#peter petegrew hate

[kasvosie]

Sweet Emotion

Sirius Black has always been looking for love.

He was looking for love when every mistake he made in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black was punished with a curse and hungry belly for the night. When Regulus would sneak around to leave a sandwich in front of his door, “I’ve got your back” scribbled hastly on piece of parchement.

He was looking for love when the howler he received from his mother for being sorted into Gryffindor sent him crying to his room. When James Potter threw the curtains around his bed open and declared himself Sirius' best friend. When they sat on the floor that night with Remus Lupin and Peter Petegrew eating chocolate frogs and laughing about nothing at all, as eleven-year-old boys are wont to do.

He was looking for love when they confronted Remus about his furry little problem; when they told him they would be his friends no matter what. When Remus threw himself around his neck and cried for an hour straight. When he swore to himself he would do anything, if only he could keep Remus safe.

He was looking for love when they became the Marauders, the greatest pranksters Hogwarts ever knew. When they were just four young boys with the brightest minds and dreams made of mischief.

He was looking for love whenever he got yet another letter from his parents, calling him a disappointment and a disgrace. When James would somehow just know and asked him to practice quidditch with him. When every flying session ended with beads of sweat and laughter glowing on his skin, the Black crest momentarily forgotten.

He was looking for love when he became Hogwarts’ resident heartbreaker. When every disappointing date he came from had him sitting with his head on Remus’ lap, complaining loud enough for the whole of Gryffindor tower to hear.

He was looking for love when Marlene and Dorcas took him aside one evening and shared with him the only way up into the girls’ dorms: liking boys. When later that night he sat on Marlene’s bed as she did his makeup, listening to Dorcas rant about sexuality and David Bowie.

He was looking for love when they became Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. When Remus didn’t tear himself up during the full moon for the first time. When they started working on the map, the dusk giving way to dawn on endless nights. When they were still young boys, only a bit sharper around the edges.

He was looking for love every time he woke up sobbing from a nightmare, his mother’s shrill voice still ringing in his ears. When Moony would curl next to him without a word and hold him all through the night; when it left him feeling so impossibly small.

He was looking for love when his parents disowned him and he ended up on the Potters’ doorstep. When Fleamont and Euphemia Potter took one look at the sad boy without a home and offered him a family.

He was looking for love when Regulus sent him a letter, apologizing for everything. When Lily found him curled up next to the hearth with it and he ended up telling her everything. When she listened, when she told him her story, when she hugged him before she ever even thought about hugging James, when he hugged her back, laughing through tears because “Prongs would kill me if he knew, Red”.

He was looking for love when he gave Remus’ secret away to Snape. When James hated him, and Peter and Lily and Remus did too, when he hated himself more than all of them, because he betrayed Moony. When he cried and cried and apologized and Moony forgave him because it was what Moony did, but he knew he would never forgive himself for breaking the most important of promises.

He was looking for love when they spent their last Christmas at Hogwarts, exchanging gifts around the fire. When the boys gave him a record player and the girls his first leather jacket. When James complained how his mother liked Sirius more, but still called him his brother. When he knew that, given the chance, he would spend the rest of his life with these people, in the safety of the castle he got to call home.

He was looking for love when he snogged a boy in the middle of the common room after they had won the quidditch cup. When Remus stormed out with the map and he couldn’t find him for hours. When Padfoot picked up Moony’s scent at the edge of the Forbidden Forest and he found him looking at the stars with sad eyes and an even sadder smile, and Sirius felt like he would rather face a war all alone than be the cause of that expression. When he started stammering out apologies for all that he was and Remus kissed him silent; when he saw the world brighter than ever before, even though Remus’ lips were the only world he knew right then. When, for the first time in his life, he felt truly magical.

Sirius Black has always been looking for love. Little did he know, he’s had it all along.

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Harry Potter time travel fix-it/redemption au (staring severus snape)

i started writing this years ago. i actually don’t remember when, it’s been so long.

the idea is that severus snape goes back in time after he dies and changes his life. he gets sorted into gryffindor and ends up taking peter petegrew’s place as a marauder. and learns that he never truly loved lily as anything other then a friend.

———

“Look… at… me…” he whispered. Severus Snape was dying. There were no other words to describe it. Blood poured from the wound in his neck and air seemed to have become scarce. He could feel his life slipping away as he stared up at Harry Potter’s emerald green eyes; Lily’s eyes, almond shaped and in the exact same shade too. It was painful to look at, more painful in fact then dying.

He felt a pang in his chest at the thought of his lost friend; his lost love. Oh, how he missed her, he thought sorrowfully as he pulled in a gurgling rasp. His vision started to turn dark around the edges and Potter’s face began to waver in front of him. He knew he didn’t have much longer. Soon he’d be seeing his Lily-flower again. He could only hope she’d forgive him in death like she never had in life. He wasn’t sure he could handle an eternity without her, but then again, he never had deserved her.

Nonsense, a small voice in his head murmured, she didn’t deserve you. You were too good for her.

No, he snapped back furiously as the world faded black, Lily Evens was the best person I ever knew. She was loving; compassionate. She didn’t care what the rest of the world said about me. Well, he thought with a shudder, not until I proved them right, that is.

We’ll have to agree to disagree, I fear, said the voice that sounded suspiciously like Dumbledore, I sometimes believe that we Sort too soon, you know. You would have made a fabulous Gryffindor. Internally shaking his head, Severus did his best to ignore the obnoxious voice that was obviously not his own in favor of a good old fashion mental wallowing.

I just wish… I should have saved her. I should have done more, convinced her that she wasn’t safe. I should have never joined Voldemort. Then she would have lived. It was all I ever wanted.

The voice of reason seemed to snort, Wasn’t saving her son enough? It’s what she’d have wanted after all, isn’t it?

Severus Snape paused in his final ramblings for a split second to contemplate that. No, it wasn’t enough. It never would be. He should have done more. As he began to draw in his last breath, all he could think was, If only I could go back and do it all again.

Well, who am I to deny a dead man his last wish? the voice questioned sardonically. If it could have, Severus was sure it would have quirked it’s eyebrow at him and smirked in an infuriating way, but as it was, he could feel a wind stir around him in a swirling haste as couplets drummed into his ears.

Fate unwind, undo the day

Revert to when all went astray

What happened there, become undone

A second chance, a second run

But head this warning, listen close

Hate brings back the dreaded ghost

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

Only changed is thy soul left unstained

And with that, Severus Snape went limp and the world disappeared.

—

Severus Snape was jolted awake as the car hit a bump in the road. Looking around wildly, he tried to determine where he was. The last thing he remembered was that annoying voice chanting some poem as he lay dying in the Shrieking Shake.

Was this hell? But no, it couldn’t be. Hell was supposed to be burning flames and eternal torture. It was supposed to be his punishment for all the crimes he’d committed in life. This wasn’t hell; the scene he was staring at from the car window was too peaceful. Muggle London with its rush hour traffic and dreary rain certainly didn’t count as hell.

“Sev?” an eerily familiar voice called softly next to him, “You okay?”

Swiveling around in his seat (he was surprised he didn’t get whiplash) Severus stared blankly at the figure next to him. Lily Potter sat in the seat beside him with a concerned expression in her startling green eyes. Her beautiful, golden red curls cascaded down her back in waves and her creamy skin was as perfect as always.

———

anyway, yea, old fic idea that i thought i’d share! hope you like it (☆ω☆)