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kudosmyhero · 1 year ago

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Transformers (vol. 1) #7: Warrior School!

Read Date: February 14, 2023 Cover Date: August 1985 ● Writer: Bob Budiansky ● Penciler: William Johnson ● Inker: Kyle Baker ● Colorist: Nel Yomtov ● Letterer: Rick Parker ● Editor: Jim Owsley ◦ Keith Williams ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● "Listen, Ratchet here is just trying to apologize. He won't hurt you." I mean… not on purpose, but he did just kick a tree over onto their campsite. ● Buster has another pain spell from his connection with Optimus Prime; the college students offer to take him home ● that cassette player should have been heavy AF no matter how small Soundwave can fold up ● Laserbeak is kinda adorbs ● jeez, Josie Beller is mostly paralyzed from the neck down o_O ● Ratchet finds all the Autobots for himself

● Ratchet fights Megatron. talk about trial by fire! ● Shockwave's transmission interrupts their fight (luckily for Ratchet)… though now Ratchet realizes Megatron isn't in command anymore. ● Megatron is going to wax on about how he dislikes Shockwave and, in doing so, helpfully reveal to Ratchet much more than his character should be smart enough to do ● Ratchet and Megatron… merge… fluids. Hmm. Perhaps the fan art I chose this time around isn't so off the mark after all! ● yes, Ratchet. Go destroy Shockwave. I'm sure it will be no trouble. ● 👏👏👏

Synopsis: Ratchet is carrying Buster back to his home in Portland when they stumble upon some campers. After some explanations, Ratchet learns about humans requirement to eat food and likens it to a Transformers need for fuel. The education is cut short when Buster suddenly reels back in pain, a side effect of having places two terminals connected to the head of Optimus Prime to his temples earlier, although he doesn't tell Ratchet this and is taken home by the campers, leaving Ratchet to ponder over what to do next.

Elsewhere in the city at G.B. Blackrock's Aerospace plant, one of the workers finds a tape deck and brings it into the building unaware that it's really the Decepticon Soundwave smuggling himself into the building. Transforming into robot mode and unleashing Laserbeak, Soundwave attacks the plant securing the base and taking all its workers hostage, securing another victory for Shockwave. When news of this reaches G.B. Blackrock, he is angered even more. He then pays a visit to his employee Josie Beller who was injured during the Decepticons attack of his oil drilling platform. He learns that Josie was suffered severe nerve damage and only has slight movement in her right hand, in order to hopefully compensate for this Blackrock has agreed to pay all her medical expenses and fits her room with a miniature and fully automated assembly line so that she can continue her innovative work despite her handicap. Before leaving Blackrock vows to stop the robots that have invaded his property, Josie also has the same idea.

Back at the Ark, Ratchet sneaks in and begins to snoop around to see if Buster's claims were true. Sure enough, he finds the Autobots all deactivated and strung from the roof, except for Optimus Prime, who's head has been removed from his body and kept alive to utilized the Creation Matrix. Prime tells Ratchet that he is the Autobots only hope, however, Ratchet lacks the confidence because he is simply a doctor, however, Prime tells him he needs to think like a warrior.

Meanwhile, in Portland, Buster returns to his father garage with Jessie and O and makes a vain attempt to try and keep his father's business afloat. However Jessie and O's constant dotting irritates him to the point where he angrily tells them to get lost. Alone by himself Buster suffers another headache and to his surprise mentally lifts the metal tools he dropped off the floor.

Ratchet continues to search the Ark when he is found by Megatron, who has been left behind by Shockwave in order to guard the Ark against any intruders. Ratchet attempts to defend himself, but his surgical tools prove useless against Megatron who simply laughs at Ratchet. Before he can land a killing blow, Megatron is interrupted by Shockwave who orders him to prepare Optimus Prime's head for transport to Blackrock's Aerospace Plant. When Megatron angrily smashes the screen, Ratchet picks up on the fact that Megatron wishes to eliminate Shockwave and offers to help defeat him. When Megatron asks how, Ratchet reveals that Shockwave was defeated once before, four million years ago by the Dinobots.

Convincing Megatron that he has no choice but to give Ratchet a chance the two make a deal: Ratchet will find a means to destroy Shockwave and Megatron will give Ratchet control over the Ark and the captive Autobots. They then agree to meet on a nearby ski-hill when the deed is done. As an extra measure, the two carry out the Rite of Oneness, a Cybertronian honor binding tradition. Megatron gloats that if Ratchet succeeds he gets his leadership of the Decepticons back, if Ratchet fails the Autobot will be destroyed, and as such he has nothing to lose.

(https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Transformers_Vol_1_7)

Fan Art: Megatron and Ratchet for a fanfic by ralloonx (I couldn't resist, ok??)

Accompanying Podcasts: ● Transformers Chronicles - episode 07

● Transformers University - episode 17

#comics #marvel #my marvel read #transformers

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thanksjro · 5 years ago

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Last Stand of the Wreckers, Issue #2: Overlord is Bad at Communication

Way back in the day, when Kup was still old as hell, there was a bit of a scuffle with Overlord, who was just as awful then as he is now.

Holy shit, that one guy just got turned into a Gusher. Good thing Overlord didn’t get ahold of Kup, because he would have snapped his skinny little ass in half just by looking at him. He’s just a spine in the middle, honestly.

Overlord’s been picking these guys off pretty easily, and while it’s been fun, he’s got appointments to keep up with, so he peaces out. He’s got a meeting with Megatron, him and the other two guys who will end up being the Decepticon Phase Sixers- the real heavy hitters who finish off collapsing planets and bring glory to the Decepticause. Megatron doesn’t say Decepticause, but he might as well.

Because he’s an equal-opportunity bastard, Overlord questions this plan, believing himself to be a bit above the whole “attack dog” shtick. Megatron says that’s fine, and Overlord doesn’t HAVE to be a Phase Sixer. He just better be prepared to be hunted down like an animal for it. This gives Overlord pause.

Over in the present with the Wreckers, the new guys are discussing battle cries, and what the most effective one might be. Pyro’s really leaning into plagiarizing Optimus “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings”, which, as they point out, doesn’t exactly strike fear into the heart of one’s enemy. Pyro here is laying some groundwork for the eventual Lost Light plot bunny that is primus apotheosis, a personality disorder that causes the afflicted to emulate Optimus Prime.

You know, because he’s just the best, and also space Jesus.

Ironfist, of course, doesn’t think that anything they could come up with will ever top the Wrecker staple “Wreck ’n' Rule”. Which brings up Impactor, the guy who coined the term, and who, despite being the long-time leader of the Wreckers, dropped off the face of the earth (so to speak) after a mission on Pova. Ironfist, being the massive nerd that he is, really, REALLY wants to know why.

Over with the more seasoned members, Perceptor’s poking around in Impactor’s head, as he and Springer discuss the last time they met: when Impactor was being sentenced to life in prison, over something Springer testified against him for.

I know Perceptor’s smart and all, but does he actually have a medical degree? Transformers as a whole seems to lump the engineers and the doctors together, and that makes enough sense, considering they’re robots, but I think they might be stretching it a bit with the science sniper here. I’m just saying that maybe the Wreckers wouldn’t have quite have the revolving door of members if they had a medic on the ship, that’s all.

The thing Perceptor’s found in Impactor’s head is a deterrence chip, a souvenir from his time on Garrus-9, meant to go off if he escapes. The fact that he still has a head at all seems to imply that Fortress Maximus was the one with the codes for all that, and he’s currently busy with Overlord.

Which brings up the question: just how the hell did he escape Garrus-9?

Turns out that the tall-chested Decepticon Snare had a little idea after the whole hunting incident- why not use one of the most terrifying and ruthless Autobots in the joint, the one most likely to survive an escape, to go get help?

So, here he is, warning the Wreckers about what they’ll be up against.

Always with the death camps! It’s like a fixation, honestly.

Seeing how dangerous this will be, Ultra Magnus suggests that they perhaps delay the journey to Garrus-9, but Springer’s into danger, I guess, and says they ought to press on. He dismisses Impactor so they can talk shop, and that pisses Impactor right off. Impactor’s still really mad about being sent to jail, but it seems like he’s even more mad about the fact that whatever happened in the past, Springer would have done the same as him. Or, that’s what he thought. Now he’s not so sure.

Then he poses. He likes to pose, Impactor does. Specifically like this:

As Impactor stalks off, Ultra Magnus and Springer discuss the plan: Magnus is going to take a shuttle with Verity to drop her off at home- a plan she’s really not on board with, as stated by the woman herself as she oh-so-rudely eavesdrops- and will leave the Wreckers to do their thing. Ultra Magnus has Prowl-related things to attend to, but he does have a part plot-point for Springer: the name Aequitas.

Timeskip, and we’re just a few hours away from touchdown on Garrus-9. Yay! Everyone’s gathered, and Ultra Magnus breaks the tough news: Overlord’s here. Not yay.

Oh hey, there’s a Robertsism. The guy loves the little snippet “not so”, it’s been peppered throughout all his other writings. Neat that I can catch things like that now.

Of course, Overlord’s being at Garrus-9 puts a bit of a damper on the fun. Verity, our resident newcomer, asks just what the hell an Overlord is, and gets the rundown from Kup.

Turns out after Overlord went to his meeting, he came back to kick more ass, before he decided he was going to use Kup as a messenger.

Looks like Overlord decided to do things the hard way. Not exactly sure how he expects Kup to get that message to Megatron, considering he’s an Autobot.

Kup’s little yarn seems to have had an effect on poor Verity.

Still, terrifying triple-changer or not, the Wreckers have a job to do. There’s two objectives for this mission: first, find and free the Autobot guards. Second, find Aequitas. Most of the guys don’t know what Aequitas is, but rest assured that it cannot remain in the hands of the Decepticon forces for any longer.

Before they can do any of that, however, there’s the issue of getting through the forcefield. They’ll be using an old play, slamming two ships into the field at the same time to break it, then load all the imprisoned Autobots into one of the Garrus-9 shuttles and get the hell out of there. Rotorstorm will be manning both ships, because he’s just that good.

Shut up, Rotorstorm.

Okay, so maybe nothing terribly flashy or clever, but they’re the Wreckers, not the Delicate Maneuverers.

Crunch-time, and we get a series of little vignettes, chock full of foreshadowing and self-loathing.

It’s always the guy who acts like he’s hot shit, isn’t it?

It’s go time. Everyone, save Ultra Magnus and assumably Verity, load into one of the two ping-pong ball-looking ships and get ready to go. As they rocket away from the main ship, Verity drops out of the ceiling vents, because of COURSE she does, decked out in full body armor- those arm covers she was wearing earlier are part of a set.

The ping-pong ships bust through the forcefield without a hitch. Now it’s time for the hard part: everything else.

Ping-pong #1 gets a hole blasted in it, and Perceptor reacts by being fucking cool as hell.

Fuck yeah, Percy. Fuck yeah.

Unfortunately, being rad as hell only gets you so far- just ask Rodimus- and both of the ping-pong ships crash and burn under fire. No one seems to have died YET, but now they’re on the ground with a butt-ton of blood-thirsty Decepticons.

And things are especially bad for Verity, because she’s managed to crash into the throne room, and who should be there other than Lord Nasty himself.

Thus ends issue #2 of Last Stand of the Wreckers.

#transformers #jro #last stand of the wreckers #issue 2 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #story plotting #wreckers trilogy

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afterspark-podcast · 5 years ago

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G1 Episode 12: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: It's really dark and it's ominous and he's standing in moonlight, and he's examining a body.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I’m Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 12: The Ultimate Doom, Part 2. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yesssss. Last time on the Transformers, Sparkplug turned into a shitty parent via mind control (well, when the Decepticons are involved it happens)-

O: [Laughter]

S: Optimus hit his head and made extremely questionable decisions and then Megatron has, uh, transported Cybertron into Earth's orbit.

O: As you do. And as we open today catastrophes threatened to rip the planet Earth to pieces.

S: And Cybertron? It just looks like a bad moon rising on the horizon.

O: [Laughter]

S: Oh god, I didn't realize that rhymed the time.

[Laughter]

O: Spike tries to talk some sense into his dad but Sparkplug just tries to get him to join the bad guys instead.

S: Oh I swear Spike really looks like he's staring into the camera like it's The Office. He looks so done.

O: He really, really does.

S: This poor kid.

O: And if you remember last time, it was Optimus Prime, himself, that allowed Cybertron to be space-bridged near Earth. Optimus is regretting his actions at the moment and Ironhide tells him, “he did what he needed to do.” Why? No- I call bullshit on this, there was no good reason why this needed to happen beyond Megatron saying that Cybertron would be destroyed otherwise, but I don't really think it would have been. There was no reason to think this because I call bullshit.

S: Optimus, you could have literally taken a step back to think about this. You didn't need to press the stupid button right that minute.

O: He could've decked Megatron. Knocked him out, thought about it, then pressed the button. I still would have thought you made the wrong decision but whatever.

S: You could have had Ratchet look at your head first. I mean-

O: Yeah, seriously I convinced he had a head injury.

S: Yeah. So Megatron's already decided that they've won the war-

O: Of course.

S: As you know, giant mechanical despots are prone to do. I mean, he does this multiple times.

O: Of course, Spike attempts to shoot Megatron with this, like, laser beam that might be a satellite from the previous episode. We’re not sure.

S: I'm pretty sure it is, it basically looks exactly like what they used to space-bridge-

O: Yeah, but it doesn't have the Giant dish on it, that's why I was confused.

S: Maybe they took it off? I don’t know-

O: I don't know. Anyway, it's this thing he hops into and tries to shoot Megatron but, uh, Megs is warned by Sparkplug and gets out of the way.

S: Bad dad.

O: This generates some rocks that almost hit Starscream and Starscream is incredibly angry about getting rocks thrown at him.

S: And he totally looked like Thundercracker the shot prior, like, he was totally Thundercracker blue and then next shot we see him reacting and, nope, that is Starscream. He's probably super pissed about the color change, too.

O: I would imagine. Starscream insults Spike by calling him a “flesh creature” and says, “We’re invincible!”

S: Oh, my god we should maybe have a tally of that.

O: I- We should. Just have, I-I think it would literally explode with all the-

S: Maybe how many episodes since Starscream said “We're invincible!” or “I'm invincible!” or some variation.

O: [Laughter] It’s been 0 days since the last incident.

S: [Laughter] That seems simpler. I don’t know. So Starscream leads the other Decepticons into an attack

O: And during this attack, Bumblebee gets hit and this hit, for some reason, makes this sound straight out of a bowling alley instead of it actually sounding like metal is being hitn

S: Yeah, like, it doesn't sound like a strike but it sounds like they got like one or two pins with a bowling ball and it's honestly kind of weirdly, um, auditorily disappointing

O: [Laughter]

S: It's weird.

O: It doesn't quite have the impact maybe you were expecting.

S: Yeah, and meanwhile Optimus acquires cat-scratch fever as Ravage jumps on his back, then a branch falls on a power line overhead. Which...I don't think we saw this power line before now but, yeah, the branch falling on the power line causes the power line to fall down and shock Ravage, who then runs the fuck away.

O: I- I just have to ask it, what was the point of anything that's happened in this episode? I don't think it really has an impact of anything that happens after this. It's just things are sort of happening at this point, I think.

S: They needed something to fill up space because they didn't have enough plot for three frickin episodes.

O: Yeah, this should have been like maybe two.

S: I don't think they’d quite gotten two parters down at this point.

O: Eh, probably not.

S: Because I think we've only got individual episodes and then three-parters and then the five-parters.

O: Oh God, I'm not looking forward to those. I’m convinced- I am convinced the multi-partners are the weakest ones in the series.

S: Yeah. So, the Seekers take to the air and Starscream orders Thundercracker to shoot. Thundercracker is, you know, totally rightfully worried about the wind and Starscream is like, “Shoot anyway!” and then lo and behold the fire from Thundercracker’s flamethrowers totally blow back onto them. They don't have a good time.

O: They do not but, naturally, in the middle of a life-or-death fight this sight causes Jazz and Trailbreaker to drop everything and toss a few fire puns at each other.

S: Hot nose. Hot nose.

O: They weren't even good fire puns.

S: Yeah.

O: Rumble gets a taste of his own medicine as seismic activity causes a crevice to open under his feet and swallow him up.

S: He's getting his just desserts, I guess. I don't know. And Soundwave’s been just standing in the back watching all this chaos. Like, he just he looks like he's disassociated.

O: [Laughter] Eh..um…boy am i tired.

S: But, yeah, so he's just standing back watching all this chaos unfurl around him and then Megatron orders him to use an audio disruptor wave.

O: Which he has now, apparently, and Soundwave being one of the few bots able to take an order in this goddamn army does what he's told.

S: The resulting audio wave causes the Autobots to flee and for the majority of the humans a seemingly snap out of their weird mind controlling, except Sparkplug. I guess this thing, like, just. I don't know it seems like it makes the Autobots fall down and humans just snap out of things.

O: But of course Sparkplug isn’t snapped out of this.

S: It's plot relevant.

O: Of course.

S: Then we literally see Prime's trailer sort of shimmer into existence here as they flee, which was a nice effect.

O: It was actually a nice effect but I'm still, like, is the trailer a hologram? Does it, like, come out of subspace? How does the trailer work? And I'm never gonna get an answer to this. [Laughter]

S: I think we just say subspace, but…

O: Probably... which, so many questions. Ah, Spike and Bumblebee flee as Spike watches his dad escape into Skywarp and why do you think Skywarp was picked to be the Sparkplug ferry?

S: I don't know. Um, maybe he was just cooler with having squish- well, humans near him or as he'd say ‘squishies?’ I don't know, he seems like he's maybe chiller than the others.

O: Oh, Starscream would not even remotely consider the idea whatsoever.

S: Well, he does with Dr. Arkeville.

O: Yeah, but that's on his own choice.

S: Yeah.

O: I don't think he’d be very happy if Megatron was like, “You are in charge of this tiny human, Starscream.”

S: True, and I feel like Thundercracker would just be like, “Nope-”

O: Nope, nope. Thundercracker out!

S: Yeah. Though watching Dr. Arkeville makes the connection that his mind control has been broken by the audio disruption and-

O: Psst! This will be relevant later!

S: Oh, very relevant.

O: Starscream, in the middle of all this, starts yelling at Megatron about letting the Autobots escape. Megatron rewards this outburst by backhanding Starscream across the face.

S: As he does. I mean, he seems like he does that, like, once every two episodes.

O: Something like that.

S: They have a very weird relationship. Megatron tells Starscream that this is the only warning he's intending to give and Starscream makes a super fucking weird face.

O: Is he turned on by this? I mean...is he turned on by this? That’s. That’s what that smirk looks like. Okay! Back in the Decepticon base Rumble watches with mild interest as Dr. [Ark]eville shoots Sparkplug with a laser.

S: Whyyyy does Dr. Arkeville shoot him with a device that's, like, three feet away and hanging from the ceiling instead of, I don't know, a handheld device that would be, you know, a lot more easy to control?

O: Obviously it's to make the new hypno-chip stick. Who needs glue when you have lasers!

S: I feel like glue would be the easier and cheaper method.

O: He's a mad scientist, Specs, he's a mad scientist. Lasers are clearly the way he has to go.

S: ...But it's not efficient.

O: Mad scientists’ don’t care about efficiency!

S: I feel like he should but-

O: Well, he's a kind of shitty character, to be honest.

S: He is, unfortunately. Well, I don't think we ever see any other iterations of him which I guess I'm glad about.

O: He actually is in Shattered Glass, ironically, but he's a good guy.

S: That's good!

O: I like him! I like him in Shattered Glass, actually.

S: I was, like, I was gonna ask if he was a good person.

O: He's actually really cool. He’s still got like some cybernetic augmentations that nobody's really sure where it came from but, no, he's actually pretty cool.

S: That’s good! I’ll have to read those. I mean you’re-

O: They’re all on your new computer now!

S:Well, you're enabling the hell out of me, thank you.

O: [Laughter] Well, I mean I feel I can only return the favor.

S: So, Laserbeak is apparently kid- off- well, off kidnapping more human test subjects elsewhere.

O: He kidnaps two people at a time here. You’d think he'd go to a school or factory or something and get a bunch of people all in one go?

S: Well, he's also one relatively small bird robot.

O: TRUE. You’d think they would send multiple bots and do this.

S: True, true. I guess the animators just didn't want to deal with animating a whole crowd of people which, um, fair. I wouldn't want to, either.

O: Yeah, Laserbeak returns with the kidnapped men and Rumble takes one of them off to be enslaved via hypno chip but not before Shockwave calls to inform Megatron that the energy level of Cybertron is at a critically low level.

S: Cybertron is just always on the verge of fuckin starving. Oh god.

O: Shockwave. Shockwave, you've gotta ask for a transfer, man.

S: Yeah, or just, you know, actually shipping goddamn Energon which I guess the Decepticons do try, but the Autobots keep, you know-

O: Fucking shit up?

S: Yeah, I've forgotten the word that I want. Fending off their efforts? Something, whatever.

O: Sabotaging?

S: They're not sabotaging, they're just completely locking things down, preventing them from [clap] from doing it. I feel like the word starts with an F but it's not important. Let’s get this back to this! Um. Back with the Autobots, Optimus and Ironhide are having trouble navigating the “severe weather” quotation marks there. So many quotation marks around “severe.”

O: [Laughter] It just looks like a heavy drizzle but okay guys. Jazz is ergonomically handling this situation by magnetizing himself the Ironhide's bumper.

S: Jazz, you just make everything better. You’re- you’re awesome, dude.

O: Definitely!

S: Even if I am kind of annoyed by your really bad puns, earlier.

O: He’s the Pun Master.

S: Pun Meister.

O: Yeeeeeeaaaaaaah!

S: [Laughter] Oh god. In Bumblebee’s cab, Spike just he looks so fucking done. He really looks like he's disassociated.

O: Oh yeah, he's super out of it. So much so, that when Bumblebee blows out a tire and needs help he's gotta, like, physically shake Spike out of his cab to get his attention.

S: Oh god, no one's having a good day, especially with all the rain. And Megatron would like to have some updates on his human slaves, oh, thank you very much.

O: I'm not sure who wrote this damn episode but I strongly suspect it may have been a drunk monkey because we literally keep cutting to people for less than 30 seconds and then cutting away again. All of these scenes feel sooo pointless! And so we go back, yet again, with Spike and Bumblebee after swapping to Megatron for like 10 seconds. Um, a big, random crack opens up under Bumblebee. Bee ends up hanging off the edge of the side of the cliff, clutching Spike to his chest.

S: And, okay, it's it wasn't intended to look like this but between Spike’s expression here and the way he's clinging to Bumblebee, it really just looks like he's completely and utterly disgusted with someone critiquing their relationship.

O: [Laughter]

S: That's- I know he's clinging to Bumblebee for dear life because, god, there’s-

O: Canyon!

S: Fuckin, yeah. Hundred foot canyon? We don't know how deep it is. But that expression. He just looks so disgusted. He looks so unhappy.

O: Laserbeak shows up out of nowhere and takes off with Spike.

S: This is apparently what giant robot birds do. That’s just his life.

O: I want to know why this cassettes got conscripted into helping the mad scientist, exactly? They actually know how to take fucking orders that's the reason.

S: And they’re vaguely close to scale to him.

O: Yeah they are a lot smaller.

S: Yeah, and then Bumblebee loses his grip by apparently forgetting that he was, you know, needing to hang off to the edge with that particular hand.

O: [Laughter]

S: He presumably falls to his death as we go to the commercial break.

O: And just sort of quote the Jem Jam, “Buy the toys, kids, or Bumblebee might die!”

S: Aaaah, that's a lot of the motivational factor behind these episodes isn’t it.

O: Uh-huh, uh-huh.

S: Oh god, Spike is rescued by Bluestreak, Hound, and Windcharger, when Bluestreak shoots Spike out of Laserbeak's grasp bringing Bluestreak’s sniper skills into this.

O: Of course, and Hound transforms and catches Spike in his seat. It's very strange because he, like, jumps up at the air so they're sort of falling at the same time and it seems like he's actually slowly Spike’s momentum down or trying to.

S: Yeah, like this entire production is really weird because, like, they're down below and then Hound transforms, drives, like, off and around- off a cliff- to catch-

O: To catch him.

S: Spike.

O: Yeah.

S: And that, that seems like such a goddamn production just to try and catch this kid.

O: I mean-

S: Well, they don’t want him to die.

O: Well, like. I-I feel like since the last episode, obviously, Ratchet has given them a good talking-to on, “Hey! Humans can't survive long falls or something.”

S: “They're squishy. The terminal velocity will splatter their internal organs, even if the exterior does not splatter. Don't let them drop.”

O: [Laughter]

S: “You answer to me,”

O: They would.

S: Yeah. then Bluestreak calls Laserbeak a turkey.

O: Shut up, Bluestreak.

S: He might have called. I don't forget- if it was just a turkey or something else attached to turkey.

O: I don't care, it involved a turkey and I was like shut up Bluestreak.

S: And then Spike leads the others over to the crevice that swallowed Bumblebee because you gotta get the Bee?

O: Uh, yeah, then Hound pulls out a scanner that he holds in front of his crotch and swipes it from side to side.

S: It looks really awkward. It looks so bad, where did he even pull it from?

O: Who knows? But Hound does eventually pick up Bumblebee’s signal with his penis- I mean his scanner.

S: And then Windcharger uses his magic arms to pull Bee out of the crevice with his..laser magnetic tractor beam.

O: Well, it may get Bumblebee back and I love that Bumblebee says that he's out of gas so he just climbs that Hounds’ back seat for a ride back to base.

S: This is not the only time we see giant robots riding in or on other giant robots.

O: He’s just so good natured about it, I think, is what cracks me up?

S: Um-hmm. The Decepticons load up Skywarp with Energon and send Sparkplug to Cybertron with him. Finally!

O: Finally they’re getting some Energon.

S: Yeah.

O: Dr. Evil's pissed that Megatron is sending away one of his slaves but Megatron informs him that Decepticons have duplicated at his tech and now can control his slaves, too.

S: Doc, Doc. You're evil and you didn't file a patent and also you're working with giant evil robots so do you really expect the giant evil robots to respect your creator’s rights here?

O: Yeah.

S: Did you seriously expect that? Did you expect them to have some sort of- I forget the word.

O: Copyright? Uh, patents?

S: I don't know, honor among thieves?

O: Ah! Yeah, no.

S: I don't know.

O: We are talking about Megatron.

S: Yeah.

O: Back with the Autobots, they send out the Dinobots to help with disaster relief as Earth continues to be affected by various natural disasters.

S: Grimlock makes his apathy about Earth's fate known and then Wheeljack asks him, “With you on it?” and Grimlock considers this for a moment is like, “Hadn’t thought of that.”

O: Don’t worry bud, you’ll get to the right conclusion eventually.

S: You'll learn some enlightened self-interest, Grims. Grimsey, you will in time. And the Decepticons are also having some issues with these various natural disasters. They, uh, they set off as their, uh, base is damaged with- from rock slides and tsunamis.

O: Naturally, Starscream comments on this with his normal level of charm.

S: That is loudly and with lots of screeching.

O: Yes!

S: Spike continues to deal with his dad's absence. He's not a happy camper. He really isn't. When another earthquake rocks the Ark, this time due to Mount St. Hillary exhibiting volcanic activity.

O: All the Autobots evacuate the Ark and we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Ah, well, not all the Autobots. Not quite all the Autobots..

O: Ah, sorry. The Autobots are evacuating the Ark and then we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Once outside, Ironhide turns toward. He turns toward the volcano and then transforms and wordlessly points with an open mouth.

O: And then, not a second later, the volcano erupts and Ratchet, Huffer, and Windcharger come blasting out the top of the volcano.

S: This totally is not Ratchet’s idea of a party but maybe Huffer’s having a good time?

O: It's Huffer. You know he isn't.

S: And then they're saved by Skyfire.

O: Hi buddy! So, Optimus, after all this happened says that they need to turn off the volcano.

S: That's really not how volcanoes work but okay, buddy.

O: Ironhide goes inside the volcano and blasts a bunch of rocks to plug it up.

S: And he says, “When you're good, you're good.” Or something to that effect.

O: It’s something to that effect and that should not work. But aargh!

S: But they should- they could really use Beachcomber here cuz he's- he's, you know, he's a he's a geologist.

O: And maybe get a professional next time. Anyway, this works for no reason.

S: [sigh] …Why? And then we see the Dinobots doing various things that are supposedly helping with the natural disasters but I don’t know.

O: At least that's what the cartoon wants us to think.

S: They're doing something- they're doing some blockades and some, um, canals.

O: To help with the tsunami.

S: I guess it's like the thing where Ironhide was, like, shooting, like-

O: Oh god.

S: Canals? Or whatever?

O: Ugh.

S: During, I think, the first three parter?

O: Something like that.

S: In the Ark - which is apparently, totally, just fine now - Optimus is talking about Spike. With Spike just standing right there. Like, that's awkward.

O: You gotta get better at keeping track of your little dudes near your feet, man.

S: And Spike is informed that Sparkplug has been taken to Cybertron. How did the Autobots know this? I don't remember.

O: I don't remember, I don't know if they got a call or if Optimus is just telling this to Skyfire, or what.

S: Or maybe Optimus Prime's magic pecs picked it up.

O: [Laughter] Of course! Regardless- Wheeljack, Bumblebee, and Skyfire all volunteer to go with Spike to Cybertron to rescue his dad.

S: Aaaah Skyfire is so freaking nice.

O: Get that ‘bot a hug.

S: And this is Spike’s first time on Cybertron!!! Except that Chip and Sparkplug totally got to go there before him-

O: [Laughter]

S: Soooo all the fun uniqueness is maybe taken away.

O: Skyfire is apparently excellent at flying as he's dodging the hell out of everything that the Decepticons are throwing at them right now.

S: And then Brawn is apparently here, too. I mean, I guess we need- I guess we need pugnacious short dude that can punch through things, but all right.

O: And clearly Skyfire hates him as much as I do because Skyfire trips Brawn when he's exiting Skyfire’s cargo bay.

S: By transforming. Skyfire was apparently just in a super big ass hurry. And Spike does not have any situational awareness whatsoever because he just totally bumbles right into a laser beam, triggering a trap that he then falls into and Bumblebee and Brawn proceed to jump in after him.

O: Mostly because they're small but good job, Spike. You split up the party, you should never split up the damn party!

S: Yeaaaaah.

O: Naturally, they escape through a nearby ventilation shaft until they fall through that, too.

S: I think the, say, Decepticons use the Cybertronian equivalent of tin foil, or something, for this?

O: Yeah, it like, it just falls to pieces. They fall through it.

S: Yeah, whatever contractor got hired for this? Whoever hired them sho- should really try and get, you know, compensation.

O: Pretty much.

S: Yeah.

O: Our three idiots land right in front of the helpfully labeled hypno chip control computer

S: It's so convenient and Brawn proceeds to call Wheeljack on his handy-dandy cellphone to explain the whole mind-control chip thing to him.

O: And the--everybody hides because they hear somebody coming, but Spike lures his dad nearby by leaving out Sparkplugs’ favorite wrench.

S: I don't think we ever see him bring the wrench but, apparently, he just-

O: Apparently, he brought it. [Laughter]

S: Yeah and then Sparkplug sees Spike and alerts the Decepticons because Spike’s just like, “I love you, dad, I can't hide from you!” and the episode cuts us Spike yells, “Nooooooo!!!” And there are tears glimmering in his eyes.

O: Of course, it's very anime. Join us next time for the “thrilling?” conclusion to our three parter The Ultimate Doom part 3.

S: And that's thrilling with a question mark behind it, because...how thrilling is this stuff, really?

O: [Laughter] You decide.

S: I don’t think it’s very thrilling.

O: Alright, Specs, what's our fanfic for today?

S: Alright, so our recommendations for today are- our fanfiction recommendations for today, there's only two of them so I'm trying to keep this minimal, are “Tanked” by Cyberwulf which is in the G1 cartoon continuity. It's rated T because Optimus Prime accidentally gets drunk.

O: [Laughter]

S: And it's rated Gen, more or less, uhhhh, it mentions Optimus/Elita-1 which, uuuuuuhhhh, has some, uh. Basically involves Optimus sort of musing on his relationship with her and being like, “I didn't know she was my sister, I didn’t know!!!”

O: Oh, dear god!

S: “For like four million years, our creator was a jerk!”

O: Oh god, that’s so wrong!

S: It is! It is! Sorry, um. So, yeah, I guess that's a thing. I guess that's a note for you, alright. Uh, our characters here are Optimus Prime, Sparkplug Witwicky, Spike Witwicky, and Ironhide. And, in summary, “Prime needs help only, Sparkplug can give it.” And I basically just wanted something Sparkplug-centric for this and it's a one shot and basically both of these are actually Sparkplug-centric.

S: Alright, our second one is The Human Element by Im_The_Doctor and then Bofur1 [Im_The_Doctor (Bofu1)] in, uh...

O: Parentheses.

S: Parentheses, thank you. It's G1 cartoon continuity, it's rated G, it’s Gen- there aren't any pairings, and our characters here are: Ratchet, Wheeljack, Sparkplug, Jazz, Bumblebee, Brawn, Gears, Huffer, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Bluestreak, Prowl, Hoist, and Blaster, more or less in order of-

O: Of importance? Or appearance?

S: Probably appearance, yeah. In summary, “ “…and stay out! I don’t want to see another human for the rest of this tricursed orn!” Ratchet is being even more uptight than usual, especially about humans, so a few of his friends decide to intercede in the ways that they know best.” And, okay, I said it was something Sparkplug-centric, it's also kind of Ratchet-centric, too, because they're trying to convince Ratchet that humans are okay.

O: [Chuckle]

S: And it's, um, technically I think it might be part of a series cuz this particular author has actually a really, really long series that seems to focus on the minibots that I've been meaning to read but I haven't yet.

O: Gotcha.

S: But this was--it was fun and entertaining and Ratchet’s like, “You need to convince me-”

O: [Laughter] This convincing had better involve booze.

S: Kind of. It's a party.

O: It’s Ratchet, I'm not surprised.

S: Yeah, so those are our two of fanfiction recommendations, thank you.

S: Alright and that just about wraps it up for us today remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at Aftersparkpod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, Archive Of Our Own, itunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few. Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles!

[Outro Music]

#g1 episode 12 #transcript #afterspark podcast

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