#plus i found out my id had expired too so i couldn't even get another Schengen visa or to go Anywhere At All before i renew it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-impossible-bird · 2 years ago

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this last week has been the absolute Worst for me mentally and also made me feel like I'm despicable as a person and don't deserve anything nice and I'm not even that glad it's over for multiple reasons

#so the last half a year me and my friends were expecting to go to this animation festival in zagreb in june #we'd hoped our uni would sponsor us but that didn't work out #whatever #but another thing was that i am Not From Here and i need Visas to travel Virtually Anywhere in europe #and my passport had expired so i waited for 3 months to get a new one (thats how long it takes normally through the consulate of my country)#basically i got it like a week before the fest and the croatian embassy was booked til JULY. no visas for me.#plus i found out my id had expired too so i couldn't even get another Schengen visa or to go Anywhere At All before i renew it #which also takes a month and a half because foreign citizens don't deserve things done quickly i guess #so i didn't go and two of my friends went to the fest anyway #the festival week was absolutely excruciating to get through with constant reminders that they're there and im not #a wild mix of fomo and envy #and i obviously dont want to shit on my friends for sharing how the fest was going because i genuinely want to be happy for them #and they have all the rights to share and get positive feedback from people they love #but i cannot find enough virtue in me to support them in spite of my Unfortunate Situation and #i fully believe that im not a good friend or a good person in the first place because of that #they came back last night and i cant even respond to their “so sad its over” stories with genuine sympathy because im still #so fucking bitter. that i was not there with them. and they had fun. and i didnt.#why am i like this and how can i stop being so fucking disgusting at this point i doubt if i even deserve any friends #why cant i just be happy for them.#lets hope none of them see this #feel free to reply #lord knows i need any support i can get i am Not Well #vent #personal #ellis.txt

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