#or get a job but who would want t o hire someone who can't even end a sentence strongly

[eldritchmochi]

Letter ask: the word PHANTOM

jesus christ mina youre going to kill me lmao

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

HMMM i have a couple weird ones, because im me, but i think the weirdest would be the one where i just slap ashton into the whole situation i have going on with my job where they get hired to be reception (somehow??? he's baffled too honestly) and then ends up taking over bookkeeping because he has some level of prior experience due to all the temping hes done while trying to get out of manual labor work to save their increasingly fucked up body at least a little, and then revolves around him navigating getting his health under control and the fact that hes like... financially stable and almost well off???? for the first time in their entire life, with added bonus of the IT guy they deal with most for getting all the stuff set up to do bookkeeping is fucking cute as hell and they keep running into each other at the gym and then maybe something about taking care of both fcg and milo (even tho milo hates it) because finally ashton has money to meaningfully contribute to the well being of his friends. i will eventually write it because i think it'd be fun to put ashton into Situations in an entirely benign office setting when he's defintely not the sort youd think to be there, especially not in some sort of management situation, i just haven't figured out the rest of the cast lmao

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

broadly, it really depends. i am all over the map with where inspo comes from and just because i find inspo in one particular piece of media does not mean i'll latch onto something in the same vein even if you'd expect me to. even beyond format or indie vs mainstream, i'm wildly unpredictable when it comes to things like how fleshed out the characters i claim as mine are in source material and like even the kind of characters i find inspo in a lot of the time. like, ive written (but not finished) fic for crime procedurals so like...... my mileage certainly varies lmao

probably the trends are like: indie media or cult classics, things with found family, and things with characters who either have a solid base of unique traits to extrapoliate into a good personality or characters that are very well fleshed out and very unique

A N T answered here!!

O answered here!! but i'll answer it again because its fun lmao

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

this one is very much on repeat when i work on the 30k+ ashrym character exploration pwp i have been writing off and on for like 10 months lmao

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

okay so like, cherry was absolutely BAFFLED by my fmk answer for cr between my Big Three blorbos here because its absolutely fuck caleb, marry ashton, kill essek

BUT HEAR ME OUT so like ashton right?? we're both abrasive assholes who have a lot of things in common (brawling, punk diy, not touching people) so you'd think we'd butt heads a lot but i can absolutely see them being the sort to plainly state if i'm being annoying and how, and i also see him being the sort to respond well to the same. i think we'd vibe well because we just kinda get a lot of the bullshit we each go through and also have a similar enough way of communicating frustrations that there wouldn't really be hard feelings from frustrations. 10/10 good buddy, roommate, or husband material in my books

essek is the exact opposite. i would punch that wizard in the face like IMMEDIATELY lmao

caleb physically is aggressively my type (which is why i write so much porn from essek's pov lmao) but he would frustrate the hell out of me irl with the way he manages his trauma so id divorce him in like a year BUT the dick would be bomb so fwb but more benefits and less friends because i do not want to be someone's therapist i have been there

anyway.

there are several other letters in this ask game u can ask me bles it is very fun

[bronze-bell]

"'h-helping' means killing me, Aesop!" He finds himself responding almost immediately, without thinking. "It... Here, I can- cannot die, b-but.. there...."

Victor's stomach twists as he thinks of how he could possibly explain his fear of death. Aesop is strangely oblivious to human instincts, isn't he? (Who made him like that? He can't have forgotten something as simple as "killing is bad" on his own, surely...?)

"....before now, be-before.... This, I-i was a Postman. An- an ordinary one. Like all the others." He starts, slowly, shakily. It's like telling a story, just pretend you're someone else for a while... "And then, then I-i... wasn't. B-before the manor, I mean. Ssomeone else...... "hired me" doesn't sound - sound fully right. It's not l-like there was an interview, I just... stumbled on a letter... from one of their associates..."

Wick did, technically but it's still Victor's fault. He didn't need to return it himself. He didn't need to read it. He didn't need to follow the dog to his master.

"...and I got too - too curious for my own good. Sso I became theirs." There's a shake in his voice as he says that. Maybe there's been one the whole time. He traces the stitches on his arms, hands starting to pull on them in some attempt to soothe his own nerves as he corrects himself. "I-i am theirs. Still. I am still - only a Postman after all. I cannot... be anything else. P-physically, it would be wrong."

He needs to focus. He breathes, a raspy weak thing, as he turns his face away from Aesop as much as he can while facing forward. Just tell him about the death. Focus on why you're being so vulnerable.

"I have - th-they made me - it was four people. Directly. That... "stained my clothes." Two were... W-with this," He doesn't want to say that he killed directly, and yet he continues. Hypocrite. He pulls his bag towards him by the strap, rummaging through it until he finds what he's looking for. He lays the revolver in his lap. "I-it's unloaded, to be c-clear... M-more of a scare t-tactic now, I can't... have it going off on accident..."

"I had a fr-friend once. She was c-curious too. Like me. Sshe was a poet, she p-played music, and yet- and yet she w-wanted to stay with... me. She - she learned too much, I think... They never told me... why." He turns the pistol in his hands. "It's all a blur now, what h-happened after i... I j-just rememb-ber grieving for- for weeks. I don't even r-remember her name, now."

"it only takes a second, but I-i don't want to be at the o-other end of the b-barrel... And I would have been, too, but I was just.... G-good at my job. Good enough t-to be useful, good enough to - to be alive, good e-enough to get away with - with only scars..." He runs a finger under his eye, feeling the burn there. "I-i can't count on my hands how - how many narrow escapes I had...."

"I don't - I don't know where I'm going with this....... I think I've said too much already... But I- I can't describe to you how many times.... I have fought, and I have...taken down several of them, because t-thhey would have done the- the same to me in a heartbeat..." He inhales, and his next words come out just as shaky as they are certain. And they are very, very certain. "You would be no different, no m-matter how you sugarc-coat it. Sweet... words are n-nothing, wh-when you... Aim to kill...."

Victor gags on his own words, curling in on himself.

"s-sorry, s-so so sorry... I j-just want you to u-understand.... D-death is not a mercy when y- you break yo-yourself trying to- to escape it... And we - we all do, one way or- or another. I j-just want peace, not to- to be nothing at all..."

The danger is over. No more them to talk about. He breathes.

".........is there any- anything I can d-do for you, now?"

He can't think of anything else to do. He needs to be useful, or it might just kill him.

( @yellow-rose-embalmer )

If Aesop had not, perhaps, deposited that letter to nobody in the postbox so that Victor would have something to do, if Aesop had not written far too much while realizing too late he forgot to place his own name on the back after hastily crossing out Victor's own, maybe he would be a little more well-kept. But all of that has happened, all of the past is inescapable, and he cannot hide from it. Only wait for everything to crash down.

And how terrifying it is to wait.

He needed to write everything down anyway, and he would not be surprised if he burned his words once they returned to him. They just needed to be out, and what better way to move them apart from him than to write them and seal them away? He knows the dangers, yes. And if he made a grave mistake, if every bit of goodwill he has scraped together crumbles away, he can only say that it was inevitable. Anyone who found out would do the same. If convincing does not work... but that isn't enough this time, right? Not when death means nothing.

He hasn't bothered to put up his ponytail or get his mask on this morning, not after the sleepless night before. The letter has not been returned. He doesn't know what could be happening, and the terror, the possibility that he's destroyed it all, looms close behind him.

===

(The letter—or would it be better called a ramble, a confession?— is wrapped in a plain, sturdy envelope, such that he hopes it isn't anything that would stand out. Unfortunately, his handwriting is clearly recognizable as his own, rendering the whole point moot anyway. The envelope bears the first few letters of Victor's name, written several times and crossed out on all of them, but the lack of another addressee is notable. The text's shape and unsteady pace betrays the emotional tension in the writer.)

I'm sorry.

I don't even know what I'm sorry for. For going against that faith you had in me? For taking matters into my own hands and hoping you would never find out? For trying to relieve you of burdens but only trying and failing to soothe my own? You were already asleep, there was no need—

I came here to continue my duty. To free more people. But you were never truly free, you kept returning and I could only grow more ashamed, more unable to face you. If you did not have to wake up, if you were safe and never had to be afraid again... but it doesn't work like that. Not anymore. (I still would not leave you.)

Is it selfish that a part of me... doesn't want to succeed? That I want to have your warmth, your voice, all the things I can't preserve the way I can so much else? If you are comfortable, and happy, does it matter if it happens because you are finally at rest?

I know I have always been here to help. I know it is my duty to reach those meant to die, those who are in too much pain to keep going. (Even now, I wonder if I have reached those who need me the most.) But... I know that you wouldn't see it that way. Nobody does. Mr. Carl, too, knows that this mission is a solitary one. Being able to convince someone to let me guide them is ideal, yes, but... it has, in practice, been impossible. You would not be different, I'm sure. Even if I wish you were, if you ever found out that it was me bringing you to dreamless sleep all those times, I... I would understand if you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Even as I wish to have your company, I have destroyed your trust, I am sure, and tried to bring you to the other side long before you were ready.

If you would allow me to ask this... please do not tell anyone. I do not know what would happen, and I am already... no, it's not worth thinking about. You will do what you decide is right, and who am I to decide what that is? I have hurt you, have I not? All I wanted to do was make things better for you, and yet...

Once again, I apologize. For everything.

Victor Grantz has been dying, recently. Not in matches, like normal, no. Outside of them, daring to close his tired eyes for a moment before waking up in his room, consumed by a blind panic of where am I what happened oh god— Are They back?? Nobody stole anything, right? Why did they let him revive in his room??

Safe to say, he was on extremely high alert after the first time it happened. But even if he wasn't, he's sure he'd have noticed the look on Aesop's face. The way Aesop wouldn't meet Victor's eyes at all. The way Aesop fiddled with his hands. The way Aesop was, very obviously, guilty.

Something clicks into place, then. So now the question becomes why. And, paranoid as he is, he can't trust it's actually Aesop.

Although, god, if anyone is killing him he hopes it's Aesop. As weird as that sounds. You see, there's no real reason for Victor to be dying. It'd be one thing if his bag was searched, another if his room was, but neither are true. He's made sure of it. (The keys are still in his pocket when he revives, and ordering the letters in a way only he knows leads to the order being perfect afterwards.) It's not torture either, he's certain it's not meant to be.

The only other reason for someone to kill him is... Concern. Worry about him neglecting himself, choosing to reset his body and take him straight to bed rather than argue with him about whether he's okay.

And that is why he hopes it's Aesop. Because that is absolutely something he might do, and it would make him much more at ease.

But he can't just ask Aesop if he's killing him. That likely wouldn't go down well, especially if Aesop isn't the murderer. So he experiments instead.

- - -

He'd pretended to be unconscious on the dining room table. Late enough he knew nobody would walk in on them, and close enough to both of their rooms that it'd give Aesop confidence to solve the mystery for him.

And, well... If the gloved hands and the click of the case didn't give it away, Aesop speaking, quiet and shaky through his mask, definitely did. Victor wills his pounding heart to stop beating so loud. Aesop will catch on to his ruse, surely...

Aesop does, in fact, catch on... Partially. Thank god, he didn't seem to realise what it meant. He asks about a nightmare, though seemingly remembering victor can't answer him. Victor is given reassurance that it'll be over soon, anyway.

He's given a lot of reassurance, actually.

A little scolding, though more concerned than anything else ["You really must take care of yourself better..."],

a few admissions of attachment ["if only you knew how much I care for you..."],

and many, many apologies.

Victor's heart starts to relax from it all, and he wonders if he might actually fall asleep here... before there's a sharp prick in his arm.

Cold floods through him, and it's too heavy to struggle. He falls unconscious within minutes.

He wakes up back in his bed. Nothing is out of order. Well, at least that's calmed most of his nerves...

[this goes on for weeks. Somehow, he finds himself more relaxed each time.]

= = =

The next unusual thing happens with the letter.

Victor would recognise the handwriting anywhere by now, especially when it's addressed to him. Sort of.

Even if he wasn't mildly addicted to reading and pretending people's letters were for him, he'd still itch to open that seal. There's absolutely no address, besides his own, half formed and shaky.

He can't be blamed if he doesn't know where to go, right? He's just being diligent, right? [He burns with curiosity, taking the letter into his room as subtly as he can, so he can pore over every detail.]

There is no name here, either. But what he does get is so much more... Fascinating, in a sense. It's a terrible thing, he knows, but he can't stop himself from being entranced at the pure emotion dripping off of Aesop's every word.

It's a secret. Just for him.

+ + +

If not for the subject matter he'd be feeling both sick and rather giddy at the chance. (At the moment he just feels the instinctual crawling nausea of something to hide from Them. He swats it away.)

It's funny, how mere weeks ago he thought Aesop was like Them, but it's even clearer now that he's not, and never will be. Victor doesn't see what Aesop does, but Aesop happens to have painted a very easy picture for Victor to see.

It's love, above all else. It's guilt, it's apology, it's longing, it's protection, it's caring. Victor understands Aesop better than anyone else, and this only proves it. He can connect with that emotion, hold it in his hands and press his face against it to feel the warmth.

Nobody else will understand. It's his secret to keep. But unfortunately for Victor's desire to stare at it for hours, this is still technically supposed to be delivered.

He puts the secret back in its envelope, not bothering to re-melt the wax like usual, locks up his room, and walks to Aesop's door. (If it had been back then, he would have been punished for not being punctual. But, they tended to give exceptions to unclear delivery instructions...)

× × ×

"Mr Carl?" He speaks quietly into the wood of the door. "Is this letter yours?"

It's selfish of him, but he can't wait for the reply.

[veenussposts]

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At the beginning of your relationship, Gunhak was quite cautious around you and always asked you with a blush on his cheeks if he could take your hand or kiss your cheek. Now, his hand is always resting on your waist and he kisses you whenever he has a chance. But his most notable display of affection is when he bites your shoulders and cheeks.

B = Beginning (How would the relationship start?)

You were an actor and you were hired to act in Oneus' new music video. On the recording set, you met them and Gunhak couldn't take his eyes off you, but since he was very shy he didn't dare to speak to you until Dongju got tired of his behavior and pushed him with all his strength towards you, causing him to fall into your arms. From then on, your relationship slowly flowed into dating, and all thanks to Dongju.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Your cuddles are his weakness. If he could spend the rest of his days curled up in the comfort of your arms he would do it without thinking twice.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

After spending a lot of time with you and making sure you were the one, the idea of having a place to call home with you brought a beautiful sensation to his chest. Gunhak isn't very good at cooking, he can do basic things, but occasionally he likes to learn new recipes to surprise you. Regarding cleaning, each one of you has your tasks and he always tries to do his best for you and to keep the house in order.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would break up with you only if you no longer feel the same for him as before or because he thinks you deserve someone better who can give you all the attention you deserve and that sometimes he can't give you. At the time of the confrontation, he would be the kindest and sweetest person with you since, although things can no longer continue, he really appreciates all the moments lived by your side and all the times you made him happy.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Putting a ring on your finger and calling you his husband is one of his greatest goals with you, but due to your jobs, he doesn't think his dream will be fulfilled in the near future. Because of this, Gunhak gave you a promise ring, promising you that at some point in your lives he would marry you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is the kindest person you have ever met in your life. He always speaks in his soft voice when both of you are sharing an intimate moment and his caresses are very delicate as if you were going to break at any moment. He is always there for you when you start having conflicting emotions, being the wall to lean on when you think you can no longer stand for yourself.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

His hands are most of the time on your waist or hips, and most of the time, he ends up hugging you. His hugs feel like being surrounded by a warm blanket on a winter day, like coming home after a tiring day or like sleeping in your freshly made bed after taking a calming shower. Their hugs are comfortable, relaxing, and full of love.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

The first time he said I love you was on the night of your first anniversary. You were lying on his bed, looking into each other's eyes as he caressed your cheek with his knuckles when the famous three words came out as a sweet symphony from his lips.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

It's very rare that Gunhak gets jealous, he really trusts you and that trust doesn't break easily, but like anyone, he has his moments. When he's jealous his answers are simple, his voice gets lower than normal and his eyes avoid yours because inside him he knows that you would never do something to hurt him and he feels ashamed of his behavior. But after a big talk, a million apologies, and a lot of kisses, Gunhak is your teddy bear again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Lowkey loves to kiss you in general, the feeling of his lips against your skin is magnificent anywhere, but his favorite place to kiss you is the nape of your neck. The same is the other way around, he doesn't have a preferred place where you kiss him but if he had to choose a place it would be his nose, he can never help but blush and feel shy when you do it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

HE LOVES CHILDREN. Gunhak is a totally different person when he is around children, his eyes shine, his shyness increases and he gets excited just thinking he can play with them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Depends on the day. In times of work, when he prepares for a new album and you have a new series to record, you don't have much time to be in bed together but you always wake up an hour early so you can have breakfast together in peace. When you both don't have to work, it's almost impossible to get out of bed because Gunhak is hugging you like a koala.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

First, you cook dinner together and then eat it curled up on the sofa while watching a movie. However, the best part of the night is when, before bedtime, both of you take a bath together with music and talk about your day.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Little by little, once he already trusts you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It's very difficult, really, get Gunhak angry. He may get a little upset with you for something but he's never gotten mad at you or has gotten to the point of yelling at you and never would.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Gunhak remembers every detail of the things that are really important to you and those things that you really don't like, but the rest sometimes lingers for a while in his memory and then gets lost.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Your first time together. That moment after a long time, under the moonlight that filtered through the window, where you finally were one, was something that he will never be able to forget, he will never be able to forget the intimacy and love for the other that your bodies radiated that night.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

You are one of the most important people in his life so yes, he is very protective of you. He is always aware that nothing happens to you when you accompany him to public places with many people, that you eat all your meals, drink water, and rest your eight hours per day. Every time you make a dangerous scene and you don't have a double to do it for you, his heart is in his throat all the time. On the other hand, you are not as protective of him or at least you don't express it in words like Gunhak, but he loves the subtle way you do it such as putting yourself in front of him so that the sun doesn't bother him or when you put a blanket on him and take him to bed when he stays up late writing new songs.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Since not every day you have the opportunity to have a date, Gunhak does everything in his power to make each date unforgettable, he even asks his friends for help. But sometimes, as much as he does his best, things don't always go as expected. Once, a group of fans recognized you during a walk on the Han River, and, from one moment to the other, both of you were running to hide. Regard to gifts, he prefers to make them himself, such as writing a song for you rather than buying something, but if you stare at something in a store for a long time, Gunhak will consider it.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

For you, his worst habit is when he stays up all night composing songs. He tends to lose track of time and the things around him when he is doing what he loves so much, and sometimes that breaks your patience because he doesn't take proper care of himself. But with the passage of time, Gunhak has learned to control it and from time to time you accompany him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)

Looking good and being fit is a big part of his job as an Idol so most of the time he is surrounded by stylists and makeup artists who take care of his looks but, beyond that, when he's in your home Gunhak is... Gunhak. He wears a comfortable outfit (not too elegant and not too scruffy), sneakers, and just a bit of makeup.

Absolutely not, it doesn't bother him because you will always be perfect in his eyes. But, if he has to speak honestly, he loves when you take off all your makeup after a recording, showing your face as it is, and then putting on wide and comfortable clothes since it means that you trust him and you are not ashamed to show you how you really are around him.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Gunhak thinks that each person is complete by themselves and that he doesn't need anyone else to be wonderful, but that doesn't mean that he feels lonely and that he misses you every time you stay away from him for a long time. He knows that he can be complete and perfect without you but he prefers a thousand times more to be perfect with you by his side so you two can shine together (if that makes sense)

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Once, Gunhak and his groupmates were watching your last series called "Through time". And, at one point in the last chapter, when everyone thought you were going to have a nice and happy ending, your character passes away leaving an open and painful ending to the story. Everyone, absolutely all the members cried but Gunhak felt his heart break after seeing that scene. That same night, when the two of you met in the dorm, Gunhak didn't detach for a second from you and didn't stop saying how much he loved you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

A partner who is rude to the people around them, even if they are not rude to him, is a big no for him. Kindness, humility, and respect are important to Gunhak and someone who doesn't have them is not a person with whom he would like to share his life.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)

When he sleeps alone Gunhak has no specific habit, he only snores a little, but nothing out of the ordinary. When he's with you, he has the habit of tangling his legs with yours and resting his icy feet on yours.

[anonprotagging]

sorry folks I’m gonna be super anxious in the tags for a second please scroll on past