#portrayals of both characters made my heart go to mush

[frostyalice]

fic: can i make it any more obvious? (4k)

Summary: BITE ME, JASPER!

The sign is hard to ignore and not so easy to read when it’s being waved wildly by some girl, Maria notices. When she looks harder, she swears she recognizes her.

“She always was weird,” Jessica chirps into her ear.

(or: a sk8er boi au that no one but me wanted or asked for)

a/n 1: well. i did it. i figure, if we’re throwing it back fandom-wise, we may as well throw it back to avril lavigne as well. although, tbh, i was more of a ‘girlfriend’ girl myself and not really a fan (or even very aware) of of sk8er boi until recently lol

Anyway! (to try to keep from wasting your reading time, i am letting you know now that the part of the fic that’s posted below is only a snippet of the full fic - a teaser, if you will. i didn’t realize how long this fic would get until i finished it. so in order to keep from having to scroll through all 4k words of the fic when someone visits my blog on mobile, i opted out of posting the full fic on tumblr. there will be a link to the complete ao3 version at the end of the snippet, or you can skip that and just click here now)

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Past…

She watches as he hesitates by his locker, trying to time his walk over to her, she assumes. He’s brave, she has to admit, if he plans on going over with all her snooty friends still around. She slowly puts another book inside her own locker, watching.

He closes his locker, takes a deep breath and then walks over to the small – even for her age – girl, surrounded by her group of friends. They don’t seem to notice him. After a minute or so he finally clears his throat.

“Maria,” he says quietly, making them aware of his presence. One of her friends taps her on the shoulder, pointing.

The girl, Maria, turns and Alice watches as she looks him up and down.

“What?” she finally asks.

“Um, I was just wondering,” he starts off slowly. One of Maria’s friends snickers. “If you’d like to go out. With me. Sometime.”

She watches as both of Maria’s best friend, turn eagerly to each other, hiding laughs behind their hands. Maria takes a while to answer, and when she does, her heart sinks.

“Look, Jason-”

“Jasper,” he corrects quietly.

“Yeah, whatever. Jackson,” she flicks her long hair over her shoulder. “I don’t remember ever having a conversation with you, but if I ever did something to make you think I liked you, I’m sorry. But, yeah, no. Sorry.”

From her spot across the hall, Alice can see Jasper push his tongue against the inside of his cheek. A habit he does when he’s flustered, she’s figured out.

“Right,” he says. Then, unceremoniously he turns and walks away.

“See you later!” she calls.

He doesn’t look back and immediately, all of Maria’s friends start gossiping amongst themselves.

“What a freak,” one says.

“Do you even know him?”

“He’s so tall.”

Alice watches Jasper start walking faster away from them. She spares one last look at the group and is startled to see that Maria is still watching Jasper’s retreating form. Quickly, she shuts her locker and fast-walks so she can catch up to the taller boy.

“That’s too bad,” she says in what she hopes is a sympathetic tone.

He seems surprised to see her beside him, but he nods, nonetheless. The only sign he even knows that she witnessed him getting rejected is the slight flush to his neck. “Thanks, Alice.”

He continues on his way down the wall, and Alice stumbles to a stop. One, because she has to turn here for her next class. But mostly, because, well, she didn’t even know he knew her name.

With a smile on her face, she skips on down to her next class. She gathers a few odd glances, but pays them no mind.

She’s always been weird. Always will be, too.

Being normal is so overrated anyway.

.

Alice watches as he walks into the cafeteria, with nothing on his tray but a banana. As usual.

That’s good, she thinks. Potassium.

She looks at her own cafeteria mush and think she may have made the right choice. She pushes it around, but is startled when a bag falls down on the bench a little farther from her. She looks up to find Jasper sitting diagonal from her. He looks up the table in her direction.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Alice eyes him and the quite large space between them. “All yours,” she says.

For the rest of lunch period, she tries to focus on making her lunch mush taste as appealing as possible, but is having no such luck. Plus, she keeps getting distracted by Jasper, because, well, he’s Jasper.

Currently, he seems to be doodling some sort of logo.

100 monkeys it seems to be trying to say.

“That looks cool,” she comments, probably looking more than a little snoopy, craning her neck up to see it in all its glory.

“Thanks, but I can’t really get all the components to fit so it all goes together, you know? As one piece.”

“Gotchya,” she says. She bites her lip. “Can I see it? Just real quick,” she says quickly.

He looks a little wary, but slides the sketchpad down to her anyway. Quickly, she opens the book so she can use a blank page while still being able to see how he was trying to go about it before. She quickly copies what he has drawn already, tweaking some things here and there, and adding in something that resembles a monkey’s tail hanging from the top part. She slides it back to him, feeling shy all of a sudden.

“Alice,” he says, and her heart flutters a little. “This is really good. Can I show the rest of the guys this?”

“Of course,” she chirps. “What’s it for, by the way?”

“Oh, I’m in a band. Sort of,” he tacks on.

She already knew this. She remembers a few months ago he and some of his friends had handed out flyers in front of the school. She hadn’t been able to go because she had had to babysit her sister.

“That’s cool,” she says.

read full fic on ao3 --->

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a/n 2: for Vibes, you can refer to these wonderfully old pictures

and here is one of ashley and jackson bc whenever i write alice and jasper i can only imagine jackson and ashley. bc movies always ruin my original portrayal of characters (as in i can only see the actors now, and can’t even remember how i originally pictured the book characters, not that i think they’re bad) but it works, bc jackson was in a band. so. whoo.

and to think i thought i wouldn’t be writing any more jalice for a while after my whumptober fiasco.. and then wrote this in probably a collective few hours.. whoops

[elenafisher]

chelsea watches (read: is agonized by) “avengers: endgame”

i just got home from endgame and i have a lot to say about it!

OVERALL:

i... liked it? i think? i can’t tell. 

there’s probably going to be a lot of complaining in this post, yet i didn’t actually hate the movie. but there was a lot to digest, so i’m sure my feelings will change over the next couple of weeks.

this movie was edited weird and i think it gave me whiplash. 

the tone was dramatic and desperate, then lighthearted and fun, and then back to dramatic and desperate before i could so much as blink. it was very jarring!

it also made me cry. 

robert downey jr. has always been very earnest in his portrayal of tony stark, but he gave all he had in this one. i was on the edge of tears watching him the whole time, really. there’s definitely a sense of finality to his performance.

those last 20 minutes had me weeping a bit. when they put the arc reactor on the bundle of flowers... oh, my heart. :’(

THE GOOD:

(most of) our characters are back! 

but was there ever any doubt? the stakes were made to feel high, but they never really were. you always came away with the feeling that they were all gonna make it.

no word on vision, though! pretty confused about that one. i know he was killed after the snap occurred, so i don’t think they actually can bring him back, but i always thought that he would, since they have this to film still.

it was very well made. i hope they keep bringing back the people who work on the sets, the cinematography, and the lighting, because it was all so well done.

we need to raise one for alan silvestri and his amazing soundtrack. 

oh, did anyone else notice the emphasis on DAUGHTERS? 

tony’s daughter morgan

scott’s daughter cassie

clint’s daughter lila

thanos’s "daughters”, nebula and gamora

to me, it felt like they were setting up these girls for potentially taking up their father’s mantles, which would actually be cool as fuck.

morgan stark is absolutely the cutest little bean i’ve ever seen in my life. 

I LOVE YOU 3000!

her scenes with tony were so sweet.

that cheeseburger parallel... oh man.

really, every scene that every person shared with tony was really good. you can just feel that everybody was giving everything they had because they knew they only had so much time left to play these characters together, and they wanted to get these final performances right.

tom holland, you heartbreaker. the audience in my theater went absolutely nuts when he finally returned. but when he was crying as he was talking to tony for the last time, oh man. 

“i lost the kid.” please...

THE BAD:

i still don’t really get what they’re doing with thor.

i don’t share this opinion much because this is tumblr and everyone loves this movie, but i didn’t like ragnarok, and i don’t like what’s become of thor or bruce. i wasn’t really checking on these two before, but now they’re just the comedy reliefs of the MCU.

chris hemsworth is funny, of course, and thor is a badass, of course, but they were just trying so hard with him. 

it kind of feels like they’re just pulling him apart, like one group still wants him to be the noble leader of asgard and the other just wants him to be the court jester. so, rather than decide, they just mushed their ideas together.

captain marvel: i knew she wasn’t going to be in the movie much, because she would’ve done everything in, like, 30 minutes, but they really, really underutilized her. seriously, she was only in this one, at most, for five minutes.

but, in those five minutes, she got a new haircut and kicked all kinds of ass, which are both wins.

THE UGLY:

STEVE ROGERS, SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

i can’t believe they hit the undo button on cap’s story.

rather than have him grow and develop in his new role in the future he never wanted or expected to receive, they just had him go back in time to marry the one that got away.

but don’t get me wrong y’all; steve and peggy hurt me so good. i live for their angst. but they weren’t supposed to get together like this!

it’s gross because peggy moved on. she was able to pick up the pieces and create something wonderful for herself by having a fulfilling career and a happy marriage with another man.

steve should’ve accepted her choice. if he loves her so much, he should’ve accepted that he lost her and, since she moved on without him, he has to move on without her.

i can almost get the poetic cinema that they were going for: after tony loses his chance at having a family and living his life, steve is woken up and realizes how much he’s been missing out on, so he decides to go out there and discover what he’s been running away from all this time.

but, rather than do those things, or literally anything else, steve goes back in time to... marry peggy.

like, he could’ve traveled the world with sam and bucky, or gone solo for a while, or even hit up sharon again. 

sharon carter, what a waste. they really couldn’t commit to the idea of her and steve together, could they? 

but as soon as they confirmed sharon to be peggy’s niece, there was just no way a romance could blossom. it’s kind of hilarious how in a cinematic universe where raccoons talk, characters time travel, and AIs can be 3D printed, kissing the niece of your former flame is still considered to be the weirdest thing about it.

seriously: i find it all so vulgar and manipulative.

the one good thing that came out of this was sam wilson, the only worthy captain america, receiving the shield. 

i’ve read that some people are upset that sam got the shield instead of bucky. like, did y’all watch the last movie? let bucky have his plums and his goats. he’s done fighting other people’s wars.

THE EVEN UGLIER:

i got problems, y’all, and those problems have two names: natasha romanoff and clint barton.

i ship these two because everything in the avengers (2012) led me to believe that these super cool assassins who were fighting each other were actually in love with each other and it was them against the world (which doesn’t sound familiar at all, i know).

the characters had history and scarlett johansson and jeremy renner had chemistry. i saw it and i know all y’all saw it. 

so, y’all can imagine how goddamn appalled i was when i first read that natasha and clint were not only not lovers, but that clint actually had a secret family, with a secret wife, on a secret farm, and that we were going to be told this with absolutely no build-up whatsoever. 

but y’all could tell that the russos were as tired as i was when it came to accepting those facts! 

they decided to throw caution to the wind and show some more intimacy between natasha and clint, which was delicious. finally, some good fucking food.

i mean, the necklace? she was wearing her necklace again!

to me, it seemed like natasha had fallen in love with him all those years ago, but he was either already married or had turned her down (or both?), and she was never able to act on her feelings for him. i think that clint was also in love... and perhaps knew that he could never be with her, because of their lifestyles and her past, and chose laura instead. or something agonizing and unfulfilling like that.

(i really hope her upcoming movie expands on this.)

and i do think that she loved him. like, romantically. she couldn’t stop touching him the whole movie (HER HANDS ON HIS FACE!!! she’s so worried for him i’m crying) and was shaking, she was so relieved, upon being reunited with him.

it is some consolation that no matter what, you are never able to deny that natasha and clint love each other: even when they’re not romantic partners, they are definitely platonic life partners. their mutual devotion to one another, in almost every universe in the comics and in these movies, is incredibly strong and moving. 

so, rather than endure clint’s death, natasha chose to sacrifice herself so that he could get the stone and, ultimately, be reunited with his family. and, on paper, it sounds okay... except, it really isn’t.

y’all wanna know why it’s not okay?

it’s not okay because natasha was an original avenger, and we were never given the chance to spend time with her, or become emotionally invested in her journey, or to care about her reasons for making the ultimate sacrifice. 

like, i cared about natasha, but i felt that i would’ve cared so much more (and that the audience could’ve, as well) had we’d been able to have a front row seat to her “atonement” arc. 

because, as an audience, we sort of started in medias res: while she was not initially forthcoming with who she was or what she was doing, natasha came to be seen as a reliable and capable ally by the avengers, her second appearance onscreen. we are given no real reason to distrust her because she’s so desperate to find redemption, which she’s made apparent in almost every movie, and it’s hard to hate somebody working so strongly for another chance.

i mean, this journey would’ve been made so much more badass by us experiencing it firsthand, rather than relying on the hearsay from the directors, writers, and actors. we should’ve gotta a miniseries starring natasha romanoff as the black widow, so we could finally see what she did to become so disgusted with herself and so feared by everyone else. 

this is (partially) why so many people adore bucky. we’ve seen him as the best friend, the fellow comrade, before he was forced to become a mindless killing machine. we’ve seen him kill and cause absolute mayhem. but now we’re watching bucky grow out from that and become something more (and, hopefully, something better). 

basically, natasha romanoff should’ve received that same treatment. we needed to explore all of her facets, not just some of them. 

tl;dr: we should’ve had more time with natasha.

it’s also not okay because natasha’s sacrifice, one that was both irreversible and absolutely pivotal to the fate of the final battle, was not given nearly the same amount of respect that tony received after his demise.

while we all owe a lot to robert downey jr. for his choice to portray, and continue portraying, tony stark / iron man, he is not the most important avenger. 

it’s also worth noting that he did not have to be the one to snap his fingers. i mean, anyone could’ve been given what tony was wearing and then wielded the gauntlet. but, like natasha, he made a choice to sacrifice his life for the greater good.

yet, only tony was given an elaborate funeral. no matter how you slice it, it’s enormously disrespectful to a veteran team member. for this ultimate sacrifice to be made by the only woman on the original crew is doubly insulting.

AND ALL OF THIS IS MADE WORSE BY THE FACT that natasha’s death mirrors gamora’s. they’re identical, right down to the music that plays and how the camera focuses on their bloody bodies.

the russos were probably trying to invoke poetic cinema again here, but the scene comes across as somewhat lazy and insincere. like, they can’t even kill her right!

as terrible as this scene is, i want to give scarlett and jeremy a round of applause for it. you really got the sense that these characters were more than ready to die for each other, and that’s only because scarlett and jeremy were able to sell the emotional intimacy of the scene so well. 

all of it is too little, too late, however.

allow me to conclude this rambling nonsense by stating that i also think they condensed her character arc too much. like, i know this branches off of what i was just talking about a dozen bullet points ago, but even if natasha were to receive this ending, i feel that she received it too soon, y’know?

there should’ve been more scenes in the previous films dedicated to her, and her feelings, and how she relates to any given situation, because another problem that drags this scene down is the lack of any information about natasha. 

like, even when assembled with the other avengers, she feels remote.

perhaps that’s intentional, given that the character’s a spy and has been enigmatic about every other area of her life for so many years. but i think she’s been written to be too enigmatic.

[lxveuntold]

@chimivx so i read all 3 parts of this last night when i should've been sleeping 😅 but i couldn't help myself. and honestly, i've been thinking about this story (particularly this 3rd part), like, all day. i woke up thinking about it, i thought about it at work, and (obviously) i'm thinking about it again now.

the portrayal of these toxic relationships is so... i don't know, captivating? i don't know what the word is, but as far as entertainment goes, this story has it in spades for me. consider me moved, heartbroken, endeared, and on the edge of my seat.

your choice of words in basically any given sentence is stellar. i mean, "smize" ??? i never ever see that word! and i love your use of it! and the conversations between characters in any situation are realistic and wonderful. even when they're arguing, even when i want to knock some sense into these people, i still adore the dialogue in this story. the descriptions of body language are also sooo clear and defined and easy to visualize, which i always love.

while i love the events in parts 1 and 2, it's this 3rd part that is, like, haunting me. you mention in your author's note that you're not sure how many people would like this turn of events, but i, for one, love it. and i have to conclude it's specifically because of the way you've written it because i like reading this type of situation (love triangle + unexpected pregnancy, i mean), but i feel like it's tricky to write in a really compelling way? but my god do i feel for these characters SO MUCH after reading this! it's a testament of just how fleshed out and human you've made them and i'm applauding you so much for that.

(getting a bit spoiler-y and i also have a bit more to say so i'll put a cut now 😅)

ofc hyunjin is the biological father of the baby, goddamnit. why do i love that though?? oh, because he and the reader are "tied for the most self destructive bitch". they're just going to be tied together forever, now by an actual living person with both their dna, and i just love the drama.

and minho 🥺 yeah i know who you mean by "the other was actually his father". minho has been such a SAINT that i actually kind of hope there *aren't* more parts to this 😬😅 just so i can believe he and the reader live happily together forever and hyunjin FUCKS OFF for good.

but... the way hyunjin was looking at his son though. and him accepting the name he was given for the sake of the baby. and the way felix makes him genuinely laugh. 😭 why'd you do this to me, the guy's such a dick but so... likeable still. fuck.

(also just a quick sidenote, when chan arrived at the scene... i loved every fucking word he said lmao idk why but just imagining him getting felix and hyunjin the hell out of there and away from his ✨family✨ (my heart!) was just so great. "i like this felix. control your man, yeah?" - the snarkyness was perfect. *chef's kiss*

i'm sure i'm missing even more thoughts that i want to share with you about this story and i'm sorry if this is all over the place but my brain is mush thinking of all this angst and sweetness and toxicity lmao.

in short: thank you so much for writing and sharing this beautiful, tragic, sweet, heartbreaking story. i've enjoyed it so very very much.

HAVEN. (3) -> Lee Know x Fem!Reader ( she/her pronouns )

summary: Welcome to your future, one you never could have imagined for yourself. Ever. It was only two years ago you and Minho renounced your Haven days, only to get swallowed by diapers and sleepless nights. For once, you think you're finally happy, but nonetheless, he finds you again.

words: 6k

warnings: infidelity themes, babies, no smut (sorry lol), hyunlix, violent themes (one punch is thrown), everyone is just still so toxic will they ever have any peace, if I forgot anything PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

a/n: Not sure how many people will like the turn this took. I don't know why this came out of me, and I don't know why I did such a huge time jump. I love this, however. This feels like an ending, but also like a stepping stone. Not sure this is over yet. ENJOY! xo

“Dada! Dada! Dada!” Is screamed from the high chair beside where you sit pulling apart pieces of banana, tossing them onto the tray for the little boy to eat.

“Baby! Baby! Baby!” Gets shouted back from the dark haired, sweater wearing figure with his back to you. Glancing over his shoulder, Minho smiles at your son, reassuring him he was still there, he was only cooking at the stove.

The house smelled of a mix of sweet and savory breakfast foods Minho had started preparing after you popped your baby in the bathtub. It was Saturday morning, which meant he had the day off- the entire weekend off, actually- leaving him with forty-eight hours to do his favorite thing. Take care of his little family.

When life shifted for the two of you, Minho wasted no time. In a week you were officially moved into his house with some help from Han and Chan, and for a year and a nine months or so, you’ve been living somewhat peacefully in your unexpected happily ever after.

Finding out you were pregnant didn’t come as much of a shock, if anything it became a nuisance. Almost like a reality check, or some type of wake up call, those two pink lines you discovered in Han’s bathroom put everything into perspective.

For nearly the entirety of the pregnancy, you were riding an unpredictable whirlwind of a rollercoaster. It was truly an unforgiving trip, one you never hope to experience ever again.

The chubby cheeks and cheesy smile that was being flashed at you this morning made it all worthwhile, however. Bringing your son into this world after debating whether or not you wanted to was the best decision you had ever made for yourself.

“Dada!” He shouts once again, with more persistence since Minho was focused on the pans in front of him. Turning back with a silly glare for the baby, your son erupts into a fit of giggles, throwing a chunk of banana onto the tiled kitchen floor to which Minho gasps.

“Not on the floor that hasn’t been washed in… forever,” Minho groans, then starts to laugh as he looks at you. Breaking off a piece of the fruit, you pop it in your own mouth and shake your head, wearing a smile.

“Someone should do something about that,” You say.

“If he’s gonna make more messes, why clean it in the first place?” Minho snickers, then focuses back on his work.

Slapping a hand on the tray, your son grabs a fistful of banana and holds it up in the air, turning you. 

“Don’t even think about it,” You say gently, smizing at your son. He cracks a smile, one that squishes his cheeks and almost closes his eyes as he showed off his few tiny teeth. He was a carbon copy of his father with his round face, soft jaw, and button nose.

Every time he smiled you were reminded of where he came from, his little grin had the ability to take over his expression just like his fathers, his eyes scrunched into little half moons just the same.

“Eat your banana,” You say, watching him relax as you continue to speak kindly to him, “It is so tasty, trust me, I’ve eaten more of it.” Rolling your eyes, you take another bite and hear Minho laugh from the stove.

“There’s two more over here, want another?” He asks, peering over toward you. Outside there’s a sound of a car pulling up into the driveway.

“No thank you,” You answer vaguely, leaning forward in your chair to try to see out the kitchen window. This neighborhood was typically a quiet one, and to get to your driveway one would have to take a detour down an alleyway not many people knew about. It was extremely rare to have surprise visitors.

“Is Han coming over?” You ask, standing up, “Ah!” You raise your voice in defeat as your son jackhammers the banana to the floor, laughing with glee.

“No, he’s away this weekend,” Minho mumbles, half in the zone as he glances around to find the source of your stress. Clicking his tongue when he caught sight of the squished fruit, he sighs and chuckles. He says some cute things to the baby as you fold your arms over your chest and step over to the back door to get a good look out the window.

A dark, sapphire blue four door model of an expensive sports car was parked beside Minho’s Range Rover, a car you haven’t seen a day in your life. The windows were tinted black, shielding whoever was inside from the outside world.

“Who is it?” Minho asks from behind you. He took matters into his own hands and was now feeding the banana directly to your son, who didn’t seem to want to put up a fight. If he had Minho’s attention, he was happy as ever. 

“Probably some lost jackass,” You mutter, squinting at the vehicle. 

This has happened before, random people pulling into your’s, or your neighbors driveways, looking for their way across town. It wasn’t a bougie way of live where you were living, in fact it was pretty run down, but it’s perfect for your family.

“Baba, baba,” Your son babbles with a mouthful of banana, “Baaaba!”

“Shit, I didn’t make one,” You sigh, turning to the boys for a second. Minho pops another piece of fruit between the baby’s lips and nods.

“I got it,” He smiles, checking you out head to toe as he walks towards the cabinets to prepare a bottle for your son.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Your cheeks flush after he winks at you.

“Can’t help it,” He playfully rolls his eyes, scooping formula from a tin, “You’re gorgeous.”

Giggling to yourself, you bite onto your bottom lip and glance down at your pajamas that were overdue for a wash. Your hair was pulled back messily and there wasn’t a trace of makeup on your morning face, you haven’t even showered yet, the baby was clean before you. Mom life wasn’t glamorous in the slightest, yet Minho had a way of making you feel like you were a million bucks every single day.

Giving him one more happy smile, your attention is turned back outside at the sound of a car door slamming shut. Long, sleek blonde hair pulled back halfway in a tie with angry brows and eyes glaring at you in the window are walking toward the back porch steps.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Your tone falls disgustingly bitter. The smile you once wore is smacked off your expression by the grimace moving closer to your door.

At the counter, Minho tries asking you what was going on, and who had shown up, though judging by your tone he could take a wild guess and hit a bullseye.

Snatching the handle of the door, you storm out onto the porch before the dominatrix has a chance to walk up the stairs. He walked with a purpose, his shoulders slightly raised in anger.

“What the fuck do you want, Hyunjin?” You spat, your stance wide at the top of the stairs so he couldn’t get past you. Looking up at you from the ground, he drags his tongue across his bottom lip, smirking, taking in the sight before him.

It’d been three months since the last time either of you were around one another.

If it were two years ago, you’d be sweating under pressure standing here dressed like this in front of him. The person you were before Minho and your son was weak for Hyunjin, you’d be insanely flustered and would rather drop dead than let this heartthrob see you without a shower.

More than one blessing came from having your son, you were gifted the ability to no longer care what other people thought of you, especially this asshole. Your priorities were to raise and protect your son, and nurture your relationship with Minho.

Hyunjin tucks a piece of his lightened hair behind his ear and places his hands on the railings of the stairs, lifting a foot to rest it on the bottom one. You copy his stance, asserting dominance, telling him with body language that he wasn’t getting inside your home.

“Answer the question,” You mutter, sharpening your eyes.

“Not even a hello,” Hyunjin sighs, the angsty smirk still playing on his lips, “You’ve changed.”

“I haven’t heard from you in three months, you don’t deserve a hello,” You say, “What the fuck do you want, before I call the cops.”

Narrowing his glare, he cocks his head to the side and quietly says, “I want my son.”

A loud, humorless cackle of disbelief escapes you. Tossing your head backward, you sigh heavily and can’t hide the fury that manifests as a maniacal grin.

“You’re unbelievable,” You say. Hyunjin doesn’t find it as funny as you.

“I want my son,” He says a bit louder, tightening his grip on the posts.

“Then you should’ve called the judge,” You throw in his face, “Three months, Hyunjin. Thats a looot of visits to miss, you broke the fucking agreement, and now you show up without permission, which is also against the agreement, and demand me to give you my son.”

The main reason you were unsure whether or not to become a mother was staring you in the face. In fact, it had to do with both men, the one taking care of the baby inside the house as well. That night at Han’s, after feeling sick for almost an entire month, the moment those lines appeared you were distraught, your heart ripping directly in half.

Coming out of a fresh break up, the two men you were romantically tangled up with had overlapped, leaving you unsure of who the child belonged to. 

Twenty minutes were spent on the bathroom floor in silent tears, but the boys in the house were too good, and knew you too well. Minho sat outside the door, waiting patiently, asking you every now and again if you were alright and if you’d open the door for him when you were ready.

Around the fifth time he asked, once you’d exhausted yourself with sobs, you pulled the doorknob and popped the door open a crack. Minho stepped inside carefully, pouting at the sight of you curled up in a ball on the floor. He sat down next to you, held out his hand for you to hold and let you tell him what was going on at your own pace. From the very first moment, Minho was nothing but supportive, respectful and loving. He stepped up and took on the role Hyunjin didn’t want even though there was a chance the child wasn’t his.

A couple of months into your pregnancy you were able to find out who was responsible for the little one, and Minho was on board straight away. He accompanied you to all of your appointments anyway, and you were living in his house, there wasn’t a second thought whether he’d want to help you or not.

Hyunjin was the one you had to chase. One would think if there was a fifty fifty shot that he’d be able to avoid this for the rest of his life that he’d want to take it, but it took Minho going through Han, going through Chan, going through Changbin, going through Felix to get to the bastard.

You prayed to a God you never believed in that the child was Minho’s. 

You wanted to be rid of Hyunjin.

Unfortunately that wasn’t your fate, and now you were stuck dealing with him whenever he decided he wanted to be a father.

Part of you wonders if the ring Minho put on your finger after your son was born had anything to do with Hyunjin’s need to still care.

“Our lawyers alway said that if we could work it out on our own we wouldn’t need to go to court,” Hyunjin’s tone mimics a taunt, like he’s talking down to a child. It boils your blood further.

“I’m dealing with you, I have to go to court,” You grill, “My son is a year and three months old. He’s going to start recognizing who is and isn’t around.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Hyunjin shrugs, finding nothing wrong with his unannounced visit. Groaning audibly, you laugh again in sheer frustration.

“It’s damaging, Hyunjin,” You shake your head, “You coming around every few months like he’s a dog who’ll be excited to see you no matter how long you’ve been gone. He’s a baby, this shit is psychologically damaging and I won’t let it happen to my son.”

“Our son,” Hyunjin smizes, knowing those words always got under your skin. Maintaining face, you harden your glare and clench your jaw. You said what needed to be said, he wasn’t getting his hands on that baby.

From inside the house you hear your little one belly laughing, which means Hyunjin can hear him too. The smirk he wore on his lips falters at the sound. If there was anything he loathed most about this situation, it was that you ended up with Minho.

“Oh, wow, he’s actually home?” He scoffs theatrically, “Thought he took any chance he could get to go to work. I heard flirting with customers for tips doesn’t make you much.” 

“You should really get your facts straight before you try to piss me off,” You say raising your brows, “Where do you get your information from? Minho hasn’t worked at the bar for like six months.” Prodding his cheek with his tongue, Hyunjin shakes his head and glances away. It was a tiny victory, stumping him when he tried to play his mind games that no longer affected you. Every time he came back, you only got stronger.

“Let me have him, I’ll bring him back tomorrow,” He says, shifting only his eyes over to you.

Grinning, you nod towards the car and say, “You even have a carseat? A crib? Bottles? Formula? Maybe a stroller?” He opens his mouth to speak, but you cut him right off, “What do you even need him for? You didn’t want him!” Hyunjin slams his fists into the posts on the stairs, startling you.

“What if I want him now, dammit?!” He shouts.

You hear the door behind you open with a creak of the hinges. Keeping your glare fixed on Hyunjin, you watch with glee as his changes when he catches a glimpse of Minho over your shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Minho asks, looking down to Hyunjin with disgust. 

The man at the bottom of the stairs can’t seem to put together an answer, in fact it doesn’t seem like he’s heard what Minho’s said at all.

Turning your head, you find Minho close to the door with your son in his arms. The baby was content, laying back in the nook of Minho’s elbow sucking down the bottle that he made. The sight was enough to make anyone melt.

“I don’t appreciate the noise,” Minho, though coddling a baby, appeared defensive, “Especially while there’s children present.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, knowing Minho chose those words on purpose.

“It’s ten in the fucking morning,” He says.

“Language?” Minho furrows his brows.

“Please, you live with this one,” He points to you, “She’s no fucking Mary Poppins. When did you get so soft, Min?” Titling his head to the side, Hyunjin smirks infamously, again.

“A lot changes when you become a father,” Minho narrows his eyes, “But I don’t need to explain, you already get it, don’t you?” If looks could kill, Minho would be dead on the floor.

Stepping up onto the bottom stair, Hyunjin leans forward, ready to unload his meaningless bullshit, but the passenger door of his sports car is slammed shut, gathering everyone's attention from the porch.

“Hyunjin,” Felix’s deep voice shouts, “Let’s go.” Another boy you haven’t seen in three months. Though you’ve heard from him, you text almost every other day. Not much had changed, except his hair that was now black as night. He was still tall, lanky, baby-faced Felix.

He gives you a look, a sympathetic one, as if he’s apologizing to you.

“Really?” You frown, and Felix shrugs.

“I’m sorry,” He says, giving his head a small shake, “I tried to stop this.”

“Always,” Hyunjin groans dramatically, rolling his head backward, “You always have to take her side.” Felix takes three steps closer, folding his arms.

“I do,” His tone is stern. Looking back at you, his eyes flicker to the baby for a second, then back to you. “Y’okay?” He asks, his intention meaning something deeper.

“Be a lot better if I had a warning,” You say. Closing his eyes, Felix shrugs and shakes his head again. He knows better, he should’ve called, but then again you know how Hyunjin can be when he gets something in his head. It’s inevitable.

“We weren’t coming here,” Felix mutters, sending a glare toward Hyunjin who’s grilling his boyfriend right back, “Let’s go. I told you how to go about this, this isn’t it. I’m driving us home.”

Behind you the baby coo’s, shifting himself around in Minho’s arms to look where Felix’s voice was coming from. The bottle falls from his lips, Minho catching it quick before it rolls onto the ground.

Your son lifts a finger and points toward Felix, uttering a quiet, “Who?”

Sharing a look with Minho, you take a breath and say, “That’s Felix.”

“Vee-liss,” The baby tries to repeat, making Minho chuckle. His inquisitive little eyes scan his surroundings, and once they find you he reaches out his arms. “Mama,” He coo’s.

Scooping him up you prop him on your hip and smile as he gazes around the backyard happily, taking in every sight and every sound. Watching him experience life for the first time is something unimaginable, you almost forget that there’s trash on your doorstep.

Swapping your smile for a stone cold glare, you look down at Hyunjin who’s completely enamored by your son.

Eyes as big as the moon, Hyunjin watches the little one intently, slightly smiling at every tiny move he’d make. All four of you stood in silence, letting the child have a moment.

That was a thing parents did with others- sit around and watch their babies do things. Many evenings have been spent with Chan and Han on the living room floor while your son tore apart his toy box. Nights at Haven were a thing of the past.

You keep your eyes on Hyunjin while he watches your son, keeping an indestructible barrier around your heart. A master of charisma, you wouldn’t allow him to ‘puppy dog eye’s’ his way into getting what he wants today. 

Shit, that’s what gave you the very thing you hold in your arms.

“He’s beautiful,” Hyunjin whispers, not wanting to disturb the child’s admiration of nature. Sighing, you nod.

Three months ago he saw him through a car window. It was a measly glance, nothing of grandeur, happening just before Hyunjin snatched the child support agreement out of your hands to rip it in half. The day before his first birthday.

“He looks like you,” Hyunjin says, pulling his eyes away from the baby for half a second to look at you.

You scoff and pull a silly face, “Not in the slightest.”

Hyunjin makes a soft sound that warms the edges of the cold front you were projecting, a small laugh that tumbles you backward a couple of years. It was genuine, and you knew it was genuine because Felix gets him to make that sound often. At least, he used to when you’d be around them before the rapture.

Your son looks down at where the sound came from, finally acknowledging the human being a few feet in front of him, a moment you hoped wouldn’t happen.

Hyunjin gives him a smile.

Your son lifts a finger to point at him, saying, “Who?” And Hyunjins smile falters.

The light that started to pool in his eyes the second your son came out onto the porch was wiped away, like the only word your son knew how to properly say in the right context had physically hurt him.

Swallowing hard, you honestly aren’t sure what to say. Hyunjin hasn’t been a constant in his life, he didn’t have a name. 

Hannie, was his Uncle Han. Channie, was his Uncle Chan. The other boys, when they came around, got silly nicknames too, but these two weren’t around ever. You never expected them to need introductions.

“Who?” Your son asks again, looking to you for instruction. Meeting his eyes, you try to take a deep breath but feel like someone has wrapped a rope around your lungs.

Hyunjin is watching with a broken heart and a longing gaze, and Minho stands behind you with his arms folded, a protective foot away. One was his father, and the other was actually his father.

Hyunjin, though he put up a believable act today, you weren’t sure if he was going to split again.

So, through your teeth, you mutter a painful, “Jinnie,” just as your son was about to ask you who this man was for the third time.

Placing one hand on your shoulder and the other over your heart, your baby looks at Hyunjin and gives him a once over. A sassy habit of his when he was around anyone unfamiliar, something he inherited from none other than Hyunjin himself.

“Chi-nny,” The baby says.

“That’s me,” Hyunjin says gently.

Breaking your gaze off of your son, you look down to him in shock that he didn’t protest the name.

“Chi-nny, well, Mama,” Your son says, his tone sad, laying his head down on your shoulder. Biting your bottom lip you avert your eyes from Hyunjin and take a grounding breath.

He remembers him.

“Time to go inside,” Minho suggests, smoothing a hand over both of your backs. Hyunjin furrows his brows.

“Why?” He asks.

Thinning your lips for a second you bob your head, “Jinnie, yell, Mama,” You repeat clearly for Hyunjin to hear.

“What!” He screws his face up in confusion, beginning to raise his voice already, proving to the toddler that Jinnie, does in fact, yell at Mama.

“He remembers you,” You shrug, pulling yourself out of the baby daddy fantasy that was minutes away from ensuing.

Hyunjin nearly gasps, “Remembers… me?”

Rolling your eyes you say, “We were in the parking lot of the grocery store. I was picking up his birthday cake, you were visiting the liquor store next door,” Hyunjin glances to the stairs, “It was the first time in a long time I’d caught you, so I tried to give you the paperwork.”

“You took it from her, ripped it to pieces and screamed in her face,” Minho adds, giving your waist a soothing squeeze, “While this one watched from the window.”

The baby in your arms turns around to look at Minho, a grin breaking out onto his chubby cheeks, “Dada,” He coo’s, holding out a hand toward him.

Hyunjin whips his head up in a flash, eyes burning into Minho’s.

“Really? Kid calls you Dada?” He spats, “I’m half of him, and I get Jinnie?”

“Hyunjin,” Felix states, taking three more steps toward the stairs, “Let’s… go.”

The blonde takes a step, getting closer as he rises on the stairs. Behind you, Minho pulls you aside, taking your place at the top of the staircase. His arms fan out to hold onto the railings in case Hyunjin tried to slip through.

“You don’t deserve that title,” Minho grills, narrowing his eyes, “And last time I checked, you aren’t listed on the birth certificate, did you forget about that?” 

Hyunjin shoots you a chilling glare that’s broken in more ways than one.

Your son watches his father with caution, observing his behavior while cuddling up on your shoulder. Cradling the back of his head, you look over to Felix and plead him with your eyes to take Hyunjin away.

If anyone could remember what happened the last time these two went nose to nose, they’d want to end this as fast as possible.

Felix nods, dropping his arms to his side.

“Did you forget the kid’s a product of her cheating on you?” Hyunjin’s expression breaks out into a grin, making him seem proud, “Remember that?” He takes another step up the porch, and just before he’s eye level with Minho, who’s temper was rising by the millisecond, Felix is grabbing onto Hyunjin’s wrist.

Minho’s grip on the railings relaxes, color returning to his knuckles as he says, “You’ve gone soft, Jinnie,” Teasing him with his own words, letting the nickname hit him where it hurts, “Felix wear the pants now?” He says while Felix pulls Hyunjin down to the grass, giving Minho a look in the process.

“Minho,” You whisper harshly. Felix has done plenty for you since your son came into the picture, there was no need to talk down to him.

“Sorry, Lix,” Minho says softly, shaking his head.

The lanky boy locking Hyunjin under his arm is about to open his mouth until a car whizzing down your street takes the scene. It comes to a screeching stop at your curb.

“Oh, wonderful,” Hyunjin chuckles.

The car door slams shut behind an angry Chan walking up your lawn. Felix sighs in exhaustion, or frustration. Probably both.

“We’re leaving,” He raises his voice, holding a hand up to Chan, waving a white flag.

“You called Chan?” You whisper to Minho who gives you a smirk.

“Damn right you’re leaving,” Chan says, puffing his chest, stopping beside Hyunjin and Felix’s car.

Your son squirms in your arms, sitting up tall to shout, “ANNIE!”

He catches Hyunjin’s attention once more. Submissive in Felix’s grip while his boyfriend defends him, his gaze softens immensely, sending a shattering crack through the walls you’ve put up around you and your family.

Stumbling over his own feet as Felix guides him to the car, he’s acting like it’s going to be the last time he sees his son. Chan and Minho’s voices are ineffective, he can’t hear a thing they’re saying and neither can you.

Your little one digs his fingers into your arm, agitated by the scene ensuing around him.

“Let me get the door for ya,” Chan snickers, yanking the passenger door of the sports car open. Felix avoids eye contact, letting the bullets in the form of words rain down over them both.

Hyunjin grips onto the edge of the door, resisting Felix’s attempt to sit him down. He frowns, his lips pulling downward in a way they would before he’d cry.

Your son would make the same face.

Felix mutters something to him only the two can hear, and Chan, probably begging him to get in the car so he could avoid a physical end to this story.

“Need some help?” Chan questions sarcastically, rounding the door to grab onto Hyunjin’s arms, yanking them off of the door.

Hyunjin retaliates, tearing his eyes off of the baby, pushing Chan away on the chest. Then the Hyunjin you’ve come to know makes an appearance. Throwing a hand backward in form of a fist, he launches it at Chan, aiming for his jaw, but the Aussie catches it instead, jutting backward the slightest.

Flinching, Felix groans audibly and shoves Chan backward himself with his hip.

“Fuck off!” He shouts at him, “Chan, fuck off!” 

Holding his hands up, Chan smirks and takes two steps back.

“I like this Felix,” He says, “Control your man, yeah? You leave my family alone.”

Shaking his head, Felix finally gets Hyunjin into the car, slamming the door shut. He doesn’t say anything to Chan, nor to Minho. Instead, as he rounds the car he gives you a wave and gets inside.

“Bye!” Chan shouts happily, slapping the top of the car twice as it starts to back down the driveway.

The three and a half of you are quiet as you watch the shiny blue car disappear down the street.

A lump manifests in your throat, one that threatens to bring tears to your eyes. Your son, the very being who you swore to protect was experiencing his first moment of grief. And it was for you, of all people, because of his estranged biological father.

There’s a soft babble from your hip, the little one humming a few noises without care, happy the world around him was quiet once more. Taking a look at him he’s focused on you, gazing up with a look that resembles admiration.

He sits himself up properly, holding onto your shoulder with both hands, and smiles.

“I’m sorry,” You whisper to him, giving a smile in return.

Down on the lawn Chan was starting his way up the stairs, brushing his hands together, muttering, “He didn’t touch you did he?” to whoever was listening. Minho, shaking his head, extends a hand to shake one of Chan’s, and begins to explain the situation to him, gesturing toward you a couple of times.

“Maaama,” Your son says softly, bouncing twice, kicking his feet.

“Baaaby,” You sing, dipping your chin down to kiss his squishy cheek. He giggles, shying away for half of a second before he throws himself onto your chest, nuzzling his head against you with the cutest coo.

This is when the tears spill, overwhelming you to the point of a sudden, sharp breath.

Minho whips his head in your direction, eyes wide, Chan glancing your way as well.

“I’m okay,” You mumble, nodding your head a couple of times as the boys hurry to your side. Minho slides an arm over your shoulder, placing his hand on the back of your neck.

Massaging his fingers into your skin, he watches you calm yourself down, then says, “We can do something about this,” He sends a glance to Chan, “We can call our lawyer, see what we can do, or we can call the cops.”

“Yeah, he can’t get away with this,” Chan’s brows are furrowed deep into his eyes, “Disrupting your life unannounced is wrong in the first place, but he broke a contract. You guys could sue, probably.”

Minho swipes his thumb beneath your eyes, brushing away your tears. Falling quiet, he studies you, taking you in, not saying another word until you made up your mind.

You parented your son together, you made decisions together, you were raising him together, you loved him together, however, when it came down to the court, the agreements, the paperwork, the lawyers, the judges… Minho left a majority of that up to you. He shared his opinions and his feelings of course, to which you listened at full attention, taking them into consideration always, making sure he felt as involved as possible.

Minho was your son's father, he was your son's caregiver, he was the one who stayed, the one who stepped up when you could’ve been left with absolutely nothing. 

But, one day your son is going to ask why he doesn’t look like him. He’s going to go to school and learn about families and wonder why his friends have simpler family tree’s than him. When he meets new doctors, new people, and has to go over family history he can’t tell them about Minho’s, he doesn’t share an ounce of his DNA.

He’s going to ask questions. He's going to be curious. Knowing yourself, and Hyunjin, the son you shared was going to be a nosey little jerk at some point in time, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to cut off the source or not.

Looking at Minho now, shifting over to Chan momentarily, you can tell the two of them are ready to take action. They want to ruin him, finally put an end to the reign of terror, snuff out the darkness before your little one gains enough consciousness to know it’s even there.

“I can call whoever you want me to call,” Minho says quietly.

Parting your lips, hesitating for a moment, Minho perks a brow, on alert, until your voice paralyzes him.

“No,” You whisper. Your fiancé and best friend are stumped.

Your son has gone quiet, his chest rising and falling heavily against yours, being lulled to sleep by the sound of the birds chirping around you.

“No?” Chan says when he realizes neither of you were going to say much else, looking between you both in disbelief. Minho’s defeated eyes drop down the top of the baby's head. “You’re crying,” He gestures to you, then to Minho, “You’re furious,” He scoffs, “I’m pissed as fuck ‘cause I had to see his face, and now you’re not gonna do a thing about it?”

Taking a deep breath, focused on Minho, you give your head a slight shake, “No.”

“Honestly, what the…” Chan steps backward, dragging his fingers through his dark curls, “You could make money here, you could be done with him, like done with him for real this time, and you’re not gonna do anything-”

“Chan,” Minho snaps. Dropping his hands at his sides Chan turns and sighs. A thousand different things he could say flash through his expression before he even opens his mouth.

“Are you really not going to do anything?” He asks Minho, pausing between statements, emphasizing his frustration, “You’re going to move past this like it never happened? So that it can happen again? And again?”

Swallowing hard, the lump in your throat is back.

“I know you, and I know why you won’t open your mouth,” Chan grills, shooting you a look before he focuses back on Minho, “You’ve got everything you’ve always wanted and more. But, he’s still got his claws in deep.” 

“Oh my god,” You groan, rolling your eyes. Tipping your chin up a bit so you don’t have to look at either of them, you let a few tears slip down your cheeks. “Chan, shut up.”

“I’m just saying,” The Aussie shrugs, “To both of you even, it’s been well over a year, longer than that, and he is still messing with you guys.”

“I had his baby,” You sneer, glaring at him, eyes stinging. Sucking in a deep breath you continue, “Maybe it was a stupid decision, maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly because he still has his claws in deep, maybe I was worried this would be my only chance to be a mom, maybe I was pushing a boundary to see if the people who say they love me would stay-“

“You do a lot of that,” Chan nods, clenching his jaw, his own tears welling in his eyes. Minho points his eyes to the baby on your chest again, allowing you and Chan to hash this out yourselves.

Minho wouldn’t be here if he didn’t already know how you were. That was one thing none of your friends could get through their heads. 

The realization that you and Hyunjin were one of the same.

Unable to let go of one another, unable to cut the cord, like a couple of sadistic addicts that fed on the drama, that needed it to live.

It appeared in both of your lives differently, Hyunjin’s lying on the forefront for the world to see, while yours lied beneath the surface, a trauma in your subconscious fueling this desire you unknowingly led your life with.

Seemingly enough, you both ended up with someone willing to set your issues aside and put up with them… Or, ignore them, and accept them because they loved you so deeply.

From the day Felix fell into Hyunjin’s trap you couldn’t begin to ever wonder why someone so innocent, someone so sweet with so much going for them would settle for a monster that would bring them nothing but stress.

After what’s just occurred today, and what has happened in the past, you meet Minho’s eyes here on the porch, holding onto a baby that wasn’t his, while wearing a ring he slipped onto your finger, and you wonder the same thing.

How did someone so sweet, with so much understanding, with so much talent, and so much going for them… How did he end up here with you?

thank you for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed this piece! 

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Content is slow right now because life is overwhelming me. Things are calming down soon and I will be back to creating full time. I can't wait. If you've stuck around with me through this, I appreciate you!

[headstrongblake-a]

Babes! what even is this!? how are there 450 of you following me? first off, THANK YOU. when i created octavia back in july of the last year i never imagined i would ever make it to almost a year of writing her. i was just having fun for the time being, writing a character i had fallen in love with. it never even crossed my mind that so many of you would enjoy my take on her. now, i can’t imagine not being on this blog. i’ve made so many memories & strong friendships that i’ll carry with me always. i just really wanted to thank you all for being so amazing and kind & it’s a pleasure seeing you all on the dash. each day your guy’s writing inspires me in so many ways. my octavia would be nothing without you guys!

Alright, so here’s some love for the ones who’ve stuck by me for almost a full year, for the people i admire every single day, for the ones i love & the friendships i’ve made, and for all the lovelies i watch from afar. i’ll try to not keep repeating myself but basically loves, you’re all amazing and i love every single one of you.

MY LOVES;

@foxofthe100 // @louisofthe100 // @ginaofthe100 - brittany my dear, i honestly do not know where octavia and i would be without you and your babes. writing with you and creating different worlds is always one of my favourites. we can literally talk for hours building new threads and head canons together. i think you along with heather, are one of the people who has at least 10 threads going with my little o. not only has writing with you strengthened my own writing, you’ve become truly one of my best friends. skyping with you and sending letters, and just getting to have you in my life is something i’ll always be grateful for. i love you britt.

@faultedleader // @unordiinary - oh no, heather it’s you. and i’m about to get pretty mushy here. i will forever be thankful that you sent in that ‘you’re not a monster/you’re a monster’ meme over nine months ago because from there we’ve only grown. i can’t even control octavia, whenever she sees a new idea her immediate thought is to message you so we can do the thing. i love sending you heartbreaking gif sets & that fact that most of this season we both spoiled each other before the episode so that we could handle getting through it! i love all the threads we come up with and the many different ways we’ve managed to break the blake siblings. i love the friendship we’ve developed & i never want to fall out of touch with you! you’re so incredible heather & i’m not sure what i would do without you. thank you heather!

@soldiiermade - karli, i don’t know where to begin. since day one i’ve been mesmerized with your writing. be it your threads, ask meme responses or your metas i always have to read every last word. i love the two worlds we’ve created for the blake siblings because they always feel like they have this beautifully realistic way about them. they’re complex & i feel like we can never run out of headcanons for these two. your friendship is one i will always treasure with me & i appreciate you so much. anytime i’m writing with you i can feel my writing constantly being challenged & strengthened and it’s such a great pleasure to be able to do it. i love how much you care about bellamy and that you refused to sugarcoat all the traits that people sometimes seem to villainize him for. your portrayal of bellamy is so raw and true & i still can’t believe i get to write alongside with you. ps - when we’re both not so busy with rl, we need to create more worlds!

@trikrulinkon - k, by now i’m sure i don't even have to tell you how attached i am to your writing. i mean just today you were telling me to stop giving you special treatment. ;) i think it’s pretty obvious that i enjoy having you around!! i don’t know how it is, but the second you reply to something all of a sudden my muse for that particular verse always skyrockets! octavia is always demanding i reply to yours right away. but one of the things i also love about writing with you, is that even if it takes me a million years to reply to something, i never feel guilty or bad because we’ve literally been writing within the two same verses since the summer! neither of them have died & they’ve only grown larger and more complicated. i mean, i guess you’re pretty awesome to, always giving me real advice, not sugarcoating things & it’s a bonus that you always give me laughing fits. you’re pretty fucking special & you’re not allowed to go anywhere. :)

@crimiinalchemiist // @valleyborn - danny my love, everything we write together is pure gold. i just love everything we do together and i enjoy all we’ve put our babes through!!! you’re a great friend, one of the kindest i’ve ever met and my life would be a little more dull without you in it. talking with you & writing with you is always a great time and you are truly the jasper to my octavia. no one else could compare to the bond we’ve built between them. i love you with all my heart danny and i appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me & appreciate your beautiful soul in my life.

@shxcklash // @nctyourplaything - emily you are the light of my life. gosh, i don’t know where octavia would be without you and harper. the bond we’ve created between our two babes is one i will never forget and one i hope we will always continue to write. your harper is so important to me and octavia!! mandy, oh goodness, this chick is insane! and i love her to pieces. you couldn’t pay me enough money to believe that you’re not actually channeling mandy while writing her character because i have NEVER seen someone so SPOT on with their portrayal before. it’s incredible. emily your friendship means the world to me & you’re one of my best friends! i love you dear!

@brckenmartyr //@echokcmazgeda // @auroraxblake - mama katie, goodness we don’t write together all the time anymore, probably my fault and we should change that, but there’s never a day where i don’t think of you or smile as I scroll through your tumblr, twitter, or instagram. there’s a reason you’re called mama katie, and i just have so much love for you. sending letters & cards back and forth with you will always be something i treasure ( really i do, they’re all in a special box ) and you’ve been there for me more times than i can count. i love you with all my heart and i’m so glad that writing octavia brought me to you. i don’t know what i would do without you.

@madegrounder // @mademurderer - kate my love, my babe, my original twin. ugh what can i even say except that i just love you so much!! you were the first octavia i ever wrote with & if i remember correctly the first bellamy i ever wrote a modern with and boy oh boy have we come a ways since then. we don’t write together as much as i’d like, my fault again because life is insanely hectic, but when we do write together i’m constantly left in tears & awe of how incredible you are. you’re always breaking my heart & putting it back together within minutes and i appreciate you so much. timezones are stupid so also tend to miss each other but you’ll always be insanely important to me. i want a thousand things with you <3

@hoperisen // @stupiidsheep // @hisprometheus // @mythosraised - tot, my hubbie, if you had asked me 10 months ago if i would be talking to you/writing with you or friends with you, i would have probably laughed in your face. because the second i saw your blogs i turned into a pile of mush just mesmerized by your writing. i was crazy intimidated by you but look at us now! i absolutely adore writing with you & still can’t believe you ever got me to write with ilian ( it was a semi hard sell at first to be honest ). your ilian is the only one i can write with because you just capture all your characters so beautifully. not only is your writing amazing, YOU are one hell of a person. your attitude and outlook on life has me constantly wishing i was just like you! i admire you so much.

@amongthcwreck - liz, i admire you so much! like insane amounts to be honest. every morning ( because you seem to be on when i’m sleeping/just waking up ) i always scroll through all your threads because i’m in love with the many different worlds you throw bellamy into! you always ring true to his character no matter where he is, and i just respect the hell outta you! i want a million things with you & definitely would love to get to know you more ooc!!! please keep rocking bellamy because you’re such a light on my dash every day!!

@portectorisms - below you is the reason i started indie, but you my friend, are the reason i chose octavia. i must have spent a good six months sending you ask memes and just sitting there in awe of how brilliant your writing is, i knew you were a person i had to write with. i’ve always had a love for the 100 but reading your blog constantly is what really pulled me into want to write octavia blake and for that, i will forever be thankful and love you for. even tho i’m slower than slow, writing you is one of the greatest highlights. i always feel my writing challenged with you.

@spctlessminds // @packgenius - emily, you’re the only reason i have the chance to do this. without you, i probably would NEVER have joined indie. i would still be spiraling in circles trying to find a creative outlet after the group had died down. all the things i’ve learned in indie, all the bonds i’ve forged, and the friendships & memories i’ve made, are all because of you my dear. i love you & i appreciate your friendship so much. i know since being on octavia, my muse for anything else has fallen to the side a little but lately i’m trying to find a balance. so soon i’ll get it right! emily, thank you so much for being by my side the last.. goodness, 3.5 - 4 years?? you mean the world to me.

@shestried - J, babe i love you so much. every time i chat with you, snap with you, or write with you i’m having the time of my life. yes, even in those times where you’re literally ripping my heart out of my chest and stomping on it. i love writing with you and the different scenarios we constantly come up with. i love that like you said, we can go days or weeks without talking but when we do it feels like no time has passed at all. i think that’s a sign of a really good friendship? or something like that. i love you darling & i appreciate having you in my life!

THOSE I LOVE & WISH TO WRITE MORE WITH;

@anditsxsorrows / @accidentprcne / @imnobodysson / @onyafevayuj / @lcvedher / @weaknessisdeath / @wanderdestined // @basiicphysics / @everyturnanycost / @redempticnarc / @robinhoodmaia / @idsurvive / @earthkeepcr / @darkestbeforedxwn / @floathim / @gatekeepcr / @kalipsou / @bxmbsxaway / @bornbutterfly / @indiebryan / @linkkon / @commandsdeath / @hxdaleksakomtrigedakru / @childcharlotte / @othcrsidex

THOSE I ADMIRE/STALK FROM AFAR aka we should do things;

@toysoldicr / @leyosgona / @kingroun / @madefighter / @ncncriminalway / @shewhofights / @icymenace / @haihefaroun / @eldcstson / @iintcntiions / @hedaiisms