#pretty sure y'all know by now that english isn't my first language and im writing this without autocorrect and predictive text so whoo!

[jamespottersdaisy]

now's time to deliver my essay on part 4 of dulcet.

first of all I wanna tell you that it's awesome and don't you ever doubt your writing skills cause they're amazing. I read somewhere that you said English isn't your first language (if not please correct me) but if it was the case, i was actually impressed when I read it cause it felt really poetic and beautiful you know. you used just the perfect amount of wordy words to make it feel prettier without making it bland.

I loved that he obviously doesn't want to have reader help him while he fights because it's dangerous and he might lose them and bla bla bla but honestly, the fact that he has to let them help him so he is forgiven makes it toe curling cause reader is obviously angry at peter but not so much that they wouldnt help him if he needs them. (I'm not sure which pronouns I should use so sorry if this is awkward). and then when he keeps asking if he's forgiven makes it feel serious but at the same time playful

the domestic peter interaction with may is also really sweet and something we all love because who doesn't love a gentleman who treats his mother (this case aunt) right.

and then when he just keeps staring at what reader does and loving every single thing about it just makes it so much better because feeling like someone pays attention to the little things and knowing they love you for it is just so wholesome.

I'm waiting patiently biting my nails for part 5 but don't rush yourself for it cause it's going to be the biggest slay as the rest anyway.

in my mind I'm giving you a hug

-🌕

yes! english is not my first language and looking back to my first drafts it was pretty obvious. so hearing that people think my writing is beautiful just melts my heart and makes me teary

thank you so much for writing this and trust me when i say i will come and read this again

also i have some (angsty) ideas for part 5, i just know if i write it good enough y'all will love it!!

AND IM SQUEEZING YOU SO HARD WITH THAT HUG

[rocksalt-and-pie]

hey remember when I used to write regular updates on my personal writing process? yeah, it's been a while.

it's been several years, actually. it's also been several years that I've actually written something, actually committed to writing something. I finished my novel in late 2017, and finished the editing in early 2018. since, I've made halfhearted attempts at writing one-shot fanfics and the odd short story here and there. in late 2018, i also came up with a vague "concept" for a new novel, that i started to work at, but it never really took off, not the way my first novel did. this concept has been floating around in the back of my head ever since. lately, i've also been thinking about an entirely new story concept that might be a bit easier to actually bring to life since it involves a lot less historical research than the other one.

not that historical research is a problem. at least it didn't used to be. not that writing itself is a problem. at least it didn't used to be.

in fact, looking back, i am amazed at myself what i managed to summon out of thin air. i wrote an entire book. a historical one at that, too. 150k words. that really is quite something. and i guess i am proud of it? but, at the same time and first and foremost, and that's what it all boils down to i guess, i am afraid.

i am deeply afraid, scared even. being scared is what prevented me from publishing anything thus far, even from only just showing my writing to anyone. (i have shown some individual people my writing but it's always such a struggle, really). but lately it's got even worse: being scared is what's been preventing me from writing entirely. i feel utterly paralyzed, i don't even want to turn on my laptop, that's how bad it's got. sometimes, the mere ghost of creativity creeps around in my tired brain, really a shadow of what it used to be, whispering things like "you know what might be cool" or "what if we wrote x", only to be immediatley shut down by "yeah okay but that doesn't make sense" or "what's even the point" and "no you can't do that" to straight up "that's stupid". more specifically, the creativity ghost thinks up a character concept, only to be shut down by "that's sexist, you can't write that", or a sideplot, only to be shut down by "yikes pretty sure that's racist, don't go there".

also, i know that 150k words is A LOT. and i know that length isn't necessarily a source of quality, and i know that i don't need to write a story that long. i can write something that's "only" 50k. hell, i can write even less than that. the last time i wrote something that long, it started out as a short story of what, 13k words? (I'd have to check but it wasn't much). maybe i should aim for another short story? or a short novel? it doesn't matter how long it is, as long as it gets finished for once?

basically, it all boils down to: i don't even begin because i feel like failing is the only possible outcome. i feel overwhelmed by the details that go into a writing a book.

and the crazy thing is, i've done it before. i know i am able to write a whole ass book with a shitload of information, character studies, sideplots, research about different times and different countries even. i've written something that i had no idea about, basically, and it did turn out great if i do say so myself. like, i KNOW i can do it. can i do it AGAIN, though, that's what's scaring me. what if i only had that one story in me? what if that's it? what if i can never do it again?

like, why do i put such pressure onto myself? nobody's gonna read it unless i decide otherwise. nobody can judge it unless i show it to someone. nobody would be offended by it, nobody would even have to know about it. it wouldn't matter if it wasn't "as good" as the other one.

so what's the problem, actually? i'm trying to remember how i did it that other time. i remember being insanely inspired by two already existing characters and their dynamic, i wrote a oneshot fanfic, that i then turned into a short story about two original characters that were based on those in the fanfic. i finished the short story and two weeks later decided that it wasn't in fact finished yet. and that's how it started. it was never my ambition to make it a book, i guess? is that the key to it? steal an insanely charismatic character, change them to my liking, and put them in a different setting, only to play around, without there being any pressure to it ending up as a fully finished novel?

i used to write so much in my teenage years, about original characters in original settings only, wordcounts that would make up entire universes, and they were never meant to be a "finished project" in the end, i've always used them to be a creative outlet. can i do that again, until inspiriation like back then for a novel strikes again?

what's the key to not sitting paralyzed in front of an empty word document?