#or he dresses like a Dad in socks and sandals and a bum bag and visor

[ferretrade]

oh no I’m so mad at myself in my last fic beholder, I should have describe what cody was wearing to the exhibition. I didn’t know it at the time but he looked hot we’re talking FASHION and painted nails and jewelry

[yugiohheadcannons]

Different Outfit Headcanons:

Yugi- Pastels. This Cute little bean would be so adorable in pastels and I would die. Like he can still have his bondage jewelry and leather, but it in pastels!!!! HIM AND RYOU COULD BE PASTEL BEST FRIENDS AND I WOULD DIE OF CUTENESS.  Also, I can see Yugi playing around with assorted styles in Japanese fashion. Not saying skirts or anything because I can’t see him wearing one cause of how bad he wants to be a man in the Manga, but I can see pumpkin pants and suspenders, or shirts with sayings on them that the sleeves cover his hands and lots of bangles and even pierces his ears on a dare from Joey, but likes it cause the Pharaoh had his ears pierced so why not?

Joey: See this boy I can see him wearing beach bum outfits, tank tops and shorts that are swim trunks, with flip flops and sunglasses. Him smelling like sunscreen and sweat cause he’s outside all the time walking everywhere or riding his bike along the beach. Or I imagine him in Leather jackets and tight jeans, calf tall boots and looking like a total punk, but being the sweetest guy you could possibly meet until you piss him off and he kicks your ass.

Atem: FASHION! If it’s in he is wearing it. He lets Yugi help pick out some stuff but mainly likes to try out current trends at least once before he decides if he is going to keep it but he knows for sure that one part of an outfit that he loves are the shoes and jackets. Not long and lengthy jackets, but mainly ones that stop right at the waist or ones that cut off right in the middle of the chest with just enough room for pockets. And in the winter, he has ever type and color of scarf imaginable and will also sport leather gloves to keep his hands warm so he can duel.

Seto Kaiba: slim fit suits of his favorite colors and design. Also, very high fashion silk ties and shirts, always matching and normally in cool colors, nothing to loud or neon. Very nice shoes that are always shined and complete every outfit. Though he will never give up his normal attire of long coats and dramatic flair. (Kaiba is hard for me cause I love his long coats and very showy style.)

Ryou Bakura: Just throw pastels at this child and let him be happy please!!! And lots and lots of sweaters!! He wouldn’t care what the weather would be outside, they make thin fabric sweaters for crying out loud he’s still going to wear one, he will push up the sleeves if he must. While he’s at it he can also throw on a bow tie to make his outfit more unique and fun, having very creative and funny ones to wear with whatever outfit he has.

Tea: I kind of want to see Tea dress like a dancer would. Not short skirts or anything. I want to see her in dance sweats, and cute tank tops, ready to bust a move whenever she can. Always having a cute hair tie on her wrist. Also, I’d like to see her in some sun dresses as well. With her haircut, they would look adorable on her!! And cute as shit eye shadow and lipsticks!!!

Tristan: Classic Greaser is all I think when I see Tristan. Like white shirts, tight jeans, boots and a leather jacket. Maybe him and Joey could start their own Greasers gang lol Then at the same time when he is going somewhere nice and needs to dress up he throws on a nice sweater vest and tie, dress pants and looks very handsome.

Rex Raptor: Skater Boi hands down. Scrapped up knees and ripped jeans. Either a hoodie on with a random dinosaur on it or some band name. fingers and face normally having band-aids on them from falling off his skate board. Vans and Converse are his shoe choice but odd and neat patterned ones with neon colors that don’t match his pants or shirt.

Weevil Underwood: Button up short sleeve shirts and shorts or pants. Very neutral clean colors with no patterns, unless if it is a shade of green. He has several different pairs of glasses as well book bags. He also wears tall socks with dress shoes and looks adorable. Black or colored suspenders also come to mind with this bug lover.  

Maximilion Pegasus: Dresses like a business man or someones dad. Sometimes a well-dressed man with his hair pulled back and out of his face, and the suits are in blacks or dark grey with bright colored ties and shirts. Other times he is in tan shorts with a Hawaiian shirt and sandals with long socks when he wants to be lazy, knowing that when Kaiba comes and sees him about business he will bitch about how dumb he looks and he finds it endearing.

[randoreviews]

AT THE J.CREW

     If you’re a guy going to a wedding you have to wear pants, only an asshole would wear shorts. I’ve yet to see that, I’m still waiting. (I’ve seen kilts but that doesn’t count, that’s a whole other thing.) To be honest I kept popping the button on my old khakis. Lower body workouts, man, they actually work. The kids call it gains. In other writings I’ve documented how I’ve actually ripped the ass in a pair of khakis, getting into a cab on my way to a wedding. (The bride thought it was in vogue at the time since I was coming from L.A... bless her heart.) The seat in these newer pants must have been sturdier but there was definitely a Mick Jagger/Sticky Fingers thing going on with the whole crotch area and I was like, Is this how women feel all the time? Constrained and always thinking they’re fat because their pants are so tight, even though it makes your (insert word here for ass) look good? But women don’t have penises, that’s the thing. That part, or lack thereof, definitely makes it easier for them. Still, don’t you just always want to go home and put sweats on? That’s why yoga pants are so great -- they’re really comfortable AND they show off the goods. But there’s no way in hell I’m wearing spandex. No fucking way, man. My dad used to, no lie, he used to pick me up at C.C.D. wearing them. Jesus must have been shaking his head. Did my mom like them? I don’t get it, and I don’t want to think about that.       Point is, after she had sewn the button back on a couple times, and with an absolutely stacked docket of weddings for me this summer (God love ya and may He help you), my mom said, Ben, why don’t you get some new pants? So to the J.Crew I went, to Legacy Place. (What does the J stand for? Jurisprudence? If Jeff can be spelled with a G, then can George be spelled with a J? Is it Jeorge Crew?) True to its name, Legacy Place is a very historical place, about ten years old now, where you can struggle to find parking and go to the Apple Store and Anthropologie and Lululemon and Whole Foods... and Paper Source... and J.P. Licks... and Orvis... and a restaurant called Aquitane, which no offense to any of the people that work there but that’s probably the worst name for a restaurant I’ve ever heard. All very historical places like this, with a long Legacy going back generations. There’s even a SoulCycle. I had a whole exciting plan -- go get some new pants, and then go to the Whole Foods to get snacks and chocolate milk and a cleansing but also delicious juice and stuff. I am a consumer like you, I want to be immersed in Legacy Place and all that it has to offer, and be steeped in its traditions. Perhaps even go to Paper Source and see if there was any wrapping paper that really dazzled me.       Here’s a parking tip if you ever journey to Legacy Place, like one of Chaucer’s pilgrims on their way to Canterbury -- park in the Whole Foods parking lot, the OUTSIDE parking lot. There are almost always spaces, unlike the central lot with all the surrounding stores, which is basically like a deathtrap you’ll never get out of. You’re basically entering the kill zone if you’re in that central lot, a weary coyote tempted by some meat close to a fire, unknowingly surrounded by spears. So many white people everywhere, it’s truly frightening, all entitled to the spots. I parked in the outside lot and was like FUCK YOU GUYS. Felt very pleased with myself. Going to get some new pants. Not wearing male spandex. Balls and that whole area excited to get some pants that would fit them. Just wanting some relief, as always. Not excited like that, just excited.       In casinos, you know, they pump serotonin or something through the vents (or maybe it’s Melatonin?... just a bunch of Advil near the vent for the sweet candy coating?), and I SWEAR they do this at J.Crew too. Or maybe it’s just perfumes and colognes for teenagers and that starchy new clothes smell. Either way there’s a crazy stimulation that you could buy all these things and become a new person (fitter, happier, better) and be like those teenage models casually standing in a hay field next to a vintage truck. What girl doesn’t want to be that skinny model being propped up on a surfboard, held up by a group of buffed out guys? Ladies, as SOON as you buy those short jean shorts with the little frills on the end, RIGHT when you leave the store with that crisp bag swaying by your side, there’s gonna be those SAME guys just waiting outside for you ready to hold you up on a surfboard, or for a gang bang, I don’t know. If you wanted to. They all have abs to die for so it wouldn’t be like it would be a BAD gang bang. Unless you somehow resisted the magnetic pull of their abs and dimples at that moment and just wanted to get all their numbers and then you could text and date all of them and keep all of them hanging and be chased after and competed over by all these dreamy male muffin men. (Not even sure what that means.) And what girl doesn’t want that? Women think about sex as much as men do, I’m convinced. I’m onto you, women. See if you don’t keep thinking about this J.Crew gang bang scenario, late at night under the covers, or in the morning when you wake up, under the covers, or in the car when you’re driving to work. Me, I stopped looking for the girl on the surfboard. Women always want the J.Crew gang bang scenario, in some form or another. Or they just want to be with assholes, that’s probably the more correct answer. Or I’m a total loser, a writer, worse than a homeless person, and all the women are with great guys who are way better than me. It’s a tough old walnut to crack, that’s for sure.       J.Crew has also perfectly figured out how to make clothes that will last about two years and then fall apart so you have to go back to the J.Crew, back to Legacy Place, and do it all over again, maybe buying an additional pair of sandals this next time around. A cute pair of sandals, YAAAAY! Fucking shoot me. (I bought a pair of socks with little surfer guys on them and ten times out of ten I would do it again.) No one helped me, I just drifted, in amongst the yellow, blue, red, green, plaid shorts, the socks arrayed in a circle of design on top of design, another line of shorts with stretchy drawstrings for the men who really wanted to be comfortable. I have serious commitment issues, even when it comes to clothes, I’ve written about it before. (See scintillating essay entitled, “New Clothes.”) So I walked around the men’s section in circles, many times, tentatively looking at something, tilting it out from its hanging position, and then saying no, no, no. That flannel shirt could break my heart. And then I would think about it every minute of every day for the rest of my life. I did this with the khakis, almost intentionally avoiding the khaki section for some stretches, even though I had expressly gone there to buy khakis, and for the love of everything sacred and with Legacy I was going to lest I ripped the ass in another pair of pants on my way to another wedding. I would circle far away from the khaki section knowing deep down that I would have to eventually circle back. Maybe I wouldn’t buy pants today. Maybe I would just wear my old ones. I liked old things. I liked things with Legacy. The woman on top of the surfboard was looking down at me smiling like, Here, come join the group so I can make you compete with all these other guys and fuck you over!      I finally settled on some pants to take to the dressing room, it was like Indiana Jones doing the Leap of Faith when he can’t see that there’s a bridge and he closes his eyes and takes the first step out. I had to go up to the saleswoman, they were all a-twitter with something and paying me no mind, which is how I liked it anyway. No offense to this saleswoman I’m going to write about, I’m sure she’s a lovely woman with as vast an interior life as anyone, but as soon as she opened her mouth she seemed like the type of woman who may have strictly limited herself to saying the sentence, “Oh my god, do you love iiiit?” Try khakis on, yes. That’s all that was going on in my mind. Make this as quick and painless as possible. Try to speak clearly but not too loudly. I wonder if this woman goes home every night, puts her feet up with some tea, leans her head back and thinks, “God, I fucking hate people.” Do you love iiiit? Fucking hate them. We all have a song and dance, a Mick Jagger performance. Jumping ahead but she said to one of her coworkers when my credit card was doing its magic, “Oh my god, I totally was thinking of wearing that same dress today,” but with no spaces in between the words, and in my mind it immediately processed to, “Bitch, if we had worn the same thing I would have cut you.” How bad would that have been though if they were both standing behind the registers wearing the same floral jumper-type thing? It would be like 1984 but made manifest by all those people who send you requests to join Candy Crush so they can get more points.       I got the damn pants, $150, because there’s the higher-end J.Crew stuff that could last five to ten years instead of two. (Probably exactly five and then they self-destruct.) And they were nice and well-made and buttery almost, and the whole private areas of my body could breathe, although it did not feel as sexy. That’s the trade-off, you want sexy you have to have things almost painted on and wedged into and cutting into your body. Sexy clothes aren’t breathable unless we’re talking about cleavage and g-strings and those are uncomfortable in their own ways. But they make you feel sexy, which feels great, if you want to feel that way. It’s a real power. Some good cleavage can bring the world to it knees. Some nice bum can hypnotize and make people mortgage their houses and do all types of questionable things, feeling that lust and need that’s waaaay down in you. It’s basically so the human race will continue and you can have kids and then they can shop at J.Crew.       All in all I left with some socks with little surfers on them and I got some chocolate milk at the Whole Foods (opted to not go to Paper Source) and let my Great Wall down to let some new khakis into my life that my ass could fit modestly into, tried not to look at the Aquitane sign, so all in all it was a successful trip. Oh my god, I love it, so cute, YAAAAAAY.