#over til you can't tell us apart. til no one can bear to look at us for how intertwined we are

[therruiner]

.

[honeysugarchocolate]

(an extra scene from the art of hanging of hanging by your toes like a fruit bat)

A lot of things in Yeonjun's life have to do with doors. Closed doors, half-opened doors, unlocked doors. A door is an entrance and an exit all at once; a contradiction, a paradox, a subversion of logic, a singularity; a wrinkle in space, a wormhole, an act of blasphemy, a liminal space. Soobin purposes to Yeonjun by his hospital room door; his artifical sanctuary.

It happens after he's pushed Soobin around the endless hospital corridors in his wheelchair, laughter still caught in their lungs, heavy like smoke; Soobin who's never been strong enough to walk after a chemo session; Soobin who hates being alone in the aftermath of it anyway; Soobin who unfolds with no bearing, unfolds unto nothing. The night is diffuse, fog has settled in; frost will soon follow. When Yeonjun realizes what is happening and his knees hit the floor, time is no longer linear, but rather it rolls and trickles over in circles, this certain moment that holds something over him; he's stuck in this loop, face down and puckered to the ground. He knows, he's seen it before; Soobin frail and clutching at his sleeves like he's trying to stop his own soul from eroding— but it doesn't make it less earth-shattering, doesn't stop his heart from shivering, nor does it stop Soobin from rubbing it warmly between his hands. And it wears warmly like a soap bar into wrinkles and compounds, into a promise only a palm reader will understand.

"What do you say we get married, hyung?" says Soobin, golden, coming to life. He strokes Yeonjun’s cheek, still flushed from exertion, and Yeonjun is trapped in a conical prism of light. "In fact, we can get married right now if you want."

Yeonjun dares not say a single word. Instead, he cries; it seems to be all he does these days. His tongue dries and bitters. And then— a shift in the stomach, a jolt in the organ. He dares not take a single step further, but he kisses Soobin all the same, through his sticky tears and Soobin’s breathy giggles, and what little remains of his resolve vanishes completely.

It goes a little something like this. Yeonjun drives them back to their hometown. They end up by the lake, carving their names into the bark of the oak tree. They exchange their vows under a rapidly warming sky. It's April and fully blossomed into spring and yet it's cold here, as if it were too lazy to remember the season. And Yeonjun knows Soobin’s grown tired of putting on so many layers to stand against the cold. He wonders whether he should strip Soobin down like rings of bark and hold him the way he wants to be held. Or if it'd be easier to ask the sun to stretch open the sky and and embrace Soobin wholly, like all those summers. Yeonjun lays himself out for all to see, Soobin, Beomgyu, Arin, the moon. It all becomes so convoluted, so spine twistingly, bone crumplingly, head throbbingly convoluted Yeonjun can't explain it anymore. Not even to himself. He looks at Soobin, the gentle curve of his lips, the quiet waves of his breathing; his eyes and his soul both glisten. He thinks, regret is for fools and politicians and abusive mothers.

Husband so deep dwelling in the stringy parts of my heart, Yeonjun says. This is where you can stay when things are too much outside. Shut the shades over the waxy windows. Paint the world black, even blacker than I am on the inside. Keep the light out if you want. The monsters can go fuck themselves. I'll always come save you.

Soobin kindly, for his part, doesn't say til death do us apart, instead he tells Yeonjun, "Let's be together til the very end." And it sounds a lot like I hope you'll see me to my grave.

"You owe me a proper ring," says Yeonjun, because what else can he say to that? All he sees is himself and his technicolor feelings on television, headline on the late news: man slips one hundred million feet from heaven onto something so soft it cushions his organs from the damage of the crash. Maybe love does conquer all!

In this moment Yeonjun allows himself to believe it. That they're forever. He thinks, it's funny how kilometres look so insignificant from a distance. Viewing Soobin from afar like this, he thinks, how much longer?

But he already knows the answer to that.

[gallickingun]

May I request a Praise kink! Dom! Mirio x Reader drabble that doesn't use Sunshine as a nickname? (My mom's name is Sunshine and I feel icky about being called it){I'm sorry if this breaks a rule in your ask system but I can't access them from mobile}

a/n: of course! i didn’t do as much size kink with this one and focused more on the praise. i hope you like it! 💕 also when did i become a mirio blog like damn this is so long lol 

tw: praise kink; soft dom!mirio; daddy kink (i’m sO SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT); sub!reader; fingering; oral; kinda a crybaby reader? idk if that’s a tw now, but i did want to just put it here!

ps, reminder that ~drabble requests~ are open! currently accepting for bnha, haikyuu, jujutsu kaisen, a:tla, & dragon ball!

“That’s it,” Mirio’s voice is like honey in your ears, dripping down your spine to pool in your stomach, settling hot and heavy against your insides. He kisses your cheek and leans back on his thighs to watch where his fingers have speared your cunt wide open, “That’s my girl, look at how pretty you are all laid out for me.”

He pauses, and then tilts his head, blue eyes swirling with something akin to frantic worry, “It is just for me, i’nnit baby?”

“Y-Yeah, yeah!” You squeeze your eyes shut so hard it pushes your tears from your ducts, and a moan is ripped from your lungs as his second knuckles push deeper into your swollen lips. When you get your bearings straight, and are able to look him in the eye again, your lower lip is wobbling but you manage to push more words out despite yourself, “J-Just for you, T-Toga-”

Mirio cuts your stuttering sentence short with a warm, firm kiss to your lips. His mouth is searing hot, and your noses bump when he presses too eagerly into you. Your jaw falls slack as his digits piston forward, thick and slick, and nearly rip another orgasm from your belly while his mouth is preoccupied with your bared neck.

You know that there will be dozens of marks littered across your body in the morning, but you don’t have the wherewithal to tell him to quit. Your skin is simmering with a wanton heat, insatiable in your need to have him closer, closer, closer. It’s concerning how no matter how many times he helps you fall apart, you’re still yearning for more. 

He huffs out a breath, releasing the cleft of skin he had captured between his teeth so he can look down at you - breathless and beautiful and begging, still - and that beautiful grin overtakes his features, stretching pink lips to bare beautiful pearlescent teeth. You reach a palm up out of instinct alone, a wobbly elbow barely able to hold you anything close to steady, “I-I love you, Togata, I l-love, I love you.”

Mirio tils his head so he can kiss you on the wrist. Your pulse point stutters underneath his mouth and he revels in the knowledge that only he has the capability to wear you down in such a way that has you pleading for another piece of his soul, as if yours might not be whole without him there to fill the gaps. He sighs, warm breath spilling down the length of your forearm and driving a shiver up your spine.

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” his voice is gravelly, like it hurts to push out the words, but he repeats them regardless, this time looking into your glassy eyes so you know he’s telling you the truth. He smiles again, turning so his cheek is pressed fully into your palm, “You’re doing so good, such a good girl. You think you’re ready for me, now?”

The nodding of your head is a mix of frantic and eager, your pupils blown wide as your mouth parts out of lascivious desire alone. His expression softens at your fervor, dimples fading as he shifts his hips so he’s positioned between your knees. Mirio’s knuckles slowly drag out of you, scissored slightly so your precious walls will not be fooled into thinking the onslaught is over. No, it has only just begun; Mirio does nothing in small measures, including the heft that is sported between his hips.

Your little hand reaches forward out of pure need and you can barely wrap your digits around him fully, but that does not stop you from trying. He hums out a laugh that sounds curiously like fondness, and then kisses your knee, pushing it further away so your cunt is butterflied open, lips slightly parted so he can see the depths of your body for himself. You grunt, bent forward at an odd angle so you can watch the sanguine cockhead bulge under your ministrations. Mirio’s chest shakes with a moan, eyelids threatening to slip closed when he feels your soft palm envelope his shaft.

“P-Princess,” he rests his forehead against your knee, hiding his sapphire irises from your gaze. You love the way the nickname tumbles from his lips, so you push the pillow under your shoulder blades to aid in your actions of leaning forward so you can wrap both hands around his dick, thumbing at the veins and the darkened shaft, watching closely as the pre drools from his tip. You lick your lips and Mirio watches your pinkened tongue part your teeth to expose itself and your intentions.

“Please?” you beg, eyes wide and fingers needy. You tongue the air in front of you, the tip of your muscle pointed with the way you flex it, “W-Wanna be good for you, make you feel good!”

His canine tooth catches the corner of his mouth, a flash of pain shown in his bright eyes, but it subsides when he sees how badly you want to prove to him that you could devour him whole if only he’d give you the chance.

“You’re being so good,” he murmurs, dipping his head down to kiss you on the mouth, thumb finding your clit as he sandwiches his thick forearm between your torsos. You mewl, kicking your feet at the newfound jolts of pleasure making their way up your body with each circling of the pad of his finger against that sweet, soft bundle of nerves you keep hidden from everyone but him. Mirio volleys teeth and tongue and lips back and forth with you while you both focus on one another’s sensitive spots, your hands flicking upward against the head of his dick before slowly shifting back down, squeezing him at different points to elicit those salacious moans from the depths of his chest. And his fingerprints drag along the soft folds that are tucked between your hips, never pushing too deep, but reminding you that he’s near and ready whenever you ask to bring forth yet another crashing wave of pleasure if only you just ask him to. 

He nips your lower lip and then kisses the corner of your mouth, blinking slowly so he can look you in the eyes, “Such a perfect little one for me, yeah? You’re so pretty and sweet and soft, fuck you’re soft. These cute lips and that adorable cunt. You’re so wet for me, sweetheart.”

All you can do is nod, words negligible at this point. You know he doesn’t need your assurances anyway. You tilt your chin so you can reach his mouth again, whining against his lips as your wrist angles to drag over the thick head of his cock one last time before you part.

“I want to taste you, Daddy,” your voice is small, mouth pulled into a pout that he pulls back to examine while he stills his fingers against your labia, slick and dripping onto the sheets beneath him. Mirio sighs, his cock twitching at the thought of your delicate mouth wrapped around whatever bit of him you’re able to swallow.

“C’mere,” he turns his body so he’s laid back on the mattress, arm tucked behind his head as he guides you with his free hand against the back of your neck. He thumbs at the skin there, rough fingers nothing but gentle while he handles you. You note each scar on his body as you trail your fingers over his skin, waiting as he settles into the plush down of the mattress. Your head finds his hip, one leg slung over his calf so your cunt is bared to his knee, if you wish to grind down on it. The heel of your hand rests on his thigh, near his balls, and your fingertips ache to reach between the thickest parts of him to touch what is usually hidden to the world, but always bared to you.

“Be careful, baby,” Mirio’s voice is a warning, “don’t hurt yourself.”

Oh, that sounds like a challenge if there ever were one. 

You part your lips and lick at the tip of his cock, drooling with a pearlescent bead of pre, saltine and delectable. Your eyelids shutter closed simultaneously with the moan that shakes Mirio’s entire body. His hand digs deeper into your neck on either side, fingers buzzing with the need to push your precious mouth down until your face is buried into the vee of his hips and your mouth is drooling around his cock. He withholds himself, though, knowing that you need to prove to yourself what you can do with whatever parts of your body you wish to use.

One hand stays wrapped around the base of him, your eyes near crossing as you watch the blushing tip of his cock tremble under your gaze. You look up for his permission, hazy eyes somehow finding him, and you wait for him to nod before you begin to suckle on the head of his dick. The corded muscles of his thighs are shuddering with each bob of your head, his abdomen muscles flexing as he restrains himself from pushing you too far.

“That’s’a good girl,” he grits his teeth with each syllable, tilting his jaw so he can watch your eyes water with how you try to take too much to start. You choke and gag when you attempt to put your nose to his blonde curls, the tip of him brushing your uvula and dragging out your gag reflex. Tears soak your cheeks and drool dribbles down either corner of your mouth, and Mirio has to guide your face away from his cock before you try to go again in spite of your reaction.

After a few more attempts to draw your mouth down to the base of his cock unsuccessfully, Mirio lets out a patronizing chuckle, dragging you by the neck so you won’t continue your assault and make yourself sick. Your thighs latch around his leg, cunt dripping on his knee, begging like a child for him to let you go so you can prove something to him.

“Stop it.”

You blink once, looking him in the eyes, “B-But-”

“What did I say?”

A fresh set of tears stain your cheeks and the sheets, and Mirio gathers you up in his arms and sits forward so you’re tucked against his lap, “Feel that?” He’s talking about the way his cock bobs against your belly, bubbling with arousal and begging to be sheathed inside of you. He noses your cheek, “You did that. All you, baby. With that pretty mouth and those sweet hands. You did such a good job. Such a good girl for me, yeah?” 

You whine, dropping your head to his shoulder but keeping your head lilted so you can look down at his dick, watching as it twitches with every move that you make. You want to reach your hands down to take him between your fingers, to push him over the edge as he’s already done for you three times tonight. You want to give him everything he’s gifted you and so much more.

“I know what you want, honey,” he’s quiet but in the emptiness of your room it feels so loud. Each word sends a shockwave to your core and you shiver at the sound, “W-Want you, Daddy. Just want you.”

“I know, baby,” and this time it is almost sad the way he says it. He takes a deep breath and tilts your head with his thumb beneath your chin, “Let me take care of you, okay? You took such good care of me, now it’s your turn.”

He wordlessly hauls you up by the waist with minimal effort, and looks you in the eyes, “I want you to guide me, okay? I want you to show me where you want me.”

You nod and reach down so your hands are wrapped around the very end of his cock, bobbing your fingers up and down just to milk what’s left of the sweet spurt of pre so his tip is drooling, and then you position his dick so it will split your cunt in two. Slowly, Mirio drops you down, watching your hands fall away so he can get an eyeful of his cock as it spreads your lips and disappears, inch by inch into your sweet, slippery pussy. 

“That’s my girl,” he grunts, allowing you to fall forward so your hands are on his chest, bracing you before you take his entire length up into your stomach. Tears surface on your lids and he’s quick to kiss the corners of your eyes until they’re gone, “Sweet girl, don’t cry. You’re doing so good for me. I can’t wait to fuck this perfect cunt, can’t wait to give you all I’ve got.”

“Want it, Daddy, want it! I-I can take it! P-Promise-” You sob as you try to roll your hips, but his palms are steady against your body, which only makes you more frustrated that he won’t let you show him that you can be a good girl, that you can take his cock and do it well. 

Mirio is a sunbeam incarnate, all light and shine, warmth and something husky that reminds you of a sunny afternoon. So when he speaks, you listen, and you take each of his words and run them through your gummy mind until you’re sure you’ve heard him right.

“I know you can, baby girl,” he rotates your hips with the heels of his palms and you gasp as he spears you wide open, “You can do anything you set your mind to. But let go, and let Daddy take care of you this time, okay?”

Your whimpering is cut short when you feel the head of his cock brush your cervix and whatever comes next you can hardly remember except the sound of his name on your lips and the way he burns you alive only to soothe the ache when it’s all over hours later into the night.

[punkscowardschampions]

Tess & Bea

Tess: You have to tell me where you are Bea: I'm fine Tess: That isn't what I asked Bea: That's what you need to hear regardless Tess: No, I need to hear a location Tess: but I'll drive round with a screaming baby regardless Bea: Don't waste time guilting me, go home Tess: Come home and I can too Bea: That's not an option Tess: Neither is this Bea: Yes it is Bea: I can say the placement fell apart, they'll have to find a new one, easy Tess: If that's what you want, we can talk about it Bea: Just keep Ro, okay Bea: please Tess: Oh Bea, of course we're keeping her Bea: Good Bea: She doesn't need to leave, she's not done anything Tess: None of this is about your sister, it's about you Tess: and you don't need to leave Tess: Talk to me Bea: I do Bea: I'm not going to stop Bea: I'm sorry but I can't Tess: So you leave, what then? Tess: You know they could send you anywhere Bea: I'll visit Tess: If you say the placement broke down, you don't also get to come round for tea Bea: I meant him Bea: I know I can't come see you all Tess: He'll still live here Tess: If you're gone, you're gone, kid Bea: You can't keep him under house arrest forever Tess: You think I'm letting him out of my sight after this? Bea: Yeah Bea: screaming baby, after-all Tess: I'd say watch me, but you won't be here to see it Bea: I'd say the track record is 1-0 to me Tess: The punishment doesn't really fit my crime, but go ahead Bea: This isn't about punishing you Tess: I am being anyway Tess: but I ain't special, so are you, so is he Bea: We didn't mean to, alright Tess: I know that Bea: There's no point punishing him for it Tess: There's every point in trying to protect him though Tess: especially since I've done such a shit job of it up til now Bea: I'm not a predator Tess: That's not what I'm saying Tess: I can't stop you from going but I can stop him running off after you Bea: Yes you are Tess: No, I'm not Tess: I'm saying I know exactly how he feels about you and what he's willing to do Bea: I'll tell him not to Tess: Yeah, 'cause that'll work Bea: You're either going to protect him or you aren't then Tess: All I can do is try Tess: That ain't always enough, I don't need you or anyone else to tell me Bea: Well then Tess: Are you gonna tell me where you are or am I calling the police out? Bea: Don't be ridiculous Bea: I'm just thinking Tess: Whether you reckon it's ridiculous or not, it's the hoop I have to jump through Tess: I'm still your foster carer for now Bea: If you don't come, I'll tell you Tess: Tell me and I'll decide whether it's safe to leave you there or not Tess: This isn't a game Bea: I'm not an idiot Bea: I wouldn't go anywhere unsafe Tess: Me either, but you've both treated me like a mug Tess: That stops now Bea: It wasn't personal Tess: How do you reckon that? Tess: This affects all of us Bea: We didn't want any of you to know Tess: Well, now I do, and if you leave the others are gonna notice Tess: They'll have questions Bea: That have simple answers Tess: You really want your sister to think that the slightest bad behavior and she's out on her ear too? 'Cause that's how it'll look Bea: It isn't slight bad behaviour, I've not stolen a fiver out your purse Bea: I'm not a child Bea: and she's unlikely to repeat the offense so I think we're fine Tess: Oh so you want me to tell her the truth, warts and all, yeah? Tess: Put it in your file for the next person and everything, like Bea: I don't care, do what you have to Bea: I told you, I'm not going to stop seeing him Tess: You may not care about yourself but I care about you Tess: Jesus Bea: I know and I care about you, believe it or not Bea: that's why I'm fixing this Tess: It's not a fix Tess: If you leave here fuck knows where they'll put you, who with Bea: I'll be fine Bea: I'm sure I've handled worse Tess: You don't know that Tess: and what about him? I'll carry the guilt and responsibility of it, I know I can handle it, but don't tell me you want that for Fraze Bea: Don't Tess: I don't need to tell you what he's like Tess: How much it'd hurt him if anything happens to you, he's already in bits that you legged it Tess: You need to think carefully about what you want your next move to be Bea: I'll talk to him Tess: Come home, he's waiting for you Bea: I don't want to talk to you yet okay Tess: I'm not gonna block the door unless you do Tess: You can come back Bea: Alright Tess: He don't wanna talk to me either but I'll let him stay too Bea: It's just Bea: we don't need to ever do we Tess: I reckon we do, kid Tess: but it doesn't have to be tonight Bea: We'll see Tess: Listen, if I'd had the option at your age, shit might have worked out different for me Tess: I'm not saying I need every detail, believe me I don't, but shutting me out ain't the way either of you are gonna get what you want Bea: We know what we're doing, don't worry Tess: That doesn't make me feel better Tess: and it's not just about that Bea: I'm just saying Tess: Me too Bea: I'm not gonna make you a grandma Bea: get real Tess: I know you won't, all the time I've spent having chats with him to make sure that won't happen Bea: Ugh Tess: Not a barrel of laughs for any of us Bea: You know they teach us all that in reception now, yeah? Tess: I know that this is the last baby I'm raising Tess: and that I didn't push these kids outta me for someone else to raise 'em Bea: Should've given Fearghal the talk Tess: I've given him plenty Bea: Maybe yourself, then Tess: I give it out, don't mean I take it Bea: Hmm Tess: Anyway, I wanted every one of 'em Tess: You included Bea: It's alright, he won't remember any of this Bea: 3-4 earliest, you can say what you like 'til then Tess: I'll say what I like then too Tess: You know me Bea: Of course Tess: So, where are you? Tess: 'cause I'm gonna keep asking Bea: I was on a bus Bea: now I'm waiting for one back Tess: I'll come get you Tess: in silence Tess: at least from me, can't speak for the baby Bea: Can I get in the back or is it the boot only Tess: I was thinking roof rack Bea: ha ha Tess: Career in stand up after maternity leave is a maybe Tess: fair enough Bea: Wouldn't run up any credit banking on it Tess: Those days are over, kid Tess: I don't owe anyone anything Bea: Leave that out of your routine Bea: not very relatable Tess: Depends on your audience Bea: Aiming for royal variety as your first gig is even more ambitious Tess: Gotta aim high Tess: Be an even shitter role model otherwise Bea: Shut up Tess: You've got jokes too, yeah? Tess: Trying to tell me what to do is bound to get a few laughs Bea: Know your audience Tess: ha ha ha Bea: Alright, not coming for your gig Tess: Good to know, like Tess: I need the cash more than you Bea: How'd you work that one out Tess: Many mouths to feed under my roof Tess: including yours Bea: Which you're currently managing to do Bea: I've got none Tess: Well, I would've paid you for babysitting if you'd got eyes for anyone but each other Bea: ha ad infinitum Tess: That one ain't a joke, trust me Tess: I trusted you both with my kid Bea: And he is and was fine Tess: You really gonna take credit for that, are you? Bea: We wouldn't let anything happen to him Tess: It isn't always a choice Tess: and you've already made it clear what your priorities were and are Bea: He was asleep Tess: If you're reckoning that gets you off the hook you're speaking to the wrong person Bea: I'm saying, he was fine Bea: you don't watch him sleep Tess: and I'm saying there's plenty of other teenagers I could've paid not to give a fuck Bea: and I'm saying we do Bea: didn't leave him outside or forget to feed him Tess: Yeah 'cause that's the benchmark here Tess: don't take the piss Bea: Jesus Tess: Be as angry as you want, I'm livid Bea: Not waiting for permission Bea: just this bus Tess: I saw that for myself Tess: He's not allowed no girls in when I'm not, it's not different rules for you Bea: If you wanna make that your cross to bear Tess: I'd love to not have to Bea: Then don't Tess: Look what happens when I take any steps back Tess: Great idea, cheers Bea: This would've happened regardless of how much of a helicopter mum you want to be Bea: It's got nothing to do with you, I keep saying Tess: The consequences have got everything to do with me, whatever happens Tess: I'm responsible for him and you Bea: It's not like I have a social worker Bea: and it's not like it's illegal Bea: or anyone else knows Tess: 'Cause I'm it, I'm meant to do it all for you Tess: that's what parenting is Tess: I'm not bothered about things blowing up in your face that way Tess: what happens when you two don't wanna be together anymore, you'll have to leave or live with it Bea: I know Bea: we've done that before, remember Tess: It'll be harder this time Bea: We can handle it Tess: You can't speak for him Tess: He's not as strong as he lets on, you know that Bea: Well it's happened Bea: It can't be taken back Tess: No shit Bea: So he'll have to Bea: You can't do anything about it Tess: I can pick up the pieces, I'll have to Bea: That's what parenting is Tess: Yeah Bea: Are you telling me I can't date your son? Tess: I'm not that stupid Bea: Then what Tess: It's too late to prepare you for what this is gonna be like, but I have to try Bea: We're the only ones who know what it's like Tess: That ain't gonna stop everyone else having an opinion Bea: I've got about as much interest in them as I usually do Tess: He cares if you don't Tess: and he'll care more living that bullshit day in and day out Bea: then he can dump me Bea: I'm not forcing him to do anything Bea: I don't know why you think that I am Bea: he isn't a baby Tess: It ain't that simple Tess: wanting something doesn't make it easy Tess: and not caring don't mean people can't make it harder, they still can Bea: What is anyone going to do Bea: You can't even do shit Bea: end of Tess: You'll find out if you're determined to Bea: I've told you I'm not stopping Tess: and I've warned you Tess: like you said, end of then Bea: Yep Tess: Do you want that to be your last word before you get in this car? Bea: Do you want an apology? Bea: If so you'll have to be more specific because I'm not apologizing for parts I'm not sorry for Tess: You don't reckon you've got anything to be sorry for Tess: Why would I want an apology you don't mean? Bea: I didn't say that Tess: As good as Bea: I don't want to leave for my benefit Tess: It wouldn't be for any of ours Tess: Not mine, not his and not your sister's Bea: If I wasn't in your care, you wouldn't get any repercussions, any judgment, or any of those opinions you're talking about Tess: I can handle 'em, I already have done long before you moved in Tess: I'm trying to warn you 'cause nobody did me, there's not much they can say I haven't heard Bea: So can I Bea: Words don't do shit to me Tess: If it's only words I'll stop worrying Bea: If anyone calls the social what can they do Bea: you say you discourage it, don't leave us alone, whatever Bea: they've got bigger fish to fry Tess: I don't know what they'll do, that's the point Bea: Nothing Bea: Even if they did take me away, so what, I already said I'll go Tess: None of us want you to, that's what Tess: fuck's sake Bea: So we'll hide it and lie and no one outside the family needs to know Tess: that'll look worse when it comes out Tess: I don't want another kid taken off me, alright Bea: What can I do Tess: You could've come to me, but like you said, it's happened now Bea: No I couldn't Bea: You think you could've talked me out of it Bea: Him, maybe Bea: but you're years too late Tess: I told you, I'm not that stupid Tess: I know what it feels like to not give a fuck about anything but the one person everyone is telling you that you shouldn't Tess: and what the consequences feel like Tess: when those people are right and when they are wrong too Tess: one lad broke my heart and the other never has Bea: That's life, right? Bea: You can't protect them from it, though being a mum is wanting to, I'm sure Tess: Mine, yeah, don't follow in my footsteps any of you Bea: Not my plan Bea: but you've done alright Tess: Good Tess: now maybe Bea: Ask any therapist, your childhood ain't your fault Bea: unless you wanna go there Tess: I ain't been a child for a long time, there's no excuse for me there Bea: You were then Tess: I weren't allowed to be then Tess: that was the problem Tess: So I tried to be an adult, and unsurprisingly fucked that up Tess: Still am and still do Bea: I know what you're trying to say Bea: but it ain't an option for me either Bea: ain't your fault Bea: but it's how it is Tess: I'm trying to say I don't just love Fraze, it's you too Tess: Everything I want for him, I want for you Tess: end of story Bea: This doesn't mean we can't get what we want, and what you want for us Bea: I swear Tess: I wanna believe that, but I'm as far from a 13 year old kid as you can get Bea: Wait and see then Tess: That's all I can do Tess: what you can do is take this kid far away from me while I have a cig and not say a word about it when we get back Bea: Alright Bea: even hold my tongue on how you trust me with your precious youngest now Tess: Keep him where I can see him, like Bea: Within eyeline but away from the second-hand poison, gotcha Tess: It ain't personal, it's just that he's my last go at this Tess: to not entirely fuck up from day 1 Bea: Thank God for the silence rule so I don't have to hear any more of this Tess: I can break it as easy as I made it if you're gonna be that gutted Bea: You're clearly gonna Tess: Leave your reverse psychology outside the car Bea: Only if you leave the woe is me bit Bea: who are you fooling Tess: I want your sympathy as much as I want any of this Tess: It's how it is Tess: You've had what, 6 years, to see for yourself Bea: Then leave it out Bea: like you're not on your way to a sainting Tess: I'm not that close to death, cheers Bea: That you know of Tess: killing me so you can run away with my son is plan B then? Good one Bea: Nope but if you have an aneurysm at the wheel we're all goners Tess: don't flatter yourself that you've made me that angry Tess: the baby did a number on my hormones not you, kid Bea: Then I repeat, quit the bitching Tess: Quit the attitude Bea: 😏 Tess: Yeah, that's what I thought Bea: Where are you Tess: If I honked my horn you'd hear it Tess: do you want me to be your embarrassing Ma? Bea: As if you have any other mode Tess: Don't start lying now Bea: 🤐 Tess: Yeah yeah, get in the car

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// Head Canon: The horror of lack of touch //

Brief overview of how this condition affects Brian, as well as his mental state (tw: disassociation, unintentional self harm), And will go over head to toe where his sensitivities and dead zones are.

Brian is VERY much secretive about pretty much all aspects of his life. However his issues that come along with the lack of touch is one topic he keeps closest to his chest. Right up there with the root of all his fears. He rightfully views it as a weakness – in spite of the slight benefits it might give him. He doesn't want to appear weak to those around him. Nor does he want anyone to take advantage of said weakness. Brian thoroughly dislikes being vulnerable to anyone, and this condition definitely does that in spades. He's gotten pretty good at acting like he can feel things but some things – he just can't understand or predict.

Brian's lack of feeling isn't always all consuming. There are good days and bad days. On a good day he can feel things with a bit of effort. Pressing up against things a little harder, or might be able to tell the difference between a hot drink and cold one. His sensitive points you can get a reaction out of him – a person he's close with might notice how touch starved he is with the way he moves into touches. He's generally in a better, still gruff but better mood. He's a little less tense, angry and frustrated. He would describe it like... only having five layers of thick fabric between him and the world rather than 20 or 30.

Which brings us to the bad days. The days when Brian can't feel anything at all. When it feels like nothing can penetrate that bubble that surrounds him. No injuries, or burning, or hugs – nothing. He doesn't feel like he's even part of the world – almost like the world itself is rejecting him and he can't even feel himself scream. Or the lump in his throat because he wants to just fucking break down and cry. Or maybe he is – it wouldn't feel the tears. These days he can almost look like he's intoxicated as he'll be stumbling around. It's hard to walk and keep himself upright when he can't feel himself balancing, or differences in the floor, or pick up the little vibrations most people take for granted. It's a very scary thing for him since is a sensory deprivation that he can't stop, has no control over, and makes the world feel like a unknown foreign place. Like he's suffocating in his own skin and can't  

On bad days he'll literally do anything to feel something. Get into awful fights. Or other days when the effort is too much to even attempt going anywhere he'll curl up somewhere and just stay there til it passes over.

Most days – he's drifting somewhere in between this two extremes. 

Typical things that occur to Brian due to this condition: Injuries: There are days Brian can't tell right away if something is hot or cold. So he can burn himself or get something like frostbite without realizing until after the damage is done and he has to play it off. Somewhere like Spooky High especially when there's all sort of bullets, knifes, and powers at play he can also get injured without realizing it – although thankfully this hasn't happened often. But he can get nicked by something and not feel and be bleeding without realizing. Meaning he can bleed far longer than is healthy for even him.

Self-Harm: Accidentally. Only times Brian;s ever intentionally hurt himself are to give himself scars that look cool for aesthetic reasons (like the one on his hairline). But Brian has hurt himself accidentally before. Scratching at himself too hard attempting to feel something. Or simply because he's not aware of how he's positioned. Or where exactly his body is and how much it can take. And really even his own strength. He can poke himself in the eye and not feel it – not realize he damaged it.

Off Balance: As mentioned earlier there are days he pretends to be drunk or days he actually gets drunk because he's having a rougher day and having problems getting his balance due to lack of feeling in his legs and feet. These are the days he hates the most. Disassociation: Brian can disassociate VERY badly (in the form of a Depersonalization Disorder) . To the point where he doesn't feel real, or worse the world and people in it aren't real. This stems from his lack of being able to seemingly interact with the world through touch. There's no worse, or lonelier feeling in the world than being isolated through touch. Brian's Body Map. Head: His scalp is a weak spot. He can feel on his scalp pretty decently actually. One of his favorite things is people running fingers through his hair, or pulling it, or playing with it. He'll even spend most time on his hair in his morning routine because he can feel it more. Or when he's having a bad day he'll pull at his hair to try and feel SOMETHING.  Apart from that Brian's lips are sensitive as well thanks to the abundance of nerve endings. Also a small patch high up on his jawline on the left side – by his ear.  

Neck: On the back of his neck is sensitive in a small specific patch left side. A romantic partner bites or sucks on that little patch and he'll go wild. The rest is hit or miss. Arms: Complete dead zone most days. Honestly one of the spots that even on a good day he can't feel anything for the most part. Hands: His fingertips some times have sensation and this is probably the most torturous part of his body for him. It's like a flickering lamp post. There are tiny bursts of sensation interspersed with long periods of barely anything. Good days however he can sort of feel most things with them... regardless of how the rest of his body is – the times his hands work better he's usually in a good mood. Chest: His massive chest wound. The edges of the were-bear claw marks across his chest are actually a little sensitive. Nipples are also mildly sensitive. Depends on how worked up he is. Back: The wound that exposes his spine is also sensitive. He'll arch and shiver if it's touched right. Although mostly it's another dead zone. Hips/Groin: Hip bones are surprisingly sensitive. Erogenous zones are also typically sensitive, although it;s much harder to get him worked up than a normal lover. He needs to be warmed up and teased first. This can be through brawling, toys, or simply patience and stimulation. Gives him a lot of endurance. Thighs: Inner thighs slightly more sensitive than the rest of his legs. But not by much. Calves: Dead Zone. Feet: When he can't feel his feet its a bad time. As mentioned earlier he can't keep his balance. Or detect changes in the ground etc. His not ticklish here or anywhere else on his body. He wishes he was....