#post concert depression is worse when you know you'll never see them again

[boundtobreakk]

The Orlando show on Friday night was so much fun, but the Miami show on Saturday will forever be a core memory for me. I had the time of my life singing and dancing. All of the emotions of them breaking up really hit when they performed La Última Canción on Saturday because I knew it was the last time I'd ever see them. l'm forever thankful for the fun moments and the friendships they've brought me and they'll forever hold a special place in my heart 💛 Clara was so sweet and recorded my meet and greet moment, so I'm going to go watch that on loop and cry some more 🥹😭

[notesoncrocs]

sad sad sad post about fleabag

fleabag and the priest tell each other "i love you" at a bus stop, he vows to never see her again, says the line that kills me ("it'll pass"), leaves the bus stop, and then fleabag herself gets up and abandons the camera — abandons us — at the stop and walks away, ugly statue in hand (the act of stealing it again for the nth time a last "fuck you" to her stepmother, or a symbol of how tightly she clings on to this toxic relationship with her father and stepmother in her life because it's the only consistent one she has, or something).

"it'll pass" hurts so much and i'm trying to figure out why. back in high school my friend would say it every time after she talked about her depressive episodes, which made it seem worse in my mind. "it'll pass," spoken with such resigned certainty, implies experience, faith that this has happened a lot before and will happen again.

i don't know why, and this is really dumb, but that line also made me think of a text exchange i had with a friend that day. i was giving him shit for going to multiple joji concerts, said something like "i wanna love someone the way you love joji" and he responded "how about urself?" which killed me. LMAO. i guess these days i've been trying to figure that out too, be okay with exploring a city and being by myself and liking it. and so i was thinking about "it'll pass," and how to deal with loving someone and also yourself, and sometimes having to choose, and how that works.

"it'll pass" reminds me of the wong kar-wai film in the mood for love (花樣年華), which also made me lose my shit when i watched it. the relationship is toxic from the beginning, and eventually they separate for years and years. maybe decades. he comes back to her apartment building and asks about her, receives the answer that a woman and son are living there now, and leaves. doesn't even realize that the woman could be her after all this time. later, he goes to a temple in cambodia and whispers a secret into a hollow in the wall before plugging it with mud.

"it'll pass" is so horrible because it does pass. your past self, who no longer exists, loves someone else, who also no longer exists. it's amazing how easy it is to adapt. you wake up every day in some room for a couple weeks and it starts feeling like home. you move through life without someone and after a while it's as easy as breathing. you forget. when you miss them, you are also missing the you that actually knew them. you'll love again, and that will pass too. you experience the full breadth of time, the brutality of it.

“时间就这样过下去。” — my dad <3