#posting this to my tumblr because i'm smart enough to not reply to actual conversations with stuff like this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

scarluxia · 1 year ago

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alright, i'm taking to The Tumblr for this just to get some thoughts and feelings out. I've written in my diary and bitched to friends ad nauseum about this but... And I'm not censoring my fucking thoughts so if this comes off ✨problematic✨, fucking touch grass and cope.

So I had this friend since 2016, and I mean, sure, there were some red flags in hindsight in our interactions. Going back and reading our old conversations, she's extremely self-involved and seems more interested in appearing concerned than actually helping someone's emotional situation improve, and then she fuckin pats herself on the back for her Cracker Jack wisdom. But we became buddies and she made me some edits for one of my old accounts and that was nice.

2017 I had all this drama with guys who, essentially, I'd start dating them, I'd get attached, and they'd ghost me. She was THERE seeing all my fuckin post about what neglect, ghosting, and abandonment did to me and all the shit from my past it brought up to the forefront. That's relevant later.

2018 we have a few fandoms and boy-crushes in common. She knows about some specific *cough* issues I have and recommends me a fic for a ship that 50/50 would have that dynamic. The fic was absolutely terrible and I told her straight-up "I'm never reading anything you recommend me ever again", to her confusion. When asked, I explained what I didn't like about it and she acted all confused, but I figured she wasn't smart enough to get it at my level and I didn't feel like delving into a big conv about it.

2019 (?) this show comes out that's diametrically opposed to my religion and she B E G S me to watch it so I can RP one of the main boys for her. I explained more than once that it was against my religion and seemed too dark for me anyway, to which she replied (gleeful) "It gets SO MUCH DARKER AND COOLER later!" Yeah I dropped the subject again because it's not worth getting mad enough to smash her ✨oblivious✨ head in with a mallet, whatever.

2020 we've both got new babies and I'm quietly comparing and contrasting our parenting styles. Can't remember if it's here or next year when I video call her for the first time freaking out about how to calm down my baby when my husband's out of the house. (Spoilers: Newborns hate EVERYTHING and everything makes them cry. For anyone who needs to see it, you're not a bad parent if your baby bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. They're also highly empathetic so your stress makes them even MORE stressed, which is great for those of us with pre-existing emotional dysregulation, amirite?)

2021 I'm browsing for shows to watch and ooh, this one looks interesting! The title is something I've been called and the premise is something I would totally do if I had the resources! So I start watching it and it's like the perfect mix of hilarious, cringey, relatable, and schadenfreude. Also, it's a musical. So anyway there's this guy who shows up in a few episodes who is EVERYTHING. He's sweet-natured, out-of-touch in that he does things that would be scary out-of-context but he means them in a nice way, BUILT AF, successful, with a great smile and dimples, and his actor just radiates this wholesome energy. He's so much fun to watch and I immediately PM my friend and say, "You've got to watch this show with me, you're gonna love this character." I also vent to anyone who will listen (and catch some heat for it in the fan groups because WAAAH PROBLEMAAATIC) about how the main girl did him dirty, took advantage of his kindness, led him on, etc. And like I predicted, she absolutely fell in love with this character as much as I did.

So we started writing together. We'd had a few casual threads here and there with our OC's and we knew a couple friends in common but I'd never really been invested in anything. This, I was HARDCORE into. We were gonna write a fanfic and it was gonna turn into a book and I was just so excited! Yeah problem was, now I felt obligated to watch the show she had wanted me to watch back in 2019, like a... you scratch my back, I scratch yours. Anyway, yeah so, not to suck my own dick but the ship from MY show would actually work with a little bit of work. The ship she proposed from HER show? uhhhh would not work with the OC she chose; it's completely OOC for the guy she wanted me to play to show any kind of interest in that OC. But I figure, you know what, she's being nice and letting me drag her into this fandom so I'll be nice and not play her dream boy as the misogynistic prick he is in canon.

Then my characters sort into dynamics that intrigue me from a psychological perspective. I'm not sure how much of it I let happen and how much of it I made happen, if that makes sense to fellow writers. Like ok, character A on my side attacks character B for power reasons. Character B has displayed masochistic tendencies in canon, both physically and emotionally, and he gets bodied more than once so ykw I figure he's into it. Problem is, my Character A is shipped with her Character Z, and Character Z doesn't like it.

even though canonically, character Z would totally be down for a devil's threesome.

but WHATEVER, so, her reaction is confusing to me, and I try to explain Character A's point of view, like, now that he's inadvertently got Character B in love with him, he can't just abandon Character B, because he knows firsthand what that psychological damage does (psst: Character Z did similar to character A in canon). And Character Z's reaction is basically, "But you're not responsible for the feelings of those around you." Which fucking BAFFLED ME.

So naturally our minds being so different led to some conflicts that we did manage to sort out in side-chat/DMs. Then we started bantering in DMs alongside the main RPs that were happening. Enter the next problem: her OC for Verse 2. This chick has

☑ a dead mother

☑ an abusive father

☑ a kid brother on behalf of whom she takes extra beatings from their dad

☑ purity culture taken to its logical extreme-- she's not just a virgin at the tender age of 24, she's a SUPER VIRGIN!

☑ her family's been exiled from various different states due to her father's misuse of power

☑ EXTREME UNTAPPED POTENTIAL in a type of magic uncommon to canon!

☑ a crush on the canon her admin wants me to play (who's her married professor expecting children btw)

☑ the jealousy of all her classmates for... no known reason!

☑ a ZOMG WORST ENEMY (also an OC) who shows up in like two seconds

My sister and editor doesn't like the term "Mary Sue", but like... if you've got another succinct way to describe this chick, be my fuckin guest. In the main RP she actually wasn't too bad, but dear GOD, the fucking SIDE CHATS! You couldn't throw a spitball without hitting one of her shills! This rubbed one of my characters-- let's call him Character N, who was shipped to one of her characters-- let's call him Character G-- the wrong way when G was paying unwarranted attention to MS. And when I say "unwarranted", I mean both "What she was doing wasn't worth the OOH'S and AHH'S," and "Canonically, G would literally catch a grenade for N, and wouldn't even THINK of ignoring him in favor of anyone else."

I tried, both in and out of character, to explain what was so fucking annoying about MS, and her admin's response was basically just refusing to get it. At one point there was a conversation between our characters that went something like:

"I don't understand why you hate her so much!"

"UGH I've explained this fifty fucking times. I'm not getting into it with you again because you refuse to fucking OPEN YOUR GODDAMN EARS AND LISTEN."

"See, you can't even come up with a reason!"

But I mean, I was emotionally invested in continuing my verse's RP and she was emotionally invested in continuing her verse's RP so I did my best to just talk to her person-to-person and say, "Listen, this here is a problem for me so how do we deal with it?" Nowadays I don't know why I fucking bothered. Anyway, that conv was in September or so and we were still going pretty strong for a while!

November/December I noticed she was tapering off more. Things kept coming up. They sounded plausible and innocuous at first like "oh my friends kidnapped me to go kayaking" or like "it's really hard to get my son to sleep so i have to go for the rest of the night." I tried not to let it get to me because everyone gets busy, but then I noticed there was a new person she was writing with during the times she claimed she was too busy to talk to me. You know, rather than saying, "Sorry, I'm caught up in this plotline with so-and-so and I'm going to have to put our project on hold for a little while, but feel free to continue it without me," like a fucking adult.

So mental health things started happening with me. Extreme depression, thrill-seeking, taking more of prescriptions than I was supposed to or like multiple downers at a time that I wasn't supposed to mix. She performed concern but looking back, I doubt she actually felt it.

So the person she was chatting with had a screen name that's indicative of one of my lifelong special interests and I thought, "You know, this person seems actually really cool." So I add and start chatting. At the time I thought "him" and this person's pronoun-neutral so that's what I'ma go with. He actually is super fucking awesome. His characters are intricate; he's so creative with backstory; bantering with him, whether or not I know the fandom, is an absolute joy. We're among each other's best friends to this day. Anyway so at first, yeah, we're all bantering and it's chill. Friend 1 suggests a group chat for banter and things. Friend 2 and I have amazing writing chem and bounce off each other sooo fuckin easily, like, there's one ship he actually warned me against because my favorite OC is the opposite of his canon's type... but they actually ended up having great chemistry AND he (admin) helped me figure out how to get his character's attention!

Friend 1 was... weird... about it, like, I remember thinking at the time that she gave off the vibe of a tagalong trying too hard to be one of the cool kids, butting into threads on main that she had no business butting into. At the time I also judged Friend 2 for not asking her to stay out of threads she wasn't tagged in, but present-day I understand that Friend 2 doesn't like conflict or pushing people away & didn't want to get in the middle of things he believed were going on between Friend 1 and me. We both got frustrated and irritated with her and vented privately to each other about things we'd noticed-- first with her characters and then with her as a person.

It was... a while... before Friend 2 told me that Friend 1 had warned him off me. Friend 2 was skeptical of me as a person because he was told that I was clingy, pushy, this-and-that. Which is weird to me because I had asked Friend 1 in the past, before meeting Friend 2, "Am I being too much? I'm sorry to push you on this thread, is this okay?" Like I constantly checked in to make sure I wasn't pushing any real-life boundaries. So for her to say that about me was really disingenuous.

Then I think Friend 2 started noticing Friend 1 had gone off him a bit in favor of another new shiny. I don't remember if this came up before or after the Big Fight, but Friend 2 brought up an excuse Friend 1 had made that didn't match up with either something Friend 1 had told me or something we saw her posting about. Anyway that sparked a whole new series of conversations between Friend 2 and me.

February 2, 2022. I'd started getting fed up with Friend 1's transparent excuses and neglect. I'd started being a bit more passive-aggressive than I really should be and she got super butthurt over things that plausibly could have been about someone else because she knew what she was doing; she was just mad about me """retaliating""" or whatever. She went on this fuckin rant out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE, calling my OC a Mary Sue, calling me a hypocrite, saying she's sick of my OC insulting her canon (it's IN-FUCKING-CHARACTER but go off), and then blocking me before I can respond, because you know, she's almost a decade older than me and wanted to showcase her shining maturity, I GUESS.

So about my character-- she KNEW my OC did not like her canon. There were things in my OC's background, Character S, that made them basically the nemesis of hers, Character R. So yes it was fully IC for S to call R a "fat slut", even though I as a person would never fucking say that about R. Meanwhile, she had this OC for another verse-- everything was crossover-- who had healing powers similar to what S has. Mine just happened to get to Friend 2's character first, and she got all jealous and butthurt instead of taking it OOC and saying //hey next time I'd appreciate it if you gave me a chance to heal him, because your character gets 90% of the spotlight// or whatever.

Anyway, things had become so bad by this point that probably on both sides we had people saying "you should probably unfriend them", but it was a huge shock to my system because I didn't even have a chance to defend myself or talk things out. Like, I was SURE this shit was a misunderstanding! And this was... a week? ish? after she'd said something to the effect of "you guys will never be able to get rid of me, I love you so much" to both of us.

I'ma leave out a few of the behaviors I resorted to but none of it was harmful to her. Fast-forward to June (I think?) 2022. I'd been devastated for months, like, Loki noticed I could barely fucking function. He'd sent her a message telling her to get her fucking head out of her ass. Meanwhile Friend 2 had felt caught in the middle and just gone on hiatus. Impetus for that was, I was frustrated with a project I was working on and I didn't tell him because I wanted to keep it a surprise; at the same time, Friend 1 was paranoid about me """stalking""" her and kept asking, "Is this her? Is this her?" to which of course the person who's known me for two months is going to have a concrete answer, amirite?

So out of nowhere in June/July/something, I get a message from Friend 1 on Discord, Instagram, maybe another platform? apologizing and wanting to talk. I was fucking ecstatic! I got to have my friend back?! I hate losing people so I was over the moon and so ready to just put the past in the past. We VC'd for a bit and then she unblocked & re-added my known Facebook accounts. She had posted a status along the lines of, "This is either going to be my best decision or my worst mistake." Two people she'd been gossiping about me with (as told by another source) reacted to the status but neither of them said anything. P sure they wanted me to see it, like, it was definitely for show but I'm not sure how so. We did some karaoke together later that week, we started writing again, like, everything was awesome for a little bit.

Well, then the excuses started to set in again, plausible at first. "My daughter's visiting and it's her birthday but I'll TOTALLY plunge headfirst into writing again when she's gone!", things like that. We did plot and write some new things, but she dragged her feet on the project she KNEW I wanted the first draft finished by August. I publicly announced that I'd replace her as a writing partner if she didn't help me finish the draft and... WELP. She claimed she wanted to, and then didn't, but she got so threatened by the idea of being replaced that she made these promises to get me to stay my hand.

This time round I didn't care so hard. Friend 2 came back shortly afterwards and apparently he and Friend 1 had linked up on Discord. Friend 1 had told him she was gonna add me back like a week or two before she actually did. I later learned she'd read my frantic apologies/attempts at resolution (one message sent to multiple accounts trying to clear things up), and the letter I'd sent to a mutual in a last-ditch effort to find out if she was okay because she'd made some pretty serious claims about her physical health. Friend 2 and I started comparing notes again. I cleared up some things and we started discussing Friend 1 and some of the disingenuous things she'd been saying and doing yet again.

September or October she invited me to an event in November in the city she moved to. At first I wasn't gonna go but my son had a doctor's appointment the day before so I figured it'd be fine for me to leave for a few days, have fun with my friend, come back refreshed. I miss traveling and I needed a vacation. Loki agreed to it and told his boss he needed those three days off.

I did find it a bit weird that leading up to the visit, she barely talked to me, like, she'd already been barely talking to me but now it was she'd pop in with a token "OMG I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU FINALLY" and then bounce every few days. Event got cancelled but I went to see her anyway. I thought we had a great time! I had so much fun hanging out with her, she was a lot cooler in person, didn't get on my nerves (which is SUPER RARE for in-person); nothing I had been afraid of about the visit happened. I got along great with her family and her kid really liked me. I thought things were golden between us. I thought we'd be chatting more, RPing more, doing more banter and skits....

hahahaha nope. I staged a fight with a mutual who found out for me some things she was saying about me, things she was still saying even though I thought for SURE we'd be good after that visit. I video called her to look her in the eye and confronted her about it. I asked her if she has any problems with me that she hasn't told me about, and then I asked her about what was in the screenshots. She made it sound to me different from how she made it sound to my source, and she was putting out heavy "make this not my fault" vibes. At the end of the call I asked multiple times, "So now we're good? We've got everything out in the open, and you're gonna tell me straight-up if you have a problem from now on?" And she said she would. (We'd gone over some things she'd like me to change and I agreed to them calmly, you know, so I didn't think it'd be a problem.)

Next day she's whining to my source about how she "couldn't sleep" and "can't believe [ I ] did that to [her]." We've spoken maybe once since. My physical and mental health took a downturn as a result of just the stress caused by being lied to multiple times. God, that sounds so fucking dramatic but take it up with my stupid body.

Now I consider us basically on meme-sharing terms, like, if I see something I think she'd like I send it to her and then promptly archive the conversation. I'm not going to make a big dramatic statement by unfriending her. I was being a little passive-aggressive again recently, but that's a bad habit, so I've decided to stop doing that.

And like I know this friendship is a dud. I also know that all the things she wants to pretend to be are things I actually am. I know that most of the people she spoke to about me decided to give me a chance & get to know me anyway, and turns out they have some similar issues with her that Friend 2 and I have had, and they DON'T have those same issues with me.

I just wish I could stop thinking about it. I wish these things didn't hit as hard as they do. I feel like anything I have to say is just redundant and irrelevant, and I regret giving her the chances I did. I regret buying her a $300 painting of her BIGGEST character crush (that's an estimate including shipping). I regret sending her a Chromebook with a bunch of books and read-aloud services (along with Facebook and Messenger because she'd been having trouble with her laptop and didn't like accessing them on her phone). I regret growing so attached to our friendship that I felt like I was in love with her. I regret letting myself hope things would be better the second time round.

But I don't regret taking that trip. I was torn for a while between, "I could have saved myself $2,000 and gone to fucking Santa Cruz," and "No, actually, Myrtle Beach is a different experience." I now know the truth about what she's like; if you can talk that much mad shit after meeting someone in-person and claiming you had the best time, then you're two-faced.

And yeah I'm saying a lot of stuff ABOUT her but believe me, I've also tried to say things TO her, albeit phrased far more kindly because I actually don't like stepping on people's toes if I can avoid it.

I just... really hate not being heard. It should be enough for me that I have all these amazing friends, and that I've met people through her who are basically the best people in the world next to my sister. It should be enough for me that most people are siding with me when she's trying to warn them off me. But it still stings that she's gotten a few people to block me for no reason or keep me on their friends list but refuse to interact just to spy on me (you know you have to actually talk to your mark, right?) to see if I'm plotting against her.

Well... I'm not plotting against anyone, actually. I'm sharing the truth about what was said between us. I'm sharing receipts. If I could afford a lawyer I'd go after her for libel, since I was told you can do that if it's online. I talk some mad shit about the story we wrote together, but guess what? I talk equally mad shit about my cringe parts as hers; there's just fewer of them, and either way, I'm getting a lot of help rewriting the story into something that's not cringe.

I'm going to have to continuously recommit to just Being my Awesome Self and not trying to reach her because it's fucking impossible to reach her and it's not worth the effort, but I also can't fuckin help wondering-- and I wish I could stop thinking about it-- how the friends she's retained don't see through her chicken-fried baloney.

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inkshro0m · 5 years ago

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Logan's Secret Emotion - A Platonic LAMP Oneshot

cba to get rid of the big gaps so.... sorry bout that😅

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Logan found it very hard to express his emotions. He kept them all to himself in his big brain, the one that's stuffed with knowledge and facts. Or that's what Virgil, Roman and Patton thought...

Patton felt as though Logan found him annoying. The nerd seemed to ignore him or he just had an annoyed expression etched out on his face. Patton always tried to make him feel loved and cared for, and only wanted to express his friendship! Maybe he shouldn't be so bubbly and friendly all the time...?

Roman felt as if he was too... him for Logan. Said man usually rolled his eyes whenever the prince-like man would sing his sentences out, enthusically commenting on the weather, or something like that. Honestly, Roman could be who he is. If who he is is a man who is so extra he could become chewing gum (extra?? the chewing gum???...yeh, that metaphor was wEiRd- hi, future kat here.... pls ignore this =_=) and is just... loud, then too bad for Logan, he wasn't changing.

Virgil felt like Logan just hated him. He was probably too edgy and too emo. The smart guy probably thought he was too anxious for his own well-being and needed to stop, and maybe he just found him too annoying because he was in his way. Then again, Virgil thought that everyone feels that way about him.

One Wednesday morning, Logan received a notification, which is quite rare for him. He usually only got notifications from the news or something.

He was currently solving questions in his favourite problem solving book, 'The Ultimate Trivial Pursuit', smothered in his favourite unicorn onesie, with a coffee sitting out in front of him, slowly cooling down. He rested the book on the table and picked up his phone, opening it up to display one of his best friend- Patton -'s name, along with some tumblr notifications which he just swiped away. He read the text with slightly intrigued eyes following the words displayed before him.

Hey Lo! Sorry to bother

you, but I was just wondering

whether you would like to

join me, Ro, and Virge at

Sanders' Cafe at 12pm?

You don't have to of course,

just wondering! xx

Hmm... did he want to go? Who was he kidding, of course he wanted to go! He loved his friends with all his heart! And yes, he had a heart.

Salutations, Patton. You are

not bothering me. I would

appreciate the oppertunity,

thank you.

What Logan didn't know was that that single message caused an excited squeal to errupt from his beloved friend's mouth upon seeing it.

Three beady eyes had been eagerly watching the three dots slowly bouncing up and down, anticipating for a response. They all felt as though they needed to hang out with Logan more, it felt like he was growing apart from them. Leaving the nest.

Logan had started to get ready as soon as he'd replied, leaving his favourite book and coffee to go cold. His friends were more valuable.

Quickly slipping into his black polo and blue jeans and messily tying his tie around his neck, he was stumbling around the room, way more excited to see his friends than an ordinary person would be. He picked up his comb and brushed his bird nest of hair... how it got this tangled, he didn't know the answer to (which is quite rare). Then, he cleaned his teeth for 2 minutes because body maintenance is important.

Meanwhile, the other three were slightly nervous (even though it is just their friend). What if he was bored or didn't actually want to be there. Roman was the least worried; he didn't really care about what Logan was thinking. Patton just wanted Logan to have a fun time, and Virgil was just his anxious self. What if he was just going because he felt he had to?

Logan was already rushing out of the door and almost tripped down the three steps at his porch... oops. That was just enough to remind him that there are probably people watching... so he just carried on being as fast as he could because why should he have to wait any longer? He tugged at the car door, only to remember that he left his car keys on his bedside table when the door refused to open... dammit!

Sprinting back into his two-story house and up the staircase, he snatched up his keys and went back out to lock the front door (which he'd stupidly forgotten to do the first time). He, more orderly than last time, got into the car and started it.

To check that there where no cars coming, he looked out the window to find a little boy sitting on his bike, wide-eyed. Oh... so there was someone watching...

The embarrassed man just gave him a small smile, just to assure the boy that he was fine. Logan was well known for his stoic manner and teacher-like personality in his neighbourhood, so this must have been pretty weird for the boy... oh well. He can't go back now (both of them can't).

The boy's eyes followed Logan as the car rolled down his driveway. This was awkward. Once the man was sure there were no cars coming to stop him from seeing his friends, Logan pulled out onto the road and sped off towards the cafe the 4 friends where supposed to meet at. Wait... what if they were pranking him? What if they weren't going to come at all? No. Patton wouldn't do that. Neither would Virgil. Roman? maybe, but not Patton nor Virgil.

With anxiety in his eyes, Logan stepped out of the vehicle once he'd parked it and walked, normal pace, into the cafe. His glasses-shielded eyes darted around the room, looking for 3 familiar heads... Bingo! Phew, they weren't pranking him. A tiny smile (you could hardly even see it) made it's may onto Logan's face, all anxiety washed away. He was going to see his 3 favourite people! Those people's heads turned his way when he made it to the table they were sitting at.

Patton's eyes widened upon seeing the necktie-wearing man, despite expecting him. "Hey Lo! I'm so happy you came!", he excitedly greeted, genuinely meaning what he said. The bubbly one hasn't seen the other in over 2 weeks, and that's a long time for him!

Still with a smile that was unnoticable, the formal one slipped into the booth beside Virgil and nodded, "Salutations, I appreciate being able to see you too". He looked around, secretly happy to be with these people again.

Virgil was on his phone, but he'd nodded at Logan because he doesn't want to be rude and be hated even more. Also, speaking wasn't his strong point.

Roman waved, "Greetings, pocket watch! How have you been doing? We haven't seen you in so long". There was slight sarcasm in his tone, obviously a little annoyed that Logan didn't spend more time with them but it wasn't really his fault, they'd need to invite him first. 'Pocket watch' ignored the nickname and the tone, he was used to this sort of thing from the flamboyant man. "Adequate, thank you. What about you? Have you all been doing well?", he looked around the table.

The usual answers came: A grunt from the emo, a "Great!" from the bubbly man, and a "Very well" from the actor.

Logan let his lips twitch upwards to show he cares at least a bit.

"Well, shall we order our drinks? Or are we going to just sit here in awkward silence?", Roman suggested, chuckling a bit after the end of that sentence.

Patton stood up, quite quickly may I add, "Oh yeah! I'll pay for it all; my treat!", he giggled. Everyone reluctantly agreed, knowing there was no point arguing as the dad figure would always win.

Three of them stood up, Virgil staying behind because he doesn't like doing things in groups, he'd go after they'd figured out what they wanted. The emo noticed that Logan's phone had fallen out of his pocket as he'd gotten up, so he picked it up and set it on the table for the teacher-like man to pick up once he comes back. The phone's screen lit up upon contact, revealing several notifications from tumblr. Huh... Logan has tumblr? 'Didn't expect that', Virgil thought. Maybe he'll follow him, his posts must be interesting - seeing as he's very intellectual and smart. He checked the username: '@logical-crofters'. 'Man... he's really obsessed with that jam, isn't he?', Virgil snorted. The darkly-dressed man opened up his own phone and quickly followed him, before the others called him over to choose what he wanted.

Slipping his phone into his pocket and leaving Logan's on the seat, he rushed over to the others to pick a hot chocolate. He'll read his posts later.

Once everything was ordered and everyone was sat down, Logan noticed his phone, causing a confused expression to make its way onto his face. Virgil noticed this, "It fell out your pocket", he simply stated. A nod came from Logan, letting him know he understood.

About 5 minutes later, everyones drinks got delivered to their table. Patton sighed, relaxed, as he smelled the lovely scent of his sweet hot chocolate, which had whipped cream and marshmallows mounted on top of it. Mmmmmm...

Roman happily sipped on his iced tea; it was so refreshing!

While Logan drank his black coffee, Virgil quietly tried to start up conversation, which was a rare sight to see. "So... Logan, I didn't know you had tumblr", this caused the addressed man to almost spit his mouthful of coffee all over Patton, but luckily he's not that careless.

He looked over to the man who'd spoken, "You saw that?". The anxiety that had gone away a while ago had come back, making him fear what the other thought.

"Yeah. When I picked up your phone, I saw the notifications. I haven't read any of your posts yet but I've followed you", he stated, letting him know the details.

Logan let out a squeak that sounded like an 'oh'. 'Please don't read them, please don't- What if he reads them? What if he shows the others? What will they think of me?!'

"Hey, is everything okay?" Patton layed his hand on the almost-panicking man's forearm, bringing him out of his over-working mind. Logan's eyes had been dialating, telling the others that something wrong was obviously going on.

Logan's eyes finally went still, focusing onto the man who was currently comforting him. "Yes, yes. I am fine. Just, Virgil-", he looked at the man he'd addressed, "please do not read my posts..."

Virgil wore a look of confusion. 'Why wouldn't he want me to see them?', he queried.

"Why?", Roman, who'd been quiet this whole time, spoke Virgil's thoughts.

What was he supposed to say? Logan didn't want to let them know why, or his secret would be out! "Just...", he sighed, causing the other three to raise their eyebrows, even Patton. The necktie-wearing man was bright pink, wondering whether he should let the others know what he'd been hiding.

Too late. Virgil was already getting his phone out and clicking on '@logical-crofters' on tumblr. The owner of that account hadn't noticed until a small gasp came from beside him, causing everyone else at the table to whip their heads towards the sound. 'Great', Logan gave up. Virgil knew... he'd definietly tell the others.

Virgil's thumb wouldn't stop scrolling. These posts... they were so sweet! Oh my goodness, Logan, you are so adorable!

Some of the posts read:

"My three best friends: Virgil, Roman and Patton, are the best people in the whole galaxy. I'll bet on it. Virgil is so considerate of other people and is an interesting person over all, he is also fascinated by space, as am I. Patton is, though I don't like to admit it, very funny and adorable... in a friend way. He cares about others so much and does his best to make everyone feel alright. Roman is very creative and a great guy to be around. He is so dramatic, but in a fun way. He tries to agrue with me, which is funny because we all know that I'll win, but he tries his best."

"Patton is so loving and it warms my heart :')"

"I had a long talk with Virgil today and I have found out that he is interested in space!"

"Roman was great at performing as 'Evan Hansen' from 'Dear Evan Hansen' today. The musical was so moving."

Patton and Roman had scrambled their way under the table between them and Virgil to look at his phone with wide eyes, excited to know what Logan was holding from them. Their beady eyes watched the emo's thumb slowly scroll through the posts, reading the compliments and sweet messages talking about them so passionately.

Meanwhile, Logan groaned and stuffed his face into his arms, not before taking his glasses off because... we wouldn't want smashed glasses now, would we?

About 3 minutes had gone by and Logan was contemplating whether he should just leave because this was just way too embarrassing. Suddenly, a pair of arms were thrown around him and squeal sounded, way too close to his ear. Ouch. "Oh my gosh, Logan! I didn't know you felt this way about us, I thought you didn't like us or something but this just proves me wrong!", what it sounded like to be Patton practically shouted into the embarrassed one's ear.

"So you did like the performance! I knew it!", Roman exclaimed. Logan could just see the dramatic pose that man was doing.

There was silence from the darkly-dressed man, which caused Logan to slowly lift his head up, put his glasses back on, and look around. His eyes landed on the silent one. Were... were those tears?

"I- no one's ever said anything like that about me. So... nice", he finally spoke, eyes watering from joy and happiness. He looked up at Logan, a smile creeping up onto his lips. "Thank you, Lo"

This definitely wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "Uh- I... I was just speaking my thoughts. You all mean a lot to me... I know it doesn't show but... it's true", Logan was so suprised he could hardly even speaking in an orderly manner!

All three beloved friends shared a look, one that Logan didn't understand. Oh no...

They all looked back at him..."No thank you. Please-" He was cut short because there were 3 pairs of arms squeezing the usually serious one so hard he was sure that his eyes would pop out, and that's pretty hard to do. "Guys, I can't... breathe...", Logan was pleading now.

They all let go after one more squeeze from Patton, allowing Logan to breathe once more. The dad giggled, "You're so amazing, Lo".

To this, Logan adjusted his glasses and regretfully said, "I believe the correct phrase for this is: 'no you'".

Virgil snorted and Roman burst out laughing. Patton just couldn't resist another hug and Logan was fully smiling. This was very unexpected, but he loved it. They all knew how much he loved them. No more awkward conversing. No more secret emotion...

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originally written on wattpad

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