#plus I'm set to get my period 2 times this month

[saturniandevil]

November 2024 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast's November Forecast hosted by Chris Brennan and Austin Coppock. It's been a minute and I'm glad to be back!

November 1st - New Moon in Scorpio

This lunation at 9 degrees of Scorpio highlights the two big oppositions that will dominate the month: Venus (17♐)-Jupiter(20♊) and Mars (29♋)-Pluto (29♑). These aspects culminate just 2 days later on the 3rd. Placements in mutable signs will see great help while late cardinal signs are getting challenges, and these two configurations aren't very connected--our hosts predict about half the population will be exuberant and the other half distressed. Jupiter and Venus bring enthusiasm, hope, rewards, victory and triumphs over long struggles, especially in the vibrant signs of Gemini and Sagittarius (although it may be a little too much chatter and information or putting too much faith in limited data with Jupiter retrograde).

November 2nd - Mercury enters Sagittarius This is the sign where he'll retrograde (discussed at the end of the post).

November 3rd - Venus opposite retrograde Jupiter, Mars enters Leo Venus-Jupiter discussed above under the lunation. Meanwhile, Mars (29♋) opposes Pluto (29♑) right before he enters Leo...a story that has been connected on the world scale to ruthless warfare and excessive deployments of military force. It's the first of 3 Mars-Pluto oppositions we'll get in the upcoming months, but the only one in Cancer-Capricorn. Mars presides over conflicts generally, and Pluto brings in the shadow element--think sneaky power plays, spying, and information warfare. On a personal level, Austin cautions us not to confuse feelings of powerlessness and paranoia with the real thing and be aware that this configuration will make us blow things out of proportion. One piece of advice for working through such a transit is to name or shed light on the metaphorical demon--don't let your worries stay nebulous, oppressive and all-encompassing. Seeing things for what they really are will bring it back to scale.

There will then be a huge tone change as Mars ingresses into Leo (for example, Mars in Gemini and Cancer brought big shift in US politics). Until the 19th, Pluto and Mars are no longer opposing each other by sign. The volume is turned down for a couple weeks...but it'll be back. Mercury will also join Mars in retrograde later this month (enters the shadow period, or the degrees it will revisit, on the 7th), so we're definitely going to be revisiting things. For example, we can expect delays and complications around the US election. Overall the Mars retrograde story doesn't wrap up until April (plus some personal zodiacal releasing stuff for Trump), which means some part of this story isn't gonna be over until the spring. Probably this means events we don't think are important now will come back to haunt us months later.

We're going to have 2 months of Mars in Leo regardless of anything else going on. Mars in Cancer is very emotional and internal and in personal lives can show up as being concerned for the safety of one's home or family, while on a larger level has indicated turf wars and disputes over origins or homeland. Mars in Leo will externalize and move very quickly; think showmanship and exuberance. Mercury is also moving from a water sign (Scorpio) to fire (Sagittarius), moving us from defense to offense and thinking forward. Additionally, as a fixed sign Leo usually has more certainty and staying power, but because of the retrograde it may take awhile to see what will last and what won't.

November 11th - Venus enters Capricorn She'll apply to a sextile with Saturn that culminates on November 21st. Though sextiles are weak aspects, Saturn is receiving Venus, making this a notable positive aspect of the month. Venus-Saturn helps us set and enjoy good boundaries.

November 15th - Saturn stations direct, Full Moon in Taurus

This lunation occurs at the same time that Saturn stations in Pisces, intensifying its significations. (For example, the Titan submarine disaster occurred during the first Saturn station in this sign). Positive manifestations of Saturn in Pisces involve setting necessary boundaries and restrictions: the Mars-Saturn conjunction in this sign included the first US laws about restricting forever chemicals in the water. Bet on problematic water stories in the news around the 15th.

The other major signature of this lunation is that the Moon (24♉) conjoins Uranus (25♉) immediately after, so there's a curveball or unexpected twist set to happen mid-month. Uranus and the Moon are also both on the fixed star Algol (as they were together in July), a star with dark and gory associations. Usually an exalted Moon in Taurus would be stabilizing, but something is disruptive this time around. In personal charts unexpected disruptions and plot twists can turn out to be exciting or work for our benefits--great news, you don't have to go to school because a pipe burst and it's closed for 3 months!

November 16th - Sun opposite Uranus

November 19th - Pluto enters Aquarius This is a major shift in world astrology. Pluto's been going back and forth between Capricorn and Aquarius for the past few years, but now he's in Aquarius for good (he won't return to Capricorn for ~237 years). Chris says cyberpunk dystopia scenarios are playing out, such as billionaires controlling mass media and other hi-tech means of control. The flipside of major corporate control is people using the technology available to them to improve their own lives. Unlike the noir unhappy endings of cyberpunk media, though, we know that there will be a new phase after this: Pluto in Pisces 15-20 years down the road. Thus the adaptations we make today can lead us into the future. Pay close attention to what happens around this ingress to see what the next decade or two will be like. Pluto's ingress to Capricorn in 2008 coincided with the banking crisis/recession and creation of bitcoin--things like AI, robotics, and possibly space flight will start coming into serious play.

November 21st - Sun enters Sagittarius

November 25th - Mercury stations Retrograde Placements from 6-22 degrees of Sagittarius (and other mutable signs) will start something this month that will be revisited, revised, or repeated on December 15th, the day Mercury stations direct. The story won't completely wrap up until Mercury exits his post-retrograde shadow period (that is, goes past 25♐, where he stationed,) on January 2nd. With Jupiter and Mercury in each other's signs there is mutual reception, bringing us victorious and enthusiastic messages...maybe too much so. Be wary of announcing good news too soon. With Neptune squaring them both from Pisces, there's an element of deception or confusion imparted to the beginning of this retrograde. Especially with Mercury in detriment in Sagittarius, there's a risk of telling tall tales or confusing myths for facts. Also coming up during this retrograde: Mercury has his cazimi (exact conjunction to the Sun) on December 7th at the same time that Mars stations retrograde, 12/6-12/7 is an important turning point. Overall, November ends on a cliffhanger that will resolve partway into December.

November 26th - Electional chart (if you must...!)

Between the Mars-Pluto opposition at the beginning of the month and Mercury retrograde at the end, so it's a difficult month to do things. But if you have to while Mercury is stationing, Chris recommends the 26th around 9AM. Having Capricorn rising in your location means the Ascendant ruler Saturn is in the 3rd house in a day chart with a sextile from Venus (17♑) as well as a square from Jupiter (17♊). The Moon is in Libra in the 10th house, applying to a square to Venus with reception (Moon is in Venus's sign) and applying to a trine with Jupiter. Thus, even though Mercury is stationing, the Moon is in good condition and you can get a halfway decent rising sign. It's also about as far away as we can get from the Mars-Pluto opposition. The downside is that with Mercury static you'll probably have to do revisions or run into delays with what you're starting, so keep in mind that you'll have to redo things. (It's still better than having to work with the Moon squaring Mars a few days later.)

[zepskies]

Happy New Year!!! 💖💖 Can I ask for the game #2, #11, #20, & #28? How you have a safe, healthy, and wonderful one!!! 😊

Happy New Year, friend!! 💓💫💓 Yes of course!! (And I hope you have an awesome 2025. 💖)

#2. A piece you're proud of and why

God, I could have so many answers for this, mainly because I wrote a LOT in 2024. 😂 I'm going to cheat a little bit and give you two stories that you might not expect. Not because they were wildly popular when I published them (they weren't), but because I genuinely put my heart and soul into them and got to explore something new with representation, diversity, and storytelling. 💜

Dream With Me (18+)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader

Summary: When your asshole ex-boyfriend calls for help on a case, you have a tough decision to make. But Dean isn’t going to let you do anything alone. AKA: The last hunt you, Sam, and Dean will ever go on together.

This is a 3-part mini series set in the Midnight Espresso-verse. ☕ It's set in the dreaded 15x20 (or the time gap within In Bad Weather).

The ME-verse is always going to be special to me. Yes, it's a Latina reader and I get to express my culture through her. Yes, she's plus-sized (and I am too) so I get to incorporate some of my experiences and ideas there. But the ME-verse allows me to give Dean the loving relationship I wish he would've gotten on the show.

And Dream With Me was putting a definitive pin on their story, while still leaving room for more in the future if/when I come back to them. 💗

The Honorable Choice (18+)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC 

Summary: June 1872. Captain Dean Winchester of the U.S. Cavalry is tasked with one job: break a wild mustang. He just didn’t expect the woman who infiltrates his camp, intent on freeing her tribe’s horse.

This was the first OFC story I had written in a long time, but also a risk in the sense that I was writing about a culture that wasn't my own (the Lakota people), in a different time period, and Dean and other SPN characters in a Western AU. So I actually did a lot of research for this story for the sake of respectfulness and authenticity.

I also got to post this story in November, which I found out is Native American Indian Heritage Month. Which is a small tidbit, but I thought it was cool that it happened that way, since I didn't plan it. 😂

I got so into this story that I actually wrote a sequel called Outlander (Part 1 coming out on Friday!).

#11. Fandom you'd like to create more for next year

Oooh great question! I feel like I'm going to get more into Russell Shaw (Tracker) in 2024, definitely more Soldier Boy/Ben (The Boys), but I'm also looking forward to Countdown and what Jensen will bring to Mark Meachum. 💖

Also, I know I'm late as hell, but you might remember that I teased the possibility of my writing for Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit fandom with these characters who I've read a lot of fanfic about over the years: Eomer, Aragorn, Thranduil, and Haldir. 💚

#20. Something that made you laugh

Lol I'm watching old SPN con clips and this compilation always make me cackle:

#28. A song that relates to one of your creations

Ooh I love this question!! I'm big on music inspo -- music often fuels my writing sessions, so you'll often see on my fic posts a "song inspo" at the top.

For Break Me Down (Soldier Boy x Reader), I created a whole music playlist, but the two songs that really capture it as a whole are "If I Didn't Care" (Amy Adams version) and "All My Livin Time" by Radio Company.

I actually created music playlists for a few of my series:

[rainbluealoekitten]

hey so i don't know you at all, but i saw on an old post that you did an IB eng lang+lit extended essay,,, and if you have ANY tips on choosing a topic for that i would literally appreciate it so much,, i have to choose my topic in the next 24 hours (procrastination </3) and i have vague ideas but no clue how i could structure them or what kinds of topics the IB prefers :/ literally any help, via dm or answering the ask, would be so so helpful ((( but no pressure ofc :] )))

omg hi babes, i'd be super happy to give my advice and i hope i'm not too late?

ok so you know the 3 categories i'm assuming? idk what your school is like but if you need more guidance on the ee in general, go to philpot's step by step guide

when you're told to pick something that interests you, DO THAT. you will spend MONTHS on this topic, researching and writing for hours upon hours, so you HAVE to be invested. even if you love love a topic, you might still struggle for a variety of reasons (my tips on this later on). regardless, you are on tumblr engaging in fandom and media for a reason. WHAT is that reason? what compels you? what themes, character dynamics, settings, motifs compel you? what shows, what books, what films? what about in lang and lit class? do you like ad analysis and the societal implications? do you prefer minute details that make a movie just so so good (e.g. lighting)? did you watch the dead poets society and you've been reading poetry aloud ever since?

the ib requires you to write about an "acclaimed" literary or non literary work, which gives you a LOT of choice. you could write about doctor who, for example.

i'll explain my process when i was picking my topic.

i have always liked greek mythology (like a LOT) and my favourite figure is akhilles. i decided i wanted to do something exploring his relationship with patroklos, but alas! i could not look at the iliad as it was not written in english originally, which didn't fit into either cat 1 or cat 2. so... why not the song of achilles? it's well known and acclaimed, plus would be more fitting for a dp level of literary analysis. but how to explore the characters? well... what else was i interested in?

what makes a character a hero?

this was the central question. i ended up changing the specifics of my question a million times which... don't do that. eventually, my question was (more or less), "how does miller conform to and subvert the characteristics of a hero through characterisation?" (that was not the question. i promise that the actual question was a million times better).

NOW. my extra note.

before you start researching and outlining, here is something i recommend you do before starting, based on my own issues. now, i did get a predicted (knock on wood) A, but after way too much deliberation.

make a list of your strengths and of your weaknesses. consider literary analysis vs diegetic and non diegetic sound analysis (idk if that's even what it's called but yk). consider time management skills. consider outlining skills. consider research skills. what do *you* need in terms of help and support from your supervisor? what do you need to do to help yourself? for example, i should have forced myself to pick a question from the start, before even starting research. this is an issue i have in other subjects too, and caused me a lot of grief for my history ia. i also asked my ee supervisor to help me come up with a realistic, step-by-step schedule bc i struggle assigning myself deadlines.

for the second part of your ask, structure is going to be super dependent based on your topic and category. i recommend reading examples similar to your topic (don't waste time reading ad analysis if you're doing poetry aha). i did mine with bg info on the classical view of heroes, then each bp was a different aspect (first conformity, then subversion). i have a friend who wrote hers on a feminist film and her bg was about feminist theory, with mentions of that time period, which then informed her fairly standard-structure analysis.

let me know if this helps in any way at all, and don't hesitate to reach out again if needed! i wish you the absolute best with the ee and dp more broadly :)

[metaltea]

Just lettin ya'll know I'm ok

(random irl stuff to journal below, keep scrollin)

Wanted to wait to come back till

1. I wasn't dealing with mega gender dysphoria, my masc/neutral days are few and far between but by god it's been nonstop masc/neutral days lately and been a lot of just hating my body (and myself in general)

2. got the ebt stuff figured out, which I haven't yet, my doc put in a ref for a different place to sign a thing, waited 2 weeks for them to call, only to find out it was the wrong place and now I have to wait for the next place to call... which like yea I'm worrying about food but talking about it in therapy has helped somewhat. She reassured me even if that doesn't work we WILL find some place that'll sign the form I need to be eligible again

3. I wasn't dealing with as bad of depression/anxiety which like... idk. I've definitely been doing better anxiety-wise but idk if that's bc it hasn't been as hot lately or I've been feeding myself better. I know I must've been eating under 1200s calories the past few weeks bc the scale finally stopped going down and I know for a fact my anxiety gets bad when I'm hungry so I think for about a month I was unintentionally starving myself, SO making myself eat at least 2 nutritious meals a day now

At the same time I think perhaps my pmdd symptoms are... reversing time schedules??? Usually my anxiety/depression gets way worse before period but now it seems like it's fine before and terrible during/after????? Makes zero sense but who knows. Also it's a couple days late now so health anxiety is going off the shits about PCOS or something again UGH

Making SOME progress with therapy, am able to be outside for 5 mins without feeling that horrific sense of dread so that's something.

I've also been coming to the realization that I may have some form of DID?? Not the type where you lose time/blackout/completely have entirely different memories and starkly different personality switches but I've definitely been noticing now that I've been putting more attention to it how I go into different "modes" and sets of interests throughout the weeks and I mean... it's not secret I have imaginary friends I talk to on the daily. I've had an issue figuring out where "they" end and "myself" begins since childhood. Plus I already deal with derealization/dissociation/occasional age regression so it's not out of the realm of possibility. May bring it up next therapy apt. Kinda worried to bc I never want to get rid of them and I'm worried that would be one of the goals, like... just no. I can't think of anything more lonely.

But yea just random stuff I needed to get outta my system, sorry about all the suicidal stuff, it's just really hard. The future seems so bleak. And if one thing sets me back, like doctor stuff, food issues, etc my brain is like "DEATH WOULD BE EASIER LOL" BUT there's a chance trump/a republican candidate won't win, a chance climate change will be reversed/humanity will adapt somehow, a chance I'll be accepted for disability and live a halfway decent life, and if not... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now there's food in the fridge, for now mom and dad are alive, for now we're ok.

[lemonlyman-dotcom]

2023 Writing Round Up

Thank you for the tags @ladytessa74 @thisbuildinghasfeelings @alrightbuckaroo @birdclowns @chicgeekgirl89 @reasonandfaithinharmony @carlos-in-glasses @redshirt2 and to anyone else who I may have missed (lmk!)!!! 💕

Rules: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones you're most excited about. Or art you made, or gifs you made etc..

I’ve written 10 fics (plus one more coming this week for Secret Santa)! I didn’t start writing until June. I’d never even attempted creative writing until I decided to dip a toe into Tarlos fanfiction, so thank you to everyone who has embraced and supported me on this journey!

June

Make Me Laugh 'till I Die, I Stand Beside You With Pride

T | 2k | Canon Compliant

4x06 coda. TK feels insecure about his unusually close relationship with Owen, Carlos reflects on how much he admires their relationship and how he maybe envies it a bit. Also TK dances to Madonna in inappropriate public spaces.

Sunshine On My Body, Rainbows Bloomin' In My Skies

T | 8k | Canon Compliant

Hiking fic!! Post Episode 4x12. After Carlos’s bold claim about hiking the Great Wall, TK reveals he’d been an avid hiker before moving to Austin. TK & Carlos go for their first hike together, and maybe learn some new things about each other along the way.

July

Call Me If You Get Lost

T | 11k | Canon Divergent

My screwball romantic comedy. TK is worried when he finds out Nancy is going to a romantic resort in Hill Country alone on what would have been her anniversary with her ex. He convinces Carlos to come to the resort with him, and they might accidentally find Nancy and Mateo in an awkward position.

getting past the wounds of love

G | 4.6k | Canon Compliant

My magnum opus? Set halfway through Season One, Paul, Marjan & TK explore Austin and Paul & Marj razz TK a little about his budding friendship with a certain Officer Hotstuff. Carlos attends his first 126 hang, Paul hosts a listening party for a rare record he’s acquired and Marjan encourages TK to open his heart a bit and talk to Carlos.

August

That's The Way We Get By

G | 5k | Canon Compliant Future Fic

A companion piece to getting past the wounds of love. TK & Marjan babysit a four-year-old Charlie, and TK reflects on everything his friendship with Marjan means to him. Also features the infamous Tarlos Costco date.

I'm Not A Fortress, But I Will Try To Protect You

G | 2k | Canon Compliant

2x04 Coda. TK and Marjan support each other after TK’s fight with Carlos over the farmers market debacle and Marjan breaks off her engagement with Salim. Over pie at their favorite diner, Marjan offers TK some perspective on being a kid of conservative religious parents and TK offers Marjan some support too.

TK Strand’s Sweet 16 (times 2) (minus 2)

G | 7k | Canon Complaint

It’s TK’s 30th birthday and the Reyes family throws him a blow out party, the first big family gathering since the loss of Gabriel six months prior. Carlos reflects on all the ways TK has supported him and his family through this rough period, and provided a soft loving home for him to sink into. TK surprises Carlos with a flash mob, everyone is trying to avoid Asha’s poisonous cupcakes and Mateo has an existential crisis triggered by an ill-advised visit to a curandera.

October

All Your Colors Make Me Feel Alive

T | 7k | Canon Compliant

Beck fic 💛 5 times TK plays a Beck song and Carlos doesn’t get it + 1 time Carlos plays a Beck song for TK. Or: moments, big & small, through TK & Carlos’s relationship and the ways TK brings color to Carlos’s life.

Why Do You Think I Ran

T | 900 | Canon Complaint

4x16 Coda. A few hours after the phone call from Owen, TK and Carlos have a vulnerable talk in the sanctuary of their bed.

December

The Greatest Gift I’ve Found, The Sweetest Thing I’ve Known

E | 7k | Canon Compliant

It’s Nochebuena and the Reyes family hosts its first large holiday party since the loss of Gabriel. It’s Tarlos’s first Christmas Eve as husbands. Join them as they navigate new traditions to honor their lost parents, share some soft moments and celebrate the season with their friends and family.

+1 Coming this week! Secret Santa fic!!

I have no idea who’s already gone, so forgive me if you’ve already done this! Tagging: @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @bonheur-cafe @fitzherbertssmolder @tarlosmalec @taralaurel @carlos-tk @freneticfloetry @apothecarose @rmd-writes @basilsunrise @thebumblecee @welcometololaland @lutavero @guardian-angle22 @goodways @golden-tarlos @reyesstrand @strandnreyes @your-catfish-friend @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @liminalmemories21 @lightningboltreader @never-blooms @theghostofashton @paperstorm @ambiguouspenny @decafdino @detective-giggles @noxsoulmate @fckingyrs @hoko-onchi-writes @itsrandomnobody7 @iboatedhere @kiloskywalker @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @louis-ii-reyes-strand @mikibwrites @orchidscript @iinryer and OPEN TAG 🏷️

[naumin]

november updates

ok so i know november ended yesterday, i did think about titling this post december updates but i know december will be a whole different beast for me... just let me have this... it's been a really long time since i sat down and talked about all my recent projects and goings on!!!! so in case you missed what i've been up to, read on... :)

the free Laios/Marcille fanthology I organised is OUT!!! no tall towers to climb (https://naumin.itch.io/laimar) came out November 10th, and erm only 5 days later than scheduled... it's a big boy at 112 pages with contributions from 14 fans !! I had so much fun organising this and was really touched by the love and care ppl put into their works... fans are so powerful... it's free to download and read digitally or even print and bind your own copy (I am really excited to see your printed and bound copies if you have made them please dont hesitate to @ me...) I love books.. i love making books...

I don't have plans to organise a Volume II however I did start writing a post of my process to maybe help and encourage anyone else who'd like to start a project like this one. It got really lengthy though and I wasn't sure if it was helpful to anyone lol so when I have a minute I really gotta go and edit that thing down

also nobody asked me but the title is based on a poem by 12thc warrior poet Xin Qiji. i guess the tower reminded me of their dungeon misadventures hehe.

also did i mention it's FREE! !!!!!!!

7 months of subscribestar I've officially been making new posts on substar every single week since May ! It's been really fun tbh and I don't have plans of slowing down yet :) I really appreciate everyone who's visited and it makes a huge difference even just subscribing for 1 month or 2, just having that little extra to help out on months where I can't take as many commissions or I'm sick or away from home etc! You may have noticed I've added a tip jar tier ($2.5) for those who can't manage the $6 sketchbook tier... on principle I wanna make it lower but after fees it'd be zilch and I am kind of like if you have $2... maybe hold onto that. lol. maybe use that somewhere else. you can always make 1-time donations through substar or ko-fi (yeah, I have one...) my next projects...

Ballet Yuri Year One, the compilation book of one year of works on Ilze & Evangeline, whos 1st birthday was in September and I haven't had time to look at the files since October but I will look at them again soon-- last spot I left it, it was at least 30 pages... I think it will definitely be double that and could possibly be triple that (omg).

NERD SEX VOLUME III my annual NSFW sketchbook which traditionally comes out around January/February! I'm delusional that this one will be the simplest to put together and so it might be the next thing you see from me. It will be available for all subscribers as soon as it's ready. I also gotta remember to upload Nerd Sex I & II at the same time. for those who dont wanna subscribe, you can get 50% off Nerd Sex I & II in the meantime now :) also i forsee about 300% more lesbians in Nerd Sex III. It's the year of the dyke.

A collaborative NSFW anthology coming next year. This one has a longer production period to give everyone time to work and give me time to get organised lol. Hopefully you'll hear more about this one in the new year! It's for the boys and the ppl who love boys <3

the issues oh my god I've been having technical issues with my ipad the last month. I keep getting random lines and marks while drawing in procreate ! A lot of people said it could be my sweater or hand or case touching the screen while I draw but I don't think that is it, plus it's only started recently. It's not my pen and it's not my settings. it apparently COULD be a technical issue with my ipad model which would suck cuz I got this refurbished (from Apple still) so do i have like..... warranty? will they repair it for me :S? idk. I'll have to look into it though sooner or later cuz it's driving me bananas and slowing my output! AGH! I pray she heals on her own overnight. amen.

commissions I am NOT taking any new commissions in December (unless you are a $10 subscriber) but I am still doing the KISS YCH which also has a very cute wintery version up for this month only lol. same price! check it out if you wanna see your pookies under the mistletoe <3 would make a great present to you or someone u know...

alright that's all. thanks for reading my updates post. did anyone read this whole post besides me? thanks for being there for a while whilst i talked to myself before you presumably left and did something more fun and enriching. i love you.

[allthingsfern]

Why I have not been taking many new photos

So, in about a couple of weeks, I will be getting my cataract surgery for my right eye. As it is now, my right eye is kinda clouded over. I can still bike ride and drive, for example, but when I was at the ophthalmologist's office the last two times, the young man who takes images of the inside of my eye could not capture the back of my right eye because the cataract is so thick, so he had to use some kind of ultrasound thing they do? Anyway, it is very difficult for me to take photographs through the viewfinder because the camera, like all cameras, is pretty much set up for right-handed use. I can look through my left eye, but it is uncomfortable for taking pictures, so I stopped a while back, unless I could take my time and take the pictures at home. And yes, I could take pictures using the screen on the back of the camera, but it is not very bright, and for most light conditions it's just not something I'm comfortable with.

I have not, however, stopped working on photography, since I have been going back through my files and reworking some photographs, as well as going through Tumblr and liking and sharing photos on Lux Lit. Plus, I never stop watching YouTube videos and/or reading online articles and I started reading Margaret Bourke-White's autobiography, so yeah, I am doing photography, just not taking pictures.

My second surgery, BTW, will be a few days before Christmas.

I am not very nervous about my upcoming surgeries, because, in great part, I trust my ophthalmologist. He takes the time to explain everything, and he has a sense of humor about the whole thing, which helps me immensely. Also, my sisters, well, my oldest sister (she is the second born, after me) and her best friend are coming to stay with me to help me through my first surgery. They will be here for five days. Then for my surgery on my left eye, a very close friend (coincidentally, the guy who sold me the used Nikon D50 that started me back on photography and a great photographer himself) and his wife volunteered to take me in at their place to make certain everything goes smoothly.

Why am I sharing this? Well, I remember several years ago, when my kit lens for my D50 broke (BTW, the only lens I owned for that camera), that someone who followed me back then mentioned they could not think of themselves not taking pictures often, if not daily. Back then I actually went about 2 months without taking pictures before I wound up buying a used lens that worked beautifully. Since then, I have learned to very calmly accept periods of not making pictures, in great part, because as I mentioned above, I still keep doing photography, which means reworking old images, looking at all y'alls photos on Tumblr and sharing some of them on Lux Lit, and learning about photography via articles and YouTube videos and such. Oh yeah, and every so often talking to photographers I know about our beloved art form. For me, not taking pictures, not making pictures is still a part of the creative process, if one where I don't necessarily "create stuff." I've learned to have a very Zen attitude towards it all.

Kinda like life.

[voxofthevoid]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by my one and only Jesus @eusuntgratie

I recently cleared out all the ask/tag games in my drafts because I realized I'd reached the pile-up stage of putting things in there and not doing shit. Thanks to everyone who's tagged me in those the last couple of months and sorry I didn't get to any!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

148

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

2,005,606 (crossed the 2 million milestone recently and am still buzzing about it)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I'm only writing for Jujutsu Kaisen, but I'm posting for Jujutsu Kaisen, Bleach, and MCU.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I was so sure it was going to be all MCU, but nope, it's a mix of MCU and Hannibal. God, that was my first Ao3 fandom, and my Hannibal fics are from 2014. It's surreal people are still reading/enjoying them.

if you're looking for jesus (then get on your knees)—MCU

i'm a ghost, you're an angel (one and the same)—MCU

A darkness seen and shared—Hannibal

Ways and Means—Hannibal

the hand you want to hold is a weapon (and you're nothing but skin)—MCU

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I enjoy the interactions and discussions. Plus, since I'm not a Discord (or group spaces) person, it's how I find fellow fans to chat with, especially during my initial foray into a particular fandom. I do have a huge backlog of some 1.1k comments from 2020 to mid-2021 because I didn't have much time for fandom in that period. I'm chipping away at it slowly, but I'm pretty prompt about replying to everything on my post-2021 fics.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, this Hannibal fic, I'd say: Till the bitter end

Let's just say I predicted the series finale in some weird way.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of mine end happily—a few are ambiguous, while others are dark.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Oh yeah. It's only happened with MCU and Jujutsu Kaisen, and they're mostly cases of overgrown children unhappy that I didn't write the ships or dynamics they want.

9. Do you write smut?

It's my specialty now 😎

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nah. I've done fusion-style AUs, but full-on crossovers aren't something I'd like to write. I'll read them, but I'm picky.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Multiple times (MCU and YoI, iirc), both within Ao3 and offsite.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Multiple times, for multiple fandoms! It's always a delight.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did write one(1) fic that way, but it got yeeted into the void when my co-author deleted her entire Ao3 account. I have a copy, I think.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm the kind of person who's most devoted to whatever is eating my brain at the time, so right now, it's Yuuji/Gojou from Jujutsu Kaisen.

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but probably won’t?

My writing superpower is that if I lose interest in a WIP, I also lose all desire to finish it and any guilt about it. And these days, I tend to start a fic and work on just that till it's done. So the answer is—none.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I write some smokin' hot porn, and I'm pretty good at threading character study through it. The porn is the plot, in most cases. I also enjoy doing background worldbuilding that serves to give the narrative a sense of depth despite the focus being on characters and relationships.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight scenes, ensemble casts, and sustained plotty plots.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Ah, I can feel my Hannibal-era Google-translate Lithuanian judging me.

In general, I avoid it, but when I write for anime set in Japan, I tend to work in honorifics. My mother tongue has those too, so I know from experience that there are no English equivalents that capture the same vibe.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hunter x Hunter, I think. That account no longer exists. On Ao3, it's Hannibal.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I tend to be biased toward my newer works, so this keeps changing. At the moment, it's (let me be clear) every version of the story ends with you being slaughtered (JJK, goyuu).

Tagging (no pressure) 20 people because why the hell not: @possibleplatypus, @actualalligator, @joeys-piano, @cursedvibes, @backwardshirt, @m34gs, @naamah-beherit, @dragongirlg-fics, @crossroadswrite, @spacebuck, @jenroses, @calamitouskings, @knivash, @lo-55, @bookwyrmling, @sorrythatwasamistake, @ddelline, @lilyfarseer, @roughkiss and @deunan306

[jokeroutbigbang]

i've been waiting for something like this to be organised and i'm definitely joining :D but i think some of the rules should be revised

as an artist i think it is totally doable to create a piece before the deadline, but it feels like too much work for the writers? the minimum word requirements for writers might scare a lot of people away from joining and readers will be overwhelmed by a bunch of long fics (not in a good way) when they're all posted :(

another thing i think is a bit weird here is that artists start working on their part before the writers have to submit a complete fic/they have to work with just the rough idea and that doesn't give room for the writer to maybe change their mind about their initial idea or add something, and again as an artist when i've participated in big bangs before it's been with finished fics and i feel like that gives me the ability to really create something *for* the writer's fic and it's not like we're both just working off the same rough idea i don't see anything bad in extending the creating period, more people will join and we'll only get better works at the end :D

sorry for such a long message but i just wanted to share my opinion, ty for organising this anyways and i can't wait to participate <3

Hi, thank you so much for your interest, we can't wait to see what you create for this event! 🫶🏻💖

And we hear your concerns, don't worry – but we do think this is all very manageable within the set time frame.

For a Big Bang, the word count is on the lower end, in most ones that we've seen, 10k was the Mini Bang and the bigger ones would be around 20-30k words. Granted, a lot of Big Bangs also have a creation period of 3-4 months, but thats why we think that for a 2 month writing phase, 10k for a BB and 6k for a MB is very achievable. (It is supposed to be a bit of a challenge after all)

We've oriented our expectations based on what we've seen in this fandom and what we've seen is that we have a lot of talented and very engaged writers!

For a direct example, look at the Secret Santa gift exchange: The timeframe there was a little over a month to create from when everyone received their matches. That means, a little over a month to think about a fic that matches the plot and then also to write it. If you look through the fics posted in the AO3 collection, over half of them exceed 5k! (Absolutely incredible work, can't say it enough) And a lot of them even reach 6k or 7k, some even higher.

So that is also what we're using as our reference to set the writing goals.

With our timeframe, writers will have two full months to write a fic (starting february) and already have time now to think about what they want to write and take notes etc. They also don't have to write on a promt basis but have complete creative freedom, so maybe they have an idea that's been sitting around for a while and now is the opportunity to take on the challenge and write it!

So with all of that in mind, we think 6k or 10k is a realistic goal for this fandom. :)

As for the artist concern – we do hear you and you do raise a very fair point that we'll definitely keep thinking on.

At the point where artists come in and start working with a writer, the fic should already be much more than just a vague idea, don't worry. The artist's creation phase begins after the first check-in for the writers so there's already a first word goal that's being met. Plus, from the beginning the fic should already have a set plot that's being shared in the summary, including start, conflict, resolution, etc. The summary will be as detailed as possible. So at the first check-in, you should already know everything that is going to happen in the fic. You and the writer have all the freedom you want, maybe they write the fic around a specific scene that's the most important one and you can make art for that, maybe there's a specific setting you both want to capture, maybe more something purposely vague, we do encourage a lot of communication here! (Both in the interest of the event and to perhaps even make some new close connections)

However – and this is very important – as with everything, there is always room for improvement and adjustments!

If we do notice that the matches, the start for the artists, or the word requirements do not work out – we will of course do our best to adjust the event as necessary!

We do want this to work, after all, and we do want everyone to have a fun creating with each other! We want this to be fun! So if we notice that things don't work, we will make adjustments 🫶🏻

And this is a first for us as well haha, as you can tell, there hasn't been a Big Bang for this fandom so far. So as much as we of course want this to work perfectly on the first go, it probably won't. Which is okay! This is as much as fun project as it is somewhat of a test run to see how a Big Bang can work in this fandom, so that the next time it runs even smoother! :D

As for being overwhelmed by a lot of big fics, unfortunately or fortunately (whichever perspective you see it from), that is kind of the point of a Big Bang. If the word count was higher (let's say minimum 20k), the posting period would also be longer to space them out more. However, if we get around 15 - 20 works with 6-10k, we think it's still possible to enjoy them all. (You don't have to read them all on the day of posting, not everyone might want to read every ship or every AU setting, and so forth)

And once again – Thank you so much for reaching out, and thank you even more for wanting to participate!! We can't wait to see your work! 🫶🏻💖

— mod fruity

[omamervt]

The thing that sucks about livestreaming, especially on Twitch, is that they have you chasing metrics that don't really represent how well you're doing during your stream in order to get monetized.

In order to get monetized on Twitch, which also is how you gain access to some of the basic user experience tools like channel points, polls, ability to accept bits/subs, custom emotes, and, oh yeah, LIVE ENCODING, which allows your audience to set the video resolution to match what their home internet can handle, you need to achieve 3 goals. And seriously, they're all pretty meaningless metrics for success.

First and foremost, they want you to reach 50 followers. At the time I reached 50 followers, I was still only getting like 1.5 average views/stream. It was really just a hurdle to clear as I worked toward Twitch's arbitrary standard for success. Just because someone follows you doesn't mean you'll ever see them in your stream again. It's not like a follow on YouTube, where they can watch at their leisure, or a (good) social media site, where they'll see posts from the people they're following in sequential order. If they miss you live, that's it, they missed it. Even if they watch you stream a couple hours later, Twitch doesn't reward you for that.

Second, they want you to stream for a certain number of hours over 30 days, and for a certain number of days. It's a fairly low number for basic affiliate status, just 8 hours/month, to be spread out over a minimum of 7 days. But one of the fastest-growing Vtubers I'm following is a cooking streamer who only goes live for about 2 hours/day, maybe 4 days/week. Granted, that's 32 hours/month, and more than enough to reach Partner status, plus this guy is collaborating with people from Vshojo to Hololive nearly every month, but still, when people talk about streaming being a full-time job there's an expectation that putting more time in is better, but from making published content like my podcast, I can tell you that having structure and quality typically wins out over quantity. Someone could go live once a month and still be super popular because of their YouTube videos, for instance.

And finally, the most difficult goal to achieve, the average of 3 viewers per stream. This is... again, a pointless model that says very little about how well you're doing as a small streamer, because it requires you to ignore that Twitch places basically no value on a Live View, which is the thing that's actually most comparable to a view on YouTube or another publishing platform. A live view is basically the view that gets counted when someone watches your stream for a set period of time. On YouTube, this is the number you're supposed to care about. It holds the most value. On Twitch, however, a view is only valuable if the person sticks around for the whole stream, which is rarely realistic. I could stream for 5 hours and have 10 people stop by for half an hour each, then leave as the next person joins, and Twitch would still say my average view count was 1 viewer. Do you understand why that's not useful when 10 people stuck around for 30 minutes, watching you do your live show? YouTube would call that an engaged audience. Most podcast analytics standards I've seen would have said those people listened to the episode.

All that to say idk, maybe it's not as bad as you think and if you fail to see any noticeable progress toward reaching partner after getting affiliate, it could just be you're learning the wrong lessons from the reward incentives.

[divinekangaroo]

I keep seeing takes indicating T/G would have been living together for 2 years prior to their marriage. This has always bugged me because it would have been a social suicide at the time, a respectable women living with her lover? No way they would have risked it as Tommy was trying to climb the social ladder plus he would not have risked tarnishing Graces reputation? Her family would have disowned her and no one would have turned up for the wedding. Grace was fronting the "single mother and a grieving widow" until it was socially appropriate to remarry? Tommy also looked to set everything up for them to start living together - his trip to NY to bring her and baby back, the wedding, the new house - it just seem to fit that they would have stayed in touch but would have only got together maybe a few months prior to the confirmed wedding.

This was my take watching the show or maybe I'm missing something here. I remembered you addressed this vaguely in one of your fic. I know you do tons of research and I would love to hear your thoughts/facts on this subject :)

I had it in my head that Tommy didn’t see Charlie until Charlie was 6 months old, which was a 15 month duration from conception to Tommy going to New York to collect Grace and Charlie.  This would mean he and Grace only really had, let’s say 1 month pre-wedding honeymoon in New York together, and 6-ish months in Arrow House together prior to the marriage.  (6 months is long enough to float a new charitable institution...)

But, this time gap for me was motivated more by headcanon/thematic desire rather than well researched. I mean, thematically, I just *really liked* the idea that Tommy never saw any of his women pregnant with his children or their early lives (Zelda (Duke-17y), Grace (Charlie-6m), Lizzie (Ruby-3m)). 

There were a few other factors which might lead to the lag between conception and Charlie being 6 months old, but these are more floater thoughts or first perceptions than anything I've double/triple checked:

The biggest one: I assumed Grace went back to America with Clive the morning after Derby Day, because Tommy didn't get back to her in time.  Because she was probably a *minimum* of 6 weeks pregnant at that point, possibly 8 (had to miss two periods minimum; no pregnancy tests back then and cervix takes 6 weeks before it looks different to a gyno), she told Clive the baby was his on the steamer to protect herself on the assumption Tommy didn't want to proceed with her. (If this doesn't happen, and Tommy manages to catch her before she leaves, it's possible she could have physically left Clive then and lived the full two years or so with Tommy and just weathered the scandal.)

The simplest possible divorce (Grace accepts fault for committing infidelity) would be 6 months, however I assumed with an investment banker for a husband, that divorce would be very complicated, so let’s say an 18 month process.

Once Clive died, with no word of divorce mentioned, an uncomplicated estate settlement can also be around 9 to 18 months. (if Clive committed suicide on his own in America without a divorce processed, and Grace was in England, she would have had to travel back to America for settlement)

Back in the day, pregnancy was still fairly high risk, and medical advice cautioned against extensive travel during pregnancy, especially in the later stages, due to the potential discomfort, risks associated with the journey, and limited medical facilities on board steamers.  Given my assumption she went back to America, Grace was probably four months pregnant by the time she and Tommy agreed (via remote correspondence! every letter taking 10 days! phone calls with terrible lag and disconnections!) they would get married and worked out a disentanglement strategy with Clive, they decided to wait until the baby was born before starting any of these proceedings.

The risk of travelling with a newborn was similar, and recommendations in the day suggested waiting until they were older to deal with all the foreign bugs. So whatever kept Grace in America until Charlie was born, meant she had to stay until he was older anyway.

In terms of what did keep Grace in America until Charlie was born, rather than simply getting on the next steamer back to England at 4 months pregnant and dealing with all divorce etc remotely, I headcanon that:

Grace’s strategy was to wait until Charlie was three months old (so she could be fully supported in America) then admit the infidelity and process the divorce

Tommy agreed with her at face value, then promptly executed his own secret strategy, which was to find dirt on Clive and blackmail him into saying he committed the infidelity, and Tommy tried to push this as fast as he could; the quicker the divorce was processed the better, and as far as he was concerned, Grace could get on that ship at whatever point and he’d throw a bunch of doctors on with her if needed to get her there

Whatever Tommy found, whether he tabled it with Clive, whether Grace got emotional and told Clive everything, whatever it was: Clive committed suicide before Charlie was born.  This threw a spanner in Tommy’s ASAP-timeline because Grace then had additional reasons to wait in New York (until Clive’s estate settlement was dealt with, as well as Charlie being old enough to travel safely). In the meantime she was able to be supported by Clive’s money as a widow.  My irony headcanon: inadvertently, this pre-birth/pre-divorce suicide also left her with Clive’s fortune, and after her death, left Tommy with her fortune *gasp*.  For me this fortune-transfer headcanon is also thematically relevant – that whole “everyone Tommy touches” curse, but even as people die around him, all the time his net worth and assets increase. 

So yes – mostly headcanon and themes rather than anything concrete! I don’t think fear of scandal would have bothered Grace all that much. BUT, given how supportive her family actually were – they only picked on Tommy’s corrupt reputation with mild concern -- I can assume there was no hint of pre-marital infidelity or divorce.  Tommy was a dubious match, but there was no suggestion he and Grace committed infidelity, and no one seemed to blink twice about Charlie so would assume the family thought he was Clive’s and Tommy adopted him.  I also had the undercurrent Grace's family thought Tommy was marrying Grace (as another man’s widow/seconds, and taking on another man’s child) to socially advance himself, and they could reluctantly understand that coming from a man like him; they were satisfied enough with the match because he had his military record, he was firmly new money by then, and Grace was, after all, widowed and had a child, had no parents or sibs to support her (they were all uncles and cousins), was very happy with Tommy, and would have been difficult to convince to a different pathway/marry off again. So they acquiesed.

(On scandal -- Grace's whole profession seemed scandalous for a woman (?) -- I just don't think she would've cared all that much about a reputation for infidelity given she was basically prepared to sleep with men (Campbell's orders) as a spy. Society/family might have different opinions but I just didn't see it too much as Grace's motivational concern. In my head, Tommy was probably more concerned about that reputation landing on Grace (hence his scheme to have Clive take the fall) than she was.)

[zepskies]

Hi Alex! 2, 11, and 14 for the writer end of year asks (and Happy early New Year!)

Hey Battie!! Happy New Year, friend! 💖💖

And oooh I love those -- all great questions from the End of Year Asks...

#2. A piece you're proud of and why

God, I could have so many answers for this, mainly because I wrote a LOT in 2024. 😂 I'm going to cheat a little bit and give you two stories that you might not expect. Not because they were wildly popular when I published them (they weren't), but because I genuinely put my heart and soul into them and got to explore something new with representation, diversity, and storytelling. 💜

Dream With Me (18+)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader

Summary: When your asshole ex-boyfriend calls for help on a case, you have a tough decision to make. But Dean isn’t going to let you do anything alone. AKA: The last hunt you, Sam, and Dean will ever go on together.

This is a 3-part mini series set in the Midnight Espresso-verse. ☕ It's set in the dreaded 15x20 (or the time gap within In Bad Weather).

The ME-verse is always going to be special to me. Yes, it's a Latina reader and I get to express my culture through her. Yes, she's plus-sized (and I am too) so I get to incorporate some of my experiences and ideas there. But the ME-verse allows me to give Dean the loving relationship I wish he would've gotten on the show.

And Dream With Me was me putting a definitive pin on their story, while still leaving room for more in the future if/when I come back to them. 💗

The Honorable Choice (18+)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC 

Summary: June 1872. Captain Dean Winchester of the U.S. Cavalry is tasked with one job: break a wild mustang. He just didn’t expect the woman who infiltrates his camp, intent on freeing her tribe’s horse.

This was the first OFC story I had written in a long time, but also a risk in the sense that I was writing about a culture that wasn't my own (the Lakota people), in a different time period, and Dean and other SPN characters in a Western AU. So I actually did a lot of research for this story for the sake of respectfulness and authenticity.

I also got to post this story in November, which I found out is Native American Indian Heritage Month. Which is a small tidbit, but I thought it was cool that it happened that way, since I didn't plan it. 😂

I got so into this story that I actually wrote a sequel called Outlander (Part 1 coming out on Friday!).

#11 Fandom you'd like to create more for next year

Oooh great question! I feel like I'm going to get more into Russell Shaw (Tracker) in 2024, definitely more Soldier Boy/Ben (The Boys), but I'm also looking forward to Countdown and what Jensen will bring to Mark Meachum. 💖

Also, I know I'm late as hell, but I teased the possibility of my writing for Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit fandom with these characters who I've read a lot of fanfic about over the years: Eomer, Aragorn, Thranduil, and Haldir. 💚

#14 Something new you tried this year

Another great question, because this could mean many different things for me creatively. I could say that I wrote Lost on You, the Soldier Boy x Supe!Reader story set in 1983. It was the first time I wrote an AU story that completely diverged from the main narrative after 1984. It was also the first time I wrote SB paired with a supe!reader.

I could also give The Honorable Choice (Dean x OFC) again as an example. I was very conscious of writing in a different style from my usual one -- most of all in a different cadence to match Mila, the Lakota Indian heroine. For part of my research, I watched YouTube videos of an elder of a Lakota tribe telling stories from their culture, and it really informed the way I decided to write that story and how the Lakota characters spoke.

These are awesome questions. Thanks so much again, Battie! I hope you have a wonderful New Year and lead into 2025!! 💋💫💫

[punxsutawneyfilth]

Tumblr would not let me respond to your post the other day but I just wanted 2 tell u that the same thing with the rejection letters happened to me!!! I applied at Northwestern for a bunch of professor research assistant positions (which i think is similar to what you do) and then I got a diff job. And then HR contacted me for a interview and I was like "Sorry I have a job" and they were like "Are you sure you're our top candidate" and I was like "Yes" and they were like "OK" and then randomly periodically for MONTHS after this I got rejection letters for every single of the 20+ slightly different positions I applied to

I'm a research administrator which means my job is 80% handling the financial and behind-the-scenes stuff for academic research so I actually feel like I have insight into this for you lol SO WHEN you see a job being advertised as a "research assistant" or "research support specialist" or even sometimes "project coordinator" it's usually a job that was written into the funding for a specific grant. They'll usually make postings for these jobs when they get notified that the award they applied for is being funded, BUT, what a lot of professors don't realize is that notice of award funding =/= you can start doing the research now. There's an in-between period of 1-3 months where the college will be negotiating with the sponsor and setting up the actual accounts for the grant. They can't hire these positions until those accounts are established so a lot of times there will be a delay between posting the job and actually hiring people. Plus occasionally (with non-federal sponsors mostly) the award will fall apart in negotiations and not get funded at all.

Also of course people are bastards in general and will not notify you when they mentally cross you off the list, but universities in general at least have the courtesy to send automatic notifications to all applicants when a posting is closed.

[capriciouscaprine]

good morning!! numbers, esp. bc I remembered to check in today!

writing things down is SO important when you don't remember things easily like me; I actually thought I had gone up bc I misremembered my numbers from last week, but I'm down 1/2$! ($123.2->$122.6) I'm gonna see if I can have more days like yesterday to continue going down, but I've basically met my relaxed goal for the month already!

I know I need to get my protein up, my body has been loudly craving meat of any kind and now I have some from the farm so I'm having it for as many meals as possible; it's goat, so it's low in f compared to other red meats and thus lower in c's: the internet says it's 143c per 100 grams aka 3.5 ounces; ground beef (which, there are different lean mixes which will vary) is 270c for the same amount! I know it's not a common grocery store meat, so I consider myself very lucky that I can get it, and especially for free

for breakfast, I had 1/4 cup meat and the remaining minute rice/cauliflower rice mix done basically as a hash (with spice mix! not unseasoned!!) plus some ketchup on top for 149, one serving of egg substitute (25) just to see what only one serving looked like (which was so tiny it was silly), and then a tiny bowl of yogurt with berries and granola for 86, plus my coffee (25), for a breakfast total of 285!!!

that's so good for such a big breakfast!! I'm really hoping it helps me stay full today, we've got block schedule so I'm usually STARVING after just the first class period bc I eat breakfast so early and lunch is so late (nearly 1 pm!); deffo gonna go back to being someone who eats breakfast after they get to work to avoid this in the future

for snack/2nd breakfast I'm taking a fiber bar (unwrapped) bc I'm craving chocolate (90), rice crispy treat (80), and cheddar puffs (70) to go with my coffee (25) for 265, and for lunch I've got my usual chicken salad sandwich (300) plus the wild card of the last of my dried cantaloupe (~100 left) and my coffee, so I'll come home at either 875 or 975 running total if I eat everything I've packed

tbh the chicken salad is a little bit killing my numbers here, but it's SO convenient; it's a pre-mixed single serving in a cup that comes in a pack of four, so I can just grab one and go each day and not have to think too much about it; however, I am set to run out of it right after my final presentation is due, which means I'll be able to use my morning time to prepare my own food from scratch, and it looks like while the flavor might be a bit different, I could have more food for fewer c's if I did make it myself

[palettepainter]

General update: Schedule and Commissions

So as the title says, a bit of a general update concerning my schedule and future/current commissions!

I mentioned this on Twitter but over the Easter holidays I'll be helping out at the zoo pretty much every day for a few hours in the afternoon, if I'm not at the zoo I'll be at the family warehouse helping cut stencils or pack orders. Thanks to me working at the family business my schedule can be flexible, however I don't know how much I'll be able to set aside to do commission work. I hope to put aside at least 1-2 days where I can work on commissions. Please rest assured I will be working on them when I have available time, but updates might be a bit slower than normal until the Easter holidays are over!

For those of you who are long time followers or those of you who have brought a commission from me before, you know that I generally try to open my commissions once every month. However ontop of a art display I've been busy making pieces for, on the 25th on May me and my family, plus my Aunt and younger cousins, will be going to Portugal to visit relatives and returning just before June. I've grown into a habit of leaving my tablet at home whenever me and my family go on big holidays like this, but depending on how many commissions I have finished by that point I may bring it with me.

In general though, aside from possibly commissions if I do have to bring my tablet with me, there won't be any digital OC/fandom doodles. I may post traditional stuff during that period, but as we don't see these family relatives a lot (since they're in Portugal) I'll be doing my best to not get carried away with drawing.

Due to this holiday at the end of May, plus the art display I've been generously allowed to do in town, I can't guarantee commissions will open in April. I'll be starting work on the commission slots that where ordered in March and that will probably take a while to complete them all. The earliest I can see my commissions opening again will either be sometime in May - very limited slots as I don't want to have too many piled up before I leave for Portugal - or sometime in June once we return

Thank you for reading!

[yellowgnomeboots]

Health stuff under the cut - discussion of menstruation and pain and useless doctors and being suicidal. Long. I have a lot of distress regarding this topic. No obligation to read even if you're my friend (same as any post but just don't upset yourself you know?). I just need to get it out and maybe it will help somehow. I'm writing this after and it hasn't helped so far but like maybe lol.

I want to try stopping taking the contraceptive pill to see if it is responsible for any of my fatigue. I thought I was ready but I'm much too scared and every time I try and think about I cry.

Along with the general inconvenience of bleeding and other inconvenient symptoms plus ruining a couple of pairs of knickers every time, it was just really painful.

I'd have half a day at about 8 on the pain scale I guess. Plus maybe a bit of throwing up, and rocketing between sweating and freezing. Then that would go away and there'd be 2-4 days of feeling lesser pain and feeling miserable, the level of miserable more or less equivalent to a bad cold where you can make yourself to do stuff but preferentially would just curl up in bed all day, then another 2-4 reduced symptoms again about the equivalent of a mild cold e.g. where you'd preferentially do light activities like read a book and play computer games but you can make yourself go to work/school and feel miserable.

I used to be suicidal thinking about how I had to go through this every month for the rest of my life until menopause. I was so anxious all the time that I'd get my period at the same time as something important (it was not predictable). I had to lie to my doctor (tell them I had a boyfriend and wanted to have sex) to get on the contraceptive pill because I'd been refused 3 times to be prescribed it to see if it would help manage symptoms. The only help I got was the advice to use OTC pain killers (which didn't work at all), a hot water bottle (no effect, possibly worse), and "light yoga" (did try this but any movement of my abdominal area made it worse).

When I went on the pill I got told I had to have those "breaks" where you take the sugar pills and get a small period or it would be bad for me. That was much better but still somewhat unpleasant physically and very unpleasant emotionally. Period products have a particular smell - I don't know if it is the plastic they use or the glue or what - and every time I had to get out a pad I would smell it and have a spike of anxiety/panic. I couldn't even walk down that aisle in the supermarket or the smell would set it off. Eventually I found some earthy organic cotton pads in a recycled cardboard box in a health food shop that I could use without panicking.

Eventually I went on a continuous pill and didn't have to think about it again until recently.

I've got some codeine I didn't use for my wisdom teeth removal but its pretty strong. Its almost not worth taking it for half day of pain and I don't know what to do for the week of misery afterwards for which codeine would kind of knock me out so I wouldn't be able to do anything anyway (and I don't have enough for three weeks worth - doctor suggested 3 months trial to give things time to settle and see if it helps the fatigue).

Its possible the symptoms won't come back. Its possible that even if they do then I feel better in other ways and then the doctor can work out a way to have the best of both worlds. I just don't know if I can do it.