#paper. it's paper time tomorrow. we're putting the faces on paper. to then print it.

[gnaga37]

baby limulo done 😚 (i hope) tomorrow we're letting some a4 adopt him 🥺

[carolmunson]

must be a kind of blind love

(older!modern!eddie - interlude blurbie) orange colored sky setlist

a/n: wrote this little older!eddie blurbie in honor of me needing glasses. my birthday is tomorrow so consider this an early present from me. this doesn't have to fit in order of any time line, it's just cute and fluffy. however, there are some exciting revelations in here.

tw: references to smut, foul language, otherwise pretty tame. idiots in love.

"Yyyyell-o." "You gotta stop answering the phone like that, Ed."

"It's how I always answer the phone, baby -- it's like a muscle memory."

"Ooh, muscle memory, big word for you," you chuckle, you can hear him click clacking against his keyboard on the other end, "You busy?"

"Not too busy, you okay?" he asks, the click clacking slows down to a stop, you hear the roll of his desk chair and some shuffling, the sound of an iPhone being unplugged from his computer.

"So um, I just left the doctors..."

"Okay before you finish what you're saying, I need you to never start a phone call with 'I just left the doctors...' fours days after we had sex," he interrupts, "We clear on that?"

You laugh, it's hearty and bubbly, enough to calm him from the heart racing 'what ifs' running through his head, "Yes, we're clear -- but you knew I had this doctor's appointment!"

"I know, but still -- how'd it go? Everything good?"

"Well..." you start, "It was an eye doctor appointment, like, an optometrist."

"I know what an optomestrist is, baby girl," he says sweetly, "But thank you for clarifying."

"Anyway I went and got my eyes check and uh..." you trail off, not wanting to say it. You can hear the low giggle coming from his throat, practically see the smile in his next sentence.

"Aw, you need glasses, don't you, peach?" he smirks into his question, heading down the metal staircase into the kitchen to refill his coffee cup.

"Yeah," you say poutily, "And now my eyes hurt cause they did dialysis on my eyes I mean -- dialated my eyes, whoops."

"I would hope they didn't perform dialysis on your eyes, jesus," he still can't hold back his gruff giggle, "Is it bad? What's your perscription?"

"I think it's honestly just an astigmatism? But better safe than sorry," you explain, "Don't make fun of me."

"Oh baby, I'm gonna make fun of you," Eddie pops the mug into the microwave, "Now you know how I feel every time you tell me to put my glasses on. Not fun gettin' old, is it?"

"You make it look pretty fun," you shrug, walking over to the train. The printed out paper with your perscription on it is blinding outside, the white glaring into your dilated pupils, "Fuck that's bright."

"I'm almost done with work for today, you wanna just come to mine?" he asks, "We can go look for frames for you."

"You're gonna be mean," you complain, "I don't like when you're mean."

"I won't be mean, I promise."

"Do you want me to come over?" you ask.

He bites his tongue, wanting to reply with a snappy 'Would I have invited you if I didn't?' but he can tell you just need the reassurance.

"I'd love to see you," his voice warm honey while it drips into the receiver, "Of course I want you to come over. You getting on the train?"

"Yeah I'm like, maybe twenty minutes way," you smile.

"Well then I'll see you in twenty, okay?" "Okay."

He spends the first couple minutes teasing you when you get in to get it out of his system, peppering you with kisses when your fake pout gets too cute for him. Eddie gives you his glasses to try on but you squint.

"These are too blurry," you shake your head, scrunching your nose in a way that has him melting.

"Well that's cause my visions a little worse than yours," he shrugs, plucking them off your face by the bridge and popping them onto his own.

"I think your glasses are nice," you shrug, "They make you look handsome."

"Handsome, huh?" he quirks a brow, "I think they make me look like my uncle. He's like, 74."

"You don't look 74," you roll your eyes.

"No?"

"No, babe," you say sweetly, tilting your head when you look at him, "You look at least 72."

He clicks his tongue and puffs out a breath, "How did I know?"

"You love it," you smirk, kissing his cheek and then the tip of his nose.

"Yeah, yeah, I love it," he nods along, tilting his head up to kiss your lips. He pulls you in close to him, taking a seat on one of the barstools at the kitchen island where you stand between his thighs.

Yeah, yeah, I love it. I love you. I think I love you.

"When your eyes feel a little less blurry you wanna look for some frames?" he asks, noses touching. You nod, feeling safe in his hold, eyes fluttering closed when he kisses your cheek. Eddie's full lips kiss from your cheek to your jaw, to the top of your neck -- implying all the ideas he has in mind to pass the time.

"We can fool around if you want," he asks against your skin, "That sound good to you, four eyes?"

You groan into a laugh, shoving him lightly off you, "Fuck you."

Laughing in the kitchen together is his new favorite past time.

Cat-eye, round, square, wire-rimmed, low brow -- there's too many options. You chew on your lower lip looking at the walls of frames, trying to not get in the way of other people while they grab pairs to try on in the brightly lit mirrors.

"Where do I even start?" you ask yourself, feeling Eddie close behind you. His hand presses against your mid back, leading you over to a wall that doesn't have people crowded around it. It gives you a moment to breathe, he rubs your shoulder as it relaxes.

"What types of sunglasses to you normally wear?" he asks, "That's a good place to start."

You had a few fake pairs of Raybans, a couple cat-eye frames from when you were in your early twenties. One pair of rimless glasses from a 90s party that you don't totally hate. You reach for the Wayferer shaped ones, wire rim bottom and flat top -- you find it accentuates your brows in a way that isn't quite right. They sit uneven on your face.

"These are awful," you mumble, taking them off.

"No they're not," he assures. He grabs a few pairs that are sort of ridiculous just to get you laughing -- big wild pairs with bright colors, a pair of transition lens aviators that look straight out of a serial killer movie, exaggerated cat eye lenses that he said his great aunt would've worn in the 80s. He heals every tease with a gentle kiss to your temple or forehead just over the bridge of your nose.

Eventually he starts looking at sunglasses for himself while you gain the confidence to go for it on your own. It's not lost on him when some of the ladies who work there come over to see if he needs help that they're flirting, and to be fair, he's never one to not indulge. You catch his eye in an opposite mirror where he gives you a wink -- he blushes when you roll your eyes in return.

You finally think you've settled on a pair you like, one that surprises you. Thin wire rimmed, brushed gold, they sit slightly round over your face, dipping a bit onto the tops of your cheeks. They don't accentuate whatever is happening with your brow line, they almost feel like they're supposed to be there. Your next thought sounds like your mom in your ear -- They go with everything!

You push your hair back, seeing if you'll still like them with your hair out of the way and down again. You snap a picture -- well, you snap a few. You don't hate it.

"Hey," you call out, tapping on his shoulder when you get behind him, "What do you think?"

Eddie turns, smoothly taking off the new sunglasses he was considering, "Lemme see."

"Oh honey," he coos, "Oh my god you look like a sweet little secretary."

"Stop," you laugh, heat hitting your cheeks at his praise. "Gotta get you a type writer so you can come work for me," he eggs on playfully, "You can screen all my calls. Maybe earn some over time..."

"Don't be annoying," you chide, slapping at his arm when he snakes it around you.

"No, peach you look so sweet," he gushes, "Really."

"I don't look like a nerd?" you ask, looking into the mirror again.

"Of course you do," he confirms, "But that's what I like about them. Plus, they go with everything."

"We'll be like twins," you say with a nudge, "Yours are sort of like this but silver."

"You're right," he nods, "Look at that, nerds in love."

He gives you a quick kiss -- but both of your hearts sink when the weight of what he says hits both your ears. Nerds in love.

In love.

In love.

You hear him swallow and you do the same. There's a jitter to both of you after, like both of you are pretending to not have heard that sentence. Like it didn't happen.

"So you like these ones?" he asks, voice cracking like a teenager. He clears his throat before flagging over one of the women who offered to help him before, "Can we uh, can we get these set up with her prescription?"

The woman's smile is dazzling, perfect for retail -- you'd buy anything she told you to buy. She takes the pair in your hand and goes to work, calling you both over to the iPads by the check out desk to get the order in. Your heart hammers while you make your way over.

"Ed, I don't even know how much those cost," you say under your breath.

"It doesn't matter," he mumbles back, "You're not paying for 'em."

"Ed," you protest, "No." You shake your head, the serious look on your face makes his chest hot with embarrassment.

But he's quick, he's a loverboy for a reason, "Just think of it as insurance for all the jokes I get to make at your expense. I'm earning my right to bully you by buying them."

"You're so dumb," you huff, taking his hand while he reaches out to you to place your order.

"You love it."

"Yeah, yeah, I love it."

I love it, you think, I think I love you.

prev | next

[frogsandfries]

I really hit the ground running this morning: I guess we should've tried earlier, but as a last ditch effort, I put the dying sapling apple trees and plum tree out on the lawn. I figured, there were some plants my sister left for dead outside and they're thriving. Perhaps we could accomplish a bit of a repeat performance. If not, we'll just have to get some apple trees next spring and plant them immediately.

The soil here is really clay-y. I'm not sure if it's from all the rain. I've touched a lot of Wisconsin dirt, and this is the most clay-like. But it's also rained the most this year that it has for a long, long time.

I have to mow the lawn over the next few days. My sister bought the push mower for her pleasure, now it gets to be my torture until her leg heals up enough.

I bought some carbon transfer paper. I decided, instead of trying to risk printing on my colored pencil paper, I'll try printing on my shitty printer paper, and transfer it. This better be worth it for all this effort.

I don't know if I mentioned, but yesterday, my sister insisted that we go to the farmer's market. By the time we got there, it was already at peak traffic, but it had been such a struggle for her to get the block or so up the hill, so I got the blueberries she wanted. They are in the freezer for now. I'm reserving my dance-card-for-chores for mowing the lawn this week. It's an absolute monster of a lawn, and I have to use the push mower.

Anyway, while they were there, there was this LGBT person with stickers and a table. My dad got info on where to get a trans flag in town, so we went over there. I grabbed a graphic novel, sent a picture of one of the sections to a friend who I thought would vibe with it. I think there were like some local/homebrew/zine games there.

We got Sonic! It was, okay, don't judge me, it was kind of grounding to have some of their pretzels. Living in Wisconsin again has been hard for my brain to accept.

Anyway, dad brought the rabbits downstairs.

They brought themselves upstairs. I didn't fucking know rabbits could fucking climb stairs. So I brought them downstairs and swept aaaaaaallllllllllllllllll their shit from just the one room they shat'd in. Sooooo muuuuuucccchhh shit. Might as well get a horse instead.

Today has mostly just been for relaxing and recharging, so I've been hanging out downstairs with my sister, except the part where she took a nap, so I went to chill with my tablet on my bed, rolled over and it was six in the evening.

I might have to start consuming caffeine again. My sister being out of commission at the moment is really forcing me to face all my limitations head-on. I simply cannot do this job full-time, on the schedule I'm on, and do everything else. This house is absolutely gargantuan. Two floors. The kitchen is basically two rooms. There's a dining room, basically three living rooms. Two bathrooms, one on each floor. A master bedroom that's two rooms with a door between, a laundry room, an extra bedroom I'm using for my office right now, and my room.

We're having cleaners come tomorrow, thank gaawwwddddd. It'll be such a relief to have a clean slate. It's such a tragedy that I really have to go to work tomorrow already. Whenever my sister goes on her vacation, I am taking PTO and not-P-TO. I desperately need to find a new job. I'm keeping this job by getting mildly high most shifts and doing some creative project while I'm at work and it is not healthy.

Anyway, I have a ton of media I want to add to my personal library: Steven Universe, Star Trek, Wolf Children and Magus Bride. I want to finish collecting Saga. And I want to finish collecting my own graphic novel.

I'm just so fucking tired.

[wonkasmissstarshine]

The Chocolatier’s Rose {Willy Wonka x OC} Ch. 5

GIF not mine. Credit goes to owner.

Summary: The last golden ticket has apparently been found, breaking Rose’s heart for Charlie. Harry sees her at work, and makes her an offer. Then, Rose takes Charlie to the shop to get him another Wonka bar, where something rather lucky happens.

Tagging: @holdmeicant​ @willymywonkers​

Rose was dressed in her uniform, ready for her last day of work. But Charlie didn't know that. He knew something was wrong, judging by the sad grin on her face, but he didn't want to push her into telling him anything she didn't want to. The two of them stood in front of the cafe, but before Charlie could part for school, Rose stopped him.

"I have something for you, Charlie" Rose smiled at him. "Well, it's from Mrs Mason" She pulled out the Wonka bar. Charlie's eyes lit up as he took it. He opened it up, but like last time, this bar had no golden ticket. Rose's smile dropped. "Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie"

"It's alright, Rosie" Charlie assured her. "I have the chocolate at least" He split the bar into two, and gave one half to his sister.

"Thank you, Charlie" Rose said as she took the chocolate. "And I think I have a little extra saved up. We'll walk over to the candy shop after school and have one more go at it?"

Charlie nodded. "I'd like that, Rosie" The two siblings hugged each other, before Charlie made his way off to school.

Rose entered the shop, immediately being greeted by Mrs Mason. "Hello, dear. Any luck finding a ticket?"

"Not yet" Rose answered. She went behind the counter as she ate the piece of chocolate Charlie offered her. She even broke off a piece, and gave it to Mrs Mason. "But, I have enough to buy Charlie a bar after school. Maybe his luck still has yet to come"

"You blow on that money before you spend it" Mrs Mason told Rose. "That's what they do in Vegas to the dice, you know. Supposed to give them luck"

******

Rose had nothing to do so she sat a one of the tables reading a newspaper. She came across a page in the paper.

Wonka's Final Golden Ticket. Found in Russia.

Rose could feel her heart break into a million little pieces. What was she going to tell Charlie? She promised that she would find him a golden ticket. And now that promise was broken. And to make things worse, Harry had come into the store, looking more smug than usual.

"Well, well" He started, joining Rose at the table. "Looks like the last ticket was found. And it wasn't found by Charlie"

"You don't need to wave that in my face!" Rose said, getting up from the table.  Harry grabbed her wrist again, preventing her from walking away.

"Rose, please just sit and let me talk" Harry started. Rose wasn't in the mood to fight with him, so she sat down in her seat again, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What?"

"It's clear things aren't getting any better. Today is your last day here, and rumour has it that your father has been replaced by a machine at that toothpaste factory. And I know your planning to spend the last of what money you saved up on Charlie" Harry was treading on very thin ice right now, but Rose had to admit that he was right. Things were just going to get worse. Harry took Rose's hands in his, and stroked the back of one of her hands with his thumb. "I'm going to ask you again. Marry me, Rose, and I promise that I will make things better for you and your family. Your family can move in with mine. We have a big house. There's enough room for your parents, grandparents, and Charlie. They'll all have their own rooms. You won't have to live off of cabbage soup anymore. You can have pancake breakfasts and turkey dinners. You just have to agree to be my wife"

******

Charlie came by to the cafe just as Rose's final shift was finished. She said her goodbyes to Mrs Mason before meeting Charlie outside. The two of them grabbed hands before walking down to the candy shop. "Rosie?" Charlie piped up, making his sister look at him. "Are you alright? You're unusually quiet"

"Did you hear about the last ticket?" Rose asked. "It was found in Russia"

Charlie nodded, a disappointed look on his face. "I heard someone reading the paper on my way to school this morning"

"Well, I have this" Rose reached into her pocket and took out the money. "Just because the tickets are gone doesn't mean you can't have some more chocolate"

Charlie's frown turned into a grin. "Thank you, Rosie" The two of them walked for a few more minutes until they came to the candy store. They both walked in and approached the counter. Rose handed the money to Charlie so he could present it to the shopkeep. "One Wonka Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight please"

The shopkeep took the money and gave a bar to Charlie. Charlie began opening up the bar just as the woman beside the Bucket's put down the newspaper. Rose glanced at it, and went wide eyed when she saw the headline. It was completely different from the one she saw this morning.

Russian Ticket a Fake. Still One Ticket Left.

"The nerve of some people" the woman said to the shopkeep.

"I know" the shopkeep said. "Forging a ticket, come on!"

Charlie ripped open the wrapper of the bar, revealing a golden ticket inside. "Charlie..." Rose breathed in disbelief, gently grabbing his shoulder. "You found it.."

"It's a golden ticket" the shopkeep said. Everyone in the shop was now looking at the young boy. "You found Wonka's last golden ticket! In my shop too!"

A man approached Charlie. "Listen, I'll buy it from you. I'll give you fifty dollars and a new bicycle"

A woman walked up to Charlie. "Are you crazy? I'll give him five hundred dollars for that ticket!" The woman smiled at Charlie. "Do you want to sell me that ticket for five hundred dollars young man?"

"No, he doesn't!" Rose shouted at the two adults. "That's my brother's ticket!"

"She's right" the shopkeep said. "Don't let anyone have it! You and your sister take it straight home. Do you understand?"

Charlie grinned at the shopkeep. "Thank you!" He then grabbed Rose's hand. The two of them ran like the wind all the way home.

******

"Mom! Dad!" Charlie called out once he and Rose got to the house. "I found it! The last golden ticket! It's mine!" Charlie showed the ticket to Grandpa Joe.

"Yippee!" Grandpa Joe cheered once he got a clear look at it. He jumped out of bed and began dancing. Everyone stared at him in amusement and surprise. "Here!" Grandpa Joe handed the ticket over to Mr and Mrs Bucket. "Read it out loud. Let's see exactly what it says!"

Mr Bucket began reading from the ticket. "Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this golden ticket from Mr Willy Wonka. I shake you warmly by the hand. For now, I do invite you to come to my factory and be my guest for one whole day. I, Willy Wonka, will conduct you around the factory myself showing you everything there is to see.  Afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be escorted home by a possession of large trucks, each one filled with all the chocolate you could ever eat. And remember: One of you lucky five children will receive an extra prize beyond your wildest imagination. Now, here are your instructions. The first of February, you must come to the factory gates at ten am sharp. You're allowed to bring one family member to look after you. Till then, Willy Wonka"

"First of February" Mrs Bucket said.  Her eyes widened when she realized. "That's tomorrow"

"Then there's not a moment to lose, Charlie" Grandpa Joe said. "Wash your face, comb your hair, scrub your hands, brush your teeth, blow your nose!"

"And get that mud off your pants!" Grandpa George added.

"Now we must all try to keep very calm" Mrs Bucket said. "First thing that we have to decide is this. Who is going with Charlie to the factory?"

"Rose will" Grandpa Joe suggested.

"Me?" Rose asked.

"Yes, of course! You want to see the factory as much as Charlie does!" Grandpa Joe reasoned.

"How about you, dear?" Mrs Bucket turned to Mr Bucket. "Don't you think you want to go?"

"Well, Rose does love the factory as much as Charlie does" Mr Bucket said. "Provided, of course, she does want to go"

"No" Charlie said, shocking everyone. "We're not going. A woman offered me five hundred for the ticket. We need the money more than we need the chocolate"

"Charlie," Rose started, getting level with Charlie. "There's plenty of money out there in the world. They print more everyday. However, there's only five tickets in the world and that's all there ever will be. All your life you've dreamed of seeing that factory. Please, don't make a mistake and throw that away. Don't make a mistake like I did today"

Everyone furrowed their eyebrows at Rose. "What are you talking about, sweetheart?" Mr Bucket asked.

"It doesn't matter. What matters right now is that Charlie is going to see the factory tomorrow. Your dreams are coming true"

That seemed to get through Charlie's head. He smiled wide. "Alright, I'll go. And you're going with me, Rosie. After all, you bought me the chocolate"

That's when it hit Rose. She had kept her promise after all. She had promised she would get Charlie a golden ticket, and she did. The two of them hugged. Tomorrow was going to be quite the day for the Bucket siblings.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [a picture of the lil card thingy on the bulletin board or wherever] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: you still doing that? Janis: Yeah Janis: 10 euro Mon-Fri for a 20 min walk Jimmy: You do longer or what? Janis: Yeah, that's on lunch break but after School hours I can put it on an hour group walk Janis: between 4-10, pick any hour you want Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: depends what shift I'm on Jimmy: don't have to sign in blood or owt, do I? Janis: won't give you a discount if you do Jimmy: gutted Janis: 'course Janis: if you need weekends and all, I can give you a tenner off but that's it Jimmy: might do Jimmy: sounds like you're cheaper than my sister Janis: weird flex Janis: you know dogs like routine, yeah? Jimmy: 🐕 'll be 💔 on your time Janis: when do you want me to start? Jimmy: tomorrow do you? Janis: Fine by me Janis: get me a key cut, [park name] work for you? Jimmy: 👍 Janis: oh, is there anything I need to know about it Janis: actual like it can't be let off the lead, or bullshit like all the 'allergies' it has Jimmy: up to you that, she won't come back if you do Janis: if you're planning on no-showing Janis: or you ain't got a dog Janis: 1. you won't be the first Janis: 2. i will smack the shit out of you Jimmy: 1. love a park, me Jimmy: 2. [a picture of Twix] Janis: 1. i'm not walking you, btw Janis: 2. put a paper with today's date in it so i know it's real Jimmy: 1. 💔 Jimmy: 2. [does and has doodled on the paper like a nerd] Janis: 1. and I don't babysit humans so leave your sister at home as well Janis: 2. 👍 Janis: give a fuck if you've nicked it, long as you've cut the microchip out Jimmy: 1. only 'cause she'd smack the shit outta you, mate, there's another weird flex for you Jimmy: 2. wouldn't nick nowt that looked like that, tah Janis: 1. not my business that you wanna fuck your sister Janis: 2. and i don't nick nothing so you can trust me with your house key 👌 Jimmy: 1. it ain't that grim up north, but alright Jimmy: 2. crack on, nowt worth having any road Janis: anyone with shit to take has cameras all over the gaff, you're alright Jimmy: only got the one in the 🧸's 👀 Jimmy: stay out my little brother's room and you're alright an' all Janis: not the nonce, new boy Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: euro, not sympathy Janis: take pound, if that's all you got but no credit either Jimmy: lived here long enough to do the change over Jimmy: nowt but the accent sticks Janis: either way, not gonna be on the BBC any time soon with the latest headlines Janis: 💔 Jimmy: hang on, I'll get my 🎻out Jimmy: earn the 💰 while I'm there Janis: give a fuck how you get it, long as you can afford me Jimmy: you ain't that expensive, girl Jimmy: we've done that bit Janis: competitively priced Jimmy: 🏆👏 Janis: definitely not getting paid in applause Janis: we're done here, yeah? Jimmy: What if I'm REALLY good at it? Janis: HIGHLY doubt it Jimmy: whatever you've heard is bollocks Jimmy: can go and on when I get going 👏 Janis: no need to tell me Janis: this is really dragging Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Janis: what's it called? Jimmy: Twix Janis: 😏 Janis: How sweet Jimmy: funny Janis: not the crappest name I've heard Jimmy: rather it were Jimmy: 🥇 is better than nowt Janis: I fake that I like theirs to their faces Janis: no reason I can't fake the opposite to yours Janis: all part of the service Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you can pay each day or weekly Jimmy: how does every other dickhead do it? Janis: depends on the dickhead Janis: the ones that never wanna see the help just drop bank in my account monthly Janis: most people do weekly though, then you only have to 👀 me once every Janis: unless you're a lonely 👵 or letchy 👴 then get the pleasure of seeing you every single day for a chat, obvs Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: busted 👴 Janis: Hooray Janis: be easy, give it me at school, right? Jimmy: Long as Mr Lucas ain't about Jimmy: don't need no ideas, him Janis: ugh 🙄 he's one computer sweep away from mysteriously fucking off one day and none of the others having anything to say about it Jimmy: makes nonce look well fit though Jimmy: better hit him up for tips before he goes Janis: you had Janis: busy boy Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Later Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: if I ain't got a 🔑 for you, that the whole thing off? Janis: just saves time, which is typically why people hire me Janis: but if you're in or can drop the dog to me, don't matter, I guess Jimmy: alright Janis: not have time or not trust us? Jimmy: take your pick Jimmy: well generous like that, me Janis: long as you're paying, give a fuck Janis: you've still got that, yeah? Jimmy: I heard, don't 👏 throw 💰 Janis: that's where the parallels between this and the club end Jimmy: earning it for you now, my dear Jimmy: keep calm and crack on Janis: 💘 Janis: try keep your burns 2nd degree n below Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: fine Janis: just aim the steam thing away from your face Janis: if you get sacked, so do I now Jimmy: disability'll pay Jimmy: be alright Janis: go for your life then, new boy Jimmy: tah Janis: anytime Jimmy: 4-10 Janis: oddly people don't want me taking their dogs in the middle of the night Janis: who'd've thought it Jimmy: bit rude that Jimmy: no trust nowadays 👴 Janis: they just wanna be the ones to murder me Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: whatever floats your ⛵ lads Janis: oh, cheers Jimmy: can't be the only 🐕🗨 about, you Janis: only one you could afford Janis: reason you found the ad Jimmy: I might be a secret millionaire Jimmy: wouldn't be the most bollocks rumour going about Janis: give me more money and I'll spread that one instead Jimmy: piss off Janis: worth a shot Jimmy: miss all them you don't take, girl Janis: they got that on a poster near the maths block, don't they Jimmy: probably Jimmy: got shot right into the bin though, didn't it? Janis: 🗑 Janis: only I'm that good a shot, 2nd attempt, I'll believe Jimmy: still 🎯 Janis: you like 👏 or what Jimmy: don't have to like something to be good at it Jimmy: told you I were Janis: that's about the ☕ init? Jimmy: told you to take your pick an' all so Jimmy: whatever floats your ⛵ lass Janis: not info we need to share for this to still be on Jimmy: be a bit weird if it were Janis: fake 👴 Jimmy: in my day if the 🗨 weren't over a fence it didn't count for nowt Janis: get some 🌳 to lurk in Jimmy: have a row about cutting 'em an' all Jimmy: win win Janis: hot Jimmy: I know Jimmy: 💔 the 🐕 ain't gonna get stuck up a tree but a 😭 story for another day, that Jimmy: I'll save it til you're on the clock Janis: ❌ animal abuse, even casual, cost way more than you got Jimmy: well sure of the contents of my pockets, you Jimmy: can have a full wallet AND be pleased to see you Janis: God Janis: maybe you are 👴 alright, don't need to go that hard to prove it Jimmy: but you're just THAT 🥇 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah yeah Janis: you're on the clock, I get it Janis: ain't a customer though Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 for you Janis: if that's how your chat goes, I'm alright for it Janis: and the shit coffee Jimmy: nowt an overpriced latte can't cure Jimmy: my chat included Janis: wrong twin Jimmy: nah Jimmy: she don't need the hard sell Jimmy: nowt I can do to be rid of her Janis: don't claim her Janis: or her slag behaviour Jimmy: me either Janis: pleased for you, honestly Jimmy: no need to 👏 Jimmy: leave it to the pros Janis: not 👏 for either of you Janis: have to pay you damages if you was part of her body count Janis: cba Jimmy: your apathy is 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: clearly Jimmy: warn us next time Jimmy: trying to keep this professional here Janis: you're doing SO good Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: leave that for the 🐕 Janis: SO weird, new kid Jimmy: been said Janis: bears repeating Jimmy: all 👂 Janis: not now Jimmy: part-timer Janis: I wish Jimmy: you're alright, got Asia in my DMs, bound to be what she's saying Janis: save me the summary Janis: I've heard all 2 thoughts she has already Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: soz if you reckoned you were special Janis: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: #relatable Janis: she must be telling you why she ain't in today Janis: hair or nails, that's the question Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: 💅 DUH Janis: how else do you show off how little you do with your hands Janis: silly me Jimmy: have a word with yourself, honestly Janis: I would Janis: but you're so chatty, can't get a word in Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: there you go Janis: so generous, I heard Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what time you coming today Janis: you not said Jimmy: [a time] Janis: alright Jimmy: can do a bit later if you need Jimmy: but no earlier Janis: can make that time Janis: loads of my usuals are either off to walk their dogs or their kids are so Jimmy: unlucky Janis: yeah Janis: least it's not the only way of making money I got Jimmy: the club, I heard Jimmy: and the theft Jimmy: bet you get written into loads of 👴 wills an' all Janis: those the rumours? Jimmy: just what you said Janis: no bother, if I needed shit spreading, I'd go to your punters well before you Jimmy: would be a good shout Janis: not stupid Jimmy: nor northern 💔🎻😭 Jimmy: can't win 'em all, Judith Janis: says you Jimmy: it were me who typed that yeah Janis: soz, so many 🐶🗨 Jimmy: loads of bitches here an' all Jimmy: funny that Janis: not special, I remember Jimmy: none of us are, mate Janis: deep, barista boy Jimmy: be about right Janis: print that one on the cups or is that an original thought? Jimmy: SUCH a deep cut Janis: nah Janis: we ain't having that much fun Jimmy: no need to tell me, had my 😭 about it Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: loads of them here an' all if you want one Janis: 👶? Jimmy: I get it, you're thinking what'll I do Jimmy: don't worry I'll live, keep a few spare out the back Janis: yes, I'm well concerned about you Jimmy: you heard, no need Janis: can't help being nice, boy Jimmy: it's your blessing and/or curse, Jasmine Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: who brings a baby to a coffee shop Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: serious one Janis: what kind of selfish dickhead Jimmy: the kind who'd call themselves a yummy mummy or whatever bollocks else Jimmy: massive group of 'em are having a sesh Janis: ew Janis: least there'll be less in the park Jimmy: tah @ the CG Jimmy: job done Janis: if only you could lock 'em in and turn the gas on Janis: 😍 Jimmy: could Janis: don't be a tease Jimmy: or what? Janis: Something bad must happen Janis: or they wouldn't say it Jimmy: ask Mr Lucas Jimmy: he knows Janis: what doesn't he Janis: galaxy brain to teach R.E. Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: when you go postal, make sure my sister is in there and I'll make it worth your while anyway Jimmy: hot Janis: 'course Jimmy: ain't the rumour Janis: ? Jimmy: 🥶🧊👑 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: weren't a denial Janis: What's to deny? Janis: the lads that spread that look like 🐁 Janis: not claiming them in a hurry tah Jimmy: you can just say every lad about, it's alright Jimmy: won't dob you in to your paddy ancestors or owt Janis: you said it, not me Jimmy: I did do Janis: you think you're well 😍 then, yeah? Jimmy: don't think about bollocks like that, too #deep Janis: 🤓 Janis: got it Jimmy: leave that one out of the rumour pile Jimmy: just ain't believable Jimmy: *😎 Janis: answered my question there Janis: smug Jimmy: 💔 Janis: 😘 Jimmy: 🥶🧊👑 Janis: 🐁 Jimmy: bollocks Janis: and? Janis: so's that for all you know Jimmy: never said it weren't Janis: you've said it twice, don't need to Jimmy: I've took the piss twice Jimmy: not taken it as gospel Janis: whatever Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: don't need the truth on 😎 or 🥵🔥👑 for this either Janis: just bring the 🐶 when you're done Jimmy: weren't offering it but alright Janis: then I can save you as 🐁🤓 and move on with my day Jimmy: don't need to save me as nowt, my dear Janis: easier than talking to a load of numbers Jimmy: what do we need to talk about? Janis: the 🐶 and the 💰 Jimmy: you'll get both Jimmy: 🗨 done Janis: you're the one who's shifts change, apparently Janis: so you'll need to tell me when Janis: it's no deeper than that Jimmy: @ my manager then, dickhead Janis: I'm being practical Janis: not a mindreader as well as a dogwalker, so you don't need to get aggro, dickhead Jimmy: you're being a dickhead 'cause I said you were 🥶🧊👑 Janis: No need is there Janis: just drop it Jimmy: 👏 Jimmy: peacemaker and 🐕🗨 Janis: Go be a twat somewhere else Jimmy: you wanna get 💰 or what? Jimmy: no tips if you've got a mard on Janis: don't see 🙂 anywhere in my job description Janis: work with animals not basic bitches Jimmy: ain't a massive difference Janis: less 🔊 Jimmy: depends on the 🐕 Jimmy: mine never shuts up Janis: I can wear 🎧 'cos don't need to hear their order Janis: un🍀 Jimmy: I can lip read Jimmy: and our menu ain't that grand Janis: obvs coming back for all your talents Jimmy: it were you who called the coffee shit Jimmy: what else could it be? Janis: dunno Janis: not as if I've ever had any Janis: hoping they were at least partially in it for their caffeine addiction Jimmy: for the #aesthetic Janis: 🙄 Janis: 'course Jimmy: if you need a selfie for your ad the lighting is 🔥🔥🔥 Janis: if ever I wanna put 'em in a phonebox Jimmy: kill off a couple of the 👴💕 Janis: only once I'm in the will, obvs Janis: counterintuitive otherwise Jimmy: duh babes Janis: can you not Jimmy: obvs Janis: then don't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘