#pls don't reblog; this blog is something like a journal for my thoughts

[snippets-of-another-world]

weird musings:

my taste in terms of both aestheticism and physical attraction is definitely towards ppl who are (at least somewhat) curvy or muscular or both, but this has a very weird effect on my self-image combined with an old eating disorder. i’m mostly recovered, but i still get dysmorphic abt not being thin. it results in such a weird spectrum of self-disgust to “damn, look at those luscious thighs” lmao? sometimes both? like, at times i will see myself and think “gracefully built” like a greek statue and also “disgusting, unclean” because i can no longer see my bones. it’s so exhausting. i don’t know if i want to not care or if i want to lose weight or what.