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carmenized-onions · 11 months ago

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CHAPTER 9 LETS FUCKING GOOOO (get ready for a yapfest, where most of it will probably be uncomprehensible because language can’t begin to capture the emotions your writing makes me feel) also !! add me to the taglist please and thank you<3

It is t-minus three days, until the worst Friday of your life. - already nervous and the chapter just started but fuck it we ball

you figure it’s probably just the breakfast from yesterday at La Mattina settling in your stomach— the way you scare me but still make me laugh

He does not care this much, he doesn’t even have basic reading comprehension— RICHIE HELL YEAHHHHH (and he calls her cousin🥹)

also big shout out to you author for making it so clear which texts were sent by what person (so how her texts are cursive and richie’s texts are bold) bc some fics make it so hard to differentiate who’s talking/texting!!<3<3

daddy - POR QUE. i know he didn’t mean it like that but shshshdh

See u chip - this is the cutest nickname!! everyone in that poll can fight me idc idc

It’s time to eat a whole freezer cake and lay in your pyjamas all day and interact with not a single soul on this entire planet. - me celebrating doing the bare minimum!! (but it’s still huge to me so i understand chip well)

To the air, more accurately, but, y’know, same thing. - [cries in norwegian]

You’re gonna get dinner, with Richie, this Friday. - OMGGGG HINTS FOR FRIDAY👀👀

THE SWITCH OVER TO CARMEN HELL YEAHHHH - fuckn delicious freezer cake for you author!!

He really needs his sister. - 🫶🏼 i feel like this is layered (like the carmenized onion)

you’re gonna work as a bottle girl for the rest of your life - his worst nightmare fr, worse than the restaurant closing actually

he’s never gonna get his shit together so he’s never gonna get to call you his - SHUT UPPP HOW COULD YOU DROP THIS ON ME😭😭

He’s still gonna be him - BABYBOY THATS NOT A BAD THING😭 LET ME PROTECCCC

Sisyphean nightmare - YOUR WAY WITH WORDS I LOVEEEE IT

He smells your shampoo, in his hair, that helps. - the way your chapters always make me cry from either the fluff or the sad

he has to hide his smile with his hand - THEM

So good to him, too good to him. Too good to anyone - 😭💓🫶🏼😭🫶🏼😭💓

Carmen so, so fucking desperately wants to ask you to come to The Bear, right now. - BALEGDEH

he knows it’d be perfect cannon fodder to be teased into oblivion. - NO BC LIKE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS *A LOT* WHAT WILL RICHIE THINK OF CARM AND CHIP. Like thinking of how he and mikey acted at christmas after seeing claire makes me wonder how he’d act when finding out about carm and chip (also carm is only able to date girls with c names apparently <even tho chippy is a nickname but hush>)

looks to his best friend - 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

he’s not you. - LMAO

he can’t find your repair expenses anywhere on here. - OOOP CHIPPY IS ABOUT TO GET CAUGHT

“I’m not fuckin’ high, cousin—” - ISBRIFBRIRKR

also bet carmen doesn’t have a problem with the two hours when it means TWO HOURS OF CHIP IN HIS RESTAURANT WHERE HE CAN SNEAK GLANCES AT HER

“What’s uh— Why d’you call Tony ‘Chip’?” - the way you’re nailing his voice!!

“S’ not dark, kinda, it’s just, y’know. Personal.” - WAY TO BUILD TENSION AUTHOR. it’s very clear you’re a(n amazing) screenwriter

Mikey got to do that first, too, eh? - STAPH

he's willing to admit it, for you. - RICHIE AND CHIP BESTIES YEEEHAWWWW

“You really wanna fuckin know, huh?” Richie tilts down his head, teasing. - i love this

“Oh, fuck, you fuckin’ like her, don’t’chu, cousin? You fuckin’ dog.” - SKJDIDJFKD

Y’have my blessing. - CUTE

“Didn’t ask for it.” - CUTER

“Don’t gimme no talk back, she was my boy first, a’right?” - CUTEST (ok carmy is cutest but im doing a thing here)

“Gone, cousin.” - it’s cute that you think that richie!! have a cookie!!

“Uh, one sec, I just need to finish this fuckin’—” He shakes his hand in the air, “Whatever the fuck this is.” - again nailing his character

If he had a… lapse in behaviour, and it got back to you, would that ruin him? - you forget how she met you carm, having a meltdown in the freezer

He needs to find your invoice. - he’s so cuteee

Maybe he should just ask you, instead. Let Nat thank you for the heating pad she’s been loving, properly. Have dinner, all together, in an actual family home, instead of just each other's apartments. That'd be nice. - that’s so sweet but i fear it won’t happen, at least not YET

He’ll make you something off menu, on Friday. - HES THE SWEETEST

You’re coming before the rush, anyways, he’ll have time to play, on Friday. - 👀👀👀

He’s gonna do right by you, this Friday - he owns my heart

But right now, it’s Thursday night, and you’ve finally finished Carmen’s piece for The Bear - OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THIS MASTERPIECE, THE CUTEST GIFT EVER

You know you told him if he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to put it up, but admittedly, if he doesn’t like it, you will be crushed. - mood

Each square a snippet, a photo transfer. The squares themselves are messy, sun damaged, bleach stained, light flared. All twinged blue and yellowish. But so perfectly cut and curated. - the way you make it so easy to picture it, ugh we stan!!

Mikey. The only transfer completely unbleached, unaltered, unruined. He’s holding two cut outs. One, Food & Wine and the other, a small section in the off off off pages of the New York Times. - SHUT UP THATS THE CUTEST THING EVER TO EXIST

So so proud, silently, just with you— Couldn't look soft. Carmen does not know this photo exists. - Im gonna cry

You can only imagine the stress you could’ve eased, during their fire safety test - chip is such a slay

*the piece* is magnificent and perfect in every way and you did that!!

You took inspiration from the way his brain works - AWWWWW:3

He’s awfully inspiring. - the love that they have for each other is just everything. they are everything

You’re excited, to show this to him tomorrow, on Friday. Hopefully all goes well, on Friday. - EVIL

You’re gonna do right, by Carmen, on Friday. - SOULMATES🫶🏼

I almost briefed over all of these past few chapters to be nothing more than snippets in a chapter - i really really REALLY appreciated that you did in fact not do that

if you made it through this whole ask, god fnkn bless, looking forward to the master’s thesis i’ll write in your askbox after the next chapter

I had no idea people could make asks this long; like i mean on a character count level-- Did anyone know you could do this fr-- ANYWAYS I WANNA YAP BACK BUT I'M GONNA PUT A KEEP READING BUT PLEASE DO OPEN THIS THERE'S GONNA BE A POLL I WANT YOU CUTIES TO ANSWER

First of all, of course I will add you to the taglist, thank you for the gift of an essay everytime, i love u <3

I am ALL about Fear and Laughter. If I ever make business cards, that'll probably be the tagline. We ball.

It did make me laugh that you went RICHIE HELL YEAH after 'he doesn't have reading comprehension. I buried the lead on who the he in question was on purpose, and i was wondering if everyone would clock at that line immediately oh, it's richie. I'm so mean.

As for texting, I did read another person's fic and saw they put like screennames and sending times and i was like ah fuck, shoulda done that, but continuity,,,, so i didn't switch it up. Plus I enjoy thematically that Tony is italics, Carmen is italic/bold, and Richie is bold. I feel like it just kinda makes sense, character wise, that Tony and Richie are on either end of the spectrum and Carmen is inbetween.

They've gotta get an HR if Richie says daddy to anyone's face besides Tony frfr,

And THIS is where the new poll comes in, because you all SAY YOU WANNA FUCKIN KISS MIKEY, SO

Personally I do like Chippy a lot, not to colour your opinions. You'll see why i like it, eventually. And I'm sure when that happens we'll talk about it ad fuckin nauseam (and I'll eat it up, I will)

I love doing Carmen's perspective, it's like free therapy, realizing the way he and I both think is fucking crazy and I need to relax. He really does need his sister, poor bug. I genuinely do wonder how that's gonna be handled, in season 3.

HIS LITTLE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS PANIC YESSIRRR, Bottle Girl Tony = Hell, Never gonna actually date Tony = Mega Hell, He's Still Gonna Be Him = Super Awful Ultra Hell

So many (2) people enjoyed Sisyphean nightmare, I think I just have tumblr accent, honestly.

I'm so glad, that the shampoo thing happened honestly. I know that's crazy to say it like that, as the writer, as I planned it, but i didn't think I'd be able to call back to it all that much-- But I get to call back to it so fucking much, and it's always either heartbreaking or adorable, or both, and I lovveee both.

The idea that anyone has been thinking about a plot line that has yet to arise alot is like-- Like my brain melted. Like that's so. I'm a puddle. Puddle in your hands. BUT YES, I did have to think on that absolutely. It's a weird line to tow, right? Because Richie's gotten more respectful since then, and he's actual friends with Tony-- But like,,, bro is still a bro, at the end of the day.

CHIPPY IS ABOUT TO GET CAUUGGHTTTT, thank god someone laughed at the I'm not fuckin high line, I was worried.

“What’s uh— Why d’you call Tony ‘Chip’?” - the way you’re nailing his voice!! Did you see my ask saying i'm never sure about Carmen's dialogue and are now trying to reassure me? It's working, if you are.

WAY TO BUILD TENSION AUTHOR. it’s very clear you’re a(n amazing) screenwriter Daww, too nice to me, it IS really how I think Richie would navigate this Chip story, though, you'll see why there's,,,, pause about it, eventually.

“Gone, cousin.” - it’s cute that you think that richie!! have a cookie!! Listen, we don't KNOW how many times Tony's listened to Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Probably would need more than a single word though, Rich. A touch dramatic, cousin.

All Tony and Carmen wanna do this Friday is impress each other, and that's totally exactly what's gonna happen idk what y'all are buggin abouttttttt

I'm so glad folks like the piece, i was worried I explained it bad/it's just kinda stupid-- I just felt like, Carmen doesn't give abstract art vibes. I felt like photography worked a lot better for him. It also gave me the opportunity to slip in more Mikey, of which I think he is mentioned literally at least once every chapter. Bro is the phantom in the pages. i adore him.

I am also very glad that I didn't end up doing just snippets from the Consultation chapter to now. I was worried they'd give off filler vibes, when turned into full on chapters, but looking at them all now, i'm like it would've been an insane injustice to not give them all full breathing room. And now i think there's a lot more to sink into and give a fuck about!! Which is gonna make Friday hurt all the more <3

Anyways, thank you thank you for yapping, and i seriously need to go the fuck to sleep fuck i'm gonna be so groggy for work i'm gonna NAP ON THE BUS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!

#yapping #ask #extensive yapping #silly little poll #really fucking extensive #this time

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miketownsends · 2 years ago

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man i’m SO glad the Aquasox made the playoffs and we get a couple bonus home games because of it bc i am gonna miss this squad SO much

like i didn’t expect when i started working there to get quite as invested in this team as i have become but they’re so fun! they’ve played so hard all year and have been a consistently good team even through a ton of roster churn (bc that’s just how the minor leagues work) and they really earned that playoffs spot

and all the guys are like. just good dudes? like i think almost every single player yesterday asked how we were doing and a lot of them were happy to chat and joke around with us

(i remember running into the GM of the team in Seattle during All-Star week and he noticed me bc i was wearing one of the auction jerseys and he asked whose jersey it was and when i told him he was like “oh good choice, he’s a great dude, i like him a lot”)

idk i just know a lot of these guys probably aren’t gonna be back next year and i’m feeling sentimental

like if Harry Ford doesn’t start in Arkansas next year i’ll eat one of my hats (btw Harry? is one of the nicest and most like… genuinely outgoing guys i have ever seen, almost every single time i left a game late bc i was working he was still out there signing autographs for folks and having a blast, and when the team came to a Ms game earlier in the season he was in the Pen pre-game and got stopped a lot and was happy to take pics and chat and sign things)

and i’ll be pretty surprised if Cole Young doesn’t move up to Arkansas as well (though i’d be sad abt it since he didn’t even come up until after the ASB; when he first came up he started off raking SO hard that he had like a .500+ BA for a bit and i remember kids chanting “Cole’s on fire” every time he came up to bat)

and Sam Carlson and the Reids have all earned promotions bc they’re outstanding pitchers

and plenty of other guys besides

(i’ll be devastated if/when they move Blake to Arkansas but i’ll be so happy - they’re clearly trying to turn him into a utility guy bc he got drafted as a 3rd baseman but halfway through the season they started playing him in the outfield and i think i’ve seen him play pretty much everything but 1B and catcher at this point, and his baserunning skills are fucking INCREDIBLE and i just REALLY want him to make it to Seattle someday)

i just have a lot of feelings about the 2023 Everett Aquasox! they’re good and cool!

#megan watches baseball #i’m gonna miss these boys!#i’m sappy about the boys today they’re a great team

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psychoticwillgraham · 1 year ago

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this was written yesterday but didn’t wanna post it in the middle of the night. tw for talk of disordered eating

I’ve had the most debilitating headache all day and no matter how much water I drink, it doesn’t go away. well I’ve only eaten two things that could be considered food today, eight chicken nuggets in the morning and some fast food place for dinner which was only a single burger, and eight packets of fruit snacks. and two sodas and a 32oz lotus drink. and my body feels so weak like it’s hard to stand up and it shakes horribly when I try to lay still and sleep, which is probably from lack of proper food.

it’s not that I don’t have stuff to eat, everything just requires twenty minutes in the oven and I just can’t be bothered to do that several times a day. I get hungry super quick and could eat another full meal five minutes after the first one, but I just don’t. bc I don’t care about my physical well being and would rather just slowly waste away from malnutrition. it’s not weight related for once, it’s just a depression thing. I feel like I don’t deserve to eat bc I didn’t do anything to ‘earn’ it like being active, bc I just sit around all day and do fuck all.

basically I just believe that I should never be happy again after grandma’s passing and I’m personally and intentionally sabotaging everything in my life so it doesn’t work out and I stay depressed forever. like I’m not ‘earning’ my right to eat or be happy, I just feel like I don’t deserve anything good whatsoever and praise (which I’m normally desperate for) just feels patronizing like ‘oh your art is really good!’ and all it is is just me using references and having no personal style, just copying it down. like a verbal ‘there was an attempt’ badge kinda.

frankly, i feel like all i deserve is to be abused and taken advantage of bc that’s how it’s been my entire life and I haven’t known anything else. i’m actively being abused by my ex and my family at the same time, and it’s an every day thing. if something really good and life changing in a good way ever happened to me, I’d probably find some unintentional way of severely fucking it up bc that’s all I know how to do. simply put, I deserve to suffer.

this was supposed to be a short throwaway post but it turned in a long ass vent post sorry

#this is definitely a health issue at this point but I can’t find it in me to rlly care

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1moreoffkeyanthem · 1 year ago

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Sorry if this is weird - but can we get The Star Seven and where they fall on the LGBT spectrum? :3 Or physical/mental illness N stuff? (Also you're my favorite fanfic author of all time! Ur so cool <3 )

Oh my GODDDDDDDD FIRST OF ALL!!!

Tysm I’m fucking losing my shit at being someone’s favorite fanfic author!!! And I am ALWAYS down to go stupid abt OrangeJuiceVerse oh my fuck.

Also!!!! There is not a single neurotypical mf in the entire 7!!! These bitches are soooo out here terrorizing any therapist they try to go to. So to start Off.

Kyle. That little I Learned Something Today Ass Bitch is SO fuckin gay!!! Like he realized as a preteen that he he didn’t actually like women like that (no wonder he’s Maidenless smh) and he was like OH! Bc the way he felt abt Stan was soooo homiesexual dear lord he whole ass kept it to himself for way too long. He’s also on the ace spectrum, bc as a demi loser, I feel like he’s demi idc. Like this man fr thought porn was something only referenced in movies and then Kenny showed him some shit and he was like WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL IS THIS rip same Ky. As for mental illnesses and such, aside from being Down Horrendous for the sbf, this poor guy is sooo fucked in the brain. So he’s got awful anxiety, borderline obsessive compulsive tendencies, a fucking eating disorder (for a lil while in hs, he’s mentally fine in that department during most of the ojv), some kinda martyr complex. And physically? Mans a mess. Type 1 diabetes, absolute shit immune system, chronic issues with his left knee, probably anemia, on the verge of developing early onset arthritis when he gets older bc he fucked his body up with the ed, he’s STRUGGLING. He’s also stubborn as fuck and has frequently passed out because he didn’t want to check his levels. He gets in trouble with literally everyone for that.

STAN!!! Jesus this poor boy. My absolute Bi King!!! (Kyle may be the one biking around town bc his road rage is so godawful but Stan is the BI-king) yeah I’m a bi Stan believer bc this man is a HUGE simp!!! Ohhhh my god this boy when he was younger he’d see someone pretty and be SO down bad. But the only person he ever was actually good at being in a relationship with was Kyle. Stanley Down Bad Marsh, since the moment he knew what beauty was, beauty was Kyle. He did have a crush on Wendy in 4th grade, but then he was like kyyyylllleee. (Jail to stan). God his brain is so fucked. First of all RANDY is his father so he’s got trauma out the wazzoo, he’s an alcoholic, and he’s so plagued with adhd and dyslexia like pack it up Percy Jackson (he’s so Percy coded argue w the wall) plus this guy is depressed as hellllll. Oh my fuck Sadsack is real his lows are LOW and Kyle has threatened him with his therapist friends before. He’s doing better later down the timeline, thank you aa, oh yeah there’s the alcoholism too, but he’s the support group KING my darling boy ojv stan!!!

Kenny. Ok man the Kenny Of It All is sooooo bizarre. So he is immortal, but no one knows except for Marj! This takes such a mental toll on him, this guy is out here fully discombobulated bc he just came back from a rebirth and everyone’s like oh hey Ken where’d u go yesterday. His deaths have gotten less frequent as he grows up, but tbh he is still veeeerrry prone to bouts of depression and anxiety because of them, especially when he feels forgotten. I delved into that here and a tiny bit here, his mentality honestly can’t really be put into words. Like his brain doesn’t make sense even to himself. ALSO!!! He is THE Pan Without A Plan he’s so all over the place if you put him in the same room with Stan (his Blood Brother In Desperation, his Ride Or Die Disaster Bi), someone’s comin out in need of an emergency room.

Tweek!!!!! Dude Tweek that poor kid. Addiction, ocd, anxiety, the guys got it all. Also, another bitch on the ace spectrum? Yep. Homoromantic for sure, and closer to the sex-repulsed side of things.

Craig is an enigma dude, like this mf is so nonchalant about everything until he isn’t, the typa man to just casually drop some random piece of lore and you’re just like BRUH TF?!? Smh but anyway so he’s autistic, diagnosed as a kid when his parents were like our son got something goin on, and then everyone in his life was like ohhhh that makes sense. He gets kind of violent in his meltdowns, punching walls and shit, and he’s SCARY!! Not because he’s trying to be, like OrangeJuiceVerse Craig is such a softie, but he’s also scary looking! Like he’s 6’4 and long as hell, resting bitch face, he’s honestly kind of terrifying until you get used to him. He’s got the most absurd dry sense of humor though omg he and Kyle have this stupid “we can be assholes for fun” vibe. He’s a full blown gay ass dude btw.

MARJORINE MY BELOVED! She doesn’t label herself really, she just knows she loves Kenny, and her heart is so big like Love Is Stored In The Marj (unfortunately she’s also the queen of mlms and has had multiple pick me phases smh gullible queen). So she ALSO is autistic, and omg she’s a lot of the reason Kyle switched his major from premed to psych. I’ve mentioned before the m5 living together the first year of college and one time Marj had a bit of a problem at a karaoke bar with Stan and Stan my precious sweetheart IMMEDIATELY brought her to Ky (Kenny had studio hours) and Kyle’s letting her braid his hair and he’s helping her through her meltdown and she’s like “you should really do this as your job”. She was right. Kyle’s fantastic at what he does.

Jesus fuckin Christ Cartman. No one knows what the hell his sexuality is. He won’t tell you. He won’t disclose his pronouns either. (Tbh this mf never fully figures out his sexuality or gender he’s just vibin and also doesn’t care.) Also bruhhhh he’s such a disaster mentally. He’s been on a cocktail of meds since middle school for schizophrenia, sociopathic personality disorder, bpd, poor dudes got too damn much going on. BUT he’s relatively stable from like 6th grade onwards. Just an asshole for fun and out of habit. (OJV Cartman is so much fun to me)

OKAY! Dude you have no idea how excited I was to get this ask I’ve wanted to talk abt what the OJV Star Seven have goin on mentally foreeeevvvver!!!

Any curiosities someone has about OrangeJuiceVerse or ANY of my other stuff PLEASE ask me about whatever! I am super annoying and Weird!!!

#asks #south park #headcanons #OrangeJuiceVerse #my shit #sp headcanons #look I stand by these #ojv

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golden-barnes · 4 years ago

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And they’re roommates (4): Moving to another

Pairing: New Girl AU! Bucky x F! Reader

Summary: Natasha meets the guys and you and Bucky talk a bit more. Hangovers are a bitch though. {wc:1.9k}

Warning: As always cursing bc that's the way this fic works (should I even warn you at this point?), suggestive comments, threats because nat will not tolerate shit. Mentions of alcohol and eating. Lil bit of angst but not that much, just a small moment

A/N: I am BACK! I have been very tired lately but now I really want to write this. Thank you to everyone that has commented on it and has liked the story, I love writing it. If there's any new girl trope, you would like to see, send me an ask. Reblogs and comments are welcomed!

Previous chapter Series masterlist

“Ah! Can I curse the sun? Cause I am cursing the sun. Fuck you sun. Stop being bright.” Clint complained. You tried to nod but your headache didn’t allow you.

“We should blow up the sun. It has no business hurting us like this.” You grumbled, adjusting your sunglasses.

Not only did you guys wake up at almost noon, but everyone was nursing a hangover that felt like you were back in your university days.

Steve and Sam were cuddling on the couch, using a blanket to hide from the sun. Clint had a hoodie on and you had some sunglasses, that weren’t even yours. You just grabbed the first thing you saw once you entered the living room. They were probably Sam’s, you thought. There was an overall sense of dread and tiredness in the air, thankfully it’s Saturday.

“Stop being loud.” Sam shushed you guys. Steve looked annoyed that you guys disrupted the calmness.

Before Clint and you can turn into 5-year-olds and fight with the couple, Bucky enters the room. With a rested face and no trace that he had downed almost 5 bottles yesterday. He was fresh as a daisy.

“ ‘Morning, lightweights.” Bucky almost screamed. Everyone groaned at how loud he was, but Bucky just chuckled evilly.

“Why are you so cheery and not in pain?” You grumbled, Bucky smirked. He opened the fridge and took out a pancake box, some eggs, cheese, and bacon.

“ ‘Cause I am built different.” He boosted turning on the stove. Steve rolled his eyes and sat right next to you.

“He has been sneaking drinks for years. Bucky has a high tolerance.” Steve explained. Bucky rolled his eyes and started to mix the pancake batter.

“Except for tequila! Give Buckaroo some tequila and you will see a different monster.” Sam joked. Bucky started to pour the batter on the pan and make a very large pancake. What was he doing?

“The Barnes’ hangover cure?” Clint sprinted from his chair and sat next to you and Steve.

Bucky nodded, cracking an egg and putting the bacon on the pan.

“One time, in college, we went bar hopping and we had a massive hangover. Nobody wanted to move and we needed to eat breakfast to shake off the hangover. So Bucky made a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich but with pancakes.” Clint explained, after seeing your confused expression.

“It sounded gross at first, not gonna lie. But it tasted good and it almost quite literally revived us. We were even able to make it to our afternoon classes. And it’s been our secret cure ever since.” Sam added.

“If there’s something, you don’t eat or can’t eat. Tell me, so I can make a special one for you.” Bucky said, focusing on the stove. The guys looked like they were going to die if they didn’t eat. You could even feel your stomach rumbling and your head killing you.

Bucky set all the plates in front of you guys and everyone started to huff down the food. Without even a single thought. It was actually better than you expected.

“You still got it, Buck. This is probably your best.” Steve said, drinking his coffee. Bucky just shrugged. You nodded in agreement, serving yourself some more orange juice. Clint let out a loud sigh and turned to you.

“So Y/N... You are going to Stark’s wedding with us?” Clint wiggled his eyebrows. You frowned.

“Uhm what?” Bucky started laughing. You got even more confused.

“Oh, you were drunk drunk last night.” Sam laughed. Clint and Steve looked amused.

“You said you were gonna be my fake girlfriend at our friend’s wedding.” Bucky explains. You spit out the orange juice you were drinking on Steve, who screamed. You gave him a sheepish smile while the guys were laughing at Steve.

After breakfast, you called Natasha to come to see what clothes you should wear. Apparently, this Stark is having a very fancy wedding with all the bells and whistles. Even Bucky was forced to wear his suit, which he hasn’t stopped complaining about. The guys were out buying the suits and other stuff, while Nat was sat on the living room couch, waiting for you to show her the clothes you think would be great for that.

You heard a knock on your door, snapping you from all the clothes that were all over your bed.

“Come in.” You said and Clint almost burst inside. He shut the door with a bang.

“Y/N! Why the fuck is there a Russian model sitting on the couch?” Clint whisper-shouted. He looked disheveled.

“You mean Nat?” Clint looked that he was going to explode.

“You are on nickname basis with a Russian model?! Can you introduce me? Pleaseeeee, I’ll do anything.” He begged. Tears started to gather in his eyes. He is really pulling all of the theatrics for a date?

He gave you puppy eyes, his bottom lip quivering. He was acting like a kid asking their parents for candy when they had already said no.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll introduce you. Now get out.” Clint started to fist pump the air. You rolled your eyes at his douche behavior.

He ran away to his room, probably to get cleaned up to impress Nat, which was gonna backfire tremendously.

You saw Nat on the couch, scrolling through her phone. Oblivious to Bucky, Steve, and Sam’s confused stare. They were in the kitchen, staring at Nat and eating popcorn. Nat looked up from her phone and saw you in the hallway.

“Oh, I like this one. I can even let you borrow my purse for this one. Give me a twirl please.” You did what she told you. You heard an obvious fake cough behind you but you chose to ignore it. Sam and Bucky stifled a laugh. Steve looked red, trying to control his laughter.

“Hello, ladies.” A deep, gravelly, and sorta familiar voice said behind you. You and Nat looked in the direction where the voice came from.

Clint was leaning against the wall, in a full black tie suit and his hair gel backed and fake glasses. Was he? Holding a fucking book? He stole one of your books. Fucking clint.

“Oh, we haven’t met. I am Clinton Barton.” He extended his hand towards Natasha and she grabbed it thinking it was for a simple handshake. But Clint in all his doucheness grabbed it and kissed the back of her hand.

You could see Nat’s eye twitch. Sam and Steve were giggling, trying to hide behind the kitchen’s island. Bucky just seemed to be enjoying the calm before the storm.

“Who is he and why does he look like a snake oil salesman who is doing horribly wrong?” Nat looked like she was one minute away from throwing him out the window. Clint looked shocked for a minute. The guys were laughing in the kitchen. Bucky had a jar in his hands, filled with dollars.

“Nat, he is one of my roommates. Those are the other three guys. Sam, Bucky, and Steve.” You pointed at the guys, who gave Nat a polite wave while she looked them up and down.

“I don’t like them.” Natasha crossed her arms. She was glaring at every one of the guys. Clint was almost hiding behind

“They aren’t that bad. Clint is more well-behaved than this.” You said, trying to calm her down.

“If he doesn’t, we hit him in the head with a newspaper and make him sleep outside.” Sam joked, but Natasha didn’t even let out a chuckle. The air was thick and tense.

“Listen, ignoring Clint. We aren’t going to do anything evil or bad to her. We are all good guys.” Steve explained. Natasha doesn’t look convinced though.

“Except Clint. Which by the way, douche jar.” Bucky added, shaking the jar. Clint grumbled something under his breath and took his wallet. Bucky looked pleased with this.

“Loki still isn’t coming back, you can stay in that extra room. I can even get Yelena to back off.” Natasha pleaded with you. You thought it over, but you had already put in a down payment for the room and you had already gotten used to the environment.

You shook your head, almost giving her puppy eyes.

“Ugh, how are you a lawyer?” Nat groaned.

“I’m better in court.” You shrugged but started to pout even more. Nat rolled her eyes and threw her hands up.

“Fine! But if any of this fuckers hurt you, I will kick their asses.” She glared at them. Clint gulped, while the others just nodded.

“Why was that hot?” Clint whispered to Bucky, who just slapped the back of his head and passed the douchebag jar to him, so he could put another dollar. If Nat heard it, she didn��t acknowledge it because she was more focused on your outfit.

One crisis averted, a lot more to go.

“Chocolate or Vanilla?” You asked. Bucky passed you the chip bowl. After Natasha left, you guys did some more wedding preparations because nobody was gonna be free during the week. But Sam pointed out that you and Bucky barely knew each other, so now you are eating chips and asking each other random questions.

“Chocolate if it’s ice cream and vanilla for cakes. Cat or dogs?” You thought that question through.

“Both. What about you?”

“I am a cat person, through and through.” Bucky admitted. You weren’t necessarily shocked, Bucky looked like a cat person. How cute would that be? This big man with a little cat laying on his chest. You smiled at that mental image.

“We should come up with a story.” Bucky said, snapping you out of that cute daydream.

“So how did we met, Bucky-boy?” You asked. Bucky sat up and took out two beers.

“Okay, it has to be close to our real life to make it believable. So we met at the bar, you the tired young lawyer and me the sexy bartender that you bare your heart to.” Bucky handed you a beer, you rolled your eyes at the story.

“Doesn’t dating your regulars break the bartender code?” You joked, Bucky just shrugged.

“Yes, but we got along so well that I couldn’t stop myself from asking you out.” You chuckled.

“Where was our first date?” Bucky took a sip of his bottle, in thought.

“Oh, easy. A nice private Italian restaurant, then we went on a nice walk. I even gave you flowers, when I picked you up.” Bucky smiled at you.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were such a romantic.” You teased. Bucky winked at you.

“There’s a lot you don’t know doll.” That statement hit you. You truly didn’t know any of them. Maybe Natasha was right, and you should move in with her. You knew you weren’t in danger but this is a weird situation.

“Ugh, I am not looking forward to seeing Dot.” Bucky groaned, taking another sip of his beer.

“What happened there?” You asked, letting your curiosity get a hold of you. Bucky rubbed his temples.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t know. One day, we were living together in love, and the next she was telling me about how she didn’t feel the same.” Bucky tensed up while he was explaining. Your heart clenched.

“I am still racking my brain around it. But who cares anymore? Now I have you.” Bucky gave you another wink. You raised your beer and smiled. But why did it feel like you were gutted? Something was wrong.

But now all you have to do is wait for Saturday, act as the perfect fake girlfriend, and get along with your life.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes au #marvel au #marvel fanfic series #and they're roommates series

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kyidyl · 4 years ago

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Kyidyl Does Archaeology - Part 4

(As before, if you’re only seeing this part 4, the rest of them have the tag KyidylCL)

THE ARTEFACTS

Ok, so I’ve talked about the site and what we’ve been digging in and such, but I’m gonna be honest with you guys: I like lab work exponentially more than field work. So I am the one who has been processing the vast majority of the finds and ergo have lots of stuff. That’s why I sometimes make jokes about the stuff in my basement - I’m storing the majority of it here in my basement. I’ve gotten the question before about ownership, so here is how that works. The dig is on private land so anything we get technically belongs to the owner of the land. Now, as far as I know, he has no interest in keeping any of it so it’ll likely end up in the hands of the arch society, who will basically just be custodians of it but not owners. It might end up in a museum, too. I don’t really know, but that determination won’t be made until we’re finished, and not by me.

So every site has its own sort of categories of stuff that you find depending on who lived there (although for ease, archaeologists often categorize this stuff based on location and time - more on that later.). For our site the majority of it falls into these categories: animal bone, shell, lithics, pottery, charcoal, modern contaminants, and artefacts. And, to lend a bit of clarity here...lithics are anything made of rock. So they include fire cracked rocks, flakes from stone tool making, material that was used in construction, material that was crushed to make temper for pottery paste (more on that later, too.), etc. If it came from a rock it’s a lithic.

And imma tell you a secret: I hate lithics. Everyone has their thing, their category of human refuse that they simply do not like. A prof of mine hated teeth and pottery. That’s just how it is, and mine is lithics. I think they’re boring, I can’t tell a flake from a blade, I don’t give a single fuck what material they are, I don’t care about the style or craftsmanship...I just don’t care. I call them all rocks, and I do it so much that everyone on the site has started accidentally calling them rocks, too, which amuses me. Rocks, to an archaeologist, means “stone that wasn’t altered or used by people”. They’re worthless. Not that I think lithics are worthless - far from it - I just really hate them and this site has so. goddamned. many. Lucky for me, we have a Rock Guy aka someone who really loves lithics and actually has gotten pretty good at flint knapping and just, y’know, is really into rocks.

And to clarify about artefacts. When you’re out in the field everything you find is either an artefact or a find. The collection of these things is called an assemblage. When you’re doing lab work and sorting through it all later on an artefact is, well...like a thing. I’m explaining this poorly....it’s a complete object with a specific function. So, a whole pot = artefact, broken pieces = sherds (not shards, sherds.). Complete arrowhead = artefact, flakes or a broken one = lithic. Artefacts also tend to be somewhat unique, or at least something you don’t have a lot of. They don’t always have to be complete, anything that is a specific object can go in here. Like, for example, this piece of pipe we found:

To recap, we’ve got pottery, charcoal, lithics, shell, bone (animal - we haven’t found human. But I’m just gonna say bone.), and artefacts. If you are sensitive to things like that, this is your warning that this post is going to have pictures of animal bone and you should scroll quickly.

Now, for reference, this is what it all looks like before I clean it and after it’s been dying out for a day or two (the ground has natural moisture, so I basically just open the bags and let them air out.):

And, yes....I am cleaning them off on an actual antique blotter with real silver edges that my mom gave me for this express purpose. A factoid I’m only sharing because it amuses me in that sort of “bet they never envisioned this use for this thing” sort of way. Normally, if I was in a real lab, you’d do this over a metal tray. When you’re working with an assemblage you never hold it over empty space, you always hold it over the bench and preferably over whatever your work surface is. That doesn’t mean I haven’t dropped my fair share of stuff anyway, but most of it just lands on the work surface and not the floor, which is why you hold it over a work surface. But anyway, as you can see, it just looks like a brown, dirty mess. I usually do a quick sort of the stuff I know for sure what it is and then I wash it with a soft toothbrush and some water. The rocks I just submerge and swoosh around because they’re rocks and I can’t really damage them and there’s SO FRIKKIN MANY that I refuse to clean them individually.

So now that you’ve gotten through that long-winded but necessary explanation of terms, where are we at? Since I’m a bioarchaeologist and I prefer things that were once alive to the general detritus of human society, we’re gonna start with the bone. Specifically, we’re gonna start with how I know those two pits from yesterday’s post are one pit. This is how:

This is a deer bone. Don’t ask me which one bc I’m really not good at ID’ing species and animal anatomy, but it’s a leg bone of some kind. See how it’s broken? One piece was found in one hole and the other piece was in the other. Clearly it’s the same animal, ergo the pits are related to each other. The vast majority of what came out of that particular feature was bone, with the rest being charcoal and the occasional pot sherd. This means it was probably used for cooking and not as a garbage pit. Also there was food in it, if you recall the cooking accident from yesterday. but sometimes y’know, stuff falls into the fire pit or it’s put in there as a way of disposing of it.

But wait, I have more cool animal bones!!

Ok, so there’s this one:

This bone has a special place in my heart. IDK what species it is (I *think* it’s a fragment of deer long bone.), but that’s not why it’s cool. This single bone is strong evidence for the presence of dogs. =D See that circular mark on the right? That is the impression of a canine tooth from a carnivore. Human teeth can’t make those marks in bones - our teeth aren’t strong enough to do significant damage to bone, and anyway we tend to crack bones open with rocks (a form of damage called percussion marks.) and not with our teeth. Those other longer scratch marks are also likely from chewing, not butchery, because they’re in the right places and they’re the right shape. Now we know this was a settlement, and this bone was found smack in the middle surrounded by human detritus and not on the fringes or outskirts. There were no domesticated felines in the Americas at the time BC this is from the lower pre-contact level, so what’s really the only carnivore that would be wandering around a human settlement? Dogs. I love this kinda stuff because it’s so easy see them chilling around the fire pit, talking and eating, teasing whomever it was that spilled dinner, and then tossing the bones to their dogs to gnaw on after dinner. It’s just such a people kind of thing, you know? All from one small, circular mark. I actually found more on later bones that came out of other places, so it’s pretty safe to say there were dogs living here with their people even though we have found neither people nor dogs.

So here’s another cool bone:

Again, no idea what species it is bc I’m not a zooarch (yes, there are archaeologists that specialize in animals and wooooo boy can they tell you a LOT about migration and eating habits of people.). It’s about the size of half my thumb, IE, not large. This one is cool, and it’s the only one I have like this, because of that notch you can see vertically in the image on the right hand side. I don’t know what it was for, but I DO know that it was an intentionally made modification to the bone. Those striations aren’t natural - natural bone is smooth or has a very specific texture and this isn’t that. It’s probably not damage done to the bone after it was deposited in the archaeological record. It has the same patina as the majority of the rest of the bone, which you can compare to the lighter area there on the right hand end of the bone. That lighter area does not have the patina of age that the rest of the bone does, and is the result of damage in a much more recent time - probably as we were taking it out of the ground. Small bones are fragile. So someone gouged this channel intentionally in this bone, either because they were going to use it as decoration or it served some purpose as a tool. I’m not really sure what though. Hell, they could have just been bored and fidgeting after eating. Either way, it’s a human modification to this bone that has nothing to do with cooking or consumption (damage from human consumption is cracks and breaks, not scrapes.). It could also be a butchery mark, although it’s a bit deep for that. Butchery marks are there from separation of meat from bone - they’re usually just shallow scrapes.

Ok, last cool bone I’m gonna show you. Well, bones, plural.

Ok so this is part of the same assemblage as the ones above, and if I remember correctly these were the ones that came out of that pit. You can see the same bone with the canine tooth mark there in the center. There’s also some interesting things like some pottery on the left and a couple teeth off to the right (one is a deer and I *think* that curved on is a squirrel.), but the really interesting thing is the series of 3 shiny bones that are in the center. There’s a lot of ways to cook meat, and they all do different things to bones. You will often find the dry, brown looking ones like you can see here in the non-shiny bones. That’s like...your basic “this bone had meat on it when it was cooked”. Then you’ll see ones that are black, and that’s “this bone probably didn’t have meat when it was cooked, or someone tossed it back in the fire when they were done”. Lastly, you’ll see white bone, and that’s a bone that has been burned at a high temperature for a long time. Usually it’s done on purpose (you can use burned, powdered bone to make stuff.).

But the shiny ones were in a soup. And the reason I know that is *because* they’re shiny. Bones, especially old ones, aren’t shiny. I mean...you can see that. You have to do stuff to ‘em. And bones are porous, but those weren’t. They felt like hard plastic. And they get that way by being boiled. The shiny patina is what we call pot polish - they were stirred in the soup while it was cooking and rubbed against the side of the pot and each other, and it gives them a smoother texture.

All of these collections of bones tell us what and how they ate things. I know from what I can ID here (which isn’t everything, trust me.) that they ate a lot of deer and wild turkey (we have an entire almost completely intact turkey long bone.). There is also, I believe, squirrel (I found a portion of a skull and jaw that I’m pretty sure belong to a squirrel), and an assortment of other small rodents and birds. Lots of birds. Bird bone is really distinctive, it’s light and the spongy bone has a distinct texture. A zooarchaeologist can look at bones like this and ID species and age, and from there tell you what time year something was probably killed. Societies that hunted a lot tended to do it seasonally so that they wouldn’t damage the populations. Plus especially with fish and stuff they have very specific growing cycles and short lifespans, so they can also tell you a lot about where the people were hunting and when. Like certain fish will only spawn in certain places, so it’s really informative. Zooarchs are so important and there just aren’t enough of them.

Anyway, there are other cool things in the bones but I’m trying to strike a balance here between too much and not enough and I really love bone so I’m going to stop here for today. Tomorrow is going to be other artefacts (yeah, sadly, even lithics, lol), and what they tell us about the site and the people who lived there. As an aside: if anyone has any like just general “how do they know this?” sort of questions about history and archaeology those would be fun to answer. I love to tell people how we do things but I don’t just wanna infodump. I DO want to explain procedure in what I hope is a readable way because I think understanding how we make the sausage will help people have more trust in science. So if you have any questions, please, send asks. If I don’t know the answer I’ll research it or pass it on to someone who does.

#archaeology #science #bone #animals #native food #native americans #kyidylCL

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annabethy · 4 years ago

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“never do that again” and/or “that was embarrassing”

perhaps,, in the tiktok au if you want😳 bc i’m way too excited about that one

in which annabeth embarrasses herself but doesn’t mind too much,, percabeth,, part 3 of tiktok au

The way Annabeth wakes up is not at all what she expected. Her eyes blink open slowly, and she is in a bed with sheets too soft to be hers. Her senses are on high alert when she sees a wall that definitely isn’t the color of her bedroom, and she spends so much time observing the area around her that she fails to notice the strong arm that’s curled around her waist until someone shifts behind her.

A featherlight kiss is pressed to the curve of her ear, and she suddenly recalls who exactly is behind her and why. It brings a flush and a smile to her face all at once.

“Hey,” Percy whispers, a delicious low scratch to his voice. He stretches his legs, and she can feel is very bare skin against her own naked legs. “You awake?”

Annabeth smiles softly into the sheets when his arm tightens. “No.”

“Mh-hm.” His face presses into her neck, nose nudging the soft skin. She can hear him yawn quietly, and she certainly agrees with the action. There’s a subtle ache in her body and she is absolutely exhausted. “Are you as tired as I am?”

“Entirely spent,” she says, voice pausing when he bends down to brush his lips against the spot of smooth skin right between her shoulder blades.

Annabeth isn’t sure what she should say when he doesn’t answer. She had zero intentions of coming and sleeping with him when they were supposed to film tiktoks. It’s not something she usually does either, but she can’t say that she regrets it in the slightest. It’s the best thing to happen in the last week, if she’s being honest.

Percy sits up behind her, the thin sheets pooling around his hips, exposing her back to the cold air of his apartment. She’s not facing him, but she can hear his breathing and when he scratches at his chin, no doubt lining with stubble. The thought makes her bite her lip. The bed dips slightly when he slides off of the mattress, and then there’s a quiet curse at the cool touch of the hardwood floor.

When he comes around the bed so that he is within eyesight, she notices that he has thrown on a pair of sweatpants but kept a shirt off. She lets herself shamelessly scan over him, and he just squeezes her foot accusingly.

He smiles at her softly, fingers scratching her lower leg from over the blanket. “Breakfast?”

She groans, shoving her face back into the mattress. As much as she would love staring at Percy while he makes her food, no doubt a sight she doesn’t want to miss, her brain is also still too hazy for it to possibly be time for her to get up. “What time is it?”

“Eight.”

Annabeth chokes. “Eight?!”

“What? Do you have something against the number eight?”

“Eight a.m.,” she mutters in disbelief. “Who wakes up at eight in the morning?”

“I do,” he says, laughing.

Annabeth lifts her head just to scrunch her nose at him in disgust before she very pointedly turns over in bed. “I simply cannot wake up before ten or else I don’t work.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she confirms, closing her eyes and smothering a smile when his fingers pull the blanket down her back a little bit so he can rub the skin soothingly. “Unless you’re going to kick me out?”

Percy blows air through his lips dismissingly. “Kick you out? Never.”

She looks over her shoulder. “Can I please go to back to sleep?”

“Go for it,” he says kindly. “What do you want to eat though? So I can have it ready when you wake up?”

“Cinnamon rolls,” she says, not at all expecting him to actually make it. Her eyes flutter shut again, and she hears him give a low chuckle. She is surprised when he bends down to her side to press a kiss to her cheek, and when he walks out of the room to leave her be, she wonders what exactly it all means.

Certainly this isn’t the way a one-night-stand plays out, but is that even what it really is? Surely Percy doesn’t treat all of his hookups with cuddles and kisses the morning after. She decides she’ll figure it all out later because she’s already beginning to knock back out.

Annabeth thinks the only reason she truly wakes up is because of the warm smell wafting in through the open door. The sweet scent makes her smile. She stretches, back popping deliciously, and she feels much more awake. She decides it’s probably best to get up. It takes her a good few minutes of searching for the shift she’d had on last night before she settles on throwing on his oversized t-shirt and calling it a day. It falls just below the curve of her ass, and the sleeves almost reach her elbow, but it also smells like him and makes her feel happy.

She stumbles out into the living room. Percy is sitting at the kitchen island, his back to her. He’s thrown on a shirt sometime while she was asleep.

Annabeth reaches behind him, settling her chin on his shoulder as her arms wrap around his waist. “You actually made cinnamon rolls,” she notes, smiling into his neck.

Percy tenses, and her mind blares with alarm. Her head whips toward him, expecting to find his face filled with annoyance, much like any other experience sleeping over with a guy.

Instead, he’s suppressing a smile, and a second later, dropping his face into his hands.

“Annabeth,” he whispers, a touch of humor in his voice, “I’m on a live.”

She blinks and looks towards the screen she just noticed in front of him. It’s a live recording, and she sees over one-hundred thousand people are joined.

Oh god.

She just about dies from mortification on the spot.

“Oh.” Annabeth takes an immediate step back, her face blazing with heat.

She just walked up to him wearing nothing except his shirt, and she just kissed his neck, and this is not good.

Percy, of course, just smiles and drags her closer. “Do you want to say hello?”

“Absolutely not.”

He shakes his head, laughing. He reads from the screen, “Why is Annabeth naked in your apartment?”

She groans miserably.

“She’s not naked,” Percy says. “Next question.”

Annabeth covers her face. “Percy.”

He looks at her again. It’s a soft glance, understanding, and he turns back to the camera. He ends the live rather quickly, but she knows the damage is already done. He has twenty million people following him, and every single one of them is going to know within hours.

“Come here,” Percy says, tugging her closer. He wraps his arms around her waist. “Are you okay?”

“That was embarrassing,” she whispers miserably.

“I’m sorry,” he says, but he’s laughing. “I thought you’d be asleep for at least another hour.”

She just makes a sound that’s a mix between a groan and whimper.

“It’s not that bad,” he soothes. “They’ll all forget about it soon enough.”

“We’ve both been doing this long enough to know otherwise.”

Percy laughs.

“This isn’t funny,” she accuses.

Percy’s hand moves from her waist so he can pinch his fingers together. “It’s a little bit funny.”

Annabeth pushes his shoulder without force, but even her lips are turning up in a smile. His grin is just contagious – it’s hardly her fault.

“You’re so beautiful,” Percy whispers, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face.

She raises an eyebrow but makes no comment. This feels like so much more than a hookup, and she finds that she likes the thought.

“I like the clothes,” he says in admiration. “You look good in my clothes.”

“Yeah, well I couldn’t find my shirt.” Annabeth’s face drops back into the crook of his neck as his hands trail down slightly beneath the edge of the shirt. She breathes him in and says the first thing she thinks of to change the subject. “You made cinnamon rolls?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I didn’t think you’d actually make it.”

“Of course I did.”

She spots grabs a half-eaten cinnamon roll from his plate and takes a bite out of it. It’s amazing, really, still warm and gooey. Annabeth thinks she could eat a million of these, and she tells him just that.

“I made it with a touch of love.”

“Do you always make cinnamon rolls with love for all of your hookups.”

“There aren’t enough hookups to make a definitive decision on that,” he tells her. “But I wouldn’t call you a hookup.”

“You wouldn’t? Then what was that we did last night?”

“Hookup sounds too neutral, like I don’t care about you, and that’s not true at all.”

The words make her tingle. “You like me.”

Percy laughs, and it’s a melody in her ears. “Yes, you’re like my middle school crush.”

“So what does this make us then?”

“You tell me.” It’s exactly what he said last night, except she hadn’t answered him that time. At least not with words.

“I mean, people definitely think we’re dating now that they saw me wandering around in just your shirt.”

“I guess we have an image to uphold then?”

“We also met yesterday,” she reminds him.

“Then let me take you out. A real date.”

She smiles. “A real date?”

“We never did make it to that diner.”

“And then what?”

“Then I take you on another date?”

“Then?”

“Another, and another, until you fall in love with me.”

It’s a bold statement but based on how she’s feeling after only one day, she doesn’t doubt that it’ll happen, as long as he keeps looking at her like she has the stars in her eyes.

“I don’t know,” she says. “I think you might fall in love with me first.”

“A part of me already has.” Percy kisses her once. “I love your personality.” He kisses her forehead. “Your humor.” Nose. “Your selflessness.” Neck. “Everything about you.”

“You know all of that already?”

“I’ve been following you for a while,” he says. She laughs slightly because it’s a statement that would sound creepy if it weren’t for why they met. “But you can call it intuition.”

And she thinks that this might turn into something beautiful.

She surges up to catch his lips. It starts sweet – she can taste the frosting from the cinnamon rolls on him – and quickly turns more fiery. He bites at her lower lip, hands roaming on every piece of skin he can possibly reach. He rucks up the shirt slightly, kisses her harder, and she’s dizzy with affection. But he stops himself, and she does too.

“Do you have anything to do today?”

“Depends on what you have in mind,” she says, sly.

He hums and picks up the abandoned cinnamon roll to take a bite before speaking. “How about we go to a diner, and then we spend the day out? Maybe we’ll fall in love in the process.”

She plucks the treat from his fingers and takes her own bite. “I think I’m ready to fall in love.”

Annabeth would never admit it, but she thinks that’s the day she really does fall in love. He’s everything she never knew she was missing in her life. He takes her to eat, and then they walk around the city. It’s a simple date, but one that fits them so well. His eyes never leave her, and it leaves her even deeper into this love they’ve created.

They definitely run into a few of their followers while they’re out, and every single time, it’s a show trying to explain themselves. But they always leave hand in hand, smiles plastered on their faces. It consumes all of her, and she doesn’t mind one bit.

It’s insane to think that this is because of tiktok of all things, but she supposes love has always been mysterious.

After all, the goddess of love sprang from the sea, and the handbook of love was written in invisible ink.

#percabeth #percy jackson #pjo #annabeth chase #percy jackson and the olympians #asks #my writing

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heyitsyn · 5 years ago

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White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry, you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now?

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

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iwaizooming · 5 years ago

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hiii, can i request tsukishima headcanons with a fem! s/o that's just loves cats and he being annoyed bc she is just like one, sleep, eat, do annoying shit and then work her ass of, then sleep

✎ a/n: hey hey! this is such a cute req heheh, i hope you like it!! <3 also i apologize for the cheesy ass title lol my brain is fried and i can’t think of something better

➵ TSUKISHIMA WITH A CAT-LIKE GIRLFRIEND

✧ pairings: tsukishima x fem!reader ✧ type: headcanons ✧ genre: fluff fluff fluff ✧ wc: 443

—⋆✩⋆—

you’ve been dating kei for almost 4 months now

he knows that cats are probably your favorite thing in the world—this isn’t hard to deduce, as you would show him pictures of cute cats you found on instagram every single day

when he mentioned to you that he has a siamese cat at home, you almost fainted from excitement

you’d come over to his place almost every day, telling him that you miss him, and that you want to hangout with him

but he has a strong feeling that you just want to play with his cat

he doesn’t mind that much though, you always looked extra cute whenever you’re around his pet

after a while, he started noticing some similarities between his girlfriend and his cat

you would get cranky whenever you’re hungry, and you would bother kei until he feeds you some food

whenever you’re bored, you’d attack him with cuddles and wouldn’t stop until he gives you his full attention

and when he does, you seem like you want to get away from him after a while

he also found out that you love it when he pets your head affectionately

he accidentally figured it out the day of your relationship’s second monthly anniversary

during lunch break, you got him a slice of his favorite strawberry shortcake from the cafe a couple of blocks from karasuno

kei was so overwhelmed with the butterflies swarming his stomach that he didn’t know how to react (because he’s not used to being affectionate before dating you)

so he just placed a hand on your head and started petting it awkwardly

he was about to take his hand away as he realized how weird it must’ve looked when you suddenly hummed in content—actually, it sounded more like a purr

huh?

you’re literally just like his damn cat

it irritates him sometimes—both you and his cat make it hard for him to get any real work done

but at the same time, it’s also so adorable seeing you like that, so he doesn’t ever get angry at you for it

but his favorite cat-like characteristic about you is when you’re all sleepy and sluggish

after a long day of classes and playing with his cat, you’d sometimes just curl up on the couch and snooze away

and occasionally, when the movie you two were watching turned out to be boring, you’d nest yourself by his side, curl up like a cat—usually while grabbing a fistful of kei’s shirt—and snuggle up to him

it never fails to make him blush because the sight of you like that is just too much for his tsundere heart to handle

send me a request! | other works

✎ a/n: here’s some fluff for y’all before i post the kuroo angst i told you guys about yesterday which can be found here

#[✮] lex’s reqs #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima headcanons #tsukishima fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #[♡] lex’s anons #[❥] iwaizooming headcanons #[💌] mailbox

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4yo-yo4 · 3 years ago

Text

yesterday was such a good day

sorry this is gonna be reeeeallly long lol

I was w Bee in the morning and my brother was throwing around a ball with his friend and Bee said “Caroline, watch out!!!” Lol bc they were gonna hit me and i was like huh? but the ball went past me and she said “How do you not have fast reflexes by now? I have a son- you have a brother and you dont have fast reflexes? Come ooonnnn” Lolll

there was one point where they would’ve actually hit me but i dodged it and she said “That was better!”

and then they started throwing it over her head 💀 she ducked down after the other kid caught the ball and i thought to myself “where those fast reflexes at?”

also before all that she was talking to me about how her grade (1st) is singing at mass saturday and she joked “Do I have to go tomorrow if I’m already going to mass today? I dont wanna… is that bad? sorry🤣🤣”

she went to mass yesterday (friday) w the school bc we all go to mass as a school on friday morning

but usually the younger grades don’t go, they just livestream it bc of covid and i didn’t know they were coming yesterday

Even after she said that I still didn’t know because I was so lost in thought thinking about how beautiful she is and how she was talking to me and how much i love her laugh

so i was so surprised when I saw her and i was like omggggg she’s hereeeee AAAA

that’s when our whole convo actually registered in my head 💀

and she was glancing at me during mass 😏 Lol

I had forgotten my chromebook at home yesterday, so i asked my dad to bring it and he said he would

i went to lunch and still didn’t have it so i was like wtv he prob forgot about it its fine

I saw Bee on the way to lunch and she said hi 🥰

later I was sitting at a table eating & waiting for my friends when I saw her come back out of the corner of my eye and i was like 😮‍💨 act cool act cool just be normal

and i noticed she was walking towards me so i turned around and SHE HAD MY CHROMEBOOK

she handed it to me and she said

( she was talking very fast and she seemed kinda nervous it was so adorable)

hi i had your chromebook.. i probably should’ve just brought it with me when i came to do lunch duty in the first place but i forgot it sorry bye

awe 😭❤️

and then at the end of the day i ran into her as she was leaving and she was taking one of her students outside with her for his parents to pick him up and she said to him “Do you know who that is? 😁🤩 That’s Mrs. ********’s daughter! Caroline this is Carlos.” (my mom is his teacher)

~~~~~~~~~~

i went to church today again

(tooootally to see her class and not her)

i wasn’t even sure if she would be there but I still got all pretty and went

I didnt see her come in

she walked past me and i was like 😍😍😍

she was with her husband of course (Chris😜🤑☠️)

when little kids go up to sing and do little dances at masses, their teachers sit on the floor in front of them against the pews so they’re kinda hidden and they do the hand motions to the songs to help the little ones remember

my mom didn’t really know them, so she had asked me to sit and help the kids too

and when I was walking up to sit, Bee was behind me and she said “oh my god I’m sitting with Caroline- Where are you sitting?” and she touched the back of my arm 🥺 it felt so nice

she sounded like me talking excitedly to my friends whenever I see her lolll

and she sat with me and we did it and it was so adorable

the kids love her so much its the sweetest thing

and her face is so cute when she says hi to them and they give her hugs omg she looks so happy

my heart hurts every time i think about it

like rn

i get literal pains im so in love with her

im so scared for next year bc im going to a different school and most likely never will see her again

but i hate thinking about that

im not the church kinda person but im gonna go every single weekend just to see her

gosh i never knew i was capable of loving so much

bruh idek what to do with all of this emotion

#Bee #tc #teacher crush #female tc #female+teacher+crush #age+gap+crush

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goosegoblin · 4 years ago

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Jess how the hell did u get a degree with ADHD, I'm dying (this is a little bit asking for advice but also a little bit just me feeling sorry for myself, do not stress over replying! Thanks for being a generally cool gal and writing so much about adhd in general)

I’m publishing this rather than private replying because I imagine others might have good advice- if you want me to delete it and send you the text privately, please just let me know <3

So! I hated uni! Like I really did not enjoy the vast majority of it! Granted, my ADHD was only recognised and treated in my final year- and I spent a good portion of that struggling badly with my emetophobia- but I didn’t really handle my MSc well either lmao, so I think it’s safe to say I’m the problem. I got fairly good grades and my qualifications, though, so I guess it worked out? My point is that I don’t feel I handled my ADHD well in the slightest, so I apologise that I can’t be more useful!

Still, some general advice I do have is:

- are you medicated/ in treatment? if not, make that a priority in whatever way you can

- reach out to your uni’s disability department or whatever the equivalent is and ask for an assessment to see what type of help is available to you. I got extra time on exams which wasn’t helpful in itself, but it meant that I was no longer subject to the whole ‘you cannot leave in the last thirty minutes’ rule which had previously caused me a great deal of stress. Additionally, I got to take the exam in a smaller side room that was much more casual, and I focused way better in there.

- try and do coursework/ studying in the library wherever possible. You are not a person who can work on coursework at home. I know that you will think ‘oh, but at home I can be comfy and relax, and I have my favourite playlists, and all my notes are there’- this is all true, but you are not a person who can work at home. You need the change of environment that working somewhere else forces on you to persuade your brain it is, in fact, Working Time

- don’t be afraid to ask for mitigating circumstances. I got them for both dissertations and it is the only reason I was able to hand anything in at all lmao. You will not believe how many students get them for mental health reasons- your course leaders will be super, super used to it.

- try and keep to a routine where you can? leave the house daily (hard right now, I know), eat the correct amount of Food in a day, drink water, exercise, socialise, etc. i know you know all this stuff but i feel obliged to say it anyway

- sometimes you will hear a voice saying ‘i can skip today’s lecture because it’s recorded/ i can catch up later’. that is the devil talking. you will never ‘catch up later’ and if it’s recorded on panopto or similar, you will never watch it. do not let the devil in.

- i made flashcards often using various apps (anki is popular; i used studyblue but these days they make it Very Clear they would like you to pay money for the full version) and i found them super helpful. sitting down to study is a Whole Thing, but going through flashcards while on the toilet or walking somewhere is way, way easier.

- no, you don’t need to buy another notebook.

- comparison is the thief of joy! yes, there will be people on your course who know the material inside out and backwards and talk about how they only spent nine hours in the library yesterday. who cares! that’s their life; you are living yours. also here is a secret: nobody who says they spent nine hours in the library actually did work for the entire nine hours. i promise you this.

- no, you do not need to buy more gel pens

- bring a fidget toy or similar to lectures if you can. i warned one of my lecturers in advance that i would be using it and i wish i’d done that more often bc that lady was cool as hell and it was v helpful

- i can only imagine how much rougher online learning must be making all of this. i am positive people have made good resources on how to deal with it, but just so you know, i know a lot of ADHD ppl really struggling with it. i don’t say this to freak you out, but more to let you know if you feel the same way, it is not your fault and you are not alone

i don’t know your course, but if it’s one where you can reasonably just opt to not learn certain things, that... is not always the worst idea. like, the way my final year exams worked is that we got given a series of essay questions and we picked 3 to write responses to. this meant there were entire areas of the course i could simply opt out of. obviously this is not the ideal way to do things, but if you’re running out of time and this one area of the course is just making you fuckin suicidal to think about, then deciding to just rule it out can work.

(shoutout to my first year biochem course when not a single person picked the microbiology question and our course leader posted a pissy forum message about it god bless)

anyway this is long and probably not helpful, but i love you and i am sorry you are struggling. i struggled too! people who say uni was the best time of their life are generally not dealing with the type of thing we deal with, and that’s okay. it’s okay for uni to not be the best time of your life. it’s okay to struggle. it doesn’t mean you can’t do well or that you don’t deserve to be there. hang in there, my friend, and message me any time- i am always happy to listen or help in any way i can xxxxxx

#adhd #long post for ts #legglessdraws #honk response

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tenkoscumslut · 4 years ago

Text

Alpha Bakugou x Reader

- So Bakugou is 18+, he has is own agency and he’s currently the number 1 hero, he does have injuries from the recent chapters, and i’m assuming Izuku probably either retired bc his arms are never going to be fixed, or he’s lying in the lower ranks for the rest of his life purposefully.

So how does alpha Bakugou court you?!?!!

- He doesn’t like omegas

- or betas

- or alphas

- he hates everyone

- so one day he just stopped at his favorite book store

- bc mans likes to read

- the reason why he loves the library

- is bc

- he will never admit this

- he thinks your adorable

- he doesn’t want a mate

- and then you exist

- like he wants to be around you 24/7

- at first he didn’t care about you

- he thought you were hot

- and that was it

- but when a man thought he could rub you through your panties

- then you caught his eye

- you roundhoused his face

- he fell to the ground

- like rly he knew he wanted to be around you

- so he started buying 2 books

- and would give you the other book

- it was him courting you behind his own back

- he didn’t realize his alpha was trying to court you

- but you accepted it

- “Thank you Mr. Dynamite”, you would thank him every day(i can't with his hero name)

- your voice would send his mind into a frenzy

- then he went to a cafe

- and he saw you working as a bartender there

- he stared at you secretly the entire time

- he thought about approaching you

- know he wanted to protect you

- someone was looking up your skirt

- you didn’t notice

- so you kept on working

- then he grabbed your clothed sex roughly

- your head snapped around

- that look in your eyes

- he could sense his rut coming in early

- you literally punched him and knocked at least 5 teeth out

- that’s how he knew you were the one

- but he had to run home bc he was going in a rut

- he kept jerking off to you

- your lips

- your smile

- your voice

- what would you look like underneath him

- what would your lips look like wrapped around his cock

- what your moans would sound

- he was obsessed with you

- and not even in a sexual way

- everywhere he went he could only see you

- it was starting to tick him off

- so he was in front of you

- “Hey, idiot, do you want to go get a coffee with me later?”, he asked

- you tilted your head

- your cheeks were flared up in embarrassment

- he could smell it

- it was just to intoxicating

- “u-um sure, I get out at 5″, you replied sweetly

- inside you were just screaming out in joy

- you always had a small crush on the pro hero

- and know he was inviting you out to talk

- he left

- then at 5 you met him outside the library

- he wore something a bit more formal the the usual sweatpants and sweatshirt

- he had a nice shirt and some jeans

- you both walked to a different coffee shop

- bc he was worried you would know that he knows that you work at that coffee shop

- you guys talk for a few hours

- your surprised he hasn’t shouted once

- in fact

- (he wasn't smiling) but you could sense he was very happy

- he ended up walking you home

- “it’s part of my job you get home safe”, he did not phrase that correctly

- you scowled

- “Your job has nothing to do with me”, you snapped

- he was sad that you snapped at him

- so he did the one thing nobody would ever expect him to

- he apologized

- “Ah, sorry I phrased that wrong, I meant it’s my duty as a hero to make sure you are safe and comfortable”

- on the inside he was screaming

- though he hid that

- the next day he got you a muffin and a book

- now it was regular for you two to go get a coffee at the coffee shop

- he was ecstatic 24/7

- he would go through ruts 1 a month now that he was closer to you

- and one night you 2 were walking to the coffee shop (it’s like 2 miles away btw)

- you guys stumbled past a drunk alpha

- when he saw you

- he was all over you

- groping you

- his knee was grinding against your pussy

- his stanky breath fanning over your marking spot

- Bakugou tried to stop him

- but you already had him pinned to the floor with blood seeping out of his mouth, and you were growling ferally

- and that was the first time he heard you growl

- he was in heaven

- like rly

- he loved ur growl

- it was so dominating and just TURNED HIM ON

- he arrested the man

- and made sure he was locked up for harassing his mate

- but you don’t know that yet

- and one day

- you let him in his house

- he was excited

- you lived alone

- and he got to see your nest

- when he came inside

- he was confined to the living room

- like every time he tried to explore

- you bared your teeth softly in a warning for him to stay

- you weren’t use to people being in your house

- and to be honest you kinda liked the power you had over the top pro hero in Japan

- he was wrapped around your finger

- he was slightly disappointed he could explore

- but he respected your boundaries

- so he sat at the couch and just took everything in

- you appeared with 2 cups of tea

- you continued to talk

- he was happy that he was engulfed in your scent

- but he wanted to make it smell like him

- but he knew you’d probably kick him in the balls and kick him out forever

- he sat in the same spot for hours

- but you were wrestles

- constantly fidgeting

- you were slightly distressed an alpha was in your house at 2 in the morning

- he noticed you were beginning to become overwhelmed with his presence.

- but he was happy no less

- “I’ll so you tomorrow L/N-san”, he purred before excusing himself of your house

- you locked the door behind him

- you didn’t notice but your heart was racing at a thousand miles per hour

- your cheeks were flushed red

- you picked yourself off and walked to the couch

- his scent lingered on the pillow he was resting beside

- a smile creeped to your lips

- you picked the pillow up and snuggled with it all night

- somehow it made you feel like he was sleeping beside you

- the actual thought of sleeping next to him had her squirming uncomfortably

- so the next day you were working at the library again

- you were on a ladder sorting out the books

- “Nice view”, someone underneath you commented

- you scowled and hit the man in the face with your foot

- “Get out”, you hissed

- he left

- then the front door opened

- you climbed down from the ladder and peered around the corner

- Bakugou was there

- he had dark circles under his eyes

- but he was still happy to see u

- he won’t tell u but he jacked off to you again

- again

- as in this is at least the 10th time he’s jacked off just to you

- you smiled softly

- “Helly Mr. Dynamite”, you greeted him

- “Hello L/N-san”

- today he invited you to the park with him

- you agreed hesitently

- you were socially awkward

- I mean yesterday was the first time someone was in your house

- so when you were at the park

- like you were in awe

- you especially likes the lake

- it was closed off to the public for cleaning

- you couldn’t stop gazing into the clear water

- it was so pretty

- just gorgeus

- and then the tree’s

- you had never really admired their beauty

- but here

- the pink blossoms fell from the trees

- and a single one landed on your palm

- it was amazing

- “Can we come to the park tomorrow?”, you asked turning your head around to slightly look at him

- he was smirking

- “Whatever you want L/N-san”.

- you turned around

- “you call me F/N if you want you know”, you pointed out

- he was flustered at how direct you were

- “i-in that case, whatever you want F/N-chan”.

- you smiled brightly

- he took you to a pond

- baby ducks were swimming in the water

- a little one came swimming over to you

- you reached out

- it clambered onto your hand

- water dripped onto your hand

- you cupped the baby duck perfectly

- a purr emitting from deep into your chest

- you looked so beautiful like this

- Bakugou couldn’t help but smile and sneak a quick photo of you

- Bakugou got you an ice cream

- then you invited him back inside you house to warm up from the cold

- this time you didn’t bare your teeth when he peered around the corner to the kitchen

- you didn’t bare your teeth when he walked in the kitchen

- he turned the corner to try and enter your room

- then he could hear a soft growl come from you

- he then passed your door and the growl stopped

- you started to cook dinner

- just a simple recipe your mother taught you

- it was just rice and chicken

- like it was really simple

- but it made anyone’s mouth water with the taste and smell

- he started to explore every inch except for your room

- his nose knuding into your coat

- he could smell your scent

- this was the strongest he’s ever smelt it

- his eyes rolled back into his head

- you smelled so sweet

- he quickly moved on so he wouldn’t appear suspicious

- he looked to see another room

- you couldn’t see him

- you had a beautiful house

- your house was big

- there was a patie in the middle of your house

- a huge shrine was in the middle of it

- there were lit candles

- he opened the door

- and saw a picture of a little boy with black hair and green eyes

- it looked like he had passed away

- he kept exploring

- there wasn’t much after that

- just a few extra rooms

- an office

- really not much

- he went back into the living room

- you had finished making dinner

- “Do you want to eat here?”, you asked him

- “That would be amazing”, he replied

- you smiled and prepared 2 plates

- you both ate at the kitchen table

- he loved it

- like it was the first time he's had a home made meal

- since his mom just got pre made shit

- and he doesn’t know how to cook well

- so this was amazing

- in just a few seconds his plate was empty

- so him eating at your house became a thing

- he would walk you home

- you would cook dinner

- he’d probably sniff at everything

- he’d growl at your cat

- bc he doesn’t like you cat at all

- he has been trying to take you out on a date tho

- like he came up to you and asked if you wanted to spend an evening with him

- you declined

- he’s been trying for at least a month now

- you keep saying no

- he wasn’t even asking you directly

- like youd didn’t want to spend any time with him at all

- so he got angry

- stormed up to you in the library

- “You. me. dinner tonight, and you can’t say no”, then he stormed off

- you were in shock

- like he asked you out to dinner

- you were worried at first he would have an extravagant evening planned if you said yes

- and tbh you just wanted to go eat dinner at a restaurant with him

- you wore a red dress and black heels

- like you *italian kisses the air*

- that night he took you to a fancy restaurant

- and you two had a great time

- it was amazing

- he walked you home

- and when you walked inside

- he followed you

- and you didn’t know that

- so when someone spun you around

- and kissed your lips softly

- you were completely shocked.

- he left after that

- you were up all night thinking about him

- the next day you saw him at the library again

- and you were beyond flustered

- you were a blushing mess

- he smirked and walked up to you

- “WHat did you think of last night?”, he asked cooly

- you could face him like thats how embarrassed you were

- “I-I l-like t-the food, i-it was very n-nice”, you stuttered and looked away

- “Thats not what i was asking about”, he purred

- “What did you think of the kiss?”

- you could’ve died right there

- you just froze

- y/n.exe has stopped working

- He chuckled and shook his head

- “I think you liked it, so know that I know you did, I wanted to ask you something”, he chuckled and grabbed your hand and led you to the storage room

WARNING NSFW UP AHEAD

- he brought you to the storage room

- locked the door

- and pressed himself flush against you

- so you could feel his hot breath on your neck

- “Ever since I saw you”, he mumbled softly

- “I knew you were my omega”

- he started to kiss your neck softly

- “You looked so hot when you beat those men up”

- he kissed your collar bone softly

- you knew he intended to go lower

- and you were OK with it

- it might seem rushed in others eyes

- but to you and him, it didn’t

- I mean, it took him 3 months to get you on a date with him, and it took 1 month of convincing

- he looked up at you

- “Can i?”, he asked softly

- you were to shy to actually form an answer

- you just nodded your head

- he quickly took your shirt off leaving you in a skirt and bra

- he stared at your body with love

- you were so beautiful

- he kissed your cleavage before going behind your bra and just ripping it off

- your breasts bounced when they were released from their condiments

- you naturally covered up your chest from his eyes

- the audacity

- he was mad

- why would you be shy of him?

- Why wouldn’t you show him your body?

- like he was legit pissed

- he grabbed your hands and pressed them to your sides

- and he quickly latched onto your hardened nub and started to suckle harshly

- you bit your lip to hold back moans

- his other hand massaged the other breast

- he loved your taste

- and how your body slightly jerked everytime he rolled his fingers over the sensitive flesh

- he started to kiss your breast

- and slowly made his was down your stomach

- kissing at your flesh softly

- his fingers hooked around your skirt

- he slowly took it off

- and know you were only in your panties

- which were soaked btw

- he slowly took your panties off and stared at your exposed heat

- you looked away shyly

- he started to kiss your lower lips

- he discarded his pants and boxers so he was only in a loose shirt

- he quickly picked you up and pressed you gently against the wall

- your wrapped your legs around his waist

- he faqed u in a storage room

- then he marked you

- and you two bonded for life

#bakugou headcanons #omegaverse #bakugou katsuki #bnha x reader #bakugou x self insert #bakugou x you #bakugou x y/n #smut rp

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writesowhatnext · 5 years ago

Text

aren’t you full of surprises // charlie weasley

Summary: Charlie Weasley cannot possibly be your soulmate: he’s got nothing to do with dragons

Request: Hiya love, can I request a soulmate au with Charlie weasley?? Something about a little symbol on their body which represents their soulmate and Charlie’s soulmates is a little dragon which he sees after a quidditch match or something?! Thank you!!

A/N: I really love Charlie oml – this is mostly based on the books and stuff &&&& I included tonks bc I love her and she’s in the same year so made it easy +++ s/o to anon who told me Sam Heughan was a good fan cast bc you were right and he’s perfect :))))

Reader: unspecified

Warnings: swearing I suppose, making out ;)

You had decided that you were completely over having a soulmate. They were supposed to be perfect for you, sure, but they were ever so messy. What if you liked someone that wasn’t your soulmate? What if you never met your soulmate and you spiralled into a deep, dark, endless depression and ended up alone? What if your soulmate was cruel to animals? Or smelt bad? What if they supported the Falmouth Falcons? There were just too many things out of your control and so, after another recurring debate with your friend, Tonks, you had sworn off the idea completely.

“Y/N! Soulmates complete you!” Crumbs from the toast in her mouth tumbled back onto her plate as you rolled your eyes. “I know that I’m counting down the days ‘til I find whoever this is.”

As she pointed at the little wolf symbol on her wrist, her hair turned the softest, lightest shade of pink. It always did when she thought about her soulmate. You shot her a deadpan look.

“I just don’t think it’s very fair. Some people never find their soulmates – the whole thing is very unpredictable.”

“You’re missing the point,” Tonks insisted, her hair turning a light brown. “Soulmates are the only thing in this world that are actually reliable! They’re sweet and you’re supposed to share them with people!”

“Not this again-“

“I don’t understand why you won’t show me yours.”

“Sorry, Tonks, I think I hear McGonagall calling me.” You lied very obviously, standing up from the Hufflepuff table, and walking towards the door - the opposite way to where McGonagall was sat at the Teacher’s table.

“I’ll find out one day!” Tonks shouted after you, mouth once again full of toast.

It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Tonks; she was actually the only person you did trust, sometimes. It was just that whenever you looked at the dragon curled up on your shoulder, all you felt was annoyed at the universe. Besides, you had your eyes set on someone anyway.

Charlie Weasley had surprised you every time you learnt something new about him. He was handsome and well built, with ridiculously unruly hair and skin entirely covered with freckles. The first time you’d really heard of him was at the end of second year when he was made Seeker for the Gryffindor quidditch team. Not long after, he was made Quidditch Captain and so, you’d written him, perhaps prematurely, as a classic Quidditch jock: he’d probably join a regional team straight out of Hogwarts and that would be that. You had to admit though, after seeing him play once against Hufflepuff (a match Tonks had dragged you to), he was probably good enough to play for the nationals.

It surprised you more than anything to know that he’d been made a prefect, too. Granted, you didn’t know a lot about him, but you were pleasantly intrigued to hear that he was not only athletic but also quite smart. If anyone asked, he was definitely not the reason you tried out for the team that year. No one was as shocked as you when you were made chaser. Not even Charlie.

After a particularly intense match involving six fouls, a runaway snitch and a near-death experience, you were quite grateful to be back on two feet. The ground had never felt so good. What made it better, actually, was who stood to greet you by the entrance to the pitch. Even in his robes with a red and gold Gryffindor scarf draped around his neck, he’d never looked so good.

“Y/N, right?” he asked, a tentative smile playing on his lips.

“Yeah,” you couldn’t help but match his grin. “And you’re Charlie Weasley.”

“I didn’t realise I had such a reputation.”

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, raising an eyebrow.

“You don’t.” you said, teasing him, walking past before turning around. “Your brothers are making a name for themselves. Their pranks are already pretty notorious.”

“Ah.”

“I may have heard of their older brother, world-class quidditch legend and prefect before, though.”

“Well,” he started almost bashfully. “I’m not much of a prefect.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, biting the inside of your cheek.

“You played really well out there today,”

“Coming from you, that’s quite the compliment.”

“You’re quite the player.”

You didn’t say anything, enjoying the moment far too much.

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.”

You nodded, kissing your teeth and turning to get out of your sweaty Quidditch uniform. “See you around, Weasley.”

As you walked back to the changing rooms, you officially made your mind up. Sod your soulmate, you wanted Charlie Weasley.

He made it quite easy for you to achieve your goal. That next day, you sat at the Hufflepuff table, as you often did. Tonks was already launching into a story about a Ravenclaw she had seen Charlie’s brothers prank yesterday when she stopped abruptly midsentence. You frowned at her before following her eyes to look behind you. With a plate of pancakes in his hand and an optimistic smile on his face, there stood Charlie Weasley.

“Can I join you?”

Slightly speechless, you looked to Tonks, mildly irritated to see her staring at you with a smug eyebrow raise.

“Sure.”

Quickly getting to grips with the fact that Charlie wanted to eat with you, you began to lighten up to the idea, glad that he enjoyed your company even a little bit as much as you enjoyed his.

“Tonks, this is Charlie-“

“We’ve met.” She said, an amused smile on her lips as she stabbed some bacon with her fork. You turned to Charlie to see that he’d gone slightly red, a lovely expression on his freckled face.

“You called her Nymphadora, didn’t you?”

He nodded, letting out a nervous laugh. “For the first and last time, that’s for certain.”

“Rightly so.” Tonks nodded, seemingly very pleased with herself.

“You’re a menace.” You pointed at her with your fork.

“Little old me?” Her face was the picture of innocence as she flung her hand backwards, the bacon on her fork flying into the back of a Ravenclaw at the next table. Her hair, along with her face, turned a deep pink shade.

“A menace.” You repeated, crossing your arms before turning to Charlie, who had been staring at you rather intently with an unreadable expression.

“Tonks was just telling me about a prank your brothers pulled yesterday. Given she can’t behave herself at all, she’s quite impressed with them.”

“At least someone is.” He said with a grin. “My mum might actually kill them when we get home.”

“That would be a shame,” Tonks frowned, chewing. “Someone needs to cause a little mayhem when I leave.”

“You think they could replace your legacy just like that?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course not, but they have to try.”

“Don’t think they could ever beat the time you put that Venomous Tentacula plant in Snape’s classroom,” Charlie’s smile was infectious as he remembered one of Tonks most infamous pranks.

Tonks’ face soured slightly. “I’m still doing detention for that one.”

You, Charlie and Tonks fell into easy conversation and more often than not, you found yourself staring at his attractive face and enjoying the sound of his deep voice.

“So, what d’you have today, Charles?” Tonks asked, a teasing smile on her lips.

“You’re playing with fire.” You warned her, knowing how much she hated her full name. She made a face. Ever the gentleman, Charlie just smirked at her teasing.

“Care of Magical Creatures, first-“

“You took that?” you asked, unable to hide the incredulous tone of your voice. He laughed.

“Yes? What’s wrong with that?”

“Well,” you frowned. “Nothing’s wrong with it, per se. I just didn’t expect you to take it.”

“And, why’s that?”

He turned to face you expectantly, his elbow resting on the table.

“Because you’re a total jock.”

“Oh, really?”

“Quidditch legend, remember?”

He shook his head, smiling. “So, jocks can’t like taking care of magical creatures?”

“They can.” You bit your lip. “They just usually don’t.”

“Are you saying I’m not like other boys?”

Lost for a witty response, you just stared at him. You felt, though cliché, that this was the first time you were actually seeing Charlie Weasley. The amused twinkle in his eye and the soft curve of his lips and the fact that there was a much softer side to him than you’d ever imagined caught you off guard. It seemed like all he ever did was surprise.

“Oh,” Tonks said, drawing both you and Charlie’s attention away from each other. “Bugger,” Her tone was stretched and full of imitated emotion. “I have to get to-“ Her pause was ridiculously long as she stood up from the table, nearly wearing the soupy sauce left from her baked beans as she did. “A class?”

Before you could say anything, she sent you a very conspicuous wink and legged it out of the hall. You would’ve been embarrassed at her obvious attempt to leave you two alone had Charlie not turned to you, amusement written all over his face.

“Blimey, she shot off quick – I bet that class is important.”

The next few weeks, you and Charlie were practically joined at the hip. Every single meal was spent with Tonks at the Hufflepuff table and weekends you spent walking through the grounds talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. He told you everything he could about his family and you told him about how you ended up on the Quidditch team and how strange it was to not be around your own family at Hogwarts. You never talked about the future – it was an unspoken rule. You knew Charlie must’ve had a soulmate and you knew he probably didn’t feel the same as you about the whole deal and so you kept quiet about it. It felt obvious that regardless of what you two were now, as soon as his soulmate came along, he would probably ditch you for them and the idea, as much as you tried to avoid it, pained you a little bit. You’d never felt as happy as you were when you were with him.

You’d been excited for your last Quidditch game of the year, especially as you knew that Charlie would be cheering you on the whole time. You wanted to impress him, as well, despite yourself and so you tried your hardest to play your best. It was going well, all and all, until you were hit by a rogue bludger. You should’ve been paying more attention and so you cursed yourself when you’d been knocked from your broom. To say you were quite relieved that you caught the broom before you fell would be an understatement. And with the cheers of the crowd around you to spur you on, you managed to climb back on and continue playing. You’d completely forgotten about it with the excitement of the rest of the match – and winning, to your surprise. Charlie hadn’t though.

Alone in the changing rooms whilst everyone else was celebrating, you moved your shoulder back and forth, wincing as you realised that the bludger would definitely leave a bruise. You’d only been there a moment before Charlie barged in with a worried look in his dark eyes.

“Are you okay?”

You blinked at him as he came closer, mouth opening and closing slowly.

“Yeah, Charlie, I’m fine. It was-“

“Thank god.” He said, pulling you into a tight hug. You went rigid for a moment in his bulky arms before you relaxed into the unexpected embrace. “Are you hurt?”

He pulled back, hands resting on your upper arms. The concern in his voice and the warmth of his hands left you slightly breathless. Your heartbeat was loud in your ears.

“I’m fine.” You said softly, smiling. “Might have a nasty bruise, but nothing I can’t handle.”

“Show me.”

You rolled your eyes at his insistence, though you were touched at his concern. So much so, you absentmindedly pulled down your Quidditch uniform to reveal your shoulder, something you’d never done before. You shivered as his fingers skimmed your skin before a breathless whisper left his lips.

“No way.”

“What?” you asked, blinking away the feeling of Charlie that had so consumed you. Almost instantly, you realised your mistake. “Oh!”

Trying to undo what had already been done, you yanked your robes back over your shoulder, hiding the symbol from view.

“It’s a dragon,” He said ever so softly, seemingly stunned.

“Charlie, I-“

“Y/N, I love dragons.”

Still attempting to preserve whatever was left of you and Charlie’s relationship, your mind raced at a mile a minute thinking about how he would react to your soulmate, a topic you’d never spoken about together. You were so distracted you almost missed what he said.

“What?”

“I’m surprised I didn’t mention it,” he looked from your covered shoulder to your equally shocked expression. “My family says I never bloody shut up about them. That’s what I want to do after Hogwarts, actually, working with dragons in Romania.”

Unable to form a coherent thought, your lips reacted before your brain had the chance.

“Are you taking the piss?”

Charlie barked a laugh, stepping closer to you.

“I knew I always felt something different around you.” He said with a decidedly gleeful look on his face as he shrugged. “Makes sense, really.”

“Soulmates.” You brushed your hair out of your face with both hands. “Tonks is gonna have an absolute field day with this.” His lips twitched. “I’ve spent years telling her that I was gonna choose who I wanted to love and soulmates were a bunch of rubbish-“

“Should I be offended?” he asked, stepping closer again. Your chest tightened slightly at the proximity.

“Well, no. I decided about a month ago that my soulmate could piss off and you were all I wanted.”

He didn’t say anything; an amused smile lifting his cheeks at your rambling.

“It was a bit of an up yours to the universe, actually.”

You inhaled sharply as his hands gently held your waist.

“Turns out the joke is on me-“ His fond expression cut you off.

“Soulmates, eh?” you asked, looking into his eyes. Before you could utter another nervous syllable, he moved forward and captured your lips in a kiss. You leant backwards; his hands pulling your waist into him as your hands disappeared into his unruly red curls. Pulling at them slightly, he moaned into your mouth and you couldn’t help but smile in response. You pulled away, deciding that breathing would be a fun activity for your both to enjoy. You panted, your breaths mingling together as an ear-splitting grin grew on his face.

“I think, love,” he said, pressed a chaste peck to your lips. “That it’s time I told you a bit more about dragons.”

#charlie weasley #Charlie Weasley imagine #harry potter #Harry Potter imagine #imagine #writing #Charlie Weasley x reader

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rafecameron · 5 years ago

Text

Between You and I (1)

Summary: Reader and Topper dated in secret, she knew it was a bad idea but couldn’t stay away from the boy. Things ended on a sour note but sometimes they still can’t keep their hands to themselves.

Pairing: Topper Thornton x reader

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, smut, heartbreak, italics = flashback

Word count: 4.5K

A/N: Not me taking a week to write this bc i suck! Thank you @scandalousfemale for editing it for me!

*GIF is mine*

Topper Thornton had left a sour taste in your mouth, one you were sure you would never get rid of no matter how hard you tried to wash it away. Hate wasn’t an emotion you usually jumped to but you hated him more than anything. If you could go back in time and erase everything that happened with the kook boy you would. You’d flush him out of your memories at the snap of a finger and forget he ever existed. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a possibility and you have to live with the insufferable boy being ever present in your mind.

It seemed to you the more you despised the boy the more you saw him. You weren’t sure if it was merely because you noticed him more or because fate was playing a cruel trick on you. He’d be in the grocery store at the same time as you, you’d see him walking on the beach with his kook friends, if you went to the cinema or out to eat there he was. He was even at all the parties you attended, whether it was on the cut or figure eight. He was an ever lingering presence in your life and it only served to fuel your dislike for him.

The more you saw his smug face and perfect hair, the more your blood boiled. Yet you had no one to vent to.

Your friends knew you hated him, they hated him too, but they could never work out why you hated him as much as you did. Why your fists would clench at the mere sight of him and your jaw would tighten. But you couldn’t tell them. The only person who knew why you hated him so much was the boy himself and you planned to keep it that way. Even the good memories between the two of you irritated you and made your skin itch.

“Topper! Stop it!” You call out breathlessly between giggles, trying your best to push his fingers away from your sides.

“Have you cheered up yet?” Topper grins back, his relentless fingers still gripping at your hips but stopping their movements for now.

You nod quickly, “the happiest girl in the world.” You giggle, smiling at him when he crawls over you.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He leans down and kisses you softly on the lips, “I want my girl to be happy forever.”

His hand moves up to your cheek and his thumb caresses your skin gently, “I’m always scared I’m going to let you down.” He whispers, his eyes searching yours desperately.

“You’ll never let me down.” You whisper back, fingers gliding through his soft hair before pulling his body against yours in a tight hug.

You cringe at the memory playing out in your mind. How could you be so naive? Of course he would let you down, he’s Topper fucking Thornton, kook fuck boy who cares more about his reputation than anything else. You were an idiot for believing he would ever change for you. You knew sneaking around with Topper would always come back to bite you, but in the moment you had no thoughts or cares about what the future held.

You’d enjoyed sneaking around with him. Found it dangerous and exciting. You’d get butterflies when you’d sneak glances at him during parties and he’d wink at you. You’d feel a rush of excitement when he’d corner you somewhere semi private and pull you into a passionate kiss. You loved the thrill of it being your little secret, your secret with Topper. But it was all over almost as quickly as it had started. Feelings and opinions getting in the way of happiness, much like they always do.

“Are you coming then?” Sarah’s voice breaks through your thoughts and you shake your head at the blonde, “oh, come on!” She begs reaching out to grab your hand, “I never ask you for anything!” That was a lie. Just yesterday she’d asked to borrow a pair of shorts and the day before that she’d helped herself to a pair of your trainers for the day. You shook your head again.

The blonde pouts at you, attempting her best puppy dogs eyes, “I’ll do anything you want. Please, just come!”

You sighed as you stare over at her, biting on your lower lip lightly. You hadn’t been to a party in weeks. You’d gotten fed up of seeing Topper and his pretentious friends all the time and every night ending up in an argument or fight. So you’d stopped attending, tuning out when your friends spoke about the party the night before.

“Anything?” You ask and the girl nods eagerly, “okay, I’ll come, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to enjoy myself.”

Sarah rolls her eyes and tugs on the hand she was holding, “c’mon let’s find an outfit!” She pulls you into your house and up to your room.

“I’m just going to wear jeans or something, Sarah.” You tell the girl as she drags you by your hand into your room.

“Definitely not!” She pushes you down onto the bed and gives you an excited smile, “we’re wearing dresses.”

She knew you hated wearing dresses and that’s probably why she was so excited about it, she loved getting you to do things you’d never normally do. She pulls open your wardrobe doors dramatically, hands still grasping either door while her eyes scanned the visible clothes.

“Is this it?” She asks, pulling out an old blue dress, “is this the only one you have?” She turns to you slowly, a disgusted look on her face.

“Yes, Sarah, you know I don’t wear dresses.” You roll your eyes and hurry over to her, snatching the dress out of her hands, “And I’m definitely not wearing this one, it probably doesn’t even fit anymore!”

Sarah pouts as you stuff the dress into the bottom of your wardrobe, out of sight forever.

“We’ll go to mine then. We can get ready there and you can borrow one of my dresses,” Sarah decides.

“Really, I’d much prefer to wear jeans or something,” you countered with a sigh.

“This isn’t a kegger, y/n, this is a figure eight party. You have to look good.” Sarah crinkles her nose up at the thought of a party full of her fellow kooks.

“You’re making sure I get really really drunk tonight, okay?” You ask her with raised brows.

Sarah grins and nods quickly, “it's a promise!”

You knew you’d need a lot to drink if you were going to be seeing Topper everywhere, there was no doubt he’d be at this party and he always found a reason to talk to you. He liked winding you up, loved seeing you get riled and shout at him. This time you swore you’d punch him if he tried anything.

Sarah rummaged through her wardrobe, pulling out dress after dress and piling them up on top of her duvet. You watched the stack get higher while chewing your lower lip not having seen a single item of clothing you would be comfortable wearing.

“This one!” Sarah gasps suddenly, she turns to you holding a slim fitting black dress against her body, “this is perfect, try it on!”

“Sarah,” you shake your head eyeing up the dress, “there’s no way I can pull that off.”

“You don’t need to pull it off, I’m sure there will be someone else to do that.” She winks, causing you to roll your eyes.

She thrusts the dress into your hands and hurries you into her bathroom eagerly. You groan but start undressing to try on the dress. The fabric was soft but tight, once you had it over your torso it felt like it was sucking you in and you couldn’t breathe properly. You shimmied it over your hips and looked at yourself in the mirror. It fit perfectly but that didn’t mean you were happy about wearing it. You slowly exit the bathroom and Sarah turns to you, her mouth dropping at the sight.

“Woah! Twirl!” She moves her finger in circles motioning what she wanted you to do. You sigh but turn around in a circle to appease her.

“You look amazing!” Sarah grins as she comes over to you and puts her hands on your bare shoulders, “all the boys are going to go wild!”

“Sarah, I don’t want a kook boy,” you laughed.

Sarah just shrugged, “I didn’t say you have to take one home. Just that they’ll be going wild.”

You let her turn you to face the full length mirror, you smooth your hands over the fabric on your hips feeling extremely exposed in the skin tight dress. The only time you’d ever worn something this nice was on the one and only date you’d gone on with Topper.

“Are you sure I look okay?” You pout, looking down at your very kook like outfit.

“You look amazing baby.” Topper rests his hands on your hips and leans down to press a kiss to the top of your head, “you clean up well for a pogue,” he winks.

You roll your eyes and slap his arm playfully, “yeah whatever.” You laugh before leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.

You’d only been with Topper for a couple of weeks but you already felt like it had been forever. You’d never felt so comfortable around someone so fast, let alone a kook. But you felt like you knew Topper, really knew him. You talked about more meaningful things rather than discussing movies and games. You spoke about your hopes and dreams, your fears and worries. You knew Topper only confided those things in you and it made you feel all the more closer to him. He’d sneak you onto his boat and drive you out to a calm secluded part of the ocean. You’d dressed up even though it was just the two of you, a dress you’d borrowed from Sarah which you’d told her was for a dinner for your mum's birthday. You sat with Topper, sipping the wine he’d brought and talking endlessly about everything that came to mind.

“Do you think there’s something else out there?” You asked, currently laying looking up at the stars after having one too many wines.

Topper layer opposite you, his head beside yours as he looks up at the dark night sky, you felt him shrug.

“I’m not sure what I think,” Topper admits, “it’s crazy to think about, but I guess we can’t be the only ones here.”

“What about after? What do you think happens after you die?” You whisper.

“I don’t know,” he whispers back, “I’d like to believe that it all doesn’t just end.”

“But you don’t?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

“I used to, now I’m not so sure.” He mumbled before leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours, “can we talk about something else? I don’t want to think about anything bad ever happening to you.” His hand reaches your face and strokes your skin gently.

You nod your head, changing the subject to something a little more light hearted. You stayed like that for hours, laying beside each other and talking about the world's problems and beauty until the sun started coming up and you had to go back to land.

“That’s the one. You’re wearing it.” Sarah decides as she lifts a green dress from the pile, “and I’m wearing this one.” She smiled at the dark fabric in her hands before hurrying off to get changed.

You spent the next couple of hours getting ready in Sarah’s bedroom, she’d snuck a bottle of Rose’s wine into her room and you both sipped on it getting more and more giddy as the night wore on.

“Rafe!” Sarah calls, stumbling over a discarded shoe as she hurries after her brother, “are you leaving?”

“Obviously.” You heard Rafe sigh, “no, you can’t have a lift.”

“C’mon! Please? We won’t even talk!” Sarah pleaded.

“Are you drunk already?” Rafe asked, Sarah shook her head unconvincingly and Rafe sighed again, “fine, but I’m leaving now.”

You and Sarah quickly pulled on your shoes and hurried down the stairs after Rafe.

The party was already in full swing by the time Rafe pulled up in the driveway, blocking multiple cars in with his large truck but he didn’t seem to care. You held tightly onto Sarah’s hand as she pulled you towards the house.

“Promise you won’t leave me?” You asked.

She turns to you with a smile, “of course I won’t!” She promises.

Once inside you make your way to the kitchen, helping yourself to the alcohol that was piled along the kitchen island.

“Let’s dance!” Sarah leads the way to the living room where a large group of people were gathered dancing around.

You laugh and dance with Sarah for a while before you decide you need another drink and leave the girl twirling in the middle of the dance floor in search for more alcohol. You browse the island table before settling on a bottle of vodka in the middle and reaching over for it. While you poured your drink you felt someone come up behind you, thinking it was just another drunk partygoer before you heard them speak.

“Didn’t think I’d see you back in figure eight again.” The voice you had been dreading to hear said.

You narrow your eyes as you turn to look at him, “Get lost, Topper.”

“Now, that’s not very nice, pogue.” The boy grins, holding onto your upper arm to prevent you from walking away, “I just want to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you.” You sigh, leaning your side against the counter as you look up at the blonde boy.

“Things could have worked out for us.” He says as he leans closer to your face, making sure you heard him over the loud music.

“No, Top, things could never have worked out for us. You made sure of that.” You pulled your arm out of his grasp and turned your back on him, feeling the angry tears brimming in your eyes as you made your way back to the dance floor.

You bury your face in your hands as you sit on the edge of Topper's bed, willing yourself with everything you had in you not to cry in front of him. You bring your shaky fingers up through your hair, letting out a strained breath as you blinked away the tears brimming in your eyes.

“I just think it’s for the best.” Topper sighs out, scratching at the back of his neck nervously.

“Yeah, Topper, I heard you the first time.” You snap back at him.

“I don’t see why this has to change anything!” He holds up his hands in question, “things were going great.”

“Yeah, Top, things were going great. Then you basically told me you’re ashamed to be seen with me and that you never want to go public because it would ruin your image to be seen with a pogue. Now things are not going so great.” You stood up and walked over to him, shoving him harshly in the chest, “I never should have trusted you! I gave you everything, I let myself fall for you besides my better judgment because I thought you were worth it!” You push him again and he stumbles back a little bit more.

“Babe c’mon, you know I didn’t mean it like that!” Topper argues.

“Please, enlighten me on how you mean it then!” You shout, tears starting to brim at your eyes again but this time out of frustration. “Please, tell me how else I’m supposed to take that!”

“You know what my friends and family are like! It’s not as easy as just telling them!” Topper groans in annoyance.

“Well, I was willing to tell my friends! And newsflash, Topper, they’re not your biggest fans either!” You argue back.

“Why are you making a big deal about this?” Topper asks, “We knew when we started this that it had to be a secret.”

“Yeah but i didn’t expect to fall for you like I have, Top. I thought you liked me too, I thought maybe we wouldn’t have to hide forever. I thought you loved me.” You cry out, tears now slipping past your eyes making you more angry than before to be this weak in front of him.

“I do love you.” Topper replies quietly, he steps forward and tries to wipe the tears from your face but you slap his hand away.

“Bullshit, you only love yourself. I never should have gotten involved with you, I knew you’d only end up hurting me. You were right all along, you were always going to let me down.” You quickly grab your jacket and head towards his door.

“I never asked you to fall for me! And I never said we would go public!” Topper yells after you.

“Fuck you, Topper.” You call back as you walk down his stairs and out of his house for the last time. The tears now flowing freely down your face, your sadness slowly turning to anger at yourself and mostly at the kook boy.

You found Sarah again and you danced until your feet couldn’t take any more hoping to forget ever bumping into the boy. After dancing for what felt like hours your bladder felt like it would burst. You excused yourself and headed upstairs to find the bathroom, thankfully you found it pretty quickly and hurried inside. Once you had used the toilet you stood and looked at yourself in the mirror, the alcohol helping you to feel less insecure in Sarah’s revealing dress. You fix your hair, taking one last look before heading over to the door and pulling it open.

You gasp when you’re met with a guy's chest, looking up to apologise before you realise who it was.

“Hey, pogue.” Topper smirked and made his way into the bathroom, pushing you back as he walked inside and shut the door behind him.

“Topper, what are you doing?” You ask when you hear the click of the lock.

“Using the bathroom?” Topper asks with a raised brow, “that okay?”

“It would be fine if I wasn’t still in here.” You grumble and reach for the door but he brings his hand down onto the handle to stop you.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.” Topper leans closer to you, trapping your body between his and the door, you could smell the alcohol on his breath and his eyes were glossed over.

“Topper, get away from me.” You attempt to push his body away but he’s much stronger than you are and doesn’t move an inch.

“You used to love when I did this.” Topper whispers against your ear sending a shiver down your spine.

You want to resist him but all of your will power drains away when you feel his lips brush against your neck. You slide your hands up his chest, resting them on his shoulders as he begins kissing down your neck. You let out a soft moan, pushing your hips towards his as he pressed you against the hardwood. Topper moaned against your neck and suddenly your senses came rushing back to you and you pushed him away, catching him off guard causing him to stumble back.

“Stop it.” You reach for the handle again but he rushes forward and stops you a second time.

“Don’t fucking push me.” Topper growls out, a tingle growing in your core at his aggressive tone, “You know you fucking love it.”

“Topper, we can’t do this.” You try to argue but it comes out as more of a whine when you feel his fingers wrapping around your throat.

“Didn’t I always say you talked too much? Why don’t you put those words to use and tell me how much you want it.” he pushes you back against the door, his lips finding yours in a forceful kiss.

“Fuck you, Topper.” you moan against his mouth pushing your body as close to his as it would go, needing to feel him on you again.

“C’mon baby,” Topper growls against your neck as he nips at your earlobe, “You can do better than that.”

His hand brushes over your breasts and then now to your core, pushing his hand against you through the fabric of the dress.

“Topper, please.” You whine out pushing your hips against his hand, all pride leaving your body as the need for the boy grew stronger.

He presses his lips to yours once again, biting and sucking at your lower lip before sliding his tongue into your mouth. You moan against his mouth, your hands sliding around the back of his neck and holding him close to you. His free hand comes to your hips, pushing you back against the door as he moves his lips to your neck once again. A soft moan leaves your body when his teeth brush the skin below your ear before sinking in and sucking a mark into your skin. You pulled his body closer to yours, groaning out his name as he rolled his hips against yours. You may hate him more than anyone but he’s the only one who could get you so worked up this fast and you hated yourself for it, but right now he’s all you needed.

“Topper, please.” You moan out pressing your hips into his.

“Now you want it baby girl?” He mumbles against your neck, trailing kisses down to your collar bone, “you look so fucking sexy in this dress, I couldn’t stay away.” He kisses the cleavage that was on show as his hands tugged the dress over your hips.

Topper pulls your underwear down as he sinks to his knees in front of you, his lips instantly meeting your core and going to work. He slides his tongue along your clit as his fingers grip your thighs tightly, pulling you closer to his mouth.

You tangle your fingers in his hair, grinding yourself against his tongue, “Fuck, Topper.” You drop your head back against the door and close your eyes.

Topper circles his tongue around your clit as his finger trails up your thigh to tease at your entrance. You try and push yourself against his finger but he moves it away each time and you feel him smirking against you.

“Topper, please.” You whine out desperately and he finally gives you what you need and slips a finger into you. He instantly starts with a fast pace, thrusting his finger into you a couple times before adding a second while his tongue worked on your clit, licking and sucking at the most sensitive part. Moans fall from your lips as you buck against his tongue, gripping and pulling at his hair.

Topper pulls away earning a whine of complaint from you. He stands up quickly and grabs you by the hips, picking you up he places you on the counter, pulling your hips to the edge. You pull the boy into a desperate kiss as he fumbles with the zipper on his shorts. Finally he gets it open and pushes them along with his boxers down his thighs, he rubs his tip along your clit teasingly.

“Do you want it, baby?” He asked, nipping at your shoulder.

You nod your head quickly and he lands a harsh slap against your thigh, “answer me properly.” He growls.

“Yes, topper, please I need it.” You moan out, “I need you.”

Topper obliged and finally pushed himself into you, letting out a low moan as he filled you up. He doesn’t waste time letting you adjust and starts thrusting into you harshly, you grip onto his shoulders tight as you let out a loud moan.

“You fucking love that, you little slut.” Topper groans through gritted teeth.

His hands grip onto your hips, pulling them to meet his fast thrusts, you're sure you’ll have bruises left behind tomorrow. You dug your nails into his shoulders as you moaned his name, letting him fuck you as fast as he needed. You wouldn’t admit it but you loved being this close to him again. His hand reaches up and grips around your throat, making it harder for you to breathe and accentuating the pleasure you felt.

“Do you like that, huh? You like when I choke you?” Topper thrusts into you harder pulling strangled moans from your lips.

You nod your head quickly, unable to form any coherent words. You slide your fingers into his hair and tug on it harshly causing him to hiss and slam his hips against yours harder. Topper pulls out completely before thrusting back into you, repeating his actions a couple times bringing you closer to your climax.

“Fuck, Topper, yes!” You scream out feeling your walls tighten around him.

“No one else can fuck you like this.” He growls out pushing your head back against the mirror behind you as his thrusts speed up again.

“Topper! Fuck!” You let out a loud moan as your orgasm takes over your body, the feeling of bliss washing over you as you shake under the boy's hands.

Toppers thrusts become sloppier as he follows you over the edge, moaning out a slew of curse words as he fills you up. He slowly lets go of your neck, breathing heavily as he pulls out of you and leans his back against the counter beside you. You stay leant back against the mirror, slowly getting your breathing back under control before you hopped down, surprised your legs didn’t buckle under you. You find your underwear and quickly pull them back on as Topper zips his pants back up, looking over at you with a smirk.

“I knew you still wanted me.” He says, leaning over towards you and pushing your back against the counter.

“Fuck you.” You mutter out but the boy just laughs.

“You just did, princess,” he replies, a smug look plastered across his face.

“Whatever, it was mediocre at best.” You lie as you turn away from him.

He grabs you by the hips, pulling you back against his body as he sinks his teeth into your neck, “You know I’m the best you’ve ever had.” he mumbles against your skin.

You fight the moan wanting to leave your mouth and push away from him, “Until next time, pogue.” Topper laughs.

You flip him off as you pull the door open, “There’s not gonna be a next time.” You call back, wanting so much to believe yourself but having Topper that close to you again brought back all the feelings you thought you’d lost for the boy.

You hated the hold he had on you and the fact that you wished he’d run after you and ask you to be his again. But he didn’t come and you knew he saw you as nothing more than a play thing.

PART 2

#topper thornton x reader #topper thornton smut #topper thornton imagine #topper thornton fic #outer banks #outer banks x reader #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #my writing

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slightlymore · 5 years ago

Text

Pride | Part 8 [The End]

Pairing: Doyoung, Y/N Other characters: Haechan, Johnny cameo Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Crack | Fluff Warnings: as usual, language, same issues around mental health and unhealthy coping mechanisms, angsty, hard hitting family drama Words: 10K lol idk I wanted to write more bc it feels a little rushed but then it would drag too much

Okay so I did write this while severely sleep-deprived lol (please get enough sleep, don’t do what I do) so it might be all over the place anyways, when I started Pride I had no idea I would write so many parts, and that it would have been so angsty honk honk tell me if you liked the ending or not and I would love to hear what your overall thoughts on this series are (it’s fine even if it’s like “it sucked aha”) thank you for reading it, I appreciate your love and support a lot!! very many heart emojis here that I can’t do on the laptop, insert also sad clown emoji

TIME JUMPS EXPLANATION

Endind scene commentary

Doyoung has always regretted the things he had done wrong, when he was feeling weak, or imperfect, or exhausted. He would think about those moments and learn the same thing all over. Never again. And he lived with that mantra for a long time. Never again. Don’t slip, don’t let yourself go. Because it was painful.

But was it effectively painful as is, or was it only because he knew he shouldn’t have done that in the first place? Would it have been painful if he consciously let himself go? Was he feeling guilty for the mistake or for not being perfect? And at night, while breathing in and silently screaming his desire to be fragile, to break, to show people his soft imperfect soul he would think about that again and again. He appreciated that in other people a lot. Why would other people hate it in him? Why has he hated himself for such a long time? It is a denial of the inevitable. Just accept yourself, Doyoung. Accept yourself. Accept. And he thought he did it. Doyoung was sure he did it all. But as the first rays of sun hit his trembling eyelids, he already forgot. He opened up his eyes and looked at his ceiling, not remembering a single thing he told himself in the intimacy of the night.

_____

When the phone rang for the first time, you jolted on your seat, staring it down as if it was some kind of poisonous reptile.

God, you hated speaking on the phone.

When it rang again your eyes darted around you looking at the way your desk neighbors were judging you for taking so long to pick it up.

You breathed in and out.

“Y/N from Marketing speaking?” you mumbled into it. “Pizza or noodles?” a lazy but confident voice asked. You blinked, silent for a few moments, and looked around as if checking what was going on. “Who is this?” you whispered. A loud snort made you wince and remove the receiver from your ear. “-can’t believe you don’t recognize the voice of the best boy, the light of your life, the reason of your existence, the spawn of god, the joy of your miserable-,” the voice said when you listened to it again.

You closed your eyes and pinched the base of your nose. “Haechan,” you interrupted the litany, suddenly aware of the migraine lingering in the darkest part of your head. “So, pizza or noodles?” he chuckled satisfied.

It was pizza, and as you sat down for lunch you curiously looked around the dining hall. It was the first meal at the company and if it wasn’t for Haechan you wouldn’t have even known that there was a cafeteria at all. Your eyes darted to your left. It was louder than you’d expect from grown-ups.

“Yeah, it’s just like in high school”, Haechan swallowed his food, following the direction of your eyes as if knowing what you were thinking. Then he put down the slice of pizza he was holding and cleaned his fingers on a napkin.

“Okay, so, that table-”, he indicated with his head a group of people behind him, “lawyers. They can suck my dick and balls. And I’m definitely not saying this because they bully the IT department and we’d kill each other. Then in that one”, he indicated another table in the middle of the hall, “graphic designers. You probably see them around in the marketing wing where you’re at. Eh,” he shrugged, “normal people. Kinda weird. You’d think they won’t have colors on their clothes since they use a computer, but they still do for some arcane reason”.

You stared at them but only briefly before concentrating on your food as a few eyes returned the glares. The company was big and had hundreds of workers, but for some reason everywhere you looked around, people would stare back and whisper between themselves. “It’s because you made a ruckus at the party yesterday. Don’t worry, it will die soon.” Haechan explained, again reading your mind. It was kind of scary. “Where’s your group of people? Why are you eating with me?” you asked, unable to think about the day before.

About to go home the previous night, you looked for Doyoung first. You had no idea why. No, okay, you obviously knew why, but you didn’t know what you would tell him if you'd actually found him.

So you just gave up, suddenly anxious.

During the drive home, you called Johnny, not caring about the late hour. He had some explaining to do. “I can’t believe you’ve done that,” was the first thing you said into the phone.

Johnny’s voice was bright and not at all sleepy. He probably wasn’t home.

“So you’ve met him,” he chuckled lightly. “John,” you murmured tired, unable to say anything more and hoping that the tone of your voice would make him understand. And he did. “I know, I know. But listen, you’re in love with him,” he said. You groaned. “I don’t know, Johnny. I was alright before meeting him again”.

Johnny’s voice got clearer signaling that he went somewhere quieter. “It’s not true. You were not okay. Do you think I don’t have eyes?”

“But what if-” your voice stopped working and you had to gulp down. Your eyes stung as finally, you let your emotions flow after seeing Doyoung.

God, you didn’t want to cry.

“What if I’m like this only because I can’t have him? What if, I don’t know, we get together, right? and, and, what if, fuck, I don’t know, I just change my mind? and I hurt him? again? like, like-” you stuttered and ate your words. “Like you did with me?” Johnny asked. You started to cry silently. “Listen,” he repeated calmly, still able to hear your muffled breaths, “it’s going to be alright. What happened with us it’s not your fault, okay? Not entirely. We-” he stopped as well, thinking. “Johnny, it’s fine, we don’t have to talk about that again,” you sniffled. “No, no, wait, I need the right words,” he assured you. “We just weren’t a match, okay? We liked each other because we were good friends and we saw each other grow up, we were always together and we do love each other, okay? we really do, but not- just not that way,” he added after a pause. You nodded, even if he wasn’t able to see, remembering the long and emotional conversation you had a few months ago. “Doyoung though-” he went on and you breathed in and out, “he’s different. And you know that. Everything is different with him. So go and tell him what you feel, Y/N, please. I hate seeing you this way,” Johnny’s voice got thinner as if was worried. You sniffled again in silence and you both just listened to each other's breaths for a while. It calmed you. “Well,” you finally spoke with a hoarse voice. “It’s too late now” “No, no, Y/N-” Johnny interrupted you. “John, he’s married, he got married, he did it, it’s too late, I can’t-” you interrupted him as well. “Okay, okay, he’s married, like a fucking dumbass, okay,” he calmed you again. “But, honestly, I don’t give a single fuck at the same time. You said he didn’t even know the girl. He got set up. By his family. Like in a fucking soap opera. Who does that nowadays?” You sighed slightly amused. “Say fuck one more time”. “Fuck,” he swore then lightly chuckled. “Seriously though, talk to him, okay?”

And you said that you would.

And now you were there, eyes darting in the cafeteria looking for Doyoung again, heart stinging and anxiety as never before.

Haechan raised an eyebrow at your question. “I’m eating with you because you would probably eat alone right now. And-” he talked raising a finger as he sensed you wanting to interrupt him, “-if by 'my group of people'" he mimicked the quotations marks with his fingers, "you mean Doyoung, he never eats here. He stays in the office.”

You put your slice of pizza down and crossed your arms on your chest as if indicating that you didn’t like how Haechan assumed things. Haechan smiled. “I wasn’t looking for Doyoung”, you lied. Haechan mocked you with a bemused face. “I wAsn’t loOkiNg foR DoYouNg. I can tell him that you were looking for him if you want”. “No, Haechan. Wait, I’m-” you clenched your jaw and closed your eyes briefly.

Haechan stared at you waiting for you to go on sensing something more than just you wanting to see your crush.

“Do you think I should talk to him?” you asked after the pause. The boy's eyes turned serious. “About what?” he asked as well. You sighed. “About us. We… I don’t know. We almost kinda dated and he liked me first but I liked another guy and then when I understood my feelings he said that he was getting married and I had to act so quickly and I fucking panicked and then he was gone and I realized how much I’m in lov-” you stopped yourself from the frantic babbling. You gulped and looked around, as if afraid of people hearing you, or - worse - Doyoung himself.

Haechan breathed in and out slowly while adjusting his glasses on his nose. “I think you should talk then,” he replied quietly.

Your eyes darted towards his, but he wasn’t looking at you. Staring down at his pizza he played with a piece of it, rolling it around. “Are you guys not going along? Do you hate talking about him?” you asked, suddenly aware of his discomfort.

Haechan thought about it for a second then when he raised his face he got a wide smirk on.

“Every day that I see him he has a resting bitch face,” he replied, “or he’s annoyed, or he wants to punch me, or he’s like I had enough of you, Haechan,” he deepened his voice trying to imitate him. You rolled your eyes amused, almost if seeing Doyoung in front of you.

“Honestly? He’s… weird,” he added a little more seriously. You waited for him to go on, a light pressure wrapping your heart.

“It’s like,” Haechan spoke again looking at the ceiling as if unsure of what words to use, “he’s a house with all the lights on, and you come closer, but no one is inside?” he questioned looking back at you. “So you’re left with this sense of worry and uneasiness. I want to understand him but he… won’t let me get close. Not that I actually want that,” he explained with a smile.

You rested your back on the chair, pensive and suddenly feeling uneasy yourself by Haechan’s smile that didn’t reach his eyes at all.

_____

Insomnia, change in appetite, dizziness, rapid mood swings, intrusive thoughts, lack of concentration, pronounced sensitivity to external events, unfulfilled and intense longing. Isn’t this what Doyoung feared all along? Isn’t this what he tried to avoid?

“You don’t look that good, son.”

Doyoung turned his head towards his father as if seeing him for the first time. He hasn't been for a while now but thanks for noticing.

It was a bright and yellow morning. Rude and unnecessary.

“Maybe,” the man talked again with a weird twinkle in his eyes, smiling at his wife, making her chuckle as if she was already able to understand what he was trying to say, “you didn’t get enough sleep last night?” his father finished. Doyoung’s mother hit her husband’s hand tenderly with a little stop it. “I know you’re a grown-up man, Doyoung, but we still have some rules in this house. Sleeping with a lady on the first date it not gallant”.

Doyoung stared at them both.

Oh.

Right.

He met his allegedly future wife the previous night. And they were right. He did come back in the morning. It was a beautiful evening. Doyoung was sitting down rolling the stem of his glass of wine between two fingers, watching the way the dim lights of the restaurant made the golden liquid shine. Then he opened up another button on his shirt, feeling pathetic that he actually made an effort to look good for someone he didn’t care about. He ruffled his hair. He sighed. When The Wife came, he saw her legs first, walking slowly in a high pair of heels. Doyoung let his eyes gaze on them, going up shamelessly until meeting the seam of her tight dress. So he wasn’t the only one that tried for no reason. In spite of everything, Doyoung stood up and put a smile on his face. The Wife did the same and shook his hand. She sat down and the waiter came to fill up her glass as well. She said she was sorry for being a little late. Doyoung said it was alright. It was a nice night, wasn’t it? Yes, it was indeed. Kinda chilly. Yes, it is. The smog these days is terrible. Have you ever eaten in this restaurant? No, it’s my first time. What do you think is good? Let’s check the menu.

“Listen, Doyoung,” she finally said his name after a moment of silence, the cutlery gently hitting the plates as the only sound to fill the room. Doyoung looked up chewing slowly, unable to feel any taste. “You seem like a good person and I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your family and what’s your opinion on all of this-” she started gesturing vaguely at them both, “-but I am in love with somebody else”, she finished.

Doyoung blinked at her, feeling nothing and gulped down. His head was completely empty.

He looked at her worried and pained face and felt like seeing his reflection in a mirror. She was in love? He felt sorry.

But she was also happy. He could see it in her eyes, in the way her expression wrinkles weren’t accustomed to frowning like that. She wasn't unhappy. She was just worried. That Doyoung would say that he doesn’t care about her love. Forcing her to marry him anyway.

“Me too”, Doyoung said after a few seconds.

The relief that washed over The Wife’s face was so contagious that Doyoung felt like smiling himself, but he didn’t. It wasn’t nothing to be happy for. Not for him. Not at that moment.

“So what are we going to do?” he asked her. She blushed. “We’re not going to get married. If my parents don’t agree... I’ll just run away! - with him!”.

She was so confident, radiant, and - in love - that Doyoung had to recollect himself after being hit with so much light. She knew what she wanted and she was going to get it. She was in love and she was loved back.

Doyoung felt like crying. He wanted that so badly as well.

“I came here to speak to you directly because even if I already knew what I was about to do, I thought it wasn’t unfair to not explain myself and just vanish”, she added. Doyoung nodded and sipped on his drink, unable to speak. The Wife-but-not-Doyoung’s-one-anymore looked at him with a wide smile but he saw how it flattered a little seeing his expression. “And what are you going to do?” she asked cautiously. Doyoung shrugged, letting his lips stretch in a smile that couldn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know. Live in the moment, I guess,” was his reply, hoping that it was an adequate answer and to just drop that conversation.

The Wife furrowed her eyebrows.

“Did you come here with the intent to actually force yourself into this stupid relationship? While being in love with somebody else? Like an idiot?” the Wife asked.

Doyoung felt his eyes widen at her use of words. He suddenly felt pathetic and weak in comparison.

“No one is waiting for me,” he explained. “It’s too late now”. The Wife scoffed. “Are you in love or what?”.

Doyoung emptied his glass with a trembling hand.

“I just feel like I’ve been fighting a lot by myself while no one is fighting for me, so I gave up, as pitiful as that might sound,” he explained himself. His voice got sharper and he just wanted to go home.

The girl rested her back on the chair while crossing her arms on her chest with an angry expression. The fact that she didn’t need to walk on eggshells around him anymore made her real personality shine through. Doyoung found it rather refreshing but he hated it at the same time. He was scrutinizing himself very well already, judging his every step and word and thought. He didn’t need other people to do it as well.

“So you never broke down,” she observed. Doyoung looked up.

“Do you need to reach a breaking point?” he questioned. “Do I really need to get to the point of losing all my pride and sanity? It doesn’t have to be like this. Love is not like this”.

The Wife tilted her head to the side as if analyzing him. Doyoung felt vulnerable all of a sudden.

What was he doing? Talking about feelings with a stranger? A stranger he was sure he was about to marry just 5 minutes ago? He felt dizzy and his head hurt.

“No,” she agreed. “Love is not only this, no. But it can be like this sometimes." Doyoung poured some more wine into the empty glasses. “Why is she not doing it then? Why does it always have to be me?” Doyoung asked with the littlest voice. “Why did she let me go so easily?” The Wife sighed. “I don’t know her nor do I know you. But it sounds to me like she perhaps loves you too much-”

Doyoung interrupted her with a chuckle, shaking his head.

“-because!” the girl raised her voice for fear of being interrupted, “-she did not let her egoistical feelings get in the way. If you told her that you were about to get married, she obviously thought about you first, instead of herself and her needs. What would have you done in her place?” she asked.

“Fight,” Doyoung whispered. “But did you?” she asked again.

Doyoung gulped.

“Did you fight for her love? Your parents told you that you had to get married and what did you do? Accepted it? You went to her and were like 'listen this is the situation, can you promise me you’ll love me forever so that I know it’s worth fighting for you?' Is this what you did?” the Wife was almost angry and in another situation, Doyoung would have found it entertaining.

He didn’t reply. The Wife took it for tacit approval and went on.

“We’re taught to not be selfish in love, that if you love them then just let them go, and all of this bullshit, but!-” she slammed her hand on the table suddenly making Doyoung jolt, “-it doesn’t mean that’s how she is really feeling. I’d say she loves you." she pointed her finger towards him as a politician would after their speech.

“No, don’t feed my hopes, please. You don’t know anything,” he shook his head. “Doyoung, this makes no fucking sense. Get out of your head. I want you to call her, now. Just talk. Communication." “What?” “Call her. Do it. I want you to explain the new situation to her. Tell her that you aren’t getting married and that you love her and you’re ready to fight for your love. Show yourself."

Doyoung shook his head again. “Stop it.”

“Do it."

“Who do you think you are?” Doyoung was starting to get a little angry.

The Wife didn't budge and just smiled.

“Fate."

“We’re done. There’s nothing else to do now." Doyoung got up suddenly and retrieved his wallet. A waiter came from the shadows to accept his card. The Wife sighed and just looked at him as if disappointed. “Alright, but when Fate is going to kick you in the butt again when you least expect it, please think of me and my words." “I don’t believe in fate,” he replied putting on his jacket.

But Doyoung thought of those words all night while moving his phone from one hand to another, walking home slowly. It was cold as hell and he enjoyed the pain of it. He wasn’t alone. He could almost see the black car that was following him from a certain distance. “Yes, sir,” was the bodyguard’s answer when he told him to fuck off after he insisted on taking him home as programmed.

And he thought of those words again, months later, the instant he heard your voice in that party hall. He swore he was hallucinating. He felt his limbs paralyzing and shaking at the same time. But he was trained. He knew how to work in these high tension situations. It was a little click and he couldn’t feel anything, adrenaline killed and buried in the deepest parts of his brain, like hungry wolves ready to tear him to pieces when he wouldn’t have had the force to keep them locked anymore. And so he moved like a machine, like something as far from human as possible. Later. We’ll deal with this later. I can’t. I can’t do it now. I can’t let myself fall. Stay. Focus. Later he could feel it indeed. It came eventually. He felt it right there while worried about your cut. He felt it as he held your hand and dragged you away. Pain washed him all over as if for the first time and love. Oh, love, it was so much love, he felt like drowning, he felt like a withering garden begging for rain and it came suddenly, so quickly, that he couldn’t possibly absorb it all at once.

When he opened the bathroom cabinets he saw the first aid kit in a second, but he felt so overwhelmed and all over the place that he couldn’t bring himself to face you properly. He pretended to look for it for a while and his body felt your burning gaze all over his skin. Why were you looking at him like that? Stop it, no, please continue, no, stop, it’s too much, please, please, never stop looking at me.

When he turned around he couldn’t bring himself to touch you again either without dragging you against his chest, never letting go. Was this fate? Was this the fate The Wife was talking about? Is this real? Is everything real at all?

As Doyoung’s parents were scolding him about apparently fucking like a rabbit the whole night, he put down his coffee and intertwined his fingers together, resting his face on them, closing his eyes and breathing in.

“We’re not getting married,” he suddenly spoke up. The cutlery stopped moving and his parents’ faces fell off.

“What?” Mother asked with a tiny voice. “What are you talking about?” Father furrowed his eyebrows, no amusement left in his eyes. Doyoung looked at them.

“I-am-” Doyoung articulated every word well and slowly as if talking with a stupid person, “-not-getting-fucking-married."

Father’s breath grew in pace, eyes out of his orbits.

“Doyoung,” his mother’s voice was a little surprised whine.

He looked at her with the corner of his eyes and his expression was probably one of his worst ones so far since she jolted imperceptibly as if seeing her son for the first time.

“What’s with this attitude? Who do you think you are?” Father’s voice was getting deeper and his cheeks and neck reddening.

Doyoung looked back at him with a killing glare.

“Doyoung, sweetheart, you don’t have to get married tomorrow. Get to know each other first. You’ll definitely like each other as time goes by-” Mother tried to calm everyone down.

“Like you and dad?” Doyoung let his tongue be as poisonous as it wanted. “Getting married to someone for convenience to just fight like fucking dogs every day in front of a child, huh?” he asked.

Mother gasped and covered her mouth with the impeccable napkin.

“Kim Dongyoung!” Father hit the table with his fist making all the tableware tremble.

Doyoung didn’t flinch.

“Do you want my son to assist at how I fuck different women every night? Pretending that he doesn’t understand what’s going on?”

Mother started to sob.

“And you,” Doyoung spoke to her, ignoring her tears, “do you want my son to listen to his mother bad mouthing me from the most tender age? Telling him what a terrible father I am, that he shouldn’t love him, letting him know how unhappy she is while the only thing he should be preoccupied about is the multiplication table and which toy he should be playing that day with?” Doyoung directed his gaze towards his mom raising his voice on the last words.

“Do you want me to bring my son to work to prove to my wife that I am in fact not fucking the secretary while letting her suck my cock under the desk?” he continued this time directing his speech towards Father.

The man was fully red at this point and when he got up from his chair Doyoung thought that he was about to punch him or just drag him on the ground.

But he didn’t. He was shaking as if no one had confronted him like that before.

His voice was dangerous and slow, like a poisonous snake.

“You’re going to get what you deserve, Dongyoung,” he spoke and Doyoung knew what that was.

Because in his father’s eyes, Doyoung was the faulty one. For speaking up. For telling the truth. For letting both of them, grown-up adults that were still running away from themselves like children, face their own feelings and shortcomings. Forcing him to be perfect and to do stuff that they wanted. Forcing him to accept every shitty thing they did but making him feel guilty for his actions.

“I will. And you as well, Father,” he replied getting up and throwing his napkin on top of his plate. His mother’s sobs were the only sound he could hear as he exited the room.

Doyoung apologized for having spilled his drink on you. And you looked up as if that was the last of your problems. Your fingers were trembling as you disinfected your cut and Doyoung knew it wasn’t because of the pain.

Right?

No, don’t do it. Don’t go there again Doyoung. For once, for a single time, stop jumping ahead. Just ask. Stop living in your head. Don’t assume. She’s not in love. She’s not here because of you. This is not fate.

So he did ask. He asked why were you there and the transient relief he felt when he was as close as to believe he was the reason for all of that, that maybe, just maybe, you tried to be selfish again, washed away. Because he could see how sincere you were while assuring him that you had no idea it was the place he was working at. There was no plan.

So this is fate? This is how it works? It gives you the possibility but you still have to work for it? You still have to endure the pain of trying and trying and failing over and over again? If fate could make you both meet again, why didn't it do everything? Why did fate bring you in front of his eyes again just to listen to your sweet voice say that you were over him? Like a slap. Like giving a thirsty man a cup of water and taking it away right before the moment a single drop of refreshing sweetness could have eased his burning tongue.

It’s not so simple to draw the line. This was the only lesson Doyoung fully understood. There’s no one way someone can be. It’s not black and it’s not white. Everything is blurry. Everything is gray.

_____

“Y/N." It took only that single word to make Doyoung snap his head up and look at Haechan. “She was looking for you,” he added while standing in front of Doyoung’s desk, one hand comfortably inside his pants pocket, the other holding a coffee.

“Is that for me?” Doyoung asked eyeing the cup.

Haechan snorted incredulously.

“I’m telling you that the ex you’re still in love with was looking for you and you talk about a goddamn coffee?”

Doyoung straightened his back.

“She told you that she’s my ex?” he asked surprised. “So you don’t deny that you’re in love with her,” Haechan considered while sipping on the coffee.

Doyoung’s eyes got darker as they usually did when talking to Haechan but the younger one could see the redness on his cheeks and the way his adam apple traveled up and down, anxious and embarrassed.

Oh Doyoung, Haechan thought, you’re so fragile.

“How is that your business?” Doyoung didn’t budge, even though he was aware that Haechan was your new interest.

Was Haechan jealous? Was that a new way Haechan tried to make him angry with? Since Doyoung arrived at the company Haechan has never let him alone. He was nagging and whining and messing up with Doyoung, making him angry and irritated, laughing when Doyoung snapped.

Haechan shrugged. “I’m a Gemini. Everything is my business."

Doyoung sighed and flipped the papers he had underneath his hands as if telling the other that the conversation was over.

But he still felt the other’s gaze on top of his head for long seconds. “So you’re going to be a pussy about it.” Haechan didn’t move and talked with a low voice Doyoung has never heard before. “You’re going to hold yourself back and prepare some escaping routes, just like always."

Doyoung stilled and looked up.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked almost in a whisper, too surprised by Haechan’s serious tone to actually get angry at the insult.

“I see you, Doyoung. I really see you. And I see how your father treats you,” Haechan sipped on his coffee again while staring out of the office windows as if talking about anything besides that. “Y/N was surprised when I told her that you weren’t some CEO or something. I didn’t tell her that you were punished.” Haechan filled the silence again as Doyoung was just staring. “I wasn’t punished,” Doyoung gave him a death glare.

Haechan shrugged.

“Do something for yourself for once, would you?” he added and Doyoung could have sworn that underneath the nonchalant mask Haechan had on, rested a troubled and sensitive soul.

“Are you two not dating?” Doyoung finally spoke when finding his voice.

Haechan came back to his normal self with a nasal laugh.

“You are so fucking stupid, oh my God,” he groaned. “No, darling, we’re not. That poor girl was too proud to admit that she’s in love with you while you probably just got back from your 'forced newlywed trip'”.

Doyoung furrowed his eyebrows and that was enough for Haechan to widen his eyes.

“So it’s not true,” he whispered.

Doyoung didn’t comment on that and Haechan didn’t add anything.

He looked out of the window again, lower lip slightly trembling so he bit on it. Then he smiled bitterly. “Fuck. Then you have to tell her that. Talk to Y/N,” he whispered again and just left leaving Doyoung confused as never before.

_____

You didn’t see Doyoung that morning and you didn’t see him during lunch either. Then at almost 5 o’clock your phone rang again. You rolled your eyes wondering what Haechan wanted to say to you. “Y/N from Marketing speaking." Your voice was flat but a little amused, ready to listen to whatever nonsense Haechan will talk about.

But when you heard the voice you gasped silently.

“Hello, Y/N. Doyoung from IT here."

His voice was warm and deep. Your breath grew heavier.

You couldn’t speak so you closed your eyes. Doyoung didn’t add anything either and you both ended up just listening to each others’ breaths for a while.

“Doyoung,” you said after what felt like ages and a few seconds at the same time, your nerves thin as never.

What were you both doing? What was this?

“Y/N,” he said in the same tone but then cleared his throat. “I-” he stopped. “I actually called with a purpose,” he added.

You imagined him, sitting behind his desk, cheeks flushed, fingers restless.

Or so you hoped.

Maybe he was just nervous. Maybe he hated to see you again. Maybe he was over you and now his pain just got back and it was all your fault.

“Yes?” you asked, raising your voice to seem nonchalant. “Yes. There’s this project that Haechan and I are working on,” he started, “-and we’ve been told to work with someone from marketing for the selling issues. And they suggested you since you’re new and you still have to prove yourself” he finished explaining.

You nodded. “Yes. Okay. Alright,” you almost stuttered.

“Come to my office. The map is on the server,” he ordered softly and hang up.

Just like that.

You remained still for a few seconds, with the beep-beep of the line ringing in your ears. Then you swallowed with a certain difficulty feeling your throat dry.

When you arrived in front of his door, thin nerves and muscles shaking, you just closed your eyes and forced yourself to calm down. You were about to see Doyoung. You were about to see him and talk to him. It wasn’t a dream and it wasn’t a fantasy. He was there, behind this thin closed door.

God.

You knocked.

His melodious voice told you to come in. And you did. He was sitting behind his desk, blinds slightly closed making the office semi-dark. “I didn’t know IT people had their own offices,” you smiled awkwardly while stepping in and closing the door behind you. “Well, we don’t need human interaction to do our jobs,” he replied in the same tone.

He got up and indicated you to sit down on the couch in front of his desk. He brought his laptop with him and placed it on the coffee table in front of it. You sat down, hands neatly placed on your thighs and you hoped he didn’t hear the way your breath hitched as he sat down as well, his thigh touching yours slightly.

His cologne was the same, you noticed, and your fingers vibrated, trying hard to stop themselves from touching him. You looked at his shoulders and imagined tracing them with your hand. Then wrapping them as you got closer. Then sliding them up to his nape, slowly, into his hair, closer and closer and closer and feeling his breath and kissing his lips and sitting on his lap and as you did so, his arms would hug you, pulling you close while he whispered your name.

Y/N. Y/N. Y/N.

“Y/N." You jolted. He was turned to you, hands on the laptop screen, a PowerPoint on it. You looked at the computer then at his face. He understood that you haven’t been listening to him and sighed.

You breathed in and out.

“Doyoung,” you said and you saw him visibly shiver hearing your voice call his name.

“I think that we should t-” but you couldn’t finish the sentence as the door got opened with a loud thud.

Haechan was almost breathless when he barged in.

You and Doyoung looked behind your backs, both surprised to see Haechan with flushed cheeks and red eyes. “Haechan,” you said. “Is everything alright?” Doyoung asked as well. Haechan caught his breath by now, staring at you both then his lips tightened in a straight line. “Yeah. Yes. Sorry, I’m late. Let’s go to the conference room. It’s more spacious there,” he spoke up and turning around he just left. You and Doyoung looked at each other surprised.

You bit your lower lip, unable to carry on the conversation anymore.

“You were saying? I think we should?” Doyoung didn’t budge.

His eyes were dark and his lips slightly parted. You stared at them, perhaps far too long because you suddenly felt your cheeks hot and your breath hitch.

You were leaning in, imperceptibly and Doyoung saw.

He didn’t get away and he didn’t refuse you. Looking at his eyes for a split second you could see that he was nervous.

Then the magic disappeared again as Haechan’s voice made you both jolt again. “What are you doing? Are you coming or not?” he yelled.

_____

You were sitting down, each with their own computer, clicking and typing. Doyoung briefly filled you in, explaining again what you needed to do. You just nodded and got to work.

“When is this due?” you asked after probably twenty minutes of full silence. You knew Doyoung would be silent but Haechan? It was surprising to see him so concentrated on his work, not looking up even once, no jokes, and no smirks. He was also in a bad mood, you thought, his red swollen eyes still fresh in your memory.

“Tomorrow morning. We’ll have a meeting and we’ll present the project. Hopefully, it goes well and we can go on with it,” Doyoung replied softly, almost in a whisper. You nodded. It was doable. You got back to work a didn’t speak for some time.

God, you were about to kiss him.

What were you thinking? What the fuck were you thinking? And him? Not pulling away? Staying still and looking at your lips the way you looked at his? You could do it, right? Maybe it was possible. You could talk to him and everything would be alright. Just like you’ve always dreamed.

Right? Right?

After an indefinite amount of time, you looked up and glanced at the time.

“Fuck,” you swore.

It was already night and you did almost nothing.

Haechan raised his eyes as well for the first time and turned around to see the dark windows. “We can take a break,” Doyoung murmured closing his laptop.

Haechan relaxed on his back. “Who appointed you as a leader?” he asked amused. You smiled a little, happy to see him that way again.

Doyoung crossed his arms on his chest. “You can be a leader then.” “Okay, then I decide that we can take a break,” Haechan giggled and you chuckled as well.

Doyoung opened his mouth to say something but his voice got suddenly swallowed by a loud, weird noise.

You all looked up and in seconds water poured out of the ceiling.

You screamed and got up suddenly.

“What’s going on?” you asked no one in particular putting your hands on your head instinctively. “The sprinkles!” Haechan yelled. “But there’s no fire? Is it?” you asked looking around the room, shocked.

"Haechan Lee!" Doyoung groaned, eyelashes fluttering in an attempt to see through the drops. "It's not my fault! I didn't do anything this time!" Haechan screamed back, one hand shielding his head. "Go and stop this mess!" the older ordered.

Haechan had the time to roll his eyes before running to the wall on the opposite side of the conference room.

You whined, leaving them to their bickering and tried hard to cover the computers ignoring that they were already wet in a desperate attempt to salvage them.

Doyoung looked at you and promptly came closer, grabbing stuff and throwing it under the desk before realizing that it was too late.

He groaned again.

You fell to your knees defeated, fists holding handfuls of melted paper.

"It doesn't work," Haechan yelled. Doyoung looked at him with such anger that you sensed it radiating through him even if unable to look at him in the face. "For fuck's sake, Haechan, you're useless!" Doyoung walked over and pressed the buttons on the switchboard then looking up at the ceiling as if expecting it to stop soon.

"What the actual fuck," he swore loudly since it wasn't working indeed.

Haechan whined beside him. "This was my best suit".

Doyoung ignored him and walked towards you again, looking around for his phone. "Aren't there other people in this god-forsaken company?" "Shouldn't it stop by now?" you asked, your voice almost inaudible. "I don't know. Something's broken," he spoke more softly to you.

You patted your jacket and retrieved your phone from the inside pocket. It was slightly damp but it worked. "Here," you handed it to Doyoung as he was about to lose his mind from not finding his. He took it and putting one hand on his hip he called someone.

In the meantime, Haechan crossed the room again and looked at the desk near you and the papers on the floor. "Shit," he commented. “At least I saved on the server,” he added.

You looked at his wet strands of hair as he passed a hand on his forehead throwing them back. “Me too,” you said to Haechan, then you both turned to Doyoung.

"They're coming. Let's leave the roo-" he ordered but his voice died in his throat when he heard what you were talking about. He looked down at the computers, pale as a sheet. “Doyoung?” Haechan’s voice was low and dangerous. “You also saved on the server, right?”

He didn’t and while you’ve followed angry Doyoung fighting with an angry Haechan through the corridos directed to the janitor’s room your head was hurting so badly that you thought it would burst.

“Listen,” Doyoung stopped suddenly making you almost bump into him, “I am a fucking mess, okay?” his index was pointed towards Haechan. “I am a mess and I have so fucking much on my mind, I can’t concentrate, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I know this is not an excuse for not doing your job well but guess what, I am not perfect, okay? I am not fucking perfect. I make mistakes and I don’t give a shit, alright? I don’t give a single fuck about anything. And now shut up and go home if you want. You’ve done your part,” he spitted out then busted the janitor’s room open and entered it.

Haechan was still in the corridor a few steps ahead of you.

You were both still, shocked by Doyoung’s rage.

But then Haechan started to chuckle softly and looked at you.

“He did it, finally,” he said, without giving you any explanation and got into the room as well.

_____

"You've already seen it, Doyoung," you whispered slightly embarrassed.

Doyoung was in front of you, one hand placed on the other hand’s wrist trying to undone his sleeves, as he watched you getting undressed.

He looked at the way your bra cupped your soft breasts then promptly turned around.

“You could have gone to another room,” his voice was steady but his reddish ears gave him away.

You were told that the janitors had clean uniforms in the storage room and now you were in the middle of getting your soaked clothes off, with no time to go home and get changed since the dear Doyoung didn’t save any of your work.

“And also, I've never seen anything," he said. "Well, I’m not saying naked but you definitely saw me in a bra before,” you replied.

Doyoung’s back tightened and he turned around, looking at you from under his wet hair. "I'm afraid you're mistaking me for Johnny," he raised his eyebrows before turning away again.

You opened your mouth to speak but you were too surprised to say anything. Doyoung's eyes were - you might dare say - jealous and furious.

Was this what Haechan was talking about before? That he’s done it? Was he talking about Doyoung just owning his true feelings and wearing him of his sleeve? Did he finally snap?

"Okay, so who is this Johnny guy?" Haechan stepped closer with a sly smile. You looked at him but he wasn't looking at you. No, he was looking at you but not at your face.

Doyoung raised his gaze for a second and slapped his shoulder. "Look away."

Haechan exaggerated a cry. “I was just curious. I don’t care about Y/N."

“How can you not care about her?” Doyoung mumbled and you swore that your face turned violet.

Haechan put his tongue in his cheeks annoyed. "Doyoung, you're so fucking stupid. So many months working together and you still didn't get it?"

"Doyoung," you called him softly. "He's not interested in boobs," you explained with a smile, still shy from Doyoung's previous words.

Haechan gulped, suddenly blushing even harder.

Doyoung turned his head around and furrowed his eyebrows at you.

Then his eyes got wide and when he looked back at Haechan he noticed his red cheeks and the way he tried to not look at Doyoung's naked upper body.

Doyoung covered his nipples.

Haechan groaned and hit him.

“I’m not interested in you either, dumbass,” he added but still turned around to not look at either of you.

_____

It was hours later and you kept glancing at the neon green number on the clock in front of you. You got back to Doyoung’s office to, well, continue or start again everything you’ve done before.

“If you’re tired, you can go home, it’s fine,” Doyoung’s soft voice grabbed your attention.

You sighed and closed your computer.

“Do you want to talk?” you asked with a low voice.

It was almost a whisper but in the thick silence of the room, disrupted only by the buzz of the computers and your breaths, it sounded almost too loud. You glanced at Haechan, fast asleep with the head on his arms then you glanced at Doyoung again and at his slightly surprised expression.

That was blunt and all of a sudden. But it was so late and you were exhausted physically and mentally and you couldn’t take it anymore.

You both knew that you weren’t asking to chat about the weather but he still wanted to make sure.

“Talk about what?”

Yeah. Talk about what? Us? Is there an us? There was only you and him and the feelings in between. Talk about feelings? Does he have feelings as well though? Talk about me and my feelings? Fuck.

You looked down at your hands still on the keyboard and at the way your fingers started to shake. You clasped them together.

“I still have feelings for you,” you breathed out suddenly, then you looked up for a split second to see Doyoung’s expression.

His eyes were wide and round, his glossy pupils shaking imperceptibly. He didn’t expect you to say it like that.

“I know,” he whispered.

Your breath hitched at his words and you tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat.

He knows. He knows? He knows.

Of course, he knows. He probably noticed. You were no actress and you couldn’t fake your emotions. Also, you tried to kiss him just a few hours before that.

He knows.

Okay.

That’s it? And now?

You shook your head. “No,” you said. “I don’t think you do”.

Doyoung blinked, a single expression line between his eyebrows. “I don’t just have feelings for you, Doyoung. I am in love with you,” you confessed and this time you tried to sustain his gaze.

Doyoung’s adam apple went up and down and his lips opened as if he couldn’t breathe.

“I am foolishly in love with you. I am foolishly in love with everything you are and with everything you do,” your voice trembled. “ “When I think and when I don’t think, you’re still in my mind, roaming around the whole day. And during the night I can’t get any relief from this mind of mine because you’ll visit me again and for a while," you breathed in sharply, talking fast, "-just for a while, the gap inside of me would get filled only for me to wake up and realize that it was just a dream. I have so many feelings and all of them are consumed by you and I have so many things but they all mean nothing to me, without you. And I could blame everything and everyone for this but it’s all on me. It’s all on me, Doyoung. I knew everything and I still acted that way and when I heard you before when you said that you couldn’t concentrate or sleep or-” and you choked, tears spilling on your face.

Your hands found them and you hid your head in your palms only to jolt and look up at your side after a moment.

Doyoung got up in a second and grabbed your hand.

He was standing there with his fingers around your wrist, flushed and short-breathed.

Then he pulled you towards him making you stand up and you let him do that, landing in his arms, wrapping yours around his torso, muffling your cry with his shirt, closing your eyes, drifting away, head empty and heart full.

Doyoung was holding you tight, one hand on your back and the other one on your nape, stroking your hair and shushing you softly. “I hate to see you cry and I hate that I’m the reason for that. I’m sorry, Y/N,” he whispered against your temple. You shook your head with an exasperated whine and looked up at him. “You didn’t do anything, Doyoung,” you objected.

He looked at your face as well. He didn’t expect that. He didn’t expect any of that. His mind was racing and his heard was about to give up.

“That’s the point,” he explained. “I didn’t do anything. I could have tried more. I walked on eggshells around you the whole time and at the first problem I would just let you go, finding an excuse, being afraid-” “No,” you interrupted him, shaking your head again, “I don’t want to hear you blame yourself." “I don’t want to hear you blame yourself either,” he replied.

You opened your mouth but didn’t say anything, knowing how stubborn Doyoung could get.

Okay. Okay. It's fine.

“Okay, now I-” you looked at your hands, pressed on his chest feeling his heart pumping blood like crazy.

Your first instinct was to just pull yourself away, telling him that you’ve said everything you had to say. And wait. Wait for him to take the second step, to understand your thoughts without you explaining anything, just like he has always done before. But Johnny’s voice thundered in your head telling you to talk and explain yourself and to use your words, so you raised your head to look at Doyoung again.

He didn’t look away from you, not for one second, and when you locked eyes he brought one hand up to cup your face and with his thumb he caressed your cheek, removing the last tear.

“What about you, Doyoung? Do you love me?” your voice trembled.

Doyoung sighed as if relieved.

He pulled you close and cupped your face with the other hand as well.

He leaned in until breathing on your open lips.

“I love you,” he said in the tiniest of whispers.

“I love you,” he repeated. You whimpered.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you,” his soft chant continued.

He said that again and again, kissing you with little pecks, then again after the kiss got slower and as your lips didn’t want to leave each other anymore.

“Look, I’m glad you idiots finally aren’t idiots anymore,” Haechan’s voice startled you for the third time that day, “but would you get a room? If not I’m going home."

_____

You ended up all going home that night - or very early morning. The project could have granted you all a promotion but you decided that you all didn’t give a single fuck. Everything looked so unimportant now that Doyoung was holding your hand and your muscles relaxed in his arms.

You felt asleep there, in the crook of his neck, deeply, after months of insomnia.

You remembered little snaps as he carried to his car. He would shush you when your fingers gripped his shirt harder.

“Doyoung, it’s fine, I can walk. Put me down,” you whispered going in and out of sleep. “Sleep, I’ll take care of you,” and the kiss he planted on your forehead felt like a spell as you lost consciousness soon after.

You didn’t wake up a single time during the drive and it was only when you reached your front door that Doyoung woke you up by gently shaking your shoulders. “Sorry,” he said. “Last time I had luck but this time I can’t find your keys,” he added when you fully opened your eyes with a yawn. “My bag now has more stuff in it than when I was at university,” you smiled. Your voice was hoarse from the nap and from the cry you had.

Then you entered your apartment, walking slowly in silence, and you both undressed, throwing the coarse uniforms away.

You did it lazily and with no malice, looking at each other bodies, this time without blushing.

Then you sat down on your bed, completely naked and you looked at Doyoung, naked as well, standing in front of you as he removed the last piece of fabric from his body.

“Wait,” he suddenly said, and turning around he left the room. You looked at his back as he was walking away and sighed.

You couldn’t believe it.

It was so surreal.

You sighed again deeper, feeling it difficult to breathe.

You were exhausted and drained, body aching and head-spinning so when Doyoung came back with a glass of water all you could think of was the morning after your terrible meeting with Doyoung.

That time he was also standing in front of you, with one glass of water in his hand, face lit by the new rays of the sun. He had fewer clothes on now, of course, but for some reason, you started to feel as if no time has passed at all between the two events. There was no misunderstanding, no pain, no fights.

You smiled and took the water from him. He smiled back and sat down on the bed beside you. His eyes were telling that he knew what you were thinking, like soulmates reading each other’s minds and that he was thinking about it as well.

“Another thing,” he said and his voice was as tired as yours. “Someone, let's say Fate, told me to tell you that I am not married and that I am ready to fight for our love,” he added looking at you with a little nervous smile.

Your eyes widened.

“But-” you felt overwhelmed. “But the ring,” you mumbled looking down at his hands as your brain was trying to run at a speed too high for your tired cells. Doyoung looked at his hands as well before raising them up and showing that they were bare. “It was just a random ring. You assumed things,” he replied.

You looked back at his face, confused and dizzy.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why-” you gulped, “why didn’t you call?”

Doyoung sighed.

“I also assumed things. I thought you didn’t love me,” he tightened his lips. “I am sorry,” he whispered wrapping your shoulders with his arms and pulling you towards him. He nudged at your temple while you processed the information, repeating the apology, planting little kisses on your temple.

“Does this change something?” he asked after a whole minute of silence. His voice sounded afraid and you looked up at him.

“No, love, no, shh, don’t get me wrong,” you assured him with a pained expression, cupping his face.

He let you do that, slightly surprised and definitely flushed by the sudden pet-name. “This is even better, isn’t it? I mean, you’re not married,” you chuckled a little.

Doyoung cupped your face as well, his thumbs pressing at the corners of your eyes.

“Then why are you crying?” he whispered so softly that it made you sob even harder.

Your lower lip trembled looking at his eyes, at his expression, at his face, drinking him in.

“I’m just happy. And I love you. I love you so much and all of this is just-” you smiled through the tears unable to go on.

You were too exhausted and emotional to be rational in that moment. You had do idea what to do and you just wanted to be.

Doyoung’s pupils shook as he bit his lip, trying not to cry as well.

“God, how much water do I need to make you drink to make up for all of these tears?” he chuckled lightly as a few tears fell on his cheeks as well.

You were both there, naked, crying, and laughing at the same time and you’ve never felt happier in your whole life.

“What happened though? How did you end up not getting married? What did your parents-” you started to ask wiping your face. Doyoung closed his eyes and shook his head, letting himself fall down on the bed and dragging you with him. “Later,” he mumbled getting you both under the covers when you landed on his chest.

You smiled and closed your eyes as well.

And you both slept a lot, hugging each other tight, bare limbs intertwined together, skin pressing on skin, lips murmuring loving whispers. It was the highest level of intimacy, naked in front of each other, and clothes had nothing to do with it.

Your souls were open and your emotions out, telling each other everything, with no fear and with no more pride.

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