#part two is posted so i'm allowing myself a shitpost

[vynegar]

vyn loves fighting fire with fire. it's actually very important for his enrichment

[fierycavalier]

25 Questions

Tagged by the bestie @what-breaks-my-heart

1. Why did you choose your url?

My url describes me! I came up with it while watching Whiskey Cavalier, a short-lived show from 2019 that I very much enjoyed.

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

Yes. I have one that's for more personal posts, although I go through phases using it. There's a 2nd one that I don't really use.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

I remember my first post was about how I'd just been accepted to my university, so it was spring of 2010. I remade my blog in 2015, though.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Nope!

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I'd used another blogging site but didn't like the format, so I switched to tumblr. It was purely personal posts to start, I didn't really join any fandoms until 2011 (thanks @magnetocerebro !)

6. Why did you choose your avatar?

It was the last time I took a selfie that I liked without caveat.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Ace's expression and the quote really vibed with my ongoing wrestle with grief and nostalgia.

8. What's your post with the most notes?

This one of my cats! I blazed it because my boys are cuties.

You can check yours here.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

42, the Answer to the Ultimate Question, so a pretty great number if I do say so myself

10. How many followers do you have?

263.

11. How many blogs do you follow?

205.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

not... intentionally? the best shitposts are sincere imo

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

regularly. just assume that i'm here lol

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Another blog (and its friends) got mad at me but I blocked them all (10/10 recommend)

15. How do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

It's a great way to ruin a perfectly good post. As a rule, I won't reblog.

16. Do you like tag games?

I do! But they're a pain to do on the app, so I save them as drafts to do on desktop, and then forget to to do them :(

17. Do you like ask games?

Yes! Except the part where I can't remember anything about myself as soon as someone asks

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

All my mutuals are famous in my heart.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

If you allow for a wide interpretation of crush, then yes

20. What is the last song you listened to?

Down Bad by Ms. Swift

21. What are you currently watching?

I just finished episode 5.8 of Elementary!

22. Sweet/savory/spicy?

Savory first, then sweet to finish.

23. What is your current relationship status?

Super married.

24. What is your current obsession?

dramione fan fic & art <3

25. What are nine albums/songs you've been listening to lately?

TTPD (the anthology) - Taylor Swift Clancy - Twenty One Pilots Eastern Montana - George Winston GUTS - Olivia Rodrigo TIM - Avicii Found Heaven - Conan Gray five seconds flat - Lizzie McAlpine Infinity On High - Fall Out Boy Tourist History - Two Door Cinema Club

tag you're it @florida3exclamationpoints @magnetocerebro @holliano @thankyouforyourcooperation @themarydragon @oceanodedoces @constantvigilante @goyurim

[rantbunyey]

Hello, been over 8 years.

I know the landscape of Tumblr has changed wildly, and yet I find myself here again. I've tried my hand at other blogs, but there's still something familiar and comfortable here. While this place might not be the best for blogging nowadays, well... who is going to care or even see?

I originally made this blog page because it was my place to rant. Away from my other page where I reposted memes and shitposted. So, I'm back for some more of that. I did draft out another post talking about the difficulties that I've had over the past decade. Things have been up and down, and down again, but that's nothing I haven't talked about before. Still working on myself and surprisingly still finding myself growing and changing in certain ways, even if things around me don't change so much. So I thought... why not take a different approach today, and talk about something that's been on my mind that actually makes me happy. Allow me to talk about her.

Who is her? Who is she?

She is someone who I've known for probably 4 years now, but still makes my heart flutter when I hear her voice. I've had a few relationships here and there over the years. Nothing that got very far in progression, but I've dated. Still, what is it about her that warrants its own happy post? Well, she's not exactly someone I'm in a romantic relationship with. I suppose you can just say that she's someone that I have a massive crush on.

She is a friend. I've always been a bit hesitant to talk about it, because I'm afraid of putting my feelings into words sometimes. She's someone who I've become friends with over the past few years. For the past 2 years or so, we've exchanged at least one message nearly every day, even if it's just a meme or two. Still, she's been one of the constants in my life as of late, and that's due to no small effort on my part. Regardless of the circumstances, she is a friend that I chose. Not a friend that I just happened to sit near in class, not someone I happen to be near due to work or commute... she's someone I chose to get to know.

She is someone that I've had feelings for well over a year now. Last year I drew a Valentine's day card, and this year I gave her chocolates. Perhaps I'm overstepping since we're not in a relationship, but sometimes I wonder if I didn't convey my feelings well, short of just spilling my guts and word vomiting like I've done in the past. I worry about these things. Given the circumstances of our friendship, I have to question whether it's okay for me to feel this way. Given our dynamic, is it okay to feel this way? Even if it's fine for me to have these feelings, is it okay for me to tell her how I feel? I think that my behavior over the past few years have indicated that I'm interested... like... there's no way that she doesn't know, right? And yet, I'm afraid to ask. The thing is...

She doesn't live near me. This is a long distance friendship. Between work schedules and different time zones, I've made an effort to talk to her as much as I can, but it's still tough sometimes. We've... never actually met in person yet. It's... a little embarrassing to admit honestly, but spending time talking to her is one of the things I look forward to most every day. It's one of the things that when I'm down about life, about myself, hearing her voice can always bring a smile to my face. So we've never met face to face, but we will soon.

She recently sent me a gift pack and a letter as a surprise, and my dumb ass was grinning ear to ear as I grabbed the package from the mailroom. I almost tripped over a dozen things trying to get into my apartment to open it. The letter was just a friendly letter of appreciation, but like I mentioned earlier... feeling seen is one of the things that I wanted most. So yes, I was still smiling like an idiot reading every word slowly. A faint scent of her perfume on the letter - my heart was beating out of my fucking chest and I had to reread each sentence 2-3 times before I could make any sense of it through the deafening sound of my heartbeat. Am I the dumb one here? Does this mean anything? I know there's a lot of uncertainty. One thing that I'm sure of in this moment is how much I care about this person, and how much I want to be there for this person, and have fun times and memories together. But... one thing at a time. I'm going to see her soon.

All I know is that right now, I'm looking forward to seeing a good friend that happen to have admired for a while now. I'm excited, but also so so nervous and anxious.

So, who is she? Someone who is very important to me.

And to end on a gushy note...

Say you want me with you here, beside you Anywhere you go, let me go too That's all I ask of you

I'm out.

[sleeping-satan]

I wasn't sure if I wanted to give an update on your addition or do it separately. I decided to add it to yours because there were at least two people who also gave good responses to it after your comment.

I wrote this as a college undergrad, and judging by the date it was around when I was realizing that I had more passion in one of my interests than another while knowing that it can only flip again because that's how it usually is.

Luckily, I knew that this was an issue and went for a psych degree since it's versatile and can be used in many different occupations. The issue is that my main goal is to be able to do research and have that be part of my career. That hobby hasn't changed in over a decade, but the subjects jump around a lot. My goal is in something that requires specialization to the point of a PhD.

I'm currently a grad student in sociology which covers a lot more ground to me about where my interests are and allows for more change between specialized topics.

All that out of the way, this was from a pretty middle-class and privileged point of view, but also came from the fact that I need a steady job to continue my basic right to function (healthcare). I also know with the changing economy a lot of people won't be stuck with one career (I mean, hell, my mom went from travel to reality to assisted living).

I know the capitalist system of everyone needs to fit into a box to be productive is absolute bullshit. I've shifted a lot more towards disability studies since I made this. I've also been trying to work on my internalized ableism with myself, but adhd has been one of the toughest because my childhood self-esteem was decimated by caregivers being frustrated about my symptoms. There's definitely progress, but it's slow.

I really appreciate the responses this post has been getting, so thank you! I just wanted to give a little update for the shitpost.

You've been diagnosed with jack of all trades disorder! Good luck finding a career you're supposed to hold for the rest of your life!