#oooooo 16 yr old me would've DIED. but 26 yr old me?! HECK NO. He's still immature and so cringe

[oldfarmerbillswife]

Rivers Cuomo blog post [10/17/2005]:

The girl I was madly in love with when I was ten was at the show the other night. It’s weird for us to be talking again in our mid-thirties. The strands of continuity in my life surprise me. The same pain and pleasure of crushes have been with me my whole life, transferred from person to person and situation to situation.

I felt it again at Harvard last year. The same unutterable anguish at not being able to have the dark-haired beauty that I wanted. The same feeling in the pit of my stomach as she smiled and said sweetly, “I just like you as a friend.”

Have I grown up at all from age ten to age thirty-five, from the first early crushes to the latest one?

I think this last time, maybe, I had a breakthrough. I faced my craving in all its terribleness. I didn’t block it out of my mind. I just felt the pain, day after day, for months on end until slowly it passed away. I think the next time I have a crush, if there is a next time, it won’t be so bad.

I can finally say good-bye to the girl I loved when I was ten. I can finally move towards something less about pleasure and pain.