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gwenbrightly · 5 years ago

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Never A Perfect Moment pt3

Finally finished this bohemoth of a fic... Enjoy some Kailor this fine evening!

“You’re sure the flowers aren’t too much?” Kai questioned, fiddling with his hair (for what must have been the hundredth time in the past five minutes). He stared at his reflection as though it could provide the answers he sought. His visit to the hospital had to be perfect. If he messed this up... he’d never forgive himself. From the doorway, Nya shot him a bemused look. How he could be so confident sometimes, yet act like a total wreck now, would always be a mystery to her. She gave her answer, slipping into the cramped bathroom to stand next to him,

“She’ll love them.”

“What about my hair? Does it look okay?” he reached for the hair gel, but his sister rolled her eyes and used her good hand to swat him away from it.

“You look fine. Leave it alone before you end up looking like some sort of rabid porcupine.” Ugh. What was it with people comparing his hair to animals?

“You could always be like Jay and just… not bother to style it at all…” Lloyd’s suggestion floated in from nearby.

“Hey!” the master of lightning cried indignantly, “I’ve been home less than a week and this is how I’m treated?! That was a low blow, greenie…”

“I missed you, I promise. But seriously, you need a haircut or something.” Lloyd told him, earning a glare. They probably all needed one, if they were being totally honest.

“Somehow, I doubt your commentary is helping Kai.” Zane observed.

“Probably not… Honestly, Kai, you gotta stop psyching yourself out over this.” Cole added, joining the conversation. Over the past few days, Kai had questioned the wisdom of being so open about his feelings for Skylor several times (even if it had really been mostly due to his panic over nearly losing her). The others had become surprisingly invested in it, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Giving up on retrieving the hair gel from Nya, he joined the others in the living room.

“Says the guy who’s more interested in food than girls.” he mumbled, seating himself on the couch.

“Pft… I just haven’t found someone who appreciates cake as much as I do.” the master of earth insisted. The others shared a look.

“Either way, Cole does have a point. You and Skylor have been through a lot together. Surely this can’t be any worse?” Zane offered, giving Kai a comforting pat.

“Indeed. It’s obvious you two are meant for each other!” agreed Pixal. He calmed at this, knowing she didn’t say such things lightly. Not since she had come to realize the full effects of the perfect match incident. The nindroid had felt terrible about the heartache caused by her actions, often keeping her observations about her family’s love lives to herself.

“Thanks, you guys. I dunno why I’m so stressed out over this.” Admitted Kai with a sigh.

“Everyone feels a little nervous when they tell the person they love about their feelings for them,” Nya told him, “it’s a big step.”

“Just be yourself, and be honest, and everything will work out just fine... I learned that the hard way.” Jay piped up. Having experienced his fair share of hiccups when it came to his romance with Nya, he knew that the master of fire needed to hear this advice. His girlfriend nodded in agreement.

“You got this.”

“Definitely!” Lloyd encouraged.

“Heck yeah I do,” The master of fire said, confidence growing, “Now where are the keys?”

-------------------------------

“You have a visitor, Miss Chen.” the voice of Marc, one of the nurses frequently tasked with caring for Skylor, called softly, his voice seeping into the rather bizarre dream the master of amber was currently having. A bright red porcupine vaguely resembling Kia was battling snakes made from living noodles. Bits of chow mein flew everywhere with each chop slash. The scene faded away once she registered that the person calling to her actual existed and wasn’t just a figment of her imagination. What a confusing dream… where had that even come from?

“Huh?” she replied with a pained groan, struggling to prop herself up on her pillows and wishing she could just go back to sleep. Exhaustion was hardly a new concept for the master of amber, but she was pretty sure she’d discovered a new peak level of tiredness that hadn’t existed up to a few days ago. The drug induced haze she’d been experiencing had finally worn off, leaving her with a deep-rooted lack of energy, and memories of unrelenting pain that continued linger even now that she was on the road to recovery. And an abnormally overactive imagination, it seemed.

“Your ninja friend is here to see you again.” Marc explained, distracting her from any further desire to question her strange subconscious, “Do you want me to leave you two alone?”

“Oh... um... Yeah, that would probably be… good.” Skylor replied, cringing inwardly. She’d been dreading this moment since she first became lucid enough for him to describe the events of Kai’s previous visit. While the nurse hadn’t been present for everything that occurred, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know what else she might’ve let slip.

“Hey.” the master of fire greeted awkwardly from the doorway.

“Hey...” she murmured back, smiling weakly.

“I, uh, brought you some flowers…” he stated, holding out a rather large bouquet as he approached her bed.

“Wow… thanks, Kai… That was really sweet of you!” the redhead commented appreciatively. Kai placed them on the table next to her and pulled up the nearest chair.

“I figured you could use something to brighten this place up a bit.” this hospital room was anything but homey.

“It was definitely needed…” Skylor agreed. Having been raised in the colorful environment of her father’s island had given her an appreciation for beauty, if nothing else (years of trauma and manipulation aside). She’d quickly grown tired of staring at the stark, clinical whiteness of her surroundings. It would be a relief to return to the comforting warmth of her apartment once she was finally well enough to escape from this place.

“So…. How are you?” he asked quietly, glancing at her face, which was still far paler than it should’ve been, “I mean, you look much better than the last time I saw you but...”

“I’m… healing, I guess?” she said with a small shrug, relaxing onto her pillows a bit, “There’s still some pain, and I’m so exhausted that I feel like I could sleep for the next 50 years... But I feel way better now than I did for a while, there…”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. I never want to go through anything like that again…” Skylor told her companion. Absorbing Garmadon’s powers had been a terrible idea in hindsight, even if it had saved her friends. Nothing could have prepared her for the resulting pain and illness.

“I can’t blame you. It was all pretty horrible… Finding you in such bad shape? Was terrifying... We – I was so scared I was gonna lose you…” admitted Kai, sobering. They were quiet for a moment as memories of the events leading up to this day washed over them. This really had been a close call. Skylor shakily reached out, catching one of Kai’s hands with her own. Giving it a squeeze, she broke the silence.

“H-hey now, you can’t get rid of me that easily… but thanks. For everything. The doctors say if you hadn’t acted so quickly, things might’ve ended very differently. I… I’m glad you made it back okay.”

He returned the squeeze without hesitation.

“Me too, Sky. The thought of never seeing Nya, or Lloyd, or Pix, or you again was… unthinkable – there was never a doubt in my mind that I…. I had to get home somehow… There were so many things I never got to say, and I couldn’t just...”

“Give up?” she finished for him. He nodded.

“I know how you feel. Seeing the Bounty being crushed on live TV nearly broke me... it was devastating to think I’d lost so many people I cared about in one awful go. I came so close to just... losing hope completely, but then, sitting there in my apartment, waiting for the nightmare to just be over... I realized that if you were strong enough to go through losing your parents, your brother, and your master, all at different times, and still come out of it okay in the end...” Skylor’s voice cracked as she spoke, “I could face this, too. Even if it felt like I had lost everything. Because that’s what you’d have wanted me to do. And somewhere out there, Lloyd and Nya were hurting just as much as I was.”

Fingers still intertwined with hers, Kai gave the redhead’s hand another squeeze.

“Wow - I didn’t realize... C-can I ask you a question?” the master of fire asked tentatively.

“Of course.” she answered. Inhaling deeply, he looked into her eyes searchingly, and began to speak.

“The other day when I was here, you were a little out of it, but... you said that you were in love with me-”

“I - yes. I am. Have been for... Well, pretty much since we first met, actually. And I wanted to tell you. I was just...” Skylor interrupted, frantically praying this wouldn’t backfire on her.

“Waiting for the right moment?” he suggested, with a sheepish smile, “Yeah, I... I’m in love with you, too, Skylor. So if you were worried that maybe I was just joking that time back on your father’s island... I wasn’t then, and I’m not now.”

The master of fire scooted as close to her bed as he could before continuing.

“I was scared of messing things up for so long that I nearly missed the chance to tell you how I felt completely. But now? I just wanna be with you. I wanna talk to you on the phone until 3am and drive everyone else crazy with all our obnoxious inside jokes! I wanna go out with you and not be too much if a coward to call it a date and bring you flowers whenever I happen to be near the restaurant! I love you, Sky, and I’m so sorry it took me such a long time to tell you that to your face.”

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” the redhead replied, eyes bright. She looked so happy it made Kai’s heart burst with affection. Gently, he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears that had gathered in her eyes.

“Mmm. Actually, I’m probably sure I actually do,” he insisted, voice thick, “Meeting you was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me... And I kinda just really wanna kiss you now…”

“Oh? Well, what’s stopping you?” Skylor inquired, looking at him in a way he’d never seen before.

“Absolutely nothing.” he replied, emphasizing each word as he leaned in. She laughed as she met him halfway.

“Wow... I should’ve done that a long time ago.” Kai mumbled against her lips when they finally parted again. The redhead hummed quietly in agreement.

“Soo... I guess we’re together now?”

“Yep. It’s official. You’re stuck with me.” he said with a grin. She lightly punched his shoulder. They smiled at each, still only inches apart.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” she replied before kissing him again.

___________________________________________________________________

Day by day, Skylor’s health flourished, as did her relationship with Kai. He visited her whenever he could, staying for several hours; the rest of her ninja family, along with June and Chad also visited multiple times, ensuring that she was never bored or lonely while stuck in her dreary hospital room. Flowers, stuffed animals, and boxes of candy brightened her surroundings, though she eventually had to insist that Kai stop bringing her gifts every time he showed up. Their first date was a trip to the hospital cafeteria on the day the doctors deemed the master of amber strong enough to leave her bed. The hamburgers and fries weren’t perfect, and neither were Kai’s increasingly cheesy pickup lines, but after having waited so long to simply be together, neither of them cared. They stayed there, laughing hysterically over dumb stories, and tossing fries into each other’s mouths (and missing a large fraction of the time) until one of Skylor’s nurses finally came to drag her back to her room, insisting that she needed her rest. She slept better that night than she had in a long time.

Finally, the date of her release from the hospital rolled around, and not a moment too soon. Skylor was beyond ready to finally go home. To say she had gone a bit stir crazy wouldn’t have been a lie. Sitting on her bed, the suitcase June had brought her already packed, she smiled when her phone vibrated, signaling an incoming text.

Kai: Hey, stranger! Just pulled into the parking garage!

Skylor: Can’t wait to see you, fire boy :)

Kai: Be up before you know it!

The redhead leaned backwards and stared up at the ceiling, sighing happily as she read her boyfriend’s messages. It felt so good to know to know with absolute certainty that Kai loved her. And that she’d be leaving this place in a few short minutes. True to his word, the master of fire quickly arrived outside her room.

“Guess who?” he sang, swinging the door open. Skylor scrambled off her bed, greeting him with a soft kiss.

“Hey, Kai.”

“Hi. You look good today.” Kai complimented holding her at arm's length. She rolled her eyes.

“I mean, I'm in desperate need of a shower, and look like I haven’t seen the sun in years, but I'll take it.”

“So, you ready to get oughtta here?” the master of fire asked, grabbing the suitcase.

“Please,” Skylor told him, “if I never see this place again, it’ll be too soon.”

“Alrighty then. Let’s get you signed out before the doctors change their minds.”

“Good plan.” She stated, following him out the door and into the hallway. Jen, the nurse who practically lived at the front desk, already had the release forms ready for Skylor when the duo reached the waiting room.

“Congratulations, Miss Chen! It’s nice to see you doing so well. You just have a few papers to sign, and then you can be on your way.” The woman announced cheerily. Skylor quickly scanned the paperwork before grabbing a pen. She carefully signed her name to each dotted line, relishing in the feeling of freedom that came with it.

“Everything looks good to me,” Jen remarked, “Just remember to stay hydrated and take it easy for the next couple of weeks or so. We don’t want you ending up back here too soon, now do we?”

“Noted… thanks for everything!” The redhead smiled weakly.

“Of course. Now, I’m sure you’d like to get outta here. That boyfriend of yours looks like he’s starting to get antsy.” observed Jen, nodding towards Kai, who was staring longingly towards the exit.

“He looks even more anxious to leave than I am.”

“He’s probably thinking about the night you were brought in… I was here, you know… The guy was absolutely devastated. It was obvious how much he cared about you – physically tried to fight the nurses when they took you back without him…” The nurse recalled, clearly pleased that they were a couple now. Skylor blanched at this.

“Oh… I… No one had told me that… I- you’re right, I should probably get going.”

“Have a nice evening!”

“You too!” Skylor called over her shoulder as she headed for Kai.

“All set?” Her boyfriend asked.

“Yep. Let’s go home and have a quiet movie night and a nice meal that didn’t originate from the hospital cafeteria.” She begged. They exited the waiting room and stepped into the elevator that would take them to the level the parking garage was on. Watching the floor number meter count down, Skylor leaned against Kai’s shoulder, which, she had discovered, was the perfect height for a head rest.

“You doing okay?” He asked, noticing how quiet she’d gotten. She burrowed into him.

“Yeah, m’fine. Just… thinking.”

“About what?”

“Kai, did you seriously fight the nurses when they wouldn’t let you come back with me?” Skylor questioned, stepping out of the elevator, Kai close behind.

“Well yeah, but don’t worry, Lloyd wasn’t very supportive of me wanting to burn down the entire wing in revenge…” he joked, which earned him a look.

“Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the best idea ever, but I stand by my choices.”

“You really are one in a million.”

“And I’m all yours. Me, my awesome fire powers, and this minivan Nya hooked us up with.” Kai stated, pressing a button on his key fob to unlock their ride, which they had just arrived at. He opened the door on the passenger side and helped her climb in before getting in himself.

“I’ll try not to fall asleep on the drive home this time,” The redhead assured him, referencing their trip to the zoo that had occurred not long after Skylor had first taken over her father’s restaurant. He laughed, turning the key in the ignition,

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Your body is still healing from everything it got put through.”

“As romantic as the image of you carrying me into my apartment and tucking me into bed is, I’m pretty sure we’d both end up back in the hospital if you tried that so. Think I’d better stay awake if it’s all the same to you.” Skylor commented with a wink, “And besides, it shouldn’t be a very long ride.” Kai nodded. Their vehicle turned a corner.

“The colossus somehow managed to miss your entire neighborhood, so the streets should be pretty clear.”

“That’s good. So… how’s the gang today?” Asked Skylor, knowing how hectic life had been for them in the wake of Garmadon’s defeat. Getting the city back on its feet entailed a lot of hard work, and they had all seemed exhausted whenever they came to visit her.

“Zane declared our food stores too measly to cook a decent meal with and took Pixal on a shopping spree this morning at 5am, and Nya’s more than a little jealous that you got released from the hospital before she gets to be rid of her sling, but other than that, everyone seems to be holding up okay.” He answered lightheartedly. She stifled a giggle.

“Somehow, I’m not surprised by any of this.”

“My family does have a flair for the dramatic.” the master of fire admitted readily. He himself was no exception, as he’d proven time and time again (he was still being lectured by Lloyd and Nya for his stunt with the colossus).

The duo continued to chat as Kai drove along the streets of Ninjago City, enjoying how easily words flowed between them. They reminisced over past adventures and discussed Wu’s progress in rebuilding the Monastery of Spinjitzu. They occasionally stopped talking to sing along with whatever song was playing on Kai’s playlist, sometimes competing to see who could butcher the lyrics the most horribly. Time passed quickly. Street signs flew by. And soon, they were pulling up in front of the master of amber’s home.

“Sweet freedom!” Skylor exclaimed, shakily climbing out. She inhaled deeply; somehow the air here felt different, fresher, lighter, than that of the hospital, or even the warehouse the resistance had taken refuge in. Kai bit back a laugh when he saw her face.

“Welcome home, Sky.”

“Home,” She agreed, “It feels like a lifetime since I left, but at the same time… like it was only seconds ago…”

“A lot of things have happened since then.” He said, reaching to shut the car door, which Skylor had neglected to do in her excitement at having arrived.

“Yeah, I...” The master of amber paused when she heard the strains of the song Kai’s phone was playing. The music was much quieter without being played through the car’s speakers, but she could still recognize the lyrics.

“Is that... Shut Up and Dance With Me?”

“Uh, yeah. It is.” Kai confirmed, pulling the device from its stand.

“You wanna...?” Skylor started, hesitantly. She glanced at him, shyly. He raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t hard to guess what she was thinking.

“Dance with you? In the middle of the sidewalk? Sure, I mean, you only live once.” Kai relented with a grin. He pulled her onto the grassy area that lined the sidewalk, more than a little concerned his girlfriend might topple over if they weren’t careful.

“Just tell me if you need to stop, okay?” She nodded and took his hands.

Oh don't you dare look back

Just keep your eyes on me

Kai spun her gently, smiling as her face lit up. She pulled him into a spin of her own, harder, faster, than before.

I said you're holding back

She said shut up and dance with me

They stumbled around the stretch of greenery, laughing as their movements grew increasingly clumsy. Finally, the two collapsed next to each other, breathing hard.

“If my neighbors didn’t think I was crazy before, they definitely do now!” Skylor gasped, cheeks flushed. She looked so alive.

“Worth it!” Kai breathed. He leaned over to kiss her.

“Maybe there’s no such thing as a perfect moment, maybe things never line up exactly how we want them to. But right here, right now? I’d say we’ve gotten pretty darn close to perfection.” She told him before allowing herself to be wrapped in his loving embrace. No matter how much chaos life threw at them, Skylor knew they’d be able to handle it. Together.

#Ninjago fanfiction #Ninjago #Kailor #Kai #Skylor #Guys guess who actually finished this finally!!!!#Cute hospital confessions #Kai is an anxious bean #And kinda awkward #But that's okay because skylor is too!#They love each other and it's sweet #The hospital staff all ships them #Dancing to music on the sidewalk is totally normal what are you talking about????#Can't believe it's over!

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cartooness · 5 years ago

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Sum Masonder Stuff part 82 or something lol

Okay, so. Lavender Grey and Mason Adalbert are both huge dorks. They are. And they're in love and it's beautiful. So, here are some dialogues I've made up for them haha.

Lav, jokingly,- You look like a cheeto.

Mason- Well at least I'm flaming hot then!

Lav, staring at Mason, admiring him with so much love- You're gorgeous. <3

Mason, blushing like crazy,- *sputter* NO YOU!! YOU'RE MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER!! YOU'RE A LITERAL GODDESS IN THE FLESH!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

Lav, red as a strawberry,- O///////O thanks.

*proceeds to hold him tight under the blankets*

Lav- I love all of you <3

Mason- You do??? :')

Lav- Of course I do! I love you here *pecks his forehead* and here *pecks his cheek* and here *this goes on for a while lmao*

••Like almost an hour later••

Lav, very smitten,- Does that answer your question?

Mason, malfunctioning due to the amount of love,- Yeah. My turn.

Lav- Heh.

Mason- *does the exact same thing*

Lav- Button?

Mason- Lovely?

Lav- >///< sorry I just. Love my pet name so much.

Mason- Well it's true! You ARE lovely! *hugs her and kisses the corner of her mouth*

Lav- Aww, thanks n///n

Lav- Button. I'm cold. Are you?

Mason- Yeah, kinda.

Lav- Wait I'll get us a blanket. *uses magic to levitate a blanket towards them*

Mason- Also my heart is cold. Can you warm it up owo??

Lav- *adjusts blankey, then snuggles up close to him.* Of course. <3

Mason- Can I kiss you please?

Lav- Okay.

Mason- *kisses her hands*

Lav- Ò/////Ó *SPUTTER*

Mason- ÒwÓ

Lav- Hmph. My turn. *holds his face and kisses him rather passionately*

Mason, a few minutes later,- Ò////Ó

Lav- ÒwÓ

Mason- Lav is like a basket.

Travis- Explain.

Mason- She holds me.

Lav- *is carrying him bridal style* uwu

Lav- WHAT'S CRACK A LAKIN BIG SMACKING!!!! *passes out*

Mason- !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Decan- She's been like this for an hour. I'm scared. Do you think you know what happened?

Mason- ...catnip.....

Decan- Wha?

Mason- *sigh* Okay so, Jace invited Lav and I to the animal shelter he works at and she was playing with all the cats, which was absolutely ADORABLE, and SOMEHOW, SHE FOUND CATNIP, SNIFFED IT, AND NOW SHE'S HIGH OR SOMETHING!!! Is it because she has cat like qualities????

Decan- She. Got high. Off of catnip??

Lav, delirious,- HELL YEAH I DID!!! *goes back to the floor*

Decan- I'll carry her to her room. *sigh*

((This was so stupid fhdhgsfhah))

Mason- Your eyes sparkle like the ocean~♡

Lav- My eyes are brown?

Mason- Your eyes sparkle like the Hudson River?

Lav- Button, can we cuddle please?

Mason- Of course!

*cuddle each other*

Lav- *snuggles up real close*

You're such a wonderful human being, you know that? You're so compassionate about others, even when you've had a rocky past, you listen to others and what they have to say, and you're never angry like, ever. It's really rare to find people like that.

Mason-.... well, I'd say you're not so bad yourself. First of all, you're like. The most powerful human to ever exist, and that's really saying something, and from what I've been told, you escaped from your childhood hell and actually made it here, and by the luck of the all mighty universe, found a family to call your own. And the trauma? You have a super strong support system AND you're a natural born fighter. Not to mention, you are like, SO smart about so many different things. It's amazing. And you're so, so sweet and passionate about so many people and things you love and care about. Falling in love with you was the best thing that's ever happened to me. *realizes what he just said*

Lav- *blushing like crazy* you... fell in love.... with me?

Mason- Yes! I have! I've fallen and I can't get up! You're, just, so smart, so passionate, so strong, not to mention you're absolutely GORGEOUS in every sense of the word, how could I not fall in love with you! I love you! So much!

... I love you too. Jesus, I am so in love with you I literally can't put it into words. You are such a wonderful, kind, handsome, absolutely adorable human being, all around the absolute love of my life. *holds his face*

Lav- And I think I want to kiss you until I can't feel my face anymore. You?

Mason *blushing* - Yes please.

And then they’re hardcore making out, and by that I mean they're in a mad lip lock while hands are entangled in hair and/or holding the others face. This goes on for a while lmao.

~~About like 7 minutes later~~

Lav- *breathless and very lovestruck*

Mason- *Also very breathless and very lovestruck* So... my love, how'd I do?

Lav- Well, darling, I think you've really outdone yourself~

And then they’re snuggled up into each other, once again, enjoying the moment. <3 ((they're so cute ahhhhh))

Ok so, I like to think Mason would definitely have yearning sessions with Kyle because they would. So this was right before lav and mason got like, together together.

Kyle- You ever just have the need to like. Cuddle up with someone. And hold them close.

Mason, in a proper yearning mood,- Ugh, YES. Don't judge please, but you know Lavender?

Kyle- Yeah. We see each other every day, and she made me pride pins. That was really kind of her.

Mason- .... I would love to hold her tight and just. Snuggle up with her all day. Yeah, that sounds wonderful.... -///-

Kyle- OOOH! YOU LIKE HER!!!! ~~~

Mason- Heh!? Wha.... maybe!!! I don't have to tell you!!! *hiding his face*

Kyle- My dude, it's okay! I mean, she's nice and stuff, you guys are already giod friends, so it's not like there'd be any major problems I guess.

Mason- Well, yeah, but I just don't know if she likes me back! Like, as more than a friend!! I dunno. I'm going to her place tomorrow on Friday, and maybe I'll tell her then. Better to rip the band aid off now when it's fresh or whatever.

Kyle- Ah, ok. Tell me how it goes!! But for now, let's finish Mr. Caps homework.

Mason- Yeah, let's do that.

Ok now here's one with Lavender and her friend Tracy ; )

Lav- Cloudy?

Tracy- Yeah?

L- I like Mason. A lot.

T- *GASP* I KNEW IT!!!

L- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNEW IT!?!?

T- Oh, please! You guys are so CUTE! You're always with one another, always enjoying company, and I'm pretty sure those platonic relationship cuddles are flustering you now. Do you get all shy and stuff when you're around him now?

Lav- Wha- yeah? But it used to not be that way!! Hmph. Damn his cute face and his laughter. And his caring touch. And his beautiful smile. He probably tastes sweet as well...

Tracy- >:3 You're head over heels for him!!!!!

Lav- Ò/////Ó TRACY PLEASE!!!! HE MIGHT NOT LIKE ME BACK THAT WAY!!!

T- But what if he does??

Lav- ... but what if he does? *hopeful*

And then they kissed the next day XD

So me and my lovely mutual @ghostly-business came up with these uwu

Did you know Lav's favorite way to hold Mason is by straddling him and snuggling into his chest while holding each other taught? Also he strokes her hair and face as well ((Note- on this blog straddling is never s*xual)) And they're on her bed, with a warm blankey, enjoying the moment :'') They nap/sleep together all the time. For reals. Mason has been in her room more times than he can count lol. They are so cute and fluffy and in love it makes me so soff Lav wears flavored lip balm all the time (like me, currently wearing the flavor strawberry sprinkle :p) , so she likes to kiss him and she'll be all like "What flavor is it? OwO" and he'll either actually guess or be like "Hmmm, I dunno, I need to taste it again ;)" cause he's flirty like that sometimes and they're favorite flavor is root beer. Or he decides to purposely guess something very wrong to mess with her, and guesses things that are inedible like “toothpaste” and they both giggle about it YES. HE WOULD.

"Pft, not even CLOSE to blueberry, Button."

"I know, I know."

OH WAIT WAIT WAIT

Have you seen Cloudy with a chance of meatballs???

JELLO SCRUNCHIE????

You know that scene where flint and same like, puffed their cheeks up and kissed each other? Big masonder vibes right there :OOOOOOOOOOOOO :D !! I also rly love the jello scrunchie tooo aH

Honestly they are like, a version of masonder. Exactly, The embodiment of masonder. YES. Also Mason would totally go to like. A peach farm and pick a bunch for lav cause she loves peaches. Mason, one day, on the phone, "Hey lav meet me at my place I have a surprise byeee" Imagine them. Sharing a peach tho, like, they just take a big bite of it at the same time and then give each other the biggest smiles. Y E S.

I’m. Somft

And she's all like "Ah, nothing beats a near over ripe peach!" Mason, "I think your smile begs to differ" Lav-😶😶😶

Mason- And you're definitely way sweeter than they'll ever be <33 *pecks her lips*

I'M SOFF DAMMIT

I just had a wonderful idea. Lav and Mason, on a fruit farm date, And they have so much fun. There's a bunch of kids there as well, and it's so cute seeing them help the babies reach stuff. Or taking pictures for other families. Yessss love that.

Imagine they find this weird looking fruit and give it a name like “Fred” or something like that and take a bunch of photos/selfie of said fruit. Y E S. THEY WOULD. I'M LOVE. Mason- LOVELY OMG LOOK AT THIS STRAWBERRY

Lav- :OOO It looks like a Fred! They name it after Scooby doo’s Fred Jones because it looks similar to him. Like it’s just vaguely Freddy like. And then it's the evening, they have like 2 baskets of various apples and peaches and stuff, and they're sitting under a big tree, Lav's head on his shoulder, and Lav's all like "Mason, I'm going to feed you a strawberry, okay?" "Okay. Ah-" and then she catches his mouth in a kiss and starts passionately kissing him. He's kissing her back as well, and after a minute or two, they depart and he holds her in his lap. The sun is going down, so they head to Mason's house, and they put away all the fruit they didn't already eat, and now they're in his room. Mason lays on his bed, Lav right after. Then they get real close and snuggle into each other. "I love you." "I love you too." And then they drift to sleep.

:'''''))))

OK BUT I had this new idea abt the whacky strawberry thing - what if, instead of Fred Jones, the strawberry looked vaguely like Lewis. They call it “Lewis Pepperberry” and the second they show Lewis he’s just: ಠ_ಠ. Lewis Pepperberry has a very special place in the fridge.

Oooh! Yay! Lav put a spell on it so it'll never rot.

I’m thinkin the green leaves of the strawberry could be the 2 little tufts of hair on the back of head (hopefully you know what I’m talking abt lol -) Must never let the Pepperberry rot.

Oh Vivi and Arthur would absolutely LOVE the Pepperberry, they would never let Lewis live it down. They would pepper it in (hehe) to their conversations from time to time and Lewis would always be caught off guard by it. Mystery would find it kinda ridiculous but support it anyways (and maybe put into some of their conversations as well sometimes)

Vivi, after kissing Lewis,- Mm, sweet as a pepper berry~♡

Lewis- Ò////Ò Vivi, darling, Please....

Oh did I ever tell you lav is strong enough to bridal style carry Mason and she loves to scoop him up and shower his face and jaw with kisses?

“Sometimes our relationship is built by being silly and Lav holding me bridal style and smooching me” - Mason

Also yes, masonder in a nutshell. Infinite smooches and holding. Along with being huge dorks. Omg. You know how when moms kiss their newborn babies and they make those little noises while they kiss them 50 times on the same spot of their cheek? This makes little sense, but Lav and Mason kiss each other like that. They like, chose a spot and rapid fire kiss it like 50 times and it makes this little like, noise, IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN LMAOO. I literally can't explain it omg. But they smooch All. The. Time. And Mason is a surprisingly good kisser lol. Lav is almost there XD.

I think you may be talking about a raspberry (not the fruit, the informal def is: a sound made with the tongue and lips in order to express derision or contempt. It’s like a pbbth sound I think how you’d describe it? I might be wrong so correct me if I am lol) KINDA. Like, it sounds like you're calling for like. A cat. This makes no sense I'm so sorry. It’s alright XD

But they do blow little raspberries on like the neck and stuff to get a laugh out of each other. Awwww.

:OOO

The night of their wedding. They go to their room it's literally DRENCHED in pillows and blankets and sheets. There's a note from everyone that says "do what you want :p" They build the best pillow fort ever and be cute and cuddle and snuggle. They also try for a baby but that's another story lol

XD I love that tho pillow forts are most certainly their thing. They do it every Friday night and watch a sappy movie too with their favorite beverage.

I LOVE YOU, YES They're watching Frozen and Lav is belting all the songs as Mason awkwardly dances, he sings along as well. Big cuddle time, Lav is probably laying in or on Mason’s lap, or against his side with her arms wrapped around him and his hand stroking her hair. Yes :'') They always sing along during musicals on Friday night’s it’s a rule that must NEVER be broken. Y E S. (Unless they’re in a theater, that’s the only exception tho) Of course uwu

:OOO THEY SING BROADWAY TOGETHER. YES. BROADWAY MUSICALS THAT IS. THEY KNOW THE BE MORE CHILL AND MEAN GIRLS MUSICAL BY HEART. Those also happen to be the only musicals I know all the songs of haha. Mason definitely brushes her hair. Lavender has very voluminous hair and it's long and pretty and so much fun to play and style it. He'll blow dry it and brush it for her 100% And then he'll hold her and sleep with her :') I’m listening to a song in Singin in The Rain and I heard the PERFECT masonder quote that I think fits them really well: *it’s raining pretty hard outside* Lav - “Be careful, it’s raining a little harder than usual tonight.”

Mason - “Really? From where I stand the sun is shining all over the place ~”

And then Mason gives a sweet peck to her lips (it’s not the EXACT quote from the movie bc I altered it so it isn’t as specific and could be applied anywhere, but it still followed what was said)

Awwwwwwwww I love it!!

I don't deserve my own ocs mgsmgysltsltlstlstlslts

XD They’re too good for this world. Exactly. They have so, so SO much love for each other.

😍😍😍😍😍 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Constant masonder mood.

Definitely.

And that's what we came up with XD

#mystery skulls animated #mystery skulls #Lavender grey #Mason adalbert #masonder

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honeyparker · 6 years ago

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blueberry pancakes — s.r.

summary: he wonders where he could ever find something like this — something so pure and so good his heart speeds up just thinking about it. something that scrambles his brain and makes him feel like a sixteen year old lovebug.

a/n: not a request, but i am posting a cute peter fluff request tomorrow!! happy 100th, stevie, heres some tooth rotting fluff

masterlist

He’s content. He’s watching you dance around, jokingly singing into a pancake batter covered whisk, and he’s happy. He’s completely okay for the first time in his life since he’s come out of the ice, he’s calm. He’s looking at your pajama pants, littered with small Captain America shields — something you found hilarious — and he’s looking at the white shirt that falls to your thighs that he could’ve sworn went missing from his closet two weeks ago. You would argue otherwise. Pft no, it’s my dad’s!

.He’s watching you sing and dance — some song that apparently everyone knew except for him, one of the big things he’s missed — and doesn’t remember the last time he was this carefree. The last time he got up and danced, not to improve, not with a girl, just for himself.

The last time he did anything just for himself. He wonders if it gets better than this. He wonders if anything could even come close to the girl standing in front of him, come close to your bright eyes and wide grin. He wonders where he could ever find something like this — something so pure and so good his heart speeds up just thinking about it. Something that scrambles his brain and makes him feel like a sixteen year old lovebug. It’s unimaginable that anyone other than you could do that to him.

He sees a glowing innocence within you. Safe from all the battles he’s fought, safe from all the traumas and horrors of war, safe from everything he’s had to do in order to survive, in order to make sure someone else doesn’t. Things you know nothing about. Everything he’s kept away from you, everything that hurt him so goddamn bad — and it doesn’t even matter right now. Nothing matters right now except for you and keeping that smile on your face.

“Alright, what do you think? Chocolate chips?” You hold up the bag. “Or blueberries?” You point at the small carton sitting on the counter.

“I think,” he says as he walks towards you. “I think whatever you want, I’ll be happy with.”

“I think, you want blueberries, even though you won’t tell me,” you mock as you reach for the plastic container.

He’s pressing a kiss to your head and it’s all alright. It’s fine, no matter blueberries or chocolate chips or nothing at all, because in truth, none of that matters. It doesn’t matter that the sun is pouring in and it’s hurting his eyes, or that it’s six in the morning and neither of you are even remotely ready for work, not that Bucky has been blowing up his phone for thirty minutes and your boss is probably very angry — because you’re here. You’re here, standing in front of him, and you love him and that’s all that matters. Maybe it’s a little bit naive and crazy and maybe Steve Rogers has never been a lovesick puppy, not before you, but to hell with work and to hell with overbearing sunshine because he’s perfectly okay standing with you in your kitchen, and he’d be perfectly okay doing it for the rest of his life.

“You’re right.” And you turn away from him, pouring batter into a pan and sprinkling blueberries onto it.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah, Stevie. I love you— woah!” you exclaim as you flip a pancake “I’m basically a chef now, I’m going on Chopped. I’m gonna win. I’m a pro.”

“Well,” he replies jokingly. “That’s news to me.”

A little laugh bubbles in your throat. “Oh, shut up, you old man.”

“Fine, fine,” he mutters as he retreats back to your room. “I’ll shut up. I’ll leave.”

But you see his stupid smile on his face and the laughter he’s threatening to let go, and his hands are up, surrendering, and you can’t help but wonder if there’s anyone better than Steve Rogers. You know there’s not. You know there’s no one who could place more faith in you than he does — trust you and love you.

“Get back here, you little shit!”

“So I was old a minute ago, but now I’m little? Hm. That doesn't really make sense,” he teases.

And he’s coming towards you and his fingers are wiggling and all of a sudden they’re on your hips and your laughter is filling the room while his fingers dance at your sides. “Fine! Fine! I give.”

You can barely get the words out over your laughter. The kind of endless laughter that makes your stomach hurt and your heart smile. He lets go.

“You’re just old!” You shout over your shoulder as you run around the kitchen island.

“You’re gonna get it now!” He stands across from you, mirroring your actions. When you move to the left, he does. When you move to the right, he follows. Making a break for it, you sprint to the left, giggling and moving as fast as you can, only to be stopped by Steve.And then you’re on the floor. And he’s pushing himself up over you and pushing his lips onto yours and your hands are in his hair — until they move to his waist.

“Stop, stop!” He giggles. “Say it!”

“I’m - I’m s-sorry I tickl-tickled you!”

“Alright. I give. Only because I think the pancakes are done.”

You roll out from underneath him, flipping blueberry pancakes into two plates, setting them on top of two placemats. Steve is already there by the time you place a candle into his food, lighting it and setting it on front of him. You stand behind him while he’s seated, leaning over him and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Happy birthday, Stevie. Make a wish, sweetheart.”

#Steve Rogers #tony stark #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #Sebastian Stan #steve rogers x you #fluff #Avengers #Chris Evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader #seb #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you

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firyalsabhilla · 3 years ago

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as a comeback, i just wanna say something i would never say to anyone. anyone.

I start to lost a lot of words; i start to have a hard time to talk, to say, to express what i feel.

I don’t wanna say, ‘oh trauma!’ pft, no, i know, it sounds too much for a person like me, who used to live in such a perfect life, to have such a trauma that kinda stop my brain to function as good as how it used too.

i start felt numb, since my last break up.

i dont wanna say i was traumatized, but let say, i have a bad experience and i just don’t wanna feel the same type of thing again, so i run, as far as possible, from everything that i think may give me the same effect, the same feeling to feel one day.

i am having a hard time to handle and control myself. My anger issue is sometime near to a warning, to the point where i fantasize myself hurting someone, murder someone, and how i release my anger by imagining the courage i never have to hurt someone without feeling guilty, to see someone mad, angry, bloody in front of me, by seeing them scared, desperate, and how i just will keep my poker face just to annoy them.

i act like a cold serial killer, where i hide behind the image people see me as so far, and once they do one thing to trigger me; welcome to your grave yard sweet heart.

but you know me, i am weak as hell, mentally and physically. i can’t punch someone, i even have a hard time to open a new bottle’s lid, how will i murder someone? i will end up be the one under the pilled soil--and well, im not mad for that, i lowkey want it but just dont make me suffer too much, thanks.

anyway.

since you know imma weak and all violence is only happening in my brain, instead of act like a cool baddie slay everyone’s head in front of your way up, i just end up crying like a baby to release how desperate i am to run from the fear that come out of nowhere.

dad is gone.

it gets worst when i can no longer see my late dad.

and all the problem that coming afterwards, sadly, i can’t tell anyone what happened, even i really want to tell what happened.

every time i go outside, i can’t handle myself to remember all the guilt and regret, the fear, it was so stressful.

every time i walk myself out, i cried for no reason and it hurts my head so much. well, i can’t just scream my lungs out and cry when i am outside, people will question my sanity right away, so i tend to hold it but sometimes it just unbearable.

i locked myself in my room, i cut ties with my beloved friends, realizing how toxic i become, how i no longer can use my logic to thing straight and right, how i was such an attention whore, how i just find it so tiring to pretend like you are okay--to laugh out your sadness, to say, ‘its hillarious that this happen to me haha, no, do not feel bad about it.’ Well, yea, do not feel bad about iit, please don’t. this problem is just me and i have to handle it.

it just so .. exhausting.

i don’t actually know what i am writing now.

but all i feel, i just feel so drained.

i feel comfort when i am alone. i once stopped seeing people for a week and damn it felt so good, it just you and you, you don’t have to deal with anyone, you don’t have to thing about anything, it just you. to finally know how it feels like to be a priority is just so good and i don’t wanna leave the feeling.

i cried again, i remember what dad used to do and how limited my time with him was and how i --huh-- feel so betrayed, i feel so dissapointed to him, to myself, and i don’t really to make this as a reason; but it is, it is the reason why i am being myself today.

how i just wanna die, how i get numb, how i life in fear for no reason, how stepping out from my door room is just fucking terrifying.

i thought about suicide almost every day, i stop praying to god cus i feel everything is useless. hearing how people are just “yauda kalau uda kehendak Allah--” makes me wanna puke.

well, what keeping me alive till today, not gonna lie, its all thanks to my photocard and the thought i have to keep them save so i can resell it one day without lowing the price.

my hand is shaking when i write this, lmao. fyi, tmi.

and i kinda get into the conclusion, from everything that i felt, from all the hurt i hate to feel, i decided to just live my life as it is. i lost my motivation to life, i lost the willing and wanting to be a better me, i lost the force of being what kind of person i dreamt of.

i lost everything already.

all i feel was just ... nothing. nothing can sparks a joy, nothing is actually can make me feel better --well, jaehyun’s syb photocard for free maybe--all i can easily feel is pain, sadness, fear, feels so traumatic, lowkey.

i don’t wanna meet new people, i will never get marry--or if i have to, ill just marry random guy and i will never can fall in love, not because i can’t move on from the last guy i met, i moved on already lmao, but i just hate to come to the phase of broken heart and blah blah, i can’t handle those type of thing anymore.

so i will be alone, from today.

or- meet a new people online, cus they will just forget you once you gone from this world without questioning a thing.

to conclude everything, i am dead inside and i hope i can dead outside as well too.

i know.

i should have not felt this way; many people have the struggle that is way harder than what i feel. i should have not feel this way cus i stil have some luck and previlage that other people don’t have.

but i just can’t resist the feeling.

instead. just take me.

i really .. wanna die.

dissappear.

gone.

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anthonymller · 7 years ago

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is it prince charming in real life (except this is not real life and it’s actually rping)?? is that someone who really needs sleep?? is another white guy with a sad backstory by yours truly?? yes yes and also yes. hi!! i’m ella and this is my baby anthony he is not that great but he is trying his best so i think that amounts to something honestly. you can find more info about him under the read more and if you would like a plot with him then give it a like or im me and we’ll talk.

⌜ ELLA. 19. GTM -3.⌟ did i really just see [ JOSH DALLAS ]? nah, that’s just [ ANTHONY MILLER ], also known as the [ MEDIATOR ] of new york city. apparently, they’re a/an [ THIRTY FIVE ] year old [ POLICE DETECTIVE ], identifying as a [ CIS MALE BISEXUAL ], which is probably why they’ve lived in [ BROOKLYN ] for [ EIGHT YEARS ]. i heard that [ HE ] is known to be very [ RESPONSIBLE & PATIENT ], but watch out — they can also become very [ REPRESSED & SELF-RIGHTEOUS ] on their bad days.

-` Anthony John Miller ´-

TW: MENTIONS OF CHILD NEGLECT, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, MISCARRIAGE, CANCER AND DEATH

let me tell you about the biggest workaholic in new york city.

person life?? pfts. hobbies?? nah. throwing yourself into work so you won’t have to deal feelings??? yes

anthony was born in texas, in 1983. his parents owned a whiskey distillery and were both very wealthy.

his father wasn’t really the greatest. he was barely around, always having to be somewhere else because of work. though, his mother was really the worse one. she was always pushing her children to do what she wanted, emotionally manipulating them into doing what she thought would make them into the perfect children.

anthony and his siblings would constantly be asked to do things they didn’t want to because their mother thought would be best for them. she would also hold them to impossible standards and then scream at them when they didn’t meet it.

through, high school anthony was your local football playing popular jerk. he started playing football mostly because his mother and father thought that was what he should do, using his acomplishments to boast about their parents skills. but tony didn’t really care much for the games. he spent most of his time partying, drinking and having fun. despite the fact that his mother would constantly scream at him for his actions, he would more often than not be found drunk hitting on some random girl at a high school party.

that is until she meet some goth girl that switched school. that girl was alice. they meet when tony was in his senior year of high school. they quickly fell in love and started dating, tony dropping most of the things he used to do at that point to spend time with her.

he started getting as drunk as he used to, didn’t go out as much with the football crowd. he was pretty much head over hills with her.

everything was perfect for a while, well that is, until she got pregnant.

after she got pregnant anthony told his parents about it and his mother just went on about how terrible alice was. alice and their child didn’t meet with the plans that they had for anthony and so their parents hated both. his mother told him about how he’d have to choose between his family and alice.

they finished the high school year, alice being three months pregnant at that moment, and then both ran away from home to a complete different city.

he and alice had to start from scratch. she was a musician and would sing in bars and different places every night around town while he started working as a parking attendant after becoming friends with the local sheriff.

life was starting to go their way. though they did have to work a lot, and they weren’t really living in the greatest condition. ( the small motel they were both sleeping in not even comparing to the mansion tony used to live in, ) but it was good. he was with someone he loved and there was no one to tell anthony what to do all the time.

alice had a miscarriage through her second semester. that really affected her, alice not being able to go out to sing for a long while, but anthony did his best to try and help her through it.

that was when he became most of the man he is today. he got two jobs to be able to support both of them and he started being way more responsible since he had to take care not only of himself but also of her.

time passed though and they were able to recover from it.

they got married a few years later spending years together.

she started teaching kids arts and anthony was able to become a policeman and slowly starting to evolve in his career. he loved helping people and he loved being able to do daily.

they moved to new york city.

the real lowest point though came a few years later. alice was constantly feeling sick and tired, unable to do the things she usually and she decided to go the doctor. she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. a few months later she died.

the death really affected tony, him unable to do anything for a while.

instead of dealing with the loss though he buried himself into work. spending every awake moment focused on it so he didn’t have to think of anything else.

-` Random facts + Personality ´-

he mostly lost his texan accent, and most people can’t even tell he is not from new york, though, when he is angry you can sometimes hear his original accent slipping through.

he is really super responsible and likes to take care of people and if anyone tells him about their problems he’ll drop mostly all of his priorities to make sure they are fine and won’t rest until he solves the problem

catch him outside the club avoiding all his feelings

he’ll mostly never talk about the shit he is going through no matter how bad he is feeling. 9/10 times he either doesn’t want to deal with it or bother people with his feelings.

he is most of the time super nice to people and really respect and polite. that is unless he sees you doing something he finds morally wrong in each case he’ll get on that moral high ground and lecture you.

even though his wife died five years ago, he hasn’t really dated anyone ever since his wife died. still wearing the wedding ring to this day.

he’ll on occasion try to take off the wedding ring and go on a date if any of his friends convince him of it but it’ll hardly ever go past the second or third date as he’ll most of the time feel guilty for trying to connect with someone else.

-` Possible connections ´-

the good inflence ; someone that might have been doing something wrong at some point but tony was a good influence to and help them get back on their feet.

the bad influence ; someone that gives him bad ideas and drags anthony along to stuff that he wouldn’t really normally be involved with bc anthony is worried about them and wants to make sure they are fine.

the best friend ; someone with whom anthony can be honest and talk about stuff that actually happened. maybe something bad happened to that friend as well and they connect through the trauma of it, or maybe that person is just really warm-hearted and kind. in either case, tony feels like he can talk to that person even if most of the time he won’t.

the ex ; maybe someone from high school that met him before he changed to the man he is today and only knows him as his former asshole self or

the blind date ; maybe a friend set them up. maybe a co-worker did, in either case they ended up together some time and really connected while talking. things, however, have been really awkward ever since bc tony won’t call them back or really attempt at anything else

the one sided crush ; pretty self explanatory. someone that started crushing on anthony for whatever reason and he doesn’t feel the same way. i feel like it could be interesting since he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings ever, especially if it was a friend or someone he already had some sort of connection with, but he’d be unable to feel the same way towards them.

siblings ; anthony has five siblings of varying ages and genders and he hasn’t really talked to his family ever since he ran away from home so it could be an interesting dynamics maybe to see how they have grown apart, maybe what him leaving did to your character and all that.

#nyorkhq:intro #is this a mess ? yes #did i re write it three times and i am still not happy with it? also yes #but i figure if i keep rewriting i'll be here forever #you can mostly get the feel and backstory of my baby with it anyways so here and i'll write a decent bio some time in the future #alsoooO pls like this or im for plots #i love plotting

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isa-ly · 4 years ago

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THE ELEPHANT’S STAKE

TW: mental health, therapy, repression

Did you know that my go-to party trick is drawing an elephant with just one line? I know, pretty lame. Now you know why I never go to parties.

Okay, so, what’s with the random elephant theme, you may ask? Well, funny you should mention it. (I say, as if we were having and actual conversation and it wasn’t just me pretending to talk to someone in order to feel less awkward. The irony here is that writing this blog is supposed to help me to do exactly that. I never said my brain’s logic made any sense.)

Anyway, I asked myself that exact question too a few months ago, when my lovely therapist Kerstin asked me whether or not she could read me a story about an elephant. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love animals and those big-boned, long-tusked, gentle-calm giants definitely have a soft spot in my heart. However, I never really expected them to come up in a conversation with a trained psychotherapist. But hey, what the fuck do I know about cognitive behavioural therapy. Not enough to be aware that it includes elephants, apparently.

Since I didn’t want to be rude and was actually kind of intrigued, I asked my therapist to yes, please, read me the story about the elephant. I actually found the story online (pft, Kerstin, where’s your originality), so I shall copy and paste it here for you to read it too, in case you want to:

“When I was small, I used to love circuses, and what I liked best about them were the animals. The elephant in particular caught my attention, and as I later found out, other children liked the elephant too. During the performance, this enormous beast would nobly display its tremendous weight, size, and strength. But after its performance, and until just before it went out on stage, the elephant was always tied down with a chain to a little stake in the ground that held one of its feet. The stake however was just a minuscule piece of wood, hardly a couple of centimeters long. And although it was a strong thick chain, it seemed obvious to me that an animal capable of tearing a tree from its roots, could easily free itself from that stake and flee. This mystery continued to puzzle me. What held it there? Why didn't it escape?

When I was 5 or 6, I still trusted the explanations given by grownups. So, I asked my teacher, my father, and my uncle about the mystery of the elephant. One of them explained that the elephant didn't escape because it had been mastered. So, I asked the obvious question: “If it's been mastered, why do they keep it in chains?”

I don't remember having received a coherent answer. With time, I forgot about the mystery of the elephant, I only remembered when I found others who had asked themselves the same question at some time. Years later, I discovered that, to my luck, someone had been sufficiently wise to come up with the answer.

The circus elephant does not escape because it has been attached to a stake just like this one since it was very, very small. I closed my eyes and imagined a defenseless baby elephant fastened to the stake. I am sure that in that moment, the little guy pushed and pulled and tired himself out trying to get himself free. And, regardless of his efforts, he couldn't do it, because the stake was too strong for him. I imagined him tuckering himself out and falling asleep and the next day trying again, and the next day, and the next. Until one day, a terrible day in his history, the animal accepted its futility and resigned itself to its fate.

That enormous powerful elephant that you see in the circus does not escape because, unfortunate thing, he thinks he can't. He has that memory etched into his mind: the futility that he felt shortly after he was born. And the worst part is that he has never returned to seriously question that memory. Never again did he return to test his own strength.

The first thing I said to my therapist after she had read me the story and was waiting for my reaction was: “Am I the elephant?” To no one’s surprise, she had nodded and then asked me how I had gotten to that conclusion. And well, that’s what I want to talk about today.

It’s a little hard for me to find a beginning to this, so I’ll just start with what came to my head first: My childhood. Oof, what a bummer. A few minutes into her second post and she’s ready to whack out the big guns. Okay, back to being serious. Somewhat.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a lovely childhood. Really, I was an only child, born to two very lovely parents who really cared for and loved me, and I have tons of wonderful memories of growing up. Oh, what’s that? Can you hear it? Sounds like a big “BUT...” that’s about to smash through the glass wall of my positive nostalgia. Look, let’s just say it as it is: While my time as a kid and teenager were truly lovely, fun and filled with good people and better friends, there were undeniable issues and traumas in it as well, and it would be simply wrong not to acknowledge those.

And one of those not-so-great things was that growing up, there were a lot of ‘can’t do’s’ in my life. Especially when it came to emotions. I’m not gonna give you the full rundown of every single issue in the relationship with my parents or my own self, but I’ll say this much: My feelings, especially ones of anger, sadness and hurt, were often brushed over, my arguments ignored and my attempts of standing my ground nipped in the bud. Discussions, fights and quarrels, especially with my mum, made one thing very clear: I had to stay as quiet and small as possible to avoid being yelled at even more. If I spoke up, even when I thought I was in the right, things would escalate and get even worse. Ergo, if I showed and displayed my real emotions and thoughts, I would suffer the consequences – which were never good.

So, I learned not to. I learned to stay quiet. To revert back into myself and zone out, go some place else in my mind and just wait for the storm to blow over. Instead of getting angry, I fell silent. Instead of getting sad, I went numb. As my therapist always says: Instead of feeling, I would simply not feel. Because at the time, it was what kept me safe. It was what kept me loved. And all a child wants is to be loved.

In many ways, this was my stake. This was what kept me standing in one spot. Whenever I tried to pull it out, I would fail, struggling and thrashing to escape, to make my emotions clear and feel them freely. Every time I tried, it would only leave me even more exhausted, would leave me feeling like a fool for thinking that maybe if I tried just one more time, pushed just a little harder, the stake would yield. But it never did. And at some point, I just gave up.

This all might sound very sad and tragic. I’m aware that I’m by far not the only teenager that fought a lot with their parents. And probably also not the only one who just kind of gave in after a while. However, I can’t deny the fact that this has shaped me in ways I am only now recognizing years later, while sitting in therapy and having elephant stories read to me because for some reason, for some fucking reason, I cannot access, feel or share my emotions.

For some fucking reason, I am chained to that stupid stake.

My therapist read me the story because she knows that I’m aware what it’s about. It’s about me, as a kid and teen, trying to escape from the emotional boundaries that were set by my parents and eventually by myself, and failing time and time again. As I grew up and got older, those boundaries grew with me in my head. And yet in real life, they were nothing but a tiny stake of wood that, having grown a lot stronger, I could have completely overpowered and ripped out of the ground by now. But because they have been with me my entire life and because I hold all those memories of never being able to shake them, I never thought I could.

I always looked at them like the elephant looked at the stake. As something that couldn’t be moved, that couldn’t be changed.

“Until one day, a terrible day in his history, the animal accepted its futility and resigned itself to its fate.“

Hits different now, huh.

So, what’s the moral of that story and brief delve into my emotionally compromising childhood? Fuck the circus, I guess.

In all seriousness though: I wanted to write this post because that therapy session actually helped me a lot and I find myself coming back to this story whenever I slip into the darker place of my mind. So, I wanted to put it on this blog as a reminder. A reminder to myself and anyone else who needs it, that even though it might seem virtually impossible to change something, be that your own thought patterns, behaviours or personality traits, it never is.

You know that cheesy saying that change is the only constant in life? Well, as cheesy as it is, it’s true. And I think by realizing that, by hearing that silly story of the elephant in the circus, it opened up some new possibilities. One of those being that whenever something feels like it’s unyielding and not doable, maybe you just need to take a step back and look at it again. And maybe you’ll see that it’s actually just a small, wooden stake and you’re a whole ass elephant that could take down a tree, if it wanted to.

The exact opposite might be true too, and the stake might still be too big. And in that case, that’s perfectly okay too. Remember what I said one post ago about picking your battles according to your own strengths? Yeah, that’s still valid too. But it also doesn’t mean that you have to despair. Because there is always room for growth and the chance of becoming stronger. Emotionally, mentally, and in every other way.

I hope this doesn’t sound too much like a self-help book from some self-proclaimed lifestyle guru who’s also a part-time pickup artist and sells questionable detox teas on the side (not sure where I’m going with that one). Metaphors can sound super lame but in my case, they’ve always been helpful as my brain really loves translating lessons and conclusions into images. Essentially, I’m just the kid that was always into Arts And Crafts and I need to ~visualize~ everything in order to process it. I know, I annoy myself too.

But hey, my therapist made a good call by telling me this metaphorical story because it made me realize a thing or two about how I’ve set myself all of these boundaries I could just as easily (or should I say isa-ly, HAH) kick again if I tried. That stake I chained myself to might have provided a sense of safety all those years back when I was a child and teenager, being yelled at and not listened to by my parents. But it is no longer providing that security. If all, it’s holding me back in realizing all of my newly found strengths.

So, maybe it’s about damn time I ripped it out of the ground and got the hell out of that circus.

#therapy #retrospection

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jimlingss · 7 years ago

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His Name [2]

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Words: 8k Genre: Angst, Multiple Personality!Au Summary: Jeon Jungkook is a puzzle with too many missing pieces from his past and too many sides. Somehow, it’s become your job to solve him. → Inspired by the Korean Drama - Kill Me Heal Me Warnings: Topics of mental health, mentions of death and medical disorders. Disclaimer: Although this piece of work required lots of in-depth research and was attempted to be as accurate as possible, at the end of the day, I am not a psychologist and this is fanfiction. Specific things may be altered or exaggerated for story-telling purposes. Please take all medical terminologies and procedures with a grain of salt.

Cr.

Evaluation Report #1 Patient: Jeon Jungkook Diagnosis: Dissociative Identity Disorder -Information insufficient to draw any conclusions or conclusive treatment plans. -Patient is associated with at least five other identities. -Patient most often switches under stressful environments - essential to build tolerance. -Further inquiry is required (cause, personalities, purpose, innermost conflict, etc). -Further investigation is required.

He scratches the back of his neck, showing signs of obvious reluctance. He sighs once before beginning again. “It feels like I’m sleeping. I get..blackouts and I become unconscious.” He swallows, eyes flickering up to yours as if you’ll think he’s absolutely insane. “I have no idea what they’re up to, what they’ve done or where they’ve been.”

“Is it frustrating?”

“Yes. Of course it is.” He shuts his eyes for a moment. “Sometimes I find myself in places that I don’t know or I’m with complete strangers.”

“Do you know the circumstances of why they appear?”

He shakes his head much to your dismay. “I don’t. Maybe when they feel the time is right.” Jungkook’s frown deepens and he motions to his head. “I hear voices and it feels like I’m being pulled away. The next thing I know is that I’m blacking out.”

His gestures become more erratic, voice picking up a pitch. You can only imagine how frustrating it is for him. “I’m here to help, Jungkook. At the very least, I’m going to help you build a sense of control.”

“That…” He exhales, shoulders relaxing. “...that would be nice.”

You smile at him, crossing your legs as you move onto the next topic at hand; trying to piece together the reasons for his disorder.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“How was your childhood?”

The causes for Dissociative Identity Disorder are unclear but there's been indication that it arises from stress factors in early childhood years. Many patients with the same disorder have been abused, neglected or experienced some sort of trauma when they were still young. Understanding his cause will be essential in order to move forward.

Jungkook sharply inhales, looking up at the ceiling. “To be honest….I don’t remember.”

You raise a brow. “You don’t remember?”

“A lot of my years...are….blank. I just can’t remember.” A pause as he looks at you again. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” You coax before motioning towards him. “Then can we start with your earliest memory?”

He swings his legs for a second, pursuing his lips as he searches inside his brain. “I think I was….eight? I was in the backyard...throwing a ball to my grandfather.”

Jungkook can almost hear the old laughter and giggles. He can see the white picket fence reflecting sunlight and feel the slight breeze curling through his choppy hair. It was back in a time where life was easy. It was when life was for once worth living.

“Your grandfather?”

“Yeah. I lived with my grandparents for five years.” He smiles to himself, looking down to the ground. “They were probably the happiest years of my life.”

The sides of your lips upturn with his. “What happened after that?”

“They both passed away and...I was sent to a boarding school for three years. I came back to live with my father in my last year of high school. I completed university, started working and here I am.”

There’s a certain melancholy in his expression. It’s like the past decade of his life hasn’t been meaningful whatsoever. He speaks like he’s reading off the newspaper, no smiles or pauses to reminisce; Jungkook is simply stating facts.

“Do you have any earlier memories?” He blinks at you. “Anything from your earlier childhood?”

Jungkook stays seated at the sofa for two minutes, racking his brain.

He looks much healthier than yesterday when you first met him; now dressed in a plain white shirt and lounging pants. Natural sunlight filters into the office, creating a much brighter and warmer ambience than last night’s first session. Perhaps he’s gotten used to your presence or simply desperate to share his feelings, he seems a lot more cooperative this time around.

“I do.” He breaks the silence with a big grin. It draws widely on his face, making him look youthful, his proper age - it suits him. “My mother.”

You can’t help but smile too. “Your mother?”

“I remember being with my mother. We were in the kitchen...and I think she was making sandwiches but I remember dumping out my cup of apple juice onto the floor...just to see what would happen.”

“What did you think was going to happen?” Your tone teases him and he rolls his eyes.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I was..four. Why are you blaming me?”

“I’m not.” You let out a short laugh. “Can you tell me what you remember about her?”

He hums. “Warm. She was warm.” He beams, continuing without a moment wasted. “She was free-spirited….messy….gentle….kind.”

“It sounds like you have really good memories of her.” You nod at him with pursed lips. “What happened to your mother, Jungkook?”

He looks at you blankly, stating it shortly. “She died.”

“Oh.” A tiny knot makes its way between your brows. “How did you feel about that?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer.

He frowns, face contorting in pain as he looks past you to the wall.

“Jungkook?”

“They’re….loud.” He looks at you. “I feel like I’m being..pulled.”

You lean over, placing a comforting hand over his. “Is it okay if I were to speak to them?”

“....Speak to them?” He repeats, looking at you in skepticism. It doesn’t seem like he has much of a choice when he winces and his teeth gnaw at his bottom lip, fighting for control. After six heartbeats, he sighs and decides to trust you….reluctantly.

“Okay.”

His eyes shut and you pull back, waiting.

The next throb in his chest, his eyes flutter back and he grins dazzlingly. His mouth nearly makes a box shape. “Hi there….I’m Doctor Y/N. What’s your name?”

The stranger inhales a huge breath, filling his lungs to the bottom of his diaphragm- “Tae!”

You blink, grinning back at him in surprise. “Nice to meet you, Tae.”

“Nice to meet you too. My name is Kim Taehyung.” He winks. “But you, pretty lady, can just call me Tae.”

Bubbling laughter streams from your mouth, still a bit surprised from the sudden change. “Alright, I’ll do that then.”

“Consider yourself lucky, not many people can call me that. Well….except for Jiminnie...and maybe a few others.” He shrugs. “But now I’m wondering…..how did Kookie wheel in such a gorgeous girl?”

His arm is leaning against the edge of the couch, cheek in his hand as he gazes at you.

You hold back some laughter. “I’m here to find out more about you.” He beams at your response. “How old are you, Taehyung?”

“Tae.” He corrects you. “I’m….nineteen.”

You narrow your eyes at him playfully, suspicious of his unusual pause. “Are you really?”

He pouts. “No. I’m seventeen. But just because I’m not of age doesn’t mean I’m not a man.”

“I never said you weren’t a man.” You smile at his sigh of relief. “What do you like, Tae?”

“Are you really that interested in me?” He touches his neck, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m more interested in you.”

You have to physically hold back from rolling your eyes. “I’m being serious.”

“That’s exactly it.” He points at you, lips pouted. “I’m not serious. I am anti-serious. Anti. I hate seriousness.”

“Is that how you help Jungkook?”

He shrugs at you. “I don’t know if you would call it helping but when Jungkook gets too stressed or he wants to have some fun, I show up. I’m the person Jungkook wants to be.”

“The person Jungkook wants to be…” You mutter under your breath until you look back into his bright orbs. “Then how would you describe yourself?”

“Perfect for you.” He winks again and this time, you don’t stop from groaning. He sheepishly smiles, a tad bit embarrassed for being so direct. “I do what I want, when I want.”

“How do you think Jungkook feels about that?”

Taehyung hums for a second. “Hm. I’m sure he doesn’t like it when he has to suffer over my hangovers. But...he needs me.”

“He needs you?”

“He needs me like he needs the rest of us.”

“Why?”

He sighs before pouting. “Why do you ask so many questions, Y/N? And especially about Jungkookie. Don’t you want to play with me?”

“Play?”

You watch as he gets up from his seat. He wears a mischievous, boxy grin as he plops down next to you. Taehyung doesn’t stop gazing at you and he takes your hand in his. “How about...we both just wind down with some alcohol and we take this...tension...to the bedroom.”

A loud ‘pft’ leaves your mouth. “What tension? And no.”

Taehyung whines. “C’mon Y/N! You have to admit! I’m pretty hot stuff! Right? Right?!” He suddenly pulls up his shirt. “Do you know how hard Kook and Chimchim have been working on this body?!”

You forcefully peel your eyes away from his abs. “Taehyung!”

“Y/N!” He whines again and then-

There’s silence.

You peek between the gaps of your fingers, hand covering your eyes. He sits there motionlessly for a second and you drop your arms. “Tae?”

“Tae?” He looks at you dumbfounded, blinking hard and scanning the room. His brows are knotted together in confusion, meeting your eyes and wondering why he’s sitting beside you. “What happened?”

“Jungkook?” He hums in confirmation and you take a sigh of relief, smiling back to him. “No, it’s okay. Everything’s fine. Nothing happened much. I just met Taehyung.”

Jungkook nods at you with weary eyes. “Alright...okay.”

“You’re doing very well, Jungkook. Today’s session went very well. Thank you for letting me meet him.”

At your comforting hand squeezing his, he visibly relaxes and his anxiousness washes away.

Jungkook’s lips upturn.

There’s so much that you’re curious about. But you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg.

The two men are parallel, each at opposite ends of the hallway.

Jungkook staggers but he quickly covers up his blunder, looking forward with hands in his pockets and forcing his non-existent confidence to exude. His father doesn’t pay any attention, too preoccupied with his own thoughts but as they pass each other, he halts.

“What are you doing here?”

The younger man holds in his breath as he too stops, turning his head to meet his father’s cold eyes. “I-”

“I thought I told you not to come back until you’ve learnt how to behave yourself. Did I not make myself clear or did you just not hear?”

Jungkook lowers his head. “I’m...I-I...I want to-I can….”

“Enough.” His father raises his hand to silence him. “Fine. Do whatever you please. But if you make one mistake, I swear to God that I’ll put you under house arrest. Don’t be shameful to the Jeon name.”

“Yes.” Jungkook lifts his head before turning and continuing on his way. He struggles between running and walking, trying to pick up the pace but remain outwardly composed as he escapes to his office.

His father is left staring sternly at his backside. “Is everything alright, Mr. Jeon?” His secretary pipes up behind him.

Mr. Jeon sighs tiredly. “I want you to give him the annual budget and the Choi files.”

“Sir!” His secretary’s eyes nearly bulge out of its sockets but he clears his throat. “That- we’re not even able to...there’s so many problems…...are you sure you want to give it to your son?”

“Do as I say.” He reaffirms, continuing to walk. “I want to see how much that boy can handle.”

The clicks of the keyboard synchronize to the ticks of the clock. You’re flipping through pages, reading through the dim glow of the lamp, filling out paperwork and documents. By the time the moon is high in the sky, your lower back is sore and your eyes are burning. You finally shut off your laptop. Fluttering eyelids closed, you lean back in your chair for a moment of rest. Before you can fall asleep in that uncomfortable position, you stand up. That’s when you look at the clock and realize it’s past midnight.

Jungkook isn’t home yet.

It’s not like you need to monitor him 24/7. You’re not his babysitter or his bodyguard but it’s natural for you to be worried, especially with the condition that he has. He could be anywhere, doing anything without being aware of himself. The thought alone suddenly makes you wide awake.

And as if the universe decided to grant you mercy-

Ring~ Ring~

The vibrations of your phone causes you to jump in surprise and you quickly swipe it from your desk. “Hello?”

“Heya~” Jungkook’s voice makes you take a sigh of relief. But he sounds unusually energetic and his words are slurred together. “How’s my pretty girl doin’ tonigh’?”

“Jungkook?”

“Nope. It’s Tae!” He giggles on the other line and you’re already grabbing your jacket. “Did yah miss me? I miss you. I want to see you. Y/N~ I want to see you.”

“Where are you, Taehyung?” You sandwich your phone between your ear and shoulder. It takes less than one minute for you to walk down the stairs and grab a pair of keys. It’s moments like these that you’re thankful that Jungkook has three different cars in the garage. “Taehyung?”

“I’m at the club! Are you comin’, Y/N? Coming to see me? Are you really?” He laughs again, boisterous and full of genuine happiness. “Why does that make me so happy?”

“I will if you tell me where you are.” You open the garage, starting the car and getting into the driver’s seat. He exclaims a cheerful ‘okay’ and pulls the phone away, asking someone where he is. A moment later he stutters the name to you and before you can respond, he’s hung up.

It takes a while for you to remember how to drive, not pressing on the gas pedal or holding the wheel in more than six years. During your time abroad, you took the bus and train to work. Ever since you got back, you’ve also been taking public transportation. But you catch on quickly and within ten minutes, you arrive at your destination.

He’s surprisingly easy to find, slumped over the bar counters. The bartender kindly smiles at you and you pay for the drinks he’s had, a big dent made in your pocket but you’ll make him reimburse you later.

He’s mumbling under his breath, half between a trance and the other half asleep. You throw his arm over your shoulder, supporting his weight as you drag him to the car and throw him in the backseat. When you get into the driver’s seat, he suddenly springs awake.

“Oh~ It’s Y/N-ah!” He grins at you, scooting forward to wrap his arms around the chair and your body. “You came like you promised! I can’t believe it! Do you know how many times people’s promises to me have been broken?”

“Taehyung.” You look over your shoulder to him with a gentle smile. “Can you sit back and put on your seatbelt?”

He tilts his head at you, gazing into your eyes before he beams back. “Okay!” He obeys your word and you switch gears to begin driving back home. He continues to babble, the ends of his words slurring with the next and he tries his best to keep his attention trained on the rear-view mirror to see your eyes. “You know? Yah know? Jungkook was realllly stressed from work today.”

“Really?” You make a left turn and then a right.

“Realllly. He started to cry in his office.”

The car stops at a red light and you flicker your eyes to look back at him. His lips are together but the corners lift at you. “He cried?”

“Yeah.” He mumbles out. “It was sad.”

“No one was there. No one is ever there.” Taehyung looks out the window, the passing street lamp lights flashing onto his face, illuminating his features for less than half a second. “Except for us I guess.”

You don’t get a chance to say anything.

Taehyung bursts out into a slow trot ballad, singing surprisingly well despite being intoxicated. His notes hit deep and high, melodic melodies filling the small space of the car. It’s better than any radio song you could’ve turned on; his voice raw and tender.

When you’re near the house, there’s a croak in the syllables. Looking into the mirror, you notice wet streams marking his cheeks. Tears fall and drip down his chin but he keeps his orbs outside the window. He continues to sing, gently and softly with the inner pain of his emotions interlacing with each lyric.

“We’re home.” You announce, pulling the keys out of the ignition.

He hastily wipes his face with the sleeve of his shirt, grinning at you. Taehyung follows with stumbling legs. And when he gets to the middle of the living room, he looks around twice.

“Taehyung?”

He blinks and then smiles. “Y/N! When did you get here?! You came! You really came! And we’re home! Just like ya promised! Do you even know how many times promises to me...to Jungkook have been broken? A million promises! Why would people promise things they can’t keep? It’s soo...soooo dumb!”

You hoped that the drive home would sober him up. But it didn’t.

As he looks at you with puppy dog eyes and his head moves in circles, you can only sigh. “Let’s go, Tae. We gotta get you up to your room and in bed.”

“I’ll go to bed if you go to bed.” He staggers forward, engulfing you in his arms. “And I mean myyyy bed.”

“No. And I’m not just anyone, Taehyung. I’m your psychologist...your therapist. I’m not getting into your bed.” You draw the line, making sure he’s aware of the boundaries.

He pouts, letting go. “Aw. But you’re Jungkook’s...whatever you just said. Not mine.” He downcasts his head, pressing his forehead onto your shoulder. “Do you hate me?”

“No. I don’t.” You raise your hand, ruffling his hair gently.

He sighs, pulling away with a soft smile and then in the next second, he’s leaning in. He presses the quickest of kisses to your lips, a millisecond of a peck. The supple skin barely grazes yours and in the next heartbeat, he’s gone. But it still floods colour to your face.

You’re startled, blinking with wide eyes and he grins.

Before you can register what happened, he pulls away completely and shuts his eyes. His face twitches and when he looks at you again, his pupils are utterly cold. His lips are downturned and he spits out- “Fuck.”

You immediately recognize the low timber voice - the nameless man who appeared at your first session.

“Taehyung?” You question, stepping closer.

The mysterious alter scrunches his nose up as he scrutinizes you. He brings up the sleeve of his shirt to roughly rub at his mouth. “God. Shut up. You’re too loud.” He brushes past you to the bathroom, path wavering as he clutches his head. “How much did this idiot drink?! Just because he doesn’t have to suffer over the hangover…”

His voice is much clearer but rough as he grunts out complaints. The nameless man’s mind isn’t intoxicated but his body is. He doesn’t seem to say anything more as the bathroom cabinet crashes against the mirror and he loads the toothbrush head with more toothpaste than necessary.

You peek at him through the doorway and he glares at you. “Disgusting.” He moves the toothbrush to scrub at his teeth. “I can’t believe I touched lips with the likes of you.”

“Excuse me?” You raise your eyebrows, too tired to stop the scoff that leaves your mouth.

“You soiled my purity!” He childishly shouts before spitting and rinsing his mouth.

You curiously take a step forward. “Who are you?”

He splashes his face once with water, then drying off with a towel. He brushes past you and stomps up the stairs like an angry teenager. “No one you need to know.”

You’re relentlessly following behind him, arms crossed with an amused smile. “I do need to know.”

He jumps, landing in his bed and stuffing his legs underneath the covers. “Shut up. You’re noisy.” You lean against the doorway, watching as he gets comfortable.

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” He sasses you and you don’t hesitate to laugh. His words are sharp, meant to be hurtful but you can sense the underlying childishness; that he’s not really trying to push you away. He’s just annoyed. Mouthy. A harmless kitten threatening you with soft claws.

The situation is just so absurd, especially when you’re exhausted and going crazy from missing your sleep. “Are you going to bed now?”

“Obviously.” He mumbles. “Get out. Don’t wake me up. Sleep is important.”

“Okay.” You grab the handle of the door, ready to close it but the sound of shuffling covers makes you do it more leisurely.

His head peeks out from the edge, hair ruffled into a mess. He gazes at you for two seconds.

“Go to bed too. You need it.”

You smile at him. “I will.”

And all the lights of the house flicker off.

The sunlight pierces through the curtains and into his face - instead of relishing in the beauty of how his bedroom is lit up, colours vibrant and the birds are chirping outside - it feels like a hard slap to his face. He groans, rolling deeper into the sheets until he suddenly feels like throwing up. There’s a twist in his gut and his stomach before he realizes how his bladder is full to the brim.

When Jungkook gets up, he’s hit with dizziness and a headache, his surroundings spinning. He wobbles to the bathroom while clutching onto the wall, groaning a few times. He splashes some cold water on his face before being swallowed with a desperate thirst. But when he opens the door to go downstairs for a drink of water, the smell of bacon and sounds of sizzling catches him off guard.

“What-” His voice is hoarse. He clears his throat as you turn. “What are you doing?”

“Just making some breakfast.” You shrug, going back to frying the eggs. He blinks at you twice before downing an entire glass of water. “Go sit down.” Jungkook obeys and pulls a stool out at the kitchen island. A plate of french toast, hot bacon and eggs plops down in front of him. “It’ll help with your hangover.”

Jungkook nibbles on the bread before grabbing the fork and knife, absolutely devouring and wolfing down the breakfest. You grin, taking a seat across from him and joining with his meal. He looks up at you, stopping all together and you tilt your head. “Is there something wrong?”

Jungkook shakes his head furiously, flickering his orbs downwards. “No. Nothing. What happened yesterday?”

“It seems like one of your alters decided to take you out for a drink.”

“Oh.” He sets down his utensils, gazing up at you. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Wasn’t it troublesome?”

You hum. “A little but I didn’t really mind. You have nothing to be sorry for, Jungkook.”

He’s quiet, continuing to eat as he stares down his plate. You move your eyes to the wall, enjoying each bite. You can’t remember the last time you’ve made a meal for yourself or someone else.

Jungkook, too, can’t recall the last time he’s eaten with someone else or had a homemade meal. But he especially can’t remember a time where one of the identities have gone out and he returned home in one piece without any calls, texts or injuries. It’s a miracle. And he’s trying his best not to gawk at you out of amazement.

You meet his eyes, wondering why he’s staring at you. Out of embarrassment, he rips his gaze away and murmurs under his breath. “It’s salty.”

He mentally slaps himself across the face.

Your mouth falls open. “What?”

“Uh..I mean…” It’s too late. There’s no turning back now. He’ll have to try to play this off. “Yeah. It’s salty. You know...maybe use a little less salt next time.” At your staring, he clears his throat. “What?”

“I mean...I just made you all of this and….” You laugh, finding the situation a bit ridiculous. “Really? Shouldn’t you thank me?”

He pouts cutely, bottom lip jutting out. “Shouldn’t you thank me?” He mimics your voice in a babyish tone. After it falls from his mouth, he mentally slaps himself again. What is he?! FIVE YEARS OLD?! Why is it that he’s acting this way when he’s around you? He’s completely lost it.

“Are you serious?” You raise your brow at him, holding in more laughter. “Jeon Jungkook. All you have to do is thank me. Can you get off your high horse for once?”

He sighs tiredly, rubbing his forehead. His hair is still an utter rat nest mess. It’s adorable. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

You wonder if he hit his head last night. “Are...are you sure you’re okay, Jungkook?”

He huffs out, debating on what to answer. It takes a minute, his eyes shut tight before he’s regained composure. “I’m perfectly fine.” He mutters under his breath. “Thank you for the meal.”

Your lips upturn. “You're welcome.” There’s another pause of silence before you break it. A question has been plaguing your mind for the past two days and your curiosity is getting the best of you. “Say, Jungkook. Do you know any of the alters?”

He nods. “A few. You’ve told me about Taehyung. I get a lot of strangers...females...who randomly text me with his name. I’m not sure how many times he’s handed out my phone number and how many times I’ve had to change it.” You can’t help but smile. It sounds exactly like Taehyung. “I think...there’s also Jimin and Namjoon. Jimin appears when I’m with my family and Namjoon when I’m at work…” He hums. “Other than that….I don’t really know.”

“Oh.” You nod. “That’s fine.”

All you wanted was to put a name to the nameless stranger. But from what Jungkook’s told you, none of it matches the description you’re looking for.

Just who was he?

Before any of you can press on anymore questions, his phone rings and vibrates in another room. He looks at you once and then wipes his mouth with a napkin, scrambling to pick it up.

“Is everything okay?”

He returns to the kitchen five minutes later, scratching the back of his head. “Yeah. Everything’s okay.”

“It was just my fiancée.”

You were never aware that Jungkook had a fiancée.

She arrives at the house shortly after in a coral blouse and a floral pleated skirt. Her brown locks drape down her back, the ends curled and the front of her hair is tucked behind her ears. She introduces herself as Inhye. She’s the respectable daughter of a businessman, carrying a gentle aura and lovely grace. Her speaking mannerisms are very delicate and elegant. From her smile and the light conversation you share, you’re able to recognize that she’s a very genuine and sweet girl. She’s not just outwardly pretty but beautiful from within.

You introduce yourself as Jungkook’s distant cousin; in order to ease her that you have a platonic relationship with Jungkook and to keep his disorder confidential. He had told you that she didn’t know and it was important to keep it that way.

As you watch Jungkook and Inhye walk together, you can’t help but deem them as the perfect couple.

The two of them stroll around the gardens in the backyard, smiling and laughing together. You don’t mean to intrude but you peek from the upstairs window a few times, observing his behaviour and his interaction with her. At the very beginning, he seems nervous and even apprehensive. Jungkook maintains a distance.

But after five minutes, he eases. His eyes crinkle into half-moons when he smiles and his laugh becomes reserved but sweet. At some point, he even plucks a flower from the bushes and hands it to Inhye. She takes it with a blush and lifts it to her nose to inhale the scent. You wonder if Jungkook has switched to an alter.

Your suspicions are confirmed when Inhye leaves after half an hour.

You greet her goodbye and she waves to you. He walks her out the driveway to her car, opening the door and asking for the fifth time if she wanted him to drive her home instead. Inhye refuses politely and he watches as she drives off, car disappearing down the road.

“Um, excuse me?” He shuts the front door behind him, slipping off his shoes before he jogs up to you. You turn around, standing smack dab in the middle of the living room.

“Jungkook?”

The boy shakes his head and smiles. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to meet you yet. Taehyung’s been hogging you up all the time.” He pouts before bringing out his hand. You shake it firmly, staring at him while he lets go. “I’m Park Jimin.”

“I’m Y/N. I’m Jungkook’s-”

“-psychologist.” He steps back. “Yes, I heard from the others. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Thank you. Same to you.”

“Is it alright to have a chat? I would love to learn more about you.”

You grin at him, nodding. “Yes. I’d love to learn more about you too.”

You take your seat on the couch and he does the same, the both of you across from each other.

From your exchange with Jimin, you observe how he’s soft-spoken and well mannered. He also smiles quite frequently, his eyes crinkling and he has a very thoughtful nature. “I’m the same age as Taehyung.”

“Seventeen?”

Jimin beams with pride. “I’m much more mature than he is, right?”

“I think you listen much better than he does.” You answer and he gloats with your praise. “Can I ask you a few more questions, Jimin?”

“Yes. Of course! You can ask me whatever you want.”

You hum. “How do you think Jungkook feels about you?”

“I think...I think he likes me. I like him. He’s cute.”

You smile at his response. “How do you help him then?”

“Sometimes Jungkook has a hard time with his family.” Jimin tilts his head, lips pursed together in consideration. “I help him with that.”

“So your purpose is to help Jungkook with his family?”

“Yes.” He nods to you. “I’m the person that his parents want him to be.”

“The person that Jungkook’s parents want him to be…” You repeat slowly.

“Obedient...I follow the rules…..” He blushes over his own boasting. “I’m not that great. But I’m still better than Taehyung.”

You snort and he gleams at you. “Seems like you’re really competitive with him.”

“A little bit.” Jimin shyly admits.

“What do you like Jimin?”

“What do I like?” He scrunches his brows, thinking. “I like….dancing, working hard...eating good food.” He shrugs his shoulders up cutely. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re doing great.” You compliment. “What do you hate?”

“I hate….when Jungkook swears at me.” He pouts. “I hate it when he gets hurt..” Jimin becomes more and more serious, his light tone growing more grim. “when he’s lonely...when he has no one to comfort him….when he cries by himself.”

As if able to sense the bleak atmosphere, he shifts his eyes back onto you with a smile. “I hate it when Taehyung parties and gets drunk. It’s so embarrassing when he ‘flirts’ with girls.” He covers his face with his hand, smiling widely while cringing. “He’s the worst. It isn’t even flirting. I hate it the most.”

You giggle at his embarrassment and he drops his arms. “Is it okay if I ask you some questions?”

“Sure.” You reply, interested in what he’s curious about.

“Are you comfortable living here?”

The way he coyly glances at you makes you scoff lightly. “I’m doing okay. Why do you ask?”

“Well…” His hand carves through his locks, pushing them back. “I know Jungkook’s never asked you. I was just thinking that it must be hard to leave everything behind and come live in a foreign place.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve done it.” You mumble and he cocks his head to the side, not hearing clearly. You pipe up louder. “I’m fine, Jimin. I’m doing okay. Thank you for asking me. You’re very considerate.”

He nods. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Jungkook hasn’t taken care of you like he should have..” He downcasts his eyes. “And the fact that Inhye came over abruptly…”

“Jimin, it’s really fine. It’s not like I’m Jungkook’s-”

Before you can finish, he gets up from his seat. “Wait just a moment. Don’t move. Please.”

You watch as he moves to the sliding glass doors, stepping out to the luscious backyard. A minute later he returns and he extends his arm to you. You stare at the object carefully held between his fingers before your eyes flicker up to his with confusion. Jimin beams at you before he reaches to the hand in your lap, raises it and makes you hold the flower.

It’s a peony. The lifeform is in a coral taffy shade, the center in a stronger hue and lighter towards the ends. The ruffled petals are in lush layers, lovely and gorgeous as you spin the stem between your forefinger and thumb. The floral scent immediately reaches your nose and after a moment of relishing in it’s elegance, you lift your eyes to see him staring at you in fondness.

“It’s only right if I give you a flower too.” He grins, plopping down in the seat across from you. “Personally I find this flower the prettiest in the garden.”

“You’re too sweet.” You softly whisper. “Thank you, Jimin.”

His eyes crinkle together into half-moons. “You’re welcome.”

“Is it okay to just pluck it from the bushes though?”

“Jungkook doesn’t really care.” He shrugs. “I think Jin might though.”

The noon light trickles through the glass, the warm rays adding colour to the otherwise white room. The vibrant flower is still held delicately in your hand but you keep your eyes trained onto the boy in front of you. He seems to radiant sunlight, a happy smile stretched across his cheeks as he gazes back at you. Though he’s in Jungkook’s skin, it’s a completely different person.

You wonder what it looks like for Jungkook to be as relaxed or to be as happy.

“Say Jimin..” You decide that it was a good time to see if you could further your investigation. The atmosphere is calm and neither of you have any business to conduct. The day is free.

“Is it okay if I meet anyone else?”

He nods, though you don’t miss the flash of disappointment. Maybe he wanted to spend more time with you. Maybe he just wanted it to be the two of you and no one else. But you don’t get a chance to say anything. One second he’s looking at you through his eyelashes, a soft ‘bye Y/N’ leaving his lips and then his eyelids close.

His features twist and he opens his eyes, orbs twinkling brightly. “Hi. My name is Y/N. I’m Jungkook’s doct-” He stands up abruptly, seemingly disoriented as he paces back and forth. “Are you okay?”

“What’s the date? What’s the time?”

You tell him and he instantly eases. “Oh thank god. I thought my package already arrived and someone opened it or maybe Jungkook threw it out.”

“Package?”

“I bought the rarest edition of a pikachu model...and some new skillets.” He looks at you with a grin. “Are you hungry?”

You sheepishly shake your head. “Not rea-”

“Don’t lie.” He snaps playfully. “I heard your stomach growling. It’s already past noon. C’mon let’s go.”

He doesn’t wait for you, sauntering off into the kitchen. You get up, chasing him from behind. “What’s your name?”

“Seokjin. You can just call me Jin. But no more questions.” He nags. “We’re eating first before I answer anything. You might not be hungry but I am.”

You laugh in amusement, leaning against the counter as he opens the fridge. “Okay.”

To your surprise, Jin hands you a cutting board and some of the ingredients, commanding you to chop them up. Every so often, he looks over your shoulder to instruct you properly and when he notices that you’re handing the knife too dangerously, he moves you away and decides to do it himself. He never stops scolding and nagging you, never with fury but always in a humorous tone. He’s rather dorky and fun-loving, energetic with the lame jokes he throws at you or the winks he sends when he notices you're staring. Despite laughing, joking around and being generally relaxed, he shows his protective side when he moves you away from the hot frying pan.

“I can cook. I can clean. I’m handsome. I’m perfect.” He raises his nose frivolously. “Ya~ Aren't I your modern day Prince Charming?”

“Oh god.” You roll your eyes. “No.”

“I know it’s cheesy…” He shifts to the side, opening up a drawer. He holds up a silver cheese grater. “But I feel grate.”

You can't help the laughter that overwhelms your chest and he giggles with you in a squeaky high-pitched tone. “That was pretty good, right?”

“That was terrible.” You wipe your eyes and he feigns a pout.

“Go sit down. The meal’s almost done.”

The small table is already set with napkins and two spoons. You pull up one chair to sit down in, waiting patiently and in the next minute, he’s bringing the huge pot over and setting it down the table. “Rice cake soup! Thank god for no one touching the things in the freezer. But Jungkook really needs to go grocery shopping. The fridge is empty!”

He sighs, sitting across from you and you grab your spoon with a grin. “Thank you. It looks delicious.”

“Hey.” He takes his spoon, hitting yours like a sword and stopping you before you can grab a bite. “Chef gets the first taste.”

You watch as he slowly leans forward, his arm moving excruciatingly slow to take dip into the broth. His eyes flicker up to meet yours and he laughs at your exasperation. When Jin finally takes the first taste and signals you, you dive right in.

“It’s delicious.” Your eyes light up, completely surprised and taken back.

He smirks. “Of course it is. You shouldn’t expect anything less from me.”

You scoff, ignoring his remark as the both of you continue to devour the pot. “Are you ready to answer my questions now?” You motion him with your spoon, stuffing your cheek with rice cakes.

He giggles. “Are you ready to ask me?”

It takes a full thirty seconds for you to chew and swallow. “Yes.”

“Then go ahead.” He gestures for you to continue, looking at you as he eats.

“How old are you, Jin?”

“Twenty.”

You frown. “Really?”

“Yes. Why?” His mouth opens in shock, spoon pointed at you as he narrows his eyes with your accusation. “What age did you think I was?”

“Honestly…” You shrug, debating if it was alright to tell him the truth. “...I thought you were fifteen...sixteen.”

“How absurd!” He slaps down his utensil. “You thought I was younger than Taehyung and Jimin?! How ridiculous!”

“Hey, you can’t blame me!” You try to defend yourself. “It’s a compliment! You know, it’s great to act young!”

Jin pouts and crosses his arms. There’s a pause as you can see the gears in his head turning, as if contemplating if it’s a compliment like you said or not.

“You’re right.” He finally smiles, taking his spoon again.

“Uh huh.”

“It doesn’t matter how old you are, it’s what you feel inside.” He says in a soft matter-of-fact tone.

You scoff lightly with a grin. “How do you help Jungkook?”

“The question is…” He says in a mouthful before forcefully swallowing it down. “...how do I not help him? If it weren’t for me...” His hands gesture to the house. “..this place would be a garbage dump. And these kids would eat nothing but candy and ramen and drink booze all day.”

“I’m Jungkook’s...so to speak….‘parental figure’.”

“Parental figure?”

“That doesn’t mean I nag or discipline them.” He firmly declares. “Aside from JK, I’m the strongest of the bunch...and the most handsome. But they don’t really listen to me...or anyone in that matter.”

“Oh...” You smile at his obvious frustration.

“If you haven’t noticed, he really doesn’t have anyone to look up to. No one to protect him or love him unconditionally.” He looks down into the pot, still sounding perfectly nonchalant. “I’m pretty much the replacement of the mother and father Jungkook never had….or at least the mother that Jungkook lost. He needed someone that could take care of him so….here I am.”

A knot weaves itself between your brows. “Can you tell me more about Jungkook’s mother?”

“Honestly, I don’t know much about her.” He shrugs. “You should ask him. But don’t get it wrong. I’m not just Jungkook’s replacement or ‘alter’. I’m still my own person.” You nod and he continues, raving on while he eats and you listen attentively. “I just take care of the punks sometimes. And I play with them. You know...look at all the nice things JK has.”

Jin’s hand waves to the surroundings, up the ceiling down to the floor. “This house, his clothes, his closet. Yah~ speaking of his closet, you should see his wardrobe. It’s Taehyung’s fault half of it is Gucci. The other half is just plain tees, jeans and Timberlands but they’re all so expensive. Anyways, you’ve seen the three cars he owns right? He has all these things but he can’t even have one nice meal. I don’t know why this kid is like this.”

You’re tilting your head, nodding along and he takes one breath before continuing. “He fired the chef that Namjoon hired. He says he doesn’t like other people or strangers in his house but there’s a limit to his irresponsibility, right? He works out hard yet he eats all these instant noodles. He doesn’t even take a seat or put it in a proper bowl. He just stands there in the corner of his kitchen, right next to the stove as he eats from the pot! I don’t know if I feel sad or angry about it!” He exhales in exasperation. “I know he has no one to eat with but at the very least, he could turn on the television or something. With the way his diet is - at this rate he’s going to die early.”

He’s speaking so fast, shaking his head so furiously that you barely manage to keep track of what he’s saying.

“I don’t know why this kid is like this. I wonder if he was dropped on his head or something. There has to be a limit to his stupidity, right?”

He blinks at you, waiting for a response. “Uhh…yes…?”

Jin takes a pause from ranting, filling his mouth with food again. As he swallows, his face flashes with mischief. “You’ve asked me a lot of questions. Can I ask you now?”

“I asked you only two or three.” You quip. “But go ahead.”

There’s a small silence as emotions wipe from his face. He probes his eyes deep into yours, sitting straight and putting down his utensil. “Y/N….”

“Yes?”

“Aren’t you so privileged to be blessed in my presence?”

Your jaw drops. “Are you serious?”

“It’s a joke!” He exclaims, giggling his head off as he slaps his thigh. “You should’ve seen your face!”

You give him a look of disbelief. “I am not impressed.”

“Okay, okay.” Jin finally calms down. “My actual question is - when was the last time you had a meal with someone?”

You ponder the question for a long moment, not being able to recall. Before this morning, for the five years you were abroad, you ate alone at your apartment. If you went out to eat, you’d sit in the corner by yourself. Perhaps it was more than seven years back with Seonho.

With the thought of him, something uncomfortable lodges in your throat. You try your best to ignore your stinging eyes as you give the man across from you a tense smile.

“A long time ago. I don’t even remember.” You swallow hard. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious. Didn’t seem like you were used to it.” Jin shrugs with a smile. “But if it’s convenient, you should eat with JK. I don’t know the last time he’s eaten with someone else either.”

You keep note of his words.

By the next five minutes, the two of you are finished with your meal. He immediately takes the pot from the table, telling you off when you insist on doing the dishes. He banishes you out of the kitchen and makes his way to the sink to clean up. You listen to the water running, watching his figure. He hums gently under his breath, sometimes babbling to himself and you can’t help but smile.

But the peacefulness of the house is quickly broken - the sound of shattering shaking you awake. “Shit.”

“Are you okay?”

You stand up from the couch, the orange dawn light permeating into the room and casting your shadow onto the floor.

“I’m fine. I just broke a dis-”

“Jin?” He doesn’t finish his thought, entirely silent and when you get closer, he winces. His body is completely trembling, limbs shaking. “Jungkook?”

The person turns. His eyes are almost bulging out of its sockets and he begins to shriek on the top of his lungs. “BLOOD!” He gazes down to the slight cut on his hand and begins to scream.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” You reassure the mysterious alter. But he can’t hear you, lost in hysterics as he stares at his wound. “We’ll just clean u-”

“Hospital! HOSPITAL!” He abandons the sink, scrambling elsewhere.

He’s howling out, screeching and wailing, crying at the top of his lungs. In blind fear, he doesn’t see you, simply turning around in the house to look for an escape. “HELP! HELP!”

“I’m right here.” You take three strides, voice firm in reassurance as you place your hands on his shoulders. That’s when he finally looks at you, meeting your eyes as his pupils enlarge. He wheezes, face drained of colour as his panic attack continues.

“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!”

“It’s going to be okay. I’m here. Breathe slowly.” You constrict your own surprise and alarm.

“I’M GOING TO DIE!” His heart is racing out of his chest, terror looming in each dark corner. His chest constricts, his head spins and he can’t see clearly.

“No. You’re not.” With one breath, you hold him in a comforting embrace. You move your arms around his body, holding him tight while running a gentle hand through his hair. He visibly relaxes, melting to your warm touch. He stops shaking and begins to breathe as evenly as possible.

“It’s okay. I’m here. You’re not alone.”

“You’re not alone.”

In a way, it’s almost like you’re repeating it to yourself.

“You’re not alone.”

The both of you stand in each other’s arms for five minutes, his chin propped on your shoulder and your hand running through his dark locks. Your own nose is digging into the fabric of his shirt, scent of fresh linen wafting off of him. His chest stops heaving and he even returns your hug. The boy flinches after a heartbeat and the voice you hear is the one you most recognize.

Jungkook opens his eyes, startled to see where he is. “Y/N?”

But he never once pulls away.

You hum quietly.

“You’re not alone.”

#bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #bts jungkook #jungkook #bts scenarios #bts scenario #oh man...I'm so excited to show you guys the next chapter #MUHAHA

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