#others in the same store (i mean id already include my dad's woodworking and my mom's photography bsides my ownbut like unrelated ppl too)

[audiovisualrecall]

Sitting around scrolling tumblr on my phone on Rosh Hashanah (after AM services) even tho I didn't want to be using tech, or at least was going to try to use it less, but I just... I don't want to sit and read or take a nap, but I'm not supposed to draw or write or do any work, but I'm so sick of my job and I'm like I have a little motivation to just look into other options, other jobs, grad programs, whatever, but I feel like I shouldn't do any of that today, but I can't do anything else productive, but I don't have another day off until Yom Kippur and I definitely don't use my phone or do work or any of that then, even if I don't fast, and then I'm back to work the next day after that which idk why I didn't request the 13th off bc it's not like going to services on a high holiday is really the same as a day off where I don't have anything like that to do? Like I don't have a day to work on art or my etsy shop or my website or job hunt until the week after. And I never really get stuff done on my 2 days off a week bc I Also have laundry and other things to do, and I will want to rest and recover from work, do nothing at all, without having to be exhausted by hours of standing at shul...like it's important to me to go and be there, I'm not complaining abt that, I'm complaining abt having to work tomorrow thru Thursday, and then back to work next Sunday thru whenever, and just.... I need to take a week off but my boss isn't jewish so to him THIS was basically a week off for me, so I'm not likely to be able to squeeze in a week off before Thanksgiving which is a no time off requests week anyway, and tbh I don't really want to be there anymore by Thanksgiving, but I don't have any time to work on finding another option that will include health insurance, and I'm just too tired when I get home from work in the afternoons/evenings, especially now my boss has me working really stupid hours. Like theyre trying to get me to quit or something idefk. (Like multiple not-technically-a-clopen shifts, like late mid on a Monday, opening on a Tuesday, late mid Wed, opening Thurs. Why???? Because he sucks he's a terrible boss and I'm so done with him and his attitude, he has turned the team from a fairly interactive group to a toxic environment to work in, with ridiculous expectations of us. Fr.) And I'm so done in so tired I hate this job and I hate that I hate it because it was actually SO good for a long time, I've been there nearly 4 years (started Oct 30th 2020, actually) abd it was my first full time job, my first real job tbh (blick was a seasonal position), and our original boss was such a good boss but the store leadership thought he was a bad boss probably because he was too nice for their liking (they also got rid of the 2 guys in store leadership who were super nice by sending them to other store) and even then it wasn't TOO bad bc our next boss was a good boss even if he wasn't as nice, and then he moved up to store leadership so my current boss Finally got to be in charge and he SUCKS at it. Anyway. Hate it and I hate that I hate it bc I loved it and I still enjoy aspects of it but I'm just miserable or worried or stressed or exhausted all the time, and I want to LIVE, maybe it's bc I live with my parents who are retired. Anyway so. Going back to where this started. I'm on my phone even tho I don't want to bc I want to do stuff that is definitely more like Work but I feel like I Can't do those things bc it's Rosh Hashanah, but I shouldn't be on my phone either Or I should do those things instead bc they'll help me secure my future vs just wasting time bc I'm Stuck, and I'm going to resent having to go to work tomorrow, and then I'll go to sleep late and get to work late probably which won't help anything. Or I could get off my phone and take a nap or read a book instead, I'm sure I'll still resent everything and be irritable later and tomorrow but I don't want to be using tech and scrolling tumbkr is just...like, that's what I always do, this is a day for not doing what I always do, my normal business, yknow.