, have you considered the following:

1. You may just be the most recent in a long line of people to exhibit the same frustrating behavior?

2. This may not be about you at all, and if you feel that it is, it's a good opportunity to examine your behaviors and figure out why you were so personally offended by a post that did not name you?

3. You are likely not the sole and only figure in this person's life, and they could be talking about any number of people or events outside of your purview?

If it is vaguing- that is, describing a specific incident with a specific person where that specific person can see and will know they are being talked about- take steps to protect yourself, of course.

But be sure that it's not just venting without spreading drama first.