#probably i will make another post at 2am tonight when i've figured out what i actually meant to say

[serenity-the-firefly]

He'd been right about the world, but he was wrong about himself. The world was a desert, but he was a magician, and to be a magician was to be a secret spring- a moving oasis. He wasn't desolate, and he wasn't empty. He was full of emotion, full of feelings, bursting with them, and when it came down to it that's what being a magician was. They weren't ordinary feelings- they weren't the tame, domesticated kind. Magic was wild feelings, the kind that escaped out of you and into the world and changed things. There was a lot of skill to it, and a lot of learning, and a lot of work, but that was where the power began: the power to enchant the world.

The Magician’s Land, Lev Grossman

This quote is from the very end of The Magician’s Land, which imo is a frankly masterful conclusion to the Magicians series. There’s a lot to talk about here, a lot I really love, but mainly what I want to talk about is what we all want to talk about all the time since april: how the season 4 finale SUCKED so FUCKING MUCH.

Or, why “magic comes from pain” is bullshit.

Because the realization here, the CLIMAX of these books, is quentin realizing that he is a magician not because of the pain he feels, but because of the intensity with which he feels. The point here isn’t that pain and distress give you ~super powers~ or whatever, the point is that the true power is feeling what you feel, seeing what is wrong with the world, and trying to change it! It’s about having emotions so strong that they manifest in the world around you! It’s about letting yourself feel deeply and without judgement! The dichotomy isn’t between ~people who suffer~ and people who go through life blithely unaware. The dichotomy is between the people who numb their emotions and keep their head down, and people who feel it all too acutely. The dichotomy is between people who are resigned to their lot in life and people who are determined to make the world into the one they think it should be. 

Which is the whole point of this book, to me at least- quentin, as a character, asks us: how do you find happiness if everything is so endlessly disappointing? what is the point? And the answer is that you go out and make it! you create your own reality!! you control the way the story ends. 

He rejects Fillory not because he’s grown out of it, but because it’s time for him to stop waiting and start doing! Which, basically, confirms something i believe- that we create our own realities. It is such a triumphant end, and it’s all about doing the hard and painful work of healing and growing. 

It isn’t that magic is pain, it’s that magic is feeling, but the show took that quote from the first book without the context, of, well, the rest of the series. Magicians have pain because they feel everything so keenly, are struggling against this world determined to beat us down. The show confused causation with correlation- magic doesn’t come from pain; that intensity and rawness and longing that creates magic is also, frequently, painful. But it’s also beautiful! 

Arguably, book!Quentin becomes more powerful not because of all the trauma he goes through, but because he grows into himself. He becomes more comfortable with himself, understands himself better, and by extension, understands how his magic works better. This power isn’t something you can get from giving up on yourself, this world, etc.- it comes from the hard work of trying. But the show looked at that and said “oh, so magic comes from being constantly miserable, right?” and it makes me FURIOUS.

Like, fuck off. 

[lovelytarou]

late night rendezvous

— in which suna rintarou invites you to a late night drive

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

genre: fluff, a lil angst

tags: suna waking you up at midnight to drive, late night driving basically, just you two being goofballs at midnight

a/n: i based this from the suna drabble i wrote a while back and it keeps nagging on my brain to write it. was actually gonna post it for his birthday but it's already the 26th at 2am here ://

suna didn't expect his party to be wild this year. granted, he should have expected the twins planning one without his knowing. leave it up to them to cause mischief and be the biggest party people he has ever known.

it was crazy, to say the least. he had recognized a few people who were in the party – his teammates, classmates, schoolmates, even past relationships and acquaintances he most certainly isn't aware the twins invited. he even spotted a few volleyball opponents they fought before and wished him a happy birthday.

he was surrounded by all of this people but his mind is looking for another person.

the twins couldn't have forgotten about you, could they? you're just as close to them as he is.

“what’s up, sunarin?” atsumu patted him on the back rather harshly, making him stumble a few steps forward.

he swear to the gods, his strength can be abnormal sometimes.

“have you seen y/n by any chance?” he asked, neck craning to and fro like a giraffe, “you invited them, right?”

“about that...” atsumu winced at suna’s harsh glare.

“we sort of...forgot?”

suna gave him a deadpan look.

“really? of all people, you forgot about them?” atsumu could only whine in return as he profusely apologized to the birthday boy.

deciding to ditch the party, he got out of the crowded house brimming with music and alcohol and got inside his car. he fished his phone from his pocket and immediately messaged you.

what he didn't realize was that it was basically 2am in the morning, and it's a weekday. you're probably asleep by now, suna thought. but will that ever stop him? nope.

cursing under his breath, he pocketed his phone and drove away.

the series of knocks stirred you from your peaceful slumber. after doing a shit ton of tasks, you immediately headed straight to bed, completely forgetting about giving your gift to your boyfriend – who forgot to invite you for his party. you slept with a slight ache in your chest upon seeing the posts the twins have on their socials and can't help but feel a little jealous.

the knocks ranged from gentle to hurried bangs on your window. huffing through your nose in irritation, you rolled over to the other side and peeked an eye. you almost had a heart attack when you saw who was looking through the glass.

“for fuck's sake, rin, you scared the shit out of me! some of us need to sleep for 8-10 hours, you know,” you scolded him, keeping your voice down as to not wake the people in your house, a bewildered look in your face as you take him in.

he's dressed handsomely and you guessed the twins forced him to because he doesn't really like to put much effort into his clothes, but he looks great in them always.

“i missed you,” he blurted, eyes searching your sleep-laced ones as he reached for your hand.

“we didn't see each other all day, i figured we can catch up now?” he offered, biting on his lower lip. he knows you might say no considering how late it is but he was also hoping you would say yes.

he wanted to end his day with a memorable moment with you.

“at 2 in the morning, rintarou?” you gave him an exasperated look but the thump in your heart and the voice inside your head convincing you that you've got nothing to lose is louder than any logical reasoning right now.

“alright, i'll get ready in five minutes.” you pecked him on the cheek, pushing his chest slightly as suna mouthed a yes before climbing off your window.

honestly, you don't know how he does that.

you sneaked to your door after getting ready and made sure you locked it again before joining suna in his car.

once you sat down on the passenger's seat, suna did not hesitate to capture your lips with his. the kiss seemed to stretched on for hours, his lips tasting like the alcohol he consumed in the party and faint smell of smoke. you giggled against his lips before pulling away.

“go eat some mint, your breath stinks!” you teased, nose wrinkling in mock disgust.

suna rolled his eyes, “says the one who has morning breath,”

the insulted look in your face made him cackle loudly inside the car as he pulled out of the driveway, his hand supporting your seat behind your head.

you fumbled with your seatbelt for a moment and suna seemed to have noticed it as his hands replaced yours and slid it down gently with a click. his hair tickled your neck as his face was so close to you, you can smell his perfume and him.

“if you keep looking at me that, we won't be going anywhere, baby.” he smirked, catching your eyes staring at his exposed chest that's been revealed by his shirt.

gulping down your saliva, you just smacked his arm in retaliation, earning another laugh from your boyfriend.

“just shut up and drive, rintarou.”

and so he did. suna connected his phone to his car and turned up the music. your eyes widened in realization as you recognized the song, or specifically the playlist. it was something the two of you made one boring afternoon. you were just playing around and adding iconic songs and some underrated ones to a playlist named after the two of you. you didn't know he would keep it and play it now.

suna had a faint smile on his face once the first few notes of the song played. he hummed to the music, fingers drumming on the stirring wheel. you yourself is tapping yours on your lap, but later, suna interlaced his free hand with yours and squeezing it lightly.

you enjoyed this moment more than anything. maybe it's because you just woke up and it's literally in the early morning and suna dragged you out of bed and you're still a little drowsy, but this all feels like a dream. something you don't wanna wake up from. it might be the city lights cascading down the road, the empty streets you passed, or the fact that the world is most likely asleep at the moment and getting to share it with him of all people is truly something magical.

as you were crossing a bridge, you felt the urge to turn down the window on your side, letting the wind hit your face as you closed your eyes. you danced to the music, albeit stupidly, but you didn't care. you sang loudly to your heart's content but you might be singing the words wrong, yet in suna's eyes, as you scream into the night, with your hair being ruffled by the wind and the city lights flickering behind you – he can't help the laugh bubbling out of him, because god, how did he get so lucky to have you?

you urged him to dance with you to the song and he did so although you made fun of him and his robotic moves. you spent the whole ride just singing and goofing off in the night.

after a while, you guys stopped at a restaurant to get some food before going home. by the time suna drove to your house, it was almost 6am. he forgot he still had practice later, but when he's with you, you're the only thing that mattered to him.

in the end, suna ended up showing you how he was able to climb up your window and even tagged you along with it. you almost fell and broke a leg but good thing your troublemaker of a boyfriend was there.

“so, i guess this is goodnight?” suna sighed forlornly as he sat at your windowsill.

“more like good morning to me,” you chuckled, staring down at your linked hands that are both refusing to let go. “i had fun tonight, rin –oh wait! i almost forgot!”

he was left confused when you suddenly ran around your room looking for something until you emerged with a small neatly wrapped box in your hands.

“for me? y/n, you really didn't have to,” he scratched his neck as he stared at the gift.

“just open it, rin!”

you bounced in place as you watch his face closely while opening the gift.

“is this real? how did you–” he got the camera out of the box, you had gifted him a polaroid since you saw how he loves to ‘document’ things so much and you figured he might want to make a lot of memories, hopefully with you in them as well.

“y/n, i love it. i love you,” he then wrapped you in his arms, his chest feeling warm and fuzzy with overwhelming love for you.

“i love you too, and i'm glad you did or else all the money i've saved up for will be useless.” you teased, smiling fondly at him as he examined the polaroid camera.

“this is the best birthday ever,” he leaned for a kiss, tilting his head to deepen it. you soon have to pull yourselves away before it got any late.

“now go home, rin!” you practically shoved him out of your window, he went in for one last kiss before hopping off.

he walked towards his car but before he get inside he looked back to you.

“i'll take to you to lunch later!”

you rolled your eyes, knowing full well suna's going to be sleeping in til the afternoon.