#phantom's nonexistent pr manager

[welcome-to-amity-park]

The Mirrors are Working

Be mindful of walking down these empty streets, not all shadows will let you step on them.

Welcome to Amity Park

Poltergeist: Hello listeners, we are so glad you were able to find our broadcast.

Revenant: We were pleasantly surprised to hear just how many of you wanted to hear our next one.

P: And we were even more surprised at the amount of questions and comments we received yesterday. Just how many leaves did you guys burn?

R: The answer is at least 23. Because that is how many leaves we received. However we know it is more due to the amount of people we saw writing on leaves.

P: Remember listeners, you must blow a kiss before you burn the leaves. Not after. We do appreciate all the attempts to reach out to us. Now, you're probably wondering where Spook is.

R: The truth is….we don't know. He muttered something about suspicious reflections and took off in the direction of the old mall. I'm sure we'll find out just what he has discovered soon.

P: I mean, we could always turn on his microphone and see if we can hear anything.

R: We can do that?

P: Yeah! Here just let me-

[There is a click, followed by what seems to be steady static. Suddenly there were a bunch of noises of what seemed to be twigs breaking and glass shattering. It ends in a hair-raising, inhuman screech before being cut off suddenly.]

P:....well….

R: He seems busy, so we'll get back to that in a minute.

P: How about some news! There was an underground emergency meeting of the members of the still unnamed dirt cult. The meeting consisted of the members trying to figure out how we knew about them, considering they weren't planning on being public till they had determined a proper cult name. There was also a brainstorming session to determine how to handle the influx of 'nonbelievers' brought to their door by our broadcast.

R: People should not join cults mentioned on the radio. That's how Amazon gets their employees.

P: Yeah, and it's generally considered disrespectful to true cults. Only join a cult if you believe in their message. 

R: We also apologize to the unnamed dirt cult. We did not mean to draw so much attention to you.

P: Now let's hear a word from one of our sponsors: Phantom's nonexistent PR manager!

[There is complete silence for one full minute.]

R: Phantom doesn't have a PR manager.

P: Hence the nonexistent part.

R: *a heavy sigh* Anyways, during the break we received news from Spook. Apparently the mirrors are working.

P: Don't….don't mirrors always work?

R: The mirrors are working too well, according to him. And he is currently fighting himself. I do not know what that means. He'll call us later when he's sorted this out. So….be wary of mirrors. We do not know if this is a widespread phenomenon, or if it's specifically for the old mall. Either way, please be careful while we find out more about this situation.

P: In the meantime, why don't we talk about some of the questions listeners have sent in! Most of you sent in various phrases asking 'So who are you guys?'. We introduced ourselves during the first broadcast, you should know who we are. If you do not know who we are, then how did you send in your questions?

R: Many of you also sent in invasive questions about our lives, deaths, and personal relationships. First of all, stop being creeps. Those are not appropriate questions to ask. Second of all, we are minors, so please keep that in mind. And finally, even if we were ghosts, what makes you think it is appropriate to talk about their deaths?

P: Because of this line of questioning, we decided to go over some ghost conversation tips. It took a lot of trial and error for ourselves when we were learning to talk to ghosts. It also took some very helpful ghosts who were happy to explain things once they knew we genuinely wanted to learn about ghost cultures.

R: One of the main points we want to cover is a ghost's death. And honestly? It truly depends on the ghost. But in general, don't ask about or talk about a ghost's death as a baseline. If a ghost wants to talk about their death, believe me, they will talk about it all the time. They will talk about it so much it becomes awkward for you. They will never shut up about their death to the point where you regret ever deciding to talk to them. 

P: In conclusion, do not talk about a ghost's death because you will either offend them into attacking, or you will never escape the conversation. I do not know which one is worse. Now, some of the final questions you listeners sent in concerned our schedule. We will always start our broadcasts on days beginning with suspicious letters, at a time containing an 8.

R: We also had a question from Stressed out Nerd, who asked us why they couldn't record our broadcast. We don't know. Poltergeist handled most of the equipment, which apparently included dipping our microphones into a glowing puddle while we were in the Ghost Zone one day.

P: Well, there were a few more steps to it, but yeah. I had to make the equipment both ghost proof and ghost accessible, which required a few extra rituals. The end result is our microphones being slightly haunted.

R: Oh! Spook is texting me! He says…..huh.

P: What'd he say?

R: Now is a good time for the weather.

P: Wait, what did he say?!?

R: Just play the ẅəąṭĥęř!!!

[Once the weather ends, there is the sound of furious whispering for a few moments.]

Spook: Hello listeners! Sorry I missed most of the broadcast, but the mirror problem has been taken care of! While the mirrors are still working a little too well, I found a way to take care of any situations that might arise. Firstly, everyone should salt your mirrors. Whether or not your mirror is a problem, it's better safe than sorry. Also, avoid letting them know your secrets. The mirrors see a lot, and they will use them äğæįŋşť ƴøü. And finally, if your mirror is working better than usual, salt it, cover it, and set it outside in the sun for a full day. The sun must hit it, otherwise it will not work.

P: Word of caution: do not break your mirrors. That will not get rid of the problem, it will make it worse. Đø ňôț ɓřęæƙ ṭĥëm.

R: And to the person that created the symbol of us as three little ghosts sharing headphones? It is cute and we like it. We're adopting it as our symbol, you will receive compensation for it.

S: Thank you, listeners, for staying with us. Remember to stay safe and

Goodnight Amity Park....

Goodnight