#or maybe ill just bang my head against the wall until it splatters everywhere and i can finally stop being so annoying about stupid shit

[cryotael]

Illness and Aftermath

Another sincerely three fic from me?? Well, this time it wasn't just myself.  

The awesome @elsiemcclay and I wrote this beautiful fic together starting yesterday!! And uh sick connor is gr8 

Warnings: Vomiting, and mentioned suicide attempt 

Connor felt a heavy weight on his body the instant he woke up. He pulled himself out of bed and slowly pulled on articles of clothing--a pair of skinny jeans and a black shirt covered by his grey jacket. He dragged his feet as he made his way out to the kitchen.  Connor took a seat in his normal chair at the table before he rested his head on the table his hair basically going everywhere which earned a tsk from his father,

“Connor, don’t do that.  You’re getting your hair on everyone's food,” Zoe grumbled.

“No I’m fucking not,” The tired teen responded before he lifted his head, which felt like a million pounds and made direct eye contact with his father.  “And what’s your problem?”  

“Don’t start with me.”  Connor glared at him, barely processing the condescending demand through his headache.  He dropped his head back onto the table, too nauseated by even the thought of food, so eating was definitely not an option if he wanted to take up his daily opportunity of getting out of this dreary little house that he hated so much, which is also called school.  Yeah, it’s not much better than staying here, but that’s where Evan and Jared were.  

Connor sighed as he heaved himself out of the chair.  He mentally made the decision that the best thing he could do himself was get out of this house. Sure, before he met Evan and Jared he would've found himself a way to stay home but ever since he met those boys, he gained a want to go to school because when he went, he got to see their two beautiful (plus Jared’s chubby cheeks were too cute to pass on when he smiled) faces.

“You didn’t eat,” Connor heard his mother point out.

“You didn’t care until after I got out of the hospital.”  Connor felt a pang of guilt when a troubled look came over his mother’s face and a tense silence fell over the table, but he played it off and grabbed his bag from its heap near the door.  “Bye.”  He winced as the door slammed shut behind him, the sound making his head hurt even more, which he didn’t think possible until then.  

Connor heavily sighed and looked down the street. It was freezing outside and frost was covering the grass. He took his first step and quickly felt as though he was a young deer as his feet went out from under him, and he fell to the ground.  He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. The ground was much more cold than just standing, though he was sweating from the intense feeling of nausea. He swallowed saliva and tried to regulate his breathing, though he gagged and lost a little stomach acid. He groaned and looked towards the front door where he heard his little sister scoff at him.

She sped off towards school, leaving Connor to pull himself up off the ground, soaked and shivering.  The moment he stepped into the school, he was hit with an overwhelming wall of noise that made him dizzy and his head pound harder.  It felt like someone was standing in the inside of his head and banging a huge hammer against the side of his skull.  It was terrible.  

Connor glanced around, trying to find either his loud and obnoxious boyfriend or the quiet (and generally much more respectful) boyfriend, though upon first glance he didn't notice either of them until he heard a gentle voice behind him,

“He-hey, Connor, I, uh, I brought you a donut from the cafeteria, and I would-would've had another if someone didn't decide the entire box I bought belonged to him,”

“Hey! I was hungry,” Connor turned his head too quickly, and the world in front of him spun before doubling.  “You okay?”

“Yeah.  Fine,” Connor gritted out, but Evan didn’t look satisfied by his answer.  Of course he wouldn’t be--Connor wouldn’t expect anything less from him.  Thing is, Jared looked worried, too, and Jared isn’t one to be worried, especially about things like this.  That’s Evan’s job.

“Dude, you look like you're going to pass out,” Connor heard Jared say then he heard another statement from the boy this one sounded much more far away.  It felt like the voice echoed around his head like it was an empty cave. “You look like you're going to puke,”

Once Connor heard the word puke, he felt his stomach cramp and he wrapped his arms around his abdomen.

“I’m fine, i just,” He gagged then quickly brought a fist up to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut,”I decided to s-stop smoking or whatever,”He lied,

“Bull crap.”

“Oh, go away, Zoe.  Like you care,” Connor spat.  

“I saw you with a cigarette last night and you smell like weed.  Plus, I like Evan, and he’s very clearly worried, so yeah.  I care.  I care about your boyfriend’s well-being.”  She glared at Connor, and Evan looked like he wants to speak up, but he backed away.  

“Wait you don’t like me?” Connor heard Jared squawk  with a high pitched voice which earned Jared an annoyed laugh from Zoe.

“No, you're the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever met and I hate the fact you're dating Evan or my brother,”

“What did I do to you?” Jared whined and Zoe scoffed.

“What have you not done to me? I swear to god, we’ve been partnered for like three projects and you did none of them,”

“I added memes,” he muttered, crossing his arms across his chest.  

“Memes make us fail, Kleinman.”

“W-wait, just shut up,” Evan inserted, waving Zoe off when she gaped at him.  Connor held his hand over his mouth, closing his eyes tightly.  Suddenly, he pitched forward, gagging heavily behind his hand.  Bile spilled between the gaps of his fingers and splattered onto the floor.  Jared froze behind Evan, and Zoe’s gaping was directed more toward Connor than Evan.  “Get Jared out of here.  P-please.”  Zoe nodded, and she pulled a very shell-shocked Jared away as Connor continued to gag and bring up the little that he had eaten in the past 24 hours.  

“Freak!”  Someone laughed and pointed at him, and most of the people in the hall laughed with them.  

Connor stayed in his spot, his stomach spasming.  Soon, he felt a gentle hand against his back, but he pulled away from the hand. He felt gross.  Why would he want someone touching his warm back? He blinked away the tears as he heard students in the hall continue to laugh, or whisper to one another. Then he began to stumble down the hall.  His body felt a hundred times more heavy at this point, but he couldn't allow himself to just stand and get laughed at. Connor made his way into the nearest bathroom and into a stall, where he suddenly heard more laughter erupt from outside the bathroom and a distant voice shout, “I knew that both Murphy’s were girls!”, which caused another wave of laughter to run throughout the hall.  

Connor ignored them.  Well, he ignored the people in the hall and the screams that erupted when he got the entire way into the bathroom.

“If you don’t leave, I’ll puke on your shoes,” he threatened weakly.  All the girls ran past him, avoiding his hand that was dripping with vomit.    

With the group of girls out of the way, Connor was able to make his way into the nearest stall, where he allowed himself to fall to his knees, which stung like hell. He then moved and draped himself over the toilet and coughed before dry heaving over the toilet.

“We need the nurse,” He heard the voice of his sister say from right outside the stall he was kneeling in.

“Where’s Jared?” Evan asked.

“He’s in the nurse’s office drinking some juice or some shit, probably.”

Evan sighed and nodded then he glanced at Zoe.

”What helps Connor feel better?”

Zoe shrugged, looking lost.  She never really paid all that much attention to Connor when he was sick and his parents didn’t either.  Well, his mom freaked out if he so much as coughed, even though that’s not a symptom of depression.  After he got out of the hospital and started therapy, she started fretting over the two of them more.  

“You don’t know what helps him?” Evan asked slowly which just earned another shrug from Zoe.

“Our parents never really cared when he was sick, since he fakes it like all of the time and he hated me before..his attempt,” Zoe sighed and Evan looked away.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no whatever it's fine.” She looked at the door then spoke softly,”You go rub his back or whatever, I’ll find a trashcan so we--”

“He didn’t want me to touch him earlier,” Evan sighed then looked down interlocking his fingers,”Just uh, i guess get the nurse and bring her here, so she can uh..take his temperature,” Evan said slowly before Zoe turned and made her way out of the room, Evan then turned and he slowly opened the stall door to see the sight of Connor hunched over the bowl doing a painful sounding dry heave.  “Sh, sh.  It’ll be okay,” Evan reassured when Zoe leaves.  

Connor groaned miserably, otherwise not responding.  His back shuddered under Evan’s softest touch as his body forced up a thin stream of bile and spit.  He drooled and rested his head against the cool (disgusting) porcelain of the toilet.  

“It’ll all be okay,” He heard Evan’s very soft voice. ”Zoe should be coming back with the nurse soon.  Maybe they’ll bring some water,” Evan whispered to Connor and Connor just nodded in response,

“I brought the nurse and a wheelchair!” Zoe exclaimed as she returned into the room,

“Zoe is not going to fucking push me in that,” Connor then gagged covering his mouth with his hand once again,”A-and i'm not even going to ride in that stupid thing.  I’m not dying.”

In reality, Connor was freaking out.  He’d been pushed around when he was recovering.  He’d been so weak for so long because of all the blood he lost.  It was unenjoyable and degrading in his mind.  He felt like the universe was making him relive all the regret he’d felt in the hospital, all the pain he knew he’d caused.  He really did not want that.  

“Th-that might not be the best idea,” Evan muttered, somehow knowing exactly what Connor was thinking.  

“He needs to get in the nurse’s office one way or another,” Zoe mumbled and crossed her arms, and the nurse nodded in response,”It’ll be best to get him to a bed quickly, we can’t risk him passing out,”

“I-uh, I c-can carry him!” Evan exclaimed, as he moved into the stall and the nurse shook her head and gave evan a stern look,

“He needs to be transported properly.”

“But I--”

“Evan,” Zoe cut in, ”I love you, but seriously, stop letting Connor have his way and lets get him into the wheelchair.”

“I can walk,” Connor mumbled before grabbing the toilet paper container and pulling himself up to be standing.  He took one step before stumbling and having to be caught by Zoe, who then guided him and made him sit in the wheelchair. Connor felt a sense of panic run through him but he was so weak from sickness he couldn't muster up the energy to to stand up so he silently sat as tears welled up in his eyes.

Before he knew it, Evan’s hands were on his face, one on each cheek.  He rubbed the tears away, smiling steadily.  

“I know it’s scary to be back in that place, but you’re getting better.  It’s okay, Con.”  Connor nodded, but he held onto Evan’s wrists so he couldn’t move his hands.  He nodded again like he was trying to reassure himself.  Then, he let go and allowed himself to be wheeled to the office.  

Connor glanced around the office once he’s finally in there then looked at his lap quietly.

“Would you like to change into a pair of sweatpants?” The nurse asked, but Connor just shook his head in response, not wanting to get up.  Evan walked over and gently helped him to a bed and to lay down.

“See, it’ll a-all be okay, alright Connor?” Evan told his sick boyfriend gently before the nurse brought over a bucket and set it next to Connor's bed.

“Would you like some crackers, Mr.Murphy?” Connor shook his head in response then the nurse sighed. ”Water?” Before Connor could respond Evan responded for him.  

“I think he needs some water p-please, ma’am.”

“I’m perfectly capable--”  Connor turned abruptly to gag, but Evan moved quickly enough to shove a trashcan under his chin before he could get vomit all over the office.  

“I know you’re capable, b-but I wanna help you s-so just let me help you, okay?”  

Connor groaned before he moved to lay down, but Evan moved and stopped him,”P-please let me tie your hair back.  You keep getting puke in it,” he whispered then moved and slowly pulled Connor’s hair back into a messy bun.  Connor groaned when he felt Evan unsticking hair from his sweaty face but at the same time it was a nice feeling for his hair to not be sticking to the back of his neck.

“See, isn’t that better?” Evan asked gently.  Connor just nodded in response as the nurse returned with a water bottle,

“I would advise you two do not share this,” she told the boys before setting it down.

“We weren’t planning on it,” Connor bit out.  The nurse rolled her eyes and walked off to sign Connor out of school.  He clutched his head before weakly struggling to open the water bottle.  Evan pulled it out of his hands and opened it for him, holding it to Connor’s mouth.  Connor sips from it, too tired to be completely embarrassed.  He really just wanted to go home and sleep for the next three years.  

The nurse glanced over the ill boy before she told him she’d be calling his parents.  

“Call my mom,” Connor said. ”Don’t call my dad he wouldn’t give two shits.”

“Language, Mr.Murphy,” Connor just rolled his eyes before he slowly lifted a hand and pushed the water bottle away from his mouth, not wanting to consume any more.  

“Can we, like, call or text Jared?” Connor then asked. ”I’m worried about the fucktard.”

This time, the nurse didn’t say anything.  She rolled her eyes at him and walked away, probably to call his mom.  When she came back, the nurse had a frown on her face.

“Your mother didn’t answer, so I left a message, but I don’t think she’ll be in to get you.  Is there anyone else we can call?”  Connor shook his head, but Evan stepped in.

“He can come home with me, i-if that’s okay?”  

The nurse looked at Evan in thought before she slowly nodded and asked,”Name?”

“Evan Hansen,” Evan replied, and she walked back to the front of her office where she proceeded to call Evans mom instead.

“My mom might be busy, b-but at least she could check us out.”

Connor was just glad he didn’t have to go to his own house and deal with his mom.