#or Maddie's ability to do the impossible if she doesn't already know that it's impossible

[matan4il]

I feel so sad about Buck and how all the guilt is piling on him again (well, I don't think it ever stopped). I understand why Chim is angry and hurt at Buck, but I think it's unfair how Maddie and Chim put him in the middle of it, having to choose what to do and knowing that whatever he chooses to do, someone is gonna get angry at him (but I see they had bigger problems and a huge mess in their hands). I hope they all reconcile soon. Loving your blog as always!

Hi lovely! First off, big hugs! There have def been some really sad and painful moments to watch this season...

Regarding Buck, Chim and Maddie, I think what the show was trying to give us is a tragedy with no villains, just people who are a little lost and a lot hurt...

Maddie didn't choose to have PPD. Pregnancy is a time when things can go incredibly wrong and that includes the brain's chemical balance, affecting one’s mood AND thinking processes. That's maybe the most important thing to remember about depression in general. It's not just a profound amount of sadness, it's also disturbances in thought processes, which paint a suffocating image of reality, the future and one's very self. That means that Maddie's logic is not working as it should. Would she be making the same decisions if she wasn't suffering PPD? She thinks she's a risk to Jee Yun, she's scared to face Chim when she feels she's letting him down, and she's somehow convinced herself that it's better for them if she leaves. WE know that it's not, but Maddie, in this state of PPD, doesn't. But then it's not like she's leaving because she suddenly doesn't care about her daughter or her partner. She still wants to make sure they're taken care of. And in her mind, she's doing that from afar by sending Buck in to be there for them. But she doesn’t want Chim coming after her, so she asks Buck not to tell him about their talk. In her mind, she’s trying to take care of everyone and do what’s best for all of them. She doesn’t see it as putting Chim and Buck at odds, because her whole ability to see the situation properly has been warped by her PPD.

And then there’s Chim, who loves her so much, but he’s also a father, for the first time in his life, terrified for his partner, scared he let her down (he promised her in 414 he’d get her the help she needs, yet she still got worse), he’s basically overwhelmed. That means he started slipping into illogical thoughts too, like when he thinks Maddie might be sending him some secret message, that she might be forced to leave, maybe even by Doug (a man we KNOW is dead... but remember, Chim has already once deciphered a secret message from Maddie when she was held at gun point in 314... because of the dangerous nature of their jobs, he’s having a harder time separating what’s a reasonable fear from what isn’t). Thing is, Chim LOVES Buck, but in that moment when he discovers what was kept from him, he snaps. Everything that’s been tormenting him becomes too much to bear in that moment. And it’s awful and painful precisely ‘coz no one deserves to get punched like that, and we know Chim would think so too if he were in his right mind. But he’s not. He’s a man grieving and terrified and that punch is him breaking. And he’s still a good man, even when he’s a good man in a terrible, impossible situation, who snapped.

Then there’s Buck, who loves them both and is caught between what Maddie and Chim needed from him (or what he thought they did), and like Eddie rightly pointed out, he was always going to fail, he was always going to let one of them down. He didn’t want to hurt Chim, he wanted to do right by his sis and look after her partner, and it still came out wrong.

THAT is the definition of tragedy. It’s not just a sad story, it’s when good people are forced into situations that are impossible where there are no good choices.

But the good news is, just because it’s a tragedy right now doesn’t mean it will stay that way. There is room for fixing, forgiving and healing. That’s one of 911′s main themes, that second (and third and fourth) chances are possible. If you look at every single major character (and quite a few minor ones), that’s the message across the board. So I have no doubt that’s where we’re headed! I hope that helps!

And thank you so much for the kind words about my blog! I’m so happy you like it, and I’m wishing you all the best, love! xoxox

To anyone who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox