#practica Heart Healing

[quinloki]

Family Ties

Fem Reader x Donquixote Doflamingo

CW: Language, violence, blood, moral ambiguity, murder, sexual themes and situations 18+ only

Chapter 1 - Table of Consent -

Chapter 20: Picking Up the Pieces

Doflamingo had left shortly after. No matter what you asked he wouldn't answer what your promise had been, or what had gone wrong with the plan. Not being able to remember was on the verge of driving you batty, but you couldn't do anything about it while you were still healing.

The next three days were an exercise in exercising. Law helped you move limbs and slowly got you eating more and more food. You were frustrated, something itched inside you and you wanted to just run laps around the clinic, but your body wasn't up for it.

You had more visitors as the days went by too. You saw Doflamingo almost every day, even if it was just a brief visit. You didn't see Pops much, but you saw his "boys" a lot. Luffy, Sabo, Ace, Thatch and Marco visited as much as it seemed like they could get away with. Law was more and more irritated by them and eventually you asked Marco and Thatch to restrain them a little.

Robin, Sanji, Zoro and Kid visited you. Robin brought your favorite flowers, and Sanji brought your favorite tea. Zoro and Kid spent time telling you about all the trouble you'd gotten into when you were younger. The conversations sparked something in you, and when you prompted the next step in a story Kid hugged you so hard you think your spine cracked. It was the first thing you had remembered on your own, aside from knowing that you were missing the bracelet when you first woke.

Five days later you had remembered a decent amount of things on your own, and the tests Law ran had shown that the memory issue could've been trigged by physical and/or mental trauma. He couldn't test for things like personal stress, but while there had been brain damage it wasn't severe.

"Memory loss is a hard thing to nail down," Law admits. "Sometimes things come back in a few hours, sometimes a few days. Some people have started whole new lives after memory loss, only to have it all come back years later.

"Sorry I can't give you a definitive answer, (Y/N)-ya."

You stretch forward to try and reach your toes with your fingers. "S'aright, you've already done more for me than I could've hoped for."

"Don't say it that way, we are friends."

You smile, "We are, and I didn't mean it that way. I mean, I think I know how important I am to people after all that's been done for me. I'm looking forward to getting out of here and wandering around town. Maybe I can remember more once I start working again."

"I'm sure that decision went over well with Mr. Donquixote."

Your face goes red. "It... hasn't yet. I decided just a bit ago, so I haven't said anything to anyone else yet." You sigh and turn to Law. "Can I have my one brutal question for today?"

"Already? Sure, if you want." Law agrees. He had gotten into a habit of being brutally honest with you for one question per day. The only thing that was off-limits was The Plan. Through this you'd learned that yes, technically, you were a criminal, but you hadn't been caught. You learned that you had let yourself into his clinic repeatedly and tended to "strays" as the two of you referred to them, and that you'd met Doflamingo through that process. You learned that your mom died when you were little, and your biological father was a marine, and that he was deceased as well, but Law didn't say when he had died, and you didn't ask.

"Do you think I loved Mr. Donquixote?"

Law closes his eyes for a moment and sucks in a breath. "I'm not comfortable guessing at what was going on in your heart, (Y/N)-ya, but-." He looks over and smiles. "I do know you lost Kid $50 because you admitted you 'had it bad' for him. If I were going to put money on things, I think you did, or if you didn't, you were close.

"I'll give you a little freebie, when you're talking to him later about your decision, call him Doffy." Law's grin is practically evil. "I'm sure he'll become more malleable then."

.

.

.

.

Later on that day you had gotten dressed, and Doflamingo had arrived to pick you up. He was knelt down as you sat on the edge of the bed and was tying your shoes for you. You were almost fully healed, but he seemed to enjoy getting to pamper you when he could get away with it.

"And so, I decided I want to go back to work," you continue, having explained that you wanted to do things that would help you remember. "Walking around town will help, I'm sure, but I feel like if I could go back to my old routine then it'd really help."

"Do you intend to return to your apartment as well?"

You open your mouth to answer yes, but there was something in his tone that stops you. "I... maybe, no, I mean, yes." You couldn't stop the drop in your voice when you spoke again, "I can't really walk from your home to those jobs, I mean."

You could see him tense as you spoke, but when he looks up, he appears okay. You've quickly learned that he was in control of his emotions very well. You imagined his rage was terrifying.

"Your mind is made up then, young lady?" His face was straining neutrality, but his voice sounded defeated. Your stomach knots, and you do your best to keep looking at him. His hands were on either side of your thighs, holding onto the bed. He'd done his best to avoid looming over you while you recovered. You could often tell from his body language that he'd done his best to avoid touching you too much as well.

"As long as I'm not inadvertently giving you an answer to a promise I still don't remember, then, yes." You reach out and he lets you caress the side of his face. You could tell he closed his eyes at the touch, and you wanted to kiss him. You wanted to remember first.

"Just for a week," you say. "Give me a week to remember, and then..." you weren't sure what to say, "And then we can talk about different living arrangements-" you could feel the heat rise in your face, but you weren't sure why. You wanted to use the name Law had told you, and you forced your mouth to make the sound despite the growing need that was rising up in your stomach.

"-Doffy."

His grip on the bedding tightened so fast you heard the frame squeak. The gaze that pierces you almost stops your heart, and he holds your gaze as he stands. Having him over you, caged by his arms, was not the reaction you think Law expected. You didn't feel afraid of Donquixote, but there was a feeling of concern. It was like he was struggling to control himself, and it was your fault.

He lifts his glasses up to the top of his head, using the entire weight of his gaze. There's a passion and a desire in those eyes that is likely to simply set you on fire where you sit. His body shifts and he moves as though he means to kiss you, but his movements were slow enough for you to react. You didn't turn away, but you did put both your hands over his mouth.

"N-Not here." You break away from his gaze and shake your head. "I have nothing but a jumble of memories from this room, and... and I want to make memories outside of this place." You move your hands away. You can feel the red running down your face to your neck. "It's not 'no', it's just... o-out there, not here-WAH!"

He lifts you up into his arms like you weigh nothing and cradles you against his chest. He moves his glasses back over his eyes and you hold onto his jacket to steady yourself. You start to protest, but his voice brokers no dissent.

"I refuse to let you go, my dear. You will simply have to deal with it."

His voice was always pleasant to hear, even when he was busy, but his voice when he was demanding submission to his will was something else entirely. You bury your face in his chest, not wanting to light up the entire clinic with how bright red your face is. You manage a very tiny 'okay', and didn't give Law anything more than a thumbs up when you left.

You had only the briefest moment of sun against your skin before you're set inside the back of a limousine. Something about the smell of it, the feel of the leather, and the soft, almost unnoticeable purr of the engine, tickles at the back of your mind. Though you hadn't the chance to focus on any of these things for more than a second.

After Doflamingo seats himself next to you, his arms move you as he pleased. You find yourself straddling him, chest to chest, sitting in his lap with his arms around your waist and back. You gasp in surprise and the pleasure of being so close to him, the sound escaping you closer to the pleasure side of things. You bury your face into his shoulder, heat radiating from your cheeks and ears.

You could feel the smirk on his face as his fingers slip over your back and slide through your hair. Your body shivers at the tender and needy movements, and you try to suppress the moans escaping you.

"It's difficult to kiss you when you're like that," He muses, and you could feel his voice against your body more than you heard it through your ears. "Though, I don't dislike the noises you're making for me right now."

"Let me... let me kiss you." You manage between the involuntary sounds he was eliciting from you simply by running his fingers over your back. You had wanted to remember him first, you thought that was going to be the best thing for you to do. For both of you.

Right now, however, you wanted something different. Something deeper. You wanted a moment of control, you wanted to show the feelings you had right now, even if they could be different from whatever you had felt before. Not that you thought they would be, the way he controlled your body spoke to a level of intimacy beyond what you had assumed.

"As you wish, my dear," His hands move away and he has them hooked behind the headrests of the limo's seat.

Your face must be fire engine red, but you keep your gaze on his lips. You lick your lips lightly, tilting your head a little and closing the space between you. Your lips barely touch his, but you can't help the gasp that escapes you as a rush of pleasure hits you unexpectedly. You reach out with your hand to slide your fingers through his hair, your other hand is on his shoulder, helping you to keep your balance. You lean into the kiss a little more, but it's like you can't get air into your lungs. You suck in a breath, lips quivering against his and instead of leaning in, you lean back and meet his gaze.

He doesn't look disappointed, but there's an inquisitive glint in his eyes.

"It was a little different, wasn't it?" You murmur softly, your gaze returns to his lips and you don't notice his eyes widen.

You lick your lips lightly and swallow, before leaning forward to close the space between you. Running your lips over his so softly as to barely make contact, you reach out with your hand to slide your fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck, and then you lean in deeper with the kiss. Your eyes close as a moan rises up in your throat and shivers through your lips.

You lean back enough to break the kiss, but you don't go far, "I remember, I wanted to tease you more, but you took over. We'd just declined dessert?" Your brows furrow. "No, we were going to have it at your place... we..." Your eyes widen as more of the memory returns to you. "Oh."

You start smacking his chest as you talk, remembering more the more you said. "The day, that day, it was... what was it? It was a date, but not a date? You were - you'd made some excuse about wanting to pay me back." Your eyes light up, and you beam at him, "THE BRACELET! I made you buy me something at... at the place, the carnival? And then we, uh..." Your face is red, you're remembering, but the words aren't going to come out as easily as the memories are flooding in.

Doflamingo's expression is the softest smile you've ever seen on him, and when you finally falter for words, he embraces you. He buries his face in your shoulder, wrapping an arm around your waist, and cradling your head in his other hand. You feel his body shudder, and you wonder if he's crying.

Tears well up in your eyes and you try not to cry, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forgot, and I'm sorry I don't remember everything yet." His embrace tightens, but he shakes his head soundlessly against your shoulder.

You could feel him breathing shakily, and you wondered if he had ever lost control of his emotions in this way before. You wondered if he even knew he could have emotions like this. You didn't think he was completely heartless, but you knew he had to be a certain level of ruthless to live the life he did. Something twists your heart, and you felt a deep sense of guilt, but you couldn't place exactly why.

"Don't," His voice is almost broken, and he was slowly evening out his breathing. "Don't apologize, my love."

My love. You gasped, the words wrenching your heart and causing tears to fall down your face. You lean your head against his, running a hand through his hair, and sinking into him. You could feel a wet warmth against your shoulder. You knew though, you knew from his actions, from his restraint, from his gaze, you already knew. But to hear those words - you couldn't write it off as simple kindness, you couldn't hold the weight of it at arm's length.

After you had both composed yourselves, you whisper into his ear, your gaze looking out the back window even though you weren't focused on anything.

"Help me remember," your arms tighten around him. "Please."

"Of course," He assures you, his fingers slipping through your hair. "I wouldn't want anything less."

You laugh, nearly on the verge of tears again. "That's a relief." You set your head on his shoulder.

"Mm? In what way, my dear?"

"If there was something you would benefit from me not remembering, I feel like you'd prefer it. Like, you'd mitigate the risks of letting me slip through your grasp." You admit. "But at the same time, I trust your words."

"You've said that of me before, do you remember?" He prompts, shifting you so you were looking into his eyes again.

"That I trust your words?" Your brow furrows, "No, you... uh... hm." You make a face, feeling conflicted.

Doflamingo chuckles, "I'm not sure how to take that, but you're not wrong. You've never said you trust my words before."

You think about it for a moment, "I have said that I trust you though, haven't you?" You see a flicker in his eyes, and you recognize the emotion, since you'd been feeling guilty yourself a lot the last week. "I said so before things went sideways."

Doflamingo lowers his eyes and nods slightly.

"I survived," you say, tilting his chin up and bringing his gaze back to yours. "I survived and I'll remember, so... so my trust wasn't misplaced. You're not a god, despite your ego, you can't protect everyone from everything and live the life you do."

"If you're trying to make me feel better, you're not exactly hitting the mark."

"I'm not exactly missing it, either," you quip. You place your forehead against his. "Sometimes you need to be reminded of your humanity, like it or not."

"(Y/N)," His voice and gaze are steady. "Let me kiss you."

You lean back, settling into his lap, and closed your eyes, tilting your face upward.

The gentle warmth of his hand sliding along your jaw causes you to nuzzle into his palm as it caresses your face. Fingers run along the line of your ear, sending small shivers down your neck, before disappearing into your hair. His large hand cradles the back of your head as his thumb from his other hand runs over your lips softly. The sensation causes you to gasp, parting your lips just as he closes the distance between you.

The first brush of your lips was swift, and hot air fills the space between you both. You feel his fingers flex in your hair, and his body tenses under you as he struggles to contain the need he'd been pushing aside for the last week. A tender kiss follows, as though he was trying not to shatter some wisp of a dream between his arms.

You lean into him a little, to reassure him you weren't made of glass – or to urge him on, or both - and the hand not tangled in your hair wraps around your waist. Hot lips push back into yours and you moan from the pleasurable pressure. The kiss breaks enough for a breath of air to enter your lungs, but he follows soon after. His kiss holds you in place more than his hands, and the passion he drives into you was enough to pull air and reason from you.

Your hands grab onto the collar of his jacket, and you pull yourself into him. There's no contest of dominance in this, you have only a need to be even closer to him than physical law allowed. Heat rushes into your face, adding to the dizzying euphoria of the long overdue kiss.

You lean back to breathe.

"Shit," you swear, gasping for air and turning your head away. You're red to your ears, and you could feel the heat in your thighs trying desperately to override the responsible parts of your mind. Your hands are pushing against his chest, and you could feel his heart trying to beat its way out of his rib cage. You couldn't wiggle out of his arms, and you didn't necessarily want to, so instead you hid your face against his shoulder.

"You're dangerous." You say, your voice breathier than you had expected. He chuckles, a mix of mischief and passion. "This is dangerous... It's dangerous but I'm not afraid." Your hands tightened their hold on the collar of his jacket again as you turn your head enough to be able to look across his chest, your head nuzzled just under his jaw.

"I don't know what to do," you murmur. "My body wants you, my head says I need to remember, and my heart says," you close your eyes and leaned into him. "that I had made up my mind before I forgot."

"I am not a mindless beast, my dear, and while I may not have boundless patience, I do have patience." He hugs you, running a hand over your hair and down your back. "I will do all that I can to help you remember. I can recount every moment if you so desire. I will have the Family find every record of your life if you want.

"Command me, my love."

[cnfhumss12a-blog]

Binondo: Experiencing the Unexperienced Culture

By Paula Cualteros           

The Chinese culture has been evident in a country like the Philippines. With Filipinos who widely embrace the Chinese traditions and lifestyles, there is an unending bond that somehow make the two worlds collide. This makes the Filipino and Chinese cultures function in unison. Binondo is a great example for this connection between these two worlds that allow anyone, whether local or international visitors, to see the harmonious relationship of these traditions. In other words, both cultures find balance in one another, just like how Yin Yang functions in connection with one another.

Fact: I was never really been exposed to the Chinese culture until I moved into the Philippines in the year 2012. Then and there, I became enthused with the Chinese culture and food that  an Asian country such as the Philippines had abundantly.

 It all started back when I was twelve years old where my curiosity grew for the culture. I had many Chinese-Filipino friends and I noticed something they had in common— they were all rich! Everywhere I went, I would see that Chinoys (Chinese Pinoy) were wealthy, all having businesses related to agriculture, furniture, or restaurants. For years, I was clueless about the local Chinese and their traditions, until I found out that I was half Chinese as well (Shocking, isn’t it?). With the exposure to the other half of my identity, I was able to understand the culture I once never knew about. Meeting my pure Chinese piao (cousins) and guama/guakong (grandparents) was difficult as a Westernized Filipino who grew around the values of both Filipinos and Americans; but this made me open a whole new door for adventure. This gave me the opportunity to participate in different events such as traditional Chinese weddings, birthdays, and other celebrations.

 The Truth About Chinatown

Let’s face it, every country has a wide range of Chinese communities that resulted to one great location: Chinatown. These communities are where you can find  men and women, both young and old, who devote themselves into their respective fields of business. The Philippines has its very own Chinatown, the infamous Binondo City in Manila. In fact, it is the oldest Chinatown in the entire world! However, there was one issue— I have never been to Binondo. As I rode the Divisoria jeepney in front of my school along Taft Avenue, my curiosity was as wide as when I had just been exposed to the Chinese culture. I was thirsty to learn and see what this historical place had to offer. I got off the jeep in front of Binondo church and whiffed the ‘fresh’ polluted air of the city.

For some reason, when I stepped into the boundaries of Binondo, it was like I re-experienced the traditions of my Chinese family; as if  I was entering a whole world I have never been to. Red lanterns filled the sky view; the vibrant color of red was lighting up the sky every time I looked up. Signages with Chinese translations were everywhere from banks, restaurants, and public transportations. The city of Binondo was like a country within a country wherein it embraced the likeness of the Chinese culture.

Why visit Binondo?

           Walking through the narrow streets of Ongpin and Salazar, I would see a lot of fruit stands selling locally grown fruits and agriculturally important products for healing and remedy such as burdock root. The city stretches from here where restaurants can be located. Restaurants with roasted duck hanging by the window silsl and steam coming out of the door entrances from the intense frying of noodles nearby. Binondo is a hard place to get lost in because for some reason, as I was walking in circles around the neighborhood, I never seemed to have gotten lost. It was as if I managed to return at a place I recognized. For a first timer, I thought that was pretty impressive!

As a timeless destination, I was enamoured with the unique beauty of Binondo. It was as if I was going back into time when I saw the worn out signages on the streets, the faded posters of Chinese whitening beauty products, and the simple restaurant designs of dimsum houses. The loud and busy streets of Binondo was chaotic, yet for some reason, it was all in harmony. It was as if there was a pattern of activities being done within the vicinity of the Binondo. Delivery trucks came to and fro the narrow streets, men carried out boxes of fruits and motor parts, tinderas yelled distantly in the background, and car horns echoed. In a place like this, there was no doubt that an individual will not experience something new. The aroma was appetizing, the environment was welcoming, and the people were nurturing.  In many ways, Binondo is like a home away from home for both local Filipinos and Chinoys.

 What’s interesting about Binondo?

There are so many things to look forward to when you’re in Binondo. The people, the food, and the experience. The restaurants in the area were very simple, not too old and not too modern, just the right touch of old and new for customers of the old and new generations. I myself was enthused with the food experience. I passed by different restaurants to try a dish or two and for some reason, the same food can taste so different based on the styles of each restaurant. I did not expect that there can be something so unique in the same cultural frame. There were restaurants lined up against a long road that specialized in different dishes such as dimsum, noodles, and chicken; it’s like an endless option for anyone to satisfy their food needs.

I even stopped at different stalls and stores where I talked to some of the sellers. Never would I expect that some of them would respond. As a person without a clue of the environment of Binondo, everything was unclear. With curiosity and interests in the lives of the locals, I decided to talk to a woman, a tender of one of the fruit stalls. I approached her with a smile and a greeting of gratitude in request of a interview for school only to be shunned with yelling of disinterest and complaint as she told me to leave in Fukien Chinese.

 Lesson learned: Do not ask for an interview, converse and go with the flow!

 It was so embarrassing, I did not expect to be told to leave for something as innocent as a school activity. Maybe she thought I would put her in a hot seat about her business. Despite that, I brushed it off my shoulder and continued my journey on Benavidez street.

Passing by more restaurants and roasted chickens or ducks by the window sills, I came across a man in a merchandising shop. This time, I greeted him with a smile as I asked for recommendations on what places to visit. (Not, an interview.) We conversed and I told him it was my first time there. He told me to sit at his booth and we talked.  He was an average height Chinoy, probably around 5’7 ft in height, wore simple clothes such as khaki shorts and a t-shirt with a pair of slippers. A man in his mid-40’s with spiky hair and a very contagious smile; his name was Richard Sing from the Sing Merchandising Shop, and he was born and raised in Binondo. In other words, he knew everything about the place. He told me the original restaurants in the area and how it would help me understand the difference of commercialized Chinese food from the authentic.

The conversation went on for almost an hour to the point where it got serious and he told me his frustrations as an old generation Chinoy. Throughout the conversation, I gave him hints on how I’ll be writing about the experiences and people and he seemed to not mind about him being “interviewed” for it.  My mind was in awe when I found out the truth about the Chinoys in the Philippines that were labeled based on society’s stereotypical views. “Just because Chinese kami, ‘di ibig sabihen taga Chiang Kai Shek kami.” Many Chinoys are assumed to have come from the same school, from the same city, with the same values. Other stereotypes circulated on physical appearance where every Chinoy man is fat, white, and nerdy while women are skinny, white, and needy. Talk about borderline racism.

Richard seemed to have had a lot of experience in both the environment of Binondo and the societal conflicts of Chinoys. My time with him made me understand the culture of the Chinese yet understand what it is like to be Chinoy. In many ways, I learned years worth of information in a span of an hour. I’m a Chinoy, I should know these things too.

Rest assured, the wonders of the place and the food aren’t just the things to experience, it’s the interaction with people as well.

 What is different about the Chinese culture?

           A lot had changed through the decades that have passed but the thing is, it is both a negative and positive outlook. Let’s tackle it this way, starting off with the concept of love. We all know about the arranged marriages that was and still is a tradition of China. But the difference is, many Chinese families are more open to the belief of “what one’s heart is set on, then follow it” (or in this case, their partner). According to Richard, in his generation, many families were still strict about marriages but the younger generations better known as the generation of the 1990’s and onwards have openly accepted independence in terms of marriages.

           One tradition I never knew was as serious as marriage was the taking home of food. In Chinese events, there are always big servings of food from appetizers of egg soup, to main courses of peking duck and wrap, and to dessert of mango sago with milk. At the end of the event, there are always heaping amount of leftovers thus every Chinese family would request for a take out of the food. Here’s the difference though, the newer generation of Chinoys don’t take home the leftovers, only leaving the food to waste. This act is unacceptable for the older generation like Richard but is common in the young Chinoys of today. The way I understood it is that Chinoys nowadays think more about convenience rather than practicality. In other words, the new generation Chinese are more privileged than the older generation. Well, this can just be an opinion of his, or a starting point of a new stereotype for new generation Chinoys.

 Is Binondo worth visiting?

           I’ll keep this short and simple, the answer is yes! In a span four hours of my stay in Binondo, I was able to try authentic Chinese food, get yelled at by a Chinese woman, talked to Richard who knew everything about this place, and better yet, I was able to experience the unexperienced culture. It was the culture I was searching for, the culture I wanted to further understand. Talk about adventure, right? The city is filled with flavors and sights that give an overall joyous feeling. As I walked back and forth along the streets of Binondo, I felt like I was a child playing in a playground. Everything seemed to be interesting, as if I needed to try everything around me. Philippines’ Chinatown gives you best of both worlds, the heat of the Philippines with a taste of China; what a combination!

           To get the most of your visit, it is best to have an open mind and to not be afraid of trying something new. Everything I did was something that got me out of my comfort zone and I think that’s what made going to Binondo a more memorable experience, allowing yourself to see the location in a broader perspective. The old city of Binondo is not only a destination but a journey within the narrow streets of Chinatown. Binondo may be a small city but it has enough activities to keep you occupied. I believe that everyone’s experience may be different but one thing is for sure, Philippines’ Chinatown unifies Chinoys both young and old, that will forever be a medium of passed down tradition for the future generations. Binondo is unique and historical and I can’t wait to visit it again.

Gallery: https://cnfhumss12a.tumblr.com/tagged/Paula