#phenibut experience

[exstasyplague]

since i gained a bit of popularity with my chapter/character analyses, i decided to make an introductory post.

i love studying characters and latching onto the smallest details offered to me by their base source in order to translate their traits into my writing with a natural flow. i lean towards writing darker, grittier themes but i don't make abstraction of... humour, happiness and other feelings since life gives you a wide range of experiences and focusing only on one side takes away from the full picture.

it's true that i like bittersweet tragedies though.

so far, i have 4 jjk fanfics on ao3.

1) ㅡ phenibut flowers. (female oc x ryoumen sukuna)

2) ㅡ wings (satosugu)

3) ㅡ azure glow (satosugu oneshot collection)

4)ㅡ poivre impérial (female oc x gojo satoru)

i am always opened to writing on themes suggested by y'all in case there's any interaction you want to see explored.

[leafened]

reflecting actually the bad edible experience is because i mixed time dilating/aperture closing weed with social lubricant/focus expanding/mood accelerating russian cosmonaut pharmaceutical legal to order in the united states phenibut

[misophorism]

Captain's Log #4

Today is October 24th, 2024. A lot has changed in my life, but much has stayed the same. A platitude obviously, but it's true. Barely anyone follows me on this account, and those who do almost certainly don't read these, but anyone who happens to this time is probably aware that my sister died very suddenly. It was in July. My mom was a wreck, and I spent a lot of time caring for her. I didn't have time to process my own feelings about it, really.

I don't want to spend an entire CL talking about her, so I'll keep it short: good riddance. She was a horrible human being from the moment she was born. She spent every moment trying to worsen my relationship with my parents as much as possible, gleefully joining in when they were abusive, exacerbating any issue I had while minimizing them to make herself seem like the ultimate victim. My sister was a manipulative narcissist to the core, and the world is better off without her.

With that out of the way, my life feels... I don't know how to word it exactly. It almost feels as though there is more breathing room; I feel less pressure. There is more room to navigate, more space. I was reliant on phenibut for about 5 years. I first started withdrawing from it in 2016. I tell most people it was an addiction to a benzo, since everyone knows what a benzo is, and, to be fair, I was also popping benzodiazepines like nobody's business back then. But it was a phenibut reliance that landed me in the emergency room, and gave me the worst, and nearly fatal, months of my life, from December 2015 to about March 2016.

I'm off of it now, and tapering off of the helper drug that got me to quit it (baclofen). That also sucks, but it's much less psychoactive, I think? Phenibut is not an intoxicating drug like benzodiazepines, but it exerts a noticeable effect on your perception; notably, it boosts motivation, mood. It creates music enhancement. Makes you talk for hours. And really, when you're on it, you aren't truly intoxicated. But the withdrawal is basically identical to benzodiazepine withdrawal, and likewise, it can be fatal.

But there's something else that not many people mention. When you come off phenibut for the first time in a long time, you experience life how it is. Things feel real. That's hard to quantify, or even qualify. Many people know what it's like to be intoxicated, but phenibut lasts pretty much 24 hours, so you can just take it around the clock, and never spend a single moment sober as long as you have enough.

I got back on it after leaving an abusive relationship and being saddled with PTSD in 2019. I decided to quit in 2023, and was mostly successful, got stuck on it a couple more times, and now I'm off.

Still reliant on baclofen, as I've said (but that's a normal drug. It's one your doctor prescribes and you pick up at the pharmacy—phenibut is not like that). But the taper has been easier than I thought it would be. And now, I'm experiencing my first fall off of phenibut, and without any amphetamine, since 2017.

I can feel fall breathe. I can smell the crisp air, the scented candles wafted apple cinnamon through the house. I take in splashes of brown in trees, I watch the autumnal sun set over Virginia. I can feel it—all of it, infesting my every atom.

This may seem like standard purple prose, but it is not. For the past five years everything I have just described has been blunted. Phenibut robs you of this experience. It prevents the realness of life from manifesting—it's the opposite of reifying; it is fictionalizing. It feels all like a dream, not quite dissociation but nevertheless not real.

Fall and winter always feel like periods for change for me. Virginian heat waylays all progress during the summer. But here I am, applying for new, better jobs at 10 PM. Thinking about vanishing so I can focus on getting ASF out, and working more so I can pay the artist. I feel—well, anxious because of the taper, but nevertheless alive. My body feels lighter; when I lay in bed, I feel not only comfortable in my skin and bones, but like I should.

Despite all the drug use in my past, I'm a healthy adult (minus the physical disabilities). Last time I got bloodwork, everything checked out. I have sources of income. I don't particularly like any of them except writing, but they're there. I have potential.

Before my sister's death, I had so much fury rumbling beneath the surface—one more wry comment from my mom, one more sarcastic, braindead remark from my sister, and tornadic rage would've bubbled forth and I could have very well gotten life in prison. That little kid—that child, that ten-year-old boy in a wheelchair—is still there, simmering with so much earth-shattering fury that he had me eyeing knives and balling fists.

But even if he is still there, he is not in control, at least not anymore. I hated my sister. I truly do not think I have ever hated someone with so much vehemence except my father, and her death quieted little Adam, for a moment, for a time. He's satisfied. He's been avenged. He has vindication.

And now, 25-year-old Adam is sitting here, writing this entry, as that little boy gives me notes from the past.

All of this makes me wonder—am I happy?

I'm a depressive. I'm a suicide. And I'm only 25 years old. There are few times in my life where I can say with conviction that I was happy. One: Summer 2016. Two: Winter 2016 - Spring 2017. Three: Spring 2019.

What I feel now is not what I felt then. I am not happy. But neither am I suffering, at least in this present moment. I often suffer. Agony is as familiar to me as the color of my skin and the bags beneath my eyes.

But it isn't with me now. Instead, I am calm. I can stretch my limbs wide, close my eyes.

Let's hope it lasts all winter.

[ez-ra-zed]

I literally played a little shitty experiment on r/phenibut years ago on my original account

I told everyone on the sub to use agmatine for tolerance Reduction, I lied and said it worked for me

Tons of people did

Months and months go by, and everybody had concluded it didn't work. Hehe. Because it didn't, but it totally could've! I play games of what if with people because nobody is doing the necessary research

[ithisatanytime]

[AMV] Xavier Wulf - The Last Jewel (Prod. By J.Schlump)

 this is gonna be a long post thats only really gonna be interesting to me, but i google phenibut stories still to try to make sense of it, this guys story is similar in many ways to mine with the doses and stuff, but whats most interesting is the red light in his field of vision that he likened to being scanned by a barcode reader, because i did experience that which i affectionately referred to as robocop vision, and it legitimately made me have raccoon like night vision. the colorful aura as well, i laughed at his description of god mode and his conversations with his wife, this is the most based redditor thats ever lived.

“ If your dose continues to rise, you will start to experience some health issues like massive rises and crashes of blood pressure, blacking out, insomnia and more. You may start to have audio and visual hallucinations. And most assuringly, phenibut will just stop working at all.You may eventually OD if you decide one day to go on a binge because more is better right? ODing on phenibut is very unpleasant and can require acute medical attention.   Raising your dose does not produce better effects. At best, you get the same results at at 9 g that you got at 3 g, but significant side effects start to materialize.Here is my story. I started out with kratom for many years. One kratom quit last year around July, I started a 2 g phenibut habit that was only supposed to last a few days. It went 6 days and by then I knew I was screwed. I was going to get WD. Of course the internet stories got me very concerned. So I just continued to take rather than going through WD. 2 g became 3g, became 6g, became 9g became 14-16g after 2 months where I “stabilized”.Between 3-6 g, I entered a sort of god mode phase. My mind could recall any experience or memory in my life. I could carry on incredibly complex mathematical and philosophical discussions with my wife. She just nodded her head as it was way above her understanding. Sex was off the charts and libido was constantly present. Amazing.I kept pushing the dose up because I was chasing the god mode which had disappeared at 9g. Remember the physical issues I discussed above? Those started at 9g. I also started to get strange hallucinations. One weird one was it looked as if my surroundings were being scanned with a red laxer (like a bar code reader). Giant read line would passed through my field of vision. There were auroras of bright colors everywhere (that wasn’t so bad).It was crazy how much powder I was consuming per dose. It literally felt like I was shoveling and I stopped being careful about even spoonfuls. They became very rounded teaspoons as I scooped and dumped rapidly.After 3 months, essentially my wife and her mother convinced me I had to go to rehab. I agreed. Only problem is no rehab or hospital would see me in my state. So I called American Addiction Centers and found two rehabs out of state that would help me.The night before I was to go, I stayed up all night , essentially realizing the extent to what I have done. Decided I might as well go out with a bang and did double my highest dose: 28 g. Was ok until morning when I had to go to airport. Wife had to drive me because by that point I was delirious and hallucinating. My body temp was very high and I could not get comfortable. I was dumping sweat with my head out the window. By the time I was at the airport, I was confused out of my mind and could hardly walk. Stairs and escalators were out of the question. I made it onto the plane with the help of a wheel chair. I really started to feel WD as I sat on the plane, waiting for take off. I thought this was going to be a long flight (even though only a 1.5 hour flight).I passed out and woke up in the ER near the airport with extreme body shaking that went on for 3 hours. Passed out again and woke up still shaking in cat scanner. Passed out again and woke again in bed. I was finally feeling better and ready to take the plain again after 3 hours. Nurse gave me some atavan (my first benzo) to relax me a bit and I passed out for 8 hours.When I woke, it was dark out side window and crew of icu staff were surrounding me busy with vitals. They said the only wake my blood pressure rose from a crash was to give me some phenibut (I had brought some in case it was needed to show rehab intake). Nothing else worked from naloxone to benzos to Snelling salts to, well, anything. I spend a few days in icu recovering with help of high dose benzos and other meds.I went down to rehab after Icu and finished phenibut detox for 10 days and went home. This happened around July last year. I stayed away from phenibut for a year. Used once or twice in last 5 months, but my gaba b receptors are still fried. Strong doses (1-2 g) do nothing for me. My tolerance never reset after last years phenibut blowout (my first real phenibut “habit”).Stop while you can or you may have physical issues like I described. It can get pretty dicy. It’s not worth it long before you hit a max dose. For me, phenibut stopped being beneficial somewhere between 6-9 g. It became negative and just made me feel normal as opposed to lifted.“

[yungcritical]

it’s been over around two and a half years since I made my last post to this account. I didn’t even remember the username! So much has happened since my last post, I got to experience summer 2019. Summer 2019 was easily the most carefree and happiness point in my entire life. I was interconnected with everybody I care about and grew as a person so much. Towards the end, I also gained my first true girlfriend. As 2019 turned into 2020, more and more began to unravel. My toxic portions that were never revealed began to show and hurt so many of those around me, especially the ones closest to me. I gained some really serious drug dependence and grew a fascination for opioids, I still dream about O-DSMT once in awhile, but as I’m writing this the urges have died down a lot. I had a strong awakening moment in March 2020 where I made a fatal mistake that hurt my girlfriend so bad it rippled our relationship and caused more mistrust and stress than I have ever truly experienced in my life. As 2020 progressed things got darker and our strain only grew as time went on.  In August 2020 I started college in a cyber security major and haven’t looked back. Life kept flowing as it did, and nothing super crazy happened throughout the rest of 2020 except for small things that’ll soon be lost to memory as the days go on, just know things got harder and my mental state began to fall deep. I felt like I lost who I was and couldn’t really determine where it all went wrong. Looking back, I don’t think something specific caused the loss, I think it was little things piled on top of each other. In late February 2021, me and my girlfriend broke up and I began my life as a single man once again, I believed I was doing fine for the first 2-3 weeks, but as time went on I became more distressed and eventually picked up my first “real” drug addiction. I started using Kratom and Phenibut daily, averaging 3-5 grams for Kratom and 1-2 grams for Phenibut. It helped me feel normal and like I could flow and find more motivation for the things that were happening in my life, I also picked up going to the gym which has helped a lot for my self image and it’s a really rewarding hobby. I went to Colorado with two of my buddies in late April, and reluctantly decided not to bring my drugs. Withdrawing in a totally different state away from home forced all of my repressed emotions from the breakup to truly rise, even though I had those thoughts racing for the past few months. I vividly remember crying every single night into my pillow because I wouldn’t dare to let my friends hear me. I realized I truly wanted her back and I couldn’t be on those drugs anymore, the second I returned home at ~3am I took 1.5g of Phenibut and took myself to bed, I remember waking up and I actually felt like I could breath and I felt happy for a split moment. But as I woke up I realized where my life was and everything that had occurred over the past few days and realized I wanted to get that part of me I pushed away so aggressively in that impulsive decision.  In the last week of April 2021, I woke up at home and dosed ~100mg of off-brand Tramadol and re-dosed Phenibut. I went to the gym to workout, then at night I texted her and we met up. We talked for a bit then hung out like everything was okay again. I felt happy for the first time in months. I missed her. After about a week, I lied to her and it caused the cycle of mistrust to repeat itself. My toxic self didn’t die like I thought it did, and I just hurt her again. The months came and went and currently we’re on a deadline of Nov. 24. I know deadlines are frowned upon, but we’re just being ourselves and seeing if things work itself out, if they don’t? Then we have failed and it’s time to move on. No need to keep forcing things and manipulating each other into staying with each other when we’re clearly not healthy.  That’s about it right now, I’ve gotten a lot more invested in cyber security extracurricular activities and just finished up competing in the NCL Fall 2021 Individual season. A few days ago I had a call with a recruiter from Northwestern Mutual about getting an internship there summer 2022, it’s looking really good right now.  Hey future Connor, I know you’re probably the only one reading this, I doubt ‘Husbando’ (im sorry man I don’t know how to spell your real name ik it’s like Cecilio) is out here checking Tumblr, if you are, how’ve you been? Text me! Anyways, I hope your future turns out alright, I hope you get that nice apartment you’ve been dreaming about these past few weeks. Don’t get discouraged when you run into failures with your career, cyber security is HARD man. Anyways, don’t forget I always love you, and there are a lot of people out there who love you. You’re always worth something, don’t let anybody tell you different. Anyways, have a goodnight.

[superfluouschemsblog]

Today, Sunday morning, December 29, 2019 I was granted, by chance and good luck, the opportunity to review a product that I believe will change the way nootropics and cognitive enhancers will be viewed by the public in the near future. Phenibut, or beta -Phenyl- y-amino- butyric- acid, as it is lovingly called by the science community, is a phenolic amino compound that is currently being marketed as a smart drug, and rightfully so, for its ability to totally annihilate depression and cause a state of well being that I wouldn't necessarily call euphoria in its classical sense but nonetheless real.

I took the substance today at exactly 11:00 a.m.. I opened a small Noorologix bag I received from an owner of a head shop, here in Miami, so I will presume the 4 blue capsules inside did contain the 2915.075mg of phenibut it stated in the back, and at 11:15 a.m. I started to notice it beginning to work. A very slight but real euphoria starts to wash over my mind.

11:45 a.m. the full effects and its finer qualities start to manifest and I am encompassed by a relaxed loss of inhibition that results in me having some very nice and fruitful conversations with some complete strangers here in Coral Gables. The onset of this slight yet real euphoria persists for another 3 hs where I am able to eat and sample various foods offered to me by shop owners and restaurant chains.

5:12 p.m. the subtle finer qualities of this interesting product are beginning to fade but a strong after glow much like the after glow from M.D.M.A. can be very much observed.

Well into the night at 1:19 a.m. my very good mood continues along with my very good appetite but I decide to sleep and end this experiment nonetheless.

5:45 a.m. I am awoken by a lucid dream that, according to my girlfriend, caused me to thrash around a bit at night but, all in all, I would categorize the whole of my first experience with phenibut as a very positive one.

[epicene-mutton-chops]

Today, Sunday morning, December 29, 2019 I was granted, by chance and good luck, the opportunity to review a product that I believe will change the way nootropics and cognitive enhancers will be viewed by the public in the near future. Phenibut, or beta -Phenyl- y-amino- butyric- acid, as it is lovingly called by the science community, is a phenolic amino compound that is currently being marketed as a smart drug, and rightfully so, for its ability to totally annihilate depression and cause a state of well being that I wouldn't necessarily call euphoria in its classical sense but nonetheless real.

I took the substance today at exactly 11:00 a.m.. I opened a small Noorologix bag I received from an owner of a head shop, here in Miami, so I will presume the 4 blue capsules inside did contain the 2915.075mg of phenibut it stated in the back, and at 11:15 a.m. I started to notice it beginning to work. A very slight but real euphoria starts to wash over my mind.

11:45 a.m. the full effects and its finer qualities start to manifest and I am encompassed by a relaxed loss of inhibition that results in me having some very nice and fruitful conversations with some complete strangers here in Coral Gables. The onset of this slight yet real euphoria persists for another 3 hs where I am able to eat and sample various foods offered to me by shop owners and restaurant chains.

5:12 p.m. the subtle finer qualities of this interesting product are beginning to fade but a strong after glow much like the after glow from M.D.M.A. can be very much observed.

Well into the night at 1:19 a.m. my very good mood continues along with my very good appetite but I decide to sleep and end this experiment nonetheless.

5:45 a.m. I am awoken by a lucid dream that, according to my girlfriend, caused me to thrash around a bit at night but, all in all, I would categorize the whole of my first experience with phenibut as a very positive one.

[type12error]

[Part of a series written during Burning Man and queued for 10 days later. Edits from 2019-09-02 in square brackets.]

2019-08-25 13:32

Highway 447 just south of Gerlach, Burner Express Bus

--

A surely shocking revelation: I intend to take drugs at Burning Man! Never fear, it's about the tamest drug you can take while still being questionably legal. Phenibut. [not scheduled, but also not FDA approved. I think this means it's legal to possess and use but not to reccommend if you're a doctor. But IANAL] An anxiolytic that supposedly actually works, the tradeoff being high risk of chemical dependency and addiction. The internet people are very stern about not taking it more than once or twice a week. I'm heeding that advice, since internet drug forums are not known for being overcautious.

I had planned to take 1200mg as we left Gerlach, but given the traffic I'll have to wing it.

I took phenibut for the first time last Sunday. 300mg, and felt no discernible effect. I was anxious before it should've kicked [in], not anxious while it should've been active, and anxious after it should've worn off. But all of those had distinct triggers, or the lack of them. I had a similar experience taking two 600mg doses 5 hours apart, on Wednesday. That was after a heavy meal though, which you are not supposed to do.

Hopefully 1200mg all at once on an empty stomach does something. Either I need higher doses or something is wrong with the supply. 70% confdience I will think phenibut is good or better at the end of Burn.

[not sure how to score the prediction. I took 1200mg and 1600mg later on with no subjectively clear effect, but others said I was acting differently. Posts on those experiences are coming later.]

[noopept-blog1]

Little Known Ways to Make the Most Out of Nootropics

Chronic depression, anxiety, fatigue, and burnout are just some of the recurring terms that you hear these days. Every person is busy in the hustle-bustle of our day to day lives, and work day in and out to keep up with the fast-paced world.

Where does this lead to? Success, yes! But, it also leaves us stressed. The number of people seeking therapy and counselling has increased at an extraordinary rate. Some start using unapproved drug to cope with their thoughts. While, others just keep it to themselves.

The thing to remember through all this is depression is the symptom, not the disease. And, yes there are ways to get rid of it. Today we’ll be talking about some of the best nootropics or smart drugs that can really help people.

There are various types of nootropics available in the market. However, purchasing would depend on what you’re looking to get out of them. Are you trying to improve memory and learning? Or focus? How about anxiety/stress?

If you are looking to buy nootropics as a general sort of thing to enhance your day to day life, here’s a handy guide to help you make an informed decision.

Nootropics: Everything You Need to Know

Nootropics are drugs that are said to increase the cognitive functions of the human brain. They have gained popularity in today's highly competitive society and are most often used to boost memory, focus, creativity, intelligence and motivation.

The term encompasses a number of substances, both natural and synthesized, over the counter and prescription, legal and illegal. The common kitchen spice turmeric can be a nootropic, but so can Ritalin and even LSD.

The word nootropics is a portmanteau of the Greek words nous ("mind") and trepein ("to bend or turn"). It was coined in 1972 by Romanian scientist Corneliu Giurgea, who invented Piracetam, an early cognition-enhancing drug said to improve memory and learning.

There's an infinite combination of stacks, and because everybody's brain chemistry is different, the only way to know which cocktail works for you is to experiment. Most nootropics are classified as dietary supplements, not medications, which means that the claims made on their labels undergo much less scrutiny than prescription pharmaceuticals.

Aniracetam Benefits

Aniracetam is a drug of the “racetam” chemical classification that was initially developed in the 1970s by pharmaceutical company Hoffman-La Roche.

While it may be a safer substance than various pharmaceuticals and/or supplements, it is necessary to acknowledge that not everyone has a favorable experience with aniracetam. Certain users may experience unwanted side effects, some of which may outweigh the benefits of aniracetam and lead to discontinuation.

One of the most touted benefits of Aniracetam is that of improving memory. Studies have shown that Aniracetam enhances both short-term and long-term memory capacity in various applications. Memory improvement, however, may range from very slight to incredibly noticeable. Aniracetam primarily acts as both a stimulant and a mental enhancer. It's said to help make you more awake and alert. This is similar to caffeine.

There are many factors that may dictate whether you’re likely to experience debilitating aniracetam side effects. Examples of factors to consider as culprits of side effect induction include: aniracetam dosage, frequency/term of administration, concomitantly administered substances, and individual hepatic metabolism.

Where to Buy Noopept

Noopept is a dipeptide derivative which exhibits potent Nootropic and Neuroprotective effects, related to the racetam family of Nootropics.

It was developed in Russia, and is a prescription medicine there. Unlike many single-session experiments with this class, it did produce an effect in terms of clarity and possibly functionality, albeit subtle in nature.

These brain supplements may improve cognitive function, more specifically memory, motivation and creativity, and possibly increase the sense of smell, taste, and touch. The difference that makes Noopept a unique supplement is it effects that are felt immediately when consumed or after ingestion compared to others which nootropics that even take months, weeks and others days. Click here to read more on how Noopept works.

Noopept contains the unique Neuroprotective properties that help in preventing oxidative damages as well as apoptosis in the brain.

However, scientific research has yet to find conclusive evidence on the cognitive enhancing abilities of Noopept in healthy individuals.

Phenibut Benefits

Like most of the other nootropics, Phenibut has anxiolytic properties, meaning it creates a sense of calm in the central nervous system. Phenibut modulates neuronal excitability, which prevents the brain from becoming hyperactive

In Russia, where Phenibut has been prescribed since the 1960s, people take this substance to relieve tension, anxiety, and fear, mostly associated with mental health conditions like generalized anxiety disorder, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

The benefits of Phenibut often relate to calmness and a reduction in anxiety. Phenibut may also help to reduce stress and encourage a better sleep. Finding a “sweet spot” where one can feel the full effects of relaxation without impairing their mental function is how most nootropic users take Phenibut. Phenibut should not be used every day and cycled strategically in times of need.

The drug can also be prescribed to treat insomnia, and used to calm people before or after surgery. It is also prescribed to manage dangerous withdrawal symptoms from alcohol addiction.

Phenibut can be habit forming and, with that in mind, correct usage and careful dosages are strongly advised.

Final Words

Nootropic is the type of substance that may seem innocent at first, but can be quite dangerous if taken recklessly. You shouldn’t be using it as a recreational drug, NO!

Nootropics in powder form is quite popular and often preferred by other users due to it being cheaper than capsules. It’s easier to make mistakes regarding dosage when you’re approximating, which is why it’s best to measure your doses using a scale or simply go for capsules.

Any nootropic can be mildly relaxing in low doses, considerably potent as a recreational substance in moderate doses, and outright dangerous when exceeding a certain threshold.

Consult your doctor beforehand, start low and be very careful with dosing when it comes to nootropics.

[ithisatanytime]

Bladee - BBY (music video)

one element of that experience thats difficult for people to understand is that while phenibut has its own unique effects, what it mainly does that makes it dangerous if you dont use it appropriately is its notorious for triggering acute psychosis and once youve entered into psychosis thats whats really going on. to illustrate what i mean, when trying to find other people with similar experiences, i found what a lot more in common in people describing periods of accute psychosis triggered by something as innocuous as smoking a joint and being predisposed to psychosis than i had in common with people who used phenibut a handful of times or irregularly. when i found those youtube channels they would describe their period of psychosis (always incredibly brief in duration compared to mine, a week or a couple weeks compared to off and on for months) they would be a bit obsessed with it, speaking about it with a sense of reverence almost and wonder, but if you look at their channel they always were spiraling for at least a year after the fact and one of the channels i found the dude killed himself, the rest were lookin to be on pretty much the same path with titles like “massive depression” “new depression treatment” “suicidal ideation” etc. pretty grim. im good though, i think my life already was so fucking bad due almost entirely to my immediate family that the whole thing was just sort of another day in paradise.

[gasmaskaesthetic]

(epistemic status: playing at the limits of accurate self-reflection)

I've been thinking more about not using anxiety as a motivator. I've also been smoking weed more often than I used to. It's informative; I don't get anxiety when I'm high, but I still get some things done.

I'm definitely more impulsive, in the same way I'm more impulsive on phenibut (though certainly less lucid on weed than on phenibut, and I don't think phenibut does anything noticeable to my reaction time). And I have gotten paranoid, which is not the same as getting anxious even though both states get me "stuck."

(I use "paranoia" internally to describe a type of looping over predictions and beliefs about specific negative outcomes or current realities. Unlike anxiety, this mental state doesn't necessarily include symptoms of physiological fear. Being paranoid doesn't give me hives, for instance. I can be both paranoid and anxious, and they can feed into one another, but both can manifest independently. Paranoia is also not remotely avoidant, while anxiety often is. It's obsessive.)

Anyways. I made a point of watching myself accomplish things when I can't kick my own ass into gear by generating fear. And it mostly turns out that I just don't do things I don't want to do.

This sounds trivial, and, honestly, that phrasing is a bit misleading. On both weed and phenibut, I can do things that make me think "ugh I don't want to do this." But only if I coax myself along with a handful of tricks:

-Tying the task to a larger goal that I do want to achieve, reminding myself that it's instrumental

-Identifying things that are similar to what I'd rather be doing

-Framing it like a transaction: is not doing it now worth the consequence of it not being done (sometimes the answer is yes, and I don't do the thing).

Basically, I have to sell it to myself. Threats don't work! It has to be appealing even without someone holding a figurative gun to my head. This method is a lot more pleasant and only seems to result in slightly lower productivity. I've been practicing this sober, too. This weekend I put a blanket ban on working myself up to get anything done. I got the same number of boring chores and unpleasant tasks done this weekend as I do on any weekend, and I felt much calmer. I'm trying it this week at work, so we'll see if it holds up under a greater number of boring tasks.

This post is speculative as hell already, but one final thought that's even more so: I definitely struggle with prioritization. When I haven't taken the time to allocate my time well or even identify the most important things on my plate, everything fights for the same position in the priority queue and I freeze. This causes anxiety later (as nothing gets done), but I wonder if I learned to use anxiety as a cheap hack to shove something ahead of everything competing for my attention.

TL;DR - a potential and partial explanation for the bouts of anxiety I still deal with may be that I'm actually using it for something, and it's worth experimenting with other solutions.

[mbvvacationbibleschool]

DXWhaaaa

First Plateau, First trial with edibles.

This is a story from my past. I don’t condone the use of psychoactive substances, this is for harm reduction, documentary, and entertainment purposes only. 

Scroll to “EXPERIENCE” to skip the boring details.

This time, I wanted to go to the bar for a hip hop show on something, but since the night would go late, it couldn’t put me to sleep and not give me too much anxiety. Weed alone is a sleepy substance post peak, so is alcohol, phenibut, and I wasn’t really up for 4-ho-met due to its unpredictable nature. 

A first plateau dose of DXM seemed to be the answer. It has the bonus of being a bit hallucinogenic and having music related euphoria. I noticed the first plateau was killer for dancing in my very first DXM trial.

I dosed 135 mg and mixed it with water.  I chickened out of taking 150. I made sure not to eat a grapefruit this day, due to the drug interactions. Right before I dosed, I ate a 5 mg THC candy, the first in a series. I also drank a big cuppa black tea right before I left the house, at 9:30. 

I was starting to feel a little paranoid as I waited for the bus. The first edible was probably bringing me to threshold, combined with the black tea and anxiety just from having taken a relatively unfamiliar substance. I took sips. I got on the bus. I felt dread, but there was no way the DXM had started.

As I was on the bus, I read that enzyme inhibition from grapefruit lasts 3-7 days and could amplify the subjective effects of DXM by 30-50%. This scared me more. I felt like a rat in a cage waiting for my friend to let me into the lobby of the apartment complex.

First real alerts seemed to be some mild memory loss, increased enjoyment of what I expected would be a shitty show, and this feeling of warmth and having difficulty finding a comfortable position for more than a few seconds. I told my mates what I took and that I was nervous. I also told them the dose was so low that I had no reason to be scared.

I finally finished the syrup at like 10:30 right before we left for the bar, and popped another 5 mg THC.

THE EXPERIENCE (First Plateau Hits)

The Dose: 135 mg of DXM, 10 mg THC, many grapefruits.

At the bar, I started to feel a little bit more, just after 11. I stared at stickers that covered every surface. They just seemed quaint, interesting in the way that people would bother to make them at all. Most of them were goth themed or kind of edgy. I walked around the darker corners of the bar scanning for stickers. At the bar stool, my friend took so long to order a beer that when he finally picked one, I said “3 of those for us, please,” just because I didn’t want to deal with frustrating the bartender. I really didn’t want to drink, but I felt obligated. I ended up splitting my drink with someone.  When the music started, I was loving it. I danced so hard that the rapper on the microphone shouted out to me specifically. I felt so good to dance enthusiastically, and I was grinning pretty wide. Soon, it felt nice to have my eyes closed, and I started imagining spaces, and squinting and shaking my head around to check for visuals. Nothing really happened, but I did enjoy seeing the world blurred as I shook my head. Did it make tracers? I can’t say. I had this pang of panic here and there, I only remember being afraid that I was drinking  a glass water too quickly, before realizing that was silly. 

I had this feeling of expecting a bit more, even though I was having a great time and talking about friendship, music, and reminiscing about previous shenanigans at this bar. Between 12:30 and 1:00, I had munched an additional 15 mg of THC, not really giving them time to hit, and I bid my friends goodbye. I entered my house in the dark and took a leak.

I realized at that time that this started to feel odd, and I couldn’t tell if I felt really tall or just that the moment felt surreal. I realized I was coming up again, and I was higher than I had been so far all night. I guess I didn’t realize I was high when I was talking so much. 

To my despair, my good headphones were left at my friends house and I would have to scour the house for a pair that only works on one side. This was a hassle. I didn’t want to wake up my fiance, but I was wired as fuck. It seemed to me that the high had transitioned to being a mild trip at this point, and it was still getting stronger.

If it’s possible to potentiate your way into a new plateau, maybe I entered the second plateau right here. Maybe the weed just started the trip. This didn’t feel like my time on 240 mg DXM.

Lying in my bed, I felt like I was inside a cacoon of blankets, in warm blackness, rotating as I tossed and turned inside some shell type thing that stayed stationary I slipped about inside it, like it was lubricated. It felt like my body and the rest of the world didn’t need distinction, and I no longer cared for any reference to size. The headphone cable was driving me crazy, touching my skin or pulling my ear. I also couldn’t tell a headphone was in my ear on the side that didn’t work, until I touched it. When I opened my eyes, I felt like I was on a flat platform that was raised uncomfortably close to the ceiling, and it was moving just slowly enough to be distracting.

The body sensations didn’t really tingle like marijuana does normally, it was more like Novocaine (without the pins/needles) or fever delusions- impossible to describe sensing that your body is shaped differently- these feelings were slightly delirious compared to marijuana on its own and I really enjoyed having my eyes closed. I had typical tripping feelings- emotional spaces changing rapidly, weird awareness of the body (in particular, feeling nothing but the contact point of my teeth for a few seconds).

Time

CRAWLED

Forward.

Radiohead sounded to me like some tumbling machine in BodySnatchers. I realized I was only a minute into the song, and that I had only listened to 3 or 4 songs since lying down, and this song felt like it’s own epoch.

I checked the clock. 2:11. I was still climbing. Officially tripping now.

The song ended after an eternity. I checked the clock. 2:14.

I experienced imagery that had rich colors, but it seemed to have great detail despite being not really seen- this stuff changed every second just like marijuana, but it had a new character. I remember seeing some yellow and white 16-bit hypnogogic organic-machinery-hybrid piece of something, and some pink fractally decals. When I opened my eyes in pitch black, I saw egg-carton like purple hills made of a un-moving purple phosphenes. 

It felt almost like taking half a tab of 1-P LSD too late at night (especially in that I really wanted it to stop). I got out of bed and took a melatonin. I didn’t know if DXM prevented sleep or if grapefruit makes it take longer to metabolize. I would have taken a benzo if I had one, I simply didn’t want to be awake tripping until I had to get up at 6:45 am. Eventually I took out my headphones and fell asleep at around 3:00 am.

I felt a bit shitty when I woke up, like I had severe jet lag, or like I had way too much caffeine in place of sleep- this was of course because I had 3 hours of sleep and melatonin in my system. 

I had to work until 1:00 AM to top it off, and my sleep schedule is now officially ruined, as I hadn’t fallen asleep before 2:30 all weekend. I will never start to take DXM at 10:00 again, but I can say for sure that a first plateau at the bar is a fantastic time, and that there is a very interesting inner world hidden in this syrup if I choose to push the dosage.

[wwwsarms4musclecom]

cas: 1078-21-3 Phenibut 4-Amino-3-phenylbutanoic acid

CBNumber: CB2316925

Chemical Name: Phenibut

Molecular Formula: C10H13NO2

Formula Weight: 179.22

CAS No.: 1078-21-3

Phenibut is a chemical similar to a brain chemical called gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). It's used recreationally and as a drug in Russia. It may be unsafe.

Phenibut might decrease anxiety and have other effects on the body, but most research on phenibut has been published in Russia.

People use phenibut for anxiety, alcohol use disorder, insomnia, depression, stress, and many other conditions, but there is no good scientific evidence to support these uses.

Phenibut is approved for use in Russia and some Eastern European countries. Due to safety concerns, it's not approved in the US for use in dietary supplements. Don't confuse phenibut with GABA. These are not the same.

What is Phenibut?

Developed in Russia in the 1960s, phenibut (β-phenyl-aminobutyric acid) is a psychoactive substance still widely used there to relieve tension, anxiety, alcohol withdrawal, stammering, and insomnia, and to potentiate neuroleptics and antiparkinsonian drugs.4 It is a controlled substance in Australia and banned in Hungary, Lithuania, and Italy.4 In the United States (and most of Europe), it is legal to possess and sell phenibut—also referred to as Fenibut, Pbut, Noofen, and Brain Booster, among others—but it’s not approved as a licensed drug by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), and is, therefore, not used in clinical settings.

Phenibut is typically consumed orally, generally as either a powder that’s mixed with water, as tablets, or as a liquid solution. A small number of people reported snorting the powder form, but these instances led to painful nostril swelling.

Phenibut Effects and Side Effects

Information on the effects of phenibut is somewhat limited to anecdotal evidence, gathered from user experience reported online, physicians who have encountered patients reporting phenibut toxicity (i.e., overdose), or withdrawal. Additionally, there are several published case reports. Individuals who use phenibut report using it to relieve symptoms of social anxiety or for use recreationally, claiming they use it to get “high,” or to produce the feelings of euphoria.4 Indeed, research suggests phenibut may increase the concentration of dopamine in low doses, which gives it a stimulant-like effect in addition to relieving anxiety.7

A wide range of side effects have also been reported, and they generally include symptoms associated with relaxation, drowsiness, and sedation. These include:5,8

Confusion.

High blood pressure.

Increased heart rate.

Muscle spasms.

Dilated pupils.

Irritability.

Delirium.

Seizures.

Slowed breathing.

More serious side effects, such as coma, respiratory depression, and death (in very rare instances) are often associated with using phenibut in combination with other central nervous system (CNS) depressants, such as alcohol

[freesearchengines-blog]

Going To Church Makes People Happier

Going To Church Makes People Happier. Regular churchgoers may leadership more comforting lives than stay-at-home folks because they create a network of close friends who provide top-level support, a new study suggests. Conducted at the University of Wisconsin, the researchers found that 28 percent of rank and file who attend church weekly say they are "extremely satisfied" with life as opposed to only 20 percent who never be at services pictures. But the satisfaction comes from participating in a religious congregation along with alert friends, rather than a spiritual experience, the study found. Regular churchgoers who have no close friends in their congregations are no more probably to be very satisfied with their lives than those who never attend church, according to the research. Study co-author Chaeyoon Lim said it's great been recognized that churchgoers report more satisfaction with their lives hoodia. But, "scholars have been debating the reason". And "Do happier race go to church? Or does going to church make consumers happier?" asked Lim, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin, Madison niswani ayurvedic medicine. This study, published in the December stream of the American Sociological Review, appears to show that going to church makes hoi polloi more satisfied with life because of the close friendships established there. Feeling close to God, prayer, reading scripture and other holy rituals were not associated with a prediction of greater satisfaction with life. Instead, in party with a strong religious identity, the more friends at church that participants reported, the greater the good chance they felt strong satisfaction with life. The study is based on a phone survey of more than 3000 Americans in 2006, and a backup survey with 1915 respondents in 2007. Most of those surveyed were mainline Protestants, Catholics and Evangelicals, but a unprofound number of Jews, Muslims and other non-traditional Christian churches was also included. "Even in that transitory time, we observed that people who were not going to church but then started to go more often reported an enhancement in how they felt about life satisfaction". He said that people have a deep need for belonging to something "greater than themselves". The knowledge of sharing rituals and activities with close friends in a congregation makes this "become real, as opposed to something more condense and remote". In addition to church attendance, respondents were asked how many stingy friends they had in and outside of their congregations, and questions about their health, education, income, composition and whether their religious identity was very important to their "sense of self". Respondents who said they experienced "God's presence" were no more credible to report feeling greater satisfaction with their lives than those who did not. Only the mob of close friends in their congregations and having a strong religious identity predicted feeling uncommonly satisfied with life. One reason may be that "friends who attend religious services together give spiritual-minded identity a sense of reality," the authors said. The study drew a skeptical response from one expert. "Some of their conclusions are a hardly ever shaky," said Dr Harold G Koenig, pilot of the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, NC. The read showed that religious identity is just as important as how many friends a person has in their congregation also a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the university. The speed the data was analyzed ensured that the spiritual factors (prayer, hunch God's love, etc.) would not be significant because people with a strong religious identity were controlled for, or not included in the analysis, according to Koenig. "Religious individuality is what is driving all these other factors". Social involvement is important, "but so is faith". Lim said the observations show that only the number of close friends at church correlates with higher happiness with life. The study acknowledged the importance of religious identity, as well as number of friends, suggesting that the two factors augment each other. "Social networks forged in congregations and concentrated religious identities are the key variables that mediate the positive connection between religion and life satisfaction," the sanctum concluded. Lim said he wanted to examine whether social networks in organizations such as Rotary Clubs, the Masons or other civic volunteer groups could have a alike impact, but it might be difficult. "It's perplexing to imagine any other organization that engages as many people as religion, and that has similar shared identity and social activities effects of phenibut. It's not unceremonious to think of anything that's equivalent to that".