#predelete

[littlemisskookie]

Sound the Alarms: 05

Sound the Alarms: 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 Ship: Jungkook | Reader ~ Jungkook | Seulgi Description: You were in love with Jeon Jungkook since you were 14, but made the mistake of introducing him to your best friend at 16. Now you’ve slept with him at 19, and it appears that fate isn’t done screwing you over when it comes to your two best friends. Warning: Hella Angst, EXTREME Toxicness (don’t read if you can’t handle the abusive side, it gets bad), Voyeurism? Exhibitionism? Film, Intercourse, Death Word Count: 5,140

When Seulgi invited you over two days after what you had witnessed, you were quite frankly unsurprised. Undoubtedly she would want to confront you again, perhaps to tell you to back off once again. You didn't care right now. All you cared about was Jungkook, and while you might be tolerable to Seulgi's behavior towards you, you didn't want it to be the same way for Jungkook. He didn't deserve this, though, after years and years, you were thoroughly convinced that you did.

Of course, the reason you deserved it wasn't something you thought about often since it was already ingrained in your mind.

And here you both were, sitting at the table in her apartment, and you did your best not to go off on her right then and there for hurting the man you loved. Three years. Three years of letting him be with your best friend, trying to let them be happy because you thought they genuinely had the ideal romance, and they were better off without you. That his love with her would be ten times more spectacular than it could possibly be with you. Only to find out that she had been slapping him silly, and you were too stupid to even notice. You assumed that they were head over heels for each other, but it was twisted beyond your imagination.

You would have never guessed. Jungkook seemed too sweet to hurt, and Seulgi definitely acted in love and utterly whipped when she was around him in public. They seemed to perfect for one another, as though they fit like two pieces of a puzzle, and yet it was so far from the truth.

Before you regretted introducing them to one another because you had to watch the boy you loved for three years be in love with someone else, and you couldn't do anything about it because you didn't want either getting hurt. Now you regretted it because Jungkook seemed to think so lowly of himself that he deserved the abuse, and the cheating simply dived him deeper into the dark spiral. You saw how she seemed to reward him, acting sweet after he confirmed that he didn't sleep with you again, and you knew exactly what she was doing. It was the sweet side, like dangling carrots in front of him to promise that he'd come running back, only to get slapped once again. It was like a never ending cycle, and Jungkook was too scared to leave. Too scared to hurt Seulgi, and too scared he'd get hurt himself if he even dared.

It made your stomach twist, but you knew you couldn't confront Seulgi about it. She'd punish Jungkook, and you couldn't bring it to the police. Jungkook wouldn't let you, and you were too scared of him hating you forever to do anything against his consent. Besides, you didn't have much proof. Jungkook was right when he said there wouldn't exactly be much belief.

In abusive relationships, the girl is usually portrayed as the one being abused. Men were supposed to be able to fight back, to be masculine enough not to let anyone stomp on them. They were seen as weak if they let themselves be in that position. Besides, Jungkook was buff and muscular, it'd be hard to believe a girl like Seulgi would slap him around so easily.

But still, you had to try. You loved Jungkook, and you couldn't simply stand around and pretend this wasn't happening. And you did your best to keep up the facade around Seulgi, letting her throw her usual backhanded compliments and snide comments your way, and you were surprised that she hadn't brought up the subject that you were dreading yet.

"You know, I've been meaning to ask you something," Seulgi brings up, her eyes glued to the glowing TV screen instead of being directed to you.

Every time she opened her mouth your gut twisted, and each sharp movement her hand gave you the slight instinct to flinch, though you stayed perfectly still. You wanted nothing more than to scream and yell at her about how she could possibly hurt the most precious boy in the world, tossing him and his feelings around like a rag doll when he was so desperately in love with her.  

"Oh? What is it?" you asked nonchalantly.

Seulgi's lips pursed slightly, and she gave you a sly side glance. "Did you happen to text my boyfriend, trying to come over, despite what I told you last time we hung out?"

You gave her a look of confusion, though part of you wanted to snap at her. But you couldn't do that, you know you couldn't. You were never that girl, and even you knew how fragile she was ever since the past. You were mentally thankful that you had predeleted Jungkook's text from that night, just in case Seulgi wanted to go through your phone to make sure you two weren't planning something behind her back. "Oh, I'm surprised you know about that."

"Of course I do," she narrows her eyes. "Jungkook tells me everything, you know."

Not everything. He didn't tell that you were in the closet, watching the scene unfold. That in a way, he had betrayed her for the third time.

You shrugged. "I was just confused he hadn't contacted me after so long. We usually contact each other often, so I was worried about him and was about to check up on him. But I changed my mind last minute, figuring that he'd be fine with you if you must know."

Seulgi didn't seem completely convinced. "Oh, so you weren't going to his place, searching for another hookup?"

Your eyes widened, looking at her with alarm. "Seulgi, I would never. You made it clear last time we hung out that those mistakes shouldn't be repeated. You're the last person I want to hurt anyways."

Seulgi smiled. "Good, just making sure. You know you're my best friend, and I'd hate for us to be split apart because of a guy, even if he is my boyfriend. I just don't want to lose you, y'know?"

You nodded. "I don't want to lose you either." Lying had been second nature to you, unlike how it was for Jungkook. Jungkook typically couldn't lie or keep secrets, because it seemed as though guilt ate him inside and out. Except for that night where you were in the closet. He kept his trap shut, only blurting out your name as he realized you were still there, watching everything unfold.

But you didn't want to lose Seulgi. Well, more like you couldn't leave her. Obligation and guilt would intertwine in a way that had you bonded with Seulgi. In a way, it was similar to Jungkook, how he felt obligated to be with her because she let him, and how his guilt of already betraying her trust kept him in place.

"That's good to hear," Seulgi grinned. "But just so we're clear, you know Jungkook will never like you back, right?"

Her words stung, just as they were intended to. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to let the words settle in your mind. "I've been aware this entire time, Seulgi."

She nodded, "I'm just making sure."

You pressed your lips together, resisting any urge to cry in front of her. Her words hurt as she intended with the less-than-gentle reminder, but you were a master at this point of keeping on a mask to conceal the pain. Unfortunately, this didn't sit well with Seulgi.

"You remember that boy you told me you were in love with, back in high school?" she asks. "It was Jungkook, wasn't it?"

You didn't respond.

"I thought so," Seulgi murmurs. "I think it's kind of pathetic though, don't you? Staying in love with the same man for five years when he has a girlfriend, and when he doesn't love you back. But don't worry, I haven't told him you love him that way, because I'm a good friend."

"Where's your Tylenol?" you blurt out.

She furrows her brows. "What?"

"I've got a bit of a stomach ache, and I think some medicine would help," you say. "It's still behind the mirror where the rest of your medicine is, right?"

"Are you just trying to leave because you don't want to talk about the fact you're in love with my boyfriend?" Seulgi narrows her eyes. "I should be more bothered than you, honestly."

"No, I'm not trying to avoid the subject. I just have a serious belly ache," you excuse. "So is it still there?"

"Yes, it's there with the rest of my medicine," Seulgi grumbled, sighing in disappointment that she couldn't continue taunting you.

You stood up, murmuring, "Thanks." Making your way to her bathroom, you went to her mirror, opening the old fashioned piece. Behind it was shelves of medicine, the usual. You already knew where everything was, mainly because you had been here before, but it had been so long since you borrowed medicine or anything of the sort at her apartment you were concerned she might've moved the medicine someplace else.

You didn't really have a stomach ache. Mainly just a headache from being with Seulgi and being so stressed.

You searched through the shelf. Did she misplace the Tylenol? You searched through and noticed the bottle, but something else caught your eye. Your hand came to wrap around a familiar bottle you've recognized all the way from childhood...

This was Seulgi's medicine.

Why was it full? It was unopened. You looked over, flipping it over to see the date when she got it.

It was over two years old, nearly three.

Your eyes were wide, and you frantically searched the other shelves, trying to find a similar bottle. None. And this is where she kept all of her medicine. What? How could she not be taking her medicine for over two years?

You stomped out of the bathroom and went to Seulgi, who paid no attention to your return. "Did you find the Tylenol?" she asked in a bored tone.

"Have you not been taking your medicine for nearly three years?" you asked her.

Her head snapped in your direction, and she turned, her eyes locking with yours. "What are you talking about?"

You held up the bottle and noticed how her eyes became wide with recognition. "Seulgi, you're supposed to be taking this medicine. You've been taking it since you were twelve! Your mom used to even make you take it regularly, doctor's orders! Why aren't you taking care of your mental illness? You know what happens!"

It had been years since you two even mentioned the fact that Seulgi had a mental illness. You remembered how her mother would regularly give Seulgi her pills to take, shamelessly handing it to the girl even in front of you. Seulgi didn't seem to care, it was normal. She had been taking the pills since she was twelve, seeing a psychiatrist since then.

"It's none of your business," Seulgi snapped. "I don't need them anymore, Y/N. You shouldn't have been snooping through my stuff."

"Seulgi, BPD isn't something you can just decide is gone!" you argued. "When's the last time you've even been to the psychiatrist?"

"I canceled the appointments," she spat. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not!" You were utterly shocked to know she wasn't taking her medicine. For years now. "You can't just stop taking your medicine! For goodness sake, are you crazy? You can't stop taking these until the psychiatrist says it's okay to!"

"And my psychiatrist did!" Seulgi sneered. "And it's none of your business!"

"It is too! And if your psychiatrist did, why do you have an unopened bottle from over two years ago?" you question. "Wait a minute... that's why you're acting the way you do, but more... intensified. Oh dear God, how could I have not realized?" Your eyes were wide with comprehension. "Seulgi, do you realize what you're doing to yourself?!"

"What, are you a doctor now?" she snarled. "You don't know shit, don't act like you do."

"You act as though I didn't memorize the symptoms and causes when you were diagnosed," you shake your head. You remember the day you asked about what the pills were for, and Seulgi confessed that she had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. You did extensive research online that night, and you could put two and two together and realized it was because of you. "People with BPD tend to... tend to have disturbances in experiencing oneself as unique, they have poor emotion regulation-"

"Shut up!" Seulgi shouted to you, making her way over to you.

You continued, "-and marked instability in functioning, affect, mood, interpersonal relationships, disturbances in empathy and intimacy-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Seulgi shouted at you, taking a swipe for the bottle. You dodged, your eyes wide as you kept it by your side.

"They experience frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, have poor self-image, unstable and rather explosive moods, difficulty controlling anger, with intense and inappropriate anger-"

"I'm fine! I'm not any of those things, Y/N, just give me the fucking bottle!" Seulgi hissed to you, taking another swipe as you once again dodged her. Your phone fell from your pocket, dropping to the floor, though you didn't care.

"-and can be caused by a loss in childhood," you finished. "Seulgi, I memorized all the ones that even seemed close to you, and those are the main ones. And it's still going on, you know it is, you're not okay, you need help. You're still acting unwell, and it's because you stopped taking your medicine! Seulgi, stop and think what you're doing to yourself, to others. I'm your best friend, I can't just stand by and watch you destroy yourself like this! You aren't just hurting yourself this way!"

"Well it's your fault I'm like this in the first place!" Seulgi screamed out, tears running down her face. They were hot and fat, rolling down her cheeks in pure anger. "If you hadn't killed Dad, I wouldn't be like this, would I?!"

There it was, the very secret the two of you tried so desperately to forget about. The accident that seemed to change both you and Seulgi completely for the rest of your lives. The incident the two of you didn't speak of, that you pushed so far from your mind, but was still embedded in the usual and familiar feeling of guilt in your gut. The fact that you, in a sense, were responsible for Seulgi's father's death.

"I told you!" you countered. "It was an accident! There wasn't anything I could do, I was only twelve!"

Seulgi blamed you for everything since that day. You were in debt for it all, and you owed Seulgi everything for taking away the man who raised her at age twelve. You blamed yourself for every single thing since then, and both you and she convinced you that it was all your fault, and had it not been for your actions, her father could possibly still be alive today.

"Who else would be responsible?" Seulgi spat, knocking the bottle out of your hands. It rattled, falling to the floor, though you couldn't bother to even look down at it. Your eyes locked with hers, and she aggressively shoved you, eyes blazing. "You were the one who asked for the ride! You were the one who was in the car that day! Who else would be responsible?!"

"How was I supposed to know what was going to happen!?" you scream back. "I was twelve! There was no way I could've known! I just asked for a ride, it wasn't like I could have known that he'd crash into a tree? There was no way I could've saved him, I was in the backseat, and he just swerved! If I could have saved him, I would've but I couldn't!"

"That very day you said that it was all your fault!" She sneered. "'It's all my fault, all my fault.' You admitted it then, but you can't even admit it now when you're a grown ass adult! Accept the fucking blame. Face it, if you hadn't asked for a ride, if you had simply grabbed him or stopped it, he'd be alive. My father died because of you!"

"Maybe it wasn't because of me," you spat back. "Maybe he was so sick of having  a piece of shit daughter that he drove into the fucking tree on purpose so that he'd finally be in peace!"

At that moment you knew you crossed the line, and you regretted your words immediately. Seulgi's hand swung through the air, striking you across the face and getting you directly in your jaw, and you felt it lock in an unnatural place. You grabbed hold of the jaw, feeling it in such an unnatural angle, though you could still move it, though with difficulty. Your skin stung, and you opened your mouth to try to pop it back in place, though it was stiff and unwilling. You opened and closed your mouth again, slapping your hand on the other side of your jaw, trying desperately to fix the uncomfortable position it was in.

"Fuck you!" Seulgi scowled, absolutely livid. "You're just fucking upset because I got Jungkook before you could! Because he loves me and he'll never love you! You'll never get him because you're trash who fucks over everyone's lives, and everyone would be much better without you! You know it, and I know it, so why don't you stop wasting everyone's time?!"

You didn't respond, trying to knock the jaw back in place as you glared at her, and wanting it to click back in place, the tension adding pain to your jaw. "Ah, fuck," you cursed, feeling how your tight muscles around the area felt uncomfortable still. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Get out of my apartment, bitch," she sneered.

"Get some help!" you shot back, massaging your jaw. "You're a crazy fucking bitch who gets off on turning others down because of your own insecurities, and you blame everyone else for your own actions!"

"And you're a pathetic depressed cunt who pines after someone who's got a girlfriend!" Seulgi's eyes were fiery, and her face was so red, you swore it was about to turn purple. "What kind of twisted bitch does that? What kind of friend suggests someone's dad committed suicide, huh?"

"Well, what kind of friend tries to emotionally and verbally abuse her best friend and convinces her that the world hates her and that someone's death is her own fault, and all starting at age twelve?" you fired back, still tapping against the side of your face, desperately trying to get it back to it's more comfortable position.

"You can't even accept the blame for your own actions!" she growls. "You fucked my boyfriend, you betrayed my trust, and yet you still try to come onto him and steal him away! Don't act like you don't know, I'm not stupid!"

You wanted so desperately to spit back about who would actually abuse their boyfriend, but you couldn't. You couldn't let her know, because she'd interrogate Jungkook, and you didn't want her hurting him again. You finally felt the jaw click back in place, and the pain had you curse out, the tightened muscles relaxing around your jaw, and you could practically hear the joints rubbing together now.

"You're fucked in the head, Seulgi," you spit. "Take your bitch-personality pills and stop hurting the ones around you who actually care about you, or you'll end up alone."

"You act as though I don't have Jungkook," she scoffed. "Get over the fact I beat you. He's mine, and I'm not letting him leave. Now for the last time get out of my apartment before I call the police."

"Gladly," you growl. Before you know it, you're stomping out, and Seulgi's door slams behind you.

You're glad that for once you finally stuck up for yourself.

There was a knock on your door that you weren't expecting, and to say the least, you were very much surprised to see Jungkook. He had a frantic look on his face, one of pure fear and mixed with something else. Wide eyes, a pale face, and you had no clue what to think.

"Y/N, do you love me?" he asks.

You didn't know what to say. What brought this on? You blinked in surprise, quickly recovering from your surprise. "You're my best friend, why wouldn't I?"

"No, I mean are you in love with me?" Jungkook asks.

"What? What brings this up?" You were sweating now, your heart leaping out of your chest. Did Seulgi tell him? You were so nervous. "Wait, what're you doing here? What if Seulgi finds out, Jungkook?"

"She gave me permission, she also let me have my phone back," Jungkook mentions, fishing it out of his pocket. Your heart sinks as he shows the glowing screen to you, and you felt as though your eyes were about to pop out of your head.

Jungkook

I love you

I'm IN love with you

I have for five years

Come over please

We need to talk

Your stomach plummets, pure fear and shock running through your system. This couldn't be happening. You hadn't even been on your phone all day. Wait, where was your phone?

Your heart drops.

Seulgi's. It fell to the floor as she was trying to get the pills and you forgot about it. Of course she knew your password still, of course she'd do this!

"Jungkook, I don't have my phone on me," you confess. "I haven't had it on me all day."

"These texts are clearly from you," Jungkook says. "Who else would send them?"

"I-I don't know," you stammer. "But I promise you I didn't! I swear, Jungkook."

He nods grimly. "Oh. Okay."

"I don't even know where my phone is right now," you lie, though you had suspicions.

"Well is it true?"

"W-What?" you blink in surprise, stammering the word. "Is what true?"

"Do you love me?"

"You're my best friend, how can I not?" you say in a sorry excuse, laughing nervously. "You know that already."

"No, I mean are you in love with me?" Jungkook asks.

You lick your lips nervously. Damn Seulgi. "I..." you start.

"Wait." Jungkook's eyes narrow. He points to your face. "What's that?"

"What's what?" You ask, surprised.

"That," he points to your jaw, right where Seulgi slapped you. "God, you've got a nasty bruise, what happened?"

Your cheeks flame with color, and you quickly step back, touching the bruise tenderly. If you told him the truth, who knew what else Seulgi would reveal. She might twist the story to make it sound like you intently killed her father, and Jungkook would definitely stay away once she told that story. "I bumped into a wall," you say, though it was a rather stupid lie.

"Y/N," he says softly. "I've had bruises like that before... did someone hit you?"

"Jungkook, I've already had enough happen today," you murmur, covering the bruise with your hand. "Please don't do this."

His eyes narrow. "Y/N. Tell me. Now."

"I-I can't," you stutter. "Jungkook please, it'll get better with ice, it's forming anyways."

"Y/N!" he snapped.

"I got into a fight with Seulgi today," you blurted out. "Is that what you wanted to hear? Because that's what happened."

"She hit you?" Jungkook's face drains of color. "Y/N, why didn't you-"

"Don't ask me that if you couldn't tell me about your own issues for three years," you snap. "I'm not in the mood to discuss it right now, please. Just drop it, I'll... I'll tell you everything, I promise, but I can't tonight. I've got a lot to process and it's just... I don't want to add anything more to the day, Jungkook."

He nods, his eyes looking to you in both understanding and hurt. "Fine. But you have to tell everything, Y/N. I... I've been trying to keep this from happening to you, I didn't want it to. You're my best friend, it pains me to see you hurt."

"I know," you sigh, your eyes lowering. You spot dried blood on his palm, and your eyes narrow. "Jungkook. What are you doing? Are you trying to harm yourself? Why do you keep hurting your hand? I tried to bandage it last time I saw you and you took it off when..." You trail off.

Jungkook's eyes flicker to his hand, and he hides it from you. "It's nothing."

"Jungkook, I don't have time for this today," you plead. "Just tell me."

"I'm not self-harming, I swear," Jungkook promises you. "It's... it's like a trick. I can't lie to Seulgi, I end up blurting everything out and I can't keep good secrets. But more or less if I squeeze my hand so hard it bleeds, it helps distract me so that I can keep my mouth shut."

"So... it helps you lie?" you ask.

"Yeah," Jungkook says. "It's weird, but I'm not a good liar. It helps my mind focus on the pain so that I don't focus on the guilt."

You nod. "I wish you were in a position where you didn't have to hurt yourself in order to lie."

"So do I," Jungkook sighs. "I... I should get going. Seulgi is probably wondering where I am right now, and I don't want her to get paranoid."

"Good idea," you sigh, licking your lips in disdain. "I'll... see you next time or something."

"Yeah," he sighs. "Or something."

It was the next morning, and you were very much surprised to see a thick envelope at your apartment door. It must've been dropped off recently, otherwise, it probably would have been stolen. You pick it up, feeling the weight at the shape between the paper. Opening it, you recognize your phone inside.

Why did Seulgi send you your phone back?

You try to turn it on, noticing that its battery was dead. This was weird. Very weird. You charge it, and once it gets to at least 20%. You open it, going through messages and such, noticing everything was normal except for the texts sent to Jungkook. It wasn't necessarily to tell him, you realized. It was to show you she was serious, it was also to test him, to make him suspect,  and it was to scare you away.

You go through it a bit more and notice that there's an extra, new video that wasn't there before. Your stomach drops, and you click on it.

Immediately it's porn, showing a naked woman's riding someone's dick, and it didn't take much effort to realize it was Seulgi and Jungkook. Seulgi's heat seemed to swallow his length, and the way it was positioned, some pillows peeking from the corners, showed that the phone was hidden.

It showed Jungkook laying down, though his head was cut off and not shown. Seulgi's head wasn't shown either, but you could see how her hair traveled down her back and her naked breasts as they bounced each time she hopped on him. Jungkook's hands were clamped around her hips, guiding her as she rode along his length.

Their moans were loud as Seulgi kept going, letting Jungkook buck up into her at a fast pace, his hips moving quickly as she let out whimpers and mewls of pleasure. Your stomach tightened in absolute shock, and you felt repulsed. At least when you were in the closet, most of it was blocked from the blinds. Here everything was visible, and unlike the last time, this time Seulgi wanted you to see.

She was so fucked up and petty that she recorded her and Jungkook having sex on your own phone before giving it back to you.

You felt as though you were going to throw up, your face paling, and you simply stared at the screen, the sounds of moans, grunts, and skin slapping against skin being the only sound you could hear. You were literally watching their sex tape.

You couldn't watch anymore. You exited from it, and you checked through your hidden photos, thankful that Seulgi wasn't smart enough or didn't think to look through. Your hidden photo of Jungkook with his bright, swollen cheeks from multiple slaps was still there and had Seulgi seen it, you would've been done for. Seulgi could've gotten rid of it with a few pew pews of tapping buttons or swiping away until it was completely deleted from your phone. Not to mention she'd know that you were aware of her abuse of Jungkook, and possibly even know you were there. Then who knew how she'd punish Jungkook.

You go to camera, taking a photo of yourself with the bruise, which had turned purple and blue already, forming along your jaw. It felt much better than it did that day when it had locked out of place. You were scared, thinking it'd stay that way permanently, but luckily it had clicked back in place eventually.

But you didn't know what to do for Jungkook. You couldn't call the police, not without his consent, and you didn't want him to hate you. But you were thankful you had both the picture of your bruised cheek and Jungkook's as well, to gather up a small piece of evidence to Seulgi's crimes.

You couldn't help but think back to her father. It had been years before last night since you thought about him since you became so used to expelling the man from your mind that you hardly thought of it, simply knowing the guilt both you and Seulgi had settled in your gut would stay there.

You had asked the man for a ride since your parents were unable to drive you to Seulgi's place, and the man was more than willing to. You were like a second daughter to him, hanging out with his daughter so often and being around enough to be considered family. Seulgi was more like 'nice Seulgi' back then, sweet, without a care in the world. She was the jewel of her father's crown, who spoiled her rotten and adored her.

And then the man's car swerved off the road, and the car went first into a tree. It happened so fast, you screamed, your seatbelt snapping you back into your seat as you briefly collided with the seat in front of you. You were shaking, your eyes turning to the man, who's forehead was planted to his steering wheel, the airbag failing to inflate.

Before long police sirens were sounding, and you had to watch as the body of your best friend was whisked away, and all you could think about was how you would tell her, and how it was your fault. You were fine, and thankfully you didn't form any mental illness or cause your mind to forever be haunted by the fact because you had Seulgi for that, who wasn't so lucky.

They used his life insurance to pay for Seulgi's psychiatrist, who she started seeing after she started acting wildly different from the old her, which you knew was your fault in a sense. She blamed you for it all, and it was since then that you started doing the same.