#probably not connections tbh some of those are hard and i am not immune to cheating

[dooxliss]

Wordle 810 4/6*

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[spike-and-faye]

Hello, I require your infinite wisdom please!! :O So I just finished cowboy bebop and I am so confused like who the fuck was Julia. WHAT was Faye's past. I literally never process tv shows and the bebop was not immune to my stupidity LMAO like... I guess the ending just really confused me, from what I gathered Spike and Vicious were friends? But then they weren't? And Julia dated Vicious but also Spike? And he? Went after Vicious even after Julia had died? I am Confusion. Please help. Thank u...

Oh BABEY I am so glad you asked! :) Be prepared for a long answer and I apologize in advance for how incoherent it will probably be.

ALSO Please note: this show is fucking complicated. I have watched it all the way through several times a year, every single year, for over a decade now, and I am *STILL* finding new shit every time I watch it. It's packed with symbols, motifs, allusions and underlying themes that are just so rich. It is so extraordinarily well-written that it could give a lot of classic literature a run for its money. I'm literally working on an in depth literary/film analysis my husband lovingly calls my Manifesto on the series right now. SO PLEASE don't beat yourself up about not catching everything on the first go round.

HEY BTW for anyone who hasn't finished the show, please know there will be MANY spoilers ahead!

Anyways ~

1.     Spike / Julia / Vicious:

The information we get on Spike's past, including Vicious and Julia, is pretty limited considering how big of an impact they have on the story. We get our first glimpse in Session 1: Asteroid Blues, then again in Session 5: Ballad of Fallen Angels, Sessions 12 + 13: Jupiter Jazz, and Sessions 25 + 26: Real Folk Blues. I recommend reviewing these episodes for you Julia and Vicious fix.

What we know:

Spike and Vicious were both members of an organized crime syndicate called the Red Dragons, which is roughly analogous to the Yakuza or the Mafia. Their positions in the organization are not clear, but there are some images alluding to them being hitmen, and they likely rose up in the ranks as they were close acquaintances of Mao Yenrai, a Capo of the Red Dragon.

Spike and Vicious were close comrades. Spike taught Vicious everything he knew about fighting, and the two had a deep trust in each other. Which Spike fucked up ….

^^Vicious looks hot asf here

Julia was Vicious' lover/girlfriend. One night in 2068 (three years prior to the time we watch in the Bebop) Spike is injured, presumably from a syndicate-related fight and he passes out in front of her door. She takes him in and nurses him back to health and he SIMPS HARD for her. We’re all but told he's in LOVE love with her. They start an affair, and Spike tells her he's ready to abandon the whole life - the syndicate, Vicious, Mao, all of it - and they could run away together.

WELL Vicious finds out about this whole affair, and is DOUBLY betrayed because his literal best friend and girlfriend have been having an affair, and tbh I think he was just as jealous of Spike's attentions as he was of Julia's. (Whether or not it’s a sexual thing for Spike … well … I have my own headcanons about that). SO when he finds out they're going to run away together, he gives Julia an ultimatum: you can either kill him, or I'll just kill you both. Spike had written her a letter about meeting him in the graveyard to start their new life together, which she tears up to hide his location from Vicious. (This is the falling ripped up pieces of paper we see in Spike's flash back in Session 5).

^^ r/gifsyoucanhear

**NOTE: There are those who disagree with this view, (looking at you Cowboy Bebop wiki) instead suggesting Vicious and Spike were buds in the past, but then hated each other once they were both considered as potential successors to Mao. That's why Vicious wanted him dead, and he was enlisting Julia (who he didn't necessarily have a romantic connection to) to help kill Spike since he knew Spike loved her. Personally, I think there is plenty of evidence that Vicious also wanted Julia, and in fact was already with her, when Spike started seeing her. If you want me to cite my sources please send an me an ask about it :)

Spike gets the idea, whether by her just not showing up or word around the syndicate being like YO Vicious wants you dead. Despite Vicious' ultimatum to Julia, he was gunna kill Spike either way. SO he sets up an ambush, and SadBoy™ Spike walks intentionally into their trap. Somehow, he doesn't die, though the entire syndicate thinks he did. (Note Annie's reaction to seeing him alive in Session 5). It’s also implied that this is where he lost his eye.

HIS EYE - possibly the most important symbol in the show so I do have to mention it. In episode 26, he explicitly explains to Faye that one of his eyes only sees the past. (PS this isn't dissimilar to Jet's arm… we can get into that another time). Basically, he's constantly living halfway in the past and halfway in the present, and describes the past like a dream he can never wake up from. Because dysfunctional or not - the syndicate WAS his family. (Again - see his relationship with Annie, Mao, and Vicious (prior to Spike's betrayal)). It's his reminder that Julia didn't run away with him, and that he'd left behind that life for her. (He didn’t know she was being threatened until the final episode). Basically Spike is hyper-fixated on what he had and what could've been.

Not long after this, Spike starts bounty hunting because like? What else is he going to do. He doesn't care if he lives or dies but if he has to be alive, he may as well be able to eat. He joins up with Jet Black on the Bebop.

TL; DR: Spike stole Vicious' lover, Julia, so Vicious made Julia choose between her killing Spike or Vicious killing them both. She instead went into hiding and Spike thought he'd been stood up. He fake died and got the hell outta dodge.

2.     What was Faye's past?

Ok let me start by saying Faye is my wife and my life. HOWEVER I hated her the first time I watched this show circa age 13 because I thought she was annoying/vain/shallow (also because #internalizedmisogyny lol am I right fam). Good news! She is all those things! But she's also very lonely and scared and an amnesiac and secretly a sweetie and she realizes she loves the crew of the Bebop like family.

SO my wife's backstory:

she was born in the 1990s (#only90skidsremember). There's some debate over her race/nationality, but due to the images of her hanging out in Merlion Park in Singapore, my bet is that she's Singaporean. She comes from a wealthy family with a big house, and we see some utterly *adorable* film of her as a child/young adolescent in Session 18: Speak Like a Child. I cry everytime </3

^^ Holla for the representation

In 2014, circa age 20, she and her parents were going into space when the shuttle they were on had some kind of malfunction/accident and it killed an unknown number of people, including her parents. At the time, the technology didn’t exist to be able to save her, so she was put into a cryogenic sleep state. Meanwhile, the Lunar Gate accident occurs, breaking up the moon and causing rock showers on Earth's surface. Most people died, moved to Mars, or settled underground.

She wakes up from her cryogenic sleep in 2068. (Also the year Spike leaves the syndicate.) She's 'woken' by the corrupt Dr. Bacchus who plans on charging her for the years and years of medical debt she's accrued. (See Session 15: My Funny Valentine.) Luckily a lawyer takes interest in her case (Whitney Haggus Matsumoto) and tries to help get rid of her debt. The two fall in love, but turns out Whitney is a Scumbag. He's actually Dr. Bacchus's nephew, and faked his death, writing Faye as the sole inheritor to his will. This means she'll take on all his debts. So baby girl has LOTS of debt at this point.

In the intervening years prior to her joining the Bebop, she gambles, cheats, gains a lot of street smarts, and adopts a very seductive character to get her way. She joins the crew on the Bebop in Session 3: Honky Tonk Women.

TL;DR: Faye is Austin powers

YIKES this is so long I am so sorry. Bitches are obsessed with this show. (I am bitches)

3.     The Ending

Okay I'm going to present this in the way, in my scholarly opinion, would be correct, though there are SO many interpretations other than simply 'Spike died :/".

To understand the plot of the last couple episodes we actually have to go back to Session 5: Mao is instructed* to sign a treaty with a rival syndicate called the White Tigers. (*He's instructed by The Van (Council of identical creepy old men) who are the actual head of the dragon. I think we only see them in Session 26.) Well - Vicious is a Bastard Man and he and his fellow mutineers blow up the White Tiger guys' ship and slit Mao's throat. Before he dies, Mao is like "Gotdamnit if Spike was still here this shit wouldn't have happened." Later in the Cathedral battle, Vicious explains to Spike he killed Mao because Mao 'lost his fangs'. He planned on killing Spike for good her, IMO, so there'd be no rival to take over as Capo for the Dragons.

^^These guys are The Van btw

THEN in Session 25, the Van basically catches Vicious and is like “you killed Mao and now you have to go to Time Out.” The Van also decides to just kill everyone associated with Vicious, just 2 B safe. That's why there's a big ass shootout at the Loser Bar where Jet and Spike are chilling, drinking, (missing Faye and Ed and Ein lol) and Shin (younger brother to Lin, who's helping Vicious overthrow the Dragon) explains all this to Spike. OH and PS JULIA IS ALIVE AND HERE IS HER LOCATION :). (**Notice Spike's reaction at this point is different than his reaction in Jupiter Jazz when he hears there's a Julia on Calisto. Much less excited… hmm…).

SO THEN you know we get some flashbacks of the past as previously explained *and* Julia just happens to run into Faye. She recognizes that Faye is one of Spike's friends from the Bebop (she was keeping tabs on him it seems) and picks her up. Faye doesn't know who Julia is but is like damn bitch I'm a little gay for you. (I mean … that may just be my bi ass projecting, but Faye is REALLY struck with her. Look at how she describes her to Jet, I mean come on.)

 Faye's like, 'we should team up' and Julia says 'no thanks but also tell Spike to meet me at *the place*'. Meanwhile back on the Bebop Spike and Jet are talking and Spike goes on about some dream woman who was his other half. (We assume he means Julia … I have my reasons to doubt this … I have a lot of angry DMs about my opinion here lol but I just do not give a fuck (: I can expand on this in another post or you can refer to the title of my fucking blog haha) Personally, I think Watanabe personally left this specific scene open ended, the same way he does with the ending and various other things.

more like SIMP Spiegel

ANYWAY Faye comes back to the Bebop to tell Spike about Julia, and Jet gets intel from a former cop buddy that there's some shit going down with the Dragons. (Again, the Van is hunting down everyone ever associated with Vicious, including your pal Spike). Bebop is attacked, Faye tells Spike what's up with Julia, and he heads out.

 PAN TO VICIOUS chained up - about to be executed - but what's that!? It's a bird!? It's a pla- no it's just a bird. (With one glowing red eye … hm … reminds me of Spike, also the drug Red Eye. Pls let me know if you have any thoughts on this). Just a bird with a BOMB! Explosion (RIP bird c. 2065 - too soon), Vicious kills the elders, his buddies show up and are ready to go fuck shit up.

this show could not be more of an aesthetic

MMMPhhh okay RAINY CEMETERY. Spike and Julia. She draws a gun, explains why she didn't meet him that day, and then hugs him. Now Spike is not *great* at showing his emotions but he literally just stands there. Maybe it's a stoic expression of how sad he is that he never knew she still cared, when it seemed like she dumped him. Maybe he's finally getting some closure on his past. Maybe the past doesn't mean the same thing it used to. (I'll elaborate later on this).

They go to Annie's to get stocked up on stuff, she lets them know she denied knowing Spike was still alive and hey also the Van was assassinated by Vicious and his guys so. Watch out for that. Then her shop is surrounded by Vicious' guys and she dies :(. Spike and Julia escape to the roof, but she's shot and dies in Spike's arms, and says 'it's all just a dream' :(. (Refer to: Spike living in a dream of the past).

Anyway Jet SAID he wasn't gunna go after Spike but. Jet's parental instincts kick in (oh yeah he was shot in the leg earlier btw) and he goes to Sitting Bull to see if he knows where Spike is. He basically says yeah Spike's about to die somewhere. (I want to do a further analysis on all the Sitting Bull scenes.) Well conveniently Spike returns to the Bebop, eats, tells his story about a tiger-striped cat. (At one point Jet asks if he's going there for her, and Spike is like well she's dead now so whatever). THEN we get to the scene where Faye is like HEY YOU CAN'T GO OFF AND DIE ASSHOLE and he's like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I 've been living in the past so I might as well see if I'm living now. (**This will play heavily into my interpretation of the ending). Faye is pissed, shoots the ceiling and he goes off to the syndicate headquarters to fuck shit up.

He basically John Wicks his way through the building, Shin dies, he and Vicious have the big boss battle and whatnot. He kills Vicious and stumbles back out down the stairs and says "Bang!" and collapses. We pan to the sky and see a star fade away.

Well that explains the plot … now here's what I think happened!!! ALSO may I mention, anon - you picked up on something I feel like a lot of people miss out on. Why *did* Spike go back to kill Vicious if Julia was already dead??

Basically, once it became clear that anyone associated with Vicious was being killed, Spike knew they'd hunt him down, and they weren't beneath Kill-Billing their way to him, (i.e. systematically destroying this companions to get to him). And for all his apparent indifference - he really loves his new found family. Jet is literally like an older brother to him. Ed is a little sister. Ein is well … a very good boy. And Faye? Well the relationship is complicated, and I'm not going to get into the 69,420 reasons I ship them here, but I think it is beyond argument that he really does care for her, even if that just in a filial way. He didn't want the syndicates to kill them for their association to him, or in order to get to him. So he did what he had to do to protect them. *AND NO* I am not saying that he didn't love Julia. But it was clear that his desire was no longer to run away with her. I think he genuinely loved and cared about her, but at some point between Jupiter Jazz Pt 2 and now, he accepted that their time together was over. Now he had a new raison d'etre, which is the Bebop.

I think at this point Spike has 'woken up' to reality (as he implied to Faye in their final conversation in episode 26: "Look at these eyes. One of them is a fake, because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I had believed that what I saw was not all of reality...I thought I was watching a dream that I would never awaken from. Before I knew it, the dream was all over." (This is from the sub btw I'm too lazy to look up the dub transcript.) He wasn't going there to die, he's going to find out if he's really alive. This line is fucking cool and everything - but it's implications are multitude. I won't go into them all here but basically : what makes him alive now is that he's free from his past. He's alive because he has this new family and protecting them is all he really wants now. Spike was protecting Jet, Faye, Ed, (and Ein) by going and facing the entire syndicate, knowing that their lives would all be in danger.

SO - did Spike die? Well again - Watanabe has purposely and artfully left this open ended. Well, if we're following the symbolism from Sitting Bull, then yeah, the man is as dead as disco, and wouldn't that be a fitting ending? BUT at the same time, Spike always refers to having 'died' before (meaning when he was ambushed by the syndicate, and they all thought he died, and he pretty much did). Don't forget that in  movie (takes places roughly between episodes 22 + 23, and yes, was made AFTER the series but whatever) he like .. DIES dies. He goes to the afterlife and everything. He wakes up to find he's chilling with Sitting Bull, who's like nah it wasn't your time to die yet. So the fact Sitting Bull confirms Spike will die in the final episode, means yeah, Spike is pretty much dead.

BUT -- okay now hear me out -- could this death in the final episode be a death to his previous life? The person he was in the syndicate? Now that he's extinguished the Red Dragons for good, is it not possible that its merely *that* life which has ended? That's the optimist in me saying that, but if it keeps me from staying up all night crying, I guess it'll have to do. Watanabe definitely wants to leave it up to the viewer, so whatever you think, I feel like there's validity to it.

WELL any anon, sorry for the fucking lecture - and believe me, I could've said MUCH, MUCH more - but I enjoyed this question. I always love talking about this show so please all you fuckers feel free to message me or send an ask about anything any time. I am really slow at replying because #life'sAbitch.

Love you all.

SY,SCB <3

[wsjeonghwa]

what’s POPPIN i’m demi (pst, she/they) and this is kim jeonghwa, problem child, wildcard, and the human embodiment of the cherry emoji. she’s the visual and sub-vocal of etoile, apparently the leader too, but jeonghwa never got the message. you can read more about her in her bio, profile, and career pages, or for the visual learners, pinterest. if you’d like to plot, feel free to hit up my ims or leave a like here! i’ll leave a tldr under the cut about her

personality

her mbti being enfp says so much about her tbh

she loves meeting new people, hanging out with friends, having a large circle of friends. she’ll be just as happy to hold a stranger’s hair back late at a party and never speak to them again as she is to go on a road trip with a decade old friend

empathetic, can be a good shoulder to cry on. she’s the type to listen to you cry, then say let’s get some ice cream, some shots, and go throw ass at a club to feel better

and she loves anything new. routine bores her, so she’s always trying to think up ways to make the things that feel tedious more interesting

libra who says she doesn’t like confrontation, but can be quite fiery

she can be set off over a tiny thing like a flip of a switch with no discernible reason, but usually feels quite bad when that Does happen, because her anger can be ruthless. she’ll drag up ur trauma n flick it in ur face

BUT save for those unpredictable moments, she puts up with a lot of bullshit from people, probably more than she should. tends to only have issues with people when they have one with her first

very passionate, adventurous, impulsive, hedonistic, wants to live her life to the fullest every day

usually quite easy to get along with if you don’t mind her seemingly boundless energy

background

she’s the middle child who was treated like the spoiled youngest

has a shite immune system, so her parents have worried over her a lot since birth n coddled her as well as tried to shelter her

until she was 15 she played the perfect daughter role, worked rly hard to succeed in school bc it’s Not natural to her, kept her thoughts to herself, all that

then decided suddenly she didn’t wanna live to the decisions of others

started figuring out what made her happy. tried out loads of different hobbies, focused on friends more than school

career

when she was scouted at 17 it was an easy decision bc she’d also developed an interest in music and performance in the last two years

almost as soon as she joined they tossed her into crescent’s “this is war” mv

when she graduated hs her parents wanted her to stop training, they got into a fight, they cut her off financially

jeonghwa got a job as a barista for a hot minute but when yuseong offered her a cf job she was like wait i’m around a bunch of ppl w money all the time why am i not using this to my own gain

so she quit n just bat her eyelashes for staff to pay for her meals until her parents gave up and let her use their money again

debuted 99% because of her charisma, which works great for her. she’s got the puthy parts of the songs xx

since then, her solo schedules have focused a lot on modelling and variety to capitalize off of her charm that’s snagged her a couple of viral moments as well

plots

jeonghwa loves knowing a variety of people, but gets on best with those similar to her

anyone who loves a good thrill, willing to jet off to an amusement park with an hour’s notice, try out a new class with her, go clubbing, anything like that

alternatively, people that could use a bit of a push to get out of their shell, jeonghwa is Great for that

connections based on hobbies could be great too. almost anything you can think of, jeonghwa participates in sometimes. painting, knitting, crocheting, sewing, quilting, pottery, photography, hiking, rock climbing, thrill seeking, geocaching, glassblowing, anything active and productive. maybe they meet during a class, or because jeonghwa saw a creation of theirs and liked it/disliked it, or vice versa

still loves being spoiled, so anyone who will pay for things for her would get a little star in her eyes (the laff is she likes spending her money on others too)

someone who is well trained in music production,, jeonghwa wants to write, but yuseong is yuseong and she knows next to nothing, so she could use a helping hand

alternatively someone to tell her she’s a shit songwriter lol

she’s free love type, so hook ups. casual, hate hook ups, between friends, between exes, whatever

Or, people she’s dated where she kinda,, kept them on the hook? she’s terrible in some relationships in that she’ll treat them like they’re dating, be super romantic with them, but when it comes to defining the relationship, she skirts around it, and ends up ghosting/cheating

someone she’s hurt with one of her out of place verbal smackdowns

and for one career focused one, someone (or a few people) she gets shipped with a lot

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

from an anon, about parents and school

(it's just long, that's why it's under a break XD)

here's my proposition: make parents understand that not every child should conform to whatever traditional career paths that exist. as an asian, i could feel the pressure to take science like a fucking boulder on my body. i have to rant a bit.

i am the younger sibling, my brother is two years elder to me. i was never instilled any curiosity in anything science related, i was kinda left all by myself lol. my brother tho, maybe because he was older or because he was a guy (yeah LMFAO), was encouraged AND involved in a LOT of coding, mechanix (its a construct-ur-own-stuff thing).

i guess i never really noticed until i was leaving middle school, that i was not as smart as him, and would probably never be. but i had other strengths he didnt have. i love writing, im pretty good at it. i am analytical and subejctive, i like thinking and making conclusions about things. i mean i guess i've figured out what i could be better at, right? but the problem?

its that my parents dont see it. its as if they dont know me or they DO know me and are just forcing the things they need onto me. it feels selfish of them to completely forgo my actual strengths. like YES OK i UNDERSTAND i can never be as smart as my brother, but u dont have to pretend like i can. because pretending that i can achieve whatever he has, is just going to affect YOU. because i have accepted long ago that some things arent for me.

they think i dont want to put effort into anything i do. that im lazy and want the easy way out. god, every time they say this i want to honestly show them that its the things IM interested in, where i put in the work. its so belittling.

ive written articles abt bts, their music, about how carl jungs theory of archetypes and i occasionally ask a lot of questions about the world to you (hi lol). i just dont get why they want me to waste energy on something im clearly uninterested in.

short answer, point to BTS and say, "They're Asian, they make tons of money. Leave me alone."

just kidding XD

If I'm being serious, I don't think they will change their mind. They will continue to force their ideals onto you, because they believe in certain career paths had assured success and that is what they are after. They either want you to make a certain amount of money, have a certain status in life, or simply know that you can obtain a stable job. To be honest, these are not really traditional career paths at all if you think about it. Becoming a doctor takes many, many years and it is hard ass work. Parents just make it seem as if these are the only jobs available to you, even if you know it's not true.

Men vs women in Asian countries, well, I feel everyone knows this, but many Asian parents born in their respective countries put more effort into their sons than daughters. Firstborn son? He probably walks on water to them XD

I understand what you mean when you say your parents do not understand. This might sound egotistical (it does now that I'm writing it, I am very sorry) but I was the one in my family who got the best grades. None of my siblings got better grades than me (basically I had a 4.0 from middle school to university), and do you think with all that I would be immune?

Nope.

I am good at the sciences and I am good at the humanities as well. I had an interest in reading, writing, and drawing. Reading fiction, I could pass it off to educate myself. Writing? I could pass it off as something for school. But drawing?

Woo, boy.

This was a constant fight. I do not back down (a rebel, wcyd) and I drew and it would get ripped apart. I drew and it would get torn up and thrown away. I drew and and would be beaten, yelled at, constantly belittled for my interest in it even though I was good at the sciences and math. To my mom (my dad doesn't count, he had zero interest in parenting) - if she did not think it was going to make money in the future, it was useless. If I could not spin it into profit, I should not be doing it (very fun childhood I had, yes). The most ironic thing is, after I became an adult, she suggested I start drawing again and sell it to make money.

Hello?

You literally forced me to stop drawing because you constantly connected it with negativity???

(not now, I have since stopped talking to her and started drawing again and it is purely for myself, not to show anyone else, I do not even post it on social media or show anyone irl)

Not saying your parents will act like mine, btw, only sharing my experience.

The idea that you'll never be as smart as your brother? That's bullshit lol. That's like saying intelligence is only valuable if it's science or math, which, as you know, is not true. You are you. He is himself. It is not you cannot do those things. It is that those things are not what you want to focus on. You have a limited amount of time in this life and you have chosen the things you want to delve into and explore.

You don't have to be good at everything. Everything is just not good enough for you.

I am of the mindset that you should try and learn everything you can about this world. I love learning, personally. I think knowing everything I know, from the humanities to the sciences, enriches my life and gives me a broader perspective.

But I totally understand how you feel, because being pushed into something makes you end up hating it. Parents push their kids to learn this or that and kids end up resenting schoolwork because it doesn't feel like something they wanna do anymore. It's just adults yapping in their ears and it feels pointless. Grades aren't everything. You think anyone cares that I aced Physics with Calculus I and II as an adult? LMAO, no one gives a shit. You passed, good enough XD

Here's how I think you should treat school. It's not the content that matters. It's you understanding how you learn each subject. Every subject is different and how you learn them is different. It is not because you are bad at the subject, it is because you haven't figured out the best learning style for you. Teachers have to teach a mass of students and, yes, I understand this seems very tedious to have to "teach yourself".

The skill in learning to learn becomes so, so valuable as an adult. It is how you maintain interest in things, how you develop new interests, and how will come to find meaning (in whatever you want to focus on finding meaning for). I'm not saying that you will be able to find your perfect learning style in every subject, but I am encouraging you to simply see it in that light.

And, you might find certain things to be not that important to you, in which case, just pass the class, it's totally fine if it's not going to help you for the career path you're going for XD Nobody asks me about the themes of William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" (tbh, a pair of overdramatic loons) or how I feel about Sigmund Freud (actually a twat, but that's neither here nor there).

Let them talk. That one that walks your path is you. Focus on what you want to focus on. They are set in their ways and they way to show them there are different paths is to walk them.

[datawyrms]

Floating a Question

Dannymay 2020 Day 14 - Breathe (This was meant to be connected to Science/Gloves but tbh the link is tenuous at best.)

“I think you’re getting ‘Truce’ and ‘friends’ mixed up, Phantom. I’m not going to just forget you’re the scum that ruined my life.” Valerie scowled at the ghost, trigger finger itchy to just blast him for being so presumptuous.

“I know I’ve said it like eighty nine times, but no I didn’t.” The ghost gave an eye roll, but hovered slightly further away from the huntress and her board as he flung the thermos on his back. “I’d still rather not be enemies, you know.”

“Right, that’s why you narked on me to my dad. Because you’re such a nice slimeball.”

“Hey! I am so not slimy.” he kicked his feet up, as if pretending relaxing on an invisible lawn chair would make him less dangerous. “In my defense I kinda needed to steal the Ecto-skeleton before you did. The suit would have killed you anyway,” a small shudder interrupted the snappish retort. “Probably would have killed me if I didn’t luck out at the end there.”

“Newsflash, you’re already dead. And who said I even needed you to decide what’s best for me, huh?” Her suit helpfully prepped a shoulder gun, not bothering to suppress the smirk as the black suited ghost fumbled into an upright position, breath coming more quickly as he tensed to dodge. Not that she’d fire first. She wasn’t letting this ghost of all things make her break a truce.

“Okay, okay! Sorry! Well intentioned dick move! My bad!” He kept his hands up, still clearly expecting some sort of attack.

“Ghosts don’t know what well-intentioned means.”

“You want the textbook definition? I can probably do that. I was totally passing English.”

“No I don’t, Phantom. Just because you’re a decent fake doesn’t mean I fall for it. You can knock off the breathing thing, you’re glowing and twenty feet in the air.”

Instead of looking offended, her nemesis smirked. “Says the other ghost hunter who’s floating twenty feet in the air while glowing.”

“With assistance!” Being similar in any way to this pest wasn’t a welcome thought. Ever since she’d found out about Danielle ghosts had gotten complicated. Even though they shouldn’t be, she was human and different than the usual creeps that came to town. Yet now she kept noticing things that shouldn’t matter, like how Phantom kept up the breathing act, or the usual pack of terrors would remember her. They didn’t usually banter as much as the ghost boy insisted on, but they were starting to feel more like real people with personalities. Obnoxious ones that should be shot and shoved right back to the dimension they came from, sure. It was easier when they were all like that stupid dog, but now she couldn’t help but hear more of the words. They’d stopped being meaningless babble, just in case one really was like Danielle, and not really a ghost at all.

Which is why she agreed to this stupid truce in the first place. Even if Phantom was doing his level best to make her regret it.

“That wasn’t a qualifier, so I’m still right,” the so called hero relaxed a bit.

“You caught your pal. Shouldn’t you be vanishing off to wherever the hell you go to?” Instead of wasting her time, ideally.

“Youngblood is not even close to ‘pal’.” he grimaced. “I actually wanted to ask a question,”

Her brow furrowed, wondering if she should be shooting after all. “You know I barely tolerate you, ask someone in your fan club.”

“Little problem with that. Barely tolerating me makes you the best person to answer this. You’ll actually be honest.”

“If this is some sort of trick-”

“It’s a question Val, what kind of trick could I pull? Not sure if you’ve noticed, but you’re immune to my thermos.” 

The ecto blaster in her hands gave a high pitched whine of warning. “You don’t get to use my name, ghost.”

Phantom let out a long sigh. “See! Perfectly honest. Feel free to use mine, it’s nicer than ‘scum’ or whatever you like to call me.”

Again with the breathing. Why did he insist on doing that? It made him seem more human than he had any right to be. “Then get on with it. I actually have things to do.”

“What do you think ghosts are, exactly?”

They stared at one another in silence for a long minute. “I’m looking at one. What kind of stupid question is that?”

He looked more frustrated at her answer than he usually did when she shot at him, pressing his face into his hands with a groan. “This is gonna be harder than I thought.” his head snapped back up “Okay. You’re looking at a ghost. What am I to you, then?”

Well, that was easier. “An ectoplasmic, smart mouthed, life ruining pain in the rear.”

The ghost rolled his eyes “Again with the-whatever,” he cut himself off, flipping upside down to look down at the huntress, managing to bring that irritatingly human face closer to hers without technically moving. “You don’t think that about every ghost, right?”

“Everyone checks the life ruining and pain in the rear boxes nicely. Oh, and I should have added ‘should stay in the ghost zone where they belong’. Happy?” her scowl turned into more of a confused grimace when the ghost actually smiled at that.

“Everyone! So you do see we’re individuals!” The sheer excitement over being insulted was a little disturbing. Would it really make sense to fake being that excited over one aspect of her answer?

“Well I answered your question, so now you owe me.”

“Pretty sure every time I offer help you don’t need it from ‘ectoplasmic scum like me’” he made air quotes for emphasis before flipping back upright. “What do I owe you then? Letting you capture me isn’t gonna happen, before you suggest that. Had enough of that last time, thanks!”

How one ghost could be so infuriating and familiar at the same time was incredibly vexing. In a way he was right, the sooner the ghost boy was gone, the happier she should be. She shouldn’t want anything from this pest. “Why do you bother with the breathing?” It was a foolish thought. Just because Phantom resembled Danielle didn’t mean the reverse was true. He’d said as much himself.

The simple question seemed to throw him. “You try talking without expelling air and let me know how that goes. Duh.” he tried to play it off, but looking away and pulling an arm behind his back almost broadcasted the ghost was lying. Danny was similar, he couldn’t manage to lie while looking you in the eye.

Valerie shrugged, attempting to feign disinterest. “Should have known a ghost would just lie.”

“It’s not a lie.”

“Lying by omission is still lying, ghost. Which I’m sure you know.” she paused, making sure the ghost was still paying attention. “Can’t keep up the ‘ghosts aren’t bad’ image all that long without slipping up, huh?”

Phantom squirmed under her glare, muttering something under his breath. “I do out of habit, alright? Don’t know why you care now but there you go.” he rubbed at the back of his neck, toying with the collar of his jumpsuit. “Honestly I didn’t think you’d believe anything I said anyway.”

“Neither did I.” Maybe admitting that to her nemesis was a mistake.

“Like I know you don’t like me, and yes I’ve screwed up, but I really do mean not all ghosts are evil Va-er...yeah.” he frantically stumbled over her name, rather ruining the attempt to appeal to her.

“Uh huh. Maybe I’ll believe it when ghosts aren’t attacking my town on a daily basis.”

“Okay, fair, but really-” Phantom stopped himself, biting his lip as those unsettling green eyes stared Valerie down. He took two more tries to actually start talking again. “Shooting first isn’t always the right answer.” the ghost stopped yet again, searching for some sort of hint in the fed up ghost hunter’s face.

“I have a life, Phantom. Get on with it and get lost.” She shouldn’t be hearing him out, she should be yelling at him to stop endangering people and go back home already. Homework couldn’t be worked on with him roaming around unchecked.

“Okay! Like some ghosts do come here just to be a problem, I get that, but not all of them.”

“I assume this leads to saying you’re one of the ‘good’ ones?” her scowl deepened, but the ghost shook his head in a hard no.

“No, I mean some of them are just upset and need a little help, and they won’t stop showing up until that’s dealt with.”

“Well if someone didn’t keep cramming ghosts into thermoses before I could waste them, they’d stop being a problem.”

The ghost let out another groan, pulling at his face. “I was like you at first! If I’d known not all ghosts just wanted to fight I might have been able to keep Cujo from ruining your life, okay? So okay, yes, I ruined your life! Just...not how you think I did.” the ghost’s shoulders tensed, looking a bit unsure if he’d actually meant to say all of that.

“You’ve got about five seconds to try and make that make sense,” her free hand tightened into a fist, trying to not let the anger of this ghost gloating over his actions make her be the one to break the truce. She was human, she was better than this thing.

“I didn’t get why he kept coming back. I guess he figured as a ghost I’d be able to help him? So I’d put him back in the ghost zone, but he’d just get out again because he needed to find something that was here. If I’d figured that out instead of just trying to force him back there probably wouldn’t have been as much lashing out and damage, and yes I really am sorry it wasn’t on purpose-he just wanted his toy Val. He was just a confused puppy.” his rambling only increased in speed as he went, as if mishearing might make it better.

“So out of all ghosts you try and make a case for the only one I hate more than you. Seriously?” That monster was a puppy? That wanted a toy, really? She was this close to ramming her board into the floating menace.

“Have you ever seen him since?” It was more of a plea than a question.

“Why should I pay attention to exactly what ghost animal I’m shooting at, huh?”

“I think you’d notice the ghost who ruined your life, as someone on the other side of that grudge.” Normally it would be a snarky comment, but the ghost didn’t even make it sound like a jab, just a statement. “You don’t have to believe me, but you’d believe a human, right?”

“Not someone just repeating your stupid story that makes you look better, no.”

“How is saying I messed-no I’m getting distracted.” he clapped his gloved hands together, taking another steadying breath. “Ask your dad what happened to Axiom’s guard dogs. He should know that. And maybe think about it?”

“If you touched even one hair on my dad’s head-” she nearly growled, trying not to enjoy how the ghost seemed to jerk backwards in fear.

“I swear, I haven’t even looked at him. This is something he’d know because of his job, not because of ghosts or anything.” the ghost twisted, legs melting away into the wispy tail she usually saw retreating in the opposite direction. “Thanks for not shooting me?”

Before she could even give a retort the ghost zipped off, out of human sight in moments and vanishing from her radar soon after. She really needed to figure out how that menace managed that. She wasn’t going to ask her dad such a stupid question. She hadn’t seen any dogs at Axiom.

She was going to ask him, wasn’t she. Stupid ghosts, making simple things complicated.

[doorsclosingslowly]

1 16 18 48 90

1. a book that is close to your heart

The Ballad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde. When I am totally overwhelmed or scared I whisper parts of the poem to myself while manically pacing in parking lots, and/or trying to learn more by heart if I have the book on me

16. a book you’d recommend to your younger self

I'd recommend Autismus verstehen: Außen- und Innensichten by Georg Theunissen (Ed.) but I fear my younger self was very immune to hints and needed someone to actually sit them down and explain, yo you need help you aren't getting, I'm sorry everything is so hard for you and that no-one is capable of noticing you're drowning and you are not capable of trusting that someone could help you. But tbh, I distinctly remember using the word "neurotypical" when we read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime in English class so I was aware of Autistic self-advocacy even back then, and I suspect more information only would have placed me more apart from my peers than I already was and lead to no epiphanies whatsoever, because I had immense trouble relating to myself as a person back then. For that same reason I really don't think anything fiction could have helped me either

Honestly, I only really started interacting with other people again when I got into Manics fandom on tumblr, so on the off-chance it wasn't just a combination of me having fought myself into a mental place where I could do that & tumblr's low-stakes and effort interactions, I'm going to recommend Everything (A book about Manic Street Preachers) by Simon Price because I know teenage me devoured books about British music history (late 70s to early 90s) and, just like older-teenage-me, would feel understood and dress up weird and dig into those references

18. your least favorite book ever

There's not even enough room in my tiny brain for books I like. I quit early, I forget.

48. your favourite sci-fi novel

There are way too many scifi novels I like (check out my answers to other questions from this haha) so I'm going to go somewhere else and say that I read A Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge more than five years ago and it's still sticking with me, some concepts, some scenes... I wouldn't say it's my favourite but it's absolutely fascinating. That character from a telepathic species whose mind is made up of several physical creatures? And changes when they lose or gain a new member? Very cool

90. the longest book you’ve read

This is hard, because I really don't know how to define "book" (and "read", for that matter) here. Nonfiction or fiction? I read nonfiction, especially scientific books, very differently, and I skim read sections until I find what I'm actually interested in, skip sections, abandon the book when the trail I'm following leads into another book, etc.

So narrowing it to fiction--only prose? Only one single connected narrative published in one single volume, instead of a short story collection or a series etc? Because without that qualifier, it's probably a manga series or Five Friends by Enid Blyton or something, or if we're allowing collections of stuff and a loose definition of reading, I leafed through my entire 2064 page long essays, aphorisms etc. of Emil Cioran collection in the psych ward to find the most pessimist stuff to make my roommate laugh.

If we're going super narrow--I have no idea but it's probably not super long, I tend to prefer shorter stories

[bxstiae]

⚜ ; [ HEALING && SCARS / HC.6  ]     CHARA. STUDY │ DEVELOPMENT

i’ve been thinking about this for days now & i just didn’t know how to go about it. mainly because there’s just so much to unpack with it. i suppose to put it simply -- link doesn’t have MANY scars. well i mean.... i suppose he does but many of them are... barely visible ( i.e. they are simply just discoloured lines/markings for the most part. ) he’s not scar ridden -- which is crazy to think but it has to do a lot with how many of his woulds in battle were treated. most of his injuries that would have scarred him were treated rather quick & with magic which causes him not to scar...  ( which i will also discuss in this post ) but that being said... link does have !!! some scars that are extremely visible. partially cause they weren’t healed/taken care of in time. 

anyway, i suppose i’ll break this up in parts for you though. I’ll start with what scars he has though. and then get down to the nitty gritty details of why he doesn’t have them && his sources of healing. HERE is a ref for his back i suppose? it’s just a quick doodle o a sticky so it’s not anywhere near from perfect, but the tags are also very important to note as well. anything else is going to be under a read more. read at your discretion. obviously this talks about injuries so keep that in mind alright? i really don’t wanna bother with tagging cause this is your warning now. if you need me to tag it then by all means please let me know. 

TRIGGERS CONTAINED: injury, stabbing, impalement, electrocution, near downing etc.

THE INJURIES

BACK

right shoulder -- from an arrow hitting him. it had snapped in the middle of the fight with the arrowhead still lodged in him && stayed there long enough to do some serious scarring. he couldn’t stop to take it out due to the fight. simply had too many enemies on him, and when midna took it out, they were nowhere near a spring nor did they have any faeries on them to patch it up.

gash-like scare on lower right side of the back -- from a poe. the scythe hit him hard enough to severely wound him. the faerie on hand could have either given the strength he needed to finish the poe off, or heal him completely. he chose the former as he wouldn’t be able to live otherwise. midna was able to teleport him soon after to save him from bleeding out but not soon enough prevent the scar. recovery time took about a week before he could get back on his feet.

stab-like wound from dynalfos on left side of his back. the tail-whip attack stabbed him and he genuinely didn’t realise until after the adrenaline from the fight wore off. he felt sore, and when he reached, he felt blood. being nowhere close to a spring he && midna spent a good hour or so looking for a faerie. they ended up having to cauterise the wound too so he wouldn’t keep opening it up in their frantic search. so by the time they DID find a faerie it was more for the pain && replenishing energy than anything.

LEFT SHOULDER

a reason why link doesn’t like flying. a kargarok grabbed him with its talons and pulled him upwards. in the desperation of trying to have it let go of him, it clawed him well enough. he fell into the water and was ultimately drowing because he couldn’t move his left arm at all. it was a zora ( who was heading to the water temple ) that pulled him out. that same zora was the one who brought him back to get assistance for his wound -- not knowing that they could have easily taken him to lanayru’s spring. so instead of being healed how he normally goes about, he was tended to the ‘old fashioned’ way. thus a scar

FRONT

he’s been impaled by a chilfos spear in the lower left abdomen.

there’s discolouration on right side of his chest from a burn ( not super noticeable )

WRISTS/ARMS

reason for his bandages actually -- kept getting cuts and scratches as a farmhand. had also burned himself a couple of times as well. mayor bo said enough and told him to wrap up his lower arms. 

they’re just various cuts that turned into small scars as he didn’t know about the spring’s magical healing properties at the time nor was the hero’s spirit awakened at the time.

left arm -- discoloured but not at all severely from a venomous sting/bite.

LEGS

right leg -- there’s an electrocution scar on his lower leg. again, not at all bad as time progressed. 

link’s injuries on his arms && legs have mostly healed up tbh -- from his constant bathing in the springs that is. but the ones on his back, front, and should still remain and are reminders that even he can scar. he’s not immune to injury. and he doesn’t have that perfect skin that you think he has. anyway moving on.

HEALING

SO... as i have mention in my other post. there are 3 reasons for his unnatural/magical healing.

attunement to the triforce && the its brand. the light spirits && their springs faeries

I’ll start in order tbh. but keep in mind that the latter two are the most IMPORTANT ones for link’s healing -- ESPECIALLY the light spirits && their springs.

TRIFORCE

being the hero of courage has it’s perks. that begin that there is a natural affinity towards magic. this means that most all other people? cannot get healed. at least not in the way that link can ( being healed by faeries or the light spirit springs ). the brand makes him able to tap into some of that magic. whether he knows that or not is still a question. it could be that it just naturally comes out at times -- or it could be that he knows and when he is able, he uses it. regardless being the bearer of the triforce means that theres some of that magical essence that can help him along the way. 

he may not be immortal, nor does this power make him so, but his soul is everlasting. so that is something you have to take into consideration. it’s a special soul that is bound to being life for an eternity, so it will have some magical properties to it.

LIGHT SPIRITS && THEIR SPRINGS

consider it like magical holy water if you will. these springs are blessed by the light sprits’ powers. which, in turn, help the hero along his journey. simply standing in it produces healing effects ( as you can see in the game ). but bathing or immersing youreself in it, you’re getting the full healing powers of the spring.

the water helps with just about any and all injury/pain. ( almost all pain ). while it cannot heal a broken heart by any means, it’s capable of soothing one’s body. it is very HOLY in this aspect. so naturally link will seek to bathe/cleanse himself when he can.

the spirits themselves possess healing powers. they can -- if you are a child of LIGHT -- help you to an extent. however their light is extremely strong, and sometimes can do more harm than good. so if you are, lets say somebody who isn’t a natural born triforce weilder and/or your soul is tainted in some way/shape/form, it could hurt you, make you sick, or even kill you. which is why you would want to go for their springs instead. cause the water has only a fraction of the light spirit’s true power but is capable of healing all the same.

one thing to NOTE, however, is that the springs do you better if you just recently sustained an injury. it’s fast acting as the wound is recent. but the longer you wait to go the the spring, the harder/longer it is/takes to heal you. you don’t want to wait on it. mainly because the spring cannot guarantee that you’ll be healed 100%. if you don’t go right away, then you’ll be left with a scar. end of story.

faeries

these creatures are much like the spirits of light, in that most of them are healers. since they do tend to hang around the spirits’ springs, it just goes to show you that they have a deep rooted connection with those light spirits. the special thing about faeries, though, is that tehy are quite versatile. their healing abilities can range. 

they can prevent death by granting a ‘second chance’ while VERY RARELY, you’ll come across a faerie that turns back the time just a little bit, all faeries that have healing magic can turn the internal clockwork of link -- cause his body to experience that time-like effect. they can either do that, or just BRING him back to life by giving him that energy.

they can also heal link RIGHT on the spot, just like the springs can, thus preventing him for obtaining a scar. however it’s just the same as the springs, you have to do it right then and there. the longer you wait, the less likely it will work.

i think?? thats about it in regards to this subject though? i know i am a bit scattered with this but i just wanted to let you guys know where i look at with link && scars. i’m not saying he has baby soft skin. but it really does speak VOLUMES in regards to how little scarring he has despite how many near death experiences that he’s had. && thats jut cause he’s lucky to have such places to go to for healing. it’s not because he’s careful. don’t get me wrong. he is NOT careful by any means. in fact, if we look at him and what he’s done with himself in some of these fights? you wouldn’t be looking at the same cute face you’re looking at right now. he just simply knows how to TAKE CARE of himself. or rather.... he’s bee fortunate enough to have these places. which, mind you, he kinda takes a bit for granted sometimes. not ALL the time. but enough to where he probably would have an oh shit moment if these things weren’t readily available or accessible.

but anyway, if you wanna know more about this. you can always ask lol.

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 4 - "Tribe Swap and TBH This Couldn’t Have Gone Any Better” - Pete

Tribe swap anyone? So right off the bat, I see that Jacob C. is the tribe captain. I immediately go to him and ask him to pick me for his tribe, so that I can pick Sammy and Sammy can pick Kevin and Kevin can pick a newbie and that newbie will pick a newbie and then that newbie will pick a newbie. GUESS WHAT? It worked!!! We did exactly that, and with all of us working together to build the tribe I think I realized I can trust them for now. I still know that Sammy has an idol, and so that’s useful information. Eventually we are gonna need to get him to drain it but I think maybe it’s gone now, if he could only use it for a few rounds. That’s also probably just what he wants us to think. I also hit a bump in the road with the information I’m holding. I’m trying to play this game very game-focused and not my usual hehe social game is gonna get me there way, even though in this cast...they really don’t care so maybe social would be the way to approach it. Either way, I ended up telling Kevin what I said about Beck in my last video confessional (I know you didn’t watch it so I’ll summarize; beck wanted to exclude kevin from an alliance that was Kevin’s idea). My only regret is that it might have been too soon to plant any seeds of doubt with Kevin about Beck, and that I might be getting played by both of them. But, on the other hand maybe it was the perfect time? We are going to merge....a long time from now. Like a super super long time from now. But, I don’t know I think telling him initiates a trust between us that I don’t have with the other people in this game. I’d really like to go to the end with Jacob C and maybe a random newbie. It just feels so far out of reach at this point, theres literally like...at least 7 more premerge boots and I really hate that. I despise big casts, and especially with this twist because there’s so much time in the middle of the round where everyone is just kind of like...sitting. And I don’t do well in those types of situations. So, it’s feeling bleak right now BUT if I do make it to merge, I’ll be very happy and then if I do make it to FTC I’ll be very happy and then if I don’t win, that’s to be expected and the usual state of what happens.

This tribe has my 2 "enemies". I don't trust either, I just tried to vote out Billy again too so that's cool. I'm going to go ahead and make friends with Jordan and stoner since they are loners, and we just need one more on top of that to make a new happy family. The thing with voting me out is, when you get me going, I will demolish the game, and given I'm a lot more comfortable in a tribe of 7, it shouldn't be that hard. Taking full control premerge is one of my favorite things to do, but you need a clear cut enemy to do it effectively. I have that enemy, no one else does. Let's see what we can do here.

Alright, so here's the ordeal.   First off, Bailey got medically evacuated due to getting three strikes (which might have stated this already in past confessional, but whatever,)  and secondly, Will lost out at arena, also getting the eliminated slot.   That left 21 people, and as my suspicions were, I expected a swap to occur, and that one did.   Went in expecting probably wouldn't be one of the first round picks, but ended up getting picked on tribe quicker than I anticipated.   Anyways, I am now on a tribe with Beck, Ben, Caeleb, Juls, Karen and Tommy.   I just couldn't be more happier to be with more active people on a tribe, instead of there just being myself and two others active on my original tribe.   Now, time to hope this new tribe can end the Yushu losing streak and come out as the sole immunity winner with today's challenge.   Then, finally, in regards to the Olympic Village, four times now where I have found nothing, but I went down each end of the village, so I at least now have some sort of insight to all the paths I can take in future village searching rounds.

HELL FUCKIN YEEAAAHH TRIBE SWAP!! and tbh this couldn’t have gone any better I think. I’ve got jacob c, eve, and sammy here and if we all vote together then that’s enough to be safe. I’m also maybe forming a bond with Landen cus they seem pretty cool and maybe I might be able to land a good social position in this tribe??? Hopefully someone secretly hates somebody so i can jump on that shit to keep me safe

okay so i’m sucking ass at this maverick bird game and i’ve only really performed well in one challenge ever so i’m in danger girls. everyone else here is used to challenges and have all this experience and then there’s my dumbass who has no fuckin clue what he’s doing. i could easily be first out this tribe tonight if no one wants to rock the boat and they all just vote based off challenge strength

I hate this challenge and I hate these flash games. That is all. 🙃

so i'm gonna try to keep this short because i have lots of writing to do for a history class, but basically, i've been praying for a swap to get away from the disaster that was sonkei, and last night, i finally got my wish! I wish we had gotten a break day to talk to everyone, because those are always nice when you swap, but i think i'll be able to do fine without it. my tribe breakdown could NOT have gone better! though i didn't end up with anybody i knew particularly well, i ended up with some people i've been talking to AND getting along with. Sammy is someone i love and someone i'm even buying a shirt from lol, nothing to do with the game he just told me about some of his graphic design work and i saw his shirts and i was like... let me buy it. Jacob, i love and we have very similar music taste. Then Nicole i've chatted with a bit, we're not close or anything but i like her! Pete, Eve, and Kevin were all entirely new. I think there's a lot of potential with pete, we've already bonded over crazy people in past games and our anxiety in games. whereas with eve things started off on an... AWKWARD foot, and with kevin, well i just suck at convo and he's not great either. some people are soooo dry and i just don't get it and as far as that goes i'm honestly struggling with some of these conversations like how r ppl so dry... but that being said i get along with everyone on this team and i think it's a really strong team, so i'm hoping that when results come out in like 15 minutes, i'm not proven wrong and we win! i tried really hard on the challenge and while i like everyone on the team (Jacob/Sammy specifically may be very useful as i'm also close with caeleb and they're working together.. Could be a good lil alliance type thing, potentially. I dunno.) i'm not 100% sure how safe i will be at tribal and really i just really, REALLY want a break from tribal. i'm very much #OverIt, and at this rate i genuinely might turn into Denise like Caeleb was joking about. I'm just sick of tribal council at this rate and I really don't want to go again, the arena makes these dynamics impossible and if I'm going to keep going I'm gonna have to keep managing everyone that goes there and back too.... OH BOOM RESULTS CAME OUT DURING TRIBAL AND WE WON! Thank FUCK. But the rest of that still stands about the confusing dynamics, how things are everchanging, and how avoiding tribal... I'm happy about it and hopefully I can continue to do it? I also need to talk things over with Billy, smooth over that dynamic and get him knowing I really do want him till the FINALS. I need him to trust me and the last tribal did not work for that. So it's go time. Thanks for helping me out, Miraitowa, my bomb af run begins now.

New Yushu, new us! Honestly, I'm really pleased with the tribe, but it sucks to see one of our own go. I have to, with a heavy heart, vote for Karen to go to arena. If all goes well, and I hope it will, they'll bring home the gold for us. :) 

wooooooo i'm nervous about tribal! unfortunately tribe yushu cannot catch a break even with new tribe members. voting out karen is best for my game but i'm afraid that me pushing for them to leave shows my cards a little too much and i fear that if we go to another tribal next round i'm gonna be in a bad position. i'll do what i can to maintain the connections i have rn and hopefully keep my life in this game going!! on that note. anxiety might kill me

Well I'm so MAD I LOST THE ARENA, I WAS IN LAST PLACE LAST PLACE! Then all of a sudden I take off and I literally was in first by 10 minutes and I get STUCK on the LAST CLUE and everyone else passes me and beats me. Which leaves me with no medal. Maybe this will lower my threat level because I keep flopping in all the comps but I literally have been trying to win these challenges and I just suck. However, I did make a key social connection with Beck during my time at the arena and I think this could be a good connection for my game. Then the swap comes and I'm like :V and I start messaging Beck because it's schoolyard pick and he messages me and says "If I pick you, will you pick someone I want?" and of course in my head I'm like "Well no duh I want to be in the majority" so I agree and he says "Darcy" so I know he has a tight bond with Darcy so whichever way Beck votes Darcy may follow. Then Darcy chooses Caeleb which I thought was a bit random but maybe they had talked a little and without any hesitation Caeleb chooses Juls *side eye emoji*. Juls I get a read that she is someone who is super dangerous. She's extremely likeable and has made no enemies despite going to tribal 3 times and everytime the person voted out came back. I think she may even be my biggest threat on this tribe. I don't necessarily know if she'll come for me but I don't want to find out. Then Juls talks about bringing Landen aka her partner in crime and in my head I'm like "Please god don't let Landen on this tribe." Thankfully the tribe right before it got to us picked him and she picked Ben because we wanted challenge strength and then Ben randomly chooses Karen aka the person who I wanted out first if Shosha ever want to tribal council and who has bombed most of the challenges this season. Then to make matters worse we BOMB this Immunity, I think these OG Blue people are cursed because they have been going to tribal every round besides the first round of the game. So now my closest ally in the game on my tribe is Beck. We call and Beck tells me about the dynamic how him and Juls know each other and he backstabbed her and he thinks she may want revenge. However, I believe they are about to host an ORG together so it's going to be really hard to convince him to turn on her because then she might say something if she's voted out because they will be hosting together. At the point I was at I was fine with Karen going home over Juls first because Ben said "Let's go for Juls." Then the targets ended up switching around and now everyone wants Karen, which I was still fine with until I get a message maybe an hour later from Karen saying "I really think we should stick together." and then I'm like well I guess this means if Karen stays I'm her #1 and that's very important on a tribe that'll only get smaller, so now I don't want Karen to go home but her odds are looking so narrow that she avoids the arena. However, I think she can pull out a Gold Medal and if she does leave I hope she does come back. I kinda view the tribe as there's the three of the OG Blues (Ben, Darcy, and Beck), the duo of Juls and Caeleb, and the sorta a duo of myself and Karen but nobody really sees us as a duo. Then Juls and Beck have a strong connection, Me and Beck have a strong connection, and Beck and Darcy have a strong connection. Beck has already voiced to me about blindsiding Ben, who I don't know if I can trust but at this point I'm not against it but I rather see Juls go, she's a way bigger threat and I don't think she will return with a gold and it causes tensions if she does return between Beck and Juls and it's off of me. My plan is to just keep Beck as close as I can I need to be his #1, I'll even take a close #2. This way I'm able to secure my safety in the tribe. I'm also trying to get closer to Caeleb in the route we end up going for Juls next and she doesn't come back I think I may be able to scoop him up as a number for me while being on this tribe and developing a bond that can last a while. Ideally Juls leaves tonight however, it'll sadly be Karen with that being said my perfect scenario is Karen wins the gold medal comes back, if we go to tribal again we meaning (myself, darcy, ben, and beck possibly karen) blindside Juls/Caeleb sending Juls home and she looses in the arena, I scoop up Caeleb, keep Karen close, Beck close, and then go for a blindside against Ben using (myself, karen, beck, and caeleb) even if Ben returns I think he'll feel most betrayed by Beck, and keep my options open from there. This way I'll start taking out people I feel like are dangerous that won't be targeted and I make my threat level smaller while creating strong bonds with people, and have other people be mad at each other. Hopefully all of this while we win a few immunities so that we aren't completely decimated by the time we get to a swap.  

This swap is good, I either wanted Billy or Nik out and that seems to be happening. Nik and Sarah aren't talking to me. I'm immune. Y'all confusing

Pretty sure I sent in confessional already this round, but why not, let's send another.  I don't got too much to add since my past confessional, but my tribe lost immunity.   Seeming like the vote is going to be Karen, but who knows, could be me, or could be someone else, I am not fully certain how this vote will end up playing out.

i love my new tribe with my whole entire heart!! sm i going to tribal again? maybe so. HOWEVER, they’re all angels and i can’t wait to continue to work with them 

hello i'm retracting my previous confessional bc now i actually have a reason to vote out someone who isn't karen. the vote is flipping on ben which i'm okay with because apparently he did something that upset caeleb and i want everybody to be comfortable playing this game. so hey, at least i know i'm safe tonight

😖😖😖😠😠😠😭😭😭😭😵😵😵🤫🤫🤫🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

Anyway so my UTR game is over and now it’s time to make a confessional! We’ve swapped tribes or whatever and of course I get swapped onto a tribe without nicole or Kevin so basically my back is against the wall /:. Anyway so I have tommy, juls, caeleb, Ben, becks and Darcy on my tribe now and they all suck at challenges apparently sjdbdjdndj like I didn’t do well on immunity but I didn’t even try which in retrospect wasn’t a good idea because now these freaks are targeting me as the weakest. So Ben and becks last night were basically like yeah we’re probably voting for you /: like first of all....fuck u, the only reason you tell me that is because you don’t think I have a chance to save myself, I don’t want your stupid pity confession, at least TRY to strategize with me. It took everything in me not to snap at them, I mean I kinda went off on becks but w/e they can’t be so naive. Anyway so I was talking to nicole and Kevin trying to save my ass and we figured out that I would have majority if I got me & tommy and the two people who were on other tribe so that was my mission for today. I think I talked enough with both caeleb and juls to convince them to work with tommy and I but I’m also a little weary /: I can’t be too sure and that scares me so anyway I’m gonna look for an idol hopefully I find something and hopefully no one is playing my ass right now or else it’s GG to me /: also becks is on board with voting Ben which like yikes if Ben finds out lol. Ben messaged me recently so I need to deal with that because I assume someone told him something ugh why do these newbies suck ):

Sooooooo I really need to keep my mouth shut sometimes. I didn't want Nik or I to go so I thought that we could avoid it, however chris didn't wanna swap. This really sucks because I didn't want Nik to go but I didn't make any effort to try and save him, which is odd for me. Had Chris and I voted out Sarah, it would've been fine. However, I'm now probably gonna be the biggest target in this tribe. BRING IT BITCHES I'M READY.

Maybe I should watch more of the actual Survivor show, but I'm now fully realizing that how well someone plays the game does not directly correlate to them winning...it's all politics and drama 🙃 

These people are literally insane. This is hilarious. I'm still on thin ice but this position is a lot better than my last one. Billy sucks. Common theme. Nik showed up at the live tribal but not to anyone's dms.

After seeing the MESSY ass tribal Sonkei just had, AGAIN, I am so glad I finally got the fuck off that tribe and onto a new one. The curse of Suckei really does exist, it's an absolute trainwreck tribe... That being said I had to laugh, and it might go down as one of the best tribes in history. Those iconic trainwrecky Survivor tribes are just.. ugh. That being said, I am SO SICK OF EMMA SURVIVING. PLEASE KICK HER ASS THE FUCK OUT OF THE GAME LIKE I HATE HER! ......Okay moving on from that outburst :) One thing this does remind me of though, is that I need to become more active in my pursuit to understand dynamics. I kinda wanted to take a step back and just observe during the swap, because usually I overplay out. And here, I just want to chill, and let people kind of forget that I ran shit on Original Sonkei. Forget that I was the leader there, who dominated everything with an iron fist (even if sometimes accidentally... Trainwreck vibes!) and just think of me as a cute derpy 16 yr old player again. That was my plan, but I'm starting to get nervous. This late in the game and I'm still in no official alliance chats, I may be losing Billy, and i'm ANXIOUS about the future. I definitely need to work harder on things moving forward, so that's exactly what I'm going to do.

IM READY TO KILL STONER AND DARCY AND BEN AND EVERYONE IN THAT ARENA EXCEPT NIK FUCK THAT TRIBE THAT VOTED HIM OUT AND FUCK THAT ARENA FUCK EVERYBODY I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT TRIBE HES FROM BUT WHATEVER ITS LATE AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO SLEEP EARLIER AND NOW IMMA BE REALLY SLEEPY FOR MY ANNOYING ASS JOB THAT I KEEP DOING OVERTIME FOR CUS MY SHITTY ASS COWORKERS KEEP LEAVING EARLY I GOT OFF TOPIC ANYWAYS FUCK ARENA AND FUCK THE WINNERS AND FUCK THE RETURNEES AND FUCK SONKEI AND FUCK YUSHU FUCKIN DISCOUNT WANNABE YUJO BITCHES OKAY EVE SARAH AND I WILL GET YOUR ASSES 

psa krispy kreme is evil like they have bullshit random ass “deals” like 8 days a week for NO REASON like this one time it was New Year’s Eve so duh it’ll already be busy but corporate decided hey let’s do an annoying ass BOGO for $2 deal to torture our retail workers and I was working fucking drive thru that day and lemme tell you there have been very few times my patience and emotional strength have been toyed with by the force of god and i sure as hell wasnt prepared to have it at fucking 8 in the fucking morning i was so tempted to just tell every customer we make our donuts with bleach and orphan meat. it’s fucking 1 AM and i told myself i’d sleep at like 8 or 9 like a responsible adult but nooOOOOoo i just HAD to forget to eat so i have to make food and eat it so now i’m at midnight and gotta do this challenge or whatever so now i have fuckin 5 hours for my ugly ass to get enough beauty rest to be a lovely customer service representative of Krispy Kreme Enterprises™ and i’m gonna hate waking up i’m dreading it i have so much to do. i got off topic but yeah fuck arena fuck everyone in this game go eat a dick i’m upset and idk what else to say i ran out of angry words fuck that challenge and fuck billy dude why is he still here fuck the fuckin olympics nobody benefits from them except the greedy billionaires at the top like not even the athletes benefit that much they still gotta work average jobs like the rest of us like i always though olympic athletes were rich and shit but no they get screwed over royally and the places that host the olympics get shit on horribly it’s just an all around awful event doing nothing but spreading blind nationalism which is dangerous fuck america dude america’s a piece of shit and i’m allowed to say that i’m from florida fuck you anyways i’m tired bye fuck this  

and fuckin who the fuck is ben dude like no Nik was robbed bring Nik back fuckin ben from fuckin wannabe yujo tribe didn’t he go in a unanimous vote yikes also shoutout to whatever dumbass cancelled his vote that was a waste like why didn’t you save that shit dude fuck arena btw and fuck sonkei lmao loser ass tribe go win a challenge or something wow people are really gonna hate me when then airs but oh well i’m venting i’m at a breaking point and i don’t wanna fuckin go to work dude fuck fuckin yushu and fuck sonkei just throw the whole tribe away it’s Yujo final 3 bitches and fuck everybody else 

literally like i was added and my phone was still loading ALL the messages from all that fucking lag and already they started the round before i knew what was going on so i was just blind going in so fuckin stoner ass weee bitch got it when i wasn’t even there like ooh you won a challenge against nobody go fuck yourself by the time i could see the messages it was already over and they were like “sns you were here :/// go die i guess lmao loser” so yeah i’m a lil heated and it’s fucking 1:30 i can only get 3 and a half hours of sleep fuck this 

okay now it’s real strategy time. Nik just got robbed and I found out from Sarah that Billy’s leading the new Sonkei and wants her out next. Okay first off how the hell was he not voted out for not even doing the challenge? Second, if he’s targeting Yujo’s then he’s officially made the biggest mistake in the game. Eve and I are now on a mission to lead the Sonkei tribe to get rid of Billy as he should’ve been day 1. I think I can maybe convince Jordan and Chris, we just need 3 to have a chance. 

After swap 1

After nik got voted out

after winning arena

I’m fucking tireddddddd of going to tribal this game is not shaking out how I want it to. 

TRIBE SWAP BLESS THE TRIBE SWAP! i did truly like caeleb sammy and jacob a lot as people but like I was so going home if we lost its crazy. Now hopefully I can work with them without such tight a line keeping us together. ANYWAYS! we swap and I am in a fantastic position, i basically just took over tribe in terms of power. First thing i do is allign with stoner which is so funny to me. I realized hes someone whose general clout in the community is more disliked than me, so maybe i can make him my goat. I wonder if hes thinking the same about me. I wanted to work with billy but that guy is crazy like and that would be fine, if he was just normal crazy, but hes also the type of crazy thats like flip a vote at tribal for no reason and like I cant deal with that. I thought he had potnetial for a jordan pines minion, but sadly I think he might have to go. Anyways we lose teh challenge and em wants to target nik, em is somoene i super vibe with tbh so we get on board. HOwever she doesnt watn to tell sarah and im like OPPORTUNITY. I have had some great bonding with Sarah and think I have secured her loyaly to myself. I let her know about nik and got her to play dumb while still keeping her in the know. Now i think shes really loyal to me So after all that heres where stand. i have a 4 person alliance with me Stoner Em and Jacob which will likely take out billy if we lose again.the plan is the use sarah as a fifth on the side but my plan is a lil different. I want to keep sarah as tight to me as possible and when the time comes to take her out, do what I got to do to keep the people I think will progress me furthest in teh game. I don't think I am in danger of going this tribe swap so I need to use this opportunity to make sure I am okay for whatever comes after it.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Keys to a Kingdom

So I haven’t been able to watch past s04e01, but I’ve read all the spoilers up to e06 because I’m terrible like that.  And this plotbunny wouldn’t leave me alone.

Keys to a Kingdom Animal Kingdom Fanfic

He didn't have much time to plan, but thinking on his feet was his specialty.  He didn't have time to dance around the subject either.

"Pearce is trying to pressure your boyfriend to turn on us as part of a plea deal."  The way Deran went absolutely rigid made J wonder if he should have pulled on a bullet proof vest before starting this conversation.

"How do you know?"

"I followed him." That answer didn't earn any points for him, if anything it ratcheted up the tension. "He told Pearce to suck it in polite terms." That brought the tension down a notch, and Deran finally turned to look at him. "I used a sound amplifier so I could hear them. There was some other officer saying that unless he wanted to spend time in prison for drug trafficking he should cooperate with Pearce. And then Adrian said that wasn't the original deal."

"What did the other guy say to that?"

"That it was the deal now."

Deran's fists clenched, and he looked two seconds away from punching something. J really didn't want to be on the receiving end.  "So, what? You giving me the heads up before you rat him out to Smurf?"

"No, man. I'm bringing it to you so it doesn't get back to Smurf."

Deran looked at him suspiciously. "That so?"

"Smurf says someone is talking to the cops. She put me in charge of finding out who."

"So you tailed my boyfriend?"

"I've been looking into everyone, okay? But from what I heard this morning, it's not Adrian.  They're trying to get him to talk but he's given them nothing."

"Think Smurf will care if he's talking or not?"

"Well, it's not up to Smurf.  It's up to me."

"And what do you want me to do? Hm? What's your play here, J?"

"I figure we get your boyfriend out this mess and nobody has to be the wiser. Not Pope. Not Craig. Definitely not Smurf."

"And you’re doing this, what, out of the goodness of your heart?" Deran took a seat at the bar, lighting up a cigarette but keeping his eyes on J.  It was clear he didn't trust J's intentions. He wasn't wrong to doubt him, either.  Not that J intended to let him know that.

"Nicky got high and shot her leg."

"What?"

"Nicky. While Smurf was in jail.  We were out on a job, and Nicky got high and shot her leg. I had to drop her off on the sidewalk in front of the ER so nobody could connect me to it. I didn't even know if she'd made it at first."  If his voice sounded rough telling the story, then all the better. He hadn't been unaffected by what happened, but he wasn't sharing the story out of guilt or trust.  He needed to reel Deran in. "Not til her Dad showed up to demand her things. Said the police had talked to her but she'd lied through her teeth to protect me.  Said he was taking her out of the country and I was never to see her again."

"Holy shit, man. Who else knows?"

"Nobody. I knew what Smurf would do if she found out the police had talked to Nicky.  Even if she didn't say anything. So I lied.  Told her we broke up, remember?"

"I'm not breaking up with Adrian." Deran's voice was hard.

"I'm not suggesting you do. I'm saying I get it. You want to protect him. I'm saying let me help you."

Deran stubbed out the cigarette. "You got a plan?"

"Obviously there was an original deal where Adrian walked. We just have to get them to honor it."

"And how do you plan to do that? Ask them real nice?"

"Blackmail. We get some dirt on this other officer. Force his hand."

"What if there is no dirt?"

"Guess we'll have to make some." J suggested with a smug grin. "What do you suppose would happen if the arresting officer on the case was found to be complicit?"

"Could just ruin the officer. Or it could ruin the whole case."

"Well, we'll need details. What the arrest was for exactly, what the original plea bargain was, the name of the officer. All of it."

"And while I have this rather uncomfortable conversation, what the hell will you be doing?"

"Research. How hard do you suppose it is to get drugs out of a police lockup?"

"Can't say I've ever considered it."

"Can Adrian score us more drugs?"

"Adrian isn't…" Deran stood up angrily, but cut himself off. He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. 

"Sorry. I just… I mean, he was arrested for trafficking so I just thought…"

"When Adrian was a little younger than you, his asshole of an old man kicked him out of the house. He was living homeless on the strand and Craig and I… introduced him to some people."

"Drug dealers." J translated.

"That's how he met Jack. But he doesn't… he got out.  I don't know how Jack talked him back in but he went legit years ago."

J nodded.  "Well, do you know anyone else who could-

"Renn. Renn can score us whatever we need." Deran told him.

"Well, that's the plan then. I'm going to start researching. You need to go find Adrian. Get those details."

"What about Pearce?"

J shrugged. "Pearce wasn't the arresting officer."

"Yah, but he's not going to just let this go."

"Marry him."

"Excuse you?" Deran stared.

"Marry your boyfriend, Deran. That gets him spousal immunity.  Means he can't testify against you."

"I can't ask Adrian to marry me as proof he won't testify against us."

"Yah, definitely don't phrase it like that. You would sound like an asshole." J told him

"Seriously? How am I supposed to convince him to marry me?"

"He's your boyfriend, figure it out." J told him. "We'll send Pearce an invitation to the wedding."

When he was safely back in his car, J let a laugh escape. He'd thought when Smurf gave him the assignment he was screwed. He'd not only have to kill someone, and Smurf would know it and have it to hold over him, but that someone was probably close to one of them. Something to drive a wedge between him and one of his uncles.

Instead, Smurf had given him a damn gift.  If he wanted everything Smurf had, he needed his uncles. He'd learned that when she was in jail. He needed them running jobs to keep their house of cards from falling.

Pope wasn't a problem. His guilt over having abandoned Julia ate at him. He'd actually been the first to trust J, though he hadn't realized it at the time. Pope also didn't want to be in charge. He'd let J run things.

Craig? Of all of the brother's, Craig was the one who cared the most about the family. He'd been the first to agree Lena deserved a share when Pope suggested it. And now there was the baby Renn said wasn't his but probably was.  Plus, Craig had tried to go it solo and failed. No, J wasn't concerned about his chances of getting Craig in his corner when it came to him running things.

Deran was the wild card. Deran hadn't fallen on his face while Smurf was in prison. He'd soared. Done successful jobs with a different crew. Had his own business to launder his money through. Had even cultivated the "successful local business man" persona to the people of Oceanside. And he'd never trusted him.

But this? Saving the man he was in love with? Knowing Smurf would have him killed if it had been her call, and having him come along and offer to help him protect him instead? Could there be a better way to finally get Deran's loyalty?

"Every person you love… I'm going to take it all."

This was the keys to the damn kingdom.

Fini

I find J's plot fascinating. Basically he starts the show with no understanding of what the family does. He wants revenge, but how he wants it slowly evolves.  Honestly, I think he's considered both turning on them and killing them. But by the time season three ends I think he knows what he wants. To take Smurf's place. That means keeping the family together, but being the one to call the shots. With Baz gone and Smurf dying, Deran really is the biggest obstacle to that goal. Because he has both distrusted J from the start and shown he's capable of running things on his own. He just never had the chance to learn it before now. 

So while thinking of how things might play out, I thought - if J wants Deran to be loyal to him over Smurf then helping him save Adrian works far better in his favor than killing him. Even if he pinned it on Smurf, if he killed Adrian? Deran would never forgive him the way Baz forgave Pope for Cath.

Though, tbh, if the final showdown is Deran vs J, I'm 100% rooting for Deran.

[minblush]

Youre one of the only fans I know that really makes me think “deep” haha. There would be times where I wouldnt want to read your opinions not that theyre wrong but because I start feeling negative towards the boys (cos you speak some real af shit) and it makes me feel guilty 🤕 just a weird feeling of disconnect. But I think its healthy to think about these things rather than eating up everything they throw towards us. (1/?)

smoljwimin said:I see fans be so oblivious and fight over petty things when theres actual issues regarding bangtan and BH. Like Alot of them were ok with the nicki issue. If it werent for you voicing it out I wouldve never known there was an issue. Ive never been one to think about these things, I just listen to music and keep it moving but because bts titled themselves as socially aware you cant look past their fuckups. (2/?)

smoljwimin said:Also Idk if its just me but I feel so annoyed when fans call them woke kings haha that to over tiny things. If they wear rainbow coloured clothes then theyre lgbt woke when its their stylists dressing them up and besides yoongi none of them have said anything on it. The list goes on. Regardless of it all, I love the boys and them only so much, like others theyve helped me get (3/?)

smoljwimin said:through my shit so I hope I can disconnect enough where these things stop bothering me but not so much that my love for them dissipate ykwim? Cos idk myself lol. Idk why im telling you this, I just feel like your blog is a good space to share ones opinion *sigh* hope I didnt say anything offensive. xxx (4)

my opinions are just my opinions honestly, i’ve said this many times but i’m just a dumb person with a blog, my opinions aren’t really that deep or anything, i just vent my feelings and i like discussing things with people! i’m a boring person i watch debates in my free time and junk.. but i appreciate that some of my word salad is valuable to you? in some way maybe, if i understand it right haha.. but i’m sorry that there is a feeling of discomfort, like that’s usually connected with cognitive dissonance and i experience it too :( i’m not immune to it… but yeah it’s the same for me.. i’ve stanned idol groups before and i never really held them to such standards because like, they were idols and they were fake and you took what you got, but bts built themselves on the notion that there is more to them, how authentic and genuine they are, socially conscious and outspoken and just real!! so when things happen that contradicts that, it’s just a bit painful, especially if you had believed in them before.. they also helped me through a lot but i feel like i reached the point where i can’t really look past all that stuff as much? i’ve been trying to like re-configure my relationship with them cause i still like them as people and their music, but then this whole issue happened again and it’s just.. hard.. really hard.. and don’t worry, you didn’t say anything offensive and i appreciate you sharing your opinion ;; ♥

Anonymous said:yeah tbh it always made me uncomfortable when people would praise bighit and look up to the company as if they were gods 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ they’re a company and that’s all they are. they care about their business first and foremost. idk i just stan bts and i couldn’t care less about bighit

yeah exactly, i think it’s because both bighit and bts have pushed for this air of family that surrounds them which makes people stan for both the company and the artist, which is what the company wants ofc it makes people more loyal and lenient to managerial mistakes, but yeah, companies by default are there to make money, bighit has shown that really clearly too so..yea

Anonymous said:As someone that was really like.. with them for a while. Almost 3 years starting around I need U I’ve come to a place where I literally can’t be a fan.. like they’ve lost all credibility and sense of just integrity to me. I wonder how u’re still a fan when u see this shit, is it compartmentalizing or? Genuine question btw I’m not judging I just wonder how some bts fans w critical thinking can still have this love for them as a band (not as people- that i get)

i have been with them for a long time too and i agree with you as well, and well yes i have been struggling with this, probably it is compartmentalizing? like for me, i love them as people but now i find it hard to support them as a band or what they stand for cause what is that really? like the day the nicki thing blew up, i got home and took down all my slogans and posters of them and i cried, i was really sad cause that to me was the final nail in the coffin.. and i was gonna stay away from them but also i’m really attached to them and they helped me a lot in my life, i met amazing people thanks to them, and they got me to leave a really toxic relationship after like 7 years of not being able to do so… so to me that meant a lot.. so it’s hard to sever those ties.. it goes very deep for me, ykwim? i like them as people but am hurt and disappointed by what they are as a group these days, right now i wouldn’t say i even stan anymore, casual fan maybe? i just keep an eye on them… kind of hoping that someday things could get better again.. even though it’s naive, i just feel like they are good and talented people.. still somewhere… and that their group and company decisions are bad.. all wrong..

Anonymous said:Dude, you probably have problematic friends too, and either don’t know about it or have forgiven them for whatever stupidity they’ve done in the past that maybe someone else who does not know them is still judging them for. If ppl are unfollowing it’s probably bc they don’t like that rigid and self-righteous world view you are advocating, and pointing fingers at others bc you think they don’t measure up. It is very unpleasant to hear, sorry. Pls reflect instead of faulting others all the time.

false analogy, the rest is an ad hominem fallacy, either way are you really criticizing me for having a strong opinion on things like glorification of pedophilia? mmm well i will continue to do so :) either way if you wanna discuss things critically let me know, i’m always open to discussion and i change my mind easily if new evidence is presented :3

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 2 - "Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe" ~Moth

a lil sad to see my girl, Bri, go, but that just makes us one person closer to the goal >:3

dennis is very sneaky. we all had a tribe call and he said he'd come later but he was actually doing the hunt challenge. like that's totally fair, it's just even afterward he acted as if he was not really focusing on it either. im going to play the game assuming he has something, just in case.

GAME AND GAME SHOW ARE DIFFERENT DSJKLFHASJDJFH no but this was hella fun pls let's do it again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX3Fs7lDDQk&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn

Dhsjdjsjskksks. First tribal done. We just finished the taboo challenge ... A good bonding experience with my tribe. However, I have a feeling we lost. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 The fact that I was the guesser. Rip. 

I filmed confessionals but my internet got disconnected hahaha so that's neat. Hopefully there will be youtube videos here soon, but new update Jodi and I are in alliances with Dennis and brayden separately which I think would be hilarious if they were also in am alliance together. And it will be funny it my internet is still out for the challenge tomorrow since I'm the guesser 😆 whoops

So this is the beginning of round 2 and here are my thoughts. Might purposely not be helpful in the taboo challenge lol but i have to do it in a way that doesn't show im throwing it? tbh i say this now but when i start playing the urge to win comes in ugh but i just wanna vote one of these people out. I also took a stroll through the wiki page for this org and i love that some of these people (esp brayden and amy) have played before and their stats are there like yassss give me ammunition yassss!!!! anywho i dont care if we win or lose tomorrow i think i set myself up nicely within the tribe and i still really dont think any of these people won the hunt challenge on my tribe but again who knowssss. if we lose the logic would probably be go for josh or ginny aka the least active people buttt i dont think so like i don't wanna go the boring route. i need to keep josh close to get to merge with him we have friends on the other tribeeeeeee so i need them to survive and i need him and i to survive till we swap or merge to link up. im also trying to win a hunt challenge but my god y'all have me fucked up!!!!!!!!! i guess we shall see what happens tomorrowwwwww

It was nice sitting the challenge out, I'm busy tomorrow and the fact that they could complete it is good for me. Also, if we lose, nobody can blame me for the loss. Only drawback is it appears to me some people can be getting close by bonding over funny things in a game. I have to go back and see who may be close, I don't think I'm next on the chopping block, but I'm definitely not in control. To me, I do not need to be number one on this tribe, I just need to survive the next tribal and hopefully make it to the swap at 14 or 15.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm_dmPuwzzI&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn&index=2 anotha one dj khaled

HEY SO KIND OF A LOT OF DEVELOPMENTS TO MY GAME we didn't lose first challenge!! thats great. whatever. no tribal. I've been trying to connect with fellow tribemates but overall we're all pretty quiet. I did have a small 30 minute call with Jay where we kinda connected on somewhat of a game level. I kinda get the vibe that he may not fully trust me or he might see my as a threat, but I want to work with him. I also really like Anastasia and Elle, I think I can connect with them more on a more genuine level. Perfect scenario for me would be setting up a trio alliance of Me + Elle + Anastasia, and then having Jay on the side as my actual #1. idk if I can pull that off, but that was my plan heading into round 2 BUT. AS ROUND 2 STARTED, MY GAY ASS WON THE HUNT CHALLENGE. AMAZING. idk HOW I managed it because like?? I finished and found the hidden link within like 20 minutes? Statistically very unlikely BUT I'm so glad I did it. I WON A SAFETY WITHOUT POWER. It's kinda like a hidden immunity idol, except slightly worse because I can't actually partake in tribal at all. we went ahead and competed in the Taboo challenge last night and boy it was kinda rough. We lost a LOTTA points because we kept accidentally saying forbidden words (I lost us 2 points, woops). But we ended up with a semi decent score. Elle did an amazing job guessing. I really hope we can pull this out. SO YEAH SORRY THATS KIND OF A LOT. OVERALL I FEEL LIKE IM IN A DECENT POSITION, WAY BETTER NOW THAT I HAVE A SWP. I wanna further my position in the game with some allies now. That's my next biggest goal. toodles!!!

So I've figured out that Amy is a comp beast based on us discussing our old seasons and how she did in those: she always talks down her abilities because she's worried she's being painted as a big challenge threat, but I don't think she realizes that doesn't matter to me at all. Ultimately, I think she needed to be at tonight's challenge more than me, so I decided it's ok to sit out since I'm sitting out only because somebody has to, not because I don't want to play. In tribal challenges, it means she'll help keep us winning tribal immunity, and further down the line, if anything, I'll be using her as my "Ken" and if she wins everything, it'll keep immunity away from people I want out. 

I think I did much better in Taboo than I did in endurance, so I'm happy about that. Hopefully my performance this round can help me redeem myself with my tribemates.

Today in the fools tribe: no one is talking 

Holy crap we won yet again this is such a great feeling just like last season :)

Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe this round This time I think I’m on the majority alliance, which is a great place to be. So hopefully everything goes as planned tomorrow 

https://youtu.be/fszNKUHjB_8

So! We did the Taboo challenge and got second place, probs wouldve got first if we didnt get deductions but also we did so good so whatever 😂. I definitely kinda pushed for us to do the challenge last night bc it's Dylan's birthday and I didn't want to have to like, be anywhere specifically today 😅. But yeah we did super good and now I'm gonna go talk to ppl bc I've been gone all day lol

Bye I hate it here. 

~

SO. Here’s the rundown: We lost. Again. Pushing for Shaad to go. Moth, Jared, and Danny all agree with him going. So far I’m getting good vibes with everyone. Danny says he gets along with Jared well and doesn’t talk to Moth that much. Plus, Jared, Moth and I have that little alliance. Jared and I also get along well. Worried for Moth as she doesn’t seem to message a lot. This tribal... I’m feeling safe. I might even make an alliance with Jared, Danny and I. Worst case scenario for next challenge we lose and Moth goes. 

Yay we won again! Anyways, Dennis messaged me tonight talking about how everybody else knows each other from playing Stings games before. He said he checked the series wiki and got freaked out and told me that we're two newbies amongst vets. While he's telling the truth, I'm actually not too panicked because 1) I actually checked out the wiki before he told me about it and 2) I have pretty decent relationship with Amy to incentivize her to keep me around. I worked tightly with Amy for the specific reason that I knew she'll have others to work with, and for her to keep me as a loyal number. I also know that she was runner up of another series and she already recognizes the target on her, so I doubt she wants to risk me putting a bigger one. WOW FOR ONCE I'M NOT THE FLAMING TARGET I LIKE THIS 

Round 1 updates: https://youtu.be/5nhSsLNcnZ0 https://youtu.be/S5-0Yw93wc0

~

Round two rambles: https://youtu.be/CuwgF9IVmUM

So, tbh I've done some research about some previous seasons and I noticed Moth and Jessica have played together before. Moth still has not talked to me but Jessica has been overly friendly. I know they have a group message with Jared and I know he can be the split vote between what happens in our tribal tomorrow. Jared claims he has voted for Moth but we will truly see tomorrow. But honestly, if he chooses us, then Jessica is next unless the tribe swap or merge has happened.

~

Also with that research, I've peeped there's other connections in other tribes from previous games so this is gonna be interesting.

~

I chose Jared to work with mostly because I see he can play strategy.

Fools tribe is bad at playing games. And its perfect for me because I am safe but i am wishing for drama bcs its fun. rn we are doing small talk and being so nice to each other. I think we will form an alliance officially soon but i am too awkward or like i dont know how to say it or bring it up.

WHY! DOES! MY! TRIBE! KEEP! WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying to go the fuck to tribal council but noooo we have to beast all the other tribes yet again. Like a swap is probably coming soon and with my fuckin luck I am gonna get swap screwed like they are gonna look at me from the phantoms and be like yeahhhh theyve been winning lets get his ass out. i would love to lose this next one so the sees look stronger. if phantoms go to tribal I know I''m safe (anything can happen but I set myself up well), and thats all I care about. Jodi and I started to really talk about the vets who are playing this season, and we just realized that we're the only newbies on our tribe. like wow. The fantasy would be to get to merge and have a numbers advantage of newbies against these vets, or make the vets eat their own idk. Lots of thinkin lots of thinkinnnnn. I have been strolling through the wiki page some more and mapping out potential connections from previous seasons. The casting directors work hard but i work harder

https://youtu.be/gsDJIiGiqHE

https://youtu.be/V1ku4_-w0SY

Roses are red We’re on day six Fools tribe worse at challenges than a bag of dead bricks

That im one of the strongest competitors on my tribe, Dennis feels like he is on the outs, but that connects us so i can pull him in as an ally.

It’s been a tricky round 

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: Jodi remains at the top of the tribe for much of the same reason as last round. Now, she is even in two alliances with no one wanting to come for her nor do they see her as playing both alliances. Hopefully Jodi’s quick alliance making and constant worrying will help strengthen her defenses in the later rounds to come when people will be looking at her more closely.

Amy: Amy is still playing that stellar UTR game. No one seems to register her as a threat despite their access to the wiki and her performance in the challenge. Her social game is just too strong. Additionally, her greater willingness to work with Dennis than Jodi’s willingness to work with him may provide some good allies for Amy if she ever wants to distance herself from Jodi.

Brayden: Brayden rises in the rankings from last round as he has become more closely aligned with Amy and Jodi. The trio seem to see themselves as the only “active” ones on their tribe and are very quick to bond. Additionally, unlike Dennis, Brayden is not viewed with suspicion by either Jodi or Amy. They definitely feel more like a core alliance than they did with Dennis. Furthermore, Brayden is poised to get the people he wants gone out of this game. He is targeting Josh and Dennis which are good targets, especially the latter. All it takes is for Brayden to push a little for Dennis and I am sure the two girls will take the bait. Finally, Brayden’s connection with Ginnifer is very beneficial since he seems to be the only one willing to work with her at the moment. This gives him a very easy ally and Ginnifer doesn’t have much of a choice besides working closely with him. It is certainly an easy number for Brayden if he ever wanted to backstab Jodi or Amy in the future.

Josh: What lands Josh here is that he performed well in the challenge and is easy to like. Interacting with Josh on calls is always a pleasure. However, by not being part of that main trio, he is in danger of being voted out on a whim. Despite that, he seems to be, in my eyes, the least likely out of the bottom 3 to be voted out. Additionally, there is paranoia around people’s “experience” with ORGs surrounding these bottom 3 from others (despite the fact that the top 3 is composed of 2 people with ORG experience). Josh gets this heat the least.

Dennis: Dennis is in real danger if this tribe goes to tribal council. If Brayden pushes hard enough, Jodi can be easily swayed into turning on Dennis. He needs to back off with the strategy talk and just be more social. What saves him from last is that he is in that alliance with Jodi and Amy. This might make Jodi hesitant about targeting Dennis so soon as she may see him as a number. Additionally, Amy does seem keen on keeping Dennis around for a little while which would help his longevity. Hopefully Dennis can realize people’s perceptions of him before it is too late considering that he gives great confessionals and is one of my favorite players this season.

Ginnifer: Ginnifer may be on the bottom, but she definitely has a chance at avoiding being voted out. Most talk around Ginny is about how she is hard to socialize with, but I am sure, when the strategic game starts becoming more important, she can navigate out of this position. After all, she does have Brayden advocating for her which can definitely help. She would need to push for Dennis if she wants to survive until the swap at this point.

Fools

Jared: He takes the number 1 spot on this tribe as he is working with both “sides.” He is serving as the perfect double agent for Danny and Shaad. Additionally, he is making the smart move of getting rid of an obvious duo wherein he was the third wheel of that alliance. He has a great strategic mind on his shoulders, but is it too early for him to show that off? Regardless, he has earned this top spot by avoiding the target cleanly and betraying his allies perfectly. Jared is definitely a contender for the winner spot as he has shown some excellent gameplay these past two rounds.

Danny: Danny has done well in avoiding the target this round as well. He seems to be more sociable and active than Shaad which is the main reason that he is not the one getting Jessica’s and Moth’s vote. Additionally, he was the one that brought Jessica’s and Moth’s pre-existing relationship to Jared’s attention which caused this flip to happen in the first place. Finally, Danny made an excellent move by pairing himself with Jared as this duo could be something fearsome to go up against in the future. The cards are being laid out for a force to be reckoned with and I am excited to see what Danny will do in the future.

Shaad: It is hard to tell if Shaad did anything himself to avoid being voted out, but, regardless, he did something right by aligning with Danny and Jared instead of ratting to Jessica and Moth. In fact, even if he does rat, he will still land himself at number 3. He is not going to get voted out here, and has an established alliance moving forward. And now that he is putting more focus on the game, I am happily anticipating what he can accomplish now.

Jessica: Jessica is being blindsided tonight. However, at the very least, she is not the one going. Her performance in challenges have helped her avoid the target for the time being. Here we can see that the boys weren’t inactive, they were just inactive with her which spells doom for Jessica if this tribe goes to tribal council again. Unfortunately, the boys found out about her prior connection with Moth. The only thing Jessica could have done was to distance herself from Moth at the beginning of the game, but that seemed unlikely since people were inactive with her. I hope Jessica is able to survive until a swap because it would be devastating to see her go so early.

Moth: There is nothing Moth did that landed them here. It was just an unfortunate circumstance wherein they are targeted because of a prior connection. Additionally, I doubt Moth is going to see this coming.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: With an advantage in his hands and him being the most popular bachelor on his tribe, Colin is quick to make allies and his allies like it that way. It feels as if everyone wants to ally with Colin. His activity in the earlier stages of the game have definitely born fruit.

Elle: Similar to Colin, everyone wants to work with Elle. Her social game is just that strong. Nothing much else to say besides what I said before, but the challenge definitely helped raise Elle’s standings in the tribe.

Anastasia: Similar to last round. Nothing much to say.

Jay: He is keeping out of the spotlight which is good.

Babs: No developments. Still viewed in the same way though has noticeably been less unhinged in the tribe chat.

Jennifer: Still the same as last time: seemingly inactive and might be targeted for it.

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 4: “Trying To Cover Ur Murderous Tracks” - Jones

JENNET 

nash isnt on my tribe but i cant help but feel bad for them :((( the last two days that we were together as old calumma i actually started to connect with them. they will be missed 💔

(a little later)

why am i obsessed with ethan ? *insert meme of that tiktoker just standing there*

(after building a bamboo bed)

super nervous for immunity, if we end up losing i think i might try to push for pennino bc he pissed me off the other night saying he wouldnt be available for the comp and literally SITTING THERE watching us do the comp... i really like sam and ethan (tbh more than i like lindsay and jabari) but thats only bc of how much we communicate with each other idk i do know lindsay wants to push for pennino too bc she was annoyed it too so maybe let her do all the pushing and if it backfires, just push for her to go😳

JESSICA

No song 4 today Last round we voted out Nash. That was not my ideal choice (I wanted Nicole to go) but Pete was paranoid Nicole may have an idol, that Nicole/Mikey/Nash were secretly working together, or just that something might go down. He also trusts Nicole for reasons unknown. I didn't love leaving Mikey in the dark (I think that really only helped Pete, not me) but I was nervous that if I pushed Nicole too hard as the vote, Pete would vote Mikey and then that was really the worst case scenario. If we lose this round, I am voting Nicole no question. She asked me what happened after the vote + if we could talk which I thought was great! I sent her an explanation that basically said I didn't trust Nash because they did not talk to me, I was worried OG Calumma was still a thing, and I didn't trust Nicole because she didn't start talking to me until after we lost + she left me on read a lot. And what does she do right after I sent that? Leave me on read again! I was excited to work with her when we first swapped but I don't see that happening at all now. The nice thing is because Pete lied to her, Mikey and Nicole voted each other, AND Lovelis was already initially down to vote Nicole, I'm hoping if we lose the vote is really easy. I also don't think Nicole has the idol because.... ...I found it! Okay, no I didn't. I did find a ruby though. I think that in each quadrant of the adventure, there is a gem and the four gemstones combined will make an idol. I already have 1, I have a good idea of where it could be in the north, and most importantly I am pretty sure Nicole has no advantages. I think if she had an idol, she might have played it last round, but my guess is that there is only one idol in the game and no one has it yet. However right now I'm not sharing this information with anyone. I hope that if we lose, Pete votes for Mikey out of paranoia (and that Nicole does as well) which means moving forward, Mikey really only has me and that's an alliance I can keep long term. I do also think that we are potentially swapping after this OR we will do a double tribal after this and swap then. I do not want us to lose twice because that's when things get tricky but if we do, I think I will be set up well enough that no one is coming for me.

PETE 

so my og Brookesia alliance of jessica and lovelis (plus me) they want to vote out Nicole but i reeeeaaally don’t wanna do that. Nicole and I had this talk of moving on from our past so if I just vote her out first chance I get that’d just be a huge dick move. They for some reason believe Mikey which I honestly don’t, I think he may be a little weasel. Nash doesn’t talk to me at all, so i’m hoping maybe I can shift the vote onto Nash by scaring them with the thought of Nicole having and idol

(after dropping his rice into the sand)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH IDIDIT I DID IT IDIDIT literally i have THE biggest fucking knot in my stomach i was SO fUcking NERVOUS this is so fuckignw crazy i cant skdjdbxsjkdb i’ve NEVER been in control of a vote before like everything i told someone to do they did like i’m not gonna get all like egotistical and all that but like sjkdsxkdbsjjdjxjdkdb ive never been in this position before it’s wild i’m usually like the mikey. like i’m just there, hoping people include me but kinda just scraping by until they decide it’s my turn to leave and NOW!!!! I JUST BLINDSIDED SOMEBODYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

JENNET

trying really hard to do this comp and my arthritis is making my hands spasm :(( powering thru and hopefully we dont go to tribal. if we do im afraid that im going to be voted out :((

JABARI

So i scored for the tribe which is great but then we tie and there is tower of hanoi. Lets just say ill never play that game again but I swear im not giving up no sir....they said they wouldnt boot me because of it but ima make sure of it.

JENNET 

in love with ethan hes the best person in the world

(after staring at Ethan)

really sucks going to tribal council and i know i let my team down so now im trying to find a way- SOME WAY to remind them that old calumma wanted to go after pennino next and to hopefully keep ethan out of the fire. sam approached me about an alliance with him and ethan and tbf idc what anybody calls me or what they think but im honestly closer to the too of them than to anybody on the tribe- closer to ethan than i was to jake even😳

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12YzvXBooOu3lndrE99YopPOcO4VEAYYB/view?usp=drivesdk lmk if this works also fun fact i just tried to open the camera on the computer im borrowing and the computer bluescreened lol i hate it here

SAM

https://youtu.be/M4E00bmBj0A

PETE

The way this game is going Id say that I’m probably closest with Jessica just because we’ve been talking since the start, she’s really nice & enthusiastic, and we’ve agreed so far on the things that need to happen so we share a lot of information with each other. Lovelis is a little bit of a wild card because he never really talks that much so I’m going to try to bond with him more so that he doesn’t feel like just another number.

LOVELIS

Who knew we’d pull out a win with flash games! Maybe we need to stop shitting on then and start praying for more of them to pop up here LMAO. So glad I can just have this day to speak to people a bit more and just relax a little - I feel like me Jess and Pete are in a comfortable position within this tribe so I’m praying for no more funny business with another premerge swap but I’m tryna stay on my toes!

ETHAN

Ok so tribal time: I am in a minority position right now and it is looking sketchy. I feel like I am going because of how Jabari and Jennet have not talked to me at all today and instead have ghosted me. I have something, but not sure if I want to play it. Do I trust people, or do I just full send and blow it up? Time shall tell

JESSICA 

Yay we won immunity! I love getting my Dolphin Olympics redemption arc, it's been 6 years in the making.

PENNINO

Now, it's 4 hours before the first tribal as Furcifer, and I think that us from OG Calumma will go and do a Pagong to Ethan and Sam. Since Ethan was a beast in  the comps, and we want to keep tribal lines, that puts Sam up for the chopping block. As for Nash leaving, no surprise. Honestly, I feel pretty safe and now i'm just waiting for another swap.

MADISON

I don't know how I've survived four rounds but here we are. I think I've legit gotten the lowest score in the past 2 challenges but everyone else is a beast so I get to stay safe for another round. The downside to being safe so long is that there isn't really a lot of gameplay happening over on Planet Brookesia and some of us might be a little bit too comfy so that when swap time comes or we lose the next challenge, it'll be scramble city to figure something out.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Hz-Ix0ZeQ7E y'all when I tell you i'm manic just thinking about crazy fringe theories related to this game lmaoooooo

JONES

ok bet lets get strategic:tm: i feel like a lot of my confessionals are rlly like ,, , , ,me just talking ab "wow i rlly like this person, not this person so and so and whatnot" and i haven't rlly gotten to bare bones like ,, what i'm thinking ab game wise ? for starters - i think i'm in a rlly good spot surprisingly? LIKE don't get me wrong its fking dangerous being in a 4-2 but i think i'm set up super super well? i'm officially working with all of Daisy, Sammy, Shane, and Jake, and am in an alliance w everyone of those people besides Sammy. but sammy has vouched saying that he does want to work w me and has my back and i don't have like,, any reason to doubt that rn ? unfortunately the only way to rlly like ,, ,, have everyone prove their trust to me is by going to tribal aldksfjasdlfj but i dont rlly see a reason for them to like ,, , lie to me ? esp when we haven't gone to tribal? i don't see the point in marinating someone this isn't among us and ur trying to cover ur murderous tracks,,, but ya ? i'm in a good spot. i think based on my alliances and allies and whatnot, and i've stated this already so this isn't rlly a surprise, but madison would probs be the target if we'd have to go to tribal. and Jake has stated to me too that he hasn't rlly talked to madison that much either so it doesn't seem like an uncommon thought process. after the challenge tiebreaker yesterday , the newly formed ALLEANCHE! kind of came together as the 4 most active people on the tribe so it SEEMS like it would be madison AND sammy getting targetted and , ,, , sammy going for me isn't rlly cash money bc if sammy DOES have my back then that's me losing one of MY allies,, but i don't think we're going to enough tribals before another swap for that to actually be a thing ? so hopefully if we do go to tribal it'd be madison and not sammy, but i think i, if not i then maybe jake LOL, can make a good case for madison to go over sammy. speaking of jake i have a rlly bad gut feeling that i'm gonna have to think ab cutting him soon - or at least before merge. i've kinda been letting him take the reigns since preswap to make him kind of look like a leader ish ? so i'm rlly hoping that like ,, , hypothetically speaking. lets say i'm AGAIN put on another tribe w jake (bc lbr we're swapping again),, and lets say hypothetically they wanna split up the supposed "duo" of myself and jake,,, whos the smarter person to take out - the leader whos kinda been calling the shots and making the alliances since round 1, or the person whos proven themself to be reliable and to keep their team safe and be able to go to bat for their team ? idk IDK that's just me but i definitely think like ,, in terms of a building threat level i think jake is definitely the easier target asldkfjasd which is UNFORTUNATE like i LOVE JAKE but i feel like if it comes to me and jake and jake is putting me in DANGER then , ,, well,, :( i gotta do what i gotta DO i'm pawned as old reliable for a reason :katenails: but ya uhm,,, shane/daisy/jake/i were talking on call after the tiebreaker ab what could happen and we all basically agreed theres no way in hell that there ISN'T another swap on the horizon or at least like,, a twist or something. u can't just swap at 18 on a 20 person cast and just expect us to sit like lil ducks on sunday brunch, if anything we're probs gonna swap at like ,, , , , 15? OR hosts are cracked and swap us NEXT ROUND bc they're sadistic. but ya there's def another swap it rlly just depends on when and whos there to experience it - i.e whether or not i'm gonna have security from my allies or not ya feel? i feel. also there's definitely probs like ,, , ,a double tribal. or smth. or like, smth crazy and dumb and stupid that i don't have the brain capacity to rlly comprehend. but ya hope i win this was a good strategy talk #fruciferandcallumathrowchallenge

NICOLE

Hello!!! Nash went home and I'm sad so I am PROTESTING confessionals! You won't know anything that is happening with me! Nothing! (Just kidding nothing happened this round, everyone ignored me and then we won immunity so they had no need to)

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1TxoVh69i2GPA-agNAfyW0G-Bu07weXyZ?usp=sharing

SAMMY

so I had to write a paper and I'm rushing to get this in...blinks...whats new anyways I have been so off in like the idol hunting and I have felt so detached from this game since I have only been to tribal once? but I think the people in danger would be like Madison or Jake? they have both been brought up to me by daisy...and in all seriousness I would be fine with that? I honestly really am only prioritizing Jones and Daisy in this tribe. I feel fine with my position in this game and I even got a point from the flash games. Luckily Daisy won for us in the tiebreaker and we were able to barely escape tribal. I really do hope I can continue to avoid tribal so that I can get as far into this to make it to the more individual stage of this game.

DAISY

https://youtu.be/3kCYnxDIdQY

TRIBAL COUNCIL

[hollowbastionsurvivor]

Episode 4 - "The show must go on" ~Kevin

Mutiny: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630277130686742528/announcement

Mutiny Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630281668546134016/announcement-mutiny-results

Tribal Immunity: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630281797053415424/tribal-immunity-4

Ellie mutinies to Heartless. Everyone is shocked as they saw her in a really good position on the tribe

Jessica mutinies to Heartless because she knows that she is next on the chopping block

Colin mutinies to Nobody to cause chaos. Ellie tells him to side with Kim, and he tells her and Dylan to protect Christina

i'm sad colin left. but the show must go on 

*All speculative prose (I do not know anything 🙃)* So I feel bad. I think Colin may have gone because Colin thought I was. The problem is he did not talk to me beforehand?!? Like Colin and were talking about it and then COVID and then the edit logic... And I was busy talking to people and the new tribe members. I hope I did not screw over Colin after hearing how it is over there. At least here *every* one is faking it. ...and he was gone. Not sure Colin will be happier there, but hope so. 

~~~~~

Ellie forms a bond with Emma and wants to work with her despite her messiness

Pretty confident, I screwed over Colin. I apologize to Colin and to what I may have done to his game. I will feel guilty about this for a long time. Even if I am wrong, I still feel like I missed something with it being so crazy. Regrettably, Emma

I can’t find an idol to save my life now lmao nor can I figure out how to stop failing a part of it 😭 We won the immunity challenge AGAIN! I’m really proud of the tribe for this one because it was such a pain in the ass 😂 There was also an opportunity to mutiny and Colin took it! The chaos pull was strong for him lol. I really almost went too, but I heard negative things about the guys on nobody tribe soooo that’s a no from me. Heartless Tribe gained two people, which gives me another shot at building bonds. This immunity challenge we’re doing now is really fun tbh. We have to complete units of Japanese on Duolingo! I think we can win this one. If we don’t, there are a lot of people to choose from 🖤

~~~~~

Emma gets really paranoid about all the people who are talking

Fairly sure Dylan is holding the tribe in this challenge, but think Jessica will do a lot today. Weary of new people, of course, lol. They both are new to the tribe, and Ellie is super chill. We can talk about anything, so glad for her! Amy and I should have just done it. I do not think that this majority/minority wants to go tribal, and then the others do. So I am prepared for tribal. And I am staying silent to everyone else. The people playing in this are supposed to be my allies. I want this to be true. I wish I did not speculate as much as I do.

Lord please keep me from losing my shit on Emma. She is legit the messiest person alive and I cannot wait to vote her out. She consistently sends the wrong people the wrong chats and then wildly tries to pretend the messages are meant for them. She’s always in everyone’s business about challenges and idols and freaking out if people don’t talk for a few minutes. I will say this. If it goes to tribal, this vote goes to Emma because I can’t deal with her stress anymore. 

こんにちは !! Liking this new tribe. I wish Kim switched over. Things are going well I think. Need to talk to more people and find out the scoop of everything. Things seem calm? Probably because they haven’t voted anyone out. Hopefully we win the challenge because I’ve been learning Japanese all day and this girl is tired. 

~~~~~

Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630371332666867712/duolingo-results

WOOOOO WE WON. I have to admit it does feel good to win. And why yes raffy, I will enjoy my night off. 

Yay Kevin! Yay our whole Heartless Tribe! Just, yay!

~~~~~

Christina and Kevin did amazing! Super proud of them because I know they both worked hard/love languages. This Immunity Challenge solidified (maybe) some stuff with Kevin and Christina being in this for the tribe. I am just going to try and be cautious. This will likely fail. 😆 Ellie's amazing addition. I think, overall, we are relieved. Party!!! 🥳😴😎🙃

~~~~~

Emma believes Amy is lying to her about something, calls out people in the tribe chat, and gets increasingly frustrated by people not answering her within 5 minutes.

https://youtu.be/EnKi5uFqj3g

Seriously hope Dylan/Kevin sent Colin over as a "spy" (since they have played together). I do think if I was faster as processing things that I would have made two different decisions, regardless of Colin's intentions. 1. Would have messaged closest allies and said I was going for sure. 2. Would have messaged Hosts I was going.

https://youtu.be/SrWYjWZmhiM

Friday was so crazy! I'm still in shock over Colin switching tribes, that was so unexpected. I really liked getting to know him. Also I don't really like the new People. Ellie seems sweet but she really is too sweet, it's almost ingenuine. Jessica just seems rude. I mean she waited until 2 days after switching to this tribe to talk to me. I had to talk to her. Like, who does that? Especially after mutineeing from a tribe. You should be on high alert. Jessica is a no bueno for now, but we'll see.

~~~~~

Ellie wants to work with Emma as they bonded over their similar chaos energy. She realizes that a lot of people are after Emma due to her messiness in general

Missing kin hours :(( Still I really like my new tribe!! Everyone is nice and I don’t think I’d be the target, rn it seems like Emma has a target on her back which kinda sucks cause I like her a lot but it’s better than me!

~~~~~

Emma leaves even more alliance chats that she created on a whim.

~~~~~

Tribal Council: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630458005478129664/tribal-council-3-nobody-tribe

~~~~~

Mutiny: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630277130686742528/announcement

Mutiny Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630281668546134016/announcement-mutiny-results

Tribal Immunity: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630281797053415424/tribal-immunity-4

Ellie mutinies to Heartless. Everyone is shocked as they saw her in a really good position on the tribe

Jessica mutinies to Heartless because she knows that she is next on the chopping block

Colin mutinies to Nobody to cause chaos. Ellie tells him to side with Kim, and he tells her and Dylan to protect Christina

A mutiny. OF COURSE ITS A MUTINY! I'll absolutely say i wasn't expecting it but those were some bold decisions. Ellie i wasn't entirely surprised by HOWEVER Jessica mutinies and my heart skips a beat. It was ths game move she needed to make 100% because even if i potentially wanted to keep her , i wasn't going to a tiebreaker for her . Someone mutinied feom the heartless tribe and i wonder if they felt on the outs of they're just here to infiltrate. Who knows

Not surprised at the outcome at tribal tonight. I really did like John and enjoyed chatting with him, but for the sake of safety in numbers, he had to go. What I’m surprised is that Ellie jumped ship! Not so much Jessica, but Ellie has a good thing going for us. We will see how things pan out now that we’re divided 4-8!

~~~~~

Colin goes to work socializing with a new group. It’s going to be tough since those 3 are tight. He needs to crack a wall somewhere

Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630371332666867712/duolingo-results

I honestly feel responsible again for losing the challange!!! A 2??!?!?! Here I thought we were gonna average something much lower. But honestly, I didn't have much time to work on it as I spent the majority of the day at work. I think at this point our allience will vote together and unfortunately Colin will be the casualty. He shouldn't have mutinied...

Look i get that is part of this whole process but DAMN . Why does my tribe have to attend all the tribals. It's kind of demoralising tbh . 

~~~~~

Colin wanted to target Jordan, but has switched to Daniel. Kim wants to flip, but doesn't want it to tie. Jordan wants to flip on Kim since they have two rewards. The spice is going to be flavorful

OKAY so I need to walk you guys through my decision to mutiny. because on surface level it seems really dumb. I'm here to explain to you why its ALSO dumb on the deeper level. i'm a messy ass bitch. I have played DOZENS of these games and I've never taken a mutiny before, so honestly this was mostly about new horizons and trying new things! BUT ALSO. Ellie mutinied. and I NEED to be able to play my game without Ellie. I had good connections on my og tribe with Christina, Kevin, Dylan, and Amy. I hope that distance will make the heart grow fonder and they will realize how much they actually wanna work with me when I'm not there!! I gave them sufficient warning and tried to smooth things over so it wouldn't be awkward when we are reunited. My ultimate plan is to just survive until merge and then make a powerhouse trio of me, Christina, and Dylan. Dylan and I can be strategic masterminds, while Christina and I can also help maneuver us socially. After coming onto the Nobody tribe, I'm honestly not impressed. Kim seems okay but a lil dry, Jordan is barely around and also a lil dry, and Daniel is actually really fun to talk to, but doesn't seem invested game wise. I think i need to get Jordan out by painting him as a challenge threat. I think I'll try to make an alliance of Kim and Daniel. I really just need them to protect me. Losing this challenge SUCKS. I kinda wish Christina and Dylan had thrown for me. but I didn't expect them to and I'm not surprised they didn't. I think my name is absolutely on the chopping block because everyone else seems comfortable, but I fully intend to put in WORK to make sure I stay. if I can make it past this, this will be a huge talking point on my resume for FTC. I'm starting early. Wish me luck!! xoxo. 

~~~~~

Everyone is targeting each other and it’s about to be a big ol mess

I know it should be a no brain-er to who's going home tomorrow but i honestly do see the value of keeping Colin . We've bonded and i honestly do think he can be an ally for me moving into a merge. But it would require someone else to pull off because i don't want to piss off either Daniel or Jordan or potentially both if i vote against them

~~~~~

Colin attempts to talk with people about the vote, but no one responds back to him. Things are looking bleak as Kim as voted early for Colin. “I was talking to Kim this morning and basically all he said was he didn't think jordan and daniel would vote for each other. I hope Kim will at least let me do firemaking”

Colin shifts gears and tries to get Jordan to flip on Kim. However, Jordan is too scared to talk to Daniel about it, fearing it might ruin their relationship. So, he seemingly backs out on it. Colin grows increasingly frustrated with the fake back and forth. He doesn’t view Daniel as playing his own game as Daniel seems to do whatever Jordan wants him to do

Lost one of my core members to a mutiny, now lost the challenge. Our tribe has 4 members, two of which I believe to be close allies, one being the new member who mutinied from the other tribe, and of course myself. Kim, one of my allies, has been winning rewards throughout the game which scare me a bit. I’ve been getting along with our new member pretty well and it’s made me consider trying to find a way to vote out Kim so we can keep Colin around and just get rid of those rewards. I don’t think Dan would trust me anymore if I threw out an idea like this though so I don’t know if there’s a way to make it happen. However, I think I’m still leaning towards voting out the new member and at least trying to stay three strong. We will see if I feel the same tomorow.

im so sad. why did i take the mutiny. I'm really about to get voted out bc no one is even TALKING to ME all three of my new tribemates have expressed interest in keeping me and said that we had vibed really well. but now here I am, 4 hours before tribal, with absolutely nothing. No one talking to me. No names thrown out. They're going with the easy vote. I don't understand why. I can protect them going into merge!! they're going to be at such a numbers disadvantage, and I can be a bridge to the OG heartless tribe if I make it. But they don't wanna give me that chance. I'm so frustrated. 

I’ve really been trying to find a way to keep Colin but I just don’t think it’s gonna be worth it for me to risk my current friendships. I’m too nervous to even consider mentioning the option to either of them for fear they will just blow me off entirely after that. I do think I would have more fun if I kept Colin around, but it may be short lived. A blindside would be super spicy right now but we will see...

~~~~~

Tribal Council: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630458005478129664/tribal-council-3-nobody-tribe

~~~~~

Edgic:

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 10: “Not all hero’s wear capes, some wear pajama pants and robes!” - Cody

Amy A

Everything worked out PERFECTLY. Ugh I love a good plan. Hopefully my new core 4 plus Najwah stays in power. 

Olivia A

WHAT THE HELL!! Grae was my closest ally this is so disappointing. On top of everything, Aimee didn’t even vote with us!! So we’re at a 6-4 disadvantage. I don’t think anyone wants to work with us. Our last hope is finding and buying the idols and utilizing Kalle’s fake idol. I hate this.

Pedro A

woke up on the bottom...and thinking i was going home...guess what...im still here ahahahhahahahahahahhhaahhah...yall though...kalle is my guardian angel ...like if it wasnt for that girlll i would be out

ben kessler

Wednesday, July 29th, immediately after the tribal grae got voted out: heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh

Aimee

I had a long day and now Grae is gone. I’m honestly crying. Jay asked if I was okay and the river of tears just started flowing. I only knew Grae for a short while and really wanted to get to know them more. They brought such a beautiful, fun and loving energy to this game. Grae, I really am going to miss you. I’m just gonna go hug a stuff animal. 

Maddison

I knew Pedro was going to play an idol. He didn’t do one single puzzle, it’s obvious he felt safe. Snakes are slithering. 

Kalle N.

I truly cannot believe that our plan worked but it did and my splitting headache is totally worth it. I really feel like I deserve an Emmy or an Oscar for my performance with Maddison and Olivia after tribal but it's fine. I have absolutely no idea what comes next but boi will it be messy. I'm so sorry it had to be Grae but I didn't know what else to do. Also I hate that I'm working with Ben but don't worry I will use my chaotic energy to go against him eventually. I will now be erasing myself from the narrative and taking a break for several hours. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Najwah

OK last night's tribal was wiiiiiiild af. I think the funniest part is that this all started with me planting a seed. I told Amy L that she is at the bottom of their alliance and that I was open to working with her to get Maddison out. She spilled all the tea about Maddison having two idols and that she's been wanting to gether out for a while bc she says the same thing to everyone lmao. I think the thing that pissed Amy off is that she told her "I feel closest to you" anyway, Amy didn't respond to me immediately so I thought she wasn't on board at first so I told Cody I'd work with him and that I have the idol from Alan. Ffs. Wrong move. Cody just trust other people wit information and it's really annoying. While I love Sarah, I can't really trust her bc she's really close to Ben and Aimee - who I do not trust. Well, Aimee I am not sure about. I guess I only don't trust her because of her close Ness to Ben and Ben blatantly lies. Anyway. So Amy told me that their alliance is still trying to vote Pedro which is perfect for us coz we can still stay Hanúha strong. So at this point I realise I wouldn't have to play my super idol and Cody wouldn't have to play his extra vote. Anyway. Amy tells Kalle about the plan to get Maddison out. I send Amy a long ass message Pedro sent Zack that Zack sent me. She tells her group that Zack had sent it to her, to solidify their vote for Pedro. And then She, Kalle, Ben and Pedro form an alliance and they pull off one of the most epic blindsided. I mean, wow. Amy told me beforehand so I saw it coming and I told Cody about it too. Lmao but Ccody just can't be low key he wrote something about Maddison's two idols and he asked in the Old Hanúha group whether anyone had known about the plan lmao obviously Ben was like "no" and wtf. Ben's facial expressions at tribal was hilarious especially because I know he careful conducted this whole genius plan. I mean people still think their alliances are with their alliances and that no one has moles but there are so many layers right now and there are a few moles. 

Cody just needs to shut up. Be like Ben who claims that everything he is doing is for James lmao but is in a secret alliance with the person that got James out lmao love it. I love that I can see through some of the BS right now. The only person that could fuck up my game is Cody atm but I am taking a leap of faith and trusting him. He needs to trust me too. I kept telling him to just trust the process last night and he kept freaking out. I think the realisation of Ben being a BSer got to him a bit. Also, he toldd Sarah that I spoke to Amy? Like I'm so fkn mad. Can he just shut up? Ugh that's my biggest problem right now. I LOVE CODY OMG WE SPEAK ON VIDEO CALL LIKE EVERY HOUR LMAO but I'm just scared that he is too trusting with certain people, especially at this point in the game. He also doesn't know how to be low key lmao which is kinda funny. Also, Pedro. Wev ebeen talking a lot. Pedro's friggin Greek they're speech and the vote with Grae that ended with "sorry not sorry" just. Lmao. I wish I watched this on TV. I'm sad that it happened via skype😂😂 also I am not sure how this VL confession thing works. Did I say the right things? Yall probably have all the tea already. I'm a little sad that Grae went home. She seemed genuinely nice but she was our only option because Olivia won immunity. Maddison also made us all uncomfortable coz she took the time to chat to none of the new people at merge. Like? Olivia and Grae made the effort. She just seems too safe. Too comfortable. She isn't even participating in this challenge. Is she THAT comfortable or just pissed? Who knows? Never keep to yourself like that. It makes people suspicious. Pedro does seem very smart and manipulative though and I will be weary of him. Let's go idol hunting then woohoo. 

Najwah

Also I keep laughing at how ridiculously bad I am at answering questions at tribal. Omg. Embarrassing. I need like a few minutes to THINK. I always look back, and wonder why tf I said what I said. In retrospect, I'd answer last night's question with "don't we all feel like we are on the outs?" ugh. I'm so bad at it. I realise it makes me look dumb and perhaps that's not a bad thing. I don't mind looking dumb tbh. Lmao. 

Cody A.

I haven’t done one of these written confessions in a while! Obviously things have been absolutely fish crazy. Idek what fish crazy means but it just came to me. And on the topic of fish... I’m pretty positive I called Maola a bunch of sharks at tribal council. 

If it wasn’t for Naj last night, I would have been completely blonde sided by the vote. I had no idea what was going on, I thought the plan was to put votes on Pedro and Madison and one of them would go. 

About 20 minutes before tribal naj called me and said she did not want me to feel left out of the events that were about to occur. She told me the real plan of Pedro and Madison both playing idols and Pedro casting the sole vote on Grae. Not going to lie I was scared shitless... I was so close to writing kalles name as a safety net for myself. What if Pedro would’ve cast the sole vote against me? At the very least it would’ve been a 1-1 tie between myself and kalle. I just didn’t want to be Denise’d out of this game. 

Ultimately I trusted my gut which told me to just trust naj. If I had got fucked over last night, at least I would’ve went out trusting the right people. Naj also told me about a 4 person alliance between Amy, Pedro, Kalle, and BEN... My Ben!!! Smh. So moving forward I have to be very careful with the information I give and receive from Ben which sucks because I thought I could trust him more :/ Basically THANK THE LORDT FOR NAJ. Not all hero’s wear capes, some wear pajama pants and robes! 

Kalle N.

So this entire time that I've worked with Ben, he always dictates our moves and every single thing I can or can't say to certain people. If I suggest something he immediately turns it down and will only do what he wants. Men are the worst. Anyways, a little bit ago after he told me what our next move is and didn't let me have any input, he suddenly said "Actually what do you want to do? You go ahead and tell me what you want". That is EXTREMELY sus and makes me think that he's just trying to make me feel better while he's secretly plotting against me. I could go along with it and just let him vote me out bc honestly I'm exhausted, or I could reveal all of the insanity that happened in the last vote to my other alliance and then expose him to his own tribe for working with me. Which would get him voted out. But that's a lot of work so I'm ngl I'm leaning towards just getting voted out myself

Aimee

I’m so glad I’m not actually on an island playing real life Survivor right now. I would constantly be in the ocean or somewhere in the bushes bawling my eyes out. And then coming back to camp like, “oh hey guys! No puffy face here, I promise! Yeah everything is peaches! Hanuha strong! Those red eyes are just from too much sun, I think I need to lay down in the shade” I’m not crying over Grae and how shitty I was to Maddison or anything, JayKay I totally am! I hate that I didn’t tell Maddison the votes were going her way. I’m not even sure why I didn’t. I’m so sorry Maddison, I really hope we can rebuild our connection and work together again. I just feel like barf and am exhausted. Trying to play this game with a full time job is tough. I hope I have the emotional fortitude to pick myself back up and put on a poker face. The last thing I need is anyone figuring out my tells and knowing what I am up to. I want to work with Ben and Maddison the most at this point. I hope I can make that work out. 

Pedro A

I'm honestly scared...for the next tribal ...I feel like everyone is gonna go after me...cause apparently I'm the villan lol

Kalle N.

It's a little hard to focus on the game at the current moment bc an exciting/terrifying development may be occurring in my life in the next couple of days. I'm having a prolonged anxiety attack. We were going to try to take out Aimee so F's in the chat to pay respect. Don't know what I'll be doing. Need to go cry in the shower now.

Najwah

Sigh. It's been a very long day. I really played hard at this challenge, knowing I have a 15% DA. Do I think it's insane that someone came into the game when half the players had already been eliminated and over half the 24 hours had already passed only to NOT even try to eliminate the one person not in our alliance in there, then pretend it's all kumbaya and eliminate our alliance (who we said we won't eliminate, we made a pact?) one by one? I mean yeah it's damn insane. And not that I'm a sore loser or anything, but I wish she'd have been there when things were actually heated and when everyone else was putting in the hard work. This isn't endurance in my opinion. This is coming into a game late and reaping all the benefits. However, well done on her tactic. Love it honestly. I think she made good moves and knew when to strike and for that, of course I think she's a fkn Queen. Even though I felt as though I was so close to winning immunity, even though I tried really hard. At the end of the day, it's how you outwit and outlast your opponents. Next time I'll be sure to not read challenge rules at 4am and then try to actually understand the game properly and how I too, can make things easier for myself dammit coz I think i keep making everything so hard for myself in this game ugh. I just need one fucking WIN. Goodness I am playing so hard. Wow. Wow. Starting to wonder what panderosa is like lol must be fun. Anyway I need to sleep coz the sleep deprivation is making me feel sick af and making me paranoid about having corona. 

Aimee

https://lovelyygifss.tumblr.com/post/618070044309700608/deserved-more-than-0-votesssss QUEEN SARAH!!!!!!! 👑 ♥️ This challenge proved to me so much that Sarah is in it for the long haul with me! I could tell she was never guessing for my word and I wasn’t trying hers. Team Casanova is once again coming up equal on all challenges and I love to see it! I can’t believe I got to have my Michele moment and come from behind after being hours behind in the challenge and eliminating the last three people in a row to kick down that damn puzzle! I am on such an adrenaline rush!!! After the low lows of last night this rollercoaster of game really proves you can get right back up and thrive! Haha it was so hard saying my word since I’m a pretty positive person and my word was “not.” Sarah and I never gave up in this challenge and we ended up being the last two remaining!!! I also really bonded with Najwah and Cody. That challenge was so much more than immunity it was also a great opportunity to bond with cast mates and I really capitalized on that. Even during this challenge I patched things up with Maddison too and it seems like we are back to trying to make things work with us. I feel like Grae would want that for both of us too. I went from crying my eyes out the night before to total redemption today. It was on my bucketlist to win an individual immunity and I did it on something I never knew I could win. I’m just so amped and trying to calm myself down. I’m just https://youtu.be/erG5rgNYSd Wheeler island in the sun The song I was listening to when I won immunity. 🎃🐻🌈🍑❤️💜🧡💛

Sarah

There have been so many things that have happened today... This morning Ben, Naj, and I gave Cody enough coins for him to hopefully get the idol. Cody showed me what was in the store and how there were two necklaces for $20 which was odd. He got one of the necklaces and we thought it was a real idol. Tbh we still don’t know if it’s a real idol. Cody sent a fake message to Ben and I showing that it was a “fake idol” (he got the message from Naj when she had found a fake idol). We thought it was real but when Cody found it it said “what seems to be an idol,” which makes me think someone planted a fake idol there and he did get a fake idol. I will send in more soon... 

Najwah

I thought that making it to merge would be enough for me lol but somehow my goal is just to get further now. I'm at a crossroads though bc there is no one I really want to get out or back stab or whatever. Cody found a supposed idol yesterday. I told him just to tell Ben it's a fake idol and if Ben wanted to use the fake idol, he could give him my idol. Thing is, Cody is paranoid about it being a real idol or fake one that he found. I think he should just chill about it and it'll be fine. I just want Cody to be calm, I feel like without Zack's constant talking and scheming, the silence is getting to him a bit. But I quite like the silence. He thinks it means something is happening or people are plotting against him. I just think it means people are trying to sleep lol. I mean even if he was a target, he still has an idol. Ugh. Anyway it's actually a religious holiday for me today and tomorrow. So I will spend time with my husband and perhaps go to a fancy restaurant or something. I haven't felt fancy in so long and I realised everyone in this game has really seen gross, messy haired, late night Najwah lmao like I usually don't even let my friends see me this way 

Najwah

It's silly trying to keep wondering who tf I can trust. I need to just go with my gut. There are a few people in the game I really like. Cody, Sarah, Amy, Pedro and Aimee. I don't know the rest and I don't trust Ben. I don't know what he's up to. He was supposed to be in some secret alliance with Kalle and Amy but he told Cody and I about them so what's really happening? Who knows? Also he keeps asking me what do I want to do who do I want out? Lmaoooooooooo. 

Najwah

We had a lot of deep, crazy conversations yesterday and one of my favs were actually drooling over survivor players and realising how gay everyone is lmao. I love that. As someone who has struggled with my sexuality for most of my life, thinking I'm gay for a long time and then finding myself attracted to boys too was bizarre in the early 2000s. and being told being bisexual is a "phase" or "confusion" or that it was bc I went to an all girls school (shout out to Rhenish girls High), being in a space where everyone is really open and accepting of all this is amazing. I'm happy i live in a country where gay marriages have been legal since 2006 and ironically being trans or gay is not that big of a deal here as it is in countries way more progressive than ours. I still struggle with non binary pronouns but I am learning thanks to this game. I feel free just being who I am, whoever tf that is in this game. And for that I'm obviously very thankful. Today, I'm married to a man who appreciates my sexuality and is open to me exploring it even more. Its been a long journey and it makes me extremely happy seeing people in this game, so much younger than me and so much more sure of themselves. I'm happy that they will be spared a lot of pain and confusion. I love GenZ. I love that they just are who they are and there is no pretense. This Is so important and a luxury previous generations could only dream. Of. 

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Olivia A

Our plan for this vote feels really ambitious but I think it’s gonna work. We’ll likely get the numbers back :)

Maddison

I’m going to have to use my advantage tonight to save my ass. Guess that’s what advantages are for, eh?

Ben Kessler

I am trying to vote kalle out. If it works, my name will be out there but it may pay off. Maddison and Olivia are definitely going for me which is fine. I need to tell Pedro 5 minutes before tribal to trust me.

Kalle N.

Maddison will use her advantage, Olivia will play my idol, the only votes that will count will be the votes we put on Cody. That's it that's the plan

Cody A.

https://youtu.be/PuZChTTJzzU

Pedro A

Okay so me olivia kalle and amy are voting cody...plus maddison will leave tribal......and olivia will play the idol kalle has....i swear if olivia votes for me...and i go HOMEEE....IM DONEE...i have a bad feeling about this tribal...im trusting the devil lol 

Olivia A

Kalle has been playing double agent this whole time and told everyone about the safety without power advantage grrr what a mess 

Maddison

I’m making a big move tonight and I’m not sure yet how it will pan out. 

Olivia A

Kalle has been playing double agent this whole time and told everyone about the safety without power advantage grrr what a mess 

Olivia A

Initially we were going to all (Maddison, Cody, Najwah, Sarah, Aimee, and I) vote Ben but we are going to switch it to Kalle because Aimee and Ben are kinda close and we want to keep Aimee as a number. I’m happy to see Kalle go after how much she has lied to Maddison and me.

Olivia A

I am SO nervous for this vote. Here is the whole plan: Maddison will play her safety without power advantage and I will play the (fake) idol that Kalle gave me. This is just so that Kalle doesn’t get tipped off that we know about her lies. Kalle believes Maddison, Amy, and I are voting for Cody and think that she is voting for him as well. In reality, Cody, Aimee, Sarah, Najwah, Amy, and I are voting for Ben. We suspect Ben, Kalle, and maybe Pedro are voting for me and expect it to work because of the fake idol that Kalle planted. I really hope this works because if people are lying then I’m definitely going home. 

Ben Kessler

Dearest confessional, My life is out on the line. I am in a very vulnerable position right now and if I stay in the game tonight damage control must be done. There are many complicated plans and I work best under chaos, so these votes are hopefully good for my game overall. If kalle actually gives her idol to Olivia and we vote out kalle, maddison and Olivia and Amy will be pissed, but they do not have the numbers. I would need to do some more work to make sure I get the info that kalle is currently giving me, but it's not as bad as going farther with kalle and then losing later on. I now need to video call kalle goodbye.

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE FOUR: “I JUST NEED ME AND MY GIRLIES TO SURVIVE.” - JAKE

I'm jumping ship because Keegan voted for me TWICE!!! Bro I'm like Kelley Frickin Wentworth, I'm gonna underdog this game. Heck yeah I'm joining Andreas, Chris, and Dennis. 

The word of the day is definitely Tinky Winky. It’s a Tinky Winky revolution and all because I couldn’t get the fucking epic rap battle line “we’re in the endgame now Tinky winky” unstuck from my brain

Literally all my best friends are on the other tribe UGHHHHHHHH Sharifa, Trent, Kurt, Lukas we will be together at some point 😞✊ And Jake tbh imma miss him I have ned, Keegan, and Malik Ned doesn’t like malik Keegan thinks I voted ned Malik would’ve been voted out if he didn’t have immunity Sitting in a burning room with a teaspoon of water but ILL GET THROUGH THIS I PROMISE

I imagine Olivia, Trent, and Keegan as the episode 2 trio of Jamal, Jack, and Molly from Island of the Idols, specifically the line "we're really impressed with ourselves." They think they're playing some mastermind UTR game but in reality literally everyone knows their schemes.

Sooooo I received a vote and it was likely from Kage so that’s annoying… BUT here are my thoughts on the swap

1) I think Lukas told Kage I was trying to get him out. The way Lukas talked to me about Emma and the way he talked to me about Kage were very standoff ish. He was clearly trying to get info and just say things that didn't give anything either way. It was a very different feel than what I got with anyone else. 2) I think there's a winners alliance between Jake, Sharifa, and Kurt. Jake told me he got along well with Sharifa and Kurt. So clearly he's hoping we target Trent. BUT Also Sharifa knew I was a winner when I talked to her and made a point to bring it up. Yet, when I asked if there were other winners she mentioned Kurt and not Jake. That doesn't make sense. She doesn't know me at all. Why would she have that info about me but not have that info about Jake? 3) I think I'm losing Lukas a bit. Before we swapped Dennis told me that Kage mentioned something about the idol no longer being where it was originally. He also mentioned that Kage told Lukas. Me and Lukas had been sharing idol information but Lukas hasn't been coming to tell me things and he DEFINITELY didn't tell me the Kage info. Now that I've said all that, I wanna debate whether or not to tell anyone about the 5 that was created on our old tribe. Dennis might not enjoy it cause it would throw him under the bus. But he's no longer on my tribe. I could use this opportunity to inch my way into the winner's alliance and surround myself with threats. Get Lukas closer to me and make him a bit more sus of Kage. AND get Matt closer to me as well. My relationship with Sarah is interesting and I think it'll stay that way. I think we've been getting along nicely but I don't think she's actively going out of her way to work with me cause she likes me. I think at best, she wants to just get info from meAGAIN, all this said, one of the BIGGEST things I've learned in the past is to trust my perception. In both real life games I've played, I had a gut feeling about all of the important things in the entire game. I knew when things were happening that were shady and was able to sus it out. BUT in both, I waited too long to act on it and tried to logic my way through issues rather than trust myself. So I genuinely think what I'm feeling about all these relationships makes a lot of sense and I'm trying to really figure out what I should do with the trust I've built. I gotta a lot of ground to make up cause of my vacation and I can feel my relationships slipping. Jake and I rn are really close. As outside friends, I trust him to work with me for a while. He’s giving me lots of info and even shared an idol clue with moi And honestly, the only person I would care to push to go home rn is Kage and even then I don't necessarily think it's smart to take him out yet 

This was actually a good swap! Me, Andreas, and Dennis are in the minority, although I felt prepared that it would go this way! I talked to everyone and actually think all of them are cool BUT Matt claimed that Olivia told him Malik was the target on their tribe had he not gotten immunity and Sarah I believe said do not trust Olivia so I want to capitalize on that somehow! Also Malik and I know one another so that's cool! But we must downplay!

Just survived the double tribal. It was way more stressful than it should have been, but thats just because of my paranoid self. I had a 1/6 chance of going home, but luckily i didn't receive any votes. There were two rouge votes on keegan who was in my alliance but jake admitted that he and ned were the votes because they both got scared they were the vote and wanted to protect themselves in case of an idol. I thought for a split second there was a much bigger alliance controlling the game and I just got played. But luckily that didn't happen. Now comes a much harder part of the game. We swapped into our original roles, classic Heroes vs Villains. This would be fun expect for the fact i'm now in a 5-4 minority.  I'm going to have to work extra hard to not get voted out, but if they choose me, theres not much i can do unless i find an idol. Lukas I sorta knew threw olivia and she was hoping all three of us could work together, so i'm hoping he can protect me a bit. NIcklas I played BB pokemon with. We were never on the same side in that game, but hopefully theres so some sort of connection there I can use. Sarah Lynn also played that but she was inactive and first boot and I dont think she remembered me. The other two i just met for the first time last night. It's going to be tough to survive, but hopefully we dont even have to go to tribal.

To absolutely no ones surprise, we have swapped! But before I get into that, let me just unpack a little bit that happened at the last tribal because I am SHOOK. So the plan was for there to be a near unanimous vote for BIRCH. With Olivia throwing an extra vote on NED just in case BIRCH had an idol and was lying about who they were voting for. All is well and good. But then tribal happens and not only does NED get two votes but I get two votes. Record scratch. Hold up. What the absolute fuck? I genuinely though I was about to be blindsided and sent home pre-merge. So the end result was five votes for BIRCH, two for NED and two for me. In the brief chats I had before we actually swapped, as well as after with OLIVIA, MALIK and NED, it appears that it was KURT and JAKE who wrote my name down. Fair enough I guess, I hardly spoke with them at all this round. But it was still a shock. As far as I can tell, the McBITCHES all stuck together with the plan. SHARIFA, TRENT, MALIK and myself voted BIRCH with OLIVIA sticking with her NED vote. BIRCH definitely voted for NED and I’m pretty confident NED voted for BIRCH which definitely leaves KURT and JAKE as the two who voted for me. Which means they are close and working together. So that’s definitely something to keep in mind. In regards to the swap it is now a true Heroes vs Villains season and we swapped into those alignments. Which honestly I am okay with because I’ve got OLIVIA with me, who is probably my #1 ally at this point. I’ve also got MALIK who I trust a great deal. And NED, well NED I’m still working on gaining his full allegiance to me. ANDREAS, CHRIS and DENNIS are the other heroes from the original Molysmeno tribe. So far they’ve been nice and I’m bonding with CHRIS over horror movies so that’s been good. However, because of the late tribal we didn’t get a whole lot of time to talk last night. Moving forward, I’d like to win immunity challenges for sure. As much as I would hate to lose TRENT or SHARIFA on the other side, I don’t trust that OG AMMONIA will stick together if we end up at tribal. And who’s to say one of ANDREAS, CHRIS or DENNIS doesn’t have an idol and idols us out even if we do. I genuinely would like to stick with OG tribes for the time being though. As of this very moment, ANDREAS I think is who I would prefer to vote out right now. He seems to be the most difficult to actually talk with at the moment. But it’s still very early in the swap so we’ll see how things progress. 

So I feel that everything is coming together. Andreas/Dennis have told Malik on the Olivia stuff and he was hurt but it is going to have him come to us. While they think Malik's going to be all for them, there is a good chance he and I can snipe! Meanwhile Malik and Ned have expressed a little concern about Olivia/Keegan. I think my ideal tribal scenarios are 5-2 or 3-2-2 so stay tuned on THAT 

Today I've spent lots of time thinking about my odds in the game while at work and tbh I feel like I can surprise a lot of these people. For me, a lot of them want to play under the radar or downplay themselves, but I feel like perhaps the fact I am so new I can legitimately do so without it not looking suspicious and unbelievable. Someone like Matt or Sarah or Dennis or Ned or whoever I feel will have a hard time with that- at least I hope they will. So yeah. Still, I enjoy so many of these people that I feel if I do lose, then I certainly won't be sad about it! Having that said, I'm here to win and plan on doing so!

The swap happened as expected after Emma left. If Emma had stayed, this swap would've been a mess and a half, but she didn't and Kage (the rogue vote) prolly put himself really low into that swap. The swaptribe is amazing. Thanks to Matt's info, I was instantly able to form a really good relationship with malik, who didn't necessarily know he was on the outs, but is SO easy to talk to. He also seemed so so sad when I told him Matt's info, like literally heartbroken and I felt so so sorry for him :(. Ned also approached me about him being on the outs and even being close to Malik, so that is good... right?! Olivia and Keegan seem really nice, but we swapped into a Minority, so I will have to work every angle I can. There are a few concerns I have and those are mainly based on the fact, that things seem way way WAY too good and this just can't be?! I do feel like tho. My connections to Malik and Olivia would EVEN if they stick together mean, that I hopefully don't get targetted and that is actually my entire premerge strategy (or atleast until we make jury). Make connections and make people depend on you/like you enough that even if they betray you, it won't be you, who gets the boot. We just have to be careful, especially depending on what awaits us at Thera. The new Idolsystem is very very interesting to say atleast. It seems multi facetted and apparently Thera plays into it, so yeah

Music. Video. Challenge. No. I hate it. However, I stupidly volunteered to edit the damn video and I'm literally wasting almost three whole days of my life editing It's Raining Men. But I'm putting a ton of effort in so even if we lose I think I might be doing enough to make people feel sorry for me and like they can't vote me out. But by golly if I ever have to do another music video in my life I am RIOTING.

So for this challenge I’m really not feeling too hot about my tribes chances. It seems like not many people are excited about it, granted I did get a score of 8 on guess who. Hopefully we can pull it together.

Omg were back to original tribes..... it’s 7 heroes and it’s 4 original Armonia and 3 molysmeno. I’m with Dennis and Chris who were in the mystery inc alliance so I trust them. But then Malik is here who is someone I played a FB BB org with over a year ago and we went to f3 together and were extremely loyal. And then we have Ned who is one of my best friends from ORGs ever. Ned caught me up to date pretty quick about how he’s been targeted by Olivia and Trent. That’s dangerous for sure. He also said that there’s a Ned/Olivia/Keegan/Malik alliance that ‘plans’ on working together.... I have a plan to break that one up.

So I broke the news to Malik that Olivia led a campaign to target him and while he was really upset, he took the news well. Honestly, this has been the most gameplay I’ve done all season and it’s weird because I’m trying to be cool calm and collected. Also, Olivia and Keegan are so hard to chat with .... they just leave me on read so often, or will just react to my messages halfway during our chats and it’s just hard to chat with them. Neither of them want to talk game at all, and I’m thinking it’s cause they believe they’re going to be Armonia strong. Further to this, Dennis and Chris said the same thing is happening to them too. Malik approached me about a me, him, Ned, Dennis and Chris alliance. That works well for me honestly. I can get behind that quite frankly. As long as Ned and Malik can play both sides for at least this round, I won’t have much blood on my hands. My only fear is about idols or double votes or what not. If we split the votes and they have a double vote it could 3-3-2. That would cause a revote so all would be fine. But as long as they don’t sniff it out we should good. This is all dependant if we can win or not.

Woo we won immunity!!!! 😄😄😄 i worked so hard and Keegan kicked ASSSSS (pun on my password lol) I’m terrified for my buddies sharifa, Trent, Kurt, and Jake because they’re outnumbered. I hope Lukas can flip or something

Things got insane after the immunity, all of the other villains were messaging me except for Kage. Suddenly everyone wants to work with me...sounds fake but okay. Matt and Sarah were ALLLLLLLLL up in my dm's talking about how they weren't going to vote for me because of how hard I worked on the challenge. Do I believe them? No. We’re all villains, someone here literally voted out Isaac on his birthday LFKJASDKJFA. But I do think it’s smart for them to work with me, taking out the target on everyone's back eventually means yours is the only one people can shoot at. Yes I'm the biggest target, but that means I'm a shield for yalls bitch asses. I'm just never gonna fully trust Matt and Sarah, they think they have the game WRAPPED around their pretty little fingers, and their final 2 is BLATANT. Then Lukas messaged me saying the same thing, but it felt genuine from him. We ended up having a lovely chat and I trust that a lot more than anything Mattrah said to me. MATTRAH AKSDLFJALSDJ. I went from Trolivia to Mattrah I'm never escaping these duos GOD. Speaking of which, Matt revealed that Kage was bringing back everything Trent was saying to Mattrah. So I gave Trent the heads up and then proceeded to throw him under the bus to Matt. Initially the plan was to get the target on Trent and then use my idol on him...and I even said that to Trent. But there’s a whole day left to play tomorrow so I have ZERO idea what I’m doing as of now. It’s a huge risk not to play the idol on myself, and everyone could just be trying to make me feel safe...but a part of me thinks I might have an opportunity to get power. The most interesting convo I had was with Nicklas. I’ve just had a feeling about that one since the swap, and we had a really meaty game talk. Not even talking about the game but just strategy in general...that one is a smart fucking cookie, I like him. He reminds me of myself in a lot of ways, the more pragmatic side. I was open that I was really fucking with what he was saying, and he seemed to be vibing me. It just felt like a lot of effort for him to put in just to make me feel comfortable but YOU NEVER KNOW. Everyone, and I mean everyone said they wanted to talk about the vote tomorrow...I feel like everyone is trying to use me in their plots and schemes, but I’m the queen for a reason. I need to figure out how to not only survive, but put MYSELF in a better position by doing what I need to happen. I have to take paranoia out of it, I have to take my personal shit out of it, forget I'm one of the pieces and step back and look at the chessboard as a whole. Tomorrow is going to be a huge day, if I go home, I’m gonna leave SWWWWIIIINNNNGGGGGGIIIING!! YOU WANT TO TAKE ME OUT YOU BETTER EARN IT!!

All that work was worth it! We won the immunity challenge! By a glorious 2 points! The only thing that worries me is whether SHARIFA and TRENT can survive this vote. KURT or JAKE can be voted out and I won’t feel any amount of sadness over it. I still feel like it’s early enough in the game that anything can happen so I’m really hoping the McBITCHES can stay whole until another swap/merge and we can reunite. I think for my own safety I’m going to try to propose an alliance of sorts with ANDREAS and maybe CHRIS, maybe bring in OLIVIA. I don’t think it would be the worst thing in the world to lose NED, but if we lose the next challenge I think it would be in our best interest to vote out DENNIS or CHRIS, depending on who OLIVIA and MALIK would rather see go.

 This week was a bad week to go to NOLA. I can tell I'm not doing so hot with the people on my tribe. Not bad, but not good. Kage apologized for "not checking up on me" after tribal today. Days after I already told him I was feeling fine about it all and just wanted to let him know since other people checked on me. Lukas has been quieter with me. Sarah and I are still talking but it took a lot to get info out of her today. People are also talking about the game without me cause Kage told Sarah that Trent was trying to target her earlier this morning as an "easy vote". And only Sarah told me that but I doubt only Sarah and Kage know about it. So I’m aware of my spot here…

Ok so update: We won the challenge by two points! The other tribe did great but we ended up getting the win! And based on what I know, Olivia was likely really trying to gun for me and said that to Matt because they were able to talk as Olivia confirmed it to me herself, and there’s no way Matt can randomly come up with that when he doesn’t even know me. So the second we lose if we do, Olivia is going home. She did great in the challenge, but if I know someone’s after me I never just let them stay in the game. I also got an alliance going with me, Ned, Chris, Andreas and Dennis! We(or I atleast) called it the teen titans and everyone went with it and we have roles. I’m cyborg, Andreas is Starfire, Chris is Raven, Dennis is Robin and Ned is Beast Boy. I love that group, they definitely made me feel at home on the new tribe!

i can’t believe we lost this effing challenge. LITERALLY ROBBED. anyways, first lemme confess about my new tribe. of course the other tribe has majority. i’m with kurt and sharifa who are the ones i trust, trent is iffy especially since i lies about the keegan vote, but came forward after to try to put it behind us nicklas is here who i trust a lot but am trying to keep the connection low because tbh idek how far he would go for me, i’ll have to see what happens in the vote to determine that. sarah might have a grudge against me idk, matt can’t even be assed to talk to me, i know lukas a bit and me and kage are eh. sharifa is worried we won’t have majority but this queen tellls me she has the idol so we might have some luck nicklas told me he doesn’t trust kage so i’m gonna try to work that angle, i just need me and my girlies to SURVIVE.

I'm so happy that we won! I get we have ideal targets but if I can go as many rounds as possible without seeing tribal, it'll increase my longevity in making the bonds I need to! Teen Titans was created (Dennis, Andreas, Ned, Malik, and myself) and I honestly love it! Between that and Mystery Inc and Andreas & The Chipmunks I feel good!

My gut has been telling me Kage is in trouble and so if he does get voted I'll feel horrible for not warning him that some people in MI think he had the idol. Hopefully he, Matt, and Sarah at least can pull through but I dunno, I have a bad feeling for one them going home

Omgggg so I had a very cathartic and explosive meltdown last night. I think this is my first time I’ve ever let like... true emotions trickle into an org. But I don’t regret it and I think it was a valuable experience. In terms of the vote tonight, I have no idea. I want to vote with Matt and Sarah because I think they will be a good lotus of power to cling to for awhile. I want to keep Kurt and Nicklas close as well, but Nicklas is kinda elusive. I assume the vote will land on Kage or Trent, which are both completely fine options to me. Both are a little unpredictable but Trent is super nice so I would feel bad.

*later on*

I feel like I’m in an okay spot! I helped launch the Kage vote (which hopefully will work) but I don’t think anyone sees me as the mastermind. I’m getting super close with Kurt and Matt. Jake seems to not hate me. Trent is def weary of me, but I’m weary of him too, so I’m not offended. My plan as of now is to just play this middle zone as much as I can!

I’m beginning to think that there’s nothing at all in the “idol system” and it’s all an elaborate ruse. Or I’m just that unlucky. I’ve also spent a bit of time on the blog typing random things into the URL in hopes of it revealing something useful but no luck with that yet either.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 13 - “We can only really try to protect them for so long unless they actually start playing their own game” - Matt S.

Me and Timmy being a duo is awesome becuase i feel like no one wants either of of us so thats will make sure we will make it through this vote. I feel bad for Trace. He had one split up with throwing Owen’s name out to Kait and caused our alliance to target him. Ian and Corey also wanted Trace gone. The good this is that i still have my steal a vote which i hope i wont need to use it until later in the game when i need the numbers by one vote. Im hope Timmy and I could do well in the challenge cuz immunity would be nice.

---

All I have to say was Fuck that logic pizzle. It was like so hard, but if im being honest though, I actually kinda had a little bit of fun. But overall frustrating.

Just sitting here waiting for information from the 6 person alliance to be leaked to me, I soooooo just want to be like, Devon. I fucking know. If Corey and I can get through this without burning an advantage that would be epic, but if an advantage gets burned I need it to be his double vote... to get Matt and Kait in the retrograde. I have very strong feeling I'm not going to get what I want this round. I can't, can't burn my idol on chips and Thomas. If it has to be played my foot is going down on it to be Matt and Kait. To sum it up, if an advantage has to be played I need Kait and Matt in retrograde, if no advantage needs to be played I want Chips and Thomas. If Timmy and Maynor go then I'm gonna have to pop my idol soon rather than later. If it's Devon and me in a blindside... Whelp, I have to win a challenge and lose an ally. A lot more bad than good can happen for my game this round.

The ‘vote’ is Chips/Thomas but IMBS alliance is thinking of separating Devon/Ian. Like i both of them and it will be burning a bridge of who ever comes back from retrograde. Its crazy to finally be like halfway. Ive been really enjoying this season. I hope I can beat my placement of 9th from guyana here. Im trying my best and im playing my own game instead of playing for someone else because i wanted to have fun that season and help friends make it far and win. 

So this round is very interesting, I have a 1/5 chance of receiving votes which makes me incredibly nervous and I feel like it’s not far’fetched to assume kait and I may be targets. People want to vote Thomas and Chips which is hilarious because we can only really try to protect them for so long unless they actually start playing their own game. I think at this point there’s a pretty solid group of us that want to target Devon/Ian but I know Devon will feel betrayed by me. Kait always seems to think I’m naive which is kind of frustrating to me, but everyone thus far seems to actually trust me. Devon teased the idea of Corey’s name and she thinks I’m being tricked but considering I’ve been to infinitely more Warzones and have always voted correctly... we’ll see who’s the real trickster

This twist...mess. I am so happy to be partnered with Maynor though. When the post was made I was immediately going to message him if he wanted to be my partner but when I get to his PMs I saw that he already messaged me the same thing, so it worked out really well. He is definitely the person I want to go to the end with (that could change because he is really likable so who knows). But from a game standpoint I think we're very similar. I'm sad we lost immunity, but he put a lot of work into that because I was at work so I'm proud of him. The vote seems to be Devon/Ian which I am happy about because they are big comp threats. It's upsetting as well though because I have been talking to them and I like talking to them both but obviously they will have each other over me so having one of them go is beneficial. The other will be mad, probably at me (moreso Ian than Devon if he comes back) but that's a bridge I'll have to cross when I get to it. Also I finally respectfully made jury in TS which is exciting because last time was Virgin Islands and everyone was on jury in that game.

So very tricky day especially with the duos. It seems there is a consensus but that is too easy so there is something bound to happen and I do feel in danger. I have found that ian isn’t very well connected with a lot of people, which puts us in danger. I am thinking we may need to start being an aggressor in the next few hours. 

Matt, you always knew what was coming for you. I was always coming for you. Good luck in retrograde. This is my tribe now. Let the mighty kids be finished, let the age of the undesirable be born. Oh and kait, sorry girl I'm sure I'll see you back, but you voted for me so like... maybe don't be so protective of a goat at f12

Kait is paranoid because everyone is quiet but like calm down, your name has never come up once this game...which is concerning but not for the current moment...like you are fine just stick to the plan it is fine. Like our alliance is half the votes tonight so it's fine. We are all sticking around tonight so calm down and just be happy.

The vote is locked for Devon/Ian. I feel so bad voting Ian but its what my alliance wants and im in good standings with all of them that i think they would take me further. They are both comp threats so its good one is getting knocked out. This game is getting more chaotic and more game movey and i like it but it can be a double edge sword cuz it can easily be me as a target.

I want to retrograde just to show em all I'm not half-assing this game but whatever happens happens

Ep 13 I have never been happier to be immune. Those idol plays were crackedt, and I only knew one was happening tbh. I’m crying in the club about Corey being gone. And by the club I mean the tub. I was in a bath for the entirety of tribal BFJSJDN. I’m really worried about how everything is gonna work out now. Either Corey being gone is going to take a huge Target off my back, or it’s going to make it bigger. Also my phone autocorrected target to capital T and that should show you how much I shop at Target. 

Ep 13 So I know I keep saying I'll make a full length confessional and failing to do so while it's on my mind and I'm trying to remember to write this one I'll do my best. Anyway, last round I was told that (once again) me and Thomas were the vote. And I think it's because Thomas was my partner. Which is lame that he's always the decoy vote but here we are. So anyway I'm told that it's between my group or the group of Ian and Devon so I'm convinced to vote that way. Then the voted get read and they're all for Kait and Matt which is cool because it means I'm definitely in the minority since that plan was not communicated to me. Neat. Anyway, both of those groups play an idol and then it's a revote between Cullan and Corey, my group, and Jimmy and Maynor so obviously my group stays because we have the scapegoat. Anyway, that's what you missed last time on - Glee! And I swear I will sit down some time (probably tomorrow...) and type out a legit confessional that is the length of leading up to and including merge as like a "summary of where I am now and what's going on" - I know you probably don't care too much but that's what I'm here to do give you information that's pointless or has already passed.