#partly because they're driven to also *heal themselves*

[ceterisparibus116]

Do you have a song that makes you think about Matt & Ella?

Okay I have such an embarrassing answer: no, I didn't, until I got this ask and started thinking about it! (Which is weird from me. As you can probably tell from the Ella series, I'm obsessed with songs.)

But thank you for this ask because it made me sit down and think about it, and I found these two!

Look, any song where the singer is pleading with someone else not to face something alone will always get me in the feels. But this song also has a few specific lines that make me think of Matt and Ella, especially:

I know it hurts so bad just trying To please the ones you hate to love

Overall, I think the song is about two people who have been through something similar, but are at different places of healing. The subject of the song is still in the grip of it, and can't see clearly through the pain, and is afraid of being vulnerable again for fear it will hurt again. The singer of the song understands this and isn't telling the other person that they're wrong to feel that way, but is simply urging them to let others walk alongside them through the pain.

The other song that gives me major Matt and Ella feels is:

This song is about the Enneagram Type Eight (which is Ella - and Matt definitely has some Eight elements too). This song is about how the instinctual response to abuse and rejection for many people is to shut yourself off and fear vulnerability, and finding the faith and courage to eventually let others in.

It's had to pick a line that I love most. The whole song is perfect. But here are a few favorite lines:

I want to break these bones 'til they're better I want to break them right and feel alive

Both Matt and Ella have this drive to fight for others and to fix injustice, and that's not an inherently bad thing, but they both have to learn to appreciate their limitations and let others help them.

When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things I see the familiar

Both Matt and Ella are so, so compassionate, not solely due to what they've experienced, but partly due to it. They're deeply attuned to the brokenness in others, and driven by desperate protectiveness.

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart And all I want is to trust you Show me how to lay my sword down For long enough to let you through

Here I am, pry me open What do you want to know? I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough To hold the door shut And bury my innocence But here's a map, here's a shovel Here's my Achilles' heel

I'm all in, palms out I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in

Yeah, I'm basically just quoting the whole song at this point, but gosh, read this. These lines capture the courage and strength it takes to be vulnerable. I also think it captures the fact that the other person has to work at it too. "Show me how to lay my sword down" and "pry me open" are commands that the other person step in and help them figure out how to be vulnerable. "Here's a map, here's a shovel" implies how effort it takes on the other side.

I'ma shake the ground with all my might And I will pull my whole heart up to the surface For the innocent, for the vulnerable And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose

And I'll give all I have, I'll give my blood, give my sweat An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again Invincible like I've never been

AAAAAA.

Okay, I'm calm again.

These lines show how healing isn't satisfied just when a wounded person finds the courage to be vulnerable. Healing comes full circle when the once-wounded person is able to turn around and stand up for others.

For Matt and Ella, they try to skip straight to that last step. They want to protect others before they know how to let themselves be protected by others.

But once they learn to let others in and let others help them, then they have the clarity and support that makes them able to give everything out of a place of healing.

Anon, thank you so much for this ask! I love you!

[not-poignant]

Hope you’re having a great evening and so looking forward to reading the new chapter! I really liked your discussion about characters (and writing advice generally) so thought I’d ask one. I want to write. I keep notes of ideas and read writing advice, but every time I try, it never lasts because I convince myself my writing is bad or ideas are bad and I stop. I know I’m the problem! And I know the solution is to Just Do It! but I find it so hard, was wondering if you had any advice on this?

Hi anon!

Apologies for this being late, I wanted to really think about my response and say something decent. SO HERE’S MY ESSAY.

Sometimes knowing the thing and knowing the solution isn’t actually having any of the steps in between, which is what makes it seem impossible.

Firstly! And this one is the hardest one! And the one that’s probably going to make you groan. But if your thought patterns are harmful enough that they stop you trying new things (like writing) they’re probably serious enough to need some professional support or serious self-attention.

Obviously not everyone can afford therapy, but it might be worth looking at options out there to improve and strengthen your self-esteem. You can try free mindfulness meditation apps like Smiling Mind, or look up techniques for building self-esteem, or affirmations, or therapy (if possible), or whatever it is.

But that’s a foundational building block with a lot of this stuff, and skipping it often means getting stalled out when wanting to have the right headspace for trying new things.

It’s pretty standard to get stuck on your work or to not like it sometimes, just about every writer I’ve met (including myself) has hated their work and wanted to put it all in a fire at some point while downward spiralling / sobbing and/or comfort eating gelato at two in the morning wondering why they bothered to start writing at all. BUT if you’re not liking it every time that’s an issue that just can’t be fixed with a writing exercise or writing technique on its own. Because you both have to write badly to get good (or the ‘the garden needs shit/manure to grow well, and guess what, that’s some of your early writing’ metaphor which is genuinely one of my faves, because it means all your writing is helping no matter what it’s like), and you also need to be able to recognise what’s good about your writing in order to actually...become a writer.

If you hate everything you do, your eye isn’t trained to actually select out the skills that are good - and every writer has strengths, even in the beginning. So yeah, convincing yourself that your writing is bad and ideas are bad every time is sadly not something a writing technique can fix for you. That’s probably a bit deeper, and needs some compassion and patience. You can’t ‘just do’ something if you’re harming yourself with your own mind every time you start. And if that’s the default, that’s the part you need to understand and sort out before you can even access ‘just do it.’

Now, I’m not going to give writing exercises specifically on like say, characterisation or building plot etc., there’s a billion out there, and I’ve written a lot on my blog under the ‘pia on writing’ tag. So my secondly is just a suggestion for an exercise you can try in order to strengthen your self-esteem when it comes to your writing.

HOPEFULLY you haven’t deleted what you’ve written. If you haven’t, pull up some of the things you’ve started, and then get a piece of paper (or the notes section of your phone) and start actually looking at the writing like someone else has written it. Pretend a good friend has written it, or someone you care about, and they’re asking you for advice. You can’t just tell them that you hate it or that it’s terrible, you actually have to look at it and see the strengths and weaknesses in what’s there.

Start basic: Are there complete sentences and paragraphs? Then good, you know your ‘friend’ can structure a story! Is the punctuation and the spelling correct? FANTASTIC. If not, that’s actually easy to fix, and then FANTASTIC. If you’re writing fanfiction, look at how the characters are behaving. Do they feel like the characters to you? Then that’s great! If not, why don’t they? If you don’t know, try and look at the source material again. Keep progressing through different aspects of the writing all the while trying to keep in mind that you’re doing this on behalf of a friend, and they’re not the kind of person you’d blindly hate on for no reason. Sometimes this lateral step is all it takes to start looking at your work through a different lens, and honestly, I think it’s good for many writers to try, like folks that can complete a work but then hate it afterwards. Basically anyone who is like ‘my writing is always bad no matter what.’

After that you may have a longer list of weaknesses rather than strengths, that’s okay! But the fact is, there are strengths. And they can be built upon always. Sometimes that may inspire you to write more, or it may inspire you to write something else, or it may not inspire you at all. That’s all totally fine, the idea is to train your mind to look at your writing more complexly, not in a negative way, but in a balanced way. You’re already being negative towards it, so you’re basically training your brain to look for the strengths. Incidentally, this will make you a better reader and a better writer, because you’ll quickly realise the strengths of other writers, and realise what you want to be including in your own writing. As an editor and a beta, I always point out strengths alongside weaknesses, because you know, strengths are the things you want more of!

In the meantime, I would also suggest exploring poetry, drabble writing and super short-form writing (500 words or less) so you can practice completing things and then putting them away, even if it’s not the format that you ideally want to be writing. (Think of it as a stepping stone to where you want to get, if that’s not the goal). The idea is to just build up the sense that you can complete projects, so that when you’re like ‘I always stop and I never complete anything’ there is actually a folder or collection of short stories or poems and little scenes that exist to show you that you know, you do write. (I mean you do now, but having completed things does help a little).

And the fact is, that you’ve started at all is a big deal! A lot of people just think about writing and never put down a single word (and even that’s okay, that’s just earlier in the process of learning how to become a writer). It sounds like you do start, and even if you talk yourself out of it, imho, I still think it matters that you’ve started things and come up with ideas! Knowing you’re the problem means you can own that you’re also the solution as well. And I believe you can do it, maybe not right this instant, because it sounds like you’re dealing with a brain that doesn’t often want you to feel very good! But you have a good attitude, and it sounds like you still push yourself forwards anyway, so maybe it’s just time to take some of that energy and learn how to push forwards in areas of self-esteem, to support your writing and like...your brain and your self.

I wish you luck, anon. It’s really hard, writing and art and all the creative pursuits are really good at exposing our self-esteem and self-hatred issues. Like, too good. Like catch me a couple of weeks ago wondering if I should delete everything I’ve ever written while eating Choc Chip Cookie Dough gelato from Gelare while calling everything ‘OH GOD IT’S THE WORST’ etc. You’re not alone. And many of us have started where you are, and had to learn how to deal with our own brain weasels.

You’re in good company, I promise. Plus, there’s always enough gelato to share when it gets hard. <3

HAHA WOW THIS GOT LONG I AM SO SORRY

[starlightshore]

Frisk being really young adds, I feel, something extra to think about with like every fight. The thing my mind is dwelling on right now is the fact that Toriel was ready to fight someone that small to try and protect them. Driven so far into her own fears and expectations she risked mortally wounding a small child (which can happen in game). I believe that Her returning to the first screen of the game was at least in some small part motivated by feeling shame over that.

i think that's missing a lot of context. i really hate the narrative people spin that monsters are beating up a small child lmao. i mean, if you want to read the game that way, that's fine! if it adds new meaning and depth to her character then more power to you. i just... really don't think that's intent of the narrative toby wrote, and that's really against how i personally read it.

monsters are made of magic, they eat magic, they sing with magic, they make art out of magic etc. it's their everything. Monsters Fights are as natural to them as breathing, it is not a "attack and kill" kind of thing. It can be, but most monsters don't even realize you're a human. toriel is not trying to kill you, she's trying to convince you stay.

monsters just... talk with magic.

* But they will never know the joy of expressing themselves through magic. * They'll never get a bullet-pattern birthday card...

the fireplace's magic fire does not burn

* The fire isn't burning hot... * Just pleasantly warm. * You could put your hand inside.

So i doubt toriel's fire magic is literally burning Frisk. is it dealing damage? yeah. does she intend to kill? hell no. she instinctively doesn't aim for you once you're low on hp, you have to TRY to get killed.

fighting frisk for toriel is like picking up a brush and painting out her frustrations, just.. in a more direct way. (....i guess the closest human equivalent would be... an epic rap battle alskdfa. sadly that IS a good comparison, as you can "get hurt" in a rap battle by it being your feelings)

what make humans strong is their meat-physical bodies while monsters are weak and magical, they take harm in intent. stands to reason their bullets also reflect this aspect, that they're emotional based. yes, frisk is hurt, but toriel is attacking their soul -a very magical thing that's likely more "weak" to intent.

i imagine fighting and "violence" (as magical as it is) is seen as a WAY less deal, partly because 1) they're cartoons and do slapstick at times, its an RPG with silly RPG logic 2) they're really not trying to kill you. Shyren singing to you is not to kill. she quickly becomes your friend and you can still get hurt by the bullets. 3) you can get healed instantly and without much effort. that and how attacks are so emotion based, as long as you don't want to actually hurt someone you're very unlikely to harm a monster in battle the same way.

it's just humans are very strong but have significantly lower HP. (both Frisk and Kris have 20 hp in light-world, most monsters in UT have at least 50 hp etc.) i'd imagine normally, monster attacks wouldn't do much damage or at least its so insignificant to their HP that getting healed right after is seen as literally no big deal