#people work hard on them because they want to

[mioakem]

shut up i’m talking patreon episode summary (only 7 dollars btw)

jack starts it off explaining the lead up to the situation and saying how dream involved himself out of nowhere. he said it was all very lighthearted leading up to dreams involvement (they don’t like mizkif or xqc very much but found the whole thing funny)

tommy said he didn’t think it would escalate very far and started off talking the piss out of it but after the 3 hour stream he realized it was getting serious. he didn’t want to involve himself with dream very much because a lot of people around him were saying that he shouldn’t speak to dream because of the way he took advantage of him when he was 16. tommy said he attempted to resolve it privately in the past but after the if youtubers were honest video dream sent him very mean and awful messages and after that he told dream he was going to block him everywhere (which he did)

jack says that it’s nearly impossible to resolve drama with dream privately because he makes everything public (and also it’s incredibly hard to talk to him) jack said that after the episode with phil he had a 2 hour long call with dream where they basically just went back and forth and nothing was really resolved

jack says that this episode was filmed right after dreams video dropped. tommy makes fun of the title (i’m sorry but not to tommyinnit). jack then admits that he does talk about dream a lot and he does it because he feels like before everything he was one of the only ones who openly disliked dream. jack says that everytime jack has criticized him in a non joking manner it hasn’t been a rumor. the only time jack has mentioned pedo rumors was when he was drunk and a fan asked if dream was a pedo and he said he couldn’t legally answer that. he said he was drunk and put on the spot. jack said that though he doesn’t think dream is a pedo he does think that messaging fans is inappropriate and strange. jack said that when the allegations came out dream messaged in the discord saying they were false and said he’s open to any questions. jack answered saying that even though he didn’t think dream was a pedo it was a little weird to be messaging fans (especially underaged ones). dream talked to jack privately after that saying that the message annoyed him because jack was being skeptical.

jack then talks about how on dreams stream he said that he knew some rumors about jack but wasn’t gonna say them but then said that there were rumors about jack being unfaithful. jack said that the point of that was that when jack had rumors it was handled privately but when dream had rumors it was very public- which is incredibly hypocritical because dream made jack’s situation public knowing it was false but jack kept dreams rumor private in his own regard.

tommy then jokes about cheating on molly and then goes into the editor thing. jack said that it’s a lie and then passes it over to tommy. tommy said he has nothing to say because there’s physical evidence that he didn’t underpay them (actually very graciously paid them). tommy says that it feels very weird that all his private messages keep going public. jack then starts talking about how the unpaid editor situation was actually about him. he said that he was one month into doing youtube and worked a minimum wage job and asked an editor what they wanted to be paid and they agreed on 50 quid. they said they both were young and didn’t know how much she should’ve been paid and he didn’t make any money from youtube at the time anyways. he said that now youtube is his job and he is much more knowledgeable in appropriate payments.

they then bring up how dream skipped over george and also how the only clip he took from tubbos stream was the one of him agreeing with him. jack says he can’t believe that dream tried to “win” by using straight up lies and brings up how dream has a reputation of lying and he doesn’t know why he did it.

tommy says he said all he needed to say in the video and the video was meant for dream rather than the viewers (except for the promo at the end). he says that dream knows why tommy called him sexist and he said that there’s so much that isn’t out and it’s incredibly miserable. tommy said that he doesn’t wanna do this anymore and he doesn’t feel happy with youtube anymore because of the creators in the space. he says that he won’t be doing the whole youtube thing in a couple years, he will still post videos but he’s not gonna interact with all the shit going around, especially when the people involved used to be his friends. he said that the dream video was kinda meant to be the last time he gets involved with everything. he says that it feels incredibly childish and that he’s appalled that people are pushing 30 and are doing this. tommy said that he makes jokes about mega famous people being dickheads because it’s how he puts his feelings into words. he says that dream is one of the most self indulging person he has ever dealt with in his life and he cannot believe he’s been dealing with him for nearly 5 years- and he doesn’t not intend to continue dealing with him. he says he doesn’t find the whole situation funny anymore and he finds no joy in it- which he did during the logan and mizkif situations. he says that this is no way to live and it’s all pointless to be creating drama like this online and whenever he punches up he’s not trying to cancel anyone he just wants to make a joke. he again says that it’s all childish and that they’re both adults now

jack brings up that there’s no one sticking up for dream and how everyone on the server that has spoken up has disagreed with dream. jack says that a lot of them have felt this way for years- especially him

tommy said that he feels very manipulated by a lot of these people and that it took him a very long time to realize how manipulative some of these people were. he tells a story about when he was just starting out and he did the lobby spamming in a twitch streamers lobby the guy got super mad at him and invited him to call and proceeded to scream at tommy and called him the r slur (he was 20 and tom was 14) he said he was super shaken and messed up from it- but now he’s incredibly used to it and it’s such a shame that he is.

jack said that he started disassociating with dream after the grooming allegations because he didn’t want to be friends with someone who would privately message fans (which was the case). he said that he doesn’t like being grouped in with dream because of the dsmp because he’s bad for his image so he’s tried his best to make it clear that he doesn’t like dream and that’s about all he wants.

they then start talking about how out of the blue everything was. jack said that he would understand his involvement if they had been bullying dream relentlessly for weeks but they were literally talking about mizkif and xqc at the time and

jack said that he’s made his piece why he doesn’t like him and how you don’t have to look very hard to see the manipulative tactics to get people on his side. they both say it’s painful watching him do that. jack said that he’s going to continue making jokes about what dream accused him of because they’re so ridiculous.

tommy says that it’s sad that the only thing that dream took from tommy’s video was that he was lying. he says it’s sad to see everyone come out with there bad experiences with dream and he can’t believe it got this bad.

jack says it’s questionable that dream mocked jack for jack not liking him because of things he’s heard about him and he was gonna keep joking about eveything public about him because it’s funny. jack said that there’s enough that’s true that makes him not want to associate with dream.

tommy says that dream is an impossibly selfish man . jack said that the only thing he’s gonna give to dream is that he’s clearly incredibly socially unaware and genuinely does not understand what he’s done wrong- but that doesn’t excuse being a bitch. he says that people have tried to explain that to him but he just doesn’t get it. he also then asks how willing his misunderstanding is- because he most likely is aware of some of it. tommy says he lacks alot of empathy and doesn’t have guilt for the bad things he’s done. tommy says that it’s very easy to simply apologize but just keep doing the bad things and that’s what dream always does. tommy says he doesn’t take dreams apologies seriously anymore and he doesn’t forgive him.

tommy closes saying that he’s done with the drama and this is the last he will speak on it

[justauthoring]

The Flutters of my Heart.

Request: hey could you do a fic with thanos from squid game: where the reader is apart of gi hub’s group but thanos is really into her and keeps flirting with her loudly. Her and the boys are all suspicious, thinking it’s a trick but they find out he just really likes her

Pairing: Choi Su-bong "Thanos" x F!Reader

Word Count: 2,327

A/N: I did not think the second Squid Game fic I'd write would be for Thanos but... honestly, it feels right.

Two things -> Thanos might be OOC lol he's super hard to write for and you essentially replaced Jun-hee - I love her but it just works better for this fic.

Your first interaction with him had been anything but pleasant.

With blood splattered across his face, from the people you'd seen him knock over during Red Light, Green Light no less, he'd smiled at you with crazed eyes, called you 'Senorita' and asked if you'd join his team. You're positive even if you hadn't seen his actions during the first game, you would've said no. You're even more confident in your outright denial when you see him vote 'O' with a grin.

He's all flirt and false charm. He promises you that he'll keep you safe because he's the one and only great Thanos and does so even as his friend scoffs and tells him they shouldn't bother with someone like you.

You had to admit, he was convincing. If you weren't in a game of life or death, you'd be lying to yourself to say that a part of you wouldn't maybe given in to his flirtations. But, this was life or death and you can't afford to make alliances with someone who is clearly so... unsteady.

Definitely not with someone who so outwardly wants to stay in this terrible place.

You find yourself your own team, somehow survive the second game and really, Thanos hasn't been on your mind since that first interaction. You'd barely paid attention when you'd seen his team win, the only thing really of note catching your attention that he'd seemed to find some other girl to bother instead of you.

Your group, despite two initially voting to stay, are routed in their beliefs to get out of here after the second game. Despite them all being men, they'd accepted you with ease and any little concerns they might have had had been squashed the second you'd won the game of Ddakji your first try.

You feel safe with your group and allow yourself to follow them around, feeling protected with your numbers and at ease with their friendly and inviting personalities.

It isn't until after the second round of voting and Jung-bae's surprising betrayal, that you're approached by Thanos for a second time.

You're in line for food when he approaches you, surprisingly not with Player 124 like he normally is.

"Senorita," he grins, pulling your eyes on him with a blink of surprise. You frown when you realize who it is, and even more so when you register that stupid pet name. "I'm relieved to see you made it through the second game."

Crossing your arms over your chest, you huff; "let's hope I make it through the third." The insinuation is made clear as you raise a brow at the blue 'O' patch on his sweater.

Thanos only grins. "Even though you're an 'X', I still promise to keep you safe." He winks, taking a step closer to you. "All you have to do is let me."

You huff; "I'm good, thanks."

"Aweh, come on, beautiful," he smirks, wrapping an arm around your shoulder before you can pull away. "You can trust me. I would've last game too if you'd give me the chance. In fact, I tried to find you for the last game but you'd already surrounded yourself with all those old men."

You roll your eyes. "I'd choose them over you anyday."

"You wound me," Thano pouts, clutching at his heart. Still, the glee in his eyes in undeniable. "How about this? You sit with me for dinner, I'll convince you I'm not such a bad guy."

Astonished at his relentlessness, your lips part to respond, but before you can, a voice cuts you off;

"She's already got friends to sit with."

You turn your head to find Dae-ho, him moving to stand right next to you. His hand falls on your shoulder in a reassuring touch, sending you a gentle smile before frowning over at Thanos. Behind, you can see Gi-hun and Young-il who are both watching the interaction closely. They've already got their dinners in their hands, clearly having stopped when they saw you and Thanos.

Already reassured by their presence, especially Young-il after you'd seen him take down both Thanos and Player 124 in seconds when they'd tried to attack Player 333, you turn back to glance at Thanos.

His face has faltered slightly at the sight of your group, but he doesn't back down.

"I'm sure the Senorita can speak for herself," Thanos challenges, smirking at you.

"She can," you cut in, confidence gained by Dae-ho and the rest. "And she says she doesn't want to sit with you either. Now, move. You're blocking the line."

Dae-ho lets out a barking laugh and before Thanos can say anything more, you're turning, shoving past him to move up the line.

Before Thanos would ever admit defeat, he smiles back at you, shrugging; "I'll get you to say yes, eventually!"

-

You're making your way back from the bathroom about thirty minutes later, on your own because you'd assured the boys you'd be okay on your own, when your wrist is grabbed.

Your lips part to let out a yelp, but any sound is quickly muffled by a hand pressed against your mouth.

You're tugged back, in between two sets of the beds, struggling in the grasp until the person who grabbed you stops. Their hands let go of you and you quickly spin, ready to defend yourself if need be, until your eyes catch sight of a familiar shade of purple.

"Thanos," you huff, shoulders relaxing slightly.

"Hey, baby," he grins, lips spread wide.

"What the hell," you hiss, shoving at him. "What is your problem?"

He has the audacity to shrug. "This is the only way I could get you alone to talk." For some reason, he takes that opportunity to brush back a strand of wild hair from your mild kidnapping he'd done, tucking it behind your ears with an odd gentleness.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you ignore the flutter of your heart. "And?" You question, shaking your head. "Still doesn't give you the right to grab me like that."

"I wanted to know your name," he grins, winking at you.

Your lips part. "You wanted to know my name?"

He nods.

"What exactly is the point of all of this?" You huff, shaking your head in frustration. "This is the third time you've bothered me. I thought I made the way I felt clear at the beginning."

"You did," he agrees, "I'm choosing to ignore it."

You blink, stunned. The actual audacity of this man.

"You're ignoring my rejection?"

"Yup," he nods, popping the 'p'.

"You're insufferable," you shake your head. "I don't want anything to do with someone who would willingly choose to stay in these horrible games. Not to mention, have fun playing them."

Thanos laughs, "I'm here for the same reason as you, baby. I need the money," he shrugs, holding his hands by his side as if in innocence as he pronounces 'money' in english. "Nothing wrong with trying to make the most of it. That includes learning your name."

"You're sick," you scoff, "I saw you push those two in the first game! You're the reason they're dead."

"As if they wouldn't have died on their own," Thanos rolls his eyes. "Besides, I'd never do that to you. I told you, didn't I? I'll keep you safe."

"You think that makes it okay?"

"Of course."

Shaking your head, you push away from him, turning your back to him. "Just leave me alone, Thanos. I want nothing to do with someone like you."

You walk away without looking back, unaware of the gaze that follows you.

-

"Hey, Senorita!"

Pausing in your conversation with Young-il and Gi-hun, you freeze, slowly turning your head over your shoulder to meet Thanos' gaze.

He's stood with his friends, Player 124 glaring at you from behind him, with a wide grin and those same wild eyes that made it clear he wasn't sober. You feel your shoulders tense, all too aware of your groups eyes watching the interaction between the two of you.

"If you need a group to join, I'll always be here!" He calls, pointing his finger right at you as he winks.

Swallowing thickly, you turn, choosing to ignore him.

All the boys look at you, waiting for you to say something. You do, just not about Thanos, eager to move on from Thanos' embarrassing and loud flirt.

"If they call about five, we just need to find people...-"

-

You'd gotten separated from Dae-ho.

Somewhere in the midst of running to a room, you'd been knocked to the ground by someone. They'd shoved past you without a single thought to you, and then the crowd of those desparate and panicked had separated you from your friend further.

Now, with tears in your eyes and your heart racing, you're frantically trying to find him or at least one of your friends, all whilst too aware of the time ticking away by the second.

It occurs to you that this might be it. That fall had been hard and your ankle was screaming something terrible right now. Even if you did find Dae-ho, you're not sure you could make it to him or a room in time.

The tears fall then, the seconds feel like agony and far too quick at the same time as you shake with the reality of your situation.

At least, what would've been your situation.

In the next second, a body crashes into you again, except instead of knocking you to the ground, you feel your feet lifted off the ground. A yelp leaves your lips in response, arms pulling you in a chest, confused, before you realize you're being hurdled right into a room.

The person who'd grabbed you was quick and suddenly, you're on your feet, in a room, with Thanos.

He shuts the door behind him and it locks instantly after.

He's panting, chest rising and falling as he turns to look at you, and you're just staring back at him with tears streaming down your cheeks and in disbelief. The echoes of gun shots that follow barely register in your mind as you meet his gaze.

"You saved me..." You breathe, stunned, voice a mere breathless whisper.

"I told you," he pants, offering a winded grin. "I'll keep you safe. I meant it."

The realization that it had in fact been Thanos that saved you is hard to believe and yet, you're faced with the true as he turns back to glance out the small window of the door.

"In the nick of time too," he laughs, somehow still overjoyed and finding humour in this situation. "I thought you and me were both dead there for a second."

Swallowing thickly, you hug yourself, still shaking and trembling from the situation as you shuffle on the spot. The action immediately pulls a cry from your lips as you stumble forward, tipping head first to the ground.

Thanos catches you before you fall.

"Wow," he chuckles, "you okay there, Senorita?"

The pet name that had annoyed you this entire time suddenly is annoying in a whole different way when you realize you wished it had been your name he'd said instead.

And that thought has you reeling even more.

"F-Fine," you wince, grabbing his arms that hold you. "I twisted my ankle when I got separated from...-oh no! Dae-ho! I didn't see if he he made it!"

The smile fades from Thanos face briefly at the mention of Dae-ho, still he helps you steady yourself and shakes his head. "Saw him get pulled into another room. He's fine. You're the one hurt."

Your face twists at that; "it's not his fault."

Thanos turns his face away, "never said it was."

It's clear he thinks it is.

You just huff, using his arms to help keep you upright. "I'm fine. It's just a twist."

Thanos eyes flicker to your ankle. "You can't walk."

Your lips part to say something, but just then the door clicks as it unlocks. You and Thanos spare one more glance at each other, before he's stepping forward to open the door, keeping an arm around your waist to help you walk out. You let him, trying to ignore the warmth in your chest at the action, limping out beside him.

Instantly, you hear your name being called.

You turn, seeing Dae-ho with Jung-bae, Gi-hun and Young-il in turn. There's a relieved smile on the formers lips and the rest look just as relieved.

"Thank God you're okay!"

You grin at them, forgetting who you're with for a second as you turn to them. "I'm glad you're okay too! When we got separated I wasn't sure..."

"I found Gi-hun," Dae-ho explains. "He hadn't been able to find a partner when Young-il, Jung-bae, you and me went off of our own. I tried to find you but..."

Nodding at them, you gesture to your partner. "Thanos found me," you explain, smiling nervously. "He... Well, he saved me. I wouldn't have survived otherwise."

The four of them look positively stunned but Thanos is beaming at the praise.

"Got my reward for it already too," Thanos smirks from beside you, pulling you closer. "Learned your name as well.., Reader."

He wiggles his brows at you and instantly, your cheeks warm. Leaning back from him, you shuffle back and to your surprise, he lets you slide out of his grip. Dae-ho is quick to help you, wrapping his arm around your waist like Thanos had whilst your group takes cautionary steps in front of you.

Just then, Player 124 comes bounding towards him.

"Thanos!"

With one final look your way, Thanos winks; "talk to you later, Reader." And with that, he walks off, joining Player 124's side as they laugh loudly in the otherwise gloom room.

All four turn to you, but you're too stunned to even begin explaining.

That, and you can't get rid of the fluttering race of your heart.

[captain-huggy-bear]

The Missing Puck

Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Little hurt/comfort because Quinn isn't perfect, but he has good intentions and it's a fluffy end

Summary: It's the Hughes Bowl...and you're missing your usual warmup puck from Quinn. You think he's forgotten, he most definitely has not, but he didn't think this through. Fuck.

Notes: Sequel to The Collection

Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)

Writing Masterlist

Another home game for Vancouver meant another puck ready and waiting for you fresh from the ice. Or it should have.

You were waiting glass side for the teams to come out for warmups, today the Canucks would go face to face with the Devils and like always you are both excited for Quinn to get to see his entire family and sad that at least one of the Hughes brothers has to lose tonight's game. You expect to see Quinn make a beeline for you like he always does with a puck to throw over the glass for you. When it doesn't come and he skates past you with a smile to go warm up you just assume he'll pick one up for you nearer the end of warm ups, not too bothered at first by the missing puck that should have already been in your hands. Even fans around you gave you a look, so familiar with the ritual that was Quinn Hughes giving his girl a puck.

When the puck fails to come at the end of warm ups, when you watch him skate off the ice at the end of warmups without passing you your puck, the puck he's given you every single day since the very first game you attended, you try to justify it as he's distracted. The Hughes' Bowl, as people called it, was a high stress time for Quinn, the desire to win competing with the desire for his brothers' to win, mixed with concern that either of his brothers might get hurt by his own teammates. It was natural for him to be a bit distracted, for him to forget. It was just a puck.

You try not to let it ruin your night, to not distract you from the game, but you can't help it. You just feel...sad, forgotten. Quinn has never forgotten to get you a puck. In the 135 games that you've watched, he has never forgotten to get you a puck. Even when it's an away game you can't come to he's always come back with a puck from each, a thought about you that he's had written on each, sometimes arriving back to the apartment with 6 or 7 pucks in tow.

You try your best to watch the game, cheering when either the Canucks and Quinn score or Jack or Luke do, you can't really help but support your boyfriend's brothers, even if you want Quinn to ultimately win the game. Still, your cheers are definitely lack lustre and there's a heavy feeling in your chest that just won't disappear.

Even the Canucks' win doesn't make the feeling disappear and you berate yourself all the way to locker rooms about it. it's so silly to be worked up over a puck of all things, you've got over a hundred of them, what's one less? It's not like he forgot your birthday or left you at an event, forgetting to take you home. It's silly that you feel so upset about something so...so unimportant, or that's what you tell yourself anyway.

Deep down you know it's not silly to be upset about it. This was a ritual, a special thing that the two of you had been doing long before you were official. He'd never forgotten to give you a puck before and the idea that there would be a gap, a game missing from your collection? A day missing from the story you'd been cataloguing in bits of vulcanised rubber? It wasn't silly to feel forgotten. It wasn't silly to be happy for Quinn's win while deep down feeling like he'd let you down.

He actually hates it. Watching the way your face falls when he simply skates past you with a smile during warmups, he hates the way you stay right up at the glass the entire time, biting your lip, like he might remember in a minute...As if he ever even forgot.

It's hard for him to focus on the game, to be perfectly honest, for the first time in a while he can't keep from searching for you in the crowd. He can't help but hate the glimpses he gets, the way you cheer half-heartedly after his goal, the way your shoulders are slumped. He feels like an asshole and maybe he could have planned this whole thing better? Maybe he should have given you two pucks rather than waiting, waiting, waiting to give you the one...he just hopes that you forgive him for the torture he's put you through and forgive him for being a complete and utter idiot about it.

He really didn't consider that by planning to give you the puck after the game you'd feel forgotten, he didn't consider that he'd always given you a puck at the start of warmups, never at the end, never after and certainly not after an entire game. Yeah, he was an asshole and he thinks he'll be lucky if you give him the answer he wants tonight. It makes anxiety buzz so hard in his stomach that he feels sick for most of the 2nd and 3rd periods.

He doesn't waste time getting off the ice once the game is through and he doesn't even get out of most of his gear in the locker room, just his skates, gloves and bucket. He's rushing as he picks up the puck he scored with that night, but tries to calm his shaking hands when their rookie, Sasson, passes him a metallic gold pen to write across the puck's surface. There's both a deep need to be quick, to find you as soon as possible, and a deep need to do this correctly, to take his time. Not write a scrawling mess across it that you won't even be able to read.

He almost walks out the locker room without the final piece to the whole thing, but it's Kiefer that tosses him the little black box from his things before he embarrasses himself even more than he already has that night. He barely hears the good lucks from the rest of the guys, so focused on what he needs to do and trying to salvage this whole situation.

You look so small in the hallway outside, arms crossed over your chest as if you're trying to protect yourself from the world, eyes downcast to the ground. You feel small, a heavy weight of disappointment on your shoulders that doesn't ease much when you hear footsteps across the carpet and look up to see Quinn rushing towards you.

He's still in most of his gear, hair tousled and messy, moistened from sweat. His cheeks are flushed red and he's practically stumbling over his words the moment you're in ear shot, rushing towards you like a runaway train.

"I'm so sorry, this is not how this was supposed to go and I completely didn't think about how you'd feel an-" He's talking so fast that you're simply filling in the blanks, of course he's apologising for forgetting the puck and the one in his hand is clearly one from after the game. It shouldn't disappoint you more, it should make you feel better, that he's remembered now, even if later on in the day.

"It's okay, Quinn...it's just a puck..." You try to reassuring him, but he's shaking his head. Quinn's eyes go wide at the realisation that you think he forgot when he most certainly did not and he is not having you think he forgot when this was all part of the plan, a fucking stupid plan, but a plan nonetheless.

"That's not...I didn't forget the puck, I promise, I didn't forget the puck, baby." He sounds so absolutely desperate, so horrified that you believe him. Even, if it confuses you even more.

"But...but you always give me the puck at the start of warm ups?"

"I know...I...I thought if I did this after the game it would be better and I could have it all prepared, but I didn't really think about the fact you'd be expecting it at warms ups and I'm fucking inconsiderate asshole..." Half of what he has to say is a rambling mess that you can't really comprehend, so you latch onto the last thing he says that rockets your anxiety through the roof because giving you a puck later in the day is certainly not something which makes him an asshole even if it set your anxiety off and made you sad.

"Quinn, you're not an asshole, it's okay!"

"No, not it's not! Because...because I've messed this up so bad and if you don't want to say yes I completely get it..." Quinn almost looks ready to cry and he feels like it, in his head he's catastrophising. You're going to say no because he was too big of an idiot to think about the routine he'd made with you, the expectation you would have, the anxiety he would be putting you through for 3 hours.

You stop for a minute, processing his words as he stares at you horrified, scared, worried, all of the above and every synonym for them under the sun. The silence is so dreadfully loud and broken by the softest whisper of your voice, "Say yes?"

Quinn's scared, certain he's going to have a heart attack in that moment but still he forces his hands to move, toss the puck in his hands lightly to you and watch as you twist it right side up.

He has to stop himself from rambling further as he gets down on one knee in front of you, shaking hands opening up the little black box Kiefer had given him. The ring inside is perfect for you, the right gem, the perfect colour, the correct metal and shape. The epitome of someone knowing exactly what you'd find most desirable in a ring, but you're not looking at it, your eyes are fixed on the puck in your hands.

It's the usual beat up puck, although not a warmup puck this time but an official game puck, a goal scoring puck. Across the surface in gold lettering Quinn's handwriting stands out. The date is scrawled across the surface and underneath? Oh, underneath might be the most beautiful sentence you've ever read in your life and you can't help but feel tears well up in your eyes as you read them.

'Will you marry me?'

It all makes sense now. His rambling on about you not saying yes, his insistence that he'd messed up. He's scared, you can understand it now. That this absolutely amazing, wonderful man, thinks that something as simple as not giving a puck to you earlier is going to make you say no. When in reality very few things could ever stop you from saying yes, saying yes felt as natural as breathing.

"Give me a pen..." Your voice is wobbly and quiet as you request a pen, puck shaking in your hands as you look up at him and he's certain you're going to say no to him, so certain he takes a moment to process what you've asked for. Blinking at you blankly.

"Pen?"

"Give me a pen, Quinn." You reiterate until he seems to process your words and then he is scrambling, fumbling around as if he even has pockets in his gear which he doesn't. He almost drops the ring in the process and it is so utterly endearing to see how absolutely he wants to make this right and please you, as endearing as it is heart wrenching that he seems to think you'd ever say no.

He stumbles around, forgetting he's left the pen in the locker room, cursing this whole mess until Jack is leaning over his shoulder dangling it between two fingers with a soft smile. Luke just stood off to the side behind him. He supposes it would be par for the course for his brothers to be present for his imminent rejection and humiliation. Better them than anyone else.

He passes you the pen with shaking hands and can't take his eyes off you as you write something underneath his own words.

When you toss it back to him he's so certain that he's going to see a big no underneath that it takes him a minute of staring to actually comprehend what he's seeing, the puck shaking in his hands. Your handwriting lays so neatly underneath his, but its the unfathomable word that hits him with warmth and a bright spark of happiness straight to the chest.

'Yes -`♡´-'

Quinn's eyes pan up to you slowly, wide and bright as his lips part in shock. Glancing back down and up again as if he has to read the word a few more times to just make sure.

"Of course I'll marry you, you absolute idiot...why would I not?" You're smiling at him through the tears that slip down your cheeks, happy tears this time, not the disappointed ones you had supressed earlier in the evening. These tears are a combination of every feeling of affection and love you have for Quinn and the hopes you have too.

"Be..because I...I mess it all up..." He looks so utterly startled, so taken off guard and it hurts that he can't understand why one mistake wasn't really the end of it all. He's overthought the whole thing, just like you did. Two peas in a proverbial stressed out pod.

"Quinn," You close the remaining distance between the two of you, hands reaching up to cup his cheeks softly. Palms pressing against scratchy stubble as he looks down at you so softly, "I love you...messing up a little bit isn't going to change that, not when your intentions were so so sweet, baby..."

"So...you'll marry me?"

"I'll marry you." You confirm, grinning up at him as his mind works so hard behind green eyes. Little by little the doubt, confusion, starts to fade away to joy, to love, the way it should be after a proposal.

"You're going to marry me." You nod your head in confirmation, thumbs brushing across his cheeks in soothing circles, "We're getting married."

"Just put the ring on her, you idiot!" Luke calls from behind Quinn's shoulder and your gaze shifts to see the younger man grinning at the two of you, hands in his pockets and shaking his head. Jack is grinning equally as hard, the two brothers watching their older brother lose that calm, capable edge he always seems have. Both knowing they're never going to let him live this down. Ever.

"Shit!" He fumbles for the box, passing you the puck as his hands shake as he takes your left hand in his and slips the ring on your finger. It fits perfectly and it's beautiful, truly, what you imagined your engagement ring would one day look like.

He can't really comprehend it, that it's the ring he's given you on your finger, that he hasn't completely fucked this up. That you're going to be his wife.

It's you that pulls him close, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It's so soft and sweet that he isn't really sure what to do with himself for a moment and just stares down into your eyes.

"I love you, Quinn Hughes." You mumble against his lips, you're still grasping the puck in your right hand, even now. If anything your grip on the physical memory of this moment has grown tighter, scared it might fly away if you don't grasp it tightly.

"I love you too...thanks for saying yes." He sounds a little dumb, endearingly dumb.

"Quinn!" You lean back with a laugh, but don't get vary far before Quinn's arms are wrapping tight around your waist and pulling you back into his body. The closeness is appreciated not just because of the giddy high you're riding but because of how much distance there had been in the confusion of the day and Quinn's proposal.

"Am I not supposed to say that?" He grins down at you for the first time that night and it's the first moment where it feels real. He just asked you to marry him and you said yes. You're going to be Mrs Hughes.

"You generally don't thank your fiancé for agreeing to marry you, no. But you're welcome." You smile into the kiss he presses to your lips, losing yourself in the scratch of his stubble across your cheeks and the soft but firm press of his lips against yours. You let yourself just enjoy the feel of Quinn's hands gripping your hips and forget for a moment that you're in a corridor, a public space with your fiancé's brothers stood nearby.

"So drinks?" You're pulled away from the moment by the sound of Jack's voice chipping in. You pull back from the kiss, forehead pressing into Quinn's chest with a groan as he snaps at his brother lightly.

"Jack!"

"What we've got to celebrate right? Quinny can go get all cleaned up and then we'll go to a bar and celebrate this one becoming our new sister!" When you look up Jack and Luke have matching grins on their faces, cheeks pulled so high you're certain their faces must be hurting. Jack's grin is the more mischievous of the two, no doubting wondering how drunk he can get Quinn tonight, no doubt planning on using the special occasion to get Quinn to break from his health kick this season.

"Ugh, I forgot I'd be getting you two in this deal...can I change my mind?" You pretend to be put out, pouting at the two boys who you'll end up calling your brothers in short order.

You and Quinn turn to face them, Quinn tucking you under his arm and close to his side. He smiles down at you with what can only be called loving stubbornness.

"Not on my life, baby, you're stuck with me and stuck with Tweedledee and Tweedledum, sorry!"

"Hey!" "We're great!" The two protest and in that moment it all feels like the first day of the rest of your life. The man you love giving you his name in the sweetest and most chaotic way possible. The two men in front of you becoming your brothers in name not just actions. The moment when it is cemented firmly that you're not going anywhere and neither is Quinn. That you're stuck with each other.

You wouldn't have it any other way.

When you get back to the apartment that night, after a few drinks, Quinn avoiding being drawn into unruly behaviour by Jack, Quinn watches from the bed as you pull the familiar and now incredibly full box of hockey pucks out of the closet and place the new entry right on top. He smiles as you pat it gently before putting the box back away where you'll reach for it when he's away on his next roadie.

Watching you in that moment Quinn thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world to get the girl who still said yes even as he stumbled through a proposal that should have been perfect, but was far from it.

A girl that forgave him for a missing puck.

[finnlongman]

I'm not going to keep going on about this, because I didn't really mean to make a whole Thing of it, but there are two reasons it really bothers me when people say my books should have had a romance plotline/love interest:

They're saying they wish my protagonist's sexuality was different. When somebody says, "I wish this gay book was straight instead so that I could relate to it more," or whatever, we rightfully recognise that as homophobic. When somebody says, "I wish this aroace character had a love interest," people call that a personal preference and make excuses for why that's not the same thing. Given that my protagonist's sexuality is something she shares with me, it feels particularly unkind, because it's essentially saying, "Lives like yours aren't interesting to me, I wish you had a different sexuality." Ouch.

I may have been exaggerating when I said 99.9% of YA books have a romance plotline... but not by much. It is everywhere. If you want a YA book with romance, you don't have to make any effort to find one, because nine times out of ten, whatever book you pick up will have one. It might be the main plot, it might be the subplot, but it'll be there. I was told repeatedly that I would have to have romance if I wanted my YA books to be published, because the category insists on it. So if you want YA books with romance: basically every other book is for you. It's not like it's a rarity that you were hoping I would finally give you. You have the entire cake; leave us our crumbs.

Like I said in the tags on my original post, this wasn't about one specific person or review. Please don't single anybody out if you've seen them say something similar to this. If it happened once, it wouldn't bother me; it's the pattern, and years of being told before publication that I would have to compromise on this element of the story if I wanted to make it, and social media marketing trends that focus almost exclusively on romance tropes and make it hard to engage when you don't have them.

And, on top of that, it's the weird anxiety of knowing that my next book, the Bisclavret retelling, is more romance-heavy, and while I want it to succeed, there's a bittersweetness to the idea that my yearning book might succeed where my aroace books didn't, purely because romance is marketable and friendship isn't.

(Even though I know there are so many other factors -- different genre, different category, different format, different publisher, different style, and a retelling that can appeal to an existing audience rather than my own characters and story that have no prior fanbase. It still feels like the romance will be what makes the difference.)

As I said on Bluesky yesterday, talking about both my fiction and my academic work:

Okay. That's all.

[opinions-about-tiaras]

One of the ways you know AI is garbage is how hard they're trying to push it.

Marketing is always inevitable, of course, but I was around in the 90s; nobody had to hard sell the PC or the Internet to people, they were so manifestly things people wanted to have that you couldn't keep them on the shelves and you literally had people showing up to city council meetings to demand that infrastructure be improved to handle broadband.

Apple barely had to lift a finger to market the iPod or the iPhone.

Social media exploded in use because everyone really wanted to be on it, it was cool.

AI, though? The image and animation engines seem to have a certain amount of genuine "pull" to them, but the writing engines are toys that folks will poke at and go "huh, okay" and MAYBE use to do some light, brainless clerical work. (I know a few people at work who use them to write lengthy-but-banal emails.)

These guys are pouring massive amounts of investment into these engines, and adoption is really lagging, and they want people to pay for them so they can, you know, recoup. They desperately think "people will like it and pay for it if we can just get them to use it" and so far even among people who are neutral-to-positive on the things they're just not willing to do that, because they kind of suck.

no i don't want to use your ai assistant. no i don't want your ai search results. no i don't want your ai summary of reviews. no i don't want your ai feature in my social media search bar (???). no i don't want ai to do my work for me in adobe. no i don't want ai to write my paper. no i don't want ai to make my art. no i don't want ai to edit my pictures. no i don't want ai to learn my shopping habits. no i don't want ai to analyze my data. i don't want it i don't want it i don't want it i don't fucking want it i am going to go feral and eat my own teeth stop itttt

[hiiragi7]

Feeling extremely disappointed in the community response to Trump's gender order regarding X gender markers on documents. Can y'all quit with the victim-blaming and "I'm so glad I don't have an X gender marker, I knew it was a bad idea" statements for two seconds to support those of us who are targeted by this?

I have X on all of my documents. Birth certificate, passport, ID, you name it I have an X on it. I'm intersex & trans. I'm percieved as ambiguous 100% of the time and I can't pass for shit. Stealth is not an option for me, I am visibly intersex/trans no matter what.

Having either M or F on my documents wasn't any more feasible than having an X on everything at the time I got my documents. Which I had to work my ass off to get, by the way, because I was homeless and had no documents and I needed to obtain everything from scratch, which of course is made as hard as possible to do. (How do you provide proof of identity without any identity documents? How do you provide proof of address without an address? How do you pay for any of this when you can't even afford your own groceries and you get all your needs met through local mutual aid? How do you drop anything off or attend interviews or court without transportation?)

Goddamn right I was getting an X on my documents after having to go through hell to obtain them. If I had to work that hard for them, my documents were going to be how I wanted them.

Now I'm being told the president is trying to invalidate my documents, that depending on how things go I may be held if I try to go anywhere due to my passport having an X gender marker, that we don't know the ways this will be enforced and whether I will still be able to use my documents or not, and my trans community is saying it's actually my own fault for having an X gender marker in the first place and that I was just begging to be discriminated against by having one.

I am in a very vulnerable position and I should be supported by my own community when anti-trans anti-intersex discrimination targets me and people I care about. Y'all are dropping the ball and abandoning your siblings when we need each other most.

Also, for the record, I believe that no documentation should have gender markers. However, the US requires gender markers on documentation at the moment and that fucking sucks. It seems like this will be the case for the foreseeable future. The way people have been saying "nobody should get an X gender marker because gender markers shouldn't exist" just feels very "your strategy pales in comparison to my strategy, firebombing a Walmart" and then not firebombing a Walmart. While we can and should work towards gender markers not existing in the future, people with X gender markers exist right now and maybe y'all should support us instead of constantly throwing us under the bus.

[galene-gothic]

2025 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗒 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝖽𝗂𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES TIP JAR

CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR SALE AND OFFERS

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

(Note: I started your pile towards the end of the year so terms such as ‘this year’ likely means 2024 when it comes to the summary. Thank you for stopping to read and I hope that you enjoy your reading thoroughly.)

꒰ A summary of 2024 for you ꒱

You started this year with a grand mindset. You wanted to expand yourself, your life and make the most out of it by creating abundance by yourself. You basically wanted to turn your life around. I’m getting that your mindset was fairly good because you seem to have already turned something around for yourself by that point which is why you felt so confident in your vision. You were very driven to succeed and were not going to accept anything lesser than what you wanted. You were also curious, taking ideas from where you can get them, gaining knowledge from where you can so that you could make something out of your vision and you had broken free from many limitations, your mindset was not limited, negative beliefs were not present and you were dreaming big, you were also acting according to your vision like taking inspired action to the best of your capabilities. You were very empowered and driven at that time, you also had the understanding that life is a cycle but now that the year has come to an end, you’re someone who lacks work life balance and is not satisfied with how much you did causing you to feel ungrounded. Due to how much potential and time you had, and how you wasted it, you’re feeling stuck in life. You might have been looking into your past earnings and spendings (like this year’s spendings), and feeling disappointed, and a lack in terms of finances as well. You seem to be adjusting your priorities around this time. You are feeling some financial or career pressure, mostly because you didn’t do as much as you could or wanted to do. You had great potential to create stable foundations for yourself in terms of money, goals and career specifically, you could have truly grown but it’s just disappointing how your investments were either not done well by you, like you seem to have lacked follow through or consistency or things are just going slowly, you haven’t given up, you’re still trying but you’re feeling insecure about disappointing yourself because you know how much potential you had. You probably feel like you spent a lot of money as well.

You’re interested in connections at this moment, you’re hoping that next year things will be different and you’ll have close heartfelt one on one connection(s). You failed consistency and hard work, and you feel shitty about it. Your love life was pretty much non existent or very unpeaceful. If your love life was non existent or even if it was not, you dealt with difficulty with falling asleep at some point within this year, many of you could in fact be dealing with this these days itself. You could have felt embarrassed of the people you dated in the past or looking back at the way things were, you feel ashamed and depressed because you didn’t deserve that. I’m getting many of you being up in your heads in regard to love. There were also worries and anxiety regarding love at some point regardless of whether you were involved with someone or not. When it comes to your family, you seem to have been as responsible as you can be but you realised that you weren’t doing as much as you could and may have recently fixed it or are trying to do so. There’s this thing about you growing your family life in some way but being more focused on money, career, work, etc. than family because that’s the way you seem to care about them? In terms of friendships, you seem to be pretty decisive. It could have been the year when you cut friends or a friend off with a sense of decisiveness that you didn’t possess in the previous years. You are disappointed career wise, it’s not like you didn’t try but you feel like you prioritised comfort and leisure over proper investments and work. You feel like if you had been decisive to what you wanted to follow through in the beginning of the year, you’d not be left right where you started. It seems to pain you pretty deeply to not be able to make as much progress as you wanted to but despite, the disappointment you feel, you’re trying to have an even judgement going forward and not be too hard on yourself. You’re rethinking your mindsets, priorities, etc. and have had an awakening of some sort. You do not want to stray off your path next year and want to do better so that you do not feel disappointed in yourself, and your life again.

꒰ How will 2025 go for you? ꒱

The main theme of the year 2025 for you is going to be to recognise your values, actions and intentions when it comes to romance, beauty, and one on one connections in general. You’re also going to have to acknowledge where you tend to go wrong in terms of connections. If you had a love life in 2024 and are going into 2025 with that person, you’ll break free from them because the situation seems toxic i.e. one that makes you anxious, makes you feel negatively about yourself or life, makes your mind race or/and cause you sleepless nights. However, the rest of you are going to be alone or at least internally focused, causing you to attain a lot of wisdom and also grow to love your own company more. There are going to be hard truths that you’re going to learn about romance, connections and the opposite gender in the coming year. You’re also going to learn how to not put all your eggs into one basket, not out of lack of loyalty but out of self respect, by the end of the year, you’re going to grow into someone who is not going to commit to uncommitted situations. You’re going to be pretty unwilling to commit as well because you’re not going to find what you’re looking for. Your focus in the year 2025 should be on your commitment, attachment and abandonment issues. Protect yourself and keep in mind what people are capable of doing, how they may hurt or abandon you and make peace with it, knowing that that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. I also suggest that you hold back on sharing your feelings, money, energy and presence during the year. You’re being told to save money. Also, hold yourself as your most prized possession. Not from a place from insecurity or narcissism but from an empowered place where you understand that you’re so valuable that anyone who leaves you behind is clearly dumb because someone else would break their back and bank in order to have something even half as precious. “Some people won’t be able to afford me” is the kind of mindset you should have. When I say ‘afford’, I do not mean that you’re a commodity but that you’re very valuable and some people simply won’t have the resources required to match up to the vibration where they could get and coexist with you. Please just have more faith in yourself and don’t give yourself away to people who do not live up to your standards action-wise because as the old saying goes “actions speak louder than words.” You’re going to get opportunities that are going to keep you very busy but there are going to be opportunities for distractions and long term uncommitted connections as well. You could get an opportunity that allows you to grow from within your comfort zone itself or will push you out of it, tiring you out. You’re going to have incredibly strong intuition and an access to information, and wisdom from a higher source out of nowhere or through a medium (youtube, audios, people, etc.) but will have a hard time trusting all of this. It is important for you to push for the truth by being a clear thinker who observes situations well, and spends time putting two and two together. You’re being told that your intuition will often be supported by the physical reality, it’s just that words might fool you so you need to be very vigilant and observant because actions can’t be faked. You’re being told that people can have bad intentions but they usually do have good ones, but even so, their actions are often bad so it should not be that difficult to connect the dots. There might be trouble in terms of education, skill building, team work, etc. You’re going to get in touch with a very unconscious side of yourself and your psyche that you didn’t even know existed, it’s going to be scary, confusing and you might not like many things that you might see but you’ll grow your depth, and will develop a stronger understanding of yourself going forward.

You’re going to see your own darker qualities and will also realise where you’ve faced deceit from yourself or others. I’m getting a lot of truth coming out but also a very glazed energy, like you won’t be sure what’s real and what’s not, it’s going to be difficult to differentiate between truth and illusion, and you’re going to hurt a lot. You could also face major endings this year. It doesn’t even have to be external or something that you’re aware of but you’re going to grow to be more humble, stability and career driven, and will be ethical, and consistent. You’re going to learn a lot about productivity and work ethic during the year. I’m getting that the ending is going to be more a spiritual thing by the way. In terms of romance, you’re either going to have a very light hearted and reckless approach or a very serious one but you’re going to break free definitely. You’ll understand that you’re very powerful and that oftentimes, romance has caused you to think of yourself with a sense of inferiority but that you being fooled back then doesn’t mean you can’t just reclaim your power. If you aren’t involved with people and won’t be at that time, you will try to stop thinking about situations and people because you’ll have realised that the only power anyone or anything can have is the attention that you give it. In terms of family, if you have had a bad past with them, you’re going to be pretty apathetic honestly. Especially when it comes to past complaints or negative memories that you may have of them, you’re going to accept and heal those instead of thinking about them every time something occurs within the household. You’re going to have a lot of empathy for your family but will also have the emotional intelligence to know that you didn’t deserve certain things that you may have had to go through because of them. You’re still going to forgive and love them though, and if you have a good relationship with them with a good past, you’re going to be contemplative and will find that certain members within it truly help you heal, like it will just be something that you’ll be grateful for even if it’s something that you’re so used to that you’ve started taking for granted but there’s going to be a lot of understanding and love that you’ll be extending from your side. Your career and finances are going to expand, and will likely bring in a lot of abundance, and understanding of your own path. You will likely think back to days when things weren’t as good and will be grateful. You should focus on management of money and time, and make sure you don’t spend, work or play excessively. If you’re consistent and manage your time, and resources well, 2025 will bring in so much money and career growth for you. Your own hopeful and well influenced qualities will be affecting 2025 but you’ll not even notice it. You might notice it now that I’ve pointed it out to you but it is going to heavily affect your year despite how unnoticed it will be. You’re going to do most things out of love and the love, and hope that you’ve received at any point in the past is going to help you do your best during this year. You’re also going to be more loved and influential that you might consider yourself to be, you’ll likely not be aware of the extent. My advice for you for next year is to communicate or at least think through emotionally unstable, uncomfortable or unsatisfying moment properly. Try not to react impulsively to negative thoughts and emotions. The outcome is going to be self contentment, you being able to stand up for yourself and possibly experiencing losses. Due to how much ‘breaking free’ energy I’ve received for you, it could be that you’ll start fighting back instead of silently taking it causing people to get upset but even if it’s something different, you will be more regretful about engaging with such people or situations than losing them because it’ll be their loss, not yours. Thank you for reading, much love and take care.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ A summary of 2024 for you ꒱

You started the year with a passionate energy but it could have been overconfident in nature. I’m getting that your mindset was scattered in some way. You were thinking about many things and hence, were feeling a lot as well. You had had enough reality checks by then but these reality checks were the very thing that were causing you to feel overwhelmed. I’m getting a lot of passion, frustration, anger, impatience from you, like your mind was all over but it was still very passionate. Your hard work was paying off in some way. It could simply be that you had grown enough to grow out of certain situations and were persevering to build a better future for yourself. Despite the places your mind was at, you were maintaining patience. You could have wanted to grow something in the previous year, like at the beginning of it but were tired and were trying not to overdo it but you had already worked long, and hard to build yourself to that point as well. You were very committed and perseverant towards your goals. Even situations that caused you frustrations, anger and overthinking were situations that you managed to gain from. It was disheartening for you that what you had previously invested in, thinking that it had grown or wanting it to had disappointed and failed you. You were working on growth and your goals, and giving up was not an option for you. I’m honestly getting a lot of disappointments, anger and passion, like even though these feelings are different, passion being positive and the other two being negative, they were all very strong. The reality checks that you had were something you didn’t want to have, you really wanted situations to work and it broke your heart that you were starting to see the reality of things, and accept it. You also felt frustrated at yourself for not seeing and accepting the truth of situations early on. The illusions that you had previously attached yourself to emotionally were something that you were breaking out of and it felt overwhelming, it also felt good and like you were making progress but it was also heartbreaking. You could have been trying to balance these overwhelming emotions by grounding yourself in reality and having something to do in real life because you had cracked the code by then that the best way to deal with emotions, illusions, excessive daydreaming and just things that feel real but also feel illusive is by immersing yourself in real life, in your daily routines and simply just having a life grounded in reality itself. You had already overcome a lot of instability and feelings of being left out in the cold, isolated, insecure, etc. You were still in the process of healing more of these. There could have been a point when reality was so bad that you were unconsciously or subconsciously trying to hold onto whatever illusions you could find comfort in but they led to nothing but wasted time, pain, hurt and disappointments in the long term of things. At that time, you were getting rid of all of that and had already managed to significantly do so. I’m also picking up on these situations being partially real or at least very real emotionally. For example, if a kid got bullied for being ugly and worthless during their middle school days, even if it never extends beyond harsh words, snickers and humiliation, it will definitely terribly humble them and even destroy their self esteem. It could have not seemed that serious because “people will say things, you can’t take everything to heart and it’s not bullying because it never got physical” but to that kid, it feels real, it felt real, it will feel real even after they’ve grown up and it is just so deeply ingrained in their psyche, and emotionality. They will still feel as though they’re unwelcome, others are trying to ridicule and humiliate them, others think that they’re worthless, others will treat them unfairly, leave them out, etc.

I’m literally crying because these situations that emotionally affected you but didn’t seem to be ‘that big of a deal’ in the physical world seem to have happened a lot, as well as other negative things that were very real but you weren’t aware of the extent of them in the past. At the beginning of 2024, your soul had overcome a lot and was still in the process of doing so. You know how people say that they just randomly got over something? That was sort of what happened but again, the reality is that you didn’t just get over it. Like, you took half a decade to mourn but randomly stopped mourning as much on a random day is the vibe that I’m getting. You also spent so much time by yourself, feeling hurt, lonely and isolated that you got used to it, and not only that but also developed a sense of solace within yourself, and life itself. You might have not realised when this happened but it had already happened by the beginning of the previous year. You were forgiving situations, people and even yourself. There were two paths that you could have followed during the previous year, one was the path of stability but also more isolation and less self expression but you would have accomplished a lot of your goals or one where you were spending more money, not saving, doing your best in terms of work because you lacked consistency and were just burnt out, and tired all the time and not being able to maintain a routine, etc. but were able to develop more of a style and sense of self expression. No matter what path you took, you did it well and I’ve gotta applaud you for that. By the end of the year, you had a major shift in mindset, you had become much more empowered and just felt more in power, and control than you did in the past years. “You’re burning up, I’m cooling down. You’re up, I’m down. You’re blind, I see but I’m free.” When you were younger, you struggled with feelings of inferiority and powerlessness. Especially in the previous years, there was a sense of power, mental, emotional, spiritual and possibly physical poverty. Everything you experienced broke you down little by little and possibly even crushed you completely at some point. Your mindset had become one of obsession, negativity and powerlessness but by the end of the previous year, you had grown into someone who had more control and power over their own mind, and you also had this realisation that your power is yours, and it’s impossible to truly strip you off it. In the past, people and situations managed to make you feel disempowered, helpless and honestly pathetic but by the end of 2024, you had grown out of it. You seem to have learned the lesson of at least trying to keep your mind as clean as possible. “The only power anything has over you is your attention.” You have understood just how powerful and worthy you are, and it did break your heart that you didn’t realise it sooner but by the end of the year, you were feeling confident, warm and authentic. You were happy to have gotten back to yourself and your power even if it took a lot of time for you to get there. You also really value this mindset, sense of power and confidence within yourself because you know what it is like to not have it. You seem to be content being your authentic self again and having an empowered mindset but what I need to address is the way you act. You were not being very honest towards the end of the year and might still be this way. Like, you could have lied about little things here and there, or maybe you didn’t even lie but you just don’t expose what you do, what your life is like, what your emotionality is like, etc. to other people. You seem to be very private and in fact, very secretive. You are willing to take risks and are very strategic. You could be highly interested in keeping up a certain image and might feel like you’re unable to do so. It could be something you’re dealing with right now or die when you were in the end of the previous year.

I’m getting the desire to have a refined ‘persona’ but one thing that I need to tell you and it’s something that you already know is that all you need to do is be yourself. You’re naturally quite secretive. Don’t fake yourself entirely in order to become a persona. You can take good qualities of yourself and exaggerate them but you still do not have to be perfect. You had grown to be very comfortable with yourself by the end of the year but you may be hard on yourself in regards to actions, words and image, you care a lot about how you come across to others by the way you present yourself. You’re being told to be yourself but still keep your inner world away from other’s reach, let little parts of yourself and your life trickle through but make sure it’s out of reach for people until they’ve earned it. You’re naturally good at this though, just reflect on the past, you’ve always been good at this but you’re also good at reaching into other people’s inner world and exposing a vulnerable part of it to them. You had grown to be content and abundant by the end of the year, in terms of emotions especially. You’ve made significant progress when it comes to authenticity this year. You’re being told to refine yourself further and also your persona because you seem to truly want to do it but not to remove authenticity from it. It’s not even like you need to be deliberately crafting a persona, as long as you’re yourself because you’ve already learned how to be very secretive. You’re also resourceful and have found a way to get what you want even if you’re not entirely honest about certain things. Like, for example, I’m currently volunteering at a campaign for underprivileged children even though it’s only for college students but Sir Warrick has fit me in by lying that I’m a university student xD. Is it a big lie? Not really. Did I get what I want? Yes. Your soul has already gained contentment and abundance. I’m getting an almost happy go lucky energy from your soul. 2024 could have been a busy and fast year for you, one where you were constantly on the go. This could have been in two ways, either that you were busy working and had a lot on your plate work wise or were going out a lot, developing personal style, expression, etc. but still had personal and work responsibilities to deal with so the year just passed by in the blink of an eye for you. You learned a lot about the mind, keeping it in the right place, gained clarity about things and have gotten in touch with your reasonable and powerful side during the previous year, and also learned more about the importance of being active. You seem to know by now that having something to keep you engaged is the best way to retain your power because you’ll be grounded in reality and within yourself, and won’t have much time to overthink. You have a desire to retain your power by being reasonable, intelligent, sharp and knowing how to create, and set firm boundaries. You also want to be more active, accomplishing your goals and being someone who leads by action rather than word. This is why you seem to be really critical of yourself when it comes to your image and persona but trust me, as long as you’ve got a firm and strong character within yourself, and are leading with kindness, compassion and well worked out actions, you’re doing fine but yes, you do seem to have people who like to disrespect and ridicule you without you having done anything, make sure that you stand up for yourself but do so as calmly as possible, and just try to avoid such individuals. It’s better to not waste your breath, energy and words on such people, and situations. Prevention is better than cure as they say, if people seem to disrespect you for no reason, just avoid them entirely because these kinds of people only disrespect you the more they get to know you.

꒰ How will 2025 go for you? ꒱

2025 for you is going to be a year of a lot of overthinking, illusions, etc. but also being so over it that your year will be about clarity, awareness of your depth, lessons from deep within your psyche, etc. You’re going to move on from a lot of your ways that you’re deeply stuck in. “You can’t deny, how hard I’ve tried. I changed who I was to put you both first but now I give up.” In the past, you were under the illusion that maybe you should be more sacrificing for harmonious connections but as you grew older, you realised that the more you bent over backwards for others, the more they stepped all over you, you realised that it was not harmonious but in fact, unfair and harmful to you. It led to a deep dive into your own psyche and hence, shame like were you doing all that out of desperation? If all of this has not yet happened, it is going to happen this year in very extreme ways. There was also this thought of maybe you just weren’t enough because stripping yourself off of who you were and your own needs was not enough for others. By the end of the previous year itself, you had become very aware of your own power and had grown to be less ashamed, and more accepting of yourself - the good and the bad so I would say that you’re going to grow on that, and move on from a lot. You’re still going to be carrying baggage of the past but you’re going to be unwilling to return to places, situations and emotions that had you feeling so helpless. This year, you’re getting the opportunity to free yourself from other people’s over domination over you. You seem to have a dormant sense of dominance and aggression to you that you do not tap into or express but some others can pick up on it, leading to them feeling aggressive too and feeling the need to over exercise control over you, and those who don’t underestimate you, and try to walk all over you. In the past, people succeeded to trap you and control you, pretty much making you work according to them like a marionette, their doll that they’re using threads to control. There seems to be a theme in friendships, particularly opposite sex ones where you find out that they viewed you as an option or someone to rely on, flirt with, share an emotional connection with as a replacement for a romantic one, etc. rather than a genuine friendship and it has left you feeling used, and in romance, there seems to be a lack of commitment that you’ve experienced from others and there was likely a point, when you stuck in such situations, and you’re going to look back at it and go “gosh, I was so stupid”, you’re going to low-key (high key honestly) bully yourself because why weren’t you enough and mostly why did you think that you weren’t enough? Why did you act like you weren’t enough by sticking in such situations? You’ve had a history of being an underachiever because situations in the past caused you to have a crushed esteem and you were not able to have practical routines when younger. You used to lack follow through, resources and were honestly lazy to a certain extent in the past, making it easy for others to underestimate you because you were underachieving and stuck in situations that anyone with a healthy esteem would not even think about entertaining but you’re going to manage to grow out of it this year. This is making me heavily emotional. You could also meet people - acquaintances and friends who help you move on from the past that haunts you in some way but it’s going to be a journey that you’re going to have to take on on your own, you’re going to have to get over it in the comfort of your own home, bed, space and mind. Your inner world is going to bring about a lot of shame, fears and lack of empowerment, you’re going to blame yourself for being so stupid in the past but you’re going to move on from it at some point, finally being able to see light at the end of the tunnel. The laziness and lack of discipline that you previously had deeply ingrained within you is going to be something you break in order to protect your ego.

You’re going to break free from the people, systems and situations that previously abused their power over you. You’re also going to get rid of your own overthinking and powerlessness, and need for control significantly. You’re going to start by feeling angry at yourself for everything that you had to experience but will direct that rage onto those who hurt you and honestly, used you in some way but you’ll use these experiences in order to shape better routines, habits, discipline, common sense, groundedness into yourself and your life. Some of you could have quite literally gotten bullied by your friends, family, lovers, acquaintances, classmates, etc. in the past or a group of all of them causing you to have a lot of trauma. You’re going to struggle with seeing your power and influence, and how amazingly great you are despite your dualities during this year. You’re going to be bullying yourself very heavily. There could be moments when you’re more play than work but there are also going to be moments when you’re very serious, lacking play. You’re likely to struggle with materialising your potential into reality due to your over playfulness or over seriousness. Like, the energy that I’m getting is that when you’ll work, you’ll work so seriously and in extremes, burning yourself out completely. You’re going to have to learn how to manage your time and energy properly, and figure out what works for you during this year but it’s going to be difficult for you because you’re going to have a lot of disempowering thoughts in your mind triggered by the past or of the past itself that will feel very real to you. Your focus should be on your pure heart, try to keep your heart as light as possible because your mind is going to be very heavy and hence, unload onto your heart. I’m getting the siren lore coming through (both the fish and bird ones). You’re being told to beautify yourself and try to present yourself properly without being too hard on yourself. You’re being told that you need to ‘feel it’ in order to become it. Correct yourself to feel the way you want as many times as you need to. You are being told to have faith in yourself and courage, and determination in your path. You’re being told to focus on how pure hearted you are and understanding that it was their loss, and that the more you think about past situations, the more power you’re giving them. You’re being told to pursue your goals and are being told that in regards to love connections, you like pure hearted, childlike, fun and innocent ones, so you should not settle for anything lesser than that. Don’t ever fall for desperation. This year, you’re going to learn how to be more biased and less committal because you’ll know what it is like to be in one sidedly committed situations. Also, you’re going to realise the unfairness of your previous investments, be it in connections or something else. You’re going to understand where you were the one struggling to properly invest time, energy and resources to certain activities, causing you to not reap the ideal results. Basically, you’re going to find out where you’re lacking action wise or are not allotting time and energy properly. You’re going to find a sense of belonging within yourself and are going to close cycles, moving forward steadily. Work wise, you’re going to lack consistency but you’re still not going to lack perseverance. For example, you want to keep a routine throughout the month, you might be unable to do so but you’ll still make sure you complete your work. Everything that will be weighing on your mind and heart will make it difficult for you to work consistently. You’re going to waste a lot of energy thinking about the past and worrying about the future, when you could use it to build your career instead. Still you’re going to go very far from where you previously were or currently are. You’re not really going to be in a bad place, in fact, you’re going to be reaping a lot of what you’ve grown and will be looking forward to more by the end of the year.

What I think is going to happen is that cycles of the past that you’re unable to close, sudden negative changes that have or will happen will affect you without your knowledge. Now that I’ve told you, it’s going to be something you have more awareness of but it’s still going to be quite unconscious to you. You’re going to be morally guided, these morals were likely passed down to you by a teacher or someone you met in an institution like a school, if not it could simply be the institution itself held those values but you’re going to be trying to go about things very ethically and are going to let go of more insecurities than you did the previous year, major healing is on the way. My advice to you is that this year has high potential for letting go of the past without regrets. Forgive and forget because that way things won’t have a power on you anymore. There’s no point of holding onto anger, regrets, disappointment, shame and aggression. Yes, you were wronged but you being wronged is what has caused extreme changes in your life, while they might not feel good and probably make you, and made you feel unstable, it’s only a signal to you to ground yourself further and build yourself more, and more. You do not have to forgive people externally, forgive them within yourself in order to heal your own heart. You’re a romantic person but any sort of romance you’ve experienced, even the slightest trace of it has caused the rug to be pulled from underneath your feet without any warning but embracing these changes is the only way to go otherwise, you’re going to experience lack for a longer time than you have to, you’re going to feel unstable and lack abundance for longer. The main theme of your relationships are forgiveness, grudges, extreme pain and healing. The outcome is going to be - you being unwilling to compromise and work with others, and choosing your personal goals over emotions. You’re going to love people but your sense of responsibility for yourself, your passions and competitions is going to be higher. You’re going to be unwilling to let anyone walk all over you, causing you to have aggressive fights or at least some tension in your connections. In your familial connections, you’re going to hold love for them but it’s going to be stifled in some way. There’s going to be a lack of love, passion, trust, belonging and support in all your connections or at least that’s how you’re going to feel. You’re going to be more defensive and authentic in who you are by the end of this year. You’re not going to be willing to bend down to anyone. You’re also going to be lonely but are not going to be feeling that way. Well, you will feel that way but you’ll prioritise character, actions and the inner world a lot so you are going to have your priorities in the right place, knowing that money is important but still not enough to bring about true happiness. You’re going to be a bit arrogant but will have a lot of silent power because you’re going to prioritise your own character and actions too. You’re going to be unwilling to make excuses and will be hard on yourself when you do something that you’re not proud of but you’ll remind yourself that others walked all over you so much in the past, it’s just the frustrations pouring out and that while it is still not an excuse to be so aggressive at times and have anger tantrums at the wrong time, on the wrong people, and situations, you’re going to choose to do better because you’ll feel a lot of shame but will still be trying to not ruminate over something you cannot change. You’re going to have a strong desire to be yourself at all costs and will be very aggressive, be it internally or externally when someone tries to change or question that. You’re going to set strong boundaries and will mind being an aggressive bitch to others but will understand that you were pushed to such a limit and won’t be too hard on yourself for too long. Thank you for reading, much love and take care.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ A summary of 2024 for you ꒱

The overall theme of 2024 for you was aggression and competitiveness driven towards or by past events, and people. It doesn’t seem to be a bad thing honestly. The past seems to have been on your mind quite heavily but even so, you managed to build yourself a lot. In the past, you could have dealt with competitive friends who used to humble you in subtle ways, in fact you dealt with acquaintances who used to try to humble you in subtle or well, straightforward ways and you used these events of the past to go after your goals, and push forward with passion, and determination because you wanted to be taken seriously and most importantly, you wanted to take yourself seriously. There was also some anger towards a past person who you shared a deep, triggering but oddly comforting bond with even though you knew them for a short time or possibly a long time because they didn’t keep in touch with you or something like that. What I find really funny here is that you probably still have mixed feelings towards this person, like such a soft spot but such a weak one, so much love and affection but equal amount of resentments, anger and complaints. You started the previous year with a contemplative energy, you were thinking a lot about self love and your own sensitive nature, and also how much love and empathy you provided others with, with hopes of receiving basic respect and treatment. You were thinking about desperation, self love and all of that. Action wise, you were breaking free from a lot of limitations, hurt, pain, fears, sorrow, devastation, suffering and powerlessness. That’s how you were building foundations for your new life, little by little, step by step. I just heard ‘baby steps’, so well maybe you were falling a lot before you started walking in a more balanced manner. Emotionally and relationship wise, you were overwhelmed, you just felt like you lacked fulfilment and abundance in this part of your life, and you were closed off to love because you really value the deep aspects of love, and intimacy, and also value emotions, and love beyond just the earthly way in which people seem to love. You don’t want something superficial, you want something deep, all consuming yet still allows you to be yourself. You also value the character of the other person, you want them to offer more than just material value to you and you found it difficult to find people who truly appeal to you. You felt independent and lonely, and unloved but you were extending that love to yourself and trying to nourish yourself, and build yourself character wise as well because to you, your character is of utmost importance. Like, if you do something that you’re not proud of or realise that you’ve drifted away from your true character, it weighs pretty heavily on you. You wanted to become someone who you could be proud of in terms of character. You were honestly sorta sad but you were trying to see the light, find hope and optimism, even if you overdid it sometimes. You wanted to grow stability, groundedness, character, career and money. In terms of life, you could have decided to follow where the grass seemed greener. You just kind of left situations suddenly, not wanting to take negativity into your new year. You were looking forward to your future and were looking inwards for wisdom, and guidance. I’m not getting a lot of human interaction from you at that time or it was just not interaction that affected you in any way. By the end of the year, you had grown to have control over your mind and knew how powerful you truly are. You wanted to grow this power more but for the right reasons. You wanted to become more reliable as a person and felt the need to be responsible, reasonable and have a strong character that you maintain steadily. You had also become very graceful and well influenced by the end of the year. Wanting to be gentle and having a lot of hope despite any chaos that you may have experienced in the previous years.

You’ve become friendly but you had already and were still overcoming obstacles with grace, making you have faith in yourself and life itself. Emotionally, you had developed a deep understanding of yourself already and were in the process of getting an even deeper understanding of yourself, and your own psyche. You were committed to fairness, wanting to be fair to others and yourself i.e. if someone made a choice of any sort, if they did or said anything, they’d have to deal with the consequences of what comes out of it. “You make your bed, you sleep in it” is the vibe that I’m getting here. You had become someone who was slightly hard on yourself because you wanted to remain in control of yourself and have a great character, one that is reliable, responsible and built so strongly, it can’t be broken down. You had already accomplished a lot and built a lot for yourself, and especially within yourself but you wanted to do more, you wanted to be more. “When you’re not growing, you’re regressing” and you didn’t want to regress so you were hard on yourself so you’d not get complacent and instead could continue growing. You were also tired of constantly working on yourself and your life but you were also slightly proud of yourself. You were persevering in life, not letting yourself break or give up. You had developed a lot of courage because your life forced you into situations where you had no choice but to develop and channel such a side. You’ve learned the importance of not yelling at people and having temper tantrums in the previous year. You’ve also learned the importance of equality and healthy power dynamics in relationships. You also learned the importance of giving without expecting returns though, maybe you just learned that you felt good when you gave to others wholeheartedly without any expectations. You learned that power is silent and that you do not need to be externally well reputed or popular in order to have power. You could have quite literally learned the power of silence. “Communication is key but it is better not to communicate with those who are not willing or capable enough to understand you.” You learned the importance of self love and not over empathising, also that being too hard on yourself is something you need to stop doing. You learned that the emotional intelligence and empathy that you give others should be something you extend to yourself as well. You learned how to learn and be more humble, you also learned how to hold silent power by letting others underestimate or try to humble you but not being able to because you have developed a healthy esteem and life for yourself where you’re content and don’t think or feel like you’re superior or inferior to anyone but are grateful to have all that you have.

꒰ How will 2025 go for you? ꒱

2025 is going to be the year of growing to become more mature and wise. The main theme of the year is domesticity of some sort. Your year could revolve around community of some sort, home, stability, family, etc. This year is going to allow you to hide yourself by straying you far from yourself, you’re going to feel like you’re unable to be your authentic self and are either going to be forced to hide by circumstances or are going to do so yourself. Also, despite moments of pessimism, you’re going to have that sense of ‘not giving up’ within you. You’re going to be trying to find hope, some light desperately and will find it but there is going to be a sense of not being your authentic self at some point during the year. Also, being unseen and hiding yourself. Like I said earlier, it could be deliberate or something that life brings to you. You’re going to struggle with emotional attachments and detachments, you’ll probably not want to let go of certain people, situations or ways despite them not fulfilling you. I’m picking up on a sense of emotional overwhelm but also detachment pushing you far from your normal self, making you realise how unauthentic you’ve become, how far you’ve strayed from yourself and hence, helping you grow by making you unseen for a while so that you can learn how to improve yourself instead of prove yourself. You should focus on keeping your zest for life alive and remaining confident with a healthy self esteem during this year. You’re going to grow in big ways, becoming more secure within yourself, valuing stability, refining virtues present within you and instilling new ones, etc. For those of you who earn, you might save up or might have an increase in income. You’re going to be more grounded within yourself outside of external validation because it’s going to be your year of spending more time at home, re-evaluating what domestic bliss means to you and remaining unseen in some way. This is going to be the year when you’re either going to give more than you’re receiving out of responsibility or will realise the unfairness in your connections in the past. If not, you might have already realised it and you’re going to be very weary of give and take during this year. Despite this weariness, there’s a genuine desire to give without expectations of receiving anything. Romantically, you’re going to be someone with discernment. You’re going to be someone who doesn’t place unfair blame on others and yourself. “He did this so I can’t interact with him anymore but no hard feelings” is the vibe that I’m getting here. You’re going to feel like taking things personally and holding grudges doesn’t do anything except make one relive the pain. Familial connections will be healing as by the end of the year, you’re going to want to provide for them and simply just be someone of rich character so you’re going to forgive them and not get mad or at least act out of anger when it comes to them.

Platonically, you could have conversations with people through texting but I’m getting quality time and fun with people being fleeting. You’re should be more patient when it comes to finances, studies, career, skills, etc. You’re being told to put in work consistently and wait for results to show instead of fearing the unknown, and stopping to reanalyse things again and again. Time management, money management, etc. could be really tricky during this year. You could maintain a delicate balance but you have to make sure that you keep your priorities straight because there is definitely a chance that you’re going to feel disappointed at the time and resources you wasted when looking back. For those of you remaining focused, you’re simply going to be busy and maintaining things very delicately. Yes, you might make mistakes here and there but you’re going to manage to have something to show for the efforts that you put in throughout the year. Besides, even if you do not have anything to show for your efforts, your success will be found in your daily routines and I think that’s a lot xD. You’re going to have pride and a desire for recognition that you’ll be unaware of you that will be motivating your actions during the year. For example, when reevaluating your needs and desires for your domestic life. You might feel like it’s ideal to look after your family and provide for them to the best of your abilities because you’ll want to feel a sense of pride in doing so, and will want to be seen as someone who’s doing all of this. You’re being told to remain even tempered and level headed, trying to balance things out properly instead of blaming yourself or anyone for anything, or letting your anger or emotions get to you. “DO NOT LISTEN TO SAD MUSIC AND IMAGINE SITUATIONS THAT NEVER HAPPENED OR EVEN REPLAY THE SITUATIONS THAT DID SOON!” If you disappoint yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself and be as gentle as you would be with a child who made a small mistake. The outcome is going to be you stopping to seek love and nurturing in ways that could violate your self respect. Developing stronger ethics and following them, possibly starting to understand and value some old school systems. For example, sex only after marriage. I’m picking up on you feeling really weak and vulnerable by the end of the year due to lack of love, nurturing and understanding from others but learning from it by diving deep into your own psyche, patterns and actions, and also accepting other people’s actions for what they truly were, even if it hurts. You’re going to be a very ethical, respectful and slightly old school person who desires to be a recipient of ethical, respectful and old school treatment by the end of the year. Thank you for reading, much love and take care.

[s4kura-tr3]

Hiya! Back, back again >:)

I was thinking about JJK men with an anxious reader? (I’ve personally been super anxious cause I’ve been sick and get SUPER anxious while I’m idle, especially with the ADHD simply- not letting me, so I’ve been thinking about it :P)

If you do this, thanks so much!! If you don’t, that’s totally cool too!! Have a fantastic day/night!! :D <3

(Sorry for the slow post, school has been kicking my butt..🥲)

Gojo satoru — You sat at the corner of the café, the soft hum of conversations and clinking coffee cups around you doing little to quiet the buzzing thoughts in your head. Your fingers tapped against the ceramic of your untouched drink, and your leg bounced under the table as your eyes darted around the room.

“Are you waiting for someone?” a familiar, cheerful voice chirped from above you.

Your head snapped up, startled. There he was—Gojo Satoru, all six feet three inches of him, leaning over the back of the chair across from you, his trademark sunglasses sliding slightly down his nose to reveal his brilliant blue eyes.

“I—I didn’t think you’d come,” you stammered, your cheeks flushing.

“Didn’t think I’d come? I wouldn’t miss a date with you for the world!” He grinned, sitting down without invitation. “Though, I’m offended you underestimated my charm.”

His playful teasing made you smile, even as your heart continued its anxious rhythm. “I-I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought…maybe you’d have something better to do.”

Gojo’s expression softened, his usually smug demeanor replaced with something more sincere. He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward, close enough that you could see the faint scar just beneath his glasses.

“Better than hanging out with the most captivating person in this city? Nope,” he said, his voice gentle now. “Besides, I promised you last time that I’d be here. I don’t break promises, you know.”

You swallowed hard, glancing down at your cup. “I just…sometimes I think you’ll realize I’m not worth it. I’m not like you, Satoru. I’m not confident or fearless. I overthink everything, and sometimes I can’t even breathe because it all feels like too much.”

Gojo’s hand reached out across the table, covering yours. His touch was warm, grounding. “Hey,” he said softly, “first of all, you’re allowed to feel like that. Life can be overwhelming, and I get it. But don’t ever think you’re not worth my time. You’re worth everything, okay?”

Your eyes widened, and he continued, his thumb lightly brushing the back of your hand. “You don’t have to be like me. You don’t have to be anyone but yourself. And if your brain gets too loud sometimes, that’s okay. I’ve got the loudest brain ever, so I know how it feels.” He grinned, trying to ease the tension.

A small laugh escaped you, and he beamed. “See? There’s that smile. You’re braver than you think, you know. Just showing up here today? That takes guts. And lucky for you, you’ve got me to help when things feel heavy. You don’t have to do it alone.”

His words wrapped around you like a warm blanket, chasing away some of the weight in your chest. You let out a shaky breath and nodded. “Thank you, Satoru.”

“Anytime,” he said, leaning back in his chair. Then, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, he added, “Now, let’s get some cake. You can’t be anxious when there’s cake. It’s scientifically impossible.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t suppress the grin spreading across your face. “Fine. But you’re paying.”

“For you? Always.”

Geto Suguru — The evening was quiet, the kind of stillness that made your thoughts louder than you wanted them to be. You sat on the couch in your small apartment, knees pulled to your chest as your mind raced with worries—about work, about people, about things that didn’t even make sense anymore.

The knock on your door startled you, and you hesitated before standing. You didn’t need to check to know who it was. He always had this perfect timing, as if he could sense when you needed him most.

When you opened the door, there he stood: Geto Suguru, dressed in his usual black robe-like outfit, his long dark hair tied neatly behind him. He held a small bag in one hand and gave you a gentle smile.

“I figured you hadn’t eaten yet,” he said softly, stepping inside as you moved aside. “So I brought your favorite.”

You blinked at him, warmth blooming in your chest despite the anxious haze clouding your thoughts. “You didn’t have to—”

“Shh.” He held up a finger, his expression teasing but kind. “I wanted to. Sit down, and I’ll set it up for you.”

You followed his instructions without protest, sinking back onto the couch as Geto moved around the kitchen like he’d been there a thousand times before. The smell of the food he brought began to fill the space, grounding you in the present.

When he finally joined you, he placed the neatly arranged meal on the coffee table, but his focus remained on you. “Rough day?” he asked, his voice as calm as always.

You bit your lip, your hands twisting in your lap. “It’s just…everything. I feel like I can’t keep up, like I’m always messing something up, and it just won’t stop.”

Geto’s brows furrowed slightly, but his expression wasn’t pitying—it was understanding. He reached out, brushing a strand of hair away from your face before letting his hand rest lightly on your shoulder.

“I know how that feels,” he said quietly. “When it feels like the world is closing in, and you can’t catch your breath. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?”

You nodded, surprised at how easily he seemed to understand.

“But,” he continued, his thumb tracing comforting circles against your shoulder, “you don’t have to face it all at once. It’s okay to take things slow. One step at a time, one thought at a time. And if it gets too overwhelming, you’ve got me. I’ll carry as much as I can for you.

Tears prickled at your eyes, but you blinked them away. “Why are you so nice to me?”

He chuckled, leaning back slightly. “Because you’re important to me, that’s why. I care about you. And I’ll do whatever I can to remind you that you’re not alone, even when your mind tries to tell you otherwise.”

You let out a shaky breath, the weight on your chest easing just a little. “Thank you, Suguru. For being here.”

“Always,” he said with a soft smile. Then, his eyes lit with a playful glint as he gestured toward the food. “Now eat before I have to feed you myself.”

You laughed, the sound surprising even you. As the two of you settled into a comfortable rhythm—him making jokes to distract you and you letting yourself be pulled into the warmth of his presence—you realized just how much lighter the room felt with him there.

Nanami kento — The soft click of the front door closing echoed through the quiet apartment. You sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the edge of the blanket draped over your lap. The weight in your chest felt immovable, like no amount of deep breaths or distractions could lift it.

“(Y/N), I’m home,” Nanami’s steady voice called from the entryway. His tone was the same as always—calm, measured—but there was an undercurrent of concern beneath it.

“In here,” you managed to reply, your voice quieter than usual.

It didn’t take him long to find you. He stepped into the room, his tie loosened and sleeves rolled up. When his eyes landed on you, his sharp gaze softened instantly.

“Rough day?” he asked, crossing the room and crouching in front of you so you were eye level.

You nodded, avoiding his gaze as your fingers twisted the fabric of the blanket. “It’s…a lot. Everything feels too much. I don’t even know why.”

Nanami tilted his head, studying you for a moment before he reached out to take your hands in his. His grip was firm but gentle, grounding you in the present. “You don’t have to justify it,” he said simply. “Sometimes things feel heavy without a clear reason. That doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.”

Your breath hitched, the calm conviction in his voice making your throat tighten with emotion. “I feel like I’m drowning, Kento. And I’m so tired of feeling like this.”

Nanami’s thumbs rubbed slow circles against your knuckles, his steady movements as comforting as his presence. “You don’t have to face it alone,” he said softly. “I’m here. We’ll take it one step at a time, together.”

You let out a shaky breath, finally meeting his eyes. The weight in your chest didn’t disappear, but the tight knot loosened ever so slightly under his steady gaze.

“Let’s focus on the basics,” he continued, his tone practical but kind. “Have you eaten today?”

You shook your head, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed.

“Then we’ll start there,” he said firmly, standing and offering you his hand. “Come on. I’ll make something quick, and we’ll sit together. No pressure to talk if you’re not ready.”

You hesitated, but the look on his face—warm, patient, unwavering—made it hard to resist. Taking his hand, you let him guide you into the kitchen.

As he moved around with practiced ease, slicing vegetables and boiling water, he made quiet conversation, nothing too heavy. He told you about a coworker’s antics at the office and how the new bakery he passed had a line around the block. His voice was calm, steady, a soothing balm to your racing thoughts.

When he finally placed the bowl of food in front of you, he sat beside you at the table, his hand resting lightly on your back. “Take your time,” he said, his tone as soft as his touch.

You took a bite, the warmth of the food spreading through you like the comfort of his presence. “Thank you,” you murmured, glancing at him.

His lips curved into a small, rare smile. “You don’t need to thank me. Just remember, no matter how heavy it feels, you’re not alone in carrying it.”

Toji fushiguro — You sat curled up on the couch, arms wrapped tightly around your knees. The TV was on, but the sound was muted—just background noise to fill the heavy silence in your apartment. Your chest felt tight, and no amount of shifting or deep breathing seemed to make it better.

The sound of keys jingling snapped you out of your thoughts. The door opened with a quiet creak, and Toji stepped inside, his broad frame instantly making the small space feel smaller. He kicked off his shoes and tossed his jacket over the back of a chair, his sharp green eyes flicking to you almost immediately.

“You’ve been like this all day, huh?” he asked, his voice low and gruff but not unkind.

You glanced away, embarrassed. “I’m fine,” you mumbled, though your voice cracked on the last word.

Toji let out a short, knowing laugh. “Yeah, that’s convincing.” He walked over, dropping onto the couch beside you with a heavy thud. His body heat radiated toward you, and though he didn’t touch you yet, his presence alone was grounding.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” he asked, leaning back and draping one arm along the back of the couch, his tone softer now.

You hesitated, staring down at your hands. “I don’t know,” you admitted quietly. “Everything just feels…wrong. I can’t stop overthinking, and it’s like no matter what I do, I can’t calm down.”

Toji’s brow furrowed as he watched you, but he didn’t rush you to say more. After a moment, he let out a low sigh and reached out, his rough hand resting on your knee.

“Hey,” he said, his voice steadier now. “First of all, cut yourself some slack. You’re allowed to feel like this. Nobody’s got it all figured out, not even me.”

You glanced at him, raising a skeptical brow. “You sure about that?”

Toji smirked, a mischievous glint in his eye. “I’m serious. You think I’ve never had nights where I felt like ripping my own damn hair out? Life’s messy, and sometimes it gets too loud up here.” He tapped his temple lightly.

His words caught you off guard. You hadn’t expected him to open up, even a little.

“But,” he continued, giving your knee a gentle squeeze, “you don’t have to deal with it on your own. You’ve got me, and I’m not going anywhere. Got it?”

Your throat tightened, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “I just feel so stupid sometimes. Like I’m making a big deal out of nothing.”

Toji’s expression darkened slightly, his tone firm. “Stop that. Your feelings aren’t stupid, and you’re not a damn burden. If it matters to you, it matters. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, tell you otherwise.”

His words struck something deep inside you, and before you knew it, you were leaning into him, resting your head on his shoulder. He didn’t hesitate, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer.

For a long moment, neither of you spoke. The weight on your chest was still there, but it felt a little lighter with his steady presence grounding you.

“Feel like getting some fresh air?” he asked after a while, his voice low and rumbling. “Sometimes a walk helps. If not, we’ll come back, and I’ll make you something to eat. Or we can just sit here, your call.”

You nodded against his shoulder, his straightforwardness cutting through the fog in your mind. “A walk sounds nice.”

Toji stood, pulling you to your feet with ease. He grabbed your coat and handed it to you, his lips quirking into a small grin. “Good. And if anyone so much as looks at you wrong, I’ll take care of it.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly at his dramatic threat, the tension in your chest easing just a little more.

With Toji by your side, the world didn’t feel quite as overwhelming.

Sukuna ryomen — You sat on the floor of your room, back pressed against the wall, trying to breathe through the crushing weight in your chest. Everything felt wrong—your thoughts raced, your heart pounded, and no matter what you tried, the panic refused to let go. You buried your face in your knees, squeezing your eyes shut to keep the tears at bay.

“Oi.”

The familiar deep voice cut through the haze in your mind. You didn’t have to look up to know it was Sukuna. His presence always carried an undeniable weight, like the air itself bent around him.

You didn’t respond. Maybe if you ignored him, he’d leave.

“Are you seriously going to sit there like that?” he said, his tone sharp but lacking its usual venom. You could hear his footsteps as he crossed the room. “You’re better than this.”

You finally lifted your head, glaring at him through tear-filled eyes. “Better than what? Feeling like this? I can’t just make it stop, Sukuna.”

He crouched down in front of you, his crimson eyes narrowing as he studied your face. “Tch. No one said you had to ‘just make it stop.’” His voice was quieter now, almost calm. “But you’re not going to get through it by curling up and letting it win, either.”

You scoffed, turning your head away. “Why do you even care?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” he shot back without hesitation. His words were blunt, but his tone softened slightly. “You’re mine. If you think I’m going to let some invisible nonsense bring you down, you’re wrong.”

Your breath hitched, his declaration catching you off guard. Sukuna, of all people, wasn’t exactly known for kindness or concern. Yet here he was, crouched in front of you, his gaze steady and unwavering.

“You don’t have to fight this alone,” he said after a moment, his voice lower now, more controlled. “But you do need to fight it. Let it scream all it wants. Let it throw its punches. Then stand up and remind it who you are.”

His words struck something deep within you, and tears began to fall despite your best efforts. “I don’t know if I can,” you admitted, your voice trembling.

Sukuna sighed, leaning back slightly but staying close. “You can,” he said firmly. “And even if you stumble, I’m here. I’ll drag you back to your feet if I have to.”

You looked up at him, your vision blurred with tears. “You’d really do that?”

He smirked, but it wasn’t as sharp as usual. There was something softer in the way he looked at you. “Of course. Can’t have my little human breaking apart, now can I?”

A shaky laugh escaped you, and Sukuna’s smirk widened slightly. He extended a clawed hand toward you, palm up. “Come on. You’re not staying on the floor all night.”

You hesitated for only a moment before placing your hand in his. His grip was warm and surprisingly gentle as he pulled you to your feet. He didn’t let go immediately, his hand lingering in yours for just a second longer than necessary.

“Better,” he said, his voice quieter now. “You don’t need to be perfect. Just keep moving forward, little one. That’s enough.”

You nodded, his words settling in your chest like a spark of light. With Sukuna beside you, the weight on your shoulders didn’t seem quite as heavy anymore.

Megumi fushiguro — You sat at the edge of your bed, gripping the fabric of your pants as your mind spiraled. Your chest felt tight, and your breaths came shallow, no matter how hard you tried to slow them. You hated this feeling—this overwhelming, suffocating anxiety that left you frozen in place.

A knock at the door broke through your haze

“Hey,” Megumi’s soft, steady voice called from the other side. “Can I come in?”

You hesitated, debating whether to send him away, but before you could answer, the door creaked open just enough for his head to peek through. His dark eyes locked onto yours, scanning your face with quiet concern.

“Thought so,” he said softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. He didn’t say anything else right away, just walked over and sat beside you on the bed, leaving a small but comforting distance between you.

You stared at the floor, ashamed to even look at him. “I’m fine,” you mumbled, though the tremble in your voice gave you away.

Megumi let out a quiet sigh, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “You don’t have to say that,” he said, his voice calm and even. “I can tell you’re not.”

You bit your lip, feeling the tears start to build. “I hate this,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “I hate feeling like I’m stuck in my own head, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

Megumi glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. “You don’t have to figure it out alone,” he said after a moment. “I know it feels like you’re drowning, but you’re not. I’m right here.”

His words made something in your chest ache, and you let out a shaky breath. “I just—I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not,” Megumi said firmly, finally turning to face you. “Don’t even think that. Everyone needs help sometimes. Even me.”

You blinked, looking at him in surprise. “You?”

He gave a small, almost self-deprecating smile. “Yeah. You’ve seen how I can get—shutting people out, trying to deal with everything on my own. It doesn’t work.” He hesitated, his voice softening. “You’ve been there for me before. Let me be here for you now.”

The tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over, and Megumi didn’t hesitate. He scooted closer, his hand reaching out to gently rest on yours. His touch was warm and grounding, steady in a way that made your chest feel a little less tight.

“Breathe with me,” he said quietly, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “Just focus on my voice.”

You nodded, following his lead as he guided you through slow, deep breaths. His voice was calm, his presence unshakable, and gradually, the suffocating weight in your chest began to ease.

“Better?” he asked after a while, his tone gentle but hopeful.

You nodded again, wiping at your tear-streaked face. “A little,” you admitted.

Megumi gave you a small smile, the kind that was rare but always genuine. “Good. It doesn’t have to be perfect right now. Just one step at a time.”

He stayed by your side, his hand still resting over yours, and for the first time in hours, you felt like you could breathe again. With Megumi’s quiet strength grounding you, the storm in your mind didn’t seem so impossible to face.

Yuji itadori — You sat on the couch, knees pulled to your chest, staring blankly at the floor. Your chest felt heavy, and your mind raced with thoughts you couldn’t untangle. Everything felt like too much, and no matter how hard you tried to calm down, nothing seemed to work.

The sound of the door opening barely registered in your mind.

“Hey, I’m back!” Yuji’s cheerful voice echoed through the room, followed by the sound of a bag hitting the floor. “I got your favorite snack—” He stopped mid-sentence when he saw you. “Wait…what’s wrong?”

You didn’t look up, trying to blink back the tears threatening to fall. “It’s nothing,” you murmured, though your shaky voice betrayed you.

Yuji was by your side in an instant, crouching in front of you with a concerned expression. “Hey,” he said softly, tilting his head to meet your gaze. “Don’t say that. If something’s bothering you, it’s not nothing.”

You shook your head, burying your face in your knees. “I just… I don’t know how to explain it. My head won’t stop racing, and everything feels like it’s too much.”

Yuji sat down on the floor in front of you, crossing his legs and resting his arms on his knees. “Okay,” he said gently. “Then you don’t have to explain it. But you don’t have to deal with it alone either, okay? I’m here.”

You peeked at him through watery eyes. “I don’t want to ruin your day, Yuji. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

He frowned, his face softening as he reached out to rest a hand on your knee. “Hey, don’t say that. You’re never ruining my day, okay? You’re important to me. If you’re feeling bad, then I want to help.”

His words broke something in you, and a tear slid down your cheek. Yuji’s expression didn’t falter. Instead, he smiled, soft and reassuring. “You know what we’ll do? We’ll take it one step at a time. No pressure, no rush. Just little steps until it feels better.”

“How?” you whispered, your voice trembling.

“First, we breathe,” he said, shifting to sit beside you on the couch. “Come on, match my breathing. In for four, out for four.” He exaggerated each breath, making it easy for you to follow.

You mimicked him hesitantly, the steady rhythm of his breathing drawing you out of your head little by little.

“See? You’re doing great,” he said, beaming at you once you both settled into a calmer pace. “Now, do you want to talk about it? Or do you just want to sit here for a while?”

You glanced at him, his warm smile easing the tightness in your chest. “Just…sit here for now.”

“Okay,” he said simply. Without hesitation, Yuji wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you gently against him. “We’ll just sit. I’ll be here as long as you need.”

The warmth of his embrace and the steady rhythm of his breathing grounded you in the moment. With Yuji by your side, the weight pressing down on you didn’t feel quite as heavy. He didn’t need to say anything else—his presence alone was enough to remind you that you weren’t alone.

[ainspams]

Y’all liked my “actually Emmrich is a good bf choice” analysis so here’s one for mi vida Luca

Yk how people say cats liking you is the perfect test of understanding consent? That’s what Lucanis is.

Man was literally in the trenches, had the threat of his blood taken hostage over his head AND a Spirit implanted into him. Of COURSE he would take a hot minute to trust anyone.

I believe The Rooks who truly romance him must have a special archetype of being outrageously patient but also very communicative.

As one of the best Crows, Lucanis is used to making clever assumptions. It’s how he knows the team disturbingly well. Because of this, he knows people don’t trust him, shouldn’t trust him.

And to a certain extent, he would be right. Most people would be offended that he seems to flirt but keep turning away (see the almost-kiss scene).

But we all know Rook isn’t most people. Rook can be irrationally unhinged but Lucanis’s Rook can also see through and accept Lucanis’ need for space.

The whole first half of the “romance”, Lucanis tries to flirt while also second-guessing his actions and Rook’s reactions. He overanalyses and smacks his own head when he reviews his self-rejections and realises Rook IS responding positively.

And every time, he comes closer to believing Rook does reciprocate his flirting. It comes out in his expressions, it comes out in his speech.

Making Rook’s favourite dessert was the first time he genuinely tested his theory that maybe Rook does like him. But at the same time, he makes enough dessert for the whole team so if Rook does reject him, he can settle for having AT LEAST made something nice for the whole team.

When Rook spells out that they see Lucanis making their favourite dessert, Lucanis still tries to wave it off as they also made it for the team. But then Rook specifically mentions that obviously they know Lucanis would make enough for the team, but he made Rook’s favourite dessert.

Remember how he is still struggling to accept Spite himself? Rook and Emmrich are the few people who accept Spite as a part of Lucanis, that Spite exposes the rawest emotions of Lucanis. Although Emmrich does see Spite as its own being like Taash, Emmrich treats Spite like its own independent person.

Meanwhile, Taash treats Spite like a petulant child that needs taming, Harding and Neve are confusedly anxious, and Davrin is only half-joking about killing Lucanis if Spite takes over. (Expanding on the Neve-Lucanis romance later)

The coffee date where we “confirm” the romance? Rook sees Lucanis serving Spite his own cup and is pretty much like “yk what? hell yea”. Rook has always treated Spite as a part of Lucanis, and has partially made Lucanis Lucanis. I like to think the Lucanis who accepts Spite is the best one.

This is also what sets Rookanis separately from Neve/Lucanis. In the love scene, Spite brings out the wings. It’s a part of the love scene. Rook reassures Lucanis later that if Spite does come out when Lucanis is sleeping, Rook is more than comfortable entertaining/socialising with Spite.

In contrast, Lucanis sends Spite away if he and Neve spend spicy time together.

Yes, Rook sees Lucanis as a talented rich kid who deserves his Demon of Vyrantium reputation. But Lucanis’ Rook also sees him as the orphaned grandson of the most powerful Talon who feels like he had to perfectly embody the Dellamorte name at all times. Lucanis’ Rook has seen how Spite takes over, Spite’s powers especially nearly killing Illario, and still goes “that’s my man 🙂‍↕️”

One Emmrich-Lucanis banter moment has him confessing he has NO IDEA what Rook sees in him. Him - First Talon, Dellamorte’s favourite grandson, rich enough to have an in-house opera house, with all the charm and fitness of being the Demon of Vyrantium - confused that Rook allows him to feel like he is losing hours of his life because he wants to spend even more time with them? 😭

Unlike most romances (most similarly FenrisHawke and EmmrichRook), Rookanis has to work through the male LI’s traumas/flaws because that sets the foundation for the romance to bloom. The male LI’s main flaw (Emmrich’s age, Fenris’s lyrium-related slave past, Lucanis’ kidnapping + Dellamorte name + Spite) has made them believe it would be near-impossible to find someone who loves them at that point. But Hawke/Rook does anyway.

[salemlunaa]

౨ৎ why a “void state pact” isn’t gonna work ౨ৎ

no drama, just saving you from waisting your time.

When the idea of people joining a “pact” to induce the state of pure consciousness for each other first came up, many bloggers have come out to debunk this view that we can all enter the void state for eachother, because you can’t.

And the person who brought up a… lemme just be nice and say a thoughtless idea, and decided to make this post ,with multiple comments agreeing under it, sighhhh

“these bloggers talk about how we are limitless yet we apparently can’t enter the void for others”

“not everyone is the same”

“So nothing is logical, but it’s apparently illogical to manifest others into the “I AM” state?”

I will say this now: the void state pact cannot exist, why? because what you are doing is quantum jumping, reality shifting. For example if i want to manifest my friend Joey to induce the void, I will quantum jump to a reality where she induces the void, she won’t come with me. The reality where she hasn’t managed to induce is still a thing. What i’m experiencing is a reality where Joey induces, but she cannot share my experience. It’s not possible to share an experience with someone as it is our “I AM”. You’re not going to change because of someone else’s “I AM” state intentions.

This may be triggering to read, but to better understand: in the same way, it’s like if someone hated you so much induced void pure consciousness so you could die (like top tier level hatred 💀) , you wouldn’t just randomly drop dead. You’d still be here. But them? they have quantum jumped to a timeline where you’re not here. It’s not a limiting belief, it’s just fact that it’s their experience, you’re not going to die because of someone else’s experience.

Here’s another analogy, let’s say you’re painting in class with your friend, and you all have big canvases to paint many little pictures. Your paintbrush only works on your canvas, it’s not possible for you to paint on your friend’s canvas or anyone else. You can create a small drawing on your canvas depicting your friend eating an apple, but it’s not on their canvas. You can’t paint that picture on their canvas, And it’s not a reflection of their own experiences or preferences. They have to do it themselves or their canvas will NEVER contain a picture of them eating an apple, the version of your friend that is on your canvas is eating an apple but the version of your friend on their own canvas isn’t.The outcome of your friend having a picture of them eating an apple on their canvas is 0, unless they paint it themselves. It’s not a limiting belief because you can paint ANYTHING you want on YOUR canvas, it just won’t show up on theirs.

Again it’s not a limiting belief because you CAN do anything, but YOU are the one who is everything, therefore YOU are the one who experiences everything, and let me just preface: that doesn’t make it any less real and it doesn’t make the loved ones in your life disposable. It just means that you and you alone can experience every single version of someone. You can experience a reality where all your friends induce the void, but only you experiences that. They don’t induce the void with you so they can’t go anywhere with you.

Again, if you would just read bloggers posts and stop trying to force things you would see that the state of pure consciousness is not hard at all, in fact it is first nature to you.

If you believe that this is something you need to work hard for, you don’t understand the void state. If you can’t grasp the fact that no one else can trigger your “I AM” experience, you don’t understand the void state. If you believe that you genuinely can’t do it, you don’t understand the void state. If you believe that there are other people “more capable” than others in doing this, you don’t understand the void state.

If you don’t understand you’ll never get in. It doesn’t take alot to understand. Truly

And as a blogger, I can speak for a lot of us when I say I feel disrespected when I and a lot of others try and explain the state of pure consciousness, and it’s like you completely ignore the help. As if you’re a child blocking your eyes telling yourself you can’t do it on your own. We try and break down the simplicity of it all and it’s like you completely disregard everything we say. I’m not gonna lie, it’s very, very frustrating.

And if you’re feeling even a little bit swayed, where do you see their success stories??💀💀 if one person had already induced then all of that pact should’ve induced right? im waiting for the influx of success stories….but notice how all they’re doing is waiting and complaining… no success in sight

so i’m urging you to please do not follow this void pact thing before you’re still here with them in 2030 relying on others to help you experience YOUR OWN dream life.

Lets be serious pls

🩰🍨do it yourself, it’s the only way

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Enshittification isn’t caused by venture capital

Picks and Shovels is a new, standalone technothriller starring Marty Hench, my two-fisted, hard-fighting, tech-scam-busting forensic accountant. You can pre-order it on my latest Kickstarter, which features a brilliant audiobook read by Wil Wheaton.

Many of us have left the big social media platforms; far more of us wish we could leave them; and even those of us who've escaped from Facebook/Insta and Twitter still spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get the people we care about off of them, too.

It's lazy and easy to think that our friends who are stuck on legacy platforms run by Zuckerberg and Musk lack the self-discipline to wean themselves off of these services, or lack the perspective to understand why it's so urgent to get away from them, or that their "hacked dopamine loops" have addicted them to the zuckermusk algorithms. But if you actually listen to the people who've stayed behind, you'll learn that the main reason our friends stay on legacy platforms is that they care about the other people there more than they hate Zuck or Musk.

They rely on them because they're in a rare-disease support group; or they all coordinate their kids' little league carpools there; or that's where they stay in touch with family and friends they left behind when they emigrated; or they're customers or the audience for creative labor.

All those people might want to leave, too, but it's really hard to agree on where to go, when to go, and how to re-establish your groups when you get somewhere else. Economists call this the "collective action problem." This problem creates "switching costs" – a lot of stuff you'll have to live without if you switch from legacy platforms to new ones. The collective action problem is hard to solve and the switching costs are very high:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/29/how-to-leave-dying-social-media-platforms/

That's why people stay behind – not because they lack perspective, or self-discipline, or because their dopamine loops have been hacked by evil techbro sorcerers who used Big Data to fashion history's first functional mind-control ray. They are locked in by real, material things.

Big Tech critics who attribute users' moral failings or platforms' technical prowess to the legacy platforms' "stickiness" are their own worst enemies. These critics have correctly identified that legacy platforms are a serious problem, but have totally failed to understand the nature of that problem or how to fix it. Thankfully, more and more critics are coming to understand that lock-in is the root of the problem, and that anti-lock-in measures like interoperability can address it.

But there's another major gap in the mainstream critique of social media. Critics of zuckermuskian media claim those services are so terrible because they're for-profit entities, capitalist enterprises hitched to the logic of extraction and profit above all else. The problem with this claim is that it doesn't explain the changes to these services. After all, the reason so many of us got on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram is because they used to be a lot of fun. They were useful. They were even great at times.

When tech critics fail to ask why good services turn bad, that failure is just as severe as the failure to ask why people stay when the services rot.

Now, the guy who ran Facebook when it was a great way to form communities and make friends and find old friends is the same guy who who has turned Facebook into a hellscape. There's very good reason to believe that Mark Zuckerberg was always a creep, and he took investment capital very early on, long before he started fucking up the service. So what gives? Did Zuck get a brain parasite that turned him evil? Did his investors get more demanding in their clamor for dividends?

If that's what you think, you need to show your working. Again, by all accounts, Zuck was a monster from day one. Zuck's investors – both the VCs who backed him early and the gigantic institutional funds whose portfolios are stuffed with Meta stock today – are not patient sorts with a reputation for going easy on entrepreneurs who leave money on the table. They've demanded every nickel since the start.

What changed? What caused Zuck to enshittify his service? And, even more importantly for those of us who care about the people locked into Facebook's walled gardens: what stopped him from enshittifying his services in the "good old days?"

At its root, enshittification is a theory about constraints. Companies pursue profit at all costs, but while you may be tempted to focus on the "at all costs" part of that formulation, you musn't neglect the "profits" part. Companies don't pursue unprofitable actions at all costs – they only pursue the plans that they judge are likely to yield profits.

When companies face real competitors, then some enshittificatory gambits are unprofitable, because they'll drive your users to competing platforms. That's why Zuckerberg bought Instagram: he had been turning the screws on Facebook users, and when Instagram came along, millions of those users decided that they hated Zuck more than they loved their friends and so they swallowed the switching costs and defected to Instagram. In an ill-advised middle-of-the-night memo to his CFO, Zuck defended spending $1b on Instagram on the grounds that it would recapture those Facebook escapees:

https://www.theverge.com/2020/7/29/21345723/facebook-instagram-documents-emails-mark-zuckerberg-kevin-systrom-hearing

A company that neutralizes, buys or destroys its competitors can treat its users far worse – invade their privacy, cheap out on moderation and anti-spam, etc – without losing their business. That's why Zuck's motto is "it is better to buy than to compete":

https://www.trtworld.com/magazine/zuckerberg-its-better-to-buy-than-compete-is-facebook-a-monopoly-42243

Of course, as a leftist, I know better than to count on markets as a reliable source of corporate discipline. Even more important than market discipline is government discipline, in the form of regulation. If Zuckerberg feared fines for privacy violations, or moderation failures, or illegal anticompetitive mergers, or fraudulent advertising systems that rip off publishers and advertisers, or other forms of fraud (like the "pivot to video"), he would treat his users better. But Facebook's rise to power took place during the second half of the neoliberal era, when the last shreds of regulatory muscle that survived the Reagan revolution were being devoured by GW Bush and Obama (and then Trump).

As cartels and monopolies took over our economy, most government regulators were neutered and captured. Public agencies were stripped of their powers or put in harness to attack small companies, customers, and suppliers who got in the way of monopolists' rent-extraction. That meant that as Facebook grew, Zuckerberg had less and less to fear from government enforcers who might punish him for enshittification where the markets failed to do so.

But it's worse than that, because Zuckerberg and other tech monopolists figured out how to harness "IP" law to get the government to shut down third-party technology that might help users resist enshittification. IP law is why you can't make a privacy-protecting ad-blocker for an app (and why companies are so desperate to get you to use their apps rather than the open web, and why apps are so dismally enshittified). IP law is why you can't make an alternative client that blocks algorithmic recommendations. IP law is why you can't leave Facebook for a new service and run a scraper that imports your waiting Facebook messages into a different inbox. IP law is why you can't scrape Facebook to catalog the paid political disinformation the company allows on the platform:

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

IP law's growth has coincided with Facebook's ascendancy – the bigger Facebook got, the more tempting it was to interoperators who might want to plug new code into it to protect Facebook users, and the more powers Facebook had to block even the most modest improvements to its service. That meant that Facebook could enshittify even more, without worrying that it would drive users to take unilateral, permanent action that would deprive it of revenue, like blocking ads. Once ad-blocking is illegal (as it is on apps), there's no reason not to make ads as obnoxious as you want.

Of course, many Facebook employees cared about their users, and for most of the 21st century, those workers were a key asset for Facebook. Tech workers were in short supply until just a couple years ago, when the platforms started round after round of brutal layoffs – 260,000 in 2023, another 150,000+ in 2024. Facebook workers may be furious about Zuckerberg killing content moderation, but he's not worried about them quitting – not with a half-million skilled tech workers out there, hunting for jobs. Fuck 'em. Let 'em quit:

https://www.404media.co/its-total-chaos-internally-at-meta-right-now-employees-protest-zuckerbergs-anti-lgbtq-changes/

This is what changed: the collapse of market, government, and labor constraints, and IP law's criminalization of disenshittifying, interoperable add-ons. This is why Zuck, an eternal creep, is now letting his creep flag fly so proudly today. Not because he's a worse person, but because he understands that he can hurt his users and workers to benefit his shareholders without facing any consequences. Zuckerberg 2025 isn't the most evil Zuck, he's the most unconstrained Zuck.

Same goes for Twitter. I mean, obviously, there's been a change in management at Twitter – the guy who's enshittifying it today isn't the guy who enshittified it prior to last year. Musk is speedrunning the enshittification curve, and yet Twitter isn't collapsing. Why not? Because Musk is insulated from consequences for fucking up – he's got a huge cushion of wealth, he's got advertisers who are desperate to reach his users, he's got users who can't afford to leave the service, he's got IP law that he can use to block interoperators who might make it easier to migrate to a better service. He was always a greedy, sadistic asshole. Now he's an unconstrained greedy, sadistic asshole. Musk 2025 isn't a worse person than Musk 2020. He's just more free to act on his evil impulses than he was in years gone by.

These are the two factors that make services terrible: captive users, and no constraints. If your users can't leave, and if you face no consequences for making them miserable (not solely their departure to a competitor, but also fines, criminal charges, worker revolts, and guerrilla warfare with interoperators), then you have the means, motive and opportunity to turn your service into a giant pile of shit.

That's why we got Jack Welch and his acolytes when we did. There were always evil fuckers just like them hanging around, but they didn't get to run GM until Ronald Reagan took away the constraints that would have punished them for turning GE into a giant pile of shit. Every economy is forever a-crawl with parasites and monsters like these, but they don't get to burrow into the system and colonize it until policymakers create rips they can pass through.

In other words, the profit motive itself is not sufficient to cause enshittification – not even when a for-profit firm has to answer to VCs who would shut down the company or fire its leadership in the face of unsatisfactory returns. For-profit companies chase profit. The enshittifying changes to Facebook and Twitter are cruel, but the cruelty isn't the point: the point is profits. If the fines – or criminal charges – Facebook faced for invading our privacy exceeded the ad-targeting revenue it makes by doing so, it would stop spying on us. Facebook wouldn't like it. Zuck would hate it. But he'd do it, because he spies on us to make money, not because he's a voyeur.

To stop enshittification, it is not necessary to eliminate the profit motive – it is only necessary to make enshittification unprofitable.

This is not to defend capitalism. I'm not saying there's a "real capitalism" that's good, and a "crony capitalism" or "monopoly capitalism" that's bad. All flavors of capitalism harm working people and seek to shift wealth and power from the public and democratic institutions to private interests. But that doesn't change the fact that there are, indeed, different flavors of capitalism, and they have different winners and losers. Capitalists who want to sell apps on the App Store or reach customers through Facebook are technofeudalism's losers, while Apple, Facebook, Google, and other Big Tech companies are technofeudalism's great winners.

Smart leftism pays attention to these differences, because they represent the potential fault lines in capitalism's coalition. These people all call themselves capitalists, they all give money and support to political movements that seek to crush worker power and human rights – but when the platforms win, the platforms' business customers lose. They are irreconcilably on different sides of a capitalism-v-capitalism fight that is every bit as important to them as the capitalism-v-socialism fight.

I'm saying that it's good praxis to understand these divisions in capitalism, because then we can exploit those differences to make real, material gains for human thriving and worker rights. Lumping all for-profit businesses together as identical and irredeemable is bad tactics.

Legacy social media is at a turning point. Two new systems built on open standards have emerged as a credible threat to the zuckermuskian model: Mastodon (built on Activitypub) and Bluesky (built on Atproto). The former is far more mature, with a huge network of federated servers run by all different kinds of institutions, from hobbyists to corporations, and it's overseen by a nonprofit. The latter has far more users, and is a VC-backed corporate entity, and while it is hypothetically federatable, there are no Bluesky services apart from the main one that you can leave for if Bluesky starts to enshittify.

That means that Bluesky has a ton of captive users, and has the lack of constraint that characterizes the enshittified legacy platforms it has tempted tens of millions of users away from. This is not a good place to be in, because it means that if the current management choose to enshittify Bluesky, they can, and it will be profitable. It also means that the company's VCs understand that they could replace the current management and replace them with willing enshittifiers and make more money.

This is why Bluesky is in a dangerous place: not because it is backed by VCs, not because it is a for-profit entity, but because it has captive users and no constraints. It's a great party in a sealed building with no fire exits:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/12/14/fire-exits/#graceful-failure-modes

Last week, I endorsed a project called Free Our Feeds, whose goals include hacking some fire exits into Bluesky by force majeure – that is, independently standing up an alternative Bluesky server that people can retreat to if Bluesky management changes, or has a change of heart:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/14/contesting-popularity/#everybody-samba

For some Mastodon users, Free Our Feeds is dead on arrival – why bother trying to make a for-profit project safer for its users when Mastodon is a perfectly good nonprofit alternative? Why waste millions developing a standalone Bluesky server rather than spending that money improving things in the Fediverse.

I believe strongly in improving the Fediverse, and I believe in adding the long-overdue federation to Bluesky. That's because my goal isn't the success of the Fediverse – it's the defeat of enshtitification. My answer to "why spend money fixing Bluesky?" is "why leave 20 million people at risk of enshittification when we could not only make them safe, but also create the toolchain to allow many, many organizations to operate a whole federation of Bluesky servers?" If you care about a better internet – and not just the Fediverse – then you should share this goal, too.

Many of the Fediverse's servers are operated by for-profit entities, after all. One of the Fediverse's largest servers (Threads) is owned by Meta. Threads users who feel the bite of Zuckerberg's decision to encourage homophobic, xenophobic and transphobic hate speech will find it easy to escape from Threads: they can set up on any Fediverse server that is federated with Threads and they'll be able to maintain their connections with everyone who stays behind.

The existence of for-profit servers in the Fediverse does not ruin the Fediverse (though I wouldn't personally use one of them). The fact that multiple neo-Nazi groups run their own Mastodon servers does not ruin the Fediverse (though I certainly won't use their servers). Not even the fact that Donald Trump's Truth Social is a Mastodon server does anything to ruin the Fediverse (not using that one, either).

This is the strength of federated, federatable social media – it disciplines enshittifiers by lowering switching costs, and if enshittifiers persist, it makes it easy for users to escape unshitted, because they don't have to solve the collective action problem. Any user can go to any server at any time and stay in touch with everyone else.

Mastodon was born free: free code, with free federation as a priority. Bluesky was not: it was born within a for-profit public benefit corporation whose charter offers some defenses against enshittification, but lacks the most decisive one: the federation that would let users escape should escape become necessary.

The fact that Mastodon was born free is quite unusual in the annals of the fight for a free internet. Most of the internet was born proprietary and had freedom foisted upon it. Unix was born within Bell Labs, property of the convicted monopolist AT&T. The GNU/Linux project set it free.

SMB was born proprietary within corporate walls of Microsoft, another corporate monopolist. SAMBA set it free.

The Office file formats were also born proprietary within Microsoft's walled garden: they were set free by hacker-activists who fought through a thick bureaucratic morass and Microsoft fuckery (including literally refusing to allow chairs to be set for advocates for Open Document Format) to give us formats that underlie everything from LibreOffice to Google Docs, Office365 to your web browser.

There is nothing unusual, in other words, about hacking freedom into something that is proprietary or just insufficiently free. That's totally normal. It's how we got almost everything great about computers.

Mastodon's progenitors should be praised for ensuring their creation was born free – but the fact that Bluesky isn't free enough is no reason to turn our back on it. Our response to anything that locks in the people we care about must be to shatter those locks, not abandon the people bound by the locks because they didn't heed to our warnings.

Audre Lorde is far smarter than me, but when she wrote that "the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house," she was wrong. There is no toolset better suited to conduct an orderly dismantling of a structure than the tools that built it. You can be sure it'll have all the right screwdriver bits, wrenches, hexkeys and sockets.

Bluesky is fine. It has features I significantly prefer to Mastodon's equivalent. Composable moderation is amazing, both a technical triumph and a triumph of human-centered design:

https://bsky.social/about/blog/4-13-2023-moderation

I hope Mastodon adopts those features. If someone starts a project to copy all of Bluesky's best features over to Mastodon, I'll put my name to the crowdfunding campaign in a second.

But Mastodon has one feature that Bluesky sorely lacks – the federation that imposes antienshittificatory discipline on companies and offers an enshittification fire-exit for users if the discipline fails. It's long past time that someone copied that feature over to Bluesky.

Check out my Kickstarter to pre-order copies of my next novel, Picks and Shovels!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/20/capitalist-unrealism/#praxis

[cherie-doll]

Can I request COD Men dating a medic reader,??

I love your writing sm ^-^

Ofc!

౨ৎ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

COD Men x Medic!Reader

Price

Imagine being the new medic and you're nervous because it's your first time working there so you have to try your best to hold it together while patching people up

But one day Price comes in injured and you have to control your nerves as you clean his wound up, he's surprisingly nice and even makes small talk with you, it calms you down

After, you manage to keep thinking about that interaction, just how nice it felt to have a normal conversation, it took your mind off of things and honestly it kept you from a mini panic attack from happening

He wishes he could come see you more often, he liked how refreshing it felt to meet someone who seemed a little hesitant, too afraid to mess up, he likes how you smiled after speaking with him

Since he's busy most of the time he can't come to you as often, but I imagine he likes to invite you to just come and talk to him as you drink with him, it's comforting knowing you can bask in his company and he provides you a shoulder to rest on

Ghost

Believe it or not he trusts you a lot, he shows up to your office in his most vulnerable moments, when he's hurt you treat him and never mention anything of it, he knows it's just you doing your job but he can't help but feel like there is an underlying tone to it

He likes resting in your office or recovery room when he wants to get away from everyone else but can't find a quiet place to do so, he likes his alone time and if being in the medic's room where no one is to come in looking for him then he'll stay there during his free time

He secretly started growing a stronger liking to you when you covered for him and told his buddies they couldn't visit because he "needed to rest", not that he hates his friends he just likes his alone time

He often struggles to sleep so to get away from the other soldiers who snore loudly he'll come to you knowing you're almost always up late and drinking tea, like a cat who is content sitting without talking or doing anything next to you and eventually falls asleep

You tend to admire him silently, the features that you can see through his balaclava when he's not aware of it

Soap

Every time he comes to get checked up he likes making you laugh and telling you the worst jokes, but it makes you laugh lightly and honestly keeps you awake and sane from working overtime since you treat a lot of emergencies

He will be laughing as if he doesn't feel the alcohol you're using to disinfect his wound, he likes pretending like he doesn't feel pain when you push the needle in because he doesn't want to be weak in front of you, it's sort of turned into you trying to make him wince or show that it hurts but he tries grits his teeth and holds it in

Doesn't even know he likes you like that until others are teasing him about how often he talks about you and how he'll try to impress you, in his mind he hasn't come to that realization yet, not that he's denying it because he really enjoys your company

You probably get very nervous checking his eyes when you shine the flashlight on them because you notice the way his eyes crinkle, indicating he's smiling and you have to hold the grin before it shows on your face

As a boyfriend he'd be coming by every moment he can to just cling to you when you're on your breaks and you'll have a hard time getting him to leave you alone or give you some space

Gaz

I can imagine him already having a liking to you, he likes coming by every morning that he can to visit you before anyone else can bother you and just hanging around your office when he's in need of good company

You enjoy his company because he's not unnecessarily flirty like other the others are, he's respectful, caring about your mental health because you deal with so many people on the daily but with him it's different, you don't feel that obligation to smile or put on a fake act around him

Your tired eyes light up seeing him knowing you're going to be recharged emotionally and mentally, it's come to the point where you even seek him after your work is done hoping to spend more time with him

It's sort of hard finding time alone together when so many other people are friends with him yet the moment he sees you he'll pull away from everyone else to go to you

Roach

I have a hc that even if he survives the absolute worst situations no one else has he still deals with the aftermath of it and it's many complications and frequently getting checkups from you just to assure his health is good enough to keep getting sent out to missions

He ends up spending more time with you than he does with most of the other soldiers or members of the task force

He confides so much in you, things he'd never share with anyone else and yet you listen to him so attentively it honestly makes him develop an attachment to you and he'd look for any opportunity to reciprocate the attention you give him

You sometimes hate the way others treat him, despite being a chill guy to be around he's often a little out of orbit when it comes to socializing with the others, you'd think going through shit together would unite them but strangely enough he doesn't get enough dopamine from them like he does with you

It might be wrong to feel this way but you care more about him than all the others, you'll rush to attend his needs before the others

Alejandro

He is actually a very lousy patient, it takes you ages to try to get him to take medication or inject the needle into him despite him always teasing the other soldiers who have had medical procedures done to them

You have to be ready with a cloth and ice pack to instantly place on him or else he'll be wanting to bang his head against the wall for the dramatics, you let him hold your hand, anything to bring him comfort or some sort of relief at that point

To avoid getting to that level of pain he'll often drink before coming to you so he's not fully in his senses to actually feel or register anything you may be doing that would usually cause him to panic, you hate when he does this because you prefer him to be fully aware

Other than that he'll always try flirting with you or calling you something like "chula" in Spanish when passing by you and you simply roll your eyes and hide a smirk knowing he's nothing like that when you approach with a needle

Rudy

He's probably known you since before you were a medic, he's seen how much effort you've put into your training to be where you are today he respects you so much for it

He worries so much for you, probably more than you do for him which is funny because he has the "riskier" job, but he often worries about how you are being treated knowing some of the soldiers you treat have trauma and it can make you very stressed with them

He makes sure you get your much needed rest, especially during the breaks everyone else is gone and you still have to stay around "just in case"

There was this one time he was injured pretty badly and he had to be laid down as someone called the medic, he didn't know who would come but he felt his heart skip a beat seeing it was you running towards him, you knelt by his side and with a warm smile reassured him you wouldn't let him slip away from your grasp just yet

He didn't even need a painkiller when he held your hand to his chest so you could feel how much his heart beat showing you he was still alive and well

Phillip Graves

He could be dying on the bed, clutching a wound with blood gushing out and he'll still manage to give a smug smile and ask for your number, you want to suffocate him with a pillow sometimes but you'll most likely be blamed for medical malpractice, instead you just say "HIPPA" and that shuts him up for now

I like to think he brings his Shadows for checkups like a father bringing his children to the pediatrician, some of them aren't fond of it but he makes them go through it to ensure they are healthy and fit for their next mission or training

If one of his Shadows get severely injured he's rushing to see you with them in his arms (he can't actually carry them have you seen how big his Shadows are??) and begging you to help them, will literally be in tears hoping they heal up just fine and that nothing bad ends up happening

Afterwards, you just kinda have to give him that reassurance and he'll be eternally grateful to you for what you do for him and his team, and don't think that just because you aren't "that important" to his company because he makes sure you feel like a vital member of the family

Him and the Shadows will enjoy spending time with you outside of your work area just to show their appreciation

Makarov

You often worry about him, more than you should, he's always taking risks and needed to end up being brought into your office to have something done to him, you can only sigh and lecture him but he's never the type to take his injuries seriously, most of the time he takes bold decisions and that impacts his health

Most of the time he prefers having you go to him, so you have to pack your stuff up and go treat whatever he's dealing with, he often uses these opportunities as excuses to get to know you better and just overall toy with you

You hate when he does this as it wastes time and he's keeping you away from patients who could be needing treatment, whenever you hint at this he simply shrugs it off, clearly not caring about others

You carry so much responsibility on your shoulders to be carelessly leaving where you're stationed to treat a paper cut, but after all he always slips in something extra to keep you coming

Keegan

Loves to initiate arguments with you for the fun of it, you two will be bickering over him not wanting to take a prescription you've given him

You could be stressing over an infected cut and he's trying to act as if it were nothing, that being said the sounds he makes when he's injured and grunting and clutching his arm or side in pain and trying to control his breathing have me AKJERUJS-

He doesn't actually get to see you all that often as he wishes but you know he'll be coming to get "treated" when he comes back from a mission, he always thinks to come see you before anyone else can

And he knows you're often at risk too when you have to go along to treat sick and injured soldiers, he doesn't like to dwell too much on how you could be in danger so he just chooses to focus on his task knowing if he's not careful he won't be able to make it back to tease you again

König

He's the type to rarely go to the medic just because wounds on his body heal insanely fast but also because you will have to FORCE this man to enter your office

He was used to his the previous medic, an older man who took his time with each patient, could barely see which is why he often told the soldiers who came to him to read the medicine labels for him and such

But imagine his surprise when he walks into your office and sees a younger medic there instead of the old medic, he's completely silent as he sits in the chair waiting for you to clean a wound he only came because the pain got so bad he couldn't suppress it

Now he's considering saying he's fine and walking out, but you're already washing your hands and putting gloves on, going over to him and asking for him to show you the injury

He has to look away and his eyes roam the room, looking for something to focus on other than your focused stare, and gentle fingertips that hover over his skin as you inspect the wound that he could have ignored for a little longer

Horangi

He is a headache to deal with, comes in after every mission to get his injuries treated but will talk A LOT, mostly boasting and smug explaining how he got this bruise and those cuts

You're tired of hearing him but honestly you'll take whatever as a distraction, and you know he's BUILT like that man will be flexing his biceps and you can't help but stare at them, also his waist?!?

Before leaving he always jokes for you not to miss him incase he doesn't come back from the next mission, you just roll your eyes because you don't want to admit that he's grown on you and his absence is something you don't even want to think about

He likes sending you notes with flirty messages on them to show his growing interest in wanting to pursue a relationship with you because you never give in to letting him have your number, he always wants to take you out to some fancy restaurant or cook for you himself, anything to get you out of your office for a day and spend it with him alone

Nikto

You're often doing a million things at once, quickly treating a patient and ushering them out so you can see the next one who's grunting as they wait in line, that day Nikto has to get something treated and he just so happens to go on a busy day

You're in a rush to treat your patients in pain but he notices some of them aren't even in pain, they seem to have relaxed looks on their faces and they don't have any wounds that he can see, they even joke and laugh with one another

Turns out some of them are only there to chat with you, as happens most of the time with soldiers who are stationed in one place too long with little to no freedom to roam anywhere else, Nikto doesn't understand why they would waste your time when it's finally his turn to see you and you tenderly yet efficiently treat him

He likes the way you touched him, even if it was only you doing your job, he likes your pretty eyes, even if you barely looked at him, he thinks your voice is precious to hear, even if you only used it to direct a single question to him, now he understands those soldiers in line who don't mind waiting an hour just to be with you for a moment

[thelov3lybookworm]

Journals (part 2)

Part 1

Summary: new realisations and hauntingly beautiful words

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Word Count: 2059

Warnings: heavyyyy angst, mental health issues, depression, feeling unworthy of love, panic attack, self harm (alluded to), self hate. thats all i can think of right now, but let me know if i need to add anything

A/n: based on old poetry by @garden-of-runar 🤭i had reblogged them to my drafts on a side blog that i dont use at all, so i couldnt reblog them on my main, but i have put them in the fic, so ig that works🤷🏻‍♀️ also, if i ever write a part 3 (which i might based on feedback) azzie would be the love interest <3

ALSO MY GIRLIE IS SO TALENTED DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED I LOVE THESE POEMS 🥹

(im also tagging people who asked for a part two hope u dont mind <3)

anyways, enjoyyyy!!

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Lying on the ground, despite how it hurt her joints sometimes, was one of Y/n’s favourite pastimes. Maybe because sometimes she did not have the energy to crawl into her bed, but that was not the point.

They hate you.

The hardness of the wood panels was oddly comforting, the way the grains sometimes raised enough for her to feel them with her fingers, the soft creaking when she stepped on them. It reminded her that she was here, that she was alive. That she was getting what she deserved for being so pathetic.

The soft mattress did not give her the same level of comfort. Sure, it was warm and cozy, but did she deserve it?

No.

You deserve this.

You deserve the worst.

Y/n sniffled, lying on her side as she lifted her hand higher next to her, dragging her nails down the planks, the feeling overwhelming in itself but better than not feeling anything. She watched her fingers jerk with the motion, pale and bloodless.

She could feel her tears collecting in a pool and seeping under her cheek. She glanced at the foot of the bed in front of her.

It looks so majestic from down here.

Do people who are worse off think the same way about me?

I don’t want them to. Because I am not worth being thought of like that.

I am nothing. I am pathetic.

It became harder and harder to take in a breath from her nose, as it continued to grow clogged from all her sobbing.

It was one of her least favourite things about crying.

Pathetic.

Stop it!

You’re pathetic. Crying over nothing.

You don’t deserve anything good.

The thoughts kept echoing in her head, louder and louder. She couldn’t breathe any longer.

And it was not because of anything physical.

Her chest began to constrict, forcing her lungs to let out precious air. She tried to breathe it back in, desperately wishing to cling to any remnants of oxygen like a child clinging to its mothers skirts.

Please. Just one inhale.

Her throat tightened.

Just one.

She gasped, futilely trying to breathe one last time to breathe before she knew she would collapse, faint because of the lack of air in her body. It gave her some reprieve, and her eyes focused back to the bed.

The longer she stared at it, the more drowsy she became. Her eyelids were drooping, and she finally, finally decided that maybe letting herself submit to her body’s needs wouldn’t be too bad, if it meant that the thoughts would stop. Maybe if she gave in to the tiredness in her bones after hours of sobbing, her mind would stop being so cruel.

Maybe it would take pity on her.

Maybe.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

"We should go out tomorrow!"

Y/n smiled a little. A rare smile that only recently had begun showing on her face.

It wouldn’t be considered a real smile. But it was still there on her face. The tilt of her lips.

We. Not me. We.

They wanted her to be present too.

Cassian jumped up, looking at Y/n with a grin. "I always wanted to take Y/n out to Rita’s."

Her smile grew.

The other members talked, making plans for tomorrow. Slowly, the conversation spiralled, as it always did between them all.

Azriel leaned close to Y/n, whispering jokes in her ear that made her giggle. Rhysand sat on the same couch as Cassian, fighting like children. Mor sat next to Amren, amusement shining in her eyes as she added fuel to the fire, while Amren looked like she’d rather be anywhere but here.

They talked well into the night, politics, food, court gossip bleeding into one another as the time trickled by.

But the moment the conversations wandered into their future, Y/n’s smile faded. She wondered, would they want her to stay in their life?

She didn’t have to wonder long, as the words they uttered were enough to give her peace.

They talked of vacations, of parties and new traditions. Of getting married, of being with their partners. Of celebrating lives and years and months, of celebrating ends and new beginnings.

They talked, and included her.

They talked in ‘we’s’. Not in ‘me’s’.

And that was enough for her little heart to be happy.

For it to heal, for the blood to return to her face.

For her to smile, free and unbidden.

But then, time passed. And just like the sand in an hourglass trickles away, so do all good things.

As she watched, the scene changed from only housing six people in the living room, to adding three more members. And slowly, she was pushed out.

And they began talking in ‘me’s’.

Some ‘we’s’, but it never meant Y/n.

No, it meant them. Them and their partners.

It meant Feyre and Rhysand. Their new lives and baby.

It meant Cassian and Nesta. Their new mating bond and blooming love.

It meant Azriel and Elain. Their growing infatuation.

Y/n doubted the infatuation had ended, as Azriel no longer sat next to Elain at dinners. Lucien’s visits to Velaris had increased too.

But everyone’s visits to Y/n and their thoughts about her had decreased. No one seemed to remember her existence.

And she deserved it.

They chatted among themselves, and the armchair she sat on vanished from under her, leaving her standing knee deep in the freezing snow. Watching from the outside as the warm interior that had seemed so welcoming just a moment ago turned into a nightmare.

Her worst nightmare.

It left her whimpering, leaving her to curl on the cold ground.

All alone, just like she deserved.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

It was almost sunset, and finally, Rhysand had built up the determination to read the damned journal.

He walked downstairs, peering into the living room before stepping in front of it.

Mor had departed after Y/n had left, tears in her eyes. Azriel and Cassian had been sitting in the living room for the whole two hours since then, staring into space, looking haunted and horrified at the way they hadn’t realised what was going on with their friend. Amren too, sat in an armchair in the corner, looking as unbothered as ever. But Rhys saw the cracks. The shifting eyes, the too hard hold on the book she held in her lap, the downward tilt of her lips more pronounced.

"I think it’s time we read the journal."

Four sets of eyes shot up to his figure.

"Are you sure, Rhys?" Cassian mumbled, standing up uncertainly.

Rhys nodded. "It is the only option we have."

Azriel sighed, mirroring Cassian’s movements and moving closer to Rhysand.

Feyre perked up. "What is going on Rhys?"

He clenched his jaw, guilt and regret festering in his gut. He had been so busy in his newfound happiness, so wound up in enjoying every moment with his mate that he had forgotten family. He had forgotten her to the extent his mate didn’t even know what the slight tang of copper in the air meant.

"Nothing, Feyre." He mumbled, turning away.

"Elain was asking-"

"Tell her to stop asking, then." Rhysand froze at the coldness in Azriel’s voice, his eyes going wide. Azriel never used that tone of voice with anyone outside of work, let alone Feyre.

Feyre stepped back, her calves hitting the couch as she stared at her friend in shock. "Az?"

Azriel pushed past Rhysand, making his way towards his study where the journal sat, looking as frustrated and unapologetic as ever.

After a shared glance, Rhysand and Cassian followed, Amren hot on their heels.

Azriel was already seated in one of the chairs at Rhysand’s mahogany desk, his eyes fixed on the journal that lay in the middle, his jaw clenched. He seemed to be the most affected, and Rhys only had the faintest idea why.

The four of them sat in waiting until Mor finally arrived, shutting the door behind her. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she sniffled lightly as she came to stand next to Cassian.

"Rhys, do we really have to read it? It will be an invasion of privacy."

Rhys swallowed. Thought it over. "We don’t really have a choice, do we? We need to figure out the root of this. She won’t tell us if we ask, we know that. Plus, she might already be way down the path of another breakdown after what happened today."

"That is why I think that instead of sitting around on our arses," Azriel ground out, "we should go and check up on her."

Rhys raised a brow, though concern festered in his gut. "Azriel, we’ve been through this before. She will feel worse about herself, thinking she inconvenienced us."

A muscle feathered in Azriel’s jaw, but he said nothing.

And so they began reading.

Rhysand opened a random page, his breath catching at the sudden tang of copper, and began reading. As he stared at the words before speaking them aloud, he remembered seeing the exact poem in a book he recommended to Y/n over fifty years ago.

Forgotten.That is my nameThat is the path I walkIt has been so longI don’t remember what it is like to be seenAnd I spill, my tears lining the path to the woods where my body lies,Forgotten.- from GardenofRunar

Instantly, Rhysand’s blood ran cold. He leaned back, exhaling. The pages were decorated in flowers and hearts, tiny little clouds and doodles in the margins so at odds with the thoughts spilled onto them like a hauntingly beautiful scenery.

At this point, Cassian and the others had moved to peer over Rhys’s shoulder. Rhys watched as Cassan reached over to turn the page with a shaky hand, pulling it back almost instantly as if the page had burned him. There, just above the words was a small handful of doodles, and he knew the small figures resembled the inner circle before Rhys had been taken under the mountain.

The poem was more a letter than anything, except it contained so few letters but thy hit everyone with a guilt so hard it was almost like a mountain fell onto them.

So like Y/n, to say so less yet still make an impact.

I didn’t forget about you.Can you say the same for me?Don’t bother.I know the answer.-GardenOfRunar

Under the poem, were a few words.

The poet is so talented. Every poem of them I read, it makes me want to sob.Maybe because I relate to these. Maybe that’s why.

Quiet sniffles came from Mor, but Rhys turned another page. It was the first page where blood began dotting the corners, a few drops on the center of the page veining out towards the edges, as if trying to exit but being unable to.

The almost poeticness of the sight was not lost on them. The blood droplets were almost like Y/n, trying to escape a cruel mind but unable to.

My friends are living lives, and I’m trudging through a million little days,Wasting away.- GardenofRunar

A hand snaked towards the book, slamming it shut. Rhysand jumped, his eyes flying to the owner of the scarred hand that appeared.

"Enough." His voice was still, quiet, but so cold it could freeze even the summer court over. And Rhysand knew. He was blaming himself for not paying attention to Y/n.

Rhys nodded, feeling guiltier by the second.

Everyone went back to their places, sitting in silence. Contemplating.

Wondering how they had become so oblivious to the point that they couldn’t see what was right in front of them the entire time.

The regret, the sadness was heavy in the air. It was getting hard to breathe it in.

Finally, Azriel stood, grabbing the book.

Then he turned, and walked out the door without a word, his wings pulled tight against his back.

And Rhysand wondered again.

Was this just some friendly concern, some self blame, or something else entirely?

Needless to say, suspicion took root. But guilt and hate overwhelmed it once more, and the family was left to sit and roil in it.

To wonder, how could they have been so busy that they ignored such an important part of them?

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

(ps. the first part in the memories/dreams Y/n has is based off this poem

You talk in ‘we’s’ Not ‘me’s’ And it heals my heart, just a little. Puts a smile on my face, just a little. You talk about a future One with me in it And I feel the color Return to my face. Just a little. - Runar

)

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[luvismenu]

Only When It's Us — JJK

you can’t wait to show your boyfriend the lingerie you bought — kinda nsfw

— drabble based on this ask !!

wc: 2.4k+

note: i’m so sorry it took me this long 🥲 but yay, it’s finally here!! wanted to keep this a little shorter, like 1.5k-ish words but i js couldn't help myself write a little more hehe— enjoy the silly, sexy moments <3 check the ask for warnings if you need them lolol love all of my owiu readers out there !! 🤍

ever since you started dating jungkook, life has felt... lighter.

it’s not that the stress is gone, there are still challenges ahead of you, but one thing that keeps you grounded is knowing your boyfriend will always be there for you.

like today, when he insisted on taking you out because you’ve been working so hard lately.

you’re out with jungkook and a group of your friends; yoongi, jimin, taehyung and his girlfriend hina, and jin with his wife da-eun. these are the people you’ve grown close to, thanks to jungkook encouraging you to meet them. you didn’t have many friends before, but now you do who you're thankful for.

and you’re especially grateful for hina and da-eun. hina, the same age as you, is a bundle of energy, while da-eun, a few years older, is a calming presence. even tho they're different than you, they still, just.. get you.

the day started at a museum; jin and yoongi’s idea. it was calm and peaceful, exactly what you needed.

jungkook stayed by your side the whole time, his arm draped around your shoulders or your waist, leaning in to whisper sweet things to you. and okay, maybe he sneaked you into an empty storage room for a heated makeout session, but that’s beside the point.

it was still peaceful.

next came the arcade, a suggestion from jimin and taehyung. while the guys, especially jungkook, went wild with the games, you and the others enjoyed watching. yoongi’s consistent losing streak provided endless laughs, and the chaos turned into pure fun.

when jungkook noticed that the guys had been dominating the day’s plans, he suggested letting the women choose the next stop. naturally, hina, da-eun, and you all agreed on shopping, much to the guys’ amused groans.

now, you’re at the mall, wandering through the shops. the energy of the place, with its bright displays and bustling crowd, somehow lifts your spirits.

“i literally don’t want anything,” jimin says, stifling a yawn.

“i might grab something,” taehyung adds, his eyes darting to the plushie section. you can’t help but think it’s for hina. she told you loves collecting them, even showed you her collection.

you, on the other hand, have just one plushie from childhood, but you get the appeal. plushies are adorable.

“i really wanna buy some cute clothes!” hina exclaims, her excitement contagious as taehyung pulls her close with a chuckle.

“me too,” da-eun says with a smile, glancing at jin, who nods in agreement.

“what about you, babe?” jungkook asks, looking down at you with that soft gaze of his.

“me three!” you grin, and the group laughs.

“well, let’s head to the women’s section i gues—” jimin begins, but hina cuts him off sharply.

“men are not allowed.”

the guys blink in confusion.

“huh?” they say in unison.

“why can’t we come? it’s just a clothes section,” taehyung protests, crossing his arms.

“because we’re having girls’ time, right?” hina says, looking to you and da-eun for backup.

“absolutely,” da-eun replies without hesitation.

you nod with a smile.

“but i thought i could help pick something for—” jungkook starts, his hand still on your waist, but da-eun interrupts him.

“girls’ time!” she declares, grabbing your arm and pulling you towards her. jungkook is left standing there, sulking like a kid whose toy has been taken away.

“i’m okay with that,” yoongi says, almost like a deadpan. “plus, i need to sit down. my legs are killing me.”

“same here. you girls enjoy,” jin adds, planting a kiss on da-eun’s forehead.

“all right, grandpas, let’s find you a bench,” jimin says with an eye roll, leading yoongi and jin away. taehyung pauses to kiss hina on the cheek and whispering ‘have fun’ before following them.

jungkook stays rooted in place, looking like he’s waiting for something.

you cup his face in your hands, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “see you later, babe.”

he pouts, his bottom lip jutting out just a bit, and you chuckle before turning to join the girls. behind you, jungkook slowly trails after the guys, shaking his head with a smile.

now it’s just you, hina, and da-eun in the women’s section, sifting through racks of clothes and chatting about everything.

“i am so glad we can take our time now and let the boys wait. i don’t even like museums,” hina huffs, sorting through a pile of clothes alongside you and da-eun.

you and da-eun chuckle, shaking your heads.

“look, this is cute. it matches your aesthetic too!” you say, holding up a light pink mini dress.

“and it looks like it would fit you perfectly,” da-eun adds with a smile.

hina’s eyes light up as she takes the dress. “i’m gonna try this on right now!” she squeals, rushing off which makes you both smile.

you and da-eun continue browsing. she picks out a few outfits while you grab some comfy clothes and a few dresses. as you glance around, your eyes land on the lingerie section nearby.

one particular set catches your attention; a lacy, red, and very explicit set that makes your cheeks warm just thinking about it. it’s the kind of thing you’d love to wear for jungkook.

you blink, trying to shake the thought, but da-eun’s voice from behind startles you. “you should buy it.”

you flinch a little and chuckle nervously. “what? no, i was just looking.”

da-eun smiles knowingly. “do you not like it?”

you look at it again and you sigh, giving in. “i love it,” you admit.

before she can respond, hina comes bounding back with the pink dress in her hands, her face glowing. “you guys were right, it fits perfectly, and i love ittt!”

you and da-eun smile at her.

“i sent a pic to tae, and he’s already drooling.” she chuckles before continuing, “what about you, da-eun? are you gonna get that pretty, sexy dress you were looking at?” hina teases with a laugh.

“obviously!” da-eun says with a grin. then both of them turn their attention to you.

“what about you, ___?” hina asks excitedly. “did you pick anything... spicyy?”

you glance awkwardly at da-eun, who grins mischievously and subtly points hina towards the lingerie display. hina gasps dramatically, her eyes widening.

“that is so fucking hot! oh my god, you should totally get that, ___. please, please, please!” hina exclaims, practically bouncing on her toes.

you laugh, hiding your face in your hands, a little flustered.

“i’m getting that one.”

“oh my gosh, i missed food!” jimin gasps dramatically, stuffing a bite into his mouth.

the eight of you are seated in a cozy restaurant, wrapping up the day with dinner after hours of fun. the table is alive with chatter and laughter, everyone enjoying their meals. the couples sit side by side, exchanging sweet moments, which jimin predictably calls out.

“ugh, get a room, all of you!” he groans, rolling his eyes.

“honestly, yes, get a fucking room. you’re all just rubbing it in that i’m single,” yoongi adds with a dry chuckle, making everyone laugh.

you’re beside jungkook, his hand intertwined with yours under the table. his thumb lazily rubs soft circles on your skin while he chats with yoongi about something. you’re barely paying attention to their conversation because all you can think about is how ridiculously fucking good he looks right now.

he’s not even trying, just sitting there in a simple shirt and jeans, his hair slightly messy, and yet he’s got your mind wandering to... other things.

speaking of other things, you think about the clothes you bought earlier, the lingerie and a few silky nightdresses that were too beautiful to resist. the thought of showing them to him makes your heart race.

gently, you slip your hand out of his hold and place it on his thigh. his conversation falters as he glances at you, his dark eyes searching yours like he’s silently asking, ‘what’s wrong?'

you shake your head, smiling softly. his lips curve into a small, confused smile, but he goes back to talking.

you wait for the right moment, checking to make sure no one’s paying attention, and then let your hand slide a little higher.

that gets his full attention.

his gaze snaps to your hand, now dangerously close to a place you know will drive him insane. his jaw tightens, and you can see the realization in his eyes— he knows exactly what you’re doing.

leaning in, he brings his lips close to your ear, his voice low and deep. “if you keep doing that, i might have to take you home right now.”

you smile teasingly, leaning closer to whisper, “what are you talking about, jeon? i’m doing nothing.” your hand retreats, as if you’re completely innocent, and he sucks in a sharp breath.

you pick up the drink infront of you, sipping on it with a teasing smile.

he shakes his head slightly, a small smile tugging at his lips, but you can tell he’s trying to distract himself from the thoughts in his head— thoughts about exactly what he wants to do to you later.

. . .

soon, the evening winds down, and everyone begins saying their goodbyes.

“this was fun. we should do this more often,” taehyung says, and everyone nods in agreement.

as you’re saying goodbye to hina and da-eun, you notice the way they giggle at you, their eyes glinting with... mischief. you smile knowingly, already guessing what’s on their minds.

“what? what’s going on?” jin asks, looking at da-eun curiously.

she simply smiles at him and says, “just girlie things.”

jin frowns slightly, still confused, but lets it go with a soft laugh.

“okay then, let's go home.”

the door barely shuts behind you before jungkook has you pressed against it, his lips capturing yours in a kiss so desperate it leaves you breathless. his hands are on your waist, pulling you closer, and you can feel the heat radiating off him as his body presses against yours.

you kiss him back with equal intensity, your hands wrapping around his neck pulling him down, but then you pull away slightly, resting your forehead against his.

“wait,” you whisper, your breathing uneven.

“wait?” his voice is low, and he looks at you like he’s already losing his patience.

you nod, smiling as you try to calm your racing heart. “i want to show you the clothes i bought today.”

he groans, throwing his head bacm dramatically. “right now?”

“you’ll like it, i promise.” you take his hand and lead him to your bedroom, pushing him gently onto the bed

“stay here,” you instruct, pointing at him before disappearing into the closet

he watches you go, running a hand through his hair, still trying to cool down.

a few moments later, you step out wearing a long, dark purple dress that hugs your body in all the right places. the fabric flows down gracefully, and the color makes your skin glow.

jungkook’s eyes widen slightly, his eyes raking over you with awe. “you look... fuck.. wow. so pretty.”

you twirl slightly, letting the fabric swish around you. “you like it?”

“baby, you look so fucking beautiful,” he breathes, sitting up straighter.

smiling, you step back into the closet and reappear moments later in another dress— this time, it’s a bit shorter, hitting just above your knees, with a soft floral design. jungkook grins, biting his lip as he watches you show it off.

“okay, this one’s cute,” he says, his eyes never leaving you.

you keep going, the dresses getting shorter and more... bold. when you step out in a sleek, silky black mini nightdress that barely reaches mid-thigh, jungkook groans, leaning back on his hands like he’s trying to restrain himself.

“you’re doing this on purpose,” he accuses, his voice low and rough, his eyes locked onto you like you’re the only thing that matters.

“what?” you ask innocently, moving a little, the skirt of your dress swishing just enough to tease him.

he watches you, his gaze following your every move, filled with love— and something much darker, much hungrier. “do a little twirl for me, baby,” he says, his voice dropping even lower.

you smirk and twirl, biting your lip when you see the way his jaw tightens.

“are you done yet?” he finally asks, his tone laced with desperation. “because if i don’t touch you soon, i might fucking lose my mind.”

you laugh softly, walking over to him and placing your hands on his shoulders. “one more, please?”

he grabs your waist in an instant, pulling you close until you’re straddling his lap, his warm hands settling on your hips. “fine,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against your neck, “but only after you give me a kiss.”

you tilt your head down, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that’s soft but full of promise. after a few seconds, you pull back, grinning. “you’re gonna love this,” you whisper before slipping off his lap and disappearing into the closet again.

jungkook leans back on the bed, exhaling, trying to control himself. but when you don’t return right away, he shifts impatiently, standing up to pace the room.

when you finally walk out, he’s stops mid-step. he freezes, his eyes widening as they take you in.

you’re wearing the red lingerie set, the delicate lace barely there, with rope-like straps wrapping around your body. small red heart-shaped details covering the parts he really wants to see right now.

he stares at you, his lips parting slightly, his breath catching in his throat.

“oh.. fuck.” he mutters, his voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper.

you walk towards him slowly, swaying your hips just a little. “what do you think babe?”

he doesn’t answer right away, too busy drinking in the sight of you. when he finally speaks, his voice is hoarse. “i think i just died and went to heaven.”

you stop in front of him, chuckling softly as your fingers trailing up his chest. “i told you you’d love it.”

“you’re so fucking sexy,” he breathes, his hands coming up to rest on your hips, his grip on you firm as if he’s trying to stop himself from losing control. “c'mere”

you smile, letting him pull you closer.

“all this for me?” he asks, his voice low and raspy as his hands trail down to your ass, gripping the soft flesh in his large hands, pulling you even closer.

“all for you,” you whisper, your lips barely hovering over his, the warmth of his breath brushing against your skin.

that’s all it takes for him to snap. his lips crash into yours fiercely.

and this time, there’s no holding back.

a/n: ...wish i can show yall the lingerie pic but idk if it's allowed habahabaohw

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[solarbiomechanist]

seconding this and re-enforcing; a *problem* is someone habitually and actively seeking out people who *are categorically vulnerable to abuse*, people who do not know much about the world, people who are eager to please or starved for connection, people who don't or cannot live independently, are easy to isolate, and have limited or non-existent avenues of escape if something goes wrong. This applies to the elderly as well as people who just reached majority or haven't yet. This applies to many people with disabilities and many people with trauma. This applies to all minors, whose legal rights are restricted so far that they are barely more than property of their parents. This does not apply to someone who has the experience and self-esteem to notice when shit sucks, and the ability to hit the bricks immediately when that occurs.

Content warning past this point for details of abusive behavior patterns.

A *predator*, as someone who is a survivor of this behavior, is someone who perpetually seeks out and is attracted to vulnerability, for the purpose of having an obedient partner that they can mold to their liking. If the desire for an easily abused partner to shape isn't there, it might be a paraphilia, but it isn't a predator. What waves a red flag when it is an eighteen-year-old with a fourteen-year old that *looks* like a middleschooler, waves a beige flag when it's a 22-year old with a 26-year old. Same age gap, completely different context. Lots of people on here love to hunt the numbers but speaking from experience, that makes it a lot harder for people in danger to learn what danger looks like, since that's all in the context.

There are so many different tactics that people use... but if they want you to feel that they are the only one you can trust, if they don't like your friends (unless they want your friends too) or are oddly pleased that you don't have friends, if they discourage you from talking about your relationship to people you trust that aren't them, if they pick on you to change your behavior even though they say they love all of you, if they make it really hard to say no to them because their mood changes so fast and you just don't want to have a bad day...

You might be in danger. One of your best defenses is having other friends, and listening to them when they express concern about the relationship. If it's showing up from the outside, it's *not* good, and the likelihood that it's all your friends being jealous of your happiness is much, much lower than the likelihood your friends are genuinely worried about you. You can ask them to help you with an exit plan. It can be dangerous to break up with a predator, but there's strength in numbers. There's also strength in changing anything you gave them access to, like passwords, credit or debit cards, keys to your place of residence, access to your school or work, etc. And please, remember; lying is a morally neutral act. If someone no longer deserves your truth, lying to protect yourself is the right choice.

Thoughts are not predatory, actions can be, numbers do not make a predator, intentionally seeking relationships with a power differential and then acting to re-enforce it does. Abusers can be anyone, and a frequent tactic of abusers that are considered demographically more vulnerable than their partners is to constantly and with an air of theater accuse their partners of being abusive or sexist/racist/another-ist but demanding some kind of repayment or broad change to possibly unrelated behavior rather than having a specific discussion about why the behavior was upsetting and how to avoid it. Someone who is using Deflect, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO), is unlikely to actually want a discussion, and any attempts to have a discussion may be met with further accusations which may become nonsensical.

Anything someone reads about what abuse looks like might be used by an abuser to DARVO, but that's a risk I have to take, because knowledge set me free even as it was being twisted against me.

I hope this helps someone, thank you for reading.

90% of age gaps don’t matter when you’re a grown adult as long as you don’t have a repeated pattern of dating people barely legal. I would date someone 30 years older than me if I liked them who gaf

[trustmypoison]

SVT when you're interested in fwb

Requested? Yes!

Request: ‘Thank you sooooo much for taking requests!! Can you do SVT's reaction when they hear y/n is looking for a fwb?’

TW/CW: suggestive content ahead, not graphic at all but minors use caution

A/N: obligatory ‘I don’t know these people’ warning. None of us do and this is just based on general vibe. I could very well be wrong!!

Zero shame in straight-up offering - Jeonghan, Mingyu, Chan

I think he’d just flat out offer. The ‘no strings attached’ sort of thing would probably work for them more than the others. I think there’s always that chance of feelings becoming involved, but they might do better about keeping the line at just sex. Most often, I don’t see them having hard feelings about you having more than one fwb or cutting things off with him down the line. 

He’s down (for right now anyway) - Seungcheol, Hoshi, Vernon

He’d jump at the opportunity because he’s into you and he goes into it thinking he’ll be satisfied with fwb. And it might go well for a bit! But then it doesn’t when he realizes he’s gotten in kind of deep. He might struggle with keeping it to just sex after this point, but might try to keep it going just because it might be the only way he can have anything with you. 

Would feel conflicted - Jun, Wonwoo, DK, Seungkwan

I get the impression that these guys would prefer to not do the whole fwb thing at all. So whether they would approach you about it or not would really depend on how badly they want something, anything, with you. And if you approach them, they’d really have to think about it. I think they’d already know that their feelings would be tied up in anything else they do with you and it would be a debate on whether that’s worth the hurt it might bring. Unfortunately, this is a wishy-washy category to me. 

It would probably be a ‘no’ - Joshua, Woozi, Minghao

Yeah, they’re not touching that. I think they’d really prefer a relationship, so they aren’t going to approach you about that. And if you approached them, they’d only think about it for a second before politely declining. This rejection might, oddly enough, come with a bit of a confession that they already have strong feelings for you and they can’t mess around like that. It’s up to you beyond that.