#postingmyprojectfromschool

[kazuhasproudwife]

COLORFUL

Ever since I’ve been born, my parents are always very religious, I have always been called a “blessing from God” , hence why I must be a pure and untouched soul.

Along with my parents, I started to go to church every sunday, my parents taught me that is there to learn about the church, how we pray for forgiveness, blessings, and sins.

That was a long time ago, I really don’t go to church with my parents anymore.

But whenever i do something wrong my parents always say that it’s the devil whispering to me and that i should go to our church and repent for my sins…

I always do what they say, i know that i am wrong, i should repent, i am at fault, that’s why .. God please forgive me for my sins and all my selfish doings.

I’ve always always felt guilty, regardless if i had confessed like how my parents said, i had always been obeying them, i have always been praying for them and their safety, i don’t involve myself in my own prayer because i feel like I’m not worthy enough to pray for my own safety, i feel like im asking for too much…

I wonder if they pray for me too.

I know my parents provide for me, they had given me everything they have and they had sacrificed so much so that i can live peacefully, but.. is it selfish of me to feel this way? Maybe i should just tell them how i really feel since i am their child and they should also listen to me right?

I shouldn’t have confessed to them. My father called me a disgrace and unfaithful brat for feeling that way he said that he has sacrificed everything for me and this is how i repay them. My mom didn’t even say anything but i know she must be cursing me in her mind on why she gave birth to a attention seeking ungrateful child.

I’ve always been a mama’s girl, I’m not that a fan of my dad since he is always drinking and not in the house so my mom has always been my favorite, until now.

I love my mom, we had lunch way back together,

I hate my mom, she just ignored me.

I love my mom, she always looked at me with pure happiness

I hate my mom, she just looks at me with pure disgust.

I don’t know if im even allowed to feel this way? Is it too selfish? Am i too selfish? Am i the problem? .. I should just go to church and repent, it’s the least i could do for them.

It’s pure black and blue, the only thing that lights up the inside is the burning candles, I’m not a big fan of those smells they spread in church whenever there was a mass going on. But i don’t care right now, all i have is this heavy feeling that i can’t seem to get out of my chest. I kneeled before the statued crucifix.

Dear God, please please, I may be too selfish and tainted , but please can you give me signs if im the wrong one? I hate this feeling, although i find comfort with it since it’s the only one that makes me feel.. human, but i hate it, i hate it with passion, it’s so heavy ,but it’s the only one that comforts me when i feel like I’m driven into a dark corner.

I walked outside, the cold windy breeze brushed through my my arms and my straight brown locks that looked red-ish when under the sun, but now, it doesn’t shine that way, the only color that the moon makes my hair reflect is black, a color that has accompanied me for a long time, as long as i can remember. A long curly blonde hair suddenly entered my sight. As i followed where the long curly and silky hair came from, I saw a beautiful girl i have ever met. She has the most loving pair of blue orbs glazing at me, the most fair skin i have ever seen. She looks just like Holy Mary, an angel before me.

The cold breeze chilled her to the bone as she stood frozen, staring at the girl before her. The girl with the long, curly blonde hair seemed to glow under the moonlight, an ethereal presence that made her heart skip a beat. It was as if the universe had paused, allowing this moment to stretch infinitely between them.

The girl smiled, a gentle curve of her lips that made her blue eyes sparkle with warmth. She stepped closer, her movements graceful and fluid, and for a moment, everything else faded away.

—"Hi," the blonde girl said, her voice soft and soothing. "I'm Neoma" Interrupting her from her dazed graze.

still entranced, She managed to whisper, "Hi, I'm… C-Chieko"accidentally stuttered from her sudden introduction.

"Nice to meet you,Chieko ," Neoma said, her smile widening. "What brings you out here so late?"

Chieko hesitated, suddenly remembering the heavy feeling the weight of her emotions pressing down on her again. "Just... needed to clear my head, from all my problems" She replied, her voice barely audible.

Neoma nodded as if she understood and decided to give her space feeling that she didn’t want to talk about it, without needing more explanation. "Mind if I join you? It's a beautiful night for a walk."

Chieko slowly nodded,and they began to walk side by side, the silence between them comforting rather than awkward. As they strolled through the quiet streets, the tension in Chieko’s chest began to disappear, replaced by a unadapted sense of calm.

Over the next few weeks,Chieko and Neoma became an inseparable duo.They always met in secret, stealing moments together whenever they could. Their bond deepened with each passing day, and what started as a simple companionship soon blossomed into something more than they expected.

They spent afternoons at a secluded park, sitting under the shade of a large oak tree, talking about everything and nothing. They went on little adventures, exploring hidden corners of the town that no one else seemed to know about. They shared laughs, dreams, and stories, and Chieko found herself smiling in a way she hadn't in a long time.

One evening, as they sat on rocks adoring the view of the ocean ,Neoma reached out and took Chieko’s hand in hers. The touch was light,soft, but it sent a thrill through Chieko’s entire body and attacked her straight to her heart.

"Chieko,"Neoma whispered lowly,her voice trembling slightly. "I think... I think that I had fallen for you unexpectedly.” Neoma staring nervously to Chieko’s pair of brown eyes that shined like gold under the reflection of the setting sun.

Chieko’s heart swelled with emotion. She had never felt anything like this before—this deep, overwhelming connection that seemed to fill all the empty spaces inside her. "I… I think I feel like I like you too so.. your feelings and my feelings are reciprocal " she replied, her voice full with emotion.

They both smile in sync ,their hands touching and grasping each other’s hand softly,glazing into each other's eyes. It was a perfect happy ending, a moment where Chieko feels like she had finally found where she belonged.

But their happiness was short-lived.

As they were about to part ways,Chieko’s father was going the same way and discovered them holding each other’s hands ,His eyes were wild and full of wrath, and his voice shook with rage as he dragged Chieko away, calling her all kinds of insults that cut deeper than any blade. Neoma watched in horror, frozen in shock, unable to do anything as Chieko was torn from her arms.

The next day,Chieko was confined to her room, forbidden from leaving the house. She could hear her parents' harsh whispers, and started to blame herself for not being careful. The anger and disappointment in their voices, but she was used to it all. But the only thing she could think about was Neoma—wondering if she was okay, if she was hurting as much as She was.

Days of waiting turned into weeks of being not allowed to go outside or even outside of her room. Chieko’s parents kept a close watch on her, ensuring she had no way to contact Neoma. The isolation inside was suffocating, the darkness who was always by her side comforting her once again,but what hurt most was the silence—the complete absence of the girl who had brought light into her life.

Then, one evening,Chieko heard her parents talking in hushed tones. She pressed her ear to the door, straining to hear.

"...her parents took her away," her mother was saying. "They're furious. They say she's been corrupted."

Her father grunted. "Good. That girl was leading our daughter into sin. It's for the best."

Chieko’s heart dropped. She had to see Neoma—had to know she was okay.

She waited until her parents were asleep, then snuck out of the house. She ran through the streets, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she made her way to the ocean, where they promised to see each other when they have problems or spend time together.

But when she arrived, she found the ocean dark and Neoma nowhere to be found .Stepping in the sand, a cold shiver ran down her spine. The once warm and welcoming breeze was now eerily quiet—too quiet for her comfort.

She called out for Chieko, but there was no response. Desperation clawed at her throat , resulting her voice to tremble as she searched every area they have been to, but it was as if Neoma had vanished without a trace.

Finally, she found a note on the rocks where they confessed their love to one another, scrawled in shaky handwriting.

To my Dear Chieko,

*They found out about us. Your parents had told my parents everything... they say I'm tainted because of you. They want to send me away, to a place where they'll 'fix' me. But I can't bear it,Chieko.. I can't bear to be without you. I’m not blaming you so please don’t blame yourself, I'm so sorry... I just can't...———*

The note ended abruptly, but the message was clear.

Chieko’s knees buckled, and she collapsed on the sand , clutching the note to her chest as tears kept falling from her face. The pain was unbearable, a deep, hollow ache that seemed to consume her entire being, her light was taken from her once again.

Days later,Chieko was lying in her bed not moving and don’t have motivation to do so. Later Chieko learned the devastating news from her parents —Neoma had taken her own life, unable to face the torment her parents inflicted on her.Chieko’s world shattered, and the guilt that had always weighed on her heart now felt like a crushing force, suffocating her.

Her parents told her it was for the best, that Neoma had been leading her astray, that her death was a tragic but necessary consequence of sin. But Chieko knew the truth. She knew that Neoma had been her salvation, the one bright spot in her dark and lonely world. And now, that light was gone forever.

She returned to the church, her heart heavy with grief and guilt. She kneeled before the crucifix, her tears falling freely as she prayed for forgiveness—begging God to absolve her of the sin of loving too much, of being too selfish, of causing Neoma’s death.

“Heavenly Father, why is it a sin to love someone? Why is it wrong to love the same gender? Why does my reason to live always being torn away from me..”

But deep down, she knew that no amount of prayer would ever take away the pain. Neoma’s smile would haunt her for the rest of her life, a reminder of the love they had shared and the cruel, unforgiving world that had torn them apart.