#one of the healthiest things I did was realize that I didn't have to engage in all of it

[coffee-at-annies]

Maybe it's just me about sports in general, but it feels like fans are quicker to gloat about the players even though they've been contributing in other ways (on ice and off ice) when a team is struggling. Scenario: Team A is on a 10 game winning streak in November, all is good from the outside, every player is praised. But come February they hit a massive losing streak and the wheels come off: depth players are scapegoated despite all their efforts, players shuffled around the lineup with some not fitting in their new lines, chemistry is off and every player is getting blamed even unfairly. Then comes along the hindsight takes of should've kept this, should've traded for that when nobody has no clue whether the team would've been better off had they done that.

And while we're at it, is it unpopular to feel bad for BJC? Ever since Hextall protected him over Canner + signed his extension, the fanbase at least from Pens Twitter quickly soured on him when he couldn't sustain his hot start. A one year extension would've been more reasonable instead of two, I get why they wanted him exposed to Seattle instead, he's played decently but he's getting a lot of flak whenever the Pens are slumping. To quote a random post online I came across from a fan of another struggling team, it's easy to say that a team needs to replace a depth player (esp when he is an older player playing beyond his actual capabilities as a fill in for injury) even though he's not been bad, but fans wouldn't say that if the team is on a roll. Y*he tweeted out his pre-extension vs. since then which is why I shared this.

Hey sorry its been over a week. My brain was pretty broken when you sent this and then I forgot it existed because ADHD is like that sometimes. I’m gonna do my best to address some of what you said and my opinion on it.

it feels like fans are quicker to gloat about the players even though they've been contributing in other ways (on ice and off ice) when a team is struggling

I’m a little unsure what you mean here. Gloat is the word that’s throwing me off. I think you’re talking about fans talking shit, but usually when I think of the word gloat, I think of I told you sos or I was rights and I don’t really associate talking shit with gloating unless you’re saying I called it, I knew they’d be terrible. Currently Ren and I are gloating because we were right that the pens would figure their shit out and all we needed to fix the PK was for Teddy to come back from war. I’d consider shit talking a player gloating if you’re gloating about being right about someone sucking.

Sports fans are fickle. They’re quick to panic and quick to react. They’re quick to bet and quick to fold. A cold streak gets people scared really easily. A hot streak gets people euphoric in a way that makes it feel like we can never lose again. Hockey is an inherently silly sport. Ice is slippy. Sometimes bounces just don’t go your way. The Devils had a franchise record win-streak snap on Wednesday because of 3 no-goal reviews. Matt Murray technically got a shutout despite the puck hitting the back of the net. Shit happens. You gotta roll with the punches.

As for the scenario you outlined, that was basically the pens last season. We can what if and speculate but that’s all it is, speculation. The thing is you can’t stop fans from speculating. What ifs are a part of sports. So much of sports is up to chance that you can’t predict everything so well what if this happened or this happened or this happened. Its a talking point. Sports has a lot of those.

A thing I think that’s worth mentioning is that fans aren’t the only ones doing these sorts of talking. Reporters are people to and they’re some of the people driving the narratives. Of course they are, its their jobs. They’re paid by the word and by the click. The reason everyone was talking about Geno’s contract woes after R*ssi broke the story is because it was easy money in a slow offseason news cycle.

These people are paid to tell us stories, but that doesn’t mean they’re unbiased. I personally really like JFresh on twitter because he’s very up front about how ZAR is his emotional support defensive analytics darling. R*ssi has always been really up Geno’s ass and Y*he has always been weirdly hard. A lot of reporters like to be hard on players and call it tough love or objectivity and I’m like nah. I’d honestly prefer a reporter who tells you their favorite player than pretend they don’t have one. They’re fans with opinions too and if they view someone negatively then it will embolden some fans who are fickle.

is it unpopular to feel bad for BJC

I’d say no but I already talked about him vaguely here. Look you can’t make people say nice things about a player they’ve decided to hate. Look at how pensblr feels about archibald and desm*th. Pens twitter has decided to hate BJC and there’s not much you can do about that. You can’t make a worstie into a bestie even with the best playing. Plenty of ppl still don’t like Archibald despite the fact that he’s playing pretty good for us.

it's easy to say that a team needs to replace a depth player... even though he's not been bad, but fans wouldn't say that if the team is on a roll

Fans absolutely can and will. We’ve been on winning streaks and I’ve still criticized desm*th. He can get a shutout and I’d still think he’s a streaky goalie and we need someone with more consistency. People love to assign blame and find fault. The team being on a roll will quiet some of the opportunistic haters but it won’t quiet everyone and people will always talk shit. There’s always something someone could do better and those sorts of people will find it.

The best you can do is curate your online experience and block people. You are not obligated to give everyone the time of day or every thought the same amount of weight. If all they post is negativity about BJC and they don’t have a nice thing to say then what is the point of continuing to listen to them? They obviously aren’t going to change their mind so why keep giving them space and a platform. Its not even worth it to argue because arguing online is using your own platform to give them more visibility. This is why people who send Anon hate won’t block you first, they want you to platform their assholishness and validate them by responding publicly, by getting upset.

If this is making you mad, then take steps to remove yourself from it. I’ve got ppl in hockeyblr blocked because they wouldn’t have a nice word to say about the pens if it killed them. I’ve got ppl in pensblr blocked because I didn’t like how they talked about players and fellow fans and I didn’t want to see it on my dash. Curation of online experiences is hard, but if something is making you mad or angry, you can take steps to distance yourself from it. Its kind of the same principle as don’t like, don’t read, but for the shit people say online.

[yuikomorii]

Who do you think are the most mentally strong diaboys?

// I'd like to make a top three, even if I believe number one is already obvious:

3. Kino

Being forgotten by your true "father" and abandoned in Rottenberg is a very sad scenario. Kino was also bullied because of his race, since the ghouls did not treat someone like him well. However, after releasing his powers, they began to respect him, so Kino became their leader, and unlike other characters, he also got Yuri, his friend, by his side. Kino is a mentally strong person, but he still struggles with it, especially given his resentment of the Sakamaki brothers for obtaining Karl's "love," even though they did nothing to him. He also gaslights others for "having it better," and dwells on his past to the point of obsession. It feels as if he doesn’t live for himself anymore, but merely for recognition.

2. Kou

Losing your wealth, ending up in a manhole, then in an orphanage where you were assaulted and exploited because you were a pretty child... As horrifying as it may sound, Kou has a very realistic past because the events that happened to him actually occurred in Romania during that time period. Honestly, despite his background, I'm surprised he's generally such a cheerful person. He would have been first on the list, but Kou never moved on from his experiences. He, like Kino, held a grudge against the Sakamakis for having "a better life" than him, despite the fact that he was unaware of their past. Anyway, he was in MB at the time, and based on DF and LE, he's doing much better now and is a sunshine boy, so he deserves this spot.

1. Ayato

I guess it's always been obvious that Ayato is mentally the healthiest Diaboy. His past is almost on the level of Haruka from Moshikami, which says a lot because it's so messed up that I wouldn't have been surprised if he lost all hope, but he didn't, which is really admirable.

Ayato never complained about what he went through, never gaslighted others for having it better, never engaged in a harmful coping mechanism and never projected on others. Yes, he has insecurities; he is afraid of not being loved or not being the best, but he is not dependent on these. He could still live peacefully without achieving them. Furthermore, he doesn't need a person to "fix" or help him deal with his struggles; he simply wants someone to appreciate and believe in him.

He's a carefree person who surprisingly prefers to look on the bright side and holds no resentment toward those who have wronged him as long as he knows their reasons and that everything turned out well. His ability to forgive people so easily is both a strength and a weakness because some people do such horrible things to you that they no longer deserve your forgiveness.

I like Kino but he literally burned you alive, beat you up, stole Yui, and wanted to sell you to the church to be slaughtered, but in the end, you gave him a second chance and were the first to integrate him and recognize him as a Sakamaki?? And normally, I wouldn't mind this since I give a bunch of second chances too but the thing is, nobody is willing to forgive AYATO if things go wrong, and that's painful because it's so unfair. ://

I might have realized why Karlheinz thinks Ayato is more special than anyone else, and this quote from his DF Ecstasy epilogue perfectly explains it:

Karlheinz (describing Ayato): Valuing your life, grieving, lamenting your misfortune, suffering…

And resisting!

That’s what Adam is all about!!

Basically, what makes Ayato the official Adam is the fact that unlike other demons, who are ignorant to death, he still has a desire to live and fights for it. No matter how much pain he has endured, nothing can break him.

One of the reasons his LE route was so reviled in the Japanese and English fandoms is that nothing hurts more than seeing an energetic and strong-willed character who appeared that way in seven games suddenly lose all hope and drown in misery.

I have written a too much about Ayato, but he deserves it. He’s not the smartest or most calculated guy, but he is unquestionably the most mentally strong one, and I doubt any other Diaboy would have ended up as approachable as Ayato if he had been in his position.

[soranis-sunshadow]

CW// mentions of death.

I will get a bit dark about this but it is pretty much what determined me to actually go for the thing I always looked longingly at from the sides.

Because of the way I was raised, I was very discouraged from using my time on frivolous things or interacting with strangers. I was conditioned by my parents (mostly my mother) that everything she considered "a waste of my time" or " unproductive" was useless and me indulging in any of that meant that I was wasting my life and the "effort she put into raising me "- mind you she was a Type A workaholic so she didn't helicopter mom me but she did want to live vicariously through me. My achievements were hers but my failures were exclusively mine. (guess where the Hordak stanning stems from huh?)

I strove to please that woman for most of my childhood - an impossible task you see since that's not how that works. Whenever I reach the quota, the bar of tasks and chores would rise. She was never happy or satisfied. I was the best in my class, but was I the best in the region yet?...

I learned in time to steal the moments for myself but I felt guilty for doing it. I would stalk ff.net or other fan spaces from time to time but I never engaged. I was never part of a fandom. I just longingly looked from the side at the fun others were having.

At the time, it was strange to talk to all of these adult strangers on the internet so... I didn't.

And then, time flew by, I realized that college was over, I had a job now and it was time to work, go home, work - rinse and repeat.

I filled my leisure time with adult appropriate things and guess what? It made me miserable. Adult media either bores me or is hypersexualized - and since I'm an ace, it has no appeal to me.

There's nothing wrong with sexuality mind you, but I'm not the target audience so it falls quite flat.

My IRL friends are not autistic so we sort of speak different languages. It's not their fault we don't have the same hobbies, they are good people but some of the things they like bore me to tears. (I really don't get sports for example even if my father was an olympic Greekoroman wrestler, he couldn't instill the love of sports in any of his children)

It took a year of hell and seeing death on a weekly basis for me to say fuck it and actually engage with a fandom, do the thing I've wanted to do for so long and gush about the stupid cartoon characters i'm currently hyperfixated on whereas I could only do it by talking at my brother IRL before(poor man).

I saw people die before me regretting not having done this or that, their time was shorter than they thought it would be and I was helpless before it. Covid left marks on survivors too.

The pandemic had me working such insane hours in such poor conditions, we were expected to treat people without protection because materials had run out and I did.

It had gotten so damn grim that I needed something sweet and carefree to escape into, so I went with cartoons. I love animation far more than Live Action, the beauty and creativeness of it is underrated. I watched several shows but this one just gripped me for some reason or another and here I am. I decided: Fuck it! I will engage with this! What do I stand to lose?

So I did because life is short and fragile and what's the point of living if you don't enjoy the ride?

And some fandom spats aside, it was worth it. I love this fandom.

It feels lovely to find likeminded people. To enjoy the same thing with people that are just as passionate about it as I am.

Even if that conditioning is still there, even when I hear my mother's voice chiding me that I could be doing something more productive with my time, I silence it way easier now, because I'd rather be doing something fun instead.

Life is short, so very short and so very fragile. Death comes without warning sometimes, you may have done everything right, lived the healthiest life done all the useful things - at the end of it all, can you say you enjoyed it?

I'm laying here in bed, ready to go to sleep after watching the new Owl House, and I'm having thoughts.

Like, I'm thirty two, right? Considered old by fandom Twitter, for example. People my age are told to stop watching cartoons and get a job. Or whatever. And to go consume adult media.

But like... what am I supposed to watch?

Because I have to say: I've watched adult media. I'm watching some of it nowadays: episodes of Downton Abbey, for example. But it's not... the same? Like, I don't get the same enjoyment. I don't feel anything. Not like with The Owl House. Or obviously, with SPoP.

So am I supposed to limit myself to media that I don't really connect with? Why? And why can't I connect with it? Was I supposed to undergo some change where my brain transitioned from "children's media" to "adult media," and it just somehow failed?

I can't force myself to really like a thing. It just happens. It just happens that I really enjoyed the new Owl House episode! And it just happens that I'm only vaguely interested in the plots on Downton Abbey.

I can't help that. It just is what it is. So why should I try? And why should it be something to be ashamed of?