#para: drowning lessons

[xas24]

hi hi hiii

can i request one that’s like the pedri one but with gavi? the 5 love languages one?

have a nice day/night, love your work so much, i always get excited whenever you post 😭 thank you 🙏🏽💓🤝

love languages ~ pablo gavi

summary: the 5 different love languages with gavi.

words of affirmation

“fue tan mierda, y/n. ¿cómo nos las arreglamos para perder tan mal?” pablo exclaimed, shaking his head in disappointment and slouching further into the couch. (it was so shit y/n. how did we manage to lose that badly?)

y/n sighed to herself. her hand came up to grasp his bicep that started to tense as he tightly folded his arms over his chest. she understood how disappointed and frustrated he might feel, knowing the horrid loss he and his team just faced in a home game, more than an hour ago.

y/n’s heart clenched the more she watched his hurt expression. his eyes were glued to the tv where he was watching one of their older matches, but she knew his mind was on the one he just played.

“pablo..” she said softly, not wanting to anger him any further. “i understand the game didn’t go the way you wanted it to, but please don’t get so worked up over it.” she tried to reason as her thumb started rubbing smooth circles on his arm.

he didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at her. however, he didn’t move his arm from her touch, so she took that as an opportunity to carry on.

“look at me.” he didn’t turn, only huffed to himself, eyes wavering over the screen.

y/n lowly sighed and moved her hand to cup his cheek. she gently turned his head and when his brown, doe eyes met hers, she instantly gave him a little smile. pablo could feel his heart warming at her delicate touch, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up to her and kiss her warm skin but he was too stubborn and frustrated to do any of that right now.

“you can’t win everytime, mi amor. i love the passion you hold for your club and i understand you want to win every game, but not everything can go your way. hardships will always come along the way and that’s just how it is. we have to deal with it and work on how to make the next one better rather than sulk about the present.” she watched as his eyes started to soften and she knew he was on board with what she was saying.

y/n pressed a tiny kiss to his nose and cheek before pushing her body into his for a hug. pablo let her, his own heart giving into her endless affection and support.

“you’re the strongest, most hard working person i know, querido. don’t let a little problem along the way pull you down. you have to take it as a lesson and focus on how to improve.” she pressed a kiss to his warm cheek.

pablo could feel his own mind slowly coming at ease. her words filled his head and the motivation that sprung in his chest only inflated his love for her more. he loved how encouraging she always was to him, always looking out for him, always pushing him forward, always wanting him to do better instead of simply sympathising with him.

“thank you..” he mumbled into her neck, loving the whispered sweet nothings she was breathing out onto his cheek.

“no need to thank me, cariño, you know i’ll always understand you. it’s my job as your girlfriend to push you to do better and support you along the way.”

he hummed lovingly and kissed her neck. “and you’re doing a great job at it. te quiero mucho.”

acts of service

y/n underestimated how hectic her first year at university would be. having her classes all over the place and not in one set period really didn’t help, and it meant that she was out and about for majority of the day, knowing there’s no point coming home just for an hour before having to travel back to uni everyday.

it was about 6pm when y/n got home today. her legs and feet ached from all the travelling, her shoulder burned with the weight of her bag and all she wanted was to take a nice bath and drown in the love and warmth that was her boyfriend.

pablo had gotten back a few hours earlier, already having eaten and showered, he was lounging on the couch with his phone. when he heard the front door open, he instantly knew who was back and a smile landed on his lips.

pablo sprung up, wanting to greet his girlfriend after not seeing her for quite a few hours. when his eyes landed on her, a frown immediately settled on his lips. she looked so tired and worn out and he watched as her hands struggled to move her hair out of her face in frustration, shrugging her jacket off too.

“hola, pablo.” she greeted him with a tired smile and after hanging her jacket up, she padded forward a few steps to give him a kiss on the lips. pablos hand cupped her cheek softly, pecking her lips a few times before leaning back and looking her exhausted expression over.

“hola, how was your day?” he mumbled to her sweetly, kissing her lips once again.

“mmh, tiring. i just want to sleep.” her eyes were already practically dropping shut.

pablo frowned, thumb stroking her cold cheek. he dragged his hand down her side and captured hers between his fingers. “come, i’ll run you a bath.” he tugged her forward gently, and y/n sauntered behind him, letting his hand keep her up and guide her towards the bathroom.

she sat on the toilet, watching patiently as pablo filled the tub with warm water and even placed some of her favourite bath salts into it. once he was done, he made his way over to his girlfriend slouching back, stretching the muscles in her neck and he gently grabbed her by the shoulders to sit her up.

his fingers grabbed the hem of her shirt and tugged it all the way up. he lifted her arms, dragging the material up and over her head. after dropping the shirt on the floor, pablos fingers made their way to her back to unclasp her bra, and soon all of her clothes had joined the pile on the floor.

his skin was hot against her cold one as he held her up, helping her into the tub of hot water. the heavy sigh that left her lips relieved some of pablos worry. he couldn’t bare to see her so tired and stressed, instantly wanting to do anything he could to relieve her of this tension.

her muscles started to loosen up, slowly starting to drain her of any pressure. y/n gave pablo a small smile, letting her hand wander to his cheek to stroke his skin. she gave him a kiss, mumbling a ‘thank you’ into his skin.

pablo smiled, hands coming up to her shoulders to soothe some of the ache. it was silent in the bathroom, and y/n let pablo tend to her body, loving the little kisses he pressed here and there, loving the way his hands worked wonders on her back all the way up to her scalp.

he started washing her hair and she couldn’t feel anymore grateful than she did in that moment. he gently rinsed the conditioner out, he ever so carefully wrapped her hair and body in a towel, laying kisses to her after every second of movement. he whispered little words against her skin, mumbled how much he loves her into her ear whilst drying her body.

he dressed her, kissed her, combed her hair, kissed her, lead her to bed, kissed her, cuddled her body into his and laid one final kiss onto her forehead before she was dozing off in his arms, heart content and ever so thankful for everything her boyfriend does for her.

quality time

it was around 3am when pablo was abruptly woken up from y/n’s incessant tossing and turning. frustrated yet worried, he gently shook her awake and watched as she groggily opened her eyes. it was still quite dark in the room but he could just about make out her face and he noticed her confused expression.

“estás bien, amor? te sientes incómodo?” (are you okay, love? are you uncomfortable?) his voice was extremely raspy.

y/n rubbed her eyes and looked up at him with a sigh. “estoy bien. siento haberte despertado.” (im okay, sorry i woke you up.) she groaned as she dropped her head back onto her pillow and uncomfortably rubbed her forehead.

pablo noticed the action and, out of consciousness, instantly laid his hand against her forehead to feel for any sort of temperature. his eyes slightly widened when he felt that she was burning up.

“you’re really hot, querida.” he stated, worried.

“sí, gracias.” she weakly chuckled and pablo shook his head, dragging his hand down to feel her warm cheek.

“you might be sick.”

she shook her head at his statement but he didn’t reply. pablo took the covers off of his body, determined to find something that would make her feel better, and was about to get up before y/n grabbed onto his hand and tugged him back.

“adónde vas?” she whined. (where are you going?)

“going to get you some water and medicine.”

“no! no, i’m fine, pablo, please. just lay with me.”

“your forehead is burning up, amor.”

“no, i don’t feel sick. i’m just really warm. don’t go.” she pleaded, tugging his hand towards her. the boy sighed and agreed, not being able to say no to her pretty, pleading eyes, getting back in bed and pulling the covers up.

he tugged her close towards his cool body. his arm circled her, bringing her close, lips kissing the crown of her head as they both slowly fell back into a sleepy abyss.

it turned out y/n actually was sick, and pablo, despite feeling worried about her, just had to mention that he told her so, to which y/n just chuckled and shook her head.

she had woken up this morning, sweaty and uncomfortable from a bad night of tossing and turning. it was then she wished she actually had taken the medication that pablo was offering late last night but, stubborn as she was, refused because she didn’t want him to leave the comfort of their bed.

currently, the two sat in their living room, with some show playing on the tv that y/n could barely focus on. her head was throbbing and she felt like she could throw her guts up any minute; it’d been like that ever since she woke up.

pablo had his arm resting on the back of the couch, hand softly stroking her shoulder as she cuddled up into his neck. the warm tea that pablo made for her sat abandoned on the table after a few sips. she didn’t feel like having it.

after having barely any breakfast and medicine, the fatigue that crawled up her spine was chilling. she felt like absolute shit. a low groan left her lips when she felt another sharp pain in the side of her head.

“you okay, amor?” pablo mumbled, looking down at her. y/n gave him a little nod and rubbed her temples in agony.

pablo, sensing her frustration, lifted his hand to her hair and started massaging her scalp. when she sighed out in relaxation, he gave a little smile of success and carried on after leaving a kiss on her forehead.

“that feels so good..”

“you would’ve been feeling better by now if you’d just let me take care of you.” he spoke against her skin and y/n felt the goosebumps arising on her arms.

“i didn’t want you to get sick.”

“so you banished me to training?”

she laughed and pablo smiled, “i didn’t banish you! you had to go training anyway, amor.”

“sí, but i’d rather be home, taking care of my sick girlfriend.” she hummed in satisfaction and lifted up weakly to leave a peck on his cheek.

“and i’m so grateful that you are here now.” she mumbled, loving the idea of just spending some much needed time with him, even if she was sick to do anything.

gift giving

long distance was harder than some people said it would be. with pablo being in barcelona and y/n living in her hometown, it was extremely hard to run a relationship with how different the time zones were, their different day to day activities and only running the relationship on facetime calls and messages everyday.

however, today was pablos birthday and his sister, aurora, had texted y/n spontaneously a few days before. she mentioned how much they all missed y/n, especially pablo, and it would make him the happiest person on the planet if she was there for his birthday.

y/n agreed, after some alterations to the next full week of her scedhule. aurora and her family flew y/n out to barcelona for the week and they all couldn’t be anymore excited for her to be coming, aurora specifically, who thought of y/n as a younger sister.

that was all about a few days ago, and now y/n stood behind the door to the living room where pablo, his family and friends were huddled together. aurora thought that y/n should be the one to bring the cake out, also counting it as pablos big surprise, and she couldn’t wait to film the whole interaction.

the door slightly opened to reveal one of pablos friends, alejandro, peeking his head in.

“¿lista, hermana?” (ready?)

y/n gave a little nod, her right hand quickly lighting the two candles on the cake. she placed the lighter back down and allowed alejandro to open the door a little wider for her to walk through.

her heart was practically beating in her ears and she tried not to drop the tray with how much her hands were starting to sweat. his family and friends started singing happy birthday but all y/n could focus on was pablo.

he sat on the chair at the table, looking more handsome than she last saw him, clad in a black t shirt, which she noticed she hadn’t seen him wear before. when his eyes landed on her, they widened and his jaw slightly dropped.

y/n gave him the biggest smile ever, eyes never leaving his as she walked over to him with the cake, the sound of clapping and happy birthday’s being heard all around her but all she saw and heard and yearned for in this moment was him.

she finally crossed the short distance to her boyfriend and placed the cake down infront of him. as soon as it was out of her hands, pablo was up and hugging her. his arms tugged her towards him and he was hugging and swaying and sighing into her shoulder.

y/n tightened her arms around his neck and took in the feel of him against her, the smell of his familiar perfume, the softness of his hair in her hands, the strength of his arms around her waist.

she slightly pulled back to press a few kisses to his cheek, not wanting to kiss him freely infront of all his friends and family out of respect. her eyes connected with his once more and she noticed the little tears in his eyes.

“dios mío, ¿esto es real?” (oh god, is this real?) he choked out with a chuckle and y/n started laughing along with his family. she reached up to quickly wipe his eyes before nodding.

“sí es real, cariño.” (yes it’s real, sweetheart.) pablo chuckled and swallowed past the lump in his throat.

“blow out your candles, hermanito.” aurora called out, joining the chuckes that were being thrown around. y/n noticed she was still holding her phone up and she snickered at how she was capturing every single second of this. she made a mental note to ask for the video later on.

pablo sat back down but his hand never left y/n’s. she stood next to him, watching him blow out the candles. she would’ve joined in on the clapping like the rest of the family but her hand was trapped in his grip.

it’d been so long since he’d seen her up close, held her, took in her scent, felt her warm skin against his own and he refused to let her go in any way.

after taking lots of pictures and eating some of the cake, pablo sat with his arm around y/n on the couch. his friends left, after promising they would all go out for dinner later on, and his family were somewhere around the house.

pablo was still practically in a state of shock as he stared at his girl sat in his arms.

“i still cant believe this.” he voiced, brown eyes taking in every inch of every single feature on her face, wanting to memorise her as if she would slip away from his fingers again.

“you have aurora to thank, querido. she helped me come here.” she said sweetly, but her voice died in her throat the moment his lips attached to her jaw.

he hummed and made his way down, pecking against her smooth skin. “vale, remind me to thank her later.”

“pablo, tu familia sigue aquí. ten paciencia.” (your family is still here. be patient.) she reasoned and pablo detached his lips from hers and sighed deeply, wanting nothing more than just an hour, atleast, alone with her.

he decided to lay his head on her shoulder instead and y/n smiled. her hand came up to stroke his cheek lovingly, lips kissing the crown of his head.

“¿cuánto tiempo vas a estar aquí?” (how long are you here for?)

“una semana.” (a week.)

“¿eso es todo?” (that’s it?!) he exclaimed, looking up at her.

“that’s all i can stay for, bebé. but i promise to try and stay longer next time.” pablo sighed and returned his head to her shoulder, loving the way her fingers felt in his hair.

“we’ll make this the best week ever then.” he stated, already getting excited to spend every second of this week with the beautiful girl next to him.

physical touch

pablo walked into his girlfriends apartment after a long day of training, interviews and shooting for the new kit. his muscles ached strongly, his social battery had practically drained to the last percent and all he wanted was to be in his girlfriends warm and familiar arms.

he took his spare key out and unlocked the door, immediately being met with silence in the small corridor. pablo could already feel himself starting to relax. just the feel of even being in her apartment, her space, relaxed him and he was excited to finally see her gorgeous face after a whole day of busy activities.

he took his jacket off along with his shoes, placed his keys on one of her key holders and made his way to find his girl. he could hear the tv faintly playing in the back so he walked over to the living room.

he saw her sitting on the couch, watching a movie, looking so comfortable and warm wrapped up in a blanket and one of pablos hoodies. when she heard footsteps walk into the room, she flinched as she looked worriedly at the entrance.

“dios mío, pablo, you scared me.” she chuckled out a breath when her eyes laid on her tired looking boyfriend. he gave her a little weak smile, padding his way over to her.

he dropped down on the couch, lifting the blanket and getting under it with her. y/n welcomed him with open arms, allowing him to lay his head on her chest.

he pushed her back a bit, arms circling her waist as he cuddled up to her. the warmth engulfed him and pablo instantly felt at ease. he could physically feel his tense muscles relaxing, hearbeat slowing down to match y/n’s.

“cómo estás?” (how are you?) she whispered.

“cansado.” (tired)

“busy day?”

he nodded against her chest, arms tightening around her frame and lips coming together in a frown as he could feel himself gradually slipping into sleep.

she had a smile on her face, loving the sudden clinginess that randomly spurted from him, loving the way he always wanted to cuddle up to her after a long, hefty day.

pablo let her plant her hand in his hair. his eyes started drooping immediately in satisfaction when her fingers started to run through his freshly washed strands, soothing the tiny headache he had.

in no time, he was asleep in her arms, encased by her warmth and her love and her sweet scent.

[maryannecrimsworth]

Well... Wednesday can see him at a game that Nevermore is invited to cheer, and as she is fascinated by the violent game and even more in the quarterback, when the game is over she goes with Enid, Ajax and Eugene in the Weathervane and finds him without the helmet celebrating with his friends. Wednesday then begins to develop an obsession with the boy after following the sport and him in Jericho, she discovers that the boy is very popular in the city for being the son of the owner of the city bank and being a skilled quarterback, after starting to approach of him, Wednesday quickly considers his parasitic friends who don't deserve his time and call him to stupid parties and starts to get involved in everything he does (swimming, boxing with his father, cooking lessons...), except at school and at his home where Wednesday has access to cameras. He was already realizing that his friends didn't like Addams, but he didn't think it was that much, he changes his mind when he and his father travel to meet with a professional scout who wanted to meet him and didn't talk about it with Wednesday for be very sudden, and on his return on a rainy day the girl freaks out at him saying he was hers. The boy ends the friendship and leaves her talking to herself, little did he know that Wednesday wasn't kidding and continues to invade his life more aggressively, and makes a plan with Lurch and Thing to kidnap the player, taking him away from his friends and keeping him At Addams Mansion, Wednesday leaves all of Normie's technology in his house, just takes out his hidden cameras and bugs. Morticia, Gomez, Pugsley and Grandma are ecstatic about a new member of the family.

Não consegui mandar no privado, mas tá aí. Esqueci de traduzir tudo para português depois que você falou em português 😅

Seu desejo é uma ordem!

Part 2 / Part 3

Pairing: Yandere! Wednesday x Male football player! Reader

Request from @carlosgrimhildedevil101: if you're taking requests, I'd like you to make a Yandere! Wednesday Addams x male reader normie favorite football player in Jerico who is easily sociable but not naive and dumb.

Warnings: possessive behavior; toxic relationship; a bit of violence

You're an Addams

The band in your mouth was wet and frigid. The air you were trying so hard to breathe was thick, stinky, putrid. It was dark, cold, and your body trembled because of the terror ingrained in your spirit. The dread and chill that you knew only one person could cause. Only Addams.

"Welcome to the family, mi hijo," a deep voice disturbed your ears.

You tried to move, and the sound of swinging chains created a petulant chuckle among the room. 

You were trapped. Hungry. Wounded. The pain intensified as you tried to speak, and your tears fell to the cut on your face.

"How desperate." A melodious voice mumbled in the dark.

"Don't worry, Mother." Wednesday. "He'll surprise you."

You had no idea which had been the beginning of this.

X

You threw yourself into the throng of players in the center of the field. The screams of the players were drowned out by the booing of the fans, and countless pairs of elbows and fists hit your body as you made your way to the center of the crowd.

"Hey, hey!" you shouted, grabbing the first player in the yellow uniform you saw — your colleague was about to punch the defender of the rival team. "Are you crazy?" you pushed him away, pulling the yellow and purple teams, about to fight, apart with one rough motion. 

It was hard to force the running-back back to his side of the field: the boy was about to punch the opposing defender, and it wasn't the first time this had happened.

Even when the team was winning, someone always lost their head, and it was your job — the captain and quarterback — to prevent some player from going home with a black eye or a broken wrist.

Over time, you got good at it, and it only took a few words for the bickering boys to back off: "Weathervane, 5 minutes, on me." 

The game was already won — a few more defences and your team would already be celebrating. All it needed was five more minutes, and it would be over.

And in a blink of an eye, it was.

X

"Tell me again why they are fighting." Wednesday asked Enid, sitting next to her in the stands.

"The running back thinks it was a foul." Enid had to shout louder than the crowd to explain. "And the other team disagrees."

"Gracious." 

Wednesday's eyes glazed over with the premonition of a brawl in center field: after nearly an hour of watching the ball fly through the air as the young men bickered on the ground, one punch to start a riot between the teams would be the perfect ending to the match. 

The raucous commotion was already making its presence felt on the field when the audience began to boo — they should have been cheering, smiling just as Wednesday was, but, as usual, they didn't know how to appreciate what was appropriate. 

Until you came along.

Wednesday had noticed you before: the tall figure who set up the game like a maestro, throwing the ball and creating the plays that would lead your team to victory. The guide of the game, the strategist — the leader. 

It was clear from the way you moved that your actions were not as trivial as the others, but when, in a single thrust, you dismantled the mess in the center of the field, Wednesday understood. 

She understood why the crowd called out your name so loudly. 

She understood why you turned your head only to your players, and she understood why the muscles in your arm moved so clearly and distinctly from all the others. You were a ruler — and although you broke up the fight, she could see in your body how much you wanted to fight too.

Wednesday had to find out who was number "3" — who was you.

"That was...intense." Eugene stammered after opening the door of the cafeteria. "Nothing like what I expected."

"Total, dude." Ajax added, as dumbfounded as the other boy. "I didn't know bodies can bend like that!"

"I still can't believe you guys have never watched football before." Enid complained again. "And that wasn't even one of the great matches! Jericho has faced opponents far more challenging than this one."

Wednesday followed along behind them: her steady steps and silent figure scanning her surroundings while the rest of the group searched for a table at the Weathervane.  

The coffee shop was crowded: everyone went there to celebrate, including you. 

Addams noticed that the same arm that agilely distributed balls minutes ago was now raising a hot mug in a toast: the same features, the same mark left by the bracelet, the same muscles that now contracted much more softly. 

It was you, the number three.

"Wednesday?" Enid's voice didn't make her move her eyes from you. "Are you coming?" 

You moved away from the big group with difficulty: there were hands pulling you every which way, both female and male, but you made your way to the counter.

"No." she grunted to Enid and followed your steps.

"Please, ma'am, don't you dare." You smiled at a woman who surrounded you around the balcony. Leaning your body over to the attendant, you used your muscular figure to create a barrier between the staffer and the elder woman, with Wednesday standing slightly behind her. "Today is on me, the team deserves it."

"It's so noble that you're already working at such a young age, dear, but please." The woman insisted. "You saved my son from trouble again, let me pay."

"No, ma'am." Your smile was gentle, but your gaze was firm. "They are my friends, my team, I'll pay."

"But..." The lady looked away, her eyes full of concern reaching for her son. "He—"

"I'll keep an eye on him, don't worry." The staffer handed you back your card and you put your wallet away in your pocket. "Please go home, we'll be just fine." 

The woman raised her hand to caress your face.

"You're too good to be true, Y/N." And she finally stepped away from the counter, leaving you alone with Wednesday, further away, and the bartender, who was leaning toward you. He whispered something in your ear.

"Sure, sure." You replied, the gentle smile never leaving your lips. "Just give me a call." The barista, in fact, was a classmate: a classmate who needed help. And you were about to assure him that you would help him when a dark figure appeared in the corner of your eyes.

You finally turned to Wednesday, recognizing her presence;

"Hi." You smiled at her. "Can I help you?"

She turned her face to the barista immediately. "A quad." 

The worker walked away and you two were left alone.

"Interesting choice." You commented before sipping your own mug, the girl's intense eyes returning to you.  "I thought I was the only one who drank this around here."

"Few can take the bitterness."

"In general, few appreciate what should really be appreciated, don't they?" You raised an eyebrow in a mischievous expression.

"Always a philosopher, eh, Cap?" A boy pushed you against the balcony, breaking the gaze between you and Wednesday. "So deep and so dark!" He grabbed your arm and turned his face to the outcast in front of you. "Oh." He grunted. "The freak."

Wednesday remembered the boy: she had beaten him up in this very coffee shop, in Pilgrim World, and it was said that he was one of the boys who ruined the Rave’N dance with red paint. A brute, uncreative, and impulsive being. 

He could not be your friend.

"Stay away from her." He whispered before pulling you along. "Let's go."

"I'm coming later." you shifted and dodged until the boy steeped back. He cursed out loud while walking away from you and Wednesday.

Even with the smile still on your lips, there was a vein that surged in your neck: the invisible displeasure on your face. But it wasn’t invisible  for Wednesday: she saw how your eyes had changed after the boy had come closer — and how they sparkled again now that he was gone.  

In a silence that was visibly uncomfortable for you, but not for her, you scanned the cafeteria tables until you found the group accompanying her. 

It wasn't hard to recognize the outcasts, even without the Nevermore’s uniform.

Your eyes fell back to her as soon as her pale hands reached up to hold the cup lying on the counter beside you.

Before she could turn around, you asked:

"May I sit with you?"

She gave you a single nod.

X

It was an unusual friendship, your and Wednesday's. Unexpected — to others. 

To you, in fact, it was almost natural: Wednesday was an independent, quirky, brave being. You could talk to her about anything — literally anything — and she was a pleasant relief amidst all the high school drama. Homecoming king, team captain or not, the rumors and whispers that run through the high school hallways wear you down. You can deal with them, of course, but it was boring. Tedious. 

And, honestly, nothing was ever tedious in Nevermore: you found that out as soon as you sat next to Enid Sinclair and Ajax Petropolus. A female werewolf and a male type of Medusa who were also dating. They were flattered by your look of surprise and interest: all your questions were answered with great enthusiasm.

And there was Eugene. 

God, how you loved Eugene — a young beekeeper who could actually control his bees. How could anyone dare to raise a hand to him? You needed to talk to your teammates again.

And there was Wednesday. You weren't quite sure what she was — but she was very intelligent. You came away with five book and article recommendations every time you talked to her. It was fun, no matter what your colleagues from Jericho said.

They harassed, bullied and humiliated the students of Nevermore, the only difference was that Wednesday had stood up for herself. And she stood up for her friends.

Why were they so paranoid over her?

Well, it didn't matter. 

You kept meeting her.

You just didn't expect that she would be seeing you in an absolutely different way: you didn't know about the hand that snuck into your room every night, or the hidden cameras in every room of your house. Nor of the wire in your phone, or the shadow that accompanied you every time you left school with someone.

It was strange the accidents that started happening to your friends, but you blamed the slippery way back home. A grazed knee, a twisted ankle, a black eye — all could be caused by falling on the sidewalk. They were not caused by it, but you thought they were. 

After all, you had always slipped when reaching the first step of your driveway, and today was no different. You held on to the pillar, lifted your body to the door, and walked in with your shoes as damp as ever.

The grease that had accumulated on your hands and clothes only made your way to the bedroom more difficult: after spending the afternoon cooking, dirt had gotten under your fingernails, and the smell of a dirty kitchen had incorporated your clothes. 

You needed a shower and dry shoes, so that you could hide from the oncoming storm to Jericho.

Your hand was already holding the banister of the staircase to the second floor when your father's voice emerged from the living room.

"Y/N!" He came running up to you. "Change your clothes now, someone wants to see you."

"Who?"

"A university scout." Your father gasped, the blush of his cheeks increasing the intensity of his smile. "Come on, hurry up!" You ran to your room with a huge smile on your face.

X

You were gone. 

Wednesday couldn't find you anywhere: on the way to school, at Weathervane, at your work, at your house — she couldn't see you anywhere. 

Her cameras became useless, and your turned-off cell phone interrupted any transmission and location she could access. You were gone — and her body burned in a thousand hells as soon as she realized she couldn't find you.

With her mind overwhelmed by pulsations that even she failed to understand, the Addams made her way to your house. The heavy rain falling over the city didn't stop her footsteps from pounding against the concrete all the way to your room. 

She opened the back door of your house as she had done so many times before and walked up to your room: to your bed, to your smell, to where you should be. 

Wednesday took a deep breath after closing your bedroom door: your smell, a unique mix of sweat and parsley, mingled with the smell of rain, and the pain in her chest grew. Her mind imagined you beside her,  laying carefree in your bed — as you should be at this time of night – but you weren't there. 

You weren't there.

A sound came from downstairs and Wednesday rushed to the window immediately: it was almost two in the morning, and you were coming home now. 

Your father parked the car while you walked to the back garden. To the bench under the tree where you sat every time you needed to think. To where she liked to watch you the most, to see your features change as inaudible thoughts flashed through your mind.

You sat there with the biggest smile Wednesday had ever seen — as if you had done nothing wrong.

How could you be smiling like that?

"Where have you been?" Her voice cut through the stormy air like thunder, and you fell off the bench.

"Jesus Christ!" You stood up, trying to identify her figure among the darkness. "Wednesday, is that you?"

"Who else could it be?" Who else would see you at that time of night? The dumb cheerleader, the prom queen? Wednesday advanced towards you, her pale face shining with the raindrops all over her skin, reflecting the moonlight that shone brightly in the sky. "Where were you?"

"I-" You could see her eyes. They didn't look like hers — they were burning toward you, unmoving, totally fixed on you, utterly unlike anything you had ever seen. A shiver ran up your spine as Wednesday's breath touched your face. "Go back to school, it's late and–"

"TELL ME WHERE YOU WERE!" 

You stumbled backwards instantly.

"What's the matter with you?" you shouted back, fear and cold making you shiver. You were soaked, just like Wednesday, the early morning wind rattled your bones but none of it compared to what her gaze was doing to you. You could hear your own stomach turning in panic, "Wednesday, that's enough, go away."

"You left me." she roared. "You disappeared." you shook your head. "You did not tell me a single word."

"Hold on, I just had urgent matter and-"

"You're mine." Her voice resounded in your ears, shook your whole mind. "You cannot do anything like this, ever again."

"STOP!" you snapped, finally turning your back on her. "You've gone crazy! Get out of my house and—" Your voice was choked by a blow — a sudden pressure that ripped a sigh from your throat, interrupting your words.

There was a huge man in front of you: tall, pale, in a suit; he didn't even look alive.

"You are mine." Her voice sounded again in your mind as your vision became a blur. "You are an Addams."

@carlosgrimhildedevil101 @lucasm8 @dreifhraniquo29 @yasmimvarelattellat @hhavsjhs @decaffeinatedclodbagelweasel

@cursedchar (you like angst so...) @i984 (I WROTE THE REQUEST)

[deathscn]

☠️ ⋅𓂃 ࣪ self para, PRAYER TO HADES 💖🔥👻

               winter knew that the vibes of the camp would immediately change when one of them would end up losing their lives. he was thankful knowing that harley would be alright. winter wasn't a dense. he pieced the pieces together and was certain that harley tried giving part of himself to the barrier. and yet he was okay. other's weren't so lucky.

he tossed and turned, struggling to fall asleep. how could he? with everything that was going on. he hadn't slept well in days.

winter turned to look at harley. the way he was in that moment, so peaceful sleeping next to him. winter's fingers gently touched his cheek, letting them slowly slide down the godling's jawline and his lips. the thought of losing him scared winter. he had never been more worried about a person like that before. when he heard about what had happened to gabe, he was worried about harley. and when he found him in the middle of the field, he was scared that someone had hurt him. but he was alive, he was breathing, he was safe.

after laying there for what felt like hours, he slipped out of the bed, and grabbed one of harley's hoodies. whenever he felt restless like this, he needed to walk and let himself drown in his thoughts if he needed to.

stepping out of the cabin, he walked around the camp. finding his way to his cabin. it was almost finished, probably done in the next few days, but he went inside. he grabbed his bags and a couple of items before heading out once more.

as he walked, he thought about his time here. it was strange that it had only been almost two months since they had arrived. but he felt like he had been here for a much longer time. perhaps time here moved slower or something, who knew. but as he walked around, he was starting to feel something he hadn't felt in a really long time. HE FELT HOMESICK.

when the young son of hades reached a more grassy area, he quickly took his shoes and socks off and begun to walk barefoot on the greenery field. feeling the wet, soft blades, he found his destination. seeing the lake, it was something that kept him grounded. he wasn't afraid of the water. not anymore, not like he was before. after a few lessons, winter felt a little more comfortable getting in. he learned how to swim.

but those thoughts never left him, of the accident, his sister. and even though those memories were ingrained in his memory, he had new ones that were also connected to the water, specifically this lake.

winter sat a few feet away from the shore, and he sighed. hand started to squeeze into a fist, and after a moment he opened it up, revealing a blue flame that danced around his hand.

" we're just lambs waiting for the slaughter, aren't we? " he whispered. " how are suppose to do anything when there are things we do that can be risks to our lives. people are leaving, people are dying, " he shook his head. he thought of gabe, how he was so green coming to the camp. their first interaction at the library and how stressed he was trying to learn about everything there was about the place, and of his godly parent. he was sad he was gone. the moments he spent with him, brief, still made and impact. he took a deep breath. he didn't want anyone else to die. he didn't want to die.

" dad, sometimes i don't want to be here, " he said. " but i'm trying. i'm trying to stay strong, trying to make you proud. but–– none of us should end up losing our lives so quickly, not when we have yet to fully live..." he said as he let the flame dance in the air and float off into the water.

" i wish you could give me a sign, to tell me that i'm doing things like i should. that i am in fact making you proud. i may not be a leader, or a shield. " winter waved his hand slightly, and the blue flames engulfed his hand now. " i may not be the most charismatic, feeling like i can't make proper connections, but i promise you dad, i'm trying. but i'm feel lonely sometimes, now that i don't have my dogs here, i guess i lost a connection of what home use to be. but there are people here that are becoming my new home and i would feel so lost if anything ever happened to those i–– love, or may love, i don't... "

winter waved his hand so that the fire could fizzle out. from his bag he grabbed the items that he picked from his cabin. he placed the offering bowl in front, and then grabbed the herbs he made tea with when he got to have with gabe. he placed them in, followed by some mint leaves, and one of his keys to his old home back in new york. with a flick of the wrist, a small flame appeared from his hand and he placed it in the bowl for it to burn the content inside.

" dad, i always struggle asking for help. but i'm putting my faith in you. i ask for your help. i wish i there was a way i could help the others like they help me, like they help each other. i wish i could be a small shield somehow. " winter looked up at the water. " i don't want anyone else dying, and if i could help in some way. i wish there was a way to help sethan and alejandro. and i pray that gabe's soul is with you, or wherever his soul is, he's not suffering. "

winter looked back onto the bowl, the fire stirring, the blue flame shining bright. " i really hope i am making you proud dad. even after everything, i really hope you're not upset for choosing me as your heir. " winter finally said, ending his prayer and watching as the flames danced around in the bowl. even if his father didn't answer, he hoped that he was listening.

[irresistiibles]

shi qingxuan self para

trigger warnings: this is basically a drowning self para wanna be one hundred percent real so read at your own risk. drowning tw, death tw

i don’t want to die.

it wasn’t the first thing to pass through qingxuan’s mind. the first thing they noticed was the temperature. at first frigid when they were first forcibly submerged, or maybe it was just the shock of the situation that made it seem that way, after all it was summer. it shouldn't have been that cold. qingxuan let out a yell as they hit the water, mouth filling up with water that they couldn't even properly cough up. had anyone heard? would anyone come to help? someone had always come to help qingxuan before. why wasn't there anyone around? things were quickly warming up as qingxuan thrashed, feeling the need for air starting to quickly push up. it was a searing uncomfortable heat, burning from in their chest as his lungs worked desperately to find oxygen that wasn’t available. it felt like she might burn to death before actually managing to drown, and only got worse as they hopelessly physically fought to try and get above water. 

i don’t want to die. 

it was almost a jarring thought as qingxuan’s body attempted to gasp for air, to push towards the surface, do anything to get a little oxygen in his lungs. as the physical fight continued the thought did come through. after everything that has happened at black water manor qingxuan had contemplated their death. he had wondered if it would make things better, or just, or at least give them a break. it hadn’t seemed like such a bad thing at the time, like maybe he should have gone with his brother and they both could have called that the end of their miserable story. qingxuan had been a fool, and now, on what felt like the bring of death they felt pathetic and ungrateful, wishing they could desperately grab just one more day of life. one more hour. five more minutes. 

i don’t want to die. 

maybe if qingxuan hadn’t been alone this wouldn’t have happened. she had tried to stay with company, really she had, but the small party had been drunk and wanted food, whereas qingxuan wanted air. it hadn't seemed like such a big deal to break off and go for a small walk alone before meeting back up with the group. would more caution have saved him? maybe if qingxuan had shown more caution as a child they wouldn’t have been found, he xuan could have ascended with qingxuan in the middle court and nothing would have happened. maybe she could have defended herself a little bit better today. 

i don’t want to die. 

i’m sorry ge. i wasn’t careful enough. i never learned my lesson as a little kid. there was no need with how well you looked after me. you fought my fate as long as you could. you did a really good job of keeping your stupid little sister along way longer than it should have been.

i’m sorry he-xiong. i didn’t get the chance to text you more. i wanted to fix things. i wanted to figure out how to be us again. i wanted to figure it out with you. i thought we had time. i would have rushed back if that wasn't the case. i wish if someone had to force me under like this it was you. you wouldn't like it, but i think you'd be gentle about it. 

i’m going to die. i can’t stop it. 

there was almost a comfort in accepting it, feeling the current start to pull him under and letting it, even as qingxuan had more apologies to give. to xie lian, he had died too and hadn’t deserved that. to the nice drunk qingxuan would go back and forth on drinks to. it was their time to buy next and he wouldn’t be able to do it. so many more. the world was starting to fade though, black spots dancing in qingxuan's vision, whether it was from the water or a steady loss of consciousness, and qingxuan’s dialogue was puttering out.  the tide pushed them down and who was qingxuan to fight against nature? they could hardly handle a simple fight on their own. such a weak fool, but as qingxuan gave up and let the water take her where it wanted there wasn’t any anger there. the fire that burned at qingxuan’s lungs became a more settled warmth, and the water almost felt like a comfort wrapped around them. this was her brother’s domain, her lover’s as well. oxygen deprived and perhaps a little delirious qingxuan could almost feel like there was some presence of the two of them here to help, to be with him in a final moment. they had lived a good life, warm and loved. one of them would find him. if they had the strength left qingxuan would worry about the way that they would mourn, if they’d be okay, but in the moment she was just content to know someone she loved and trusted would probably still find her in the end, that she'd wind up home in one way or another. if he woke up after this someone would help her. there were always enough good people in the world willing to help. if she didn't wake up there had already been so many more years than what qingxuan was supposed to have. the tide pushed and qingxuan let themselves sink.

[ae-diaries]

2022 in REVIEW

Had this in my drafts for so long. I'm a list-type-of-girl so I listed what God has done in the past year. Para mayroon din naman akong good memories and lessons na babalikbalikan. Now, I finally have the time to post it.

My birth month is already over. It became my favorite tradition to write my year-end reflections but I didn't have time doing this last December to February because I put my focus and energy on my loved ones, constants, and work.

Looking back, 2022 was tough, but I was tougher. It wasn't easy. At least for me. Madami akong iniiyak sa year na ito: my family's health issues, quarter-life crisis, and silent battles. They were too much to handle. Yet in those unbearably hard times, I never give up and lose hope knowing that God was holding the other end of the rope. Indeed, it has always been His grace and the people He used that saved and buoyed me to the surface that I will always be immensely grateful for.

Despite the stormy sea, God has won more victories in my life through and through. Those tough times gave me the opportunity to exercise my tenacity and draw me closer to God.

I LEARNED na may baon pa pala akong lakas kahit feeling ko ubos na ubos na ako, may bigla na lang dumarating na tulong at malasakit kapag feeling mo walang wala ka na at may Diyos na yayakapin ka at hindi ka pababayaan kapag feeling mo hindi mo na kaya.

I REALIZED that uncertainties will come along the way, but one thing is certain - He is always faithful to his promises. And that's what I want to fix my eyes on this 2023: the lens of 3Gs (Gratitude and God's Grace).

Ended the year with inner peace and gratitude.

I could say lahat ng pagsubok na pinagdaanan ko at ng pamilya ko ay may magandang kapalit. Photos (with caption) below wrapped up the higlights of my 2022. #SKL 😜

1. TATAY'S HOSPITALIZATION

(Me in the photo..after humagulhol to surrender Tatay's condition to Jesus...and to his doctors.)

The first quarter was truuuuly a turbulent period for our family. I was drowning in fear because of so many terrifying episodes during my father's hospitalization. And the worst part of it is when the doctors offered immediate intubation for tatay on the night of Feb. 13 because of his decrease in sensorium. At this moment, I exploded in tears as I/we prayed and surrendered his condition to Jesus. But what happened next was a testament of God's miracle: Tatay slowly opened his eyes a few hours before his intubation! Truth be told, you will never know that God is all you need, when God is all you have. Sa panahong hopeless kana, dito mo malalamang may Diyos ka nga pala na kumikilos. You just have to place your full trust and faith in Him. He is way maker, promise keeper and miracle worker. I also met the best and the most compassionate doctors He used as instruments.

It's humbling to say that serving my father is what I considered my biggest achievement in 2022. Nothing else comes close.

It was also in this season that my elder sister and her fam abroad got Covid-19. But then again, they made it through by God's grace.

2. ELYU TRAVEL

In April, a week after my father was discharged, I went on an unexpected solo trip to SFLU out of necessity. I felt God also brought me here to breathe, clear my mind off things, calm my storms, and somehow, reward me for what I'd been through. Dasurv? 😂

3. BABY MEGAN WAS BORN

3. In July 21, my sister gave birth to Baby Megan, my third niece. She's a rainbow baby. A new bundle of joy to our ever growing family.

However, it was also the month where Tatay got Covid-19 and I fell ill, too. My anxiety was kicking in again, but later on I realized, "Kelan ba kami pinabayaan ng Dyos?" He has always been faithful to us. We wouldn't survive this without Him.

4. THE RETURN OF F2F CLASSES

And then come August, the return of F2F classes. I feel blessed to have met a new breed of awesome learners under my care. They have brought context to my world.

5. A MASTER'S DEGREE HOLDER

And I never thought that despite my busyness and clutter at work, I would be able to have my thesis completed and finally received my master's degree at the Philippine Christian University at the same time. One for the books!

6. ALYESSA'S MILESTONE

In the same month, Alyessa, my younger sister, finally started her career abroad. I couldn't be more proud of her milestone. Pautang naman sis. 😂

7. BABY GIA'S CHRISTENING & 1ST BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

We also celebrated baby Gia's (my second adorable niece) first birthday and christening last September. It was way memorable! (without lockdown and less restrictions, too)

8. ONE OF MY BIGGEST DREAMS WAS GRANTED!

Last October 24, I received an email - this I considered an early xmas gift from God - an answered prayer that I'd been longing to hear! All of my efforts and hardwork were all worth it.

9. A WELL-SPENT FAMILY VACATION

And last December became one of the most memorable Year-End parties we had in our fam. Plus, my eldest sister and her fam had finally spent their Christmas vacation in PH after 13 years. Everything was surreal. ❤️ Grateful is an understatement.

An dami kong drama, nag-bday lang naman ako. 😅

My wish? I didn't have anything in particular because all of the things that I'm experiencing right now are my answered prayers in the past. I put 2023 in Your hands.

#HERYear #Januarygirl #post-bday

[nurketiknet]

KETIK, PAPUATENGAH - Ratusan masyarakat dari berbagai distrik di Puncak Jaya menggelar aksi unjuk rasa di halaman Kantor Bupati Puncak Jaya, Papua Tengah, Kamis (9/1/2025).

Aksi demo yang dilakukan masyarakat mengeluhkan terkait pembagian bantuan langsung tunai (BLT) yang dianggap tidak merata, serta adanya dugaan pemotongan dana.

Mereka datang berorasi untuk meminta penjelasan dari Penjabat Bupati Puncak Jaya, Yopi Murib, mengenai pemotongan dana BLT yang mereka terima.

Para pengunjuk rasa berharap pihak-pihak yang terlibat dalam dugaan korupsi dana BLT segera ditindak, dan dana yang hilang dapat dikembalikan kepada masyarakat yang berhak menerimanya.

Terkait hal itu, Penjabat Bupati Puncak Jaya, berjanji akan segera menindaklanjuti keluhan masyarakat dan memastikan bahwa penyaluran BLT berjalan sesuai dengan aturan yang berlaku.

“Kami akan menindaklanjuti keluhan masyarakat, sehingga memastikan penyaluran BLT benar-benar tepat sasaran,” kata Yopi dalam keterangan tertulis, dikutip, Sabtu (11/1).

Ditambahkan Yopi, ia juga menegaskan komitmennya untuk menindaklanjuti aspirasi masyarakat terkait bantuan BLT, agar ke depan bantuan sosial (bansos) ini dapat tepat sasaran dan dirasakan langsung oleh masyarakat di Kabupaten Puncak Jaya.

“Kami akan melakukan investigasi terkait dugaan pemotongan dana BLT di Kabupaten Puncak Jaya. Kami juga akan memastikan bahwa bantuan ini sampai kepada masyarakat yang benar-benar membutuhkan,” jelasnya.

(KPP Ketik.net - PAPUATENGAH)

[cagemasterfantasy]

Dnd Cosmology: Elemental Plane of Water

Planar Portal Color: Green

The Plane of Water is an endless sea called the Sea of Worlds dotted with atolls and islands that rise up from enormous coral reefs that seem to stretch forever into the depths. The storms that move across the sea sometimes create temporary portals to the Material Plane and draw ships into the Plane of Water. Surviving vessels from countless worlds and navies play these waters with little hope of ever returning home.

A warm sun arcs across the sky of the Plane of Water seeming to rise and set from within the water at the horizon. Several times a day the sky clouds over and releases a deluge of rain often accompanied by spectacular shows of lightning before clearing up again. At night a glittering array of stars and auroras bedecks the sky.

The weather on the plane is a lesson in extremes. If the sea isn't calm it is battered by storms. On rare occasions a tremor in the planar firmament sends a rogue wave sweeping across the plane swamping entire islands and driving ships down to the reefs.

Any lands that rises above the surface of the sea is hotly contested by the few air breathers that live on the plane. Fleets of rafts and ships lashed together serve as solid ground where nothing else is available although most natives of the plane never break the surface of the sea and thus ignore these habitations.

Below are the most important features of the plane:

Citadel of 10,000 Pearls: The nominal emperor of the Marids dwells here an opulent palace made of coral and studded with pearls. The is the glittering centerpiece of the Sea of Light. Visitors are welcome to ask favors of the emperor whose mood is as changeable as the sea.

Darkened Depths: The deeper extents of the plane where no sunlight reaches are the Darkened Depths. Horrid creatures dwell here and the absolute cold and crushing pressure mean a swift end to creatures accustomed to the surface or the Sea of Light. Krakens and other mighty leviathans claim this realm.

Isle of Dread: One of the Few island on the plane is the Isle of Dread which is connected to the Material Plane by means of a storm that regularly sweeps over the island. Ships from different worlds of the Material Plane end up wrecked on the rocks and reefs around the island and settlements across the island are populated by the descendent of sailors who never found a way home. Theoretically travelers who understand the workings of the storm could use it to travel to a desired Material Plane world.

Sea of Ice: Bordering the Para Elemental Plane of Ice is the Sea of Ice. The frigid water is choked with icebergs and sheet ice which are inhabited by cold loving creatures from the Plane of Ice. Drifting icebergs can carry these creatures farther into the Plane of Water to threaten ships and islands in warmer seas.

Sea of Light: Life flourishes in the sunlit waters of the Sea of Light located in the upper reaches of the Sea of Worlds. Aquatic peoples craft castles and fortresses in the coral reefs here.

Silt Flats: The region of the Plane of Water nearest to the Para elemental Plane of Ooze is called the Silt Flats. The water is thick with soil and sludge turning into muddy ground before giving way to the great swamp that is the Para elemental plane.

Elemental Plane of Water Adventure Ideas: The nature of water is to flow not like the gusting wind or the leaping flame but smoothly and steadily . It is the rhythm of the tide the nectar of life the bitter tears of mourning and the balm of sympathy and healing. Given time it can erode all in its path.

Elemental Evil emphasizes the erosive power of Water as well as the destruction wrought by surging tides deadly maelstroms and raging torrents. Cultists of Evil Water believe the seas and deep waters are eager to reclaim the water trapped in the bodies of living creatures and think it's their duty to return others to the primal waters by drowning them or shedding their blood.

@doodl3

[kathypunan20]

Takeaways

That used to be my friend.. 3 years ago told me, "If sa tingin mo, mauubos or madedehado ka dyan in a long run, stop!" (yes, used to be friend kasi we're not friends na ngayon hahaha.)

But my 25 yrs old me said.. "No. Kaya 'to. Magiging okay siya! :)"

Yes, naging okay siya. Back to normal gaming.

The conversations we've made 3 years ago, 'yung akala ko na "lesson learned" pero bakit ganoon? Bakit parang walang pinagkatandaan.

You saved a friend from drowning.

Para lang ibalik siya sa dating gawi.

Na minsan, yun ang dahilan ng mga trauma niya. Sa mga bagay or pangyayari na isa sa mga naging dahilan kung bakit mo siya tinulungan at iaalis sa pagkakalunod.

Pero ngayon, nakikita mo na parang bumabalik siya sa mga nakagawian niya, that one hindi ko na matotolerate.

Okay na rin na itigil na ito. We're not on the same page na. Madalas na ang hindi pagkakaintindihan. Sabi nga niya, "toxic na tyo sa isa't isa no one is helping"

Kasi, it's a two way street. She's trying to help, 'yung tulong na gusto niya, not yung tulong na gusto ng tinutulungan niya. Ang hirap no?

Pero eto na talaga ang best way. To help each other.

Ang importante, nakatulong ka sa mga panahon na kailangan niya ng tulong.

[chaosnsparks]

Horsethief Canyon Park - San Dimas/CA 🇺🇸 Sofia Chudzik Bauer | IG: @sofiacbauer

🇧🇷 PT_BR

13 lições aprendidas em 27 anos que mudaram minha vida! 🙌

Quem aí sente que a vida passa rápido demais? 😅 Pois é, eu entrei nos #vintes e já estou quase completando 28 voltas ao redor do sol! 🤯

Nesse último ano, passei por uma grande transformação. Foi um ponto de virada que eu precisava! 💫 E com isso, parei para refletir sobre o que aprendi até aqui nessa jornada.

Quer saber as 27 coisas mais importantes que aprendi em 27 anos? Então vamos lá:

Tá tudo bem se sentir perdido sobre qual carreira seguir. A maioria se sente assim em algum momento! O negócio é não desistir e continuar buscando seu propósito. 🧭

Muita gente só trabalha por trabalhar, sem encontrar um propósito maior. Mas dá pra mudar isso! 💡

N��o se cobre pelo ritmo dos outros. As expectativas alheias dizem mais sobre eles do que sobre você. 🙅‍♀️

Aprenda a lidar bem com rejeição de todos os tipos. Isso poupa sua saúde mental! 🧠

Comparação com os outros é veneno puro. Foque apenas em ser a melhor versão de você mesmo. 💪

Ajude quem realmente quer ser feliz. Evite quem insiste em continuar infeliz. 🙅‍♂️

Cortar relações tóxicas e situação que te puxam pra baixo é necessário. Não se afogue junto! ✂️

Ser gostosa é um estado de espírito. Cuide da mente e o corpo reflete. 😉

Nunca aceite quem não tem certeza se te quer por perto. Valorize-se! 💕

Cuide da alimentação e saúde agora. O corpo cobra depois! 🥗 💧

Autoconhecimento e autocrítica são essenciais. Comece já esse hábito! 📝

Nunca é tarde para mudar tudo e viver seu propósito. Sem medo do que dirão. Siga seu coração! 💗

Você é capaz de tudo. Conheça suas limitações e aprenda a superá-las. 🏋️‍♀️

E por mais clichê que pareça, colocar em prática não é fácil. Então vale a pena relembrar sempre!

A vida é curta demais para não sermos felizes. 😊 Então bora viver e aprender o máximo que pudermos?

Conte nos comentários: o que você já aprendeu nessa jornada chamada vida? Vamos trocar experiências?

🇺🇸 EN

13 Life Lessons Learned in 27 Years That Changed My Life! 🙌

Who here feels like life passes by too quickly? 😅 Well, I entered my twenties and I'm already approaching 28 laps around the sun! 🤯

In this past year, I went through a significant transformation. It was a turning point that I needed! 💫 And with that, I took a moment to reflect on what I've learned on this journey so far.

Want to know the 27 most important things I've learned in 27 years? Let's dive in:

It's okay to feel lost about which career path to follow. Most people feel this way at some point! The key is not to give up and keep searching for your purpose. 🧭

Many people work just for the sake of it, without finding a higher purpose. But you can change that! 💡

Don't put pressure on yourself to match the pace of others. Others' expectations say more about them than about you. 🙅‍♀️

Learn to handle rejection of all kinds gracefully. It saves your mental health! 🧠

Comparing yourself to others is pure poison. Focus on being the best version of yourself. 💪

Help those who genuinely want to be happy. Avoid those who insist on staying unhappy. 🙅‍♂️

Cutting toxic relationships and situations that drag you down is necessary. Don't drown with them! ✂️

Being confident is a state of mind. Take care of your mind, and your body will reflect it. 😉

Never accept anyone who's unsure if they want you around. Value yourself! 💕

Take care of your diet and health now. Your body will demand it later! 🥗 💧

Self-awareness and self-critique are essential. Start this habit now! 📝

It's never too late to change everything and live your purpose. Without fear of what others will say. Follow your heart! 💗

You are capable of anything. Recognize your limitations and learn how to overcome them. 🏋️‍♀️

And as cliché as it may seem, putting them into practice isn't easy. So, it's worth reminding ourselves often!

Life is too short not to be happy. 😊 So let's live and learn as much as we can?

[lindsayjabinal]

The Phoenix Rises ⏐Reflective Essay

By: Lindsay Rayne S. Jabinal

Have you ever faced a challenge that felt impossible to overcome, but you knew deep down that you had to keep moving forward? Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes these moments can be overwhelming. The moment that changed my life forever was when my mother passed away. When my mother died, I felt like I had lost a part of myself. It was as if a piece of my soul had been ripped away from me, leaving me feeling hollow and empty inside. I stumbled and fell, unable to comprehend how to move forward without her. Without her, I felt lost and alone, like I was stumbling in the dark without a light to guide me. Losing my mother was the most devastating experience of my life, but it also taught me the invaluable lesson of resilience and independence. Through my struggle with grief, I learned how to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and stand on my own two feet.

The day my mother died was one of the darkest days of my life. I felt like the ground beneath my feet had vanished, and I was sinking into an abyss of grief and despair. I remember feeling numb, disoriented and lost. My mother was my rock, my confidant, and my best friend. Her sudden death left me shattered and alone. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of grief, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to find my way back to the surface. I missed her more than words could describe, and I felt lost without her guidance. I had always relied on my mother for guidance and support, but now I had to find my own way in the world.

            “Hindi ko alam kung paano magsi-simula ulit ng wala si mama.” I said to my older cousin.

            “Hindi mo naman kailangan magmadali Ac, nandito naman ako, kami para sayo.” She replied while patting my back.

It wasn't easy. There were days when I felt like giving up when the weight of her loss was too much to bear. But I knew that my mother would want me to keep going, to find a way to live without her. And so I did. I had to learn how to do things for myself, from the simplest tasks to the most complex. I had to figure out how to manage my finances, how to take care of myself, and how to navigate the world without my mother by my side. It was a steep learning curve, but I was determined to succeed. However, it was during this dark time that I realized the strength and resilience that I possessed. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I found the courage to stand up and face my new reality. With each step I took, I gained a newfound sense of independence and self-reliance.

“Kailangan kong ayusin yung sarili ko.” I mumbled to myself.

“Lord, bigyan niyo pa po ako ng maraming lakas para kayanin ‘tong matinding pagsubok na ito.” I prayed to God while crying.

As days turned into weeks, I found myself struggling to cope with her loss. It was during this time that I realized the importance of standing on my own two feet and taking charge of my life. I had to be resilient and independent, just like my mother had taught me. On the one hand, it was a painful and traumatic experience that changed my life forever. But slowly, with the help of family and friends, I began to pull myself out of the abyss. On the other hand, it was a transformative experience that made me stronger, more self-reliant, and more compassionate. I started to take small steps towards independence, like paying my own bills and cooking my own meals. Each small victory gave me the confidence to take another step forward.

“Maraming salamat sa walang sawang pagintindi sakin ate Aprille at kuya Jordan.” I said to my cousins.

“Syempre naman, malakas ka samin.” Kuya Jordan replied.

“Oo nga, ‘tsaka wala pa ‘to kung ikukumpara mo sa mga nagawa mo para saamin.” Ate Aprille said.

Looking back, I realize that the experience taught me many valuable lessons. It made me realize the true meaning of independence and self-reliance. I realized that no matter how difficult life gets, I have the strength and courage to overcome any obstacle. I learned how to take care of my family and be responsible for my own well-being. I also learned how to be resilient in the face of adversity, and it forced me to confront my emotions and face my fears. Despite the pain and suffering, I found the strength to keep going and never give up. The loss of my mother had a profound impact on my life. It taught me to appreciate the importance of family and to never take life for granted. The loss of my mother was a turning point in my life and something that I would never wish upon anyone. I was able to learn a great deal about myself and what I was capable of. It caused me to reevaluate my priorities and what was truly important to me.

Losing my mother was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. It was a painful but remarkable experience that helped me grow as a person and appreciate the beauty of life. It may have shattered my world, but it also gave me the gift of being a strong independent woman. This experience taught me the importance of finding strength in difficult times and reminded me that life is too short to waste on things that don't matter. I know that she would be proud of the person I've become, and I'm grateful for the lessons she taught me, both in life and in death. Though I still stumble from time to time, I now have the strength and resilience to rose again. I hope that my story can inspire others to find the strength to overcome their own challenges and rise from the ashes like a phoenix.

[blackbirdcarol-blog]

drowning lessons

「 para — Au: theory of relativity / @cobrxkai72」

        ✨🍂🌾 ┊Kendra&Kayden

Había quedado con su hermana de verse en el laboratorio, tenían un sinfín de herramientas, sustancias, etc. Además, era el lugar que menos frecuentaban y en el cual podías tener más pretextos para estar o en el que los accidentes sucedían con más frecuencia. —Debemos apurarnos Kendra, yo no quiero cumplir los 22 y seguir siendo…esto ¿Me entiendes? No haré ese estúpido ritual.—Lanzó una rápida mirada a su hermana, mientras  estaba haciendo dibujitos de ellos muertos en el pizarrón.—El cianuro sería interesante. Saltar del edificio sería un poco dramático, no quiero que mi sangre quede salpicada en el suelo, pero sobre todo yo no quiero que tú sufras.—Se lo confesó, porque pesé a que le gustaba el dolor ajeno, la idea de ver sufrir a su hermana no le agradaba, aunque sabía que no era ninguna cobarde. —Debemos morir los dos al mismo tiempo.—Dejo la tiza en la barra del pizarrón  para mirar con más atención a su hermana.—Aunque aun estoy en la disyuntiva ¿deberíamos decirle a mamá y a papá? —Se frotó la barbilla.— ¡que sea sorpresa para ellos! —Determinó como si fuera lo más emocionante que pudieran decirle a Kai y Carol—Nuestro papá se reirá.—Tanto como él lo hizo en ese momento.  

[luoism]

self para ⁰ ¹  ⸝⸝ une barque sur l'ocean. location: sua campus music building. time: set a few weeks ago, 2:58am note: luo's pov of this self para by @huitians

the moon's generosity is the first thing luo notices upon stepping out of his room. his steps are soft and hesitant, quiet like the little sparks of anxiety that have no issue finding their usual place at the bottom of his stomach. it takes him a second to adjust to his surroundings, to fully pull himself out of the bad dream he was drowning in a little under an hour ago.

the decision that a walk through the empty halls of his school should fix it can only be blamed on his drowsiness.

rays of the moon's light peek through the large windows and luo takes his time to observe it all - from the way it reflects on his skin, to the way little specks of dust turn into a semblance of magic, almost, within it. . . and maybe his appreciation is a mere result of him stalling. maybe all there is to this moment is a boy who is desperate to find beauty in everything he sees.

and so if luo wants to stand in the middle of a hallway and stare at how the moonlight reflects on the ground, he deems it okay to do so.

the night is his - those have been the rules for as long as he could remember: from the time he spent at the orphanage when night time had been imposed on him to the comfort he grew to discover within it. he prefers it that way as well - he always has. there have been lessons the boy learnt within the shadows of venice, lessons that shaped him to be who he is. he made friends in the darkness of the ragged attic too and affinities he would never dare to forget. . . and while the term friend in itself is often questioned on the topic of his connections, the apparitions were all luo had.

though if one travels through astral planes only to see you, wouldn't that alone be considered a testament of one's friendship? and if the absence of them triggers nightmare after nightmare, shouldn't that count for something?

luo thinks of the moonlight and wonders if his friends used to see it, too.

he doesn't notice where he is until he is met with a door taller than him, ajar. as if it's waiting for him, like the sign he has been seeking all night. he doesn't come here often but he is familiar with his surroundings - the music department is, after all, a place that is known and beloved by many who attend the school.

and beloved by luo - it so is.

his steps are light, almost non-existent against the polished floors: in a way that pushes luo to ponder on the reality of his surroundings and in a way that makes him wonder if he is still trapped within the confines of his dreams. it wouldn't be the first time something of the sort happened, and the boy knows better than to assume it would be the last.

he sees the light before he hears the music, and that fact alone will be something he will spend hours thinking of later on, when the sun will rise, when he will feel too exhausted to follow. but for now all he knows is the light: soft and inviting, like a whisper - like an entity of its own with the influence to lead luo inside yet another room.

and he truly assumes the music he hears is nothing but a figment of his imagination, one that is known to be overreactive and suffocating. one that is known for its lack of mercy, for the rejection of any kind of solace luo might find along the way of his adventures. a mind which he surrenders to every night when he closes his eyes.

though he stands by the edge of it, his head merely peeking over at the inside of the room, luo notes that it is as cold as his own; especially when occupied by the pleasure of a haunting. the edge of the doorway offers him safety, like a semblance of the protection he constantly seeks.

he recognizes the song instantly, having heard it over and over again back home in settings similar to this one. when he couldn't sleep, when his friends would play for him between the four walls of his attic. une barque sur l'océan, like his own - the one he stole to explore the waters of venice.

but there is a boy - one he has never seen before, one so cold it pushes luo to conclude that it can only be a ghost. . . one who has the talent to make the song sound like a new one, with a new meaning and a new purpose. with a beauty and riveting the same way that it is unnerving. it shakes luo to his core, it feels like looking away from the pianist would curse the next few years of his life. the gathering in his head comes to an end, the voices go to sleep. it's just luo and the boy, wide-eyed, with his heartbeat crawling up his throat.

nothing in the world belongs to him, but for the time being, he decides that the melody that lingers in the air they both share does.

he is out of breath without even knowing why - he starts to worry about things that hold little to no significance under normal circumstances. like his hair, does his hair look okay? does he look okay? the staring will amount to nothing in the end, and yet luo finds it impossible to tear his wide eyes away from the white of the boy's hair, the delicacy of his features.

whether he is real of not, luo knows he is someone he could never get close to - no matter the stakes. and how cruel the fates have to make him speak? to prove that he is as mortal as luo, to introduce new possibilities that he realistically could never follow.

the boy speaks and luo wishes that he doesn't: because he isn't an illusion anymore, or an apparition. because he is real, and that alone is a lot more terrifying than any ghost he has encountered in the past, and will proceed to encounter in the future.

though similar to an encounter of the sort, luo knows that he will wake up with the pianist fresh on his mind up until they meet again.

[princeofdarknessxdamon-blog]

Drowning lessons

Le había mandado mensaje a Katherine para que se lo encontrara en el casino, en los últimos días había estado investigando lo suficiente como para obtener algo que les ayudará en los planes que Katherine y Damon tramaban. Era lo mejor que podían hacer ahora en esta condición, realmente a Damon no le entusiasmaba la idea de ser humano pero Kath parecía ponerle cierta diversión a la situación, mientras bebía pensó en su hermano, él debía estar disfrutando de todo eso y aunque le envidio también se alegró por él. Estaba sentado de espaldas hacia la barra, le dio un sorbo a su bebida mirando a la castaña entrar al lugar. —Llegas tarde—dijo cuándo la chica estuvo lo suficientemente cerca como para escucharlo, dejando su vaso sobre la barra. @survivepixrce

[apesoformythoughts]

“If the encounter with woman is the endless stepping out of a dream into reality, now we need to step out of generalities and tell your story in its singularity, that is, its fictitiousness, for we’ll keep talking in the second person. You’ll recognize yourself less in what we say, perhaps. You’ll have to transpose.

Let us suppose it was a Sunday when the La Garenne-Colombes town council organized its winter raffle. You weren’t there to win, but to look for some company. The hall had greenish walls, pale fluorescent lights, practical furniture, and a semiprofessional entertainer, who—for half the price—filled a cheap microphone with limited affability. In a short time, like it always happens with places like that, the atmosphere was enough to drown out the most cheerful mood.

Now, that evening, to your great astonishment—and so you might be disappointed even in your habit of being disappointed—you got the first prize: a Thermomix TM5. The MC attempted to convince you that it was an extraordinary appliance. But the housewife’s paradise was no more than a nuisance for you: what could you do with that device, a modern gadget to decorate a shelf?

Nevertheless, for the first time in your life, every woman had her eyes on you. There had clearly been a mistake. That dazzling jewel could not be for a guy with a bad luck like yours. Each one of them could, in all justice, expect you to concede the prize. You could already tell that the obligatory applause for the winner was giving way to a whisper of indignation.

It was then that she appeared before you—something impossible. She had approached you as if she knew you. She even asked you, ‘Aren’t we neighbors?’

A few minutes later, you found out her name was Adolphine. And you have wondered, ever since, how such happiness would’ve never caught you without that multifunctional kitchen robot.”

— Fabrice Hadjadj: Being a Clown in 99 Lessons [99 lecciones para ser un payaso; transl. mine]

[asakamasanobu]

going through the most horrendous bout of asaka feelings all over again christ i swear this might become a monthly thing at this point ..... a mid-month crisis. a mid-month asaka reverence session. actually you know what she can be both! just that i’ve been making so much noise about him recently that it’s time i phone up the moving trucks and dump it here instead ^__^

why the onset of the asaka again? the biggest reason also doubles as a “what the fuck has day been doing with her life in the second week of 2022” kind of self-update and it’s that i’ve been reading the first volume of otrfk albeit at a fucking snail’s pace because i need to look up the 読み方 of every other kanji i encounter zzz but god it’s actually quite fun and the fact that i find it fun makes me feel incredibly nerdy like you’re telling me you rather WRANGLE TEXT IN YOUR THIRD (FOURTH? IDK) LANGUAGE FOR FUN THAN PLAY YOUR SWITCH ???? who are you but even then it’s like i’m also enthralled by how i’m picking up speed as i get used to things !!!! from taking around 45min to read 1.5 pages on tues to 1.5h to read 4 pages to like 1h for another 4 pages yesterday !!!!! which is about the same time my easily distracted and unproductive ass takes to do my actual uni readings so it’s like wow win !!!!!! or maybe it’s bc we’re finally having more dialogue than the initial few pages but in either case hapy :]

that para has absolutely to do with asaka especially since you’re reading the first volume girl what are you ON about when all you’ve been seeing is wataru and yuichi smfh ...... except seeing them and hearing their voices all over again is making my head jump a few volumes ahead of myself and sinking me deep into the asaka feelings u__u so now he’s in my head against my will and i’m feeling the same love and longing and resignation all over again which is like bitch relax ...... if you’re such a mess when you’re barely 30 pages in and nowhere near to meeting asaka then you’re going to have one hell of a catastrophic meltdown when the whole plot becomes asaka-centric! and i don’t want to be there for that!

and then because he’s nascently in my head my thoughts about the current life phase i’m in are inevitably drifting to him ..... with school starting but physical lessons being another week or two away it’s like i’m feeling the same sense of being too close and too far from everything and everyone simultaneously. feeling that creeping sense of existing for the sake of convenience and knowing that when the void lifts i’ll drown myself in the moment so hard and fast until it hurts. this is such a cryptic and flowery way of saying i’m somewhat lonely even though i have friends around me who seem to like me MY BAD but it’s just a feeling i’ve attached to asaka and in particular the subsequent feeling of learning to live with that sense of distance has allowed me to wash it away, even if traces of it cling on resolutely and refuse to cede like sharp grains of sand between your toes

so it’s nice to have him in my life! it’s also nice to think about how much like his life began again when he fell in love with wataru, i could really feel my life begin again when i met him and got to know him. or maybe it’s not as dramatic as that maybe it’s more of like entering a new era of myself where i’m able to put my life in perspective and accept it for what it is. getting to know asaka has been like going to therapy for me (completely stealing the phrasing of what i said last night but Well) because i am able to more effectively nip those self-destructive patterns of thinking in the bud and it’s the same thing ritsu has done for me all these years so it makes me realise how much asaka has become a part of me in such a short time. and oh my god OF COURSE ritsu talk is slipping into the conversation now but i was thinking how similar and different their therapeutic effects on me are like (as if i didn’t spend nov considering this jfc stop rehashing your old thought processes bc you have nothing better to think about) and i have come to the conclusion that for ritsu it’s like “don’t worry about feeling like you’re worthless! you may feel like you meaning nothing now but one day you’ll be able to mean something to someone — definitely.” which is so hopeful !!!! and comforting !!!!!! and then for asaka it’s more of like “don’t worry about feeling like you’re worthless. you may feel like you meaning nothing now and even if you live life without meaning anything to anyone that’s also in itself okay — what matters most is how your feelings and time alive has shaped you, carved meaning into you, and made you a better person.” and it’s like a aa ..... both these sentiments just really hit the spot for me depending on my current frame of mind like sometimes i want to cling onto hope and other times i want to take comfort in an uncrossable distance and regardless of the circumstance my heart is always full with my emotional support gay men

and with that i think i’ve somehow exhausted the countless things that have been swimming in my mind for the past few days. the way i think about asaka is very sane i hope everyone understands this thumbs up emoji

[apricottie]

you are seventeen and twenty-six and perhaps you have always been this hollow || self para

under your bed, you keep a bag filled with clothes and almosts.

you’ve walked past it for months now, more and more irrelevant items ending up in any pocket you could stuff them into. how do you pack up a heart, a home, all the things you don’t want to keep, but have to carry regardless ?? you sleep on top of the bag as your shelves grow emptier, as your being withdraws itself into this bag, and you wonder if the bag is big, or if everything you let into your heart is just that small.

you were born at 12:04. you know this because your father begrudgingly left a meeting to show up late for your birth, and holds it over your head to this day. it seems some fundamental part of who you are that you don’t get up before noon. the sun rises without you, and your chest rises and falls, rises and falls, rises and falls without the sun’s presence too -- you end up in the shower in the dead of night. you are desperate for the warmth, hold onto it until the water slips through your fingers again and your skin turns red from the scalding heat. you don’t like showers, you end up in the drain. your sweat rinses from your body as some other part of yourself you can’t keep together, you can’t keep it together, you can’t keep it together.

you are the smallest and the biggest thing in the empty halls of your home. you collapse in on yourself as your heart bursts from your chest -- this is how you fill the quiet, with frantic gasps and tears stinging in your eyes. this is how you fill the quiet, you make toast for your three little ducklings and you scrape the jam a little louder. this is how you fill the quiet, in the dead of night, you pack more into your bag and promise yourself that it’ll be full at some point.

you meet up in dark alleys as you test your nerves, like this is a play-pretend you can back out of. they hand you a baggie, you hand them your allowance. this is a trial for when you won’t have an allowance anymore, and you can only hand them parts of yourself you’ve sacrificed to the streets. they know where you live, they don’t know where you live, you don’t know where you live. there is a big, big house a few blocks away, but you don’t think you’ve lived there for a while now. your room grows emptier yet, this is a test, too.

you dye your hair in the shower at 11am. you interrupt the pattern, you still end up in the drain. you fry your hair with boxed bleach as a last part of yourself you need to shed. you can’t see yourself in the mirror as you step out of the shower, almost-eighteen. you can’t see yourself in any mirror these days. you are packed in a bag you pull from under your bed as the clock approaches twelve. you know time isn’t wasted on you -- your birthday is at 12:04 and not a minute sooner. you don’t waste any time either.

you escape out the window, it’s 12:03. you hear a knock on the door as your foot dangles out the frame and you almost stay. outside the door stand three little ducklings, you can tell them apart by the sound of their feet on the floorboards. they’ve lit the candles on your birthday cake. you only see the fire, you only see the fire, and you wonder if they can see it too. you wonder if you’re the only one that smells the smoke. you wonder if you’re abandoning them to the fire or if you’re taking the ashes with you. you escape.

-

you are nineteen and you drown yourself in someone else’s shower, someone else’s shampoo, someone else’s skin. he says it’s okay to stay, you don’t think you know what the word stay means. you know where everything is in his kitchen, though. you call it your own because you don’t have a different kitchen to call your own. you still leave it behind whenever the house grows too quiet. you return to the back alleys where your breath echoes and it’s cold, it’s so cold. but there’s neon lights that reflect back from puddles, you can’t see your face in them, and you have no name but the price you charge for the little baggies you keep in your back pocket.

you return to him because you know where he keeps the spare key. he leaves it out for you like food for a stray cat. you learn that alley kids don’t turn each other down -- he sits there waiting in a house neither of you quite belong in or can quite make home in. he sits there waiting whether you’re gone for a day or three weeks. at this realisation, you disappear for two months. you were always good at running.

he says he likes your bleached blonde hair and the way it sticks to your forehead. you sink to your knees before him, like he can forgive you for your sins if you start praying now. you tell him you don’t know who you are these days, that all these pieces of you once fit into a bag, but now they’re his shampoo in his shower in his house, and they’re the graffiti you sprayed in an alley while waiting for a deal once, and they’re all the things you thought you left behind, but stick to you like honey, like the jam you now spread on toast in his kitchen. you don’t know who you are, but you still know the way to the big, big house, and more than anything, you wish to forget this emptiness in your chest, in the halls. you still know the big, big house and you still know who lives there. you realise you never fitted everything into that bag, that the pieces you left in that big, big house you can actually count out. one, two, three. you never forget.

you set his kitchen on fire and you both ignore it. this is a more fundamental part of what keeps you together than the things you do discuss are. you decide this is a lesson in human behaviour; we ignore the parts of ourselves that don’t fit with what we need to be. you ignore the big, big house and how you still wander down the street it sits in sometimes. you set his kitchen on fire and you nearly sink through the floorboards and you wonder if the kitchen has always been on fire, but you just didn’t see it before.

you leave him before he can leave you, your bag is left in a cupboard in his house, you call it a mistake you’ll learn from. you never see him again.

-

you are twenty-six and you rise in the early morning. your chest rises and falls, rises and falls, rises and falls. you keep a bag under your bed, a different bag. it is empty, just like your bed. you keep it there for comfort still. your days are parallel to the sun, your desperate bottles of wine are drunk at the reasonable time of 7pm. everything about you is reasonable: you have a reasonable job and a reasonable apartment in a reasonable part of town. these mellowed down parts of yourself you keep on display on your half-filled shelves, the empty parts are in the new bag.

there is a weight on your chest, on your finger. you carry a wedding ring on there like you’ve learned what the word stay means. you linger in this apartment, ghost at the motions, you go to work and you go home and you go to bed and you rise with the sun. you ignore the empty side of your bed, you ignore that you knew what the word stay meant until he didn’t, you ignore that you were still the one that left first -- that you ran from him because you were always good at running. that you ran from him because you ran from home, and you ran from the kitchen fire years back, and you ran through the hallway, past the office you made him sleep in for a year before he gave up on you.

your hair is dark again. you stopped bleaching it before you got married because he wanted a proper wedding, wanted you both in suits, and you just wanted him. you invited one person to the wedding, he invited everyone else. you got so drunk you don’t remember the ceremony to this day, you spilled wine on his mom, and you called it happiness. you were happy, because you could ignore that there sat three invitations somewhere in a cupboard that never made it to the recipients. you’d grown to be as good at ignoring that as your parents had been at ignoring you.

the kitchen here wasn’t on fire, not when you bought the apartment, at least. you checked it four times before you moved in, and he looked at you funny because you still can’t cook, but you never moved away from that stove. the kitchen here wasn’t on fire, but you could smell smoke. you started smelling it on his clothes that were washed with the same laundry detergent as yours, on the duvet you shared. there was smoke in the house and he couldn’t see, didn’t notice like you did. the house was always on fire, the house was always on fire, it sat in your chest instead of a heart and you carried it with you. before he left, he told you he loved you, and smoke left your lips instead of i love you too. he moved back in with his parents, you were left with the ashes.

it’s 11am and you sit in the shower. you should’ve been at work. you watch your time go down the drain. you are twenty-six in the shower, you are nineteen in the shower, you are seventeen in the shower, and you can’t scrub off all these parts of yourself that you thought could fit into bags, could mumble into other people’s beds and leave there. the house was always on fire, your skin was always on fire, you watch it grow red again as the shower grows scalding hot. and your chest rises and falls, rises and falls, rises and falls.

your chest rises and falls, rises and falls, rises and falls.

the sun rises and falls, rises and falls, rises and falls.

you set yourself alight every night and still wake up to an empty bed.

you fill up the bag underneath it again. you’ve always been good at running.