#own damn fault ig! its 2 early 2 b this sad but also wen am i evr not this sad lol :') eye am not joking wen i say i wish i were **** :~)
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#dnt mind me eye am simply yearning 4 a life that ill nvr b able 2 reach bc c*pitalism n p*verty r diseases that riddle my body :~)#literally tho thinking abt my wants 4 myself in this life n they r truly so miniscule n they r still somehow out of reach. i want a place 2#nvm actually i was writing it all out n its so. stupid. lmao. i want a house i want genuine relationships i want 2 learn i want 2 create n#the barriers btwn me n those things r like. astronomical. but also my xpectations 4 those things set me evn further behind so its rlly my#own damn fault ig! its 2 early 2 b this sad but also wen am i evr not this sad lol :') eye am not joking wen i say i wish i were **** :~)#im not evn sad i just feel empty. like hallowed out. ive started journaling again n evry time i open myself up 2 myself & my thoughts &#emotions im like oh. this ugly bitch again? like i genuinely just Dnt enjoy who i am as a prsn n i dnt enjoy hearing my thoughts or feeling#my emotions eye am well n truly sick of this bitch! but the bitch is me. is it not bttr 2 pretend 2 b som1 i cld actually like? this is#getting in2 st different than originally but i h8 using this blog as a journal bc im well aware none of u care abt this shit! but i dnt want#2 give the words value by placing them in my actual journal lmao. so it all gets stuck here in a giant mess that makes no sense. so w/e!#only 1 thing has evr lived up 2 its counterpart in my head n thats bc i place 0 xpectations on it n i dnt kno y or how 2 do it w othr things#/ ppl n i feel like thats y im so miserable. lmao. the world in my head is just genuinely bttr n more enjoyable than the 1 out here n theyre#nvr gnna match n im always gnna b disappointed. my head is a world of mirrors n the real world is all windows n i dnt kno how 2 see thru#them n not xpect 2 see a distorted reflection of self or at least aspects. like. hello?? i h8 my brain n i h8 that life isnt scripted lmao
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