#otherwise i would've had one of these lovely chatty creatures

[morgan-the-lonely-brick]

I love ringnecks so much😭😭😭

Luvly conversation. :) ….unmute

[luna13e-blog]

Hello

For the asks 3, 8, 13. I was going to be kind and copy and paste but the world is frustrating just now so sorry but I didn’t.

♥️♥️♥️a

Hello lovely,

And thank you. I really like to be asked. So here I come (I warn you, I am bored and chatty so it's going to be a long ass answer)

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Though one. I feel like since the pandemic my attention span shrank and since then I can barely watch 45min episodes so I'm afraid I'd get inescapably bored with any movie now. But I can tell you the movies I hold close to my heart that, perhaps, I can watch again and again even if I haven't watched them in a long time.

- Chocolat directed by Lasse Hallström, 2000. I had to google that but I know by heart that it has Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. I can't remember the first time I saw it but I remember it was with my mom in a time we were both having a fangirling time over Depp. I know I watched it at least three times after that, once I forced my crush at the time to watch it when I was a teen and I know that I eventually developed a crush on Juliette Binoche (it was developed because the first time I watched I was 10 and unaware I could like girls, yes, I was already aware that I liked ratty men, blame my mom). What I love about that movie is the story it tells around women (empowered by Vianne and her sensual chocolates), strong women that leave their abusive husbands, strong women that realize the wonders of being throughly fucked, and of course the main storyline: A single mother with a 6yo daughter, trying to make a life, honor a mother and building a village when they had nothing but each other. Is sensual and magic and I love it.

- The lord of the rings trilogy. I believe I don't need to specify actors and directors on this one. I watched it several times and even when I have to admit that watching the three of them in one go is something I'm not going to do ever again, I can still fall into the comfort of any of the three movies at any time. I'm a bit of a geek about how things are done and all the work they put in that movie (the camera tricks to make the hobbits look smaller, the detail in the costume's design, the architecture, the hundreds of extras they had to dress up because CGI was still shitty) still leaves me in awe. That and the fact that I believe the battle of Helm's Deep is still the best night stormy battle ever filmed (cof, not like certain GoT battles in the last seasons, cof). And I like the music. I also spent many hours shredding this movies into pieces with my favorite cousin because we read the books and a bookworm doesn't forgive certain things, but I was 9 (yes, I consumed that fucking huge trilogy at 9yo) and he was 19 and I'm forever thankful for the bonding opportunity those movies provided that otherwise would've been complicated to have.

- Arrival, directed by Denis Villeneuve, 2016. This is probably the only movie that doesn't involve bonding with people I love, but it does involve something I love ferociously: language. And something that fascinates me: Deep space and its creatures and the relativity of time. You already know that I like to nerd about memory, and that I've researched about how memory is altered by the words we use to tell it, how it changes it so deeply that it can also alter the perception of a given fact for a whole community. This movie explores that but instead of memories with the future, with a language so powerful that can alter the way we perceive time. And I find this amazing and beautiful. Because I do believe that words can alter time.

8. any reacquiring dreams?

Sadly, no. I used to have some when I was little but I don't remember them anymore and lately it's uncommon that I dream, and when I do I don't repeat it (thankfully because it's mostly nightmares).

13. what are you doing right now?

A weird question since evidently I am answering this ask, but alas, as I stated I'm a bit bored so I can elaborate. I'm sitting in the dark on the little thingy that's not a stool nor a chair by my living room window in a hoodie and underwear. I was smoking while I was answering the first question but I've stoped now, so in this second I'm regretting the decision to stay here since this thingy doesn't allow me to rest my back, I keep crouching over my phone because I am blind and I don't have my glasses on and my shoulders and neck are killing me. This fact explain why the other thing I'm doing is craving a massage. I'm also singing incessantly in my mind "and for a fortnight there we were forever", just that sentence in a loop. I also am thinking (yes, I type things and think about another) about a draft I was writing about Moody!Barty before I decided I didn't have the energy to pull it off tonight and drifted to this ask and, at the same time, thinking about an Evan's reply I started for you but decided it was starting to get uncannily sad so I moved to sad Moody!Barty and ended up here. I promise if you read all this I'll get your reply tomorrow.

Sending you many many squeezing hugs.

Btw, I don't know if it was a random choice or not, but 3, 8 and 13 are among my favorite numbers because they belong to the Fibonacci sequence. The 5 is missing between 3 and 8, but it'll do 😉

[flowerbloom-arts]

Well uh, thank you @boorishbint for leaving these lovely tags on my post, otherwise I wouldn't have spent, like, almost two hours striaght writing a 1134 word fic depicting an inner monologue by dear old Hodgkins himself and 12 minutes coloring one of my doodles from the original post. I deeply admire your work and I hope that this is atleast enjoyable to you in any sort of capacity.

Cw: death mention (please ask me to add more if needed)

And as I sat on the armchair, book in lap, I stare at it and wonder why this could've possibly happened. My own brother and the love of his life, deceased, with his son left to be in my care. I feel... I'm not quite sure how I feel. It's always been rather difficult for someone such as myself to simply understand my own thoughts, I don't exactly have the ability to articulate these things. I've turned to the tangible things in life when my own abstractions fail me, there seems to be a maze in the back of my throat that makes it difficult to speak more than a few words and I've been so used to my younger brother interpreting my intentions for me, it seemed remarkable how easy it came to him. Now he's gone, I'm left behind for good, with a mere 8 year old sleeping on the sofa next to me. It's almost baffling to me how fate could twist a situation like this and not make it obvious who or what it favours, all I know is, it's not in my favour. I had come to terms that I may never fall for anyone in my life unlike my brother who seemed to take chances with any woman he happened to fancy, it was almost a relief that he found his metaphorical princess after kissing so many frogs, like that one fairytale but backwards, but now it's been a decade since that muddler from across the sea came and had their hearts stolen by the other, and now they're simply... Gone, and I'm still wondering to myself on if there is going to be a funeral for them or not, my brother seemed to not have quite the roster of friendships and any relative of his wife is a complete and utter mystery to me, just like everything else about that Confounder. For someone who has an extremely chatty brother and attended his wedding you'd think I'd know more about that strange thing, but no, just like everything else it appears to be part of this grand yet cruel joke that had it's climax just a week ago and I discovered the punchline just about an hour ago.

What am I to do now? What am I to do with my nephew? I can't simply leave him to an orphanage, I hear they're rather cruel places, so I suppose the other option is taking care of him myself. It'd be too odd for someone unrelated to care for him when his uncle is literally right here, I've already been doing it for the past 5 days since I discovered him starving in an oversized american coffee tin for 2 days since spring cleaning was supposed to start, I might as well. There really isn't anything to lose if I do, is there? Only problem is that I don't exactly understand other people, children especially, and I've never been familiar with his species in the slightest. Muddlers are a very rare sight if they do in fact live anywhere near here and not just across the atlantic, I might need to do a bit of research before I understand anything about parenting or muddlers as a whole. I might also need to find a partner to help care for him, but that seems far too daunting for me, there are far too many factors to list...

I am in completely unfamiliar territory here, it's almost laughable how all these pieces culminated into a situation I could never even dream of being in, it's a nightmare scenario if I were to be honest. And thinking this, I realize now that I'm feeling... Uncertain. Scared. Hopeless perhaps- things I'm lead to believe comes with parenting, except the circumstances are simply much worse than what would've ever been described to me, so much worse. I have yet to think about what to tell this child when he wakes up for goodness' sake, what am I to tell him? I could keep my mouth shut but eventually he'll pester me with questions if my lack of response bothers him, I will admit he is his father's son from what I could tell of him. Telling him his parents died is far too harsh, does he even understand what death is? Am I going to have to explain what death is to an 8 year old child? He was crying over a button getting lost under a drawer, I can't imagine the devastation he'd feel for something like this! I myself am already devastated at this, I can't handle such a thing right now! And that only leaves lying to his face about it, a white lie, sure, but a lie nonetheless. I'm nowhere near creative enough for something like that, I'm so bad at acting it'd be a miracle if he were to believe me.

Think, Samuel, think! You're supposed to be the smart one, academically gifted, aspiring inventor, why in the bloody hell can't you think of anything good to say to a child? You were a child once, surely you should know how you'd feel if anything about this sort of situation was said to you! But you were a strange child in comparison to others- your nephew isn't a younger you, he's far more like his father, you should know something with that atleast! Or atleast- an approximation of what you should say! Why does this have to be so difficult!? Why did any of this have to transpire? This can't possibly be your fault in any way but why does it feel like it is? Why can't you be a normal creature and just know what to say? Why can't you be normal and feel things everyone else is able to feel? Why are you like this? Why is this happening? What is going to happen now? Part of me hopes I could just stay in this moment and avoid the inevitable confrontation with my nephew about the whereabouts of his parents but I know that simply isn't possible, it's going to happen, if not today then some other day...

Looking at him- the Muddler- my own nephew, sleeping peacefully and blissfully unaware of what is going on, it feels... Melancholic, for a lack of a better word that comes to mind. I look back down at my brother's book of poems, or anthology, 'the Ocean Orchestra', this was his one achievement outside of his personal ones such as marriage and having a child, and it's practically the only thing of his creation I bother to own... My mind still wanders back to what I should say to Muddler. And I whisper to myself, softly and sadly, salted with my own frustrations towards myself...

"What to tell him...?"